John McCain


cjones07232017

Yeah, I know. I’m kind of a jerk. While every other political cartoonist in the United States is praising John McCain and cursing his brain cancer, I’m the one fucker who remembers that he unleashed the Hillbilly Kraken.

While I should do a nice cartoon now and then, I don’t find them very bold. They’re boring, and they don’t challenge people. It’s not like cancer is going to write me a hate letter or slash my tires. Hell, when you criticize drug addictions, drug addicts don’t write hate letters cursing you out. First off, they’re too high to write legibly and second, no one really outs himself as a crack head in a letter to the editor.

But, I do like John McCain. Do you know why I like John McCain? Because, it’s not simple with him like it is with other politicians. You either love or hate them. Donald Trump is an extreme example but let’s use him. He’s a horrible person and I don’t see one redeemable quality about the man. I can’t even fall back on the Hillary Clinton’s required compliment of him, that she admires his children. Really? Those people? The animal killers who exploit child labor in Asia and hold treasonous meetings with Russians? Has she even seen his children? Now, the people who love Trump love him unconditionally. They have to lie about him to justify it, but they still love him.

With John McCain, you think how this guy has a lot of conservative ideas that are really regressive and extreme. He’s said some really stupid things like singing “bomb, bomb, bomb, Iran” to the tune of the Beach Boys’ “Barbara Ann.” He once joked “Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly? – Because Janet Reno is her father.” He was against a national holiday for Martin Luther King.

He’s also the guy who lobbed heavy criticism at the religious right. He changed his mind on the MLK holiday. He defended Obama from a crazy lady (who wasn’t Sarah Palin) at one of his campaign events who said Obama was a terrorist.

Of course, we remember his service in the Navy and the fact he was a prisoner of war held in Hanoi for over five years. While he was a prisoner he was tortured daily, and he still carries the scars and disabilities from that. He turned down the opportunity for an early release because prisoners captured before him were not offered the same opportunity.

He’s also sarcastic, kinda angry, and really good with a comeback. I like angry people. During his first campaign for a congressional seat in Arizona, he was accused of being a carpetbagger.

He responded to one critic with, “Listen, pal. I spent 22 years in the Navy. My father was in the Navy. My grandfather was in the Navy. We in the military service tend to move a lot. We have to live in all parts of the country, all parts of the world. I wish I could have had the luxury, like you, of growing up and living and spending my entire life in a nice place like the First District of Arizona, but I was doing other things. As a matter of fact, when I think about it now, the place I lived longest in my life was Hanoi.”

That pretty much killed the carpetbagger issue for McCain.

What I like most about McCain, or used to, was that he was the one guy from either party who would tell his own party to go F themselves. I even voted for him in the 2000 primary (never again after that).

I met McCain several years ago at a cartoonists convention in Washington, D.C. He spoke to our group when John Edwards, who was originally booked, canceled. I colleague of mine posted on Facebook that he had a photo of McCain and I having a conversation and I thought “I don’t recall having a one-on-one conversation with McCain.” As it turns out, my friend was confused and it was another cartoonist. I can’t recall anything McCain said to us. But it was very cool that he showed up without any notice to fill in for Edwards (who told us something came up, but it later turned out he just didn’t want to do it). He probably had a date.

I do like John McCain, even though he once thought Sarah Palin was qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency. I wish him well and a speedy recovery. As everyone else has said, if there’s anyone who can beat cancer, it’s John McCain.

I’m going to let my friend and fellow cartoonist Dwane Powell from North Carolina have the last word today. Yesterday, he made a post on Facebook about McCain speaking to our group:

McCain drives me nuts sometimes politically, but in the next move stirs my admiration. His ordeal in Vietnam needs no explanation, but I’ll relate a McCain story. A few years ago our cartoonist association, the AAEC, was meeting in DC. Since I was from NC, they asked if I could secure Senator John Edwards, a Presidential wannabe to speak to our group. Since I knew him personally I said I could probably do it. I spoke to one of his staffers who assured me that he’d be happy to do it, so we were prepared for him to speak. Arriving in DC and checking in with his office we were told he had another commitment and wouldn’t be able to join us. At the last minute we contacted McCain who energetically bounced over from wherever he was to fill the slot. I’ve been pissed at Edwards ever since, as I later learned he really had no excuse. Hat’s off to McCain and Godspeed against this cancer diagnosis.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Planet Of The Apes


cjones07222017

I am not a fan of cartoons that criticize Donald Trump just to criticize Donald Trump.

