Racist Putz With Putter


cjones07312021

One of my proofreaders asked if someone actually said the F-word with the N-word about one of the Capitol Police officers victimized in the insurrection by the Trump terrorists. She did not watch the January 6th Hearing this past Tuesday.

Yes. Capitol Police officer Harry Dunn testified before the committee that during the attack, one of the rioters told him they had a right to be in the Capitol because Donald Trump invited them, and that “nobody voted for Joe Biden.” Officer Dunn told the terrorist, who was wearing a pink MAGA shirt, that he voted for Joe Biden. He asked her, “Does my vote not count? Am I nobody?” She replied with, “You hear that, guys, this n***** voted for Joe Biden!”

First off, they claim nobody voted for Joe Biden and it was all election fraud, but when they’re confronted with someone who says he voted for Joe Biden, they want to kill him. For Trump supporters, voting for Joe Biden is a crime while committing an insurrection to destroy our democracy is not.

Dunn testified after the woman called him the N-word, that about 20 members of the crowd started booing and calling him a “fucking N*****.”

CNN ran the entire hearing uncensored. Later, they ran back audio of the segment uncensored. I saw the clip again on CNN and MSNBC where it was censored, but just the F-word. They still let the N-word fly. I find that puzzling because as you see here, I’m way less terrified of the F-word than I am of the N-word. I will drop “fucks” in here all day but I don’t want to quote someone, even in their own context, using the N-word. Fuck that N-word.

I don’t like the N-word and I’m not comfortable with it. An anchor on Newsmax said he refused to believe Dunn’s testimony without audio. Yeah, it’s incredulous that Trump supporters which consists of Nazis, Klansmen, Proud Boys, Oathkeepers and other various white nationalists, would ever say something racist. Why would racists want to support a guy who defends Nazis and calls out Proud Boys? Sheesh.

Of course, if he had personally heard a Trump supporter saying the N-word at a black cop, he would have found a way to claim it wasn’t racist, like the numerous times they had to defend Donald Trump’s racist remarks.

Other conservatives went after the testimony from Dunn and his fellow officers, calling them “crisis actors.” They went after them for whining about being gang-rushed by white nationalist terrorists. Tucker Carlson called Officer Dunn a “left-wing activist.”

That’s how conservative media presents people who are anti-racism and anti-terrorism. Why, they must be “left-wing activists.” The irony here is that they defend the terrorists as “activists” and “tourists” yet, claim being an activist is a bad thing if it’s from the left.

Every single person who defends the mob is a defender and supporter of racists and terrorists. I’m tired of having to say this, but the people who attacked the Capitol were terrorists. If you’re a Trump supporter, they’re your terrorists. Republicans have even made terrorist Ashli Babbit a martyr for being killed while trying to overturn an election and destroy democracy.

If conservatives really want audio to prove how horrible they are, in case footage of January 6 isn’t enough, they can listen to the voicemail left for officer Michael Fanone while he was testifying. In the voicemail, a racist homophobic (listen to it) Trump supporter says, “I wish they would’ve killed all you scumbags.”

Fanone sustained a traumatic brain injury, a heart attack and a concussion during the attack, and has since been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. Republicans on Twitter called him a “pussy” for this. Keep in mind, Donald Trump hid in a basement when peaceful black protesters were outside the White House.

Officer Dunn was asked if this is America. He said, “Frankly, I guess it is America. It shouldn’t be. But I guess that’s the way things are.” Trump supporters are racist. That’s the way things are.

Dunn said he and the other officers testifying “represent the good side of America, human decency. We appeal to the good in people.”

Republicans appeal to the worst of us. Donald Trump built his political career appealing to hate. His entire tenure in the White House was a shout-out to racists. He spent four years, and continues to do so, playing to white grievances. This has been the strategy of Republicans since they enacted the Southern Strategy for Barry Goldwaters’ presidential campaign in 1964…and they haven’t looked back since.

Republicans are attacking the people trying to defend the nation from terrorists. Republicans are defending the racist terrorists. If the Oklahoma City bombing happened today, Fox News would be telling you Timothy McVeigh was a tourist who lost the keys to his rental van. Despite the van being full of fertilizer explosives, they’d say he wasn’t “armed” because he didn’t have a gun. Fox News and Timothy McVeigh had that in common…they’re both full of shit.

The real crisis actors are the ones pretending Trump supporters would never say anything racist.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Jerko’s Yurchenko


Cjones07302021

I had to look up a few things yesterday to find out what they are. Things like beach handball. I’m still not sure what handball really is, but whatever it is, the beach version is played on a beach. 

Then I had to look up Charlie Kirk. That sounds familiar. What makes him relevant? He’s a 27-year-old Trump supporter who writes a column for Newsweek. Seriously, Newsweek? Why does Newsweek want to distribute the opinion of a 27-year-old white conservative male without any real-world experience who’s an online college dropout? Leave the racist conspiracy theorists to Breitbart, m’kay? 

But, this Charlie Kirk fucknut also has a fucknut podcast for racist Trump-supporting fucknuts which he used yesterday to attack four-time gold medal winner gymnast Simone Biles for dropping out of the team finals at the Olympics. Kirk, who says white privilege is a racist lie, called her “very selfish,” “immature,” “a shame to our country,” and a “sociopath,” which is a word he probably learned from that online college course. He also said, “We are raising a generation of weak people like Simone Biles.”

