Cartoons

Skeletons And Then Some


cjones07252017

Donald Trump says that if Special Counsel Robert Mueller looks into his or his family’s finances that aren’t related to Russia, then that’ll be going too far. He’s hinting that he may fire Mueller.

Our president is a man who doesn’t understand a lot of things. We can add investigations to that ever-expanding list. You can’t tell investigators not to look where you don’t want them to look. It doesn’t work that way. Trump is having a hard time casting an image of an innocent man. While declaring all the coverage of collusion with Russia as “fake news,” he’s talking about issuing a pardon for himself and firing Mueller. On top of all that, he’s putting together a smear campaign against everyone in the Special Counsel’s office. I’m half expecting him to write a book like O.J. did, titled “If I did it.” Though, like all of Trump’s other books, he’ll hire someone else to write it because Trump is barely literate.

Trump believes Hillary Clinton and James Comey committed crimes, even though there’s no evidence to hold that belief. He thinks President Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. He’s created a commission to investigate non-existent voter fraud from the 2016 presidential election. In the past, he claimed Obama wasn’t born in his country and that he saw thousands of Muslims in New Jersey celebrating 9/11. I’m not sure his feeble mind is able to understand what about his finances are connected to Russia or not.

What is known is that Trump has millions in loans from Deutsche Bank, who continued to loan him money after he sued them. Deutsche Bank, who also has Ivanka and Jared as clients, has been accused of laundering money out of Eastern Europe. Trump sold a house in Florida that he bought for $41 million to a Russian oligarch who paid The Donald $95 million (five years later the property was valued at $60 million and the oligarch only visited once before having it demolished).

The conservative media and Trump sycophants keep telling us to stop talking about Russia, even though Trump himself can’t stop talking about it. Thankfully, the press, the FBI, the Special Counsel, and Congress disagrees with the sycophants and find treason to be a very serious matter.

And please, Mr. Mueller. Look in the bank accounts, the closet, under the bed, the car trunk, the piggy bank, under the floor, etc.

Creative Note: I’m really hoping there aren’t any law enforcement agencies tracking all my Google searches. I had to look up a lot of creepy stuff for this cartoon.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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But We Do Have Whoppers


cjones07242017

With the resignation of Sean Spicer as White House Press Secretary comes great sadness. First, I’m really sad I won’t have as many (if any) opportunities to draw him in the future. I was having fun making fun of the absurd stuff this guy said. It was also a challenge to make something more absurd than the Spicy reality. This shit ain’t easy.

Second, I’m sad for all of us as we won’t have Melissa McCarthy’s impersonation of Spicer on Saturday Night Live anymore. That’s truly depressing.

I do wonder how people like Spicer, Kellyanne Conway, and even someone who previously had a respectable reputation, like H.R. McMaster will find credibility or employment in the future.

Donald Trump took a break from obsessing over Hillary Clinton and plotting how he’ll obstruct Robert Mueller’s investigation to shove Spicer aside for Anthony Scaramucci, who was hired as Communications Director. Spicer’s deputy, Sarah Huckabee Sanders will take over his job.

Spicer had spent the past six months degrading and humiliating himself for Trumpism. His very first press briefing was all about fictional crowd sizes which left journalists and everyone with a working brain in shock. Was this how the new administration would conduct itself? Would we now have a White House that pushed aside the nation’s business to focus on the president’s fragile ego which needs to be propped up by total utter bullshit? Yep!

Things got worse for Spicer as he scored spectacular ratings while becoming a national laughingstock. He claimed that Hitler never gassed his own people. He once excluded CNN, The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, Politico, and Buzzfeed from a press gaggle. He would often start briefings by calling on conservative “news” sources over actual news sources. He had a fondness for using props as if they would make ridiculous statements, actions, and claims reasonable. He once mentioned a terrorist attack in Atlanta that never happened. He accused Buzzfeed of attacking Jesus Christ. He used the White House podium to attack Nordstrom for dropping Ivanka’s clothing line. There was the time he told reporter April Ryan to stop shaking her head as he was citing bogus information. Finally, there was the time he hid from reporters in the bushes. For me, it was really hard to top cartoonish behavior with cartoons.

