Political Cartoons

Fudge Christmas


cjones12042020

I don’t begrudge Melania Trump for her comments about Christmas. I’ll say it too. Fuck Christmas stuff. Fuck Christmas decorations. Bold, eh? I just don’t really care and most Christmas music, to my ears, is total crap with there being only four good Christmas songs. OK, I don’t totally hate Christmas. I think it’s just the music and crass commercialism while other people are depressed and destitute. When I see the commercial of the guy buying two trucks for Christmas, I’m like, “fuck that guy.”

But back to Melania, she wasn’t cut out for this. Like her husband is a terrible president, Melania is a terrible first lady. It’s not just Christmas she doesn’t care about. She doesn’t care about being First Lady and it’s not a position she wants to hold. What the hell is “Be Best” when her husband is a cyber bully? What’s up with the garden photo-op in high heels? Yeah, I’m convinced she’s digging up weeds and getting her hands dirty. Her jacket said it all. She really doesn’t care, do you?

I only begrudge Melania for turning her eyes away from accusations her husband is a rapist, from him bullying women, throwing babies into cages after ripping them away from their parents, encouraging violence, validating racism, and giving shout-outs to Nazis. I hold all that against Ivanka too. Neither one of them really does care. At least Melania didn’t have much of a choice to be there. Ivanka chose to follow her father to Washington and be a troglodyte.

The people I hold it against in regards to Melania’s “fuck Christmas” comments are Trump supporters and anyone who promoted the bullshit campaign of the “war on Christmas.”

First off, if anyone is waging a war on Christmas, they’re losing. They’re losing bad too. Christmas is everywhere. I bet you heard Christmas music and saw decorations between Halloween and Thanksgiving. I’m sure you saw them in stores. I’ve seen the commercials. Santa Claus may not be watching you, but you’re watching Santa Claus. You have no choice. There is a game people are playing on social media about the Wham! song “Last Christmas.” The point of the game is to see how long you can go without hearing the song…because you have no choice. At some point between Thanksgiving and Christmas, you will hear “Last Christmas” unintentionally. My point is, you can’t escape Christmas. Somewhere, Andrew Ridgeley is hearing “Last Christmas” and saying, “Fuck Christmas!”

There has never been a “war on Christmas.” What is the “war on Christmas?” It’s another opportunity for bullshit asshole conservatives to pretend they’re the most oppressed and victimized people in the history of people.

And it seems to have sprung up when some people decided to say “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas.” Some people took offense. How dare you not say “merry Christmas.” It offends you that someone didn’t say what you want to hear while still wishing you well? And then, they got upset over Starbuck cups if they wasn’t enough Jesus on them. You have to be a whiny asshole to claim you’re oppressed by a cup. Personally, I’m only offended by a coffee cup if it contains pumpkin spice.

The reason a lot of people say “happy holidays” is because not everyone celebrates Christmas but they are probably celebrating some holiday during this time. Saying “happy holidays” is covering all the bases. Even then, I’ve never heard of a Jew or a Muslim killing someone for saying “merry Christmas” to them. From my own experience, I’ve heard Jews and Muslims say “merry Christmas” back. Why? Because they’re not assholes. And quite possibly, Jews and Muslims hope you have a merry Christmas. Even though I’m not horny for Christmas the way you are, I hope you have a merry Christmas as well.

Then, Donald Trump made the claim that after he was elected, Americans got to say “merry Christmas” again. Despite what Fox News promoted, you were never banned from saying “merry Christmas.” I’m not entirely sure where the “ban” came from. And even without a ban, I am not aware of any peer pressure on people preventing them from saying it. If anything, there’s been more pressure on people in this country to hide their beliefs if they’re NOT a Christian…or worse, don’t believe in a god at all.

Did you know Satanist don’t actually worship Satan? Why? Because they’re atheist. If there’s no god, there’s no Satan. Satanist don’t believe in Satan. If you’re a conservative, you don’t understand that at all. The only thing I don’t understand about atheist is, why have a church when you don’t believe? It seems like it goes against the point. But I digress.

But Donald Trump and his followers believe his rise to the White House liberated them and provided the confidence to say “merry Christmas” again. Can you find one of them who will tell you they stopped saying it until Trump was elected? Just one?

No. Donald Trump’s election did not restore anyone’s confidence to say “merry Christmas” again, but what it did do was give racist the confidence to make their racism public. It gave Nazis the confidence to Seig Heil in Trump hotel ballrooms. It gave tiki-torch Nazis the confidence to march in Charlottesville chanting, “Jews will not replace us” and ” Blood and soil.” It gave Proud Boys the confidence to go to peace rallies and attack people. It gave the Ku Klux Klan the confidence it needed to hold parades in honor of Donald Trump.

Isn’t it funny that racists celebrate Christmas? How do you celebrate the birth of Jesus while supporting a man who put babies in jail…and whose policies kills them? The Satanists have more compassion than you.

And how do you fear monger about a war on Christmas then remain silent when the First Lady says, “Fuck Christmas.” I bet you an Elf on a Shelf that if Michelle Obama ever said, “Fuck Christmas,” Republicans would have burned the White House down with her in it. When Melania says it, they stick their fingers in their ears and say, “fa-la-la-la-la…”

Melania Trump does not like your Christmas. She wants to take away your tinsel. She wants to unnog your eggs. She wants to unleash cats upon your Christmas trees. In her first attempt to decorate the White House for Christmas, it looked like Tim Burton on crack did it. Doesn’t her war on Christmas infuriate you? Doesn’t it just kick you in your jingle bells? Are you upset yet? No?

