Ass Man


cjones02212020

When William Barr says he’s not making decisions based upon Donald Trump’s tweets, don’t believe him. I don’t have faith in Trump’s personal defender disguised as our nation’s Attorney General because his own people don’t have faith in him. They know he’s kissing that ass.

Four U.S. Attorneys resigned from the Roger Stone case after the Justice Department overruled their sentencing recommendation. This is something that’s never done. So when Barr says he wasn’t influenced by Trump’s tweets, don’t believe him. His people don’t.

Barr is trying to save face after he’s had his face burrowed in Trump’s orange ass. He’s acted publicly time and time again as Trump’s Roy Cohn. Right now, Barr is only trying to stem the bleeding in his department. He has a department, courts, and an entire justice system that does not have faith in him.

When William Barr says he hasn’t been kissing that ass, don’t believe his ass-kissing lips.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Drinks For Democrats


cjones02202020

I’m tired of hearing how Donald Trump is the winner from the Democratic caucus and primary (technically, there’s only been one of each so far). Maybe I’m tired of it because I’m hearing it from the left and the right and there’s some truth to it. Ugh, right?

Of course, there’s going to be a fight for the nomination. They always start off sweet and pretty to each other before they turn vicious. Last time around, there were only two viable candidates for the Democratic nomination, and the party still hasn’t gotten over that war. People are still fighting it. For a comparison, look at the GOP which had 16 candidates. It got so hostile that one candidate made fun of another’s penis size. Today, they’re all in line behind Mr. small orange penis except for Jeb Bush, who I think has more of an issue with Donald Trump than his small, teeny tiny orange penis.

But then again, Democrats are more independent-minded than Republicans. Democrats have stronger convictions while Republicans would bet their mother’s Social Security check at the dog track. Republicans will fall in line easier, even if the nominee is a Russian-backed, pussy-grabbing, racist idiot who bullies children.

I think the Democrats shouldn’t be afraid of fighting each other right now. They just need to get over it once they have a nominee. That’s something they didn’t do in 2016. If Bernie Sanders doesn’t get the nomination, then his supporters, the Bernie Bros., need to get behind the nominee this time. Though, that may be hard if the party keeps working to prevent Bernie from getting the nomination.

Bernie got more votes in Iowa but left with fewer delegates than Pete Buttigieg. Bernie won New Hampshire but won just as many delegates as, once again, Buttigieg. Every pundit on TV is telling us that Bernie is the front runner, but a weak front runner. OK, but if Bernie is a weak front runner then what does that make all the other candidates?

I agree Bernie is a weak front runner in a large field where nobody has more than 30% support. And the primary is now going to South Carolina where Bernie doesn’t have much support, but he could rebound in the next primary, which is Nevada.

Because they have the money, Bernie and Pete will be in this fight until someone has 1,991 delegates. So far, only 65 have been allotted. The fight within the party is between the moderate wing and the socialists, Bernie and Elizabeth Warren.

Bernie and Pete are both struggling with black support. Joe Biden has struggled through the first two contests but is now betting it all on South Carolina, where has strong support among African-Americans, though that has dropped. If Biden doesn’t win South Carolina, it’s over for him. But a win may give him momentum into Super Tuesday. He can still win the nomination.

Warren is actually third in the delegate count, but she came in fourth place in New Hampshire, where she should have come in at least second. If Warren can’t sell herself to her neighbors, who know her better than the rest of the nation, then how is she going to win the nomination? Spoiler alert: She doesn’t. As she’s running out of money, the next two contests may be her last.

Amy Klobuchar had a strong third-place finish in New Hampshire, coming in ahead of Warren and Biden. She’s a friendly moderate that even Republicans kinda like. And, she promises that she has strong support among the six African-Americans who live in her state of Minnesota. The strong finishes will bring in more money and keep Klobuchar in the race, even though I doubt she can win the nomination.

Michael Bloomberg is rising in the polls but nobody’s cast a vote for him yet other than write-ins. With his money, he can totally win the nomination.

Andrew Yang dropped out. Tom Steyer, Tulsi Gabbard, Marianne Williamson, Deval Patrick, and Michael Bennett don’t stand a chance. Did you forget some of those people were candidates?

