Smell Ya’ Later


cjones03272017

Breaking news! There is no such things as TrumpCare. TrumpCare does not exist and it never will.

Why did “repealing and replacing” Obamacare fail? The first reason is that Donald Trump is a bad president. We’ve had plenty of bad presidents in the past but this one is also an idiot. A spectacular one at that.

Regarding TrumpCare, he didn’t care. Over the past few weeks, and it was only a few weeks versus a year to pass Obamacare, Trump never talked about how TrumpCare worked. How many times did you hear Trump talk about the details of the Republican health plan? Maybe once? Maybe twice? Try never. You never did. His biggest argument, along with all of the GOP, was that Obamacare was a disaster. You spent seven years telling us Obamacare was a disaster but he couldn’t sell his own plan, or Ryan’s plan. His answer was to promote a plan that only had 17% support from the American public.

The Republicans spent seven years trying to repeal Obamacare. By the time they finally had the House, Senate, and the White House, they didn’t know what to do with it and they failed to keep their promise. The GOP has a 40 plus advantage in the House yet they still couldn’t repeal and replace Obamcare. For seven years they failed to offer an alternative to Obamacare. As it turns out, they never had one. Now when they bash Obamcare in the future it’ll be pointed out to them that they don’t have a plan that can pass.

Donald Trump told us he would repeal and replace Obamacare. He said he’d drain the swamp. He said he’d ban Muslims from entering the country. He told us we can’t have a president who’s under an FBI investigation. Now that he’s been president for two months Trump has stocked the swamp with Nazi alligators, Obamacare is here to stay for the indefinite future, his Muslim ban has been knocked down in court….TWICE, and he is under an FBI investigation for treason. Trump has proven to be a total fraud within his first two months. Why the hell is he here if he can’t deliver on any of his promises?

You didn’t close the deal, Donald. You told us you were the closer. You told us only you could save it. You said it was easy to make deals. There’s a book with your name on it called “The Art Of The Deal.” You didn’t even write that book. As it turns out, healthcare is hard. Who knew? Everybody knew except for you, Donald. Too bad not enough people knew you were a fraud.

The art of a Trump deal is he promises something better. He threatens people in his own party which turns out to be a weak threat when you’re a proven liar and your credibility has sunk to leave you with an approval rating lower than gonorrhea. After his threats didn’t work his strategy was to warn that letting it die put Obamacare on their shoulders, plus they’d be responsible for keeping Planned Parenthood funded (that was part of this brilliant “healthcare” plan). After it finally failed he blamed Democrats. Wait, what?

The Republicans didn’t ask the Democrats for help. They pushed this against them. They said they didn’t need the Democrats. They didn’t write the bill with them, didn’t negotiate with them, didn’t offer them anything. So it’s their fault the bill died? That’s like saying it’s the pigs fault the big bad wolf couldn’t blow their house down. If you want to eat a crap sandwich and I refuse to help you, it’s not my fault when you hurl.

A narcissist is never wrong. They can’t admit defeat. They can’t admit mistakes. They also don’t learn from their mistakes. Trump has stumbled and messed up again and again. Bill Clinton lost a healthcare battle and it hammered his presidency and he lost the House. He learned from it and went on to serve two terms where even an impeachment couldn’t remove him from office.

Obama spent a year working on the Affordable Care Act. The Democrats weren’t united entirely on it. That took a lot of work. They didn’t try to pass a bill with a 17% approval rating within two months of taking office. The Republicans complained that Obamacare was made in backroom deals behind locked doors and it was passed before anyone could read it. To counter that Paul Ryan crafted a deal behind closed doors that no one was allowed to read.

Donald Trump doesn’t have the political talent of Bill Clinton or Barack Obama. Donald Trump is not an intelligent person. He’s president because there’s a very large number of Americans who don’t consider racism a deal killer.

