I’m With Her

Accusers Get Verified


cjones10172016

Donald Trump brought his locker room talk to his rallies this week.

First he called his accusers “horrible,” “sick” and “phony,” and then he insinuated they’re not attractive enough for him to violate. What a moral and upstanding defense.

Regarding Jessica Leeds, who has accused Trump of groping her on a flight, he said “Yeah, I’m gonna go after — believe me, she would not be my first choice, that I can tell you.” Good to know he has a violation-worthy  grading scale.

Trump also called another accuser, former People Magazine reporter Natasha Stoynoff, a “liar” and added, “Check out her Facebook, you’ll understand.” The crowd really liked that one and they laughed and laughed. She’s not pretty enough for…haha. Get it?

Since he was on a roll insulting women for their physical appearance he couldn’t leave out Hillary Clinton. Speaking of last Sunday’s debate, he said “and when she walked in front of me, believe me, I wasn’t impressed.”

I totally understand women like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama aren’t Trump’s type. They’re Yale and Harvard educated. He’s not in their league. But since we’re out there insulting women’s looks let’s fully punch that ticket on the crazy train and create a conspiracy theory. Choo! Choo!

Trump has decided that all these accusations are being masterminded by a Mexican billionaire who pulled out of a deal with Trump after the GOP nominee said “Mexico sends us rapists and murderers.”

Carlos Slim is one of the richest men in the world. He is so rich that Trump’s income is as comparable to his as mine is to Trump’s. You do not want the income of an unemployed cartoonist (Seriously, somebody bring me a sandwich).

They say that Mr. Slim is so rich and owns so many companies that you can’t go a day in Mexico without contributing to his wealth. Trump, who may not even be a billionaire, has to hate that. It’s probably why he has to put his name on everything. Though a “Slim” casino may not be very enticing.

Slim is a contributor to the Clinton Foundation (Sniff. Sniff. Conspiracy). One of the properties Mr. Slim has a stake in is The New York Times (why am I not in on this conspiracy and getting some of that Mexican billionaire money?). He is the largest private shareholder with 17%. Being a shareholder doesn’t mean you write the headlines but Trump swears there’s a conspiracy anyway. Never mind the fact that other accusers have been revealed by The Washington Post, People Magazine, The Palm Beach Post, and a few TV stations, that Slim Richy does not have any financial stake in (I had to play off “Slim Shady” somewhere in this post).

Trump really hates the idea that a Mexican (of Lebanese descent which probably makes it worse) is meddling in a U.S. election. Dammit, that’s for the Russians to do. He also blamed the “global business elite” and bankers. You know, Jews. Wink. Wink. Nudgy. Nudgy. If there was truly a global financial conspiracy against someone, wouldn’t Trump have gotten the invite? The guy hasn’t been living in cardboard boxes.

Getting back to the whole accused-for-sexual-harassment thing, Trump said anybody can be accused. Just like that time he told his supporters that if they punched a protester at one of his rallies that he’d pay for it, Trump said “even Obama can be accused by anybody.” Then he repeated “anybody.” Yes, anyone at all. Just about any ole little body. Just one person…who might need a tiny little push. A push by tiny little Cheeto fingers.

The problem with finding somebody to accuse the president is that he’s not a jerk like Trump. Not to mention if there was an angry female out who was groped by Obama then wouldn’t they have found her while they were hunting for that pesky birth certificate?

But Trump is big on degrading women. He wails about the injustice received by Bill Clinton’s accusers, then he trops them out for a sideshow photo-op. He’s gone on Howard Stern in the past and graded them with numbers while saying a “flat-chested woman can never be a ten.” That’s another thing guys stop doing after college. The score thing, yeah we don’t do that. Trump still does. We also don’t check out ten-year-old girls on escalators and say I’m gonna be dating her in a few years.” Yeah. Trump does that too.

Trump is so stupid he doesn’t understand how his latest defense doesn’t work. If someone’s not attractive enough for him to harass does that mean he does harass them when they do meet his neanderthal standards?

I’m gonna go with “Yep!”.

I had fun with this cartoon as all the terms here made me giggle. They’re really stupid. Stupid can be funny, like Donald Trump. “Eye Broccoli” was new to me as I had never heard that one before (I research stuff). And obviously I took “man hands” from Seinfeld. I do feel a little self-conscience since I’ve done so many Trump cartoons this week. I wanted to compare with a few other cartoonists so I counted how many Trump cartoons in a row three of my colleagues, who are also my favorites, had drawn. One of them had done four. Another had done five. And one of them has, at this point, done fourteen.

Fourteen. So leave me alone about drawing too many Trump cartoons.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Trump Poops Out


cjones09272016

How bad did Donald Trump do at the first presidential debate against Democrat Hillary Clinton? The Mexican Peso increased in value by two points. In fact, markets world-wide have gone up in reaction over Trump’s dismal pouty performance. The entire planet is anticipating a Trump electoral defeat.

Before the debate everyone was asking which Donald Trump would show up. The combative crazy Trump or the more subdued kinda-sorta presidential Trump. The Trump we all know showed up. The stupid Trump.

Conservatives were keeping an eye to see how often Clinton would cough or take a glass of water so they could build their health conspiracies. She might have taken a sip and she never coughed. Trump on the other hand was sniffing like a Miami coke head in withdrawal and drinking water like Marco Rubio in a sauna.

When I was a student and performed poorly on a test (which was often), I was never asked by a teacher if I thought I did well. It was always “did you prepare?”. That’s exactly how the press greeted Trump’s campaign manager Kellyanne Conway after the debate who was trying to spin that Trump hadn’t just laid a huge and giant stinky egg.