If you’re a Trump supporter and a Christmas lover and you’re not upset over Melania’s “fuck Christmas,” then I don’t think you love Christmas enough. Why are you waging a war on Christmas?

Now, I have to try to make it through the rest of today without someone forcing “Last Christmas” on me. I hate Wham! more than I hate Christmas.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Bribes For Pardons


cjones12032020

This just in: Donald Trump is corrupt. Oh wait. We already knew that.

Details remain sketchy, but last night, reports came out that federal prosecutors have been pursuing an investigation into potential bribery in connection with an effort to secure a pardon from Donald Trump.

Last August, Chief U.S. District Court Judge Beryl Howell issued an opinion in a form that redacted the name of the person seeking a pardon…and offering to make a contribution to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign…where a lot of the funds wind up in Donald Trump’s pocket. The judge granted prosecutors permission to examine emails from lawyers seeking the pardon for whoever their client may be.

How does that work with this Justice Department? Attorney General William Barr, despite being unable to find any evidence of voter fraud, is basically Donald Trump’s henchman, poodle, and personal lawyer. The guy had the department act as Trump’s personal lawyer in a case where Donald Trump is being sued over slandering one of his rape accusers. The accuser is not suing the president. She’s suing Donald Trump. Yet, Barr found it necessary for the Justice Department and taxpayers to foot the bill for his legal defense. In all the other personal legal defenses since he became president (sic), Donald Trump has used campaign funds…which of course you can pay into to receive a pardon…reportedly. Maybe the person being investigated for trying to bribe for a pardon can receive a pardon for trying to bribe for a pardon.

Do you remember the entire “pay for play” scandal the Republican Party concocted about the Clinton Foundation? They claimed foreign nations were making donations to the charity in exchange for special favors from the State Department while Hillary Clinton was Secretary of State. They claimed Clinton sold American uranium to Russia in exchange for donations. Before Trump became president (sic), the FBI looked into it and couldn’t find anything. After Trump became president (sic), the Justice Department officially opened an investigation into the Clinton Foundation. That began in 2017. Have you heard what has become of that investigation? Me neither.

So how does it work when the Justice Department investigates Trump corruption? Do they not tell William Barr? Do investigators go through all the proper channels and hope William Barr pays as much attention as Donald Trump does to security briefings that doesn’t mention his name? We do know investigators didn’t want any of this made public, especially the names of those involved. That makes sense because after Barr finds out, he may shut it down while he’s walking out the door to his retirement.

We do know the investigation rose from a separate investigation into people lobbying for pardons and whether they were violating the law by not registering as lobbyists. We also know that over 50 devices such as phones, laptops, and iPads have been confiscated in this investigation.

We also know this is all true and Donald Trump is a guilty party because he issued a tweet calling it “fake news.” Nearly everything Donald Trump says is a lie. EVERY denial he’s ever issued has been a lie.

But you do remember how Republicans acted over the Clinton Foundation. They were aghast and all lit up over the “pay for play” of it all. They chanted “lock her up” at MAGA rallies. They still do that chant between chants of “Space Force” and “send them back.” Lately, they’ve been falsely accusing Joe Biden of running a corrupt charity. Republicans are horny for investigating charities…except for Trump’s charity.

Here’s another thing: Even if Donald Trump and his administration are totally innocent and said, “No, sir…we do not do anything shady, improper, inappropriate, or illegal. You take your bribe and shove it where the sun never shines, you scoundrel you” (that did not happen), someone still thought with Donald Trump, it was a possibility. Someone thought Donald Trump’s ethics were low enough to take a bribe. Someone thought Donald Trump is corrupt. Do you know why anyone would think that? Because Donald Trump is corrupt.

Donald Trump is legally prohibited from being involved in a charity. Why? Because he stole from his charity…literally. You can assume Hillary did something bad with her foundation. We know Trump did. Donald Trump used his charity in tandem with his presidential campaign which is illegal. He used his charity to pay off legal fines for his shitty golf resorts. He used his charity to purchase expensive ticket items for himself, like portraits of himself (but he’s never purchased one of my caricatures of him. I wonder why). And when Florida Republican Attorney General Pam Bondi was considering investigating the actions of Trump University (another corrupt endeavor that doesn’t exist anymore) in her state, she shut down the inquiry AFTER receiving a campaign donation from…wait for it…the Trump Foundation. Donald Trump used his fake charity to bribe an official to save his fake university. Do you know who put money into Donald Trump’s fake charity? NOT Donald Trump. Today, Pam Bondi is still a pro-Trump surrogate and cult member.

Donald Trump literally used his charity to make a political contribution to bribe an elected official. Is it beyond him, an elected official, to take bribes for pardons? Hell no. He’s Donald Trump. Being corrupt is what he does.

