Trump

Debate Drug Test


cjones10022020

And I thought it was weird when he only wanted Russian hookers’ pee.

Ya know, it’s really kinda hard for Donald Trump to put the entire Russian hooker pee-pee tape thing to rest when he’s asking for Joe Biden’s pee. Does Donald Trump want to film Joe peeing? Does he want to take Joe’s pee home for later usage? What will he use that pee for? If Trump is going to take a drug test before the debate, will he be using his own pee or that of a Russian hooker? And…does Adderall show up on a drug test?

Finally, if you pay a Russian hooker to pee in a cup, can you deduct it in your taxes?

But seriously, Donald Trump needs to make the head of his corporation take a drug test, not Joe Biden. Have you heard Donald Trump Jr speak lately?

Donald Trump is doing three things with his call for Joe Biden to take a drug test. He’s gaslighting about who Joe Biden is, he’s distracting from genuine topics, and he’s lowering the bar.

Donald Trump is lowering the bar for his debate performance like he is with his upcoming electoral defeat. After he’s defeated in November, he’ll blame fictional fraud. After Joe Biden kicks his ass tonight in the first debate, he’ll say it’s because Joe is on drugs.

What he’s trying to distract us from is his performance as president and his own faults. Donald Trump would rather talk about some fictional drug Joe Biden is on rather than the 202,000 people who have died from the coronavirus. He’d rather talk about some fictional bullshit than his taxes. And each time he brings up drug tests, which Biden isn’t doing anything wrong by not taking, Biden should demand Donald Trump to release his taxes.

Joe Biden should demand that Donald Trump explain how his daughter is paid as a contracting consultant, for which he deducted taxes for, while she’s also an executive at that company. She was paid for consulting on projects she was managing.

Joe Biden should demand that Donald Trump explain the deductions he used to get a tax refund over $72 million.

Joe Biden should ask Donald Trump to explain how he’s a great businessman when he’s losing millions each year.

Joe Biden should demand Donald Trump to explain how bankrupted in an industry where customers willingly give you free money.

Joe Biden should demand Donald Trump to explain why he’s paying lower federal taxes than the illegal immigrants he’s hired.

Joe Biden should demand Donald Trump to explain why he’s paying more taxes to places like Turkey, the Philippines, Panama, and Indonesia than he’s paying to the United States.

Joe Biden should demand Donald Trump to reveal who he’s in debt to for over $300 million. That last one is really important.

Donald Trump is attempting to gaslight Biden the way he did with Hillary Clinton. During 2016, a majority of those polled believed Donald Trump was more honest than Hillary Clinton. There have been over 20 years of gaslighting about Hillary Clinton, that after over 22,000 lies, polls would probably still show Donald Trump to be more trustworthy than Clinton.

It’s kinda like the gaslighting that Republicans are better with the economy. Republicans always ruin the economy and Democrats always fix it. Right now, we’re at an eight percent unemployment rate and Donald Trump is still graded better with the economy than Joe Biden…who was a part of the administration that fixed the economy the last time a Republican fucked it up. Honestly, American voters are stupid.

Now, they’ve gaslighted that Joe Biden has mental problems. Trump has done this, Republicans have done this, and the Russians have done this. They have taken Joe Biden’s stutter and turned it into a mental problem. Now, they want to create a mythical drug thing with Joe Biden.

What Joe Biden should do each time Donald Trump brings up the drug tests bullshit….demand Sniffy to prove he’s not on Adderall. Also, I think it’d be great if he called Trump “Sniffy.”

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Gassy Trump


CNN09272020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Will teargas be involved in removing Donald Trump from the White House?

I had lunch with a couple of friends yesterday and we used old expresssions like, “Darkest before the dawn” and always “quietest before the storm.” 2020 being one of the worst years on record is natural since it’s Donald Trump’s last year to “legally” be in the White House. And 2020 is going to get worse before it’s going to get better. And honestly, even if Trump is removed, I think 2021, cleaning up Donald Trump’s mess, is going to be even worse.

