Republicans

Deep-State Voter Fraud


cjones11212020

What’s dumber than believing Donald Trump won the election or that there’s a deep-state cabal of Satan-worshipping cannibalistic lizard people running the government? Believing you can trust Donald Trump to work out a fair payment AFTER you perform a service for him.

Donald Trump has been sued numerous times by contractors for refusing to pay the price he agreed to in a contract. He’s even been sued by the lawyers who represented him in these disputes for non payments. So now Rudy Giuliani is publicly embarrassing himself for a price to be determined later.

Rudy is Trump’s lead legal fucknut in trying to steal the election from Joe Biden. In doing so, he has to present a case of total bullshit and conspiracy theories. Yesterday, Rudy argued a case in Pennsylvania and told the judge he wasn’t accusing anyone of voter fraud…and then blamed it all on voter fraud. He must have thought he was on Hannity.

There are reports that Rudy is charging $20,000 a day to represent Donald Trump in this attempt to steal the election. Rudy says those reports are lies…and you know how we can always trust Rudy to tell the truth. Rudy says they’ll work out a price after they’re done stealing the election and Donald Trump begins his second term.

Is Donald Trump stupid? Yes, he is, but he’s not dumb enough to pay Rudy $20,000 a day of his own money. His supporters are paying Rudy.

There’s only one thing dumber than voting for Donald Trump and that’s giving money to elect Donald Trump. His grifting is on public record. He publicly cried for an international summit to be given to one of his shitty golf resorts. A court has barred him and three of his shitty kids from participating with any charitable organizations in New York state because he stole from his own charity. Most people would go to prison for something like that. As president (sic), Donald Trump has directed millions of dollars of taxpayer money into his businesses. On top of all that, his campaign conducts events at his resorts where the Trump Campaign pays a fee to Donald Trump.

Giving money to support Donald Trump is like buying a new watch for the guy who stole your watch. So if you’re still giving money to the Trump Campaign, you’re giving it to Donald Trump. And if you’re dumb enough to give Trump money…are you dumb enough to believe a second Trump term will be saved by Rudy Giuliani, the guy who got scammed by Borat?

Part of this entire bullshit propaganda of Trump really winning the election and having it stolen by Democrats is to steal the election from Joe Biden. Another reason is to destroy faith in the government that takes over in January and make Joe Biden fail. But perhaps the greatest reason for this scam is that the Trump Campaign is still raising money for it.

But this time, it’s not going to a legal fight as much as it’s paying off campaign debt…and going into Donald Trump’s pockets. Maybe Trump will put the cash into his secret Chinese bank account or maybe he’ll put it towards the $500 million or so he owes to shady mystery creditors (probably Russians). Or maybe he’ll band use to pay off a real lawyer to help Rudy out the next time he tries to lure a teenage girl into a Manhattan hotel room supposedly for drinks while his hand is down his pants.

What’s almost just as crazy as believing Donald Trump will pay you later…or that Rudy Giuliani should lead your legal defense, is believing the election was stolen from Donald Trump.

70% of Republicans believe Donald Trump won the election and it’s being stolen by Democrats. And just like they didn’t have proof when a majority believed President Obama was born in Kenya, they don’t have any proof of massive voter fraud.

But hey, Republicans don’t need proof for bullshit. Ask Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Rush Limbaugh, Alex Jones, or Donald Trump. And now with members of Qanon actually being elected to the United States Congress, anything goes.

Republicans don’t have any relationship with the truth. At this time, only four Republican senators have accepted that Joe Biden has won the election. Two Republicans senators are screaming for the secretary of state of Georgia to resign because he counted more votes for Biden than for Trump. Another senator has called the same secretary of state suggesting he throw out votes for Biden. You know, votes cast by black people.

Republicans don’t have integrity, don’t care about democracy, and don’t care about the truth. Don’t believe me? Let’s go grab dinner at Comet Pizza and ask them about it. Actually, I’m joking. I’d never have dinner with a Republican. I can’t eat while looking at you people.

Here’s a fact: Donald Trump will not be president after noon on January 20, 2021. Why? Because of the fact Joe Biden beat his ass in the presidential election. Donald Trump lost the election fair and square and there’s not enough Rudy bullshit in the world to change that fact.

Here’s an unfortunate fact: All these idiots who would rather believe in conspiracy theories about voter fraud, lizard people, devil worshippers, or Democratic pedophilic pizza makers, will still be around after Donald Trump is gone.

Another fun fact: Fuck COVID. I’m not going anywhere either.

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Smooth Transition


cjones11162020

Republicans are all for stuff like democracy and free elections, that is…as long as they get the results they want. It’s like being given freedom of speech as long as you say the right things.

Not liking the election results, Republicans, led by Donald Trump, are screaming that massive fraud occurred and that’s the only reason Donald Trump lost. Republicans are so afraid of straying from the ridiculous talking points and giving credibility that our democratic process works, that only four Republican senators have congratulated Joe Biden on winning the election. In contrast, Hillary Clinton congratulated Donald Trump on election night in 2016.

For months, Donald Trump said the only way he could lose the election was if there was massive voter fraud. Donald Trump knew Joe Biden could beat him so even before the election, he tried to discredit the election. He knew Joe Biden could defeat him, so he broke the law and violated his oath of office by asking a foreign nation to help him dig up dirt on Joe Biden. Donald Trump even withheld foreign military aid to that nation, while they were being attacked by Russia, until they delivered dirt on Biden. Donald Trump was impeached for breaking the law and trying to steal an election.

