Trump

Kissy Cuddly Commies


cjones03032020

Maybe it’s just me, but if you identify yourself as a socialist in the United States and you want to be elected to the nation’s highest office, maybe don’t go around praising communist leaders.

Last Sunday during a 60 Minutes interview, Bernie Sanders praised the increase in literacy rates in Fidel Castro’s Cuba after his 1959 communist revolution. And while I understand his intention is that there’s something good to take away from that, and I think a lot of people are overreacting, I don’t understand why it’s a fixation for him and why now. Not a good time, Bernie. What’s next? Praise for Mussolini for getting the trains to run on time?

Bernie is a self-described socialist. He’s advancing ideas that are only radical in the United States like healthcare is a right. He’s campaigning on implementing policies that are successful in democratic socialist nations like Norway, Sweden, Iceland, Finland, Denmark, etc. Yet, all Republicans have been wailing on is that Bernie wants to turn us into Venezuela. Well, now Bernie has given them Cuba to add to the mix.

Sure. There are great things in Cuba, like healthcare and free education from preschool to doctorates. But it was implemented and rnn by a communist dictator who controlled the island from 1959 to 2008. There was no free press or speech. Travel from the nation was extremely limited. He made his nation a satellite of the Soviet Union. He helped instigate the Cuban missile crisis. He jailed thousands of dissidents and oversaw human-rights abuses which led to a large exodus of the nation’s citizens. The effect of Castro’s anti-imperialism and socialist-run system created an impoverished economy.

But you know who else established a very successful literacy program and provided free education to his citizens from cradle to grave? Saddam Hussein. Yet, nobody is talking about creating a government that mimics Iraq. No one is advocating for a system where everyone is literate but no one can operate a pencil because they criticized the leader and their hands were chopped off.

Bernie has made it clear he’s not praising authoritarianism. But in a way, he is. How about you just stop, Bernie? If Bernie Sanders is the nominee, he’s going to have a rough time winning Florida as it is without praising Fidel Castro (they rejected the extremely intelligent Andrew Gillum for a guy who made commercials where he’s building Lego walls with his baby). Bernie has pointed out that President Barack Obama also praised Cuba’s literacy rate under Castro, but there are a lot of Cuban Americans in South Florida who still have their knickers in a twist over him establishing diplomatic relations with the nation.

While I’m not happy with Bernie praising Castro, I’ll take that over Donald Trump, who has praised authoritarians over and over. And no, Trump isn’t praising their literacy programs as he’s not one who puts a lot of emphasis on reading or knowing stuff. Donald Trump is praising the practices that silence dissent and throws journalists out of high-rise buildings.

On North Korea, Trump said, “North Korea has tremendous economic potential like perhaps few other developing nations anywhere in the world.” Really, Donald? While Republicans are screaming that Democrats want to turn the United States into Venezuela, Donald Trump believes a one-man communist regime can create a “tremendous” economy. On Kim Jong Un, He said that they “fell in love.” At least Bernie hasn’t said he’s in love with Fidel Castro.

Donald Trump is currently seeking out Never Trumpers in his administration and purging those he deems disloyal. He defended the move by tweeting, “We want bad people out of our government!” Which is something a tyrant would say. That also leaves you with the kind of people with qualifications of the likes of an Ivanka Trump. So, with this purge, Trump is probably admiring that Kim Jong Un disposes of Never Kimmers with anti-aircraft guns and by having them ripped to shreds by dogs.

Let’s not forget that Kim Jong Un hasn’t just starved, brutalized, and tortured his own people, but he’s murdered American citizens. Kim Jong Un murdered American Otto Warmbier after torturing him and Donald Trump says Kim “feels bad about it.”

On Turkey’s president, who’s imprisoned journalists and dissidents, including a 16-year-old who insulted him and a Miss Turkey who shared a poem criticizing him. He jailed over 50,000 after a failed coup. He’s consolidated his powers to personally appoint or dismiss ministers, select judges, and rule by decree. Trump said, “It’s my honor to be with a friend of mine, somebody I’ve become very close to, in many respects, and he’s doing a very good job.” What kind of “respects” there, Trump? Are you going to start jailing people who write poems about you? Roses are red, violets are blue, Donald Trump is a racist fucking moron.

On China’s Xi Jinping, “President Xi, who is a strong man, I call him King, he said, ‘But I am not King, I am president.’ I said, ‘No, you’re president for life and therefore, you’re King.’ He said, ‘Huh. Huh.’ He liked that.” And then this one time…at band camp.

