Trump

Wanker


cjones07152019

If someone accuses you of being insecure, your best defense wouldn’t be shouting at the top of your lungs that you’re not.

Secret diplomatic cables from United Kingdom ambassador Sir Kim Darroch to various members of the UK government were leaked this week, probably by someone in the UK government who is pro-Brexit. The cables were from 2017 to 2019 and in them, Darroch described Donald Trump as “inept,” “clumsy,” “insecure,” and “incompetent.”

This morning, it was announced that Darroch will resign as he sees it’ll be impossible to work with Trump. If the UK government needs future evaluations about the Trump administration that are honest, they can subscribe to this blog.

Ambassadors are supposed to give honest assessments to their leaders of the nations where they are serving. They are required to give their leaders their best insights and ideas. These are private and they’re not all adoring, which is what Donald Trump demands of everyone. When you hold massive hate rallies on a weekly basis so thousands of people will tell you that you’re awesome, you don’t want it pointed out that you’re inept.

Soon after the cables were leaked, Trump engaged in another Twitter tantrum and said the ambassador wasn’t well liked, that he’s “wacky,” “stupid,” and “a pompous fool.” The ambassador is English. They all sound pompous.

Ambassador Darroch is actually well respected and he’s a career professional in government and diplomacy. His resume includes stints in the Foreign and Commonwealth Office, the Diplomatic Service, as desk officer in the Tunnel Project, the FCO’s Minister of State, Counsellor for External Affairs at the British Permanent Representative to the European Union, head of the Cabinet Office where he served as the Prime Minster’s principal advisor on European affairs, National Security Advisor, and as ambassador to the United States.

For comparison, Trump’s ambassador to the UK is Woody Johnson, a person with zero diplomatic or government experience and owner of the New York Jets, a team so “inept,” it gave us the butt fumble.

Trump accused Obama of diminishing the stature of the United States and of being an international embarrassment. Now, he has an ambassador calling him “inept.” He’s not the first to notice.

The mayor of Paris said, “Trump is so stupid, my God!” The Danish Foreign Minister said, “He changes opinions like the rest of us changes underwear.” Ecuador’s president said, “His discourse is so dumb, so basic.” A former president of Mexico said, “That’s the way Mussolini and Hitler arrived.” The Chinese Foreign Minister said, “Trump is an irrational type.” Pakistan’s Interior Minister said Trump is “ignorant.” A British MP said, “Donald Trump is an idiot” and “I tried to find five parliamentary adjectives to describe him but none was clear enough. He is an idiot.” Mexico’s Foreign Affairs Secretary said, “When an apple’s red, it is red. When you say ignorant things, you’re ignorant.” Italian Prime Minister said, “I consider Donald Trump a man who invests a lot in a policy of fear.” Another British MP called Trump “the orange prince of American self-publicity.” And another British MP said, “if he met one or two of my constituents in a pub, they may well tell him he’s a wazzock.” And another MP called him a “buffoon.” France’s ambassador to the U.S. called him a “vulture.” Australia’s opposition leader said his views are “barking mad.” Israel’s opposition leader said his statements are “shocking and disgusting.” A Latin American diplomat said, “he would make an important contribution to anti-American sentiment around the world.”

And, Boris Johnson, who loves Trump and may be the next Prime Minister, once said, “The only reason I wouldn’t visit some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump.”

Trump has sworn not to work with the UK’s ambassador and uninvited him to a party after the cables were leaked and the White House has probably unsubscribed from Britbox. But, Trump is willing to work with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un and has invited him to the White House, even though Kim once called him a “dotard.”

While our allies are aghast and are horrified that Trump is inept, leaders in places like North Korea, Russia, Saudi Arabia, and China are delighted. Throw the guy a sword dance and he’s orange putty in your hands.

During a speech to the United Nations, the entire delegation laughed at Trump after he claimed he was the most successful president in U.S. history. Darroch’s view that Trump is inept may have been a secret, but it’s not a secret to the world that Trump is inept.

It’s also not a secret that he’s a wanker.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

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Four Pigs And An Escalator


cjones07142019

As federal prosecutors in New York were bringing new charges against billionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein, liberals were pointing out his connections to Donald Trump, excluding those with former president Bill Clinton. Conservatives were doing the same thing, except pointing out Epstein’s connections to Clinton and not those with Trump. The thing is, this is not a partisan issue. It’s an issue of rich men protecting other rich men.

One of the fine ladies who proofreads my cartoons told me, “It’s about being above the law and hurting the weak with impunity. If you’re rich enough, the laws don’t apply.” What happens to women, and in this case, underage girls doesn’t take precedence when the accused is a billionaire in the Men’s Club.