And Donald Trump doesn’t care. Look at his taxes and listen to his words. He doesn’t care about anything that’s not Donald Trump. He will burn this nation to the ground to save Donald Trump.

Donald Trump used the military to teargas a crowd for a photo-op. You think he’s above using violence to protect his own ass?

I don’t expect anything involving Donald Trump to be peaceful.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Paid More Than Trump


cjones10012020

Raise your hand if you paid more in taxes than Donald Trump. Everybody?

The New York Times has published an investigation that finally gives us a clear look at Donald Trump’s taxes.

The weirdest thing about Donald Trump is that he’s president without disclosing his taxes or selling off his businesses. Basically, we have to trust the most dishonest grifting grifter that he’s not influenced by conflicts of interest. As it turns out, he is.

Donald Trump said he wouldn’t open up any new businesses overseas, but he’s still collecting money from foreign companies and governments. Lobbyists, diplomats, and others with special interests stay at his hotels and join his shitty golf resorts.

Donald Trump says he’s a great businessman…who loses money every year. Every year. He claims he’s worth $10 billion but looking at what the Times presents, he’s not even close.

The reveal doesn’t show any debt to Russia, but it shows massive massive on top of massive loans to…we don’t know.

His taxes shows a lot of deductions, like trips on his private plane, $75,000 haircuts, and payments to consultants. One of those consultants who received hundreds of thousands of dollars is…wait for it…Ivanka. Ivanka Trump was an employee of the Trump Organization yet she was paid as a contractor for consulting work for the Trump Organization. I mean…how does that work? What is her actual job at the Trump Organization? I guess it excludes consulting as she can contract that to the Trump Organization.

Looking at his taxes over the past 15 years, he usually doesn’t pay and when he has, the most has been $750. How much did you pay last year? Can you vote for Donald Trump knowing you paid more in taxes than he did? Donald Trump has bragged that not paying taxes makes him smart. What does that make you?

Other juicy details of the report is that Donald Trump pays more taxes in places like the Philippines and Turkey than he does in the United States. Think about this: When he brags about increasing money for our military, it’s not any of his money going towards that. It’s yours.

When he brags about donating his salary back to the government, that’s your money paying that salary, not his. When he signs a relief bill so you can pay your rent during the pandemic, and then puts his stupid name on the check, that’s your money…not his. Your taxes paid for that. His did not.

And right now, this fat cat who doesn’t pay any taxes but grifts off yours, doesn’t want to give you another stimulus and is trying to take away your healthcare.

And Donald Trump really is under audit. The issue is a $72 million refund he received from the government. You know who paid Donald Trump that refund? You did. Donald Trump played a shell game with his taxes, removed himself from his Atlantic City casinos, got a refund for it, but still has a stake in the new company which is paying him. That is where he may have broken the law (there are other parts where he may have also). Donald Trump is facing a fine that may be over $100 million. This billionaire probably doesn’t have it.

Also, those massive loans are coming due over the next few years. If he’s in White House at that time, what will he do to pay off those loans? Will banks foreclose on a president? That’s a huge conflict of interest.

People with huge debt can’t get a security clearance. Donald Trump could not get a security clearance if he wasn’t president. So, why should we trust him to be president?

When you read this story, the only three things (out of 500 businesses) that have made money for Trump are: Commercial space in Trump Tower, selling the rights to put his name on buildings he doesn’t own, and The Apprentice. And he doesn’t have one of those anymore (other than TV royalties). Everything else, from his golf resorts to his hotels, are all losing money. It’s probably why he wants to host summits and golf tournaments at them. It’s probably why he wants to ignore science to reopen the nation, as his businesses are losing millions. It’s why he charges the government every time he goes to one of his resorts, which is why he goes to his resorts every chance he gets.

Donald Trump has never been what he bills himself as. He’s not a genius. He’s not a great negotiator. He’s not a great dealmaker. He’s not honest. He’s not a playboy. He’s not a great businessman. And he’s not a billionaire.

