Suckers!


cjones01172017

P.T. Barnum wasn’t just the founder of Barnum & Bailey Circus. He was a man who celebrated hoaxes and he had goofy hair. He had a museum for a while and once displayed the Fiji Mermaid, which was actually the head of a monkey sewn onto the body of a fish. As crazy as that sounds I doubt he could have ever imagined a Donald Trump presidency.

The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is ending production after 146 years. It seems nobody goes to circuses anymore. And while I’m sad for unemployed clowns who now have to spice up their resumes, I’m not really that concerned. I never did like circuses. My grandfather was a Shriner and my grandparents would drag me and my older sister to the Shriner circuses in Louisiana. They always bored me.

While a lot of people compare Trump’s operation to Barnum’s circus, I was more intrigued by the “sucker” aspect.

P.T. Barnum is famous for saying “there’s a sucker born every minute” though there’s no documentation he ever actually said that. But I’ll use it here the same way people will use George Washington chopping down the cherry tree or throwing a coin across a river.

Whoever said it was right. There were especially a lot of suckers born in Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania. Now they’re scared of losing their health insurance. I’m sure there will be a lot more surprises the next four years.

Barnum was a fan of hype, which he referred to as “humbug.” He wasn’t about ripping people off and viewed it as entertainment and wanted people to get their money worth. He actually testified against a ghost photographer in a fraud trial. He enjoyed exposing frauds.

The current fraud who’ll be sworn in as president this Friday has been exposed repeatedly. Unfortunately for the rest of us the suckers are still buying it.

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All Action


cjones01162017

Today’s cartoon and blog post is coming to you from lovely downtown Fredericksburg, Virginia, America’s most historic city.

Speaking of historic, John Lewis is historic. The man is a Civil Rights icon. Donald Trump decided to honor the man three days before Martin Luther King Jr. day by tweeting (or course) that he’s “all talk and no action.” Nice.

Lewis gave an interview where he said Trump’s presidency is illegitimate. I disagree. If you believe Hillary Clinton eats babies and you vote against her your vote still counts. Ignorant votes are valid. If it’s proven that Trump coordinated with Putin for his election and committed treason, then I’ll say he’s illegitimate. Though it would be nice to see his birth certificate so we can make sure he wasn’t born in Loompa Land.

But for Trump to attack Lewis, and say his Congressional District is crime-ridden, is just stupid. Lewis marched in Selma, Alabama in 1965 during what’s referred as “Bloody Summer.” Lewis had his skull fractured by a racist cop during the event.

One thing about working in a coffee shop this morning is overhearing (eavesdropping) conversations. Today the hot topics are Trump and Saturday Night Live. Some people were talking about how Trump is using Twitter and stupid tweets to distract the populace.

Uh, no. He’s not a political mastermind pretending to be a dumbass. He’s an actual dumbass.

That, my friends, is where Trump is totally legitimate.

 

Loud Boom Boom


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The Republican nimrods in Washington aren’t content with repealing Obamacare, moving the American Embassy in Israel just to piss off Muslims, handing HUD over to a guy they wouldn’t give their car keys to, and stripping ethics out of Congress. Now they want to make it easier to purchase silencers for guns. All future mass shootings will now sound like your neighbor’s Prius.

Not only do Republicans and the friendly monsters at the NRA fight and scramble to make access to firearms as easy as possible for murderers and rednecks with small weenies, now they want to make it easier for them to be sneaky about it.

What’s the deal with gun nuts anyway? They have to have the largest firearms with the most firepower that can shoot the most rounds at the fastest speed possible so they can overcompensate for their dinky manhood, yet they’re too loud for them?

You want to be obnoxious yet be quiet about it? You don’t see bikers going to a Harley Davidson shop and ask if they make quiet models? Bikes, like guns are made so people can be assholes. Don’t be a total wimp about it, Nancy Pants.

I am aware silencers aren’t as quiet as they’re depicted in movies. They don’t actually make a low sharp little “pyew pyew pyew” sound. There’s still a bang but it’s muffled, like a car with a muffler. In fact, the same guy who invented car mufflers invented the silencer. See? I research.

Even though they’re not technically silent, and officially they’re called “suppressors,” and they still “bang,” they’re still a lot quieter than guns without muzzles. Someone could easily fire more rounds in a noisy environment like an airport, night club, Congress, before people are aware there’s another national tragedy occurring. Silencers can also be effective in confusing people as to where the shots are coming from (here’s a clue: Look for the angry white guy).

