Stick Your Neck Out For The Live Blog


CNNrough992

Hey, kids.

If you follow me on social media, then you already know what’s up on election night. But in case you only keep up with me here, how dare you.

You may recall that in 2016, I live blogged the election. What’s a live blog? It’s where I stay up all night long and draw sketches and provide witty commentary as news breaks. It’s something I did quite a few times for The Free Lance-Star when I worked for them. It was so popular, that even after they laid me off, they asked me to come back for one night only to do the live blog.

This year, I’ll be doing it live from Washington, DC. I’ll actually be right around the corner from Lafayette Square where Donald Trump had peaceful protesters teargassed.

I have drawn up to 20 cartoons during a live blog in the past. In 2018, I did 15 cartoons for a live blog covering the midterms (And I nearly lost my mind because the internet went out during). How many will I draw this year? I don’t know. I’m going to wing it. I often find I draw some crap with one or two gems standing out. How will the cartoons look?

I was goofing off today and drew a couple of previews. They’re going to look something like the one above and the one below.

CNNrough993

The live blog will be on my Facebook and Twitter accounts. It will also be here. I haven’t decided yet how exactly I’ll do it but I think each post will be its own separate post.

Tag along and watch me cover history. I can’t drink during the night, but that’s not stopping you.

Ice Ice Omaha


cjones11012020

When a politician campaigns in a city, it’s best for him or her not to piss on the crowd who attend their event. For example: Don’t say, “It’s wonderful to be back in one of my favorite cities, Cleveland” when you’re actually in Columbus.

Another good idea of what not to do is bus your people in and then after the event, just forget about ’em. Screw them. They’re on their own. We got what we came for which was a screaming hate mob. On to the next super-spreader event.

The Trump rally held a campaign event in Omaha which on its own is significant in itself. Why is the Republican nominee campaigning in Omaha in the last week before the election. In case you are a Republican who does not live in Omaha, Omaha is in Nebraska. Nebraska is a red state. But, Nebraska splits the electoral votes. Two of the votes are at large (In case you’re a Republican, “at large” means they’re for the entire state) and one for each of the state’s Congressional districts, of which there are three (in case you’re a Republican, one plus one plus one equals three). Donald Trump will win Nebraska but in a losing campaign where he needs to fight for every single electoral vote he can possibly get, he visited Omaha for that split electoral vote.

And how many votes did the Trump campaign travel to Omaha to campaign for? One. Just one electoral vote. That’s how much trouble Donald Trump is in. Donald Trump is in so much danger of losing this election that he’s campaigning in Nebraska. Joe Biden was in Georgia, a red state, this week. His campaign is hitting Texas and Arizona, states Hillary Clinton and President Obama had zero chances in. Joe Biden will probably carry Arizona and come close in Georgia and Texas. Meanwhile, Donald Trump is in Omaha.

But maybe while asking for that one electoral vote, you don’t murder the people you need it from…or at least not before the election. What does Donald Trump care if they die from covid after Election Day? Phhhttt!!!

The Trump Campaign has not been holding many events in stadiums and arenas where they used to lie about the attendance numbers. Now, they hold most of them at airports…where they lie about the attendance numbers. Donald Trump can get off the plane, ramble off a bunch of bullshit and racist dog whistles, then just hop back onto his plane. This is very nice for Donald Trump as he’s actually been bitching at these rallies about having to campaign. But at least as soon as the hate rally is over, he can get back on the plane with his KFC and crank up the heat.

This is very convenient for Donald Trump. For his rally attendees, not so much.

If you know a Trump supporter, I’m so sorry. But, if you know one who attended the hate rally in Omaha, you might want to check up on them and make sure they’re not still stranded on a tarmac freezing their nuts off. The one positive about this is: If they are a Trump supporter, there’s not much to freeze off.

Since Donald Trump holds his hate rallies on airport tarmacs now, people can’t park near them. No, you can’t park on an airport runway. There are planes there and in Omaha, people are in those planes desperately trying to get out of Omaha.

So what the Trump Campaign does is bus people in. The MAGAts park at a parking lot and then MAGAt buses pick them up and bus them to the hate rally. After the rally, the MAGAts buses take them back. Or at least that’s the idea. It’d probably be nice if it worked out that way…other than everyone catching covid from each other on the buses.

