Clay Jones

Swifty Naked Waffle Shooter


cjones04292018

A naked guy shoots up a Tennessee Waffle House with an AR-15 while claiming Taylor Swift is stalking him. The nation was less surprised by these details as much as they were that the incident didn’t take place in Florida.

The naked gunman using the gun of choice for mass shooters was stopped by an unarmed man, which debunks the NRA/GOP talking point, “only a good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy with a gun.”

James Shaw Jr. didn’t just stop a killer with his bare hands.  He created a fundraiser that’s already raised at least $130,000 for the families of the four victims of the shooting. That’s enough money to pay a porn star to keep quiet about Trump.

Speaking of Trump, he has not tweeted about this shooting. Probably because the killer wasn’t a Muslim (white guy) and the man who unarmed him is black.

Mostly, I’m surprised he hasn’t tweeted an attack on Taylor Swift. He does love to feud with celebrities, and Taylor is the most powerful person in pop music right now.

I find that sad because I’d love to hear the ditty T-Swifty would write for Trump.

Creative notes: This is a bonus cartoon for today. I started it this morning and stopped/paused after I got my Trump/Macron/Monkey idea. I had to draw the monkey first. I just had to.

Here’s the video. Today, my friend Karen helps me narrate. Please watch, click like, leave a comment, and subscribe to my YouTube channel.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

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Primitive Diplomacy


cjones04282018

Yesterday, pundits in the news were asking, how can Donald Trump say nice things about Kim Jong Un? Trump said the guy, who had his uncle shot and his brother murdered, was behaving honorably.  But, saying nice things about someone is Trump’s way of coaxing. He believes it works on other people because it works on him. Because, at that moment sitting next to him was the President of France saying nice things about him.  I’m sure in France a lot of people are asking Emmanuel Macron how can he say nice things about Trump.

You’d think the leader buddying up with Trump, hugging, holding hands, cheek-kissing, and being all sorts of awkward would be from Russia, Turkey, the Philippines, China, or Texas. Right? Not France, where Trump’s likability rating is probably lower than it is in Boston.

But, Macron is willing to be nice to Trump in order to get what he wants, which is American troops staying in Syria, the U.S. back in the Paris Climate Agreement, and to retain the treaty with Iran that prevents them from acquiring nukes. Macron must be better than most people because he even allowed Trump to pretend to brush dandruff off his shoulder. Most people would have slapped his tiny orange fingers. Even Melania, who sleeps in a separate bedroom and an entirely different state when she can, won’t let him hold her hand.

And what was up with that dandruff thing? Trump brushed Macron’s shoulder and said “We have to make him perfect.” It wasn’t just awkward but another internationally embarrassing moment where they keep accumulating.

The Washington Post’s Ashley Parker interviewed body language expert Patti Wood on that moment. Wood said, “The interactions throughout the visit largely fall under a category known as gamesmanship.” According to Wood, Trump did something called “primate grooming.” Yeah, that sounds about right.

Wood added “It said, ‘We have an intimate relationship, but I’m dominant, I’m the alpha gorilla, I’m going to groom you. But I’m going to criticize you by saying you have dandruff, and I’m going to do that on the world stage and see how you handle that.”

Well, Shit. I didn’t need a body language expert to tell you that Trump was acting like an ape. Quite frankly, would it astonish anyone at this point if he started flinging poo?

I am concerned about the embarrassment Trump brought to our nation, France, and gorillas.

Here’s the extremely short video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Like A Glove


cjones04272018

The Democratic National Committee is suing Wikileaks, Russia, and the Donald Trump presidential campaign for conspiring to disrupt the 2016 election in favor of Trump.

Republicans say this lawsuit is frivolous and without merit and seek to have it dismissed. While the House committee studying collusion between Trump and Russia say there isn’t any evidence, the facts say otherwise.