Epstein chummed around for decades with celebrities, such as Britain’s Prince Andrew and Bill Cosby, which doesn’t help his case. For decades, his penchant for young women was well known in his social circle. Bill Clinton, whom you may have heard has had his own sordid past with women, was a friend of Epstein’s. Clinton claims he never knew of Epstein’s behavior and only flew on his private jet four times. Flight records show that the number is actually over two dozen times.

His connections to Trump are less clear, but they were friends. One of Epstein’s accusers said in court documents that she was recruited to give Epstein massages while she was working at Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump’s private golf resort in Florida. Epstein has been photographed with Trump at the resort. The resort is really popular with Chinese spies and pedophiles.

In 2002, Trump told New York Magazine that Epstein was a “terrific guy” whom he had known for 15 years. He said, “He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.”

Now, Trump says they were never friends despite calling him “terrific,” “fun to be around,” and a guy he’s known for 15 years. Trump also knew him well enough to know he likes beautiful women as much as he does and that many of them are on the “younger side.” That younger side is where the problems come in.

Epstein is a registered sex offender thanks to a plea deal he struck in Florida, but it’s that plea deal which is his other connection to Donald Trump.

Trump’s Labor Secretary Alexander Acosta was the lead federal prosecutor against Epstein. Thanks to meticulous reporting by The Miami Herald (because journalism is more important today than ever), we now know that Acosta was personally involved in striking a deal that saved Epstein from a trial and federal charges where he could have faced life in prison. Instead, Acosta gave him a deal where Epstein served 13 months in county jail instead of prison, and he was allowed to be picked up six days a week by his personal driver and go to work for up to 12 hours a day. Basically, for 13 months, he was forced to spend the night in jail, but not to actually have to live there.

Hundreds of underage girls were brought to Epstein by his recruiters in his sex ring to give what they were told were massages. Prosecutors did not inform the victims of the plea deal until after a judge approved it, even though federal law requires victims to be informed of major developments involving their complaints. Maybe Acosta didn’t believe a plea deal was a major development.

Last year, the Herald uncovered that Acosta was meeting personally with one of Epstein’s lawyers, who was also a former colleague of Acosta’s. You would think there would be a recusal there because of a conflict of interest.

According to a thank-you note from one of Epstein’s lawyers to Acosta, they were assured by Acosta that none of the identified individuals, potential witnesses, or potential civil claimants would be contacted over the deal. Acosta’s office also agreed to help shield the deal from public scrutiny. The lead prosecutor wrote to Epstein’s lawyers at the time, “I can file the charge in district court in Miami which will hopefully cut the press coverage significantly. Do you want to check that out?”

Do you want to check that out? They were seeking approval from the pedophile’s lawyer on how to file the charges. Now, that lead prosecutor is the nation’s Labor Secretary. This morning, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and the Senates Minority Leader Chuck Schumer called for Acosta to either step down or be removed.

Donald Trump isn’t just friends with pedophiles, sex offenders, and your run-of-the-mill slimy bastards. He’s friends with people who help those slimy bastards cover their slime, which is good for Trump because he’s a degenerate himself. This is a man who’s talked about dating his daughter, has bragged about grabbing women “by the pussy,” has boasted about barging into teenage girls’ dressing rooms, and has been caught coming down an escalator commenting on a child, “I’m going to be dating her in ten years.”

Now, federal prosecutors in New York are charging Epstein for sex trafficking of minors. Hopefully, the same office will be able to go after Trump someday and they will have many options of charges because the only difference between Trump and Epstein is that Epstein got caught.

Trump found it amusing that Epstein likes them on the “younger side,” because that’s how he likes them too.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

Trump’s Tribute To Himself


CNN07072019

Here’s your weekly cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Other than all the wisecracks about Trump’s history, his monitor messing up, and Melania’s wet shirt, we can’t overlook the fact that Trump politicized a national holiday, other than Christmas.

Donald Trump’s only goal was to insert himself into the middle of a celebration and to shine the spotlight on himself. He’s the kid who demands the biggest piece of birthday cake when it’s not even his birthday.

The nation did not need a rudimentary history lesson read aloud by a barely literate jackass. The nation did not need to spend $92 million for Trump’s show-and-tell. The military should have told Trump the planes were there but were invisible. That would have saved us a bunch of money.

But, for all the glorifying of the military and showing off jets and tanks, Trump’s staff worked behind the scenes to prevent the USS John McCain from being seen while Trump was in Tokyo (Japan, if you’re a Republican).

There was further hypocrisy in order. Donald Trump presents himself as a man who loves the military and says he’s “done more for it than any other president,” yet he’s said POWs are not war heroes and he’s lied to members of the military about their pay. The other stroke of hypocrisy was his encouragement for the youth of our nation to join the armed services when he himself dodged the draft by citing bone spurs. In addition to that, none of his kids served their nation. Trump wants people to make sacrifices he’s unwilling to make himself.

