GOP

Cult Or Country?


cjones12302020

For years, decades even, Republicans were lying to us. They told us they were “fiscal” conservatives. They said they were for family values. They ran on religion as if the other party consisted entirely of heathens and atheists. They wrapped themselves in the flag and said they were more more patriotic than Democrats. And they told us they support our troops.

We’ve always known they were lying about the fiscal thing. The last time there was a balanced budget under a Republican was during the Eisenhower administration. Republicans spend more than Democrats. The debt increases more under Republicans. Republicans give permanent tax cuts to billionaire assholes and corporations. They finance wars with tax cuts to billionaires. And the only time you hear Republicans talk about controlling spending is when Democrats have the White House. But it took Donald Trump for Republicans to reveal all their other positions were lies. Funny thing is, they’re still telling them.

The party that went after Bill Clinton over his lack of family values and for having multiple affairs turned around and backed Mr. Grab-Them-By-The-Pussy. They supported a man who boasted about cheating on his wife and assaulting women…while he had a newborn child at home. They supported the guy who boasted about barging in on naked teenage girls. The supported the guy who divorced twice, cheated on all three of his wives, and has five children with three different women. They supported the guy who has nearly 30 accusations ranging from assault to rape. They supported the guy who looked at a child and said, “I’ll be dating her in a few years.” They supported the guy who talks about dating his daughter and grades her figure. Republicans lied about being the party of family values. If anything, they’re the party of icky creepy fuckers.

Even before Donald Trump showed up grabbing pussies, Republicans made a pedophile the Speaker of the House. A pedophile. In case you’re a Republican, a pedophile is…wait. If you’re a Republican, you already know what a pedophile is.

Republicans lied about religion and their love of Jesus and God. They literally turned their entire party into a cult worshipping a reality TV show host. Anyone who opposes Trump is cast out as a sinner and blasphemer. The religious right and evangelical base proved what a bunch of wormy hypocrites they are when they started supporting the guy who ogles little girls and throws babies into cages. Jesus wouldn’t do that.

They lied about being patriotic. They voted for the guy endorsed and supported by Vladimir Putin. Here’s a voting primer: Don’t vote for the guy supported by Russia. It’s as easy as that. Republicans were silent when Donald Trump gave away classified information to Russians in the Oval Office. They were silent over his taking Putin’s word over our intelligence agencies. They remained silent over Russia tampering in our elections to help Trump. They have yet to criticize Trump for allowing Russia to hack into our nation’s computer system or for Trump downplaying Russia’s involvement. They’ve allowed Donald Trump to shove allies aside and embrace Russia. The party that tells us Democrats are communists ignores Donald Trump saying he fell in love with a communist (In case you’re a Republican, that’s Kim Jong Un).

Now, they have to choose between Donald Trump and the military. Just like you can’t be a patriot and a MAGAt, you can’t be a Trump supporter and a supporter of our military.

Look at House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy. He voted for the defense spending bill which includes pay raises for our troops. Donald Trump vetoed the bill over removing names of Confederate generals from military bases and something that wasn’t even in the bill. Yesterday, the House voted to override Trump’s veto. McCarthy, who voted for the defense bill, turned around and opposed it (he missed the vote). If he’s wearing a neck brace today, it’s because he has whiplash. How many other Republicans will need neck braces?

The bill is for spending $740 billion on our defense…for one year. We spend more on our defense than the next ten countries…combined. While Donald Trump has boasted about “rebuilding the military,” we’ve been increasing the defense budget yearly long before Donald Trump even heard that “I’m Just a Bill” song. But now, the guy who claims he rebuilt our military and loves our troops has vetoed the bill. Why?

First off, he vetoed it because it doesn’t include a repeal of Section 230, a law that shields internet companies from being liable for what is posted on their websites by third parties. In case you’re a Republican, I’ll explain that.