While on the campaign trail, Trump publicly asked Russia to get involved in the election and to hack into Clinton’s email. The Trump campaign hosted Russians in Trump Tower who were promising dirt on Hillary Clinton. Don Jr. and Roger Stone were both communicating with Wikileaks. Wikileaks even asked Don Jr. to provide some of Trump’s taxes, so they could release them and make it appear as though they weren’t playing favorites. That’s collusion and a conspiracy.

The best part about this is it allows discovery for the Democrats to seek internal documents and testimony from the Trump campaign. Republicans can claim it doesn’t have merit, but it’s a fact the Democrats’ computer system was hacked.

Republicans and Trump are also allowed discovery and will seek information about the Clinton campaign’s financing of the dossier, written by a former British spy, detailing Trump’s connections to Russia. The only problem with them seeking discovery about the dossier is, it’s already been discovered and it’s not illegal. Conducting an investigation on your opponent isn’t illegal and it’s done by every campaign. Case in point, the Trump campaign inviting Russians to Trump Tower (though, that one might have been illegal).

If the GOP fights this in court with the same intelligence they’ve exhibited in defending Trump’s collusion with Russia, they’re in trouble.

The Democrats are seeking millions from the defendants for their conspiracy. Donald Trump is now a co-defendant with Vladimir Putin. Sure, it’ll be tough, if not impossible, to get the Russians and Wikileaks to cooperate in the lawsuit, but that will probably weaken Trump’s defense even further. Plus, Russia is probably too busy to defend themselves from charges of hacking the 2016 election in favor of Republicans while they’re busying themselves by hacking the 2018 elections in favor of Republicans.

There is precedent for this. In 1972, the DNC sued the Nixon reelection campaign for the Watergate break-in. Republicans called that suit frivolous also, yet they settled for $750,000 on the day Nixon resigned from the presidency in 1974.

The suit doesn’t name Trump as a defendant, but it targets Donald Trump Jr, Jared Kushner, Paul Manafort and Manafort’s deputy during the campaign, Rick Gates. The suit points out that these individuals were aware of Russia’s attempt to meddle in the election and instead of reporting it to law enforcement, they gleefully accepted the help. Manafort will have to get permission from courts (that’s plural) to leave his house to defend himself in court. He’s already wearing TWO ankle bracelets because he’s a huge flight risk.

Before Trump makes history by being the first president taken down by a porn star, he’ll make it by being the first president required to wear an ankle bracelet. Maybe Ivanka can design matching bracelets for Trump, Don Jr, and Jared.

This case isn’t frivolous. The Russians hacked the DNC and it’s very clear Trump was their choice. The problem for Trump and the Republicans is that there is a bloody glove…and it fits.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Great Dotard Summit


cjones04262018

A few weeks ago, Rachel Maddow discussed how she may have inadvertently stumbled upon her sign-off. Walter Cronkite’s sign off, “and that’s the way it is,” is legendary and makes all others pale in comparison. But, the one Maddow half joked about may fit these times better. “That’s the way it is” is disputed by Trump sycophants on a daily basis, but “that’s weird” doesn’t just describe every instance of Trump chicanery, but his supporters as well. Let’s try it.

Trump and Republicans accuse former FBI Director James Comey of leaking his memos and that he should be criminally charged for it. When they finally received the rest of his memos from the Justice Department, they leaked them within an hour. That’s weird.

While former presidents George H.W. Bush, George, W. Bush, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, and First Ladies Laura Bush, Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, and Melania Trump were at the funeral for Barbara Bush, Trump was tweeting lies and insults. That’s weird.

Trump tweeted that he has never referred to Jeff Sessions as “Mr. Magoo” or Rod Rosenstein as “Mr. Peepers,” a day before he tweeted about “Sleepy Eyes” Chuck Todd. That’s weird.

His press briefing at Mar-a-Lago resembled an infomercial for his resort more than information from the President of the United States. That’s weird.

From Comey’s memos, Trump could not stop talking about the pee pee tape, and even relayed how he and Putin talked about Moscow hookers. THAT’S WEIRD!!!