The main selling point for Trump to the rubes is that he’s a billionaire and a great businessman. His supporters believe he’ll do for the nation, and for them, what he’s done for himself. But all Donald Trump has ever done has been to take care of himself. Even before he was president, he was riding on the backs of taxpayers to take care of himself. He was profiting off the American taxpayer for decades. Now, he’s in control of the government to support his businesses.

The rubes and hillbillies are going to have to believe this is all a lie. Rick Santorum was doing just that this morning on CNN. He’s a great businessman who loses billions and gets $75, 000 haircuts and pays consulting fees to his daughter who’s on his staff. Yeah…what a selling point.

Vladimir Putin is one of the richest men in the world and he’s never run a business. Saddam Hussein was one of the richest men in the world without ever running a business. What will dictator wannabe Trump do if he gets a second term? How much more will he grift off the American taxpayer? Will we receive bills for his $75,000 haircuts?

The haircuts also prove Donald Trump isn’t as smart as he claims. $75,000 for hair that looks like that? And we paid for that?

With Donald Trump, we’re not getting our money’s worth.

Donald Trump is claiming the Times story is “fake news.” His campaign, White House, and stupid kids are yelling for the Times to release the documents (which they say they can’t because it’ll reveal the sources who provided them). But there’s another way Donald Trump can clear this up.

He can release his taxes.

Now raise your hands if you’re OK with paying more taxes than Donald Trump. Nobody?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Chasing Amy


cjones09302020

How tacky can Republicans be? Well, being a party that’s headed by the likes of Donald Trump, we may never know just how low they can go.

We know they lie. We know they keep moving the goal post. We know they don’t play with any fairness or principles. We know they’re hypocrites. But yesterday, they nominated Amy Coney Barrett for the Supreme Court and Ruth Bader Ginsburg hasn’t even been buried yet.

Donald Trump read Barrett’s resume off the teleprompter yesterday, but do you believe he’s actually familiar with anything other than the oath she’s taken to Trump?

Donald Trump nominated who Mitch McConnell told him to nominate. But you know during their meetings, the man who can’t shut up about winning Michigan, talked about the upcoming election. He has openly told the press he wants another justice in place for the election. He’s said the only way he can lose is if there is massive fraud. So, when Donald Trump loses, and he will, he’s going to fight it all the way to the Supreme Court where if he has his way, Amy Coney Barrett will be waiting to affirm the loyalty oath she took to Trump.

I can’t believe Amy Coney Barrett wasn’t asked by Trump for her loyalty to him. I can’t believe, since she was nominated, that she didn’t pledge it.

While Donald Trump read off her resume, the only detail of his new nominee is that she’ll save his ass. He won’t stop talking about it. Donald Trump believes he will lose the election, but he doesn’t believe he’s leaving the White Houes.

Donald Trump can’t become a dictator all by himself. He needs the right people in place. He has the Senate, the Justice Department, and the State Department on board. What he doesn’t have is the Supreme Court. That pesky John Roberts keeps voting his conscience. But after having three justices, two of them being stolen, the court will be a Trump court. Basically, the Supreme Court will now have about as much credibility as a lousy TV reality show.

Donald Trump is a goon. In case you haven’t noticed by all the indictments, goons hangs out with other goons. And despite her impressive credentials, Amy Coney Barrett, just like Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh, doesn’t mind being nominated by a racist grifter beholden to Russia who praises Nazis. Barrett doesn’t mind being nominated by an impeached president. she doesn’t mind being nominated by a guy who brags about grabbing pussy and spying on naked teenagers. By agreeing to replace RBG after saying a justice shouldn’t be replaced by one with different viewpoints, she’s showing she doesn’t really have principles. Yesterday, Amy Coney Barrett became a goon.

And in case you forgot, she’s already in one cult. Welcome to the other. Amy Coney Barrett, welcome to the cult of Trump.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

A Peaceful Transfer


cjones09292020

For the first time in this election cycle, I’m ready to make a prediction.

In 2016, I predicted Hillary Clinton would win the election. I take small comfort in that there were a lot of other people who made the same prediction and she did win the majority of voters. Where I was wrong was with the electoral college and who would take the White House. As people continue to scream about the polling in 2016, the polling was correct. The results of the election landed in the margin of error. That’s very small comfort as we watched Donald Trump destroy our nation over the past four years.