In Omaha, the MAGAts froze. What happened was…Donald Trump ranted and raved for about an hour on the airport tarmac while the temperature was dropping. Then, Cheeto got back on Air Force One with his bucket, cranked up the heat, and got the hell out of Omaha. It took minutes.

Then his people, the MAGAts, who believe the billionaire Manhattan penthouse-living orange shitgibbon is one of them and cares about them so much, waited in below-freezing weather for buses that would not come.

One person who drove four hours to attend the event (why would anyone do that?) decided to walk back to his car…which was three miles away. Most of them stayed and waited for the buses and over 30 of them had to be taken to the hospital which they’ll probably have to return to because they caught covid at the hate rally.

So you didn’t get a wall paid for by Mexico, but you did catch hypothermia with a side of covid. How lovely. Four more years?

A Trump Campaign spokesgoon said that “President (sic) Trump loves his supporters”…whom they left stranded in the freezing cold. The campaign said it provided tents, heaters, hot cocoa and hand warmers at the departure location. Which departure location? The parking lot where their cars were? Thanks.

Donald Trump does NOT care about you. If he did, he wouldn’t be holding these super-spreader events during a pandemic. Once again: Donald Trump only cares about Donald Trump. This is a man who charges us for the water he drinks at his own resort. Seriously.

Donald Trump withheld information about how contagious the virus is while he was telling us it would soon go away. He claimed it would just “disappear.” His goon-in-law, Jared, said they planned for the governors to do all the heavy lifting, for them to take the blame when people died, and for Trump to take the credit when the nation reopened. Maybe Jared can blame Joe Biden for not providing buses in Omaha. Do you know who I didn’t see driving a bus in Omaha? Hunter Biden! So if you lose a toe in Omaha, blame the Bidens.

Over 230,000 people have died from this virus, including Herman Cain, a Trump supporter and friend who caught it at one of his rallies. Nearly 9 million people in this nation have caught the Trump Virus and Donald Trump only cared about one of them. What makes you think he cares about you? What makes you think Donald Trump cares if you catch the virus and die from it? What makes you think Donald Trump cares if you freeze your shitweasel giblets off on a tarmac in Omaha? He doesn’t. He has literally told his rally attendees, at his rallies, that he’d rather not be there. They cheer. It sucks being here with you. Yeah, Trump!!!

But after four years, if you’re a Trump supporter, you’re not going to get that message. You’ll keep drinking the Kool-Aid…even if you have to chip at it.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Tipsy For Trump


cjones10312020

There is nothing in the Constitution that says every vote must be counted on Election Day. In fact, there’s nothing in the Constitution that says every vote must be delivered by Election Day.

For years, military and mail-in ballots have arrived AFTER Election Day. Now, late ballots are an issue. Now, every vote won’t count. Why? Because once again, the Republicans are trying to steal an election. Again, Republicans are cheating.

Mitch McConnell said new Supreme Court justice Amy Coney Barrett will be a “political asset” during the election. So are the other two Trump appointees. The Supreme Court voted this week to reject ballots if they don’t arrive at a time that’s convenient for Donald Trump.

The vote wasn’t about being late or election security. It wasn’t about democracy. It wasn’t about every vote counting. It was about rejecting votes that will go against Donald Trump.

For months, Donald Trump has been screaming that we should stop counting after Election Day. He’s wailed that any votes arriving after shouldn’t be counted. He’s even said it should be illegal. Since when?

The Supreme Court ruled that late-arriving ballots in Wisconsin are not to be accepted. Why? Because it would be inconvenient to “flip” an election. This majority opinion, representing FIVE Supreme Court justices, was written by Trump appointee Brett Kavanaugh who’s totally trying to rape this election.

Kavanaugh wrote wrote that Election Day mail-in deadlines were devised “to avoid the chaos and suspicions of impropriety that can ensue if thousands of absentee ballots flow in after Election Day and potentially flip the results of an election.”

The Constitution does not guarantee a chaos-free election. So basically, we shouldn’t give the election to the rightful winner if it causes “chaos.” We should give the election to the person who received fewer votes because giving it to the rightful winner may cause some anxiety. Someone may get a rumbly tummy.

Dumbass with the bad haircut also wrote, “Those states also want to be able to definitively announce the results of the election on election night, or as soon as possible thereafter.” That sounds familiar. It’s like I’ve heard that stupid-ass argument before, but louder and shouted at a super-spreader event.

