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The Great Fabricator


cjones07172018

In Cool Runnings, the movie about the Jamaican bobsled team, one character says to another, “whatever is wrong with you is no little thing.” Whatever is wrong with Donald Trump may be a mystery, but it’s definitely not a small problem.

Despite being president of the United States of America, Trump is extremely insecure. Someone didn’t love him enough as a child. What started as a whirlwind publicity tour to convince people with mediocre cognitive skills that simplicity was greatness, turned into a presidential administration. The publicity tour to promote himself continues. Trump tells us on a daily basis how great he is. But, to sell the idea that Trump is great, you gotta make up a lot of stuff.

Trump lies. That’s a well-known fact. He tells huge, preposterous whoppers that can be easily fact checked, like biggest electoral win ever, the largest crowd size, and poll numbers. Last week, he didn’t just lie about a poll, he even created one out of the figment of his tiny imagination.

Trump told the British tabloid, The Sun, “You know, a poll just came out that I am the most popular person in the history of the Republican Party, beating Lincoln. I beat our Honest Abe.”

Trump is popular with Republicans, who are also really fond of putting babies in jail. A recent poll has him at 90% with Republicans. Trump has to create a poll to claim he’s more popular than Lincoln, as the only polling back then were election results, which Lincoln won two of (and the popular vote both times). But, Trump is probably right. Today, Republicans are not the party of Lincoln, and they would probably prefer a wannabe authoritarian presiding over a kakistocracy over a great emancipator rebuilding a democratic republic.

If you want to compare Trump’s popularity today to Lincoln’s during his time in office, you have to remember the nation was divided then too. While today, we talk about a virtual civil war between blue and red states, Lincoln’s America was in a literal civil war. Half the nation hated Lincoln if you only count white people.

It’s not surprising that Trump would compare himself to someone he doesn’t even deserve to share a sentence with. Lincoln was known as Honest Abe, where honesty, truth, and facts are never associated with Donald Trump.

The other dissonance between the two is that one was trying to save the union while the other builds himself up by tearing it apart. Trump isn’t just a divisive figure; he seeks to be divisive to throw red meat to his racist base of support. He creates problems where they don’t exist and later gives himself credit for solving them, which he doesn’t.

Trump also told The Sun that the British people love him. That claim, despite a recent poll putting his disapproval in the UK at 72%, and over 250,000 people and a giant Trump Baby blimp protesting his racist orange ass in London over the weekend. England hates Trump so much, that Green Day’s 14-year-old song American Idiot was pushed to the top of streaming charts in the UK to send Trump a message. England hates Trump so much, they’ll play Green Day.

In the future, I expect we’ll hear more comparisons between Lincoln and Trump. Lincoln was our first Republican president, and Trump may be our last.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

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Sticky Fingers


cjones07162018

Yesterday, the Justice Department announced that Special Counsel Robert Mueller has indicted 12 Russians for meddling in the 2016 presidential election in an effort to support the candidacy of Donald Trump. The indictments bring the Russia investigation closer to Trump, and unfortunately for him, the only ones standing in the way to obstruct the investigation are the conspiracy-driven lunatics at Fox News and the Republican imbeciles in Congress.

The House Judiciary Committee dragged FBI agent Peter Strzok before them for a theatrical hearing to make the case that the FBI is part of the “deep state” gunning to take down Trump. Their argument is based on text messages he sent to his lover that were critical of Trump, while he was a part of two separate investigations of both presidential candidates.

Strzok argued that having a political opinion does not make someone biased. Biased is when you allow your opinion to get in the way of your work, which Strzok did not do. The evidence to that is, the FBI never leaked that they were investigating a possible Trump/Russia connection during the campaign, yet agents leaked information and there were multiple press conferences about the Clinton investigation.

There is a difference between being biased and informed. It is difficult to find a highly skilled, experienced, and intelligent professional who doesn’t have a negative opinion about Donald Trump. Don’t most investigators have a negative opinion of their subjects as they gain more information?

Democratic Congressman Ted Lieu said at one point during the showcase, “This is a stupid and ridiculous hearing.” Now, after yesterday’s indictments, we know why at least one Republican is desperate to stop Mueller’s investigation.

The indictments informed us that one Congressional candidate asked Gucifer 2.0, the Russian hackers, for stolen documents from Democrats, and received it. The report didn’t state if this candidate is presently in Congress or even what party they are a member of, but it’s kinda far-fetched to believe it’s not a Republican. If Mueller knows about this exchange, then he also knows who the suspect is.

Now, we get to play the game of guessing which Kool-Aid drinking, cultish, treasonous, Putin’s puppet of a Republican goon is going to prison. My candidates are Devin Nunes, Jim Jordan (who has other issues to answer for), Trey Gowdy, Steve King, Darrell Issa, Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert, and Bob Goodlatte. There are other contenders but this is my candy store. It’s really hard to pick just one sycophant.

