Gun Control Absolutely Positively Right Now


Another day in America, another mass shooting.

After a recent mass shooting when Democrats in the Senate said we need legislation to stop this insanity, and not JUST thoughts and prayers, Senator Ted Cruz, the most disingenuous sonofabitch who has ever hatched from an egg, was livid. How dare Democrats play “theatrics” by attacking thoughts and prayers and instead, suggesting solutions. Even saying we need more than thoughts and prayers is an assault on our Christian values.

If you had listened to Ted Cruz, you would have thought Democrats had left a flaming bag of turds on the steps of the Thoughts and Prayers Institute for Gun Violence and Other Things To Be Sad About.

Ted Cruz talked about how he believes in the power of prayer. But here’s the thing about believing in the power of prayer like Ted does: It’s not working.

Ted talked about the power of prayer several mass shootings ago. Thursday night, another mass shooting took eight lives. This one was in Indianapolis at a FedEx facility. This was at least the 45th mass shooting since March 16, 2021.

In case you’re a Republican, let me lay that out for you. It was the 45th mass shooting in the span of a month. CNN defines a mass shooting as when four or more people, excluding the gunman, are wounded or killed. If you are going to order cards for thoughts and prayers, you better place a bulk order.

After the mass shooting in Georgia, or maybe it was Colorado (it’s getting harder to keep track), two right-wing fucknut fundamentalist cartoonists did cartoons of a crying Uncle Sam on the exact same day. They didn’t address the problem except to say it was sad. One of those morons lives in Indianapolis. Since he had just drawn a crying Uncle Sam, he had to come up with something different for an empty useless gesture. For this one, he had someone hugging a FedEx delivery driver.

The most revolting thing to me about this is that cartoonist works for himself. Nobody demanded he draw something that was a totally useless cliché. No editor held him back and forced him to take a coward’s way out. His response to something in his community was just as empty as his response to when it happens somewhere else. He didn’t even both trying to make it unique or particular to his home. He let his community down just as he’s been letting his country down. And nobody made him do it. He chose to suck all on his own. Just like Ted Cruz.

I don’t expect my cartoon above, or any of the others I’ve drawn on the subject, to end gun violence. But I am adding my voice to many others to find a solution other than just praying for it. I don’t keep repeating the same empty gesture again and again. For right-wing cartoonists, they express it’s sad people die from weapons they believe everyone should be able to own. Tomorrow, they’ll draw some phony outrage about a Hunter Biden sex tape or some shit that doesn’t affect anyone except their white privilege. Maybe they’ll draw a cartoon telling black people cops will stop shooting them if they just follow basic instructions. But when faced with a real challenge, they will fail. Like me, they’re just cartoonists.

Ted Cruz is a politician. Ted was elected to stop shit like this. He’s paid to confront gun violence. He’s one of 50 members of the United States Senate that doesn’t want to do anything about gun violence. Seriously. They don’t want to do anything. They are owned and controlled by the National Rifle Association. And when pressed to do something, they react as if you attacked their lord and savior. It’s a great deflection when you’re full of shit.

Ted Cruz giving thoughts and prayers when a mass shooting happens is him fleeing the situation just like when he fled to Cancun when his state was hit with a freeze. Ted Cruz says drafting legislation to combat gun violence is “theater.” This guy calling it “theater” is the same fucko who once made a campaign commercial of him cooking bacon by wrapping it around the barrel of an AR-15, then heating the barrel by shooting the gun a thousand times…then he ate that flaccid bacon as if that was owning the libs. That doesn’t own the libs. What it does is make libs lose their appetites after seeing Ted Cruz put stuff in his mouth. It works like reverse porn. Also, it’s shit like this that makes people think he’s the Zodiac Killer.

I believe in thoughts and prayers. I’m agnostic, but I think praying for someone is positive. It can be like meditation. Also, thinking is good. Give problems some thought. But, that’s what you do while you’re also tackling the problem.