Meanwhile, Donald Trump doesn’t have any real primaries this time. He doesn’t have to debate. The only reason he’s even holding rallies right now is that they get him off. Hell, several states have even canceled their primaries, and in states that have done that like Virginia, Republicans can vote in the Democratic primary just to help mess things up even further.

But whoever wins the nomination would make a better president than Donald Trump. Yeah, even Michael Bloomberg. Hell, even Marianne Williamson and Tulsi Gabbard would make better presidents than Trump. But a rock that had been hit in the head by other rocks would make a better president than Donald Trump. That weird-looking poodle that won the Westminster Dog Show yesterday would make a better president than Donald Trump. Polls show that any Democrat will beat Trump nationally, but it’s on the state level where they will have problems.

I can only make one guarantee about the election and that is whoever wins the Democratic nomination is going to be someone you’re not going to be totally enthusiastic about. Democrats’ best hope may be that the greatest motivating factor for people to come out and vote Democratic is the prospect of four more years of Donald Trump.

Democrats and independents outnumber Republicans. They need to vote in the general election, and for whoever the nominee is, like the life of our nation depends on it, because it does.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Shut The Tat’s Trap


cjones02192020

Roger Stone is the kind of guy, that when he watches Die Hard, he roots for Hans Gruber. This man is a villain who rejoices at being a villain. To him, it’s an art. For the love of God, he has a Richard Nixon tattoo on his back. And you thought a MAGA hat was a people repellant. As if just being Roger Stone wasn’t repellant enough.

Stone worked on the Nixon campaign and is considered by many to be a “dirty trickster.” He’s a liar who promotes conspiracy theories and other assorted bullshit. So naturally, he was all in on the Trump campaign. In fact, he was a lobbyist for Trump’s failed casino and encouraged him to run for president back in 1998. During the 2016 campaign, he engaged in conspiracy theories and according to two of his associates, was in communication with Julian Assange with whom he coordinated a smear campaign against Hillary Clinton.

Last year, the Mueller investigation (you remember that investigation. The one where Republicans say didn’t find anything?) charged Stone with witness tampering, obstructing an official proceeding, and five counts of making false statements. A court found him guilty on all seven charges. Not just one or even a few of them but every single charge Mueller presented. This week, prosecutors recommended Stone serve nine years in a federal penitentiary. Guess who flipped out crying that Stone was being mistreated.

Donald Trump went on a Twitter rampage about the mistreatment Stone received. He said the investigation never should have happened. It was illegal and a witch hunt. Keep in mind, Roger Stone was found guilty on all seven counts.

The president (sic) of the United States is defending a known liar and a conman. He’s defending a sexist who was banned from CNN after calling one of their contributors an “entitled diva bitch” and said he imagined her “killing herself.” The president (sic) of the United States is defending a racist who called another CNN contributor a “stupid negro” and a “fat negro.” This is a guy who sought to hire members of the far-right, neo-fascist, Nazi-loving Proud Boys as his personal security at a Republican conference. After his arraignment, Proud Boys stood on the steps of the courthouse screaming that Stone is innocent. The president (sic) of the United States is defending a guy who threatened a witness’ dog. At this point, I’m feeling bad for Nixon that he’s associated with this guy.

Roger Stone is one of Trump’s goons. He’s a henchman. If he wasn’t headed to federal prison right now, he’d probably be in Ukraine with Rudy Giuliani creating more conspiracy theories.

But, mere hours after Trump’s free-Roger tweetstorm, where he called it a “miscarriage of justice,” a senior Justice Department official said the department would recommend a lighter sentence. What? Go light on Roger because of Trump’s Twitter tirade?

Trump says he wasn’t involved but that he could have made the Justice Department go lighter (that alone tells you this guy will never willfully give up his power). But that’s a lie as he was involved. His tweets and public comments are him getting involved. The department says they made this call before the tweetstorm, but they’re not very good at lying. Just because you do something a lot, doesn’t always mean you’re good at it.

Later yesterday afternoon, all four of the Assistant US Attorneys who were prosecuting the case withdrew from the case, with one of them leaving the Justice Department altogether. Can’t blame the guy as you can see where the department is going, what with Attorney General William Barr publicly acknowledging that he would work with Giuliani in his Ukraine conspiracy theories. Why work for the Justice Department when the AG is just another Trump goon? This morning, Trump congratulated Barr for intervening.

