Trumpen Hooker


cjones08242016

Donald Trump LOOOOVES fake news. He loves conspiracy theories, gossip, rumors, and dirty lies. He peddles them, he tweets them, he finances them, and he bases his entire campaign off them.

The liberal website Think Progress has an article describing 12 conspiracy theories Trump has embraced. The site Alternet went even farther and reported on 58.

He’s pushed lies from right wing websites such as Breitbart to gossip from the National Enquirer ranging from birtherism, Ted Cruz’s father being in on the JFK assassination, to Hillary suffering some super secret health issue. Earlier this week he took issue with the MSNBC program Morning Joe and tweeted that hosts Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski were secret lovers.

So it’s a bit hypocritical that Trump’s wife has hired lawyers to send out threatening letters to news outlets regarding rumors that she worked as an escort when she first arrived to the United States.

The Daily Mail, The Week(UK), Politico, Inquisitr, Tarpley, Before It’s News, Liberal America, LawNewz, Winning Democrats and Bipartisan Report have all received threats of lawsuits from the same lawyers who sued Gawker over a Hulk Hogan sex tape. I haven’t even heard of some of those outlets.

A few of those outlets such as Politico and The Week were focusing on questions over Melania’s immigration status when she first arrived to the United States in the 1990s and they mentioned the hooker allegations. Some of the other sites gleefully went to town over the rumors of Mrs. Trump working on her back which is really unfair, because if she did have a career in prostitution we really don’t know what sexual positions she employed.

Now I really don’t expect Melania’s Hulk Hogan lawyers to come after me. I’m just an itty bitty, microscopic, rapscallion political cartoonist that’s barely a blemish on the grand face of American journalism. I haven’t even been able to get an angry response or insult from Trump on Twitter and that makes me very sad. Though it would be kinda cool to get the national attention of a legal threat, the accusations of Melania working as an escort don’t pass the smell test. They’re not credible or substantiated. Darn. I haven’t even attracted hackers.

I have not read anything credible that proves Melania Trump ever performed sexual favors for money before she married Donald Trump.

My cartoons run in The Week and occasionally Politico gives me some love. Last year the site Liberal America, which was threatened by Melania’s lawyers, ran my work. It doesn’t surprise me they made the list as their ethics have been questionable and it’s the reason my cartoons are not on their site anymore. I pointed out to them that they can’t be a credible or respectable news site if they kept using work by writers and reporters who used pseudonyms. Their immediate response was to end our business relationship which was fine and their right. I was too amused by their insecurity and hurt feelings to be angry over it and I never published anything about it until now.

Back to the Melania issue: Legitimate news sites, even opinion sites, should not debase themselves to take up the pond scumming habits of the likes of Breitbart, even without the threats of lawsuits. Besides, Donald Trump really doesn’t like it when you act like Donald Trump.

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Hillary’s Health Scare


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The current arguments against Hillary Clinton must not be good enough reasons for people to vote against her. The GOP is pushing the narrative that she’s a liar despite the fact they have a nominee that only tells the truth about 10% of the time. They’re still pushing the email server issue and the Clinton Foundation and are pressing for more investigations. After 20 years they haven’t let go of her husband’s infidelity issues. Still, none of that is good enough for Republicans because they’re falling back on conspiracy theories and making stuff up.

Over the past couple of weeks they were whispering rumors about her health. The biggest conspiracy lovers among them were sharing pictures of Clinton being helped up some steps as if she was an invalid. Never mind that we actually had a president who was in a wheel chair and another who continued to serve after suffering a stroke which rendered him paralyzed (you get bonus points today if you know which president that is without Googling for the answer).

Those whispers have now turned into shouts. Donald Trump himself has questioned his physical and mental health which is obvious he’s reflecting his own condition. Now he’s released one of his favorite attack dogs, who traded in his credibility and dignity a few years ago, to make a case out of the health issue.

Rudy 9/11 Giuliani is now scaring up talk over Clinton’s health. This is the same guy who ran for president after beating prostrate cancer.

This is the new birtherism and the birthers are now healthers. That means they don’t need facts. They just need someone to say it and a few rabid right wing websites to bark it out.