When I have a problem with my Surface Pro, like the stylus decides to stop working while I’m on a CNN deadline, I tackle the problem. I’m googling up solutions and trying them out. All during that time, I’m praying it’s going to work. Granted, my prayers are probably different from yours and go something like, “You better work, you no good useless piece of crap sonofabitch mother forkerforkerforkforkforker….etc.” But, praying, or cursing at the problem, isn’t the only thing I’m doing.

Have you ever told someone you’re “still thinking about it” when you’re actually not? Like being asked if you’re coming home for Thanksgiving where all your troglodyte Trump-supporting cousins will be there talking about the stolen election and Jewish space lasers, and you say, “I’m still thinking about it”? But you’re not thinking about it. There’s no way you’re going to that shit festival of morons. You’ve already made up your mind that instead of going home to eat turkey and casserole with lunatics, you’re going to get a WaWa gobbler sandwich and a six-pack of Red Stripe, then sit home and watch Dallas lose to whoever they’re playing this year. That’s what I’m gonna do.

That’s thoughts and prayers for politicians.

Is it too much to ask politicians, even the most creepy disingenuous ones like Ted Cruz, to multitask and pray while also actually doing something? I mean, doing something other than accepting a campaign contribution?

When you pray for something to get better, are you literally asking God to fix it? Are you putting it entirely on God to do what you were elected to do? And as I’ve mentioned before, when you offer thoughts and prayers, you don’t even have to do it. Nobody knows if you’re actually giving something a thought or a prayer. It’s really the most useless thing you can do for a problem. Next time you get a flat tire, just pray for it. Don’t change the tire yourself or get your hands dirty. Let God fix it. Let me know how that works out.

FedEx used to have a slogan that said, “When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.” FedEx doesn’t pray packages get to their destinations. They actually physically deliver them. Washington Republican mofos need to do more than pray to end gun violence. Obviously, their thoughts and prayers are NOT working. Nobody is paying me the kind of money Ted Cruz is being given by taxpayers, but I know that if you don’t do anything about a problem, it’s just going to get worse.

We need gun control, not last night or overnight. We need to ban assault weapons absolutely, positively right fucking now.

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Watch me draw:

Taking Hostages


Donald Trump went to Indiana on Thursday to brag about convincing Carrier, an air conditioner making company in that state, from going to Mexico and forcing more Americans out of work.

On the campaign trail he bragged that companies wouldn’t leave our nation anymore after he’s president because he’ll call them and threaten them with higher taxes.

None of that happened.

Carrier decided to keep part of their production in Indiana after receiving corporate welfare from that state’s taxpayers promised by governor and president-elect Mike Pence. They’re still shutting down a lot of their operation and leaving for south of the border.

Is this why Pence hasn’t resigned as governor? He’s not busy enough running Trump’s transition team and eating taco bowls in Trump Tower? He gave Trump high praise for keeping Carrier in Indiana on Thursday but the question remains: What exactly did Trump do? If Trump was president when bin Laden was taken out Trump would have claimed he was there and pulled the trigger.

I think it is good for a president to call CEOs and try to convince them not to move their production out of the country. Afterward the president can go in front of a crowd and lie about it, praise the company, and not mention the bailout he just gave them. If only Obama knew he could have bragged about saving the auto industry and didn’t have to mention the bailout.

What Trump has done is send a very loud signal to corporate America that they can hold their employees hostage. Trump shows he’s willing to give them “yuge” tax breaks to stay. This is like when NFL teams threaten their current cities by talking about moving to San Antonio. It’s how they get new stadiums and sky boxes.

Trump doesn’t care if he gives your money to rich Americans. Carrier wasn’t losing money. They were very profitable. They just weren’t as rich as they wanted.

The only sticky widget for the next bailout is that Trump will need 50 more governors as accomplices. Mike Pence won’t be governor of Indiana at some point between now and January.

Now maybe Trump can call that guy who manufactures crappy ties overseas.

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Master Debater


Ted Cruz’s campaign is going so bad, he’s being heckled by children. It’s not entirely new territory since he’s already debated Donald Trump, but still.

A child yelled at Ted Cruz during one of his rallies, “you suck!”. Ted attempted to talk to the child and said that children speaking like that in his house would receive a spanking. The audience wildly applauded the spanking suggestion. What is it with spanking and public bathrooms that get Republicans so excited?