Perhaps the subject of Pyongyang hookers can be the icebreaker for the Trump/Kim summit. I seriously doubt it’ll be the three Americans currently being held prisoners by North Korea, whose release should have been a condition to talk about talks.

North Korea has suspended their testing of nukes and missiles, which appears to be a condition for the talks. Unfortunately, Trump believes suspending the tests is denuclearization. His ignorance on this shows we’re in deep danger he’s about to get played at the summit.

Maybe they’ll discuss how Trump is responsible for the success of the Winter Olympics in South Korea. He has taken credit for it.

North Korea has made promises to the world before only to turn around and break them later. Now with Trump in office, what better time for the rogue regime to pull another fast one? While Trump probably thinks he’ll achieve world peace and win a Nobel Prize, the DPRK may be looking for a quick score.

Trump mentioned a few days ago that many people don’t know the Korean War is technically still in progress. When Trump says “a lot of people don’t know,” that means he just found out. This is the man we’re sending to negotiate with the most hostile regime on the planet.

Of course, this summit also hinges on North Korea getting there. North Korea has very old airplanes. They don’t have access to luxury travel benefits like Scott Pruitt. Kim Jong Un took a train to Beijing last week. He has to save face which means he’s not going to borrow a plane or fly commercial. This is a government that doesn’t have one ship that can travel from one of their coasts to the other (if you’re a Republican, North Korea is a peninsula which means it has two coasts. Look on a map. It’s near Japan, China, and Russia, which is in Asia. OK, have someone point it out to you).

Mongolia was ruled out as a location because of security concerns and nobody wants to go to Mongolia (it’s like Indiana with camels). It can’t be held in Japan because of the nasty history between them and both Koreas. Russia won’t work because it’ll look bad for Trump. China is too friendly to North Korea so that’s not exactly neutral territory. Neither is South Korea.

Of course, it can’t be in the U.S. because we’re already giving Kim legitimacy by meeting our president, even if it is Trump. No way in Hell would we agree to have it in Pyongyang.

Neutral sites would be in Switzerland and Sweden, but both European destinations are probably too far for Kim’s choo-choo. There’s speculation the summit could be held in either Vietnam or Singapore. Maybe Kim can take an Uber.

This won’t be the first time someone who has traded insults with Trump has sat down with him. But, this is no Mitt Romney and it’s probably going to take more than a plate of frog legs to decrease the tension. Does Kim like meatloaf? Kim Jong Un issued an official statement referring to Trump as a “dotard” so it’s no secret there’s very little respect for Trump and his cognitive abilities. By the time the summit actually happens, Trump will have probably looked up the definition of “dotard.”

Both leaders have a lot in common. Born to privilege, bad hair, desire to rule with complete authority, prone to insults, extremely sensitive to criticism, no fans of a free press, etc. But, is Kim as stupid as Trump? Let’s hope so.

The summit could actually create a peaceful environment on the Korean peninsula if they were actually sending people who know diplomacy. It could make matters worse. Or, Trump and Kim can become BFFs.

That’ll be weird.

Here’s the video.

lease consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Rosenstein’s Head


cjones04252018

Donald Trump continues to display signs of an authoritarian without any resistance from the Republicans. A few Republicans in Congress are more interested in protecting Trump than the Constitution. The GOP is less about policy and more about Trumpism.

Trump idolizes Vladimir Putin. He expressed anger toward Michael Flynn in the earliest days of his presidency because he had missed Putin’s phone call. He’s very hesitant to place sanctions on Russia. He even congratulated Putin on winning an election where he forbid his strongest opponent from being on the ballot and imprisoned others.

Trump praises dictators, congratulates the Philippines leader on murdering people, and “jokes” about emulating China’s leader who is now in office for life. He attacks the press and describes them as “enemies of the American people.”

What is not a joke is Trump using his office to go after those who oppose him. He calls for prison sentences for people who haven’t been charged with crimes. He has encouraged police brutality and wants death sentences for drug dealers.

He is attacking many in law enforcement and the Republicans are helping him obstruct justice. The Republican National Committee built a website to discredit Comey and his new book.

