Naked Yeti Mario Kart


cjones09232018

Just in case you’ve never heard of it, Mario Kart is a game where a plumber races go-karts against humanoid toad creatures or something like that. I’m not really sure. It’s been around since 1992, and there are still geeks geeking out over it enough that they hashtag it on Twitter so they can talk about it and share tips and tricks. Boy, were they disappointed yesterday.

Along with the video nerds, thousands of people were wondering why Mario Kart was trending. Hopefully, they weren’t eating breakfast when they found out, because it’s bad enough that Donald Trump has now ruined sex, mushrooms on pizza and spaghetti, and Mario Kart for everyone. Think of the children, people.

If you do not want all the above ruined for you forever and can move along without expanding your knowledge of useless stuff, then stop reading right now. Just stop. I’ve warned you. OK, then. But, then again, if you follow me on social media, then I already ruined everything for you yesterday. Sorry about that.

Anyway…Tuesday, The Guardian published excerpts of Stormy Daniels’ upcoming tell-all book, Full Disclosure, detailing her tryst with a future president of the United States. In it, she gives details on the Trump junk. Now, might be when you wanna stop reading.

Don’t blame me for this, but she writes, “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool. I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart.” I could go into detail to explain what she’s describing there, but I think you get it.

A lot of people were upset with this description and not just Trump sycophants who would probably tell all of us that the president’s penis is perfectly fine, if not truly spectacular. Women want it, men want to be it. No, Mario Kart aficionados weren’t happy. You see, Toad, the mushroom guy with a mushroom cap that’s actually a part of his head, is a nice guy who runs a “Mario Party,” and is very helpful and kind in every way, unlike the president’s penis, where, rumor has it, created Donald Trump Jr, and Eric. Why, Toad didn’t deserve to be dragged into this sordid affair. Hell, Michael Cohen never even called Toad to offer him a buyout for his silence. Toad has been a good Samaritan going all the way back when Mario Bros. was released in 1985, while Trump was pretending to be someone else while calling the media to talk about all the action his weirdly shaped tiny Yeti-pube penis was getting.

Is this information important to the state of our nation (I ask rhetorically)? Yes. Yes, it is. Donald Trump was the one who talked and lied about his weird wiener during a presidential debate. Now, looking at all of his insecurities and feelings of inadequacies, the freakish penis explains it all. The trade wars, quarreling with NATO and allies, admiring dictators, boasting about how strong and awesome he is, the lifetime of lying, and the future end of the world can all be explained by President Yeti Pubes’ (he likes nicknames, right?) teeny, tiny, disfigured, mushroom-like willy. Basically, his dick will be the end of all of us.

This is not the classified information Trump wants us to know. Trump would rather we see the details from the FBI’s investigation of Russia’s meddling in our election. He’s declassifying intel like texts between FBI agents and the FISA warrants for surveillance on Carter Page. You know, because chasing wild, deep-state conspiracy theories is more important than national security.

Trump said that declassifying this stuff may be the “crowning achievement” of his presidency. Really. He believes this will expose the investigation as being corrupt, a hoax, and a total witch hunt. Republicans believe this will validate their defense of Trump and attacks on the Special Counsel just like the Nunes Memo did, which it really didn’t.

Trump has ignored requests from the FBI and the Justice Department not to declassify this. As Rachel Maddow said last week or something to this effect, this is why we don’t let dogs drive cars. That means this is why we don’t let insecure man babies with weird toad dicks become president.

Yesterday, Trump also said the FBI shouldn’t investigate the attempted-rape charges against his Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, because, INVESTIGATING isn’t something the Federal Bureau of INVESTIGATIONS does. INVESTIGATING is “not their thing.”

What a dick.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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The #SoWhat Movement


cjones09222018

It really shouldn’t surprise anyone that Republicans are defending Brett Kavanaugh, Trump’s Supreme Court nominee who is accused of sexual assault and attempted rape. They’ve already defended Nazis.

Donald Trump says “Judge Kavanaugh is one of the finest people he’s ever known,” but Trump has known people like Paul Manafort, Michael Cohen, Stephen Miller, Roy Cohn, Rodrigo Duterte, Recep Erdogan, Vladimir Putin, and Kim Jong Un.

Kavanaugh is accused of sexually assaulting and trying to rape Christine Blasey Ford, a research psychologist in Northern California, at a social gather in the 1980s when they were both teenagers. She claims Kavanaugh was holding her down and trying to get her clothes off, covering her mouth, so she couldn’t scream, while one of his friends watched. Kavanaugh claims he didn’t do it, and then claimed he wasn’t even at the party. Ford says she was afraid Kavanaugh would inadvertently kill her.