If they all can’t go to prison, perhaps the voters can keep each of them from returning to Congress.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Hating By The Slice


cjones07152018

The best thing I can say about Papa John’s pizza is that it’s better than Domino’s. But, I can also say that when they deliver pizzas, at least they’re not dragging black people behind their cars.

Where in the hell did I get that from? I’m thinking that has to be the point Papa John himself, John Schnatter was making when he said, that where he grew up people used to kill black people by dragging them behind trucks.

Schnatter got in trouble last November when he complained that black NFL players protesting during the national anthem were hurting his pizza sales. After his comments were praised by white supremacists, the NFL severed their sponsorship deal with Papa, and he was forced to step down as CEO from the company he founded in a broom closet in his father’s tavern (there’s nothing in my broom closet except a broom).

Schnatter is a supporter of Donald Trump (shocking) and once complained that Obamacare could raise the price of his pizzas up to 14 cents per pie. Corporate America would rather you die from cancer than be forced to pay two cents more for a slice of pizza.

Because of Papa’s comments on the NFL protests, he had to participate in sensitivity training by a marketing agency, which was conducted through conference calls. It was during one of these sensitivity training sessions where Papa dropped an N-bomb. Seriously. That’s like saying “nice rack” during a sexual harassment seminar. I’m thinking he didn’t get a certificate that day for successfully completing the program.

During that call, he was asked how he would distance himself from racist groups online. For some reason, his answer was that “Colonel Sanders called blacks n——-s,” and Kentucky Fried Chicken never got in trouble for it. That sounds like the I’m-not-a-racist defense one would find on an online racist group.

I don’t know if the racist comment by the Colonel is true, but even if it is, are we talking about five decades ago? Also, what point is he making? And then, he continued with the statement about black people being killed by being dragged behind trucks. Maybe he was trying to impress the sensitivity person by pointing out that he has never killed a black person, at least not by dragging them behind a truck.

What Papa ate after that was not pizza. He had to step down from the board of trustees at the University of Louisville and resigned as chairman of the board of Papa John’s. Major League Baseball indefinitely suspended its Papa Slam promotion where fans get discounts after grand slam home runs. Then, Papa John’s Pizza shares tanked by nearly five percent on Wednesday, wiping out $96.2 million in market value, which proves Donald Trump isn’t the only executive who can wipe out the stock market with a racist comment.

The stadium at Louisville is still named after Papa John’s, but we’ll see how long that lasts.

Papa issued a statement confirming the comments and apologizing. It read, “News reports attributing the use of inappropriate and hurtful language to me during a media training session regarding race are true. Regardless of the context, I apologize. Simply stated, racism has no place in our society.”

Racism doesn’t have a place in our society, and I don’t want it on my pizza either.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Stinky Little Friend


cjones07142018

If you’re a Trump supporter and firmly believe he did not collude with, or is indebted in any way to Russia, then your best case scenario is that he’s madly in love with Vladimir Putin. It’s burning and it won’t go away.

Donald Trump is doing Putin’s bidding. He’s argued for Russia to be readmitted to the G-7. He refuses to criticize Putin in regard to any matter. He congratulated him for winning a sham election. He refuses to answer if he’ll recognize Russia’s annexation of Crimea. He freaking gave Russians secrets in the Oval Office.

Trump is going the extra mile to politically weaken Theresa May and Angela Merkel, leaders of two nations Putin has meddled with. He’s trying to destabilize NATO, even questioning “what is it good for?”

On the first morning of the NATO Summit, Trump and his staff had a breakfast meeting with NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg, where Trump badgered him about Germany purchasing gas from Russia, claiming they were captive and “controlled” by Russia. That brought back memories of his debate with Hillary Clinton, where he projected himself on her by saying she was Putin’s puppet.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, NATO Ambassador Kay Bailey Hutchison, and Chief of Staff John Kelly all appeared uncomfortable sitting through Trump’s boorish tirade. Kelly appeared the most squirmish as he had difficulty sitting still. But, we found out later from the White House that his displeasure wasn’t with the president displaying his ignorance and bullying on an international stage, but with the fact that he didn’t get the Denny’s Grand Slam for breakfast. A statement from the White House, most likely concocted by Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said all he got was pastry and cheese. Why hasn’t someone in Europe figured out how to make a decent cheese yet? Fortunately for Kelly, their next stop is England, who are known for their exceptional cuisine.

Trump doesn’t really care about Germany buying oil from Russia except that they’re not purchasing it from us. Trump was lying, as usual, about the extent of Germany’s dependence on Russian oil. Trump said, “They will be getting between 60 and 70 percent of their energy from Russia and a new pipeline.” The truth is, Germany isn’t that dependent on oil and only gets nine percent of their supply from Russia. If that’s being controlled, then the Canadians have us in a vice grip, who supply 15% of our oil. Another factor in this issue is that trade is an entirely unconnected issue from NATO. What, are we gangsters?

