Clay Jones

Gorsuch’s Grabs


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The most ludicrous thing about hearings for Supreme Court nominees is that they pretend they’ve never read a legal opinion in their life. Thus, they have no view of any court decision. Ever. Roe versus who now?

If we were to actually judge someone’s qualifications based upon their confirmation hearings I doubt there would be anyone sitting on the court at all.

Neil Gorsuch comes off as smooth and charming and appears to be a rational person. How rational can anyone willing to be associated with Donald Trump actually be? Trump promised to appoint someone who’ll repeal Roe Vs. Wade. Gorsuch says all court decisions are precedents, as if they can’t be overturned. Beneath the smoothness and charm lies a right-wing extremist waiting to pounce on those who need protection the most. The man has a history of supporting corporations over people.

Gorsuch is fortunate to even get a hearing. Senate Republicans refused to grant one to the last nominee because he was nominated by a Democrat. Republicans have effectively stolen this seat. Gorsuch will be confirmed.

Senator Chuck Schumer says the hearings should be halted as we shouldn’t confirm a judge to the court who was nominated by a president currently under an FBI investigation. He has a point as everything Donald Trump touches is tainted.

If anything involving Trump and his disloyalty to the United States goes to the Supreme Court, can we trust a judge he nominated? I don’t want to find out but we probably will. As disgusted you may be over the fact Trump is president, the fact he’ll leave a stain on the supreme court for the next 30 years is vomit inducing.

The other thing I had fun with here is the story of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady’s two Super Bowl jerseys being returned after they were stolen. It seems they were swiped by a Mexican journalist. Two things Donald Trump hates. Mexicans and journalists.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

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Outrageous Distractions


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Before FBI director James Comey’s hearing before Congress, Donald Trump decided to start tweeting about his Russia connections.

He tweeted from his personal account, @RealDonaldTrump, that the Russia story was “fake” news. James Clapper and others stated that there is no evidence POTUS colluded with Russia. It’s a fake story the Democrats are pushing as an excuse for running a terrible campaign. The real story are the leaks.

During Comey’s testimony Trump switched over to the official POTUS account to give a live play-by-play coverage of the hearings. He tweeted that Comey said there’s no evidence of collusion between Russia and Trump Campaign and that Russia did not influence the electoral process.

Of course none of his tweets were accurate at all. What? Donald Trump would tell a lie?

Comey stated that there’s no evidence that President Obama had Trump Tower wiretapped. He also stated that the FBI is indeed investigating for cooperation between Russia and the Trump campaign. Comey could not state whether or not Russia influenced the election.

As it turns out, the FBI has been investigating the Trump campaign since July. For some reason weeks before the election they felt the need to only reveal they were investigating Hillary Clinton. They didn’t say anything about investigating Trump.

How did Trump deal with all this? He did what any normal person would do which was to hop on a plane to Kentucky and bitch about Colin Kaepernick.

You remember the brouhaha over Kaepernick, the quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers? He wouldn’t stand for the pledge of allegiance in protest of the United States continuing to be a system of racism. Trump stated that he likes people who stand for the Pledge.

Seeing that he likes people who stand for the Pledge but he doesn’t like American veterans who were captured, how would he feel toward a POW who stands for the Pledge?

And why the hell is Trump starting his reelection campaign within the first two months of his presidency? Should other candidates start announcing? Did Putin tell him to do this?

It’s funny that Donald Trump screamed loud and proud that he loves Wikileaks during the campaign (the first campaign). The GOP loved James Comey when he revealed he was investigating Clinton. Now the GOP wants to investigate leaks and they’re pretty upset with Comey.

Trump has had the worst start to his presidency than any other before him, except maybe Lincoln and that’s just because half the country seceded before he took office (his tenure didn’t end so hot either). Trump is no Lincoln. While Lincoln managed a war and freed the slaves, Trump’s only talent is distractions and deflections. I’m very interested in what his next one will be.

“Outrageous Distractions” should be a name for a punk rock band. It shouldn’t be the official policy for a sitting president.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Secret Service Slackers


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The Trump White House operates with the judgement and ethics that’s usually only seen in used-car dealerships and trial lawyers who also work as locksmiths.

Everyone knew General Michael Flynn had traded in his once-respected military reputation to be a partisan joke for Donald Trump. It’s not often you see a United States general leading “lock her up” chants at political conventions.