If I go on Twitter and create a post claiming Donald Trump barges in on naked teenage girls so he can ogle them and he wants to date his daughter, he can’t sue Twitter. Why? Because it’s true. But, say you own Twitter and some idiot makes a post claiming George Soros is funding migrant caravans, and it’s a lie. Section 230 protects you from being sued by George Soros because some anti-Semitic orange idiot made a libelous post on your platform. What does any of this have to do with our defense budget and military? Absolutely nothing. But this is the logic of the world’s greatest negotiator. We don’t understand it because we’re not as smart as Trump. Surely, it has to be a genius move. What Trump did with his veto was put himself before the military because the entire social media thing is only about him.

There were other complaints with the bill, such as limits to how much money Trump can move from the military to his useless racist border wall (it should be zero), and that Confederate naming thing. That’s another point against being patriotic. Just how patriotic are you when you’re fighting to retain traitors’ names on U.S. bases?

There was also a measure requiring the Pentagon to submit reports certifying that the proposed troop withdrawals from other nations, like Afghanistan and South Korea, would not jeopardize U.S. national security. Donald Trump didn’t like that.

The House voted 322-87 on Monday to override the veto, well above the two-thirds needed to override. It now goes to the Senate which also needs two-thirds to override. The question is: How many Republicans who were initially for it will now be against it? How about those two Republicans senators from Georgia? Yikes for them. Where do they stand on orange billionaires ogling naked teenagers?

In the House, 109 Republicans voted to override Donald Trump’s veto while 66 voted to support Donald Trump. There are 66 House Republicans who chose Donald Trump over our military. I don’t know how many of those 66 voted for the bill the first time, but I’m working on it and will report back when I have the number. But the bill was unchanged. There was nothing different about it except that Donald Trump vetoed it.

This was the first override of a Trump veto. It’s an excellent way for him to end his presidency (sic). Even with goons like Kevin McCarthy remaining, his control over the party is slipping. Still, he may lash out at those who voted for the override. Mean-tweeting 109 individual Republicans would require a lengthy session for toilet-tweeting, but I believe Donald Trump can do it. You go, you.

Now, we get to find out how many Republican senators will choose Trump over our military. You can’t support our military and Trump. You can’t be a patriot and a Trump supporter. You can’t be pro-democracy and pro-Trump.

You can’t be a loyal American and a Trump supporter.

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Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (12 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

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Deep-State Voter Fraud


cjones11212020

What’s dumber than believing Donald Trump won the election or that there’s a deep-state cabal of Satan-worshipping cannibalistic lizard people running the government? Believing you can trust Donald Trump to work out a fair payment AFTER you perform a service for him.

Donald Trump has been sued numerous times by contractors for refusing to pay the price he agreed to in a contract. He’s even been sued by the lawyers who represented him in these disputes for non payments. So now Rudy Giuliani is publicly embarrassing himself for a price to be determined later.

Rudy is Trump’s lead legal fucknut in trying to steal the election from Joe Biden. In doing so, he has to present a case of total bullshit and conspiracy theories. Yesterday, Rudy argued a case in Pennsylvania and told the judge he wasn’t accusing anyone of voter fraud…and then blamed it all on voter fraud. He must have thought he was on Hannity.

There are reports that Rudy is charging $20,000 a day to represent Donald Trump in this attempt to steal the election. Rudy says those reports are lies…and you know how we can always trust Rudy to tell the truth. Rudy says they’ll work out a price after they’re done stealing the election and Donald Trump begins his second term.

Is Donald Trump stupid? Yes, he is, but he’s not dumb enough to pay Rudy $20,000 a day of his own money. His supporters are paying Rudy.

There’s only one thing dumber than voting for Donald Trump and that’s giving money to elect Donald Trump. His grifting is on public record. He publicly cried for an international summit to be given to one of his shitty golf resorts. A court has barred him and three of his shitty kids from participating with any charitable organizations in New York state because he stole from his own charity. Most people would go to prison for something like that. As president (sic), Donald Trump has directed millions of dollars of taxpayer money into his businesses. On top of all that, his campaign conducts events at his resorts where the Trump Campaign pays a fee to Donald Trump.

Giving money to support Donald Trump is like buying a new watch for the guy who stole your watch. So if you’re still giving money to the Trump Campaign, you’re giving it to Donald Trump. And if you’re dumb enough to give Trump money…are you dumb enough to believe a second Trump term will be saved by Rudy Giuliani, the guy who got scammed by Borat?

