MAGA

Ice Ice Omaha


cjones11012020

When a politician campaigns in a city, it’s best for him or her not to piss on the crowd who attend their event. For example: Don’t say, “It’s wonderful to be back in one of my favorite cities, Cleveland” when you’re actually in Columbus.

Another good idea of what not to do is bus your people in and then after the event, just forget about ’em. Screw them. They’re on their own. We got what we came for which was a screaming hate mob. On to the next super-spreader event.

The Trump rally held a campaign event in Omaha which on its own is significant in itself. Why is the Republican nominee campaigning in Omaha in the last week before the election. In case you are a Republican who does not live in Omaha, Omaha is in Nebraska. Nebraska is a red state. But, Nebraska splits the electoral votes. Two of the votes are at large (In case you’re a Republican, “at large” means they’re for the entire state) and one for each of the state’s Congressional districts, of which there are three (in case you’re a Republican, one plus one plus one equals three). Donald Trump will win Nebraska but in a losing campaign where he needs to fight for every single electoral vote he can possibly get, he visited Omaha for that split electoral vote.

And how many votes did the Trump campaign travel to Omaha to campaign for? One. Just one electoral vote. That’s how much trouble Donald Trump is in. Donald Trump is in so much danger of losing this election that he’s campaigning in Nebraska. Joe Biden was in Georgia, a red state, this week. His campaign is hitting Texas and Arizona, states Hillary Clinton and President Obama had zero chances in. Joe Biden will probably carry Arizona and come close in Georgia and Texas. Meanwhile, Donald Trump is in Omaha.

But maybe while asking for that one electoral vote, you don’t murder the people you need it from…or at least not before the election. What does Donald Trump care if they die from covid after Election Day? Phhhttt!!!

The Trump Campaign has not been holding many events in stadiums and arenas where they used to lie about the attendance numbers. Now, they hold most of them at airports…where they lie about the attendance numbers. Donald Trump can get off the plane, ramble off a bunch of bullshit and racist dog whistles, then just hop back onto his plane. This is very nice for Donald Trump as he’s actually been bitching at these rallies about having to campaign. But at least as soon as the hate rally is over, he can get back on the plane with his KFC and crank up the heat.

This is very convenient for Donald Trump. For his rally attendees, not so much.

If you know a Trump supporter, I’m so sorry. But, if you know one who attended the hate rally in Omaha, you might want to check up on them and make sure they’re not still stranded on a tarmac freezing their nuts off. The one positive about this is: If they are a Trump supporter, there’s not much to freeze off.

Since Donald Trump holds his hate rallies on airport tarmacs now, people can’t park near them. No, you can’t park on an airport runway. There are planes there and in Omaha, people are in those planes desperately trying to get out of Omaha.

So what the Trump Campaign does is bus people in. The MAGAts park at a parking lot and then MAGAt buses pick them up and bus them to the hate rally. After the rally, the MAGAts buses take them back. Or at least that’s the idea. It’d probably be nice if it worked out that way…other than everyone catching covid from each other on the buses.

In Omaha, the MAGAts froze. What happened was…Donald Trump ranted and raved for about an hour on the airport tarmac while the temperature was dropping. Then, Cheeto got back on Air Force One with his bucket, cranked up the heat, and got the hell out of Omaha. It took minutes.

Then his people, the MAGAts, who believe the billionaire Manhattan penthouse-living orange shitgibbon is one of them and cares about them so much, waited in below-freezing weather for buses that would not come.

One person who drove four hours to attend the event (why would anyone do that?) decided to walk back to his car…which was three miles away. Most of them stayed and waited for the buses and over 30 of them had to be taken to the hospital which they’ll probably have to return to because they caught covid at the hate rally.

So you didn’t get a wall paid for by Mexico, but you did catch hypothermia with a side of covid. How lovely. Four more years?

A Trump Campaign spokesgoon said that “President (sic) Trump loves his supporters”…whom they left stranded in the freezing cold. The campaign said it provided tents, heaters, hot cocoa and hand warmers at the departure location. Which departure location? The parking lot where their cars were? Thanks.

Donald Trump does NOT care about you. If he did, he wouldn’t be holding these super-spreader events during a pandemic. Once again: Donald Trump only cares about Donald Trump. This is a man who charges us for the water he drinks at his own resort. Seriously.

Donald Trump withheld information about how contagious the virus is while he was telling us it would soon go away. He claimed it would just “disappear.” His goon-in-law, Jared, said they planned for the governors to do all the heavy lifting, for them to take the blame when people died, and for Trump to take the credit when the nation reopened. Maybe Jared can blame Joe Biden for not providing buses in Omaha. Do you know who I didn’t see driving a bus in Omaha? Hunter Biden! So if you lose a toe in Omaha, blame the Bidens.

