MAGA

Giddy Up Socialism

cjones04012020

When I did a cartoon last week on Republicans and MAGAts now loving socialism, I asked the question, “How will they defend it?”

There are a lot of Republicans, libertarians, and Trump supporters who are mouthing that they’re not happy with the $2 trillion stimulus to float the economy through the coronavirus pandemic. I’m sure there are others who are unhappy with Donald Trump, after great pressure from the nation’s governors, activating the Defense Production Act and forcing General Motors to make ventilators, which I’m sure will be arriving in hospitals by December (Right now, GM is asking: How do we make ventilators? Also, What’s a ventilator?)

I commend those conservatives for at least sounding consistent because when I say they’re “mouthing” their disapproval with the stimulus, I mean that’s all they’re going to do. Because guess what they’re going to do when they get those checks?

If the checks go straight into their banks through direct deposit, they’ll probably argue that it’s a hassle to return it. If checks arrive in the mail, they’ll cash them. What will they purchase? Probably guns and beer.

I quickly discovered the answer to the question I asked last week. How will conservatives defend Republican socialism? I’ve heard them argue that it’s not socialism when it helps people who work for a living. I’ve heard it’s not socialism because it’s helping “real Americans” and “Patriots.” I’ve heard it can’t be socialism if Donald Trump supports it. And I’ve heard, it’s not socialism because we’re in a national emergency. It’s a crisis.

But the socialism Bernie Sanders proposes, democratic socialism, is designed to help people in emergencies. It’s an emergency when you don’t have healthcare. It’s an emergency if you can’t pay your rent because your wage is too low. It’s an emergency that corporations are given huge tax breaks and don’t use it to invest in the economy. It’s an emergency when you can’t feed your kids. It’s an emergency when you can’t afford heat. It’s an emergency when you’re forced to pay ridiculous interest rates to get an education.

Donald Trump has said more than once that “America will never be a socialist country.” MAGAts love to compare Bernie’s socialism to Venezuela. Now, they’re watching Donald Trump nationalize an American corporation. Now, they’re all going to be cashing checks. from the government for work they didn’t do. America has always been a socialist country. They always argue against “free stuff,” but they’re the same fuckers who voted for a guy who promised a free wall.

How will Donald Trump run for reelection without complaining about socialism? Donald Trump is socialism.

I know the answer. They’ll say it’s not socialism when it helps white people.

Giddy up.

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Smackdown For MAGAts

cjones02242020

Spoiler alert: Professional wrestling is fake. Another spoiler alert: So is Donald Trump and his entire administration.

When I was a kid, my friends and I actually had debates over whether professional wrestling was real. Even if you were on the side of it being real, you still knew it was fake. Today, it seems professional wrestling fans are totally in on it, but they still enjoy the “sport. OK, like NASCAR, it’s not a sport, so it totally makes sense that Donald Trump made an appearance at one of their events yesterday.

But Trump fans are less sophisticated than wrestling fans. They don’t know Donald Trump is fake. They think the guy is an actual billionaire. They think he’s donating his entire presidential salary without getting anything in return (Psst, emoluments, fuckers). They think he’s a great negotiator. They think he’s smart. They think he knows stuff. They don’t think he’s an idiot, or a racist, or a sexist, or a narcissistic shitstain in our nation’s history. Most of all, they actually believe Donald Trump cares and can relate to them.

A few months ago, my ex-girlfriend asked me if I knew wrestling was big right now. I did not know that but it totally makes sense. I mean, if Donald Trump can fool enough people to steal a presidential election, then there’s gotta be a lot of people watching wrestling.

And it’s appropriate to compare Donald Trump to wrestling because he has a relationship with wrestling, which was probably more real to him than his reality show. Donald Trump worked a program with the World Wrestling Entertainment company. It was a program where two billionaires, Trump and the owner of the company, Vincent McMahon, battled each other at Wrestlemania (the Super Bowl of wrestling) vicariously through wrestlers. The loser got his head shaved. No, it doesn’t make sense to me either. Of course, Donald Trump didn’t actually wrestle but he did jump on McMahon at one point to throw some fake punches. At the end of the show, he got to shave McMahon’s head and then…a bald wrestler gave Donald Trump what is called a “stunner.” I could watch that video clip all day.

