Cartoons

Giddy Up Socialism


cjones04012020

When I did a cartoon last week on Republicans and MAGAts now loving socialism, I asked the question, “How will they defend it?”

There are a lot of Republicans, libertarians, and Trump supporters who are mouthing that they’re not happy with the $2 trillion stimulus to float the economy through the coronavirus pandemic. I’m sure there are others who are unhappy with Donald Trump, after great pressure from the nation’s governors, activating the Defense Production Act and forcing General Motors to make ventilators, which I’m sure will be arriving in hospitals by December (Right now, GM is asking: How do we make ventilators? Also, What’s a ventilator?)

I commend those conservatives for at least sounding consistent because when I say they’re “mouthing” their disapproval with the stimulus, I mean that’s all they’re going to do. Because guess what they’re going to do when they get those checks?

If the checks go straight into their banks through direct deposit, they’ll probably argue that it’s a hassle to return it. If checks arrive in the mail, they’ll cash them. What will they purchase? Probably guns and beer.

I quickly discovered the answer to the question I asked last week. How will conservatives defend Republican socialism? I’ve heard them argue that it’s not socialism when it helps people who work for a living. I’ve heard it’s not socialism because it’s helping “real Americans” and “Patriots.” I’ve heard it can’t be socialism if Donald Trump supports it. And I’ve heard, it’s not socialism because we’re in a national emergency. It’s a crisis.

But the socialism Bernie Sanders proposes, democratic socialism, is designed to help people in emergencies. It’s an emergency when you don’t have healthcare. It’s an emergency if you can’t pay your rent because your wage is too low. It’s an emergency that corporations are given huge tax breaks and don’t use it to invest in the economy. It’s an emergency when you can’t feed your kids. It’s an emergency when you can’t afford heat. It’s an emergency when you’re forced to pay ridiculous interest rates to get an education.

Donald Trump has said more than once that “America will never be a socialist country.” MAGAts love to compare Bernie’s socialism to Venezuela. Now, they’re watching Donald Trump nationalize an American corporation. Now, they’re all going to be cashing checks. from the government for work they didn’t do. America has always been a socialist country. They always argue against “free stuff,” but they’re the same fuckers who voted for a guy who promised a free wall.

How will Donald Trump run for reelection without complaining about socialism? Donald Trump is socialism.

I know the answer. They’ll say it’s not socialism when it helps white people.

Giddy up.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Watch me draw.

Bid For Your Life


cjones03312020

Maybe Donald Trump should wait until every state has the ventilators they need before he starts prognosticating on what date (selected because it’s “beautiful”) we can all return to normal lives. Only “normal” in the sense we could go outside, work, school, and get within six feet of other human beings. Not “normal” in the sense that Donald Trump is president.

As part of their deflecting of responsibility, Trump supporters blame Obama for not stockpiling medical masks during his presidency. Never mind the absolute unfortunate fact that Donald Trump has been president (sic) for the past three years and didn’t do anything about stockpiling medical masks in that time. He spent more time tweeting at Meryl Streep than preparing for a pandemic. Never mind the fact that his administration was warned by the Obama administration that a pandemic would probably hit the nation. But then again, Obama also told him not to hire Michael Flynn.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has shown more leadership ability than Donald Trump in dealing with this crisis. He’s given a press conference every day without making it a mini-campaign rally. He’s been blunt, factual, and realistic. He understands the problem because over half of all coronavirus cases in this nation are in the state of New York. In contrast, Donald Trump has downplayed and lied about the pandemic. Even after a new poll revealed a 60% approval of his handling of the pandemic, he’s continued to lie. And, he’s lying about New York and Andrew Cuomo.

New York needs 30,000 ventilators. They have 7,000. The federal government has only sent 400. In case you’re a Republican, 400 and even 7,000 are less than 30,000. And Donald Trump has claimed that Cuomo rejected a 2015 recommendation to purchase 15,000 ventilators and instead “established death panels” and “lotteries.” It should be needless to say, but Donald Trump’s claims are lies.