I see these things all the time, and they depict Trump as ugly, vulgar, and terrible. They’re not wrong and I agree with each and every one of them. The reason I’m not keen on them is that there are more important Trump-related issues to attack. When I cover those issues I am also criticizing Trump and I’m showing you why he’s ugly, vulgar, and terrible.

I would rather cover the Muslim ban than Kellyanne Conway’s feet on a couch. I would rather cover collusion with Russia than sycophants laying their hands on Trump while praying in the Oval Office. I would rather cover his constant stream of lies than the fact the president of the United States doesn’t know how to spell “president.” I’m much more bothered by his attacks on freedom of the press than awkward dumb and embarrassing comments he makes (which is a daily occurrence).

It’s hard enough not to draw a Trump cartoon every day. I don’t want to obsess on Donald Trump. I don’t want to waste a cartoon just to say he’s stupid. We already know that.

Today, I’m making an exception. In the process of reading this cartoon where on a future Earth controlled by monkeys petrified at the thought of a government run by Donald Trump, I hope people can take it a bit deeper than a cheap laugh (which I will also settle for).

Idiocracy has gone from a movie full of farts and kicks-in-the-balls jokes to a warning on what our future may be, as the characters do resemble Trump voters. Planet Of The Apes is a warning as well. While Idiocracy actually seems more likely as our world succumbs to the dumbing down of America and the stupid majority, Planet Of The Apes shows mankind ruining our world with our own humanity and good intentions (which Trump and his supporters don’t possess).

Idiocracy is a movie where dumbasses take over the world. Planet depicts us killing ourselves in an effort to cure diseases. Which one will we succumb to?

Franklin Delano Roosevelt said “we have nothing to fear but fear itself.” John Fitzgerald Kennedy said “don’t ask what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”  Trump says “only I can fix it,” and “the American dream is dead,” and we’re a nation of “carnage.”

We are succumbing and it’s not to our humanity and good intentions. It’s to the dumbasses.

Every day of the Trump presidency brings a new normal, which starts with the fact that our president is a television reality show host. Mike Allen of Axios provides us with a short list. This is a very short list. I’m hoping we don’t succumb to a new normal where hatred, stupidity, blind-dumb loyalty, and personal vendettas are accepted as normal.

Trump is extremely unqualified for the job of President of the United States. What scares me more is the approval and fanboy love of Trump from a large portion of this nation. It’s an acceptance of stupidity, hatred, negativity, and loyalty defending a man you wouldn’t want dog sitting, less enough sitting on our nuclear codes.

Donald Trump isn’t just uniquely unqualified to be president. He’s a horrible fucking person. I don’t want us to succumb where that’s normal for the President of the United States. Quite frankly, that scares me more than a future controlled by apes.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Baby’s Black Balloons


cjones07212017

I was opposed to the invasion of Iraq. At the same time, I wasn’t hoping for it to fail. I didn’t wish death on American soldiers. I wanted the invasion to be a success. While I felt everything being promised by the Bush/Cheney administration, like “they’ll treat us as liberators,” and “it’ll be quick and easy,” was total bullshit, I wanted to be proven wrong.

Most people want our president to succeed, even if they didn’t vote for him, don’t like him, and don’t have any faith at all in the person. They want America to succeed regardless of the president and which party he belongs to (or Russian dictator). Regular people don’t want American failures so they can score political points for their partisanship. While I don’t want stupid and regressive policies inflicted upon my nation, I don’t want Vladimir Putin sitting in the Oval Office to prove my point.

Donald Trump wishes failure on America. He said so himself as he says “we’ll just wait for Obamacare to fail.” These are not words of patriots. Donald Trump and many Republicans are not patriots. Fortunately, there’s about three in the GOP Senate, and they’re all women. They have blocked the Republicans from stripping health care from millions of Americans just so the rich can get a generous tax break.