Trump started the debate well. He had Clinton back pedaling on her flip-flop on TPP where she did lie about her past support. He might have scored a fraction of a point on the email scandal. On the rest of the topics Trump flopped. Before the debate he allowed Mark Cuban to bait him on Twitter. During the debate he let Clinton do the baiting and he bit, again and again.

He said not paying taxes is smart business and continued the lie he can’t release his taxes while he’s being audited. His witness for being against the Iraq War before it began is from a private conversation with Sean Hannity which is like a kid telling his teacher to go ask his dog about eating his homework. He defended his past wishes for the housing market to collapse. He continued the lie that his birtherism was started by Clinton and he should get credit for ending it. He argued for “Stop-and-Frisk” and said immigrant gangs were roaming the cities. He defended himself for not paying contractors and said the country should do the same regarding commitments. He also denied he ever claimed Global Warming is a hoax created by China. He said Clinton has been fighting ISIS for her entire adult life. Did I mention stupid Trump showed up?

Near the end of the debate Trump was asked about his comments on Clinton not having “the looks” to be president which he changed to stamina. The ironic thing is that it was Clinton’s stamina which won the debate while Trump wilted from exhaustion. She smiled, laughed, and was tactful. Trump on the other hand rolled his eyes, pouted, sniffed, snorted, and interrupted. He said his temperament was his best quality while he was being combative. His strategy was the equivalent to a husband losing an argument to his much smarter wife. Being loud and interrupting isn’t always a winning strategy when you don’t have a winning argument.

Trump whined that Clinton has run ads against him and then cried to be credited for not talking about Bill Clinton’s sex life. After the debate he whined more and winked that he’d bring it up at the next debate.

Trump and his surrogates complained that Clinton actually prepared for the debate. That’s like the Carolina Panthers whining about losing the Super Bowl because the Denver Broncos held practices. During the debate Clinton said she did prepare and that she’s also prepared to be president. Trump even claimed his microphone was malfunctioning, which it wasn’t and is a defense he’s played before.

Trump went into the debate with low expectations and he met them. It was believed by many that Clinton would have to devastate Trump to have a clear victory. She didn’t do that but she got the win. Trump hurt himself as much as Clinton dug into him.  It was felt Trump would win if he got through the night without having a stroke or crapping himself. Not sure the latter didn’t happen.

Those who might have had a stroke was his surrogates. Most of my conservative friends on social media were eerily silent. Rudy Giuliani said it wasn’t Trump’s best performance. I saw a few conservatives say the debate was a tie, which is always a loss when said by a partisan. The ridiculous CNN paid Trump hack Kayleigh McEnany nearly had a stroke trying to spin a Trump win.

Trump lied, whined, pouted, and even promoted a hotel. Quite frankly, that’s a lot of shit.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Trump’s Tantrum On Terror


cjones06162016

Usually after a national tragedy, the country comes together. People with different philosophical and political beliefs can push them aside, at least for a few days, to unite and stand together. Then there’s Donald Trump.

Immediately after the attack in Orlando Trump tweeted how people were “congratulating” him on being right. Terrorist attack on our nation, 49 dead, over 50 injured, and Donald Trump uses it to point out how great he is.

The terrorist was born in the United States. That news was reported and confirmed Sunday. A day later Trump conducts a speech where he calls for a ban on Muslims immigrating to the United States because the Orlando attacker was “Afghan born.” What the Hell does that mean? Was he swaddled as a baby in an Afghan carpet? Maybe delivered by an Afghan Hound?

The shooter was born in the United States. Everyone and their brother, even those with stupid brothers, knew of this. Trump is so obnoxious that he can’t even let information sink in that challenges his narrative.

Speaking of narrative, he’s sticking with the GOP talking point that we have to call these attacks “radical Islam.” They can’t just say “radical.” They have to put the Islam into it. When an abortion clinic or church is attacked, they don’t refer to the killer as a “radical Christian.” Do you know why? Because Christianity doesn’t have anything to do with their warped viewpoint that makes them kill. Islam doesn’t either. Republicans, especially Donald Trump, prefer to scapegoat an entire religion.

Trump wants the president to decide who can and can’t enter the country. I think Hitler sought, and achieved, the same power.

Then Trump said Hillary Clinton wants to abolish the 2nd Amendment. They’ve been saying the same thing about Obama for years. How bad is your platform when you have to make stuff up? Pretty weak when you can’t stick to facts.

The worst part of Trump’s tantrum? He insinuated that Obama supports the terrorists. He was the birther campaign’s champion. He was proven wrong. He’s already proven wrong with his latest accusation. His campaign is making excuses for his comment ““He doesn’t get it or, or he gets it better than anybody understands. “It’s one or the other. And either one is unacceptable.” He later said Obama is either not tough and smart or has “something else in mind.”

The bad thing is, a lot of Obama haters have been saying the same crap for years. Obama is a Muslim. He hates America. He’s apologizing for America. He supports Muslims over Israel. There’s never any proof to any of that but yet they keep it up. Now their presumptive nominee is doing the same. They have the crazy, paranoid, conspiracy theory loving candidate. No wonder his favorite publication is the National Enquirer. It should be Breitbart.

Republicans won’t talk about Trump today. I can’t blame them. But instead of hiding in shame I would like to think I would have the principles to denounce a member of my party who accuses the president of supporting terrorism.

Hillary Clinton attacked Trump today. So did the president and he tore Trump apart, especially over his proposal to ban Muslims and his questioning the lack of using the term “radical Islam.”

We might have to introduce a new term into the political dialogue to be used for the rest of this campaign. “Traitorous Trump.” The man will put politics and himself above his nation.

The man, and anyone who supports him, is supporting treason.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!