Author: clayjonz

I draw political cartoons which are published in newspapers across the country. I also play guitar.

No Givesies Backsies


cjones10212020

One of the conspiracy theories being spread by the Qanon cult is that Washington is run by a bunch of Satanic worshipping pedophiliac cannibalistic Democrats. The irony here is, it’s the Republicans in Washington, and everywhere else, who have sold their souls to the devil.

Do you know why they’re rushing to put Amy Coney Barrett on the court now, before the election, and not wait until the next presidential term? Because Republicans may not ever be here again.

Donald Trump won the presidency by catching lightning in a bottle. The GOP won the White House by the slimmest of margins in three swing states that are now looking like they’re going for Biden. Trump was also assisted by Russians and bad timing and judgement by the director of the FBI. Donald Trump landed in the White House while the majority of Americans voted against him. Can he do that twice? It’s not looking good for him. It’s not looking good for Republicans. Donald Trump is about to go down and take them with him.

In 2018, the Republicans lost the House by a huge margin picking up 41 seats. While the GOP retained the Senate, and even added a few seats, 12 million more Americans voted for Democratic Senate candidates than Republicans. America is rejecting the policies of the Republican Party.

While I wouldn’t bet that America is swinging wildly to the left, it’s rejecting the Republican policies of division and hate. A majority of Americans are pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and pro-heathcare. The majority of this nation are not racist.

The GOP has spent the past four years catering to the least-informed, to the stupid, and to the racists. They’ve all sold their souls to Donald Trump. They’ve been losing ever since.

What did the Republicans sell their souls for? Federal judges. So far, they have confirmed 218 federal judges since Donald Trump took office. Nine of these confirmations were rated “not qualified” by the American Bar Association but they’ll be right-wingers on the bench for decades. But it may be a very long time before Republicans get any more.

The federal courts don’t represent the rest of the nation. Most Americans aren’t as right-wing as our courts. Our elections prove that. But as our nation moves to the left, the courts will remain rigidly on the right. We’ll have religious cultists like Amy Coney Barrett to deal with for decades.

And these courts don’t look like the rest of the nation. Despite the high profile of appointing a woman to the Supreme Court, only about 25% of Trump’s judicial nominations are women. Trump’s appointments are 85% white. And for the appellate courts, not one appointment has been black. Remember, during a trial over his fake university scamming people, Donald Trump said the judge wasn’t fit to preside over the trial because he’s “Mexican.”

Keep in mind, these judges were nominated by a president (sic) the majority of voters rejected, who was impeached, and was aided into his office by Vladimir Putin. We have federal judges who were selected by a guy who shouldn’t be trusted to make his own selections from the kids’ menu at Denny’s. We have judges confirmed by a Senate most Americans have rejected. And these lifetime appointments were mostly approved by a slim majority. The two new Supreme Court Justices couldn’t win 60 votes, so Mitch McConnell changed the rules. Amy Coney Barrett will most likely fail to win 60 votes, but she’ll get enough to serve on the highest court in the land for the rest of her life. No one should serve on a federal court who could only get votes from one party. We should not have lifetime appointments who only got by with the bare minimum required.

With a huge defeat looming in the next two weeks, Republicans are already starting to distance themselves from Donald Trump. Soon, they’ll start telling us how they never really liked him. They’ll try to pretend they never supported a lying, sexist, racist, treasonous vile piece of crap that defended Nazis and helped recruit terrorists who try to kidnap Democratic governors. They’ll forget they didn’t just look the other way, but defended a president (sic) who was breaking the law. They’ll forget they supported a president committing treasonous acts. They’ll forget they pandered to Putin’s puppet.

When they come to you with their hat in hand, telling you how pragmatic they are, that they never sold their souls, that they still have their morals and principles, don’t believe them. Remember how they were over the past four years. Remember the promises they made when they stole a Supreme Court seat from President Obama. Remember how they broke those promises for Amy Coney Barrett. Remember how they didn’t bail on a president, even after he started praising Nazis.

Remember who they are because they’ve been telling us for the past four years. Remember their lack of principles. Remember and vote them out. Send them where we’re sending Donald Trump. And maybe…just maybe…

When Donald Trump flees the country, he’ll take a few of them with him.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Roughs, Volume 67


I didn’t draw many roughs this past week.

CNNrough983

This is the one chosen for the CNN Opinion newsletter. It was only after I had finished drawing it that I learned Mary Trump actually did have something to say about her “crazy uncle.”

CNNrough982

Yes, Republicans have lost their damn minds.

CNNrough981

I kinda like this one.

See? Only three. That’s it. Thanks for stopping by and don’t be a stranger.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Flock Together


cjones10202020

NBC’s Savannah Guthrie did a commendable job Thursday night pushing back on Donald Trump’s crazy. Most journalists who have come face-to-face with Donald Trump have failed to push back as much as Ms. Guthrie did. But to be fair, Donald Trump is hard to talk over and there’s usually more crazy than any one journalist can cover in one setting.