The states are begging Donald Trump to activate the Defense Production Act, which he has refused to do as he’s afraid it’ll step on the toes of big business and make him a socialist. We give huge tax breaks and bailouts to corporations, not demands that they support their country.

The Defense Production Act of 1950, enacted during the Korean War, allows the federal government to compel companies through loans and purchase commitments to develop specific equipment for national defense. Donald Trump says, “We don’t need it.”

Since we “don’t need it,” states, hospitals, and even FEMA are bidding against each other for medical supplies like ventilators, N95 masks, medicals gowns, and other supplies. Cuomo explained it best. He said, “because you have manufacturers who sit there and California offers them $4, and they say well California offered $4, I offer $5 and another state calls in and offers $6. It’s not the way to do it.”

As Cuomo pointed out, because he’s the adult in the room, “The Defense Production Act just says you can tell a company to manufacture this many by this date. Yes, it is an assertion of government power on private sector companies, yes. But so what. This is a national emergency.”

Hospitals are reusing masks. Masks that have expired are being used. Now, New York City plans to make patients share ventilators. Most medical professionals discourage sharing ventilators but acknowledge in a crisis like this, where the federal government is refusing to step up, it has to be done.

Instead of being presidential, Trump would rather attack governors who point out he’s not doing his job. He said that governors have to be “nice” to him to get what they need. So if you have the coronavirus, you might die if your governor doesn’t kiss Donald Trump’s ass.

Washington Governor Jay Inslee told Donald Trump that the nation needs a Tom Brady, as in a quarterback to win the game. Donald Trump, being unable to grasp even small concepts, took it as a compliment and thought he was being compared to Tom Brady and pointed out that he knew Tom and Tom knows him and he talked to Tom the other day and he’s the most special boy in the room so he gets the most cake and two scoops of ice cream while everyone else only gets one, etc, etc. He also pointed out that Inslee was a “failed” presidential candidate which I’m sure we can all agree is really important to focus on at this time.

Trump also attacked the governor of Michigan Gretchen Whitmer (whose name he forgot). He told Sean Hannity, “We’ve had a big problem with the young, a woman governor, you know who I’m talking about from Michigan. We don’t like to see the complaints.”

How dare that “woman governor” complain because Donald Trump doesn’t like to see complaints. He said, “all she does is sit there and blame the federal government.” Doesn’t she know he’s a man?

Whitmer tweeted at Trump, “Hi, my name is Gretchen Whitmer, and that governor is me.
I’ve asked repeatedly and respectfully for help. We need it. No more political attacks, just PPEs, ventilators, N95 masks, test kits. You said you stand with Michigan — prove it.” Donald Trump still hasn’t proven it. He’s still jacked up over that Tom Brady comparison.

Hey, if you want to talk about great quarterbacks, Drew Brees just donated $5 million to help Louisiana.

Donald Trump needs to enact the Defense Production Act so states, hospitals, and FEMA don’t have to bid against each other. Andrew Cuomo said, “It’s not the way to do it.” Acting like a sexist and racist toddler while engaging in petty feuds and demanding to have your ass kissed before you’ll do your job isn’t the way to be president.

Donald Trump’s way of being president and handling a crisis is not the way to do it. At the end of this, I hope his administration runs out of oxygen and needs a ventilator. Hopefully, he won’t be able to find one because they’ll all be in New York.

Let me put this in a way Donald Trump can understand: When it comes to quarterbacking this nation and being president and handling a crisis, you’re Ryan Leaf.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Goodbye Granny


cjones03302020

In case you haven’t noticed by now, Republicans are in a contest with each other to see who can be the vilest, most despicable, horrid person in their party. Keep in mind, this is the party that lied and said President Obama was creating death panels as part of Obamacare. The story here, whose biggest advocate was Sarah Palin, was that there would be panels deciding which old people to kill off.