A few people feel bad for Spicer as he would humiliate himself and often was conducting the briefings for one viewer, the president. Trump would force Spicer to lie and back up dubious claims, and then would contradict his Press Secretary’s statements the next day. But Spicer chose to work for a narcissistic ass-clown. He chose to peddle crap and nonsense.

Trump was reportedly unhappy with Spicer, insulted his clothing, turned the cameras off for the briefings, and thought it reflected poorly on Spicer that SNL had a woman portray him. The biggest insult came during a foreign trip when Trump sent Spicer back to the states early which prevented the devout Catholic from meeting the Pope. By the way, Sean, the Bible is against lying.

Hiring Scaramucci was apparently the one indignity Spicer refused to take. The move was a statement that Trump had little use for Spicer and the move came as a complete surprise.

Trump denies he ever asked James Comey for his loyalty, but it’s something he does keep expecting from people. He’s made crowds swear a loyalty pledge to him, he’s whined about disloyal Republicans, and conducted a cabinet meeting where every member lavished praise on the president. He thinks the Attorney General should be loyal to the president before the nation. Scaramucci started his first day pledging loyalty and “love” to Trump. People who are loyal to Trump need to pay attention to how he returns it.

Spicer was loyal to Trump. Sessions and Chris Christie have been loyal to Trump as well. Trump has shown when he’s done with people that he’s very comfortable discarding them.

Donald Trump betrays those who are loyal to him. He expects it, but he doesn’t return it. In time, he will betray every Trump sycophant who voted for him and still believes he’s making America great again.

When Trump betrays you and leaves you out in the cold, or the bushes, I’ll give you the same treatment I’m giving Sean. I’ll draw a cartoon about you.

Remember, just like Sean, you chose to humiliate and degrade yourself.

Creative note: Two days later and I realize that I forgot to sign this cartoon.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

John McCain


cjones07232017

Yeah, I know. I’m kind of a jerk. While every other political cartoonist in the United States is praising John McCain and cursing his brain cancer, I’m the one fucker who remembers that he unleashed the Hillbilly Kraken.

While I should do a nice cartoon now and then, I don’t find them very bold. They’re boring, and they don’t challenge people. It’s not like cancer is going to write me a hate letter or slash my tires. Hell, when you criticize drug addictions, drug addicts don’t write hate letters cursing you out. First off, they’re too high to write legibly and second, no one really outs himself as a crack head in a letter to the editor.

But, I do like John McCain. Do you know why I like John McCain? Because, it’s not simple with him like it is with other politicians. You either love or hate them. Donald Trump is an extreme example but let’s use him. He’s a horrible person and I don’t see one redeemable quality about the man. I can’t even fall back on the Hillary Clinton’s required compliment of him, that she admires his children. Really? Those people? The animal killers who exploit child labor in Asia and hold treasonous meetings with Russians? Has she even seen his children? Now, the people who love Trump love him unconditionally. They have to lie about him to justify it, but they still love him.

With John McCain, you think how this guy has a lot of conservative ideas that are really regressive and extreme. He’s said some really stupid things like singing “bomb, bomb, bomb, Iran” to the tune of the Beach Boys’ “Barbara Ann.” He once joked “Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly? – Because Janet Reno is her father.” He was against a national holiday for Martin Luther King.

He’s also the guy who lobbed heavy criticism at the religious right. He changed his mind on the MLK holiday. He defended Obama from a crazy lady (who wasn’t Sarah Palin) at one of his campaign events who said Obama was a terrorist.

Of course, we remember his service in the Navy and the fact he was a prisoner of war held in Hanoi for over five years. While he was a prisoner he was tortured daily, and he still carries the scars and disabilities from that. He turned down the opportunity for an early release because prisoners captured before him were not offered the same opportunity.

He’s also sarcastic, kinda angry, and really good with a comeback. I like angry people. During his first campaign for a congressional seat in Arizona, he was accused of being a carpetbagger.