Dude, first off, white privilege is real. Look at yourself. You’re an uneducated 27-year-old liar with zero life experience.  You’re a racist fuck who’s also a conspiracy theorist, you have your own podcast, write a column for Newsweek, collect a $300,000 salary from chairing your super PAC, and you bought a $855,000 condo in Longboat Key, Florida. You are the poster baby for white privilege. 

My question to Chucky is..can I call you Chucky? I don’t care. My question for Chucky is: How does being a rich privileged college dropout (online college) give you any credentials to understand what Simone Biles, a young black female athlete who’s been a victim of sexual assault, is going through? White privilege is not having to try to understand different perspectives. 

Chucky, are you a weak person for dropping out of online college? Was it immature of you? Selfish? Hey, I’m a college dropout, too, but after I dropped out, I continued to learn. Listening to your bullshit and reading the huge list of conspiracy theories you’ve spread, you haven’t progressed as a human being since you created your racist PAC for Trump while still in high school.

As I mentioned before, I had to research several things I didn’t know yesterday. I discovered there’s a European Handball Federation. I learned the Olympics doesn’t require any athlete to wear bikini bottoms. I also learned that beach handball is not an Olympic sport but will be in 2024 where they will not be forced to wear bikini bottoms. I’m pointing this out because a lot of people think it was the Olympics who went after the Norwegian Beach Handball Team for wearing regular shorts instead of bikini bottoms. I learned all this after coming up with a brilliant cartoon on the Olympics and bikini bottoms for the Norwegian Beach Handball Team…and then tragically learning the cartoon wouldn’t work because the Olympics had nothing to do with it. The entire bikini brouhaha occurred in Bulgaria, which isn’t even close to Tokyo. 

And then I had to research Matt Walsh.

Who is Matt Walsh? Just another racist fuck. What makes him relevant? Well, he’s not relevant enough to have a Wikipedia page but he is relevant enough to have a podcast and occasionally write for the Huffington Post. Can’t news outlets find conservative voices that aren’t sexist racist entitled white conspiracy theorists? Please? What’s that? There are none? Carry on then.

Matt Walsh isn’t even relevant enough to have a Wikipedia page while there are dogs with Wikipedia pages. But to be fair, dogs are better people than people like Matt Walsh. Matt Walsh was so disgusted by Simone Biles for dropping out, that he went on a tweet rampage attacking her. But to be fair, he probably needed a break from tweeting that real men don’t share emojis or cry in public. 

But how upset was he over Simone Biles? He must have felt her dropping out was a personal attack against his manhood (defending manliness is kind of his jam), that he tweeted about her over 30 times. It may have been over 50 but many of his tweets aren’t coherent so it’s hard to tell what he’s ranting about. Simone Biles, emojis, crying men, looking at another man’s wiener at the urinals, brown M&Ms, who knows?

He said Simone was being “selfish” and a “disgrace.” He criticized people who mentioned she was a survivor of sexual assault and claimed people were “inventing excuses on her behalf.” Since he claimed she quit only because she was “sad,” what gives him the right to invent reasons? Matt Walsh is a white male, probably at least in his mid to late 30s (from his photo, I’m being kind), but I can’t be sure since he doesn’t have a Wikipedia page. Also, this guy obsessed with constantly proclaiming his manliness literally has a beard. It’s a known fact that gays don’t have beards. If you ever start to feel some gayness coming on, like your penis moved while seeing Jonathan Van Ness in the Uber Eats commercial with Simone Biles, you can nip it in the bud (only bud nip in a manly platonic way without penetrating fingers) by growing a beard. 

I also had to look up Clay Travis and Buck Sexton. Who are they? They’re a pair of right-wing talk show hosts. They’re like a tag team of stupid. They said, “The blue checks have already rallied to Simone Biles’s defense and said, ‘Oh, it’s so brave.’ Why is this brave? What’s brave about not being brave? Cause that’s what we’re talking about here. This is ‘Oh, you didn’t stand up to the bully?’ So to speak… No, I think that’s the not brave move.” Which one of them said which parts of that exchange? It doesn’t matter. Also, both of these guys have beards. Do you know who doesn’t have beards? Dogs. Fact: Dogs don’t care if you call them gay.

And then there’s Piers Morgan. Oh, you know this is going to be good. Piers, who was rejected by Meghan Markle years ago and then mocked her for claiming racism in Buckingham Palace and for considering suicide, had some opinions on Simone Biles. Oh goody.

Piers tweeted, “Are ‘mental health issues’ now the go-to excuse for any poor performance in elite sport? What a joke. Just admit you did badly, made mistakes, and will strive to do better next time. Kids need strong role models not this nonsense.”

I just researched this and discovered Australian comedian Jim Jefferies has never been a Make-a-Wish kid, but somehow he was still given the wish-come-true of going on national television and telling Piers Morgan to his face to “fuck off.”

I also just researched and discovered John Daniel Davidson, editor of The Federalist and avid scarf wearer, does not have a medical degree (I had to get that from his LinkedIn page as he also doesn’t have a Wikipedia page. Again, dogs, people). Despite being less qualified than Dr. Pepper to diagnose mental health, John Daniel Jingleheimer Schmidt Fucknut Mcscarfy Davidson wrote, “Biles doesn’t suffer from a specific mental illness” and that she’s not “mentally tough.”