It seems we’re founding out about more Trump fuckery on a daily basis. I worry about what’s being shredded and burned in the White House before Donald Trump is frog marched out. How many transcripts is he burning? What documents are being destroyed? And did anyone count the silverware? We still haven’t found out what happened to all the money that went into his inauguration…which by the way, was four fucking years ago. Republicans don’t ask about any of this…maybe because they’re too busy draining the swamp.

And now, it’s come out that Trump has had conversations with Rudy Giuliani and others about preemptive pardons for Rudy, his three oldest and corrupt kids, and his own corrupt ass. This should be fun. By the way, the family that goes to prison together stays together.

Yes, we are finding out more and more dirt about Trump corruption on a daily basis. Can you imagine what we’ll find out in the coming months and years? Hell, we’re still discovering shit about the Nixon administration that makes us say, “DAMN.” I just hope I found out everything about these Trump assholes before I die.

Trump is also talking about running again in 2024. And guess what. You can run for president from prison.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Christmas Conspiracies


cjones12022020

During the impeachment hearings last year, Corey Lewandowsky whined when a Congressman mentioned that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Corey was indignant because his young children were watching and now…they only had all the bullshit their father spreads to believe in. So, I hope Corey Lewandowsky’s children aren’t reading today’s blog.

If Donald Trump sat on Santa’s lap and asked for a litany of bullshit like proof of voter fraud, witnesses, affidavits, and forensic evidence, Santa wouldn’t be able to give him any of it. Why? Because like Santa Claus, none of those things exist. Santa also wouldn’t be able to give Trump another four years or a pardon. Maybe Donald Trump should go back and sit on Rudy Giuliani’s lap or better yet…be like Melania and say “fuck Christmas.”

It’s been nearly a month since the election and Donald Trump is still spreading lies about it. In the process, he’s undermining democracy. He’s even calling Republicans officials who won’t steal the election for him in their states, “enemy of the people.” As a member of the group he first accused of being the enemy of the people, I say welcome to the club. I’m old school “enemy of the people.” Dictators call people who report facts or won’t help them in their corruption “enemy of the people.” Donald Trump is not a dictator, but he will be if he steals this election.

How old are Corey Lewandowsky’s kids? Are any of them too old to believe in Santa yet? How about believing in Donald Trump?

Most Trump supporters are too old to believe in Santa Claus. But being the Qanon fuckwits that they be, they still believe in bullshit Donald Trump says like there was mass voter fraud in 2016 even though he hasn’t been able to prove it over the past four years. They still believe him when he says there was voter fraud in 2020 despite the lack of evidence and despite the inability of his legal team to present any evidence in the nearly 40 court cases that have been tossed out. They believe Trump when he says votes were moved from Trump to Biden. They believe communists, the Clinton Foundation, George Soros, and the dearly departed Hugo Chavez stole the election for Joe Biden. Seriously, Santa Claus is easier to believe in than all this Trump bullshit.

Trump supporters, you’re too old for this. Just because Donald Trump is a raging idiot who believes in conspiracy theories doesn’t mean you have to be one too. You can do better than Donald Trump. And stop giving him money to steal the election. If he’s as rich as you’ve been bragging about over the past four years, he shouldn’t need it. Let him fund his own election steal.

And if Santa Claus truly did exist, Donald Trump would be on his naughty list for being a liar, racist, sexist, traitor, grifter, and for ripping families apart and throwing babies in jail. I don’t have a naught list but I do have a worthless lying orange shit-for-brains racist sexist grifter list. Guess whose name is on that.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Drippy With Bibi


cjones12012020

There is no law prohibiting the United States government from assassinating foreign leaders and officials. There is an executive order issued in the 1970s by President Gerald Ford that has been upheld by every American president except Donald Trump, though to be fair, Trump probably isn’t aware of it. But that order isn’t enough to stop our government from murdering people overseas. Have you see Osama bin Laden around lately?

In the 1980s, Reagan had our military bomb Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi’s tent. A tent. If he wasn’t the target, what did we think was in that tent threatening the United States? As it turns out, Gaddafi’s 6-month-old daughter was in the tent…or she wasn’t…or she wasn’t even his daughter. Information from the 1980s Libyan government is sketchier than a Rudy Giuliani Dildo-store-parking-lot press conference.

During our war with Iraq in 1990/1991, our second war with Iraq in 2003, and all the military strikes in between, our government never officially targeted Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein. But we did target his many houses, mansions, palaces, compounds…whatever you want to call them. The reasoning being given was that he may have been storing chemical weapons inside his homes, like you would keep weed killer in your garage. If one of those strikes had killed Saddam, then we could have said it was just a lucky coincidence. Even when we did catch him, we handed him over to a government we knew would kill him. There are western nations that refuse to hand over any prisoners to any nation if there is a possibility they will receive a death sentence.

Israel is not one of those nations either except they probably wouldn’t extradite anyone. They’d just kill them themselves. In fact, Israel had a practice of kidnapping people on foreign soil, dragging them back to Israel without the host nation being aware, conducting a trial of the suspect, then killing them. Do you know who else goes overseas and kidnaps people? North Korea and the United States. We took the leader of Panama and today, he’s rotting in a Florida prison. Hey, we didn’t kill him. North Korea just nabs people…or they murder them in airports on foreign soil.

