Donald Trump

Uber Warlord


cjones05212019

Yusuf Abdi Ali is accused of being a war criminal who fought under Somali dictator Siad Barre. Eye witnesses told a Canadian documentary about Ali’s viciousness during Somalia’s brutal civil war during the 1980s. One said “Two men were caught, tied to a tree. Oil was poured on them and they were burnt alive. I saw it with my own eyes. I cut away their remains.” 

Another said, “He caught my brother. He tied him to a military vehicle and dragged him behind. He shredded him into pieces.

Ali was living in Canada until he was deported when the documentary aired in 1992. He moved to the U.S. where he worked as a security guard until 2016 when CNN found him and confronted him about the allegations. He was fired soon after.

A few days ago, CNN discovered he has been driving for Uber for the past 18 months in Virginia and had a 4.89 rating as an “Uber Pro Diamond” driver. I’m sure the guy dragged behind a military vehicle until shredded into pieces would give him a lower rating. He was also driving for Lyft and had passed TSA and FBI background checks. Seriously.

Personally, I wish Donald Trump and his National Security Adviser John Bolton were driving for Uber instead of being in charge of U.S. foreign policy. Bolton has long advocated for war with Iran, Iraq, Syria, Libya, Venezuela, Cuba, Yemen, and North Korea. Despite not being able to find any of those places on a map, Trump may think it’s a good idea to start a fight with a few of them.

Trump pulled the U.S. out of a treaty that prevented Iran from developing a nuclear weapon which didn’t make any sense at all. Iran is still in the treaty but if they pull out, which they’re now discussing, nothing will restrain them from developing nuclear weapons.

Now, he’s accusing Iran of being connected to al Qaida and labeling them as a threat to the United States. Haven’t we seen this movie already? That’s exactly what Bush and Cheney did to justify war with Iraq. While their claims proved to be lies, many Americans still believe Iraq has some responsibility for 9/11.

Earlier this month, the U.S. deployed an aircraft strike group to the region (when they did that with North Korea, they lost it) and there is talk of pumping over 100,000 U.S. troops into the region to confront Iran.

John Bolton and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo want us to go to war with Iran. In fact, Bolton is still supportive of our invasion of Iraq. Bolton was wrong on Iraq. He is unwilling to learn from history, from his own history. Now, he wants to repeat it. What does he have to lose when he’s not the one who’s going to die on a battlefield?

Donald Trump claims he was against the war with Iraq which is a lie, but he wasn’t a cheerleader for it either. There are reports he doesn’t want war with Iran but he’s easily influenced and manipulated by smarter people. So is Jared Kushner who talks secretly with the murderous Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia through an iPhone app. Saudi Arabia and Israel would LOVE to see the U.S. fight a war for them against Iran. All of these people have Trump’s ear. We may be just one sword dance away from thousands more Americans dying in a war in the Middle East.

Iran won’t be like Iraq. It’ll be worse. Iran is geographically larger. They’re larger in population than Iraq. Most importantly, their military is the most powerful in the region after Israel. They have over 500,000 active personnel with another 300,000 in reserve. They’re not a joke. It would be a quagmire that will make Iraq look like a cakewalk. In the end, we could walk away with nothing gained, much like our experience in Vietnam.

We don’t just need to avoid a war with Iran, and everyone else, we need to get those whispering for it into Trump’s ears out of the White House. This is what happens when you put people in charge who are stupid and are not students of history.

John Bolton should not be playing World of Warcraft with actual lives of Americans. Bolton joined the Maryland Army National Guard to avoid fighting in Vietnam, a war he supported as long as he wasn’t one of those fighting in it. He later wrote in his Yale 25th reunion book, “I confess I had no desire to die in a Southeast Asian rice paddy.”

Bolton has no desire to die in the desert or mountains of Iran either, but he’s OK with you or your children dying there for his whimsies. Before we start a war with anyone, Bolton needs to be put into an Uber and driven over a cliff.

Creative notes: I intended to draw this cartoon Wednesday night or Thursday morning, then Alabama happened. I offered the idea to CNN on Thursday night, and then I pushed it aside again for Jared’s immigration scam. My only concern is that this story may have been buried by this point. But, I liked it enough to take the shot.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

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Jared Does Immigration


cjones05202019

There are some places where some people don’t belong. We need serious reforms to keep them out and to make sure the likes of them never get in and pose a danger to the rest of us ever again. Of course, I’m talking about Jared Kushner in the White House. What the hell is he doing there?

How does being born rich, inheriting money, losing money in New York real estate make you qualified to work on such things as foreign policy, Mideast peace, immigration, and whatever the hell else Jared is up to. Sticking your business in the president’s daughter doesn’t make one qualified to stick their business in government policy.