Part of this entire bullshit propaganda of Trump really winning the election and having it stolen by Democrats is to steal the election from Joe Biden. Another reason is to destroy faith in the government that takes over in January and make Joe Biden fail. But perhaps the greatest reason for this scam is that the Trump Campaign is still raising money for it.

But this time, it’s not going to a legal fight as much as it’s paying off campaign debt…and going into Donald Trump’s pockets. Maybe Trump will put the cash into his secret Chinese bank account or maybe he’ll put it towards the $500 million or so he owes to shady mystery creditors (probably Russians). Or maybe he’ll band use to pay off a real lawyer to help Rudy out the next time he tries to lure a teenage girl into a Manhattan hotel room supposedly for drinks while his hand is down his pants.

What’s almost just as crazy as believing Donald Trump will pay you later…or that Rudy Giuliani should lead your legal defense, is believing the election was stolen from Donald Trump.

70% of Republicans believe Donald Trump won the election and it’s being stolen by Democrats. And just like they didn’t have proof when a majority believed President Obama was born in Kenya, they don’t have any proof of massive voter fraud.

But hey, Republicans don’t need proof for bullshit. Ask Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Rush Limbaugh, Alex Jones, or Donald Trump. And now with members of Qanon actually being elected to the United States Congress, anything goes.

Republicans don’t have any relationship with the truth. At this time, only four Republican senators have accepted that Joe Biden has won the election. Two Republicans senators are screaming for the secretary of state of Georgia to resign because he counted more votes for Biden than for Trump. Another senator has called the same secretary of state suggesting he throw out votes for Biden. You know, votes cast by black people.

Republicans don’t have integrity, don’t care about democracy, and don’t care about the truth. Don’t believe me? Let’s go grab dinner at Comet Pizza and ask them about it. Actually, I’m joking. I’d never have dinner with a Republican. I can’t eat while looking at you people.

Here’s a fact: Donald Trump will not be president after noon on January 20, 2021. Why? Because of the fact Joe Biden beat his ass in the presidential election. Donald Trump lost the election fair and square and there’s not enough Rudy bullshit in the world to change that fact.

Here’s an unfortunate fact: All these idiots who would rather believe in conspiracy theories about voter fraud, lizard people, devil worshippers, or Democratic pedophilic pizza makers, will still be around after Donald Trump is gone.

Another fun fact: Fuck COVID. I’m not going anywhere either.

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Smooth Transition


cjones11162020

Republicans are all for stuff like democracy and free elections, that is…as long as they get the results they want. It’s like being given freedom of speech as long as you say the right things.

Not liking the election results, Republicans, led by Donald Trump, are screaming that massive fraud occurred and that’s the only reason Donald Trump lost. Republicans are so afraid of straying from the ridiculous talking points and giving credibility that our democratic process works, that only four Republican senators have congratulated Joe Biden on winning the election. In contrast, Hillary Clinton congratulated Donald Trump on election night in 2016.

For months, Donald Trump said the only way he could lose the election was if there was massive voter fraud. Donald Trump knew Joe Biden could beat him so even before the election, he tried to discredit the election. He knew Joe Biden could defeat him, so he broke the law and violated his oath of office by asking a foreign nation to help him dig up dirt on Joe Biden. Donald Trump even withheld foreign military aid to that nation, while they were being attacked by Russia, until they delivered dirt on Biden. Donald Trump was impeached for breaking the law and trying to steal an election.

Republicans were fine with Donald Trump violating his oath of office and his attempt to steal an election so of course, they’re fine now with the lie that Democrats stole the election. How much more proof do you need that Republicans don’t care about the rule of law and democracy? How much more proof do you need that the GOP is nothing more than a sycophantic, Kool-Aid drinking cult?

