Mission Accomplished Great Again


cjones04182018

Here’s a little quickie for you. Enjoy.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

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Tech Trouble


cjones04172018

Mark Zuckerberg was questioned by 44 senators during his first day of Congressional hearings. Even senators don’t want to talk to that many senators, especially when one of them is Ted Cruz.

But, Zucky did OK. While he was in the United States Capitol, Congress was on his turf. Facebook is a technology and the guys talking about regulating it are still trying to figure out how to set the clock on their VCRs.

Utah Senator Orrin Hatch asked Zuckerberg how Facebook can continue to stay in business since it offers its service for free. Keep in mind this hearing was about users’ data being breached by advertisers. Bill Nelson confused smartphones with tablets. Lindsey Graham thinks the difference between Facebook and Twitter is equivalent to the differences between Ford and Chevrolet.

Deb Fischer said she knows that Facebook’s 2.2 billion users are larger than the population of most countries. Good for her for knowing that except, no country has a population of 2.2 billion.

Then there was Brian Schatz who asked if he used WhatsApp to email about Black Panther if it would get him banner ads for Black Panther.

No wonder Facebook’s stock went up during the hearings. Investors may want Zuckerberg to go back.

Creative notes: I didn’t feel a need to cover this issue again, but I had this idea and I just wanted to do it. I usually take Saturday nights off, but I was out of ice cream and there wasn’t anything on TV.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

A Syrias Distraction


cjones04162018

The FBI raided Trump’s inept attorney’s office, home, and hotel this week, greatly upsetting the president. Michael Cohen probably knows and has records, along with audio recordings, of every dirty and illegal thing Trump has ever done in his adult life. The walls are closing in on the Trump presidency.

And that dossier the Republicans have claimed is a work of a fiction funded by the Democrats and that the Justice Department used to improperly acquire FISA warrants to survey a Russian mole in Trump’s campaign? A part of it may have been confirmed this week. The dossier has information on Cohen meeting with Russians in Prague, Czech Republic. Cohen denied this and posted a photo of his passport to prove it months ago on social media. As it turns out, you don’t need a passport to travel from Germany to the Czech Republic.

Congressional Republicans, who infamously used the dossier to discredit investigators, shut down their own investigation a few weeks ago, claiming there wasn’t enough evidence of collusion with Russia, so they may as well stop looking. Now, they will have to find some new talking points. For now, the Republican National Committee is preoccupied with attacking former FBI Director James Comey.

Comey’s book is coming out next week and the media has released passages beforehand. It describes Trump, well, as the sane among us already see him. Trump called Comey a “slimeball” who is a leaker and a liar…and then he pardoned Scooter Libby, who is a leaker and a liar.

The RNC is putting their full weight into an attack on Comey, a fellow Republican who served the George W. Bush administration. While the rest of the nation sees the desperation of the Trump administration, the GOP is going all in by putting coward before nation.

Friday nights are Trump’s favorite time to pull some shenanigans. Trump’s eager to fire Mueller and Rosenstein, but that’s not really a distraction. Say, let’s bomb Syria.

Trump, who warned Syria, Russia, and Iran earlier in the week that the missiles were coming (he literally said “the missiles are coming”), said to Syria’s allies, “What kind of a nation wants to be associated with the mass murder of innocent men, women and children?”

That’s funny because for the past two years I’ve been wondering what sort of people want to be associated with a massive corrupt dumbass.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Trump Love Child


cjones04152018

“Enquiring” minds want to know. Is there a Donald Trump love child out there? A love baby The Donald didn’t want anyone to know about? And it’s not Eric? As Trevor Noah said on his show, every kid in America who doesn’t know his father is panicking right now.

It does sound far-fetched that Trump has a sixth child from a fourth woman, but the FBI is looking into whether the National Enquirer paid a Trump Tower doorman $30,000 not to speak of Trump knocking up one of his maids. Yeah, it sure does sound unbelievable, unless the payment is true. Keep in mind, the National Enquirer, along with the dumbest attorney in America, Michael Cohen, have paid women to keep quiet about shagging Donald. There is a pattern of people being paid hush agreements for stuff that “never happened.”

The National Enquirer, the bastion of journalism Trump says should be a Pulitzer Prize winning newspaper, has a program they call “catch and kill.” This works by buying a story from a source, something actual journalism outlets do not do, and they kill it, as in, they never publish the story. Sheesh. The worst Fox News does is have their talking heads attending weekly dinners with Donald Trump. When Trump says “many people want him to fire Mueller,” “many people” is Sean Hannity.

