Uncategorized

Dopey Defenders


cjones12132017

Russia is officially banned from the 2018 Olympics set in Pyeongchang, South Korea, which shows that the International Olympic Committee has more backbone and intestinal fortitude than Republican members of Congress, Fox News, and the President of the United States.

Russia peed all over the 2014 Winter Olympics, which was a lot more dignified than what they did to our presidential election. It was like hackers wearing sterilized gloves.

Russia didn’t just send athletes to test with someone else’s urine. Russians actually got into the laboratory in Sochi and manipulated the tests. Experts say they haven’t seen doping this widespread since the East Germans did it throughout the 1960s, ’70s and ’80s. That’s a lot of commie pee.

Putin has scoffed at the accusations which is probably good enough for Donald Trump. Putin also denied meddling in our election and that was all the authority our president needed on the issue.

Since Trump, Republicans, and the idiots at Fox News have chosen Russian nationalism over American security, I’m surprised they’re not mounting a vigorous defense of Russia and expressing outrage at the injustice heaped upon them. Trump sycophants have attacked the FBI, the Special Counsel, the press and anyone else who has tried to look into Russia’s meddling in the presidential election and collusion with the Trump campaign. The main strategy is to deflect by screaming for investigations into the investigators, and more investigations for Hillary Clinton.

Russian athletes who receive special dispensation to compete will do so as individuals wearing a neutral uniform, and the official record books will forever show that Russia won zero medals. I guess that means they won’t be allowed to wear their Trump T-Shirts.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Advertisements

Sticky Marchamo


crsta12012017

This cartoon was published December 1 in The Costa Rica Star.

In Costa Rica, the government makes you purchase an annual Marchamo sticker for your car. It’s basically a property tax based on the value of the vehicle. In the United States, you can usually look forward to the tax bill on your vehicle being cheaper next year. Not so in Costa Rica. For some reason, the value of your vehicle often increases in Costa Rica. Many believe it’s based on how much revenue the government wants to create.

The money is supposed to go toward the infrastructure, like roads. But, nobody ever sees improvement on the roads.

Some people believe the money actually goes toward Christmas bonuses, called “Aguinaldo.” The Aguinaldo is not based on performance and is a “13th” month salary paid to every salaried employee, government and private, documented and undocumented, in the nation. It’s a law. The president of the Banco de Costa Rica (a government bank) will receive a $50,000 Christmas bonus.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Costa Rica Hooker Fire Sale


crsta11242017

This cartoon was published November 24, at The Costa Rica Star. I still have one more cartoon I drew for the Star I need to post here.

The Hotel Del Rey in San Jose is well-known as a place to find a prostitute. It’s not even an open secret and prostitution is legal in Costa Rica. They market themselves just as that. The place is full of clubs and there are other websites that provide tips on how to go about finding a prostitute without getting ripped off. Hey, I research.

It seems a lot of the women are not local to Costa Rica, with many being Russian. That makes me concerned if sex trafficking is part of this equation.

Anyway, there was a fire at the hotel which probably ruined trips for lots of gringos. That’s too bad. They should probably go fishing anyway.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Red Carpet Treatment


cjones12122017

I hate to see Al Franken resign from the United States Senate.

Franken is a champion for progressive causes and his voice is needed in the Senate, and especially on the Judiciary Committee. He’s the Senator asking questions Trump nominees don’t want to answer. Ask Jeff Sessions about his perjury. Franken has an analytical mind, which probably comes from being a writer of comedy. Humorists are good at catching irony and hypocrisy. They see holes where others don’t. You have to be smart to be a good comedic writer. You don’t have to be smart to be a Senator….or a president. At least not anymore.

During the speech announcing his resignation, Franken noted the irony of him leaving office while a man who boasted about sexual assault sits in the Oval Office and another who preyed on teenage girls is running for the Senate in Alabama.

Did I mention irony? Conservatives don’t see irony. They don’t see it in Donald Trump holding a campaign rally Friday night for a racist pedophile where he complained about protesters, and on Saturday night he’ll be attending a ceremony at a Civil Rights museum in Jackson, Mississippi. Irony.

I have heard a few Republicans complain liberals will use Franken’s resignation to occupy the moral high ground. Yes. Yes, we will.

