Man Or Bear


A hypothetical question has gone viral on the internet and like most things on the internet from Donald Trump to the Middle East to pineapple on pizza, it’s divisive. The question is for women: Would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear? The answer seems simple, right? And for most women, it is.

One interviewer in a TikTok video viewed over 17 million times asked eight women on the street whether they’d rather be stuck in a forest with a man or a bear. Seven out of the eight answer, with very little hesitation, the bear. This has enranged millions of manly men and will probably speed up Congress’ effort to ban TikTok. But the thing is, it’s not really about the bear.

When asked why they would pick the bear, women give different itterations of the same answer…they know what to expect from the bear. The bear will only choose from two options, maul or ignore you.

With a man, women don’t know what to expect.

The one thing that’s been pointed out is if a women claims she was attacked by a bear, society wouldn’t question her. If a women tells you she was attacked by a bear, you might ask if it was a brown bear, a black bear, a polar bear, or even Cocaine Bear, but you wouldn’t ask the woman what she was wearing. You wouldn’t ask her if she was leading the bear on.

Other points are: No one would accuse the woman of liking the bear attack. Republicans would not demand the woman to carry the bear’s baby to term. The Bear will not traffic the woman to other bears. The bear’s buddies wouldn’t claim the woman’s accusations are ruining the mauling bear’s life and he’s really a nice bear once you get to know him. If a woman survives the bear attack, she won’t have to see it at family reunions. The bear wouldn’t pretend to be a woman’s friend before it attacks. The bear wouldn’t take nude photos of the woman and send it to all its bear friends. Winnie the Pooh wants literal honey, not your honey.

The National Sexual Violence Resource Center says 51 percent of women have experienced sexual violence in their lifetime. The center says 81 percent have experienced assault or sexual harrassment. Over 26 percent of female college students have been raped or sexually assaulted. How dare any man question why a woman would choose a bear.

A lot of men are fixated on the bear. They don’t understand why women wouldn’t choose the unknown random man who they believe can protect the woman from a bear…before the unknown random man sexually assaults her.

Other reasons to choose the bear over a random unknown man is that the bear won’t drag you into a dressing room in Manhattan and rape you. The bear won’t tell you that you remind him of his daughter before he jumps on top of you. The bear won’t tell his friends, “I moved on her like a bitch.” The bear wouldn’t ask you to spank him with a magazine. The bear wouldn’t boast to all his bear friends that he grabs women “by the pussy.” Yogi never told Boo-Boo, “They let you do it when you’re famous.” The bear wouldn’t tell people later that you weren’t his type or call you fat, a slob, or Miss Piggy. The bear wouldn’t assign a numerical rating system to you. Plus, the bear probably won’t be racist, grift you, sell you shitty stock and ugly sneakers while grifting and making you pay his legal bills.

Unless of course it’s Trumpy Bear.

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4 thoughts on “Man Or Bear

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  1. MAYBE it’s because I’m 80, but my first thought, but my was: The man.

    You Know what the bear will do but the man MAY be a decent guy.             Not there weren’t plenty of creeps back then as well.

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  2. The worst part is, even liberated women bring their male children up to be privileged as compared to female children, which is why other women do not trust them. Not all of them, but more than you would think — especially those with older brothers. And very few of these women realize they are even doing it.
    I wish they would open their eyes.

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