Author: clayjonz

I draw political cartoons which are published in newspapers across the country. I also play guitar.

Classified Pain In The Butt


cjones05272017

I want to play poker with Donald Trump. The man does not have a poker face. He has a Cheeto face, but not a poker face. If you ask him if he wants to call your raise he’d tell you that he doesn’t have a full house.

There’s been a lot of talk in the news how Russian spies can hoodwink Americans to become moles without their ever knowing it. I would be very skeptical of that if we weren’t talking about the sort of people Trump hires, and even Trump himself (who has hired a lawyer to defend him from impeachment and charges of colluding with Russians…who has worked for Russians). Have you seen an interview with Carter Page? That guy couldn’t pick a number between one and three. The Russian spies even described Page as an idiot while they were attempting to recruit him, which is what made him a juicy target.

When news broke that Trump gave highly classified information to the Russians there was speculation that the intel was provided to the United States from Israel. There was concern the Russians could figure that out, and even who the agents are gathering the intelligence. It was never reported that Trump told them it came from Israel.

So naturally while in Israel Trump told the entire world that the intel came from the Israelis. He wasn’t even asked when he told the press that he never mentioned Israel to the Russians. Israeli prime minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu has found himself in the same position as Republicans. He has to smile and support a man to get what he wants while trying to ignore the fact that the man is an idiot.

While on his tour of the Middle East and Europe, foreign leaders and diplomats have been coached to flatter Trump. They’re to compare him favorably to Obama and compliment him on his electoral victory. The man is a pushover.

Donald Trump isn’t just simple-minded enough to manipulate, for our friends and foes alike. He’s not just dangerously insecure and intellectually ill-equipped to do his job. He can’t keep his mouth shut. Along with those high negatives, Trump puts his ego over national security.

Donald Trump is a national security risk and it’s time for America to fold this hand and move on. He’s a pain in the ass. Just ask Bibi.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

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Radical Nut Job


cjones05252017

Before he was elected president with fewer votes than his female Democratic party opponent, Donald Trump loved to toss around the term “radical Islamic terrorism.” Now that he’s president and visiting Saudi Arabia where the kingdom is praising his narcissism, surrounding him with bright and shiny objects, and they’re all dancing with swords, he’s found substitutes for the term.

Trump criticized Hillary Clinton and President Obama for avoiding the phrase. It takes a complex mind to understand that using that phrasing is describing an entire religion as “radical.” Often times in the past Trump was even blunter by saying “Islam hates us.”

During Trump’s current tour of the Middle East (where he said he just arrived from, while he was in Israel) and during his speech to over 50 leaders from Muslim nations, he used the term “Islamist,” which is accepted as characteristic of the fanatical extremists and violent fringes, such as the Islamic State and al-Qaeda. Referring to a religion as “radical” isn’t friendly, nice, or used by someone who understands complexities. When you put “Islam” before “terrorists,” it’s insulting an entire religion. You never hear conservatives or Republicans refer to a white guy who shoots up a black church or an abortion clinic as a “radical Christian.”

I’m sure conservatives, such as Ted Cruz, who bashed Clinton and Obama for avoiding the phrase will give Trump a pass for doing the same. Now if we can just get these simple minds to understand the difference between “illegal immigrants” and “undocumented workers.”

Trump does enjoy insulting people. He once slammed Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski as “Dumb Mika,” and George Will as “Stupid George Will.” His most famous school-yard bullying insults were “Lyin’ Ted” for Ted Cruz (which is hard to argue with) and “Crooked Hillary” for Hillary Clinton.

The final 6:00 PM breaking news from last week was last Friday when it was reported that Trump called former FBI director Jim Comey a “nut job.” Am I the only one who believes Trump is projecting? He once called Hillary Clinton “Putin’s puppet” and made fun of Rand Paul’s hair.

When Trump insulted Comey he was talking to the Russians in the Oval Office. He was informing them that he was working diligently to cover up their investment in him. It is kinda bizarre that the man who hired the likes of Michael “Lock Her Up” Flynn, and Kellyanne “Microwaves Are Bugging Us” Conway would refer to the director of the FBI as a “nut job.”

