Clay Jones

Diverse Viewpoints


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Last week, an engineer at Google circulated an internal memo suggesting that biological factors were part of the cause for the gender gap in the tech industry and that the company should stop alienating conservatives. It landed about as well as that Jerry Maguire memo suggesting the sports agency should practice ethics. Just like Jerry, the sexist Google dude was Googling for a new job.

A lot of conservatives rushed to defend the guy and bash Google for firing him. That’s what horrible people do. They defend other horrible people. They accuse Google of not tolerating diverse opinions. This isn’t an argument over whether ketchup should be squirted on hot dogs or not (though those savages should hit the streets too). A company that’s known for innovation and building toward the future doesn’t want to discourage future talent from coming on board because they may be perceived as sexist. And trust me on this: You want to hire women. Every woman I have ever met is smarter than I am….except for women who voted for Donald Trump.

Believing woman are biologically inferior to work for a software company is a view that only those living in caves should possess. What if the guy circulated a memo stating that some races were biologically inferior? At the very least, you don’t want to keep a guy around who’s stupid enough to publish that memo.

Many conservatives are also defending the Nazis who are suddenly finding themselves unemployed after pictures of them marching at the Charlottesville hatefest were published. One guy was actually fired from a hot dog place. Nobody wants a Nazi handling their wiener. Just like the Google dude whined that he really wasn’t sexist, some Nazis swore they weren’t really Nazis. They just really hate blacks, Jews, gays, liberals, and they enjoy driving out of state to goosestep in khakis while holding a Tiki torch.

Nobody wants to be associated with Nazis. The Tiki torch company issued a statement distancing themselves from Nazis. I expect companies that produce polo shirts and khakis to come out next. They issued stronger condemnations of Nazis than the president.

Horrible people continued to defend horrible people and cried about diversity in the workplace. Well, I’m sure those conservatives wouldn’t mind having a conversation at the water cooler with a Nazi. It’s done daily in the White House. But, most normal people don’t want to hang around Nazis.

You don’t have to go so far with the right-wing crap to be a Nazi for me not to want to hang around with you. If your first statement, comment, post on social media about Charlottesville was mentioning Obama, Antifa, liberals, or any other cover to protect your Nazi pals, I don’t want to associate with you. Basically, you suck at life and you’re an asshole.

You’re probably the type of asshole to scream about diversity in the workplace when Nazis and sexists are fired but want Colin Kaepernick banned from the NFL because he refuses to stand for the National Anthem.

Kaepernick is a good football player who can’t find a job in the NFL because of his stance against standing during a song. His refusal to conform to nationalism has rubbed many the wrong way and cowardly team owners are afraid of a negative backlash if they sign him. Beating up a woman will get you suspended for six games, but silently protesting police brutality against black Americans will not be tolerated. How dare he have a social conscience.

In case you haven’t noticed, what happened in Charlottesville displayed a lot of reasons not to stand for the National Anthem. If you have a problem with people who don’t want to conform to your nationalism, then I suggest that you sit down and shut the hell up.

Personal note about yesterday’s cartoon: I didn’t write a blog for yesterday’s cartoon because I didn’t want to distract from it. I wanted that cartoon to speak for itself, and all by itself.

I had a couple of other ideas yesterday but I wasn’t in love with them. Shortly after midnight on Monday morning that idea hit me, which is how all ideas hit me. It’s like someone shows up and I’m seeing who they are. At first, I didn’t realize I wanted to draw it until the full image came into my head. It started with the bumper sticker, which I thought was just OK. Then, the scene kinda zoomed out in my head and I was like “oooh. I gotta draw that.”

I thought it might be one of those with the potential to receive the most hits to the website, most shares, likes, comments…but it didn’t work out that way. I’m not complaining. It just goes to show that I can’t predict how well my cartoons will be received.

