MAGA

White Terrorist Privilege

Cjones07232021

Crystal Mason voted in the 2016 presidential election. Unfortunately for her, she was a convict on parole and ineligible to vote. She did not know she was ineligible to vote. Crystal’s vote, naturally, was rejected. Since her name was not on the voting rolls at the precinct where she voted, she was given a provisional ballot which is what a person is given if there are questions about their vote. If you vote with this method, your eligibility will be checked before your vote counts. In Texas where Mason cast her ballot, 40,000 other provisional ballots were rejected in that same election. In the same county where she voted, since 2014, seven out of eight provisional ballots have been rejected. Out of all these people who cast rejected votes, Crystal Mason was the only one to be charged with illegal voting. Oh, yeah. Crystal Mason is black. Now it makes total sense.

Crystal Mason wasn’t a violent offender the first time she went to prison. She was a tax preparer who inflated returns, not for herself, but for her clients. She served a year in prison for this crime. For voter fraud, she was sentenced to five years. Both of these sentences are longer than the one Paul Hodgkins got. Who dat? We’ll get to dat.

In 2016 in Texas, Terri Lynn Rote voted for Donald Trump…twice. Bruce Bartman voted on his dead mother’s ballot. Justice of the Peace, Russ Casey, forged signatures to get on a ballot. None of them received prison sentences. Guess what. They’re all white. Also, it was in Texas.

Tommy Chong was sentenced to nine months in federal prison, fined $20,000, and forfeited over $103,000 in property for selling bongs. And these were empty bongs. There was no marijuana in these bongs. Yet, nine months for Tommy. The prosecution even argued that a member of Cheech and Chong used his name and reputation to sell drug paraphernalia. Using your name to sell shit in America? The nerve.

What Tommy Chong should have done was sell fake educations from a fake university with his name on it. The last guy to do that is playing golf right now in Florida.

Patricia Spottedcrow was sentenced to 12 years for selling $31 worth of marijuana in Oklahoma in 2011. Even after she was released, the Native American/African American mom, was sent back to prison for unpaid court fees.

Also in 2011, 75-year-old disabled veteran Carroll Brooker was given life in prison for growing three dozen cannabis plants in Alabama. All put together with the unusable parts like stalks and vines, the total weight of the weed that sent Brooker to prison for life was 2.8 pounds. Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, and South Dakota have mandatory life sentences for growing weed.

I would argue that a greater crime than a person on probation voting illegally, smoking weed, or growing weed, would be trying to prevent people from voting. I believe all these Republican lawmakers should be given mandatory prison sentences for making it harder for minorities to exercise their constitutional rights.

You can argue that by voting illegally, someone is violating democracy and trying to install a president through illicit means, even though we’ve never had enough voter fraud to overturn a presidential election in any state…ever. What Paul Hodgkins did was try to install a fascist dictator through a white nationalist coup attempt. What Paul Hodgkins did is the very definition of terrorism. Yesterday, Hodgkins was the first white nationalist Trump terrorist to receive a sentence. He got eight months. Hell, he should have been given extra time just for being from Florida.

Hodgkins pleaded to a single count of obstructing an official proceeding, which was Congress certifying the election, which is a constitutionally-mandated procedure. On January 6, while carrying a Trump 2020 flag, this goon marched from the Trump hater rally to the Capitol building and barged his way onto the floor of the United States Senate.

Hodgkins told the judge, “Let me go. I’m white.” No, that was obvious. What he did say was he’s “truly remorseful and regretful.” He’s also super-duper sorry for hurting the country he loves and he had no idea there would be an insurrection attempt. He said, “This was a foolish decision on my part that I take full responsibility for. I do not nor will not make any excuse.” He then made the excuse that he got caught up in the passion and the next thing you know, he’s on the floor of the Unite States Senate holding a Trump flag.

He entered the Capitol with people attacking cops and screaming, “Hang Mike Pence.” Someone even brought a noose. It’s kinda like that Trump argument about “very fine people” marching with tiki-torch Nazis chanting, “Jews will not replace us.” Yeah, fine people don’t march with Nazis. Also, fine people don’t barge into capitol buildings with other people brandishing nooses while chanting to hang somebody and overturn an election.

The judge said, “I do not believe that Mr. Hodgkins, other than having made some very bad decisions that day … that he is a threat.” And then he let him go home, trusting he will turn himself into prison authorities eventually.

Sure, he’s not a threat. He only hangs around with people waving nooses and attacking cops.

This is our justice system. It’s not fair. The Justice Department recommended 18 months. Hodgkins should have received 18 months, at the very least. And now, he won’t even serve eight months. What would his sentence have been if he was waving a flag with Antifa’s logo on the Senate floor? What would his sentence be if was black and wearing a BLM hoodie? To be fair, if he was black and had been wearing a BLM hoodie on the floor of the Senate, he wouldn’t have received a sentence because he’d be dead.

This sentence is just like how the government responded to Trump terrorists compared to how they responded to black demonstrators. The military was called and tear-gassed a park and hid the president (sic) in a bunker when black people were outside the White House protesting. For a gathering of white terrorists, the military wasn’t called until AFTER they had stormed the Capitol. And even then, they took their time about it. I bet this same judge would have given more than eight months to an Antifa person for breaking into a Starbucks and stealing half a dozen vanilla bean scones.

