Trump

Parading For Mr. Bone Spurs


cjones02082018

Question: How in the hell can we hold a military parade down Pennsylvania Avenue to show the world the might of our armed forces when our military is depleted like Donald Trump claims Obama left it?

Trump plans to increase military spending and reignite the Cold War by building up our nuclear arsenal. Apparently, nuclear weapons aren’t Twinkies, and they have expiration dates.

Now, he wants to spend millions of dollars on a military parade in Washington, D.C. He says it’s a great way to honor the troops. I think a better way would be to spend that money on healthcare for our troops, higher wages, and impeaching Trump, so he’s not the one making military decisions.

Trump has had a chubby for the military ever since he found out he wouldn’t actually have to serve in it himself. That’s OK because he did sacrifice for our nation by making himself rich and not paying people who work for him.

French President Emmanuel Macron made things even worse by inviting Trump to his nation’s Bastille Day Parade. This parade is a huge tradition in France going all the way back to 1880 and their military is a large part of it. There are tanks, jets, soldiers, and horses on full display celebrating all the times France didn’t surrender. When Germany occupied France in World War II, they held a military parade on the same route. That’s a little insulting.

Ever since Trump saw the display of France’s military in a parade, he hasn’t been able to shut up about it. If I went to France, I’d probably still be thinking about the cheese. But for Trump, it’s been nothing but “French parade this, French parade that, no collusion, bigly” on a constant stream. It’s one of a thousand reasons Melania has her own bedroom (it’s not just the cheeseburgers).

The idea of a military parade isn’t very popular with people who don’t take a fancy to fascism. Hitler and Mussolini threw big military parades. The Soviet Union was quite fond of them. North Korea has them all the time so their people can see what the government spends money on and why they can’t eat.

Other than being totalitarian nations, each of those countries have one thing in common. Their military is their greatest strength. Our military is wonderful. The people who serve in it are awesome. But, our armed forces are not our greatest asset. It’s our people, our freedom, our Constitution, and our diversity. World leaders may look at our country and want to emulate our army, but their people want to copy our freedom. Nationalism has never made a nation great.

Nationalism is for small-brained people who have to accentuate and lie about things being bigger than they actually are, so they can feel good about themselves.

We don’t need a parade of 70-ton tanks chewing up Pennsylvania Avenue to show the world we’re the biggest kid on the block. They already know it.

Trump has been hankering for a military parade since before his inauguration. In fact, he wanted tanks for his inaugural parade. Instead, he had to settle for tractors and Three Doors Down.  Since he can’t order Pearl Jam to play for him, he’s ordering the military to put on a show. Why can’t he be happy being the baby with two scoops of ice cream while everyone else only has one?

I’m sure Trump can’t wait to show Kim Jong Un that he too can wave at passing tanks and missiles from a podium. Maybe, instead of firing missiles at each other, Kim and the dotard can just have competing parades.

Senator Tammy Duckworth, a combat veteran who lost both of her legs in Iraq, called Trump “Cadet Bone Spurs” after he accused Democrats of being un-American and traitors for not clapping for him. Maybe if Trump had actually served in the military, he would be going all Call of Duty in the streets of our nation’s capital.

But, hey…let’s waste millions of dollars throwing a military parade for the guy who said P.O.W.s are not heroes and insults Gold Star Families.

Creative note: First off, thanks for loving yesterday’s cartoon on Trump’s treason comment. The website got nearly 6,000 hits and the cartoon was shared over 4,000 times on Facebook and twice on Twitter.

Second, have you seen the YouTube videos I’m making for these cartoons? Please go check them out. They’re filmed while I’m drawing the cartoon, but I put them together later in the day because I’m tired after drawing and blogging. I also want to give the cartoon some time to get all the attention before I throw the video up.

The videos are made in segments, with several smaller videos. I have to sync them, do the time-lapse thing, record the voice over for narration, format, and then upload to YouTube. That takes some time. I’ve noticed since I started doing these videos that I’m less distracted by stuff that’s not really important. All I think about now are my cartoons, news, writing the blog, doing the videos, sleep, sandwiches, and if there’s a cat hiding in my room or not. Seriously. I’ll have my door shut for hours, and he mysteriously appears.

I’m going to start posting the videos on the blog. Actually, I’ve already started. So, come back later in the day and check it out here, unless you’re a subscriber to the YouTube channel, which you should be.