Donald Trump has had high praise for Philippines Rodrigo Duterte, especially in his war on drugs, which has involved that nation’s president personally dragging accused drug dealers in the street and murdering them. Duterte compared his killing of drug addicts, not dealers, with Hitler killing Jews. He said, “Hitler massacred three million Jews. Now, there is three million drug addicts. I’d be happy to slaughter them.” Fact check: Hitler killed over six million Jews, but Rodrigo probably didn’t have access to the type of education you’d find in Cuba. Rodrigo also said, “Just because you’re a journalist, you are not exempted from assassination if you’re a son of a bitch.” 72 journalists have been murdered in the Philippines since 1992.

This one is a little personal for me because, in 1997-98, I filled in for the legendary Corky Trinidad at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, who was in exile from his home nation of the Philippines during Marcos’ reign. It was an education being friends with Corky who I am confident would be furious with Donald Trump’s praise for Duterte if he was alive today.

A couple days ago, a conservative cartoonist accused me of practicing an “intolerant liberal religion.” And he’s right. When it comes to conservative cartoonists and journalists worshipping at the feet of a man who calls the free press “enemy of the American people,” and he’s admiring men who murder members of the press, I’m very intolerant.

Then there’s Russia’s Putin. When it was pointed out that Putin has had dissidents and journalists jailed and murdered, Trump responded with, “What, you think we’re so nice?” After Putin won a sham election, Donald Trump called to congratulate him, even after his staffers told him and left notes “not to congratulate.” During his press conference in Helsinki with the Russian president, he took Putin’s side over American intelligence. He has mimicked Putin’s lies about the Soviet Union’s invasion of Afghanistan and Ukraine meddling in the 2016 election. Trump wants to reward Putin by placing Russia back into the G7, which they were removed from with President Obama’s insistence after their annexation of Crimea.

Donald Trump praised Putin while criticizing President Obama. Donald Trump has refused to ever criticize or say one thing negative about Vladimir Putin. Not even his height and he’s shorter than Michael Bloomberg. And throughout his praise of Putin, Trump has been feuding with our Democratic allies. It’s OK for Putin to poison people on foreign soil and to attack our elections, but our national security is being threatened by Canadian cheese.

No, I’m not super happy and giddy about Bernie Sanders praising Fidel Castro. But given the choice between the man who admires the education and healthcare of Cuba vs. the man who admires the murderous, and oppressive tactics of dictators and strongmen like Kim Jong Un, Rodrigo Duterte, Recep Erdogan, Xi Jinping, and Vladimir Putin, I’ll go with Bernie. And if nothing else, at least Bernie hasn’t described people marching with Nazis as “very fine people.”

I’d rather feel the Bern than feel the hate.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Rikki Tikki Hamberder


cjones03022020

How did India get a visit from an American president that wasn’t just another stop on a multi-nation diplomatic journey? Pandering. That’s how you get recognition from an American president.

Saudi Arabia threw Trump a sword dance. China showed him the Forbidden City and told him he was the first president to ever visit. The president of Afghanistan proclaimed that Trump’s killing of al-Baghdadi was a bigger deal than Obama’s killing of Osama bin Laden. Israel named an occupied settlement after him (which means a lot of Klan babies are sharing a name with a Jewish settlement). Kim Jong Un sent him a “love letter.” And Vladimir Putin gave him the American presidency.

Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi literally threw Donald Trump a Trump rally. Not just any Trump rally, but a Namaste Trump rally (which means “welcome”). It was also the first Trump rally where brown people outnumbered white people. It was held in the world’s largest cricket stadium and attended by over 100,000 people which is usually just the number Donald Trump makes up for his rallies (he’s already said this would be 6 to 7 million people). Unfortunately for Donald Trump, it was still a smaller crowd than Obama’s inauguration.

Trump also visited the Taj Mahal, which unlike his Atlantic City Taj Mahal casino, wasn’t financed by someone’s daddy and hasn’t been bankrupted by a man stupid enough to bankrupt casinos.

Trump actually has a high approval rating in India as does Modi. It figures as both men are Islamophobes and nationalists. Both men had high praise for each other with Trump calling Modi the “father of India.” Mahatma Gandhi who?

What’s most amazing to me is that Prime Minister Modi will shuffle 100,000 people into a packed stadium in the Indian heat to sing Trump’s praises, but he has no intention of serving the man a cheeseburger.

Cows are revered in India and the nation has the largest population of vegetarians in the world. Modi is a vegetarian and plans to serve Donald Trump nothing but vegetables. It’s been said by friends of Trump that they’ve never seen him eat a vegetable unless you count french fries from McDonald’s.