But how do these right-wing asshats know she’s not mentally tough? How do they know what she’s going through? How can any of these men, most of them having wealth stacked on top of their white privilege, relate to a young black female who is a victim of a sexual assault? 

Do these armchair warriors understand that gymnastics is actually physically dangerous? I too am guilty of watching sports I only see competed every four years, and then shouting at the TV as if I know what’s going on, but I know I can’t do what I’m watching on TV. I know that, if I got on a skateboard, instead of winning a gold medal like 13-year-old Momiji Nishiya, I’d probably only win a broken leg. Even Olympic table tennis (ping pong) looks physically dangerous to me. I can understand the pressure of a CNN deadline, but I have never faced the pressure of doing a Yurchenko Double Pike Vault on national television with the weight of my team and nation on my shoulders. Also, I have never been a black girl or black woman. This can be proven by looking at the photo on my Wikipedia page (which some dog probably made). 

I think if you’re going to go off in a hateful manner, maybe consider where they are coming from instead of assuming everyone was born with your white privilege. The fact Simone Biles went public about a sexual assault proves she’s tougher than these white conservative privileged men. None of them has ever done anything as tough as that. 

Some of these talking fuckheads claim Simone wouldn’t be receiving praise for removing herself and being honest about her anxieties if she was a man. But would these manly men be attacking Simone if she wasn’t a black female? 

I think before these privileged white men can criticize Simone Biles, they first have to flawlessly perform a Yurchenko Double Pike Vault. Until then, as Jim Jefferies would say, fuck off. 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Vive Le Loser


Cjones07292021

Fact: Mike Pence did nothing…NOTHING…to prevent the United States men’s basketball team from losing to France. Oh, sure. He might give you some weak excuse that there’s nothing in the United State’s Constitution that empowers a vice-president to prevent an Olympic basketball loss, but I think that’s just a poor excuse for being disloyal.

I went to my local post office yesterday. I’ve gotten to know the people who work there. The guy behind the counter asked me if I’ve been watching the Olympics and I told him I have. I’ve watched badminton, horses, diving, volleyball, skateboarding, and the night before, I was watching the USA men’s basketball team take on France. I watched the game while I was eating taquitos at a place down the street and I left during the second period. So, I didn’t finish the game. I asked the mail dude, “How bad did we beat France?”. He said, “France won.” I thought he was fucking with me.

If you had asked me before the game who would win, I would have told you the United States. In fact, I would have told you the USA men’s team would go undefeated and tear through the Olympic tournament. When you look at who we have on our team, that guy from the NBA and that other guy from the NBA…and then there’s that other guy from the NBA, it’s impossible for us to lose. Basketball was invented here and nobody produces players like we do, like that other guy from the NBA. No other nation has as rich of a basketball culture as we do. Based on that, I refuse to believe we lost that game to France.

Also, another reason to refuse to believe we lost to France is because it’s France. We have a basketball culture. They have a culture of cafés, snooty waiters, body odor, mistresses, Jerry Lewis, mimes, croissants, and horny cartoon skunks. They cannot beat us. We’re ‘Murica, baby.

So, based on my feelings and not the scoreboard, we won that game and it was stolen from us. There are a lot of facts to support my belief it was stolen from us. Feel free to make these go viral if you wish.

Fact one: Mike Pence didn’t stop it. He did absolutely nothing to help USA win this game.

Fact two: The scoreboard was plugged into an electrical socket. Do you know what else plugs into sockets? Internet routers. Do you know who else has the internet? Italians. Italy probably used their satellites to beam something (we’re still working on this) back down to Earth (which is flat in red states) into their routers to manipulate the scoreboard.

Fact three: Italy and France share a border which means those two nations are probably a lot closer to each other than either one is to America. Bastards! With your help, we can finally expose this.

Fact four: Nobody knows how many cheeses there are in France. Some say it’s 1,600. Other says it’s over 3,500. I’m not sure how this impacted the game but we have Sidney Powell on it right now.

Fact five: The score of the game, supposedly, is France-83 and USA (God’s country)-76. The year 1776 was the birth of our nation. The Treaty of Paris, officially ending the American Revolution, was signed in…wait for it…1783. By “rigging” the game to end at 83-76, France was mocking us.

Fact six: Spain, who also shares a border with France, was one of the signers of the Treaty of Paris. We beat them in a war, and Spain colonized everything south of our border and gave them the Spanish language, which they’re now attacking our English language with. We’ll get Rudy on this connection. I bet it’s in a laptop someplace.

Fact seven: We got Florida from Spain…and they refuse to take it back.

Fact eight: France invented mistresses and the ménage à trois which was done on purpose to tempt and destroy Donald Trump. But the joke’s on you, France, because Republicans are hypocrites and they don’t care if Donald Trump violates every single belief they’ve been promoting for the past seven decades. So, HA-HA!

Fact nine: France refused to help us invade the wrong country after 9/11. And they had the gall to even criticize it. Plus, they raised tariffs on French fries, French toast, and French bulldogs.

Fact ten: After World War II, France chased out all the Vichy French which makes France Antifa.

Fact eleven: France invented democracy which stole the election from Trump.

Fact twelve: This is all we need to prove the game was rigged against us. The athletes playing for France…I hope you’re sitting down for this…are not American citizens. I checked and I’m pretty sure France is an entirely different country. This is going to surprise you Trumpers, but it’s also on a different continent. Can they legally play basketball against the United States? Didn’t anyone check their IDs before the game. Those players probably prefer France over America too.