Over 230,000 people have died from this virus, including Herman Cain, a Trump supporter and friend who caught it at one of his rallies. Nearly 9 million people in this nation have caught the Trump Virus and Donald Trump only cared about one of them. What makes you think he cares about you? What makes you think Donald Trump cares if you catch the virus and die from it? What makes you think Donald Trump cares if you freeze your shitweasel giblets off on a tarmac in Omaha? He doesn’t. He has literally told his rally attendees, at his rallies, that he’d rather not be there. They cheer. It sucks being here with you. Yeah, Trump!!!

But after four years, if you’re a Trump supporter, you’re not going to get that message. You’ll keep drinking the Kool-Aid…even if you have to chip at it.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Religious Test Bigotry


cjones10172020

Don’t take my word for it that Republicans are going to lose in November. Take theirs.

Republicans know they’re going to lose the Senate (even South Carolina is competitive. South Carolina!). They’re going to lose the White House. There is no chance they can retake Congress.

Republicans know the will of the American people is against them. The majority of the nation rejects Republicanism and Trumpism. In the past 32 years, they’ve only won the popular vote in a presidential election…ONCE. In 2018, Senate Democratic candidates received 12 million more votes than Republican candidates. And despite the will of this nation being against Republicans, they control the White House, the Senate, and will soon have six out of nine justices on the Supreme Court which will rule for decades. Do you think that’s fucked up? Good, because it’s fucked up.

Republicans know the majority of America doesn’t like them. They know the more educated and informed Americans are, they more likely they’ll vote against their policies because their policies are stupid, racist, and regressive. “Make America great again” means make America go backwards. And that’s why they’re ramming through the confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett.

Nine months was the time between Merrick Garland’s nomination to the Supreme Court and the election in 2016, yet Republicans wouldn’t even discuss it. There were no hearings. Republican senators refused to even meet with the man. There are 21 days between now and election day and yesterday, Republicans began hearings for Amy Coney Barrett.

Is it because she’s so qualified? No. While I don’t believe she’s a mouth-breathing knuckle-dragging moron, she doesn’t have much experience. She’s been a judge, not just a federal judge…but a judge period for less than four years. Does she need to be rammed through because of her excellent judgement? Well, she judged that all seven of her children could attend a White House super-spreader event without wearing face masks or engaging in social distancing. Should we ram her through because she’s a person who stands by her word and has exemplary principles? I don’t know because she once said only conservatives should replace conservative justices and vice versa for liberals. Today, she’s a conservative nominee replacing Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

And should we ram her through because of her independence and free will? No because she’s in a cult. Literally. She is in a religious cult.

Republicans scream that Democrats shouldn’t exercise “religious bigotry” over her. I disagree. Exercise that shit. She’s in a cult. She’s going to be on the bench for decades. We have a right to know if she’s going to rule like the Handmaid’s Tale. It’s fair to ask if she’s going to enact her religious beliefs when it comes to abortion, health coverage for all Americans, guns, birth control, gay marriage, or force every unwed woman in the nation to wear a chastity belt, and if they screw around, a scarlet letter.

Yesterday, I observed an exchange between a conservative cartoonist and a liberal cartoonist. I merely observed…for once. The conservative was upset with the liberal’s cartoon on Donald Trump’s nominee and said his work “smacked” of religious bigotry. The conservative asked, “What would you have drawn had she been a devout Muslim or an Orthodox Jew?” My question to him would be, “What would you have drawn?”.

Let’s be honest. If a Democratic president nominated a Muslim female, the GOP would freak out. For example, look at what they’ve done with Ilhan Omar, and she’s a Congresswoman. Donald Trump has accused her of coming to “our” nation after messing up her birth nation of Somalia, never mind the fact she left Somalia when she was eight. They’ve accused her of supporting terrorists and of being a terrorist. They’ve yelled, “Send her back.” Republicans have said, “How dare she tell us how to run ‘our’ country,” forgetting the fact she was elected to tell us how to run our country. Never mind the fact that our country is also her country. They’ve even accused her of marrying her brother. Seriously. And if we take Donald Trump’s track record of hypocrisy into account, we should investigate to see if Melania is his sister.

So yeah. I’m sure Republicans wouldn’t exercise any religious bigotry if a Muslim was nominated to the Supreme Court…or any court for that matter. And just how many Muslims are currently occupying federal courts in the United States of America? Zero. Zip. Nada. Nil. Zilch. None.

There are no Muslims on any of our nation’s federal courts. And yet, Republicans are clutching their pearls by people asking a religious zealot who’s a member of a literal cult that literally tells women to be submissive to their men, if her faith will play a part in her decisions.

I have two great ideas: First, let’s nominate nothing but atheists. They won’t be influenced by some backwards dogma while also respecting religious freedom because that also protects our right to not have any faith.

My second great idea is to stop these proceedings because ramming this confirmation of Amy Coney Barret to the Supreme Court is a joke leading to a tragedy.

This is a lifetime appointment. By ramming it through, Republicans are showing they don’t respect that. They don’t respect the American people. They say the American people should decide who puts these judges on the courts but by ramming this through within 22 days shows that Republicans are afraid of what the American people will decide.

And has Amy Coney Barrett said, “Hey, let’s wait until after the election.”? Of course not. Because just like everyone else Donald Trump has nominated, she doesn’t have any principles. She can not wait to get on the Supreme Court and take away your health insurance and to outlaw abortion. Hell, Justices Thomas and Alito are salivating at the chance to outlaw gay marriage.

The real irony here is that after she gets on the court and helps install Donald Trump president for life, there will no longer be a Supreme Court.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Roughing It, Volume 63


Time for roughs from last week.

I might be the only cartoonist in the world who enjoys drawing crowds.

CNN picked this for their opinion newsletter.

And I forgot to put “MAGA” on the caps. D’oh! It’s not the first time.

I really liked this one so I went with it.

This got a lot of play on social media, and about as much as the new Facebook format would allow.

The hits to my site are way down since Facebook redesigned which means Facebook is preventing people from seeing my posts (probably because they want to pay to promote the posts). And, they did it at the same time WordPress did a redesign. I hate both of them.

And WordPress, in case you’re reading this, I think the new format for posting is pointless. The site looks the same but creating each blog post requires more steps. It’s very cumbersome and it makes me hate you which you already know from the email I sent with all the F-bombs.

Sorry for that rant. Let’s move on.

And, before it only took two steps to post an image. Now it takes five. I’m sorry. I’ll move on now. This rough was withheld from you last week because I thought I’d draw it this week. I didn’t. So, let me post it for you here now. I still may go back and do it. So, prepare for maybe seeing it again in a finished cartoon.

I think this might be the one rough that’s everyone’s favorite. We’ll see.

Now this is a little cumbersome.

I knew I wasn’t going to finish this but it was fun. I did a full-color sketch of Trump in his high heels and predicted other cartoonists would start including them. Last week, I saw one by Bill Bramhall from The New York Daily News. No, he didn’t copy me. He’s the kind of cartoonist who catches things like that. I’m a fan.

I kinda dug this one.

Those flapping bat goons are supposed to be Rudy and Stephen Miller. This one still makes me laugh. I just realized it reminds me of an old Bugs Bunny cartoon where he does this to a vampire.

OK. Which cartoons is your favorite?

MAGAt Love


cjones09142020

For the past two days, a MAGAt has been posting on my YouTube channel that Donald Trump “has the best foreign policy anyone alive has ever seen.” That’s some serious MAGAt love right there.

From Bob Woodward’s new book about Donald Trump, he gives us a look at the “love letters” from Kim Jong Un to Donald Trump. It was Trump who described these as “love letters.” He thinks they’re beautiful. And if you’re wondering how Bob Woodward gained access to these letters, he got them through Donald Trump (who also gave him some national security secrets). Woodward was not allowed to copy the letters so I assume he was able to memorize them. He’s a smart guy.

In one letter, Kim wrote, “I cannot forget that moment of history when I firmly held Your Excellency’s hand at that beautiful and sacred location as the whole world watched with great interest and hope to relive the honor of that day.”

He described their Singapore summit as “reminiscent of a scene from a fantasy film.”

He once wrote, “My regards also to the First Lady and the rest of your family and all your people, and I wish everyone good health and happiness and hope that everyone’s dream will become a beautiful reality.”

And then it gets creepy. “Every minute we shared 103 days ago in Hanoi was also a moment of glory that remains a precious memory.”

He described their relationship as a “deep and special friendship between us will work as a magical force.” Sheesh. Get a room already.

Donald Trump told Bob Woodward that Kim called President Obama an “asshole,” which surely was a way to get on Trump’s good side. He also described to Trump the murder of his uncle by firing squad in graphic detail. For some reason, Kim thought Trump would get off on that. He was probably right. And if I have to read another one of these “love letters,” I may request a firing a squad.

And what have we as a nation gotten out of the Trump/Kim relationship? Well, Kim did return three hostages to us, but then again, President Obama (you know, that “asshole”) got North Korea to release ten hostages. In case you’re a MAGAt, ten is more than three.

We also haven’t engaged in a nuclear war with North Korea thanks to their “deep and special friendship that works as a magical force.” But I just remembered, we never engaged in a nuclear war with North Korea before Trump either.

Donald Trump did get Kim Jong Un to sign a treaty that guarantees…well, nothing actually. It’s a bunch of promises that they’ll maybe possibly consider doing things that we’d like them to do very much eventually. Really.

Donald Trump pulled us from the Iran nuclear treaty which was a lot stronger than the empty one-page treaty he signed with North Korea that promises kinda sorta maybes. Thanks to Trump’s foreign policy, Iran will eventually create a nuclear weapon.

Thanks to Donald Trump’s foreign policy, the climate will become even worse because he pulled us from the Paris Climate Accord. Climate change is actually a greater threat to our nation than stuff like immigration and Antifa. Really.

Donald Trump has coddled dictators and tyrants while disparaging our NATO allies. If he’s reelected, he’ll most likely pull us out of NATO and get a hotel room with Putin.

Donald Trump started a trade war with China which was stupid.

Donald Trump has ignored Vladimir Putin placing bounties on our troops, poisoning dissidents, and attacking our elections…but you can rest easy because he declared Canadian cheese a threat to our national security.

Now that we’ve seen the love letters from Kim Jong Un, I want to see the love letters from Donald Trump. I want to see what he’s written to Kim but more importantly, I want to see the love letters he’s written to Vladimir Putin. If Donald Trump was so desperate to impress Bob Woodward, oh my god what has he told Putin?

After reading them, I’ll probably throw up in my mouth.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Woodward Strikes Again


cjones09122020

What’s more shocking? That Donald Trump withheld that he understood fully well just how dangerous the conoravirus was while he was playing it down to the rest of the nation…or that Donald Trump understood something fully well?

This is a bonus cartoon and more information is coming out about this. I want to learn more, and wait for more reactions, before I write a lot about it. I owe you a blog on this. 

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Trump V. Fauci


cjones07182020

Donald Trump and his White House full of goons and shitweasels are very fond of engaging in smear campaigns. Every politician engages in opposition research on their political opponents, but it’s different with Trump. For Trump, it’s about dehumanizing and bullying to destroy the credibility of their political opponents. Sometimes it works beyond his base. For example, during the 2016 presidential election, the majority of voters found Hillary Clinton less honest than Donald Trump. There is nobody on this planet less honest than Donald Trump.

Trump’s latest opposition talking points, attacks, and bullying is even stranger than usual as it’s not against a political opponent, but on someone who is on his team. Donald Trump is trying to tear down Dr. Anthony Fauci, a scientist who has worked for six presidents from both parties. A doctor who is a recipient of the Presidential Medal of Honor. A man who is polled as being the most trusted individual in the nation.

Donald Trump’s problems with Dr. Fauci are facts and the fact he can’t fire him. He can fire Fauci but he’ll pay a hard price for it politically. But maybe, like he did with commuting the prison sentence of his personal henchman, Roger Stone, Trump will disregard wisdom and shitcan the scientist. The other problem, facts, is one Donald Trump has struggled with his entire life. Ask the Central Park 5, any of the New Jersey Muslims celebrating he saw on TV celebrating 9/11, or anyone who was on his Obama-Birth-Certificate-Fact-Finding mission.

Republican opposition to science didn’t start with Trump. They’ve used bullshit to deny the existence of Climate Change and never really understood how reproduction works. Rush Limbaugh thinks if a woman takes birth control pills daily, it means she’s having lots of sex because she’s a major slut. But with Trump, science is even harder. He thinks windmills cause cancer. He wonders if we can nuke hurricanes. He’s an anti-vaxxer. He thinks exercise depletes our life energy. The orange motherfucker took his shades off and stared directly at an eclipse.  But it’s the scientist who the White House is trying to discredit as someone who gets facts wrong when it comes to science.

Over the weekend, Donald Trump’s top advisers (goons) released a list to various media sources of statements he had made early in the coronavirus outbreak that they said was inaccurate. The interesting part of this is that the list was distributed anonymously. As in, nobody wanted their names on it. Funny thing, the administration has screamed in the past about anonymous sources coming from the White House. Of course, when spokesBarbie Kayleigh McEnany was asked about this, she failed to address it.

When the coronavirus first appeared, scientists, including Fauci, made statements that later turned out to be wrong. At first, it was believed we didn’t need masks or change our way of life. It was believed asymptomatic people didn’t spread the virus. But the thing is, as we learned otherwise on those aspects, people like Dr. Fauci changed their message, addressed where they were wrong, and implemented new strategies. Dr. Fauci has never told you wrong information in direct contrast to known facts. Guess who has done that. I’ll give you a hint. He’s an orange piece of lying garbage who would throw your grandmother into a trash compactor for an extra scoop of ice cream.

Dr. Fauci and other scientists changed their warnings and advice as new information was gathered. I’m sure information will continue to change as we still require knowledge about catching the virus twice and there are still debates over herd immunity. We don’t know everything yet. But Donald Trump has continued to lie and defy science over what is known.

It’s like when Republicans use the whatabout when they say, “But Obama promised if we liked our doctors, we could keep our doctors.” What they leave out is that after it was proven wrong, Obama stopped saying it. Donald Trump states a lie, it’s proven to be a lie, then Donald Trump doubles-down and continues to spread the lie.

Donald Trump lied about the direction of a hurricane after the fact, then ordered a government agency to repeat his lie.

While the White House is distributing a list of what Dr. Fauci got wrong, they’re not distributing one where Trump wasn’t just wrong, but when he lied about the virus.

There is not a list from the White House that included Trump stating, “Anyone who needs a test, gets a test.” They’re not reminding us that the virus would disappear in warm weather, or that testing creates cases, or that a vaccine is very near, or after 15 cases it would start going down, or the real gem of shooting UV light and household cleaning products into bodies. Where’s that list, White House goons?

This administration and president (sic) is so anti-science, that despite staring directly at evidence Republican states reopened too early, they’re still screaming for schools to reopen without offering any plans to do so safely. They’re even lying that children don’t spread the coronavirus. Their lies kill people.

This president (sic) is so anti-science, he’s not quoting Dr. Fauci. He’s quoting Chuck Woolery. This reality TV host of a president is getting his science from a game show host. This is the new normal. Everyone gets the coronavirus home version.

Donald Trump has ruined the lives of career professionals in the past for his petty ego and selfish personal agenda. Just ask James Comey, Andrew McCabe, or Alexander Vindman. Now, he’s trying to do it to Dr. Anthony Fauci, a man who was helping this nation fight the AIDS crisis while Donald Trump was grifting contractors, stealing from children’s charities, and making predictions on how large his daughter’s breasts would grow. Anyone who is helping Donald Trump to ruin these careers, like SpokesBarbie, should be shamed, ostracized, and never hired or even invited to a cocktail party for their rest of their lives.

Former acting Chief-of-Staff Mick Mulvaney wrote a column expressing outrage at our inability to test. What did Mulvaney expect after spending so much time in service of a lying piece of selfish stupid crap like Donald Trump? The only reason Mulvaney is speaking out now is because it’s affecting his family. But before this, Mulvaney helped enable this horror shitshow by working on Donald Trump’s agenda of hatred and stupidity. Surprise! It didn’t work out.

Who could have guessed that a moronic reality TV show host who doesn’t know anything and is too stupid to listen to people who do would make such a bad president?

If you’re a Trump supporter, go ahead and keep listening to Donald Trump, who in turn listens to fucknut shitweasels like Chuck Woolery. I’ll be listening to Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Goya


cjones07152020

There hasn’t been this much of a kerfuffle over beans since Blazing Saddles (that’s not mine. I stole it from CNN’s Michael Smerconish).

Robert Unanue, the president of Goya, the largest Hispanic-owned food company in the country, said the country was “blessed” to have the president’s (sic) leadership.  Unanue was visiting the White House for a photo-op and compared Donald Trump to his grandfather, an immigrant from Spain who founded the food company in 1936. “We’re all truly blessed at the same time to have a leader like President (sic) Trump.”

Did Unanue’s grandfather immigrate from Spain and inherit Goya? Did his grandfather get loan after loan after loan from his father because he couldn’t run a business? Did his grandfather declare bankruptcy multiple times? Did he take loans from banks propped up by Russia? Did his grandfather refuse to pay contractors? Did his father grab them by the coño? If none of that is true, then what the fuck does the founder of Goya have in common with Trump?

Unanue’s praise was empty. He didn’t cite any specifics for Trump’s “leadership,” which is the word everyone who enters the White House is demanded to say. Unanue may as well have praised Donald Trump for being tall and for standing upright…mostly. And what’s the deal with praising his “leadership” during a pandemic he has mostly ignored and lied about? That’s not leadership.

Now, there is a call to boycott Goya which pains a lot of Hispanics and Latinos in doing so because this is a product they grew up with. Lina Baez-Rosario immigrated to this nation as a child from the Dominican Republic (a place Donald Trump couldn’t find on a map). She told The New York Times her parents cooked with familiar flavors from her home nation to keep her memories alive, and those flavors were found in Goya.

Baez-Rosario said, “If we are the main source of income, if you are targeting us and you are marketing toward us, then your responsibility is to every Latino person, at least in the United States.” That’s the basics of the boycott.

They say, know your market. For example: Donald Trump knows his market which is why he caters to racists who hate brown people. It seems the president of Goya, a company that is supported by brown people should fucking get that and not praise a guy who rips their families apart, throws their kids in cages, calls their nations “shitholes,” and defines those coming to the United States as “rapists” and “murderers.”

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tweeted, “Oh look, it’s the sound of me Googling ‘how to make your own Adobo.'”

Goya put out a statement praising itself for donating 1 million cans of chickpeas and 1 million pounds of other products to food banks across the nation. Unanue said, “We are committed to our country and the need to give back because it is the right thing to do.”

On that note, Gonzolo Guzman, a chef in San Francisco said, “There are people out there that say they support the immigrant community, but at the end, money is stronger.” Yadira Garcia, founder and executive chef of Happy Healthy Latina said, “It’s really not a for-us by-us product. It’s just marketed to us like it is.”

Garcia criticized Goya’s lack of diversity saying, “You can’t just tell a part of our story and exalt a part of our story, and also profit off our pain and our joys, but not really truly be inclusive in our community. You can take our money, but we don’t have a seat at their table.”

The president of Goya went on Fox & Friends, who I’m sure find Tostitos mild salsa too spicy, and said, “I’m not apologizing for saying — and especially when you’re called by the president of the United States — you’re going to say, ‘No, I’m sorry, I’m busy. No thank you’?” Yes. You say, “No fucking thank you, you racist orange gob of malignant shit cancer.” When this racist president (sic) calls you to come to Washington to kiss his ass, that’s exactly what you say. But then again, Unanue inherited his company too, so maybe he has more in common with the Donald Trumps of the world than the Latino/Hispanic community.

And then, Donald Trump tweeted, “I love Goya Foods.” In case you’ve never seen an unendorsement, that’s one right there. First off, Donald Trump, Mr. Taco Bowl, doesn’t eat Goya. This is a guy who has to have the menu at Taco Bell interpreted (in case you’re a Republican, “taco” means taco).

Ted Cruz tweeted, “Goya is a staple of Cuban food. My grandparents ate Goya black beans twice a day for nearly 90 years. And now the Left is trying to cancel Hispanic culture and silence free speech.” This motherfucker, born in Canada, said in 2016, “boycotting is a peaceful protest.” Andrew Kleefeld of Media Matters tweeted, “Ted Cruz has done more to stand up for canned beans than he’s done to stand up for his wife.” Also, Ted…your grandparents on your father’s side lived in Cuba. Did they have Goya, a U.S. product, in Cuba? Maybe you’re talking about your mother’s white parents, the Wilsons. And Goya was founded in 1936 (84 years ago) so how did your grandparents eat it twice a day for nearly 90 years? Fucking liar.

The rest of the idiotic Trump base got upset about the boycott and pointed out how immature and destructive they are. Many of them pointed out that they would NEVER boycott a company for its opinion or actions.

Just last week, these fuckers were boycotting NASCAR over the Confederate flag. They once boycotted Starbucks because they didn’t put Santa Claus on a cup. I’m sure you’ve never heard a conservative say he was boycotting the NFL. Remember when they all destroyed their Keurig coffeemakers when the company pulled its advertising from Sean Hannity’s racist show for troglodytes? How about their boycott and destruction of Yeti Coolers for parting ways with the National Rifle Association? If you’re a conservative, are you still wearing Nikes after their endorsement of Colin Kaepernick…or still subscribing to Disney Plus? How dare they boycott Disney Plus after Ted Cruz’s grandparents have been watching it twice a day for the last 90 years.

The Heritage Foundation, the OFFICIAL obnoxious non-profit think tank of conservatism, published a column in 2018 saying conservatives MUST boycott companies that aren’t friendly to conservative assholes. For something a bit more recent, Gator Country, which probably isn’t the official mouthpiece for anything including actual alligators, published a list last June of companies to boycott.

The conservative asshole alligator guys list corporations like Starbucks, Netflix, Nike, Ben & Jerry’s, and link to another site, Investing Advice Watchdog that does the actual research for a full list of companies it describes as “anti-Trump.” Warning. It’s not a short list.

Trump sycophants are against boycotts except when they’re for them. That jives with being a fucknut shitweasel MAGAt because they already lying hypocrites who are full of shit.

So, on that note. Boycott Goya, when Trump calls, say “no,” and Ted Cruz is still a slimy lying shitweasel of a human being who’s probably never eaten a black bean in his slimy shitweasely life.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

White Jesus


cjones06272020

Laura, one of my proofreaders, told me after I sent this in its very rough stage this morning, she had to look up the story to see what I was talking about? What am I talking about? I told her there wasn’t a specific story. This was my analysis criticizing all the defenders of racist monuments to the Confederacy. I’m merely pointing out their hypocrisy and stupidity. But nope…there is a story.

Shaun King is a Black Lives Matter activist who’s no stranger to controversy. There are a lot of people on the left and in the BLM movement who aren’t fans of his. Mostly because he’s been accused of hosting fundraisers and then pocketing the money for himself. Do you know who does do that? Donald Trump. Don’t be like Donald Trump.

In the wake of calls to remove statues of Confederate leaders, Christopher Columbus, racist presidents like Andrew Jackson, and even good presidents like Theodore Roosevelt, Shaun King let out a call to remove statues of Jesus Christ. To be specific, he wants statues of WHITE Jesus Christ to be destroyed.

Shaun King said, “If your religion requires Jesus to be a blondehaired blue eyed Jesus, then your religion is not Christianity, but white supremacy. Christian whiteness, not white Christianity, has been the primary religion of this country for hundreds of years.” He also said, “In the Bible, when the family of Jesus wanted to hide, and blend in, guess where they went? EGYPT! Not Denmark.”

Shaun King may not be a guy you want on your side in a cause, but he’s right on this. How in the hell can anyone believe Jesus was white? Because you think God was white?

Now, King is receiving death threats from…wait for it…white people. They’re upset he’s coming after White Jesus and are accusing him of coming after all of Christianity. That proves Mr. King’s point. If you think coming after White Jesus is coming after Christianity…yeah, your religion is white supremacy.

That’s like saying someone who hates fruitcake hates Christmas. Are you praying to the fruitcake?

I’m not a Christian though I was raised as one. I’m very familiar with Christianity. I was even forced to attend a private Baptist school for a year in Georgia. Southern Georgia. Guess how many black kids went to that school in 1982. I’ve paid my penance. Even though I’m not a Christian and I don’t believe in the Bible god, I’m pretty sure of this: Religion doesn’t have a race or color.

I think churches should change their statues of White Jesus on the cross. But we can’t make them. The government can’t make them. Your organization can’t make them. First off, if there are any images of Jesus on government property, I don’t care what color he is, he shouldn’t be there. There’s that entire separation of church and state thing. The government is not supposed to sponsor a specific religion even though it does it all the time, especially in the south.

There is a huge, giant, enormous Confederate flag on Interstate 95 between Fredericksburg and Woodbridge, Virginia. It’s ugly. It’s offensive. My ex, Amanda, was asked by her niece, who is a child and of mixed race, what that flag stood for. I’m glad she didn’t ask me. It’s a monument to racism. it’s vile and ugly that it has to be explained to a child, whether it’s “a monument to hatred toward you,” or “hate is your heritage.” It sucks. But, it’s on private property. There has been controversy over the flag for years but there is nothing anyone can do about it except for the guy who owns it. It’s his flag on his property. It sucks we have to look at it and no, you can’t close your eyes while driving or you might crash into it.

NASCAR banned the Confederate flag at its races but that doesn’t stop racist people from selling the racist image to racist consumers outside the venues.

We have freedom of speech in this nation. And just like racist fuckers can’t stop you from kneeling during the national anthem or from burning an American flag, you can’t take down a church’s statue of blonde hair, blue-eyed White Jesus. My personal solution to that is, don’t go to church.

White Jesus doesn’t really offend me because I don’t go to church, I think your religion is a superstition, you’re praying to something that doesn’t exist, so I think your monument is as false as your religion. You can put a cow on that cross and pray to it for all I care. Maybe that’s something Hindus do.

I do believe Jesus existed and he was not white. I don’t believe he was the son of God so your monument to him is false. I just want you to see the hypocrisy when you argue that statues and monuments should stay up because they honor your heritage and history. Based upon your White Jesus statue, your heritage and history is full of shit.

Basically, in regards to history, heritage, and culture, your credibility on the subject matter sucks. You guys argue the monuments are history, but you don’t know your history. You refuse to acknowledge the fact the Civil War was fought by the South to preserve slavery. Taking the statues down won’t make you dumber because you’re already there.

The only thing that really offends me about your White Jesus, is what you’re teaching your children. If it’s anything like your “southern heritage,” you’re teaching your children to be racist.

That said, all these hate statues we want to be destroyed are on government property. There should not be government-endorsed monuments to racism. Even White Jesus would probably agree with that. White Jesus wouldn’t like the monument to racism in the Oval Office. My bad. The TWO monuments to racism in the Oval Office.

I think the hardest thing for conservative racists to do is to confront facts. One fact they hate and they’re trying to cover up is that they’re not praying to a white deity…except when they’re praying to Donald Trump.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

MAGA Funny


cjones06262020

I used to think conservatives were funny. Now, they’re only funny inadvertently. The basis for all Republican humor, especially for those in the Trump cult, is cruelty.