Now, I’m predicting Donald Trump will lose the popular and electoral college in 2020. But, I’m not predicting he won’t be in the White House in 2021. Donald Trump is going to do everything he can to remain in the White House. Even if he needs the military to surround it to protect him. At the very least, we won’t see him golfing at Mar-a-Lago for a while.

Before, I wasn’t going to commit to a prediction because I was so wrong in 2016. But I changed my mind. Why? I think Donald Trump is going to lose because Donald Trump thinks he’s going to lose. Mitch McConnell thinks he’s going to lose. William Barr thinks he’s going to lose. Russia thinks he’s going to lose. The entire Republican senate thinks he’s going to lose. Fox News thinks he’s going to lose.

Republicans are rushing to install a new Supreme Court Justice because they don’t think they’ll be around next year to do it. Donald Trump has openly stated he wants a new justice so she (it’s a she) can help keep him remain installed after the election. He plans to take whatever happens in the election to the Supreme Court. And since this next justice is already in a cult that believes women are subservient to men, then why won’t she believe she’s to be subservient to the man who put her on the court? Did Coney get the same question as Comey? Did Trump demand her loyalty for the job?

Donald Trump keeps telling us mail-in ballots can’t be trusted. William Barr thinks Donald Trump is going to lose because he keeps saying the same thing. He even had the Justice Department coordinate with the Trump Campaign over news that nine ballots were misplaced in Pennsylvania, and all nine ballots were for Trump. The thing here is, the ballots weren’t all for Trump in a county that Trump won in 2020, they were all military ballots, and there should not have been any announcement on who the ballots were marked for. That is propaganda.

By announcing all nine ballots were for Trump when they weren’t (but even if they were), is trying to give the impression there is fraud against Trump. Somebody getting confused and misplacing them isn’t fraud. There is no evidence of fraud…but the Justice Department is trying to put their thumb on the scale during an election…and it’s not even October yet.

Now, Donald Trump won’t commit to a peaceful transfer of power if he loses. Why? Because he knows he’s going to lose.

I’m a history buff. I was a history major in college and I can’t remember any president ever refusing to commit to a peaceful transfer of power.

Mitch McConnell defended Trump by saying we’ve had peaceful transfers of power since George Washington was reelected. Apparently, Moscow Mitch sucks at history because there is no transfer of power after a president is reelected.

When George H.W. Bush lost to Bill Clinton, he rode in the car with Clinton to the inauguration. Jimmy Carter did it with Ronald Reagan, the man who defeated him. Gerald Bush did it with Carter. Donald Trump is refusing to even commit to that ride. He’s ready for civil war. He’s firing up the base to riot.

My proofreader Laura told me this cartoon is more reporting than a cartoon, other than the sippy cup (which she loved). She’s right.

Donald Trump said there would not be any need for a peaceful transfer because he’s not going anywhere. He said there wouldn’t be any problems if we get rid of the ballots. He didn’t say “mail-in ballots.” He said “ballots.” full stop.

Donald Trump has talked about delaying the election. If we don’t have an election, we won’t need a transfer of power. Basically, the only way Donald Trump is committed to a peaceful transfer is if there’s no transfer. On top of all this, Donald Trump is talking about a third team. Sheesh…wait until after you successfully steal the second term.

Donald Trump wants to be our first dictator. He wants to get rid of democracy. He has the Justice Department doing his bidding. He wants to control the courts and the senate. Moscow, Mitch and Putin, are helping him with this.

Even if you actually like what Donald Trump has done as president, you need to vote against him…unless of course, you actually want to live in a dictatorship. It doesn’t take a history degree to understand that a president trying to destroy an election is trying to build a dictatorship.

Defeating Donald Trump in the election, even by a small margin, should be enough. But it won’t be. We need to defeat Donald Trump by a large margin. We need a landslide. I don’t care if you don’t like Joe Biden. It’s not about him. It’s about us. It’s about getting rid of Trump.