Trump’s wrestling connection goes further. Reportedly, McMahon or the WWE (not sure which) paid Trump $4 million for his Wrestlemania gig. But, they didn’t “pay” him. They donated the money to the Trump Foundation. You know, that organization the state of New York recently shut down because of Trump’s corruption with it? But, with Trump taking the money as a donation to his charity, that means he didn’t have to pay taxes on it. Later, Trump used money from that charity to buy portraits of himself and sports memorabilia, pay off legal fees for his shitty bedbug-ridden gold resorts, and make political bribes to one of the lawyers who eventually defended his impeachment before the United States Senate. He also used the charity to make donations to veteran groups in coordination with presidential campaign events, which is illegal. Man, I could making this shit up, but I’m not.

After Donald Trump was elected (fake) to the presidency, he made Linda McMahon, Vince’s wife and CEO of the rasslin’ company, the head of the Small Business Administration. On April 12, 2019, she stepped down. On the 15th of April (in case you’re a Republican, that’s three days later), she was appointed as Chairman of America First Action, a pro-Trump Super PAC, where she plans to raise and spend $300 million in battleground states to reelect Trump. If there’s a reason not to watch wrestling, it’s that right there. Linda herself is a former Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate. Thankfully, she lost.

It makes sense that Linda McMahon would chair a Trump Super PAC since she’s already headed one unethical enterprise. She was CEO of WWE and no, it’s not unethical because it’s a fake sport. It’s unethical in that their “wrestlers” are not employees. They’re contractors so the company doesn’t have to pay Social Security, Medicare, unemployment insurance, or provide insurance. After one wrestler with a history of multiple concussions murdered his wife and child before committing suicide, a government survey found that 40% of “wrestlers” were found to be drug users, mostly steroids. WWE has fought states from regulating it as a sport and it has a long legacy of ignoring concussions, like the kind that makes a guy go batshit crazy and murder his wife and child before committing suicide. Donald Trump recently said head injuries to military members weren’t a concern. The mortality rate for wrestlers is 6.4 times higher than it is for men in the general population and higher than other “sports.” The number of wrestlers to die before the age of 65 is insane. Men should not be dying from heart attacks in their 30s. Seriously, Google this shit.

So, when Attorney General William Barr publicly scolds Donald Trump for tweeting on cases before DOJ and making his job “impossible,” don’t believe it. He coordinated his criticism with the White House before he delivered it. Barr has done nothing except use the Justice Department to defense Donald Trump, protect his corrupt friends, and go after his political enemies. After calling back U.S. Attorney’s sentence recommendation for Roger Stone, then saying he wants to review the entire case, over 1,100 former Justice Department employees have called on Barr to resign.

Barr should resign though it wouldn’t do any good. Trump would just replace him with another phony. At some point, maybe they will start wearing masks like those little Mexican wrestlers.

There is no Santa Claus, no Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny isn’t real, wrestling is staged, and Donald Trump is a fake president. It’s time you grew up and realized that.

Creative notes: I worked on this one in my head for two days. Even at a party last night, I kept going back to the text and restructuring it in my head. When I finally drew it, I didn’t use anything I had planned out (except for the stuff in the blog). The blog took a lot of research.

When I bounced this off my two proofreaders, I asked if they were familiar with the “smell what’s cookin'” line. Laura said she didn’t and had to look it up which probably replaced some less important knowledge in her brain, like algebra. She was also unfamiliar with a “purple nurple” which I hope is not an actual wrestling maneuver.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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MAGA Virus

cjones02162020

Is MAGA contagious? Before Trump won his party’s nomination, the majority of Republican officeholders were against his candidacy. Lindsey Graham called him a racist. Paul Ryan said his comments were the definition of racism. Nikki Haley said his “siren call” was dangerous. Ted Cruz called him a “sniveling coward.” Marco Rubio made fun of the size of his penis. Now, they’re all infected and they’re giving him whatever he wants. Now, Marco Rubio probably knows the size of Trump’s penis.

The one good thing about the MAGA virus is that it only infects stupid racist people who never had a conscience. If you’re afraid of minorities or anyone who speaks a language that’s not “American,” you’re susceptible to the MAGA virus. If a woman with an opinion intimidates you, it may be terminal. If a factual news report has you screaming “fake news” and calling the free press “enemy of the American people,” you should probably start wearing a human-sized condom. If Vladimir Putin gives you an erection, take two aspirin and call someone else in the morning. I’m not answering.

If you’re a non-white person, the good news is that there is a very low chance you will catch the MAGA virus, unless you’re washing dishes at Mar-a-Lago. For the most part, it only affects white people. Usually, only rural white people. It doesn’t affect urban areas as much. Maybe concrete is a deterrent…or books.

The MAGA virus is very serious and extremely dangerous to our nation. Those affected don’t care about emoluments, patriotism, facts, nepotism, or the U.S. Constitution. They believe in conspiracy theories over facts and believe a reality TV show host who believes you need a photo ID to buy cereal is the best choice to lead the nation.