And while I argue we should legalize marijuana, decriminalize it, and release everyone currently in prison serving marijuana-related sentences, Trump supporters will tell you their terrorists shouldn’t be punished at all and that they didn’t do anything wrong.

Their ridiculous arguments range from them being just tourists who remained behind roped-off sections to the Capitol being paid for by taxpayers so it’s OK to break in through busted windows and steal the Speaker’s podium.

Based upon the logic that it’s OK to break into government buildings and steal shit, then I should have been able to let myself into Donald Trump’s Oval Office with a brick, and rummage dthrough the Resolute Desk for big-ass Sharpies and Tic-Tacs. I should be able to break into the Smithsonian and take the Hope Diamond. Or better yet, I should be able to break down the fence of the National Zoo and steal a panda. They still eat bamboo, right? Just being hypothetical, where would one find a shit ton of bamboo?

If I did any of that, I’d probably get a lesser sentence than a black guy would for selling pot. Why? I’m white. I’ll just tell the judge I never intended to steal a panda, I just got caught up in the pandamonium. Or I’ll just say it followed me home. Animals like me. I could even argue that I’m not a panda thief but a panda protester.

Animals like me more than Trump supporters do. And quite frankly, animals are better people than Trump supporters. Because even the Trump supporters who are not terrorists are terrorist supporters. They support white nationalism. They support overturning elections. They support destroying democracy. They support conspiracy theories. They have tried to destroy this nation by politicizing a pandemic and with their anti-vaxxer bullshit. At the very least, the ones who do commit terrorist attacks in trying to overturn an election to install a fascist dictator should receive harsher prison sentences than people who smoke a little weed.

Terrorists should receive harsher sentences than pot smokers. Justice should be fair and not dependent on whether the defendant is black or white…or a white conservative Trump supporter.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Cave-To-Cave

Cjones07162021

Last Tuesday, President Biden called on local communities to become more involved as his goal of 70 percent of the nation being vaccinated by July 4th was missed by three percentage points. President Biden said, “We need to go to community by community, neighborhood by neighborhood and oftentimes door to door — literally knocking on doors — to get help to the remaining people protected from the virus.”

White House spokesperson clarified that they’re asking for volunteers on the local level and they’re NOT sending federal employees out to knock on your door. Naturally, this is the brand new outrage, crisis, and freak-out for MAGAt America and it was all the rage at last weekend’s CPAC convention in Dallas and Jacksonville Walmarts.

The convention in Dallas was the SECOND annual CPAC convention to be held this year. In case you’re a Republican, and I really fucking mean it this time, “ANNUAL,” you stupid dipshits, means ONCE A YEAR. It means “one” NOT two…or three, or seventeen, you knuckle-dragging troglodyte morons. Seriously, how many more annual CPAC conventions do you plan to conduct this year? Is there one planned for a Jacksonville Walmart parking lot?

Anyway, Republicans are really upset over this door-to-door thing. These are the same people who politicized wearing face masks, declared the shutdown and mask wearing to be attacks on their liberties, tried to “liberate” Michigan and kidnap that state’s governor, and has been on an unholy campaign of anti-vaxxing and attacking Dr. Anthony Fauci for trying to save this nation from a pandemic.

If you listen to these goons, you’d think the vaccine awareness people were going door-to-door with harpoons dipped in Pfizer.

South Carolina governor, Henry McMaster, sent a letter (probably in crayon) to the state’s Board of Health and Environmental Control on Friday requesting that it “issue direction to agency leadership and to state and local healthcare organizations prohibiting the use of the Biden Administration’s ‘targeted’ ‘door to door’ tactics in the State’s ongoing vaccination efforts.” He wrote that “enticing, coercing, intimidating, mandating, or pressuring” citizens to get vaccinated would undermine trust in the government. 

What about peer pressure? Is Joe Biden sending Fonzies out to let America know all the cool kids are being vaccinated and if you’re not one of them, then you’re a nerd? Maybe, up your nose with a rubber hose…full of Johnson & Johnson.

In Missouri, a state with the highest increase in covid cases, and like South Carolina, one of the lowest rates of vaccinations, Governor Mike Parsons warned that a door-to-door campaign isn’t welcome in his state.

It gets better, and by “better,” I mean worse. Oh, so much worse.

The House Fucknut Caucus, I mean…Freedom Caucus Chair Andy Biggs said it’s a “blatant abuse of government authority.” Marjorie Taylor Green, who recently apologized for comparing mask mandates to the Holocaust, called vaccine outreach workers, “medical brownshirts.” Never mind the fact the government is NOT keeping a list of unvaccinated Americans. That doesn’t stop Michelle Bachmann from lying about it.

Bachmann said, “There is a database. There will be a database, and everybody will be in that database. And it’s not just vaccine status, it will be your entire medical history. It will be connected to your finances. This is going to get bigger, bigger, bigger, so you stop it now, and you don’t give any information to any government questioner at your door.”

Also, while they get all your medical information and plant a chip inside you, they’re going to document your penis size, put that on a government list, and post it on a billboard outside your house. Fortunately on the billboard, the text will be as tiny as your penis so nobody’s going to be able to read it. The billboard will be less of a giveaway than your gun collection.

