The Right Stuff


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John Glenn was the right stuff. All those people on the right side of this cartoon, eh not so much.

American hero John Glenn died Thursday at the age of 95.  Glenn captivated the nation as the first American to orbit the planet. He helped put the nation ahead of the Soviet Union in the space race and brought national pride to his nation. The man was a true patriot which is something more than what kind of hat you wear.

Glenn was celebrated and appreciated for his achievement. He was welcomed to the White House, spoke before both houses of Congress, and given a ticker-tape parade down Broadway, which is something only championship football teams receive anymore. His and his colleagues story was later immortalized in the film “The Right Stuff.”

Glenn was later elected and served 24 years in the United States Senate representing his home state of Ohio. He ran for president in 1984 but for some reason the Democratic party thought Walter Monday was a better choice to face an incumbent president Reagan.

Glenn was willing to sacrifice his life for his nation by orbiting the planet in what was basically a sardine can. By comparison our new president-elect says he sacrificed by getting laid a lot and by doing such good business. His ego orbits the planet.

I ran out of room in this cartoon for all the questionable people Donald Trump is packing into his administration.

We have his campaign manager Kellyanne Conway who brags how Trump can kill an American company at the stock market with just one tweet. Ben Dr. Sleepy McStabby Carson says he’s not qualified to run a government agency so Trump puts him in charge of HUD. We have a director of the EPA who hates the environment, a head of Education who hates education, and a Labor chief who sells sex with hamburgers and wants to replace American workers with robots. Wrestling magnate Linda McMahon will head the Small Business Administration which may not be as ridiculous as it looks on paper, but it’s another reward to a billionaire who pumped money into the Trump campaign along with his fake charity where the proceeds purchase trinkets for Trump. Trumps National Security Adviser hates Muslims and loves fake news. We can’t forget about the Nazi who will be Trump’s chief strategist.

Our nation could use a little more class and integrity that John Glenn brought. That was the “Right Stuff.” What we have today, and for the next four years, it’s just really nasty stuff.

I don’t want any of it.

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Making EPA Toxic


cjones12102016

I really hope The Simpsons are not on a roll with their political predictions.

In 2000 The Simpsons had an episode where Bart has a vision of the future and his sister, Lisa, is the new president of the United States. She makes a comment about the huge deficit and how the country is broke because of her predecessor, President Donald Trump.

This was in 2000 and the idea of Trump being president was supposed to be a huge joke about the stupidity of Americans…and the disaster a Trump presidency would bring.

If The Simpsons’ predictions keep coming true then within the next four years the Environmental Protection Agency will enclose a toxic American city inside a giant glass bubble, not let the citizens escape, and hide it from America, which was the plot of The Simpsons Movie. Eventually EPA (as Grandpa Simpson called it) will attempt to destroy the city and promote America’s brand new Grand Canyon, promoted with help by Tom Hanks (who also comments during the closing credits “If you see me in person, please leave me be.”)

Donald Trump has nominated a climate change denialist to his cabinet as head of the E.P.A. Scott Pruitt is the Attorney General for the state of Oklahoma, where they got rid of the environment. Pruitt is an advocate and puppet for the fossil fuel industry. Pruitt has sued the E.P.A. multiple times.

Pruitt has stated there’s disagreement within the science community about Climate Change. There’s not. He has claimed it’s a hoax, and has vowed to kill the Paris accord which commits nearly every nation to take action to fight climate change.

A 2014 investigation by The New York Times found that energy lobbyists drafted letters for Mr. Pruitt to send, on state stationery, to the E.P.A., the Interior Department, the Office of Management and Budget and even President Obama, outlining the economic hardship of the environmental rules.

If this man will allow oil and coal companies to write letters on his behalf and on his letterhead, he’ll let them write regulations.

Trump met with Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio to talk about the climate. His daughter wants to advocate to fight Climate Change. Trump campaigned stating that Climate Change was a hoax created by the Chinese (surprised he didn’t blame Comet Ping Pong Pizza), but has since said he’s “open minded” about it.