Donald Trump isn’t just a meat-eater. He’s a crap meat-eater. We’re not talking about a diet of baked chicken. We’re talking Big Macs, Quarter Pounders with cheese, meatloaf, burnt steaks with ketchup, hot dogs (it’s been said that every meal for Donald Trump is like an eight-year-old’s birthday party), and when he does eat chicken it’s KFC. If Trump’s going to eat McDonald’s during his trip, he better had smuggled it in as even the McDonald’s in that nation don’t serve cheeseburgers. That just makes me wonder, why do they even have McDonald’s? Is there an Arby’s in India (We don’t got the meats!)? Instead of burger burgers at Indian McDonald’s, they serve fried paneer cheese sandwiches and something called a “Pizza McPuff” which has crap like carrots, beans, and peas on it. That’s not a pizza goddammit. Let’s hope Modi doesn’t put a McPuff in front of Trump or there might be a McMeltdown followed by a McTantrum. Let’s hope there’s LOTS of ketchup.

I like Indian food. But I once went on a date in Richmond with a girl of Indian heritage and who took me to an Indian restaurant where she ordered something I really didn’t like (I usually go for curry). So later, I did what Donald Trump’s probably going to do as soon as he gets back from his trip. I stopped at McDonald’s on the way home and got a Big Mac. And it was the most delicious Big Mac I ever had.

But, I like a lot of food. In addition to unhealthy fast food, I like your typical Italian, Chinese, and Mexican (which most of it has been Americanized). But I also love stuff that scares a lot of Americans, like Thai, Vietnamese, sushi, and Indian food. But then again, I’m from Louisiana where we eat crawfish tails and suck their brains (but I still can’t eat a chicken McNugget). Where I would probably have a great time in India, Trump will probably be miserable.

But, I hope he opens his mind and gives everything placed before him a chance. The flavors of Indian food are delicious. It can also be spicy in addition to…well, let’s say…it can clear you out. As a friend of mine who is world-traveled described it, you get Delhi Belly. So, I really hope Donald Trump tries everything. The only side effect will probably be more tweets than usual. What else is he going to do while sitting there?

CNN did a fun story on Donald Trump’s visit to India that provided a lot of details on the food situation among other things. Fox News went after CNN on this for being petty. Oddly enough, the CNN story was more informative on Trump’s trip than the Fox News story criticizing it. As for being petty, Fox News is the same network that had a major freakout over Obama putting Dijon mustard on a burger. Fox News should hire someone to watch Fox News.

While Donald Trump may love his nationalistic, Islamophobic Indian friend Narendra Modi, he’s displayed his racism of Native Americans for the entire world to see. Also, since Trump considers African nations to be “shithole” countries, I wonder if he’s aware that only about 70% of Indian homes have access to toilets. India is a nation in serious need of literal shitholes.

India is a nation overwhelmed with feces. And now, they have Donald Trump. Did they notice?

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Fartsy Foreign Meddling


cjones02282020

I have this belief that if Donald Trump wins reelection, he’ll pull the United States out of NATO, he’ll invite Vladimir Putin to the White House, and he’ll withdraw all American forces off the Korean peninsula.

I don’t have this belief because I’m suffering from imaginary Trump Derangement Syndrome. I believe this because there are reports he’s voiced out loud about doing all three. In regards to Korea, he now has another reason. A film from South Korea won an Oscar for best picture. For some reason, that really pisses Donald Trump off.

At a racist fucknut rally yesterday, Donald Trump stood up to defend the American film industry from foreign attacks. I don’t really get it. He railed against the film “Parasite,” a South Korean production that you would have to watch with subtitles unless you speak Korean. “Parasite” is the first foreign-language film to win Best Picture.

Trump said to the adoring racist masses, “And the winner is a movie from South Korea, what the hell was that all about? We got enough problems with South Korea with trade. On top of it, they give them the best movie of the year? Was it good? I don’t know.” He then asked, “Can we get ‘Gone With the Wind’ back, please?” and also name-checked “Sunset Boulevard.” What’s next? Complain that James Woods has never won an Oscar? I haven’t actually looked that up but I am that confident he hasn’t won one.

Donald Trump doesn’t understand how anything works. “Gone With the Wind” won an Oscar for Best Picture in 1940, thus it’s not eligible to win one in 2020. “Sunset Boulevard” came out in 1950. But if Trump’s going to campaign for any movie, perhaps he should look into “Dumb and Dumber.”