Republicans were fine with Donald Trump violating his oath of office and his attempt to steal an election so of course, they’re fine now with the lie that Democrats stole the election. How much more proof do you need that Republicans don’t care about the rule of law and democracy? How much more proof do you need that the GOP is nothing more than a sycophantic, Kool-Aid drinking cult?

Here’s one question: Who stole the election? Yeah, I get that it was Democrats, but which Democrats? Who was in charge? Who ran it? I mean, was it all one big cannibalistic pedophiliac deep state that stole the election from Donald Trump in Pennsylvania, Arizona, Michigan, Wisconsin, Nevada, and even in Republican-controlled Georgia, while not tampering with the part on those ballots that featured Republican senate candidates? How did Democrats lose an election while not winning the U.S. Senate and while losing House seats? How are ballots fake when they’re for Joe Biden but the same ballots not being fake when they’re for a Republican senate candidate? Are the ballots only half fake? How are the results fraudulent only in states Biden won, and by larger numbers than Trump beat Clinton with?

To be a MAGAt, you have to suspend reality.

Donald Trump has told over 22,000 lies, one of those being that there were millions of illegal voters in the 2016 election. He never proved that. So why is anyone buying into his election fraud bullshit now? Are we going to become the United States of Qanon? Will Republicans forever claim the 2020 election was stolen from them…like they’ll forever claim Pizzagate is real and Obama was born in Kenya?

Yesterday, the Department of Homeland Security issued a statement that the 2020 election was the “most secure in American history.” This is Donald Trump’s own DHS. That Democratic-run deep state runs deep.

One thing that’s kinda funny, well amusing to me, is that Donald Trump often talked about having a third presidential term…and voters didn’t want him to have a second.

Donald Trump has praised China’s leader for becoming that nations president for life. He’s made a few references about it in regards to himself which I’d be fine with if he was trying to president for life of China. Donald Trump loves his dictators. He’s rather spend a weekend exchanging love letters with Kim Jong Un, getting back scratches from Rodrigro Duterte, playing nine holes with Recip Erdogan, and kissing Vladimir Putin’s ass in Helsinki, than spend time with Democratically-elected leaders.

Another one of Donald Trump’s lies is that President Obama spied on his 2016 campaign, which he has called treason. He also says it should allow him that third term.

I’m not a constitutional law expert so that’s probably why I can’t find it anywhere in the United States Constitution where a president can get a third term in office if his predecessor spies on his presidential campaign. I also can’t find under which amendment that a president can ignore election results when he loses the election.

That’s what Republicans are doing. They’re ignoring an election. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo ever referred to the Constitution when talking about a “smooth transition” into a SECOND Trump administration.

Here’s the thing about that: The Constitution doesn’t spell out that we elect our president. Article II, Section 1, Clauses 2 and 3, state the president is choses by electors in each state. It’s practice they simply follow the election returns and never conduct substantive discussion or debate about who should be president. This may be what Pompeo is talking about…which means there has been substantive discussion on it between Republicans.

It’s a hail Mary attempt, but a lot of Republicans are envisioning stealing the election through the electors…if they can convince them to ignore election results.

It’s why they’re refusing to call Joe Biden “President-Elect Joe Biden” It’s why all departments have been told to budget for next year as though all those department heads will still be there in 2021, unless Trump has them fired for not being sufficiently sycophantic. It’s why the State Department won’t even pass on congrats to Biden from other nations. It’s why Republicans are saying Trump won 2020 in a massive landslide. It’s why the Trump administration isn’t allowing for a transfer of power. It’s why MAGAts like Mike Pompeo are talking about a “smooth transition” into a second Trump administration.

I can promise you this: If they have to steal it, it won’t be “smooth”

I thought it would be death for our democracy if Trump won the election. How could I have predicted the death of our democracy would come from his losing?

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Hanging On A Vote Count


cjones11152020

In Georgia, Republican Senators David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler are headed to runoffs.

Perdue’s election is on the regular schedule for his seat but Loeffler’s is a special election since she was appointed to fill a vacant seat. They’re both very upset over the results in their state in last week’s election. And it’s not that they’re upset over their outcome, but of that for Donald Trump.

Ya’ see, kids…David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler are obedient sycophants. They represent the party that’s more about the cult than the party that’s concerned over policy. This Republican Party does not care about democracy or the rule of law. These two senators believe there should be punishment inflicted upon those who don’t use their position or even break the law for Dear Leader. And if a person performs the duties of their job appropriately and it doesn’t serve Trump, then that person has to go.

Perdue and Loeffler are calling upon Georgia’s Secretary of State, Brad Raffensperger, a fellow Republican, to resign because he counted more votes for Joe Biden than he did for Donald Trump.

There’s a very good reason why Raffensperger counted more votes for Joe Biden than for Donald Trump in Georgia and that’s because more people in Georgia voted for Joe Biden than for Donald Trump.