Republican and outed liar, Madison Cawthorn said at CPAC that if the government can go door to door to talk about vaccines, then they can also go door to door and seize your guns and bibles. No, they can’t. But Matt Gaetz asked if any of the vaccine awareness door knockers will be high school girls.

During the CPAC shitfest, one speaker gloated about the decreased numbers of vaccinations…and the audience cheered.

I counted nine cartoons by my conservative fucknut colleagues (I really shouldn’t use that word to describe them. You know…”colleagues”) on this door-to-door outrage. They’re trying to give the impression that someone knocking on your door is a violation of your civil liberties. Bachmann even said, “what they’re wanting all of us to do is to check our Bill of Rights, our civil liberties, at the door.” I saw one of these guys post on Facebook that he’s going to answer his door with a gun. One of the cartoonist claimed he’d rather open the door to Jehovah Witnesses than to vaccine advocates…which makes sense as he’s already in a cult.

Here’s the thing, kids: If someone knocks on your door, you can tell them to leave. This is America and you don’t even have to answer. Oh, I almost one crucial detail: It’s probably not going to happen. The truth is, I don’t think anyone’s eager to come to your house and try to educate you. They’d have a better chance of changing your mind through a debate on Facebook…as in, zero chance. Based on this fucknut logic. my civil liberties are violated every time someone calls to talk to me about my car’s warranty. A greater violation than someone knocking on your door to give you information that may save your life is my having the Kars-4-Kids jingle blasted from my TV. How dare that song enter my home…and my brain.

Bachmann also proposes getting “no soliciting” signs for your yard, but I don’t think that’s clear enough. What you need to do is just get rid of your door entirely. No door, no knocking. Ha-ha, that’ll own the libs!

Nobody can come to your door and force you to buy anything, not a vaccine, not a vacuum cleaner, not a bible, not a religion, and not even Girl Scout Cookies. I take that back. You can’t resist Do-Si-Dos. Or, are Tagalongs your jam? Girl Scouts scare me more than Vaccine advocates…but oddly enough, Girl Scouts knocking on his door doesn’t scare Matt Gaetz. Go figure.

Hey, is there a way we can secretly transmit the vaccine to the coronavirus into Girl Scout Cookies? Also, Girl Scouts, please don’t come after me for starting a new conspiracy theory involving your delicious cookies.

Creative note: Yes, I did this subject for CNN, but my clients can’t use my CNN cartoons and I wanted to do this subject for them too.

Second creative note: I got a very late start this morning because…you’re gonna wanna hear this: My iPad has face recognition, but every so often, it wants me to enter my pass code, you know, in case someone has stolen my iPad and my face. This morning, it asked and I had a brain fart and could not remember my code. After a few failed attempts, it locked me out for one minute. After just ONE attempt, it locked me out for five minutes. After those five minutes passed and one more attempt, it locked me out for another five minutes. After those five minutes passed and one more attempt, the motherfucker locked me out for 15. There was a lot of cursing in my apartment this morning. After those 15 minutes passed, I didn’t think and I just typed and it let me in. I have no idea what I typed.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Scaredy MAGAts

Cjones07062021

In the comments under yesterday’s cartoon on Instagram, I was called a “libtard.” I didn’t think it was that special though it’s been a while since someone has hurled that bigoted and ignorant insult in my direction. And I didn’t just get it once. I got it four times. It amused me so I tweeted about it…which lead to me being called the word about 17 more more times on Twitter.

First off, to the liberals who replied that I should throw it back at them with something like “Trumptard,” you’re missing the point. We don’t sink to their level and you don’t fight bigotry with bigotry. If you still don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll be more direct: Don’t use the word, “tard.” Don’t justify it.

Normally, goons call me something like “snowflake.” They think that’s clever. It’s been over four years but that still gets chuckles from them. I love that they use that word, because it’s another example of conservative projection. You see, conservatives are cowards to the point they’re afraid of tiny little thing, like a gay player in the NFL, to the “WAP” song, to losing their white privilege, and to things that don’t even exist, like Jewish Space Lasers.

For example: Republicans have been screaming about communism and Sharia law for years, yet it hasn’t happened here. Another example of projection is their campaigning for their own version of Sharia law.

And if you don’t believe me that Republicans are huge cowards and are constantly snowflaking about shit, just turn on Tucker. He cries about everything and especially if it’s stuff that doesn’t exist. He is the center of the cowardly universe for Republicans who tune in nightly to see what they should be afraid of tomorrow.

This July 4th, fireworks may send your sweet doggy hiding underneath your bed out of fear and anxiety, but Bowser ain’t got nothing on Tucker. Tucker probably sleeps under his bed every night, and unlike in this cartoon, he probably takes the Trumpy Bear with him. And, if you have named your dog after Tucker, that is animal cruelty.

Right now, Republicans have so much to be afraid of that will never hurt them. Stuff like Critical Race Theory, Jewish Space Lasers, Italian satellites, Chinese bamboo ballots, Levar Burton hosting Jeopardy!, gay football players, Ilhan Omar, Nancy Pelosi, Kamala Harris, Hilary Clinton, Sandra Fluke (let’s bring her back), Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (women in general), Juneteenth, trans athletes (this is the hot one for the moment), taking down Confederate statues, Black Lives Matter, Antifa, woke generals, and me. Actually, I’m the only one you should be afraid of and I’m coming to getcha.