Vote him out now because next time, we may not get a vote.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Vote Him Out


cjones09282020

Often while wearing a face mask, I’ll smile at someone and then realize, they don’t know I’m smiling at them. I’m sure you’ve done that too. Usually for me, it’s while I’m at the post office and I kinda want to assure them they’re not pissing me off, then I realize, they can’t see the smile. I’ve literally told people, “you can’t see it but I’m smiling at you.”

Of course, if they can’t tell you’re smiling at them, then they also can’t tell if you’re frowning…or mouthing dirty words. I wonder if Donald Trump was mouthing expletives yesterday while being booed amidst chants of “vote him out.” From the photos, he looked very confused.

While pretending to show his respects to Ruth Bader Ginsburg at the Supreme Court, Donald Trump was confronted with reality which is a rare exception for him. Usually, he’s surrounded by sycophants and cultists. If he’s not at a MAGAt rally full of his devoted racist cult followers, he’s in the White House with ass-kissers like Kayleigh McEnany, or elected Republicans who can’t even bring themselves to disagree with him on something as dangerous as a peaceful transfer of power. You know, treason.

It’s very rare for Donald Trump to be in an atmosphere where he can experience how people actually feel about him. Shortly after the election in 2016, crowds gathered outside Trump Tower to let him know how they felt. Trump Tower is in a voting precinct Donald Trump lost by 38 percent. Ouch. They don’t even like him in his home town.

Another time was at the United Nations where those assembled for his bullshit literally laughed at him. The White House defended that as, “they were laughing with him.” Yeah, what made them laugh was when he said he had accomplished more than any president before him. That is some stuff to chuckle to.

He was also booed at a Nationals baseball game, which isn’t surprising because that was in the capital, a very liberal city. He was booed at a UFC event. He was booed at his inauguration which is something special because that crowd traveled to boo him.

Donald Trump could also step outside the White House on any given day and see protests against him…you know, if he doesn’t have it cleared out with teargas first.

So, as Donald Trump emerged from the Supreme Court building yesterday, he was greeted by the crowd…people who showed up to genuinely show their respects to the late justice. Donald Trump was booed and received a chant of “vote him out.” Naturally, Donald Trump said, “I didn’t hear that.”

In an episode of The Simpsons, as a crowd boos Mr. Burns, his toady, Smithers, tells him they’re saying Boo-urns. Donald Trump is more ridiculous, and evil, than Mr. Burns.

Donald Trumps says the only way he’ll lose in November is if there’s fraud. The only way he’ll win is if there’s fraud. Why do you think Donald Trump wants to stop mail-in voting, at least in states not run by Republicans? Why do you think he’s on a fear-mongering campaign that mail-in voting is rife with fraud? Why do you think the Senate wants to go ahead and confirm a Supreme Court justice now? It’s because Donald Trump is going to lose the election.

Here’s the deal, kids. America doesn’t like Donald Trump. That’s shocking to Donald Trump who refers to himself as “your favorite president.” But, since we’re all not Nazis, he’s not our favorite president. Donald Trump has been rejected by the American public every time America has had an opportunity.

More Americans voted against him than for him in 2016. Accept if he loses in 2020? He still hasn’t accepted he lost to Hillary Clinton in 2016. He even created a fake commission that couldn’t even find enough bullshit to gaslight that he won the popular vote.

In 2018, America rejected Donald Trump by giving Congress to the Democratic Party (it’s “Democratic,” not “Democrat,” by the way).

While Mitch McConnell, Trump, and other fucknut Republicans are saying voting now for a Supreme Court justice is giving America what it wants because they heard its voice, the real voice says no. Polls show Americans want to wait until the next presidential term, no matter whose term it is. McConnell argues they returned the Senate to Republicans and even increased their seats in 2018. The fact is 12 million more Americans voted for Democratic Senate candidates than for Republican ones.

For Republicans, reality is a motherfucker.

The only way Donald Trump and Republicans can stay in power is if they cheat…and they’re going to cheat. Hopefully, enough Democratic and independent voters get out enough to overcome Republican cheating.