Why would a newspaper, especially a crappy gossip tabloid conduct a catch-and-release program? They didn’t catch and kill the story about John Edwards being a baby daddy. They didn’t kill the story about Ted Cruz leaving a trail of booty calls across the nation. They didn’t kill the story of Michelle Obama’s secret divorce file. They didn’t kill the story of the Hillary Clinton sex scandal cover-up. They didn’t even kill the story about Hillary only having six months to live, back in 2015. So, why wouldn’t they want to run a story about Donald Trump plowing Playboy Playmates and porn stars? Because, David Pecker, that is his real name, is a Trump supporter (I used to have an editor who I’d refer to as Mr. Pecker, but it wasn’t his actual name).

Trump’s allies are afraid, and they should be. The FBI raid on Cohen’s office, home, and hotel room may have given the feds recordings the attorney made with his clients. How stupid is that? There may be recordings between Cohen and Trump discussing all sorts of illegal and nasty stuff, like “Where should we hide all these rubles?” “Are you sure she was eighteen?” “How much pee was there?”

It’s not necessarily a crime to pay hush money, but it can be if it’s designed to manipulate an election, as in an illegal campaign contribution. There are questions about where the company that owns the National Enquirer is getting their money for these payouts, as the publication has declared bankruptcy twice.

The FBI raid had Trump’s legal team call off negotiations to have the president interviewed by Mueller’s team. Now, Mueller may issue a grand jury subpoena and there’s now reports he’s building a case for obstruction of justice to send to the Deputy Attorney General if Trump doesn’t fire him first. It’s Friday, so anything can happen tonight around 8:00 PM.

Now, who wants to do a count of how many Trump scandals involve a pecker?

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Mr. Zuckerberg Goes To Washington


cjones04142018

I heard a lot of people gripe about Mark Zuckerberg’s testimony before the House and Senate over the past couple of days. Most of their ire was directed at Zuckerberg. I’m not a Zucky fanboy, but I don’t think your anger should be placed on him. How about the codgers in Congress who don’t have a grasp on what Facebook actually does?

Keep in mind, this is a party whose president isn’t aware there’s already a rating system in place for movies. These people may not know how Facebook work but they know how the stock market works and half of them own a piece of Facebook.

Senator John Kennedy told Zuckerberg that he needs to dumb down the agreement policy so Facebook’s users will understand it. This, coming from a guy in a body where the majority of members don’t read their own bills. You could dumb down the Facebook user agreement so even Donald Trump could understand it and people still wouldn’t read it.

Ted Cruz used the opportunity to attack Zuckerberg for Facebook’s bias against conservative outlets and posts. Are you freaking kidding me? Facebook was the main platform Russian troll farms used to elect Donald Trump. Trust me. There’s not sabotage of conservative viewpoints on Facebook. What Cruz didn’t talk about was Cambridge Analytica, the firm that stole people’s information without their knowledge. He probably didn’t want to talk about it because he paid Cambridge over five million bucks for working on his campaign in 2016. Also, Ted Cruz is a sanctimonious piece of crap.

The funny thing is, the people complaining about their privacy being stolen are the same idiots constantly posting photos of what they’re eating, tagging their locations, asking you those stupid quizzes, like “are you old enough to know what this is?” next to a picture of an 8-track tape. Half these people are Four Square users, which is an app where the entire purpose is telling people where you are and what time, so now is a great time to break into their house.

The true verdict on how well Zuckerberg did is in the numbers. Facebook’s stock went up. The Facebook CEO’s personal wealth shot up $3 billion on the first day of his testimony alone.

If you’re wishing that Facebook goes down and complaining about Zuckerberg, and you’re doing all that on Facebook….uh, yeah. You’re probably that same person who tells everyone on Facebook that you’re leaving Facebook, but you never leave.

Sure, Facebook was in the wrong to allow a company to steal your info and then not say anything about it for a couple of years. But, you’re kind of a slut with your data anyway. Seriously, if you wanna stop being called a “bus stop hooker,” then stop hanging out at the bus stop so much.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Sinking Speaker Ryan


cjones04132018

It doesn’t matter what you think of Nancy Pelosi. You can believe she’s too old, too liberal, too SanFrancisky. How you feel about her doesn’t change the fact that she’s damn good at her job, even if you don’t like what she does with her job.