When I started this cartoon, I already had some of these topics in my head…but I needed to be reminded what else they’re afraid of, which forced me to look at some stuff I didn’t want to look at.

Lately, I’ve been trying to cut negativity out of my life. That means no looking at Trumper pages on social media, no looking at conservative political cartoons, and no watching Fox News, which I never do anyway. But, to see the current fears, I had to go look at some. It was either that or call one of my MAGAt sisters. No thanks!

First thing I did was check out the Facebook page of one cartoonist, who is not my friend, but is afraid of everything and is always posting about it. He’s on the pulse of right-wing bullshit which can come in helpful for research. Right now his main fears are the vaccine, trans people, and President Biden whispering. He’s also afraid of having his white privilege taken away and it’s obvious he hates black people. He also has a weird Led Zeppelin fetish. It is weird for a 60-year-old man to post 18 shirtless-Robert Plant pictures a day, right?

Then I looked at some cartoons from a bunch of them and…HOLY SHIT!!!!! Did you hear about this trans thing? Apparently, they’re going to shower with us, win beauty pageants, and steal gold medals at the Olympics. This is a major crisis in conservative media. Also, they’re never watching the NFL again…again.

And then, I did what I really didn’t want to do. I went to Breitbart. Ugh. Breitbart used to, and maybe they still do, have an entire section devoted to “black on black crime.” It’s like the racist section but they couldn’t call it the “racist” section. Today’s headlines at the Breitbart include scary stories about trans people, black people, CNN, Critical Race Theory, Biden eating ice cream (that sonofabitch!), gays, more trans people, another Critical Race Theory story, covid this and covid that, immigrants, more trans people, more Critical Race Theory, more immigrants, more black people, more trans people, Critical Race Theory again, and Tucker Carlson is probably right about being spied on by the NSA…and more trans stories. Nothing about aliens, at least not on the front page.

Conservatives are really afraid of EVERYTHING. They need help for their anxiety but I can’t find anything on the web about how to soothe and calm a MAGAt suffering from loud noises. So, I decided to take the tips for dogs suffering from firework anxiety and apply it to dumbass racist Republican conspiracy theorists. Maybe one of these can keep your MAGAt from scurrying under your bed and piddling. MAGAt piddle is just the worst.

Tip 1: Ask your vet for a sedative. I’m sure any sedative designed for your fur baby will also work on your MAGAt baby. Just don’t be tempted to give them the entire bottle because it’ll sure be nice if you don’t see them for a few days. I understand the temptation. Also, don’t hit them in the head with a hammer, though again, I understand the temptation.

Tip 2: Hold them close and say, “shhhh. It’ll be alright. AOC isn’t coming to get you.” This may not work as nobody wants to hold a MAGAt close to their own body. Ew.

Tip 3: Give them a treat. Raw bacon, waffle fries from Chick-fil-A, a sandwich from Cheesecake Factory, or just a block of raw butter from Cracker Barrell may get them excited long enough not to notice CNN ran a special on the Tulsa Massacre.

Tip 4: Belly rubs. MAGAts love a good belly tickle. But once again, this would mean you have to touch them. Also, most MAGAts are sticky. You’ve been warned.

Tip 5: Tell them you’re trans. They’ll probably jump out the window and you’ll never see them again. That advice wasn’t on the doggy site because people love dogs and want to see them again. Have you ever heard of anyone adopting a lost MAGAt? No, you have not.

Tip 6: Buy your MAGAt a one-way bus trip to Jacksonville and let him be their problem. Jacksonville won’t notice. It’s not like they’ll say, “Hey, have you noticed Jacksonville has been a lot more Jacksonvilley?”

Tip 7: Turn off Fox News. You shouldn’t let your dog watch Fox News either as that’s animal cruelty.

Tip 8: The doggy site says to familiarize your pet to the sounds, but I think if you repeat “Ilhan Omar” too often, your MAGAt may leap into a ceiling fan. But then again, win-win except for the mess. MAGAts are sticky on the inside too…we think. It may just be a lot of coal.

Tip 9: Did I mention the one-way bus ticket to Jacksonville? I did? Never mind.

Tip 10: Distraction: Someone should produce and sell mobiles with Trump’s face on them. If you put that above a MAGAts bed, he may not notice anything else. See if you can work some Benadryl into the baby bottle.

Tip 11: Ball gag.

Tip 12: Get him a Thundershirt. Be warned, they don’t work on everybody. For instance, they don’t work on Beagles. But, Beagles are way smarter than MAGAts and are fooled less easily. You never heard a Beagle bitch about immigration…unless you immigrated a cat into the house. Speaking of cats, there are Thundershirts for cats. Putting a Thundershit on a MAGAt has gotta be a hell of a lot easier than putting a shirt on a cat. Also, thundershirts use velcro, so like a MAGAts shoes, they may be able to put them on by themselves. As I recall though, you had to slide arms in, fold one piece over another, then fold the piece that has the velcro…never mind. It’s way too complicated for a MAGAt and you’re gonna have to help him.

If none of these work, there’s the hammer idea and you can probably get that one-way bus ticket to Jacksonville for about $80.00. Hell, that’s twice the price of a Thundershirt.

