Yuge Weiner News


cjones09012016

Anthony Weiner is a serial sexter.

For the Boy Scouts reading this, sexting is when you text a picture of your junk. You gotta know what I mean by “junk.” You’re on the internet.

Anthony Weiner is a former congressman from New York City. He let sexting destroy his congressional career in 2011. It almost destroyed his marriage to Hillary Clinton aide Huma Abedin, but she hung in there (no pun intended).

The controversy kinda blew over (again, no pun intended) and in 2013 he ran for mayor of NYC…and guess what happened. Mr. Weiner got embroiled in another sexting scandal, this time under the alias “Carlos Danger.” He was not elected mayor. Abedin again, stuck it out (you’re gonna start thinking I’m doing these puns on purpose).

His wife has been in the center of controversies regarding the Clinton Foundation so the last thing she or the Clinton campaign needed was another assist by Mr. Weiner. As scheduled, Anthony trying to live up to his last name stuck his crotch into a camera phone…again. He said he was conversing with an old friend and there was nothing lewd about the pictures. This supposedly non-lewd picture, exposed by The New York Post (did I say “exposed?” I swear I’m not even trying), shows his and Abedin’s young son in the pic right next to Anthony’s crotch.

How did that come about? “Hey, check out my baby boy….and check out this bad boy.”

Who does that? You send a picture of your crotch next to your child? There’s a baby picture you don’t want coming up on your 16th birthday. Here I am with Daddy’s crotch. Anthony, you sick bastard.

Huma has had enough and she’s not taking anymore. She’s finally decided to separate from the Weiner man. Unless she’s texted him her decision he’s probably not aware of it. Right now everyone needs to calm down and hope nothing else stupid comes along.

Enter Donald Trump.

Trump, who’s apparently seriously and heavily invested in the Weiner relationship, sent out the statement “Huma is making a very wise decision. I know Anthony Weiner well, and she will be far better off without him.” If they get back together that’s gonna be so awkward for Trump next time they hangout.

Trump also used the couple’s personal issues to make an argument against voting for Clinton. He claimed it was unsafe for Clinton to have classified information around Abedin who would then take it home to her husband who would then text it out. Unless that information was written on Mr. Weiner’s penis I don’t think we’d be in any danger.

Trump is right. We should be very concerned about who the candidates have around classified information. What if one them had a Russian lobbyist as a campaign manager? That threatens the nation a lot more than Anthony’s ding-a-ling.

A few days ago when basketball player Dwyane Wade’s cousin was shot in Chicago Trump tweeted out how horrible it was and that African-Americans will be propelled be the event to vote for Trump.

Everything has to do with Donald Trump. Terrorist strike in Paris? Better vote for Trump. A gunman shoots up a gay nightclub in Orlando? Better vote for Trump. A young mother taking her baby out in a stroller gets shot on a sidewalk in Chicago ? Better vote for Trump. A famous person’s marriage implodes? Better vote for Trump. A dog crap on your lawn today? Better vote for Trump. Got the trots? Better vote for Trump. They cancelled Mike & Molly. Better vote for Trump.

There’s an argument that Trump is unfit to be president. Republican Ana Navarro said Trump is unfit to be human.

Trump says he knows Anthony Weiner very well and I believe that. They’re both sociopaths.

Better vote for Trump.

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Gene Wilder


cjones08302016

I hate obituary cartoons. I mean I really hate them. I hate the St. Peter imagery and the Heaven thing. Bleagh!

After losing my job in 2012 I thought “I’ll start my own syndicate and nobody will make me draw nice cartoons ever again.” I’m going to remain irreverent and original. It keeps me poor but I’ve mostly stood by my principles.

It’s not that I don’t like nice stuff. I just don’t think they’re editorial cartoons. They’re terrible. This cartoon is terrible and I bet you love it. My clients are going to love it.

Here’s why I drew it: I dropped an N-bomb in yesterday’s cartoon. I knew some, if not most of my clients would hate it. But I really wanted to make that statement. I felt after dropping the dirty word, even with asterisks, that I should do something nice for my newspapers.

