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Hangin’ With The Fam


cjones02192017

Today’s blog will be kinda short.

Hey, I found an issue that’s not on Donald Trump. Try not to go through withdrawal.

Kim Jong Nam was the older half-brother of the tyrant, Kim Jong Un, current leader of North Korea. A few days ago Kim Jong Nam died in a Malaysian airport.

Nam was passed over for the tyrant job and it was given to his younger brother. Nam has spoken out many times against his brother and has been living in China, Macau, and Singapore. It’s believed China was protecting him while he lived the life of a playboy of sorts. North Korea has wanted to kill him for years. There are always moments when you want to kill your siblings, and they you, but you don’t actually do it. You wear the same pair of socks for a week and then you hide them in your little brother’s pillow case. Ask my little brother.

North Korea claims they didn’t have anything to do with his death. It’s believed he had poison sprayed into his face. The Malaysian authorities haven’t publicly released the results of the autopsy but North Korea said they’ll reject whatever those findings are. That’s like only being told that someone died and you reply “well I didn’t shoot him.” I’m pretty sure the results of the autopsy will confirm he’s dead.

One thing to take out of this: Stay the heck out of Malaysian airports.

Notes: I have to be vague but I got some crazy stuff happening right now. Not good stuff. Clay had to call the police type of stuff.

I needed to get out of my home for a bit to post this blog, send the cartoon to clients, and do some other work. Internet and people at home are having issues and I’m at Sheetz where the free Wi-Fi is really slow, especially if you’re uploading files. I do expect things to get normal again very soon and to eliminate the stress that’s been in my life over the past few days. The cartoons will keep coming.

Update: I’m fine. My problem is literally behind bars for an undetermined amount of time. Starting Monday my cartoons will be delivered from an all new undisclosed location. Sorry if I worried anyone or made you gleeful.

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Fine-Tuned Chaos


cjones02182017

Yesterday was a WTF moment for the entire nation. Maybe not for Trump’s more ardent supporters as they wanted the madman from the campaign trail to be president. But this nation can’t afford candidate madman to be president. We need a president.

I’m not just talking about a president who acts presidential. I want a president who is at the very least coherent and stable. At this point it’s not that we need a conservative or liberal government. We need a functioning government. Republicans love to say that government doesn’t work. Donald Trump is working really hard to prove them right.

After the press conference it was reported that vice admiral Robert Hayward was offered the job to replace Michael Flynn as national security adviser, and he turned Trump down. A friend of Hayward’s said he was unwilling to take the job and said it was a “shit sandwich.” Filling this administration with competent people is like finding a head coach for the San Francisco 49ers. Nobody rational wants that job.

Highlights of the press conference:

He complained that the press doesn’t tell the truth. He said the leaks are real but the news is fake. He continued to lie about his electoral victory being the largest since Ronald Reagan. When pressed on this he said it’s what others are telling him. Like the guy can’t Google the information.

He continued to defend Michael Flynn and said he didn’t do anything wrong other than lying to the vice president.

He claimed drugs are as cheap at candy bars.

He claimed he’s the least anti-semitic person you’ll ever see, and the least racist. He took personal offense when a reporter asked him about anti-semitism since his victory and accused the reporter of lying. He claimed the anti-semitism is coming from his opponents disguised as his supporters.

He said if he doesn’t get along with Russia then we could have a nuclear holocaust. He knows this because he gets briefings which tells him Russia has nuclear weapons. He also said he’d love to shoot a Russian spy ship off the east coast out of the water, but that wouldn’t be a good thing.

When asked by a black reporter about meeting with the CBC (Congressional Black Caucus) he didn’t seem to know what “CBC” was. He then asked the reporter if she knew them, as if every black person knows every other black person. He said she can set the meeting up, as if that’s a reporter’s job and he doesn’t have a phone. He’s probably too busy using it to call Putin and sending tweets.

He said Congressman Elijah Cummings was to meet with him but cancelled, probably due to pressure from Chuck Schumer. Cummings later stated that they’ve never had a meeting scheduled and that he’d love to meet with the president. Which of the two do you believe?

He explained what Uranium is.

He continued to attack Hillary Clinton and said he inherited a mess.

He said the Muslim ban had a smooth rollout.

He didn’t deny his staff had been in contact with Russia before the election, but said he doesn’t know of anyone who had.

He said there’s no chaos in his White House and it’s running like a fine-tuned machine.