Of course, not that any Trump could have hacked it in the military. I hear there are stairs.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

Roughing It, Volume 4


Hey, kids. It’s time to check out some cartoon ideas that didn’t make the cut. Each of these is from the batch submitted to CNN last week.

CNNrough170

We were set on the Democratic debates being our subject. This was a fun week as the newsletter was published on Friday instead of the usual Sunday. This made the deadline flexible and had me drawing in real time during the debate with Rich, my editor, sending me notes during. The rough above was sent Thursday morning before the second debate.

CNNrough171

I almost finished this one for my syndication. Maybe I shouldn’t be posting it here as I can always use it for a future debate. Maybe I’ll still do that if it’s not stolen by another cartoonist. I do like drawing Trump with Trump Bear.

CNNrough172

This was also drawn before the second debate. That’s kinda how it turned out too. Despite the accuracy, I still didn’t like it that much.

CNNrough173

I drew this one before the second debate. This one has two problems. The first is, it wasn’t a townhall-style debate. The second one is, this would have ignored the narrative that came out of both debates. But, it’s another one that I can probably use in the future, again, if it’s not stolen.

CNNrough174

This was drawn right after Kamala Harris took down Biden. My editor, who was watching it live like I was, wrote about the takedown and my reply included this cartoon, which was not very good.

CNNrough175

Rich kinda liked this one but another editor thought it was too grim. I think that’s the word they used. That didn’t automatically kill it, but we kept searching. I wasn’t in love with it.

CNNrough176

This is the idea we went with. They liked it but wanted to see more and wasn’t yet sure if this was the direction to go in. Rich said it may be the one to use. I drew a couple more but I kept going back fighting for this one. I knew it was the one.

CNNrough177

The idea here is, Harris just took out Biden and now was aiming for Trump. I didn’t love it and continued to push for the first bus idea.

CNNrough178

Honestly, I thought if I threw in some Klansmen, it’d make the other idea look better by comparison. Yikes! We can’t publish a cartoon with Klansmen, let’s go with that other idea. I don’t know if it worked that way because they finally chose my favorite after I pushed for it a couple more times. They ever agreed with me or got tired of hearing it.

In the future, every rough in the batch will have Klansmen except for the one I really want. Do you think they’ll catch on?

The cartoon, in its finished form, was a big hit on social media, at least on my accounts. I was a very happy boy. What made it really work out was that the Harris campaign released a childhood photo of her just as I was about to start drawing. I actually Googled for her childhood photo, seconds after the campaign had released it. It was kismet.

CNN06292019

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

MAGA Smarts


cjones07112019

You know it’s coming.

Donald Trump tells his cult not to believe what they see and hear unless they see and hear it from him.

They believe he won the popular vote, millions of “illegals” voted, he had the largest inauguration crowd in history, he created a booming economy, Russia didn’t meddle, Obama wiretapped Trump Tower, babies aren’t being kept in cages, there were good people on both sides, he never paid hush money to a pornstar, his hands really are big, the noise from windmills do cause cancer, his father was born in Germany, raking forests prevents fires in Finland, he’s not a racist, Mexico will pay for the wall and construction on it has already started, American consumers don’t pay for tariffs, and that he’s a successful businessman.

Trump, who has told over 10,000 lies as president even has his cult believing it stopped raining for his inauguration speech. He literally lied about the weather and they ate it up. If he wasn’t blaming the rain for his teleprompter wigging out, he’d lie about the rain for his July 4th speech. Speaking of teleprompters, remember when Trump used to criticize Obama and Hillary Clinton for using them?

Trump once said, “If you run for president, you shouldn’t be allowed to use teleprompters. Because you don’t even know if the guy is smart.” We already knew this guy isn’t smart, but maybe watching him struggle to read text off a teleprompter, even indoors or in good weather, underscores just how stupid of a guy he truly is.

Soon, if it’s not happening already, there will be members of the Trump cult claiming there were airports during the American revolution.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

A Trumpian History Lesson


cjones07102019

You know when an eight-year-old reads from a prepared text and it’s cute yet kinda painful? You grin through it and think to yourself, “Just get to the end of the sentence for the love of God so we can applaud and move on with our lives….AAARRGGHHH!!!” Well, when Donald Trump reads from a prepared statement, subtract the cute and multiply the pain by 25. That’s what we go yesterday as Trump hijacked the capital’s annual Independence Day celebration in a desperate attempt to sponge off some of the military’s popularity.

If you ever wondered what it’d sound like to hear a middle-school history report cobbled together from Wikipedia pages, you found out yesterday. At least Cliff Notes might get you a D, but Trump Notes will set you back a grade. And sure, it costs us about $92 million, but the one saving grace during Trump’s speech was military jets flying overhead on cue.