Two clients wrote to tell me they hated the dirty word cartoon. One client (in Texas) dropped me. But when I sent the cartoon to my newspapers I attached a message that I knew it was a dangerous cartoon but I’d try to do something much softer tomorrow. I didn’t expect this but I did this.

I was thinking what would a horrible cartoonist do with Gene Wilder’s death. What would be just so sickening sweet that it’d make me groan? I thought of this without any effort. Then I thought I’d go ahead and do it kind of on a lark. I also drew it without much effort. I even threw in an Oompa Loompa. It’ll make a national publication. Watch. The Oompa will seal the deal.

It did help that I love Gene Wilder. He was awesome in so many things and not just a great and funny actor, he could write. He co-wrote Young Frankenstein which many believe is the greatest comedy of all time. It’s hard to argue against that. My personal favorite however is Blazing Saddles.

One thing I found interesting were a few memes I saw where people said Wilder and Richard Pryor are reunited. Gee that’s nice. Hey, maybe he’ll see his wife up there.

But hey, if I’m going to do a bad obituary cartoon, I’m going to do a really good bad obituary cartoon. Nobody’s going to have the gobstopper idea. Even if it is ridiculous.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Sitting With Kaepernick


cjones08292016

A few days ago the Green Bay Packers played the San Francisco 49ers in a preseason game. Do you remember the score? Do you even know who won? I bet you know about Niners quarterback Colin Kaepernick refusing to stand for the national anthem.

I was never a fan of Kaepernick. I thought he was overrated and time would eventually expose that he couldn’t play in the NFL. I was right. Now I’m rooting for him.

Kaepernick, who of course is a millionaire, stated it would be selfish not to protest and “there are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.” He also said he refuses to “show pride in the flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color.”

He also said “I’ll continue to stand with the people who are being oppressed. To me, this is something that has to change, and when there’s significant change — and I feel like that flag represents what It’s supposed to represent, and this country is representing people the way it’s supposed to — I’ll stand.”

So naturally, “patriotic” people respected and valued his opinion. I’m lying. They went berserk. Demonstrations were held where outraged fans burned Kaepernick’s #7 jersey. A lot of people hate when racism is pointed out, and they accuse people who expose racism as the real racists. That’s like blaming Obama for making you a racist. Yeah, there are people out there doing that.

Kaepernick is playing in the highest money making sport in the country. A sport that’s built around brutality. A sport every American has an opinion of (they either hate Dallas or they love Dallas). This is a sport that is only popular in the United States. Canada, what you’re doing is not football. And London, you get a game or two a year that doesn’t involve bouncing balls on your head and yellow cards, which I still don’t understand. The average play in American football lasts only four seconds. This game was built for the American attention span.

So not standing for the national anthem at our favorite sport (sorry, baseball but I still love ya’) in a nation where political candidates are beaten up for not wearing a flag pin on their lapel, really pisses people off.

Memes were shared where people pointed out that he was adopted and raised by white parents, as if that means he is ungrateful for everything white America has provided for him, or that he’s not even black. Others pointed at veterans as the real heroes forgetting that Kaepernick isn’t labeling himself a hero. But what the guy has done is very brave.

Veterans fought for your freedom and apparently if you don’t exercise that freedom in the exact manner society demands then you should be ostracized, vilified, and shamed…or at least not allowed to work for a living. So much for all that freedom so many died for if you’re going to receive crap expressing it.

When I was in elementary school I refused to say the Pledge of Allegiance. This was in the 1970s and yes I got in trouble. Yeah, I was a rebellious kid but I always questioned authority. I didn’t really understand why we had to express loyalty to a system without any explanation other than we where supposed to. I hated the do as your told and don’t ask questions mindset. I was also a hoot in church.

You can love your country without conforming. saying the Pledge or singing the anthem doesn’t necessarily make you a mindless drone, but refusing to take part in it is also exercising the freedom this nation guarantees to all its people.

Reciting the Pledge is too much nationalism for me. In Germany everyone was required to heil Hitler. I hate nationalism and conformity.

