Trump

Reinstatement Buddies


Cjones06202021

Is Benjamin Netanyahu smarter than Donald Trump? While he likes to dish out the occasional conspiracy theory, I seriously doubt he’s dumb enough to use Trump’s lawyers and advisers.

Bibi and Trump are reinstatement buddies with both promising to return. A return to office is possible with both, though Trump will NOT be “reinstated,” and both have to get through a lot of legal troubles before they can mount any serious comebacks. For Trump, he can’t be taken seriously.

You can’t be taken seriously when your advisers, morons like Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, and the MyPillow goon are spreading lies about Hugo Chavez meddling in the election, voting machines and Italian satellites changing votes, bamboo in ballots shipped from China, and the lies Trump won and can be reinstated.

Mike Lindell, the MyPillow idiot and former crackhead, swears Donald Trump is going to be reinstated. The only problem with that is, that’s not how our government operates. Do you know why none of the people who claim Trump will be reinstated, including Donald Trump, have explained how? Because there is no way a former president can be reinstated. A basic civics will teach you this. Nevertheless, nearly 30 percent of Republicans believe Trump will be reinstated.

It will also be hard to regain control of your nation’s highest office from prison. Here’s a fun fact: If Donald Trump goes to prison, he can still run for president from prison. It’s actually been done before. Can Bibi? I don’t know and unlike the Qnuts, I don’t just make shit up. I haven’t taken a course on Israeli civics.

What I do know is that both men, Trump and Netanyahu, are lying sacks of crap who are both corrupt. Now, neither of them can seek asylum in the other’s nation to avoid prosecution. For both men, there’s always Russia, if Putin will have them. They would both have to bring a lot of cash.

Bibi’s trial starts in July. While Trump expects to be reinstated in August, I’m hoping to see criminal charges brought against him in that month.

Israel is moving forward without Bibi, who has served as prime minister for a total of 15 years (two terms). The United States is moving forward without Trump….well, most of us. Both men have been obstructions for peace. Now, maybe these two hateful zealots can spend more time together, perhaps playing golf at Mar-a-Lago with lots of alligator hazards.

Watch out, Bibi…Trump will steal your balls.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Pootie Happy Place


Cjones06192021

The talking point on Fox News and with Republicans in Congress is that President Joe Biden is weak on Russia and Vladimir Putin is going to play him. Seriously. Unless President Biden gets down on all fours and allows Putin to use him as a foot stool, he can’t come off weaker than Donald Trump did…and even then, the foot stool strategy would be tougher on Putin than Trump.

Donald Trump wasn’t just soft on Putin…he was a fan boy.

During the 2016 campaign, Trump praised Putin. He praised Putin while criticizing the American president. He loved Putin so much, he defended the guy when Bill O’Reilly pointed out he was a killer. He loved Putin so much, he even lied about meeting the guy. He loved Putin so much, he tried to bribe him with a penthouse in a Moscow Trump Tower.

During the 2016, Russia helped Donald Trump win the presidency. This is a fact. Russia attacked his opponent, hacking into the Democratic Party’s campaign and giving the emails to Wikileaks to publish. Today, no Republican can tell you what was actually revealed. It’s like an, “A-ha! There’s something!” They couldn’t have told you then either, but a lot of goons seemed to think there was something in there about pedophilia at a pizza shop.

Russia was the one doing the hacking and they gave the seized information to Wikileaks. They did this the same day Donald Trump said, “Russia, if you’re listening.” They were listening.

Trump loved Putin so much, that his campaign invited Russians into its headquarters at Trump Tower to provide dirt on Hillary Clinton. Russia already had a “useful idiot” operating inside the campaign. At one point, Trump’s campaign was operated by Paul Manafort, a man who helped a Russian puppet become president of Ukraine. Under his leadership, the Trump campaign gave internal polling to people connected with Russia, who in turn gave that information to Russia.

Russia loved the idea of a Trump presidency so much that they specifically targeted Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania, even promoting Jill Stein to pull votes from Hillary Clinton. They knew to do this from the internal campaign polling they had been given. Russia even funneled money into the National Rifle Association for them to spend on campaigning for Trump.

After Trump and Russia stole the White House, Jared went to the Russian embassy to inquire about setting up a back channel for communication. Trump even hired Michael Flynn to be his National Security Adviser, a guy who had been paid to make appearances in Russia.

During Trump’s debate with Hillary Clinton, she accused him of being “Putin’s puppet.” His witty response was, “You’re the puppet.” Later, during his summit with Putin, Trump said he didn’t see any reason why Putin would hack the election. That translates to, “I’m the puppet.” Trump, Putin’s Puppet, took Putin’s word over our national intelligence. During the summit, Trump kicked everyone out of the room except his interpretors so he could be alone with Putin. Afterward, he confiscated the notes from the interpreters.

Donald Trump even gave classified information to Russia when he invited Russians into the Oval Office, where he allowed them to bring recording equipment after he kicked out the American press.