No, Mr. President. “Nut jobs” are those people who voted for you and believe all this “Russia stuff” is fake news.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Getting Jaggy In Costa Rica


crsta05192017

I’ve held a strong belief throughout my entire life that if a jaguar wants to camp out on a beach, then that beach belongs to that jaguar.

Jaguars are beautiful, dignified, and kinda scary unless we’re talking about football teams in Jacksonville. Costa Rica is home to many species that I would find amazing to view in the wild. If and when I visit that nation I want to see a toucan. I want to see a sloth. You know the monkey in Outbreak that delivers a virus that nearly eliminates mankind? Yup. The white-headed capuchin monkey is also native to Costa Rica (and the acting monkey in Outbreak was the same monkey in Friends until he was fired. Friends fired a monkey). And Costa Rica has jaguars.

Apparently, wildlife officers in Costa Rica share my opinion about jags on the beach. Jaguars usually occupy forests but last week one decided he needed to go beach bumming. Authorities closed down Tortuguero Beach from the public and gave it to the jag. Good call. Let that cat have all the litter box he needs.

Another bum visiting Costa Rica last week (and not an endangered species at all) was Khloe Kardashian. Khloe was spotted smoking what appeared to be a reefer. A joint. Marijuana. Pot. Cannabis. Weed. The Devil’s lettuce. She was getting high.

The sort of media that actually cares about such things and provides ample coverage to it made much of the fact that Khloe is an anti-drug advocate. One can argue that “pot” is not a drug (I don’t think it is), and that holding what is referred as a “spliff” may not be marijuana. Her spokesperson said it was a hookah stick that is tobacco and marijuana free. It’s called a “Phantom Stick.” You can join me in shrugging your shoulders now.

I learned three things working on this project: I learned the term “spliff,” I learned about hookah sticks, and I learned there is a Khloe Kardashian. I also learned how to spell “Khloe” Kardashian (which my editor pointed out after I misspelled it in the rough, though he misspelled “Tortuguero.”

For the record, marijuana is decriminalized in Costa Rica and it should be in the United States too. I don’t give a rat’s ass if a Kardashian fires one up in Costa Rica, the U.S., Mars, etc. But as I approached this week’s subject for The Costa Rica Star I thought it would be a funny subject. Plus, I got to draw a jaguar. Reowr!

I did have to learn some about the Kardashians as I can’t tell a Kardashian from a Miley Cyrus, or insert another famous person who’s famous for being famous despite the lack of any talent or unique ability. When it comes to the Kardashians, I have not been keeping up.

But I got to draw a jaguar…and a really big butt.

Creative Note: This was one of the cartoons from last Friday’s cartoon marathon. I drew four cartoons that day and this was number two. It was pretty easy and a lot of fun.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

A Weiner Plea


cjones05242017

I don’t care if two consenting adults text pictures of their private parts to each other. It’s probably not a good idea if you’re married unless you’re sending photos of your junk to your wife, which will probably bore her. I also believe you have the right to share these sort of photos with people who want to receive them, though the trappings of society are really discouraging it as they can show up all over the internet, even if you’re not famous. It takes a real low-life scum of a person to hack and spread nude photos of celebrities on the internet that were intended to remain private. It’s just as terrible to distribute pics of your ex on a crummy website. These sort of shares have ruined lives, literally.

One big no-no, and it’s even illegal (like some of the examples above), is to send dirty photos back and forth with a minor if you’re an adult, like Anthony Weiner.

The former U.S. representative from New York City had a very promising political career. He brought it down by sexting. He accidentally tweeted a pic of his junk that was intended for a text. Not content with ruining his Congressional career, he did it again and ruined any chance he had of becoming mayor of NYC. Then he did it again. I’ve lost count how many times he was busted sending pictures of stuff to women. And then he sent them to a minor.

Weiner’s wife, Huma Abedin, couldn’t tolerate his behavior, and the embarrassment, and finally divorced him. Anthony even had a “hand” in taking down the presidential campaign of Hillary Clinton, as the FBI was investigating his sexting with a minor when they found unrelated documents from Hillary Clinton on his computer. James Comey, the then-director of the FBI, told the public they were re-opening the case into Clinton’s server days before the election. Of course none of the Clinton documents turned up any evidence against her. Weiner’s wiener very well may have destroyed our nation. A dick literally put Donald Trump into the White House.