Here’s one question: Who stole the election? Yeah, I get that it was Democrats, but which Democrats? Who was in charge? Who ran it? I mean, was it all one big cannibalistic pedophiliac deep state that stole the election from Donald Trump in Pennsylvania, Arizona, Michigan, Wisconsin, Nevada, and even in Republican-controlled Georgia, while not tampering with the part on those ballots that featured Republican senate candidates? How did Democrats lose an election while not winning the U.S. Senate and while losing House seats? How are ballots fake when they’re for Joe Biden but the same ballots not being fake when they’re for a Republican senate candidate? Are the ballots only half fake? How are the results fraudulent only in states Biden won, and by larger numbers than Trump beat Clinton with?

To be a MAGAt, you have to suspend reality.

Donald Trump has told over 22,000 lies, one of those being that there were millions of illegal voters in the 2016 election. He never proved that. So why is anyone buying into his election fraud bullshit now? Are we going to become the United States of Qanon? Will Republicans forever claim the 2020 election was stolen from them…like they’ll forever claim Pizzagate is real and Obama was born in Kenya?

Yesterday, the Department of Homeland Security issued a statement that the 2020 election was the “most secure in American history.” This is Donald Trump’s own DHS. That Democratic-run deep state runs deep.

One thing that’s kinda funny, well amusing to me, is that Donald Trump often talked about having a third presidential term…and voters didn’t want him to have a second.

Donald Trump has praised China’s leader for becoming that nations president for life. He’s made a few references about it in regards to himself which I’d be fine with if he was trying to president for life of China. Donald Trump loves his dictators. He’s rather spend a weekend exchanging love letters with Kim Jong Un, getting back scratches from Rodrigro Duterte, playing nine holes with Recip Erdogan, and kissing Vladimir Putin’s ass in Helsinki, than spend time with Democratically-elected leaders.

Another one of Donald Trump’s lies is that President Obama spied on his 2016 campaign, which he has called treason. He also says it should allow him that third term.

I’m not a constitutional law expert so that’s probably why I can’t find it anywhere in the United States Constitution where a president can get a third term in office if his predecessor spies on his presidential campaign. I also can’t find under which amendment that a president can ignore election results when he loses the election.

That’s what Republicans are doing. They’re ignoring an election. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo ever referred to the Constitution when talking about a “smooth transition” into a SECOND Trump administration.

Here’s the thing about that: The Constitution doesn’t spell out that we elect our president. Article II, Section 1, Clauses 2 and 3, state the president is choses by electors in each state. It’s practice they simply follow the election returns and never conduct substantive discussion or debate about who should be president. This may be what Pompeo is talking about…which means there has been substantive discussion on it between Republicans.

It’s a hail Mary attempt, but a lot of Republicans are envisioning stealing the election through the electors…if they can convince them to ignore election results.

It’s why they’re refusing to call Joe Biden “President-Elect Joe Biden” It’s why all departments have been told to budget for next year as though all those department heads will still be there in 2021, unless Trump has them fired for not being sufficiently sycophantic. It’s why the State Department won’t even pass on congrats to Biden from other nations. It’s why Republicans are saying Trump won 2020 in a massive landslide. It’s why the Trump administration isn’t allowing for a transfer of power. It’s why MAGAts like Mike Pompeo are talking about a “smooth transition” into a second Trump administration.

I can promise you this: If they have to steal it, it won’t be “smooth”

I thought it would be death for our democracy if Trump won the election. How could I have predicted the death of our democracy would come from his losing?

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Hanging On A Vote Count


cjones11152020

In Georgia, Republican Senators David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler are headed to runoffs.

Perdue’s election is on the regular schedule for his seat but Loeffler’s is a special election since she was appointed to fill a vacant seat. They’re both very upset over the results in their state in last week’s election. And it’s not that they’re upset over their outcome, but of that for Donald Trump.

Ya’ see, kids…David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler are obedient sycophants. They represent the party that’s more about the cult than the party that’s concerned over policy. This Republican Party does not care about democracy or the rule of law. These two senators believe there should be punishment inflicted upon those who don’t use their position or even break the law for Dear Leader. And if a person performs the duties of their job appropriately and it doesn’t serve Trump, then that person has to go.

Perdue and Loeffler are calling upon Georgia’s Secretary of State, Brad Raffensperger, a fellow Republican, to resign because he counted more votes for Joe Biden than he did for Donald Trump.