There will also be a YouTube widget/plugin on the sidebar of the site (like there is now for my Twitter, Facebook, etc.). I haven’t been able to figure it out so I have made that Karen’s assignment. Karen, much like copy editor Frank, is now on Team Claytoonz. That means she works for free. Karen wants to make some changes to this website and the YouTube plugin is her first task. She can do something about this cat too.

I just hope she doesn’t try to make me think about anything.

Updated creative note: Frank said he’s happy I referred to him and Karen as part of Team Claytoonz instead of my posse, as his BFF would have upchucked. Sometimes,  can’t tell through email if Frank is screwing with me, as having a problem with “posse” while using the term “BFF.”

Today’s video

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

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A Treasonous Cartoon


cjones02072018

It’s ironic that the symbol for the Republican Party is an elephant. An elephant is known for having a great memory, as in an elephant never forgets. Republicans, especially Donald Trump, have the worst memories.

They forget that illegal immigration decreased yearly during Obama’s presidency. They forget that unemployment, even black unemployment, was dropping for the past several years. They forget that the economy was increasing long before Trump took office. They forget that the stock market has been doing great for the past several years. Now that the stock market has had a couple of rough days, they’re forgetting there even is a stock market. Republicans denied the economy was doing better and faulted the economic indicators they’re citing today. Finally, they forget how they treated Obama.

Republicans complain that Democrats won’t give Trump a chance and all they do is obstruct his agenda. They forget all the conspiracy theories they created about Obama like he’s Muslim, a communist, or that he was born in Kenya. Who can forget Mitch McConnell’s statement that the Republican agenda was to make Obama a one-term president? They especially forget how they treated him during his State of the Union speeches.

It’s par for the course that the party out of power doesn’t applaud much during the president’s speech. During Obama’s first State of the Union, one Republican shouted: “you lie.” So it’s galling that for the past week they’ve been complaining about the Democrats lack of enthusiasm during Trump’s stupid speech.

Republicans have been going on and on about it. Fox News hasn’t shut up about it. Conservative pundits have been complaining about it. Every conservative political cartoonist has drawn about it. I know these people weren’t in comas during the Obama presidency because I heard them bitching every day. Bad memories.

During a speech Monday in Cincinnati, Trump attacked the Democrats for not applauding. He’s already lied about his SOTU speech, saying it was the most viewed in history. George W. Bush and Obama both had more viewers for their first SOTU speech. His speech in Ohio was remarkable for two reasons.

First, he was boasting about the economy and how he’s revived it while the stock market was plummeting by more than 1,000 points. Second, he accused the Democrats of treason for not applauding during his speech.

Trump argues that they sat on their hands while he was mentioning good news. I guess the Democrats didn’t want to clap when he was taking credit for Obama’s accomplishments.

Trump said, “Even on positive news, really positive news like that, they were like death and un-American. Somebody said treasonous. I mean, yeah, I guess, why not. Can we call that treason? Why not? I mean, they certainly didn’t seem to love our country very much.” People who truly love our country want to protect it from Trump.

Is this North Korea now where it’s treason if you don’t grovel to the Dear Leader? Will we all be forced to hang portraits of Trump in our homes, thus scaring children and small animals? Not only is Trump incapable of displaying how thin-skinned he is, he can’t refrain from expressing his desire to be an autocrat. He’s surrounded himself with too many people like Stephen Miller who said shortly after Trump first took office, “the president’s authority will not be questioned.”

Trump has called the press “enemies of the American people.” He’s attacked our judicial system. He has called for investigations into a political opponent. He’s attacking law enforcement officials for investigating him and trying to manipulate those agencies and eliminate their independence from the president. Trump is acting like an autocrat. Next in line for that is treason for those who don’t grovel before him.

I didn’t think the Democrats failing to clap for Trump was the most impressionable image from the SOTU speech. The most memorable for me was Trump clapping for himself. I’m sure it’s not the first time he got the clap.

For failing to clap for the president to be treason, Trump will have to become a dictator and change some laws. Right now, it’s impossible to commit treason in the United States.

Technically, the nation has to be at war for someone to commit treason. That’s the way the law is written. I’m not talking about combat situations we’re in. The United States has to be officially at war, which we haven’t been since World War II.

While nobody can be charged with treason, you can say someone acted out treasonous behavior. I don’t think failing to clap for Trump fits that description.