This is the kind of stuff people should care about. Even Republicans should care about this. This is corruption. It’s the very definition of corruption. And along with my predictions that after/if he’s reelected, that Trump will pull all U.S. troops out of the Korean peninsula, pull the U.S. out of NATO, and host Vladimir Putin in the White House, he’ll also pardon Roger Stone and Paul Manafort. Actually, those pardons will come after the election, whether he wins or not.

The judge of this case has final say on the sentencing. Let’s hope she ignores Trump and the Justice Department and gives Stone what he deserves.

Roger Stone is a dirty trickster, liar, conman, evil, and corrupt. Donald Trump is defending the guy because he is too.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Bloomberg Get Frisky


cjones02182020

If Joe Biden’s opposition to busing in the 1970s hurt him in the 2020 Democratic primaries, then former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s Stop-and-Frisk program should devastate him.

An audio clip surfaced of Bloomberg saying in 2015, that he deployed “all the cops in minority neighborhoods because that’s where they’ll find all the crime.”

Bloomberg went on to say, “Ninety-five percent of your murders and murderers and murder victims fit one M.O. You can just take the description, Xerox it, and pass it out to all the cops.” He said cops must be put “where the crime is, which means in minority neighborhoods.”

Then he added that the way to get guns off the street and out of kids’ hands “is to throw them up against the wall and frisk them.”

Donald Trump tweeted that because of this, Bloomberg is a racist. Then he deleted the tweet, probably after realizing his base supports throwing black kids up against the wall. Hell, Donald Trump supports throwing black kids up against the wall.

Bloomberg apologized for this policy right around the same time he announced his run for the presidency. Today, Donald Trump said he’s in favor of the program for which he called Bloomberg a “TOTAL RACIST.” Yes, with all caps.

Will this hurt Bloomberg, who’s been putting hundreds of his own millions into the race? God, I hope so.

Is he a total racist? I don’t think he’s a TOTAL racist. Is Donald Trump a TOTAL racist?

OH, HELL YES. And, with all caps.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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An Autocratic Pickle


cjones02172020

Kellyanne Conway, White House Counselor (which is another absurdity of the Trump administration) attempted to downplay Donald Trump’s autocratic retribution against his enemies.

Trump removed Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman from his detail at the White House on the National Security Council and removed Gordon Sondland from his post as Ambassador to the European Union. Both men did the legal thing and complied with subpoenas and testified before Congress, revealing Trump’s corruption. Trump even removed Vindman’s twin brother from his post at the White House, even though he didn’t have anything to do the impeachment hearings.

During the Senate trial, which ruled Trump is innocent after refusing to hear witnesses or see evidence, House Manager Adam Schiff claimed there was a report the Trump administration warned GOP senators, “vote against the president and your head will be on a pike.” Schiff caught a lot of heat for that from Republicans. Now that Trump is putting heads on pikes, Republicans are defending the move. Hell, even Democratic Representative and presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard is defending Trump’s bloodletting.

Conway argued that the Vindman brothers were removed from the White House without being fired. But she couldn’t explain why they were removed months before their details were to end. Then she claimed Gordon Sondland was a “reluctant” Trump supporter. Yeah. Who reluctantly gave Trump’s corrupt inauguration committee $1 million.

And while arguing these removals weren’t political payback, she said there will be more dismissals to come. It’s tough to argue none of this was political payback since they all came AFTER the Senate trial, Don Jr. has tweeted that it’s political payback and the White House even issued a statement that translates to “bwahahahahahaha.”

Republicans have been smearing Vindman for months. American Thinker, a conservative website popular with white nationalists that warns rainbow-colored Doritos is a “gateway snack to introduce children to the joys of homosexuality,” published a story claiming Vindman dissed American “exceptionalism” and rednecks. In bizarro Trump world, the patriot is the bone spurs-draft-dodger and the traitor is the Purple Heart-receiving military veteran who led units in Iraq and Afghanistan. And how dare he criticize our rednecks. I love these new talking points.