TrumpCare was written by people who don’t care about health care. It was written by people who don’t care about other people except for wealthy people. TrumpCare was written to provide tax breaks for the richest two percent of Americans while knocking 24 million other Americans off health care coverage. That’s the undercurrent of why TrumpCare failed. Even the racist Freedom Caucus in the House couldn’t swallow that, or at least not enough of them to pass the bill. Even if it had passed the House it still had the Senate to get through.

So why did TrumpCare fail? Trump is bad at his job and he’s an amateur president. Paul Ryan is bad at his job too. It was a bad and selfish policy. The biggest reason it failed though is that it moved people to fight it. Not rich people. Real people. People stormed town halls and offices of congressmen and senators. Even representatives in red districts had to face the backlash. They had to hear personal testimonies and see their faces. The people said no. They took the power out of Trump’s hands. The Resistance resisted and won.

Now Trump has less capital to push Gorsuch into the Supreme Court. He has much less to build the stupid wall. Hey, I’m sure that budget plan will just sail right through. The good news for The Resistance is that this president is weaker. If he fails with his next proposal he won’t be able to pass anything through Congress that threatens our nation.

Ha Ha!

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Advertisements

Putin Them Out The Window


cjones03262017

People who oppose Russian President Vladimir Putin have a tendency to wind up dead, or seriously hurt. Maybe they’re just clumsy and naturally fall out of fourth story windows.

First off, the guy’s got the same name as “Vlad The Impaler,” the psychopath who was the inspiration for Dracula.

Putin hasn’t impaled anyone on spikes or bitten anyone on the neck yet, as far as we know, but many do turn up dead. Or maybe in Russia, they’re deadniks.

Denis Voronenkov, a critic of Putin who sought asylum in the Ukraine was shot dead in broad daylight Thursday in Kiev.

Boris Nemtsov (of course one of these guys would be named “Boris”) led massive rallies against Putin in Moscow. He was arrested several times until he was finally shot four times in the back, outside the Kremlin, in 2015. The killer remains at large.

Boris Berezovsky (OK. Maybe they’re all named “Boris”) was found dead inside a locked bathroom at his home in the United Kingdom, a noose around his neck, in what was at first deemed a suicide. Later the coroner couldn’t determine the cause of death. Berezovsky had accused the Putin government of poisoning another critic.

That critic was Alexander Litvinenko who was poisoned in 2009. He was a former intelligent agent who turned whistle blower. Ain’t blowing no whistles no more.

Stanislav Markelov and Anastasia Baburova were both shot outside the Kremlin in 2009. Markelov was a human rights lawyer known for representing Chechen civilians in human rights cases again the Russian military. Baburova was a journalist. The government blamed Nazis but I don’t think Steve Bannon was even in the country at the time.

Markelov represented Anna Politkovskaya, who was a journalist who had written articles critical of Putin. She was killed in 2006.

Sergei Magnitsky was a lawyer who was beaten to death in prison in 2009.

Natalya Estemirova, another journalist, who investigated abductions and murders that had become commonplace in Chechnya. She was kidnapped, shot several times, once at point-blank-range to the head, and her body dumped in the woods. They never caught the bad guys.

Anna Politkovskaya was another reporter and had written a book titled “Putin’s Russia” which accused him of turning Russia into a police state. She was shot in an elevator in her apartment building.

Sergei Yushenkov had just registered an opposition party when he was gunned down outside his home in Moscow in 2003.

Yuri Shchekochikhin was a journalist covering crime and corruption. He died of “mysterious” causes in 2003. His medical documents were deemed classified by Russian authorities.

Let’s not forget the feminist punk band Pussy Riot. Three members of the group were sent to prison on charges of “hooliganism” after performing songs critical of Putin and accusing him of being a dictator. That would be the equivalent of George W. Bush throwing Green Day in prison for their album “American Idiot.” But this is America. Prison here is having to listen to Green Day.

Just about every Russian connected to the hacking story has fled the United States and are safely, supposedly, back in Russia. You have to remember, Putin has a style of leadership Donald Trump has expressed admiration for.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Driving Miss Crazy


cjones03252017

One of my conservative Facebook friends, with all due respect, is an idiot.