No. Trump is not open minded. He’s placing Ben Carson (a man who doesn’t know anything and has said he’s not qualified) to head HUD, a woman who hates education in charge of education, and reports are coming out now that he wants a fast-food CEO who hates the minimum wage and wants to replace human employees with robots, to head the department of Labor.

So if Trump and Pruitt imprison a U.S. city inside a giant glass bubble, can he get Mexico to pay for it?

Psst. See the fish in the cartoon? I told you watched way too much of The Simpsons marathon last week.

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Person Of The Year


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Every year Time magazine picks a person of the year and they run a cover story on the individual. The pick is someone they deem has had the most influence on the world over the year, for better or worse. With that description Donald Trump is a unanimous choice.

In the past Time has selected Pope Francis, Charles Lindbergh, Mahatma Gandhi, Angela Merkel, Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, George Marshall, Dwight Eisenhower, Harry Truman, Queen Elizabeth II, Charles de Gaulle, John Kennedy, Pope John XXIII, Martin Luther King, Jr., Lyndon Johnson, Henry Kissinger, Jimmy Carter, Anwar Sadat, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Ted Turner, Lech, Walesa, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Mark Zuckerberg.

Looking at those names you totally expect Donald Trump to congratulate himself, which he did. He said “it’s an honor.”

Remember the description for the “person of the year” which “influences events for better or worse.” Then look at a few other names on the list.

Some of those are Joseph Stalin, Nikita Khrushchev, Richard Nixon, Deng Xiaoping, Yuri Andropov, Ayatollah Khomeini, Ken Starr, Rudy Giuliani. Vladimir Putin, and Newt Gingrich. There’s one other person on that list and he’s Adolph Hitler. This is NOT the first thing Donald Trump has in common with Hitler. Both men were successful in convincing a nation to select hate over hope.

So maybe Trump shouldn’t get too excited for indications from this list is he can contribute to mankind greatly or burn it all to the ground. He’d probably be OK with either outcome as long as he received some “terrific” compliments and Alec Baldwin didn’t mock him for it.

Some people have pointed out the layout of the magazine cover placed devil horns over Trump’s head.

The other candidates for person of the year were Hillary Clinton (and if she had won the election I still think Trump should have been selected by Time), and hackers. Sometimes Time takes an easy route and selects something that’s not controversial, like Peacemakers, Whistleblowers, the American soldier, good Samaritans, the Protester, Ebola fighters, Endangered Earth, the Computer, Middle Americans, The Inheritor, Scientists, and YOU (individual content creators on the world wide web).

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Paranoid Pizza


cjones12072016

Too little too late, major news organizations started to report on fake news AFTER it helped elect an orange nimrod president of the United States. Now we have a nominee to Secretary of Housing and Urban Development that needs to be told that “HUD” is an acronym.

Fake news is very dangerous. It’s gone beyond the danger of placing Donald Trump (with the help of Wikileaks, the FBI, the Klan) in the Oval Office. Now innocent bystanders are being harassed and actually shot at.

Comet Ping Pong is a very popular pizza restaurant in Washington, D.C. A few months ago Wikileaks released an email from John Podesta between him and the owner of Comet about holding a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton. From there conservative wing nuts started discussing the connection between Comet and the Democratic Party, and then it went to Reddit, Facebook, Twitter, and then the fake news sites created a fake story that Hillary Clinton and John Podesta were kidnapping children and running a child-sex ring out of the Comet Ping Pong.

Another factor is that the owner used to be in a relationship with David Brock, a former conservative who turned liberal and now runs Media Matters which goes after conservative news stories. Their relationship ended five years ago but some want to punish him for his association with Brock. I hope nobody tries to punish me for who I dated over five years. Wasn’t dating them then punishment enough?

The owner and his staff have received intimidating, bullying, and threatening phone calls, emails, tweets, and weird visitors (do they draw political cartoons?). The conservative bullies even swiped photos the staffer’s children from their personal Facebook pages and started posting them. These are horrible people.