Trump created more scandals this week by Wednesday than Obama did in eights years. He raised the bar even higher on Thursday.

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Fee Fi Faux


cjones02172017

Are you tired of winning yet? Are you impressed by how Trump has hired the best people?

This week the Trump campaign has had more scandals than Obama had in his entire eight years. And that was by Wednesday.

His national security adviser, Michael Flynn, had to resign over chatting to Russia about sanctions before Trump came into office. Trump fired the woman who warned him that Flynn was a potential target for blackmail. Trump kept Flynn on staff for over two weeks, despite lying to the vice president, who went out and defended him on national television. Trumps response to all this is to blame the press for doing their jobs and the intelligence agencies for leaks.

Counselor Kellyanne Conway pimped his daughter’s products on Fox News, which is a huge ethical violation. She’s been running a propaganda campaign based on lies from crowd sizes to terrorists attacks that never happened. A few media outlets won’t allow her on their shows anymore, including Morning Joe which has been very favorable to Trump. That’s like pissing off Breitbart, who by the way, is also at odds with the White House right now over something or other. I’m not really sure as I don’t want to click onto their site. Ugh.

Trump held a press conference with Israel’s prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, where Trump made it clear he has no firm position on the two-state solution, or really any knowledge on the Israeli-Palestinian situation. It’s in the Middle East, right? Jews and Arabs? Done researching!

During the press conference he only took questions from conservative outlets, like the bible channel (not their real name).

After North Korea launched a new missile test Trump held a national security meeting during a dinner at his golf club in full view of guests and waiters. I heard the head chef had some really good ideas on security for South Korea. One lucky individual got to pose for a photo holding the nuclear football (that one really happened).

According to some reports our intelligence agencies are withholding some classified information from Trump out of fear he’ll expose it, either on purpose or inadvertently. He might accidentally tweet it out like Sean Spicer did with his passwords (it’s “spicyhot4u” by the way).

Before his dinner at Mar-a-Lago he had a photo op with the prime minister of Japan and at one point Shinzo Abe rolled his eyes after their handshake, which lasted 19 seconds.

Trump, thought “Shinzo” was Abe’s last name. Sean Spicer called Justin Trudeau, the prime minister of Canada, “Joe” Trudeau. The Trump team has called the prime minister of Australia the president of Australia, and the president of Colombia the president of “Columbia.”  British Prime Minister Theresa May has been referred to as “Teresa.” His new secretary of education proved she can’t spell. These guys apparently haven’t heard of spell check. All of this is very “unpresidented.”

On Wednesday Trump’s nominee as labor security withdrew after a tape finally surfaced of his ex wife accusing him of physical abuse on the Oprah Winfrey Show in 1990. You go, girl.

Trump has ICE rounding up people in the nation illegally and ripping families apart. His ban on Muslims was knocked down by the courts. Trump’s trying to prevent brown people from entering the country and kicking out the ones who are here.

Foreign creditors are less willing to purchase U.S. debt. Nobody wants any of this. Apparently our stock is about as valuable as Blockbuster.

Presidential adviser Stephen Miller said the president’s power won’t be questioned. That should make you feel warm all over like a nice golden shower.

There are reports Trump won’t read any briefings unless they’re limited to a single page with lots of colorful graphics and delivered in the form of a pop-up book (darn it. Someone’s gonna steal that for a cartoon).

On top of all that Trump went to war with Nordstroms for dropping his daughter’s fashion line, the same one Conway hawked.

I’m pretty sure I’m leaving something out. Go ahead and put it in the comments.

Again, it’s only Thursday.

Creative notes: This cartoon may only work in color. Hopefully it won’t give my clients another reason to be frustrated with me. A few want me to do something other than Trump. They’re not wrong. I’ve done a lot on Trump and he won’t stop doing things. I’d like to do a cartoon on a different subject. Stay tooned for that.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Sin Like Flynn


cjones02162017

What did the president know and when did he know it?

That was an often repeated question during the Watergate crisis. With the resignation of national security adviser Michael Flynn, that is one of many questions being asked, except by most Republicans.

Flynn talked to the Russian ambassador during the transition. He claimed he never talked about foreign policy or sanctions being placed upon Russia by the Obama administration. Vice President Mike Pence went on the airwaves to repeat that claim. It was a lie.