He shared a link to a Politico article which reported House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes’ declaration that members of Donald Trump’s transition team, possibly including Trump himself, were under inadvertent surveillance following November’s presidential election. My “friend” posted that this was “awkward” for Democrats.

My friend apparently believes, like Trump himself, that this validates 45’s claim that Obama had Trump Tower wiretapped. I think my “pal” might be one of those idjits that shares articles without actually reading them. This is not awkward for Democrats. What’s awkward is getting caught licking Trump’s balls.

Nunes is chairing the investigation into Russia’s meddling in the 2016 presidential campaign, and possible collusion with the Trump campaign. Nunes apparently came across information that the transition team were inadvertently under surveillance. This from the party complaining about leaks.

Instead of sharing this information with other members of the committee, Nunes held a press conference, took the information to the White House to inform Donald Trump, and then held another press conference. You don’t inform the target of an investigation on what the investigation is turning up. You don’t give them a heads up. Nunes didn’t just go to the press, or email, or call the White House. He went out of his way to tell Trump personally. No word on whether or not he had the meatloaf during his visit.

While my “friend” and other Republicans believe this validates Trump, the same Politico article (scroll up and click the link) reported that Nunes himself said the information does not show that Obama had Trump Tower, or the campaign, wiretapped. Nunes also said the surveillance was common practice and legal. See? You gotta actually read the articles before you share them, people. It also might help if you can actually comprehend what you’re reading. It’s important.

The top Democrat on the intelligence panel, Adam Schiff, said “the chairman will need to decide whether he is the chairman of an independent investigation into conduct which includes allegations of potential coordination between the Trump campaign and the Russians, or he is going to act as a surrogate of the White House, because he cannot do both.”

Nunes is supposed to be leading an independent investigation. Not be a surrogate for Donald Trump. Nunes was a member of the Trump transition team. In February he was the first leading House Republican to deny that the intelligence community has evidence of contacts between Russian operatives and the Trump campaign. He rejected calls for an independent committee and said that the “House will not engage in a witch hunt.” After national security adviser Michael Flynn was forced to resign for communicating with Russia, Nunes said he didn’t want to investigate that matter and said “From everything that I can see, his conversations with the Russian ambassador — he was doing this country a favor, and he should be thanked for it.”

I will “thank” Congressman Nunes if he steps away from the white Ford Bronco and not give Trump the slow drive evading investigators. The president of the United States is currently under an FBI investigation on whether or not he and members of his campaign committed treason. Can we not muck that up?

While Democrats are calling for an independent investigation, and Schiff is now saying there’s “more than circumstantial evidence of a Trump/Russia collusion,” Senator John McCain has joined calls for an independent investigation.

This will be a slow drive to the truth. Especially if Nunes and fellow Republicans continue to thwart the investigation by digging in their heels to drag the proceedings out, and by giving the target information on what the committee is finding.

Maybe when it’s all said and done we’ll find the “real killers.” I suspect we’ll find them on a golf course.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Gorsuch’s Grabs


cjones03242017

The most ludicrous thing about hearings for Supreme Court nominees is that they pretend they’ve never read a legal opinion in their life. Thus, they have no view of any court decision. Ever. Roe versus who now?

If we were to actually judge someone’s qualifications based upon their confirmation hearings I doubt there would be anyone sitting on the court at all.

Neil Gorsuch comes off as smooth and charming and appears to be a rational person. How rational can anyone willing to be associated with Donald Trump actually be? Trump promised to appoint someone who’ll repeal Roe Vs. Wade. Gorsuch says all court decisions are precedents, as if they can’t be overturned. Beneath the smoothness and charm lies a right-wing extremist waiting to pounce on those who need protection the most. The man has a history of supporting corporations over people.

Gorsuch is fortunate to even get a hearing. Senate Republicans refused to grant one to the last nominee because he was nominated by a Democrat. Republicans have effectively stolen this seat. Gorsuch will be confirmed.