And, Trump still messed it up. The Declaration of Independence wasn’t signed on July 4th. British General Cornwallis was of London, not Yorktown (he was defeated at Yorktown). The Continental Army wasn’t named after George Washington. Fort McHenry didn’t exist at the time of the American Revolution. Speaking of things that didn’t exist during the Revolutionary War, airports.

Trump said Washington army (still not named after him), “manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports…” It took over the airports? Did the Continental Army get a connecting flight in Atlanta? Did they have to pay outlandish parking fees at Dulles?

Donald Trump is the guy you’d be embarrassed to bring to a party. “What? That guy? Don’t look at me. I don’t know who invited him. He grabbed you where?” But in this case, he’s the ringmaster. At one point during the speech, he said, “Frederick Douglass.” He didn’t say anything about Fredericks Douglass, he just said, “Frederick Douglass.” I’m sure there was something in the speech about Douglass, but how hard is it to read from a teleprompter? Any literate person can do it, right? Oh, it’s the literacy thing, isn’t it?

We got a history lesson from a guy who can’t remember history from two years ago, or last week, or yesterday. This is a guy who claims he created a great economy, ignoring the fact he inherited a great economy created by Barack Obama.

Perhaps the biggest error with Trump’s knowledge of history is that Independence Day is NOT a military holiday. We have ten federal holidays and two of them are for honoring the military, but Independence Day is not one of them. So, Trump took July 4th and made it about the military and himself.

Even though Trump did avoid politics and chants of, “lock her up,” “build the wall,” and “drain the swamp,” it was a political speech. He had special seating for his campaign donors and he ordered the military to provide a showcase with him in the center of it.

Perhaps my favorite part, other than the mediocre-sized crowd that was rained on, was Trump encouraging people to join the military. Cadet Bone Spurs who received five deferments from serving in Vietnam and whose two grown sons didn’t serve either (but like to take big guns to Africa and shoot fenced animals), said, “Join our military and make a truly great statement in life. And you should do it.”

Do you really want to make a great statement in life? Vote for someone who’s not a self-absorbed idiot. Vote for someone who’s not Donald Trump. It doesn’t matter who they are as long as it’s not Donald Trump. Of course, for you to not vote for Donald Trump, you’d have to not be an idiot.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

Childish Drawings


cjones07082019

When asked to express themselves over being detained by Donald Trump, the first thing that comes from migrant children are cages.

A charitable humanitarian respite center in Texas asked three children, ages 10 and 11, to depict their time in the custody of Trump’s US Customs and Border Protection agency. They didn’t draw sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows. All three children drew people in cages. After the traumatizing experience of leaving their homes to seek asylum in the United States, the Trump administration compounded their trauma by ripping them apart from their families and imprisoning them in cages. This is torture and will leave these children with scars they’ll carry for the rest of their lives.

A social worker at the center gave the drawings to the American Academy of Pediatrics, who then gave them to CNN. Dr. Colleen Kraft, immediate past president of the AAP said, “When a child draws this, it’s telling us that child felt like he or she was in jail.”

The pediatrician group was asked for advice from Kevin McAleenan, who is now the acting secretary of the Homeland Security, who then ignored their advice.

Kraft said, “we made recommendations and our government didn’t follow through with them.” They believe training CBP agents in identifying illnesses will prevent future deaths at the centers, where two children have already died.

The AAP visited one of the centers and didn’t find any pediatricians, but what they did find disgusted them. Dr. Sara Goza, president of the AAP said when visiting two CBP facilities, “The first thing that hit me when we walked in the door was the smell. It was the smell of sweat, urine, and feces. No amount of time spent in these facilities is safe for children.”

Donald Trump disagrees. He claimed in a tweet that many of “these illegal aliens are living better now than where they came from, and in safer conditions.” He also tweeted, “If illegal immigrants are unhappy with the conditions in the quickly built or refitted detention centers, just tell them not to come. All problems solved!” The rest of his tirade was blaming Democrats.

You know, it’s like Trump wants the conditions of these centers to be leaked out, despite barring the press, health and child care professionals, and elected representatives from visiting. Just like the child-separation policy was designed to discourage immigrants from seeking asylum, they’re hoping the horrid and traumatizing conditions at these facilities will do the same.

Senator and presidential candidate Kamala Harris called Donald Trump a “predator” yesterday. Some people are saying she took it too far. I don’t think she took it far enough. Donald Trump is a predator and has even boasted about it. But, he’s so much more. The man is a child abuser. What he’s doing is traumatizing children for life. His detention centers are torture chambers and concentration camps. Call Trump and the centers for what they are.

Hopefully, someday, I’ll get to draw Trump in a cage.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.