Expat Club


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This was drawn for exclusive use by The Costa Rica Star.

Every election there’s a celebrity, or two, or a bunch, who threaten to move out of the country if their guy loses. They’re usually full of crap. We’re still waiting on Rush Limbaugh to move to Costa Rica after promising if Obamacare became law. He probably found out Costa Rica has national healthcare.

Robert Altman threatened to move to France if George W. Bush was elected president in 2000. He didn’t. Alec Baldwin and Eddie Vedder also threatened to move to another country if Bush won. They didn’t. Stephen Baldwin (the stupid Baldwin) threatened to leave if Obama won the nomination, and he didn’t. Akon announced he’d revoke his U.S. citizenship and Seal threatened to move to South Africa if McCain beat Obama in 2008. Tina Fey threatened to leave the planet but mostly so she wouldn’t have four years of impersonating Sarah Palin (who’s already on a different planet). Today, we have more than usual threatening to leave if Trump wins.

Lena Dunham, who created a TV show I’ve never seen, has threatened to move to Vancouver if Trump wins. For the Trump supporters having this blog read to them, Vancouver is in Canada.

Other celebs who have threatened to leave are Miley Cyrus (oh please don’t go), Barbra Streisand (who also threatened to leave in 2000 but didn’t), Cher (Jupiter), George Lopez (not that anyone would notice except Mexico after they got the talk show), and Jon Stewart who has threatened to strap himself to a rocket and leave Earth. There are many others but most aren’t worth mentioning. I couldn’t find any threatening to leave when, I mean if, Clinton wins. Hmm?

There are communities in Canada and Ireland that want to increase their populations so they’re actually welcoming American Skittles, I mean refugees, if Trump wins. For the most part I’m sure Canada doesn’t want a huge migrant stampede coming over their border. They might have to build a wall.

Threatening to leave is just posturing. You want to play in the political process but if you don’t like the results you’ll leave your fellow countrymen to live with the consequences. Well screw you, buddy. I don’t really see how my life will change if Barbra Streisand lives in Canada.

I’m sure I’d enjoy a trip to Costa Rica, but I’m not moving. This is my country and I’m staying for better or worse, kneeling or standing during an anthem. I’m not bailing when things get rough. Someone has to stay and give the man the finger. If I survived eight stupid years of George W. Bush I can survive Donald Trump, right? That is until Trump starts throwing cartoonists in prison for making his lips look like a butt hole.

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Debate Fact-Check Drinking Game


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I’m sure during the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump on Monday night that Mrs. Clinton will have two or three instances of making inaccurate statements.

I’m equally sure the only truthful statement by Mr. Trump will be when he says he’s Donald Trump.

I was reading some posts by conservative friends on Facebook today. Mostly they were trolls but they were going on about how Hillary is a huge liar. It’s puzzling how anyone can perpetuate the narrative that Clinton is dishonest while ignoring the fact that Trump isn’t honest on anything. Really. Nothing. Name something the guy has been honest about.

These are the same people who find fault with the Clinton Foundation while not noticing the Trump Foundation has less credibility than a Nigerian prince.

The first debate will go up against Monday Night Football where my New Orleans Saints are playing the Atlanta Falcons. That’s an important division game for who will eventually take second. But I’m watching the debate despite the fact they’ll replay it later. There’s no way I’m missing Hillary Clinton humilate Donald Trump.

The expectations are low for Trump. If he gets through the night without drooling many will give him a victory, but this is not a platform he’s used to. Granted, the Republican debates was an area he had never entered before but that platform was set up as a giant shouting match. During one of those Trump complained about the length of the debate being three hours and then skipped the next one. That debate was with commercial and bathroom breaks. On Monday he’ll be standing against a person who sat through over 11 hours of a congressional hearing. He’ll have to 90 minutes without any breaks going one on one, not nine other competitors. Don’t be surprised if he finds a reason to skip the next debate.

During the Republican debates Trump debated fellow children, none of which were presidential. He argued with Carly Fiorina, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, and Ben Carson. It was a nursery school. This is his first debate with an adult.