The irony is that the GOP can stomach a lot of death. They value semi-automatic weapons over the lives of children. Kim Jong Un kills an American college student and the best Donald Trump can say is that the communist dictator “feels bad about it.” They don’t care about immigrant children dying in the desert or in the custody of Border Patrol. They don’t care if people in this nation die because they can’t afford medical treatment and are uninsured. Now, the Lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick (not the ESPN guy), has advocated that old people should be willing to die in order to get the economy going.

Patrick is a Texan and a proud member of the party of “if you’re not rich, fuck you.” Now, the position is becoming “fuck off and die.”

Donald Trump wants everyone filling churches by Easter Sunday, which is April 12. He said “we can’t let the cure be worse than the problem.” Patrick is taking that to heart and has gone on television to endorse old people risking their lives for the economy. Patrick, who is 70, said to Tucker Carlson, “No one reached out to me and said, ‘as a senior citizen, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the America that all America loves for your children and grandchildren?’ And if that’s the exchange, I’m all in.”

He carried on with his nonsense and said, “And that doesn’t make me noble or brave or anything like that. I just think there are lots of grandparents out there in this country like me… that what we care about and what we love more than anything are those children.”

Republicans are not taking this seriously. Texas is a state without a stay-at-home order from the governor. There are other states too that aren’t taking the pandemic seriously, such as Mississippi, where the governor’s answer to the virus is that they’ll pray really hard.

As the pandemic was rising across the globe, Donald Trump thought denial and lies were the cure. He called it a hoax and yesterday, he still claimed the media was using it to defeat him. He uses it himself politically in calling it the “Chinese virus.” And, he still thinks it’s the flu.

It gets worse.

In Pennsylvania, Republican state Representative Stephanie Borowicz introduced legislation (I swear I’m not making this up) calling for “A State Day of Humiliation, Fasting, and Prayer” in response to the coronavirus crisis. The legislation states, “We know that, by His divine law, nations like individuals are subjected to punishments and chastisement in this world” and the current pandemic may be “punishment inflicted upon us for our presumptuous sins.” It claims Pennsylvanians “have forgotten God” and thus need to “confess our national sins and to pray for clemency and forgiveness.” Why do I hear that in my head with a heavy southern accent? If anything, some Pennsylvanians have sinned by electing stupid fuckers to represent them.

Louisiana, which is becoming the next epicenter for the virus, has Senator John Kennedy, who downplayed the pandemic by claiming “poverty, hunger, and losing the entire economy” could also kill people. Likewise, Trump says suicides over the economy will outnumber deaths from the virus.

TV preacher Jim Bakker is hawking a fake coronavirus cure which I’m sure involves sending him money. Texas-based Evangelical preacher Kenneth Copeland claims he can cure the virus if you watch him preach on TV, which also probably involves money.

A Miami megachurch preacher, Guillermo Maldonado, has told his followers to pack his church and that fear of the virus is a “demonic spirit.” He asked the few people at his megachurch last Sunday, “Do you believe God would bring his people to his house to be contagious with the virus? Of course not.” So, if you’re afraid enough of the virus to stay home and not attend his sermon, you’re going to Hell.

Baton Rouge pastor Tony Spell is refusing to comply with a state order banning gatherings of over 50 people and said, “The virus, we believe, is politically motivated.” He passed out anointed handkerchiefs which are probably a lot easier to get now than Purell.

A pastor in Indiana, Paul Begley, believes the virus is a sign of the “end times.” A pastor in Pennsylvania (who probably voted for that nutjob state rep) says the virus is “demonic” and if you have it, then you are “healed in Jesus’ name.”

These politicians and preachers are willing to risk your life for their benefit. In the preachers’ case, it’s more revenue. In Trump and other GOP politicians, it’s their political hide. Donald Trump knows a recession hurts his chances of being reelected. What’s he going to say after people go over 30 days without a paycheck? Is he going to blame Obama, China, and the media? Probably. And the deeper we’re in a recession the harder it will be for a dumbass like Donald Trump to pull us out, and the majority of the nation knows that.

