Clay Jones

Oprah 2020


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If this was two years ago, I’d think the idea of Oprah Winfrey running for president was a lousy idea.

I’m in favor of celebrities being involved politically. Let them donate money, make speeches and appearances on the behalf of candidates. Why shouldn’t they have the same right as you or I? But, running for office?

Sometimes it works out. Clint Eastwood was mayor of Carmel, California for a few years. Sonny Bono was mayor of Palm Springs, California and then a Republican member of Congress until he met that tree. Jesse Ventura went from professional wrestling and acting to become governor of Minnesota. The most famous is probably Arnold Schwarzenegger who became the Governator of California. Even Gopher from Love Boat became a Congressman from Iowa (where there are no boats).

In each of those cases, the celebrities boned up on the issues. They were familiar with the details of the jobs. They knew how to answer questions without people wondering if they were suffering from a brain aneurysm.

Donald Trump has given celebrity politicians a bad reputation. Sure, Trump won, but that was despite a lot of things. Even if we put aside the racism, the trolling, the tweeting, the sexism, the xenophobia, the assorted Nazis he surrounds himself with, the juvenile attacks, the thin skin, the corruption, the nepotism, the illiteracy, the lying, the insanity, the goading of another madman into a nuclear war, and every example of Trump fuckery, he still doesn’t know the issues. He hasn’t even expressed any interest in learning. When he does actually learn something he thinks he’s the first to hear about. Did you hear about uranium? Did you know the history of Korea is complicated? How about healthcare? Did you know Puerto Rico is an island surrounded by water (unlike islands that are not surrounded by water)?

So normally I’d discourage excitement over a celebrity running for office. But these aren’t normal times. Run, Oprah, run!

Yes, I will vote for Oprah Winfrey over Donald Trump. But with all due respect to Oprah, I’d vote for a garbanzo bean over Donald Trump.

Oprah is better qualified for the job and would most likely be a more attractive candidate than either the bean or the orange eggplant.

First off, she’s not stupid. If she’s ever read a single book, and she probably has since she has her own book club, she knows more about the issues than Donald Trump.

She has empathy. Trump couldn’t spell “empathy” if you spotted him the first six letters. Oprah has been poor. She can relate to everybody.

She’s an actual billionaire, while there’s serious doubt about Trump’s wealth because it’s all tied up in Rubles. She’s also a self-made billionaire and is worth nearly $3 billion. Trump inherited his wealth which he believes makes him a genius.

Oprah is 66-years-old, which is younger than Trump and Hillary Clinton. She also doesn’t have stupid family members she’d give government positions too.

Oprah runs an entertainment company too, but it doesn’t cater to morons like The Apprentice. Harpo Studios produces movies, TV shows, and Oprah’s magazine.

Another perk of electing Oprah: It’d freak Republicans out. Electing a successful black woman to the highest office in the land would probably make Steve Bannon and Stephen Miller move to Russia. Rush Limbaugh would have a heart attack on the air. Sean Hannity would have a live on-air birth to kittens. I would start watching Fox News for the meltdowns alone. If you think a black man in the office pushed them to the edge, wait until you put a black woman in there.

Last year, we saw women turn out the vote and deliver victory for Democrats in places like Virginia, New Jersey, and even Alabama. Black women were the deciding factor in Alabama. In case you forgot since the previous paragraph, Oprah is black.

Women love Oprah. Black women, white women, and even Republican women. The Republicans would have a hard time running an opposition campaign against Oprah and talking crap about her. Trump would try though. He talked shit about the Pope. Also, Trump hates women, especially black women. Doubly especially black women who are smarter than him, which is basically all of them except for Omarosa. Actually, she’s probably smarter than Trump too.

Oprah would crush Trump in an election. His victory was a total fluke in the first place. He needed the right numbers, votes, and Russians in the all the right places for that to work out. Can he do it twice? Can he do it against Oprah? I have doubts he could do it against the garbanzo bean.

Oprah won’t run, but I didn’t think Trump would run either. I overestimated Trump’s intelligence. Oprah is probably too smart to subject herself to a two-year presidential campaign, and then the nightmare of the job cleaning up after Trump. Trump didn’t even think about the job before he got it. He’s still not thinking about it. He thinks about insults, how he’s victimized and cheeseburgers.