I think better definitions for treasonous behavior would be asking Russia to hack your political opponent, inviting Russians to Trump Tower to provide dirt on your political opponent, failing to enact sanctions on Russia passed by Congress and that you actually signed, or failing to protect the United States from Russia’s continuing attempts to disrupt our elections.

I could probably think of a few more, and if I can’t, I’m sure Trump will.

Creative notes: I drew a cartoon with “dilly dilly” about a month ago. It’s about played out. Though, when I was out watching the Super Bowl and the guy in the Bud Light commercial shouted “dilly dilly,” the entire bar returned the cheer. I was sitting next to a woman much older than I am, and she asked, “what’s dilly dilly?”

The expression, whatever it means, might be played out but I really liked including “pit of misery”.

The creation of this cartoon will be YouTubed at some point later Today. Dilly dilly!

Today’s YouTube Vid

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Color My Memo


cjones02062018

According to Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee, the key to destroying the Trump campaign was through….Carter Page. Yeah, OK then.

The Republican talking point is that the FBI had it out for Trump and was trying to elect Hillary Clinton. That ignores the fact the FBI made a huge statement about reopening the investigation into Clinton (mere days before the election) and her server and withheld from the public that they were also investigating figures in the Trump campaign.

The memo written by Congressman Devin Nunes, chairman of the Intelligence Committee, obstructs the very mission of the committee that bears “intelligence” in the name.

The committee led by Republicans has stopped investigating and has begun obstructing. The “memo” is only about obstructing. It’s totally political, and if it only contained the notes that are displayed in this cartoon, Republicans would say it vindicates Trump.

Donald Trump Jr. went on Fox/Trump TV and stated this memo is revenge for his family. He has yet to learn that he shouldn’t talk to the press. His statement reveals that everything about the Trump presidency is about Trump.

When Trump was leaving the Capitol after his State of the Union speech, he told a Republican Congressman the memo would be released, despite the fact he hadn’t read it yet. Or had he?

When Devin Nunes was asked by colleagues if the White House had any input into the memo, he refused to answer. The question would have been harmless if the answer would have also been harmless. Nunes has a reputation that he can’t be trusted with classified information. He’s also shown he is a stooge for Trump, as he’s used his position as chairman to deflect for Trump, and even inform Trump where the investigation is going.

The memo fails to accuse the FBI of breaking the law. The memo actually states that the FBI followed proper procedure. But, it does its job in that Trump sycophants can continue to believe in conspiracies.

The memo is not about an American’s rights being violated or justice. That American being Carter Page. The memo deflects from the fact that Trump had a Russian-paid mole on his campaign team. Well, at least one Russian mole. The memo isn’t about all the information being released to the public, as we’ve yet to see the Democrat’s memo. The memo is a pretense to help Trump get rid of people who are actually investigating him.

If we’re not in a Constitutional crisis, we’re nearing it. We’re almost at point break.

One of two things needs to happen. The Democrats need to take Congress because Republicans have proven that no matter what laws Trump breaks, they will not defend our nation from him. The other thing, Robert Mueller needs to find a way to indict Donald Trump without an impeachment because the Republican congress will not do their job.

Creative notes: I drew this cartoon Sunday afternoon. I drew the rough, took a nap, then woke up and completed the cartoon. I went out to watch the Super Bowl instead of publishing it because I was working on something else while I was working on the cartoon.

Here’s the thing: A new feature is coming. It’s going to be a companion piece to the cartoons, much like my columns. I teased about it on social media and now I’m teasing you.

I wrote that it scares me and some people took that as in it’s dangerous or crosses lines. It doesn’t really do that. It’s scary in that it intimidates me with the tech I have to learn. I’m getting old and I’m stupid and learning new things is hard. The fear is in that it’s going to expose me more to the public. Plus, it’ll make me do three things for each cartoon. Draw cartoon, write blog, new project. Like I don’t get enough sleep already.

I believe there’s nothing wrong with fear, as long as you confront it. I believe this project is worth it. I’ve set my mind on it and I’m stubborn, so it’ll be done. In fact, it’s almost there.

I have three more things to learn and then you can see it. No other cartoonist is doing this and I believe it’ll be copied, and maybe someone will do it better. What do I know? Maybe it’ll be as much of a dud as the Nunes Memo. I’m trying to undersell it and keep expectations low, even though I’m putting a lot of work into this.