This is probably the biggest scandal since Watergate and is the crime of the century. What we need to do is have the score audited by Cyber Ninjas (not real Ninjas because they’re from Japan, which I’ve been told is also a completely different country from us where English is not the most common language. Heathens). I’m sure they can multitask and do it while recounting the Arizona ballots. They should probably be nearly finished auditing those ballots anyway since the election was nine months ago and they’ve been counting for three.

After Cyber Ninjas (not the ninjas from Asia, where covid was manufactured with Dr. Fauci at a Chinese Wendy’s) finishes their scoreboard audit, several months from now, and they deliver the results we want, the USA men’s basketball team will be reinstated as gold medal winners. And if we don’t get what we want, then we’ll storm the Olympics and stop the steal. Who cares if the Olympics is contaminated with covid. People who love ‘Murica and Lee Greenwood songs ain’t afraid of a little covid.

Anything we lose that we don’t want to lose shouldn’t be counted. That’s how democracy is supposed to work. And if we can’t win the game, then let’s change the rules. We can start by putting the baskets for black French players in hard-to-reach places where nobody wants to go, like Idaho. We can also demand every French player have an American ID. And, if they’re not American, then they can’t get an American ID. Also, nobody is allowed to give them water or Gatorade during timeouts. Finally, all scoring is to be tabulated only by English-speaking Americans who would never eat little thin pancakes (God hates tiny pancakes).

By the way, did you know Larry Bird is from a town in Indiana called FRENCH Lick? The conspiracy widens.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Bezos and Bozos


CNN07252021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I really wish Jeff Bezos would have been greeted as he stepped out of his phallus-shaped rocket by a prankster in an ape costumer wearing a tie and a Blue Origin shirt.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Happy Dance


Cjones07282021

A lot of Republicans’ logic for believing Donald Trump won the election is because he had rallies with thousands of people and Joe Biden did not. They are using desires instead of facts to support their beliefs, but there is a great explanation as to why Joe Biden can win an election without holding massive campaign rallies.

The very simple reason why Joe Biden won the election is because the people who voted for him aren’t in a cult. Have you seen political rallies that were not Trump rallies? If so, compare the way they look to Trump rallies. The MAGAts come out emblazoned with Trump gear, professing their love for Donald Trump, as if he’s the Second Coming. Trust me on this, Trump supporters, it’s not a good look.

President Joe Biden won the election because more people in this country voted for him. Just because you can fill up an arena with 15,000 morons doesn’t mean you have the majority of the country. We outnumber you idiots. There’s just enough of you to embarrass us internationally.

I’ve seen Trumpers say, “I refuse to believe more people would vote for Biden instead of Trump.” But why is that so hard to believe? More people voted against him in 2016 too. Even George W. Bush won the popular vote at least once.

You can support a politician without flying multiple giant flags on the back of your monster truck. We don’t need to wear Biden hats or shirts on a daily basis. We don’t leave campaign signs in our yard year-round. This is the kind of shit MAGAts do. The MAGAts believe they are part of a movement and their wearing it is a display of this movement. It’s not a movement. It’s a cult. When we see you parading around in your Trump gear and flying MAGA flags off your vehicles, we are not impressed. You look pathetic.

The Republican Party is a cult. It’s a cult that’s against vaccine passports while requiring a loyalty oath to Trump. They say, “Nobody should be forced to take a vaccine.” I don’t think anyone should be forced to take a loyalty oath.

Every GOP candidate for 2022 is running, not on a conservative or Republican platform, but on a Trump platform. What’s in the Trump platform? Just Trump. You have to praise Trump to be a member of today’s GOP. I really hope the Democrats retain control of Congress next year because there will probably be more GOP representatives who are members of Qanon.

Congressional Republicans want House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy to punish colleagues Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger for accepting positions on the January 6 Committee from House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi. Pelosi vetoed two of McCarthy’s picks who were Trump loyalists. Cheney and Kinzinger also voted to impeach Donald Trump. And in case your memory needs refreshing, the GOP caucus has already punished Liz Cheney by removing her from a leadership position and giving it to a Trump cultist.

This movement started with the Freedom Caucus, who are a bunch of extreme right-wing hateful fucks. But now it’s spreading throughout the more mainstream body of House Republicans. But it’s not just the extreme portion of the party that’s living outside reality. It’s not just the extreme portion demanding subservience to Trump.

When you are demanding that Trump be reinstated…just given the presidency, then you’re loyalty is not to the United States or the Constitution. Congratulations. You’re in a cult.

Republicans are worried vaccines are a method for the government to control you. They’re afraid of “vaccine passports,” and Tucker Carlson has compared them to Jim Crow laws. Others have compared them to the Holocaust and the branding of Jews by Nazi Germany. And yet, their unquestioned loyalty to Donald Trump is comparable to the loyalty Nazis demanded for Hitler. They have been controlled by their cult to fear monger that vaccines will control you. Once again, conservatives fail with irony.

I took the vaccine, yet I don’t sense a loyalty to the government. I still question the government. I voted for Joe Biden and there are issues I question him on. I have a vaccine card but nobody has tried to control me with it except the New York Yankees. Amtrak didn’t ask to see a vaccination card. My hotel in New York didn’t ask to see one. No establishment between Virginia, Washington, or New York City has asked to see my vaccination card…except the New York Yankees.