It’s a dumb idea to make it easier for the public to purchase silencers. It’s bad enough idiots in Texas can’t go to Starbucks without an AK strapped to their back. Gun advocates are claiming it’s a safety issue to protect their hearing. There’s two other ways to protect your hearing from guns. One is to purchase earmuffs. How freaking inconvenient is that? It’s gotta be a lot cheaper than purchasing a silencer. Another way to protect your hearing is to stop shooting guns. Stop going to a gun range. That’s like going to a Nascar event and complaining the cars are loud. Surprise! It’s noisy. Next thing you’re going to do is complain that fish taste fishy.

All the self-styled Rambos and Dirty Harrys out there need to get a grip on something other than a Glock. Their new toys and overcompensation shouldn’t take away the liberty of people to survive.

You wanna silence something? Try Trump’s mouth. That is if they can make a muzzle large enough.

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The Perpetrator


cjones01142017

If don’t believe misinformation, lies, and fake news contributed to Hillary Clinton losing the presidential election, go talk to a Trump voter. The fact the public viewed Trump as more honest than Hillary Clinton is proof the disinformation campaign was effective.

I don’t believe there was one contributing factor that handed the presidency of the United States of America to a narcissistic, racist, immature, charity-robbing, scam-university miser, illiterate, vagina-groping, politician-bribing, Putin-loving, fascist reality show host with a bad comb-over and an oddly-orange spray tan. Political analysts and historians (with future historians believing the electorate consisted of a lot of crack heads) will forever debate the 2016 election, but it was thrown by the combination of Russian hacking, Wikileaks, fake news, paid trolls, and finally James Comey, the director of the FBI.

During the election Comey issued a statement on Hillary Clinton saying she wouldn’t be charged for using a private server for her State department emails, but that she was a horrible, sneaky, manipulative person, which is a bad thing if you are a female. Days before the election he issued a letter saying the bureau was taking another look because there were emails from her on the family computer used by Anthony Weiner and Clinton aide Huma Abedin. A few days later after the damage was done he returned to tell us “never mind. False alarm.”

Last week during a Congressional hearing Comey while asked whether the agency was investigating links between the Trump campaign and Russia Comey said “we don’t comment on pending investigations.” He should have said “we don’t comment on investigations involving Republicans.”

Trump went on to win the election because storing emails on a private server is a much worse offense than infidelity, multiple bankruptcies, selling tacky ties made in China, stealing from a charity to buy portraits of yourself, watching teenage girls disrobe, assaulting women, not paying taxes for over two decades, jilting private contractors, bribing politicians, insulting veterans and Gold Star families, conspiring with Russians, or publicly lusting after your daughter. But grrrrrr, that server. I’m so angry about that server yet nobody can actually tell you anything about it. Oh and Benghazi. You don’t have to know anything about Benghazi. You just have to say “Benghazi.” It’s like saying “Beetlejuice” three times.” Just say “Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi” and tinfoil stock goes up three points.

Now the Justice department is investigating the FBI’s actions in the Clinton investigation.

No matter how professional Comey explains himself while wearing a poker face many have the impression that he tampered with the election. That’s totally understandable because he tampered with the election. Comey came to your house party and he peed in your punch bowl. Thing is, most of your guest saw him do it and they still drank the punch. It was tangy.

James Comey dived into the election and did everything he could to destroy Hillary Clinton’s pursuit of the presidency. If you can believe the Benghazi lies, or any Republican lies (invading Texas, birtherism, pizza parlor child-sex-slaves, etc), you can believe Comey and Putin manipulated the election. It wasn’t the Chinese or New Jersey fat guys.

The State department’s probe into Comey is a start, but the acting Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, needs to appoint a Special Counsel to investigate him while also looking into the relationship of Trump and Russia. This needs to be done before Trump’s elfish, racist maniac Jeff Sessions takes over at the Justice department.

As you can see from this cartoon, Comey’s not any better at caricatures than I am.

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Nyet Nyet. Nyet?


cjones01132017

Several weeks ago I had an idea where Trump was asked about his connections to Russia and his response was “nyet.” It wasn’t a good idea and I knew other cartoonists would take similar shots with it. I’ve seen at least three “nyet” cartoons since then. After watching Rex Tillerson’s confirmation hearing it kinda came back to me and I decided to take the obvious idea and put a twist on it.