Let’s go over Donald Trump’s refusal to condemn Qanon, the insane cult that’s made up of racists and potential terrorists.

Qanon is a cult that has sprouted up online. The followers believe in this guy named Q, who goes to their forums and tells them what’s really happening in our federal government. Q is supposed to be a deep state insider with connections. Without any evidence, Qanon followers believe this. And without any evidence, they believe the federal government is run by a cabal of Satanic worshipping cannibalistic pedophile Democrats…and Donald Trump is the savior who’s going to put an end to all of it. As ridiculous as all that sounds, they truly believe it. They go to his rallies with signs saying, “I’m Q.”

Qanon is where Pizzagate came from. Because of these insane conspiracy theories, a fucked up goober went to Washington, DC and shot into a pizza parlor. Why? Because Q said Hillary Clinton and other deep state Democrats were operating a child sex slave ring from within the parlor’s basement. There were no Democrats, no child slaves, no pedophilia, and not even a basement. There was only pizza and ping pongs. Seriously, the place has ping pong tables. It’s cool.

But, the gun fucker still shot into the place. Fortunately, no one was wounded. And to this day, Qanon followers still believe there’s a child sex slave operation going on inside the parlor’s basement run by Hillary Clinton.

And get this: All of this came from one of the emails leaked by Wikileaks to help the 2016 Trump campaign in which one Democrat wrote to another, “hey, let’s get a pizza sometime.”

The FBI believes Qanon poses a terrorism threat when it’s actually led to terrorism. The attack on Comet Ping Pong Pizza was terrorism. The Pittsburgh synagogue shooting that killed 11 people has connections to Qanon. A California bomb maker made references to Qanon, Pizzagate, and the New World Order. Many of the Q fuckers also believe the Deep State is full of lizard people. Seriously.

Kids, here’s a reminder: These people are terrorists, even if they’re white.

So, on Thursday night, when given an opportunity to call them out for their racism, crazy theories, or just that he doesn’t believe in their bullshit, Donald Trump refused. In fact, Donald Trump retweets their crazy shit.

Donald Trump’s most recent retweet of Q is that Navy Seals didn’t kill bin Laden but instead, got his body double. Donald Trump, the president (sic) of the United States retweets this shit despite having access to the best information in the world.

If Osama bin Laden was still alive, we’d all know it because Donald Trump would have set up a summit and a photo-op with him.

Donald Trump told Savannah Guthrie he couldn’t call them out because he wasn’t that familiar with them other than they like him and they don’t like pedophiles (which is living in Oppositeland). Then, he defended their fight against pedophilia.

Kids, spreading crazy conspiracy theories is NOT fighting pedophilia. Can someone name one pedophile stopped by Qanon followers? Instead, they believe champion against pedophilia is Mr. Pussy Grabber who’s been accused of rape and has admitted to barging into teenage beauty contestants’ dressing rooms and says about preteens, “Hey, I’ll be dating her in a few years.” Their savior is the guy who talks about dating his daughter.

Savannah told Trump who Qanon is. She told him about the deep state Democrats and the pedophile beliefs. He still refused to call them out. But in doing so, he also didn’t state that he DOES NOT believe Democrats are a bunch of cannibalistic Satanic pedophiles. Did anyone else besides myself catch that?

He couldn’t even give the fake defense of, “I don’t know if they actually believe that, but I can tell you I don’t.” Nope. He let it linger. And just like he gave the Proud Boys a call out, he gave Qanon one too. He refused to debunk their crazy shit.

While saying he doesn’t know who Qanon is, keep in mind, he’s retweeted them over 200 times. He knows who they are. Trump says it’s “someone’s opinion” and he’s just putting it out there. Kids, retweets are ALWAYS endorsements. He’s not retweeting “Antifa” or Black Lives Matter.

In fact, when asked about Qanon, he said he doesn’t know who they are but he knows all about Antifa and Black Lives Matter and their “burning down Democratic-run cities.” Here’s where Savannah missed one chance to push back and could have asked if he knows about Michigan terrorists who plot to kidnap Democratic governors. Do you know how many people Antifa and Black Lives Matter have killed? Zero. Do you know how many people Donald Trump supporters have killed? Go ask Kyle Rittenhouse.

Donald Trump isn’t just giving credibility to crazy conspiracy theorists and assorted Nazis. In his retweets, shout-outs, and denials, he’s recruiting terrorists.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Trumptober Surprise


cjones10192020

Political prognosticators, you know…geeks, are always on the lookout during every presidential election for the October surprise. Basically, the idea is that one campaign has some real juicy dirt they’re holding close to their vest that they’re planning to release in mid to late October very close to the election. And when they release it, they’re all like, “Gotcha, motherfucker!!! Nobody’s gonna vote for you now, you sick bastard!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!” And sometimes, it actually works out that way.