Senator Chuck Schumer says the hearings should be halted as we shouldn’t confirm a judge to the court who was nominated by a president currently under an FBI investigation. He has a point as everything Donald Trump touches is tainted.

If anything involving Trump and his disloyalty to the United States goes to the Supreme Court, can we trust a judge he nominated? I don’t want to find out but we probably will. As disgusted you may be over the fact Trump is president, the fact he’ll leave a stain on the supreme court for the next 30 years is vomit inducing.

The other thing I had fun with here is the story of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady’s two Super Bowl jerseys being returned after they were stolen. It seems they were swiped by a Mexican journalist. Two things Donald Trump hates. Mexicans and journalists.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Outrageous Distractions


cjones03232017

Before FBI director James Comey’s hearing before Congress, Donald Trump decided to start tweeting about his Russia connections.

He tweeted from his personal account, @RealDonaldTrump, that the Russia story was “fake” news. James Clapper and others stated that there is no evidence POTUS colluded with Russia. It’s a fake story the Democrats are pushing as an excuse for running a terrible campaign. The real story are the leaks.

During Comey’s testimony Trump switched over to the official POTUS account to give a live play-by-play coverage of the hearings. He tweeted that Comey said there’s no evidence of collusion between Russia and Trump Campaign and that Russia did not influence the electoral process.

Of course none of his tweets were accurate at all. What? Donald Trump would tell a lie?

Comey stated that there’s no evidence that President Obama had Trump Tower wiretapped. He also stated that the FBI is indeed investigating for cooperation between Russia and the Trump campaign. Comey could not state whether or not Russia influenced the election.

As it turns out, the FBI has been investigating the Trump campaign since July. For some reason weeks before the election they felt the need to only reveal they were investigating Hillary Clinton. They didn’t say anything about investigating Trump.

How did Trump deal with all this? He did what any normal person would do which was to hop on a plane to Kentucky and bitch about Colin Kaepernick.

You remember the brouhaha over Kaepernick, the quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers? He wouldn’t stand for the pledge of allegiance in protest of the United States continuing to be a system of racism. Trump stated that he likes people who stand for the Pledge.

Seeing that he likes people who stand for the Pledge but he doesn’t like American veterans who were captured, how would he feel toward a POW who stands for the Pledge?

And why the hell is Trump starting his reelection campaign within the first two months of his presidency? Should other candidates start announcing? Did Putin tell him to do this?

It’s funny that Donald Trump screamed loud and proud that he loves Wikileaks during the campaign (the first campaign). The GOP loved James Comey when he revealed he was investigating Clinton. Now the GOP wants to investigate leaks and they’re pretty upset with Comey.

Trump has had the worst start to his presidency than any other before him, except maybe Lincoln and that’s just because half the country seceded before he took office (his tenure didn’t end so hot either). Trump is no Lincoln. While Lincoln managed a war and freed the slaves, Trump’s only talent is distractions and deflections. I’m very interested in what his next one will be.

“Outrageous Distractions” should be a name for a punk rock band. It shouldn’t be the official policy for a sitting president.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Secret Service Slackers


cjones03222017

The Trump White House operates with the judgement and ethics that’s usually only seen in used-car dealerships and trial lawyers who also work as locksmiths.

Everyone knew General Michael Flynn had traded in his once-respected military reputation to be a partisan joke for Donald Trump. It’s not often you see a United States general leading “lock her up” chants at political conventions.

Everyone knew Flynn was lobbying for Turkey. We all knew he sat next to Russian President Vladimir Putin at a dinner. It was public knowledge he accepted money from Russia to give a speech in Moscow, which probably ran afoul of the Constitution’s Emoluments Clause (a provision that prohibits federal office holders from accepting financial benefits from a foreign government. “Retired regular military officers are also subject to the Emoluments Clause because they are subject to recall, and, therefore, hold an ‘Office of Profit or Trust’ under the Emoluments Clause,” a 2013 Department of Defense white paper reads).