Rex Tillerson should not be Secretary of State. Marco Rubio has expressed dissatisfaction with the guy’s answers and he may vote against him if he can man up and defy Trump and his supporters. It might be the first good thing Rubio does as a United States senator.

Tillerson is a liar. He claimed he never lobbied against sanctions on Russia. He has. His company has. He’s made phone calls to senators and during his hearing he lied to their face that he had ever done so. He’s also claimed he and Trump haven’t even discussed Russia. If they didn’t talk about Russia then what did they talk about?  Whether they were boob men or butt men? When it comes to wheeling and dealing on a corporation’s behalf and making gobs of money no matter how unethically, Tillerson’s your man. When it comes to diplomacy for a government he’s as clueless as Doctor Dumbass Ben Carson.

Jeff Sessions is not clueless. He may not be a racist either, but he’s exhibited many times in the past that he doesn’t care about race relations, equal rights, or civil rights. He can’t be trusted to pursue the bad guys if the bad guys have oppressed blacks, gays, women, Muslims, Mexicans, basically anyone who is not white. I take it back. He’s racist. He’s also another liar taking credit for desegregation cases he didn’t have anything to do with. He’s also the first senator who supported Trump’s candidacy and that really makes the guy’s judgement and priorities questionable.

Ben Carson shouldn’t be confirmed just because he’s Ben Carson. His only accomplishment during the hearings in that he remained awake through them. He’s already admitted he shouldn’t be running a government agency. On Thursday he couldn’t guarantee Senator Elizabeth Warren that he wouldn’t use the department to put money in the Trump family’s pocket. Watching him in a verbal exchange with Warren was surreal. On one end you have a profound intellectual and on the other…well, Dr. Dumbass. We haven’t seen a disparity like that since the presidential debates.

What really gets me about these nominees is that so many are disagreeing with Trump. They say they consider Russia a threat and they did hack the election. They’re against the wall. They’re against a Muslim ban. They’re against torture. Serious question time: Why the hell do you want to work for Donald Trump?

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Trump’s Real News


cjones01122017

This cartoon isn’t as much of a cartoon as it is an illustration of what really happened at Donald Trump’s first press conference since last July.

Trump is no fan of the media unless it’s the National Enquirer or Breitbart. He’s even feuded with Fox News on occasion.

Trump used his press conference to punish the two news organizations he’s angriest with at the moment, Buzzfeed and CNN. Buzzfeed published the 35 page dossier on Russia supposedly having compromising information on Trump. CNN reported there was a dossier. Trump still assaulted CNN for what he considers “fake news.” The man behind the birther movement being upset with “fake news” is a brand new irony for a man full of ironies. Trump, who asked Russia to release hacked information during the campaign and proclaimed at more than one rally “I love Wikileaks” told the press on Wednesday how upset he was over leaks.

He punished CNN by not allowing their reporter, Jim Acosta, to ask a question. He even shouted the man down. This will go over well with his supporters as they hate legitimate news organizations also. After refusing to take Acosta’s question he allowed Breitbart, the racist alt-right news source where he got his chief strategist and home of massive propagandist lies, to ask a question which was on reforming the news industry.

The rest of the press conference was exceptionally weird, even for Trump. He packed the place with his supporters who applauded his answers. There’s nothing like a room full of paid yes men. He compared US intelligence to Nazis and praised the Kremlin’s information. His main purpose of the presser was to inform the media that he’s putting his businesses into a blind trust…run by his sons. He even brought props which consisted of stacks of paper to prove he’s signing his business away…which will still pay him. It was like when he brought Trump steaks to a press conference last Summer which still had the labels from Walmart or wherever he actually bought them.

What bothers me is how news outlets allow Trump to abuse them. A free press is very important to a democracy which is something Trump obviously doesn’t want. He admires nationalistic strongmen like Putin too much.

None of the news organizations stood up for CNN at the press conference. They waited until it was over and even then it was much later in the day.

In the past Trump has unleashed his wrath on other members of the press. He banned The Des Moines Register from his campaign during the primaries because he didn’t like one of their editorials. He corralled members of the media covering his rallies into a pen and encouraged his supporters to jeer them. He’s ejected reporters from The New York Times and Telemundo out of events. His campaign manager manhandled a female reporter from Breitbart and that organization didn’t stand up for her…and Trump eventually made their chief executive his new campaign manager and now his chief White House strategist. A day doesn’t go by when he doesn’t refer to a news organization are “failing” or members of the press as “liars” and “terrible people.”