Last Friday Weiner pleaded guilty in court to committing a felony. He cried while he admitted that he knew was “as morally wrong as it was unlawful.” What was morally wrong, and unlawful, was his sexting a 15-year-old girl in North Carolina. Weiner is 52.

Weiner will have to register as a sex offender where he works and lives and he may face prison time. Transferring obscene material to a minor carries a sentence of up to 10 years in prison. That’s a place where a lot of people may be willing to see Mr. Weiner’s wiener. He’ll probably get to see a lot of theirs too though he may not see them coming if he drops the soap.

Weiner will be sentenced in September and with his plea, he will probably be sentenced anywhere from 21-27 months (which means he’ll probably serve a year or so).

During his plea, Weiner said, “I’ve compulsively sought attention from women who contacted me on social media, and I engaged with many of them in both sexual and nonsexual conversation.” He also told the judge “I accept full responsibility for my conduct,” and “I have a sickness, but I do not have an excuse.”

I read a few posts on social media from conservatives upset with him saying he has a sickness. The only description they want to give Weiner is that he’s a pervert.

I don’t have a problem with describing him as a “pervert,” but I do believe he does have a sickness. Here’s a man with a promising career, a beautiful and intelligent wife, a child, and after being caught he’s given more than one opportunity to stop his behavior. He didn’t even change his methods. He kept doing it. That is a sickness.

It is similar to one addicted to drugs or alcohol being fully aware they’re killing themselves but they can’t stop. He does need treatment and I hope he gets it. Of course, I’m a bleeding-heart liberal and I have empathy for others, so what do I know?

Creative notes: When I was doing my four-cartoon marathon Friday I made posts about it on social media. I got a lot of comments from readers about how Trump was keeping me busy, though not a single one of those cartoons was on him. I took yesterday off and went to bed at a normal hour last night (which is weird for me) and started working kinda early today. It was nice to continue to subjects that aren’t Donald Trump.

Believe it or not, I get bored with Trump. I was hitting a wall last week. I’d be real happy going a week with silence from him though I don’t think that’s ever going to happen as long as he’s president.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Chris Cornell


seattle05202017

If you read yesterday’s blog you know I’m a huge Soundgarden fan. While I’m not a huge fan of drawing “obituary” cartoons, I wanted to do something special for Chris Cornell.

I’ve done some work for The Seattle Times over the past couple of years and Thursday afternoon they asked me to draw a cartoon for their Sunday edition (on a completely different subject).

I had a hectic workload Friday morning. I had to draw a cartoon for my syndication, one for The Costa Rica Star, and the cartoon requested by The Times. I started working at 3:00 AM Friday morning. The last of the three cartoons I drew was the Times cartoon and when I was done and it was approved, I threw out my request.

I told them I wanted to draw a Chris Cornell cartoon for his hometown newspaper and have it run in their Saturday edition. They jumped on it and bumped whatever else they already had set for that page. I finished drawing at 3:00 PM. It’s also a good thing I’m four hours ahead of Seattle.

I had my own cartoon marathon drawing four cartoons in 12 hours. That involved two pots of coffee. I went to sleep Friday night around 8:00 PM and woke up Saturday morning at 5:00 AM. I slept hard.

So while I don’t like obituary cartoons, especially those involving Pearly Gates and Heaven, I’ll break my own rules occasionally. How could I not include “Say Hello 2 Heaven?”

I’m re-posting what I wrote from the day before, just in case you missed it.

Chris Cornell.

I’m a huge fan of music that comes from Seattle. It’s not a bias for the city or I’m carrying a love for flannel and frosty, wet weather that’ll depress the hell out of you. It’s that the artists who come from that corner of the Northwest were kinda isolated from what radio and MTV told us what was supposed to be popular and what we should listen to. While Soundgarden, Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam, and Nirvana, are all classified as “grunge,” those four bands don’t sound much alike, and they didn’t sound anything like the music radio was telling us to absorb in the late 80s and early 90s. They ignored that and followed their own rules.

Cornell was a brilliant songwriter with a voice that soared above others. You can argue he was the best pure singer to come from the entire “grunge” scene with only Layne Staley from AIC being able to challenge him. That would be a good argument.