Sometimes, the so-called October surprise comes from news outlets, though they rarely hold onto something for timing. Usually, a news outlet releases news when they have it and they feel their reporting is as complete as it’s going to get. In October 2016, The New York Times released a story that Donald Trump hadn’t paid taxes in 18 years. How effective was that story? Well, Trump won. Illegally, but he still won.

October surprises go way back and are often deliberate. In October 1840, President Martin Van Buren had prosecutors, members of his own party, charge Whigs (remember those guys?) for paying Pennsylvanians to travel to New York and fraudulently vote multiple times in the state’s 1838 elections (which is what Trump tells his people to do now). They timed the charges for mid-October and even though the Whigs were guilty, the public felt it was a dirty trick by the Democrats and they ousted Van Buren.

In October 1880, The New York Times published a letter supposedly written by the Republican nominee, James Garfield, where he endorsed Chinese immigration and employers buying their labor. As it turned out, he didn’t write the letter but it nearly cost him the election.

In October 1920 (This one’s good), Democrats released information that Warren Harding had “Negro” blood and Republicans released information that as Assistant Secretary of the Navy, Franklin D. Roosevelt (who was the veep nominee) authorized an investigation into homosexuality in the Navy and in order for investigators to find out if it was true (this is where it gets good), for them to engage in homosexual acts (that probably wasn’t dancing to “In The Navy”). The accusations were that FDR had allowed 83 seamen (get it? Semen? I’m a Beavis) convicted of “unnatural acts” to return to duty. Harding won. Apparently in 1920, homophobia might have been slightly stronger than racism.

In 1964, an FBI agent leaked to the GOP they were investigating an aide to Lyndon Johnson for visiting a Washington YMCA where he was engaging in gay behavior (man, this country has a long history of hating gays). During the investigation, the FBI even set up peepholes which sounds less like investigating and closer to participating. The aide was arrested for doing “gay stuff.” But, there were other October surprises. China tested their first atomic bomb and the Soviets ousted Premier Nikita Khrushchev. With such international concerns, the public decided to stay the course with Johnson as Goldwater was scarier than gay bath houses.

In October 1968, LBJ, trying to help Hubert Humphrey, announced an end to bombings in Vietnam and the start of peace talks. Richard Nixon, who truly was a Tricky Dick, contacted the South Vietnamese through back channels and convinced them not to participate in any peace talks until he was president. Three days before the election, South Vietnam announced they were withdrawing from the peace talks. Nixon won. Another interesting part of this is that LBJ heard of this and had the RBI wiretap the Nixon campaign. Donald Trump claims Obama spied on his campaign, which is bullshit, but LBJ literally spied on the Nixon campaign.

In October 1972, Nixon still hadn’t ended the Vietnam war and there were no peace talks. But, he had Henry Kissinger rush from Paris (where talks were supposed to be held) to Washington where he conducted a huge press conference, days before the election, and announced “peace is at hand” despite there not being any actual peace talks at the time. Peace was nowhere near “at hand” and the war lasted two and a half more years. Tricky Dick won.

In October 1980, Iran announced they were not releasing U.S. hostage until after the election. Jimmy Carter lost after refusing an October surprise of rescuing the hostages after an earlier attempt failed. Iran released the hostages literally while Ronald Reagan was being sworn in. To this day, there are still accusations the Reagan campaign somehow convinced Iran to delay releasing the hostages though no evidence has ever turned up. But still, it’s fishy as hell. Republicans framed it as Iran being so afraid of Reagan, they released the hostages right as he became president. The truth of the matter and what was truly obvious: Iran really just wanted to fuck Jimmy Carter. Afraid of Reagan? My ass! They became illegal arms customers of his.

In October 1992, four days before the election between President George H. W. Bush, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton, the Independent Prosecutor indicted former Reagan Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger for lying about his involvement in the Iran-Contra scandal. I doubt it had any effect, but Clinton won. The lousy economy and “no new taxes” is probably what killed Bush’s reelection.

In October 2000, Fox News (really?) released information days before the election that George W. Bush had been arrested in Maine for drunk driving way back in 1976. Karl Rove believes it cost Bush five states (it didn’t), the popular vote, and gave us the entire hanging chad Florida scandal which put the election into the hands of the Supreme Court.

In October 2004, Osama bin Laden released a new video telling us how much he hated George W. Bush which truly helped Bush win his reelection against John Kerry. It also helped that he was running against John Kerry. This sort of thing can’t happen for Donald Trump because the truly slimy people of the world are people he hugs.