I have less issue with The Star Spangled Banner. To me it’s more of a celebration of our nation than an attempt to control us as the Pledge comes off. I’ve also admired the various renditions and talents of those who have sung it over the years. Whoever the girl was who sang it at the Trump rally in Fredericksburg knocked it out of the park.

I do understand not wanting to sing along and finding distaste for the content of the song and the history behind it. Do you know the history behind The Star Spangled Banner?

It was written during the War of 1812. Do you know what that war was fought over? Do you even know who won? You probably think the U.S. did. Do you know which nation freed American slaves in that war? Do you know which nation demanded that “property” returned after the war? Are you familiar with the slave-owning writer of the tune or his fierce opposition to the antislavery movement?

The Star Spangled Banner is a pretty long song. It’s even longer if you have a fresh hot dog, beer, and the game is about to start. It’s actually even longer than what you’ve been singing your entire life. There are more lyrics. A lot more. The happy references to punishing slaves who left for the British have been omitted from the version you’re singing along to today.

I’m sure most people couldn’t recite all these lyrics they’re so passionate about enough to burn a football jersey over, despite singing along at every sporting event in their lifetime. A lot of people, myself included, are really good at mouthing the lyrics.

Study the reasons behind the War of 1812. Study how the United States has treated its black citizens throughout history and how it continues to treat them today.

You might come away realizing that Kaepernick has a point.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Burkini


cjones08272016

Several towns in France banned the wearing of burkinis on their beaches. What’s a “burkini?” It like a burka you can swim in and it looks kinda like a wet suit. Why would anyone care what others are wearing when it doesn’t hurt you? Because people are xenophobic and hateful.

The nation has used terrorism to justify discrimination and prejudice. Shouldn’t people have the right to wear what they want without the government degrading them?

Western Europe is proving we’re not alone in the United States with our racism, xenophobia, and mass stupidity. I’m still recovering from the hate rally I attended last week.

Human Rights groups asked France’s highest court to strike down the ban, and they agreed. The court ruled that the ban “seriously, and clearly illegally, breached the fundamental freedoms to come and go, the freedom of beliefs and individual freedom.” I’ll add to that with “yeah.”

Seriously, leave people alone. If you want stupid laws, enact a nose-hair law. Nose hair, ear hair, back and shoulder hair, bleagh. A little maintenance goes a long way, people. I’m just saying. I don’t want to say names.

There’s a lot of other things to see at a beach that’s more disgusting and offensive than a woman who doesn’t want to show you all her stuff.

I drew this cartoon last night and shared it on Facebook and it’s received more likes and shares than this blog will. I was out and I didn’t want to tackle trying to write the blog while people were butchering “Sweet Child Of Mine” at Karaoke. Now there should be a law.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Costa Rica Uber


crsta08262016

Today’s cartoon I drew for The Costa Rica Star isn’t just fun, it’s educational! My work is just like the Electric Company…for adults.

Prostitution is legal in Costa Rica. Uber is not. In fact, there have been protests by the Red Taxis, which is the only service that’s legal in the nation. Talk about having a conglomerate. There are individuals in the country who will give you a ride who are not actual cab drivers and they’re commonly referred to as “pirates.” You’ll get there arrrrrrventually.

If you’re a tourist in Costa Rica you are probably better off using a taxi, even if you don’t like them. The roads are questionable, a lot of streets don’t have markers and the addresses of places where you’re going probably won’t be listed on the building.

With all this info you would think I had actually been to Costa Rica. I have not.

So next time you’re in Costa Rica, your hooker is legal and your cab ride may not be. If you take a pirate cab you probably have more to fear from the Red Taxis than a pimp. Good advice.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Hillary Is A Bigot


cjones08262016

Honestly, I am tired of using Kluxers in my cartoons. It’s just too easy of a trigger to pull, like Nazi imagery. I don’t like to use those comparisons unless the subject really warrants it. But I’m also tired of one of the major party’s candidate’s racism. Trump warrants it.