There’s a very good reason why Raffensperger counted more votes for Joe Biden than for Donald Trump in Georgia and that’s because more people in Georgia voted for Joe Biden than for Donald Trump.

Georgia is run by Republicans and they’re all upset that Joe Biden has won the state. They have scheduled a hand-recount and they haven’t even finished the first count. Funny thing is, in 2018, Georgia’s then-Secretary of State, Brian Kemp, removed thousands of black voters from the being eligible to vote and, surprise surprise, he won the gubernatorial election. The man literally voted on his voters. These Republicans didn’t have an issue with that vote count.

Now, David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler are calling the election and “embarrassment” and these two Riff Raffs are accusing Raffensperger of “mismanagement” and “lack of transparency.” Just like the accusations Republicans are making in other states over Donald Trump losing, these two didn’t have proof, examples, specifics, evidence, etc. Their only grounds are that Dear Leader didn’t win.

Democrats did not steal this election. If they did, there wouldn’t be two senate runoffs. Republicans won’t be able to overturn the election in any state and they’d need several to give Trump enough votes to win the electoral college.

The facts are Donald Trump lost the election and Joe Biden is the president-elect of the United States of America. Since they don’t like those facts, elections, or democracy, I don’t know why Republicans are playing around with recounts and lawsuits. Why don’t they just cancel all elections, ignore the recent one, and declare themselves winners? They can declare Donald Trump president for life and install themselves as his minions with government salaries and free healthcare.

Republicans don’t care about democracy or the United States Constitution because they are trying to steal an election. They only care about the cult of Trump. Their unwillingness to accept election results is proof they never considered impeachment for Trump or cared that he broke the law in that matter.

Republicans, you lost. Get over it. Go over to that racist social media platform, Parlor, and gripe about it there.

But since we’re still using elections to select our leaders, pay attention in Georgia. And here’s a tip when you vote: Don’t vote for motherfuckers who want to steal your vote. Don’t vote for motherfuckers who don’t believe in the sanctity of democracy and fair elections. Don’t vote for motherfuckers who want to punish people because they don’t like the legal outcome. Don’t vote for undemocratic motherfuckers. Don’t vote for motherfuckers who will put Dear Leader over their duties as elected members of the United States Senate.

Georgia, you can do better than being represented by cowards and sycophants. Make it happen.

Note: I used to live in Georgia back in the early 80s.

Other note: My son has tested positive for the coronavirus. And totally unrelated, I have been experiencing symptoms. I’m taking a test tomorrow afternoon. I can’t smell anything. I can’t even smell the GOP bullshit.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Family Testimonials


cjones08262020

Full disclosure. I too have sisters (two) who don’t like me and will say all sorts of nasty things. Things like, “entitled,” “selfish,” “spoiled,” “wasted my talent,” etc. But in my defense, I’m not the only person in the family they refuse to talk to (in my case, I choose not to talk to them), they’re not federal judges and they’re Trump supporters.

Donald Trump’s older sister is a retired federal judge and she apparently spent about 15 hours shit-talking her brother. What did Maryanne Trump Barry say about her baby bro? He’s a “liar,” “cruel,” “People can’t trust him,” and he’s a “man of no principles.” She also complained about how Donald Trump has treated migrant families and said, “All he wants to do is appeal to his base.” About ripping families apart and throwing babies in jail, she said, “I mean my God, if you were a religious person, you want to help people. Not do this.” She said, “what they’re doing with kids at the border,” and guessed her brother “hasn’t read my immigration opinions” in court cases.

She also said he doesn’t read and she’s apparently the one who told their niece, Mary Trump, that Donald paid someone to take the SATs for him to get into the University of Pennsylvania because he was too stupid to get in on his own.

Last week, more than 70 former Republican national security officials endorsed Biden, saying Trump had engaged in corrupt behavior “that renders him unfit to serve as president.” But hey, don’t take it from them. Take it from his own sister.

The recordings were made by their niece, Mary Trump, who just released a book bashing The Donald, “Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man.” She secretly recorded her aunt, Maryanne Trump Barry, trying to get more information over their inheritance which she felt cheated out of. Being that they’re Trumps, I’m sure she was. Maryanne Trump didn’t know she was being recorded, which was legal in the state of New York.