But, a lot of individuals really appreciated the cartoon. On top of the shares, likes, comments, clicks on the site, there were a few donations. So whether you donated $1.00 or more, thank you so much for helping me continue to do this. I’ll be sending out a couple more prints this week. If you have not received an email from me yet, you will. I loves ya’.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Hit And Run


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I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

White Nationalist Rally


cjones08162017

I can assure you that the images you’re seeing today are not Charlottesville. Most of this hatred is imported. David Duke has flown in to support the hate groups and stated, “We are going to fulfill the promises of Donald Trump. That’s what we believed in.” He said, “we’re taking our country back.”

“Take our country” back is a slogan white people repeated throughout the Obama era. We know what that means. We also know that the White Nationalists in Charlottesville have been encouraged by Donald Trump.

Trump tweeted out that what’s happening in Charlottesville is “sad.” I’m surprised he didn’t post a frownie face imoji. Trump later condemned the hate and violence of “many sides.” He didn’t call out the White Nationalists, which is what this entire protest was about. They started the protest. This entire thing was initiated by racists screaming about white rights and Donald Trump didn’t call them out.

Trump calls out Hispanic groups by name. He calls out black groups. When white racists do bad things his response is “they all do bad things and they should stop. Sad!” Republicans got upset that President Obama wouldn’t use the specific words “radical Islamic terrorism.” I’m sure they’re OK that Donald Trump can’t call out his base of White Nationalists.

At this time, there is one dead and 19 injured in Charlottesville, and Trump is partly to blame. It will get worse tonight.

Donald Trump ran on a campaign of hate. He started his campaign by calling Mexicans “rapists and murderers.” He has staffed his White House with the racists Breitbart faction Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller, and Sebastian Gorka.

When Trump unveiled his initiative to restrict “legal” immigration to white-English speakers, he had Miller explain the policy because racists would love that. Trump has fought hard to ban refugees from Muslim nations entering our country.

Donald Trump is a racist, and he’s afraid of angering his racist base. If anything, he’s cultivated it.

Creative notes: I planned to take today off, but I really wanted to hit these fuckers. I’m angry they pulled this bullshit in my state.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Swims With Fishes


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In retaliation for the United States placing more sanctions on that nation, Russia expelled 755 U.S. diplomats. Trump, who has talked tough to Mitch McConnell, Jeff Sessions, Kim Jong Un, Kristen Stewart, Broadway plays, and almost everyone in the world with a Twitter account, thanked Putin.

Yeah. He thanked Vladimir for expelling U.S. diplomats. Hey, he disrupted their lives and our relations just got even worse, but thanks, buddy.

Trump said Putin did us a favor, because it cuts payroll. Uh, first thing is: Vladimir Putin doesn’t fire employees of the United States government. He doesn’t control our payroll, does he? I mean, can he call Trump and tell him what do…aw, crap. He’s already done that by telling him to meet the Russian ambassador and foreign minister in the Oval Office, back when Trump gave them classified info.

The White House says Trump was joking about the “thank you.” OK, that would be believable except that’s all Trump had to say about it. Trump goes after everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY. He’s crapping on people in his own party, in his own cabinet. And yet, he can’t say one negative comment about Vladimir Putin.

You would think that at some point Trump would at least try to give the impression that Putin wasn’t holding a pee tape of him with Russian hookers.

Creative notes: Short blog right now because I want this published quick, I’m hungry, and I will draw again early in the morning. Also, trying something new here with the teaser images for shares on Facebook. We’ll see how it works.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Cuban Acoustic Attack


cjones08142017

This week, the State Department informed us in a mumbly whisper that an “incident” had occurred on an island.

At first, everyone freaked out that Donald Trump had finally shit-talked North Korea to crap a nuke on Guam. But, wrong island. The island the State department was being cagey about is Cuba.

The State department issued a statement that something happened in Cuba that they’re referring to as “incidents” that affected people health-wise and in retaliation, they ordered two Cubans to leave the U.S. Uh, what now? Can you tell us more? They were like, sure. These “incidents,” so yeah, they happened in Cuba and like, they’re bad and, uh, so they hurt people, and we were like, uh-uh, no you didn’t, so we expelled some of their people. Thanks for coming.