Trump continued his tirade on how the majority of NATO members don’t spend 2% of their GDP on defense. He even said they need to up it to 4%, never mind the fact that we don’t spend that much of our GDP on defense. According to the World Bank, only nine nations in the world spend 4% or more on defense, and they’re all in Africa and the Middle East.

Later, Trump said his bullying got the members to agree to raise their spending to 2%, which means Trump jumped into his time machine (it only goes backward) and went to 2010 when they made that agreement. Also, the agreement is that they’ll meet that goal by 2024, and in case you’re a Republican, it’s still 2018.

Trump said NATO was stronger now than it was two days ago, just like our nuclear stockpile being larger now than before he went into office. Trump took personal credit for the purported spending increase, saying all the NATO allies congratulated him. “Everybody in the room thanked me.” France’s Emmanuel Macron shot that down. He pointed to a communique published Wednesday by NATO: “It confirms the goal of 2 percent by 2024. That’s all.” He also denied that Trump ever threatened to leave NATO.

Trump argues that NATO gets more from us than we get from them, despite the fact the only time the alliance has gone into combat to protect an attacked member was after 9/11 when they joined the U.S. to fight in Afghanistan.

Everyone knows Trump lies. But I’m sure people worldwide don’t pay attention to his dribble on a daily basis, where we in the States are subjected to it with every tweet, from the mundane to the serious, to the absurd. Now, with all of Europe watching the freakish carnival he brought to Brussels, our shame and embarrassment are fully documented for all to see. While Trump Baby is going to fly over London, mainland Europe got to see the real thing in the orange flesh.

Trump doesn’t care about NATO. He doesn’t care about our alliances, the history, or the institutions we help build. He doesn’t care, as the leader of the free world, about being a champion for democratic institutions. His real agenda is to help Putin, and during his trip to Brussels, he was performing for two audiences; his rabid racist base and Putin.

The highlight for Trump during his Eurotrip is his meeting with Putin, who must be enjoying watching his investment pay off. Even Russian state TV was commenting how Trump was accomplishing in two days the destabilization of NATO that they couldn’t do in 70 years.

Discussing the meetings with European leaders beforehand, Trump said hanging out with Putin would be the easiest, and they even plan to be alone and off-the-record. What’s really infuriating about Trump’s obedience and preference for Putin is that he doesn’t even try to hide it.

It’s doubtful Trump actually wants Europe to beef up their military, as that would be a forceful deterrent to Russia. Unless of course, Europe is dumb enough to spend themselves into dissolving their governments, like the USSR did. If our allies actually start spending more on defense, does that mean we, a nation with ten aircraft carriers and plans for a space force, will start spending less?

I seriously doubt Trump has any influence on Europe spending more on their defense. He couldn’t even get John Kelly a croissan’wich.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Trump Spelunking


cjones07132018

The world was uplifted by the news that all 12 of the Thai soccer players trapped for nearly three weeks inside a cave were finally rescued.

It was a challenging rescue for even the most experienced divers, as the tunnels leading the boys were narrow and flooded during Thailand’s rainy season. During the rescue, each boy was underwater for two to six hours. One Thai diver lost his life during the rescue. Australia sent a 20-strong rescue team. Help was also received from England, Denmark, China, and the U.S.

Congratulations were sent to the Wild Boar soccer players from around the world. America’s own wild bore also sent congratulations, through a tweet.

Yes, Donald Trump who has initiated a zero-tolerance policy for immigrant children and toddlers, who he has accused of being gang members, separated them from their parents, detained them in baby jails, used them for political leverage, and has missed a court deadline to reunite them with their parents, cares about the fate of children.

It is nice that there are at least some children Trump can express empathy for. And, with his tweet, he can benefit from Asian children other than the ones who make his ties.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Kavanaugh’s Hangups


cjones07122018

Leave it to Donald Trump to make a Supreme Court nomination that reminds us just how bad the Bush administration was.

Shortly after being nominated to the court, Bush issued a statement on Brett Kavanaugh. “President Trump has made an outstanding decision in nominating Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court,” said the 43rd president.

Kavanaugh served as counsel in the Bush White House, and then as secretary before finally being nominated by Bush for the Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit. His confirmation was stalled for three years on accusations that he was too partisan. Why would he be viewed as too partisan?

Working in the White House for either party can be considered partisan. He also represented the Miami family of Elian Gonzalez, pro bono, in a losing battle to keep the boy from being reunited with his father in Cuba. Perhaps most partisan was working on Kenneth Starr’s investigation of Bill Clinton and being one of the author’s of Starr’s report recommending impeachment of the president.