Come to think of it, I do have a Yankees cap…and a shirt, even while I’m also a Cubs fan. Oh, crap. I’m being controlled and may be in a cult. Have I been brainwashed to believe you can’t get a better hot dog than the ones at Yankee Stadium? But, if asked, I couldn’t name one Yankees player. I suck at cults.

I don’t think we should force people to take vaccines…but I do believe we should force Republicans to dance. No, not the happy dance. Each time one of them says something that’s not true, they should be forced to do the Little-Wrong-Man Dance. That’s something we had in our family but looking back, it never worked with us either.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Roughs, Volume 99


Hello, my friends and dear readers. Each of these was drawn the week before last in Procreate on the iPad and there is a video for them. Enjoy the mayhem and sloppiness.

Rough1293

I love sharks and in celebration of Shark Week, which I always forget, I give you this.

Rough1292

I gave CNN the choice between the first ugly Trump shark and the second. And these truly are some ugly sharks. CNN chose the second and since I had a lot more room, I threw in more remoras. Now, I am afraid to go into the water because if any sharks saw these cartoons comparing them to Trump, yeah, I’m shark bait.

I did watch a bit of Shark Week, but I could only take so much. I love sharks and learning stuff, but I seemed to have caught it when they were mostly showing people being eaten by sharks. 

Rough1291

The only problem with Donald Trump denying he’d ever make a coup attempt is the fact he literally made a coup attempt. He is a tin-pot banana republic dictator wannabe. Telling people you’re going to be “reinstated,” which is not a thing in this country, is something a person says who doesn’t have any regard for the Constitution. It’s also something someone says if he’s a moron.

Rough1290

Donald Trump said General Mark Milley, who was worried Trump would attempt a coup, is the last person he’d ever commit a coup with. That defense is like O.J.’s book where he writes how he could have murdered his wife, “if” he was the real killer, or when Trump says he didn’t sexually assault someone because he doesn’t find her attractive.

Rough1289

I thought this cartoon would have worked out pretty well and would have been fun to draw.

Rough1288

This cartoon could have 1,000 panels. Yes, Donald. You look like all of the above.

Rough1287

Naturally, when choosing people to commit coups with, don’t pick the guy who doesn’t like Nazis.

Rough1286

Trump, like all Nazis, doesn’t like General Milley.

Rough1285

On a slow day, even when algorithms are fucking with me, I can get at least 50 Facebook shares of a cartoon. This one didn’t even get 20. I know it’s not a bad cartoon (the finished version). The thing that gets me is, there are not enough people who cared about this issue. That kinda messes with me.

Rough1284

I almost did this cartoon last week but other things got in before it. I’m writing this blog on Saturday, July 17, and plan to wait at least a few days before publishing. So, I may still draw this Ted Cruz cartoon. Update: It’s now July 25 and I still haven’t done this cartoon. I still may unless another cartoonist comes in, sees this, goes “Bwahahahahahaha,” and steals it. 

Which of these roughs are your faves? 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Florida Hurdles


Cjones07272021

With all the talk about canceling the Olympics because of Covid, maybe we should cancel Florida?

Remember when Florida was the Republican success story? Florida’s stupid racist governor Ron DeSantis was loud and proud about disregarding CDC health guidelines and going after local governments for implementing social distancing and mask guidelines. Republicans loved to point him out in contrast to Andrew Cuomo and New York.

While New York had the highest numbers in the country at the state of the pandemic, its governor was the one official being straight with the American people at that time. We weren’t getting straight answers from Donald Trump telling us to use hydroxychloroquine and bleach…and we weren’t getting it from Ron DeSantis.

Florida leads the nation in new cases of coronavirus and its idiotic racist governor, Ron DeStupid, is promising there won’t be any lockdowns or mask mandates. He’s claiming his state will have a “normal” school year and there won’t be any requirements for students or teachers to wear face masks.

He said, “We’re not doing that in Florida. Ok? We need our kids to breathe. Is it really healthy for them to be muzzled and having their breathing obstructed all day long in school? I don’t think it is.” I don’t think DeSantis understands how face masks work.

Two things I don’t trust Republicans with are science and education. Who am I kidding? I don’t trust them with anything.

Face masks are not muzzles, like DeSantis wants for black voters, Black Lives Matter protesters, or anyone trying to teach critical race theory.

Also, DeSantis, you can breathe in a face mask. What you’re thinking of is being unable to breathe every time you shove your face up Donald Trump’s ass.

Dr. Frederick Southwick, an infectious disease expert in Gainesville said, “It’s past time for him (DeSantis) to quit his act that Florida won the pandemic.”

Dr. Bernard Ashby, a vascular cardiologist based in Miami and Florida State Lead for the Committee to Protect Health Care, said, “If DeSantis were as concerned about stopping Covid-19 spread as he was about coming up with these clever jabs at Dr. Fauci we might not be in this position.”

With the exception of Iowa and Nebraska, the top 25 states (and Washington, D.C.) in vaccination rates are states that voted for Joe Biden. Florida is currently at 26, yet it has the third-highest population in the nation.

I think I’d feel a lot safer in Tokyo than in Florida, but that’d also be in the case while we’re not in a pandemic. At the very least, you have a much lower chance of being a victim of a mass shooting in Japan than you do in DeSantis’ Florida.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Republican Confessions


Cjones07262021

Republicans will usually pick a lie, or rather a stream of bullshit, if you will…and stick to it for a few decades, like trickle-down theory. They don’t usually fold and collapse on a lie within a year and a half. But that’s exactly what they’re doing regarding vaccines.