The most vulnerable to dying from the coronavirus are the elderly. The real irony in their willingness to sacrifice seniors for cheeseburgers, sermons, baseball games, and Trump rallies is that seniors, specifically the white ones, vote for Donald Trump (I’m not beating up on you if you’re a senior and you don’t vote for Trump. I’m a 53-year-old white male and my demographic is strongly pro-Trump. I’m the minority). But other than killing off their base, they’re putting themselves in extreme danger.

Donald Trump is 73. He can say he feels like a 30-year-old all day long but he’s still 73. He wants to relax the federal recommendations on social distancing and he doesn’t care if it kills people as long as it helps him. And people in his cult, like Dan Patrick (not the ESPN guy), they don’t care either.

The Republican Party doesn’t care if you die as long as it helps the economy. If you’re old, maybe you can help them even further by booking a cruise before you die.

But if you wanna stick around a bit longer, take some advice from your friendly neighborhood ink-slinging cartoonist: Don’t get into a car with a Republican. You may not come back.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Trumpy’s Little Bunny


cjones03292020

Can you believe Donald Trump’s approval rating has actually risen since the start of the pandemic and approval of the way he’s handled it is around 60%? Yes, this despite the fact he made the government less prepared for a crisis of this sort, denied it was happening, lied repeatedly about it, called it a hoax, and gave the public very bad information that’s actually dangerous. Yes, Donald Trump’s approval has risen despite the fact he’s a fucking moron.

Do you know why former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called Donald Trump a “fucking moron?” It’s because Donald Trump’s a fucking moron. The only thing that probably surprised Rex Tillerson more than the stupidity of Donald Trump was the fact he was working for him.

And as much of a Darwin Award candidate as Donald Trump is, the only people dumber are those who follow him. A couple days ago, Trump endorsed chloroquine as a treatment for Covid-19, which is a drug approved by the FDA to treat malaria, lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, but not the coronavirus. A man is now dead in Arizona and his wife is in intensive care after they both took a form of chloroquine used to clean aquariums. The couple didn’t have the coronavirus but took the aquarium cleaner because they were “afraid of getting sick,” according to the woman. She said, “I had (the substance) in the house because I used to have koi fish. I saw it sitting on the back shelf and thought, ‘Hey, isn’t that the stuff they’re talking about on TV?'” What do you want to bet she killed those fish too?

Yes. That was the stuff they were talking about on TV. Unfortunately, the person talking about the stuff on TV is a fucking moron. People, do not listen to anything Donald Trump says. This is a guy who stares at eclipses.

Donald Trump said this is a “Democratic hoax.” Before anyone died, he said the number of people having it would go down to zero. He’s blamed Obama for it. He said “anyone who needs a test will get a test.” He claimed it’ll disappear in April. Now, he’s leading Americans, his supporters, to ingest shit intended to clean fish tanks. People, don’t do that. The only people you have to tell, “don’t eat fish tank cleaner” are MAGA-hat-wearing fuckers.

Trump also said he’s not responsible for any of the government’s failures in combating the coronavirus. Yesterday, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, who’s responding to the crisis like an adult, complained that the federal government sent him 400 ventilators when he needs 30,000. Trump basically said that wasn’t his problem. I wonder if Donald Trump will take any responsibility for the Arizonans who ate aquarium cleaner.

Now, Donald Trump says he wants the country “raring to go,” opened by Easter, and the churches “packed.” I mean, Mr. Two Corinthians will be on a golf course, but his supporters should be packing those churches on Easter Sunday.

India announced a “complete lockdown” of the country’s 1.3 billion people. The Olympic Games in Tokyo were postponed for a year. Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced a lockdown in Britain. And Cuomo said cases of Covid-19 were doubling every three days, with a peak expected in the third week of April, when an expected 140,000 New Yorkers would need to be hospitalized. And Donald Trump is saying, “Hey, let’s party.”