While the Speaker of the House urged Republican Congressman Trent Franks to resign after he offered $5 million to staffers to carry his baby, by way of him sticking his little frank in them, Blake Farenthold hasn’t said anything about resigning.

Farenthold is a Republican who looks terrible in pajamas, and he used taxpayer dollars to pay off sexual harassment complaints, just like Democrat John Conyers, who is resigning. Farenthold is a member of the Tea Party. Do you remember the Tea Party’s chief concern? It was government spending. I haven’t heard too many of them scream for pajama boy’s head for spending $84,000 of their money on a sexual harassment complaint.

Franken and Conyers are out. The GOP has kicked Franks to the curb but Farenthold hangs on. During all this, the Republican president is campaigning for a racist, stupid, law-breaking pedophile and the RNC is contributing to his campaign.  The president says we can’t have another Democrat in the Senate, and he needs Roy Moore to pass his agenda.

If you need the vote from a racist, homophobic, Islamophobic, xenophobic, conspiracy chasing, banned from malls, law-breaking judge who’s also a pedophile to pass your agenda…there’s probably something wrong with your agenda.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Stomp The Yard


cjones12112017

One thing I enjoy bashing my conservative cartooning colleagues over are talking points. They will repeat anything barked at them from Fox News. They’ve always been that way except now, they get their talking points from an illiterate narcissistic racist idiot.

If Trump says there were good people among Nazis, then conservatives start talking about all the good people among the Nazis. If Trump says Antifa is chock-full of terrorists, then they find new reasons to demand arrests of liberals and black people. If Trump deflects by talking about an affair Bill Clinton had in 1998, then let’s talk about 1998 and not about Access Hollywood. If Trump says “fake news,” then they’re accusing the media of printing lies all while they share links to Breitbart. Seriously, when you all follow the same script then there’s not one bit of difference between any of you. How many Hannities do we need?

And, I don’t know who came up with “snowflake,” but it’s ridiculous because conservatives are the whiniest people ever. Old, white, Christian males are not being persecuted. There has never been a war on Christmas.

If Trump says protesting against racism is disrespecting veterans, then they stop watching football. Then, he attacks those who are investigating him and his followers start attacking the FBI.

Wait a minute. How is it disrespectful to our troops to kneel during an anthem, yet these proud defenders of patriotism can attack the men and women who serve in the FBI? Keep in mind, we can’t criticize the police either.

Trump has been bashing the FBI and the Special Counsel’s investigation into his campaign’s collusion with Russia. Trump is turning up the deflection and attacks as Robert Mueller inches closer. There have been arrests, indictments, and now there are reports subpoenas have gone out for Trump’s finances.

An FBI agent was reassigned from the Special Counsel’s office after it was discovered he sent personal text messages critical of Trump to another FBI agent. He was also working the case investigating Hillary Clinton. Republicans are treating this like a smoking gun, though none of them have actually seen the text.

Republicans in Congress and the idiots at Fox News are trying to sow doubt about the integrity and impartiality of the FBI, the Special Counsel’s investigation, and that of Robert Mueller. Those people who express outrage at anything they deem disrespectful of our anthem, the flag, and American troops, show their true patriotism by attacking those who are investigating Russia’s meddling in our presidential election. For them, it’s not just party over country. It’s Trump over country. A foreign adversary has attacked our nation and these “patriots” are covering for the bad guys.

Republican Congressman Robert Goodlatte, of Virginia, said to FBI Director Christopher Wray, “We cannot afford for the FBI — which has traditionally been dubbed the premier law enforcement agency in the world — to become tainted by politicization or the perception of a lack of even-handedness.” Basically, he doesn’t want the FBI to become like a Congressional investigation led by Republicans.

During the campaign, there were questions whether Rudy Giuliani had leaked reports from the FBI’s investigation of Hillary Clinton’s Email server. Where was Fox News and all these Republicans expressing outrage and concern about “politicization” or the “lack of even-handedness” then?

There is no evidence that agent’s political opinions, which we all have, are affecting any investigations into Trump. Though I will give you that it may be challenging finding educated, intelligent, and enlightened individuals to work with whom don’t believe Donald Trump is dumber than poop on a stick.

I’m sick of phony patriots and Christians and wish more people would see them for what they are. They’re all lying hypocrites. If you want to be Donald Trump’s mule, then go ahead but, you need to be recognized for it.