Georgia is run by Republicans and they’re all upset that Joe Biden has won the state. They have scheduled a hand-recount and they haven’t even finished the first count. Funny thing is, in 2018, Georgia’s then-Secretary of State, Brian Kemp, removed thousands of black voters from the being eligible to vote and, surprise surprise, he won the gubernatorial election. The man literally voted on his voters. These Republicans didn’t have an issue with that vote count.

Now, David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler are calling the election and “embarrassment” and these two Riff Raffs are accusing Raffensperger of “mismanagement” and “lack of transparency.” Just like the accusations Republicans are making in other states over Donald Trump losing, these two didn’t have proof, examples, specifics, evidence, etc. Their only grounds are that Dear Leader didn’t win.

Democrats did not steal this election. If they did, there wouldn’t be two senate runoffs. Republicans won’t be able to overturn the election in any state and they’d need several to give Trump enough votes to win the electoral college.

The facts are Donald Trump lost the election and Joe Biden is the president-elect of the United States of America. Since they don’t like those facts, elections, or democracy, I don’t know why Republicans are playing around with recounts and lawsuits. Why don’t they just cancel all elections, ignore the recent one, and declare themselves winners? They can declare Donald Trump president for life and install themselves as his minions with government salaries and free healthcare.

Republicans don’t care about democracy or the United States Constitution because they are trying to steal an election. They only care about the cult of Trump. Their unwillingness to accept election results is proof they never considered impeachment for Trump or cared that he broke the law in that matter.

Republicans, you lost. Get over it. Go over to that racist social media platform, Parlor, and gripe about it there.

But since we’re still using elections to select our leaders, pay attention in Georgia. And here’s a tip when you vote: Don’t vote for motherfuckers who want to steal your vote. Don’t vote for motherfuckers who don’t believe in the sanctity of democracy and fair elections. Don’t vote for motherfuckers who want to punish people because they don’t like the legal outcome. Don’t vote for undemocratic motherfuckers. Don’t vote for motherfuckers who will put Dear Leader over their duties as elected members of the United States Senate.

Georgia, you can do better than being represented by cowards and sycophants. Make it happen.

Note: I used to live in Georgia back in the early 80s.

Other note: My son has tested positive for the coronavirus. And totally unrelated, I have been experiencing symptoms. I’m taking a test tomorrow afternoon. I can’t smell anything. I can’t even smell the GOP bullshit.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Hot Drop Box


cjones10182020

The Republicans are cheating again. What do you mean you’re not surprised? There are two things Republicans do very well. Cheat and accuse others of cheating.

Donald Trump screams that Ukraine helped Hillary Clinton in 2016 while the undisputed fact is he was helped greatly by Russia. I don’t believe Donald Trump would be president (sic) today if Russia didn’t meddle into our election. Donald Trump has even claimed Russia favored Clinton in that election. That’s like claiming she’s the one who keeps sending Quarter Pounders to the White House.

During the 2020 election, Republicans are wailing about China and Iran helping Joe Biden, which they may be doing to some degree, while ignoring that the greatest meddler is once again Russia…in favor of Donald Trump. The Attorney General, William Barr, even went on CNN and without any proof, said China is the greater threat in this election. But then again, William Barr is Donald Trump’s personal butt poodle.

Here’s a lesson in Voting 101, kids: Don’t vote for the candidate endorsed by Russia. It’s a simple voting primer that a lot of people don’t seem to understand…or care about.

Republicans also claim Democrats are tampering with ballots. Every time some Democratic operative gets caught messing with ballot applications, they ignore the word “application” and they ignore North Carolina. What happened in North Carolina? Eight people were indicted on charges related to tampering with ballots, not applications, to help a Republican in the 2018 midterm congressional elections.

These Republicans complaining about voter fraud are the same people who warn us about gay culture while also drilling glory holes in men’s rooms at airports and truck stops.

After the 2016 election, in which Donald Trump was a sore winner, he claimed millions of people voted illegally without any proof. He created an election commission to investigate this alleged voter fraud that was really a project to collect voter data, possibly to harass or discover whom to invalidate in the future. The commission demanded every state to turn over all its voter information, such as addresses for every voter in the nation. The commission was quietly disbanded after being unable to find any evidence that millions had voted illegally. All they left behind were offices with men’s rooms full of glory holes.

During the 2018 election, Republicans worked to invalidate college voters in Texas, Native American voters in North Dakota, and black voters in Georgia. In Georgia, the Republican running for governor was the same guy responsible for operating a safe and fair election. What did he do? He removed thousands of black voters from the voter rolls. Guess what happened next. He won the election. Surprise! Who woulda seen that coming?

I’m surprised I haven’t heard the Republicans argue they wouldn’t have to engage in so much voter suppression if all these minorities wouldn’t keep trying to vote.

President Barack Obama pointed out yesterday that even the far right in Europe doesn’t work to suppress the vote. We are the only Democratic nation that discourages voting. Seriously. Keep in mind, voting is your constitutional right. No party or elected official should be able to take away that right.

In Florida, a state run by Republicans, ruled that felons can’t restore their constitutional right to vote until they’ve paid off their fines. Enter Democratic billionaire Michael Bloomberg who is paying off thousands of these fines. Republicans are now accusing him of buying the votes while ignoring that they literally enacted a poll tax.

As we head to this election, Trump and Republicans are doing all they can to suppress the vote. And if they can’t suppress it, they’re planting seeds of doubt.