President Joe Biden has to have a summit with Putin just to set him straight. He has to let Putin know the business of Trump is over and that we have a president now who will put our nation before Russia. The praise and worship of oligarchs like Putin and Kim Jong Un, where an American president gives them credibility, is over. There will not be a public press conference with the two presidents.

Vladimir Putin is very experienced when it comes to face-to-face meetings with leaders of democratic nations. President Joe Biden is also experienced with foreign policy and dealing with autocratic leaders. He’s met Putin before. He’s meeting Putin to confront him, not join his fan club.

There is nothing President Biden can do that would endanger our nation more than it was by that national security threat who went to Helsinki to kiss Putin’s ass.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

The Sad Stalky Ex


CNN06132021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Legislate History


 

cjones06182021

Critical Race Theory is teaching how racism throughout our nation’s history impacts us today. Conservative white people are against it. Conservative white people believe it’s persecution against them to teach how they persecuted other people.

The Right, aided by Fox News, has weaponized Critical Race Theory and there are now efforts to ban it, from state legislatures to local school boards. Many yee-haw states have not just outlawed the teaching of Critical Race Theory, but have made it illegal to teach anything that “suggests” America is or ever was a racist nation.

America was a racist nation…and it still is. Now, if you read this blog out loud in a classroom in Tennessee, you could go to jail.

America is still a racist nation and it’s that way thanks to our racist history. Being a racist nation does not mean every person or even the majority of the population of the United States is racist. It doesn’t mean the Klan is on every corner instead of taco trucks (or in Manhattan, Sabrett hot dog carts). America is still a racist nation because systemic racism prevails.

The Electoral College is racist. It was designed to appease slave states during the founding of our nation. Two senators for every state, no matter how small or large the population of each state, was designed to appease slave states. The idea was that each state is equally represented in the United States Senate, but that’s not the case when over 39 million Californians have the same number of senators as the fewer than 500,000 Wyomians. Wyomeans? Wyoomeans? Woo-woos? Fuck it.

We are so racist, we kinda-sorta elected a racist president (sic) in 2016. The fact that over 70 million people voted for that racist in 2020 tells you we still have a problem with racism in this nation. That fact that at least for those 70 million, racism is NOT a deal-breaker, shows we’re a racist nation.

We are so racist, we had a president (sic) mock a political opponent as “Pocahontas,” mocking her ancestry, and continuing to do so after being informed it was racist. We are so racist, when an athlete took a knee during a song to protest racism, without hurting anyone or advocating violence, he got banned for life from his sport. We’re so racist, that we elected a president (sic) who yells, “Fire that sonofabitch” for protesting racism. We are so racist, we had a president (sic) say, “Send them back” about non-white female representatives in Congress. We are so racist, we had a president (sic) say “good people” were marching with tiki-torch neo-Nazis. We are so racist, over 70 million people still voted for that racist president (sic).

Racism prevails in our nation from our legal and political system to business and industry to housing, sports, and entertainment, to education. You need no more proof that we’re a racist nation than the fact Republicans in every state are trying to create laws to make voting harder for black people.

If Republicans have their way, it’ll be illegal to teach anything that implies we are or ever were a racist nation. That means we can’t teach about the slave trade which started before this nation was even a nation. That means we can’t teach about the massacre of Native Americans (in case you’re a Republican, the people who were here first), or the Trail of Tears. We can’t teach about the Civil War. We can’t teach about the internment of Japanese Americans during World War II. We can’t teach that after fighting for their nation, black soldiers came home and returned to the back of the bus. We can’t teach about Rosa Parks who refused to sit in the back of the bus. We can’t teach about MLK. We can’t teach about the Civil Rights Movement or Freedom Summer. We can’t teach about Emmitt Till or Neshoba County, Mississippi. We can’t teach about Mississippi (a yee-haw state). We can’t teach about desegregation or school busing. And finally, we won’t be able to teach about the entire Trump administration and how it separated Latino families at the border and put brown babies into cages. We can’t teach about the racist border wall. We can’t teach how today, Republicans are making it harder for black people to vote. Later, it’ll be illegal to teach how Republicans outlawed teaching black history.

And, we can’t teach that white conservatives smeared our first black president with a racist birther campaign, claiming he wasn’t eligible for the presidency because he was born in Africa. We won’t be able to teach that his successor was the champion of the racist birther campaign.

In the past, we needed the military to escort a little black girl to school in Arkansas (a yee-haw state). We needed the military to escort high school and college students to classes. Are we going to need the National Guard to escort history teachers to class?

Here’s the rub: These Republicans who want to legislate how history is taught suck balls at history. They don’t just suck at having knowledge about events from over 100 years ago, like saying the Civil War wasn’t about slavery or the Democratic Party started the KKK. They suck at very recent shit. They suck at history they lived through.