To be fair, Israel wasn’t just grabbing ordinary civilians off the streets and throwing them into unmarked vans. They were grabbing Nazis hiding in South America. I am fine with going to Argentina and grabbing Nazis off the street and throwing them into unmarked vans then having them taken to Israel to stand trial. But to be honest, I don’t think anyone accused of being a Nazi is going to received a fair trial in Israel. If you were accused of being a Nazi, you wouldn’t any Jews on the jury except Stephen Miller.

That doesn’t make me anti-Israel…but people will say I am for this cartoon. Any time you criticize Israel, you’re often accused of being anti-Semitic. And our nation rarely criticizes Israel. The nation of Israel basically has a free pass with the U.S.

I’m criticizing Israel like I criticize the United States. What, am I anti-American now?

Foreign policy experts warn of our enemies engaging in bad behavior between the time of an American presidential election and a new administration taking over. Will Russia invade the rest of Ukraine? Will North Korea attack South Korea? Will Iranian-backed terrorists strike an embassy? Will South Korea unleash more anti-Trump TikTok videos? Will Canada increase imports of their cheese? Will the Prime Minister of Denmark laugh at pictures of Trump at his tiny desk? But…what happens when our allies take advantage of us during a presidential transition?

Last week, Mohsen Fakhrizadeh, who once led Iran’s military nuclear program when they had one, was assassinated. Who did it? Nobody has taken credit. And, neither Israel or the United states has issued a denial. There hasn’t even been an official, “Don’t look at me. I was at home washing my hair.”

Israel has been accused of assassinating Iranian scientist in the past. What would they have to gain by doing it now? It creates another headache on day one of President Joe Biden’s administration. Already, Iranians are burning pictures of Donald Trump and Joe Biden in the streets of Tehran. Biden isn’t even president yet but they’re extending blame to him. And if they think Israel did it, then why are they mad at us? Because we coddle Israel and support their actions like this. Hell, we probably paid for the bullets and explosives used in the act.

Iran is blaming Israel, but they know the United States has already killed one of their generals this year. So if they retaliate against us and it’s proven later we didn’t have anything to do with the killing of the scientist, Iran won’t lose any sleep over it. We’re still the Great Satan. If nothing else, we boasted about killing that general so I’m sure Donald Trump couldn’t have been silent over murdering an Iranian nuclear scientist.

Trump would have tweeted, “Best scientist murder ever. People are saying it’s nothing that’s ever been seen before. Obama never killed such important scientist. Sleepy Joe would have only sniffed the scientist’s hair.”

The other thing Israel gets out of this is that it hurts our negotiating position when we resume peace talks preventing Iran from having nuclear weapons. We had a deal and it was working. Donald Trump removed us without any reasoning other than catering to his right-wing base and Israel didn’t like the treaty. The treaty kept us out of war with Iran. Israel views a war between the United States and Iran in their best interest. The Israeli government will not mind us spilling our blood in their national interest.

And when it comes to dealing with the incoming administration, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has congratulated Joe Biden…we just don’t know what for.

Bibi tweeted, 12 hours after U.S. media called the election for Biden, “Congratulations @JoeBiden and @KamalaHarris. Joe, we’ve had a long & warm personal relationship for nearly 40 years, and I know you as a great friend of Israel. I look forward to working with both of you to further strengthen the special alliance between the U.S. and Israel.”

So, what did he congratulate them for? Netanyahu is playing it safe and parsing his words. He’s congratulating his old friend while not angering Donald Trump…which has to be one of the most ridiculous positions a foreign leader feels he has to take. It’s also cowardly. Wait until Bibi finds out his dogs are German Shepherds.

Shortly after the mysterious congratulatory tweet to Biden, Bibi tweeted a thank you to Donald Trump without mentioning the fact Trump is a loser who will be leaving the White House very soon.

Joe Biden has to come in and fix things Donald Trump has fucked up. He has to work on our immigration policies. He has to clean up a lot of bullshit funding for Trump’s racist border wall. He has to get us back into the Paris Climate Accords. He has to fix the treaty with Iran that made the world a safer place. He has to smack Putin around a little just so he knows his place. He has to remove us from Kim Jong Un’s butthole. He has to get our allies to stop laughing at us. He has to repair our relationship with NATO and show the world we favor our allies over dictators. And eventually, he has to declare Canadian cheese is not a threat to our national security. And now, he has to include crap Netanyahu is doing.

Israel may not be to blame…but they probably are. If they were a true ally, they would have waited until Joe Biden was in office. He wasn’t even receiving security briefings that president-elects usually receive. Those didn’t start until today. I predict Israel and Iran will be mentioned in every briefing Biden receives between now and the end of his presidency.

We give Israel over $3 billion a year. Unlike other nations where we give aid to in quarterly installments, we give our yearly donation to Israel all at once and at the beginning of the year. We give Israel more than we give to sub-Saharan Africa, Latin America, and the Caribbean combined. And when we give money to Israel, they turn around and put it into New York Federal Reserve so it can start earning interest immediately. We have to borrow to give Israel this money which means we spend over $100 million paying interest on it. And our aid to Egypt and Jordan is contingent upon their treaties with Israel. Our aid to the Palestinians is so they can rebuild their communities after Israel destroys them with weapons we paid for. Additionally, Israel can and has blocked our sales of weapons to other Middle East nations while selling weapons to China that can be used against us…and they do this without telling us.