They rail against mail-in ballots except in states where Republicans control the election (like Florida). Seriously. Donald Trump has said if he doesn’t win, then the election was corrupt. Republicans are fighting in state courts across the nation trying to invalidate any ballots that arrive after election day, even if they’re postmarked on election day. How can you tell Republicans were in court? The court’s men’s rooms are full of glory holes.

Personally, I think if our tax filings can arrive after the due date as long as they’re postmarked by it, then we can do the same with our ballots.

Donald Trump has even planted a goon to run the post office in efforts to tamper with mail-in ballots.

We’re worried the United States Postal Service can’t deliver fewer than 138 million ballots between now and the election, while they deliver nearly 900 million packages between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Donald Trump has been so successful at planting seeds of doubts, that even liberals are afraid to put a stamp on their ballot and stick it in the mail. I applied for a mail-in ballot and even after I received it, I took it to an official drop box at the registrar’s office just because I got paranoid that Donald Trump was fucking with the mail. And I live in a blue state.

I’m really glad I used an official drop box for my ballot. At least I think I did. It was in front of the registrar’s office and not in front of a gun store.

Yeah, in California, one party has set up phony drop boxes to fuck with voters. I’ll give you a hint in which party is doing this chicanery in that the party doing it is not the Democratic Party. Some of these are in locations like gun stores, gas stations, churches, and even GOP offices. Some of these are marked as “official” state drop boxes when they’re not. They’re also not complying with state-required security features.

The thing is, in California, ballot harvesting is legal. What’s ballot harvesting? It’s what the Republican fuckers in North Carolina was doing. It’s where you grab a bunch of ballots and you turn them in. It’s something Republicans complain about while doing. And in case you’re a Republican, I’ll explain it to you more simply. It’s like a glory hole harvesting penises, but with ballots.

The Republican Party says it’s on the up-and-up yet they won’t say how many of these ballot boxes there are or how many. Also, the state has sent them a cease-and-desist letter and they’ve replied, “no.” They will not cease. They will not desist. They will continue to harvest ballots while complaining about harvesting ballots.

Once again, Republicans are lying hypocritical cheating fuckers.

And in Texas, they’re reducing the number of ballot drop boxes to one per county, no matter how large the county is. So, in California, Republicans are creating more drop boxes (all unofficial) to confuse people and in Texas, they’re reducing the number of “official” drop boxes to confuse people.

To sum up, let’s go over a few tips:

  1. Don’t vote for the candidate endorsed by Russians. 2. Don’t drop your ballot off at a gas station. If you’re not going to trust the sushi, don’t trust Gomer and Goober with your ballot. 3. Vote in person or drop your ballot off AT the registrar’s office because of number 4 which is… 4. Don’t trust Republicans. 5. If there’s a hole in your bathroom stall…run.

Republicans can’t win this election fairly. They know this because they didn’t win the last one fairly. Republicans cheat, lie, and steal. And if we allow it, they’ll steal this election.

Don’t let them steal your vote. Don’t let them steal this election. Don’t let them steal our White House which, by now…is probably full of glory holes.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Religious Test Bigotry


cjones10172020

Don’t take my word for it that Republicans are going to lose in November. Take theirs.

Republicans know they’re going to lose the Senate (even South Carolina is competitive. South Carolina!). They’re going to lose the White House. There is no chance they can retake Congress.

Republicans know the will of the American people is against them. The majority of the nation rejects Republicanism and Trumpism. In the past 32 years, they’ve only won the popular vote in a presidential election…ONCE. In 2018, Senate Democratic candidates received 12 million more votes than Republican candidates. And despite the will of this nation being against Republicans, they control the White House, the Senate, and will soon have six out of nine justices on the Supreme Court which will rule for decades. Do you think that’s fucked up? Good, because it’s fucked up.

Republicans know the majority of America doesn’t like them. They know the more educated and informed Americans are, they more likely they’ll vote against their policies because their policies are stupid, racist, and regressive. “Make America great again” means make America go backwards. And that’s why they’re ramming through the confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett.

Nine months was the time between Merrick Garland’s nomination to the Supreme Court and the election in 2016, yet Republicans wouldn’t even discuss it. There were no hearings. Republican senators refused to even meet with the man. There are 21 days between now and election day and yesterday, Republicans began hearings for Amy Coney Barrett.

Is it because she’s so qualified? No. While I don’t believe she’s a mouth-breathing knuckle-dragging moron, she doesn’t have much experience. She’s been a judge, not just a federal judge…but a judge period for less than four years. Does she need to be rammed through because of her excellent judgement? Well, she judged that all seven of her children could attend a White House super-spreader event without wearing face masks or engaging in social distancing. Should we ram her through because she’s a person who stands by her word and has exemplary principles? I don’t know because she once said only conservatives should replace conservative justices and vice versa for liberals. Today, she’s a conservative nominee replacing Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

And should we ram her through because of her independence and free will? No because she’s in a cult. Literally. She is in a religious cult.

Republicans scream that Democrats shouldn’t exercise “religious bigotry” over her. I disagree. Exercise that shit. She’s in a cult. She’s going to be on the bench for decades. We have a right to know if she’s going to rule like the Handmaid’s Tale. It’s fair to ask if she’s going to enact her religious beliefs when it comes to abortion, health coverage for all Americans, guns, birth control, gay marriage, or force every unwed woman in the nation to wear a chastity belt, and if they screw around, a scarlet letter.