Republicans think Donald Trump built a great economy, ignoring that he inherited it from President Obama, which is something they lived through. They think Trump made us energy independent. Again, something President Obama accomplished. Our nation has been under an epidemic of stupidity since long before Trump stole the White House. Let’s say it started with Sarah Palin, who thought Queen Elizabeth was still controlling the British government. Today, we have a United States senator (from Alabama, a yee-haw state) who thinks the three branches of government are the House, Senate, and White House. That same senator believes we fought against socialism in World War II. This is why you don’t want football coaches teaching history or serving as United States senators.

Over 50 percent of Republicans, who I bet are all against teaching Critical Race Theory, think Donald Trump won the election. They are crafting laws designed to make it as difficult as possible for black people to vote, designed to decrease votes for Democratic candidates, all based on a lie.

A lot of these same idiots, many who were at the scene, don’t think it was MAGA goons who attacked the Capitol. We even have one senator from Wisconsin (weird, because it’s NOT a yee-haw state) claiming they were tourists and the violent ones were Antifa.

Republicans suck at history. Just yesterday, Republican nutjob and congresspersonthing Marjorie Taylor Greene said she went to the Holocaust Museum and learned that wearing face masks isn’t the same thing as the Holocaust. Marjorie Taylor Greene is 47 years old. That is really late for someone to learn the history of the Holocaust or even something as simple as “bad things happened that can’t be equated to political shit today.” That’s 47 years of stupid. And you may think, “Jesus that’s horrible she got to that age without learning about the Holocaust.” It is horrible but it’s also horrible that there are people in Tulsa, Oklahoma who are just now learning about the Tulsa Massacre of Black Wall Street.

Do you know why people in Tulsa and nationwide are just now learning about that massacre? Because white conservatives didn’t want it taught. But if they get their way, in a lot of yee-haw states like Texas and Oklahoma, it’ll be illegal to teach about the Tulsa Massacre. Yes, teaching Tulsa history will be illegal in Tulsa thanks to Republicans.

Here’s what I think we should do: You want to legislate how we teach history? Fine. But first, you gotta pass a test. We should make federal laws that no elected official nationwide can legislate how history is taught…until they themselves pass a history test. And they have to get 100. In fact, every school board or fucknut who stands up to rant about Critical Race Theory at a school board or city council meeting must first pass a history test.

First question: Who won the election?

Creative note: I had two other concepts in mind I was trying to choose between. One, I had future Republicans outlawing teaching what present Republicans are doing…and then Matt Davies kinda used the same concept. So, I was going to fall back on my other concept which was a multi-panel thing of “Critical White History,” and it would contain reimagined event from the white conservative perspective…then Jack Ohman did a cartoon doing exactly that. Being “robbed” of both of those concepts by those jackals Davies and Ohman (the dingos will eat your baby) led me to finding another one…which is today’s cartoon.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Orbiting Moons and Asteroids


Cjones06172021

Republican Louie Gohmert is a lunatic, but he’s not alone.

Gohmert recently caused a lot of people to laugh and mock him when he asked the nation’s forestry service if we can combat climate change by changing the orbits of the Earth and the Moon. His supporters are saying he was just joking and using it to make a point. No. He was not. He’s that stupid.

It’s like the time Donald Trump suggested we all inject disinfectants to fight the coronavirus. His supporters argue he never suggested we drink bleach but yet, the Trump’s White House said he was being “sarcastic.”

Louie Gohmert is no scientist. He’s not even a smart person. Like Donald Trump, he downplayed the coronavirus and eventually caught it. After he caught it, he blamed…wait for this…the wearing of face masks. He even banned people in his office from wearing face masks. He also endorsed Trump’s baseless claim of taking hydroxychloroquine to treat the virus and falsely claimed Germany had invented a mist that would kill it. Was he just kidding then?

Was Louie just kidding when he talked about “terror babies?” What are “terror babies?” It’s this theory Louie and others have that Muslim terrorists were impregnating women, sending them to the U.S. to have their babies, then they’d return home with the babies to raise them as terrorists. Later, the baby, all grown up now, would come to the U.S. as a citizen to commit terrorist attacks. Trust me on this: That’s a stupid plan. Kids never go into professions their parents want them to. Yeah, yeah, yeah…Dad wants me to bomb an embassy but what I really wanna do is busk “Smelly Cat” in Greenwich Village.

Maybe all those white nationalist MAGA goons storming the capitol were “terror babies.”

Louie also referred to Robert Mueller as an “anal opening,” pushed the debunked conspiracy theory that George Soros aided Nazis (when he was a child) to kill his fellow Jews and confiscate their property, endorsed the Big Lie that Trump won the election, endorsed Texas’ lawsuit against Pennsylvania to decertify their electoral votes for President Biden, and even sued Mike Pence to stop him from certifying the Electoral College.

Would it surprise you to learn that Gohmert attends a church called “Green Acres?” I am not making that up but I bet I got the theme of “Green Acres” stuck in your head. Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarm living is the life for me.