The cruelty, heartlessness, and racism of Donald Trump’s administration is compounded by inexperience, stupidity, and nepotism. Because he’s unqualified and doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing, Trump believes it’s perfectly fine to put similarly unqualified and stupid people into federal positions, like Rick Perry, Betsy DeVos, Ben Carson, and his stupid daughter and son-in-law.

Kushy has been put in charge of Middle East peace with the idea that the problem this entire time is that qualified and experienced people have been trying to solve the crisis. His other qualification, once cited by Trump, is that he’s Jewish. If only we’ve had Jews negotiating Middle East peace in the past.

Jared is also working on our relationship and business deals with Saudi Arabia. Now, going to war with Iran has probably been plotted out between Jared and a guy who orders murdering journalists, through an encrypted app on their iPhones.

The boy blunder has also been put in charge of immigration reform and creating something with more nuance than “Build The Wall.” He presented an outline to Republican senators, with each wondering, “Why is he here?”

The first part of Jared’s plan is to eliminate people coming into this country based upon their family connections. Seriously. Jared Kushner…who is in the White House because he married the president’s daughter has designed a plan to prevent people from entering the nation based on their family connections. Think about it. Cognitive dissonance much? Never mind the fact that Melania Trump (in case you’ve forgotten, an immigrant married to the president, his second immigrant wife) was able to get her parents into this nation based upon her citizenship. Again, think about it.

The other part of Jared’s plan is merit-based where the administration only wants to accept applications who are highly educated, skilled, wealthy, and white. Basically, they’re just copying the application for becoming a member of Mar-a-Lago.

The administration also want immigrants to take a civics test and apparently, someone in the Trump regime looked up the definition of civics. In case you’re a Republican, that’s the study of citizenship and how government works, like knowing how many branches make up the federal government. In case you’re a Trump cultist, the answer is three. You’re homework is to name them.

Senators were not impressed with Jared’s proposal which he presented in a private meeting along with White House goose-stepper and hair-in-a-can advocate Stephen Miller. Reportedly, Kushy was unable to answer many of their questions and was constantly interrupted by Miller. Senators felt Kushner didn’t understand the issue. Case in point; DACA is not included. One anonymous source told The Washington Post, “He’s in his own little world.” It’s like one of those pre-school toy steering wheels and the toddler thinks he’s actually driving a car, except in this case, the toddler is stupid and corrupt.

Kushner’s little world is taking a crap on the real one. It’s like the pros in the major leagues have gone on strike and they were replaced with scabs from other sports. Very corrupt scabs.

Nepotism is no way to conduct government business. Unfortunately, Donald Trump isn’t related to anyone qualified or intelligent (have you seen Don Jr and Eric?). The problem with stupid people is that they don’t know they’re stupid…like how dead people don’t know they’re dead. It’s stupid of Jared to present an immigration plan that Republicans and Democrats both hate. It was stupid of Donald Trump to put him in charge of anything more complicated than figuring out how Grub Hub works (I’m working on it). It was stupid of anyone to vote for Donald Trump on the belief that “Only he could fix it.” This deal is stupid and dead, and Jared doesn’t know it.

We need to stop putting stupid, unqualified, and racist people in government positions. By that, I mean we need to stop voting for them.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Shave Your Toadyism


cjones05172019

William Barr is NOT acting as the Attorney General and is instead working as Donald Trump’s personal defender.

He deflected the Mueller Report. He held onto it for three weeks after he issued his misleading memo. When asked how Mueller felt about his memo, Barr lied and said he didn’t know despite having received two letters and one phone call from Mueller telling him that he didn’t like it. When I was a teenager, a girl’s father once threatened to shoot me if he ever caught me climbing into his daughter’s window again, but other than that comment I’m not sure how he felt about me.

Barr also quibbled when asked if anyone in the White House asked him to investigate the investigators. William Barr has engaged in a coverup and is now doing Donald Trump’s bidding, which is using the Justice Department to go after his political enemies.

The Justice Department is now investigating how the FBI conducted its investigation into Russia’s meddling and involvement in the Trump campaign. We’re now going after people for going after Russian spies.

Donald Trump promised during the presidential campaign that he would use the Justice Department to go after his political enemies. His first AG didn’t work out in that regard so he fired him to install a genuine toady in the position. This is where William Barr entered the picture.

Trump says we need to move on from the investigations into Russia. All investigations are bad except investigations into investigations.

We are now a banana republic without the bananas.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Farmer Bang Bang


cjones05152019

During the 2016 presidential campaign, Donald Trump said he could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot someone and he wouldn’t lose any voters. He was right, but at that time, he would have lost support from his party. Today, he could shoot farmer after farmer and the GOP would only yawn (unless it was a black guy and then they’d get excited).