Hours before the ruling, Donald Trump tweeted election officials “must have final total on November 3rd,” alleging without evidence that there are “big problems” with mail-in ballots. Twitter later labeled that tweet bullshit, but Brett Kavanaugh didn’t.

Kavanaugh let Trump’s idiotic tweet guide his writing hand. If you don’t have all the ballots, then you don’t call the election. How can you “flip” an election that hasn’t been called yet? And this was the argument for the majority…the smartest legal minds in the nation? I call bullshit on that too.

There is another case involving late ballots in Pennsylvania that will be ruled on by this Republican “political asset” we call the “Supreme Court.” And Donald Trump said he wants a nine-member court for when he challenges the election, pretty much admitting he expects to lose.

Donald Trump will rightly lose this election but he may not leave the White House…ever. Not if Brett Kavanaugh and the other Trump flunkies have any say about it.

It should also be noted this shitty ruling was BEFORE Amy Coney Barrett was placed on the bench.

Justice Elena Kagan wrote the dissenting opinion saying, “There are no results to ‘flip’ until all valid votes are counted.”

She also wrote, “Nothing could be more suspicious or improper than refusing to tally votes once the clock strikes 12 on election night. To suggest otherwise, especially in these fractious times, is to disserve the electoral process.”

Kagan is right but Republicans, the Conservative majority, and Donald Trump doesn’t care about “disserving” the electoral process. It’s their very intention.

Over 70 million people have already voted with a large majority of them being Democratic voters. How many will be thrown out because of this corrupt Supreme Court?

Kavanaugh, Barrett, Gorsuch and the rest of the majority will disservice the electoral process because they’re all in service to Donald Trump.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

The Trust-Fund Baby Speaketh


cjones10302020

These people can not see themselves. First off, they can’t see they’re someplace they don’t belong.

Nepotism has run rampant throughout the lives of Javanka. It would most likely not be rich if it wasn’t born rich. It would not be in the White House or government service if its father and father-in-law was not president. To be fair, maybe Javanka could have qualified for a job at the DMV.

Javanka is tone deaf and obtuse. Ivanka sat down at the president’s (sic) seat at an international summit oblivious to how it would look…or she just didn’t care. Javanka made sure its faces were photographed creepily staring out of Buckingham Palace. Ivanka made sure to skip over the demilitarized zone into North Korea…despite there being prohibitions against it. Javanka is oblivious to the fact that overspending on real estate and selling handbags is not experience that qualifies you to become a presidential adviser.

It’s not just that they don’t belong in the White House…they literally don’t belong. It couldn’t obtain a security clearance without the president (sic) overriding the FBI’s rejection of Javanka. In fact, Jared had to submit his application for a security clearance multiple times because he’s a lying, spoiled shit who’s deep in debt to foreign nations and tried to establish back channels with Russians.

Now, Javanka has been able to use their positions to get foreign bailouts on its real-estate debt and to get trademarks in China.

Now, Jared is telling black America that it has to want to be successful to be successful. Seriously. Who knew that’s all it took?

Talking to Fox and Friends, Jared said, “One thing we’ve seen in a lot of the Black community, which is mostly Democrat, is that President Trump’s policies are the policies that can help people break out of the problems that they’re complaining about. But he can’t want them to be successful more than they want to be successful.”

That’s your problem, Black America. You haven’t wanted to be successful. If you tried harder, or at least as hard as Jared has, you could have been born rich too.

Jared didn’t just stop there. He’s not just a presidential adviser. He’s a Black community adviser.

Jared said that after the “George Floyd situation,” a lot of people were more concerned with “virtue signaling” than in coming up with “solutions.”

Wow. What brilliance. What understanding. Why isn’t Jared president? Mr. Trust-Fund Baby with his home in a Trump building on Park Avenue sure does understand the Black community.

Take this example of Jared’s brilliance: “They’d go on Instagram and cry, or they would put a slogan on their jersey or write something on a basketball court. And quite frankly, that was doing more to polarize the country than it was to bring people forward. You solve problems with solutions.”

Yeah, the guy who advises the guy who gives shout-outs to racists and defenses of tiki-torch Nazis thinks basketball players and Black Lives Matter are “polarizing” the country.

Maybe an example of an acceptable solution is when a journalist writes negative things about you, you chop him up with a bone saw. That’s what his buddy, the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, did. Jared likes to communicate with him through WhatsApp, so nobody can ever know what they’re talking about. Good job, Jared.