Flynn changed his story from did not to I don’t know. As it turns out he not only talked to Russia during the transition, he talked to government officials during the campaign. Other members of Trump’s campaign did the same. One of the many questions is “who were those people?”

Two weeks ago then-acting Attorney General Sally Yates told the White House what Flynn did, and that he was a threat to be blackmailed by Russia. Donald Trump fired her for refusing to defend his Muslim ban. He fired one person for doing her job and kept the guy on staff who committed treason and was posing a threat, not just to the administration, but to the nation.

After The Washington Post reported the story that the FBI and the Justice Department were on to Flynn, and had questioned him, Trump claimed he didn’t know the report even existed. His claim was about 16 hours after the Post story was published. It’s unclear if he was talking about the Post story or the report from the FBI. I think he was lying about both. It’s weird the guy believes in things that doesn’t exist but denies stuff that’s actually happening.

Kellyanne Conway went on TV Monday to say Michael Flynn had Trump’s confidence. A few hours later Flynn resigned. Not only has Kellyanne lost all confidence with the press, but apparently also with the White House. She’s not even in the loop anymore but she can probably tell you how much Ivanka Trump’s bangles cost.

Flynn resigned and the reasoning is that he lost Trump’s confidence. When did he lose the confidence? Trump knew he lied weeks ago. Trump didn’t fire, or make him resign, until The Washington Post reported on his conversations with Russia. The Trump administration doesn’t have a problem with him undermining government policy. Their “official” problem is that he lied to Mike Pence. Reportedly Trump knew weeks ago that he lied and didn’t inform Pence that he had defended a lie. There’s a whole bunch of people Pence should be pissed with if that sort of stuff is important to him.

The bigger questions here concern Trump himself, his ties to Russia, and whether or not his team coordinated with Putin’s government to sabotage the Clinton campaign.

Trump claimed he loved Wikileaks. He asked Putin to hack and release information on Clinton. The man is incapable of criticizing Putin and even defends him and puts him on an equal level with the U.S. government. To distract for Russia’s involvement in our election Trump has created the lie of massive voter fraud (even though he won).

Trump’s biggest complaint publicly is that there were leaks about Flynn’s chit chat with the Russians. Trump, the man who loves Wikileaks and asks foreign governments to release private information.

Is it believable that the incoming national security adviser talked to Russia about sanctions without the president elect’s knowledge? Is it believable they talked during the campaign without Trump in on it, or even without his direction?

Two Republicans want this investigated. They’re Lindsey Graham and John McCain. Others, like Jason Chaffetz, who chairs the House Oversight Committee, says the problem will work itself out. Others in Congress say if it’s investigated, then it should be private, not held publicly multiple times like all those Benghazi investigations.

Donald Trump told us he’d hire the best for his administration. General Michael Flynn was not the best. He was incapable of doing his job. Most career military men don’t become partisans. Flynn promoted the lie about Clinton being involved in a child-sex-slave scheme at a pizza parlor. Flynn led “lock her up” chants at the GOP convention and said he’d be in prison if he did a tenth of what Hillary Clinton had done.

Fortunately for Flynn, he did a lot more than a tenth so maybe he won’t go to prison for that.

Most national security advisers last for only two years. Flynn only lasted 21 days. Who’s next to go from the Trump administration? How long will the Trump presidency last? This is an administration of dishonesty, lies, ineptness, clumsiness, stupidity, and chaos.

Creative notes: Having heterosexuals in bed together as a metaphor for being in cahoots might be one of those cliches I should retire, like things going over cliffs, sinking ships, mazes, air balloons, Pinocchios, and Santa’s lap. But I thought it might be a twist throwing in all the individuals who have ties to Russia. Plus, I had a lot of fun with all the creepy details. What can I say? I’m a very disturbed person.

I enjoyed all these caricatures but I especially enjoyed drawing Flynn. I hope there are multiple investigations so I can keep drawing the guy.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Miller Time


cjones02152017

White House policy adviser Stephen Miller made the rounds on the Sunday talk shows and continued the lie about massive voter fraud. It was another statement of his that is cause for concern if not outright fear.

Miller stated “the powers of the president to protect our nation are very substantial and will not be questioned.”

Will not be questioned? We still have three branches of government, right?

Presidential power is always questioned. Every president gets taken to court over executive orders. Congress questions the president. The press questions the president. Even the president questions the president (usually). A president’s power should be challenged from time to time. He’s not a dictator. This isn’t North Korea.