In October 2008, the stock market’s fall accelerated and unemployment reached a 14-year high. The GOP held the White House and their candidate, John McCain, stumbled by not being able to recall how many houses he owned. Seriously. It also didn’t help John McCain that he was running against Barack Obama.

In 2012, a secretly-recorded tape of GOP nominee Mitt Romney talking to big money fat cats at a private event was released. In it, Romney chastised half of the nation by saying, “There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has responsibility to care for them.” After the election, even Romney admitted it sank any hope he had of winning. He told an interviewer, “There’s no question that hurt and did real damage to my campaign.” It also hurt that he was running against Barack Obama.

Rolling Stone (the magazine, not the band), claims the 2016 election had over two dozen October surprises. There were Trump’s taxes, the revelation he lost $916 million in 1995, New York state shut down his illegal charity, the Hollywood Access tape came out (“grab them by the pussy”), reports that Trump would barge into teenage beauty contestants’ dressing rooms to ogle them while they were naked, more allegations of Trump’s groping, release of a tape of Trump saying about a pre-teen, “I am going to be dating her in 10 years,” another tape of Trump telling a group of 14-year-old girls, “Just think, in a couple of years I’ll be dating you,” revelations of a direct communication link between the Trump campaign and the largest private Russian bank, more allegations of Trump’s groping, news the FBI was investigating a tip that Russia had been cultivating Trump for the presidency for years, and then a bunch of more accusations of Trump’s groping.

But what also came out was FBI Directory James Comey telling the public he was investigating Hillary Clinton’s emails, emails that belonged to Anthony Weiner, then conducting a second press conference saying there wouldn’t be any charges against Clinton. After being gaslighted by the Far Right for over two decades, all the public needed to hear was the FBI director say “Hillary” and “investigation” in the same sentence. Thank you, James motherfucker Comey. Basically, the gaslighting of Hillary Clinton outweighed the creepiness of a racist old conman who steals from charities telling pre-teens he’ll be dating them in the future. This country is fucked up.

This October, Donald Trump keeps going for the October surprise and he keeps failing. This week, The New York Post published a story about Hunter Biden’s emails between him and Ukraine. Of course, The New York Post is a shit tabloid so it’s nothing.

Donald Trump was hoping a huge reveal would come out from his corrupt Justice Department about Obama and Biden unmasking Michael Flynn during an FBI investigation. Trump, senators like Rand Paul, congressmen like Jim Jordan, and Fox News fucknuts have been telling us this is “treason.” This week, the Justice Department’s politically-motivated investigation into its own investigation landed with such a thud, that they didn’t even bother with a public report.

Now, Trump is getting desperate. His latest October surprise is that the raid Obama authorized that killed bin Laden didn’t kill bin Laden. No, it killed a body double. Donald Trump retweeted a conspiracy theory by Qanon despite saying last night at his train wreck of a town hall, that he doesn’t know anything about Qanon.

We have about 20 days until the election. Expect more “surprises,” especially as Trump’s polls get worse and he becomes more desperate. I expect them to resemble this cartoon.

If you think we’ve seen insane Trump now, wait until we get even closer to November 3. And for full-on crazy Trump, wait until after he loses.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Hot Drop Box


cjones10182020

The Republicans are cheating again. What do you mean you’re not surprised? There are two things Republicans do very well. Cheat and accuse others of cheating.

Donald Trump screams that Ukraine helped Hillary Clinton in 2016 while the undisputed fact is he was helped greatly by Russia. I don’t believe Donald Trump would be president (sic) today if Russia didn’t meddle into our election. Donald Trump has even claimed Russia favored Clinton in that election. That’s like claiming she’s the one who keeps sending Quarter Pounders to the White House.

During the 2020 election, Republicans are wailing about China and Iran helping Joe Biden, which they may be doing to some degree, while ignoring that the greatest meddler is once again Russia…in favor of Donald Trump. The Attorney General, William Barr, even went on CNN and without any proof, said China is the greater threat in this election. But then again, William Barr is Donald Trump’s personal butt poodle.

Here’s a lesson in Voting 101, kids: Don’t vote for the candidate endorsed by Russia. It’s a simple voting primer that a lot of people don’t seem to understand…or care about.

Republicans also claim Democrats are tampering with ballots. Every time some Democratic operative gets caught messing with ballot applications, they ignore the word “application” and they ignore North Carolina. What happened in North Carolina? Eight people were indicted on charges related to tampering with ballots, not applications, to help a Republican in the 2018 midterm congressional elections.

These Republicans complaining about voter fraud are the same people who warn us about gay culture while also drilling glory holes in men’s rooms at airports and truck stops.

After the 2016 election, in which Donald Trump was a sore winner, he claimed millions of people voted illegally without any proof. He created an election commission to investigate this alleged voter fraud that was really a project to collect voter data, possibly to harass or discover whom to invalidate in the future. The commission demanded every state to turn over all its voter information, such as addresses for every voter in the nation. The commission was quietly disbanded after being unable to find any evidence that millions had voted illegally. All they left behind were offices with men’s rooms full of glory holes.