Oprah got everyone excited over one decent speech she gave at the Golden Globes, which is one more than Trump has ever given. So, I’m not going to encourage Oprah to run but if she does, I’m on the Oprah train. You go, girl!

Plus, if she wins, maybe we’ll all get new cars.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

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Scoochin’ For Mittens


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With the announcement that Utah Senator Orrin Hatch would not seek reelection, speculation immediately landed on former Massachusetts governor and 2012 presidential candidate Mitt Romney.

There was also speculation that Hatch had lost his freaking mind when he made comments that the Donald Trump presidency may be the best we’ve ever seen. Trump was pushing Hatch to run for reelection as he’s been a loyal and obedient lap dog for Trump since he won the presidency.

You may also believe that a Senator Mitt Romney is the last thing Trump wants in Washington. During the 2016 campaign, Romney gave the speech of his life in denouncing Donald Trump.

In that speech, Romney said Trump’s promises were as worthless as a degree from Trump University, that he is a fraud, and, “he’s playing the American public for suckers: he gets a free ride to the White House and all we get is a lousy hat.” Ouch. And then, Trump went on to win the nomination, ultimately the White House and Mitt Romney asked for one of those hats.

Romney is not one to stick to morals and convictions. In his 2012 campaign for president against Obama, Romney abandoned every position he ever held in his life to appeal to the conservatism of primary voters. He ran against Obamacare despite being an advocate and governor at the time Massachusetts installed a public healthcare plan, which was the foundation of Obamacare. He also sought out Trump’s endorsement and staged a press conference with the guy. It was already well documented that Trump is a liar and a racist having spent the previous few years engaged in a birther campaign against Obama. That didn’t bother Romney. He obviously felt Trump’s endorsement was more valuable than a degree from Trump University.

After Trump and Putin won the election, Romney went to Trump Tower and did the walk of shame through the lobby, so he could pander for the Secretary of State job. Trump never considered Romney for the job and only used it to force him to kiss his feet. The photos Trump released of their frog leg dinner showed Romney with a facial expression one might also wear while having a rusty catheter inserted.

Shortly after Hatch announced his retirement, Romney changed his location on Twitter from Massachusetts to Utah. I half expected the guy to post a photo of him eating green jello with slices of carrots. They really like jello in Utah. It’s weird.

I don’t have faith Romney will join the Resistance against Trump. It seems every Republican who has questioned Trump’s capability has caved into him. Lindsey Graham is running deflections for Trump, attacking the FBI and wanting charges against the author of the Russia Dossier (despite there not being a crime). Jeff Flake voted to give Trump huge tax cuts. Bob Corker is riding on Air Force One at this very moment kissing Trump’s ring. I don’t expect Romney to act any different. Principled Republicans are a thing of the past.

Years ago, Romney forced his dog, Seamus to ride on the roof of his car while he drove halfway across the country. I don’t expect Trump to force Romney to climb on top of his roof. Romney will volunteer.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Stable Genius


cjones01082018

When people think of crooked presidents, they think of Richard Nixon (for now). When they think of philandering presidents, they think of Bill Clinton (who replaced JFK). When they think of insane, mentally unstable, looney toons, mentally deranged, crazy, out-of-his-gourd, off-his-rocker, three-fries-short-of-a-happy-meal, and fucking nutzoid presidents, they’re going to think of Donald Trump.

They won’t think of Donald Trump as insane on the mere fact everyone on the freaking planet thinks he’s mentally unstable, including people who work for him. They’ll think he’s lost his mind because he’s reassuring us he’s mentally stable. In fact, he’s telling us he’s a “stable genius,” that he’s “like a smart person.” If you look at his track record of everything he’s sold us, or assured us (believe me), this too is total and complete horse shit.

It has gone beyond Trump telling us he hasn’t lost his mind and sending surrogates out to tell us there’s enough cheese on his crackers. Even our allies are being asked if he’s nuts.

British Prime Minister Theresa May was asked if Trump was mentally unstable. How often were our allies asked that about Obama, Bush, or Clinton? This is like the question “are you still beating your wife?” Maybe the candidate never even considered smacking his wife around, but once the candidate has to confront the question, that toothpaste isn’t going back in the tube.