Someone really smart once said “it’s difficult to win an argument with a smart person and damn near impossible with an idiot.” I’m paraphrasing but you get the idea. That’s a lesson I haven’t learned and apparently, neither has Ted Cruz.

Cruz took it upon himself to debate a group of Trump supporters, whose style of arguing mostly consisted of screaming “Lyin’ Ted” to Cruz’s face. It reminded me of every time I attempted to debate with a conservative. You can’t win.

Ted has a speaking style where he pauses in mid sentence. That only encouraged the Trumpsters he was trying to reason with as at one point Ted said “the question is often asked…” he paused and then one of the hecklers interjected to finish his sentence with “are you Canadian.” Good stuff.

Ted Cruz is a good debater. He was lauded for it in college and on the campaign trail. Until he met Trump, all of his previous debating experience was probably with reasonable people.

You might be able to have a discussion and sway the mind of a casual Trump supporter, but not the fully committed (those who should be committed) who wear the gear and attend a Cruz rally to heckle.

I’ve done enough Cruz cartoons over the past week. Hopefully he’s not fully knocked out of the race Tuesday night, which would make me draw another. I’m sure Trump will say something “interesting” tomorrow night.

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Carly FoisTED


Didn’t Ted Cruz lose FIVE primaries Tuesday night? So why in the blue blazes of Hell is he picking a running mate? He referred to her as his “nominee.” I’m not sure she can be a nominee until he’s a nominee. But hey, I’m looking for logic where there isn’t any.

Cruz announcing his veep selection is like bringing office decorations to your job interview. If he loses Indiana next week is he going to start appointing ambassadors?

So why is Ted Cruz announcing a running mate now, before he has the nomination? Probably because he has very little chance of winning the nomination. Maybe this will get more votes. He also wants to talk about something else besides getting his ass kicked Tuesday. He doesn’t want anyone to be reminded that Trump won over 50% of Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, Delaware, and Connecticut, a feat Cruz has been boasting Trump could not accomplish in any state. Trump carried every single county in Pennsylvania, a very diverse state. Maybe Ted needs someone on his ticket who’s more delusional, less successful, less ethical, and a bigger liar than he is. After she sang during her speech he might have picked someone creepier. OK, he didn’t..but close.

Maybe he wanted a pretty face. Uhh…..yeah. I shouldn’t go there. Ted went there. He reminded us several times while announcing Carly that a lot of people don’t think she’s attractive.

Ted says we need to select a leader with good judgement. He picked Carly Fiorina. He says A people pick A people and B people pick C people. Ted showed us what a F person chooses.

Carly is more delusional than Ted to accept this offer. Most people won’t accept his phone calls. Ted picked a person who doesn’t have any great accomplishments. She ran a company into the ground, dropped their stock, and fired a massive amount of people. Let’s not forget her highly unsuccessful run for the U.S. Senate in California. As Trump points out, you don’t see her getting any job offers. That is, except from Ted Cruz, and this one doesn’t pay.

Even if this was to be taken seriously, Fiorina does not balance the ticket. She has zero foreign policy experience. No legislative experience. Her hardcore conservatism is a mirror image to Cruz. They both enjoy lying about Planned Parenthood. She’s Cruz without the penis, we think. She can’t even deliver California, where she doesn’t live anymore. Cruz may have tried to pick someone who wouldn’t overshadow him with charisma.

I only have one question for anyone who supports this ticket: Why do you hate America?

Cruz and Fiorina are ugly and disgusting. I’m talking about their personalities, policies, and what they intend to do to this country. So yeah, I made fun of their physical features to express that.

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Never Trump Powers Colluding


“Colluding.” That’s a word I got very tired of today.

GOP presidential candidates John Kasich and Ted Cruz are “colluding” to stop Trump. The deal is this: Kasich won’t campaign in Indiana where Republicans are more fundamentalists and insane (I have a little sister and brother there so I know about the insane part) which makes the state more attractive for Cruz. Cruz won’t campaign in New Mexico and Oregon where Republicans are less reactionaries for God so they probably wouldn’t ever go for Cruz. Plus, Cruz is probably afraid of any place with “Mexico” in the name. John Kasich will go anywhere and eat anything. Sometimes he won’t leave.