Republicans think it’s hilarious to put immigrant children in cages. They laughed their asses off when Border Patrol agents destroy jugs of water left for immigrants in the desert. They love cracks at the appearance of an elderly woman if that woman is a Democrat. When Donald Trump calls a woman “nasty,” entire arenas roar. Those arenas aren’t as full as they were, but still. “Send them back” still slays ’em.

MAGAts love cruel humor because they’re cruel people themselves. There are two qualifications to be a Trump supporter: You have to be OK with racism and you have to be an asshole. That comes pretty easy for Trump supporters because it’s the cruelty and racism that appeals to them. Try this test: Ask any one of them to explain details of any Trump position. Nine times out of ten, the answer will contain the word “Obama.”

During Donald Trump’s Tulsa hate rally that was a huge flop, he said he told his people to slow down testing for the coronavirus. The audience ate it up and laughed their balls off…even the female Trump supporters (though to be fair, I hear most of them shave their balls). Later, his campaign fucknuts said he was just joking.

Really? Joking about testing on a pandemic that’s killed over 120,000 Americans? Joking about a virus that would have killed fewer people if Donald Trump had confronted the crisis early on instead of downplaying it like he’s still doing? Joking about testing for a virus when testing saves lives? Yeah, that’s hilarious. H’yuk, h’yuk, h’yuk.

Now, Donald Trump says he wasn’t joking. The joke here that’s hilarious is this White House can’t even get on the same page over something stupid like, more testing leads to more cases. See? Inadvertently funny.

Also during his racist rally, Donald Trump said the coronavirus has more names than any other disease and he could name 19 of them. He only named one and it was “Kung flu.” That is a racist term and surely his crowd would strongly disapprove such a racist slur…who am I kidding? They loved it.

Later, KayLeigh McEnany, the new and improved White House spokesgoon, decided to blame the media for Donald Trump’s slur. Her argument was, we need to focus on where the virus came from and not Trump’s use of a racist slur. Months ago, Another White House goon, Kellyanne Conway got angry at a reporter for stating a source in the administration had used the same slur. Kellyanne demanded to know who said it. She was indignant with anger. The outrage. It’s impossible. Now we know who said it. I for one hope Kellyanne takes her anger over the slur out on the president (sic).

Yesterday, a noose was found hanging in the garage for Bubba Wallace, NASCAR’s only black driver. It was in his team’s garage at the race in Talladega, Alabama. Now, Donald Trump hasn’t said or tweeted anything about that, but he did retweet some racist videos last night. And, I saw some MAGAts speculating this was another Jussie Smollett situation that’s fake and generated by liberals because it’s preposterous to believe someone would hang a noose in a black guy’s garage in Alabama. I’m sure they won’t apologize after the offender is found and captured. He will be found. And, he will be a Trump supporter.

Do you know why all good comedians are liberal? Because you have to be smart to be funny…or at least good at it. Idiots don’t make good comedians…or political cartoonists. Over the past two weeks, there were three issues over racist political cartoons with newspapers apologizing and editors resigning. None of those cartoons were funny unless you love racist humor. Conservatives don’t understand humor, irony, hypocrisy, or anything more complex than, “ramp slippery, me fall down.” But as I said, Republicans are inadvertently funny. Let’s list some examples.

Matt Gaetz lives with a 19-year-old man. OK, that’s more creepy than funny. Maybe it’s just Matt Gaetz’s face that’s funny. He kinda looks like an asshole Matt Damon but uglier. Also, ew and that kid’s going to write a book someday.

Another example of inadvertently funny is Jim Jordan. OK, again. Maybe it’s just his face. Real funny is Ted Cruz picking a fight with Hell Boy…for Jim Jordan to fight. And of course, Ted Cruz’s face.

I’ll list a few better examples. When Donald Trump holds a glass with two hands and he purses his lips like he has super sucking power that’ll bring that water to his mouth without touching the glass, that’s hilarious. When he took forever to walk down that ramp…that was just stupid funny. The other walk he took, after his Tulsa rally, where his tie is undone and his orange makeup is splotched all over his color, Fufreakinghilarious.

Oh, yeah, remember that time they boasted about having a million people registering for tickets to a hate rally in Tulsa and only 6,200 showed up? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Remember them tearing down the stage for the overflow crowd because there wasn’t an overflow crowd? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Funny, funny, funny. Tim Allen should be writing this shit down. He can do those man grunts with it if that helps sell the joke.

What could Dennis Miller do with an empty Trump hate rally? Let me try: That rally was emptier than a theater showing cats if all the cats were racist cats wearing MAGA hats. OK, I can’t do a Dennis Miller, or I need more time and I want to publish this blog.

Another example of Republicans being inadvertently funny: Donald Trump probably wears a diaper. Alright, maybe some of our humor is cruel too. But, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

But it’s OK if your humor is cruel when you’re making fun of racist assholes.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.