White House Spokesgoon Kayleigh McEnany tried to defend Jared for his insensitive, obtuse, and quite frankly, racist comments and said, his remarks were taken out of context and accused unnamed “internet trolls” for trying to “distract from President (sic) Trump’s undeniable record of accomplishment for the Black community.”

That’s exactly who you want when you get into trouble with the Black community, porcelain spokesgoon Kayleigh McEnany defending you.

I told you they were obtuse. For the gang who claim they have multiple Black friends, you’d think they’d use one.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Scary Amy


cjones10292020

Chief Justice John Roberts once lashed out at Donald Trump saying there are no Republican or Democratic judges. He may want to send that memo to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.

After confirming the right-wing troglodytes’ darling, Amy Coney Barrett, to the Supreme Court last night, Moscow Mitch said, “I think this nominee will be a political asset for our candidates around the country. Not a liability, but an asset.”

This is just one of the reasons they rushed her confirmation. One was to help them win the election. The second reason is because without her, they can’t win the election. If the Republicans waited for an election on this pick like they said Democrats had to wait in 2016, this seat would have been nominated by Joe Biden.

Keep in mind, this is the party that screams the loudest about legislating from the bench. Unable to destroy Obamacare in the legislative branch, Republicans are counting on the Supreme Court to do that legislating for them. The best part of all is, after SCOTUS kills Obamacare, they don’t have to even pretend to have a replacement for it.

And a “political asset?” How’s that? Because if this election ends up in the Supreme Court, where the conservative majority just cut into voting rights in Wisconsin, Amy Coney Barrett will help them steal the White House for Donald Trump.

In 2016, the GOP was assisted by Russians. This time, Russians and the Supreme Court.

Many are wondering if Barrett will recuse herself if the election winds up in the Supreme Court. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Hell no! Amy Coney Barrett, just like Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh before her, is not an ethical person. If she was, she would have faced an ethical dilemma about being confirmed eight days before the election. She will not have any moral dilemma about voting in favor for the man who put her on the court for the rest of her life.

And that man can’t even hire his White House staff well. How many of those people did he have to fire? How many have spoken out against him? The guy who is on his third marriage can’t even pick a wife to spend the rest of his life with, but hey…let’s give him THREE lifetime appointments to the highest court in the land.

Barrett had no ethical dilemma about being placed on the court eight days before an election by the same goons who said four years ago that nine months was too soon. Amy Coney Barrett did not have a problem with being nominated by an impeached president who was supported by Russia. Amy Coney Barrett once argued that only conservative justices should replace conservative justices. She did not refuse a nomination to replace a liberal justice. Morals? Amy Coney Barrett? No.

The Republican argument about giving the people a voice is total bunk. Five of the nine justices on the bench were nominated by presidents who lost the popular vote. Barrett was placed on the court by a Republican Senate that the majority of Americans voted against. More Americans are represented by Democrats in the Senate than by Republicans…yet Republicans are getting all the appointments.

On top of all that, Amy Coney Barrett is the worst kind of person to put on the Supreme Court for a progressive nation. She’s a member of a religious cult that promotes women’s subservience to men. And you wonder how she’ll vote for Donald Trump, the guy who appointed her?

If you’re outraged by this, good. You should be outraged by Republican hypocrisy. You should still be outraged by the Republicans stealing a seat from President Obama. You should be outraged that they changed the rules so all three of Trump’s nominees could get on the bench with a slim majority. You should be outraged that a whiny, rapey, drunk crybaby like Brett Kavanaugh got on the court. You should be outraged a corrupt racist treasonous fuck like Donald Trump got three nominations. You should be outraged that same fuck has put over 200 judges on federal benches.

These are Republicans judges who will legislate from the bench and help Republicans steal elections. Despite stealing and changing the rules, the GOP still sucks at legislating. Now, their Republican justices will attack abortion rights, LGBTQ rights, civil rights, voting rights, fair elections, freedom of speech, gay marriage, healthcare, women rights, gun safety, etc.

Joe Biden will win the election but he may not get to the White House. Now, liberals have another stumbling block. But if he does make it, Republicans are worried he’ll pack the court. I think Joe Biden make the GOP a proposal.

President Joe Biden should call for the resignations of Amy Coney Barrett, Neil Gorsuch, and Brett Kavanaugh. Every federal judge nominated by Trump should step down. Donald Trump is an illegitimate president. Illegitimate presidents should NOT make lifetime appointments. And if these justices don’t resign, then Joe Biden should pack the court. Pack away, baby, pack away.