On November 3rd, America is going to reject Donald Trump. He’s going to be furious. I expect a scowl to remain on his face for the rest of his life. It’s there most of the time anyway. I also expect him to curse a lot…even more than usual. He may wanna wear that face mask permanently.

On November 3rd, America is going to reject its most hated president. On November 3rd, we’re going to vote him out.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Amy’s Cult


cjones09262020

Amy Coney Barrett is a a judge for the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals based in Chicago and the current darling of the right-wing frenzy-feeding evangelical fucknut base. And if this is who they want, Donald Trump will give her to them. Hell, he was literally polling the crowd at one of his hate rallies this week.

Donald Trump is expected to announce Coney Barrett this Saturday, but who knows. Maybe he’ll surprise us and find someone even worse, but I doubt it. His base wanted her before he named Kavanaugh…but Trump needed white men first. But right now, his base wants Coney Barrett.

Why do they want Coney Barrett? They expect her to be the final vote banning abortions, killing Obamacare, making birth control illegal, outlawing gay marriage, and forcing every woman in the nation to wear a chastity belt.

Naturally, a conservative of this caliber is religious. She’s not just religious and a Catholic…she’s in a cult. Which makes me ask, can a person be in two cults?

Amy Coney Barrett is a member of the People of Praise, which is described as a “charismatic Christian parachurch organization.” I’m not sure I understand what that is, so I needed to research it. Unfortunately, I made the not smart decision to read about it before I went to bed last night. What followed next… were nightmares.

No, a person should not be persecuted for his or her religion but if an atheist were to be nominated to the Supreme Court, I bet one scarlet letter Republicans would be screaming bloody murder. As it turns out, Coney Barrett is in a cult that inspired…wait for it because it’s goooooooooood… The Handmaid’s Tale.

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood is a dystopian novel about subjugated women in a patriarchal society. The cult Amy’s in has advisers assigned to each person. Male advisers are called “Heads” and the female advisers were called…wait for it again… “Handmaids.” They changed it to “Leaders” after the novel came out. It’s similar to why Donald Trump doesn’t call his secret goons infiltrating our cities as “stormtroopers.”

In Atwood’s novel, women’s bodies are governed and treated as the property of the state under a theocratic regime. In Amy’s cult, members are taught that men have authority over their wives. Members swear a lifelong loyalty oath to each other, which is already like marriage…or a Trump rally. But former members of the “organization” say that the “heads” and “handmaidens” can play a huge role in the lives of members, such as directing their choice of partner, where they live, and how they raise children.

One former member says you’ll be reported if you’re caught drinking alcohol, dating the wrong person, or even for expressing a sexual thought they find disturbing (which is odd since they don’t have a problem with a man saying he’d probably be dating his daughter if they weren’t related), For these dirty thoughts, you can be banished, which to me sounds like something you would want. Please. Banish me.

Another former member said that People of Praise believes that only married couples should have sex, and that marriage is only between a man and a woman. That’s fine. You can believe that…but I don’t want a Supreme Court Justice decided that for me and the rest of the nation.

That’s exactly what Republicans want. They’re in the minority of views. What they want, the majority of the nation doesn’t. They demand a larger chunk of representation than the rest of America which is why they love the electoral college. They know the majority of American people don’t want another fucknut on the bench and if they wait until after the election, then they won’t be able to do it…so they’re rushing now. The Republican Party expects to be rejected by the American people in November and they will lose the White House and Senate. But, they’ll be able to take comfort in the fact they forced as much as they could upon us.

The Supreme Court already has a majority that doesn’t represent the nation. The Supreme Court isn’t just in the wrong decade, but the wrong century.

Amy Coney Barrett will be on the highest court in the land making rulings about your life…your body. She’ll sit on cases involving healthcare, abortion, birth control, gay marriage, civil rights, etc. It’s not good.