And then, they murder top officials in nation’s hostile to the U.S, dragging us into their bullshit. And they’re our friends?

One thing President Joe Biden should do, which he won’t, is cut the amount of aid we give to Israel.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Tiny Desk For Diaper Don


cjones11302020

Yesterday, Donald Trump finally took a few questions from reporters and said that he’d leave the White House if the electoral college goes for Joe Biden. He said, “Certainly I will. And you know that.”

Then he said, “If they do, they’ve made a mistake.”

Later in the day, he moved the goal post, again, and tweeted, “Biden can only enter the White House as President if he can prove that his ridiculous ‘80,000,000 votes’ were not fraudulently or illegally obtained. When you see what happened in Detroit, Atlanta, Philadelphia & Milwaukee, massive voter fraud, he’s got a big unsolvable problem!”

A few takeaways here:

First, what “big unsolvable problem?” The only one with a “big unsolvable problem” is Trump and that’s trying to prove his lie that he won the election.

It’s not up to Donald Trump to decide who won the election. He can not refuse to leave because he’s unsatisfied with “proof”

It’s not up to Joe Biden to prove a negative.

If there was so much voter fraud, then why didn’t Donald Trump’s shitty ridiculous lawyers use that evidence in any one of their 31 cases that were thrown out of court for lack of evidence?

There will be proof as each state certifies and the electoral college goes for Joe Biden. After that, I’m sure Donald Trump will be sitting behind his teeny tiny desk with his arms folded screaming they “made a mistake.” Of course, that teeny tiny desk will probably be at Mar-a-Lago.

Screaming is what Diaper Don does. While sitting behind his teeny tiny desk next to an undecorated Christmas tree that Melania probably said, “Fuck Christmas decorations to,” Donald Trump screamed at a reporter for asking a logical question.

The reporter, Jeff Mason of Reuters, asked if Donald Trump would concede if the electoral college votes for Biden. OK, in any other administration, it wouldn’t be a logical question.

Trump lashed out, which made sitting at the tiny desk look even more ridiculous, and said, “Don’t talk to me that way. You’re just a lightweight. Don’t talk to me that way. I’m the president of the United States. Don’t ever talk to the president that way.”

I’m sure nobody is going to talk to President Joe Biden that way. But what is it with Donald Trump having to insult people?

He screams he’s the president, which I’m sure he’ll continue to do AFTER January 20 and Biden is in the White House, while insulting people like a child.

He also tweeted, “Twitter is sending out totally false ‘Trends’ that have absolutely nothing to do with what is really trending in the world. They make it up, and only negative ‘stuff.” Don’t ask me why “trend” was capitalized.

He then tweeted, “For purposes of National Security, Section 230 must be immediately terminated!!!”

What is he talking about? He’s talking about a law that protects websites from lawsuits over content posted by users. Like if you own Twitter, and someone created a post accusing someone else of rape or of being a Nazi, then you couldn’t be sued for owning the platform the post was created on…just the person who created the post can be sued.

Or in this case, you can’t be sued because someone created the hashtag #DiaperDon. Seriously. According to reports, after his tiny desk press conference, the Diaper Don hashtag really pissed him off.

He got so upset, he filled his diaper.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

There is no video for this cartoon or the last one because I need to add the software to this new computer…and Corel is a real asshole about sending me the download keys for shit I already paid for. Fuck you, Corel.

Grim SCOTUS


cjones11292020

The biggest takeaway from the Supreme Court’s ruling that churches in New York can remain open, because placing restrictions on them is infringing upon their Constitutionally-protected religious freedom, is where the court will be years from now.

The court ruled on similar cases just a few months ago, and ruled 5-4, with Chief Justice John Roberts joining the liberals, that the government can place restrictions on churches. On Wednesday night, it was another 5-4 ruling, this time in favor of the churches and again, with Roberts joining the liberals.

The big takeaway here is that Amy Coney Barrett was the vote putting it over the top. The last time the court voted on this, Ruth Bader Ginsburg was on the court and actually understood the case.

The argument here is that New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo, was being harder on churches than places like retail businesses. But the thing is, it’s not the same.

You don’t go to a grocery store to spend two hours parking your ass in one spot. You do that in church. It’s not comparable. The churches are complaining that Cuomo is singling them out for their religion.

Nobody cares about your religion other than to protect it. I don’t care if you go to mass for seven hours every night, dance in circles with snakes while speaking in tongues. You do you. But, I do care if you go to church and bring back your virus to the grocery store. Do you understand how that works? No?

Neither do five members of the Supreme Court.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Sin Like Flynn


cjones11282020

Since I’m social distancing and hanging by myself today, why not draw a cartoon? Who am I kidding? I was going to draw one anyway. Hell, last Thanksgiving, I was in Washington, D.C. with my then-girlfriend. We had Chinese food in China Town and saw the Capitals play (they won. I bought a cap)…and the next morning while she was having breakfast alone, I was drawing a cartoon before we drove to Colonial Beach to have dinner with her family. It was nice. There was fried oysters.

Is it any wonder I’m single?

A few things about this pardon of Michael Flynn:

By accepting it, Flynn, who had admitted guilt twice before retracting, is admitting guilt.