The friend that Ford says witnessed the incident claims it didn’t happen, but he’s also written a book titled, “Wasted: Tales of a GenX Drunk.” Kavanaugh’s witness is a guy who has boasted about binge drinking until he blacked out.

One of Kavanaugh’s defenses is a list produced by Republicans of 65 women, who knew the nominee during high school, who say Kavanaugh never sexually assaulted them. Seriously. There are a few weird things about this list. One is, it was revealed shortly after Senator Dianne Feinstein revealed the letter detailing the accusation against him. While Feinstein has been criticized for holding back on the letter, there’s speculation that Republicans were also aware of the accusation and had the list ready just in case.

Another problem with the letter is how did Kavanaugh even know 65 women during his high schooldays since he went to an all-boys Catholic school? Granted, I wasn’t the most popular kid in high school, but it was public and I didn’t know 65 girls. In fact, I still don’t know 65 women. Out of those 65 women vouching for the judge, only two will actually go on the record and publicly defend him.

Also, while it’s good there are 65 girls he didn’t assault, even Jeffrey Dahmer could have produced a list of people he’s known that he didn’t eat.

When asked Monday if he may withdraw Kavanaugh’s nomination, Trump said, “what a ridiculous question.” He also said he hasn’t spoken to Kavanaugh since the accusations came out, despite the nominee spending nine hours at the White House Monday (maybe it was for the famous meatloaf). But, we don’t know what will come from the hearings next week. Kavanaugh may come off so poorly that they have no choice but to pull his nomination. Seeing that Trump has wilted on “always deny, deny, deny” and says he’s OK with waiting for the confirmation, and he’s known to throw people under the bus quickly, it may not be a “ridiculous” question.

Republicans, who believed all the accusations against Harvey Weinstein and wanted Al Franken tossed from the Senate for pretending to grope a woman, don’t believe Kavanaugh’s accuser. Senator Orrin Hatch, who is on the Judiciary Committee, says the woman is mistaken and may be “all mixed up.” Hatch was also on the committee in 1991 for Clarence Thomas’ nomination to the Supreme Court, where he defended him against sexually harassing Anita Hill, called her a liar, and later said she owed Thomas an apology.

Republicans also argue that if it did happen, then it was so long ago and while he was a teenager, so it shouldn’t be important now. Would you want to hire a guy suspected of being a rapist while he was in high school thirty years ago? Would you want him setting legal policy? Would you want to give him a lifetime appointment?

Just like in 1991, Republicans are not going to come out of the hearing smelling like roses. Their questioning of Ford next week will likely contribute to the women vote and the blue wave coming in November.

The one thing we definitely will not receive from next week’s hearings is proof. Each of us will believe one or the other. Do I believe her at this point? I do. She’s passed a polygraph, had mentioned it years ago before Kavanaugh was nominated for the Supreme Court, and it wouldn’t make sense for an intelligent person to subject herself to the lifetime of bullying and harassment she’s about to be the beneficiary of from Republicans. Who in the right minds would look at what they did to Anita Hill and say, “I want some of that?”

And, since Brett Kavanaugh is already on the record as a liar, I don’t believe him.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

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Manafort Flips


cjones09212018

Last August, Donald Trump tweeted, “I feel very badly for Paul Manafort and his wonderful family. ‘Justice’ took a 12 year old tax case, among other things, applied tremendous pressure on him and, unlike Michael Cohen, he refused to ‘break’ – make up stories in order to get a ‘deal.’ Such respect for a brave man!” And, right on cue, Manafort “broke.”

Manafort, who has already been convicted in a Virginia court and was set to face trial in Washington, has flipped and will now cooperate with Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation on Russia’s interference in the 2016 presidential election. In doing so, Manafort has admitted guilt to all the things he and his lawyers previously said he was innocent of.

In addition to all the dirt he can provide to Mueller, he also kills one of the GOP’s arguments against the investigation, and that’s the cost of it. So far, the investigation has cost the U.S. government $7 million. Now, with Manafort surrendering property as well as the contents of three bank accounts, the investigation has made money. The New York real estate the government has acquired is estimated to be worth $22 million.

Manafort is giving up a home in the Hamptons, a Brooklyn townhouse, and three Manhattan apartments, including one in Trump Tower. The Justice Department now owns a chunk of Trump Tower and may be the only tenant not using the building for money laundering. Now, if anyone sees Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein sporting an ostrich jacket, can you please let me know?

Now, the fun begins. Manafort knows all the details of the Trump Tower meeting with Russians which not only puts pressure on Donald Trump, but also on egghead son number one, Donald Trump Jr., and son-in-law Jared Kushner.