How much do you want to bet if Donald Trump “wins” that the GOP packs the Supreme Court?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Corona Barbie


cjones10282020

The Lincoln Project, a group of Republican Never Trumpers who have spent millions of dollars advertising against Donald Trump, has now placed two billboards in Times Square featuring Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner.

As you probably know, Ivanka is Donald Trump’s daughter and favorite offspring (he likes her so much, he talks about dating her) and Jared is her husband. They are both unpaid advisors to Donald Trump and rumor has it, they’re worth every penny they’re paid.

They are very upset about these billboards in Times Square. They’re so upset, they had their legal counsel, crazy-hair Marc Kasowitz (a former White House lawyer who also has Putin Pals as clients) threatening to sue the Lincoln Project. Kasowitz called them, “false, malicious and defamatory,” which sounds like a defense from Cosmo Kramer’s lawyer, Jackie Chiles. And if Kasowitz continues defending Trumps, his next Jackie Chiles-inspired quote will probably be, “This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.”

The photo of Ivanka used on the billboard is from her famous Goya photo-op which many legal experts believe is illegal. You’re not supposed to pimp products while working in the White House. Ivanka’s billboard includes statistics about Covid deaths substituting for the beans. Jared’s has the quote, “New Yorkers are going to suffer and that’s their problem.” He’s also accompanied by body bags.

Jackie Chiles, I mean, Kasowitz says Ivanka never made any such gesture, except she did, and that Jared never made the quote.

The quote is from Vanity Fair in a very detailed article which is claims is a first-person account. Jared was referring to New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, and how he “didn’t pound the phones hard enough to get PPE for his state…. His people are going to suffer and that’s their problem.”

If Kasowitz sues for Boy Kush and Corona Bean Barbie, he can expect more quotes attributed to Jared to be dug up…and for witnesses to provide them. They don’t want this.

What will be more interesting will be how Ivanka and Jared are greeted if they return to New York City after the Trump administration is defeated. It’s not like they’re going to be invited to all the balls. They joined a corrupt administration that fought their city and state. They helped enact policies designed to hurt New York during the pandemic.

What Ivanka and Jared need to understand, other than how not to be tacky, is that when you work in high-profile positions in the government, you’re going to be criticized. You’re going to be held accountable. For Ivanka, working in the White House been all about Chinese patents, photo-ops, and trying to appear important at world summits. For Jared, it’s been about helping his father-in-law rule, not govern, and secret conversations with dictators who order journalists to be chopped up with bone saws.

According to some reports, Jared and Ivanka will be welcomed back in New York City…in Staten Island. Ew.

But then again, they may not have to worry about that as they both may be wearing orange. Do they serve Goya beans in prison?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Hurry Up, Election Day


CNN10252020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

I’m already seeing posts on Facebook saying, “Only nine more weeks ’til Christmas.” If you’re one of those people, I’d like to say, go to Hell.

I personally believe there should be a law prohibiting the display of any Christmas decorations or activities until the day after Thanksgiving. Furthermore, all Christmas decorations, activities, music, and any mention of the holiday have to cease after New Years Day.

I am a Grinch. I don’t like Christmas. The only time I’ve ever enjoyed Christmas was for a couple years as a kid, for my own child, and for other people’s children. I’ve enjoyed giving gifts. But for the most part, I’ve only tolerated Christmas. I’m not a Christmas sweater kind of person. I probably draw the least amount of Christmas-themed cartoons of any political cartoonist in the nation. Partly because I don’t like Christmas but I also don’t like worn-out lazy clichés.

Can we get through Halloween before we see Christmas decorations? Can we make it through Thanksgiving before I have to hear “Jingle Bell Rock?” For that matter, how about we get through Election Day first and find out if we’re going to survive as a nation or turn into a totalitarian state with only one actual branch of government that’s built to serve a cult of personality? If this election doesn’t go right, you’re not going to have Jesus’ birthday to celebrate anymore. Instead, we’ll celebrate Donald Trump Day. We’ll celebrate Dear Leader’s birthday like they do in North Korea.

Since this election is scary, you’re allowed to keep your Halloween decorations up through Election Day.

For a lot of people in this nation, Election Day has already happened. It has for me as a voter. As a pundit and professional prognosticator, I’m still waiting. It’s been reported that over 50 million people have already voted. In 2016, the total of all voters was 133 million. For this election, I expect that number to be higher.