And now you know why I had nightmares last night. The Handmaid’s Tale is a dystopian nightmare of a fictional autocratic society. The author, Margaret Atwood, sat on the book for three years because she thought the concept was just too crazy. It’s kinda like when The Simpsons did episodes back in the 1990s of Donald Trump being president because the idea of a Trump presidency was too crazy and ridiculous. Now, he’s making lifetime appointments to the Supreme Court. Now it’s our nightmare.

Two questions for Amy Coney Barrett: Are you in a cult? And, did you have to take a loyalty oath to either?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Disgusting For Trump


CNN09202020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Donald Trump is an idiot. But he’s also a germaphobe and while not knowing much science, and saying stupid shit like, “Science doesn’t know what’s going on,” he knows he doesn’t want to be anywhere near the troglodyte hillbillies that vote for him.

When asked if his rallies were safe, his reply was that he’d be OK because the crowd was kept at a good distance from him. An answer about the safety of the people supporting him never popped up in that bile-filled skull of his. He’s telling his people to risk their lives, risk their children’s lives, risk their parents lives, hell, risk the lives of everyone in their community to attend his MAGAt rally but don’t worry. He’ll be OK.

One of his former aides has broken out of the White House. She was a former member of the coronavirus task force. She said Donald Trump initially thought the pandemic would be a good thing as it would give him an excuse not to shake hands with “disgusting” people. Who are these disgusting people? If you support Donald Trump, you.

The staffers still loyal to him, at least those not leaking to the press what a dangerous unstable moronic maniac he is to the world, swear he’d never look down on his supporters. Then, right on cue, he said blue states don’t matter.

Donald Trump argued that our grade in handling the coronavirus is great if you take out everyone who died in a blue state. I have a former step sister who’s a Trumpophile. To her, everything Trump says is true…or defensible. Every lie about Joe Biden is real. She lives in Illinois. Illinois is a blue state. If she or any member of her family dies, Donald Trump wouldn’t care. He’d argue they shouldn’t be counted. She’s still supporting him. He thinks she’s disgusting.

Minnesota and New Hampshire are two blue states that Hillary Clinton barely won. Trump was campaigning in Minnesota last week. He was holding another MAGAt rally, helping buildup blue state corpses that shouldn’t count. Why should those states swing to Trump if doesn’t think the people are important enough to count after they die from the virus named him? They’re so insignificant to him, he doesn’t want to be their president. They shouldn’t count.

Donald Trump does have a point. If you still support him, you’re disgusting.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Patriotic Education


cjones09242020

Upon hearing the term “patriotic education,” you may ask yourself, “What the hell is ‘patriotic education?'”

Last Thursday, the dumbest president in the history of presidents, that covers American presidents on down to the presidents of Hair Club for Men, attended the White House Conference on American History at the National Archives and screamed, moaned, bitched, ranted, yelled, and barked, “The left-wing rioting and mayhem are the direct result of decades of left-wing indoctrination in our schools.” He also cried about liberals defiling Martin Luther King Jr’s vision of every child being judged by the content of their character and not the color of their skin.

Yeah, Mr. “shithole countries” and the proud tweeter of “send them back,” is concerned about MLK’s vision. How many black people are in Trump’s cabinet?

Then he announced the creation of the 1776 Commission “to promote patriotic education,” which is a direct response to the 1619 Project,  a New York Times Pulitzer Prize winning project that traces the history and legacy of slavery in the US.

So, what is “patriotic education”? For Trump, it’s to “Encourage our educators to teach our children about the miracle of American History.” Seriously? This goon who told us about Revolutionary-War airports, that it was not Russia who attacked Afghanistan but the other way around, thinks Frederick Douglas is still alive, and Churchill gave rooftop speeches during bombings, wants to direct how history is taught? I’m sure it’ll go over like gangbusters in places like Texas where students are taught Mexico lost at the Alamo.

Here’s the thing, kids. America is not the perfect, unflawed nation we, as in white conservatives, want to believe it is. During the Obama years, we were told it was horrible to bring up the sins of our nation. Why, our nation doesn’t have any sins. President Obama was often accused of apologizing for America even though he never did any such thing.

Hell, Republicans can’t even learn that America isn’t just the United States.