On Wednesday Trump’s spokesman Sean Spicer threatened to throw Acosta out of Trump Tower if he attempted to ask another question.

A lot of people are talking about Trump’s war with US Intelligence. Somewhere there should be a headline reading “Trump Hates Intelligence.

Intelligence is going to be a rare commodity for the next four years.

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Golden Showers


cjones01112017

For months rumors have been circulating among the press and politicians in Washington that the Russian government has serious dirt on Donald Trump they can use to compromise the president elect.

What sort of details could they possibly have that would deter Trump supporters? He’s a racist? Xenophobic? Islamophobic? Assaults women? Likes to watch teenage contestants in his pageants undress? Mocks the handicapped? Doesn’t like people who get captured? He’s an imbecile? To top all of that it’d have to be something seriously nefarious, like he’s been working with the Russians on financial kickbacks, gaining dirt on his political enemies, and that he likes to pee on Russian hookers.

Wait what?

According to reports that have not been substantiated at all, Trump has been in cahoots with Putin and his government and they have a video of him in a Russian hotel doing the disgusting stuff mentioned above. The press sat on this for months as it all sounds like fake news. If I had just come upon a story about this on Facebook I would have kept scrolling.

But apparently there’s something to it. John McCain passed off information on this to FBI director Jim Comey after a former British intelligent agent acquired the information. Buzzfeed broke (and CNN followed) the story after it was revealed that U.S. intelligence is taking it seriously.

Trump has tweeted out that it’s just fake news. It’s finally a “leak” he doesn’t like. Maybe it is fake news. His supporters are railing against it as such. But the stories of Hillary Clinton having Alzheimer, running a child-sex ring out of a pizza parlor, funneling money to ISIS, or that the Pope endorsed Trump were never taken seriously by U.S. intelligence.

U.S. intelligence has taken this so seriously that they’ve briefed Trump, President Obama, and the most important figures in Congress on this peepee-gate.

Remember when Republicans were champions of family values? They were really disgusted by Clinton’s sex scandals having to be on the nightly news, which is where they put it. They hated that they had to explain the stuff to their children. Well, Republicans, go explain “golden showers” to your kids. I know just how uncomfortable that can be because I once had to tell my editorial page editor why he shouldn’t use it in a headline.

But just how believable is it that Trump, a man who enjoys humiliating people, obsesses over revenge, assaults women, and watches teenage girls undress would be into some disgusting deviant sex act with Russian hookers?

This may be totally bogus. It could be fake news except for the aspect that our intelligence has delivered briefings on it. But for Trump who is crying about this being fake news, let me put this in context for him: Some people are saying you like to pee on Russian hookers. Karma can be cruel to someone who waged a birther campaign for seven years.

As much as we can focus on the “ew” aspect of this there are more serious concerns. They’re not “did Trump do the peeing?” Was he the one being pee’d on?” Or did he merely pay Russian hookers to pee on each other? No. The serious questions are whether or not his campaign worked with a foreign government during and before his campaign.

This is serious stuff and current Attorney General Loretta Lynch needs to appoint an Independent Counsel to investigate. You can bet Jeff Sessions will not.

Creative stuff: I wasn’t sure how to tackle this subject, other than the aspect that it may be a wild Bantha chase (see what I did there, Star Wars, peeps?). I’m really not a fan of pee or poop cartoons, and I’m no prude. Colleagues of mine draw those quite often yet they won’t be published anywhere except on Facebook. Plus, it disgusts me. But it’s kinda hard to ignore a story that the president-elect is into golden showers. So I felt compelled to do something on this without mentioning “golden showers” or “urine” or even “pee.” I had a lot of ideas but I knew they wouldn’t work in a family newspaper. So I tweeted them out.

I tweeted “I can’t wait for Trump’s press conference when he’ll look straight at the camera, wag his finger, and say “I did not pee on that woman.” 

“America literally pissed away the next four years.”

“And we can’t return this president-elect because someone pee’d on it.”

And my favorite “I’m going to miss having a president who speaks eloquently, is logical, coherent, has class, grace, and doesn’t urinate on Russian hookers.”

As much as we can feel bad for ourselves that we have this freak in the Oval Office there are other people to feel sorry for. They’re all those poor ignorant bastards who’s going to Googled “golden showers” from their work computers tomorrow.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!