Last tip: Stop with the fireworks. What are you, six? Get over it already.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Republican Medals

Cjones06212021

Yesterday, Vladimir Putin compared Alexei Nevalny to the white nationalist terrorists who attacked the Capitol in a bloody coup attempt to make Donald Trump this nation’s first dictator.

Alexei Nevalny is considered the man Putin fears the most. He’s an opposition leader whom the Russian government has convicted twice on embezzlement charges in order to prevent him from running for president. Since that wasn’t enough to silence his voice, they tried to murder him. They poisoned him which made him flee to Germany for medical treatment, violating his parole. Nevalny returned to Putin’s Russia knowing they would probably throw him in prison, after trying to murder him, for violating his parole.

The MAGA terrorists attacked the capitol to stop Congress from performing its constitutional duty. They did this act based on a lie. Nearly 500 have been charged with crimes. While Nevalny returned to Russia knowing he could be thrown in prison where they would try again to kill him, the MAGA terrorists have cried for their mommies.

Nevalny was poisoned through his food. While in prison, he has been starved. The Qanon Shaman’s mommy cried to a judge that jail food is too tough for her Q baby and it gives him the rumbly tummy.

Republicans will probably love Putin’s comparison. Although Putin was trying to frame Alexei Nevalny as someone as horrible as the MAGA terrorists, Republicans will frame this as their terrorists being persecuted crusaders for their nation, like Nevalny. Amnesty International has listed Alexei Nevalny as a “prisoner of conscience.” The MAGA terrorists don’t have consciences.

Alexei Nevalny is brave and returned to fascist Russia to face consequences from an unfair justice system controlled by a autocrat. The MAGA terrorists only attacked the Capitol because they had large numbers and when brought to accountability, cried like babies. Many are using the legal defense of being too stupid to think for themselves, blaming Trump for goading them and Fox News for giving them “Foxitus.”

Vladimir Putin refuses to say Nevalny’s name. Republicans refuse to use the word “insurrection” in regard to the insurrection. But, some are real good at using “executed” for the death of Ashli Babbitt, a MAGA terrorist killed by Capitol Police while trying to climb through a broken window inside the Capitol. Republicans are framing Babbitt as a hero when the fact is, she was a terrorist.

Ashli Babbitt attacked her government trying to stop the certification of an election and to install a dictatorship. She tried to stop the democratic process. She tried to overturn a democratic election. She is the very definition of a terrorist. The heroes on January 6 are the Capitol Police who fought against her insurrection.

Yesterday, the House overwhelmingly passed a resolution to award the Congressional Gold Medal to the officers who defended the Capitol from Donald Trump’s terrorists. The vote was 406-21.

Yes, 21 House members voted against giving the Gold Medal to cops. You would think something like this would have been unanimous. It would seem that voting to give medals to cops who fought terrorists would be an easy work day, a no-brainer, and be like a day with cake. But no. All 21 no votes came from Republicans…you know, the people who always cry that “blue lives matter” and rail against “defunding the police.” You know, the same people who always pontificate about how much they are for the rule of law. Why, they’re the law-and-order party. They seek justice. They back our boys and girls in blue.

Republicans are not the party of law and order. They’re the party of white nationalist terrorists and bullshit. Just like their claims of patriotism have been exposed as lies by their love for all that is Trump and Putin, their claims of supporting police are total hogwash too.

Why did 21 Republicans, all Trump supporters with a few being Qnuts, vote against giving medals to cops? Because the bill described the rioters as “a mob of insurrectionists.”

Thomas Massie from Kentucky (a yee-haw state) said, “If they just wanted to give the police recognition, they could have done it without trying to make it partisan, without sticking that in there.” Once again, a Republican steps all over himself and says the quiet part out loud. Insurrections are partisan…and insurrections are Republican.

Opposing ISIS and al Qaeda is easy…but I guess it’s harder to oppose terrorism when the terrorists look like you, eh, white boy?

This will be a shocker but Marjorie Taylor Greene also voted no and said she did so because the bill referred to the Capitol as a “temple” and it doesn’t look anything like “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.” She also said, “I wouldn’t call it an insurrection.” Would she call it “tourism” as another Republican has? In her defense, she did just find out about the Holocaust. Did you guys hear about this Holocaust thing? Who knew? We should tell more people.

Scott Perry, a Republican from Pennsylvania, said giving the medal to cops was “disgusting.” No, disgusting was in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” when they ate all the live squirmy baby snakes. Giving medals to cops, not so much. But hey, feel free to tear the Capitol Police officers’ beating hearts out.

The 21 Republicans siding with terrorists over cops are Marjorie Taylor Green, Scott Perry, Thomas Massie, Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz, Andy Biggs, Michael Cloud, Andrew Clyde, Warren Davidson, Louie Gohmert, Bob Good, Paul Gosar, Andy Harris, Jody Hice, Mary Miller, Barry Moore, Ralph Norman, John Rose, Matt Rosendale, Chip Roy, and Greg Steube.

I know. A lot of names on that list truly come as a surprise. In case you’re a Republican, that was sarcasm.

Gerald Connolly, a Democrat from Virginia, said, “They voted to overturn the election. But in their vote today, they kind of sealed the deal of basically affiliating with the mob.” Dude, every single Republican who professes loyalty to Donald Trump, says he’s the leader of their party, rushes to Mar-a-Lago for a photo-op with the goon, and says he won the election has sealed the deal of siding with terrorists. They bought that puppy, put it in a box, giftwrapped it, didn’t poke any any airholes into the box, and mailed it without a return address.