When Gohmert lost his lawsuit against Mike Pence, he said, “Basically, in effect, the ruling would be that you got to go to the streets and be as violent as Antifa and Black Lives Matter.” Louie later criticized the terrorist attack on the Capitol, I guess not realizing people would actually do what he encouraged them to do. Also, never mind that Antifa and BLM never attempted a bloody coup.

Later, Louie said most of the people involved in the attack were “nonviolent peaceful Americans whose only crimes were supporting Donald Trump.” Earlier this month, he attended a conference full of Qanon fuckos and claimed leftists were a part of the violent mob of terrorists and it wasn’t so bad because this country has had worse attacks, like that Green Acres theme. Doo-doo-da-doo-doo. Doo! Doo!

If you’re attacked by a shark, then later you’re attacked by a bear, are you going to dismiss the one you thought wasn’t as serious? Yeah, I got bit by a shark, but that bear was a real motherfucker. Someone should ask Louie who would win a fight between a shark and a bear. It will occupy him for hours.

At that same event, Louie posed for photos with someone who claimed he was a part of that mob attacking the capitol. I don’t remember Washington politicians posing for pictures with the Taliban…well, except Ronald Reagan.

As I said, Louie is a lunatic but he’s not alone. While he’s talking about changing the orbits of the Earth and the Moon, the orbits he should think about changing are those of his and fellow Republicans around Trump’s ass.

A majority of Republicans believe Donald Trump won the election. They are wrong. They have no evidence but just like with birtherism, it’s something they believe because they want to believe it.

House GOP leader Kevin McCarthy initially criticized Trump, then flew down to Mar-A-Lago to kiss his ass and apologize for rightly saying he was responsible for a terrorist attack. The party kicked Liz Cheney out of House leadership because she blamed Trump for the terrorist attack and refused to parrot the lie Trump won the election. Her replacement, Elaine Stefanik, assumed the orbital position around Trump’s ass and said he was the leader of the party. She then went to New Jersey for a photo with Trump.

Donald Trump lost the popular vote both times he ran for president. He lost the House and Senate for the party. He’s a drag nationally for Republican candidates but popular with the base. It’s not that Washington Republicans love Trump, but that they’re afraid of him. They voted against investigating the attack on the Capitol out of fear of angering Trump.

Washington Republicans are cowards, and many like Gohmert are idiots.

At least one of them acknowledged climate change is real, of course, while offering a nonsensical solution to it. Hey, it beats actually having to do anything to solve the problem, right? It was ridiculous and stupid to ask a forest service if they can change the orbits of the Earth and Moon. But, that may be more realistic and easier to do than getting Republicans like Gohmert to change their orbits around Donald Trump’s ass.

Republicans are all about the ass.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trump Tower Of Spies


Cjones06162021

Remember when Donald Trump claimed President Obama spied on and had wiretapped Trump Tower, though he never did? Of course we knew then that Donald Trump projects. Whatever Donald Trump accuses someone of, it’s something where he’s actually guilty.

Donald Trump complained about Hillary Clinton’s emails, and yet, his own White House (including his daughter) used personal emails and deleted records. They especially hid evidence of Trump asking other world leaders to dig up dirt on his opponents.

When Donald Trump was accusing then candidate Joe Biden of engaging in corruption in Ukraine with his son Hunter, Trump was literally engaging in corruption in Ukaine. He withheld military aid from Ukraine in exchange for them to make up some shit about the Bidens. Rudy was oozing all over it.

Donald Trump gave Ted Cruz the nickname “Lyin’ Ted” (which was pretty accurate) and called Hillary Clinton “Crooked Hillary.” Donald Trump told over 20,000 lies as president and he was the most corrupt person EVER to hold that office. The man tried to put an international summit at one of his failing golf resorts. He attempted to force world leaders to pay him to attend. I can go over the long record of Trump’s corruption, but I don’t want to be here all day.

Trump called Clinton a “bigot.” Yeah, let that one soak in. When Clinton said Trump was “Putin’s puppet,” his witty retort was, “You’re the puppet,” and after he won the election, he stood next to Putin and said he trusted him more than U.S. intelligence agencies. Also, back to that corruption thing, Trump tried to bribe Putin (as a candidate) with a Moscow penthouse in a proposed Trump Tower. By the way, that’s illegal.

Which brings us to all the times when Donald Trump has accused others of breaking laws. Donald Trump should be in prison.

During the Russia investigation, he claimed all the collusion was between Hillary Clinton and the Russians. Yet, his dumbass son (the eldest) invited Russians into his campaign HQ (Trump Towers which was NOT being bugged) to provide dirt on Hillary Clinton.

Donald Trump was real quick to pile on whenever a Democrat, like Al Franken, was embroiled in a sex scandal. Yeah, Mr. Grab-Them-By-The-Pussy was all over it.

