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First 100


cjones04262017

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about the first one hundred days of the administration of Donald Trump is that….OH GOD!!! IT’S ONLY BEEN ONE HUNDRED DAYS!!! OH THE HORROR!!!! SOMEONE HOLD ME!!!!

No no no. It’s all right. We’ll be OK. Well, actually no. Most of us will probably die from radiation fallout and those who remain will battle between themselves for scraps of possum meat in the Thunder Dome.

Every president’s immediate impact is judged by what they have accomplished within their first 100 days. Trump was a big proponent of this and near the end of the presidential campaign he issued a “Contract with the American Voter” which promised he would introduce and “fight for” 10 specific pieces of legislation in his first 100 days.

Among those initiatives were bills to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act, dramatically cut taxes, spur $1 trillion in infrastructure investments and significantly expand school choice. The only legislative item introduced was a bill to repeal and replace Obamacare, and it didn’t even get a vote.

While Trump and his team boast about the confirmation of Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court, even that measure took significant manipulation as the Republicans had to steal the nomination from President Obama and changed the rules of the Senate so fewer votes were required to hijack the seat. Still, that’s not a legislative accomplishment.

Now Trump thinks it’s ridiculous to gauge him by his first 100 days. That means even he knows he hasn’t accomplished squat. He’s in a race with time to have an accomplishment before the 100-day marker which is next week. He wants to push another bill to replace Obamacare, but health care needs to be taken a little more seriously than a rush job designed to soothe a fragile ego.

The Obama administration worked nearly a year on the Affordable Healthcare Act before moving it through Congress. The Trump team attempted it within their first two months and it fell flat (despite the GOP having seven years to put something together other than repeals and lies about death panels). Now Trump plans to shove something through by next week? If they’re taking bets on that in Vegas, I’m in.

He also wants to push through a tax cut which he says will be the biggest tax cut ever. He also said his inauguration crowd and electoral victory were the largest ever. Since everything he claims as “yuge” turns out to be tiny, small, and shriveled, keep in mind he also bragged about the size of his penis.

What we’ve had has been 100 days of chaos. Very few presidents recover after having a lousy start. Ask William Henry Harrison. If we’re to use the first 100 days as an indicator of what to expect, we’re going to have four years of chaos.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

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They’ll Let Anyone In Here


cjones04252017

Much has been made of the Trump administration concealing the visitors log so the public can’t see who’s leaving a trail of slime in and out of the White House. It really makes me wonder what kind of sludge they would be ashamed to be associated with if they’re sharing photos of the likes of Sarah Palin, Ted Nugent, and Kid Rock standing around Trump at the Resolute Desk. Wanna throw up yet? I’m with ya’.

These are some of those consequences of elections they talk about. Conservatives had a hard time with White House visits by Al Sharpton, Jay Z, and Beyonce. But this assortment of loons is a basket of deplorables.

Ted Nugent, whose most famous song is about “vagina grabbing,” has made veiled threats to kill Obama, who he’s also called a “subhuman mongrel.” Anyone who’s made threats toward a president, any president, should not be allowed on the White House grounds ever. He’s lucky he’s not in prison, which he said he’d be or dead if Obama was reelected in 2008. He’s not in jail and he’s still alive. He’s a hateful racist person and he gets to visit the Oval office. Nice.

We’re lucky Sarah Palin’s trip to the White House is only for a photo opportunity, and not an administration job. I guess even Trump isn’t that stupid. Perhaps she got to use her visit to share more wild conspiracy theories with the president. He eats that stuff up.

Kid Rock, like Nugent, is collecting guns. Two years ago he talked about buying guns because he believed “Obummer” was going to ban them. Conservatives loved to pull up naughty lyrics by Jay Z and Beyonce and used them as bad examples for the Obamas to associate with. I guess they don’t have any problems with Trump hanging out with a guy who described himself as a pimp selling whores. If for no other reason, I wouldn’t allow Kid Rock on the grounds for the butchering he did of “Sweet Home Alabama” AND “Werewolves Of London” which he combined into one song.

I am more concerned about who Trump puts on his staff than who comes for dinner, eats the meatloaf, tries the chocolate cake, makes a disrespectful photo with a portrait of Hillary Clinton, etc. But seriously, where is the class and dignity?

Conservatives complained about Michelle Obama baring her arms. They don’t have a problem with Palin baring her shoulders in the Oval Office, or the fact that Kid Rock and The Nuge both wore hats. Ronald Reagan and George W. wouldn’t enter the room without wearing a tie and jacket. Jeans were also banned. I suppose exceptions can be made for those who be big pimpin’.

