Dump Trump

Trumping, Tweeting, Trolling


cjones11122016

A lot of people are upset that Trump haters are protesting the election. When I say “a lot of people” I’m talking about Republicans. They point out that this is a democracy and Democrats should accept the results of a fair election.

The problem with that is we are a democracy and our Constitution, for now, allows protests (and political cartoons that point out that Donald Trump is a racist). The other problem is that our election wasn’t really fair.

Donald Trump was elected with fewer votes than Hillary Clinton which is the second times this has happened since 2000, both times putting the Republican candidate into office. Trump was also supported by a foreign government who was hacking into his opponent’s email system and displaying their internal messages for all the world to see. Some of the messages were suspected to be doctored. Another assist for Trump came from the FBI which might be the final straw that convinced nimrods to mark the ballot for Trump.

The big issue with the Russians and the FBI is that both were apparently communicating with the Trump campaign. How fair of a system is that?

Before the election Trump claimed the electoral system was rigged. He complained about the electoral college and said he might refuse to accept the results if he won. That shows even he was surprised he won. What does he think of that rigged system now?

So while there are protests against Trump there are supporters of his attacking and intimidating African-Americans, Muslims, and Latinos. It’s not just happening in our streets. It’s happening in our schools. Children are being intimidated for the color of their skin by other children whose parents are doing a bang-up job raising little racist bastards. Trump tweeted out that complaint about protesters “Incited” by the media while ignoring his own inciting. He later tweeted support to the protesters and how wonderful it was they can express themselves. I’m thinking his team returned his Twitter account to him a bit too soon. If the guy’s Twitter account makes blood spill what’s he going to do when he gets the nuclear codes?

I wasn’t sure how this cartoon would work with posting a photo in it. I did it a year ago, or maybe two years, for a cartoon I drew for The Daily Dot. I remember thinking that turned out really well though I can’t remember what it was. I could look in my files but, eh. I’m lazy.

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Trump Riot


cjones11112016

I had another idea I was fully committed to drawing until I thought of this about an hour before I went to work.

In the original idea I was going to point out that the people complaining about protesters and how they should accept their new president, never really accepted President Obama.

While they’re calling today’s protesters “whiny,” “sniveling,” and “crybabies,” Republicans spent eight years questioning Obama’s legitimacy. They accused him of being Muslim (as if that’s a disqualifier), questioned if he was born in this country, questioned his patriotism, and are still denying a hearing for his nominee to the Supreme Court.

Protesters have a right to protest. They’re opposing a man who ran promising to be a fascist. He even questioned why he couldn’t be a fascist, saying we shouldn’t even have the election, just give him the job. They’re protesting a man who started his campaign with racism and continued it with racism.

This man championed the birther movement for years. He accused Mexico of sending us rapists and murderers. He proposed a ban on Muslims and a police state monitoring them. He wants to deport Latinos and rip families apart. He said a man can’t sit as judge on his scam university trial because that man is of Mexican heritage. Simply put, a lot of people are not comfortable with Cheeto Hitler.

While conservatives are complaining about protesters you’re not hearing any of them telling the Ku Klux Klan not to hold their Trump victory parade in December in North Carolina. You don’t hear them bemoaning attacks by Trump supporters on gays and other minorities. I haven’t heard one of them criticize Trump supporters for sprawling Swastikas on walls and telling Muslims and Mexicans to flee for their lives. I haven’t heard one Republican talk about any of this.

So while there has been some violence and destruction by the protest, I support their right to protest. I don’t support their blocking traffic and impeding others. That’s not the way to get people on your side. And blocking traffic is so Chris Christie like.

The protesters have a point as they’re protesting a wannabee-fascist who most of the country did not vote for. He actually received fewer votes than Clinton, though he once tweeted that the “electoral college will destroy democracy.” Hey, that’s a more honest tweet than his return-to-twitter tweet accusing the protesters of being “professional protesters,” ignoring the fact they’ve been spontaneous. So much for winning making Trump more charming or honest.