Cornell was a rock’n’roll bad ass. Years ago I was hanging with fellow musicians at an after party and the front man (who is a brilliant vocalist and songwriter in his own right) for another band, She Bites Dogs, was drunk and threw out a silly question. “If you’re not gay but had to sleep with a famous dude, who would it be?” He may have also been high. While every guy in the room was stumbling for an answer, he threw out an answer in a millisecond after his own question. He chose Chris Cornell. While we didn’t have time to think about it, it seemed it had been on his mind for a while. But it made sense. Cornell wasn’t just a really good-looking dude. He was cool. He was talented. He’s the kind of guy girls want and yes, guys would want to be. He didn’t even get too much shit when he cut off his long hair in the mid-90s, He was that cool. When you’re that cool, you can do whatever the hell you want.

Cornell has a legacy. Imagine the vocal abilities of Elvis in a format with a hard rocking band with songs that did not suck. Cornell’s vocal cords had balls. Soundgarden was pure fury with an intense depth musically and lyrically. Soundgarden is the band that Nickelback wishes they could be, but to be fair, every band probably wants to be Soundgarden. The first Soundgarden song that will come to mind for the casual listener is probably “Black Hole Sun,” but there’s so much more they should check out. Check out the anger, screaming vocals, profanity, pure adrenaline rush, and banjo (yes. Banjo!), in Ty Cobb.

“Loud Love” is a great description for Soundgarden, yet there was more to Cornell than loud music. While still in Soundgarden and before they made it big, he put together Temple of the Dog, which was a collaboration between him and the future members of Pearl Jam that was a one-shot tribute to his roommate and friend Andrew Wood of Mother Love Bone who died from a heroin overdose. Check out Chris dueting with a very young and inexperienced Eddie Vedder on “Hunger Strike.” After Soundgarden he had a solo career that a lot of his fans weren’t very fond of, as the music was a lot softer and, because he was cool and could do whatever he wanted, he covered Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean”. He also delivered an amazing version of Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You.” Cornell formed Audioslave (he apparently likes hearing terms in band names) with the former members of Rage Against The Machine. It rocked but it didn’t come close to the innovation, brilliance, and pure hunger of Soundgarden. Soundgarden kicks ass.

Cornell died in Detroit Thursday from an apparent suicide while on tour with Soundgarden. He joins other Seattle music tragedies such as Staley, Cobain, and Hendrix. He wrote about death often such as in “Say Hello To Heaven” from Temple Of The Dog, “Like A Stone”, from Audioslave, and “Jesus Christ Pose” from Soundgarden.

I’m sure Heaven is enthusiastic to say hello to Chris Cornell.

Creative note: This blog took a while because I wasn’t able to find all those links without listening to each song. I have to draw a cartoon today for The Seattle Times and The Costa Rica Star and I’ll be jamming to Chris’ music while I do so.

Update: I misreported that Cornell was on a solo tour. I was wrong. He was on tour with Soundgarden which I should have known. The worst part is, I found that out while writing my blog but failed to scroll up to make my correction. A reader (seen below) reminded me that I needed to correct it. I apologize for that mistake.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Ailing


cjones05232017

Roger Ailes, the man who crafted Fox News and reshaped the way cable news is presented, died Thursday at the age of 77.

There’s been a lot of comments about the genius of Ailes and how he tarnished his legacy with allegations of sexual harassment, which eventually ousted him from Fox. I disagree. His legacy was already tarnished.

A friend took the opportunity of Ailes’ death to post a comment on Facebook criticizing liberals who were rejoicing over the death of Ailes. He’s right that many on the left were downright gleeful, but he’s always strangely silent when conservatives are guilty of the same crime, celebrating at the death or illness of a Democrat.

Here’s the real irony my conservative “friend” will never catch: That is Roger Ailes’ legacy.

Conservatives love to play the victim card. They wail and whine how the media has a liberal bias. But they’re not advocating for an unbiased news outlet. Their answer to a supposed left-wing biased media is more biased media…except one that feeds their confirmation bias. Ailes fed that. Fox News is the media and it’s the largest in viewership, yet conservatives still play victim to the press. Snowflakes claim their voices aren’t heard.