He responded to one critic with, “Listen, pal. I spent 22 years in the Navy. My father was in the Navy. My grandfather was in the Navy. We in the military service tend to move a lot. We have to live in all parts of the country, all parts of the world. I wish I could have had the luxury, like you, of growing up and living and spending my entire life in a nice place like the First District of Arizona, but I was doing other things. As a matter of fact, when I think about it now, the place I lived longest in my life was Hanoi.”

That pretty much killed the carpetbagger issue for McCain.

What I like most about McCain, or used to, was that he was the one guy from either party who would tell his own party to go F themselves. I even voted for him in the 2000 primary (never again after that).

I met McCain several years ago at a cartoonists convention in Washington, D.C. He spoke to our group when John Edwards, who was originally booked, canceled. I colleague of mine posted on Facebook that he had a photo of McCain and I having a conversation and I thought “I don’t recall having a one-on-one conversation with McCain.” As it turns out, my friend was confused and it was another cartoonist. I can’t recall anything McCain said to us. But it was very cool that he showed up without any notice to fill in for Edwards (who told us something came up, but it later turned out he just didn’t want to do it). He probably had a date.

I do like John McCain, even though he once thought Sarah Palin was qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency. I wish him well and a speedy recovery. As everyone else has said, if there’s anyone who can beat cancer, it’s John McCain.

I’m going to let my friend and fellow cartoonist Dwane Powell from North Carolina have the last word today. Yesterday, he made a post on Facebook about McCain speaking to our group:

McCain drives me nuts sometimes politically, but in the next move stirs my admiration. His ordeal in Vietnam needs no explanation, but I’ll relate a McCain story. A few years ago our cartoonist association, the AAEC, was meeting in DC. Since I was from NC, they asked if I could secure Senator John Edwards, a Presidential wannabe to speak to our group. Since I knew him personally I said I could probably do it. I spoke to one of his staffers who assured me that he’d be happy to do it, so we were prepared for him to speak. Arriving in DC and checking in with his office we were told he had another commitment and wouldn’t be able to join us. At the last minute we contacted McCain who energetically bounced over from wherever he was to fill the slot. I’ve been pissed at Edwards ever since, as I later learned he really had no excuse. Hat’s off to McCain and Godspeed against this cancer diagnosis.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Baby’s Black Balloons


cjones07212017

I was opposed to the invasion of Iraq. At the same time, I wasn’t hoping for it to fail. I didn’t wish death on American soldiers. I wanted the invasion to be a success. While I felt everything being promised by the Bush/Cheney administration, like “they’ll treat us as liberators,” and “it’ll be quick and easy,” was total bullshit, I wanted to be proven wrong.

Most people want our president to succeed, even if they didn’t vote for him, don’t like him, and don’t have any faith at all in the person. They want America to succeed regardless of the president and which party he belongs to (or Russian dictator). Regular people don’t want American failures so they can score political points for their partisanship. While I don’t want stupid and regressive policies inflicted upon my nation, I don’t want Vladimir Putin sitting in the Oval Office to prove my point.

Donald Trump wishes failure on America. He said so himself as he says “we’ll just wait for Obamacare to fail.” These are not words of patriots. Donald Trump and many Republicans are not patriots. Fortunately, there’s about three in the GOP Senate, and they’re all women. They have blocked the Republicans from stripping health care from millions of Americans just so the rich can get a generous tax break.

While it’s easier to wait for something to collapse than actually work on it (and cast blame on the party that doesn’t control Congress), we didn’t elect a president to take it easy (though I am kinda relieved every time he’s on a golf course).

Now the GOP wants to repeal Obamacare without a replacement and give themselves a deadline to replace within two years with “something better.” These guys spent seven years voting to repeal Obamacare without ever proposing a solution. They’ve had the House, Senate, and White House since January, and they can’t submit a plan that works or is acceptable to the public. Do you really believe they’ll come through in two years?

Republicans wished Obama to fail. They said so. Now they’re in power, and they still wish pain and suffering on America. The responsible thing to do would be to make Obamacare better, not wish for it to die and affect millions of Americans. Republicans won’t just wait for it to die on its own. They’ll do everything they can to make it fail.