The State department has resembled a morgue since the Trump infestation began. They stopped the daily press briefings, Rex Tillerson is napping half the time, and the staff is smaller than the one given to Jared Kushner. But, we finally got some more info.

Apparently, American diplomats were targeted by a covert sonic device that they couldn’t hear, yet gave them severe hearing loss, which was initially referred to as an “acoustic attack?”

That kind of thing exists? There’s a contraption out there that’s silent yet can deafen you as if you were standing next to the speakers at a Metallica concert? That sounds like the sort of shit Ian Fleming would create for some Sebastian Gorka-looking super villain. But, no. It’s real.

And what sort of “acoustic attack?” If we’re talking Nirvana Unplugged, well I’d be like, “thanks, Raul.” I can listen to that album all day.  But, it wasn’t something awesome like the greatest acoustic album of all time. It was bad, like a Jason Mraz CD stuck in your car stereo that you have to eventually jimmy out with a screwdriver and fuck everything up.

Cuba claims they’re innocent, and they’d never conduct these sorts of shady shenanigans on diplomats. All they do is innocently follow our diplomats around 24/7 and try to listen to everything they say. And maybe Cuba is innocent. Word is, a third nation may be the culprit. Now, which nation out there does bad things? Oh yeah. Russia.

If Russia is to blame, we’ll get angry, expel a diplomat, shake our finger, and do it all over the objections of Donald Trump.

Donald Trump will tell Russia, “thank you.” If nothing else, those diplomats won’t have to hear North Korea’s bombs dropping, or any more Trump speeches. Maybe we should all go to Cuba.

Creative note: I really don’t like Nickelback. I asked a friend to give me her opinion on which lyrics to use, and she wasn’t any help as she didn’t listen to Nickelback. I considered asking on social media, but then I’d have a full two days of fuckers dropping Nickelback lyrics on me. So, I went with “how you remind me,” which I think has to be the most obvious tune of theirs and you couldn’t avoid hearing that song in the early 2000s. You’ll be comforted to know that I did have to look up these lyrics. I had an idea how they went, but wasn’t entirely sure.

I’m still not confident these lyrics will be the most recognized, but I am confident Nickelback is the worst band for just about everyone in the world…except the type of people who put ketchup on hot dogs on the Fourth of July. Right, Karen?

Last year, these idiot I didn’t want to know would blast Audioslave outside my window all. day. long. He was the kind of guy I disliked so much that I didn’t even want to take the time to complain to him. I thought it’d be easier to just kill him (I didn’t). Now, Audioslave is a good band, but this fucker only played three of their songs, again and again. And, since he was a poser-loser type, they were radio hit singles. Nothing cool and obscure buried deep on an album or a b-side.

All that really sucked for me because when Chris Cornell died, I still couldn’t listen to Audioslave.

So yeah, we should do that to Cuba. Or Russia.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Emoji Mayhem


cjones08132017

Rex Tillerson should not be Secretary of State, but the man is an adult. A child doesn’t have angry eyebrows like that.

The man has negotiated million and billion dollar deals with dictators as the head of Exxon. He’s bought houses. He went to college. He probably knows how to drive a car. Being that he’s a Trump guy, MAYBE he pays taxes. He’s a father of four so at some point he probably changed a crappy diaper once. Then, those kids get older and you don’t have to change shitty diapers anymore and you even do the happy dance when they graduate to pull-ups. I did.

Then you find yourself at 65 years of age cleaning up shit after a shitty orange baby shits all over the place. He has to ask himself, how did he get back here? Like Danny Glover, he probably thinks he’s too old for this shit. But here he is changing diapers. It’s the same deal for H.R. McMaster, John Kelly, and James Mattis. Those are the only adults in the Trump administration. The rest are children running with scissors.

After Donald Trump had the mouth runs as a response to North Korea threatening the United States, Rex found himself trying to clean it up. Even Mr. Clean doesn’t want anything to do with this mess. That bald cartoon fucker has left town.