They are also protesting a man who asked Russia to help him win the election, who received help from Russia to win the election, and as is now revealed, communicated with Russia during the campaign. Put that in your borscht and smoke it.

So if you wanna protest, protest. I don’t see why their rights should be any less than those given to the KKK. And if you attend a protest and you’re a pollster, you might wanna keep that to yourself.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Never Trump Powers Colluding


cjones04262016

“Colluding.” That’s a word I got very tired of today.

GOP presidential candidates John Kasich and Ted Cruz are “colluding” to stop Trump. The deal is this: Kasich won’t campaign in Indiana where Republicans are more fundamentalists and insane (I have a little sister and brother there so I know about the insane part) which makes the state more attractive for Cruz. Cruz won’t campaign in New Mexico and Oregon where Republicans are less reactionaries for God so they probably wouldn’t ever go for Cruz. Plus, Cruz is probably afraid of any place with “Mexico” in the name. John Kasich will go anywhere and eat anything. Sometimes he won’t leave.

The two campaigns in this “collusion” state this is to “stop Hillary Clinton.” You know the wildcard teams in the NFC playoffs don’t spend the first round thinking about stopping the AFC champion in the Super Bowl.

So in the states Cruz is bypassing, Kasich should pick up all the non-existent votes Cruz was anticipating. You know nothing equals nothing. I’m sure there’ll be more success in Indiana for Cruz when he picks up the votes of the only two moderate Republicans in the state that were originally going for Kasich. This is a Hail Mary for the Never Trump movement, which views Cruz and Kasich voters as interchangeable.

Here’s a thing about Kasich (other than eating anything placed in front of him. He’s made Chris Christie say “Damn!”): He has fewer delegates than Marco Rubio, who has dropped out of the race. He’s only won one state, which he’s governor of. He thinks he can come in last and despite nobody voting for him, that the party will anoint him their nominee at a brokered convention. And yet, Kasich is dubbed the “reasonable” one of the candidates. Yup, nobody votes for him so sure he’ll do great in the general election.

Here’s the thing about Cruz (other than he’s creepy, nobody likes him and he has to bribe his daughters with Barbie dream houses to play with him): I mentioned nobody likes him and that hasn’t changed. Cruz is extremely intelligent but his narcissism is so extreme that he doesn’t realize the Never Trump movement isn’t a campaign for Cruz. The movement is a campaign to stop Trump and they’re using Cruz. If they were actually able to stop Trump they would drop Cruz faster than you can you say “ew, get that away from me.”

For the Never Trump movement, Cruz, and Kasich to succeed, they need a better message than “never Trump.” Though, the “never Trump” message is a good one, we’re talking about getting through to stupid people. The only other message so far is “Ted Cruz” and “John Kasich.” Nobody likes those messages.

I saw two other cartoons on this issue so far and both had Cruz and Kasich as Batman and Robin. That’s not where I got my idea.

I’m not sure how well this cartoon will be understood as I don’t know if my “audience” is that familiar with The Wonder Twins. “The What Twins?”, you may ask. The Wonder Twins. They were creepy alien twins in matching leotards with Spock ears. Matching leotards? Hell, if one of my siblings bought a T-shirt I owned, I’d throw mine away. Anyway, The Wonder Twins were on Super Friends which was a horrible Saturday morning cartoon back in the day (Do they still have Saturday morning cartoons?). The twins were really lame and a little too dependent on each other, though their relationship was looked on approvingly from Batman and Robin, also fighting crime in their underoos. They were less cool than Aquaman, who talked to fish (while swimming in his green and yellow underwear). Super Friends was brutally bad and the twins had these stupid powers. They had matching rings, in addition to their leotards, and when they touched rings (creepy), they’d shout “Wonder Twins powers….ACTIVATE!”. The girl would turn into an animal of some sort and her brother would turn into an inanimate object. I felt alien dude got the short end of the stick there as his sister would turn into a lion or soaring eagle and he’d turn into a paper weight. I don’t recall how effective they were at fighting Bizarro Superman with those powers.