Roger Ailes started as a political operative and he never stopped after he jumped into the news business. Many journalists credit Ailes for their careers, but so do Republican politicians. He’s had his finger in the election of every Republican president since Nixon. Even while leading “fair and balanced” Fox he was consulting with Republican presidents and candidates.

Ailes gave us Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Glenn Beck. While there are agenda driven left-wing sites such as Occupy Democrats and Daily Kos, Fox News inspired the Daily Caller, TownHall, and Breitbart, and they’re all pissed off. Here’s the thing, Chuckles: If it’s a right-wing or left-wing news site, it’s not news. It’s propaganda. It’s divisive.

That is Roger Ailes’ legacy.

Enough with speaking ill of the dead. Let’s recognize the passing of a true artist. Let’s talk about…

Chris Cornell.

I’m a huge fan of music that comes from Seattle. It’s not a bias for the city or I’m carrying a love for flannel and frosty, wet weather that’ll depress the hell out of you. It’s that the artists who come from that corner of the Northwest were kinda isolated from what radio and MTV told us what was supposed to be popular and what we should listen to. While Soundgarden, Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam, and Nirvana, are all classified as “grunge,” those four bands don’t sound much alike, and they didn’t sound anything like the music radio was telling us to absorb in the late 80s and early 90s. They ignored that and followed their own rules.

Cornell was a brilliant songwriter with a voice that soared above others. You can argue he was the best pure singer to come from the entire “grunge” scene with only Layne Staley from AIC being able to challenge him. That would be a good argument.

Cornell was a rock’n’roll bad ass. Years ago I was hanging with fellow musicians at an after party and the front man (who is a brilliant vocalist and songwriter in his own right) for another band, She Bites Dogs, was drunk and threw out a silly question. “If you’re not gay but had to sleep with a famous dude, who would it be?” He may have also been high. While every guy in the room was stumbling for an answer, he threw out an answer in a millisecond after his own question. He chose Chris Cornell. While we didn’t have time to think about it, it seemed it had been on his mind for a while. But it made sense. Cornell wasn’t just a really good-looking dude. He was cool. He was talented. He’s the kind of guy girls want and yes, guys would want to be. He didn’t even get too much shit when he cut off his long hair in the mid-90s, He was that cool. When you’re that cool, you can do whatever the hell you want.

Cornell has a legacy. Imagine the vocal abilities of Elvis in a format with a hard rocking band with songs that did not suck. Cornell’s vocal cords had balls. Soundgarden was pure fury with an intense depth musically and lyrically. Soundgarden is the band that Nickelback wishes they could be, but to be fair, every band probably wants to be Soundgarden. The first Soundgarden song that will come to mind for the casual listener is probably “Black Hole Sun,”  but there’s so much more they should check out. Check out the anger, screaming vocals, profanity, pure adrenaline rush, and banjo (yes. Banjo!), in Ty Cobb.

“Loud Love” is a great description for Soundgarden, yet there was more to Cornell than loud music. While still in Soundgarden and before they made it big, he put together Temple of the Dog, which was a collaboration between him and the future members of Pearl Jam that was a one-shot tribute to his roommate and friend Andrew Wood of Mother Love Bone who died from a heroin overdose. Check out Chris dueting with a very young and inexperienced Eddie Vedder on “Hunger Strike.” After Soundgarden he had a solo career that a lot of his fans weren’t very fond of, as the music was a lot softer and, because he was cool and could do whatever he wanted, he covered Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean”. He also delivered an amazing version of Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You.” Cornell formed Audioslave (he apparently likes hearing terms in band names) with the former members of Rage Against The Machine. It rocked but it didn’t come close to the innovation, brilliance, and pure hunger of Soundgarden. Soundgarden kicks ass.

Cornell died in Detroit Thursday from an apparent suicide while on a solo tour. He joins other Seattle music tragedies such as Staley, Cobain, and Hendrix. He wrote about death often such as in “Say Hello To Heaven” from Temple Of The Dog, “Like A Stone”, from Audioslave, and “Jesus Christ Pose”  from Soundgarden.

I’m sure Heaven is enthusiastic to say hello to Chris Cornell.

Creative note: This blog took a while because I wasn’t able to find all those links without listening to each song. I have to draw a cartoon today for The Seattle Times and The Costa Rica Star and I’ll be jamming to Chris’ music while I do so.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.