Yesterday, I observed an exchange between a conservative cartoonist and a liberal cartoonist. I merely observed…for once. The conservative was upset with the liberal’s cartoon on Donald Trump’s nominee and said his work “smacked” of religious bigotry. The conservative asked, “What would you have drawn had she been a devout Muslim or an Orthodox Jew?” My question to him would be, “What would you have drawn?”.

Let’s be honest. If a Democratic president nominated a Muslim female, the GOP would freak out. For example, look at what they’ve done with Ilhan Omar, and she’s a Congresswoman. Donald Trump has accused her of coming to “our” nation after messing up her birth nation of Somalia, never mind the fact she left Somalia when she was eight. They’ve accused her of supporting terrorists and of being a terrorist. They’ve yelled, “Send her back.” Republicans have said, “How dare she tell us how to run ‘our’ country,” forgetting the fact she was elected to tell us how to run our country. Never mind the fact that our country is also her country. They’ve even accused her of marrying her brother. Seriously. And if we take Donald Trump’s track record of hypocrisy into account, we should investigate to see if Melania is his sister.

So yeah. I’m sure Republicans wouldn’t exercise any religious bigotry if a Muslim was nominated to the Supreme Court…or any court for that matter. And just how many Muslims are currently occupying federal courts in the United States of America? Zero. Zip. Nada. Nil. Zilch. None.

There are no Muslims on any of our nation’s federal courts. And yet, Republicans are clutching their pearls by people asking a religious zealot who’s a member of a literal cult that literally tells women to be submissive to their men, if her faith will play a part in her decisions.

I have two great ideas: First, let’s nominate nothing but atheists. They won’t be influenced by some backwards dogma while also respecting religious freedom because that also protects our right to not have any faith.

My second great idea is to stop these proceedings because ramming this confirmation of Amy Coney Barret to the Supreme Court is a joke leading to a tragedy.

This is a lifetime appointment. By ramming it through, Republicans are showing they don’t respect that. They don’t respect the American people. They say the American people should decide who puts these judges on the courts but by ramming this through within 22 days shows that Republicans are afraid of what the American people will decide.

And has Amy Coney Barrett said, “Hey, let’s wait until after the election.”? Of course not. Because just like everyone else Donald Trump has nominated, she doesn’t have any principles. She can not wait to get on the Supreme Court and take away your health insurance and to outlaw abortion. Hell, Justices Thomas and Alito are salivating at the chance to outlaw gay marriage.

The real irony here is that after she gets on the court and helps install Donald Trump president for life, there will no longer be a Supreme Court.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Republican Hypocrites


cjones09232020

“The American people should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court Justice. Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new president.”

That was Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell in 2016 after the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia left a vacancy. If you were unsure if McConnell was full of shit then, today’s actions by him and his GOP colleagues confirms it.

The Republican argument in having a new position is that now, the president (sic) and Senate are of the same party. But, that doesn’t change the fact there is an election in 43 days. That doesn’t change the fact we can have a new president and even a new Senate in January.

The fact of the matter is, Mitch McConnell, Donald Trump, and the Republican Party don’t care about being hypocrites. They never had integrity or a sense of fairness. The only reason they bark out some stupid bullshit about the president (sic) and Senate being the same party now, something they didn’t stipulate in 2016, is because they need some bullshit. I mean, they can’t just come out and say it’s a power grab and they don’t care. They can’t admit they’re hypocrites.

If they had to, they’d create some new crap like there’s a exception for a president with a bad combover.

McConnell was on Sean Hannity’s show fairly recently where Hannity praised Trump for being so much better than President Obama at nominating judges. McConnell actually corrected him and said Obama was good at nominating, but that he, McConnell, was good at blocking them. Then McConnell let out a sick giggle.

Republicans don’t care about decency, fairness, or integrity. They definitely don’t care about the Constitution. And hey, when it’s all said and done, the court may not matter if we’re in a fascist system.

But, they’re rushing to fill this seat because the argument they clung to in 2016 may be true this year. Donald Trump may be rejected by the American people again, but this time, tossed out of office. The United States Senate may be in Democratic control. The fact the Republicans are forcing this vote on a new justice, before the election or the end of the year, is because it’s a power grab. It’s because they’re afraid the people will have a say.

In fact, a new poll shows that 62 percent of Americans want the confirmation to wait. Maybe America feels kinda weird about an impeached president making lifetime appointments to the highest court in the nation.

When McConnell made the statement about Americans having a say in their next Supreme Court Justice, he said, “THEIR” Supreme Court Justice. He was momentarily correct in that the seat belongs to us, not to the Republican or Democratic Party. They’re playing politics with our lives for the next forty years. In a few months, their politics may mean an end to legal abortion. It may mean an end to healthcare coverage for millions of Americans.

I can change my positions too. I was against adding new seats to the court. Now, I’m for it. If the Republicans are going to steal seats from Democrats and refuse to play by their own rules, and a stupid, racist president who is a tool of Russia can’t nominate anyone who can garner 60 votes, then let’s do some power grabbing of our own. Increase the number of seats and while we’re at it, let’s make Washington, D.C. and Puerto Rico states. That’ll give Democrats four more Senate seats.