Neon, the U.S. film production and distribution company backing “Parasite,” replied with, “Understandable. He can’t read,” referencing the film’s subtitles. The Democratic National Committee took the same tack with, “‘Parasite’ is a foreign movie about how oblivious the ultrarich are about the struggles of the working class, and it requires two hours of reading subtitles. Of course, Trump hates it.” And he hates it without even having seen it. But then again, he has an opinion about everything he doesn’t know anything about. I bet he has a lot of them on the G spot.

I’m not sure why he’s going after a foreign film winning an Oscar since he’s not a big fan of recent U.S. films either. But at least he’s trying to protect something American. When it comes to Russian meddling in our elections, past and present, he doesn’t care. A foreign power attacking our democratic process, he goes four years without mentioning. South Koreans winning an Oscar, that he mentions.

After acting-Director of National Intelligence Joseph Maguire briefed Congress on Russia interfering in the 2020 election to help Trump, Donald Trump got upset and viewed Maguire as disloyal. Trump is afraid Democrats will use the information against him in the election. For Trump, using the fact he’s accepting foreign help is worse than him using foreign help, and the Director of National Intelligence is supposed to be more loyal to him than to America.

Donald Trump, who has told his minions that he wants to remove people from government who are not loyal to him, is now removing Maguire and replacing him with a loyal Trump goon. Maguire is a career official who is respected by the intelligence rank and file. Trump is replacing him with Richard Grennell, who is the current ambassador to Germany (was disappointed to find out the Nazis are gone) and has zero experience with intelligence. In fact, he’s more fond of carrying water for Trump’s conspiracy theories. There’s also talk of eventually making Congressman Doug Collins the permanent Director, who is also a bigger proponent of Trump conspiracy theories than facts.

In fact, during the briefing to Congress delivered by Shelby Pierson, the American intelligence community’s top election security official, Republicans accused the briefers of trying to sabotage Trump. Then, Devin Nunes went running to Donald Trump to tell him about it and warn him that Adam Schiff, lead impeachment manager and Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, was in the room. Reportedly, Trump went off the rails at Maguire before firing him. Now there are reports that Pierson may be leaving also. Maybe Nunes is also the one to tell Trump about “Parasite.”

Donald Trump is worried this information will be used against him, which would be legal. But we don’t need this briefing to know Russia is helping Donald Trump win reelection. We already knew this. Trump’s supporters may always use the defense of “Russia, Russia, Russia” while rolling their eyes, but the rest of the nation takes our security seriously. The rest of us are more loyal to our country than to an orange cult leader. Also, Vladimir Putin already told us he wanted Trump to win in 2016, so duh.

Donald Trump doesn’t like “Parasite,” because it’s about a family posing as something they’re not to get into a house where they don’t belong. But the most ironic thing is, he is a parasite. Personally, I don’t mind reading for two hours so I’m going to watch “Parasite.”

A family posing as something they’re not to get into a house where they don’t belong? I really need to know how it ends.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

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Fat Broads And Horse-Faced Lesbians


cjones02272020

I wish men who have a history of calling women “fat broads” and “horse-faced lesbians” wouldn’t even bother with running for president because this was a nation that wouldn’t consider such a jackal for our highest office. Unfortunately, this is a nation where there are enough voters, with the help of Wikileaks, Vladimir Putin, and some ill-timed FBI announcements, to put a self-described “pussy grabber” in the White House.

The bar for expectations was lowered for Former New York City mayor and multi-billionaire Michael Bloomberg’s first presidential debate. It wasn’t lowered enough. But maybe he would have performed better if Elizabeth Warren wasn’t standing next to him because, within the opening minutes, his night was done. Warren engaged in a scorched-earth strategy last night and she didn’t take prisoners. If there was a bar lowered for Mayor Bloomy, she took it and beat his ass with it.

While every candidate on the stage, Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Amy Klobuchar, and Pete Buttigieg were determined to chip away at Bloomberg’s standing in the polls, it was Warren who drew blood.

Bloomberg was a late entry into the Democratic primary and wasn’t on the ballots in Iowa or New Hampshire. He won’t be on the ballots in South Carolina or Nevada. We’ll have to wait until Super Tuesday to see how he performs in an actual contest. But with the millions of his own money he’s been pumping into the race, he’s rising in the polls. In my state of Virginia, he’s responsible for over 99% of all political ads to this point of the 2020 campaign. Right now, you’re not going to see another candidate on the air in Virginia except for Donald Trump. It’s not just his face on television. Bloomberg is also hiring and building a huge campaign organization. In Colorado, for example, Bloomberg has a staff of 55. By comparison, the current front runner, Bernie Sanders, has two.

So, with Bloomberg spending big and building a campaign his rivals can only dream of, they each took their shots last night in Las Vegas. If it was a shooting gallery at the state fair, it was Warren who won the giant stuffed monkey as all her shots hit.

Warren hit Bloomberg for alleged sexist comments he’s made and non-disclosure agreements signed by former employees.

Warren started with, “A billionaire who calls women ‘fat broads’ and ‘horse-faced lesbians.’ And no, I’m not talking about Donald Trump. I’m talking about Mayor Bloomberg.” Interestingly enough, Bloomberg didn’t defend himself or deny he made those comments.

About 40 minutes into the debate, it came back to Bloomberg who boasted of paying and promoting women equally in his company and said, “I have no tolerance for the kind of behavior that the #MeToo movement has exposed.” Warren shot back, “I hope you heard what his defense was: ‘I’ve been nice to some women.’ That just doesn’t cut it.”

Then Warren challenged him to state how many non-disclosure agreements were signed and to release all the women from the deals and allow their alleged accounts of harassment or discrimination to become public. Bloomberg didn’t release them last night and made a poor defense stating, “None of them accused me of anything other than maybe they didn’t like a joke I told.”

Bloomberg’s responses couldn’t have been worse for him if his opponents had written them.

A lot of people were tweeting that Elizabeth Warren killed Michael Bloomberg. In fact, for a minute, his Wikipedia page reflected that he had been murdered by Elizabeth Warren in Las Vegas, Nevada.

A statement by his campaign reflected that Bloomberg sucked the suckiest suck that ever sucked on a debate stage with, “He was just warming up tonight.” Dude, with all the money you spent, your campaign needs to bullshit better than that. But, he doesn’t have to warm up because he got roasted with Warren’s flamethrower.

Donald Trump tweeted, “Mini Mike Bloomberg’s debate performance tonight was perhaps the worst in the history of debates, and there have been some really bad ones. He was stumbling, bumbling and grossly incompetent. If this doesn’t knock him out of the race, nothing will. Not so easy to do what I did!” That is true. Donald Trump’s debate performances were stumbling, bumbling, and grossly incompetent, yet he stayed in the race. That wasn’t easy, what with all his debate performances being “really bad ones.”

But Trump unknowingly, like most things he makes, makes a point. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how poorly you perform in a debate. Donald Trump never won a debate in 2016. In fact, he never went through a debate without looking like a total, sexist, racist jackass who didn’t know shit about shit. Donald Trump went through 11 debates where all he talked about was making Mexico pay for a wall and the size of his penis (No, I’m not saying Mexico was going to pay to increase his penis size. They’d need something to work with). The one thing Bloomberg has going for him is that Americans may push aside past sexist comments and the fact he’s not a total freaking idiot like Donald Trump. And then there’s his money. While Donald Trump is a pretend billionaire, Bloomberg is an actual billionaire.

If Donald Trump had to produce a billion dollars in cash today, he wouldn’t be able to do it, even with all the stealing he’s doing from emoluments and from campaign donations. Meanwhile, Bloomberg is doing it as we speak. Elizabeth Warren even predicted it’s how he’ll recover from last night’s stinky debate performance.

She told MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, “After his performance tonight, I have no doubt he is about to drop another $100 million … in order to erase America’s memory of what happened on that debate stage.” She’s probably right and it will probably work.

Of course, Donald Trump had something going for him in 2016 that Bloomberg doesn’t have today. Trump was in the Republican primary where “grab them by the pussy” or racist comments weren’t dealbreakers. If anything, they helped him with Republicans. Bloomberg is in the Democratic primary which is where the majority of women and minorities in this nation vote. Plus, Democrats have higher standards.

Michael Bloomberg is a former Republican who is a New York City billionaire who has made a lot of sexist comments and is a terrible presidential candidate. We already have that in Trump. But if Bloomberg emerges as the nominee, I’ll still be voting for Michael Bloomberg for president. I’ll probably be in the shower crying for the next three days afterward, but still…I’ll be voting for Bloomberg.

On another note, why isn’t “The Horse-Faced Lesbians” a punk rock band?

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Pardo For Blago


cjones02262020

The Trump cult likes to believe Donald Trump is a great negotiator. So how do they deal with the fact that he’s been publicly out-negotiated by people like Nancy Pelosi and Kim Jong Un? They pretend it never happened. They were proud of Trump being a billionaire who promised to release his taxes. When he broke that promise, they forget he ever made it. They scream about Democratic Socialists candidates promising free stuff when Donald Trump literally promised them a free wall. Today, you don’t hear any of them saying anything about Mexico paying for it while Trump guts the military for his favorite racist vanity project. Donald Trump promised he wouldn’t have time to play golf. So what do they do with that broken promise and Trump spending more taxpayer money on golf than any president before him? They talk about the amount of golf Obama played.

So, with Republicans, members of the Trump cult, fucknuts, assorted shitweasels, and MAGAts upset over their savior granting clemency to former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, how will they come to terms with this? Blago was their go-to as proof Democrats were corrupt. He was a stain on Obama’s presidency in that he attempted to sell the Senate seat the new president vacated after winning the 2008 election.

I saw a few posts today by Trump cultists trying to deal with it. Some are claiming it’s the height of hypocrisy for Democrats to rejoice at this while calling Trump corrupt. Excuse me, but can someone point out the Democrats who are happy over this? No, fucknuts. Democrats impeached the Illinois governor (in the Illinois House, 114-1. In the Senate, 59-0). The height of hypocrisy is campaigning on draining the swamp and running against “pay for play” then pardoning Rod Blagojevich. The height of hypocrisy is being upset over this only because Blago is a Democrat.

After leaving federal prison, Blagojevich stated he’s a “Trumpocrat,” whatever the hell that is.

One interesting detail to this is that Trump isn’t really acknowledging that Blago did anything wrong. He’s blaming the James “Comey gang and all these sleazebags” for Blago being caught despite the fact James Comey wasn’t FBI Director, anywhere near this case or even the Justice Department (he was in the private sector) at the time of the Blago investigation. Leave it to Trump to blame the “deep state” while pardoning Rod Blagojevich. Trump said, “That was a tremendously powerful, ridiculous sentence in my opinion and in the opinion of many others.” If you have to lie to justify your actions, then you probably did the wrong thing. Blago didn’t just attempt to sell a Senate seat. He was also convicted of a shakedown attempt involving a racetrack and for withholding taxpayer money from a children’s hospital until its CEO donated to his political campaign. Hmmm…who else is all about withholding taxpayer money for his own benefit and would steal from a children’s charity?

Trump didn’t just stop with Blago. He went on a pardon spree. His pardons are focusing on the types of crimes, lying, and corruption his associates have been convicted of in the Russia investigation.

Trump used his presidential pardoning powers on convicted junk bond king Michael Milken and former New York police commissioner Bernard Kerik who was convicted of tax fraud. He pardoned Edward DeBartolo Jr., the billionaire former owner of the San Francisco 49ers who was convicted in an extortion case involving the former governor of Louisiana, Edwin Edwards. He pardoned David Safavian, a senior official in the George W. Bush administration who was convicted of obstructing a federal investigation as part of the scandal surrounding lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

There are over 13,000 people currently waiting for a response to their clemency requests, but white-collar white guys who are friends of Trump get to cut to the head of the line. Blago, for example, was on Trump’s fake reality TV show (which probably made federal prison seem like less of a fall from grace after putting yourself into a situation to be judged and graded by Donald Trump). So far, Trump has only granted clemency to one African-American (no, not O.J.), the late boxer Jack Johnson (which was lobbied for by Kim Kardashian). Then, Trump used that pardon in a campaign commercial during the Super Bowl. I guess pardoning a dead black guy is OK because he can’t move into any Republican neighborhoods.

Trump also didn’t go through the normal protocol of reviewing cases suggested by the Justice Department. Instead, he relied on what his friends were saying. Milken’s pardon was recommended by a friend who threw Trump a $10 million fundraiser at Mar-a-Lago Saturday night (by the way. A lot of that $10 million raised for Trump’s campaign will go to Trump. What? You think he’s loaning out Mar-a-Lago for free? Drain the swamp, indeed). Some of these pardons were recommended by Geraldo Rivera, Andrew Napolitano, Maria Bartiromo, Chris Christie, Newsmax Media’s Christopher Ruddy, and Rudy Guiliani, who’ll probably also lobby for his own pardon very soon. Even the Navy SEAL, Eddie Gallagher, who Trump granted clemency to recently argued for Kerik’s pardon, who was a Gallagher defender on Fox News/Trump TV.

The head of the pardon office in the Department of Justice during the first two years of the Trump administration told The Washington Post that he quit last year because the White House had sidelined his office in favor of taking its cues from celebrities, political allies, and Fox News.

There’s a lot of talk in the press about Trump issuing pardons for Roger Manafort, Michael Flynn, and Roger Stone. But I think those will wait until after the election, which will now be supported by fundraisers held by the beneficiaries of these corrupt billionaire pardons.

Donald Trump is not draining the swamp. He’s the swamp’s Santa Claus. And it’s not so much that Trump is pardoning, and talked of pardoning, so many criminals connected to him, but that the president is connected to so many criminals.

So, how will Trump cultists, fucknuts, assorted shitweasels, and MAGAts overcome this pardoning of corrupt Democrat Rob Blagojevich? First, they’ll stop talking about it. And since most of them are former Never Trumpers, by tomorrow afternoon, they’ll be defending it.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Meet The Millers


cjones02252020

I spent Sunday night in Washington, D.C. in a crappy hotel room. It wasn’t a Motel 6 or any chain type hotel. It was just a really old hotel that appears to have been neglected. It was so outdated, that I had an actual key, not a card, to my room. I was complaining about how tiny the desk was because I could barely squeeze both legs under it…until I realized the socket next to it didn’t work and I was able to move it across the room. I needed my tablet to charge so I could cartoon. The elevator in the place took so long that you were better off taking the stairs. The pillows were more like non-pillows that were created just to tease your skull. And finally, the toilet broke. But, I at least have the comfort that creepy Trump goon Stephen Miller has probably never had sex in that room.

First off, it was next to the Algerian embassy and several others on the street were African and there’s no way Stephen Miller would be able to sleep that close to so many “shithole” countries. Secondly, it wasn’t a Trump property.

All Trump goons do their business at Trump’s hotel in Washington. They all have lunch there. Rudy Giuliani and his goons strategized their Ukraine gooning there. They all book rooms there. William Barr booked a party there. Former EPA chief Scott Pruitt wanted to purchase a used mattress from there (just buy a new mattress). And, Stephen Miller got married there over the weekend. Was the Fuhrerbunker already booked?

Sorry, ladies. Stephen Miller is now taken.

I know what you’re thinking. How did Stephen goose-stepping, spray-on-hair-using, talk-show-shouting, brown-people-hating Miller find a woman willing to marry him? My first thought was it’s a mail-order bride thing and no pictures were exchanged beforehand. That would be horrifying to see that in the airport terminal holding a sign with your name on it. But, no. This woman didn’t just see Captain Forehead beforehand. She actually knows him.

Katie Waldman, the new Mrs. Miller, is press secretary for Mike Pence. While attending the University of Florida, she was responsible for destroying hundreds of copies of the school newspaper after it endorsed an opposing student government candidate. She was press secretary at the Department of Homeland Security and was on Arizona Senator Martha McSally’s staff. McSally was the one who called CNN’s Manu Raju a “liberal hack” for asking her a question. In Washington, vile people run together.

But, congratulations, Katie. Enjoy the many years to come of running your fingers through that scalp.

Stephen Miller may be one of the most horrid people in the Trump administration and maybe the entire Republican Party. He helped write Trump’s “American carnage” inaugural address and went on a news show afterward to say, “The president’s authority would not be questioned.” He was behind the Muslim ban. Recently, the Southern Poverty Law Center discovered he promoted white nationalist views in emails with Breitbart News during the 2016 campaign. He was central to Trump’s “zero tolerance” in which every adult who illegally crosses the border faced criminal prosecution. He was also heavily involved with the blanket policy of separating families and throwing babies in jail.

While working at DHS, Katie told the press that there wasn’t a blanket policy of separating families. Of course, that was a lie which is probably what made her and Stephen Miller creepy soul mates. Lying and racism. They should have his and her towels.

Katie is also full-on Trump troglodyte with Stephen, so they have that in common. In fact, they’re such sycophantic Trump MAGAts, they got married at Trump’s Washington hotel. Maybe Stephen would have burst into flames by walking into a church, but why Trump’s hotel? Can’t these people at least have one special day in their lives without kissing Donald Trump’s ass? No. They can’t.

While it’s disturbing to think of the prospect of Stephen Miller procreating, the real irony is that any offspring of his probably should be kept in cages.

Support the cartoonist.

 

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Smackdown For MAGAts


cjones02242020

Spoiler alert: Professional wrestling is fake. Another spoiler alert: So is Donald Trump and his entire administration.

When I was a kid, my friends and I actually had debates over whether professional wrestling was real. Even if you were on the side of it being real, you still knew it was fake. Today, it seems professional wrestling fans are totally in on it, but they still enjoy the “sport. OK, like NASCAR, it’s not a sport, so it totally makes sense that Donald Trump made an appearance at one of their events yesterday.

But Trump fans are less sophisticated than wrestling fans. They don’t know Donald Trump is fake. They think the guy is an actual billionaire. They think he’s donating his entire presidential salary without getting anything in return (Psst, emoluments, fuckers). They think he’s a great negotiator. They think he’s smart. They think he knows stuff. They don’t think he’s an idiot, or a racist, or a sexist, or a narcissistic shitstain in our nation’s history. Most of all, they actually believe Donald Trump cares and can relate to them.

A few months ago, my ex-girlfriend asked me if I knew wrestling was big right now. I did not know that but it totally makes sense. I mean, if Donald Trump can fool enough people to steal a presidential election, then there’s gotta be a lot of people watching wrestling.

And it’s appropriate to compare Donald Trump to wrestling because he has a relationship with wrestling, which was probably more real to him than his reality show. Donald Trump worked a program with the World Wrestling Entertainment company. It was a program where two billionaires, Trump and the owner of the company, Vincent McMahon, battled each other at Wrestlemania (the Super Bowl of wrestling) vicariously through wrestlers. The loser got his head shaved. No, it doesn’t make sense to me either. Of course, Donald Trump didn’t actually wrestle but he did jump on McMahon at one point to throw some fake punches. At the end of the show, he got to shave McMahon’s head and then…a bald wrestler gave Donald Trump what is called a “stunner.” I could watch that video clip all day.

Trump’s wrestling connection goes further. Reportedly, McMahon or the WWE (not sure which) paid Trump $4 million for his Wrestlemania gig. But, they didn’t “pay” him. They donated the money to the Trump Foundation. You know, that organization the state of New York recently shut down because of Trump’s corruption with it? But, with Trump taking the money as a donation to his charity, that means he didn’t have to pay taxes on it. Later, Trump used money from that charity to buy portraits of himself and sports memorabilia, pay off legal fees for his shitty bedbug-ridden gold resorts, and make political bribes to one of the lawyers who eventually defended his impeachment before the United States Senate. He also used the charity to make donations to veteran groups in coordination with presidential campaign events, which is illegal. Man, I could making this shit up, but I’m not.

After Donald Trump was elected (fake) to the presidency, he made Linda McMahon, Vince’s wife and CEO of the rasslin’ company, the head of the Small Business Administration. On April 12, 2019, she stepped down. On the 15th of April (in case you’re a Republican, that’s three days later), she was appointed as Chairman of America First Action, a pro-Trump Super PAC, where she plans to raise and spend $300 million in battleground states to reelect Trump. If there’s a reason not to watch wrestling, it’s that right there. Linda herself is a former Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate. Thankfully, she lost.

It makes sense that Linda McMahon would chair a Trump Super PAC since she’s already headed one unethical enterprise. She was CEO of WWE and no, it’s not unethical because it’s a fake sport. It’s unethical in that their “wrestlers” are not employees. They’re contractors so the company doesn’t have to pay Social Security, Medicare, unemployment insurance, or provide insurance. After one wrestler with a history of multiple concussions murdered his wife and child before committing suicide, a government survey found that 40% of “wrestlers” were found to be drug users, mostly steroids. WWE has fought states from regulating it as a sport and it has a long legacy of ignoring concussions, like the kind that makes a guy go batshit crazy and murder his wife and child before committing suicide. Donald Trump recently said head injuries to military members weren’t a concern. The mortality rate for wrestlers is 6.4 times higher than it is for men in the general population and higher than other “sports.” The number of wrestlers to die before the age of 65 is insane. Men should not be dying from heart attacks in their 30s. Seriously, Google this shit.

So, when Attorney General William Barr publicly scolds Donald Trump for tweeting on cases before DOJ and making his job “impossible,” don’t believe it. He coordinated his criticism with the White House before he delivered it. Barr has done nothing except use the Justice Department to defense Donald Trump, protect his corrupt friends, and go after his political enemies. After calling back U.S. Attorney’s sentence recommendation for Roger Stone, then saying he wants to review the entire case, over 1,100 former Justice Department employees have called on Barr to resign.

Barr should resign though it wouldn’t do any good. Trump would just replace him with another phony. At some point, maybe they will start wearing masks like those little Mexican wrestlers.

There is no Santa Claus, no Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny isn’t real, wrestling is staged, and Donald Trump is a fake president. It’s time you grew up and realized that.

Creative notes: I worked on this one in my head for two days. Even at a party last night, I kept going back to the text and restructuring it in my head. When I finally drew it, I didn’t use anything I had planned out (except for the stuff in the blog). The blog took a lot of research.

When I bounced this off my two proofreaders, I asked if they were familiar with the “smell what’s cookin'” line. Laura said she didn’t and had to look it up which probably replaced some less important knowledge in her brain, like algebra. She was also unfamiliar with a “purple nurple” which I hope is not an actual wrestling maneuver.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.