I don’t remember why I kept watching the cartoon…oh yeah. Wonder Woman. No complaints with her crime-fighting attire.

So you learned about The Wonder Twins today. That and John Kasich will eat anything. He would eat English food. He’d eat at Burger King. Don’t say you never learn nothing when you come here.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Heidi, Heidi, EW!


cjones03242016

I know this cartoon is mean and it’s not fair but I don’t claim to be fair. You already know I don’t draw nice cartoons. Basically, Ted Cruz is gross. He’s icky. He’s creepy. A little bit slimy. He’s definitely not someone you want touching you. It’d be like walking into a spider web where you do that dance with an invisible partner.

Before the Utah primary an anti-Trump super pac aired an ad that ran only in that state. The ad featured a really smokin’ hot photo of an almost naked pic of Melania Trump (Trump’s third wife) from a magazine photo shoot (one of those magazines for men who are too cowardly to read real porn). The super pac’s idea was that it would make Mormons really not like Donald Trump, because Mormons are against porn and naked stuff I guess.

Super pacs are not supposed to coordinate with campaigns. This super pac isn’t even a pro-Cruz super pac. They apparently just want to bring down Trump. Well screw facts. Donald Trump tweeted out a threat to Cruz. He blamed him for the ad and said that “Lyin’ Ted” better be careful or he’ll spill the dirt on Ted’s wife, Heidi.

First off, Ted didn’t have anything to do with that ad. He’s a disgusting, vile, Creepy McCreeperson but there isn’t any evidence he had anything to do with the naked Melania ad. Second, Trump is not afraid to insult women. He’s proven that. He’ll just make stuff up if he has to.

Third, what would he have on Heidi, other than she’s married to Ted and has the ridiculous Snow White name of “Heidi?” I guess Trump could point out the fact that she once suffered from depression, but who hasn’t? That would probably just endear her to people. Could a human being actually marry Ted? You would think that kind of woman would have to be created in a lab in Romania.

Maybe Trump could point out that she works as a managing director for Goldman Sachs which also gave out a sweet heart loan to Ted for his Senatorial campaign, and then he misreported it on campaign finance forms because he lies a lot. He also claimed they liquidated all their assets for the campaign which of course was another lie. Again, that’s Ted stuff. None of it really hits Heidi.

I suspect Trump is just making stuff up. He’ll proclaim “we’ll reveal all the dirt on Heidi” and then turns to his staff and asks “do we have anything on Heidi?”

There is one thing that is not a lie. When it comes to first ladies and dignity we’re really going to miss Michelle Obama.

Update: Today Cruz called Trump a “sniveling coward.” I agree but Ted is the last person who should call anyone “sniveling,” or regarding his reaction to terrrorism, “coward.” Cruz also stole lines from the 90’s flick An American President in responding to Trump. I knew he was into The Princess Bride but who knew he’s got a thing for Michael Douglas movies?

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A Republican Crying Game


cjones03192016

There’s a lot of skin-crawling icky things out there you don’t want to touch. Slugs, boogers, backwash, shoulder hair, Kardashians, Ted Cruz.

Nobody likes Ted Cruz. People who went to college with Ted didn’t like him. Bob Dole, Lindsey Graham, John McCain, John Boehner, Peter King, George W. Bush, any normal sensible person in general, pretty much hates Ted. And these are people on his side.

When he worked on George W. Bush’s campaign, if they wanted a meeting to end early they’d make sure to invite Ted. People couldn’t get out of the room fast enough, if they actually attended at all.

Cruz, whose features have been noted are similar to Grandpa Munster and Mr. Haney from Green Acres, even has a neurologists studying his face to determine just why it’s so creepy and off putting and makes children and small animals cry. There’s also two viral campaigns accusing him of being the Zodiac Killer and a member of the 80’s Christian metal band, Stryper. Apparently the lead singer of Stryper is pretty distraught over this.