I hope America is better than you. I know the FBI is, and that’s what’s scaring you.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

NOVA Tolls


cjones12102017

This is a cartoon that may only be published by one of my clients. While I did a lot on the Virginia elections, those cartoons were still covering a national subject. I plan to draw another cartoon tonight, so this is like another bonus. Hey, it is a bonus. But, even if nobody ran it I still wanted to do it. I was grousing about this with the person I talk politics the most, and she wanted me to hit it too.

The tolls in Northern Virginia are insane, just like the traffic. At one point last week, they hit a price of $40 for the 10-mile route between the Beltway and the District. You people in New Jersey may wanna stop whining. Wait, Jersey people never stop whining.

If you use EZPass then you are exempt from the tolls. Transportation officials this week said the tolls are meant to encourage solo drivers to carpool or use slug lines (where you let strangers ride with you in the early morning) or public transportation. Some drivers have reacted to the new pricing on social media with the hashtag #highwayrobbery.

The tolls took effect on Monday and required all drivers who use I-66 inside the Beltway between the 5:30 and 9 a.m. and 3 and 7 p.m. to have an E-ZPass. Single drivers pay a “dynamic toll” which changes depending on how many cars are using the lanes. Vehicles with two or more occupants ride free with an E-ZPass Flex.

While drivers are upset, some lawmakers in the General Assembly (that’s our legislature. We’re different) are calling to end these adjusting toll rates.

Fortunately for me, I have never had to commute to D.C., though I have fought the traffic plenty of times. My ex-wife had a knack for scheduling my son’s flights to land to time with commuter traffic. That just created another reason for why it sucks to drive to Baltimore.

But, when I do drive to or through Washington, I always use I-95 and these crazy tolls are on I-66, so they still wouldn’t affect me. But, it’s really gotta suck for those who have to deal with it.

As I said, this is a bonus cartoon. I’ll be going back to work in an hour or so. Good night, normal people.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Drunk Trump


cjones12092017

As Donald Trump spoke yesterday announcing a change in U.S. policy recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and that our embassy will move to that city, the world expressed outrage. Why would Trump enact a policy no president before him has been dumb enough to make? Why would he make a decision that every single world leader, other than the nitwit instigator leading Israel, knows is a horrible idea? Why would he remove us from the peace process? Why would he confirm Muslim belief that the United States favors Israel over the Palestinians? Why would he increase Muslim and Arab animosity toward America? Why enact a policy that will only initiate riots and kill people? Why….why…why….why is he slurring?

Seriously? What did we witness yesterday? Trump started the speech enunciating S’s and was able to say “the.” Near the end of his speech came the slurred “United Shtates.”

Did Mike Pence hit him with a blow dart shortly beforehand? That would explain why he stands behind Trump obediently like his dog with the satisfied expression of finally achieving a successful bowel movement. Maybe God’s divine plan for Mike Pence that required selling his soul to the Devil is finally going to play out.

Or, Trump is drunk. Trump swears he doesn’t drink and the only alcohol he’s ever consumed in his life is the wine he had with his “little cracker” the two times he’s been inside a church. I’d like to believe him. But, Trump has told us repeatedly he doesn’t drink. Trump has a pattern. Every time he repeats something again and again, it turns out to be the farthest thing from reality. You know, like nobody respects women more than he does, or he’s going to hire the best people, or he knows more than the generals.

The White House says he was suffering from dry mouth. The last time he was attacked with dry mouth he reached for a bottle of water that required using both of his tiny hands. He didn’t do that this time.

I’d like to believe he’s not drunk. However, he’s presidenting like he’s inside a liquor cabinet doing lines off the lower back of a Russian hooker. It would explain his racist rants and defense of Nazis like a drunk uncle. It makes the hypocrisy of attacking Al Franken while endorsing an Alabama pedophile understandable. It would explain why he can’t remember all the women who have accused him of sexual harassment. He is paranoid and believes Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. He would have to be drunker than Keith Richards to claim it’s not him on the Access Hollywood tape. He is “winning” like Charlie Sheen. You would have to be drunk to believe your 30-year-old son-in-law will negotiate Middle East peace.

If he’s not drunk then there are only two other explanations. The first is, he’s a billionaire with twelve dollar dentures.

The other explanation is, he’s an idiot. Yeah, he’s probably not drunk.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.