The two campaigns in this “collusion” state this is to “stop Hillary Clinton.” You know the wildcard teams in the NFC playoffs don’t spend the first round thinking about stopping the AFC champion in the Super Bowl.

So in the states Cruz is bypassing, Kasich should pick up all the non-existent votes Cruz was anticipating. You know nothing equals nothing. I’m sure there’ll be more success in Indiana for Cruz when he picks up the votes of the only two moderate Republicans in the state that were originally going for Kasich. This is a Hail Mary for the Never Trump movement, which views Cruz and Kasich voters as interchangeable.

Here’s a thing about Kasich (other than eating anything placed in front of him. He’s made Chris Christie say “Damn!”): He has fewer delegates than Marco Rubio, who has dropped out of the race. He’s only won one state, which he’s governor of. He thinks he can come in last and despite nobody voting for him, that the party will anoint him their nominee at a brokered convention. And yet, Kasich is dubbed the “reasonable” one of the candidates. Yup, nobody votes for him so sure he’ll do great in the general election.

Here’s the thing about Cruz (other than he’s creepy, nobody likes him and he has to bribe his daughters with Barbie dream houses to play with him): I mentioned nobody likes him and that hasn’t changed. Cruz is extremely intelligent but his narcissism is so extreme that he doesn’t realize the Never Trump movement isn’t a campaign for Cruz. The movement is a campaign to stop Trump and they’re using Cruz. If they were actually able to stop Trump they would drop Cruz faster than you can you say “ew, get that away from me.”

For the Never Trump movement, Cruz, and Kasich to succeed, they need a better message than “never Trump.” Though, the “never Trump” message is a good one, we’re talking about getting through to stupid people. The only other message so far is “Ted Cruz” and “John Kasich.” Nobody likes those messages.

I saw two other cartoons on this issue so far and both had Cruz and Kasich as Batman and Robin. That’s not where I got my idea.

I’m not sure how well this cartoon will be understood as I don’t know if my “audience” is that familiar with The Wonder Twins. “The What Twins?”, you may ask. The Wonder Twins. They were creepy alien twins in matching leotards with Spock ears. Matching leotards? Hell, if one of my siblings bought a T-shirt I owned, I’d throw mine away. Anyway, The Wonder Twins were on Super Friends which was a horrible Saturday morning cartoon back in the day (Do they still have Saturday morning cartoons?). The twins were really lame and a little too dependent on each other, though their relationship was looked on approvingly from Batman and Robin, also fighting crime in their underoos. They were less cool than Aquaman, who talked to fish (while swimming in his green and yellow underwear). Super Friends was brutally bad and the twins had these stupid powers. They had matching rings, in addition to their leotards, and when they touched rings (creepy), they’d shout “Wonder Twins powers….ACTIVATE!”. The girl would turn into an animal of some sort and her brother would turn into an inanimate object. I felt alien dude got the short end of the stick there as his sister would turn into a lion or soaring eagle and he’d turn into a paper weight. I don’t recall how effective they were at fighting Bizarro Superman with those powers.

I don’t remember why I kept watching the cartoon…oh yeah. Wonder Woman. No complaints with her crime-fighting attire.

So you learned about The Wonder Twins today. That and John Kasich will eat anything. He would eat English food. He’d eat at Burger King. Don’t say you never learn nothing when you come here.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Stereotype Your Wedding Planner Before It’s Too Late


A lot of conservatives defense for Indiana’s Restoration Of Religious Freedom law is that it’s exactly like laws in other states and the federal law signed by Clinton in the 1990’s. Today Arkansas governor Asa Hutchinson destroyed that argument by not signing a duplicate to Indiana’s and stating he wants one more like the federal law.