Everyone knew Flynn was lobbying for Turkey. We all knew he sat next to Russian President Vladimir Putin at a dinner. It was public knowledge he accepted money from Russia to give a speech in Moscow, which probably ran afoul of the Constitution’s Emoluments Clause (a provision that prohibits federal office holders from accepting financial benefits from a foreign government. “Retired regular military officers are also subject to the Emoluments Clause because they are subject to recall, and, therefore, hold an ‘Office of Profit or Trust’ under the Emoluments Clause,” a 2013 Department of Defense white paper reads).

It was also recently revealed that Flynn was paid  $11,250 from a Russian cargo airline company and a Russia-based cyber security firm for giving speeches in the United States.

Despite all this the White House transition team, led by vice-president Mike Pence, approved Flynn to serve as national security adviser. This proves one of two things: Either the transition team was very sloppy with vetting or, they just didn’t give a rat’s patootie (I cursed enough in the blog for the Sean Spicer cartoon I published Saturday morning).

Between the election and Trump’s inauguration Flynn met with the Russian ambassador at Trump Tower and exchanged phone calls and text messages, which means they were in cahoots with rigging the election or engaging in a teenage love affair (wherefore art thou, Kislyak?”). He later lied about the conversations and remained on the job for two weeks after the lie. That also proves that the Trump administration really doesn’t care about ethics or inappropriate contacts with the Russian government. Though they did fire the acting attorney general who warned them of Flynn’s heavy petting with the Russians.

Flynn set a dubious record for shortest tenure ever for a national security adviser, serving only 24 days. Your father has probably gone longer without changing his underwear. Mine has.

Speaking of foreign agents, do you remember Monica Crowley? She was the “journalist” set to become the spokesperson for the National Security Council until reports revealed multiple instances of plagiarism in her Ph.D. dissertation, her new book and newspaper columns. She claimed all those accusations were debunked after she looked up the word “debunked” in a George Will column.

But ya’ know, saying something is debunked isn’t exactly the same as it actually being debunked. You have to actually have proof, which Crowley doesn’t have. Anyway, she’s now registered as a foreign agent for a Ukrainian oligarch. What is it with Trump people and oligarchs? You never even heard that word in the news until Trump was elected. At some point Breitbart is going to need an Oligarch section, much like they currently have a “black crime” section.

Right now the Secret Service is in a bit of hot water. No, not for plagiarism or extended lengths of time without changing their underwear. An intruder on the White House grounds remained on the property for 16 minutes before the service apprehended him. They’ve also recently lost a laptop with details of Trump Tower. One agent was recently removed for a Facebook post where she said she refused to take a bullet for Trump. Let’s not forget that guy who got to pose for a photo at Mar-a-Lago with the nuclear football.

I’m kinda expecting an agent to leave the front door open to the White House while loudly exclaiming he’s going on break for five minutes.

Most people don’t like Trump but we don’t want any harm to come to the guy. If you think his people are difficult to live with now wait until 45 is a martyr. Also, are we really sure Pence is any better? In all seriousness, I don’t ever wish harm on anyone. Let’s just impeach the guy and let him live the rest of his life rich, privileged, and bitching about how he’s not treated fairly.

White House intruders need to be taken seriously and removed quickly. Whether it’s the wack jobs hearing voices in their heads or the ones appointed by Donald Trump. You know, like family members and Nazis.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Tell Tchaikovsky The News


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While I’m not a fan of drawing obituary cartoons, especially ones including St. Peter and the Pearly gates, I will make the occasional exception. I usually need a good reason to draw one, other than my editors love them and the issue isn’t Donald Trump. For this one, I’m a guitar player. How can I not give tribute to Chuck Berry?

I didn’t really listen to Berry. But I did. Everyone who has ever listened to rock and roll has listened to Chuck Berry whether they knew it or not. Every guitar player has copied Chuck Berry, even if he’s never listened to one of his songs in his life.

Everyone you’ve listened to was influenced by Berry, and their influences were influenced by Berry. He’s been praised by John Lennon, Bob Dylan, and Keith Richards. He was lovingly ripped off by The Beach Boys (listen to the intro to “Surfin’ USA).

Chuck Berry was brilliant. It wasn’t just his guitar riffs that allowed him to play in front of white kids in segregated venues. His lyrics were really sharp and clever. Anyone who came up with “roll over, Beethoven and tell Tchaikovsky the news” is a genius. I actually got this idea while watching a video of him playing this tune to an audience in Belgium.

My only real regret with this cartoon is that I didn’t draw an ES-335.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Spicy Diss Of Brits


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Proving to the world that not everyone in the Trump administration is entirely inept, White House spokesliar Sean Spicer pulls off a daily display of bullshitting and chewing gum at the same time.