But, like I said on social media, if you like my cartoons, the columns, and my overall weirdness, then you’re probably going to like the new feature. I hope you check it out…when it gets here. I’m more curious than anyone else could be about how it turns out.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Future Model Prisoner Maybe


cjones02032018

Yeah, I’m a jerk.

To be a Trump sycophant one must shred their dignity, soul, respectability, credibility, decency, and perhaps all traces of what’s left of their humanity. Reason and logic are pretty much out of the question too. In return, you may acquire a nice orange jumpsuit.

When the first drips would come out about Trump’s attempts to obstruct justice, his defenders would argue that he was new at the job and didn’t know better. Some are still using that defense. I understand that every president has to learn on the job, but they usually have some basic knowledge of how it works, or at least what’s legal and illegal. Also, defending Trump with the argument that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and he’s a dumbass takes away every reason for putting the guy in the office. Sure, he proved he was a bumbling racist idiot on the campaign trail, but the argument was he’s a genius and he’s the only one who could do the job.

That argument has also been used for others in the administration, like Jared Kushner when he lied about meeting with Russians and had to resubmit his application for a security clearance, and then again, and then again, and then again. He doesn’t have any experience and doesn’t know better to stop breaking the law, but he’s going to bring peace to the Middle East.

Now, some people are using this argument to defend Hope Hicks. The argument may actually apply in this case. It’s very believable from Ms. Hick’s background that she doesn’t have a clue or any good reason to be working in the White House, other than Trump finding her pretty.

Wednesday evening, I posted on social media, “I don’t really want to demean or stereotype any profession, but maybe…just maybe, you shouldn’t hire models as White House Communications Directors or conspire with them to obstruct justice. There’s gotta be more qualified people for that.” Nixon had very experienced people and it still didn’t work out for him. Of course, Nixon didn’t have a Republican sycophant Congress either.

Do you remember that meeting in Trump Tower between Don Jr., Jared, Paul Manafort and Russian spies? When it leaked out, Trump was in Germany and on his way home back to Washington. He and his staff put together a bullshit excuse on Air Force One for The New York Times who broke the story and sent fourteen questions to the White House. Instead of telling the truth that the meeting was about the Russians providing dirt on Hillary Clinton, the Trump stupids concocted a bogus story about Russian adoptions.

Special Counsel Robert Mueller has become very interested in this statement and the meetings around it. His team has told the White House that this is one of about a dozen topics they want to question Donald Trump about. If Scooby Doo had been a part of these meetings, he’d be saying “ruh-roh” right about now.

If you’re thinking, “gosh. It’s not a crime to lie to the media or the public,” you’re right. It’s not a crime, though it should be. It would be justice if someone went to jail for lying to me about stealing my Oreos. But it’s not. But, what is a crime is obstructing justice, which may have occurred during these meetings around the bogus statement. Also, let’s not forget that collusion thing which Trump was trying to hide.

Mark Corallo served as the spokesperson for Trump’s legal team. He was involved in a few of these meetings, and he abruptly quit last July. Mueller wants to talk to him. According to sources, Corallo plans to tell Mueller about a conference call between him, Trump, and Hope Hicks.

Corallo plans to tell investigators that the emails Don Jr. traded with his Russian contacts and other campaign members were a focus of this conference call. He’s going to tell them that Hicks said the emails “will never get out.” Corallo was concerned Hicks was contemplating obstructing justice, and he provided these details contemporaneously to three colleagues who later gave it to The Times.

If you’re a Trump supporter, you’re probably thinking “what’s ‘contemporaneously’ mean?” That means “existing, occurring, or originating during the same time.” If you Google it, a picture of James Comey shows up. It means Corallo told three of his colleagues these details while they were happening. It lends credibility.

Corallo told his colleagues that Hicks was being naive or was suggesting that the emails could be withheld from investigators. Another huge concern was that Hicks said this in the presence of Trump without a lawyer present. That means nobody can claim attorney-client privilege. Ruh-roh. If there’s an orange shitgibbon/former model privilege, it doesn’t have any protection in court. That privilege may be in Fire and Fury.

Hope Hicks will eventually testify to Mueller and probably to Congress. She has issued a conflicting story to Corallo’s. I hope she’s schooled enough to know what happens when you lie to the FBI. Lying to Congress is illegal too, but this Congress full of Republican sycophants assisting the president’s obstruction can’t be taken seriously. She better take Robert Mueller seriously. He’s not playing. Ask Paul Manafort, George Papadopoulos, or Michael Flynn. Ruh-roh.