The Washington Post’s Philip Bump found that Trump’s top five insults were “fake,” “failed,” “dishonest,” “weak,” and “liar. That probably also means Trump doesn’t really believe he’s a “stable genius.”

Now we have learned that corrupt and lying Donald Trump, who claimed he was spied on and it was bigger than Watergate, was spying on his enemies.

Donald Trump publicly called for the Justice Department to spy on his enemies…and William Barr, the attorney General, obliged. Remember when then-Senator Kamala Harris asked then-Attorney General William Barr if anyone at the White House had ever asked or encouraged him to spy on anyone? Do you remember him playing stupid and dumb with his answer? He’s not stupid or dumb and he needs to testify before Congress again. Maybe before Adam Schiff’s committee.

We learned Trump’s DOJ spied on at least five reporters from outlets he despised. And, the reporters are just now learning this. Three reporters for The Washington Post, who were covering the Russia investigation, had their phone records seized. Other reporters from Political, Buzzfeed, and The New York Times had their emails collected and surveilled by Trump’s DOJ. On top of all this, Trump’s DOJ obtained CNN Pentagon reporter Barbara Starr’s Pentagon extension, her home and cell numbers, the CNN Pentagon booth phone number, and her work and personal email accounts. And, she just found this out last week.

We also learned the Justice Department spied on Democratic Congressmen and harsh Trump critics, Eric Swalwell and Adam Schiff (who Trump liked to call “Shifty Schiff.” Just how “shifty” is Trump?). Hell, the Justice Department even subpoenaed Twitter to find out the identity of the parody account pretending to be Trump supporter Devin Nunes’ cow.

The Trump administration argued to judges to acquire these warrants, that they were looking for leakers. Do you remember the great big brouhaha over FISA warrants? Devin Nunes does but he didn’t have a problem with there being a warrant for his cow.

We never did get to see the evidence candidate Trump claimed he had proving President Obama wasn’t born in the United States, but since he does project…I think Donald Trump was born in Kenya.

I want to see a lot of these people go to prison.

Creative note: This is the very first cartoon I’ve drawn in Procreate on an iPad. Bear with me while I get used to it. For the time being with blogging, creating videos, and all my other stuff, I’m going to keep using my Surface Pro. But the actual cartoons will be created on the iPad…unless I give up before I can return the damn thing. I’m very frustrated at this moment but the watercolor alone is amazing.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Orbital Magnetized MAGA Pants


Cjones06142021

The first thing I thought when I heard Republican congressman Louie Gohmert ask an official of the United States Forest Service if we can combat climate change by changing the orbit of the Earth and the moon was, “Don’t they have their hands full raking forests being set on fire from Jewish space lasers?”

The second thing I thought was, “What a dumbass.”

The third thing I thought was, “Hey, a Republican believes in climate change.”

The fourth thing I thought was, “if he wants to change the Earth’s and moon’s orbits, why isn’t he talking to NASA instead of Smokey the Bear?”

The fifth thing I thought was, “He’s a werewolf.”

And finally I thought, “To combat climate change, a typical Republican would literally rather change the Earth’s orbit than modify his behavior or accept accountability.”

Republicans are stupid, yo. We have Marjorie Taylor Greene believing in Jewish Space lasers and a Satanic deep state eating children. We have Louie Gohmert competing with her for dumbest person in Congress. And then…we have a doctor (a real doctor?) who testified at a state-government hearing in Ohio that vaccines for the coronavirus will…wait for this…magnetize you.

So basically, these vaccines have tracking chips and magnets while also making you immune?

Dr. Sherri Tenpenny, an osteopathic physician, testified as an “expert witness” during a hearing about a bill that will weaken the state’s vaccination laws. She claims, “The shots magnetize people, causing metal objects from pennies to forks to stick to their bodies.” Seriously, I hope you’re washing all that silverware after trying to stick it to your person. Or better yet, buy new stuff to scoop your food with before sticking it in your mouth.

She also said, “I’m sure you’ve seen the pictures all over the internet of people who have had these shots and now they’re magnetized. They can put a key on their forehead. It sticks. They can put spoons and forks all over them and they can stick.” I have NOT seen the pictures “all over the internet” of people doing this stuff.

At that same hearing, someone claiming they were a “registered” nurse defended the doctor, said it’s true and she was an example that could prove it. She stuck a key to her chest and said, “Explain to me why the key sticks to me. It sticks to my neck too.” The key would not stick and kept falling down. You think she’d have tried it at home before the hearing. Anyway, that so-called nurse should definitely be “registered” by some government agency.

This whole conspiracy theory started with the idea Bill Gates was planting tracking chips into the vaccines when honestly, the only person he needs to worry about keeping track of is his wife suing him for divorce.