It’s bad enough our president is mentally unstable. What compounds the problems are that he’s also stupid, insecure, narcissistic, corrupt, totally uninterested in doing the job he was elected to do, and to top it all off, he’s a grade-A asshole.

A genius would know running a successful reality television show isn’t a qualification for president. Snooki had a reality television show.

We normally compare presidents to presidents. We compare JFK to Lincoln, Reagan to Teddy Roosevelt, and Obama to Jefferson.

We’re comparing Donald Trump to Honey Boo Boo.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

The Best People


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Fire and Fury is the tale of a narcissistic, incompetent, overrated, selfish, self-important human being who thought he was the most privileged and important man in the world before he became the most privileged and important man in the world.

It is also a story of how paid sycophants, who shill daily on the virtues of a moron, really feel about said moron.

I’m on the ninth chapter of Fire and Fury. My review so far is, you don’t have to buy it, even though Trump not wanting you to read it really makes it tempting. The White House has sent cease-and-desist letters to the author, publisher, and even Steve Bannon. In Bannon’s case, they’re claiming he’s lying and violating a non-disclosure agreement. You’re gonna have to figure out the logic for yourself how someone is revealing confidential information with lies.

Sure, all the cool people are reading it and a hard copy is harder to find than a brand-new Harry Potter book. But there’s nothing in it you really don’t already know.

It does provide juicy quotes and revelations, like Steve Bannon’s opinion that Donald Trump Jr. committed treason, but we already knew Don Jr. committed treason.

Maybe we didn’t know Trump watches three TVs at once in his room and lies in bed with cheeseburgers, but we knew the guy watched a lot of TV and eats cheeseburgers.

While we didn’t know Melania has a separate room from Trump, we already knew she doesn’t like him. Who blames her? She avoided moving to Washington for the first six months of the Trump administration. Sure, she didn’t want to change her son’s school, which Donald is not involved with, but all that was very convenient for a “trophy wife” who doesn’t really like being around her husband, rarely knows his location and quite frankly couldn’t care less. When someone like that is out of the house and leaving you alone, you just enjoy it and don’t ask questions. Who is shocked that the third wife of a billionaire who has bragged about cheating on her is really only in it for the money, and doesn’t actually like him? We only have to see Trump on TV and watch our nation get discarded like a Happy Meal container. She has to actually live with him.

While it might be surprising that Trump wanted a lock on his door, there’s no mention of access to Melania’s room, which has probably been allowed a lock along with a stack of furniture barricading the entrance. There’s also no mention if they’ve secretly replaced his Viagra with purple pills shaped like Bam-Bam. But, then again, I’m only on the ninth chapter.

Trump doesn’t know details. This also is not a real revelation after seeing the guy on the campaign trail for nearly two years without once ever discussing a policy detail. It’s also not surprising that the man who told us Uranium is nuclear has a fleeting attention span.

The book tells us that Trump doesn’t read or even skim, and his staff has to develop ways to present him information and to keep his attention. But we already knew Trump is semi-literate. Sure, the guy can read somewhat, but reading at a third-grade level is probably a detriment when you’re the president of the United States. Real creativity will be explaining the nuclear triad in a Curious George book. Did they even lose him during the “I’m just a bill” cartoon?

We didn’t know Ivanka made fun of her father’s ridiculous comb-over or the specifics she gave on the construction and scalp surgery, but nobody has ever been fooled that his hair is ridiculous and covering something up.

Speaking of Ivanka, who thought you filed your 2018 taxes in 2018, is really out of her depth and unqualified, along with Jared, for a job in the White House?

We already knew the White House is in chaos. What the book provides are details on the chaos. And, we already knew this was an unprepared administration whose only agenda is really Trumpism.

Nation first? Patriotism first? Republican Party first? Family first? No, no, no and no. The only agenda for Donald Trump is the promotion of Donald Trump. The presidency is just another division of Trump Enterprises, except this one has the inconvenience of requiring actual work and professionalism, which no one has executed yet.

Trumpism is about feeding Trump’s ego, making him believe he’s the most liked person on the planet and using the government to make money for Trump and to serve his interests, like keeping him out of prison.