What’s good for the goose is good for the hypocritical gander.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Republican Rescue


cjones08052020

After Hurricane Maria hit Puerto Rico in 2017, Donald Trump went to the island, after discovering it was an island, and threw out paper towels. Then, he proceeded to lie about the death toll and trash the residents of the United States territory, after he found out it was a United States territory.

Today, a lot of people still don’t get the fact, despite three years of evidence, that Donald Trump doesn’t give a flying fuck about anything unless it’s Donald Trump.

Take Donald Trump’s latest interview with Axios. When asked if he was impressed by the late congressman and civil rights icon John Lewis, Trump couldn’t answer the question except to complain Lewis didn’t come to his inauguration or his State of the Union speeches. Again, for Donald Trump, it’s all about DonaldTrump.

While millions of Americans are still unemployed with the extra $600 a week unemployment benefit expiring and facing evictions, Congress went on a three-day weekend. Democrats have had a plan on the table for months. It passed the House while it’s languished in the Senate. Republicans don’t like it because it’s too nice and doesn’t help out enough billionaire assholes. Republicans are afraid it’ll make poor and middle-class people lazy and a bunch of grifters, you know…like the president (sic).

Initially, the Trump White House, with negotiations led by Treasury Secretary Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin, demanded cuts to testing and to the Center for Disease Control in a pandemic that’s killed over 150,000 Americans. But guess what the White House did demand to be inserted into the relief package?

Donald Trump has demanded at least $1.8 billion in the relief package to go for a new FBI headquarters in Washington, D.C. You might ask yourself, What the fuck does that have to do with the coronavirus? How does that help out anybody being hurt by this pandemic?

The answer is, it doesn’t. As Donald Trump said in that Axios interview about the death toll, “It is what it is.”

Before Trump came into office, there were plans to move the FBI headquarters out of the city. Maryland and Virginia both wanted the new HQ and that was the initial squabble. It’s a lot of money and jobs. Washington actually wants it to leave the city so they can use that prime downtown space for retail and make much more money from taxes than from another bloated government agency that Donald Trump has turned into his own personal goon squad.

Why does Donald Trump want the building to stay in the capital? The cynical person would bet it’s because Donald Trump has a financial stake in it. Shame on those cynics. Shame, for shame. The truth is…yeah. That prime retail space might go towards a hotel…one that would compete directly against the Trump Hotel which is nearby. Fortunately, it has been removed because it was even hard for Republican assholes to swallow.

Donald Trump also wants the government to receive a finders fee, gratuity, or tribute for the sale of the Chinese app, TikTok, if Microsoft buys it. I know deep down inside this story, there’s a payoff to Trump. Also, what happened to Republicans being against heavy regulations and higher payouts to the government? This is weird. What do Republicans really believe in anymore?

While running for president, Donald Trump promised a replacement for Obamacare. He said it was going to be “bigger, better, and cheaper.” We still haven’t seen it. He promised they wouldn’t try to repeal Obamacare until they had a replacement. They ended up trying, and failing, to repeal it before they had a replacement. Two weeks ago, he said the new plan would be unveiled in two weeks. That was over two weeks ago and still nothing. Instead, during this pandemic that’s killed over 150,000 Americans, Trump is still trying to kill Obamacare.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about you. Ask Herman Cain. Wait. You can’t. He’s dead from catching the Trump Virus at a Trump rally.

Trump and Republicans had four months at least to prepare for the unemployment and eviction protections to run out. Instead, they took vacations. Trump played a lot of golf. At this point, you’ll be lucky to get paper towels.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Trump’s Disappearing Act


CNN07262020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Defund The Police


cjones06112020

This cartoon should ignite a lot of debate on social media over the next few days.

A lot of Black Lives Matter protesters are calling for defunding the nation’s police departments. There’s a lot of talk about what that means exactly and concerns Donald Trump and Republicans will milk it for the 2020 presidential campaign. Guess what. They’re already doing that.

It doesn’t really matter what the facts are for Donald Trump and Republicans to take something, fill it full of lies, and run with it. Remember how President Obama was going to take all our guns? Do you remember President Obama actually taking our guns? During the 2018 midterm elections, Trump and Republicans ran on the message the Democratic Party wanted to abolish ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement). That did not work, the Democrats took the House, and we still have ICE. A lot of Republican voters probably thought Nancy Pelosi was coming to take their ice makers and we’d have to go back to trays.

Republicans and Trump gaslight and lie on a political issue? Remember, this is the same party that ran on saving Obamacare in 2018. Donald Trump also claimed George Soros was funding Central American caravans to “invade” our southern border and he even admitted he had no facts to base this claim.

Donald Trump stated yesterday that we’re not going to defund the police despite the fact he actually doesn’t have much of a say in it. Funding your local police department is mostly from your local government. But, the federal government can create laws restructuring and regulating police departments which is exactly what this nation needs.

While people argue most cops are good and the bads ones are just a few…the rotten apples have rotted police culture. While you can argue it was just a couple of cops who pushed the elderly man in Buffalo, there were multiple who walked past the man without offering any assistance. Then, it was an official statement from the department that the old man tripped and fell on his own despite there being video evidence contrary to that. Then, after two of the cops were punished, 52 of their colleagues resigned from their task force in protest of cops being held accountable. That is a culture that doesn’t need restructuring. It needs to be eliminated. Do we have to defund police to eliminate that rotten cop culture?