On Thursday Trump refused to describe Kim Jong-un as unstable. The North Korean leader further enhanced his image of a crackpot a few years ago by entertaining Dennis Rodman. What sort of message is Trump sending by hanging out with this riffraff?

Trump wanted to reward Palin for endorsing him during the primaries. Despite her endorsement, he won anyway. As it turns out, Nugent and Kid Rock weren’t actually invited. The invitation was for Palin and friends. Surprising your host with those two would be like going to a party and your date is a cocaine-riddled prostitute who sneaks into the host’s bedroom and tries on all their underwear. Or even worse, a DJ.

Palin does not conduct herself in the dignified manner you’d expect from one who was a vice presidential candidate and governor of an actual state, even if that state is Alaska. Instead of class and grace Palin chooses to ride the troglodyte train with Nugent and Rock. Their pettiness was saved for posterity with the mocking photo-op by the Clinton portrait.

John F. Kennedy once hosted an event for Nobel Prize winners. During the reception he said “I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House – with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.”

Hosting the shitter, the quitter, and the one-hitter, Donald Trump finally got the opportunity to be the smartest guy in the room.

Update and non-creative note: If I had know the “shitter, quitter, one-hitter” line would be such a hit with my friends on social media, I would have made this note earlier. I did not come up with that. I would love to give credit to who did but I snaked it from Twitter where I saw it used by several people. I don’t want credit for something I didn’t create. I did write the second half of the sentence (smartest guy in the room) but the description for Nugent, Palin, and Kid Rock is not mine.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Bye Bye, O’Reilly


cjones04242017

The political world got a bit of a jolt yesterday when Fox News kicked their longtime ratings giant and right-wing pundit Bill O’Reilly to the curb yesterday over repeated charges of sexual harassment. I know. It’s tearing you apart.

There are many takeaways to this with the first for conservatives being, “but what about Bill Clinton?” Anyone who throws out the Clinton comparison over stuff that happened two decades ago proves they’re not concerned about ending sexual harassment in the workplace. They only care about political scores. The knuckleheads who bring up this point probably all voted for Donald Trump, the vagina grabber.

The main take on this is that Fox News did the right thing but not for the right reasons. They didn’t ditch O’Reilly because his behavior was too shameful for them or they were disgusted with him. They never had an issue with him destroying careers of those who wouldn’t give him what he wanted. They got rid of him because he became a liability. Advertisers were bailing from his show in massive droves. Fox News prioritized monetary over morality. Ironically, morality was a favorite subject of the hypocritical O’Reilly.

Fox News supported O’Reilly’s behavior. They paid out around $13 million to shut his victims up. They let big name talent like Gretchen Carlson and Megyn Kelly get away after they accused harassment from the former chief of the network, Roger Ailes. Carlson was a loss they can deal with. Kelly’s departure hurts. Now their biggest star is Tucker Carlson.

Fox News hired a law firm to conduct an internal investigation. Reportedly what they found were recordings of phone calls where it sounds like O’Reilly is masturbating. Here’s a tip: If you engage in phone sex make sure the other party is with the program. Some people don’t like surprises, especially ones like craggly-assed old men whacking it over the phone.

Fox News has been under heavy pressure for three weeks since The New York Times published a report of the network’s payout. This week a new accuser, an African-American woman, claimed that O’Reilly called her “hot chocolate.” You would think that after decades of harassing women that he’d get better at it. Perhaps he offered to be her marshmallow.

O’Reilly’s departure does not mean the country or corporate America is moving forward in regards to sexual harassment in the workplace. It just shows that it’ll pay for it to a certain point. You can’t argue progress is being made when corporations will cover up for a big money maker and the rest of the nation voted for a man who bragged about assaulting women and who is on record dishing out sexism in the form of slurs and insults.

I saw several posts yesterday on social media from conservatives swearing they’ll boycott Fox News over this. One was from a conservative colleague of mine. These people exhibit that they don’t care about the treatment of women, especially if their infallible hero is exposed (hopefully not literally). I wouldn’t worry about their boycott as they’re not the faithful type. Several of these same people swore they’d boycott Breitbart over their treatment of a female reporter who claimed Trump’s campaign manager had grabbed her.  But within days they were sharing links once again from their favorite racist fake news website.

O’Reilly left the air to take a vacation and he challenged his viewers to guess where he was going. Many on the left guessed correctly that he was going to the curb of 1211 Avenue.

Don’t cry in your beer too much over O’Reilly. Like Ailes, who received a $40 million buyout, I’m sure Bill will walk away with a handsome check. O’Reilly went out defiant with a statement that the accusations are unfounded. He got to meet the Pope during his vacation (I hope he had some hand sanitizer available) and his biggest defender is Donald Trump. I’m also sure we’ll see him again on either One America News or The Blaze network. I wouldn’t be surprised if doesn’t start working for Vladimir Putin on RT. Go for it, Bill!