Liberals have been warning the country that Trump doesn’t just have autocratic tendencies, he has psychopathic ones too. Former National Security Adviser John Bolton writes in his new book that Trump is doing favors for autocratic leaders. Duh. Trump has issued heavy praise for Vladimir Putin, Recip Erdogan, Kim Jong Un, and Rodrigo Duterte. If Nicolas Maduro was smart, he’d start sending delegates to Washington to book rooms at Trump’s hotel. Basically, Donald Trump is to Vladimir Putin as Lindsey Graham is to Donald Trump.

The funny thing with warning Republicans about Trump: They pooh-pooh our concerns and blow them off and Donald Trump confirms them. The whole “heads on a pike” thing. Why he wouldn’t that. He’s doing that. Ask Mitt Romney. CPAC, a conservative group holding a convention later this month in Washington, disinvited Mitt Romney because they’re literally afraid someone will kill him if he shows up. That has not stopped Donald Trump from tweeting about Romney and trying to implicate him in his Burisma conspiracy theory. Romney was the party’s nominee. Today, he’s being labeled a “traitor” and “disloyal.”

Lindsey Graham defended the ouster of Vindman and said, “What have I learned in the last two years? CIA agents, Department of State — Department of Justice lawyers, FBI agents have a political agenda, and they acted on it.” That sounds like some crazy shit someone like Maduro would claim. Republicans claim Trump isn’t aiming to act like a dictator while supporting his banana republic actions.

Here’s the real shit: Donald Trump was just acquitted and he’s taking these actions. What happens after he wins reelection? Does he start taking care of his critics in the style of Kim Jong Un and feed them to dogs? At least Trump would get a dog (other than Lindsey).

After Saddam Hussein seized power (in case you’re a Republican, of Iraq) in 1979, he convened an assembly of his Ba’ath Party where he claimed there were traitors in their midst. An aide read the 68 names of people in the room they accused of being co-conspirators, labeled them “disloyal,” and dragged them out one by one. After this was completed, Saddam congratulated everyone left in the room for their present and “future” loyalty. All 68 of those who were “disloyal” were found guilty of treason with 22 of them executed. Eventually, Saddam killed hundreds of members of his own party. Many of those left in the room had never been supporters of Saddam Hussein, but they got the message. Before the meeting was over, they were standing and exclaiming their loyalty to Saddam and yelling for the death of those who opposed him. Anyone who opposed Saddam wasn’t just disloyal to him but to Iraq. You could say Saddam’s political foes were the “deep state.” Also, Saddam didn’t have to worry about an upcoming election.

The people who support Trump today, we know which side they would have taken if they were in Germany when Hitler took power, or in France when he invaded. We know where they would have stood in Saddam’s Iraq. In the future, lackeys, toadies, sycophants, and lickspittles will be compared to Trump supporters.

I tell that story about Iraq because it’s another warning for Republicans to blow off…and for Donald Trump to confirm.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

MAGA Virus


cjones02162020

Is MAGA contagious? Before Trump won his party’s nomination, the majority of Republican officeholders were against his candidacy. Lindsey Graham called him a racist. Paul Ryan said his comments were the definition of racism. Nikki Haley said his “siren call” was dangerous. Ted Cruz called him a “sniveling coward.” Marco Rubio made fun of the size of his penis. Now, they’re all infected and they’re giving him whatever he wants. Now, Marco Rubio probably knows the size of Trump’s penis.

The one good thing about the MAGA virus is that it only infects stupid racist people who never had a conscience. If you’re afraid of minorities or anyone who speaks a language that’s not “American,” you’re susceptible to the MAGA virus. If a woman with an opinion intimidates you, it may be terminal. If a factual news report has you screaming “fake news” and calling the free press “enemy of the American people,” you should probably start wearing a human-sized condom. If Vladimir Putin gives you an erection, take two aspirin and call someone else in the morning. I’m not answering.

If you’re a non-white person, the good news is that there is a very low chance you will catch the MAGA virus, unless you’re washing dishes at Mar-a-Lago. For the most part, it only affects white people. Usually, only rural white people. It doesn’t affect urban areas as much. Maybe concrete is a deterrent…or books.