During the 2018 election, Republicans worked to invalidate college voters in Texas, Native American voters in North Dakota, and black voters in Georgia. In Georgia, the Republican running for governor was the same guy responsible for operating a safe and fair election. What did he do? He removed thousands of black voters from the voter rolls. Guess what happened next. He won the election. Surprise! Who woulda seen that coming?

I’m surprised I haven’t heard the Republicans argue they wouldn’t have to engage in so much voter suppression if all these minorities wouldn’t keep trying to vote.

President Barack Obama pointed out yesterday that even the far right in Europe doesn’t work to suppress the vote. We are the only Democratic nation that discourages voting. Seriously. Keep in mind, voting is your constitutional right. No party or elected official should be able to take away that right.

In Florida, a state run by Republicans, ruled that felons can’t restore their constitutional right to vote until they’ve paid off their fines. Enter Democratic billionaire Michael Bloomberg who is paying off thousands of these fines. Republicans are now accusing him of buying the votes while ignoring that they literally enacted a poll tax.

As we head to this election, Trump and Republicans are doing all they can to suppress the vote. And if they can’t suppress it, they’re planting seeds of doubt.

They rail against mail-in ballots except in states where Republicans control the election (like Florida). Seriously. Donald Trump has said if he doesn’t win, then the election was corrupt. Republicans are fighting in state courts across the nation trying to invalidate any ballots that arrive after election day, even if they’re postmarked on election day. How can you tell Republicans were in court? The court’s men’s rooms are full of glory holes.

Personally, I think if our tax filings can arrive after the due date as long as they’re postmarked by it, then we can do the same with our ballots.

Donald Trump has even planted a goon to run the post office in efforts to tamper with mail-in ballots.

We’re worried the United States Postal Service can’t deliver fewer than 138 million ballots between now and the election, while they deliver nearly 900 million packages between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Donald Trump has been so successful at planting seeds of doubts, that even liberals are afraid to put a stamp on their ballot and stick it in the mail. I applied for a mail-in ballot and even after I received it, I took it to an official drop box at the registrar’s office just because I got paranoid that Donald Trump was fucking with the mail. And I live in a blue state.

I’m really glad I used an official drop box for my ballot. At least I think I did. It was in front of the registrar’s office and not in front of a gun store.

Yeah, in California, one party has set up phony drop boxes to fuck with voters. I’ll give you a hint in which party is doing this chicanery in that the party doing it is not the Democratic Party. Some of these are in locations like gun stores, gas stations, churches, and even GOP offices. Some of these are marked as “official” state drop boxes when they’re not. They’re also not complying with state-required security features.

The thing is, in California, ballot harvesting is legal. What’s ballot harvesting? It’s what the Republican fuckers in North Carolina was doing. It’s where you grab a bunch of ballots and you turn them in. It’s something Republicans complain about while doing. And in case you’re a Republican, I’ll explain it to you more simply. It’s like a glory hole harvesting penises, but with ballots.

The Republican Party says it’s on the up-and-up yet they won’t say how many of these ballot boxes there are or how many. Also, the state has sent them a cease-and-desist letter and they’ve replied, “no.” They will not cease. They will not desist. They will continue to harvest ballots while complaining about harvesting ballots.

Once again, Republicans are lying hypocritical cheating fuckers.

And in Texas, they’re reducing the number of ballot drop boxes to one per county, no matter how large the county is. So, in California, Republicans are creating more drop boxes (all unofficial) to confuse people and in Texas, they’re reducing the number of “official” drop boxes to confuse people.

To sum up, let’s go over a few tips:

  1. Don’t vote for the candidate endorsed by Russians. 2. Don’t drop your ballot off at a gas station. If you’re not going to trust the sushi, don’t trust Gomer and Goober with your ballot. 3. Vote in person or drop your ballot off AT the registrar’s office because of number 4 which is… 4. Don’t trust Republicans. 5. If there’s a hole in your bathroom stall…run.

Republicans can’t win this election fairly. They know this because they didn’t win the last one fairly. Republicans cheat, lie, and steal. And if we allow it, they’ll steal this election.

Don’t let them steal your vote. Don’t let them steal this election. Don’t let them steal our White House which, by now…is probably full of glory holes.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Religious Test Bigotry


cjones10172020

Don’t take my word for it that Republicans are going to lose in November. Take theirs.

Republicans know they’re going to lose the Senate (even South Carolina is competitive. South Carolina!). They’re going to lose the White House. There is no chance they can retake Congress.

Republicans know the will of the American people is against them. The majority of the nation rejects Republicanism and Trumpism. In the past 32 years, they’ve only won the popular vote in a presidential election…ONCE. In 2018, Senate Democratic candidates received 12 million more votes than Republican candidates. And despite the will of this nation being against Republicans, they control the White House, the Senate, and will soon have six out of nine justices on the Supreme Court which will rule for decades. Do you think that’s fucked up? Good, because it’s fucked up.

Republicans know the majority of America doesn’t like them. They know the more educated and informed Americans are, they more likely they’ll vote against their policies because their policies are stupid, racist, and regressive. “Make America great again” means make America go backwards. And that’s why they’re ramming through the confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett.

Nine months was the time between Merrick Garland’s nomination to the Supreme Court and the election in 2016, yet Republicans wouldn’t even discuss it. There were no hearings. Republican senators refused to even meet with the man. There are 21 days between now and election day and yesterday, Republicans began hearings for Amy Coney Barrett.

Is it because she’s so qualified? No. While I don’t believe she’s a mouth-breathing knuckle-dragging moron, she doesn’t have much experience. She’s been a judge, not just a federal judge…but a judge period for less than four years. Does she need to be rammed through because of her excellent judgement? Well, she judged that all seven of her children could attend a White House super-spreader event without wearing face masks or engaging in social distancing. Should we ram her through because she’s a person who stands by her word and has exemplary principles? I don’t know because she once said only conservatives should replace conservative justices and vice versa for liberals. Today, she’s a conservative nominee replacing Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

And should we ram her through because of her independence and free will? No because she’s in a cult. Literally. She is in a religious cult.

Republicans scream that Democrats shouldn’t exercise “religious bigotry” over her. I disagree. Exercise that shit. She’s in a cult. She’s going to be on the bench for decades. We have a right to know if she’s going to rule like the Handmaid’s Tale. It’s fair to ask if she’s going to enact her religious beliefs when it comes to abortion, health coverage for all Americans, guns, birth control, gay marriage, or force every unwed woman in the nation to wear a chastity belt, and if they screw around, a scarlet letter.

Yesterday, I observed an exchange between a conservative cartoonist and a liberal cartoonist. I merely observed…for once. The conservative was upset with the liberal’s cartoon on Donald Trump’s nominee and said his work “smacked” of religious bigotry. The conservative asked, “What would you have drawn had she been a devout Muslim or an Orthodox Jew?” My question to him would be, “What would you have drawn?”.

Let’s be honest. If a Democratic president nominated a Muslim female, the GOP would freak out. For example, look at what they’ve done with Ilhan Omar, and she’s a Congresswoman. Donald Trump has accused her of coming to “our” nation after messing up her birth nation of Somalia, never mind the fact she left Somalia when she was eight. They’ve accused her of supporting terrorists and of being a terrorist. They’ve yelled, “Send her back.” Republicans have said, “How dare she tell us how to run ‘our’ country,” forgetting the fact she was elected to tell us how to run our country. Never mind the fact that our country is also her country. They’ve even accused her of marrying her brother. Seriously. And if we take Donald Trump’s track record of hypocrisy into account, we should investigate to see if Melania is his sister.

So yeah. I’m sure Republicans wouldn’t exercise any religious bigotry if a Muslim was nominated to the Supreme Court…or any court for that matter. And just how many Muslims are currently occupying federal courts in the United States of America? Zero. Zip. Nada. Nil. Zilch. None.

There are no Muslims on any of our nation’s federal courts. And yet, Republicans are clutching their pearls by people asking a religious zealot who’s a member of a literal cult that literally tells women to be submissive to their men, if her faith will play a part in her decisions.

I have two great ideas: First, let’s nominate nothing but atheists. They won’t be influenced by some backwards dogma while also respecting religious freedom because that also protects our right to not have any faith.

My second great idea is to stop these proceedings because ramming this confirmation of Amy Coney Barret to the Supreme Court is a joke leading to a tragedy.

This is a lifetime appointment. By ramming it through, Republicans are showing they don’t respect that. They don’t respect the American people. They say the American people should decide who puts these judges on the courts but by ramming this through within 22 days shows that Republicans are afraid of what the American people will decide.

And has Amy Coney Barrett said, “Hey, let’s wait until after the election.”? Of course not. Because just like everyone else Donald Trump has nominated, she doesn’t have any principles. She can not wait to get on the Supreme Court and take away your health insurance and to outlaw abortion. Hell, Justices Thomas and Alito are salivating at the chance to outlaw gay marriage.

The real irony here is that after she gets on the court and helps install Donald Trump president for life, there will no longer be a Supreme Court.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Regenerating Trump


cjones10162020

There has been a lot of talk that the experimental cocktail created by Regeneron that regenerated Trump from the Trump Virus was developed from stem cells which is acquired from aborted fetuses. Why, if that was true, it would make a huge hypocrite out of Donald Trump and every right-to-life extremist who supports him.

But it’s not true? If that’s the case, then why did I draw this cartoon?

It’s not true. According to the manufacturer, Regeneron, no human embryonic stem cells or recently harvested fetal tissues were used in the REGN-COV2, the drug administered to Donald Trump. But there’s a big but here and which included all I needed to draw this cartoon.

Regeneron uses stem cells in its research, usually mouse embryonic stem cells and human blood stem cells. According to Snopes, The “antibody cocktail” given to Trump is a combination of two human-made proteins and was developed using a decades-old cell line derived from embryonic kidney tissues obtained from an aborted human fetus in 1973.

Did you catch that last part? It was developed using embryonic kidney tissues obtained from an aborted HUMAN fetus.

Cut to the chase: If it wasn’t for abortion, and abortion being legal, Donald Trump would not have had this drug to save his life. He would not have received this drug he has called a “cure.” It wouldn’t have made him feel the “best he has in 20 years.” Without this drug, he wouldn’t have told people not to “fear the virus” and they shouldn’t let it “dominate their lives.” Without this drug, he wouldn’t have been around to say catching the virus is a “blessing from God.”

This is the drug, from an aborted fetus, that Donald Trump says he’s going to provide to every American who contracts the coronavirus, for free.

Meanwhile, he’s trying to take away your insurance, your right to obtain coverage even if you have a pre-existing condition, to prevent you from keeping your child on your insurance until he or she is 26, even if he or she has Downs Syndrome, all while he’s putting a religious extremist on the Supreme Court who will vote to outlaw abortion.

Of course, it’s a lie that Donald Trump will give this “miracle cure” to everyone for free. This guy can’t even provide enough testing for the virus. But even if he did, will evangelical whackanoodle fucknuts accept a “cure” created from an abortion fetus? Probably, because every evangelical voting for Donald Trump in this nation is a hypocrite.

Since Donald Trump is a hypocrite about everything, it’s only natural that he’s still weebling around today thanks to the benefits of abortion being legal.

So, if you’re a Donald Trump supporter only because he’s “pro-life,” how does that hypocritical Kool-Aid cocktail taste?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

A Gift From God


CNN10112020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Hmm. What happened to it coming from China?

Donald Trump has called the Trump Virus a “blessing from God.” He’s tweeted that we shouldn’t fear the virus that’s killed over 210,000 Americans or allow it to “dominate our lives,” you know…if after catching it, you still have a life to dominate.

Trump cultists are now championing Trump’s survival of the Trump Virus and are praising his words about defeating it. The White House Gift Shop (which is not really affiliated with the White House) is now selling a commemorative Donald Trump defeating Covid coin for $100.00. No word yet on where that $100.00 is going or if they plan to introduce a Herman Cain did not defeat Covid commemorative coin.

But all this talk about defeating Covid, don’t be afraid, don’t let it dominate your life, or that it’s a “blessing from God,” is all big talk for a guy who was airlifted from the White House in Marine One to Walter Reed Medical Center where a team of the nation’s leading doctors surpervised him around the clock while treating him with experimental medication.

It was estimated by The New York Times that Trump’s medical treatment of steroids and an experimental cocktail would cost the average American over $100,000. I think that’s on the low end since many Americans who have battled the Trump Virus have received bills for over $400,000. Very few have been airlifted to Walter Reed to be greeted by lying doctors (for the sake of my proofer, that was a joke. None have been airlifted to Walter Reed for treatment. Sheesh).

Keep in mind, we paid for Trump’s medical treatment. He didn’t contribute much to it since over the past decade, he’s only paid about $1,500.00 in income taxes. Also, your medical bill for fighting the Trump Virus may be even more astronomical because Mr. Covid Miracle Boy who claims he’s a perfect physical specimen and extremely young, is fighting in court to take away your healthcare.

Donald Trump and his White House refuse to tell us when he lasted tested negative before he tested positive…or if he’s been tested since acquiring the Trump Virus. But whether we ever really know that answer or not, we will be the ones paying the bill for those tests.

A Trump cultist trolled this cartoon on Instagram and said I was lying and Donald Trump never said the Trump Virus was a “gift from god.” He repeated his claim several times until I finally replied and posted a link to The New York Times quoting Donald Trump saying it’s a “Blessing from God.” Then, in typical Trump trolling fashion, the cultist said, “he didn’t mean it like that.”

But this cartoon is right. If Donald Trump wins the election or remains in the White House through some fraudulent means, he will allow you to contract the Trump Virus.

Joe Biden? Why, that guy will fight to deny us the joy of acquiring the Trump Virus.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Pumpkin Rage


cjones10152020

When Donald Trump called for Joe Biden to take a drug test before their first debate, he was probably high as a kite when he said it.

Since Donald Trump contracted the Trump Virus, he’s been a bit off the rails with many believing he’s doped up on steroids. The thing with Trump being on drugs is, how can you tell?

It’s not as easy as being able to detect when he’s lying because if he’s talking, then he’s lying. If we’re to believe Donald Trump is ‘roided up by his really weird and insane statements, then he’s probably been doped up for the past two decades.

What was he on when he talked about windmill cancer or raking forests? How much Adderall does one have to be on to talk about nuking hurricanes? Did he raid Donald Trump Jr’s stash when he dry-humped an American flag?

One way to detect a sin Donald Trump is guilty of is when he makes the accusation about someone else. When he said Hillary Clinton was “Putin’s puppet,” he was repeating her accusation against him and has proven repeatedly that Vladimir Putin is pulling his strings. When he says China is helping the Biden campaign, that means Russia is helping his. When he screams about Democrats being guilty of sexual assault…yeah. The only thing preventing him from being guilty of using a private email while president (sic) is the fact he’s illiterate. Though it should be noted, several in his administration, like Nepotism Barbie, are guilty of using private email and even stating (after Donald Trump spent years screaming about Hillary’s emails) that they didn’t know it was a violation. Who knew?

So, when Donald Trump accuses Joe Biden of being on drugs, it probably explains his constant sniffing problem.

Even before Donald Trump acquired the Trump Virus, I’m sure both candidates’ pee would contain traces of chemicals. C’mon. They’re both in their 70s. It’s not just a high-fiber diet that’s keeping them going. And in Trump’s case, it’s probably a side of Metamucil next to a Big Mac.

I once read that aides to Adolf Hitler, who was a vegetarian, would sneak bone marrow into his food for nutrition. In Donald Trump’s case, aides are probably sneaking broccoli into his KFC buckets.

But what has Donald Trump said since his positive covid diagnosis that’s crazier than usual? He said it’s a “gift from God.” He said he’s probably immune. He said he feels better than he did 20 years ago. He thinks the experimental drugs are a cure. He told people not to be afraid of covid or to let it “dominate their lives.” He’s continued to fabricate claims of voter fraud. He’s flipped and gone back and forth over a stimulus deal. None of these examples proves he’s heavily medicated and none is more absurd than his usual absurdities.

According to reports, the list of drugs Donald Trump has been on are steroids, Monoclonal (Regeneron), Remdesivir, zinc, vitamin D, famotidine, melatonin and aspirin. At this stage, Donald Trump’s going to start following the Grateful Dead. I don’t think Michael Jackson’s and Elvis’ doctors together prescribed this much medication to their clients, though in Donald Trump’s case, his drugs were prescribed by Vince McMahon. Somewhere, Keith Richards is saying, “Garbdly complunkyity on ye’, mate.” Nobody understands what Keith Richards is saying. Donald Trump’s former doctor, Harold Bornstein, said “That’s why Trump’s the healthiest president in the history of presidents.” The former White House and current Texas Republican congressional candidate, Dr. Ronny, said, “But Obama.”

Oddly enough, the list of medication Trump has received does not include Hydroxychloroquine or bleach.

Also, these are the drugs we’re aware of. Keep in mind, this is a White House and team of doctors who have lied about Donald Trump’s health in the past. They’ve literally lied about his weight. They’ve even lied about his height as if we can’t see. They’re refusing to tell us when he last tested negative before he contracted the virus. Now, they’re refusing to tell us when he was last tested or even if he’s been tested since he got the Trump Virus. These people are constantly engaged in a coverup. And keep in mind, this White House includes people who demanded that Hillary Clinton take a brain scan and for it to be released publicly. The greatest risk of Donald Trump taking a brain scan is that they won’t find one.

And, people on social media are trying to figure out what’s going on with his face. One side is lumpy while the other is saggy.

Whether Donald Trump is on drugs or not, there is something wrong with his brain and it’s just one of the many reasons he should not continue being president.

Creative note: I showed a rough in yesterday’s blog of the debate committee demanding a drug test from Trump. That is what led to this idea. And Halloween is my favorite holiday to use in cartoons.

Update: These guys stare at me while I’m drawing.

IMG_1060

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Roughs, Volume 66


Here are the roughs from the past week.

CNNrough976

This was selected for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. I told my editor over the phone that I wanted to make it a four-panel cartoon because I thought of something to add that could be important. He asked what it was. I said, “I forgot.” I eventually remembered it.

CNNrough980

This idea might come back. Have you seen the way Trump has been acting? Have you seen Trump’s face? Actually, that just gave me another idea which you might see tomorrow?

CNNrough979

I almost drew this. I still might. I think it’s good.

CNNrough977

This was my first Pence-Fly idea. I felt it was too obvious.

CNNrough978

I had several Pence-Fly ideas but I didn’t sketch them all. I wanted to draw this image but I didn’t love the idea.

Which are your faves?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.