But, this magnet conspiracy theory has spread like…well, a conspiracy theory. There are even TikTok challenges of people sticking things to themselves. And trust me, if you see a video of someone sticking things to themselves, then it definitely has to be magnets with no other explanations being available like glue…or they’re just nasty by not practicing good hygiene. Also, if your bank and credit cards stop working, it’s probably not the magnets.

But, it’s gotten so crazy that even the Center for Disease Control had to issue a statement debunking the magnet bullshit. Do you remember when the CDC spent most of their time with serious matters? Pretty soon, they’ll probably have to issue a statement saying Louie Gohmert probably isn’t a werewolf. On the whole magnet shit, the CDC said, “No, you fucking fucknuts. Don’t make us come down there and slap you upside the head. Idiots.” No. That’s what they wanted to say.

What they actually said was, “No. Receiving a COVID-19 vaccine will not make you magnetic, including at the site of vaccination which is usually your arm, because the vaccine is free of metals such as iron, nickel, cobalt, lithium, and rare earth alloys, as well as any manufactured products such as microelectronics, electrodes, carbon nanotubes, and nanowire semiconductors that can create an electromagnetic field.” And, Louie Gohmert may or may not be a mentally challenged werewolf.

No, you can’t change the orbit of the Earth and Moon. No, vaccines don’t have tracking chips or magnets. And no, Donald Trump did not wear his pants backwards at last week’s hate rally. Wait, what?

It appears that Donald Trump wore backward pants at that North Carolina hate rally. You know, the one where he continued the lie he won the election and warned that people are trying to destroy the country who don’t have that right…like he does.

But, his pants just looked like they were on backwards. We know this now because the CDC issued a statement….No. We know this because several news outlets hired investigators to spend hours poring over photos and videos of Trump’s nether regions at the event. There’s gotta be a better way to make a living. When they were all done looking at Trump’s crotch, these experts issued their ruling that his pants were NOT on backwards. Why, they even found a zipper in the front.

So, if you’re like Louie Gohmert and currently in orbit around Donald Trump’s ass, that’s probably good to know.

The only explanation for the appearance his pants were worn backwards…which is way less crazy than Jewish space lasers, raking forests, changing orbits, baby-eating deep state, or that vaccines have magnets and tracking chips…is that Donald Trump was wearing a diaper.

Hey, sometimes you gotta poop. Sometimes, that time is while you’re screaming at the sky about winning an election you lost big time and ordering your white nationalist terrorist base to commit insurrection on your behalf. Traitors gotta poop too and sometimes, they like to do it while standing up or walking…or in Trump’s case, waddling.

I don’t believe in the Satanic baby-eating deep state, Jewish space lasers, changing orbits, or the magnets and tracking chips in vaccines…but I can buy into the belief, because he’s full of shit, Donald Trump wears a diaper…

…and Louie Gohmert may be a werewolf. A really, really stupid werewolf.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trickle Clowns


Cjones06132021

Trickle down economics used to be a theory. I say “used to be” because it’s been debunked.

The theory was that lowering taxes on the richest would stimulate the economy. All those savings for the rich would gradually “trickle down” to the poor and middle class. The rich would be all like, “What do we do with all this increased income? I know….let’s invest it in our employees and community, and not spend it on swanky Manhattan penthouses, yachts, and robot dogs.” It’s a theory that was made into an economic policy. The only problem with it as an economic policy is that it relied on greedy rich assholes not being greedy rich assholes. Did the rich hire more people and increase salaries? No. They bought robot dogs.

Ronald Reagan was the first president to implement this policy but it didn’t work. I mean, it did work in that it made rich assholes even richer assholes, but it never trickled down unless the trickle was yellow. But, leave it to Republicans to double down on the trickle down. George W. Bush relied on it with major tax cuts for the rich…while paying for two wars, and Donald Trump gave major tax cuts to the rich arguing it would trickle down. It’s also a shell game when they do these tax cuts because they always lower them for the middle class at the same time…while giving the larger cuts to the rich. In Donald Trump’s case, to himself.

Republicans rely on you being too distracted and stupid from your extra $300 not to notice the rich’s extra $300 million. And in most cases, they’re right. You, as in all of us, are too stupid. I was once talking to the graphic artist at my last newspaper about us having to pay for Bush’s two wars, and his reply was, “So what? I got $300.”

It’s been over 40 years and it’s been proven trickle down economics doesn’t work. Take Jeff Bezos for example. That guy is worth close to $190 billion (with a “B”), yet his tax rate is less than one percent (with a “1”). Warren Buffett has argued for years that taxes on the rich should increase, but between 2014 to 2018, he paid right under $24 million (with an “M”) in taxes on a wealth of over $24 billion (with a “B”).

The typical middle class taxpayer pays a higher rate than billionaires like Bezos, Buffett, Elon Musk, and Michael Bloomberg. A report by ProPublica has revealed these billionaires pay very little in taxes, and sometimes none at all (none, with a “zero”).