I’m going to make a bold prediction: Hope Hicks is either going to jail or striking a plea bargain. Hell, she may be wearing a wire right now. Did I just make the White House paranoid? Sorry…not really. I think I’ll tweet that to Trump later today.

Jared, Ivanka, Hope Hicks, Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, etc. There are too many people in this White House who don’t belong there. That includes Donald Trump

Creative notes: Yes, this cartoon is mean and unfair. Cartoonists always argue that we shouldn’t make fun of people’s physical appearances. I have rules about that too, but I’ll throw ’em out the window if it makes me laugh.

But, every time we draw a cartoon we’re making fun of someone’s appearance.

A few months after I started working at The Free Lance-Star in 1998, I drew a cartoon about the city council. One of the members was a heavy-set guy. My editor actually screamed at me and said: “at this newspaper, we don’t make fun of how people look.” My response was, “then why do you have a cartoonist?” That was not a smart response on my part because you should never make your editor think about whether they need you or not.

After Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor of California, I was having a discussion with other cartoonists and one argued that we shouldn’t make fun of his accent. I still think that’s way too P.C. and one of the dumbest arguments I’ve ever heard. It came from a smart guy I respect too. But, an accent is almost physical. It’s definitely part of the personality. It’s not an insult to make fun of it. If it’s there, then it’s there. Sometimes when we draw people we’re not just drawing their physical appearance, we’re also drawing their personality.

So, yeah. I made fun of Sanders’ looks. I’m also making fun of how ridiculous she is. If you don’t want to be made fun of, then don’t say dumb things. Maybe stop lying all the time too.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

State Of The Uniom


cjones02022018

With all that’s transpired over the past year, I’m surprised the State of the Union typo didn’t read “State of the Onion.”

What I’m going for with this cartoon is to show not just how surreal it is that Trump is president of the United States and addressing Congress, but how stupid it is. Within the last week alone he attacked a rapper on Twitter. How presidential.

His speech didn’t start off that bad for a 71-year-old man with a fourth grade reading level. It was the third-longest State of the Union ever, though it wasn’t because it contained a lot of words. Stupid people read very slowly. But, it can be considered a success because he stuck to the teleprompter, didn’t praise Nazis, and his teeth didn’t fall out. That’s a good day in Trumplandia.

Trump went for the cheap pops. America, troops, jobs, heroes, flag, blah, blah, blah. Every Republican was smiling except for Melania. I wonder why.

Trump bragged about the economy, jobs, and the stock market. He basically took credit for Obama’s accomplishments. Two things he did not mention was Carrier and Russian collusion. I wonder why.

Trump’s wolf whistle of the night was when he said, “My duty, and the sacred duty of every elected official in this chamber is to defend Americans, to protect their safety, their families, their communities and their right to the American dream, because Americans are dreamers too.” Do you know who loved that line? Richard Spencer and David Duke. They were highlighting it to their racist base. Spencer tweeted it out with a picture of a family that looked like they were from Norway.

But, it is funny he talks about protecting and defending America. He has ignored the attack on our democracy by Russia, their ongoing attack, their upcoming attack in the 2018 elections, and yesterday, he said he will not enact sanctions against Russia that Congress passed nearly unanimously. How’s that for protecting our nation? There has to be a pee tape behind this.

And then he did that thing he always does when he opens his mouth. He started lying.

He said wages were finally rising. Yes, they are rising, but not “finally.” They were rising under Obama and now, they’re rising at a slower pace. I wonder why.

He took credit for increased employment among blacks and Latinos without thanking Obama. He took credit for ISIS losing so much territory, which is a strategy started under Obama.

He boasted that because of the tax cut, Apple will invest $350 billion in America. The truth is, $275 billion of that was simply continuing the company’s past spending trends. The actual amount of new investment is around $37 billion.

He said the auto industry is now expanding and building plants in America. Toyota built a plant in Mississippi in 2011. Thanks to Obama, we still have an auto industry at all. Republicans, who complained about bailing out the auto industry and that it would be a disaster, are now taking credit for its growth.

He bragged about exporting industry, when in fact we import more than we export. He said coal jobs were coming back. If you work in the coal industry, you know that right now you’re probably not working in the coal industry.