Trump and the GOP continue to describe Obamacare as failing. That is a lie. It’s not failing. It can be a lot better but it’s not going to die on its own. The GOP will have to manipulate it to make it fail, and they’re willing to do that.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about you, your health, your family’s health, or this nation. Donald Trump only cares about Donald Trump.

Creative note: Even though this is published early, you’re still getting another cartoon in the morning.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Lost In Translation


cjones07202017

Donald Trump and his sycophants complain constantly how the story about his campaign colluding with Russia is fake news. They cry how the media is obsessed with it and a lot of people agree, not just Trump freaks. Why won’t the media stop talking about Russia? Probably because Trump, his family, his campaign, and his appointees keep going to bed with Russians.

If you want us to stop talking about Russia then stop drip, drip, dripping details about your collusion with Russia.

There was a huge dinner at the G20 shared by the world leaders in attendance. Each member was allowed to bring their spouse and a translator so they could have a conversation with their counterpart they would be seated next to. Japan’s Prime Minister Shinzo Abe had the unfortunate designation to be seated next to Trump. Trump brought along a Japanese interpreter even though Abe speaks English (or maybe that’s what the translator was for). Fortunately for Abe, Trump left his seat in the middle of the meal.

It’s not uncommon for the leaders to move around and chit-chat with presidents, prime ministers, chancellors, and kings they weren’t seated with. There were eighteen leaders from other nations Trump could have picked to have an hour long conversation with after his meal. Did he pick Argentina, Italy, Brazil, Indonesia, or South Africa? Of course not. You know it wasn’t Mexico.

Quite naturally, it was Vladimir Putin. Vlad was seated a good distance away from Trump and across the table. That didn’t stop Donald from playing fanboy and reach out to suck up to Putin. The problem with this is, it’s Donald Trump and Russia. No members of Trump’s staff accompanied him for this conversation. He relied on Putin’s interpreter to translate. Another issue about this is, they kept it on the down low.

Do you think Trump would have negotiated a deal to put his name on a hotel by relying solely on the other party’s translator? He needs to take the business and security of our nation as seriously as he does about slapping his name on a sham university or some chewy steaks sold through The Sharper Image.

The White House only confirmed the meeting Tuesday after reports surfaced that other guests were surprised and icked out by it. Trump is doing a very poor job proving he’s not Putin’s puppet and that the Russia story is “fake news.”

Trump tweeted, “Fake News story of secret dinner with Putin is ‘sick.’ All G 20 leaders, and spouses, were invited by the Chancellor of Germany. Press knew!” and “The Fake News is becoming more and more dishonest! Even a dinner arranged for top 20 leaders in Germany is made to look sinister!”

The dinner was not a secret and was reported. His hour-long conversation with Putin was not a well-known subject. Trump didn’t bring it up with his conversation with reporters on the flight home.

Trump met with Putin for two hours earlier that day. He had been briefed before that meeting and brought along Secretary of State Rex Tillerson to minimize Trump’s fuckery as much as possible. He was not prepped with flash cards before his later bromance with Vlad, neither was he accompanied by someone from the United States who, well, knows stuff.

At their earlier meeting, Trump asked Putin twice about meddling in the U.S. election. He didn’t tell him we knew he did it. He asked. They then agreed to disagree, move on, and not bring it up again. So what did they discuss at the dinner? We will never know if it was small talk and pleasantries or if Trump gave him the keys to NORAD.

Trump used this opportunity to show that he prefers a closer relationship with Russia than with our allies. If it was the Kremlin’s goal to get Putin, an experienced negotiator and manipulator, alone with Donald Trump, mission accomplished.

On Tuesday, Trump announced the appointment of Jon Huntsman as ambassador to Russia (though, naturally they misspelled his name during the announcement). Huntsman was formerly ambassador to China and a few years ago Trump accused him of giving our nation away to Beijing. Maybe that’s the idea with this appointment to Moscow.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Skanks On A Plane


cjones07192017

I want you, my readers to understand and appreciate the sacrifices and trauma I will put myself through to provide you informed commentary and punditry (that’s a word!). Today, I scrolled through Ann Coulter’s Twitter page. You’re welcome.