Where are all those conservatives who declare themselves Constitutionalists? Why are they quiet now after screaming for eight years about Obama acting like a monarch?

What’s really scary is that according to a new Public Policy poll a majority of Trump voters believe he should be able to overrule a court. It also found that 51% of Trump voters believe the fictional Bowling Green massacre justifies the travel ban.

Journalists ask each other why Trump and his team continue to lie. It’s because his people truly believe everything he says. The guy can say New Jersey has been devoured by rabid gerbils and his people will believe it. What’s next? Tell us unprecedented is actually spelled “unpresidented?”

When they say Trump’s power can’t be questioned, his supporters will back that up. They’ll demand the press and the other two branches of government to let Trump do whatever the hell he wants, even if they don’t know what those two branches are. They will allow them to goose step all over the Constitution.

Miller, who previously worked for Michele Bachmann and Jeff Sessions, spreading disinformation and preaching blind obedience comes easy.

This is not an authoritarian fascist government and we can’t allow these people to turn it into one.

Any questions?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Do Your Job


cjones02142017

Do your job. That’s what attendees of a town hall conducted by Utah congressman Jason Chaffetz shouted at him last week.

The crowd is upset that the congressman has failed to hold the president accountable for his hateful and dangerous policies. The funny thing is neglecting to do his job didn’t begin after Trump was sworn into office. Chaffetz has spent the bulk of his time engaging in pointless investigations into Benghazi and Planned Parenthood, and trying to end legal marijuana and gay marriage in the nation’s capital.

Chaffetz later accused the crowd of being paid protesters and said he may not provide a venue in the future for “radicals” to further intimidate him. The snowflake provided no proof anyone was paid to attend, shout, and harass him.

I’m on a lot of political mailing lists for conservatives and liberals. Every week someone invites me to join political groups, events, and protests. I hear a lot but I’ve yet to be offered any money to attend a protest or hear from anyone who has. What up with dat?

Despite doing it pro bono, people are showing up to Republican town halls to yell “do you job,” “shame,” and to question their representatives. And to Chaffetz’s credit, at least he actually showed up.

Other Republicans have scheduled town halls and have failed to show up or they have sneaked out the back after seeing they weren’t going to be greeted with cheers and showered with adoration.

If nothing else they could always do what Donald Trump does and make up numbers and claim everyone present was there to cheer them. Though Trump is into a different kind of showering.

Democrats are trying to emulate the Tea Party in building a base for the midterm elections. There’s just one problem with that and it’s the fact Democrats are lazy during midterms. Conservatives are very loyal to the GOP, even when they throw out their incumbents for newer scarier Republicans (How ya’ doing, Eric Cantor? I miss drawing you). Liberals aren’t as loyal to the Democratic Party. A great many of them are independent and feel burned by the party. Go ask a Bernie supporter how he feels about Hillary’s candidacy or Debbie Wasserman Schultz (I miss drawing her).

Another issue is that during the 2018 midterm elections there are 33 seats up for election. Currently 23 of those belong to Democrats and two independents who caucus with the Dems. Republicans only have nine. A lot of these, even for the Democrats, are in states that voted not only for Trump in 2016, but for Romney in 2012.

I expect the Democrats to make gains in the House but they can actually lose seats in the Senate. Even if the Republicans burn the nation to the ground before then.

Creative notes: You gotta know this cartoon is a Blues Brother reference. Just in case you don’t (what’s wrong with you?) I will explain. Warning! Spoilers ahead (and I still haven’t seen Rogue One).

The Blues Brothers steal a gig from a country band at Bob’s Country Bunker, and they tell Bob they are the “Good Ole Boys” band. Bob’s Country Bunker features both kinds of music, “Country” and “western.” As the boys go into their first song, which is neither “country” nor “western,” the crowd becomes rowdy and starts throwing beer bottles at the band. Fortunately for the band the stage is erected behind a protective layer of chicken wire.

The boys appease the crowd by playing the “Theme To Rawhide” and “Stand By Your Man.” The audience loves it yet they continue to hurl bottles at the band.

When I played in bands I never had to play behind chicken wire or dodge beer bottles. But I have been in the predicament The Blues Brothers found themselves in at the end of the night where the band actually owes the bar money because of all the beer they drank. However my bands have always paid the tab and didn’t finish the evening with a high-speed chase pursued by an RV full of angry Good Ole Boys.

I anger and get pursued by good ole boys for other reasons.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!