Lindsey Graham said if you murdered Ted Cruz and your trial was before the United States Senate, you’d get off. Now Lindsey Graham is endorsing Ted Cruz for president because he’s that afraid of a Donald Trump presidency.

Mitt Romney has kinda sorta endorsed Cruz by stating he’ll vote for him in the Utah primary. What the Hell is Mittens doing living in Utah? He was governor of Massachusetts. I digress. Romney is not overly excited about voting for Ted Cruz. I’m sure he’ll take a shower with a brillo pad after voting.

Donald Trump doesn’t advocate any policies Ted Cruz disagrees with. The GOP establishment is scared of Trump’s style, which is mostly racist, insulting and calls for violence.

A Cruz presidency is actually scarier than a Trump reign of stupid. Ted’s father and wife believe he was sent by God to save America. Ted believes our rights were granted by God, not the Constitution. He was recently endorsed by a pastor who says God sent Hitler to kill the Jews. That’s actually worse than being endorsed by David Duke. Yet, it’s an endorsement Cruz embraces because he’s creepy.

Republicans will be crying in the shower by fighting for Ted Cruz in their “Stop Trump” campaign. Talk about making a pact with the devil…or a devil who thinks he was sent by God. Republicans are giving up on the presidency this time…and trying to save the Senate and House.

The real scary thing in this entire absurd situation is that the Republican establishment has to choose between a billionaire’s massive and expensive ego trip, and McCarthyism. They’re choosing McCarythism.

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Agitators


cjones03142016

As Trump has called protesters at his rallies “disruptors,” I keep waiting for him to use the word “agitator.” That’s what white southerners called blacks and people from the north who went down South to fight for civil rights. Trump has spoken about the “good ole days” when those who protested would be taken out on a stretcher. You know, like the protesters at Kent State. Charming guy, that Trump.

In 2008 Senator Barack Obama held a rally for his presidential campaign at Mary Washington University in my city of Fredericksburg. The roads were lined with protesters. It’s what they do. I don’t think any major presidential candidate has ever held a rally in modern times without protesters. They’re at Clinton’s, Sanders’, Cruz’s, and Rubio’s…well, no one is going to Rubio’s lately. It’s not unique. Trump’s supporters are upset protesters come to his rallies. I bet George Wallace’s supporters didn’t like it either.

What is unique is that Trump calls them out. He brings himself down to their level and then he keeps going down. He puts a spotlight on them and makes a huge spectacle that there’s a lot of people who don’t like the product this snake-oil salesman is peddling.

Then Trump talks about beating them up. He says they have it coming. He wants them stripped of their coats and thrown out into the snow. He promises to pay legal expenses for anyone who assaults a protester. Who could have predicted violence would happen?

Instead of calming it down and asking his supporters to refrain from violence, he’s blaming the protesters. They stick the bad finger in the air so they’re asking to be sucker punched. He’s even blaming Bernie Sanders accusing him of sending people to disrupt Trump’s rallies. Trump refuses to take any responsibility for his actions. What a fine, mature president he will make.

I think if Trump is elected president he’s going to focus more on his critics than on his job. He’ll probably give winks and nudges about going after his critics, like he did Sunday about sending his people to Sanders’ rallies. Will Trump go after comedians, political opposition, talking heads, newspaper columnists?

What will he do to cartoonists?

One protester did rush the stage and attempt to take the microphone away from Trump. Trump accused him of being ISIS. He once stepped on dog poo and claimed it was left by a dragon.

I don’t think anyone should prevent Trump from speaking. Go ahead and protest. Also let Trump speak. The nation needs to hear what he has to say so they can continue to protest against his ideas. We also need to know there are people supporting him and they vote. Those people are scarier than Donald Trump.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

 

Another Tablet Sketch: Trump Dumps On Liberty


Untitled5_001

Preparing to draw my “official” cartoon for tomorrow that will go out to my newspaper clients, I played around again on my tablet. I don’t think I’ll send this to them, unless an editor sees it here and asks.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!