The federal law was not built to discriminate. It’s goal was to actually protect religious freedom. This law in Indiana is designed to discriminate. The law is not necessary. Nobody’s religious freedom is being violated. The only way anyone who’s honest can say the law is needed is that we need to discriminate in this country. Indiana governor Mike Pence his expressed himself in the past of being very homophobic and seeking laws designed to discriminate.
In addition to all the businesses that have come out against Indiana and Arkansas’ hate efforts, NASCAR has come out against it. You know, NASCAR. That “sport” with a fanbase of Bubbas chewing tobacco, drinking beer, slapping women on the asses, gay joke telling, Southern culture, Mitt Romney voting, entirely white fan base NASCAR. Indiana, you literally are being left in the dust.
But hey, homophobes have finally caught on to what the gay agenda is really about, which is that it only exist to drive small business bakeries and florists to go out of business. Seriously, you really have to hate someone not to sell them a cake. There were examples of bakers and florists going out of business in Washington and Oregon for not providing their services to gay weddings.
First; if you’re so close minded you won’t do business with gay couples then what the Hell are you doing in Washington and Oregon? Second; if a bunch of fraternity dudes went to a baker and said they wanted donuts and planned to wear them on their penises, take photos of the act then place the pics underneath the donuts before they sent them to a sorority, the baker would probably say “that’s disgusting and it sounds like you need at least two dozen.” Then he’d place his business card with the order.
You would think the entire wedding industry would be euphoric over gay weddings as that increases their client base. I know I’m a non-conformist but if I was a baker I’d sell a cake to a man/horse wedding, legal or not. I’d be ecstatic about selling the cake. I’m sure James Carville and Mary Matalin found a caterer for their wedding who did the job without throwing up in his mouth.
There’s news today of a homophobic pizza place in Indiana that says they’ll use the new law to deny service to weddings. Seriously, the name of the place is “Homophobic Pizza” (no it’s not). If anyone is having a pizza catered to their wedding then it’s not gonna be a gay wedding. I did see a wedding reception at a Hooters once and that wasn’t gay either, and it wasn’t even my wedding. My wife vetoed that idea (I still can’t remember why we divorced).
I really don’t get all this fear of providing business to gays. Have you ever heard of a straight guy getting kicked out of a gay bar?
Today a conservative buddy of mine posted this on social media: If I’m a conservative, freelance cartoonist in Indiana, and a liberal group, whose political lifestyle I disagree with, wants to hire me to draw cartoons, I shouldn’t be able to say “No thank you?”
Yes you can say “no thank you” and thanks for displaying you don’t understand the issue. I don’t mean to pick on my homophobic and close-minded friend but this is the sort of clueless examples trolls are dishing out there. Bakeries and florists are providing a service and are businesses. A cartoonist is an individual. Selling a cake or flowers does not endorse an opinion or lifestyle. If you’re a Wiccan and buy blue jeans from Walmart does that mean Walmart supports the Wiccan lifestyle?  If my cartoons appear in National Review or Breitbart readers can understandably get the impression I support the viewpoints of those publications (and that I’m a knuckle-dragging, cave dweller). It’s not the same thing. What scares me is that he’s a cartoonist who doesn’t understand the difference between journalism and baked goods (though they are often acquainted in a newsroom) and seriously needs to work on his analogies. My penis/donut analogy was much better.
Some people questioned my homophobic buddy that no liberal publication would ask to use his work. That is not very likely but in his defense it’s not entirely implausible. I’ve been approached by a Tea Party group before to draw cartoons for them which really nails down that they are the stupid party.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take a shower after that National Review/Breitbart hypothesis I used earlier.


Hateful Hoosiers’ Window Space


Finally, I drew a cartoon about Indiana. No, I haven’t really been waiting for a reason to pick on Indiana though I wonder how this will fly since I do have a little sister, a little brother and quite a few nieces and nephews up there. I doubt they’ll see it.

But yeah, I got to hit Indiana. It seems there’s always something stupid coming out of Texas, Florida and Arizona giving me an opportunity. Earlier today I drew a custom cartoon for a publication in Utah which you’ll see Sunday. But now Indiana has decided to doing something Neanderthaleriffic. You really gotta hate somebody to refuse to take their money.

Indiana, I knew you had it in you!