But America is not perfect. America engaged in slavery. It kept black human beings in bondage for hundreds of years. Ben Carson (the answer to a question above) calls them “immigrants.” Our nation committed sins while fighting for just causes. We have killed prisoners of war. We have invaded nations we had no rights with. We detained Japanese Americans because they were Japanese. We conducted the Tuskegee Syphilis Study on black Americans. Today, our nation is committing multiple sins and inflicting damage on the world, courtesy of Donald J. Trump, the worst president in history.

Our nation was shaped by heroes and great achievements as well as by villains and injustice.

The New York Times’ 1619 Project teaches that our nation didn’t begin with the Revolutionary War, but in 1619, the year year enslaved Africans were brought to Jamestown. It teaches that slavery and racial injustice have been an integral part of American history. The foundation of the United States was built on slavery and racism.

Today, Donald Trump, a man who started getting a $200,000 a year allowance as a toddler and lived on 5th Avenue, says you “drank the Kool-Aid” if you believe in systemic racism. He is a guy who should be taking a real course in American history, not signing an order on how to teach it.

Donald Trump wants to erase slavery from American history while defending monuments to the fight to preserve slavery. How can anyone do that and not get the irony and hypocrisy of it all…oh yeah. He’s a Republican.

Donald Trump isn’t just the dumbest president in American history, he’s the most racist. And someday, history books will teach courses on the world’s dumbest and most racist president.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Republican Hypocrites


cjones09232020

“The American people should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court Justice. Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new president.”

That was Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell in 2016 after the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia left a vacancy. If you were unsure if McConnell was full of shit then, today’s actions by him and his GOP colleagues confirms it.

The Republican argument in having a new position is that now, the president (sic) and Senate are of the same party. But, that doesn’t change the fact there is an election in 43 days. That doesn’t change the fact we can have a new president and even a new Senate in January.

The fact of the matter is, Mitch McConnell, Donald Trump, and the Republican Party don’t care about being hypocrites. They never had integrity or a sense of fairness. The only reason they bark out some stupid bullshit about the president (sic) and Senate being the same party now, something they didn’t stipulate in 2016, is because they need some bullshit. I mean, they can’t just come out and say it’s a power grab and they don’t care. They can’t admit they’re hypocrites.

If they had to, they’d create some new crap like there’s a exception for a president with a bad combover.

McConnell was on Sean Hannity’s show fairly recently where Hannity praised Trump for being so much better than President Obama at nominating judges. McConnell actually corrected him and said Obama was good at nominating, but that he, McConnell, was good at blocking them. Then McConnell let out a sick giggle.

Republicans don’t care about decency, fairness, or integrity. They definitely don’t care about the Constitution. And hey, when it’s all said and done, the court may not matter if we’re in a fascist system.

But, they’re rushing to fill this seat because the argument they clung to in 2016 may be true this year. Donald Trump may be rejected by the American people again, but this time, tossed out of office. The United States Senate may be in Democratic control. The fact the Republicans are forcing this vote on a new justice, before the election or the end of the year, is because it’s a power grab. It’s because they’re afraid the people will have a say.

In fact, a new poll shows that 62 percent of Americans want the confirmation to wait. Maybe America feels kinda weird about an impeached president making lifetime appointments to the highest court in the nation.

When McConnell made the statement about Americans having a say in their next Supreme Court Justice, he said, “THEIR” Supreme Court Justice. He was momentarily correct in that the seat belongs to us, not to the Republican or Democratic Party. They’re playing politics with our lives for the next forty years. In a few months, their politics may mean an end to legal abortion. It may mean an end to healthcare coverage for millions of Americans.

I can change my positions too. I was against adding new seats to the court. Now, I’m for it. If the Republicans are going to steal seats from Democrats and refuse to play by their own rules, and a stupid, racist president who is a tool of Russia can’t nominate anyone who can garner 60 votes, then let’s do some power grabbing of our own. Increase the number of seats and while we’re at it, let’s make Washington, D.C. and Puerto Rico states. That’ll give Democrats four more Senate seats.

What’s good for the goose is good for the hypocritical gander.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.