The challenge for Clinton isn’t winning the debate on facts. The challenge is showing the rest of the nation what those of us who have been paying attention already know. That is that Trump is unfit, not ready, and incapable of being president of the United States. She doesn’t have to mock him or make him look like a fool as Trump will do that himself. All she probably has to do is use Trump’s own quotes against. We already know she’s smarter and more qualified than Trump, which is also a low bar. The other challenge for Clinton is presenting herself to the nation.

Trump has also whined about Anderson Cooper being the host. His issue is that Cooper is a journalist, asks questions, and uses facts. Naturally Cooper is out to get Trump since he will use facts. Facts are Trump’s Kryptonite though they seem ineffective when used against his supporters.

Don’t play a drinking game during the debate where you take a shot every time you hear a lie. New livers are really hard to come by but you could probably buy one from the Trump Foundation.

I stand corrected: A Facebook pal pointed out the first debate will be moderated by Lester Holt of NBC, NOT Anderson Cooper of CNN. Cooper will moderate the second debate. While we’re on the subject, Chris Wallace will moderate the third debate which will be on Fox News. Notice none of the moderators are women?

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Boobs For Trump


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Donald Trump is such a con man he had Don King, a fellow con man, speak at one of his events this week.

Anyone who criticizes the Clinton Foundation should stop unless they also include the Trump Foundation in their faux outrage. Conservatives accuse the Clintons of using their foundation to enrich themselves while Trump uses his to buy himself expensive mementos. Quite frankly, the guy shouldn’t even be using money meant for charity to buy himself Mentos.

Trump jilts people for money to pay off other people he jilted. He has used over a quarter-million dollars to pay off legal trouble involving his for-profit businesses. This is a man who has bragged about using other people’s money.

In one case Trump’s snooty Mar-a-Lago Club faced $120,000 in unpaid fines from the town of Palm Beach, Fla., resulting from a dispute over the height of a flagpole. The town offered to waive the fine if the club made a $100,000 donation to a veterans charity. Trump took the money from the Trump Foundation. Yes, that money from a charity went to another charity, but the club was fined, not the charity. That’s the move of a con man.

Trump also used money from the charity to pay for advertisements for his clubs. Why? Because he’s a con man.

In another case one of Trump’s golf clubs held a hole-in-one contest. There was a winner but the club said the ball had to travel a designated distance to qualify for the hole-in-one, but Trump’s club moved all the holes shorter of the required distance. Talk about a shell game. Trump lost the lawsuit and spent $128,000 of the charity’s money to pay it off.

In other instances Trump has used the foundation to purchase a painting of himself at an auction where the winning and only bidder was his wife. For some weird reason there wasn’t a rush of people who wanted a $10,000 painting of Donald Trump in their home. That’ll give the children and small animals nightmares. He’s also used funds from his charity to purchase a Tim Tebow football and a Florida Attorney General. We’re not sure how much or where the money came from to purchase Chris Christie.

Why does Trump do this? Because he’s a con man. He’s a liar. He’s shifty. He’s a crook. At this time he’s using his campaign to make money for his businesses. He’s charging his campaign and the Republican party fees for renting his offices at Trump Tower and his Trump jet. When the GOP took over the funding for his campaign the rent for his offices increased. Go freaking figure. Con man!

Trump has also conned people with his Trump University. Now the ultimate achievement is conning the entire nation to make him president. There are a lot of suckers out there.

Most rich people who have charitable foundations actually donate money to them. Oprah Winfrey has put millions of her own money into her foundations. The Clintons have too. Trump hasn’t donated to his charity since 1998. He and his surrogates talk about how charitable he is but we won’t know unless we see his tax returns.

These sort of traits, flaws, in a man asking us to trust him with the most important job in the world should be important to voters. The stupid ones don’t care.

I don’t know if Melania Trump has had a boob job. I’m using creative license. There’s been speculation Ivanka, Trump’s daughter, has had one. I’m not sure if Donald, herself, or a charity paid for those things but the good news is, Chris Christie’s moobs are all natural.

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Good Cop, Good Cop, Good Cop, Whoops!


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The nation was reminded last weekend that there are good cops out there protecting us. They’re vigilant and they put their lives on the line for us on a daily basis. We all applauded when police in New Jersey apprehended the New York City and New Jersey bomber after a shootout.