Spicer told The Washington Post that he chews, and swallows, two and a half packs of Orbit Cinnamon-flavored gum every day before noon. This guy swallows five packs of gum a day? Do you realize how much that has to clog up your system? We might need to start cutting Spicy a little slack because you’d be belligerent, hostile, and a little dense too if you hadn’t pooped in seven years.

Sean Spicer continued to double down on the lie that President Obama wiretapped the phones in Trump Tower by stating that the former president had British operatives do the deed. Their source? Some wingnut commentator for Fox News.

Trump passed the buck to Fox News also and it was during his press conference with German Chancellor Angela Merkel. His defense is that it’s not his claim and he’s just repeating what he’s heard, not passing opinion. No, Donald. You did pass opinion when you referred to Obama as “sick” and that “a lawyer could make a great case out of the fact that President Obama was tapping my phones in October, just prior to Election!”

British intelligence normally won’t comment on wild conspiracy theories but they debunked this one. A British security official said “totally untrue and quite frankly absurd. What I’d really like to do is give that wanker Yank a swift kick to his bottom.” I might have made up that last sentence.

Do you know who else rarely debunks wild crazy hoaxes and conspiracy theories? Fox News, and even they knocked this one down. Fox News anchor Shepard Smith went on the air and said “Fox News knows of no evidence of any kind that the now-president of the United States was surveilled at any time, any way. Normally we’re fine with all sorts of shit and lies but even we can’t stomach this one.” And I might have made up that last sentence too.

This may bolster Fox’s credibility a bit but hurt them in the Trump love department. Trump loves him some Fox News.

This is getting embarrassing. When Trump was a candidate he was only embarrassing himself. Later as the nominee he was shaming an entire party. Now that he’s elected and representing our nation to the world he’s making all of us look like dumbasses.

Everyone is wrong at some point. Sometimes it’s a doozy and you have to eat it with an apology and retraction. It can hurt your pride and ego. I’ve found that anytime I’ve been proven wrong that admitting it, and apologizing when necessary, is pretty easy after the fact. You get to move on with your life and maintain a bit of credibility. It makes you a big person. Donald Trump is incapable of doing that.

Retracting and admitting you’re wrong is one thing. Cleaning up a lie is a bit harder. But Trump and his goons aren’t just working for themselves. They’re working for this nation, even for people who didn’t vote for them. Admitting when you’re wrong, and apologizing to our most important ally, the United Kingdom, isn’t about your personal ego anymore. You need to do what’s best for the country you swore to defend and protect. Not go out and make things worse.

Making things worse and embarrassing us is what Trump does. During his meeting with Merkel, the leader of the free world since Obama left office, Trump refused to shake her hand during the photo-op. Later during their press conference he carried on his wiretapping nonsense and said it was at least the one thing he had in common with Merkel, that Obama had wiretapped both of them.

Trump, you have nothing in common with Angela Merkel.

Trump is a disgrace to the United States. It was on a wider display when he’s before the cameras with the most powerful leader in Europe. That means an even larger international audience than usual is watching out of concern, interest, and sheer morbid curiosity. On Friday he displayed to the entire world just what sort of ridiculous asshole he can be.

He showed his ass to the world and now the entire planet is confused on just how to deal and work with this absurd reality TV personality who doesn’t understand that being president isn’t a reality show. It’s reality.

Creative stuff: I really loved drawing this one. I love Austin Powers, well the first movie anyway. He’s almost as ridiculous as Sean Spicer. The difference is Austin Powers fought Dr. Evil. Sean Spicer works for him.

I took a little creative license with the gum. Spicy chews cinnamon and I made it blue here instead of red. Expect more cartoonists to start drawing gum in his mouth now. I’m a trendsetter, baby. I already got them drawing tape on Trump’s ties. Yeah, I’m claiming to be the first to put that feature into a cartoon.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Shooting The Bird


cjones03192017

While the Trump boys, Eric and Donald Jr., display their manly courage by having a tour guide take them by their hands to shoot fenced-in big game animals, Daddy Trump prefers bigger game.

Trump unveiled his proposed budget and it contains $54 billion in cuts all across the federal government to make up for increases mostly in defense spending. There’s also increases in Homeland Protection and Veteran Affairs.