Trump said he did not any examine any data when he picked Easter for when we should start infecting each other even more than we are now. He said. “I just thought it was a beautiful time.” He probably did examine the data for how his hotels are faring without any business. How can foreign diplomats give Donald Trump money so they can receive preferential treatment if his hotels are closed? Help a pretend billionaire out.

Trump isn’t worried about how this affects people. He believes staying home and not spending money will kill more people than the “flu,” which is still what he thinks the coronavirus is. And this guy is talking to Dr. Anthony Fauci and Dr. Deborah Brix on a daily basis and he still doesn’t understand it. In case you’re a Republican, the coronavirus is NOT the flu.

In Mississippi, the governor is refusing to shut anything down and believes prayer is the answer. He wants to pray for God to give Donald Trump wisdom. If you believe there’s any chance of Trump gaining wisdom then you’re probably a candidate to eat aquarium cleaner. Texas hasn’t imposed any restrictions either and the lieutenant governor says old people should be willing to sacrifice themselves for the economy.  And they accused Obama of installing death panels.

The only three things in the nation that haven’t been shut down are Mississippi, Texas, and Wrestlemania.

There are no health experts suggesting the nation can reopen by Easter, despite the inconvenience of people not going to Donald Trump’s shitty golf resorts. Responsible governors, even the Republicans in Maryland and Ohio, are shutting their states down and not listening to Donald Trump. Dr. Fauci himself has said it was possible the country would see a peak in the number of cases around May 1. In case you’re a Republican, May comes AFTER April. Maybe we should just postpone Easter. We’re out of eggs anyway.

When Donald Trump talks, the stock market crashes. Now, when Donald Trump talks, people die. He says “chloroquine” and then stupid fucks eat chloride. He says he wants the churches “packed” on Easter, and they will be packed with stupid fuckers…for funerals.

Don’t listen to Donald Trump and don’t be like Donald Trump because he’s a fucking moron.

Creative note: One of my proofreaders, Laura, busted my chops a little this morning asking where an open bar is located for this rabbit, and how is he smoking inside one? I don’t need that much creative license. Maybe the rabbit is in Mississippi or Texas where they haven’t shut anything down and smoking in bars is still allowed. In fact, there are still 16 states where you can smoke in a bar. Surprisingly, they’re not all in the south.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

The Urban Myth President


cjones03282020

You know we’re in unusual times when Donald Trump is giving leeway to an appointee to disagree with him. Not only does Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (since 1984), publicly disagree with Trump on several matters, he corrects him when he says something that’s not accurate.

Fauci has his hands full with the coronavirus, but he may be busier correcting all the bullshit Donald Trump keeps spitting out. That may explain why we haven’t seen the doctor at the last few press briefings.

Donald Trump has praised Fauci as a “major television star,” but just like we don’t need a C-list television star occupying the White House during an international crisis, we don’t need one to fight a disease. In this situation, we need a doctor. But Donald Trump doesn’t place a high value on professional medical opinions or science. Did you see the guy who was his personal doctor before he entered the White House? You remember him. He supposedly wrote the letter stating Donald Trump would be the “healthiest president” in American history.

If you want advice from Donald Trump on how to not pay back money you owe, he’s your man. I’d listen to him. He says he’s “great with debt,” and when it comes to personal debt, he’s right. He’s really good at not paying it and getting more loans from the same source. He sued Deutsche bank in order not to pay them and they still loaned him more money. But if Donald Trump talks about government debt, he doesn’t know how it works.  I seriously doubt he even knows when the fiscal year begins. He doesn’t understand how tariffs or trade works. He doesn’t even understand how lightbulbs work (They make him look orange). He can’t give you advice on the stock market, how to run a business, how to raise kids, have a successful marriage, or even how to chew your food. And most of all, he can’t give you medical advice.

Maybe Donald Trump can give you the name of a guy who will botch your hair transplant, and then you can toss that number out, but that’s the closest thing to helpful medical advice he should be allowed to give. With a pandemic sweeping the globe, let’s not take any medical tips from the orange botched hair job who’s afraid of stairs. After all, this is a guy who believed HIV and HPV were the same things.