Of course, all the Trump people are trying to destroy the book and author’s credibility. It’s hard to say this is just the product of a creative imagination as there’s nothing creative about the insults. “Idiot” is used by nearly every staffer. They’re desperately in need for some Scottish creativity with their insults. There’s not even one “cocksplat” in here.

They say the book is tabloid fodder. They deny quotes or claim they’re out of context or inaccurate. But nobody has validated the overall theme of the book that Trump is a moron more than Trump himself.

Trump’s tweet that he never granted access to the author, Michael Wolff, is the perfect illustration of the president’s stupidity. He never approved of Wolff’s access but failed to notice the guy with a blue White House pass sitting on the couch outside his office for over year. While Trump World believed Wolff was writing a pro-Trump book, the man who claims he’s the best negotiator and will not be taken advantage of by Kim Jong Un, Xi Jinping, or Vladimir Putin, got played by a “tabloid” author.

This is the first presidential administration in American history that had to send surrogates out to tell us the president isn’t stupid, insane, incompetent, and that he can read.

Like I said, knowing Donald Trump is a moron and is incompetent for the job isn’t a revelation to anyone. Of course his critics have known it but so does his staff, his family, his supporters in Congress, your dog, and yes, even the sycophants. The larger issue here is why do so many continue to support him?

Donald Trump has violated and continues every principle of a decent human being. The best quote in Fire and Fury is, “Trump is less a person than a collection of terrible traits.” We can pretend you had the best intentions and honestly wanted to make American great again when you voted for the guy trashing veterans, Gold Star families, women, minorities, and the handicapped. But, wasn’t your belief in the guy squandered on day one when he sent Sean Spicer out to lie to the American public? And if it wasn’t, then why not when he and defended Nazis and endorsed pedophiles?

The only way your principles are not compromised in supporting Donald Trump is if you are a Nazi or a pedophile.

Every Republican in Congress ignoring the election hacking by Russia, and running interference for Trump should go down with him when he’s finally charged with obstruction of justice. What have these people sold their dignity for? Trumpism?

You can be a conservative without supporting Donald Trump unless you believe your politics can’t work without the star power of a racist narcissist with shit for brains.

Trump being an idiot, moron, or a fucking fool is not a revelation. What’s truly a surprise is how stupid you are.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Mellow Harshing Sessions


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I don’t like marijuana. A lot of people in my profession are afraid to admit they ever smoked the stuff in the past, just in case they’re going to transport to 1992 and run for president. I don’t care who knows it. I smoked it on a fairly frequent basis as a teen despite not really liking it.

It wasn’t so much a peer pressure thing as it was just what we did. If I was hanging out with one friend, pot didn’t turn up. If there was a group, then there was pot. At some point, I decided I just wasn’t going to do it anymore. That was probably the day I gave a dealer a ride home, and he lost a joint in my car and he wouldn’t leave until he found it. But, after I decided not to do it anymore I discovered something. Nobody cared.

I didn’t face a backlash. I didn’t lose friends. No one thought I wasn’t cool anymore, maybe because I wasn’t really cool to begin with, but my life didn’t change. At some point, when the doobie was passed around (do we still call them “doobies?”), everyone would just bypass me instead of asking if I wanted a hit. People who do pot tend to be very friendly and generous while smoking. While I have hung out with a lot of people while they were smoking (remember, I have been in bands), I never cared either. I usually liked the aroma and smelling it was a part of band practice.

While I don’t like pot I know I can’t debate you into not liking it. I don’t care if you love it. I think the stuff is mostly harmless and more beneficial to people who need it for an illness. Marijuana should be legal, medically and recreationally. Voters in several states agree.

While marijuana is legal in states like Colorado, Washington, and now California, it’s still illegal federally. Obama handled this situation by telling the federal government to chill out and leave those states along. Candidate Donald Trump said he would continue the same policy. Candidate Donald Trump is a liar.

While Donald Trump attempts to exert strict control over the Justice Department and Attorney General Jeff Sessions over investigations into his corruption, believing they exist to serve him, he hasn’t lifted a finger of the AG’s decision to end Obama’s policy on marijuana.