Then Tulsa happened. Then Charlotte happened. They both reminded there is still a lot of work to be done in our nation’s police forces regarding equality. When we talk about race we talk about the work we’ve done and the work we have to do. When it comes to racism, profiling, police brutality, and shooting someone because they’re black, the police have work to do. Not you. Not me. The police.

A cop in Tulsa, Oklahoma shot an unarmed black man. Donald Trump says the officer “choked.” No, Donald. Chocking is what I do when I attempt to say “President Donald cough, cough, cough, Trump.” Choking would be better applied to not shooting when you should shoot. George W. Bush choked in 2001 when he got a report that terrorist were about to strike the United States. Choking is what Donald will do when he debates Hillary Clinton next week.

Police in Charlotte, North Carolina shot a man Tuesday at an apartment complex. Many are saying he was unarmed while the police, who have not released a video, claims he was. A vigil in the city turned into a violent protest Wednesday. Riot gear-wearing police fired tear gas at demonstrators who threw bottles at police, blocked the interstate, threw objects at passing cars, jumped on vehicles, looted, vandalized a Hyatt hotel and attacked its employees.

Governor Pat McCrory declared a state of emergency and this time it’s not because a transgender walked into the wrong bathroom.

Here’s the thing that’s going to be hard for conservatives to understand: These protests are not about one case. If it turns out police did shoot an armed man that doesn’t rectify the situation we’re living in. This is about a system. A System where a innocent black people are killed, or a black child for playing with a toy guy, or a man for selling loose cigarettes. A system where an actual terrorist planting bombs and shooting at police is taken alive.

Donald Trump Jr. used the terrible Skittles analogy to warn us of bad refugees. Are we to live with bad cops? How about living with cops who don’t do bad things, but cover up or remain silent watching those who do?

The police have a lot of work to do.

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Brangelina


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Somewhere Jennifer Aniston is laughing.

Over a decade ago when Brad Pitt cheated on his wife Jennifer Aniston with Angelina Jolie it wasn’t just the tabloid media that freaked out. The mainstream media did their fair share and missed real news events, like people being killed by Tsunamis.

Pitt and Jolie started goofing around together on the set of their 2004 movie, Mr. And Mrs. Smith. Jolie would later state that she was excited to eventually show the movie to their children because not everyone can see their parents fall in love on film…or watch their father cheat on his first wife.

The nation was divided in a crisis choosing between Team Aniston and Team Jolie. It was the sort of crisis not seen again until it had to choose between Team Edward and Team Jacob. I was on Team Not-Giving-A-Rat’s-Ass. Men world-wide were torn between envy and hatred for Brad Pitt having the Aniston/Jolie options.

Jolie had one kid at the which she had adopted. She adopted another and Pitt made the trip and eventually filed to adopt the second one together. Things really went crazy she Jolie confirmed she was pregnant with Pitt’s baby and the first pictures of the super model baby were sold to People magazine and the British press for $8 million which all went to charity. Hopefully it wasn’t to the Trump Foundation where it would have paid off Trump’s business lawsuits and bought portraits of Donald to hang in his golf clubs.

Then they adopted another kid and Jolie gave birth to twins. This time the photos fetched $14 million (If they really wanna raise money for charity they should auction off one night as Brad’s wingman). If you’re keeping score, that’s six kids. SIX! Those are actual little human beings. Not cats. The hatred and envy for Pitt has since petered out.

Pitt later stated that the couple wouldn’t get married until same-sex marriage was made legal. Then they got married anyway before same-sex marriage was legalized, thus proving marriage is the main cause of divorce.

Jolie if filing for divorce and custody of the kids. Did Brad cheat? Did they get bored? Did Brad misplace a child? Did Angelina finally see “World War Z?” Surprisingly Trump hasn’t sent out a tweet blaming Obama for the divorce, claiming he saw it coming, is receiving congratulations, blah, blah, blah.

I have faith in my nation. If we can survive the death of Brangelina surely we can survive Election 2016, that is if Trump loses.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Skittles


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I almost drew a Skittles cartoon last night but I wanted to see how much news coverage it received today. It received a LOT. One of my best friends and fellow cartoonist tagged me on Facebook baiting me to draw a Skittles cartoon. I almost passed but I couldn’t resist.