While it’s easier to wait for something to collapse than actually work on it (and cast blame on the party that doesn’t control Congress), we didn’t elect a president to take it easy (though I am kinda relieved every time he’s on a golf course).

Now the GOP wants to repeal Obamacare without a replacement and give themselves a deadline to replace within two years with “something better.” These guys spent seven years voting to repeal Obamacare without ever proposing a solution. They’ve had the House, Senate, and White House since January, and they can’t submit a plan that works or is acceptable to the public. Do you really believe they’ll come through in two years?

Republicans wished Obama to fail. They said so. Now they’re in power, and they still wish pain and suffering on America. The responsible thing to do would be to make Obamacare better, not wish for it to die and affect millions of Americans. Republicans won’t just wait for it to die on its own. They’ll do everything they can to make it fail.

Trump and the GOP continue to describe Obamacare as failing. That is a lie. It’s not failing. It can be a lot better but it’s not going to die on its own. The GOP will have to manipulate it to make it fail, and they’re willing to do that.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about you, your health, your family’s health, or this nation. Donald Trump only cares about Donald Trump.

Creative note: Even though this is published early, you’re still getting another cartoon in the morning.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Lost In Translation


cjones07202017

Donald Trump and his sycophants complain constantly how the story about his campaign colluding with Russia is fake news. They cry how the media is obsessed with it and a lot of people agree, not just Trump freaks. Why won’t the media stop talking about Russia? Probably because Trump, his family, his campaign, and his appointees keep going to bed with Russians.

If you want us to stop talking about Russia then stop drip, drip, dripping details about your collusion with Russia.

There was a huge dinner at the G20 shared by the world leaders in attendance. Each member was allowed to bring their spouse and a translator so they could have a conversation with their counterpart they would be seated next to. Japan’s Prime Minister Shinzo Abe had the unfortunate designation to be seated next to Trump. Trump brought along a Japanese interpreter even though Abe speaks English (or maybe that’s what the translator was for). Fortunately for Abe, Trump left his seat in the middle of the meal.

It’s not uncommon for the leaders to move around and chit-chat with presidents, prime ministers, chancellors, and kings they weren’t seated with. There were eighteen leaders from other nations Trump could have picked to have an hour long conversation with after his meal. Did he pick Argentina, Italy, Brazil, Indonesia, or South Africa? Of course not. You know it wasn’t Mexico.

Quite naturally, it was Vladimir Putin. Vlad was seated a good distance away from Trump and across the table. That didn’t stop Donald from playing fanboy and reach out to suck up to Putin. The problem with this is, it’s Donald Trump and Russia. No members of Trump’s staff accompanied him for this conversation. He relied on Putin’s interpreter to translate. Another issue about this is, they kept it on the down low.

Do you think Trump would have negotiated a deal to put his name on a hotel by relying solely on the other party’s translator? He needs to take the business and security of our nation as seriously as he does about slapping his name on a sham university or some chewy steaks sold through The Sharper Image.

The White House only confirmed the meeting Tuesday after reports surfaced that other guests were surprised and icked out by it. Trump is doing a very poor job proving he’s not Putin’s puppet and that the Russia story is “fake news.”

Trump tweeted, “Fake News story of secret dinner with Putin is ‘sick.’ All G 20 leaders, and spouses, were invited by the Chancellor of Germany. Press knew!” and “The Fake News is becoming more and more dishonest! Even a dinner arranged for top 20 leaders in Germany is made to look sinister!”

The dinner was not a secret and was reported. His hour-long conversation with Putin was not a well-known subject. Trump didn’t bring it up with his conversation with reporters on the flight home.

Trump met with Putin for two hours earlier that day. He had been briefed before that meeting and brought along Secretary of State Rex Tillerson to minimize Trump’s fuckery as much as possible. He was not prepped with flash cards before his later bromance with Vlad, neither was he accompanied by someone from the United States who, well, knows stuff.