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Death By Nuggets


cjones04232017

I’m gonna be honest about this cartoon. I don’t think I’m really doing what I should be doing with it. How often do you hear a cartoonist say that?

I like the cartoon. It made me laugh when I thought of it as I was going to sleep. But while I was drawing it I kept having second thoughts. It’s because it hits McDonald’s, who doesn’t deserve any love, but they’re harmless in this and the one I should be hitting is Facebook.

Facebook has given a platform for people to do not just stupid stuff, but truly horrible acts, like murder. There have also been rapes and assaults on Facebook Live. Even if it didn’t have all that negative crap going for it, just the constant notifications that one of my “friends” is doing a live video is reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally annoying. Cut it out, fuckers.

I don’t even hate McDonald’s. I do hate that they only put half a slice of cheese on a fish sandwich. I hate with much prejudice and anger their chicken nuggets. They act like they invented the chicken nuggets and they taste what I imagine a loofah would taste like.

Anthony Bourdain, who has eaten a Yak’s fried anus, says the McDonald’s chicken nugget is the very worst thing he’s ever placed in his mouth. People who like McDonald’s nuggets, and who are not children, baffle me more than poor minorities who voted for Donald Trump. I just can’t figure that shit out.

So to sum up, Sorry, Mickey D’s but you kinda deserve it. Facebook, I’ll get you next time and I know there will be a next time. Friends, stop doing that Facebook-Live shit. Also, cut out the selfies and food pics. You’re pretty, you’re hungry, we get it. Now stop.

My next cartoon will hit injustice right in the face which should make up for me just having some fun this afternoon.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

It’s Always In The Last Place You Look


cjones04222017

Have you checked your pockets and couch cushions? Maybe it’s off the Korean peninsula or the Indian Ocean. Check the Sunda Strait off the coast of Indonesia. Perhaps it’s in Fulton County.

Donald Trump is boasting that he’s done more in his first 90 days as president than any other American president has before him. He might have a point as I can’t think of any other who nearly got us into a nuclear confrontation and lost track of an aircraft carrier in that time frame.

Criticize Obama all you want about not acting on his “red line” threat with Syria, but at least he didn’t attempt to intimidate a rogue regime with an “armada” and then send it in the wrong direction. Trump has already confused Iraq for Syria. Maybe he confused North Korea with Australia. At least he still has Mike Pence’s steely gaze while wearing that leather bomber jacket to let them know he means business. Hope there’s no gay people in North Korea.

While that fleet was tooling around the wrong ocean Trump was bullying children at the White House Easter egg roll. A kid asked him to sign his “Make America Great Again” cap, and perhaps thinking he was doing the kid a favor, tossed it into the crowd after signing it. I hope Kim Jong-un was paying attention. Later he couldn’t find his heart. Melania, visiting from NYC, had to inform him where it was so he could put his hand over it during the singing of the national anthem.

One person who may not want to sport a MAGA hat is Karen Handel, the Republican who will be facing Democrat Jon Ossoff in a runoff for Georgia’s 6th District Congressional seat. Republican Bob Gray fancied himself the Trump guy but he only scored 10% of the vote in Tuesday’s special election. Ms. Handel won 19% and that still pales in comparison to Ossoff, who led the voting with 48%. Out of the eighteen candidates running for the seat vacated by Tom Price, who bailed to become Trump’s Health and Human Services secretary, twelve were Republicans. The GOP will rally around Handel to retain the seat for their party though all the GOP candidate’s combined vote total doesn’t match or beat Ossoff’s total. As Scooby would say, “ruh roh.”

The Sixth has been in Republican hands for over 30 years. Newt Gingrich used to hold it. Trump barely won the district last November and he may lose it for his party now. Republicans recently barely retained a seat in Kansas and almost lost it to the Democrats because of Trump. Kansas! Did I mention that other seat was in Kansas? The same Kansas where they outlawed science had people voting for a Democrat. Before you know it they’ll start reading books. Kansas!

Trump’s going to lose a lot for the Republican party. They’ve already lost their credibility and dignity. My biggest concern is what Trump will lose for the rest of us. I’m fine with him losing MAGA hats.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Travesty For Turks


cjones04212017

Many years ago the most disturbing thing that disturbed me about the nation of Turkey was the squat toilet which is, or was, common there. Basically it’s a hole in the floor that you flush. But instead of sitting while you poop, you squat over it.

Turkish President ­Recep Tayyip Erdogan has just squatted over his entire nation and didn’t even have the courtesy to flush.