Sessions rescinded an Obama-era policy that discouraged federal prosecutors in most cases from bringing charges wherever marijuana is legal. Sessions has long been a critic of marijuana.

I have never done illegal drugs in my life. I can say that because marijuana is not a drug. It’s organic. I’m not one to say everyone should try everything before they oppose it, but Jeff Sessions could use one good high. The experience would educate him that the stuff is harmless (even if he doesn’t like it), and you really shouldn’t worry about other people doing it. But, since they can’t freak out over what gay people do in their bedrooms anymore that doesn’t involve them, Republicans have this to scrutinize.

If anything, the legalizing of weed in states has proven wrong every fear there was about legalizing it. Crime hasn’t increased, people aren’t tripping off buildings, folks aren’t driving their cars into preschools, etc. It’s been a boom for state budgets and entrepreneurs.

It’s been far more expensive criminalizing marijuana over the decades. If the Charleston can go out of style from the 1920s, then why can’t prohibition?

It’s also very hypocritical of an old, Southern, racist redneck that used to get hysterical over state’s rights to now want to crack down on something that doesn’t hurt anyone.

Again, I’m going to advocate that Jeff Sessions needs to get high. Now, I don’t expect him to fire up a blunt, but perhaps we can put some into a Keebler cookie. That sounds like it’d be right up his tree.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to see a stoned Jeff Sessions doing the Charleston? That’s gonna be in my head all day.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Breaking Hater Hearts


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I have tried to talk to Trump sycophants so I can understand what makes them tick. Why would they sell their soul and dignity for a stupid person like Donald Trump? But I can’t do it anymore. It’s not that I want to sit in my little bubble and only hear my readers agree with me. I actually enjoy hearing people disagree with me. But anytime you challenge a Trump sycophant on policy, they typically respond with a meme. You can’t have an intelligent discussion of ideas with someone who replies with a picture of Willy Wonka calling you a snowflake. It seems you really have to believe in the stupidity coming out of the White House to defend Donald Trump. That is unless you work in the White House.

As it turns out, the people who actually know Trump and are paid to go on TV and sell his bullshit know he’s a certified dumbass.

A new book called Fire and Fury, obviously titled after one of Trump’s threats to North Korea, came out yesterday quoting White House staffers and revealing what they really think of Donald Trump. We probably won’t hear “fire and fury” from Trump anymore. If a book about Trump’s tiny penis comes out called Little Rocket Man, he’ll probably stop using that phrase too.

The book, written by Michael Wolff, reveals that almost everyone in the White House uses about 20 different words to describe Trump as an idiot. It says nobody, including Trump, expected him to win the election, Melania was assured he’d lose (she cried when he won…along with a lot of other people), and the entire campaign thought of losing as winning and it would be a great money-making opportunity.

Wolff does state at the beginning of the book that some material may not be entirely accurate, as some quotes are told through other sources. But, Wolff sat in the White House for months overhearing much of the subject matter, which tells you right there how dumb Trump is for allowing this. Trump thought Wolff was writing a pro-Trump book. Wolff also claims he has hours of tape to validate many of the claims in the book.

The juiciest revelation is that Steve Bannon craps on everybody. Trump has now disowned Bannon and claims he never had direct access to him and had no effect on his campaign. I’m surprised Trump didn’t call Bannon, who once had clearance to sit on the National Security Council, a coffee boy. Trump said that Bannon has “lost his mind,” while not contradicting any of the book’s claims.

Bannon says that the three top guys in the Trump campaign, Trump Jr., Paul Manafort, and Jared Kushner, meeting with Russians in Trump Tower was treasonous and that there’s no way they didn’t take the “jumos” one flight up to meet Trump Sr. There’s still much speculation over the definition of “jumo.”

Other details claim Trump and Melania were arguing on Inauguration Day. Ivanka made fun of her father’s comb-over, and that she and Jared have an agreement she will run for president in the future while Jared (described as an ass kisser) holds her purse.

It claims Rupert Murdoch called Trump a “fucking idiot,” which puts him in a very large club in and out of the White House.

Trump clashed with White House housekeeping. Staff members were told not to touch his belongings, especially his toothbrush. If he leaves a shirt on the floor, the staff is ordered not to touch it. Trump has his own separate bedroom from Melania and sits in bed around 6:00 PM every evening eating cheeseburgers while talking on the phone with friends (who then leak the conversations to the press). Trump requested a lock on his door which the Secret Service denied. He requested two additional televisions to be installed in his room, giving him a total of three, so he could watch TV Elvis style. Remember, Trump claims he doesn’t actually watch that much television despite constantly quoting Fox & Friends through tweets during their program.

Trump eats McDonald’s so often because he’s paranoid someone will poison him. His rationale is that McDonald’s doesn’t know you’re coming and the food is already prepared, so they can’t poison you. If that guy can eat old Big Macs it explains the burned steaks with ketchup. I personally find it impossible to eat a Big Mac older than ten minutes.

Trump’s staff believes him to be semi-literate. This I believe. Wolff writes that Trump doesn’t read and doesn’t even skim articles, briefings, or reports. Former Deputy Chief of Staff Katie Walsh reportedly said working with Trump is “like trying to figure out what a child wants.” If you have ever witnessed Trump reading during a speech, you realize it’s like that slow kid in third grade who slowed down the entire class every time it was his turn to read aloud. Except, that slow kid’s teeth probably didn’t fall out while he was reading.

Sam Nunberg, an early aide to the Trump campaign, recalled explaining the Constitution to Trump and said he could only get as far as the Fourth Amendment before Trump’s finger started “pulling down on his lip and his eyes rolled back in his head.”

My favorite quote in the book supposedly comes from an email sent by Gary Cohn, the director of the National Economic Council, which says, “Trump is less a person than a collection of terrible traits.” Yeah.

The most reported stuff is from Steve Bannon, who allowed himself to be quoted by Wolff.

Bannon believes Don Jr. will be a target for Special Counsel Robert Mueller over money laundering, and said, “they’re going to crack Don Junior like an egg on national TV.” He also goes after Jared and Ivanka and believes Jared will be targeted for money laundering, just like Junior.

Trump’s lawyers have issued a cease and desist to Bannon which is laughable. Bannon may have signed a non-disclosure agreement, but that wouldn’t apply after the campaign. Bannon worked for the American people in the White House, not Donald Trump.

The fun part of this is to see who wins who in the Trump/Bannon divorce. Bannon has already lost a major resource for funding Breitbart (you didn’t actually believe that publication made money on its own merits, did you?).

Nicole Wallace theorized that Trump will win Sean Hannity and Bannon will get Breitbart. I’m thinking deeper. Who gets the Nazis and who gets the pedophiles? Bannon better hire some good lawyers, or he’ll end up with Eric.

Creative notes: Sometimes you have to talk through an idea with another person before it can click in your own head. I was throwing this at my friend Karen and getting her input on famous breakups. The people I kept coming up with were seriously outdated, and she being cooler than I am, threw out names that are so trendy, I have no idea who they are. Who the hell are Blake Shelton and what’s-her-head? See? I already forgot half the couple? Meanwhile, the people I was thinking of were Burt and Loni, Kiefer and Julia, Lenny and Lisa, Madonna and Sean, and David Lee Roth and Van Halen. Crap I’m old.

I was open to using a fictional couple and I liked the idea of using the couple from that teenage-lovesick-vampire movie. I thought it made the cartoon dumber, which to me is funnier, but after Googling for the names I was afraid I wouldn’t be the only one to say “who?” after reading the cartoon. Maybe, if those vampires had broken up this year it would have worked for the cartoon. Plus, I’m not sure if they broke up and got back together to live in eternal vampire happiness.

Karen agreed that Brad and Angelina worked better as everyone knows who they are.

I told my friend this is the living hell my head puts me through on a daily basis. I ask my friends a lot of really stupid questions that make them worry about me.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Teeny Weenie Tweety Diplomacy


cjones01042018

I was all set to draw a cartoon about the protests in Iran. I was looking forward to starting a streak of drawing cartoons that didn’t feature Donald Trump. Drawing two cartoons in a row without him is an accomplishment considering Trump weeks are kinda like dog years. I do get tired of the guy.