About 3,700 people are quarantined on a cruise ship in Yokohama, Japan, with 136 of them infected with the Coronavirus. Maybe we should take the same tactic with the MAGA virus.

We could put every person infected with the MAGA virus on boats, push them out to sea and wait until the sickness has passed. Or, after we push them out to sea, we just don’t worry about them anymore.

On a side note: I really think Celebrity Cruises should stop playing “White Rabbit” in their commercials until the quarantined ship crisis in Japan is over. If nothing else, the cruise line’s choosing of that song gives me the feeling I won’t finish their cruise with both kidneys.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Two Corinthians

cjones12252019

If you’re an evangelical and a Trump supporter and my Christmas wish to you is that your children adopt the behavior, manners, and characteristics of Donald Trump, would you find that offensive? Did I wish evil upon your children?

If so, then why do you demonstrate to your children that Donald Trump’s behavior isn’t just acceptable, but should be encouraged, championed, and defended?

It’s OK for you if your president boasts about assaulting women, bullies them along with the handicapped and children, but not for your children to do it? Is it OK if your children lie on a daily basis on all matters large and small? Is it OK if your children cheat and lie to get ahead? Is it OK if your children seek to destroy anyone they perceive to be critical of them? Is it OK for your children to disrespect POWs? Are you fine with your kids taking credit for other people’s accomplishments? Do you hope your child steals from charity? How about being a serial adulterer and lacking all loyalty? Are you alright with your kids never outgrowing name-calling and turning into selfish, narcissistic assholes?

OK then. I take it back. I don’t wish for your children to grow up to be like Donald Trump. But maybe my other wish for them is even worse because that’s for them to grow up to be just like you.

Merry Christmas.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Blue Moon Of Kentucky

cjones11102019

The night before the election in Kentucky, Donald Trump held one of his hate rallies in that state in support of Governor Matt Bevin and said, “If you lose, they will say Trump suffered the greatest defeat in the history of the world. You can’t let that happen to me, and you can’t let that happen to your incredible state.” Last night, Kentucky voters let that happen to him.

Don’t misread the results in Kentucky. Bevin was an extremely bad governor and highly controversial. One anonymous Republican was credited for saying last night that it’s “slightly worse in Kentucky to be an asshole than it is to be a liberal.” Democrat Andy Beshear had goodwill from his father’s tenure as governor, and he didn’t run on a liberal platform or against Trump. His campaign focused on Medicaid expansion. Republicans did win every statewide seat except the governor’s mansion.

But Bevin was a chaos candidate who wrapped himself around the chaos of Donald Trump and tried to nationalize his campaign as one on conservative grievances against the impeachment of Trump. Trump defended his support by giving himself credit for Bevin having a near loss instead of a massive one. The message here is: Invite Trump for a hate rally and you’ll only barely lose.

Trump will win Kentucky in 2020. But there are alarming signs for Republicans from last night. Mostly that the suburbs, which used to be solid Republican, are continuing to trend toward Democrats. And if being an asshole is worse than being a liberal in Kentucky, what does that spell for Trump and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell in 2020? In case you’re a Republican and haven’t noticed, they’re both assholes.

Perhaps an even bigger loss for Republicans is what happened in my home state of Virginia last night. As predicted, Democrats won control of the state house and senate. With a Democratic governor, lieutenant governor, and attorney general, Democrats get to rewrite congressional districts. Last night, they won in districts drawn by Republicans. It was also what they call an “off-off year” for an election, as neither presidential or gubernatorial candidates were on the ballot. Despite that, there was a strong voter turnout. For the GOP, Virginia is gone.

Virginia is the only state of the old south that voted against Donald Trump in 2016. It will again in 2020. The only other two states Democrats can compete for will be Florida and North Carolina. Sorry, Dems. Texas and Georgia aren’t there yet.

Republicans are hoping to use the impeachment of Donald Trump to rile up their base in 2020. But even in Kentucky, where Trump won by over 30% in 2016, the impeachment didn’t have an impact. It probably won’t have much sway in tighter states Trump won like Florida, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Ohio, and Michigan.

The blue moon of Kentucky shone last night. Hopefully, voters will “let it happen” to Trump again in 2020 and we’ll never have to see his orange moon again.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Friends In MAGA Places

cjones10132019

Talk show host Ellen DeGeneres is catching a lot of heat for being chummy and laughing it up with whom many consider the perpetrator of massive atrocities on a worldwide level that will take decades to recover from. No, not the Jonas Brothers. I’m talking about President George W. Bush.

After a photo emerged of Ellen sitting next to Bush at the Dallas Cowboys’ game with the Green Bay Packers last Sunday, people went on Twitter to criticize her choice of friends. Ellen dedicated her opening monologue on her Tuesday show to address the backlash.

She said, “I’m friends with George Bush. In fact, I’m friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have.” She added, “Just because I don’t agree with someone on everything doesn’t mean I’m not going to be friends with them.” She then made a plea to be kind to everyone.

Reese Witherspoon and Kristen Bell both tweeted out support, though Witherspoon later deleted hers. Maybe she was afraid of offending China. I don’t know. But other celebrities went after her. Mark Ruffalo tweeted, “Sorry, until George W. Bush is brought to justice for the crimes of the Iraq War, (including American-lead torture, Iraqi deaths & displacement, and the deep scars-emotional & otherwise-inflicted on our military that served his folly), we can’t even begin to talk about kindness.” Don’t make Ruffalo angry. You won’t like him when he’s angry.

Personally, I don’t have an issue with who Ellen is friends with and I respect she didn’t back down. I don’t care who anyone is friends with. There are times I’m disappointed in people when I learn they’re friends with a shit-eating troglodyte, but I think to myself, “that’s too bad,” and I move on. The reason I don’t care who you’re friends with is that I don’t want you to give me crap about who I’m friends with…or who I refuse to be friends with.

With that, I say to Ellen, don’t you lecture me about who to be friends with and treat kindly.

I have friends I don’t agree with politically. I have friends who vote Republican, watch Fox News, put toilet paper under instead of over, put ketchup on hotdogs, and even cheer for the Dallas Cowboys. I have friends who are gun nuts. During the buildup to the Iraq War, I was friends with many people who supported the invasion…until they started lying about it (like blaming Iraq for 9/11). After the war, I had some difficulty with those same people when they decided to change the reasoning for the invasion after their first one proved to be total and complete bullshit.

I accept I’m a hard person to talk politics with if we disagree. I will hammer a point. But, if you’re a Trump supporter, you will have a hard time talking politics with me because I use facts and I’ll call you on your deflections. I don’t let you get away with it.

I’m not really friends with any Trump supporters. Sure, there are people on Facebook but they’re not real-life friends. The reason I’m not friends with Trump supporters is because I’m not in the habit of making friends with assholes.

A few years ago, I started freelancing for a publication on local issues. Then, I discovered the people running the outlet weren’t just Trump supporters, but HUGE Trump supporters. The editor even argued to me that Trump should be elected because after working hard to become a billionaire, he frankly deserves to get whatever he wants. Seriously. I didn’t pull out of the relationship because I had already made a commitment and I wasn’t going to draw cartoons supporting Trump or even talk to them that much about U.S. politics. A short time later, I read an article that argued one shouldn’t enter any business deals with Trump supporters because they lack ethics and morals and eventually, they’ll screw you over. I kept that in mind as my deal with this Trump-loving outlet plodded along. Everything was fine for a while but eventually, they screwed me over. Today, they owe me for five and a half months of work. I stopped working for them last April and they still haven’t paid one cent. Surprise! And guess what. Not having any ethics doesn’t appear to bother them.

If you’re a Trump supporter, being in business or friendship with you doesn’t work for me because I don’t trust you. You’ve proven everything you championed in the past, ethics, law-and-order, religion, patriotism, family values, fiscal responsibility, were all lies. That’s it for me right there. If you’re a Trump supporter, you’re a liar. I base this on the fact that I have never heard anyone argue for or defend Donald Trump without lying. Also, you’re supporting a liar, so what does that make you?

They say you can agree to disagree. With Trump supporters, I’ll only go so far to agree that I’m right and you’re wrong. They say we should respect everyone’s opinion, but I don’t respect your opinion when it’s based on hate and lies.

The other thing is, you’re in a cult. I don’t have a lot friends in cults. You sold out your dignity, principles, and your nation to a really imbecilic cult leader. I don’t like you. You’re destroying my nation. So, no. We’re not going to be friends. On top of all those reasons, you’re probably an idiot.

Sure, I’ll agree to disagree and respect where you’re coming from when we argue about supply-side economics. But I don’t respect a damn thing about you or your opinion when you want to “build the wall” or “send them back.”

So, Ellen, with all due respect, don’t lecture me about who I need to be friends with or that I should be kind to assholes. And if everyone else in this country joins the Trump cult, I’ll get a dog.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

MAGA Manifesto

cjones08092019

Support the cartoonist

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.