And since Dr. Fauci is a doctor, he is required to correct the bullshit and deadly tips Donald Trump is dishing out. Donald Trump wants us to go with his “gut instincts.” I’d rather go with the scientist.

Dr. Fauci has publicly disagreed on how long it will take for a coronavirus vaccine to become available and whether an anti-malaria drug, Chloroquine, can help those with the virus. What Trump says is dangerous. Yesterday, a Trump fucknut commented on my YouTube channel that Chloroquine has been very successful in fighting the virus. No, it hasn’t. Where’d he get that shit? From Donald Trump. So, Dr. Fauci, if he is to be responsible, has to correct Donald Trump, because Donald Trump is never responsible. Hell, he even said so.

This isn’t Fauci’s first time dealing with a crisis and a president who’s indifferent and ignorant on the matter. He came into his office during the Reagan administration where the president was ignoring the AIDs crisis. He’s served under every president since. Now, he’s serving under Trump during a pandemic the president (sic) initially called a “Democratic hoax” and has tried to downplay.

Trump said he had it under control, that deaths would go down to zero soon, that it’d disappear, warm weather in April will kill it, a vaccine will be available soon, and that everyone who needs a test gets a test. Now, Trump is giving medical advice his professionals know is complete rubbish while also going against them on the time frame for self-isolation.

Donald Trump isn’t as worried about Americans losing their jobs as he is of a recession hurting his reelection chances…and his shitty resorts going under. Presently, six of his eleven resorts and hotels, where you could have caught something BEFORE there was a pandemic, are shut down because of the virus. His company has laid people off. So now he’s saying we should end the self-isolation sooner than his professionals think. Will Donald Trump fire Fauci for disagreeing with him on something that’s losing him money?

White House sources have told The New York Times  Donald Trump and several of his political advisers are losing their patience with Fauci, who has tried to play it cool when he disagrees with Trump. It would look bad for Donald Trump to fire Fauci in the middle of a pandemic, especially when all eyes are on him. But Trump has fired people in the past after he felt it was safe from criticism. I wouldn’t expect him to fire Fauci during the pandemic, but look for Trump to exact his revenge after.

This White House values loyalty over experience and ability. They even fired the brother of someone who testified against Trump. Expect Fauci’s retirement to come a bit early.

Until then, listen to Dr. Fauci and ignore Donald Trump about the coronavirus…just like you should be doing with everything else.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Rand Paul’s Dirty Pool


cjones03272020

In case you don’t know, Rand Paul has tested positive for the coronavirus. He’s the first senator to test positive and most likely, not the last. Especially since Rand Paul was the first.

While waiting for his test results, Rand worked out in the Senate gym and swam in the Senate pool. He also met with several people including fellow Senators. He probably sneezed on every handrail in the Capitol while he was at it.

Rand Paul is the kind of guy you want to avoid even when he’s not going to contaminate you with something.

And you might wanna drain that pool, à la Bill Murray in Caddyshack.

This is a bonus cartoon so you’re not getting a long blog with it.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Sketchy Senate Stock Sales


cjones03262020

Insider trading is trading in the stock market on confidential information. It’s not just frowned upon or a no-no. It’s illegal.  It’s especially worse when done by elected officials because they’re supposed to use classified information to help the country, not help themselves.

Several senators are being accused of insider trading after dumping stocks before the coronavirus pandemic. Each senator’s defense has been, “I didn’t do it while I was doing it.” Republican Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina is the worst offender.

Burr dumped holdings worth between $628,000 and $1.7 million in 33 separate transactions on February  13, around the same time he, as Chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, was receiving daily briefings on the coronavirus, and after he publicly projected, in an Op-Ed for Fox News, confidence in the economy and the nation’s response to the virus. Nothing to worry about folks as he rushes to the bank to withdraw all his money. What Burr did was basically sell everything he owned. He sold, sold, sold, and didn’t buy any stocks to replace them.