To understand the drama playing out in Turkey we need to refer to Star Wars, Episode III. Everything in life can be explained through either Star Wars or an episode of Seinfeld. It’s true, but the closest analogy I can think of from Seinfeld to describe Erdogan is the Soup Nazi. No democracy for you!

In Episode III of Star Wars, Revenge Of The Sith, Chancellor Palpatine uses a war to increase his power, abolish his term limits, and eventually forces his opposition to attempt a coup, which he then uses as his reasoning to kill democracy and install an empire and declares himself emperor. Twenty years later in Episode IV, A New Hope, he abolishes the senate and tells them to take a hike. It was Jar Jar in Episode II who got the whole tyrant ball rolling by proposing executive powers for the chancellor, but we’ll bitch about that annoying Gungan another time.

Turkey is embroiled in an armed conflict with Kurds, the Syrian Civil war, and experienced a failed attempt at a military coup last July that many are skeptical over. Erdogan used has used the coup to increase his power and imprison many of his critics. 40,000 people were detained after the coup, including 10,000 soldiers. Without giving specific reasons, 2,745 judges were also detained. 15,000 educators were suspended and the licenses of 21,000 teachers working at private institutions were revoked. Over 100,000 people have been purged. Erdogan blamed the coup on his opposition, the Gulen Movement, and labeled them a terrorist organization (which Palpatine did to the Jedi) and their leader now lives in exile in Pennsylvania which is the equivalent of Dagobah and Tatooine as there’s nothing to do in any of those places.

Erdogan also used the coup for an emergency referendum held last Sunday that would increase his power and effectively eliminate democracy in Turkey. The eighteen amendments to the Turkish constitution passed on a 51-48% vote.

The proponents for the measures were able to use government resources and funding to stage rallies and support for a yes vote. Critics were suppressed including press coverage, with many being assaulted. International election monitors claim there were a lot of illegal votes, maybe millions.

With the changes the president becomes the head of state and government. It abolishes the prime minister and increases members of parliament, who now need an absolute majority (301 out of 600)  to override a presidential veto, or give him what he wants. The president now has the power to appoint and sack ministers and the vice president. The president no longer has to terminate his party membership (which was a requirement). The president has expanded powers to appoint judges and prosecutors. Perhaps the most significant detail out of this is that Term limits for the presidency will be reset and, if Erdogan wins elections in 2019 and 2024, he could be in power until 2029.

Erdogan said anyone who voted no is a terrorist and that international election monitors need to “know their place.” He plans to use his new powers to reinstate the death penalty which will also prevent Turkey from joining the European Union.

If Erdogan has a majority in Parliament, and he does, he can do whatever he wants. He has effectively become a dictator and democracy has died in Turkey. Donald Trump called Erdogan to offer his congratulations.

Of course I’m really bothered by the prosecution of journalists which includes cartoonists Bahadir Baruter and Ozer Aydogan, who both were recently convicted and will serve nearly a year in prison for doing what I do, making fun of the president. While both cartoonists declared their innocence, I’m guilty as hell of those charges. Ask my clients. In addition to those charges, Baruter faces further prosecution for insulting the prosecutor, who I’ve been told by reliable sources is a dick.

We can add the Turkish Referendum to the list of recent scary and freakish election results such as Brexit and Donald Trump. France is next in line. There’s a rise in the West of those who want to elect tyrants, decrease Democracy and silence criticism.

People like Trump and Erdogan try to silence and delegitimize their critics and tell them to be quiet. I’m not good at being quiet and I hope you’re not either.

We have a responsibility to be very noisy right now.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

She Did Nazi That Coming


cjones04202017

Nathan Damigo is a real tough guy. Who?

Nathan Damigo is a white supremacist who is a student at California State University. During Saturday’s nationwide protests for Trump to release his taxes, Mr. Damigo punched a woman. It was caught on video from the protest in Berkeley.

Donald Trump is not about transparency. He refuses to show the public his taxes and is now concealing the records of who visits the White House. Fortunately for Trump there are Nazis like Damigo that will punch a woman to protect Trump’s privilege.

Trump’s chief concern about the protest isn’t about his racist supporters punching women. He was more concerned about who paid the protesters to protest. Seeing that Trump has promised to pay legal fees for his supporters who assault his critics, perhaps he’ll pony up for Mr. Damigo’s legal defense.

Donald Trump is going to be the most expensive president in American history. Protection of his family is draining the budget for the Secret Service. Since we’re paying for his protection at the White House, Trump Tower, Mar-a-Lago, and for each of his children, it’s only fair that he show us what he’s kicking in and where he made his money.

Trump needs to release his taxes, stop keeping it a secret on who’s visiting the White House, and call on his Nazis to stop punching women.

And if you’re on Twitter, tweet this cartoon at Nathan Damigo. He’ll Nazi it coming.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.