Never Trump Powers Colluding

“Colluding.” That’s a word I got very tired of today.

GOP presidential candidates John Kasich and Ted Cruz are “colluding” to stop Trump. The deal is this: Kasich won’t campaign in Indiana where Republicans are more fundamentalists and insane (I have a little sister and brother there so I know about the insane part) which makes the state more attractive for Cruz. Cruz won’t campaign in New Mexico and Oregon where Republicans are less reactionaries for God so they probably wouldn’t ever go for Cruz. Plus, Cruz is probably afraid of any place with “Mexico” in the name. John Kasich will go anywhere and eat anything. Sometimes he won’t leave.

The two campaigns in this “collusion” state this is to “stop Hillary Clinton.” You know the wildcard teams in the NFC playoffs don’t spend the first round thinking about stopping the AFC champion in the Super Bowl.

So in the states Cruz is bypassing, Kasich should pick up all the non-existent votes Cruz was anticipating. You know nothing equals nothing. I’m sure there’ll be more success in Indiana for Cruz when he picks up the votes of the only two moderate Republicans in the state that were originally going for Kasich. This is a Hail Mary for the Never Trump movement, which views Cruz and Kasich voters as interchangeable.

Here’s a thing about Kasich (other than eating anything placed in front of him. He’s made Chris Christie say “Damn!”): He has fewer delegates than Marco Rubio, who has dropped out of the race. He’s only won one state, which he’s governor of. He thinks he can come in last and despite nobody voting for him, that the party will anoint him their nominee at a brokered convention. And yet, Kasich is dubbed the “reasonable” one of the candidates. Yup, nobody votes for him so sure he’ll do great in the general election.

Here’s the thing about Cruz (other than he’s creepy, nobody likes him and he has to bribe his daughters with Barbie dream houses to play with him): I mentioned nobody likes him and that hasn’t changed. Cruz is extremely intelligent but his narcissism is so extreme that he doesn’t realize the Never Trump movement isn’t a campaign for Cruz. The movement is a campaign to stop Trump and they’re using Cruz. If they were actually able to stop Trump they would drop Cruz faster than you can you say “ew, get that away from me.”

For the Never Trump movement, Cruz, and Kasich to succeed, they need a better message than “never Trump.” Though, the “never Trump” message is a good one, we’re talking about getting through to stupid people. The only other message so far is “Ted Cruz” and “John Kasich.” Nobody likes those messages.

I saw two other cartoons on this issue so far and both had Cruz and Kasich as Batman and Robin. That’s not where I got my idea.

I’m not sure how well this cartoon will be understood as I don’t know if my “audience” is that familiar with The Wonder Twins. “The What Twins?”, you may ask. The Wonder Twins. They were creepy alien twins in matching leotards with Spock ears. Matching leotards? Hell, if one of my siblings bought a T-shirt I owned, I’d throw mine away. Anyway, The Wonder Twins were on Super Friends which was a horrible Saturday morning cartoon back in the day (Do they still have Saturday morning cartoons?). The twins were really lame and a little too dependent on each other, though their relationship was looked on approvingly from Batman and Robin, also fighting crime in their underoos. They were less cool than Aquaman, who talked to fish (while swimming in his green and yellow underwear). Super Friends was brutally bad and the twins had these stupid powers. They had matching rings, in addition to their leotards, and when they touched rings (creepy), they’d shout “Wonder Twins powers….ACTIVATE!”. The girl would turn into an animal of some sort and her brother would turn into an inanimate object. I felt alien dude got the short end of the stick there as his sister would turn into a lion or soaring eagle and he’d turn into a paper weight. I don’t recall how effective they were at fighting Bizarro Superman with those powers.

I don’t remember why I kept watching the cartoon…oh yeah. Wonder Woman. No complaints with her crime-fighting attire.

So you learned about The Wonder Twins today. That and John Kasich will eat anything. He would eat English food. He’d eat at Burger King. Don’t say you never learn nothing when you come here.

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