Congressmen Devin Nunes, Jim Jordan, Bob Goodlatte, and Mark Meadows are attacking Rod Rosenstein. They’re talking about slapping him with contempt of Congress or impeaching him. They screamed at him for Jim Comey’s memos on meetings with Trump, and within an hour of receiving the memos, they leaked them to the press. Who can forget the Nunes Memo which was an attack on the Justice Department and FBI without substance. They even shut down their investigation in Russian collusion.

Nearly a dozen Republicans in Congress  sent a criminal referral to the Justice Department and FBI seeking an investigation of Comey, his deputy Andrew McCabe, ex-Attorney General Loretta Lynch and Hillary Clinton in connection with 2016 campaign controversies. They want further investigations into Clinton’s email, the Michael Steele dossier, and Uranium One. The Justice Department declined to prosecute for the emails, and the other two are conspiracies that have been debunked.

Someday, hopefully soon, we will learn the truth about Trump and his connections to Russia. There will probably be further charges for his corruption and obstruction of justice. After Trump is driven from office, each of these Republicans should be recognized as modern-day Vidkun Quislings.

Vidkun Quisling was a Norwegian who established a fascist party in the 1930s. He attacked the left and aligned himself with Adolf Hitler and the Nazis. He served as Prime Minister of Norway after the Nazis invaded and established a puppet government. After the war, he was convicted of several charges including treason.

Putting party over country, especially a fascist party is treason. That’s exactly what these Republicans are guilty of.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Cohen Takes A Bullet


cjones04242018

If you’re worried about Michael Cohen flipping on Donald Trump, you’re worried Donald Trump is guilty of illegal activity.

Trump’s attorney/fixer Michael Cohen loves him some Donald Trump. He’s paid off porn stars to keep quiet about sleeping with Trump, he’s bought overpriced condos in his towers, he’s gone on TV time and time again to defend the guy. Michael Cohen said, “I will take a bullet for Donald Trump.” We may find out soon enough.

Last week, the FBI raided Cohen’s home, office, and hotel room. They have material from his cell phone, laptop, tablet, and safe deposit box. Cohen is the guy who knows all of Trump’s dirtiest secrets. As dirty as Trump is, the FBI probably needed a dozen U-Hauls to transport the material while wearing hazmat suits.

Cohen is being investigated for business dealings which include the payment to a porn star and his involvement in the Trump campaign’s collusion with Russia. Cohen is in a lot of trouble. Trump’s closest advisers don’t have much faith he will remain loyal to Donald.

Attorney and Trump defender Alan Dershowitz said, “They’re going to threaten him with a long prison term and try to turn him into a canary that sings.”

Jay Goldberg, a longtime Trump lawyer told The Wall Street Journal that he warned Trump, “Cohen isn’t even a “1 on a scale of 1 to 100,” where 100 was remaining fully loyal to the president. Ouch!

One defense lawyer who represents a senior Trump aide in Mueller’s Russia investigation told Politico, “I think for two years or four years or five years, Michael Cohen would be a stand-up guy. I think he’d tell them go piss up a rope. But depending on dollars involved, which can be a big driver, or if they look at him and say it’s not two to four years, it’s 18 to 22, then how loyal is he?” I’m sure if anyone pisses up a rope, the president will want a tape of it, but I digress.

He added, “Is he two years loyal? Is he 10 years loyal? Is he 15 years loyal? That’s the currency. It’s not measured in inches. It’s measured in years.” Stephen Colbert asked on his show, “Fifteen years? Michael Cohen disclosed Sean Hannity’s name in court after being asked twice. He’s not five minutes loyal.”

Usually, the person who professes the most loyalty is the first to flip. But, why should he remain loyal when Trump doesn’t exhibit any loyalty to anyone other than himself. You may have noticed, Trump defends a lot of people, but only if attacking them is a danger to himself.