What does he plan to cut? The State department (28%) and Environment Protection Agency (31%) will see huge cuts. There will be further cuts in HUD (13%), Transportation (12%), Health & Human Services (16%), Education (13%), Labor (20%), Agriculture (20%), Army Corps of Engineers (16%), Institute of Health (20%), Commerce (15%), and Interior (11%).

It also eliminates further programs in Waste & Water, Education, Science, NASA, FEMA, Affordable Housing, and payments to the United Nations’ climate change programs. Amtrak will also suffer. There will be decreased support to the World Bank and it cuts funding to the Clean Power Plan entirely.

It also eliminates ALL federal funding for Meals on Wheels (it does have other funding that’s not from the government), PBS, African Development, Appalachian Commission, before-and after-school programs, Great Lakes Restoration Initiative, Chesapeake Bay funding (hope you don’t like oysters or it shucks for you), Institute of Museum and Library Services, National Endowment for the Arts, National Endowment for the Humanities, NASA’s Office of Education, and a hell of a lot of other programs. How long do you want this blog?

Basically the United States will get dumber, poor kids will get hungrier, and the Earth will get dirtier. But hey, our depleted military will finally be rebuilt.

Wait. What? Depleted military? I’m getting tired of hearing Trump and other Republicans bemoan our “depleted” military. Our military is the largest on the planet. In 2014 our nation spent $610 billion on defense. That’s 34% of what the rest of the world spends on their military. That’s nearly three times higher than China, the second-highest nation with an estimated $216 billion in defense spending.

The United States has 19 aircraft carriers (though the military says only 12 count as carriers). The rest of the world combined has nine and most of those aren’t close to American quality. Do you think Thailand’s one aircraft carrier scares the U.S. Navy?

There’s a lot of stuff that can be cut in the federal budget. Most of those departments targeted by Trump could probably do with some cuts. But to wipe out education, science, diplomacy (cuts to security for embassies and consulates, you know…kind of like the one that was in Benghazi), and even funding to the NYPD which is facing brutal costs protecting Melania while she stays in Trump Tower, is just ridiculous. It’s especially absurd to choose walls over books, food, clean air, science, stuff like that.

A lot of this spending will go toward Trump’s stupid border wall that will be soundly defeated by immigrants with shovels and ladders.

Trump and Republicans will focus on making America dumb again (dumber which will probably be more beneficial to their reelections than gerrymandering) and more polluted, but we’ll have the biggest guns in the world. Our military will also continue to have $38 screws, $7,600 coffee pots, $640 toilet seats, etc. Take that, Thailand!

Creative note: You have to extend me some creative license here. I know Big Bird and the rest of his Sesame Street cohorts are on HBO now and are no longer with PBS. But their image still represents educational programming as they were on public broadcasting for over 45 years.

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Blocking Bigoted Brackets


cjones03182017

No matter how much Trump and his band of goons adjust and modify their bigotry, federal courts continue to deny them from making their hatred U.S. law.

After No. 45’s first ban on Muslims from select countries was knocked down by federal courts, he went back to the drawing board. This time he put a smiley face on it.

His first argument for the travel ban was that we’re facing such a dangerous threat from Muslims that the ban can’t wait. Then he made the ban wait so it wouldn’t distract from a speech where he used coherent sentences.

His second argument is that it’s NOT a ban against Muslims. He and his people are using this argument despite the fact Rudy Giuliani said Trump called him and asked how they can create a ban on Muslims and do it legally, and that Trump said he was calling for a “ban on Muslims entering the United States,” and that other time where he said “Islam hated the United States.”

Hawaii saw Trump’s newest ban and instead of saying “mahalo” they said “aloha.” Aloha as in goodbye. While English speakers use “aloha” to say hello and goodbye, in the Hawaiian language it means peace, affection, compassion, and mercy. Each of those components are missing from Trump’s Muslim ban so it’s no wonder Hawaii’s attorney general took it to court, and the court put a temporary restraining order on it.

Trump said the judge was “overreaching,” and 45 is a man who knows all about reaching and grabbing the wrong places.

It’s no wonder Hawaii would want to reject a ban on a class of people. Japanese-Americans make up around 30% of the state’s population and they’re well aware of this nation’s history of reactionary executive orders that discriminate against certain groups of people. During World War II the government decided that people of Japanese descent in the United States could not be trusted, so they interned them in camps like prisoners of war. Men, women, and children were locked behind fences. Homes and businesses were lost. It has become one of the greatest failings of the United States and it shouldn’t be forgotten.

Hawaii is rejecting Trump’s bigotry. I stand with Hawaii, my former home for a year.

To Hawaii, I say “mahalo.”

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!