For Donald Trump to be elected president in 2016, he had to defeat the most gaslighted person of all time. Hillary Clinton was gaslighted so much, that it elected the likes of Donald Trump to the presidency. But now that Donald Trump has the presidency, he’s doing all he can not to let it go. He’s acting like it’s his choice, not ours, if he stays. For Donald Trump, our presidency, our White House, are just divisions of the Trump Organization and he’s done all he can to make them as corrupt…with a lot of success.

The polls are even worse for Trump in this election than they were in 2016. Donald Trump’s approval has yet to poll above 50% throughout his entire presidency. And this time, he’s running against an old moderate white guy. There’s nothing really scary about Joe Biden. As hard as they’ve tried to gaslight him to the point they did Hillary Clinton, it’s a lot tougher. For starters, they’re 25 years too late and an old moderate white dude is less scary as a president to th electorate than…gasp….a woman.

Joe Biden isn’t just leading in those crucial swing states that flipped for Donald Trump, Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania…he’s leading outside the margin of error, which Hillary Clinton did not do. Not only that, but Biden is leading in states that should be secure for Trump like Florida and North Carolina and is even being competitive in Georgia and Texas.

So when I see these polls, I wonder if we can keep it going. Can we get through this election before another October Surprise, another FBI announcement, another military strike, another information drop by Russia, another attempt by Israel to help Trump…or whatever new shit they come up with? All signs are pointing to a massive Joe Biden landslide so naturally, I’m scared shitless that the Republicans and the corruption they’ve installed in our government will steal it.

So I say to Election Day, please…don’t be late.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Fun with the “Least Racist”


cjones10272020

During last week’s debate, Donald Trump repeated the claim he’s the “least racist.” Usually, it’s the “least racist you know.” The other night, it was the “least racist in the room.” But keep in mind, Donald Trump has been in a lot of rooms with Stephen Miller and Steve Bannon (who could both argue they’re the least racist person in the room named “Steve”).

Racists love Donald Trump. They support Donald Trump. They hold parades for Donald Trump. Donald Trump seeks out their support. He gives them shout-outs. He retweets them. He tells them to “stand by.” He gives encouragement to little racist fuckers like Kyle Rittenhouse to shoot at black people. Donald Trump say “Black lives matter” is a racist term. Donald Trump, being afraid of losing their support, is afraid to criticize racists, just like he’s afraid to say anything negative about Putin. Donald Trump hires racists.

Donald Trump says good people march with people chanting “Jews will not replace us.”

Donald Trump began his 2016 campaign calling Mexicans “rapists and murderers.” His wall, that Mexico still isn’t paying for, is racist. His policy of separating family and putting babies in jail is racist.

And only racists need to say, “I’m the least racist.”

Donald Trump is a racist. If you don’t want to take my word for it, then take it from the racists voting for him.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Roughs, Volume 68


Yay! It’s time for roughs! These are roughs from the past week and they were all drawn after the debate.

CNNrough986

This is the idea accepted by CNN for this week’s newsletter. It definitely sums up the way I feel about it. It captures my anxiety.

CNNrough989

I didn’t love this one but it was OK.

Since I watched the debate on a TV, the rest of these roughs involve seeing the debate on a TV. I’m feeling a little self-conscious because my last cartoon for CNN involved a TV, my cartoon for Saturday involved a TV, this week’s cartoon for CNN involve a TV, and my next cartoon will have a TV unless I can figure out how to get away from TVs. But then again, most readers probably wouldn’t even notice if I didn’t say anything about it.

CNNrough988

My proofer, Laura, really liked this one.

CNNrough987

In fact, this is the one idea from this batch Laura didn’t mention. She pointed out three others she liked. But, because I’m a bit of a Beavis, I had to go with this one. Also, my friend Alex really liked it. She’s only 20 which is probably where my sense of humor lies. Seriously though, I thought this one made a great point.

CNNrough985

I thought this was OK and the type other cartoonists would dive for. In fact, I saw one this morning with a couple watching with one saying, “Kirsten Welker has my vote.” Yuk, yuk, yuk. While I hate the way that cartoonist did it, I think this one makes a better and stronger point. Donald Trump is NOT running against Hunter Biden. Shut up about Hunter Biden and your stupid conspiracy theories already.