Burr has denied any wrongdoing and stated he based his decisions on public news reports. How does that work? You pretend to forget what you learned from classified briefings and only retain what Wolf Blitzer told you? Keep in mind, Burr is a Republican so he totally expects people to believe grade-A bullshit.

Burr has asked the Senate Ethics Committee to conduct a review of the transaction to prove his innocence. Maybe before he unloaded a bunch of stocks right after being briefed on an incoming pandemic, he should have asked himself, “Is this something that would be investigated?”

Kelly Loeffler is a Republican senator from Georgia. She sold off between $1.3 million and $3.1 million worth of stock she owned with her husband, Jeffrey Sprecher, who just so happens to be chair of the New York Stock Exchange. She started selling her shit the same day, January 24, the Senate Health Committee, of which she’s a member of, hosted briefing on the coronavirus. Loeffler made 29 equities transactions, 27 were sales. One of her two purchases was a company called Citrix, which makes teleworking software, a product now in high demand. Hmmm….a senator who’s married to the Chair of the New Stock Exchange dumping stocks after classified briefings…sure. Nothing smells here.

Loeffler claims all stock decisions are not made by her or her husband, but by a third party, which many say is a blind trust. There really isn’t anything to stop someone who has a blind trust from interjecting themselves to make decisions. When politicians says they have a blind trust, all they have is their word that they’re not involved. Donald Trump’s “blind trust” is operated by his two idiot sons. If you believe Donald Trump doesn’t receive updates or still makes business decisions, then I have a bankrupted Atlantic City casino I’d like to sell you.

Oklahoma Republican Senator Jim Inhofe, who chairs the Senate Armed Services Committee, sold $750,000 worth of stock. He said it was related to a “continuing divestiture plan.” Whatever.

California Democrat Senator Diane Feinstein, who is the ranking member on the Senate Judiciary Committee, sold off millions in stocks. She said all those decisions were made by her husband without her input.

It’s hard to pin insider trading on members of Congress, but it does happen. Recently, Republican Chris Collins, who was a congressman from New York, was sentenced to 23 months for insider trading.

Burr’s actions have infuriated Democrats and Republicans. Tucker Carlson has demanded his resignation, apparently confident that a Republican would win his seat in a special election in North Carolina. Tucker’s motives aren’t really that pure. He’s still upset that Burr signed off on a subpoena for Donald Trump Jr. to testify about that Trump Tower meeting with Russians. But, despite Tucker believing Burr should resign, Burr should resign.

Even if there’s nothing shady going on here, it doesn’t look good for senators to be dumping stocks right before a pandemic hits, causing a recession and forcing millions to lose their jobs. And to fully understand it better, you need to see what was sold off, what was bought, and the timing. Are Senators dumping stock in cruise lines and hotels? Are they making purchases in medicine and communication? And while we’re on the subject, is Donald Trump going to get a bailout for his bedbug hotels?

A much simpler way to deal with members of Congress and stocks is to pass legislation Senator Elizabeth Warren introduced in 2018 that would prohibit them from owning individual stocks. In a speech at the time, Warren said, “They can put their savings in conflict-free investments like mutual funds, or they can pick a different line of work.”

Would that pass? Hell no. We have a Senate run by Republicans who won’t demand that Donald Trump sell off his businesses. Remember, Jimmy Carter sold his peanut farm when he became president. Despite it being illegal to profit from the office, the Senate and the Justice Department refuse to stop Donald Trump from violating the Constitution’s emoluments clause. Donald Trump isn’t just taking money from foreign governments on the sly, he announced plans to do so with his Miami resort for the G7 Summit before backing off after much criticism.

Trump’s Doral club being the best location for an international summit of world leaders is about as much of a coincidence as these senators selling stocks after classified briefings.

I agree with Senator Warren that they should all find a different line of work. I’m thinking as workers in a prison cafeteria.

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