Donald Trump tried to issue this pardon in a news hole. Whenever a politician wants to do something with little coverage, they do it in the afternoon and it’s best on a Friday. Here, Donald Trump issued a pardon to one of his goons on Thanksgiving eve. If this was last year, he would have done it while I was stomping around China Town. A lot of the press were winding down and preparing for family and turkey yesterday afternoon. By the time Monday gets here, nobody’s going to remember this and there will be some new outrage to be outraged about.

Donald Trump keeps screaming he won the election, “by a lot,” yet he pardoned a goon which is his acceptance he’s going out the door. He’s leaving.

I drew about Trump pardons yesterday, but how many more pardons am I going to draw? Will he pardon George Papadopoulos, despite not knowing him and claiming he was “just a coffee boy?” Some are saying he might pardon Rick Gates, but he cooperated with Robert Mueller’s investigation. I totally expect a pardon of Paul Manafort, who is in prison and refused to cooperate with Mueller. Trump will reward him. Roger Stone, who had his prison sentence commuted, is publicly asking for more. He wants a pardon. Of course, Roger Stone is a low life and has no reservations about appearing guilty. I expect Stone to get his pardon. He’s disgusting which plays into Trump’s wheelhouse.

According to reports, there is a team in the White House studying who to pardon and that team is being led by none other than Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner. Who better to lead a team studying the pardon of Trump goons than a Trump goon? The Biden Justice Department should add the businesses of Jared to their investigations. Perhaps Jared will receive a pardon. His wife, Ivanka, is being investigated. Maybe daddy will pardon her.

Perhaps Donald Trump will pardon Steve Bannon and others involved with the build-the-wall scam. He issued a pardon for conservative conspiracy theorist columnist Dinesh D’Souza, who pled guilty to making illegal campaign donations. He also pardoned a friend of Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin, Wall Street Executive Michael Milken who pled guilty to securities and tax violations, got 98 racketeering charges dismissed, and is still worth over $3 billion.

Alan Dershowitz is representing a couple of lesser-known goons and he’s angling to have them pardoned. He praised Trump’s pardon of Flynn. He’s either rubbing Trump for a few pardons or he’s actually a huge fan of Donald Trump issuing pardons as reward to his associates.

In case you’re a Republican, let me lay it out for you: Anyone pardoning their associates is engaging in corruption. It’s a reward for their silence. Do you see Michael Cohen receiving a pardon?

The only people Donald Trump has pardoned has been goons and corrupt racist mother fuckers like Sheriff Joe Arpaio, celebrity causes, billionaire Wall Street grifters, and his friends. You don’t really see poor people…or non-whites…with unfair prison sentences receiving pardons…unless a Kardashian lobbied for them. Most of the people he pardons are guilty rich assholes…just like him.

I really hope Donald Trump does pardon himself so we can finally have the question answered. Can a president pardon himself? I say no because you can’t be your own judge. But then again, there are three Trump justices on the Supreme Court which is corrupt in itself.

Of course, Donald Trump is corrupt so I expect him to pardon himself.

Donald Trump is the most corrupt president in our nation’s history. He’s stopped working as president since he lost the election. He’s only left the White House to golf. He won’t answer questions from the press. And the only thing he’s done is bitch and pardon his goons. He’s going to be corrupt all the way to January 20.

What I really hope for is that Donald Trump eventually lands in prison. And when that happens, I hope the irony of his pardons comes to him.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Goodbye, Turkeys


cjones11272020

I’m breaking a couple of my rules with this cartoon. One is, I’ve drawn enough turkeys this year. The other is drawing a cartoon with a holiday theme that’s dated after the holiday. This is dated for Friday, which as you probably know, is AFTER Thanksgiving. But, I don’t make my clients embargo my cartoons by the dates, which means they can run them as soon as they get them.

But, I like drawing turkeys…and I like drawing Trump goons. And in my defense, how many more opportunities do I have to draw these people? Have you seen the type of people Joe Biden’s putting in his administration? Adults! How am I supposed to work with that?

In the Biden administration, I don’t see any inept son-in-laws wanting to create a back channel with Russia while taking loans from Arab kingdoms. I don’t see a daughter and her husband receiving security clearances when they don’t qualify. I don’t see a veep lavishing worship on the boss every minute while attracting flies. I don’t see an Attorney General turning the Justice Department into an agency that acts as the president’s personal attorney…which they did in going to court to block a civil suit against Trump by one of his sexual accusers. I don’t see a baby Goebbels in this administration writing policies that’ll kill immigrant children. I don’t see a goon going to prison whose sentence the president will commute. Say what you want about Hunter, but I don’t see a son in this administration as stupid as Donald Trump Jr. I don’t see a personal attorney spreading conspiracy theories outside a dildo store while his hair is leaking transmission fluid. I don’t see the president encouraging right-wing terrorists to shoot and murder protesters or telling them to “stand by.” I don’t see Nazis and Klansmen holding parades for this incoming president. I don’t even see hamburgers.

So, how much fun do I have left? It’s not like next Thanksgiving, when President Joe Biden is pardoning a turkey, I can compare it to him pardoning his goons, children, or even himself. Sheesh! What sort of presidency is this going to be for cartoonists? We have been spoiled by Donald Trump. With Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, I’m going to have to go back to writing my own material. Dammit all.