These healthers are using junk science and conspiracy theories to argue that Clinton is suffering from brain injuries. Why don’t they just say she’s growing a tail? Giuliani claims the media is hiding evidence about the former Secretary of State’s health and that people should go online to find the truth. If you Google about Clinton’s health what you’ll find is Giuliani spreading theories about Clinton’s health. This stuff is almost as far-fetched as saying Chelsea had four plastic surgeries to hide that Bill isn’t her real father…wait. Someone is pushing that too. At what point do extra terrestrials enter into this?

There is not any evidence here or anything to hide. Clinton’s physician, the only person to speak on the record who has actually examined her, has repeatedly affirmed her health and physical fitness.

Meanwhile Donald Trump’s physician who released a letter affirming the GOP nominee’s fitness isn’t a general practitioner, but a gastroenterologist. He doesn’t mention if he gave Trump a colonoscopy but in fairness, if you had to perform that procedure on Trump you’d probably want to forget it also.

The really weird part of this ass doctor’s letter is where he wrote “if elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” Why would a doctor say that? Did this doc travel through time and look up Mallard Fillmore’s bum? Can he tell us how much corn he found in William Henry Harrison’s stool? And what about Taft? That was one serious fat bastard but Trump would still be older than him if elected. I find it hard to believe The Donald could be healthier Than JFK or Teddy Roosevelt. Even Reagan, who is our oldest president, physically walked into the hospital after he was shot. Trump let bone spurs keep him out of Vietnam and probably wouldn’t be capable of walking into a clinic if he had a splinter. By the way, Teddy was shot while giving a speech and he continued and finished his speech.

I would totally be raising my eyebrows and give health conspiracies another look if Clinton’s letter from a physician was worded the same as Trump’s. Trump’s letter, which used the word “positive” makes you question how many venereal diseases he’s acquired throughout his life. Quite frankly I want to know if my president has herpes.

I do believe a candidate’s age and health are fair issues to discuss to a point. It was fair to question Reagan and McCain’s age and health. It’s fair to ask about Clinton’s. It’s even more fair to ask about Donald Trump, who is two years older than Clinton. After the answers are given then it’s time to let it go and maybe focus on actual issues.

If we want to start conspiracy theories about stuff we don’t have information on, let’s talk about Trump’s taxes. Is he in the mafia? Accepted bribes from the KGB? Financed Justin Beiber’s first album? We need to know what sort of maniac we’re electing.

None of this conspiracy crap is surprising. At least with the Swift Boaters smear campaign the candidate was separated from it. In this case we have a nominee who cites the National Enquirer, spreads rumors that Ted Cruz’s dad was in on the JFK assassination, Obama was born in Kenya, and now wants to know if Mika and Joe from Morning Joe are bumping uglies.

In other news more than 14,000 additional emails are about to be released from Hillary Clinton’s time as Secretary. This may not give her a heart attack but could possibly raise the blood pressure of her supporters.

For the answer on which president suffered the stroke, it was Woodrow Wilson. Did you cheat?

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Photo Ops, Bad Optics, And Play-Doh


cjones08222016

President Obama’s critics have jumped on his lack of an appearance to the flood zone in Louisiana. They compare his lack of visiting to President George W. Bush’s inaction to Hurricane Katrina. They’re wrong though in some ways they’re right.

Bush was heavily criticized partly for not going to Louisiana, but most of that came from him not ending his 30-day vacation a few days early and his inept response to Katrina. Obama on the other hand has done a good job providing federal aid to the state.

Trump visiting the state was positive in that it did bring attention to the flood which has ruined thousands of homes and killed at least 13 people. Other than that is was just a photo op for Trump to hand out Play-Doh for 49 seconds (which was about as long as I could make it through his speech last Saturday) and make cracks about Obama’s golf game.

If Obama had visited the state in the early stages it wouldn’t have accomplished much and probably had diverted resources away from helping those in need. He will be in Louisiana this Tuesday. The state’s governor asked that Trump, Obama, and Hillary Clinton stay away for a few days.

What doesn’t help the president are images of playing golf and telling reporters he’s having a great time in Martha’s Vineyard contrasted to footage of a woman being saved from drowning. He’s either tone deaf or really doesn’t care about the perception. Maybe he doesn’t care what the critics say. It’s not like they can hurt him. It’s difficult to differentiate between serious criticism of Obama like deals with Iran and disaster response to the ridiculousness of mom pants.

Perhaps the contrast should be that neither Obama or Hillary Clinton has attempted to use the tragedy and suffering in Louisiana to score political points as Trump did. It’s not that I think Trump doesn’t care about those affected by the flood. I don’t think Trump cares about anything but Trump.