It was also recently revealed that Flynn was paid  $11,250 from a Russian cargo airline company and a Russia-based cyber security firm for giving speeches in the United States.

Despite all this the White House transition team, led by vice-president Mike Pence, approved Flynn to serve as national security adviser. This proves one of two things: Either the transition team was very sloppy with vetting or, they just didn’t give a rat’s patootie (I cursed enough in the blog for the Sean Spicer cartoon I published Saturday morning).

Between the election and Trump’s inauguration Flynn met with the Russian ambassador at Trump Tower and exchanged phone calls and text messages, which means they were in cahoots with rigging the election or engaging in a teenage love affair (wherefore art thou, Kislyak?”). He later lied about the conversations and remained on the job for two weeks after the lie. That also proves that the Trump administration really doesn’t care about ethics or inappropriate contacts with the Russian government. Though they did fire the acting attorney general who warned them of Flynn’s heavy petting with the Russians.

Flynn set a dubious record for shortest tenure ever for a national security adviser, serving only 24 days. Your father has probably gone longer without changing his underwear. Mine has.

Speaking of foreign agents, do you remember Monica Crowley? She was the “journalist” set to become the spokesperson for the National Security Council until reports revealed multiple instances of plagiarism in her Ph.D. dissertation, her new book and newspaper columns. She claimed all those accusations were debunked after she looked up the word “debunked” in a George Will column.

But ya’ know, saying something is debunked isn’t exactly the same as it actually being debunked. You have to actually have proof, which Crowley doesn’t have. Anyway, she’s now registered as a foreign agent for a Ukrainian oligarch. What is it with Trump people and oligarchs? You never even heard that word in the news until Trump was elected. At some point Breitbart is going to need an Oligarch section, much like they currently have a “black crime” section.

Right now the Secret Service is in a bit of hot water. No, not for plagiarism or extended lengths of time without changing their underwear. An intruder on the White House grounds remained on the property for 16 minutes before the service apprehended him. They’ve also recently lost a laptop with details of Trump Tower. One agent was recently removed for a Facebook post where she said she refused to take a bullet for Trump. Let’s not forget that guy who got to pose for a photo at Mar-a-Lago with the nuclear football.

I’m kinda expecting an agent to leave the front door open to the White House while loudly exclaiming he’s going on break for five minutes.

Most people don’t like Trump but we don’t want any harm to come to the guy. If you think his people are difficult to live with now wait until 45 is a martyr. Also, are we really sure Pence is any better? In all seriousness, I don’t ever wish harm on anyone. Let’s just impeach the guy and let him live the rest of his life rich, privileged, and bitching about how he’s not treated fairly.

White House intruders need to be taken seriously and removed quickly. Whether it’s the wack jobs hearing voices in their heads or the ones appointed by Donald Trump. You know, like family members and Nazis.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Tell Tchaikovsky The News


cjones03212017

While I’m not a fan of drawing obituary cartoons, especially ones including St. Peter and the Pearly gates, I will make the occasional exception. I usually need a good reason to draw one, other than my editors love them and the issue isn’t Donald Trump. For this one, I’m a guitar player. How can I not give tribute to Chuck Berry?

I didn’t really listen to Berry. But I did. Everyone who has ever listened to rock and roll has listened to Chuck Berry whether they knew it or not. Every guitar player has copied Chuck Berry, even if he’s never listened to one of his songs in his life.

Everyone you’ve listened to was influenced by Berry, and their influences were influenced by Berry. He’s been praised by John Lennon, Bob Dylan, and Keith Richards. He was lovingly ripped off by The Beach Boys (listen to the intro to “Surfin’ USA).

Chuck Berry was brilliant. It wasn’t just his guitar riffs that allowed him to play in front of white kids in segregated venues. His lyrics were really sharp and clever. Anyone who came up with “roll over, Beethoven and tell Tchaikovsky the news” is a genius. I actually got this idea while watching a video of him playing this tune to an audience in Belgium.

My only real regret with this cartoon is that I didn’t draw an ES-335.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.