Trump said, “North Korea best not make any more threats to the United States. They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen.” In response to this dire and scary warning that seems inspired by a direct-to-DVD Steven Seagal movie, North Korea promptly threatened us again, and with greater detail. They’re threatening to bomb Guam. That really has to suck for Guam, because as a U.S. territory they can’t vote for president, so Trump isn’t even their fault. They’re probably reading the news and thinking “aw fuck sticks.”

Tillerson attempted to calm everyone down by bullshitting, er…I mean, assuring us that, “Americans should sleep well at night.” The man is literally trying to tuck us in. Never mind that orange stupid twister outside. I’m sure it’ll miss this trailer park. Sweet dreams. We might as well all eat cake, pizza, and ice cream right before bed tonight. It’s not gonna make a difference tomorrow (for some of you that means “bourbon and cigarettes”).

Tillerson also said, “I think what the President was doing was sending a strong message to North Korea in language that Kim Jong Un would understand, because he doesn’t seem to understand diplomatic language.” The man is trying to explain away the rant of an immature baby while admitting the president’s “language” was not diplomatic. Hey, we haven’t tried imbecilic nonsense with North Korea, so lets’ see if that works.

“Hey, North Korea. I’m rubber, you’re glue. dot. dot. dot. dot. Fire and fury. dot. dot. dot. I’m great. Did you see my win in Michigan? dot. dot. dot. Fire and fury.”

Damn, I miss George Bush.

Trump tweeted, “there will never be a time that we are not the most powerful nation in the world!”. The man is literally talking like Kim Jong Un. I’m surprised it wasn’t delivered in Korean. Sebastian Gorka, a very angry Trump adviser running with scissors, went on Fox News and said, “we were a superpower, we are now a hyperpower.” Mmmmmkay. Isn’t it bad enough we have Trump making dumb statements? He doesn’t need any help.

That was almost as stupid as Stephen Miller’s statement, that Trump is the “most gifted politician of our time, and he’s the best orator to hold that office in generations.” Hide the scissors from that guy. On second thought, let him run.

On that note, Trump also tweeted, “my first order as President was to renovate and modernize our nuclear arsenal. It is now far stronger and more powerful than ever before….” Uh, I’m sure this is some stupid bullshit his sycophants will believe, but anyone with half a brain knows Donald Trump has not done shit to change our nuclear arsenal in the past six months. Not for better, not for worse, no change at all. It’s just a stupid, imbecilic, idiotic comment from the president of the United States. The man has taken credit for the economy, job rate, stock market, and the decrease in border crossings, all leftover from Obama’s watch. So, he probably read a brief, or had it read to him on how many nuclear weapons we have, and believes we acquired it last January.

It’s no wonder seven out of ten Americans can’t believe anything that comes from the president or the White House. Kim Jong Un doesn’t believe him either, which is why he crossed Trump’s red line and issued, not just another threat, a greater threat. A very specific threat.

I’ll be sleeping under my bed.

Creative notes: Much like the Angry Birds movie, I will not be seeing The Emoji Movie. Has Hollywood totally run out of ideas? But, I do hope this idea hasn’t already been used by another cartoonists.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Know Your Poles


cjones08122017

Those Coca Cola commercials that appear around Christmas where polar bears are playing with penguins have always pissed me off. A few years ago, a colleague of mine drew a cartoon that had both polar bears and penguins in it, without any reference to that being part of the joke. Ugh. I also saw a cartoon today of Kim Jong Un’s shadow being cast over the United States…and it was coming from Europe.

I know I can be a real stick in the mud over such things that may seem trivial to others. But, I think it’s kinda important to know a few details, whether you’re writing commercials, drawing editorial cartoons, or heading up the Environmental Protection Agency.

A report put together by several government agencies warning about climate change was leaked to the press this week. Why would something like that have to be leaked? Because, some people in those agencies are worried the Trump administration will suppress the report…or worse yet, deliver it to him underneath the stack of pro-Trump propaganda binders he receives twice a day.

Creative Notes: Short blog for this as it’s a bonus cartoon. I’ll be drawing again later tonight or super early in the morning. I really liked this idea and I wanted to do it.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.