Do you have a favorite?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Focus Feces


cjones10262020

The new normal is a seriously low bar.

Every time Donald Trump gives a speech and sticks to the prepared notes written by Stephen Miller, pundits express surprise at how “presidential” he sounded. Never mind the fact he’s reading notes prepared by a baby Goebbels at a third-grade reading level. If he doesn’t make up childish nicknames for people or spread conspiracy theories that George Soros is funding illegal immigrants to invade our borders, he sounds presidential. If Donald Trump merely sounds like an 8-year-old instead of a 6-year-old, he sounds presidential. Never mind the tinfoil hat he’s wearing.

At Thursday night’s debate, Donald Trump refrained from the childish bullying behavior he engaged in during the first debate. He didn’t interrupt…as much. He still lied and spread conspiracy theories. He still talked like a toddler but maybe this time, the diaper had been changed beforehand. Republicans are now saying they need to build on the “momentum” from this debate.

A lot of debate watchers and focus groups didn’t just give Trump higher marks than they did for the first debate, many say he actually won. For a lot of Americans, Donald Trump only has to be barely human. Being presidential is not a requirement.

The low bar is too low for me. I want a president who doesn’t spread over 20,000 lies. I want a president who doesn’t tweet bullshit he sees while watching Hannity and Tucker. I want a president who doesn’t give shout-outs to Nazis. I want a president who doesn’t spread conspiracy theories. I want a president who doesn’t retweet crazy uncle conspiracy theories, like Osama bin Laden is still alive and the Navy Seals killed his body double. I want a president who doesn’t torture children. I want a president who actually tries to stop a virus that’s killed over 220,000 Americans.

Pundits gave Donald Trump high praise for his debate performance despite his reaction to his family separation policy losing track of parents to over 500 immigrant children being: “they’re so well taken care of.”

Donald Trump got high praise despite saying he’s for protecting pre-existing coverage while he’s literally in court at this very moment trying to take it away.

He got high praise for saying he’s going to kill Obamacare and replace it with something better, despite not showing ANY replacement plan over the past four years.

Donald Trump received high praise despite saying the coronavirus was going away while it’s actually getting worse.

Donald Trump got high praise despite lying that a vaccine is ready.

Donald Trump was praised despite saying 99.9% of people recover from the coronavirus. That’s a lie.

Trump received high marks for sounding “presidential” while saying that 2.2 million Americans were expected to die from the coronavirus, thus, he saved over two million people. This is not a fact.

Donald Trump was applauded by Republicans for attacking the Obama/Biden administration’s handling of the Swine Flu in comparison to his handling of the coronavirus, though only 12,500 Americans died from the Swine Flu while the Trump Virus has killed over 220,000. It would be more apt if Donald Trump compared himself to serial killers.

Donald Trump was praised for enacting a total ban of flights from China, which he did not do.

Donald Trump was given high marks despite lying that Nancy Pelosi was “dancing in the streets” of Chinatown and that Russia had given Joe Biden $3.5 million.

Donald Trump was given high marks for accusing Joe Biden of wanting to socialize healthcare despite it not being true or the fact Donald Trump doesn’t know what socialism is. “Socialism” is just a boogey word to scare Republicans.

A lot of people think Donald Trump sounded more prepared to be president than Joe Biden, despite the fact Donald Trump displayed that he still does not understand how tariffs work.

People thought Trump won the debate even after saying he was the “least racist” person.

Donald Trump lied about immigrant children arriving with “bad people.” He lied about immigrants never returning for court appearances and he said the ones that did were stupid. He lied about the cages he threw children into. He lied that Obama had separated children as a policy. He lied about funding social security. He lied about his racist border wall. He lied about climate policy and that he made us “energy independent.” Donald Trump lied and said he doesn’t take money from Wall Street.

CNN fact checker Daniel Dale said fact-checking Trump was like being Lucy in the chocolate factory. If you’ve seen that episode, you know it’s the perfect analogy for fact-checking Trump.

Donald Trump has never won a debate in his life and he didn’t win Thursday against Joe Biden. But more importantly, we have to make sure Donald Trump doesn’t win the election.

You shouldn’t need a debate to see that Donald Trump is not presidential. You don’t need to watch him ramble off lies for two hours to see he’s not fit for the presidency. You’ve had the last four years of a Donald Trump presidency (sic).

If Donald Trump was in a debate with a poo-flinging monkey, my vote would be for the monkey.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.