Connolly also said, “They now are part of the insurrectionist mob. They brought enormous disrepute and dishonor on themselves in not honoring the brave men and women who defended the Capitol of the United States—everybody in it, but also defending the symbol of democracy in the world, not just here in the United States.”

Putin would be proud.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Washington Tourists

Cjones05282021

We don’t have all the answers to the attack on the Capitol Complex on January 6. But the one thing we definitely know is that it was an attack.

It shouldn’t matter if the attackers were Antifa, Black Lives Matter, Trump supporters, the Salvation Army, Green Peace, the Girl Scouts of America, the High Country Cloggers, postal workers, the Sierra Club, the International Kazoo Players Association, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Foo Fighters, or the Utah Jazz. The attack should be investigated.

This attack on the Capitol was not a protest. It was an attempt to stop the certification of an election. It was an attempt to stop, or at least delay, Congress’s count of the electoral college. It was an attempt to infringe upon a congressional task mandated by the United States Constitution. It was an attempt to overturn an election and hand the presidency to the man who lost. It was a bloody coup attempt.

There is no actual doubt Donald Trump lost the election. There are only debunked conspiracy theories. Everyone who believes Donald Trump won the election and had it stolen from him only believe it becaues they want to believe. They can’t handle the truth. The truth is, he lost.

Trump also lost over 60 court cases trying to throw out election results. He lost in state courts. He lost in the Supreme Court. He even lost his own Justice Department. For the love of god, he lost William Barr. There is no evidence of widespread voter fraud or election fraud. There is not one tiny bit of evidence to support the slightest chance Donald Trump won even one of the five states that flipped to President Joe Biden.

When people attack a government to change the government, to change an election result, to change a leader, it’s a terrorist attack. If you believe the people who went into the Capitol are tourists, then the 9/11 hijackers flew into the World Trade Center looking for the gift shop.

Tourists don’t break in. They don’t bust doors down. They don’t break then climb through windows to gain entry. They don’t trash the place. They don’t defecate on the floors and wipe it on the walls. They don’t assault the people guarding where they’re touring. They don’t kill people. They typically don’t bring bear spray and Molotov cocktails with them. I can’t recall the last time nearly 500 tourists were arrested for taking a tour.

It shouldn’t be partisan to investigate the attack, but Republicans have made it so. The Republican Party is protecting terrorists because their leader is a terrorist. Many House and Senate members supported the terrorists. One even live-tweeted the location of other members of Congress.

Will a January 6 commission find out why Lauren Boebert was coordinating with terrorists? Will a commission discover any connections between other sitting members of Congress and the terrorists? Will a commission get down and find out everything said between House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy and the terrorists’ leader, Donald Trump? Will a commission discover if Senator Josh Hawley has a long history of fisting terrorists? Will a commission discover how well Trump, his kids, Rudy Giuliani, and Roger Stone are connected to the terrorists? What else are Republicans hiding?

It’s tragic the people who are guilty are able to vote on their crime being investigated.

Republicans are hiding something…or a lot of things. They have to be to come up with something so stupid as describing the MAGA terrorists as “tourists.”

Creative note: I started drawing this Saturday morning, but stopped when I got my Matt Gaetz inflatable girlfriend idea. I forgot I had recorded what I drew Saturday, and because I wasn’t paying attention, it was included in the video for the Gaetz cartoon. I don’t think anyone noticed.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

The Walking MAGAts

Cjones05212021

Today, supposedly, Congress will launch the National Commission to Investigate the January 6 Attack on the Capitol Complex Act at a hearing.

House Homeland Security Chairman Bennie G. Thompson and Rep. John Katko, the committee’s senior Republican have agreed to a bipartisan bill, supposedly, modeled after the commission that investigated 9/11, to investigate the attack on the United States Capitol by Donald Trump’s terrorists.

The commission will be made up of 10 supposed “outside experts” who will examine the facts and causes underlying the Jan. 6 attack and recommend corrective measures to secure the Capitol and our democratic institutions against domestic terrorism…supposedly.

The attack on the Capitol was a terrorist attack. This commission is supposedly bipartisan, but does that mean only four out of the 16 of the Republican members will recognize the terrorists as terrorists…and not protesters, patriots, or tourists as a lot of House Republicans have claimed they were?

Republicans are sitting inside the very same institution that Donald Trump’s terrorists attacked based on his election lie. The majority of these Republicans helped Trump push the lie he won the election and it was stolen from him. On the day of the terrorist attack 147 Republicans voted against certifying the election…only because they lost. They enabled the terrorists. Senator Josh Hawley went outside and gave them a fist bump. Republicans in the House removed the third-highest ranking member because she won’t push the lie. Her replacement says Donald Trump is the leader of their party, the same man who instigated a terrorist attack against her institution.

There are Republicans on the Homeland Security committee who are refusing to protect the homeland. Andrew Clyde said the terrorists were merely tourists, even though there’s a photo from January 6 showing him helping to barricade the door to the House floor so the “tourists” couldn’t break in.