John Boehner was extremely bad as Speaker of the House. The Republicans he led were all over the place and in constant revolt. The scary wing-nut Tea Party fringe of his party made being Speaker a miserable experience for him, and that was before the Trump era. Boehner couldn’t control his caucus, and he got out. Nancy Pelosi, on the other hand, can herd her cats. She’s still the leader of her party in the House.

Paul Ryan may be a worse Speaker than Boehner. To be fair, Ryan didn’t really want the job as he knew it was a task corralling unreasonable grown-up babies with tinges of racism…and that was before Trump became the leader of the Republican Party.

On Wednesday, Paul Ryan told his staff and the world what most of us already knew, he’s not going to be Speaker of the House in 2019.

Ryan stood up to Trump before Trump came to power. In 2016, after candidate Trump said a judge of Mexican heritage was unfit to oversee a lawsuit against him because he was of Mexican heritage, Ryan said that was the “textbook definition of a racist comment.”

After President Trump said there were good people among the white supremacists in Charlottesville chanting “blood and soil” and “Jews will not replace us,” Ryan was silent. When Trump said, “Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?,” Ryan said those type of comments were “unfortunate.”

What was truly unfortunate was having a Speaker of the House refuse to stand up for what’s right and put country over party and Trump worship. Ryan was able to call out Trump’s racism until that racist became someone who’d help him cut healthcare benefits, provide huge tax cuts to the richest one percent of Americans, and place a conservative on the Supreme Court seat the GOP stole from President Obama.

Ryan always claimed his goal was to trim the national debt. With Trump’s help, he’s put into place cuts that will eventually leave us with a $19 trillion deficit.

Some say Ryan is getting out now because he doesn’t want to lose his upcoming election. I don’t think that’s it. I think he’s getting out now because he doesn’t want to work with the Trump and have to explain his early-morning tweets from the toilet anymore, and he has no ambition to be Minority Leader.

Ryan says he’s leaving to spend more time with his family as he’s tired of only seeing his children on weekends. We’ll see how often he’s home if he takes a job lobbying in D.C.

Paul Ryan sold his soul to the devil and that devil’s name is Donald Trump. Maybe, in a few short years from now when Trump is in a federal penitentiary, Paul Ryan can visit it on weekends.

Here’s the video. Watch it, like it, share it, subscribe. Please.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Witch Hunt


cjones04122018

Donald Trump says the Special Counsel’s investigation into his collusion with Russia and obstruction of justice is “the single greatest witch hunt in American history.” The problem with this argument is that it’s turning up a lot of witches.

What else would you expect from an investigation into a person like Donald Trump who ran a family business like a third-rate mafia? He has spent his entire career associating with witches and warlocks who are extremely bad at hiding the fact they’re witches and warlocks.

Michael Avenatti, the attorney for porn star Stormy Daniels who Trump’s lawyer paid to keep quiet that she slept with Trump, expressed shock at the ineptness of the president’s lawyer. Talking to Nicole Wallace on the 11th Hour on MSNBC Tuesday night, he discussed his amazement that Trump got so far ahead in business and public stature while hiring people as stupid as his lawyer, Michael Cohen.

The Russia investigation has been described as Watergate, but with stupid people. The main target is the biggest dumbass of them all.

Mueller’s witch hunt has led to charges against 19 people, five of whom have pled guilty to at least one criminal count. That’s a lot of witches. And the people at the top of the witch hunt, who Trump is blaming are all Republicans.

The Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, who recused himself isn’t just a Republican. He supported and campaigned for Trump. The Special Counsel, Robert Mueller, is a Republican. Andrew McCabe, who Trump fired days before his retirement from the FBI so he couldn’t collect his pension, is a lifelong Republican. Rod Rosenstein, the Deputy Attorney General overseeing the Special Counsel and who Trump is threatening to fire, is a Republican Trump appointed. Geoffrey Berman, the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York which is leading the investigation into Trump’s stupid lawyer, is a Republican, appointed by Trump, who Trump personally interviewed.

It’s really hard to claim they’re out to get you when they’re from your side. What do you expect them to do when everything about you is sketchy?

Trump’s business is connected to Russian oligarchs. His buildings have been used for money laundering by these oligarchs. He ran a scam university. He has a scam charity. Half of his appointments are engaging in corrupt practices from Jared selling access to his EPA chief literally sleeping in a lobbyist’s bed.

There is a better chance of Stormy producing a sex tape of Trump killing porn star ass than there is of Mueller not finding anything on Trump.  Frankly, I’m shocked Cohen wasn’t paying porn stars to say they slept with Trump and that it was amazing.

Soon, I expect federal penitentiaries to contain more witches than Trump Towers.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!