Trump’s not going to shoot anyone on Fifth Avenue. If he shoots anyone, it’ll be in a soybean field in Iowa, and then maybe a stockbroker on Wall Street.

Republicans used to be all about free trade and anti tariffs. They’ve always argued that tariffs are taxes on American consumers and nobody wins a trade war. They were right. Today, they’ve sacrificed their previous position, just as they’ve expunged their positions on law and order, patriotism, defense, morals, etc. as if they underwent a political colonic.

Today, after China retaliated by raising $60 billion in tariffs on American goods, Trump said he “likes the position we’re in.” You have to remember, this is a guy who “liked the position he was in” when he shut down the government for 30 days before losing a negotiation with Democrats. We are putting our stock, our businesses, our economy, our farms, and our people in a guy who won’t accept that Americans pay for tariffs.

A trade war will hurt both countries, but it will be felt more by American consumers and the politicians they vote for. In case you’re a Republican, nobody votes in China and there’s not a free press that can criticize President Xi Jinping or even report facts that are critical of his positions. The only pressure President Xi is under is, don’t lose a trade war with an orange shitgibbon. Xi is basically president for life, but losing a negotiation to an idiot like Donald Trump could very well shorten that life.

Farmers who voted for Trump are typical Trump cultists. They’ll continue to believe in Trump, even as soybeans from last year are rotting in storage because there’s no longer a market for them. But maybe around the point that they’re literally losing the farm, they might realize this entire Trump experiment isn’t working out. They may actually realize that Donald Trump is a malignant narcissist who only cares about the malignant narcissist. His current welfare plan for farmers is only designed to uphold their support of him, but that won’t last. How long can you borrow money from China to help farmers not sell their crops to China?

Unfortunately for me and you, nearly everything we own is made in China. If we could buy crap made cheaper in Vietnam, Thailand, and Indonesia, we would. We are cheap consumers. We haven’t been holding off from buying products made in thirder-world nations than China because of loyalty or ethics. We’re cheap. We would have already been doing it.

Trump may not feel any pressure from other consumers because fortunately for him, his supporters aren’t known for shopping at Wal-Mart (insert eye roll here).

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Roll Out The Barrel


CNN05122019

Here’s your weekly cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

I felt a little bit chunky on Friday. It was one of those spoke-too-soon things.

Thursday, I sent CNN eight ideas. The editor replied asking if he could make the decision Friday morning because all the cartoons were too good and I was “on fire.” I had promised Amanda I was going to her house on Friday but figured I’d have everything done early in the day. So, no problem with selecting the cartoon on Friday morning. Where I spoke too soon was in promoting the upcoming cartoon and newsletter on Twitter and Facebook, as I tweeted out his “on fire” comment.

Friday morning came and my editor threw out a couple more subjects which meant the hard part wasn’t over yet. I had to keep thinking of ideas. The hard part is always over when all that’s left to do is to draw the cartoon. Thinking is hard.

The editor threw out a couple subjects at me that I wasn’t excited about. I still worked on them and I even took the project with me to Amanda’s, which was in Woodbridge (about 30 miles north of my home). Finally, the last idea I sent seemed to click. Amanda said it was her favorite of all the cartoons. In fact, it was a comment she made that made it click in my head. And then…the editor wanted to go back to one of the ideas I had sent the day before. In fact, after selecting one, we changed our minds again and selected another, which is the one you see here.

I sent about fifteen rough sketches by the time I was through. I’ve drawn three of those and I’m probably going to do one more tonight (and maybe another next week). I liked several of the ideas, and they were on different subjects.

My favorite cartoon from the batch was the monopoly/shoe cartoon (and yeah, it’s weird). The Trump Jr cartoon I drew on Saturday was the favorite for a couple other people who had seen each rough, though I wasn’t too sure about it. My second favorite, and the one I thought CNN would want was on Trump Jr AND the royal baby. But, I had already done something on the royal baby for my syndication so I felt doing that cartoon for them would have been a little repetitive, but it would have worked for CNN.

Friday was a hard day but sometimes you have to work hard, even with a cushy job like drawing cartoons. Sometimes, the one making it harder for you is yourself. I honestly believe this thing I’m doing with CNN is one of the best freelance gigs going for cartoonists today. The people I’m working with have been great and I’m not just writing that because they might read this. They really have been wonderful, professional, and easy to work with. I should also make that clear since I have to ask them to accommodate my hours again two weeks from now because I have another trip out of town.

And, sorry. I didn’t feel like writing about Trump’s fraud, taxes, lies, or corruption again. I’ve already done that more than once the previous week. You can go back and read them if that’s what you’re hungry for today.