Stormy Daniels’ lawyer, Michael Avenatti, believes Cohen will be charged within the next three months. He’ll probably flip the same afternoon he’s charged unless Trump issues him a pardon. That’s very likely but will be a flagrant act of obstructing justice.

Trump already sent a loud message that lying to the FBI isn’t a serious offense when he pardoned Scooter Libby. Trump doesn’t care about Scooter Libby and couldn’t pick him out of a crowd. Pardoning Scooter was Trump scooting a message to those charged by Mueller, don’t cooperate and the prez will take care of you. I’m sure Paul Manafort is expecting a full pardon at some point in the future.

Anthony Scaramucci doesn’t believe Cohen will flip. Did he not see Goodfellas? “If you said to me and I had to flip a coin, is he going to turn on President Trump or turn on other people? I would say adamantly no,” he said.

That’s not how a coin toss works, Mooch. A better analogy you can appreciate is, heads he’s a backstabber, tails he’s a frontstabber.

Like The Joker said in The Dark Knight, “I know a squealer when I see one.” Cohen looks like a squealer. He’ll squeal on Trump, or he’ll do his squealing in a federal penitentiary. He needs to realize which body part that bullet’s going to penetrate.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Under The Bus


cjones04232018

There’s talk in the media that Donald Trump needs to worry about his attorney/fixer Michael Cohen flipping on him. A former attorney of Trump’s told the Wall Street Journal that it’s basically guaranteed. Trump talked to a lawyer who went straight to the press to blab about it. So much for attorney/client privilege.

To remind us how much of a buffoon he is, Trump called Cohen. Cohen has been known to make recordings between himself and clients, all three of them. So, maybe calling a guy under FBI investigation wasn’t the smartest move. Who’s to say Cohen hasn’t flipped already or that the FBI isn’t bugging him? I think Donald should call him again.

Maybe Trump should worry less about Cohen flipping and be concerned about his ambassador to the United Nations, Nikki Haley. MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough, who is occasionally an idiot, said Nikki Haley will run for president in 2020, and she’ll win. She is not going to run for president in 2020 unless Trump is no longer the incumbent. But, she does have every right to flip on Trump.

Haley endorsed Ted Cruz for president, and then she endorsed Marco Rubio. She criticized the tone of Trump’s campaign and refusal to release his tax returns. She was on hand and laughing along, when Rubio made all the Trump small hands jokes. Now, she works for Trump and is currently residing in sycophantville, where the weather is always stormy.

What changed for Nikki to go to work for Donald Trump? His tone hasn’t changed. He still hasn’t released any tax returns. His hands are still tiny.

Last Friday, Nikki went on CBS and said the Treasury Secretary would announce new sanctions on Russia by Monday if he hadn’t already. The Republican National Committee issued talking points on the new sanctions. Monday came and went without any new sanctions announced.

Reportedly, the president was upset and even screaming and cursing at his television over Haley’s comments. There are not going to be any new sanctions. It’s highly unlikely that Haley was winging foreign policy on live TV or that she had not received an agenda from the administration.

Trump has thrown people who work for him under the bus before. He’s done it to Sean Spicer, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, H.R. McMaster, and Kellyanne Conway. The White House publicly threw Haley under by sending economic adviser Larry Kudlow out to say that “Haley was confused.” This read more like “the little lady was confused.”

Nikki shot back with “with all due respect, I don’t get confused.” This was delivered in the same style of “bless your heart,” which she tweeted at Trump in 2016 when he said South Carolina was embarrassed by her.

Kudlow quickly apologized and tried to get out of the way as fast as possible, but he got scorched. Everyone gets burned who works for Donald Trump. Don’t they see what he does to those who work for him? Don’t they see he doesn’t have loyalty? Don’t they see he destroys career prospects? Haley in 2020? After working for Trump she’ll be lucky to land a gig next to Omarosa on Big Brother.

Nikki, get out now. Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out like you’re the black guy in a horror movie. Get out!!!!

Next time Nikki Haley gets throw under the bus, she’s going to look less like a future presidential contender and more like roadkill.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!