Trump donated some money to the relief effort and brought attention to the issue. But handing out Play-Doh with Mike Pence for less than a minute doesn’t help anyone.

Though the Play-Doh may explain what’s going on with Trump’s hair.

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Someone Let A Cartoonist Into A Trump Rally


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Yesterday I attended Donald Trump’s rally in Fredericksburg, Virginia, my hometown.

The Trump campaign announced the event on Thursday and I immediately went online to get a couple of tickets. I also applied for press credentials but for some reason they denied me. They didn’t like my “Naked Trump” cartoons? It was OK not receiving press credentials as I wanted to mingle among the freaks, I mean, Trump supporters. The first thing you want to do when going into a snake pit, a lions den, or a giant flaming outhouse, is bring a friend.

So I asked a friend, then another friend, then another friend, and then another friend. I couldn’t understand why none of my friends wanted to go. I put out a feeler to my friends on Facebook. None of them wanted to go but some had really good excuses, like they had to stay home and manscape that day. Several people who fled the city said they would have gone with me if they were in town. It’s like I sent out invitations to visit a leper colony.

Finally a friend wanted to go, but it was more like I was leaving him a ticket which meant I was still going alone. Then, someone I had asked previously changed her mind and we went together.  And it was perfect as not only is she one of my favorite people, but I got to go to a Trump rally with a liberal Jew named Hilary.

We expected to have a lot of fun and unleash our sarcasm and mockery. Hilary wanted to used a pseudonym. We didn’t intend to cheer, boo, or protest. We wanted the experience. We wanted to give the Trump fans respect. We also didn’t want to go in announcing we were not voting for Trump.

The line was pretty long and it was in the heat. We didn’t see many signs or screaming people at the beginning. There were some individuals collecting signatures to steal your social security and the Trump team was recruiting volunteers while people sweated in line. Then the salesmen came.

The people selling Trump schwag were not with the Trump campaign. If we were smart we would have bought umbrellas and written Trump on them. We would have made a killing.

The people were very nice. Well, nice for hating Hillary Clinton and President Obama. They were talking about their views in line, like Clinton should be in prison, Black Lives Matter is a bunch of racists, and Northern Virginia will go for Trump. What?

We didn’t see any protesters until we left and they were a small group down the street. Unfortunately I couldn’t get a photo of them as were moving and they were standing by a stop light at an intersection. We did see a lot of man buns. What’s up with man buns? When is that going away?

We ran into a few people we knew, who were Trump people. We took photos of those in shirts and outfits we found interesting and I asked permission each time. Everyone said yes. They were proud.

None of them could give us a good reason they were supporting Trump. All we heard was that he’s rich, successful, going to make American great again, and that Hillary Clinton is a liar and should be in prison.

The Expo Center, where the event was staged, can hold 3,400 people according to its website. To be honest, it was about half full. Security staff said 3,600 people were admitted and hundreds more were outside (and when we left there were people still in line). There weren’t any chairs except for a few to the side for the elderly and handicapped. Many people chose to sit on the floor and we joined them for a while as we got tired of standing around for several hours. I was surprised the campaign wasn’t selling pins, buttons, shirts, inside. There were two vendors selling BBQ sandwiches, pretzels, chips, candy, and soda.

Everyone we encountered was friendly and though we rolled our eyes a bit at what they said, and found some of it hateful, we didn’t find it an atmosphere with negative energy…and then Trump came out. The mood changed really quickly.

Remember the third Indiana Jones movie where he and his dad end up at a Nazi book burning in Berlin? I’m not saying it was that hateful but it did come to mind when the “lock her up” and “build a wall” chants started.

Trump, who many in the crowd described to us a genius, came out and said to the Fredericksburg crowd “So Fairfax, on Nov. 8, you’ve got to get out and vote.” At least he didn’t think he was in Michigan, which is where the campaign had put Fredericksburg a few days before.

He told the seven black people in attendance that he wants the GOP to be home for black voters again. He complained about Obama’s “ransom” to Iran, “Crooked Hillary,” and that Tim Kaine was never popular as governor which I found interesting since Kaine was elected to the senate afterward. Currently with Kaine on Clinton’s ticket, Virginia is giving them a double digit lead over Trump in the polls. Which polls? All of them.

And then we left. After about five minutes of Trump barking and the crowd sounding kinda like a Nuremberg rally, we knew we didn’t fit in and it was time to go.