When the Minnesota State Police arrested a black CNN journalist who was only doing his job, reporting, they later issued an official statement saying they released him after verifying his credentials. The arrest was actually caught on tape with the reporter, Omar Jimenez showing the cops his…wait for it…credentials. The camera recording him and the microphone in his hand were also helpful clues, but hey, you never know when rioters will grab fake cameras and microphones to loot a Hardees. But the point is, at a moment when the public is protesting police, and the police need to rebuild trust, the entire department lied. Cops lie. They lie to cover their ass. They lie to cover each other’s asses. They lie to nail your ass.

It’s also extremely difficult to prosecute police not to mention how hard it is to get a cop to arrest a cop.  As it’s been noted and obvious to everyone except police and Republicans, the only way to get the ball rolling to prosecute a cop is to catch a cop breaking the law on tape. How many days did it take for the police to arrest and charge George Floyd’s killer? How many more days to charge his accomplices? The police record almost everything they do (they’re supposed to anyway), but we have yet to see the police’s tape from the George Floyd case.

So what does it mean to defund the police? Does it mean to cut their funding, restructure the department, or to actually eliminate the entire department?

In Minneapolis where George Floyd was killed, it means getting rid of the entire department. I’m not sure that’s a good idea.

The group MPD150, which says it is “working towards a police-free Minneapolis,” argues that defunding would be more about “strategically reallocating resources, funding, and responsibility away from police and toward community-based models of safety, support, and prevention.” So, who ya’ gonna call if someone breaks in? Ghostbusters? What if all the NRA gun nuts who took one shooting class start acting as vigilantes when they’re not marching about how much they need haircuts? You saw what happened when those two white right-wing racists in Georgia tried a citizens arrest on Ahmaud Arbery.

The main problem is the slogan, “Defund the police.” “Restructure the police department and reallocate resources to more proper agencies” just isn’t as catchy, even if liberals are more capable than Republicans with handling chants longer than three syllables.

Chairwoman of the Congressional Black Caucus, Karen Bass, said she’s not in favor of eliminating police departments, but cities and states need to look at how they’re spending their resources and probably invest more in their communities. She said, “Maybe this is an opportunity to re-envision public safety.”

Right now, there is momentum to restructure the nation’s police forces. Everyone knows, even Republicans, that the nation’s police forces are corrupt. Yes, they are corrupt. When you have just one bad cop on a force and the entire department allows him to stay, you have a corrupt police force. If 19 good cops cover for one bad cop, you have 20 bad cops. In case you’re a Republican, 19 + 1 = 20.

In New York City, Mayor Bill de Blasio said the city would move funding from the NYPD to youth initiatives and social services,  but he didn’t say how. In Los Angeles, Mayor Eric Garcetti vowed to cut as much as $150 million that was part of a planned increase in the police department’s budget.

Trump is using this to help portray himself as the “law and order” candidate, despite being the same guy who calls FBI agents “human scum,” attacks law enforcement agents who investigate suspected Russian spies, ruined the lives and careers of agents for his political ambitions and petty insecurities, and has literally broken the law by asking for foreign governments to help his reelection campaign. Yes, he did all that.

Plus, the guy promising us he’s the “law and order” candidate is a huge racist. Sheriff Buford T. Justice wouldn’t want to be aligned with this guy. Yes, the nation’s police unions, who create super PACs for Republicans, are totally in bed with Donald Trump, who told police they shouldn’t be “too nice” when arresting brown suspects. Donald Trump has literally encouraged police to engage in police brutality. How did the police in attendance react? They laughed and applauded. Again, cop culture is corrupt.

The LAPD union representative said, “Cutting the LAPD budget means longer responses to 911 emergency calls, officers calling for back-up won’t get it, and rape, murder, and assault investigations won’t occur or will take forever to initiate, let alone complete.” So basically, the cops will respond slower to the neighborhoods they don’t patrol anyway and suspects will be prosecuted almost as slowly as bad cops are prosecuted.

As we know from history, the Democratic Party’s biggest obstacle to winning a presidential election is the Democratic Party. The Democrats will defeat themselves before Donald Trump will. Right now, it looks like Joe Biden, who said he’s against defunding the police, is on his way to a historic landslide in the presidential election. And, the Democratic Party only has to defeat a stupid racist who lost over 40 million jobs, over 100,000 lives, and the nation’s respect and credibility on the international stage. So, yeah…Democrats should be terrified.

I know the socialist Democrats are passionate to the point they don’t really care about winning elections. You want change and you want it now, damn the politics of it. But you need the politics to get what you want. It’s like saying, “Fuck it, I’m voting third party” then not understanding why you don’t see any liberal change after getting Supreme Court Justices Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh.

Should we defund the police? Yes, to a point. Should we eliminate police departments? No, but we should tear them apart and rebuild. But before we can do any of that, we have to get rid of Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell. What I don’t understand is why that is so hard for the Bernie Bros to understand. It’s like a four-syllable chant to Republicans…or math. They can’t do it.