Republican bullshit is inconsistent as well. Since President Biden came into office, they’ve been attacking vaccines as unsafe and the product of an overreaching tyrannical government gone wild while at the same time, demanding that everyone thank Donald Trump for giving us the vaccines. Trust me on this, Donald Trump didn’t give us the vaccines. Donald Trump is more the type who will give you something that will require you take a vaccine to kill it later.

But as I was saying, GOP bullshit is inconsistent. Right now at this very moment, a majority of Republicans believe there was massive election fraud in the 2020 election which switched ballots from Trump to Joe Biden, yet they don’t question the very same ballots for Republican victories in other offices. Maybe instead of checking Arizona ballots for traces of bamboo, they should be looking for White-Out.

But after months and months of being anti-vaxxers, Republicans are finally on board and are stressing that everyone should get the vaccine. They’re even pushing it on Fox News. Hell, even Sean Hannity is pushing it. That’s like Hannity admitting Earth isn’t flat. Wow!

Steve Scalise, the number two Republican moron in the House, did a photo-op this week of himself getting the vaccine. Scalise was eligible for the vaccine for the past six months, but hey…better late than stupid…or something like that. This is the same guy who nearly lost his life to gun violence who is still doing all he can to protect gun violence.

Why are Republicans, most of them, now promoting the vaccine after spending months of spreading misinformation? Because the delta variant is sweeping across the country, and with only 48 percent vaccinated, it may hit us hard. It may lead back to mask mandates. It may lead to another shutdown.

Or, it may lead to shutdowns only in places where the delta variant hits. Guess where it’s hitting. It’s hitting places where vaccination rates are low. Hmmmm…now where could those places be?

Over 86 percent of Democrats have received at least one shot. Only 52 percent of Republicans have taken at least one shot. In counties that voted for Joe Biden, 47 percent of the population have been vaccinated. In counties that went stupid, for Trump, only 35 percent have been vaxxed.

The numbers for infected are spiking again, and they’re spiking in places like Arkansas, Missouri, and…wait for it…Florida. They’re hitting Trump states.

Florida was the GOP success story. The state and its racist governor, Ron DeSantis, disregarded health guidelines recommended by the Centers for Disease Control. Large cities in the state followed guidelines, which kept infected numbers down, which the DeStupid took credit for while banning local governments from issuing mask mandates. Now his state is one of the hardest being hit and he’s pushing for vaccinations.

Republicans were faced with pissing off their base by promoting vaccines or watching their base die…literally. The Republican Party politicized the virus and campaigned for months to make it partisan and now…guess what. They succeeded and made it partisan. The virus is only killing Republicans. Good job, numbnuts.

But since Republicans are coming clean and finally admitting vaccines work, they should come clean on a bunch of other shit too, like tax cuts for the rich won’t increase deficits or that trickle-down works. How about financing two wars with tax cuts? Shouldn’t you guys admit the truth about this kind of stuff?

Oh yeah, how about climate change? The sun is being blocked out in Iceland from fires in western North America. You can literally see climate change. Admit it’s real and then, I don’t know…do something about it?

How about admitting you’re only changing voting laws because you can’t win elections anymore? Tell us the truth, assholes. You can admit that black lives matter…and maybe say it without the racist “all lives matter” bullshit. While we’re on the subject of race and civil rights, stop freaking out about critical race theory and trans athletes. Maybe admit your bathroom bills were homophobic hater bills.

Admit you never really cared about family values or evangelical stuff. Supporting Donald Trump just made you all a bunch of hypocrites. Stop attacking Dr. Fauci and making him public enemy number one.

Since it only took six months for Steve Scalise to get vaccinated, ask him about gun control. He’s had four years since he was shot so maybe now he can reconsider his stance on the issue.

Oh yeah…here’s a doozy: Trump lost.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Flinging With Kevin


Cjones07252021

Kevin McCarthy says he wants to find all the facts of the January 6 insurrection at the U.S. Capitol but he can’t trust a partisan committee of Democrats, so he’s going to create a partisan committee of Republicans.

The first time the Democrats tried to create a committee to investigate what happened on January 6, they consulted with Republicans before they held a vote. Kevin McCarthy demanded equal representation on the committee with full subpoena power. He got that. But since he never wanted an investigation in the first place, his party still voted against the committee. Do you know what they called a committee with an even number of Democrats and Republicans with both having full subpoena power? They called it “partisan.”

The vote passed the House for that commission, but Republicans in the Senate killed it, thanks to the filibuster bullshit Joe Manchin won’t get rid of. Since Democrats control the House, Nancy Pelosi decided to take matters into her own hands and create a House Commission…and she still invited Republicans. In fact, she even gave one of the Democratic seats to a Republican.

But this time, since Republicans rejected the committee that gave them everything they demanded, Pelosi decided this one would have eight Democratic appointments and five from Republicans. So while Kevin is screaming the committee is partisan, it’s really not. But, in order to avoid Republican bullshit as much as she can, she gave herself the power to veto any of Kevin McCarthy’s picks. That was a smart move on her part.