I spent the rest of the feeling dejected, disappointed, and kinda nasty. Hilary wanted to go home and soak her entire body in sanitizer. Trump is going to lose this election by astronomical numbers. The problem is that those people at the rally will still be around hating. And they’re in my community.

trumprally22This was the first group we encountered with a banner. They were more than happy to pose for us.

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She was very happy.

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Five bucks for a button. I think the hats were $20 and these entrepreneurs were selling them from a car which allowed for a quick escape each time security came around.

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I actually know this kid. He was a student of mine ten years ago when I taught a summer class at a local elementary. I didn’t realize it was him until after I took the photo and he called me out. Hi, Colin. Good to see you again. You grew up.

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This very pretty girl really hates Hillary Clinton.

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This gentlemen was serenading the line with a tune about freedom, eagles, and waving flags. He as playing a Fender. Geeks like me notice things like that.

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These very young ladies really want a president with balls. I hope they didn’t see those statues.

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This was near the stage and yet they were able to pop a squat.

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Others chose to lean against the wall. As I said before, there weren’t any seats.

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The media pit. The journalists at the right end of the first table are from my former newspaper, The Free Lance-Star. That’s Jeff Branscome seated and Suzanne Carr (exceptional photographer) standing. I totally forgot the name of the other reporter as he was hired after I was laid off. I couldn’t find Hallie Jackson from MSNBC so I didn’t do any stalking.

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I did find Betsy. I asked to take her photo and she insisted I be included. This is the first photo I’ve posted of myself in a few years. I’m really anti-selfies. It’s not a selfie if someone else takes it. If 3,600 people got into the event, then Betsy was photographed 3,600 times. She even took a pic with FLS photog Peter Cihelka. I didn’t get Betsy’s number but I think Pete might have.

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Hilary took this photo. These shorts were really tight. Be glad we did not take a photo from the front. OK, this is the only person who wasn’t asked if we could take his photo.

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Another Clinton fan.

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The campaign was handing out these signs. The idea is everyone will wave them and it’ll be seen on the news stations. We took one but after a couple minutes we had to give it back as our hands were burning.

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I could not get a good pic of Trump (can anyone?) and Hilary captured this one. As you may see, we got teleprompter Trump.

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Here’s another photo taken by Hilary. Now if anyone wants to argue crowd size, here’s proof. This was not taken before Trump started speaking. This was taken WHILE Trump was speaking. You could have had a basketball game simultaneously. Half empty building yet there were still people in line. Trump spoke for about 40 minutes and I hope everyone waiting outside got to see him for a second. See how much empathy I have? I hope the hateful got to see their fascist hero.

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Blame It On Rio


cjones08212016

U.S. Olympic swimmers Ryan Lochte, Gunnar Bentz, Jimmy Feigen, and Jack Conger are currently in turmoil over their story about being mugged in Rio.

The athletes went out on the town to do some partying, stopped at a gas station to pee on a wall, and apparently damaged some property. Before the men could catch a cab security stopped them and demanded they make restitution. The entire ordeal probably would have went away quietly but Lochte being the spoiled, pampered, rich kid that he is decided to whine to the press about being mugged.

Rio suffers from a high crime rate and many worldwide expected that to be among the other issues, like Zyka, putrid water, crumbling infrastructure, NBC’s coverage, etc., to complicate the Olympics. Lochte took advantage of the city’s reputation to help build his profile, build sympathy for himself and exercise his white privilege. Maybe it would have helped with a new Nike contract and he could build a bigger pool for his home in a gated community.

Swim Shady claimed they were pulled out of a cab at gun point by men posing as police. Turns out it was a gas station rent-a-cop.

Lochte left Brasil before the truth started to emerge, but Bentz and Conger were stopped at the airport and taken into custody, eventually released after giving about $11,000 to a local charity. I haven’t read what happened to Feigen.

And yet, we still don’t have the truth. Rio’s police say the swimmers destroyed the bathroom, tearing down the door and a soap dispenser. Bentz says Lochte ripped down a sign and that the swimmers never entered the restroom and urinated outside. USA Today, acclaimed for brevity, colored weather maps, and bathroom investigations, visited the restroom and reported the door and dispenser were still intact. I smell a Pulitzer…that or someone forgot to give a courtesy flush.