The thing is, the United States taxes income, not wealth. Some people, like Senator Elizabeth Warren want to change that. I’m with her. Let’s tax the rich’s wealth. Let’s tax those Manhattan penthouses for mistresses. Let’s tax those yachts. Let’s tax those robot dogs. There should even be a tax for naming your snooty daughter “Ivanka.” If you give me time, I can come up with a list of names that should be taxed. We can start with “Ivanka, Tiffany, and Barron.” We should also increases taxes for boob jobs, face lifts, and rhinoplasty (with an “R”).

Much of the rich’s wealth are in things like shares in companies they run, vacation homes, yachts and other investments, which are not considered “taxable income” unless those assets are sold and a gain is realized. For example, when Derek Jeter sold his penthouse in Trump World Tower for $16 million after buying it for $13 million (both with “Ms”), there would be a tax on that (he was trying to sell it for $20 million, but it took two years to dump it. Even though it had a great view of Manhattan overlooking the Chrysler Building, Empire State Building, and One World Tower, it was still in Trump World Tower). Even then, there are loopholes in the tax code that can limit or erase all tax liability. If you are a billionaire, you pay for the best tax accountants.

President Biden wants to increase taxes on everyone with an “income” over $453,000 a year by two percent. If you’re a couple making $800,000, then you might pay an additional $5,200 a year in taxes That’s a joke, yet Republicans are fighting it. It would reverse the deductions Trump gave to the rich, including himself. But what will raising the income tax by two percent on the 25 richest Americans, who pay less than 16 percent, do other than make them chortle through their teeth? Maybe buy smaller robot dogs? Republicans act as though that two percent increase is aggressive. I’m surprised one of them hasn’t compared it to the Holocaust yet. But in all honesty, it’s still rewarding the rich for being rich.

If you’re rich, congratulations. I’m sure you worked hard to get there. OK, some of you worked hard to get there. OK, maybe fewer than some. A lot of you inherited what you have. And a whole bunch of you screwed people over to get where you are. Donald Trump, for example, did both. This is a guy who inherited his fortune, and refused to pay people building his towers and casinos. Some years, he only paid $700 in income tax…if any at all. If you make $50,000 a year, hell, $30,000, good luck getting away with only paying $700…legally. And I promise that you feel the pinch of paying $700 a lot more than Donald Trump does.

Senator Warren wants to raise taxes on the rich by two percent also…but not on income. She wants to place a two percent tax on wealth over $50 million (with an “M”). This would include stocks, gifts, homes, yachts, apartments for mistresses, towers that have to be bailed out by Saudis, stock in Grey Poupon, robot dogs (I’m not over robot dogs yet), etc. We can call it the “Asshole tax” (with an “A”).

The rich will always be able to find loopholes. They could spread their property out through their children, who may not be worth $50 million yet. And, those kids would still be tax deductions. Can a robot dog own an apartment? Can you deduct a robot dog? I bet one of these rich jerks has tried.

Over the past few decades, the income gap has increased. The rich have gotten richer while the poor and middle class have not. Wages have remained stagnant. And even when they do increase salaries, they pass it to the consumers who will have to pay 36 cents more for a burrito at Chipotle (I don’t get why everyone love Chipotle? What’s up with that? The food’s dull and boring. They can’t even make a decent taco). When companies raise salaries, they don’t plan for it to cut into their profits or wealth. They plan for you to pay it. It’s why some places charge you for ranch dipping sauce. Don’t believe me? Go to Little Caesars. Their pizza pizza can be a rip-off rip-off.

Republicans have always championed the rich and demonized the poor. Even Ronald Reagan went after welfare recipients, often fictionalizing them and describing one as a “welfare queen” (guess what color she was), while we spend double of social welfare on corporate welfare. We want to piss test people trying to feed their children but we’re not making corporate executives being paid millions of dollars, while their companies are collecting welfare, pee in cups. Hell, if an executive can increase the welfare his company receives, it’s probably another bonus where he can buy a new yacht…that won’t be taxed. Senator Warren…put it in your bill that they have to pee in cups.

If we are depending on this nation to prosper only from the generosity of the rich, we’re fucked….with a capital “F.”

Hopefully, after this column and cartoon is published, no rich asshole sends his robot dog to bite me.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trump Tikis Democracy


CNN06062021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Democracy Death Wish


Cjones06102021

During Donald Trump’s speech to fellow fucknuts in North Carolina over the weekend, he claimed he wasn’t the one trying to destroy democracy…he’s the one trying to save it. During this same speech, he attacked our last democratically-held election as the “crime of the century.” That’s like saying you hate fried chicken while ordering a bunch of wings. You do understand wings are part of the chicken…right? Do you understand elections are a part of democracy?