He asked Congress for trillions to rebuild American infrastructure, rebuild the military, and build his stupid racist wall on the southern border. This, after he just signed a tax cut that will increase our debt.

Speaking of that tax cut, he claimed it is the biggest in U.S. history. It actually ranks as the 12th largest.

And then he got nasty. He used immigrant gangs to paint all immigrants as criminals, which isn’t the first time he’s done this (murderers and rapists). He claimed immigrants can bring in “virtually unlimited numbers of distant relatives.” That’s a lie. He is proposing to allow the Dreamers to stay if he can end the Visa Lottery system, “chain” migration, and build his stupid racist wall. Trump isn’t just trying to decrease illegal immigration (which has been going down for years), but legal immigration. His and Stephen Miller’s goal is to bring in fewer dark people from “shit hole countries” like Haiti and the entire African continent, and more white people from places like Norway, if we can somehow trick them into coming here (stop sending Stephen Miller out to talk on TV would be a start).

The part that bothered me the most, beyond all the stupidity and lies, was his cloaked, winked, and nudged allusion to firing the Special Prosecutor, the Deputy Attorney General, and perhaps more people in the State Department and FBI. Trump spoke of a proposal that will allow cabinet members (like the Attorney General) to remove government employees who “fail the American people.” Trump believes being caught committing treason and obstruction of justice will “fail the American people.”

I can think of one big orange government employee who is failing the American people.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Stormy


cjones02012018

Is it unfair of me to hit Melania Trump with a cartoon? Yeah. Political cartoons aren’t supposed to be fair. Show me a fair political cartoon and I’ll show you a crappy cartoon.

During the national meltdown that was Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky, conservatives and liberals alike wondered, some demanded, why Hillary wouldn’t leave Bill. I don’t like to judge other people’s relationships. But, I wondered the same thing at the time. I thought, man…Hillary can never wear a blue dress ever again. But, there are differences between Hillary Clinton and Melania Trump.

The first thing is, Bill did not marry Hillary to be a trophy wife. Republicans can’t make that argument after spending over twenty years insulting her looks. Bill and Hillary married right out of college. They tied their careers together. They were real partners. Hillary and Bill married each other believing in building a future of great accomplishments. None of that is true for Melania and Donald.

Melania is Donald’s third wife, who he cheated with on wife number two, who he cheated with on wife number one. Trump has a long history of cheating, grabbing women, and just being an all-around asshole toward them. Trump has bragged about assaulting women and barging in on teenage girls undressing. None of this can be news to Melania.

It is extremely difficult to believe that Melania, who is 24 years younger than Donald, would be married to him if he wasn’t a supposed billionaire or famous TV personality. Beautiful models don’t marry old, racist assholes with bad comb-overs who paint themselves orange…unless they have a lot of money.

I feel Melania’s pain and humiliation over the revelation that Trump had an affair with a porn star and paid her hush money. I’d be pissed too. But, while this issue may be new news to Melania, the fact Trump is a piece of crap can’t be unless she really is stupid. She may be ignorant but she’s not stupid.

She is a victim of her husband and a fair target for my criticism. She didn’t ask for this, but she can’t be surprised. Look who she married. She can’t be entirely ignorant about plagiarizing Michelle Obama’s speeches either. Also, how can she look at anyone with a straight face while talking about her anti-bullying campaign? Has she reasoned to her young son, named after Trump’s pseudonym, why bullying is wrong except when Daddy does it?

Melania publicly slapped Trump’s hand away on an international trip. She ditched the Davos trip after the Stormy news came out. It’s reported in Fire And Fury that she has a separate bedroom from Trump which proves she is a human being. This is not a real marriage. She should get out.

Republicans in Washington may be selling their souls and dignity, but Melania still has a chance to redeem hers.

As Oprah would say, you go, girl.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

FISA Memo


cjones01312018

During the Obama presidency, Republican wingnuts perpetuated conspiracy theories that he was out to destroy America and would never leave office when his terms were up. Without any actual evidence to base these beliefs, they shat out one flimsy reason after another.