Sure. Joe Biden has gaffes but they’re not going to make up for a president (sic) who tries to redirect a hurricane with a Sharpie, or asks about nuking that hurricane, or advises people to rake forests, or talks about windmill cancer. Joe Biden has never gone to a debate and talked about the size of his penis. Seriously, people…you left me nothing to work with here.

Maybe our new Secretary of State will scream at a reporter and challenge her to find Ukraine on a map. No? He’s not an asshole? Aw, man!

Maybe Ashley Biden will sit in for the president at international summits, or get a bunch of Chinese patents, or be investigated for tax fraud. No? She’s not corrupt? Maybe Jill Biden will say “fuck Christmas.” I know. Not very likely when you replace a porn model with a teacher who has a doctorate.

Thanks a lot, America. Sure. You saved the nation from a stupid narcissistic racist reality TV show host and his grifting, and now we’ll stop putting babies in jail and ripping families apart. We’ll save the climate, perhaps stop palling around with dictatorships, and start using complete sentences again…but at what cost? Did you think about the cartoonists and comedians? Did you not think about the satire? No, you didn’t. I hope you’re proud of yourself, America.

It’s not fair. Even the democratic goons Biden could have hired, Donald Trump took. I don’t even have a Blagojevich with this administration. Shit.

So because of all that, you get another turkey cartoon. You can’t blame me. All I have left is an administration full of adults to try to make something out of with my cartoons.

And the fact Donald Trump and his goons will never go away or stop tweeting. Never ever ever. I guess there’s that.

Update: I went back and added Michael Flynn after he was pardoned today.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Turkey Coup Fail


cjones11262020

Donald Trump’s coup has failed.

Yesterday, the head of the General Services Administration, a low-profile agency that directs resources for stuff like government real estate and oh yeah…transition funds from one presidential administration to the next, announced it was approving the transition to the Biden administration.

After a presidential election when a new leader is elected, the GSA routinely releases funding to the new administration so there will be a smooth transition between the election and when the new president takes the oath of office in January. Although the head of the agency is appointed by the outgoing president, there’s usually no drama over this person doing their job. That was not the case this time.

Emily Murphy is the head of the General Services Administration. Emily Murphy has been described as a by-the-books administrator. Emily Murphy is a coward.

Joe Biden won the election 16 days ago. And even though Donald Trump was having a public hissy fit, hiding in his bunker except to play golf, refusing to answer reporters’ questions, throwing out conspiracy theories, issuing over 300 lying tweets since the election, losing over 30 legal challenges, inviting state Republican legislators to the White House to coerce them to reject their citizens votes, and having Rudy Giuliani hold press conferences outside dildo stores and icking all over the place, Emily Murphy could have approved the transition process to begin.

Even if by some bizarro-world situation where Trump flipped states and would remain president for the next four years (Brrr! I just got a chill), nothing would have been lost by preparing for a Biden presidency. No harm would have been done. If Joe Biden was receiving the same daily intelligence briefings as Donald Trump, it wouldn’t have been a risk to this nation.

When it comes to the security briefings, Joe Biden has been in positions previously where he received them. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would qualify for a security clearance without being president. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would actually read the briefing material. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would not tweet or share classified information with Vladimir Putin. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would not overrule the FBI and give security clearances to his daughter and son-in-law (who was trying to create a back channel with Russia and is in debt to Middle Eastern kingdoms).

Emily Murphy could have said, “I know Trump is going to be a big baby about this but I’m moving the process forward. It’s the right thing to do.” She could have done the right thing…but she didn’t. That will be her legacy. Imagine how she would have been remembered if she had done the right thing. You can only imagine it because Emily Murphy is a coward.

Emily Murphy released a statement saying, “I was never directly or indirectly pressured by any Executive Branch official — including those who work at the White House or GSA — with regard to the substance or timing of my decision.” Bullshit.

Emily Murphy is a coward and just like every Republican in Washington, she was afraid of angering Trump and his MAGAts. She claims she received death threats. I doubt Democrats were issuing those threats. She claimed even her pets received death threats. How do you claim you didn’t feel any pressure when people are threatening your dog?

Emily Murphy is a coward and she should have done her job in the first place. She shouldn’t have waited 16 days. She is just another Trump goon who put the cult before duty. Even though she was hired by Trump, she works for the citizens of the United States of America, not Donald Trump. She is paid by us, not Donald Trump. She should have done her job.

What Donald Trump did was put himself before the nation. He undermined our democracy. He told his supporters our election failed. He told his supporters they can’t trust democracy. He told our allies the president (sic) of the United States didn’t believe in democracy. He told our enemies the president (sic) of the United states didn’t believe in democracy. Donald Trump tried to remain president after losing an election. Donald Trump attempted a coup. Emily Murphy, like so many Republicans, enabled him.

Emily Murphy, you are not a hero. You are not brave. You are a failure and a sycophant of the cult. You’re no better than Kayleigh McEnany, Stephen Baby Goebbels Miller, or Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin. And just like all the MAGAts Trump brought with him, I look forward to your dismissal after January 20.

Donald Trump is boasting he has delivered a vaccine to the coronavirus. He really didn’t have anything to do with that but still, his stonewalling the Biden transition endangers the distribution of the vaccine after he’s gone.

