Accusers Get Verified


cjones10172016

Donald Trump brought his locker room talk to his rallies this week.

First he called his accusers “horrible,” “sick” and “phony,” and then he insinuated they’re not attractive enough for him to violate. What a moral and upstanding defense.

Regarding Jessica Leeds, who has accused Trump of groping her on a flight, he said “Yeah, I’m gonna go after — believe me, she would not be my first choice, that I can tell you.” Good to know he has a violation-worthy  grading scale.

Trump also called another accuser, former People Magazine reporter Natasha Stoynoff, a “liar” and added, “Check out her Facebook, you’ll understand.” The crowd really liked that one and they laughed and laughed. She’s not pretty enough for…haha. Get it?

Since he was on a roll insulting women for their physical appearance he couldn’t leave out Hillary Clinton. Speaking of last Sunday’s debate, he said “and when she walked in front of me, believe me, I wasn’t impressed.”

I totally understand women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama aren’t Trump’s type. They’re Yale and Harvard educated. He’s not in their league. But since we’re out there insulting women’s looks let’s fully punch that ticket on the crazy train and create a conspiracy theory. Choo! Choo!

Trump has decided that all these accusations are being masterminded by a Mexican billionaire who pulled out of a deal with Trump after the GOP nominee said “Mexico sends us rapists and murderers.”

Carlos Slim is one of the richest men in the world. He is so rich that Trump’s income is as comparable to his as mine is to Trump’s. You do not want the income of an unemployed cartoonist (Seriously, somebody bring me a sandwich).

They say that Mr. Slim is so rich and owns so many companies that you can’t go a day in Mexico without contributing to his wealth. Trump, who may not even be a billionaire, has to hate that. It’s probably why he has to put his name on everything. Though a “Slim” casino may not be very enticing.

Slim is a contributor to the Clinton Foundation (Sniff. Sniff. Conspiracy). One of the properties Mr. Slim has a stake in is The New York Times (why am I not in on this conspiracy and getting some of that Mexican billionaire money?). He is the largest private shareholder with 17%. Being a shareholder doesn’t mean you write the headlines but Trump swears there’s a conspiracy anyway. Never mind the fact that other accusers have been revealed by The Washington Post, People Magazine, The Palm Beach Post, and a few TV stations, that Slim Richy does not have any financial stake in (I had to play off “Slim Shady” somewhere in this post).

Trump really hates the idea that a Mexican (of Lebanese descent which probably makes it worse) is meddling in a U.S. election. Dammit, that’s for the Russians to do. He also blamed the “global business elite” and bankers. You know, Jews. Wink. Wink. Nudgy. Nudgy. If there was truly a global financial conspiracy against someone, wouldn’t Trump have gotten the invite? The guy hasn’t been living in cardboard boxes.

Getting back to the whole accused-for-sexual-harassment thing, Trump said anybody can be accused. Just like that time he told his supporters that if they punched a protester at one of his rallies that he’d pay for it, Trump said “even Obama can be accused by anybody.” Then he repeated “anybody.” Yes, anyone at all. Just about any ole little body. Just one person…who might need a tiny little push. A push by tiny little Cheeto fingers.

The problem with finding somebody to accuse the president is that he’s not a jerk like Trump. Not to mention if there was an angry female out who was groped by Obama then wouldn’t they have found her while they were hunting for that pesky birth certificate?

But Trump is big on degrading women. He wails about the injustice received by Bill Clinton’s accusers, then he trops them out for a sideshow photo-op. He’s gone on Howard Stern in the past and graded them with numbers while saying a “flat-chested woman can never be a ten.” That’s another thing guys stop doing after college. The score thing, yeah we don’t do that. Trump still does. We also don’t check out ten-year-old girls on escalators and say I’m gonna be dating her in a few years.” Yeah. Trump does that too.

Trump is so stupid he doesn’t understand how his latest defense doesn’t work. If someone’s not attractive enough for him to harass does that mean he does harass them when they do meet his neanderthal standards?

I’m gonna go with “Yep!”.

I had fun with this cartoon as all the terms here made me giggle. They’re really stupid. Stupid can be funny, like Donald Trump. “Eye Broccoli” was new to me as I had never heard that one before (I research stuff). And obviously I took “man hands” from Seinfeld. I do feel a little self-conscience since I’ve done so many Trump cartoons this week. I wanted to compare with a few other cartoonists so I counted how many Trump cartoons in a row three of my colleagues, who are also my favorites, had drawn. One of them had done four. Another had done five. And one of them has, at this point, done fourteen.

Fourteen. So leave me alone about drawing too many Trump cartoons.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

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