Before we can restructure the Po-Po, we have to get rid of the orange Ho-Ho.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Goodbye Granny


cjones03302020

In case you haven’t noticed by now, Republicans are in a contest with each other to see who can be the vilest, most despicable, horrid person in their party. Keep in mind, this is the party that lied and said President Obama was creating death panels as part of Obamacare. The story here, whose biggest advocate was Sarah Palin, was that there would be panels deciding which old people to kill off.

The irony is that the GOP can stomach a lot of death. They value semi-automatic weapons over the lives of children. Kim Jong Un kills an American college student and the best Donald Trump can say is that the communist dictator “feels bad about it.” They don’t care about immigrant children dying in the desert or in the custody of Border Patrol. They don’t care if people in this nation die because they can’t afford medical treatment and are uninsured. Now, the Lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick (not the ESPN guy), has advocated that old people should be willing to die in order to get the economy going.

Patrick is a Texan and a proud member of the party of “if you’re not rich, fuck you.” Now, the position is becoming “fuck off and die.”

Donald Trump wants everyone filling churches by Easter Sunday, which is April 12. He said “we can’t let the cure be worse than the problem.” Patrick is taking that to heart and has gone on television to endorse old people risking their lives for the economy. Patrick, who is 70, said to Tucker Carlson, “No one reached out to me and said, ‘as a senior citizen, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the America that all America loves for your children and grandchildren?’ And if that’s the exchange, I’m all in.”

He carried on with his nonsense and said, “And that doesn’t make me noble or brave or anything like that. I just think there are lots of grandparents out there in this country like me… that what we care about and what we love more than anything are those children.”

Republicans are not taking this seriously. Texas is a state without a stay-at-home order from the governor. There are other states too that aren’t taking the pandemic seriously, such as Mississippi, where the governor’s answer to the virus is that they’ll pray really hard.

As the pandemic was rising across the globe, Donald Trump thought denial and lies were the cure. He called it a hoax and yesterday, he still claimed the media was using it to defeat him. He uses it himself politically in calling it the “Chinese virus.” And, he still thinks it’s the flu.

It gets worse.

In Pennsylvania, Republican state Representative Stephanie Borowicz introduced legislation (I swear I’m not making this up) calling for “A State Day of Humiliation, Fasting, and Prayer” in response to the coronavirus crisis. The legislation states, “We know that, by His divine law, nations like individuals are subjected to punishments and chastisement in this world” and the current pandemic may be “punishment inflicted upon us for our presumptuous sins.” It claims Pennsylvanians “have forgotten God” and thus need to “confess our national sins and to pray for clemency and forgiveness.” Why do I hear that in my head with a heavy southern accent? If anything, some Pennsylvanians have sinned by electing stupid fuckers to represent them.

Louisiana, which is becoming the next epicenter for the virus, has Senator John Kennedy, who downplayed the pandemic by claiming “poverty, hunger, and losing the entire economy” could also kill people. Likewise, Trump says suicides over the economy will outnumber deaths from the virus.

TV preacher Jim Bakker is hawking a fake coronavirus cure which I’m sure involves sending him money. Texas-based Evangelical preacher Kenneth Copeland claims he can cure the virus if you watch him preach on TV, which also probably involves money.

A Miami megachurch preacher, Guillermo Maldonado, has told his followers to pack his church and that fear of the virus is a “demonic spirit.” He asked the few people at his megachurch last Sunday, “Do you believe God would bring his people to his house to be contagious with the virus? Of course not.” So, if you’re afraid enough of the virus to stay home and not attend his sermon, you’re going to Hell.

Baton Rouge pastor Tony Spell is refusing to comply with a state order banning gatherings of over 50 people and said, “The virus, we believe, is politically motivated.” He passed out anointed handkerchiefs which are probably a lot easier to get now than Purell.

A pastor in Indiana, Paul Begley, believes the virus is a sign of the “end times.” A pastor in Pennsylvania (who probably voted for that nutjob state rep) says the virus is “demonic” and if you have it, then you are “healed in Jesus’ name.”

These politicians and preachers are willing to risk your life for their benefit. In the preachers’ case, it’s more revenue. In Trump and other GOP politicians, it’s their political hide. Donald Trump knows a recession hurts his chances of being reelected. What’s he going to say after people go over 30 days without a paycheck? Is he going to blame Obama, China, and the media? Probably. And the deeper we’re in a recession the harder it will be for a dumbass like Donald Trump to pull us out, and the majority of the nation knows that.

The most vulnerable to dying from the coronavirus are the elderly. The real irony in their willingness to sacrifice seniors for cheeseburgers, sermons, baseball games, and Trump rallies is that seniors, specifically the white ones, vote for Donald Trump (I’m not beating up on you if you’re a senior and you don’t vote for Trump. I’m a 53-year-old white male and my demographic is strongly pro-Trump. I’m the minority). But other than killing off their base, they’re putting themselves in extreme danger.

Donald Trump is 73. He can say he feels like a 30-year-old all day long but he’s still 73. He wants to relax the federal recommendations on social distancing and he doesn’t care if it kills people as long as it helps him. And people in his cult, like Dan Patrick (not the ESPN guy), they don’t care either.

The Republican Party doesn’t care if you die as long as it helps the economy. If you’re old, maybe you can help them even further by booking a cruise before you die.

But if you wanna stick around a bit longer, take some advice from your friendly neighborhood ink-slinging cartoonist: Don’t get into a car with a Republican. You may not come back.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.