At their earlier meeting, Trump asked Putin twice about meddling in the U.S. election. He didn’t tell him we knew he did it. He asked. They then agreed to disagree, move on, and not bring it up again. So what did they discuss at the dinner? We will never know if it was small talk and pleasantries or if Trump gave him the keys to NORAD.

Trump used this opportunity to show that he prefers a closer relationship with Russia than with our allies. If it was the Kremlin’s goal to get Putin, an experienced negotiator and manipulator, alone with Donald Trump, mission accomplished.

On Tuesday, Trump announced the appointment of Jon Huntsman as ambassador to Russia (though, naturally they misspelled his name during the announcement). Huntsman was formerly ambassador to China and a few years ago Trump accused him of giving our nation away to Beijing. Maybe that’s the idea with this appointment to Moscow.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Skanks On A Plane


cjones07192017

I want you, my readers to understand and appreciate the sacrifices and trauma I will put myself through to provide you informed commentary and punditry (that’s a word!). Today, I scrolled through Ann Coulter’s Twitter page. You’re welcome.

Why in the world would I want to visit She-Demon’s Twitter page? I read an article that said she sent over 30 tweets describing the horrible treatment she received from Delta Airlines on a flight last weekend. I wanted to see if that was true. So how many times did Skankzilla tweet about her mile-high injustice? I’m not sure because my eyes started stinging and I lost count after 40, and that’s not counting all the retweets. I don’t think there’s been a tweetstorm of that proportion since someone questioned the attendance of Donald Trump’s inauguration crowd.

So what sort of traumatizing experience did Delta put Coulter through to trigger such a bimbo fury? Did they force her into standby? Serve her fish after she requested chicken? Physically pummel her, bloody her face, and drag her off the plane like United did to David Dao? Amazingly find a seat that’s too narrow for even her skinny ass? Or even worse, make her sit next to a black guy? None of that. They moved her from seat 15D to 15A. Oh, the horror!

I don’t know why Delta moved her from an aisle seat to a window, but she didn’t like it. Coulter paid a $30 fee, which Delta refunded, to switch seats from the one she had originally booked. She ridiculed the refund and said that it cost her $10,000 of her time to select the seat she wanted, investigate the type of plane (it looks like a big Tylenol!), and periodically review seat options. If reviewing and researching is costing us time, then she owes me $15,000 for having to look at her Twitter page and another $5,000 for inadvertently seeing her photo (here come the night terrors).

And “periodically” review seat options? What the fuck is that shit? Did she look at seating options at 12:15 A.M, and again at 7:20, and once again at 9:15? It’s a fucking chair, and they all face forward. You’re not buying a house.

But since she did so much “reviewing,” let’s give her a tip: Ann, when the Muslim extremists hijack the plane you should know the first people they’re gonna slice with box cutters will be those in aisle seats. Delta could have saved your life!

Coulter was so incensed, that she took a photo of the unfortunate woman who got her seat and posted it on Twitter. We all knew Ann was a horrible person, but sheesh. It wasn’t that woman’s fault, Ann. Ann isn’t well known for exhibiting much compassion, but she does display hypocrisy. Last April, she dished out scorn toward David Dao after United beat him up. She tweeted, “Sorry about the dragging, but the convicted pill-mill doctor should be deported.” I guess a rich white shrill-mill having to change seats is much worse than an Asian-American being assaulted by sky marshals.

Ann wrote the book on victimization. Really! She literally wrote a book on the topic. It’s called, Guilty: Liberal “Victims” and Their Assault on America. It’s 311 pages of Coulter bitching about liberals playing victim which is ruining our nation which you can find on Amazon for $11.70. That was 2009 Ann. 2017 gives us Snowflake Ann in need of a safe space. When will rich white people finally catch a break in this nation? I dream of an America where rich, white, horrid people can fly to Palm Beach without the injustice and inconvenience of having to change seats.

Who I really feel sorry for are the people in Florida. Don’t they have enough reptiles down there?

Creative note: My first idea was to draw Coulter finding alternative air travel as a witch on a broom. But I knew someone else would also think of that idea. I was right. It’s been one day and I’ve already seen two of them, but since that was my first idea I’m going to guess it was theirs too.