You would think that you don’t have to be the most skeptical person in the world to be suspicious of a story about a presidential candidate running a child sex ring out of a pizza parlor. At the very least a normal person would check into it and discover it’s total crapola within about twelve seconds. Conservatives don’t verify. Instead they spread the story around until a crazed lunatic drives from North Carolina to Washington with a gun and starts shooting at Comet Ping Pong, which actually happened.

They believe Obama was born in Kenya. That the pope endorsed Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton has Alzheimer’s, a Texas town was quarantined over Ebola, and that an FBI agent and his wife were involved in a murder/suicide from investigating Hillary Clinton. In case you haven’t caught on yet, those stories are all fake. The FBI story may have been the most popular as it was shared over 500,000 times on Facebook. Your dad probably shared it. It made its creators over $8,000 from ad revenue.

The people who create fake news do it to make money from ad revenue. They tried it with stories to outrage liberals but they weren’t very successful, as liberals tend to look stuff up. Also, liberals are a bit more educated and can detect B.S. when they smell it. Conservatives roll around in it.

The bizarre thing to me is that many conservatives in the media roll around in it. I personally know several conservative political cartoonists who are STILL spreading fake news and believe theories debunked long ago. When they’re called out on it they demand that you prove them wrong, as they’re really good at spreading fake news but can’t be bothered with verifying it for themselves. After the proof is shown to them (or the lack of proof their story is true), they start the deflection game. These people can’t disagree with a candidate’s position and argue against that. They have to create stories that they’re pimps and murderers. The barometer they use in determining if a story is true is that they want it to be true. Even Trump’s people are saying facts don’t exist anymore.

The pizza story has been debunked. It’s stupid that a stupid story like that even has to be debunked. This is like the need to debunk the Weekly World News or professional wrestling (there’s gonna be a lot of references to professional wrestling for the next four years). It doesn’t need to be debunked. Yet while I was researching for this I followed a few of the hashtags on Twitter regarding this story and there’s still people spreading it. They’re claiming the major news outlets are lying over it and that nobody ever attacked Comet Ping Pong. Stupid people don’t know they’re stupid, even after you tell them.

This isn’t just the backwoods-hillbilly element of the Republican Party. Donald Trump’s pick to be his national security adviser, retired general Michael Flynn, Tweeted out allegations accusing Clinton of sex crimes with children. His son and chief of staff, Junior, has been an active participant in “pizzagate.” This is the “best” that Trump is giving us. These guys are going to be his advisers but they can’t detect fake news…or bother to verify it. You’d think a presidential adviser would be able to sniff out the bull in a Clinton big pimpin’ story.

Conservatives often argue they’re the intelligent ones but evidence and their actions makes it really hard to press that argument. And that’s not fake.

Hey, do you want people to stop accusing you of being stupid? It’s easy. Stop being stupid.

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Big Trouble In Little China


cjones12062016

Before Japan invaded China in World War II China was in the midst of a civil war between the nationalist government and communist. They ceased fighting each other (somewhat) to fight the Japanese. After the war they picked up where they left off and when the commies won the nationalist fled to the island of Formosa (now Taiwan) and both declared themselves the rightful rulers of all of China.

The Peoples Republic of China (PRC) rules the mainland and most nations recognize them (they have a permanent seat on the United Nation’s Security Council, they have a large military, everybody does business with them, they own 17 % of U.S. debt, etc).

The Republic of China (ROC) rules the island and they’re only recognized by 22 nations. Interesting note: The Vatican recognizes them but embassies to them have to be located in Rome, so Taiwan’s embassy to the Vatican is technically located in a nation that doesn’t recognize them. It’s kinda like the New York’s Jets and Giants being located in New Jersey…and New Jersey refused to acknowledge their existence.

The U.S. does not recognize Taiwan and the PRC is really touchy about it. We can’t even pretend to give them credibility. So when Dumbass-Elect took a phone call from the ROC (which his staff initiated) it didn’t sit well with China and was another display of the man’s ignorance. He’s not doing well with foreign diplomacy. He told the British Prime Minister “If you travel to the US, you should let me know,” and then proceeded to tell her who she should appoint as ambassador to the U.S. He told Pakistan’s president during their “fantastic” phone call that he wants to visit their nation (lots of issues with that. A lot).