At first, Kevin said he wouldn’t appoint anyone to the committee and warned that if any Republicans joined, then he would strip them of all committee assignments. Then, he changed his mind and set out to select five goons, er, Republicans to sit on the fact-finding committee. Kevin appointed Rodney Davis, Kelly Armstrong, and Troy Nehls, with only Nehls of the three not voting to certify the election.

But, he also appointed Jim Banks and Donald Trump’s favorite poo-flinging monkey, Jim Jordan. McCarthy’s intention was to seat members who would deflect and distract during testimonies. Basically, fling poo.

Surprise! Nancy Pelosi rejected Banks and Jordan. McCarthy responded by pulling all five of his members from the committee and said, “Unless Speaker Pelosi reverses course and seats all five Republican nominees, Republicans will not be party to their sham process and will instead pursue our own investigation of the facts.”

First off, Kevin…what are you threatening with? What do you have?

Second, you don’t put fuckers like Banks and Jordan on a committee when you’re trying to find facts. Nancy was right to pull those two members.

Before his selection, Jim Banks said the committee to investigate what happened on January 6 at the U.S. Capitol shouldn’t have anything to do with investigating what happened on January 6 at the U.S. Capitol. Later, he said the committee should investigate what President Biden had to do with the attack and why he didn’t stop it. Joe Biden was NOT President when the attacked happened. That’s some serious gaslighting.

Jim Jordan, like Banks, voted against certifying the election. During a speech on January 6, Jim Jordan said he would never be convinced Joe Biden won the election because Trump had a lot of people at his rallies and Biden rarely left his house to campaign. So sure, let’s put the guy on the committee who would rather go with his gut than election results.

Jim Jordan also coordinated with Donald Trump in trying to stop certifying the election and with spreading the Big Lie that he won. Trump gave Jim Jordan a fucking medal for his gaslighting and lying about the election.

You cannot put people on a fact-finding committee who believe they are entitled to their own facts. You also shouldn’t put people on a committee who may be witnesses. Hell, you shouldn’t let a witness select members of the committee.

Jim Jordan should be subpoenaed to testify. He says he talks to Donald Trump weekly. Kevin McCarthy was on the phone with Trump during the insurrection, so he’s a witness too.

The one Republican on the committee, Liz Cheney, slapped Jim Jordan’s hand on January 6 during the insurrection and told him, “You fucking did this.”

Republicans cry that this commission is only out to get Donald Trump. That’s like whining the O.J. trial was only out to get O.J.

McCarthy whined, “This represents an egregious abuse of power and will irreparably damage this institution,” he said in his statement. “Denying the voices of members who have served in the military and law enforcement, as well as leaders of standing committees, has made it undeniable that this panel has lost all legitimacy and credibility and shows the Speaker is more interested in playing politics than seeking the truth.” But you don’t seek the truth with people like Jim Banks and Jim Jordan.

The attack on the Capitol was conducted by Trump supporters. This is a fact. They were white nationalists. That is another fact. They made a bee line from a Trump rally to the Capitol after Trump told them to. We have it on tape. They were not welcomed into the Capitol by the police with hugs and kisses as Donald Trump claims. They broke through police lines, beat cops with flag poles, pipes, batons and other weapons, while spraying them with bear spray. They climbed in through broken windows, stomped on police, shit and pissed in the hallways, and even bit one cop’s fingers off. Over 300 Proud Boys were involved, wearing bullet proof vests, military helmets, and coordinating through walkie-talkies. Some were carrying nooses while screaming to hang Mike Pence. Some had Confederate and Neo-Nazi flags. And of course, there were Trump and MAGA flags. And Republicans don’t want to get to the bottom of any of this.

McCarthy says the committee needs to find out why Pelosi failed in protecting the Capitol, yet during the insurrection, he was on a phone pleading with Donald Trump to send the National Guard…which Trump ignored for hours. He doesn’t want to investigate that?

The hearings start on July 27 and the first four witnesses are Capitol Police officers who were injured during the attack. Republicans don’t want to hear their testimony. Other witnesses should be Jim Jordan, Kevin McCarthy, Ivanka Trump and chief-of-staff Mark Meadows, who kept sending Ivanka to plead with her father to call the rioters off.

Others who witnessed Trump in the White House that day include Keith Kellogg, Eric Herschmann, Dan Scavino, Kayleigh McEnany, Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump Jr, Eric Trump, and Kimberly Guilfoyle. They should all receive subpoenas to testify. So should Mike Pence, who Trump orderd to come to the White House so he could order him to overturn the election. John Eastman and Mo Brooks, who both spoke at the rally on January 6, should also be made to testify.

During the attack, McCarthy was on the phone with Trump. Trump told him the attackers were Antifa. After McCarthy assured him they were indeed Trump supporters, Trump said, “Well, Kevin, I guess these people are more upset about the election than you are.”

McCarthy knows the truth but he doesn’t want it revealed. He’s like a victim of spousal abuse telling the cops nothing happened and he just clumsily walked into the wall again. Oddly enough, his refusal to participate may be the best thing he can do for our country.

Now, without McCarthy’s poo-flinging monkeys on board, this committee can get to the bottom of the attack on the Capitol by Trump’s MAGA terrorists.