Why in the world would I want to visit She-Demon’s Twitter page? I read an article that said she sent over 30 tweets describing the horrible treatment she received from Delta Airlines on a flight last weekend. I wanted to see if that was true. So how many times did Skankzilla tweet about her mile-high injustice? I’m not sure because my eyes started stinging and I lost count after 40, and that’s not counting all the retweets. I don’t think there’s been a tweetstorm of that proportion since someone questioned the attendance of Donald Trump’s inauguration crowd.

So what sort of traumatizing experience did Delta put Coulter through to trigger such a bimbo fury? Did they force her into standby? Serve her fish after she requested chicken? Physically pummel her, bloody her face, and drag her off the plane like United did to David Dao? Amazingly find a seat that’s too narrow for even her skinny ass? Or even worse, make her sit next to a black guy? None of that. They moved her from seat 15D to 15A. Oh, the horror!

I don’t know why Delta moved her from an aisle seat to a window, but she didn’t like it. Coulter paid a $30 fee, which Delta refunded, to switch seats from the one she had originally booked. She ridiculed the refund and said that it cost her $10,000 of her time to select the seat she wanted, investigate the type of plane (it looks like a big Tylenol!), and periodically review seat options. If reviewing and researching is costing us time, then she owes me $15,000 for having to look at her Twitter page and another $5,000 for inadvertently seeing her photo (here come the night terrors).

And “periodically” review seat options? What the fuck is that shit? Did she look at seating options at 12:15 A.M, and again at 7:20, and once again at 9:15? It’s a fucking chair, and they all face forward. You’re not buying a house.

But since she did so much “reviewing,” let’s give her a tip: Ann, when the Muslim extremists hijack the plane you should know the first people they’re gonna slice with box cutters will be those in aisle seats. Delta could have saved your life!

Coulter was so incensed, that she took a photo of the unfortunate woman who got her seat and posted it on Twitter. We all knew Ann was a horrible person, but sheesh. It wasn’t that woman’s fault, Ann. Ann isn’t well known for exhibiting much compassion, but she does display hypocrisy. Last April, she dished out scorn toward David Dao after United beat him up. She tweeted, “Sorry about the dragging, but the convicted pill-mill doctor should be deported.” I guess a rich white shrill-mill having to change seats is much worse than an Asian-American being assaulted by sky marshals.

Ann wrote the book on victimization. Really! She literally wrote a book on the topic. It’s called, Guilty: Liberal “Victims” and Their Assault on America. It’s 311 pages of Coulter bitching about liberals playing victim which is ruining our nation which you can find on Amazon for $11.70. That was 2009 Ann. 2017 gives us Snowflake Ann in need of a safe space. When will rich white people finally catch a break in this nation? I dream of an America where rich, white, horrid people can fly to Palm Beach without the injustice and inconvenience of having to change seats.

Who I really feel sorry for are the people in Florida. Don’t they have enough reptiles down there?

Creative note: My first idea was to draw Coulter finding alternative air travel as a witch on a broom. But I knew someone else would also think of that idea. I was right. It’s been one day and I’ve already seen two of them, but since that was my first idea I’m going to guess it was theirs too.

Also, this column is not sexist because you can’t be sexist or misogynist toward something that’s not human.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Double, Triple, Quadruple Jeopardy In Costa Rica


crsta06302017

I’m sure you’re aware that one can’t be tried for a crime in the United States after a jury fails to convict them. This is the Double Jeopardy Clause. Though, as in the case of O.J. Simpson, one can be sued for committing a crime after a jury fails to convict.

They don’t have that in Costa Rica. Ann Patton, a super-wealthy person, was tried once, twice, three times, for the murder of her husband and now the nation may try her for the fourth time. She is in the United States and it’ll be interesting if our nation extradites her for something that would be unconstitutional here.

Costa Rica and Japan have both been after Paul Watson, the Sea Shepherd guy for years. Other nations have ignored their requests.

I drew a couple other ideas for this subject, but we settled on the volcanoes. Costa Rica currently has three erupting. The small nation has five active volcanoes. Experts say they’re not synchronized.

This cartoon ran on June 30. I meant to post it earlier, but I was doing things.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.