Donald Trump hasn’t just be trying to discredit the Biden administration. His actions were an attempt to make it fail. And if that means more Americans died, for Donald Trump, so be it. It’s not like he cared about Americans dying from the virus before the election. If more Americans die after Trump leaves office, even if it’s his fault, he can blame Biden and tweet about it.

Now, he’s going to pin a medal on himself for approving the transition. Donald Trump tweeted he told Murphy to release the transition funds while Murphy is saying she made the decision on her own. These people need to coordinate their bullshit.

Even If Murphy never did release the funds before January 20, it wouldn’t have stopped Joe Biden from becoming president. While Trump goons say the media doesn’t decide who wins elections, neither does the GSA or the president (sic). Joe Biden will be president on January 20 and there’s nothing Donald Trump or Emily Murphy can do about that. But, they’re still going to give the impression Donald Trump allowed it.

Prediction: Donald Trump will be praised by the Trump media and MAGAts for being a big boy and getting out of the way for Joe Biden. You’ll see. Geraldo Rivera wants to name the vaccine to the virus that Donald Trump allowed to kill over 250,000…after Donald Trump to “honor” him. That’s how these people are. We should NOT name any vaccine after Donald Trump. We have named the virus after him. He is the virus, not the cure.

If anyone’s the cure, it’s Joe Biden.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Crazy Uncle Time


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

I drew this cartoon before Sidney Powell was fired as Trump’s lawyer…from which they claim she was never his lawyer…or the campaign’s lawyer. Honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t retreaded the coffee fetcher line yet. Yet.

There’s a LOT of speculation which crazy shit she said that got her ditched by the crazy folks. This is like the team of Misfit Toys…if the Misfit Toys were stupid and racist. I mean, dear God, Rudy is still a part of the team. This guy sweats oil during press conferences…and conducts them next to dildo shops. So, what did poor crazy lunatic Sidney say that got her shitcanned? Good question and let’s explore.

Rudy has pushed debunked conspiracy theory after debunked conspiracy theory yet, he remains on the team that now says Sidney Powell was never a part of it or ever a legal representative for Donald Trump. You know the team that Donald Trump said included Sidney Powell. The team that Rudy said he was leading with Sidney Powell. The team that held a press conference last week that gave Sidney Powell speaking time at the podium with Rudy standing and sweating black goop behind her. So what’d Sidney say that got her ditched?

Was it her claim that Donald Trump won the election in a “landslide?” As preposterous and ludicrous as that claim is, no. That didn’t get her fired. Donald Trump liked that claim.

Was it her claim that George Soros was a part of the group stealing the election? Nah. Donald Trump has claimed George Soros was funding immigrant caravans even as he said he didn’t have any proof. He wouldn’t care about Sidney blaming Soros. Also, Soros is Jewish. Unless they’re Jared or Israel, Trump doesn’t like Jews.

Was it her claim the election was being stolen by globalists? Of course not. Donald Trump is anti-Semitic. See paragraph above. He retweets Nazis and once tweeted an image of bags of cash and a bunch of Stars of David.

Was it the crazy shit that the Clinton Foundation was stealing the election from Trump? No. Donald Trump has spouted his own lies about the Clintons and their foundation…while he was stealing from his foundation.

Was it the claim the deceased Hugo Chavez designed the voting systems and it’s all a communist plot from nations like Venezuela, Cuba, and China (but not communist North Korea)? No. It’s just another crazy conspiracy theory. Rudy has those. Trump began his political career with dumber ones.

Was it her claim that voting machines changed votes from Trump into votes for Biden? Nope. Rudy has made that same claim…and so has Trump.

Was it her claim that Brian Kemp, the governor of Georgia and a long-time Trump supporter helped steal the election for Joe Biden? Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

The thing is, Kemp is a Trump supporter. A very loyal Trump supporter. If anything, he’s worked diligently to disenfranchise black voters in Georgia to help Republicans. He’s on Trump’s side. And, there are two Senate runoffs in January in Georgia. A lot of Republicans are already pissed at the GOP establishment because the Georgia secretary of state, a Republican, did his job and counted more votes for Joe Biden than for Trump. Some Republicans are actually threatening to boycott the election after Georgia went blue for Biden. I just like typing that. Georgia went blue for Biden. I’m done.

The other thing is, Sidney was being criticized by Republicans. Chris Christie and Iowa Senator Joni Ernst went after her. Republicans aren’t going after Rudy which you think they would.

Finally, Tucker Carlson went after her…and she went after him. Tucker is another MAGAt. She said Tucker was rude. She might as well had left a bag of burning turds on Sean Hannity’s doorstep…which is probably a common thing, so she’d have to write her name on the bag.

She wasn’t ditched for being ridiculous. This president (sic) hires ridiculous people to be his spokesgoons (Spicer, Huckasans, McEnany). Rudy is ridiculous except Rudy has been a Trump friend for decades and has pissed away his legacy and reputation for Trump. Also, Rudy’s not a woman. He has a penis. If you don’t believe me, ask his cousinwife.

Goodbye, Sidney. Thank you for lasting long enough for me to get a couple cartoons out of you. Let me know if you’ll be back. I have a lot of ink for crazy nut cases like you, you fun lunatic.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.