Maryanne repeated what we’ve all been saying for years. She said, “The change of stories. The lack of preparation. The lying. Holy shit.” Holy shit, indeed.

Donald Trump didn’t attack his older sister but defended himself with, “Every day it’s something else, who cares.” His chief-of-staff however was sent to the Sunday morning talk shows to disparage her along with the niece. Meadows tried to slight her by mentioning she didn’t attend their younger brother’s funeral held at the White House over the weekend. Somehow, an 83-year-old judge didn’t want to be around a lot of no-mask-wearing fucknuts in a covid hot spot.

At their own father’s funeral, Mary Trump claims Donald was the only one who didn’t talk about his father, instead talking about himself, which I’m sure no one finds believable (insert eye roll here). Maryanne Trump told her son afterward not to let any of her siblings speak at her funeral.

These recordings are just in time for the Republican National Convention where Donald will have other family members speak, like his idiot son Donald Trump Jr, who will speak on the first night. Eric and Tiffany will speak on the second night, and his wife, Melania, plans to deliver last week’s speech by Michelle Obama from Jackie Kennedy’s Rose Garden she just destroyed. On the last night, Ivanka will speak despite being a federal employee. With Donald Trump and Melania speaking from the White House, and with Ivanka’s participation, it’ll be hard to deliver a law-and-order platform when you’re breaking the law while delivering that platform.

Donald Trump plans to speak every night of the convention. Again, I have to watch all this shit. Ugh. Did I mention Matt Gaetz and Jim Jordan are speaking tonight? I’m tempted to warm up my oven so I can stick my head in it.

This revelation, that his own sister thinks Donald Trump is cruel, a liar, a phony, and isn’t prepared, won’t hurt him with his base who are people who lie, are cruel, and have no principles (I mentioned Matt Gaetz and Jim Meadows are speaking, right?). People with principles don’t support someone as openly corrupt as Donald Trump. Maryanne Trump said “It’s the phoniness of it all. It’s the phoniness and this cruelty. Donald is cruel.”

Phony and cruel. That’s what his base is voting for.

As for Donald Trump and his sister, he can always say we can’t trust anything she says because she’s a Trump.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

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New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Trump’s Disappearing Act


CNN07262020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Matt Gaetz Shows His Respect


cjones03132020

If “if you like your doctor then you can keep your doctor” is a lie, then so is, “anybody who needs a test gets a test.” And it’s actually a more dangerous lie.

Donald Trump doesn’t know how to respond to what is now being described as an international pandemic, so he lies and gives misinformation about it. He says he’s the best to deal with it because his uncle was a “super genius” at MIT. Donald Trump couldn’t spell “MIT” if you spotted him the “M” and the “I.” He was at the CDC, Center for Disease Control, where the scientists asked him how he knew so much about the coronavirus which he either made up or they did so mockingly. It’d be like asking someone who kicks tires how they know so much about automobiles. Donald Trump couldn’t spell “CDC” if you spotted him the “C” and the “D.”

On top of all this, members of Trump’s administration and government workers who aren’t political, are being told not to cross the president (sic). People are being told not to do their jobs if it compromises Donald Trump’s ego.

And then, Donald Trump went to Mar-a-Lago to play golf.

So, is it any surprise the markets are collapsing?

Italy’s government is advising its citizens to keep a distance of three feet from each other. That’s good advice here in the United States. When you encounter a Republican, keep at least three feet away (though I’d advise much farther, like another state).

The Conservative Political Action Convention (CPAC) was last week which featured such high profile individuals as the anti-Greta and Ted Cruz. You can’t have an asshole convention without Ted Cruz.

Now, Cruz and Republican congressman Paul Glosar are self-quarantining after encountering an individual at CPAC who has tested positive for the coronavirus. I guess karma does exist. Who knew there’d be new reasons to avoid Ted Cruz? If this was a zombie outbreak, all of our political leaders would have been bitten by now.

Now I have to ask, was Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz also at the convention?