Appointing Nazis to his cabinet, naming a Secretary of Defense who’s legally prohibited from taking the job, naming an Attorney General who doesn’t support voting rights, a Secretary of Education who hates public education, and Ben Dr. Doofus Carson as Secretary of HUD, the man’s transition wouldn’t be complete without starting World War III by committing a snafu.

A president-elect does not do what Trump does. While retweeting tweets from 16-year-olds and tweeting criticism at Saturday Night Live and Alec Baldwin, Trump doesn’t have time for intelligence briefings. His chat with the president of Taiwan shows that Donald Trump can’t afford to miss intelligence briefings.

Placing national security and U.S. relations in turmoil is worth the risk to Donald Trump if he can get a phone call to receive a compliment.

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Motley Mittens


cjones12052016

Am I the only one who thinks that Trump might have picked retired Marine general James “Mad Dog” Mattis as his secretary of defense because of his masculine nickname? Macho Man is dead but Balls Mahoney is still available for Donald Trump’s services.

In a speech during the presidential campaign Mitt Romney said “Donald Trump is a phony, a fraud. “His promises are as worthless as a degree from Trump University. He’s playing members of the American public for suckers: He gets a free ride to the White House, and all we get is a lousy hat.”
Romney said that “dishonesty is Donald Trump’s hallmark,” pointing to his “bullying, the greed, the showing off, the misogyny, the absurd third-grade theatrics.”
Now Romney wants the hat.

Of course in 2008 he courted Trump’s endorsement and held a press conference with him. Now he’s eating frog legs and whatever else comes out of Trump’s ass in Trump Tower in an an effort to become secretary of state. Mitt Romney has sold his pride, ethics, principles, credibility, and soul to maybe someday calling Donald Trump his boss. Instead he’ll probably be denied the job and still be Trump’s bitch.

Romney needs to go back and watch the tape of him calling Trump a fraud and pay really close attention.

James Mattis on the other hand might actually be a good pick for secretary of defense, but he should not get that opportunity.

Trump called General Mattis “the closest thing we have to Gen. George Patton.” If you know anything about World War II history you’ll know that’s not a good thing for secretary of defense. Patton was an effective general who was in constant conflict with his superiors and our allies. Donald Trump probably only saw the movie.

Patton slapped a solider, not once but twice, accusing them of being cowards avoiding battle. I wonder how hard he’d slap Trump.

Mattis actually disagrees with Trump on Russia, Syria, the Baltics, Ukraine, the Iran nuclear deal, and torture. All this shows that Trump’s statements should never be taken literally.

The main reason why Mattis should not be secretary of defense isn’t a slam on Mattis at all. There is a federal law that requires anyone serving as secretary of defense to be out of the military for at least seven years. Mattis has been out for three. The last military man who led the department was George C. Marshall and Congress had to create an exception for him and they’ll have to do the same for Mattis.

Congress should not be creating exceptions and new laws to serve Donald Trump. Can you imagine our outlook if another nation stripped civilian control of the military, handed it to a general, and did all this to suit their new leader who wants to strip away press freedom and punish his political opponents?

Our military is designed to be controlled by civilians. The military already takes the largest chunk out of the U.S. budget. Giving a general this position is another step toward becoming an authoritarian state. People ask how a nation can allow that to happen. We’re watching it happen.

Democrats have enough members to filibuster and stop this move. They should use it. It’s nothing personal, General.

I had to google images of wrestling onesies. Take my advice and don’t ever do that. For the love of god, don’t do that. You’re gonna do it now, aren’t you?

Update: While Googling “wrestling onesies” I had also Googled wrestling nicknames. I failed to actually read the articles and instead only read the names and headlines. As it turns out the wrestler named “Balls Mahoney” is also dead. Damn you, 2016!

This morning I received some spam wrestling email. My website gets me some weird stuff (I still get ad popups for lightsabers).I did not learn about the passing of Balls from that. Instead a reader more knowledgeable on wrestling sent me a message about the untimely demise of Mr. Balls. I would like to express my condolences to the entire Balls family. I just hope no one got testy over my mistake.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!