Manafort can also reveal the reasons why the Trump campaign removed language from the GOP’s platform concerning arms for Ukraine.

Manafort was a tool for Ukraine’s former president, who was a puppet for Putin (like Trump). He’s also indebted to Russian oligarchs (also like Trump).

Manafort joins the other Trump flippers, Michael Cohen, George Papadopoulos, Michael Flynn, Rick Gates, and the publisher of the National Enquirer. For a witch hunt, that’s a lot of witches. Surely, between them, Mueller is going to discover where the bodies are buried.

The one thing that is for certain is Mueller isn’t going away empty-handed from the Manafort flip. There will be more indictments, but who? Don Junior and Jared? I believe so. They will probably receive the pardons Manafort gave up on. If Junior gets indicted, his father’s hissy fit will be of epic proportions. I will need lots of popcorn.

There is another certainty. Donald Trump is going to be impeached. What’s uncertain is if he’ll be convicted and tossed from office by the cowardly Republican and Trump sycophant Senate.

In the meantime, we can look forward to Trump and Rudy Giuliani telling us how horrible of a person Manafort is and that he never could be trusted. Why won’t they? They said the same thing about Cohen after boasting what a wonderful person and great lawyer he was.

They do have a point though. All these flippers are vile, horrible, and disgusting people. After all, They did work for Donald Trump.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

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Strike In Costa Rica


crsta09072018

This cartoon originally ran September 7, 2018, in The Costa Rica Star.

When I drew this cartoon, Costa Rica was preparing for a labor strike. Now, they’re several days into it. This week’s cartoon also touches on it.

Costa Rica is well known as a place where it takes forever to get anything done. People in the nation operate on what is known as “Pura Vida Time.” Expect slow responses, people are rarely on time, and you’ll get stood up a lot. When a contractor or government service gives you an estimate or an actual time to expect what you need, it’s never true. It’s like that Tom Hanks Movie, The Money Pit, where every answer is “two weeks,” yet it’s never two weeks. So, how will anyone notice there’s a strike going on? A lot of people aren’t.

In fact, the only people who’ve noticed or have actually been inconvenienced by the strike are the people in the larger cities, like the capital, San Jose. And, most of that inconvenience has been the strikers getting in their way by blocking traffic.

What is the strike over? It’s opposition from labor unions and government employees against a proposed tax reform. The project is called the “Law of Strengthening Public Finances”, like 2% in basic foods products and 4% for education and private health system. They are mostly upset at the value added tax, which is 13% and will remain so, but the government wants to add more products and services.

The nation is in serious debt and something has to be done. The unions and government employees may need to give a little. The nation could start by stop paying state bank presidents over $25,000 a month.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Beto Vs. Creepo


cjones09202018

Beto O’Rourke, the Democratic candidate for the Texas U.S. Senate seat is being accused of pretending to be Latino by supporters of Senator Ted Cruz, a guy many accuse of pretending to be Caucasian.

O’Rourke is currently representing Texas in Congress. His first name is Robert, which is where the nickname “Beto” came from, as it’s often short for “Roberto” in Mexico. It was targeted in an attack ad by Ted Cruz, whose first name is “Rafael.” Go figure.

Ted Cruz is not a man of principles, ethics, or charm. His campaign also targeted O’Rourke for being likable and made fun of his past skateboarding and playing in a rock band. Whereas, any personality Cruz has is stored in the basement of the Alamo.

Despite being a Republican in deeply red Texas, Cruz is in trouble. He’s seeking help from Donald Trump, a man he once called a “sniveling coward” for accusing his father of being involved in the assassination of JFK, and for making fun of his wife’s looks. Did I mention Cruz doesn’t have principles?

Nobody really likes Ted. Al Franken once said he likes Cruz more than anyone else in the Senate, and he hated Ted Cruz. Lindsey Graham, a fellow Republican, once said you could shoot Cruz on the floor of the Senate and none of his colleagues would convict you.

If Cruz loses his reelection bid for his Senate seat, the GOP would hate losing the seat, but wouldn’t miss Ted.

You can tell a lot about a person who likes Ted Cruz. It’s a sign that you don’t want anything to do with that person.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Making Trump Look Bad


cjones09192018

At this point, devotees and true believers of Kim Jong Un, the guy who they believe can talk to dolphins and doesn’t poop, are looking at Trump supporters and saying “damn.”

We all know Trump lies, I mean most us know it. But, damn. Not only does Trump lie, he takes it to despicable levels where he disrespects the dead and their survivors.

Trump is now claiming that 3,000 people did not die in Puerto Rico from Hurricane Maria.