Then, yesterday morning Trump tweeted that Huma Abedin, an aide to Hillary Clinton (He misspelled “aide”) should go to prison, something about sailor pictures on submarines, the “deep state” Justice Department, and mentioned James Comey. Yes, all in one tweet. I think the entire world gave a collective “huh?” Covfefe was less confusing.

But, That didn’t trigger me to draw a cartoon about the guy. The person it should trigger is the Attorney General, Jeff Sessions. Sessions should exhibit independence and backbone, rip the president a new one, and defend his department and the career professionals from a right-wing conspiracy theory so stupid that it’s the equivalent of birtherism, pizzagate, and chemtrails.

Then, Trump tweeted that companies are giving “big bonuses” to their workers because of his tax cut. Of course the list of those companies does not include the Trump Organization.

The Twitter spree continued with a boast of how there were no commercial aviation deaths because of his “strict” policies on the industry. He said it was the “best and safest” year on record. Never mind the fact there hasn’t been any deaths in commercial aviation since 2010. Some people got beat up and dragged off planes last year, but no deaths. You’d think there would have been at least one heart attack on a private plane from someone eating nothing but Big Macs and KFC.

He also tweeted another attack at the “failing” New York Times and how they treat the president unfairly. This was just another rehash of his usual shtick.

He tweeted about Democrats and DACA. He claimed they were doing nothing for DACA, the program he’s trying to end.

He boasted about taking Jerusalem “off the negotiation table.” Yes, the best negotiator in the world took it off the table, and us out of the peace process. Good job.

Then, he posted a tweet that got me excited. He’s promising to announce “the Most Dishonest & Corrupt Media Awards Of The Year” next Monday. I really hope it includes a category for political cartoonists.

None of that ignited a need for a political cartoon. They were just his usual nonsense. It’s not like he was goading North Korea to fire a nuclear weapon, start World War III, trash the peace overture Kim Jong Un made to the South, and did it all with a poorly-veiled reference to the size of his penis.

And then, Trump goaded North Korea to fire a nuclear weapon, start World War III, trash the peace overture, and he did it while making a reference to his penis. Seriously. His penis.

Trump tweeted, “North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the ‘Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.’ Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!”

First off, we don’t know if your “button” works, and we don’t wanna know. We don’t even want to think about it. La-la-la-la! Some of us would like to eat again.

I’ve heard pundits question if Trump would actually start a nuclear war to distract us from the Russia investigation. Some people believe he wants to push that button. Others believe he’s just boasting, as if the world doesn’t know we have the largest nuclear arsenal and military on the planet. My belief is, he doesn’t think that far ahead or about anyone else. Donald Trump is selfish and he will put his own feelings, personal interests, his wallet, and his fragile ego before the safety and security of entire nations.

Hillary Clinton told us we shouldn’t trust the nuclear codes with a guy who is triggered by a tweet. She was right.

We know he’s immature, narcissistic, and not capable of being presidential. He’s proven that way before that stupid tweet. What shouldn’t be questioned anymore is his mental stability.

Trump voters should carry a heavy burdensome guilt for inflicting the Trump presidency upon us. It should have started on his first day when he sent Sean Spicer out to lie to the American public about crowd sizes. It should have intensified when his response to a terrorist attack in London was to attack that city’s mayor. Starting a feud with the mayor of San Juan after Puerto Rico was struck by a hurricane and a war widow after her husband’s death should have put them over the edge. Defending Nazis and endorsing a pedophile definitely should have sealed the deal. But, starting a nuclear conflict is something they can’t practice their sycophancy with.

If a war starts, Donald Trump’s cabinet should be shamed for not exercising their responsibility by removing a madman from office and away from that nuclear button. They should be convening at this very moment to remove Trump and send his orange ass back to Trump Tower where he’ll be free to embellish and perpetuate “alternative facts” and conspiracy theories to his heart’s delight. He can waste all the time he wants on his “dishonest media awards.” The lives of people in four nations depends on it.

Sure, that’ll leave us with the world’s biggest ass kisser as president, but Mueller will probably nail him too.

Utah Senator Orrin Hatch announced his retirement yesterday. After the tax cut vote, Hatch said Trump’s presidency may be the best ever, and he didn’t even smirk while saying it. Obviously, Orrin is retiring at the right time and belongs in a special home. Trump should join him.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.