Creative Note Thingy: I’m thinking about posting all the roughs on my Instagram page so people will have an incentive to visit and follow me there. Hint, hint.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Jr


cjones05132019

I can’t imagine Donald Trump being a hands-on father. I’m fairly confident the guy never did a 2:00 am feeding or changed a diaper in his life. He probably didn’t even know where the diapers were kept in his penthouse, other than the ones he has to wear himself. I definitely can’t see him playing catch with any of his kids. But maybe, if he and Jr go to prison together, they can form a little bonding time in the year.

Sometimes I wonder how Trump’s staff can’t prevent him from embarrassing himself, like when he publicly displays his lack of comprehension. Whoever read the Mueller Report to him didn’t do a good job of making him understand it.

After Donald Trump Jr was subpoenaed last week by the Senate Intelligence Committee, Trump griped to the media the unfairness of it all. He said the Mueller Report exonerated Trump Jr. It did not. In case you’re keeping score at home, Jr refused to give an interview to Mueller’s team. For some reason, they didn’t subpoena him.

While arguing the “exoneration” of Trump Jr, Daddy Trump referred to the report as “the Bible.” Again, he didn’t read the report as it contradicts not just Jr’s public statements about the Trump Tower meeting and having business interests in Russia, it contradicts his previous Senate testimony. In case you’re a Republican, that’s perjury. That can land Jr in prison. If the Mueller Report is “the Bible,” then Trumpy Jr should be going to prison.

Trump also argued that Jr shouldn’t testify again because he had already done so before the committee in private. That’s why he needs to testify again, because that first testimony was contradicted by the Mueller Report, you know, “the Bible.”

Donald Trump is an idiot and he passed it on to his idiot son.

Creative note: This cartoon may be too subtle. But, two out of the three people who saw it in its rough form really liked it, so I went with it. Sorry for the late Saturday cartoon, but I was doing stuff this morning, like sleeping.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

The Biggest Shoeser


cjones05122019

Negotiating with China for a better trade agreement is a good thing. In fact, Democrats may be more supportive of the trade war than free-market Republicans. What’s not good is engaging in a trade war as there’s rarely a winner. What’s even worse is that these negotiations are being led by Donald Trump.

While Donald Trump promotes himself as a great negotiator, those of us who are not cultist sycophants know he’s not. China also knows he’s not a great negotiator. China knows that Donald Trump doesn’t know that American consumers pay for the tariffs he’s increased. China knows that 90% of the stuff you own was made in China. Despite those MAGA hats being made in China…and everything else with Trump’s name on it, Donald Trump doesn’t seem to know this. If you shop at Wal-Mart, you’re paying these tariffs, even if you voted for Donald Trump. The price for your “Juicy” sweatpants just got a lot juicier.

Before the government shutdown, Democrats put an offer on the table for Trump’s border wall. He wanted more so he shut the government down. It was his way of negotiating. When the pressure got too much for him, he caved and walked away with…wait for it…nothing. A great negotiator or even a mediocre hobbyist negotiator never walks away with less than he was originally offered, less enough, NOTHING.

When you play poker, you bluff. A bluff is a lie. Poker is a game where lying is allowed. Now, if you bluff on every hand, people stop believing you and you start losing. It may not work that way with a cult, but it works that way in business. Trump used to purchase stocks of a company, make a lot of noise about purchasing more and taking over the company, then after the stock would increase because of his noise, he’d quietly sell. He was lying. Just like in poker, people stopped believing him and the strategy stopped working. That was Donald Trump being a “great businessman.”

Donald Trump lost a billion dollars over a decade. He was continuously bailed out by his daddy. For eight of those ten years, he didn’t pay taxes. The guy lost a billion dollars, took money from his dad, bankrupted casinos, but since he didn’t pay taxes for most of those years, that was him being a “great businessman.”

While losing a billion dollars, Trump published a ghost-written book he’s probably never read called “The Art of the Deal.” Many years later, he hosted The Apprentice, a reality TV show. The man has spent decades cultivating an image of a billionaire genius. He even created a fake university to teach people to be billionaire geniuses just like him, which of course was a scam.

Despite playing Hawkeye on M.A.S.H., Alan Alda is not a great surgeon or a surgeon period. You do not want Alan Alda cutting you open. You don’t want Donald Trump cutting you open either, but sycophants gave him the knife. He played a great businessman on TV, but just like Alan Alda isn’t a surgeon, Trump is not a great businessman.

You can’t believe everything you see on TV. But, you see Trump playing a dumbass, racist, sexist, bully, and narcissist on TV on a daily basis. That, you can believe.

In Monopoly of life, Donald Trump is the shoe, but his sycophants think he’s the race car. They’re just ignoring the smell.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.