Instead of focusing on the hurricane that’s currently hitting the Carolinas, Trump is still arguing about the “unsung success” that was his response to the two hurricanes that hit Puerto Rico a year ago.

In two tweets, Trump said, “3000 people did not die in the two hurricanes that hit Puerto Rico. When I left the Island, AFTER the storm had hit, they had anywhere from 6 to 18 deaths. As time went by it did not go up by much. Then, a long time later, they started to report really large numbers, like 3000. . . . This was done by the Democrats in order to make me look as bad as possible when I was successfully raising Billions of Dollars to help rebuild Puerto Rico. If a person died for any reason, like old age, just add them onto the list. Bad politics. I love Puerto Rico!”

Democrats did not fabricate a death toll to make Trump look bad. The count actually comes from a study conducted by The Milken Institute of Public Health at George Washington University. If they had actually counted deaths in Puerto Rico the way Trump accuses, the total would be around 16,000.

Trump’s statement was so horrible, that several Republicans almost criticized him for it.

The very first problem I have with Donald Trump is that he’s a liar. I’m a journalist so facts are important to me. Sure, all politicians lie, but Trump tells the truth about as often as other politicians lie. I believe we deserve better than a president who challenges facts so much and lies to us. What puzzles me is that Trump’s supporters don’t believe they deserve better, and maybe they’re right. But we do.

The second problem on the extremely long list of problems with Trump is that he’s heartless and focused only on himself. While aides are bringing in giant colored graphs and charts to keep his focus on Florence explaining how “big” and “wet” it is (because he needs pictures more than words), he’s still busy screaming at the mayor of San Juan, which is easy for him because she’s a she and Hispanic. His denial of the death toll perfectly illustrates how little Trump cares about others, and how much he cares about himself.

And, after those two problems with Trump, we can add all the others, like the stupidity, the corruption, the stealing from charities, the nepotism, colluding with Russia, the racism, the sexism, porking porn stars, lusting for his daughter, etc., take your pick. Donald Trump is a smorgasbord of awfulness.

With Trump’s supporters the way they are, why should Trump stop at denying the death toll? They’ll believe anything he says. He can tell them there wasn’t a hurricane. There’s not even a place called Puerto Rico. It’s just fictional like Namibia or the United Shtates. Why, the media, under Obama’s leadership, concocted Puerto Rico just to make Trump look bad. The entire Deep State is in on it. The hurricane was faked like the moon landing and the Access Hollywood tape. In fact, if 3,000 people did die in Puerto Rico, Ted Cruz’s dad killed them before Trump started liking Ted Cruz.

If you don’t believe him, just ask the dolphins. They’ll also tell you that he never poops.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Plaid Shirt Guy


cjones09182018

By now, you’ve heard of Plaid Shirt Guy. Tyler Linfesty is a high school senior in Billings, Montana. He got prime seating behind Trump at his rally earlier this week, yet he’s not a supporter.

Plaid Shirt Guy was seen raising his eyebrows, grimacing, shaking his head, and at one point, widened his eyes in confusion and mouthed, “what?”

The Trump propaganda machine noticed that the kid could be seen on camera and apparently hadn’t drunk the Kool-Aid. They immediately sent a staffer to remove him from his seat and take his place (which proves the Trump campaign does pay people to cheer at his rallies).

The images of the kid went viral, and he became an internet sensation and even a hero to many.

The 17-year-old identifies as a social democrat. He and some friends wanted to see an American president in the flesh, and unfortunately for them, they got Donald Trump. I’ve seen it too, but in that instance, I removed myself from the rally.

After signing up for the rally, Linfesty said he was notified that he was selected for V.I.P. status, which meant that he would get to meet Trump and have access to premier seating. He said organizers instructed them to clap and cheer, but he couldn’t for comments he didn’t support or agree with. He didn’t realize he was so visible until friends texted him during the speech.

After being yanked, his friends were replaced too. From there, the Secret Service checked his identification and eventually told him to leave and to never come back.

My favorite thing about Mr. Linfesty is that he’s turning 18 next month and will vote in November.

Linfesty, who now has over 37,000 followers on Twitter (I’m jealous) tweeted yesterday, “is not about me. It’s about people not standing in the background letting our leadership say whatever the hell they want and getting away with it. For too long our incompetent, corrupt leaders have gone unchecked. Let’s change that.”

This 17-year-old has more sense than adults who voted for and still support Trump. He’s too smart to fall for the conman. He also knows that to make real change and to improve the country, you need to vote.

Now, he’s my hero too. Reading about so many 18-year-old voters who will be voting for the first time, now that’s something to scream for.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.