Trump is a false prophet. Do you expect the anti-Christ to show up dissing Jesus? No. That guy’s going to arrive and tell us he loves God and church-bake-sale potato salad more than anyone and will probably say something about two Corinthians. It’s always the people who say they are the most, who really aren’t. It’s like those guys who say, “I’m not a racist, but…”

North Korea is the DPRK, which stands for Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea, even though there’s nothing democratic about that dictatorship. On a side note: Next time someone goes on about “socialist” being in the name of the National Socialist German Workers’ Party, the Nazis, ask that dumbass if Kim Jong Un is a Republican because “republic” is in the DPRK’s name.

Donald Trump is not in favor of democracy. He wants to be a fascist dictator like his buddies, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un. He’s telling friends he’s going to be “reinstated” as president, which is something we don’t do. Name one time we’ve ever done that. Explain how it’s done. Point out where it’s covered in the Constitution.

Trump refused to concede the election because fascists don’t concede elections. Name one fascist who’s ever said, “Damn, I lost. OK. I’m going home,” or, “You don’t have Nixon to kick around any more.” Trump is continuing the Big Lie that he won, even though he lost by over seven million votes. He weaponized the presidency and sent terrorists to attack our government to stop the certification of his opponent’s victory.

Just like they’re not really in favor of democracy even thought they claim they are, they’re not constitutionalists either. Sure, they love to spout off half a sentence from the Second Amendment, but they ignore the rest, like they ignore the parts of the Constitution about free speech and a free press. They ignore the part about elections. They ignored the part about Congress certifying the election.

George W. Bush said he looked into Putin’s eye and “saw his soul.” There was a lot to take from that, but the main thing today is that Bush said it over 20 years ago. Vladimir Putin has been controlling Russia for over two decades. That’s not a democratic leader. He’s thrown political opponents into prison (he literally had a pop group thrown into prison for criticizing him. W. could only dream of hard labor for the Dixie Chicks…I’m sorry…The Chicks), had critics murdered, and has changed the nation’s constitution to remain in power. While he has a salary of about $137,000 a year, his worth has been estimated between $70 to 200 billion. He may be the richest man in the world because he considers everything in Russia to belong to him. No wonder Trump has a hard for the guy.

Today, Russians are still conducting cyber attacks into our nation, from gas supplies to our food. Putin will not rest until his puppet is back in power, we have no fuel, and we’re all eating cats.

Mitch McConnell and Kevin McCarthy both initially blamed Trump for the terrorist attack on the Capitol building, but now they’re walking it all back and refusing to allow an investigation into the attack…an attack on democracy.

The MyPillow Guy, he’s advising Donald Trump that he’s going to be reinstated. Fortunately for us, a lot of the democracy haters are former crack heads. And if you have a coupon, that former crack head will give you a second pillow for free after you pay double for the first. I’m NOT making that up.

Michael Flynn, the disgraced general who spent less than a month as Trump’s National Security Advisor and was later pardoned by him, has publicly stated he believes a Myanmar-style coup should happen here. In case you’re a Republican, coups are NOT democratic.

Usually, I’m just trying to be funny with the “in case you’re a Republican” bit. This time, I’m dead serious. In case you’re a Republican, COUPS ARE NOT DEMOCRATIC.

Speaking of treasonous Republicans, they’re seeking to overturn the election in Arizona through fraud. They’re hoping the fraud will catch on to other states that will then overturn their elections…and reinstate Trump. Over 50% of Republicans believe wrongly that Donald Trump won the election and it was stolen by President Biden. A majority of Republicans are in favor or coups, insurrection, and conspiracy theories over democracy. On top of that, Republicans are changing election laws so they can steal power, instead of allowing every eligible voter to add his or her voice.

Republicans love democracy until it works.

Speaking of lunatics, Qanon is a big part of this and these idiots truly believe Donald Trump didn’t just win the election, but that he’ll be reinstated. They keep giving dates for this reinstatement and after those dates pass, they move the goal posts. I keep waiting for them to claim Donald Trump will be reinstated in Schmebuary. When the hell is Schmebuary? It’s a Satanic deep-state secret month that is erased from our memory by Jewish space lasers as soon as it’s over, that has now been exposed to followers of Q. But, Schmebuary is probably some time in the fall or somewhere between January and December. Also in Schmebuary, there are some serious discounts on baby flesh. You pay double for one and you get the second baby for free.

And we have Trump himself who continues to feed these lies to his base (not the discount baby Schmebuary thing…yet. The election lie), furthering division in this nation. He would rather be placed into office than allow democracy to work. Democracy did work and it gave us Joe Biden.

Democracy is under attack and the fuckers above are the main antagonists. Sure, there are co-conspirators like Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, and your crazy uncle on Facebook. But they’re enablers. Donald Trump is the main villain.

During his speech over the weekend, Donald Trump said our “country is being destroyed, perhaps by people who have no right to destroy it.” Sometimes, these idiots say the quiet parts out loud.

Does Donald Trump believe he has the right to destroy our country? He must because that’s exactly what he’s trying to do…and he’s getting a lot of help. That’s what democracy-hating fascists do.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: