A Republican Crying Game


cjones03192016

There’s a lot of skin-crawling icky things out there you don’t want to touch. Slugs, boogers, backwash, shoulder hair, Kardashians, Ted Cruz.

Nobody likes Ted Cruz. People who went to college with Ted didn’t like him. Bob Dole, Lindsey Graham, John McCain, John Boehner, Peter King, George W. Bush, any normal sensible person in general, pretty much hates Ted. And these are people on his side.

When he worked on George W. Bush’s campaign, if they wanted a meeting to end early they’d make sure to invite Ted. People couldn’t get out of the room fast enough, if they actually attended at all.

Cruz, whose features have been noted are similar to Grandpa Munster and Mr. Haney from Green Acres, even has a neurologists studying his face to determine just why it’s so creepy and off putting and makes children and small animals cry. There’s also two viral campaigns accusing him of being the Zodiac Killer and a member of the 80’s Christian metal band, Stryper. Apparently the lead singer of Stryper is pretty distraught over this.

Lindsey Graham said if you murdered Ted Cruz and your trial was before the United States Senate, you’d get off. Now Lindsey Graham is endorsing Ted Cruz for president because he’s that afraid of a Donald Trump presidency.

Mitt Romney has kinda sorta endorsed Cruz by stating he’ll vote for him in the Utah primary. What the Hell is Mittens doing living in Utah? He was governor of Massachusetts. I digress. Romney is not overly excited about voting for Ted Cruz. I’m sure he’ll take a shower with a brillo pad after voting.

Donald Trump doesn’t advocate any policies Ted Cruz disagrees with. The GOP establishment is scared of Trump’s style, which is mostly racist, insulting and calls for violence.

A Cruz presidency is actually scarier than a Trump reign of stupid. Ted’s father and wife believe he was sent by God to save America. Ted believes our rights were granted by God, not the Constitution. He was recently endorsed by a pastor who says God sent Hitler to kill the Jews. That’s actually worse than being endorsed by David Duke. Yet, it’s an endorsement Cruz embraces because he’s creepy.

Republicans will be crying in the shower by fighting for Ted Cruz in their “Stop Trump” campaign. Talk about making a pact with the devil…or a devil who thinks he was sent by God. Republicans are giving up on the presidency this time…and trying to save the Senate and House.

The real scary thing in this entire absurd situation is that the Republican establishment has to choose between a billionaire’s massive and expensive ego trip, and McCarthyism. They’re choosing McCarythism.

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5 comments

  1. Oh my god, Mr. Haney, neurologists, I had to laugh. But then I remembered some truly scary things about Cruz:
    1. He welcomes the support of a pastor who preaches LGBT folks should be executed.
    2. He thinks rape pregnancies should be required to be brought to term, and that rapists should have parental rights.
    The man is a monster. I can’t believe sometimes that it is 2016, I’m old as fuck, and there are people who think like Ted Cruz still on the planet.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “Lindsey Graham said if you murdered Ted Cruz and your trial was before the United States Senate, you’d get off. Now Lindsey Graham is endorsing Ted Cruz for president . . .” Can’t stop laughing!!! (Do you suppose there’ll be a lot of Republicans voting Democrat this year since the pickins are so revolting — not just slim — from their own party? Pretty amazing since it seems almost every Republican in the country was running for POTUS in the beginning! The clown car was full to overflowing.)

    Liked by 1 person

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