He was born in Kenya. His birth certificate is a forgery. Nobody knew him in college. He’s a Muslim. He’s a communist. He supports terrorists. He’s coming to take our guns and give them to Mexican drug cartels. His preacher is a black anarchist. He hates white people. His wife has biceps. He enunciates words. He apologizes for America. He plays too much golf. He criticizes cops when they shoot unarmed black men, teenagers, and children. He wants us to have health insurance and eat healthily. His real dad was Frank M. Davis. He invaded Texas and annexed it as a part of the United States. Bill Ayers is his ghostwriter. He caused the BP oil spill. He killed Andrew Breitbart. He killed Scalia. He put mustard on a cheeseburger. He wears mom jeans. He’s the Antichrist. He’s a lizard overlord. He eats kale.

Each of those was code for “he’s black.”

Monday, the Trump administration and the Republican sycophants in Congress who put the Rule of Trump before the Rule of Law, took further steps to dismantle the American Republic.

Andrew McCabe stepped down as Deputy Director of the FBI on Monday after months of being bullied by Trump and increasing pressure from Christopher Wray, the FBI Director appointed by Trump. According to sources, Wray was talking about demoting McCabe until his retirement in March.

According to other sources, after Trump fired James Comey as director, he called McCabe, who was acting-director, to chew him out for allowing Comey to fly back to Washington on a government jet, as he was in Los Angeles at the time he was fired. Apparently, if your job takes you out of town, fires you while you’re out of town, you should have to walk home. He also told McCabe to ask his wife, who had lost a campaign for Virginia state senate, how it felt to be a loser. Someone should ask Trump’s wife how it feels to be married to a guy who pays off porn stars.

He also asked McCabe during an introductory meeting in the Oval Office who he had voted for in the presidential election.

It was McCabe’s wife’s campaign as a Democrat that Trump and Republicans used to attack him. She received nearly $500,000 from a super PAC linked to Hillary Clinton and Virginia governor Terry McAuliffe. According to Republicans, if you have any political opinions then you are unqualified to do any job in government service, except sit in Congress.

Trump asked Comey for loyalty. He asked Comey to drop his investigation into Michael Flynn after he knew Flynn had lied to the FBI. Trump fired Comey, forced out McCabe, questioned Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ loyalty and has talked about replacing him. Trump is purging the FBI and seeking to turn it into his own personal protection agency.

New York Times Columnist David Leonhardt laid out an Article of Impeachment against Donald Trump. Mr. Leonhardt lays out ten items where Trump has tried to subvert a federal investigation. I think he went kinda light.

The Republican toadies in Congress are doing all they can to protect Trump. They have turned their Congressional investigation of Russia’s meddling in our election into a forum to protect Trump. They don’t ask about the Trump campaign’s involvement. They don’t question the fact he hasn’t enacted the sanctions against Russia they passed. Instead, they write stupid memos based on conspiracy theories.

The Republicans voted Monday night (grrr, Mondays) to release a secret memo containing classified information, despite the Justice Department asking them not to release this it. The basis of the memo accuses the FBI and Justice Department of misusing their authority to obtain a secret surveillance order on a former Trump campaign associate.

The Republicans wrote the memo, so it’s not like they found this trove of information discrediting our intelligence agencies. They’ve made it all up themselves. Democrats say the memo uses cherry-picked facts assembled with little or no context. Monday, Representative Jim Jordan said the Clinton dossier was their paying Russians to meddle in our election. Listening to that sort of logic makes me believe the Democrats are right.

I’m going to steal and tweak a line from the TV show Scrubs. Republicans are bastard covered bastards with a bastard cream filling.

The memo is attacking Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein for signing off on extending the application to continue the surveillance of Carter Page, a Trump subordinate who federal agents believe was working as a Russian spy. Instead of going after the spy, Republicans are targeting the people in our government trying to protect our nation from Russian spies. Bastard cream filling, people.

Rosenstein oversees the Special Counsel’s investigation into Trump’s collusion with Russia, and now, obstruction of justice. Trump and Republicans are now going after Rosenstein. This is the Saturday night massacre in slow motion, except with more bastards.

Democrats wrote their own memo to counter the Republican’s, but Republicans, being bastards, voted against its release. Republicans argue that Americans need all the information while voting against giving Americans all the information. Releasing classified information will also tell our allies that we’re running a crazy house, and they shouldn’t share intel with us ever again, at least not while the inmates are running the asylum. Don’t share intelligence with bastards who don’t have any.

These sycophants releasing classified information for all the world to see are the same idiots who screamed about Hillary’s email server containing classified info.

Our nation is in danger and the greatest threat isn’t Russians or terrorists. It’s Republican bastards.

Quite frankly, I don’t think November can get here soon enough.

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