Donald Trump has referred to Mexican immigrants as rapists and murderers. He’s said an American-born judge wasn’t qualified to oversee a lawsuit involving Trump University because of his Mexican heritage. He’s proposed surveillance of mosques and an outright ban on Muslim refugees. He’s insinuated a Muslim mother who lost her son in the Iraq war of being forbidden to speak because of her faith. His company has been sued twice for not renting to black people. He’s been accused of racial discrimination toward employees at his casinos. He’s attracted white supremacists to his campaign and has been slow to disavow them. He’s questioned the first black president’s eligibility. He speaks of racial groups as monoliths as in, “the Muslims, the Hispanics, the blacks, etc.” He’s said some Native Americans “don’t look like Indians to me.” He’s mocked Elizabeth Warren by calling her “Pocahontas.” He’s encouraged mob justice for the Central Park Five, who were exonerated. He condoned the beating of a Black Lives protester and said “maybe he should have been roughed up.” He called supporters who beat up a homeless Latino of “being passionate.” He’s stereotyped Jews and shared an anti-semitic meme created by white supremacists. He referred to a black man in one of his crowds as “my African American.” He’s referred to woman as “pigs” and said Megyn Kelly had “blood coming out of her wherever.”

Mr. Taco Bowl who tweeted “I love THE Hispanics” with the pic says Democrats pander to minorities.

Now he’s trying to increase his poll numbers from 1% among black voters by saying they have terrible schools, live in poverty, and can’t walk down the street without being shot. The reality is they can’t attend a Trump rally without the possibility of being beaten up. He’s appealing to black voters by saying “what do you have to lose?”. The possibilities are terrifying.

Being the reflective person that he is, this week he called Hillary Clinton a bigot. Seriously. And that was on his teleprompter. It was probably put there by his new campaign CEO Stephen Bannon. Bannon joined the Trump campaign after an illustrious history at the Alt-Right website Breitbart.

“Alt-Right” is the new term for White Supremacist. They also like to use the terms “racialists” and “white nationalists.” They’re still racists no matter how much sugar they put on it. If you ever want to feel disgusted wander over to Breitbart and look up their section on black crime (yes. They have devoted an entire section on the subject), or better yet, take a peek at the comments left by their readers.

Are all Trump supporters racist? Of course not. Stupid, yes. Are all racists Trump supporters? Oh hell yes.

Republicans need to be careful because with Trump as the leader of their party the next term used by white supremacists will be “Republican.”

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Epic Epipen Price Gouging


cjones08252016

I’m allergic to something but I haven’t figured out what it is yet. Every six months or so I break out all over. I don’t know if it’s from alcohol, laundry detergent, patchouli on a skanky girl? I just don’t know but Benadryl always takes care of it, knocks me out and I have a great nap. But my life isn’t threatened by a bee sting or from whiffing a peanut. Thankfully, Benadryl is sold over the counter and isn’t expensive and it taste kinda like a Five-Hour Energy…which I’m pretty sure doesn’t make me break out.

For people whose lives can be threatened by an allergic reaction, the Epipen can be a life saver. Since neither I or my son ever needed the product, I had to do some research before creating my cartoon.

The pen used to be sold in a single pack and it cost around $50 to $60. Then doctors recommended buying them in pairs since one pen might turn out to be a dud, so the company that marketed the pens started to sell them only in pairs. The pen has a shelf life of about a year so eventually you’ll have to buy them again. That expensive pen you bought may not have even been used if you managed to get through the year without encountering chunky peanut butter.

Then Mylan came along, bought the company, registered in the Netherlands (tax reasons, yo), and jacked the price up 500% so a pair of pens will cost you around $600. Their CEO, Heather Bresch, daughter of United States senator from West Virginia Joe Manchen, had her salary increased from $2 million to $18 million. Yowzah!

What’s a price-gouging corporate CEO to do under such public outrage? Blame Obamacare. Never mind that it only costs the corporation around a dollar to create each pen, and that the price in Canada is around $50, or that Mylan was actually trying to jack the price even higher after a competitor folded.

Bresch does have one defender. Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli, the CEO who jacked up the price of Daraprim over 5,000%, believes the Epipen’s price is too low.

Once upon a time the leeches were thought to be a cure and not the CEOs of major pharmaceutical companies.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!