Trump

Driving Miss Crazy


cjones03252017

One of my conservative Facebook friends, with all due respect, is an idiot.

He shared a link to a Politico article which reported House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes’ declaration that members of Donald Trump’s transition team, possibly including Trump himself, were under inadvertent surveillance following November’s presidential election. My “friend” posted that this was “awkward” for Democrats.

My friend apparently believes, like Trump himself, that this validates 45’s claim that Obama had Trump Tower wiretapped. I think my “pal” might be one of those idjits that shares articles without actually reading them. This is not awkward for Democrats. What’s awkward is getting caught licking Trump’s balls.

Nunes is chairing the investigation into Russia’s meddling in the 2016 presidential campaign, and possible collusion with the Trump campaign. Nunes apparently came across information that the transition team were inadvertently under surveillance. This from the party complaining about leaks.

Instead of sharing this information with other members of the committee, Nunes held a press conference, took the information to the White House to inform Donald Trump, and then held another press conference. You don’t inform the target of an investigation on what the investigation is turning up. You don’t give them a heads up. Nunes didn’t just go to the press, or email, or call the White House. He went out of his way to tell Trump personally. No word on whether or not he had the meatloaf during his visit.

While my “friend” and other Republicans believe this validates Trump, the same Politico article (scroll up and click the link) reported that Nunes himself said the information does not show that Obama had Trump Tower, or the campaign, wiretapped. Nunes also said the surveillance was common practice and legal. See? You gotta actually read the articles before you share them, people. It also might help if you can actually comprehend what you’re reading. It’s important.

The top Democrat on the intelligence panel, Adam Schiff, said “the chairman will need to decide whether he is the chairman of an independent investigation into conduct which includes allegations of potential coordination between the Trump campaign and the Russians, or he is going to act as a surrogate of the White House, because he cannot do both.”

Nunes is supposed to be leading an independent investigation. Not be a surrogate for Donald Trump. Nunes was a member of the Trump transition team. In February he was the first leading House Republican to deny that the intelligence community has evidence of contacts between Russian operatives and the Trump campaign. He rejected calls for an independent committee and said that the “House will not engage in a witch hunt.” After national security adviser Michael Flynn was forced to resign for communicating with Russia, Nunes said he didn’t want to investigate that matter and said “From everything that I can see, his conversations with the Russian ambassador — he was doing this country a favor, and he should be thanked for it.”

I will “thank” Congressman Nunes if he steps away from the white Ford Bronco and not give Trump the slow drive evading investigators. The president of the United States is currently under an FBI investigation on whether or not he and members of his campaign committed treason. Can we not muck that up?

While Democrats are calling for an independent investigation, and Schiff is now saying there’s “more than circumstantial evidence of a Trump/Russia collusion,” Senator John McCain has joined calls for an independent investigation.

This will be a slow drive to the truth. Especially if Nunes and fellow Republicans continue to thwart the investigation by digging in their heels to drag the proceedings out, and by giving the target information on what the committee is finding.

Maybe when it’s all said and done we’ll find the “real killers.” I suspect we’ll find them on a golf course.

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Outrageous Distractions


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Before FBI director James Comey’s hearing before Congress, Donald Trump decided to start tweeting about his Russia connections.

He tweeted from his personal account, @RealDonaldTrump, that the Russia story was “fake” news. James Clapper and others stated that there is no evidence POTUS colluded with Russia. It’s a fake story the Democrats are pushing as an excuse for running a terrible campaign. The real story are the leaks.

During Comey’s testimony Trump switched over to the official POTUS account to give a live play-by-play coverage of the hearings. He tweeted that Comey said there’s no evidence of collusion between Russia and Trump Campaign and that Russia did not influence the electoral process.

Of course none of his tweets were accurate at all. What? Donald Trump would tell a lie?

Comey stated that there’s no evidence that President Obama had Trump Tower wiretapped. He also stated that the FBI is indeed investigating for cooperation between Russia and the Trump campaign. Comey could not state whether or not Russia influenced the election.

As it turns out, the FBI has been investigating the Trump campaign since July. For some reason weeks before the election they felt the need to only reveal they were investigating Hillary Clinton. They didn’t say anything about investigating Trump.

How did Trump deal with all this? He did what any normal person would do which was to hop on a plane to Kentucky and bitch about Colin Kaepernick.

You remember the brouhaha over Kaepernick, the quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers? He wouldn’t stand for the pledge of allegiance in protest of the United States continuing to be a system of racism. Trump stated that he likes people who stand for the Pledge.

Seeing that he likes people who stand for the Pledge but he doesn’t like American veterans who were captured, how would he feel toward a POW who stands for the Pledge?

And why the hell is Trump starting his reelection campaign within the first two months of his presidency? Should other candidates start announcing? Did Putin tell him to do this?

It’s funny that Donald Trump screamed loud and proud that he loves Wikileaks during the campaign (the first campaign). The GOP loved James Comey when he revealed he was investigating Clinton. Now the GOP wants to investigate leaks and they’re pretty upset with Comey.

Trump has had the worst start to his presidency than any other before him, except maybe Lincoln and that’s just because half the country seceded before he took office (his tenure didn’t end so hot either). Trump is no Lincoln. While Lincoln managed a war and freed the slaves, Trump’s only talent is distractions and deflections. I’m very interested in what his next one will be.

“Outrageous Distractions” should be a name for a punk rock band. It shouldn’t be the official policy for a sitting president.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Secret Service Slackers


cjones03222017

The Trump White House operates with the judgement and ethics that’s usually only seen in used-car dealerships and trial lawyers who also work as locksmiths.

Everyone knew General Michael Flynn had traded in his once-respected military reputation to be a partisan joke for Donald Trump. It’s not often you see a United States general leading “lock her up” chants at political conventions.

Everyone knew Flynn was lobbying for Turkey. We all knew he sat next to Russian President Vladimir Putin at a dinner. It was public knowledge he accepted money from Russia to give a speech in Moscow, which probably ran afoul of the Constitution’s Emoluments Clause (a provision that prohibits federal office holders from accepting financial benefits from a foreign government. “Retired regular military officers are also subject to the Emoluments Clause because they are subject to recall, and, therefore, hold an ‘Office of Profit or Trust’ under the Emoluments Clause,” a 2013 Department of Defense white paper reads).

It was also recently revealed that Flynn was paid  $11,250 from a Russian cargo airline company and a Russia-based cyber security firm for giving speeches in the United States.

Despite all this the White House transition team, led by vice-president Mike Pence, approved Flynn to serve as national security adviser. This proves one of two things: Either the transition team was very sloppy with vetting or, they just didn’t give a rat’s patootie (I cursed enough in the blog for the Sean Spicer cartoon I published Saturday morning).

Between the election and Trump’s inauguration Flynn met with the Russian ambassador at Trump Tower and exchanged phone calls and text messages, which means they were in cahoots with rigging the election or engaging in a teenage love affair (wherefore art thou, Kislyak?”). He later lied about the conversations and remained on the job for two weeks after the lie. That also proves that the Trump administration really doesn’t care about ethics or inappropriate contacts with the Russian government. Though they did fire the acting attorney general who warned them of Flynn’s heavy petting with the Russians.

Flynn set a dubious record for shortest tenure ever for a national security adviser, serving only 24 days. Your father has probably gone longer without changing his underwear. Mine has.

Speaking of foreign agents, do you remember Monica Crowley? She was the “journalist” set to become the spokesperson for the National Security Council until reports revealed multiple instances of plagiarism in her Ph.D. dissertation, her new book and newspaper columns. She claimed all those accusations were debunked after she looked up the word “debunked” in a George Will column.

But ya’ know, saying something is debunked isn’t exactly the same as it actually being debunked. You have to actually have proof, which Crowley doesn’t have. Anyway, she’s now registered as a foreign agent for a Ukrainian oligarch. What is it with Trump people and oligarchs? You never even heard that word in the news until Trump was elected. At some point Breitbart is going to need an Oligarch section, much like they currently have a “black crime” section.

Right now the Secret Service is in a bit of hot water. No, not for plagiarism or extended lengths of time without changing their underwear. An intruder on the White House grounds remained on the property for 16 minutes before the service apprehended him. They’ve also recently lost a laptop with details of Trump Tower. One agent was recently removed for a Facebook post where she said she refused to take a bullet for Trump. Let’s not forget that guy who got to pose for a photo at Mar-a-Lago with the nuclear football.

I’m kinda expecting an agent to leave the front door open to the White House while loudly exclaiming he’s going on break for five minutes.

Most people don’t like Trump but we don’t want any harm to come to the guy. If you think his people are difficult to live with now wait until 45 is a martyr. Also, are we really sure Pence is any better? In all seriousness, I don’t ever wish harm on anyone. Let’s just impeach the guy and let him live the rest of his life rich, privileged, and bitching about how he’s not treated fairly.

White House intruders need to be taken seriously and removed quickly. Whether it’s the wack jobs hearing voices in their heads or the ones appointed by Donald Trump. You know, like family members and Nazis.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Spicy Diss Of Brits


cjones03202017

Proving to the world that not everyone in the Trump administration is entirely inept, White House spokesliar Sean Spicer pulls off a daily display of bullshitting and chewing gum at the same time.

Spicer told The Washington Post that he chews, and swallows, two and a half packs of Orbit Cinnamon-flavored gum every day before noon. This guy swallows five packs of gum a day? Do you realize how much that has to clog up your system? We might need to start cutting Spicy a little slack because you’d be belligerent, hostile, and a little dense too if you hadn’t pooped in seven years.

Sean Spicer continued to double down on the lie that President Obama wiretapped the phones in Trump Tower by stating that the former president had British operatives do the deed. Their source? Some wingnut commentator for Fox News.

Trump passed the buck to Fox News also and it was during his press conference with German Chancellor Angela Merkel. His defense is that it’s not his claim and he’s just repeating what he’s heard, not passing opinion. No, Donald. You did pass opinion when you referred to Obama as “sick” and that “a lawyer could make a great case out of the fact that President Obama was tapping my phones in October, just prior to Election!”

British intelligence normally won’t comment on wild conspiracy theories but they debunked this one. A British security official said “totally untrue and quite frankly absurd. What I’d really like to do is give that wanker Yank a swift kick to his bottom.” I might have made up that last sentence.

Do you know who else rarely debunks wild crazy hoaxes and conspiracy theories? Fox News, and even they knocked this one down. Fox News anchor Shepard Smith went on the air and said “Fox News knows of no evidence of any kind that the now-president of the United States was surveilled at any time, any way. Normally we’re fine with all sorts of shit and lies but even we can’t stomach this one.” And I might have made up that last sentence too.

This may bolster Fox’s credibility a bit but hurt them in the Trump love department. Trump loves him some Fox News.

This is getting embarrassing. When Trump was a candidate he was only embarrassing himself. Later as the nominee he was shaming an entire party. Now that he’s elected and representing our nation to the world he’s making all of us look like dumbasses.

Everyone is wrong at some point. Sometimes it’s a doozy and you have to eat it with an apology and retraction. It can hurt your pride and ego. I’ve found that anytime I’ve been proven wrong that admitting it, and apologizing when necessary, is pretty easy after the fact. You get to move on with your life and maintain a bit of credibility. It makes you a big person. Donald Trump is incapable of doing that.

Retracting and admitting you’re wrong is one thing. Cleaning up a lie is a bit harder. But Trump and his goons aren’t just working for themselves. They’re working for this nation, even for people who didn’t vote for them. Admitting when you’re wrong, and apologizing to our most important ally, the United Kingdom, isn’t about your personal ego anymore. You need to do what’s best for the country you swore to defend and protect. Not go out and make things worse.

Making things worse and embarrassing us is what Trump does. During his meeting with Merkel, the leader of the free world since Obama left office, Trump refused to shake her hand during the photo-op. Later during their press conference he carried on his wiretapping nonsense and said it was at least the one thing he had in common with Merkel, that Obama had wiretapped both of them.

Trump, you have nothing in common with Angela Merkel.

Trump is a disgrace to the United States. It was on a wider display when he’s before the cameras with the most powerful leader in Europe. That means an even larger international audience than usual is watching out of concern, interest, and sheer morbid curiosity. On Friday he displayed to the entire world just what sort of ridiculous asshole he can be.

He showed his ass to the world and now the entire planet is confused on just how to deal and work with this absurd reality TV personality who doesn’t understand that being president isn’t a reality show. It’s reality.

Creative stuff: I really loved drawing this one. I love Austin Powers, well the first movie anyway. He’s almost as ridiculous as Sean Spicer. The difference is Austin Powers fought Dr. Evil. Sean Spicer works for him.

I took a little creative license with the gum. Spicy chews cinnamon and I made it blue here instead of red. Expect more cartoonists to start drawing gum in his mouth now. I’m a trendsetter, baby. I already got them drawing tape on Trump’s ties. Yeah, I’m claiming to be the first to put that feature into a cartoon.

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Blocking Bigoted Brackets


cjones03182017

No matter how much Trump and his band of goons adjust and modify their bigotry, federal courts continue to deny them from making their hatred U.S. law.

After No. 45’s first ban on Muslims from select countries was knocked down by federal courts, he went back to the drawing board. This time he put a smiley face on it.

His first argument for the travel ban was that we’re facing such a dangerous threat from Muslims that the ban can’t wait. Then he made the ban wait so it wouldn’t distract from a speech where he used coherent sentences.

His second argument is that it’s NOT a ban against Muslims. He and his people are using this argument despite the fact Rudy Giuliani said Trump called him and asked how they can create a ban on Muslims and do it legally, and that Trump said he was calling for a “ban on Muslims entering the United States,” and that other time where he said “Islam hated the United States.”

Hawaii saw Trump’s newest ban and instead of saying “mahalo” they said “aloha.” Aloha as in goodbye. While English speakers use “aloha” to say hello and goodbye, in the Hawaiian language it means peace, affection, compassion, and mercy. Each of those components are missing from Trump’s Muslim ban so it’s no wonder Hawaii’s attorney general took it to court, and the court put a temporary restraining order on it.

Trump said the judge was “overreaching,” and 45 is a man who knows all about reaching and grabbing the wrong places.

It’s no wonder Hawaii would want to reject a ban on a class of people. Japanese-Americans make up around 30% of the state’s population and they’re well aware of this nation’s history of reactionary executive orders that discriminate against certain groups of people. During World War II the government decided that people of Japanese descent in the United States could not be trusted, so they interned them in camps like prisoners of war. Men, women, and children were locked behind fences. Homes and businesses were lost. It has become one of the greatest failings of the United States and it shouldn’t be forgotten.

Hawaii is rejecting Trump’s bigotry. I stand with Hawaii, my former home for a year.

To Hawaii, I say “mahalo.”

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Fearless


cjones03102017

Wednesday, which was International Women’s Day, a four foot bronze statue of a girl with her fists on her hips appeared on Wall Street. She’s facing the iconic 7,000-pound “Charging Bull.”

She’s been dubbed “Fearless Girl” and she’s a hit on social media. She already has her own Wikipedia page. She was placed there by an advertising agency, McCann New York, and the Boston investment firm, State Street Global Advisors, who have been an advocate for gender diversity in corporate America.

Stephan Tisdalle, an officer of the firm said “What this girl represents is the present, but also the future. She’s not angry at the bull — she’s confident, she knows what she’s capable of, and she’s wanting the bull to take note.” Fearless Girl has a one-week permit to remain on Wall Street but there are advocates for making her permanent. Yes, they had permission to place her there unlike those naked sculptures of the presidential candidates which were popping up.

I support the statue remaining permanent. There’s a lot of bulls for Fearless Girl to stare down. I’m pretty sure the bulls will blink first.

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Madly Manly Men


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Yes. Donald Trump might be insane. I’m just kidding. There’s no “might” about it.

Watching his rants is reminiscent of Charlie Sheen’s very public meltdown from a few years ago. The only difference is that Sheen might have been a bit more coherent and he wasn’t sober.

Watching Trump meltdown in fits of rage, making up crowd sizes, election results, terrorists attacks, and accusing Obama of wiretapping Trump Tower, would be mere amusement like Sheen’s, except for the fact he’s taking us down with him.

I’m not sure any amount of “tiger blood” will ever have Trump “winning.”

I actually like Two And A Half Men. It amuses me when I want to turn off politics and not think about anything. Sure, it’s not great art but it’s also not Two Broke Girls.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!