Thank you, Nancy Pelosi, for rejecting the poo-flinging monkeys.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Bezos’ Randy Rocket


Cjones07242021

Yesterday, Jeff Bezos inspired the world. If one phallic-looking human being can put a phallic-looking rocket into space for three minutes, imagine what non-phallic-looking humans can do. And if any aliens were on their way to our planet while that rocket was…entering…space, they probably turned around.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a day ahead of everyone else…or at least schmoes on social media. I posted a YouTube clip of the running gag in the Austin Powers movies about how Dr. Evil’s rocket looks like a penis. The only reactions it received were, “Huh?”. And then yesterday after Bezo’s rocket went off, social media lit up with, “Oh my god, that looks like a dick.” Maybe nobody was paying attention to what was about to happen until it happened. Personally, if a flying penis is about to take to the skies, I want to know about it ahead of time.

Two things I was very impressed by was the landing of the rocket right back to its launch pad and that the media could spend hours covering it without once mentioning it’s shaped like a giant scrotum. Most men needing to overcompensate buy sports cars, or really large trucks, or a shit-load of guns to strap to themselves so everyone can see their entire gun collection while shopping for dental at Walmart for their one tooth. Most men don’t overcompensate shoot themselves into space inside a rocket literally shaped like a dick.

My colleagues spent yesterday struggling to find a way to put a dick joke in a cartoon that could get past editors. I saw a few good ones that weren’t too dirty, but probably still won’t be published anywhere other than social media. That goes for this one. Editors probably won’t even read this cartoon and kill it just from the image of the phallic-shaped rocket…while running photos of the phallic-shaped rocket on their front page. The only thing more vulgar would be running photos of Rand Paul on the front page.

If Billionaire Bezos really wanted his rocket to look like a penis, it would have looked like Rand Paul. Why? Because Rand Paul is a dick, a wanker, a scrotum face, a wiener, a dork, a froto, a donger, a knob, a tool, a mushroom head, a Mr. Knish, a schlong dongadoodle, a mutton flap, a pecker head, a prick, a ramburglar, a rod, and a walking fuck stick. Rand Paul is a cock. Even Republicans think Rand Paul is a one-eyed-monster with a nutsack full of bullshit.

During a Senate hearing yesterday, Rand Paul once again went after Dr. Anthony Fauci. Rand Paul, a self-certified eye doctor who looks like he cuts his own hair with an angry aardvark clashed with Dr. Fauci, the nation’s top infectious diseases expert. Rand Paul was certified to be an eye doctor by a board he created and stocked with relatives. Jeff Bezos is more qualified to call himself an astronaut than Rand Paul is qualified to call himself a doctor.

Rand Paul has been a conspiracy theorist and covid denier since covid came about. He continues being a covid denier despite the fact he had covid. While waiting for results after taking a covid test, Rand Paul continued creeping through the halls of Congress knowing full well he could be infecting others with covid. As it turned out, he was positive for covid. I told you he’s a dick. Now, he claims he has lifetime immunity from covid and he’s qualified to say this because…he’s an eye doctor?

Rand Paul accused Dr. Fauci of lying about our nation, under his direction, funding a lab in Wuhan, China and it’s gain-of-function research. The man who risked infecting others has a lot of gall accusing anyone of spreading the virus. It’s shit like this that’s why people physically assault Rand Paul.

Gain-of-function is research that alters a disease, organism, or a virus, increasing it’s pathogenesis, making it more transmittable, and increasing its range. The intention is to be able to predict future diseases and to develop vaccines. What Rand Paul was doing was accusing Dr. Fauci of helping Wuhan create a deadly virus on purpose, then unleashing it unto the world. He accused Dr. Fauci of perjury and the murder of millions. Did I mention Rand Paul is a dick?

Even if the virus escaped from a lab, there’s no evidence, and probably never will be, that it was artificially created. But, it’s a juicy talking point for dickhead conspiracy theorists.

What evidence does Rand Paul have of this? None. Rand Paul has cited a study that as Dr. Fauci points out, is about a different type of virus not responsible for the coronavirus pandemic. What Rand Paul is doing would be like comparing Cheerio’s to Fruity Pebbles and claiming all cereal will turn your milk into a rainbow color. If Rand Paul ate Alpha-Bits cereal, it would probably spell out “cock.”

During yesterday’s hearing, Paul asked Dr. Fauci, that since it’s a crime to lie to Congress, if he’d like to retract his statement from a previous hearing where Fauci claimed our government didn’t fund gain-of-research conducted in a Wuhan lab. Dr. Fauci said, “Senator Paul, I have never lied before the Congress and I do not retract that statement.”

Paul kept interrupting Fauci. And when Rand Paul’s time expired and the chair allowed Dr. Fauci to answer Paul’s last question, Paul kept interrupting.

Dr. Fauci did not retract his statement that our government did not fund Wuhan research to create a deadly virus. He also put on the record, “Senator Paul, you do not know what you’re talking about, quite frankly. And I want to say that officially. You do not know what you are talking about.”

It’s official. Rand Paul does not know what he’s talking about.

Dr. Fauci summed it up with, “If anybody is lying here, senator, it is you.”

Rand Paul is lying. That’s what Republicans do. That’s what dicks do. Rand Paul is only grandstanding to the Republican base that’s politicized the virus and has made Dr. Fauci public enemy number one. It’s an added bonus to the racism of blaming Chinese people. Rand Paul is also grandstanding by threatening Dr. Fauci with a criminal referral. What’s criminal is that Rand Paul can call himself a doctor and a United States senator.

I’d like to make a referral and put on the record that Rand Paul is a dick.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: