Author: clayjonz

I draw political cartoons which are published in newspapers across the country. I also play guitar.

NOVA Tolls


cjones12102017

This is a cartoon that may only be published by one of my clients. While I did a lot on the Virginia elections, those cartoons were still covering a national subject. I plan to draw another cartoon tonight, so this is like another bonus. Hey, it is a bonus. But, even if nobody ran it I still wanted to do it. I was grousing about this with the person I talk politics the most, and she wanted me to hit it too.

The tolls in Northern Virginia are insane, just like the traffic. At one point last week, they hit a price of $40 for the 10-mile route between the Beltway and the District. You people in New Jersey may wanna stop whining. Wait, Jersey people never stop whining.

If you use EZPass then you are exempt from the tolls. Transportation officials this week said the tolls are meant to encourage solo drivers to carpool or use slug lines (where you let strangers ride with you in the early morning) or public transportation. Some drivers have reacted to the new pricing on social media with the hashtag #highwayrobbery.

The tolls took effect on Monday and required all drivers who use I-66 inside the Beltway between the 5:30 and 9 a.m. and 3 and 7 p.m. to have an E-ZPass. Single drivers pay a “dynamic toll” which changes depending on how many cars are using the lanes. Vehicles with two or more occupants ride free with an E-ZPass Flex.

While drivers are upset, some lawmakers in the General Assembly (that’s our legislature. We’re different) are calling to end these adjusting toll rates.

Fortunately for me, I have never had to commute to D.C., though I have fought the traffic plenty of times. My ex-wife had a knack for scheduling my son’s flights to land to time with commuter traffic. That just created another reason for why it sucks to drive to Baltimore.

But, when I do drive to or through Washington, I always use I-95 and these crazy tolls are on I-66, so they still wouldn’t affect me. But, it’s really gotta suck for those who have to deal with it.

As I said, this is a bonus cartoon. I’ll be going back to work in an hour or so. Good night, normal people.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Drunk Trump


cjones12092017

As Donald Trump spoke yesterday announcing a change in U.S. policy recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and that our embassy will move to that city, the world expressed outrage. Why would Trump enact a policy no president before him has been dumb enough to make? Why would he make a decision that every single world leader, other than the nitwit instigator leading Israel, knows is a horrible idea? Why would he remove us from the peace process? Why would he confirm Muslim belief that the United States favors Israel over the Palestinians? Why would he increase Muslim and Arab animosity toward America? Why enact a policy that will only initiate riots and kill people? Why….why…why….why is he slurring?

Seriously? What did we witness yesterday? Trump started the speech enunciating S’s and was able to say “the.” Near the end of his speech came the slurred “United Shtates.”

Did Mike Pence hit him with a blow dart shortly beforehand? That would explain why he stands behind Trump obediently like his dog with the satisfied expression of finally achieving a successful bowel movement. Maybe God’s divine plan for Mike Pence that required selling his soul to the Devil is finally going to play out.

Or, Trump is drunk. Trump swears he doesn’t drink and the only alcohol he’s ever consumed in his life is the wine he had with his “little cracker” the two times he’s been inside a church. I’d like to believe him. But, Trump has told us repeatedly he doesn’t drink. Trump has a pattern. Every time he repeats something again and again, it turns out to be the farthest thing from reality. You know, like nobody respects women more than he does, or he’s going to hire the best people, or he knows more than the generals.

The White House says he was suffering from dry mouth. The last time he was attacked with dry mouth he reached for a bottle of water that required using both of his tiny hands. He didn’t do that this time.

I’d like to believe he’s not drunk. However, he’s presidenting like he’s inside a liquor cabinet doing lines off the lower back of a Russian hooker. It would explain his racist rants and defense of Nazis like a drunk uncle. It makes the hypocrisy of attacking Al Franken while endorsing an Alabama pedophile understandable. It would explain why he can’t remember all the women who have accused him of sexual harassment. He is paranoid and believes Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. He would have to be drunker than Keith Richards to claim it’s not him on the Access Hollywood tape. He is “winning” like Charlie Sheen. You would have to be drunk to believe your 30-year-old son-in-law will negotiate Middle East peace.

If he’s not drunk then there are only two other explanations. The first is, he’s a billionaire with twelve dollar dentures.

The other explanation is, he’s an idiot. Yeah, he’s probably not drunk.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Deutsche?


cjones12082017

Robert Mueller is following the money.

According to reports which the White House are denying so you know they’re true, the Special Counsel’s office has subpoenaed Deutsche Bank for records of their financial dealing with Donald Trump.

Deutsche Bank is a German bank based in Germany and it’s well known as a place for Russian oligarchs to launder their money. They’re also one of the few, if not the very last, banks that will loan money to Donald Trump, as most banks have learned he’s corrupt, untrustworthy, and just an all-around piece of crap of a human being. Which, by the way, must be the kind of character you want to lead the largest democracy on the planet.

The German bank, which Trump has sued in the past and they’ve sued in return, has loaned Trump an estimated $300 million. They also do a lot of business with Jared.

If Trump was not a billionaire, he wouldn’t be able to get a membership at Costco.

Creative notes: Yeah, this cartoon is dangerous. It’s an online exclusive. I’m not sending it to my clients. I know they won’t run it and I don’t want to give them any heart attacks. If any of them, like my alternative weeklies or online-only clients, sees this and wants it then I’ll send it to them.

Is “douche” offensive? Sure. Is it sexist? I don’t think so. It’s no worse than being called a “dick.”

I created this pretty quickly because I just wanted to have some fun with it. I didn’t want to spend too much time on it since it’s not going to make me any money.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Hate Easy As Cake


cjones12072017

What is wrong with Republicans when a cake made for a gay wedding is more disturbing than sending a pedophile to the United States Senate? If you believe creating a cake for a gay wedding is endorsing gay marriage, then what are you endorsing by electing a pedophile? What sort of values do you actually have?

The Supreme Court will decide if a Colorado baker has the right to discriminate against gay couples by refusing to make cakes for their weddings. Here’s a question I have for bakers who don’t want to create cakes for gay weddings. Have you ever refused to make a cake for anyone before this?  Has a Pagan wedding ever had this problem? What if you want a Snoopy on your birthday cake but the baker’s a cat person? Don’t get me started on cupcakes.

I’m about to lay down a stereotype, but has a gay wedding planner ever refused a heterosexual marriage because he felt doing so would be endorsing their marriage?

You would think it’s not a big deal, and it doesn’t sound like it. It’s very petty for the baker to refuse service because he’s homophobic. And, you’d think the couple would find another bakery. But, if the baker can discriminate then what’s next? Can a grocery store discriminate? How about refusing a gym membership, or any other services? This is a fight worth having, even if it seems it’s only over cake.

If I was a baker, I don’t think I’d care. I might draw the line at a Swastika, but if I had paying customers then I’d put a Confederate flag on the cake if that’s what they wanted. Enjoy your hillbilly wedding.

The hate really has to be strong to let it come between you and capitalism. It would seem if you’re in the wedding business, then gay weddings would provide you more business. It’s kind of a “d’uh” thing. D’uh!!!! I don’t reject conservative newspapers when they want to buy my cartoons. Yeah. There’s a couple.

You evangelicals need to put your scripture where your mouth is. If nothing else, it’ll keep your mouths off the little girls.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Creeper’s Endorsement


cjones12062017

Many Republicans couldn’t stand to see President Barack Obama in the White House and fly in Air Force One. It insulted their senses. I can relate somewhat because I am disgusted by Donald Trump occupying the Oval Office and using the first plane. The difference between my repulsion and theirs is that mine isn’t based on race. I don’t care that Trump is orange. The other difference is that it’s not just about his occupation. It’s what he’s doing and what he is.

If Donald Trump was not the President of the United States of America, he’d just be your run-of-the-mill disgusting billionaire. But, since he is president we have this disgusting human being who can reverse positive changes set by his predecessors. He can pardon criminals because it makes his racist base feel good. He can appoint judges to life-long positions who have never tried a case. He can remove protections from national parks because some rich bastards seek to destroy the land for coal.

What’s really disgusting is that what’s reprehensible about Trump was overlooked, ignored, or celebrated by the people who voted for him. Hillary Clinton got in trouble for calling his supporters deplorable. But, make no mistake about it. They’re deplorable and I won’t apologize for saying it.

This president, who has deflected and defended Nazis, has now officially endorsed an accused pedophile. It shouldn’t surprise anyone that Mr. Pussy Grabber, who claims they let you do whatever you want when you’re famous, who has boasted about barging into dressing rooms of teenage beauty pageants, and has his own accusers in the double digits would endorse an accused pedophile. But, it’s alarming that the Republican establishment has sacrificed anything that used to resemble principles to follow Trump’s lead. The Republican majority leader, who threatened to expel Moore if he won, and the Republican National Committee are now supporting the guy. So much for the party of family values. As it turns out, they were just pretending to care about that values stuff, kinda like how they really feel about deficits and government spending.

Apparently, if you’re a vote to give billionaires tax breaks then you’re allowed to grope little girls.

According to Roy Moore, the Republican candidate in Alabama for the United States Senate who is accused of stalking, dating, and sexually assaulting teenage girls, Trump called him on Monday and said, “go get em, Roy.” That’s not something I’d say to an accused pedophile.

Like Trump, Roy Moore was unqualified for office before the sexual accusations came out. He’s an idiot who doesn’t understand the issues and a religious zealot who was kicked off the state Supreme Court…TWICE.

People say this is the new normal. Others say this isn’t really us. I’m not sure about that anymore. Mitch McConnell is willing to let it become him. Orrin Hatch gladly accepted Trump’s endorsement yesterday, hours after Trump endorsed the pedophile. The ball is in Alabama’s court. Is this Alabama?

To Democrats, Independents, and anyone left in that state with a conscience, I’ll repeat Trump’s words. On election day, “go get ’em.”

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Furt Those Tweets


cjones12052017

After Trump fired his National Security Adviser Michael Flynn (after being on the job for only 24 days), he tweeted that he fired him for lying to Vice President Mike Pence. On Saturday, a tweet went out from Trump’s Twitter account stating he fired Flynn, not just for lying to Pence, but also for lying to the FBI.

This is where it gets troublesome for the orange doofus. Former FBI Director James Comey testified that Trump asked him, after he fired Flynn, to drop the case investigating him. If Trump knew Flynn lied to the FBI, breaking the law, then Trump was obstructing justice.

Trump’s legal team isn’t very good, but they know this. His outside lawyer, John Dowd, bit the bullet and took the blame for the tweet, stating he wrote it, and not Trump. Was Dowd also the one who snorted a line then tweeted out “Covfefe” at 3:00 AM too?

Proving he only has shoddy legal advice, Dowd said the tweet isn’t admitting an obstruction of justice. He’s also arguing that the president cannot obstruct justice because he’s the nation’s chief law enforcement officer. This guy might wanna look into a little episode called Watergate. Trump’s lawyers have also assured him the investigation will be over by January.

Trump is on the record stating he fired Comey because it would end the investigation into his collusion with Russia. Trump told this to the Russian ambassador and the Foreign Minister in the Oval Office. He told the same thing to journalist Lester Holt. Now, Trump is saying he never asked Comey to “go easy” on Flynn. Since Trump has a track record of lying about everything, from birtherism to crowd sizes to pussy grabbing, are we to believe him or Comey?

Someone, I can’t remember who, said Trump’s downfall will be his Tweeting. I believe that. It’s his own big fat mouth that is the cause of there even being a Special Counsel investigation. This weekend, he has attacked the FBI on Twitter, and this morning, he used his account to finally officially endorse a suspected pedophile for the United States Senate. Last week, he tweeted out videos created by a racist and anti-Islamophobic group in Britain. It’s disgusting and very disappointing what Trump is doing to his office.

If Trump’s lawyer really did send out that tweet, then he should be fired. If Trump sent it out, he needs to be fired too.

Creative notes: Saturday morning, I was sitting in the breakfast nook at home with my friends and one of them asked if I’d rush out a cartoon on the Senates tax cut vote. I told her I’d wait until Sunday, as I wanted to take Saturday night off, and I’d still be one of the first cartoonists to cover it. I was wrong.

I started working on a cartoon on that subject at 3:00 AM. Around 5:30, I thought of this idea. Suddenly, the 51 grim reapers I was drawing weren’t as interesting to me anymore. I really liked this idea. So, I put it aside and did this.

I like Rocky Horror but I’m not super goofy about it. Back in the 80s,  some friends and I went to see it at the theater and wore trench coats and threw rice at the screen. My best friend tried to sneak an egg into the place. I don’t know who he was going to pelt with it, but a busky security woman grabbed him by the crotch, where he was hiding the egg, and crushed it. He had to spend two hours sitting in the theater with yolky genitals. I don’t know how she knew he had the egg down there. Oh yeah. I told her.

Tonight: I’m doing the Ask Me Anything thing at 8:00 PM EST. A lot of people have already left questions. You should too. It should be fun, interesting, amusing, and maybe a little educational. It’ll be a must read if you’re a cartoon geek. Eighty-nine people have RSVP. How cool is that? I hope you check it out. Please do so I’ll look important.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Ugly NY Cell Towers


Highlands11172017

I meant to post this last week. Oops. I drew this cartoon for The Highlands Current in upstate New York. People there do not like ugly cell phone towers. Of course, this cartoon was published before Thanksgiving.

I am not a Christmas person. I do enjoy seeing homes decorated and my neighborhood is lit up at night. But, I don’t like seeing them before Thanksgiving and hearing the music is even worse. Ugh. Most Christmas songs, like religious songs, are not good songs. People only like most of them for the topic. The only two Christmas songs I think are of any quality are Blue Christmas (the Elvis version) and Baby, It’s Cold Outside (which is kinda rapey).

I know. I’m gonna get a bunch of comments attacking me not liking Christmas music. It can’t be any worse than the outrage I provoked when I criticized cats.

Have I mentioned how easy it is working with the Current? Each time they request a cartoon and throw a subject at me, the editor actually proposes a few ideas. I have rejected each of his ideas and submitted my own, and he’s accepted without any quibbles. Sometimes, I’ve given him more than one idea for a subject and other times, I’ve only given him one.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.