Donald Trump Jr. posted a meme on Twitter (say no to memes, people) which posted a picture of Skittles, and asked “If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you. Would you take a handful?” First off, I wouldn’t eat any because I don’t like Skittles. They taste like a rainbow-covered ass. Second, Junior was using this argument to refuse Syrian refugees from entering our nation. Junior, people are not candy. The child famously photographed in the ambulance after a bombing in Aleppo is not to be equated with candy. The child who washed up dead on a beach in Greece is not to be equated with candy.

Even the Wrigley Company which owns Skittles was disturbed by the failed analogy and they rebuked Junior by telling him refugees are not to be equated with candy.

Trump has proven himself to be hateful and heartless. He’s raised his children to share his world outlook. Junior is a spoiled-rich frat boy with an executive position handed to him by his father. Last week Junior said the media has been Clinton’s “number one surrogate,” letting her slide “on every indiscrepancy, on every lie, on every DNC game trying to get Bernie Sanders out” of the way. He added, “If Republicans were doing that, they’d be warming up the gas chamber right now.” These are terrible people, Junior specifically.

The analogy also fails as you have a very slim chance of being killed by a refugee. You have a better chance of being struck by lightning, bitten by a shark, or Donald Trump contributing to a charitable cause out of his own pocket.

With the extremely low odds of being killed by a refugee a bowl of Skittles doesn’t cut it. You would need three Olympic-sized swimming pools full of Skittles with three of them being poisonous to accurately compare it to the odds of being killed by a refugee. Taste that rainbow.

I’m sure the analogy will work with Trump supporters. We already know they’re racist and low-informed. It’s not like they need facts to support their candidate. Skittles’ slogan is “taste the rainbow.” Trump and his people are afraid of rainbows.

Here’s a piece of irony for you: The photograph of the Skittles used without permission in the tasteless meme was taken…wait for it….by a refugee.

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A Trump Scare


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A violent weekend with mass stabbings in Minnesota and bombings in New York City and New Jersey prompted responses from both presidential candidates.

Hillary Clinton held a news conference at an airport and encouraged Americans to go about their lives, don’t be deterred by terrorists, don’t live in fear, and that we’re well prepared to fight terrorism at home and abroad.

Trump’s response was the equivalent of a drunk monkey throwing paint on a wall, but with a lower speaking level. He said we have to “knock the hell out of them” and possibly use profiling to stop terrorism. In the past he’s talked about profiling, bringing back water boarding, mass surveillance of mosques, and not taking in refugees from troubled areas (Muslim nations).

He blamed the attacks over the weekend, and in the past, on our immigration policies, even attacks that were committed by citizens born in the United States. He blamed terrorism on Obama and Clinton and said we’re too soft in fighting ISIL.

After the suspected bomber was apprehended and wounded in a shootout with police Trump complained how the guy will receive medical attention and legal representation. Trump doesn’t support the guy’s Constitutional rights for a fair trial but he’ll support his 2nd Amendment rights to own a gun.

Hillary Clinton has actual experience as part of a government fighting terrorism. She was in on the decision to take out bin Laden. Trump yells and screams about “knocking the hell out of them,” torturing and banning Muslims, and even compared refugees to Skittles. He claims he has a secret plan to fight terrorism, which is probably like his secret plan to replace Obamacare with “something better.”

Clinton accuses Trump of giving comfort and aid to the enemy. I’m not sure that’s entirely true but I can see how his rhetoric can be used by the enemy to inspire recruits and copycats. Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, the Klan, and Scott Baio all want to see Trump elected, so why not ISIL?

Trump wants accolades for saying the attacks were bombings before the authorities announced it. In the past he said he received congratulations for predicting terrorists attacks. What sort of sick morbid people does Trump hang out with? His sons?

One candidate is meeting with world leaders this week at the United Nations. The other is making Skittles analogies.

Trump’s stupid analogy about three skittles in a bowl being poisonous does make a little sense. Out of the 17 candidates in the Republican primaries we grabbed a handful of arsenic.

I’d rather vote for the paint-throwing drunk monkey.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!