Also, this column is not sexist because you can’t be sexist or misogynist toward something that’s not human.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

GOP Can’t Hear You


cjones07182017

Are you looking forward to screaming at your Republican representative at his or her town hall about their stripping health care from millions of Americans? Too bad. Congress will have a month-long August recess, but don’t expect there to be many Republican members willing to hear you out.

There won’t be very many opportunities for you to unleash your verbal Kraken at your Congressman or Senator. There’s a better chance Donald Trump will give a one-on-one interview with Lawrence O’Donnell than Speaker of the House Paul Ryan holding a town hall. In fact, nearly 160 Republicans have yet to hold a town hall in 2017.

During the July 4th break, Ryan refused to hear from his constituents. His excuse? He’s worried too many people will attend his forum that are not from his district and that they won’t be civil. What he and other Republicans are really afraid of are hearing examples from their constituents of how Obamacare has helped them, saved their lives or the lives of their loved ones, and how the GOP’s reckless plan to ditch Obamacare and cut into Medicaid will destroy their lives. A lot of people have problems with the “Repeal/Replace” only being a ruse to provide huge tax breaks to rich people.

Refusing to hold meetings with their voters will also save Republicans the trouble of lying to their constituents and reading their own plan so they’ll actually understand it. It works for Trump. They really don’t mind all the angry phone calls as they have people to take those calls for them. The stacks of post-it notes reading “Betty from Dubuque hates you” doesn’t affect them all that much.

Republicans didn’t seem to care at all when people protesting their health-care plan were arrested at the Capitol. Eighty people were arrested at the House and Senate buildings for protesting. Many of those were in wheelchairs and dragged out by police with their hands zip tied.

Republicans tend to be tone-deaf, but now they prefer to be entirely deaf to your complaints. While John McCain recently had eye surgery to improve his vision, most Republicans choose to remain blind to the real-world problems of their voters.

If you can’t get up those steps in August, or can’t even find them, don’t worry too much. We can do our own repealing and replacing in November 2018.

Creative Notes: I usually try to take Saturdays off from drawing a cartoon so I can recharge. I usually work at night, so Sunday night is the start of a new week for me (and sometimes there’s nothing really new on a Sunday to inspire a cartoon). I’m not always able to get that day off, but I did this weekend. In fact, I drew my last cartoon Friday afternoon so now it kinda feels like I haven’t drawn a cartoon in two days. Actually, it’s been three days since I’ve had to think of a cartoon because this cartoon was halfway in the can. I don’t normally save ideas. I usually hate them when I return to them. I have a folder full of outdated ideas represented by rough drawings.

I started this cartoon Thursday night, then I had another idea I felt fit the moment better. But, I still liked this one so I didn’t trash it. Most of the drawing was completed and all I had to do was tighten things up a bit and color the cartoon. I still procrastinated while working. I watched a bunch of pointless stuff on YouTube, drank some coffee, read a few articles, some hate mail, and finally completed the cartoon in three hours, which should have taken about 30 minutes.

At some point, I’ll tell you why I’m the world’s greatest procrastinator.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Double, Triple, Quadruple Jeopardy In Costa Rica


crsta06302017

I’m sure you’re aware that one can’t be tried for a crime in the United States after a jury fails to convict them. This is the Double Jeopardy Clause. Though, as in the case of O.J. Simpson, one can be sued for committing a crime after a jury fails to convict.

They don’t have that in Costa Rica. Ann Patton, a super-wealthy person, was tried once, twice, three times, for the murder of her husband and now the nation may try her for the fourth time. She is in the United States and it’ll be interesting if our nation extradites her for something that would be unconstitutional here.

Costa Rica and Japan have both been after Paul Watson, the Sea Shepherd guy for years. Other nations have ignored their requests.

I drew a couple other ideas for this subject, but we settled on the volcanoes. Costa Rica currently has three erupting. The small nation has five active volcanoes. Experts say they’re not synchronized.

This cartoon ran on June 30. I meant to post it earlier, but I was doing things.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.