Committee member Clay Higgins (Louisiana) has made claims of election fraud and voted against certifying the election.

Committee member Michael Guest (Mississippi) posed for photos with the terrorists before they made their attack. He too voted against certifying the election.

Member Dan Bishop (North Carolina) voted against certifying the election.

Jefferson Van Drew (New Jersey) voted against certifying the election.

Ralph Norman (South Carolina) also attempted to overturn the election.

Mariannette Miller-Meeks (Iowa) said no Republicans, including Trump, should be blamed for the Capitol attack until Democrats are blamed for violence that stemmed from Black Lives Matter and Antifa last summer. She also claimed no Democrat has condemned that violence.

Diana Harshbarger (Tennessee) tried to overturn the election.

Carlos Gimenez (Florida) voted against certifying the election.

Jake LaTurner (Kansas) had planned to vote against certifying the election, but a positive Covid-19 test forced him into quarantine.

Kat Cammack (Florida) voted against certifying the election and said on the House floor that the terrorist attack on the Capitol “furthermore resolved” her objection to the certification process.

August Pfluger (Texas) voted against certifying the election.

Michael McCaul voted to certify the election. Later, his district office in Texas was vandalized with “swamp traitor” spray-painted on a window.

Andrew Garbarino (New York) voted to certify the election and said, “Congress does not have the constitutional authority to overturn the election.

Peter Meijer (Michigan) voted to certify the election, recognized that Joe Biden won, and voted to impeach Donald Trump. Then, he had to stock up on body armor after receiving threats on his life from Republicans.

The ranking member, John Katko (New York) didn’t object to the election and voted to impeach Donald Trump for instigating the attack.

Twelve of the Republicans on the committee to investigate the terrorist attack that was instigated and propped by Trump’s lie that he won the election, believe in Trump’s lie that he won the election. Twelve of those on this committee oppose democracy and free elections. Twelve voted against the homeland and have sworn their devotion and loyalty to the man responsible for a terrorist attack against our country.

I don’t have faith in a bipartisan investigation when half the committee behind the investigation has already obstructed the investigation.

The House Homeland Security Committee was created in the wake of 9/11 to make this nation safer from terrorists attacks. Today, Republicans are using the committee to protect terrorists. Republicans support white nationalist terrorists.

I don’t expect Republicans to do the right thing with this investigation because Republicans don’t have brains.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

MAGA Terror Hoarder

Cjones05182021

I’ve been to Washington, D.C. a lot but I’ve only physically been inside the Capitol once. I’m the kind of tourist that once I do something touristy, I don’t want to do it again. I was in line at Graceland once and overheard some Elvis freaks talking about that visit being their fifth or some shit like that. Trust me on this, nobody needs to see the Jungle Room twice. Three TVs. Oooooh. Also, mirrors on walls don’t actually make rooms look larger, more claustrophobic. If you’ve been to Graceland more than once, seek help. Going to Memphis more than once is bad enough to throw a Graceland trip into it.

My Capitol visit was back in 1999 with my wife (at the time) and a friend of hers who was visiting for a few days. Since 1999 was a long time ago, I don’t remember everything but one of my most vivid memories that day was walking through Statuary Hall in the Capitol, where each state is represented by a statue of one of their most historic figures, and that King Kamehameha looked out of place since he was the only non-white guy at the time and also in a loin cloth (In case you’re a Republican, Kamehameha represents Hawaii). Another vivid memory from our Capitol visit is that we walked through the door without much in the way of security at all. Granted, this was before 9/11, but it was pretty relaxed. We walked in without a tour group, without a schedule, and just roamed around for an hour or so.

I also remember getting lost while trying to leave the city and I didn’t want to tell the two ladies we were lost, so I kept pointing stuff out as we passed it saying stuff like, “And there’s the Watergate…everybody ooh and ahh…ooh and ahh…and there’s the Smithsonian…again.” That doesn’t have anything to do with this subject, but it still amuses me. And if my ex reads this, she’s probably thinking, “I knew it!”

What I don’t remember from that day was breaking through a window or having to beat down Capitol Police to gain access. I don’t recall anyone being maced or having their fingers bitten off. I don’t recall anyone vandalizing the place. I don’t remember anyone being beaten with a flagpole. I have zero memories of any tourists urinating and defecating on the floors and smearing it on the walls. I don’t think any tourists sat down at the Speaker of the House’s desk or stole his (Dennis Hastert at the time) podium. I don’t think 400 tourists were arrested from that visit. I’ll ask my ex later if she remembers anyone chanting to hang the vice-president.

Maybe the reason none of that stuff happened during my visit to the Capitol was because everyone visiting was a tourist…not a terrorist.

During a House hearing this week, Republican dipshit congressman Andrew Clyde, from Georgia, said, “Watching the TV footage of those who entered the Capitol and walked through Statuary Hall, showed people in an orderly fashion staying between the stanchions and ropes taking videos and pictures. If you didn’t know the TV footage was a video from Jan. 6, you would actually think it was a normal tourist visit.”

The orangutan in the 1970s Clint Eastwood movie, “Every Which Way But Loose,” was also named Clyde, but he’s probably changing it now so there’s no confusion with Andrew Clyde.

Clyde, the congressman and not the orangutan, said, “Let me be clear: There was no insurrection.” The orangutan just rolled his eyes.