Gaetz had to have been there because he’s an asshole. What kind of asshole is he? During the vote to put over $8 billion into fighting the coronavirus, Gaetz wore a gas mask to mock the crisis. He eventually voted for the bill but expressed reluctance. Later, after catching grief for his frat boy antics on the floor of the House of Representatives, he tried to pretend he was serious and looking out for his safety. Now, a person from Gaetz’s Florida district has died from the coronavirus. Maybe Gaetz should attend the funeral wearing his little gas mask. He can talk to the victim’s family, while wearing the gas mask, and explain how serious he is.

I have a great idea. Let’s take all of these Republicans who attended the CPAC thingy and quarantine them…in the Trump Washington hotel.

In fact, let’s stick them in there and shut the hotel down until this pandemic passes. I’m sure Trump would take the monetary sacrifice for his nation and fellow Republicans. Right? Hello?

Now, remember, keep at least three feet away from all Republicans. For the love of God, do not shake their hands. Republican cooties are nasty. Additionally, it would be best if you don’t smell any of their bullshit either.

Republicans are contagious.

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Damn Skippy The Fix Is In


CNN01192020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

This is very similar to the oath cartoon I did last week but in this version, I give them a different oath. It’s an oath where they promise to be corrupt. The trial has started today and Mitch McConnell has already broken his oath.

McConnell wants to ram the entire thing through so that the bulk of it happens late at night, perhaps until 1:00 a.m. He’s hoping Americans stop paying attention. If voters pay attention, it’s not good for Republicans.

It’s not good because the majority doesn’t just want to hear witnesses. A majority wants Trump removed from office. It’s not good for Republicans for Americans to pay attention because they may hear the evidence, and Donald Trump is guilty. Donald Trump should be removed from office. The facts don’t help Donald Trump or Republicans.

Republicans have the majority in the Senate and they still need to fix the trial. They violated their oath before they ever took it.

Yesterday’s cartoon was on Trump goons. In a way, this one is too as each of the 53 Republicans in the United States Senate has chosen to participate in Trump’s coverup. Each of those senators has chosen to be a Trump goon.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Weather The Stupid


cjones12042019

It’s not just the majority of scientists who believe in climate change. It’s a massive majority. According to NASA, “97 percent or more of actively publishing climate scientists agree climate-warming trends over the past century are extremely likely due to human activities.” Additionally, most of the leading scientific organizations worldwide have issued public statements endorsing this position. It’s what you would call a mandate. In case you’re a Republican, 97 percent is a LOT. It’s only three percent away from 100 (start at 100 and count backwards).

The only way to disagree with 97 percent of the world’s scientists is if you want to disagree and you’re not going to apply logic to the science. You have to politicize the science to claim 97 percent of the world’s scientists are politically biased. I would wager that while 97 percent of the world’s scientists believe in climate change, that nearly every one of them hates the film, “The Day After Tomorrow.” Now that was a real dog.

Even if you’re going to argue against science, you could at least understand the difference between climate and weather. If someone tells you climate change is a hoax because it’s snowing, their statement proves their opinion isn’t based in fact. Snow in Boston today is short term. Short term is weather. How the atmosphere behaves over a longer period of time is climate. While it’s snowing in Boston, it’s sunny in Los Angeles. To further complicate the matter, your argument against climate science is that it’s cold during the winter.

I know. Explaining this to a Republican, or even worse, a full-fledged Trump supporter, is like explaining photosynthesis to a Beagle. He’ll just cock his head, go “aroo?” while he’s thinking about cheese. Although, the Beagle has a better shot at getting it than a Republican. Plus, Beagles at least have personality and are much more likeable. Nobody wants a Republican to lick their face.

Every year, my conservative colleagues draw their annual anti-climate change cartoons. They usually wait until the first major snowstorm hits somewhere in the country and then it’s all, “A-ha!” It’s been explained to them over and over again. Just like their cartoons, we have to make our explanations on an annual basis.

Facts are not biased, but liberals are biased toward facts. Another fact: Dogs are smarter than Republicans.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Floater


cjones12012019

Just a little Thanksgiving day bonus for you I jammed out while in Washington. Have a great Thanksgiving and enjoy the parade.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.