Bentz says guns were pointed at them as they were ordered to sit on the sidewalk. After dishing out some cash the guns were put away and the swimmers caught another cab. That should have been the end of the story. I think we’ll continue to get new details over the next few weeks and maybe months. Maybe someone swiped a urinal cake or the cab’s pine tree air freshener.

The swimmers will ultimately be suspended by the U.S. Olympic committee and I wouldn’t expect Ryan Lochte to compete for the team four years from now in Tokyo.

One person who might have believed their pile of crap, if it had included a charge against our president, would have been former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Rudy built a reputation, respect and was admired world wide for his leadership after 9/11. As soon as Barack Obama was elected president he squandered it.

The man once accused Obama of not loving America because he wasn’t brought up “like you and I.” Last week he claimed there weren’t any terrorist attacks in the United States the eight years before Obama was elected president. That was really bizarre for the man who can’t order breakfast without mentioning 9/11 to totally forget that tragedy just because he hates the president. Rudy has dropped down to the level of stupid as birthers and those who blame Obama for Hurricane Katrina. I think we should point out the World Trade Center wasn’t destroyed until Giuliani was mayor.

In fact, Giuliani hates Obama so much he’s willing to become a racist, squander his reputation and credibility and support a racist orange Cheeto gnome for president.

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A Small Erection


cjones08202016

I’m sorry. To my friend, Amanda, who thought the way I draw Trump’s mouth creepy, I’m sorry.

Some editors give me grief for drawing so much on politics, which is bizarre since I’m a political cartoonist. Some narrow it down and ask that I throw something in here and there that’s not on the election. Others go even further and just flat out state that they’re tired of Trump cartoons.

They all have a point. There are other topics. I actually search for stuff that’s not about the elections, and more specifically, Trump. For many of my clients I’m their only source of cartoons and I’m appreciative of that. They do deserve variety. When I try to draw on other subjects, I’m not just trying to help them out as I need some variety also.

Over the past week I’ve been giving one of my best cartoonist buds some grief because he draws a Trump cartoon every. single. day. When he doesn’t draw something on Trump he acts like he deserves a treat.

Sometimes I think giving others a little hassle is my selfish way of keeping myself on my toes. Truth is, I’m often as guilty as they are. But it doesn’t help matters when I’m searching for other topics when Trump is being Trump. I can’t let other people tell me what to draw because when I approach the drawing board I need to focus on what subject is the top story, what needs attention, and what is currently interesting readers the most. Right now I can’t go outside without being asked about Donald Trump. People are not asking me about Iranian ransoms, the Clinton Foundation, or floods. Have you been on Facebook for at least a minute over the past year?

My past two cartoons have been on the tragedy and sadness of the floods in Louisiana and the horror in Syria. Dammit, I needs to draw me a naked Trump.

This week Trump installed the wingnut who’s been running Breitbart to run his campaign. Just in case you’re not aware of Breitbart, it is the most vile, viscous, repulsive, lying, racist, conspiracy-driven, hemorrhoid on the ass of journalism covering American politics. It’s not journalism. It’s a right wing hit site.

There are conservative sources of journalism that are relevant and respected, even though they focus on the opinion side more. National Review and The Weekly Standard are two that immediately come to mind and they’ve produced some serious heavyweight journalists over the years. Breitbart is not among them.

On Thursday a group “erected” statues of a naked Trump named “The Emperor Has No balls” in New York City, Los Angeles, Cleveland, Seattle, and San Francisco (in the Castro district which might make many in that gay district seriously give heterosexuality a thought). They popped up in cities similar to the city-destroying spaceships in Independence Day inciting panic, fear, and mass evacuations. The NYC Parks Department removed their trophy from Manhattan’s Union Square and tweeted “”NYC Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small.” The statues actually do not contain testicles but you can see the penis if you squint really hard.

Cleveland’s statue was also removed but the one on Hollywood Blvd. was moved to a store owner’s private property. The city is still barking for him to remove it as some neighbors complained about the vulgarity. I don’t know why they’re upset. It’s not like there’s a lot to see there.

The statues are the brainchild of an activist collective called INDECLINE, which has spoken out against Trump before.

I see these statues as a political statement. Of course I also find it extremely hilarious. I wonder if they made Trump laugh his balls off.

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Extreme Vetting


cjones08192016

I was heartbroken when I saw the images of the child pulled from the rubble after a Russian/Syrian airstrike. Drawing the child’s face made me even sadder.

Anyone who supports Donald Trump for president needs to find their soul. If they have one.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!