The MAGA virus is very serious and extremely dangerous to our nation. Those affected don’t care about emoluments, patriotism, facts, nepotism, or the U.S. Constitution. They believe in conspiracy theories over facts and believe a reality TV show host who believes you need a photo ID to buy cereal is the best choice to lead the nation.

About 3,700 people are quarantined on a cruise ship in Yokohama, Japan, with 136 of them infected with the Coronavirus. Maybe we should take the same tactic with the MAGA virus.

We could put every person infected with the MAGA virus on boats, push them out to sea and wait until the sickness has passed. Or, after we push them out to sea, we just don’t worry about them anymore.

On a side note: I really think Celebrity Cruises should stop playing “White Rabbit” in their commercials until the quarantined ship crisis in Japan is over. If nothing else, the cruise line’s choosing of that song gives me the feeling I won’t finish their cruise with both kidneys.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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The Republican God


CNN02092020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

I’m going to use this cartoon to digress and rant on something that kinda annoys me.

The thing that annoys me about Trump supporters is that they have to pretend Donald Trump is a lot of things he’s not. Self-made billionaire, smart, honest, great negotiator, non-racist, not corrupt, etc, etc. In fact, I have never heard or read a pro-Trump argument or defense that didn’t contain at least one lie. So, when I hear Christians and Evangelicals praise Trump, I know they’re phonies.

A couple of my Facebook “friends” shared a link to an article about why a Christan can support Donald Trump. Of course, neither of these fine, upstanding Christian men care that the article contains bullshit. The piece, “How Can You Follow Jesus And Support Trump,”  written by a Shane Idleman, is total bullshit. The article is in a publication called Christian Voices which obviously has a low standard for journalism and not something on my regular reading list.

In the article, our author argues he’s in favor of legal immigration but only if the immigrants are “god-fearing.” So right away, he’s in favor of discrimination. He’s too stupid to realize he’s making that argument. My friends are too stupid to realize it also. If you’re arguing that you only want people entering this nation who believe in what you believe, how long until you say you only want people who look like you? But, it’s his choice of what issue to focus on when it comes to defending Trump. He makes the claim that Donald Trump isn’t separating families or putting kids into cages. That’s not just a lie. It’s a lie racists use.

Mr. Christian writing man, if you’re such a great follower of Jesus, then why are you a liar? Yes, Donald Trump separated families after they crossed the border. Yes, he put kids in cages. They even forced minor children to go to court alone. It was part of his policy. He’s on record advocating for this. His Attorney General at the time it began, Jeff Sessions, made a speech announcing the policy and giggled about it to the point I thought they were going to have to administer oxygen to the racist elf. If this policy didn’t exist, then why did a court order them to stop doing it? You’re a liar.

Nowhere in the article does he mention Donald Trump lying, his love for Putin and cheating in an election, grabbing pussies, his racism, or stealing money from a children’s cancer charity. The guy would rather complain that the media is out to get Trump and his supporters. But there’s the thing about that argument, they never point what the media is lying about. Or, at least not successfully. There’s also an argument about socialism which is another huge lie unless the writer is totally ignorant on the subject, which is possible. So once again, another Trump defense based on lies.

If you have to justify your following of Donald Trump, you’re in the wrong. I don’t have to justify who I vote for or the positions I take. Probably because I’m not a lying piece of shit. If you have to lie to support your political positions, then you’re on the wrong side.

These Christians argue they’re getting judges for supporting Donald Trump. But where in the Bible does it say you can trade in your convictions and principles for stuff? I went to church a lot when I was a kid. Really. I don’t remember that sermon. And the other thing about these judges, our Christian friends don’t care by what means they get their stuff. They don’t care if the seats are stolen (and they stole more than one Supreme Court seat) or that you have to cheat in an election to get them.

The thing is, you never had convictions or principles. You were lying then just like you’re a liar now. But we’ve known that for a long time from your silence on government spending when a Republican is in control or from your love of the death penalty while claiming you’re “pro-life.”

The author says they’re not following a man but a movement. Your movement is a cult. You don’t follow Jesus anymore if you ever did (who, by the way, was a socialist). You follow Donald Trump because he’s your god, which he stated when he claimed he’s the “chosen one.” Guess what. That wasn’t mentioned in the article either.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.