In contrast to the tight lips of Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian collusion and obstruction by Donald Trump, the Starr investigation was constantly leaking to the press. Republicans supposedly hate leakers. If it turns out that Kavanaugh was leaking to the press, will Republicans hold it against him? No. Republicans don’t have problems with hypocrisy, even if Kavanaugh may be deciding cases in the future on government leakers.

Speaking of hypocrisy, in 2009, the nominee wrote an article that presidents should be exempt from “time-consuming and distracting” lawsuits and investigations. Did I mention he worked on the investigation of Bill Clinton and recommended that he be impeached for lying? How does he feel about being nominated by the biggest liar-in-chief in history?

He may be the only candidate on Trump’s list who is on public record with that opinion. Since the question of whether or not a sitting president can be indicted is not settled, it may land before the Supreme Court. Now, we have Donald Trump sending someone to the court who believes presidents shouldn’t be investigated. He may argue that Trump shouldn’t be distracted from golf and retweeting Nazis.

Kavanaugh should not be confirmed, at least not while the Mueller investigation is ongoing. Forget the election. Forget the abortion debate. Forget Mitch McConnell’s hypocrisy of refusing to hold a hearing for Obama’s nominee and allowing it to be stolen by Trump. What shouldn’t be allowed is an appointment to the Supreme Court by a president who is suspected of collusion with Russian spies, thus potentially sending someone to the court who will protect him.

Trump has a history of asking everyone for their loyalty. Does anyone believe he’s capable of not asking SCOTUS candidates for their loyalty?

Trump has the legal right to nominate for the court. But, he was elected by a minority of the people with help from a government hostile to the United States. He welcomed that help. Do we want his appointments sitting on the court for the next thirty years if it turns out he is guilty?

Religious Republicans and other assorted scary fundamentalists believe their deal with the devil will eventually give them a Supreme Court that will overturn Roe v. Wade. It just might, but that doesn’t appear to be Trump’s first concern with his nomination.

As exhibited by making the announcement at prime time, as if it’s reality television, Trump’s first concern is for himself. Trump’s selection may be what’s best for Trump. It’s no wonder that even the North Koreans believe they’re dealing with gangsters.

The bar has been lowered for Trump. Even his nominees require fewer votes for confirmation than past nominees. The bar shouldn’t be lowered for the rest of us.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Ice Ice Baby


cjones07112018

Donald Trump’s Zero-Tolerance policy of separating families and throwing children in detention centers has stirred a sentiment among many Democrats and liberals to abolish ICE, Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

Trump and Republicans have used immigration as a divisive wedge to rile up his base. He’s even accusing those who call to abolish ICE as wanting MS-13 gangs to run wild in the streets. Any rational person (which describes fewer Republicans lately) knows that is preposterous. Just because you don’t want immigrants unjustly punished and families ripped apart doesn’t mean you want open borders or gangs killing Americans. But yelling and screaming about MS-13 has become the latest racist wolf whistle for Republicans.

I have been undecided about abolishing ICE, but now I’m starting to think we don’t need the agency. While ICE isn’t responsible for separating families at the border, it has become an abusive and needless program. It’s also interesting that for once, Republicans are the ones against decreasing the size of government.

ICE has only existed for 15 years. It spends over $2 billion a year on detention out of an annual budget that’s over $7 billion. Private contractors have been benefiting from detention centers, which gives them a huge financial incentive to holding immigrants indefinitely as if they’re al-Qaeda members in Guantanamo. There have been 1,448 allegations of sexual abuse between 2012 and March 2018 in ICE detention centers.

ICE’s job is to round-up illegal immigrants. They don’t patrol the border. That job is for Border Patrol, which can technically operate within 100 miles of the border. Since two-thirds of Americans live within 100 miles of the border, that makes ICE redundant.

Republicans argue we need ICE to catch violent criminals. But, we already have the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, the DEA, the ATF, your local police department, Neighborhood Watch, John Walsh, McGruff the Crime Dog, and your nosy neighbor who calls the cops every time she sees a brown person at the public pool. Now, at least 19 ICE agents want their own agency dissolved, believing the Trump administration’s crackdown on illegal migrants has limited their ability to pursue national security threats, child pornography, and transnational crime.

We need secure borders. We need to arrest violent criminals, whether they were born south of the border or in the United States. But we don’t need to harass and separate families just for seeking a better life for their children, attempting to escape violence in their home country, or even seeking asylum (which is legal). We don’t need to use the issue as a racist wolf whistle. And, we don’t need to hold brown babies and children hostage to fund a wall the president told us we wouldn’t have to pay for.

The greatest threat facing this nation does not come from immigrants. That distinction belongs to the current occupant of the Oval Office.

ICE is very much like the Vanilla Ice song, “Ice, Ice, Baby” (which was ripped off from Queen). It’s redundant, pointless, useless, and should be banished and never seen or heard again. Sorry if I put it in your head today.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!