Let me be clear, the Republican Party is defending terrorists. They’re sitting in the very same building terrorists attacked while defending them. When you attack a government in order to change its leadership through a bloody coup attempt, you are a terrorist. What happened on January 6 is the very definition of an insurrection. Involved with the insurrection were racist groups like Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, and One Percenters. These groups weren’t planning on protesting outside. They schemed to bust in and attack the Capitol.

Michael Jensen, principal investigator at the National Consortium for the Study of Terrorism and Responses to Terrorism at the University of Maryland said, “Normal Capitol visits don’t include individuals armed with zip ties, bear spray, and blunt objects,” or violent clashes with police. Typical Capitol tourists don’t smash windows, loot offices, or deface Capitol property. Those types of things happen during insurrections, which is what January 6 was.”

Brian Levin, director of the Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism said, “A tourist is someone who travels for pleasure seeking, cultural interchange or advancement of knowledge about different places and its inhabitants and does not have a political or criminal purpose. The people who rioted included insurrectionists and others who committed federal crimes for a political purpose to obstruct the legal operations of government. I hope people now don’t just apply that logic to recast John Wilkes Booth as a theatergoer.”

Being that Clyde, (not the ape) is from Georgia, he just might recast Booth as a theatergoer. Also, since Booth shot Lincoln, the former guy the party’s image was cast in, Clyde (the stupid congressman) might be all about it.

The leader of this group of terrorists attacking the Capitol building was the former president (sic) of the United States of America who sent them in order to cling to power. He sent them to overturn an election he lost. He is still perpetuating the lie he won the election. The majority of the Republican Party believes this lie and promotes it.

When Republicans like Elise Stefanik says she’s supports “President (sic) Trump” and that he’s the leader of their party, and an “important voice to the Republican Party,” she’s praising a terrorist leader. People like Stefanik don’t have integrity or honor.

Donald Trump ordered an insurrection to take place at the Capitol and the majority of the Republican Party is more loyal to the terrorism, the lie, and cult than it is to this nation. Those in the party who are not loyal to the cult are removed from their leadership positions and booed at GOP events.

Republicans can gaslight all they want, but what happened on January 6 was a terrorist attack instigated by Donald Trump with complicit actors in Congress.

Let me be clear, the MAGAts attacking the Capitol on January 6 were not tourists. They were terrorists. Even an ape could tell the difference.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Foxitus

Cjones05142021

The white nationalist Trump terrorists who attacked our nation’s Capitol building to violate a democratically-held election and to re-install Donald Trump through a bloody coup attempt have all turned out to be sissified cry babies abdicating their own responsibility.

Donald Trump was responsible for the white nationalist terrorist attack on the Capitol. He’s responsible for the six deaths and injuries to over 100 Capitol Police officers. He spread lies for weeks that he won the election and it was stolen from him. He told his MAGA goons to be there on January 6. They were there on January 6. Before the attack, he told them to march to the Capitol and overturn the election. But he shares blame.

The people who attacked the capitol, Nazis, Proud Boys, One Percenters, Oath Keepers, Klansmen, and Fox News viewers were adults. Even the guy who brought his mommy with zip ties is an adult. They are responsible for their actions. Al Qaida and ISIS are a bunch of terrorizing, Jihad-seeking mother fuckers pledging death to America, but you don’t see those guys crying that bin Laden made them do it. The Qanon Shaman had his mommy go to court to plead with a judge that her son can’t eat jail food. That’s some serious white privilege.

Several of the attackers have since changed their minds and are now blaming Donald Trump, as if they couldn’t think for themselves. Did it take jail to detox from the MAGA cult?

But they’re not just blaming Donald Trump. They’re blaming Fox News. These terrorists are responsible for their own actions, but Fox News shares blame. They aired Donald Trump’s bullshit. They pounded it into their viewers’ brains. Trump’s minions who went on cable news to advance the Big Lie bullshit didn’t go on CNN or MSNBC. They went to Fox News, OANN, and Newsmax.

So far, 440 people have been arrested in connection to the MAGA riot. One guy’s defense is that he was suffering from an illness his lawyer calls “Foxitus” and “Foxmania.” The attorney for defendant Anthony Antonio (so stupid, he has the same name twice) said he had “Foxitus” from watching six months of Fox News nonstop, and started “believing what was being fed to him by Fox News and Donald Trump.”

This defense isn’t just an insanity defense. It’s a moron defense. It’s a defense of being too stupid to think for yourself. If it’s true you can’t think for yourself, the last person in the world you want doing your thinking is a person like Donald Trump. The second is a racist moron like Tucker Carlson. Sean Hannity is a very close third.

This defendant’s lawyer isn’t the only one arguing you shouldn’t believe Fox News. Fox News’ own lawyers made the same argument in a previous lawsuit. It was specifically about Tucker Carlson’s show, “Assholes Tonight.” And it might work. If you tell me you don’t watch anything except Fox News, I’ll buy the argument you’re a moron.

Let’s get a few things straight: The people who attacked the Capitol did so based on a lie. They were not Antifa. They were not Black Lives Matter. They were Trump followers. They were not protesters. They were terrorists. Anyone who attacks a government is a terrorist. Anyone who tries to change the leader of a government through violent means is a terrorist. They’re not just demonstrators whose passion got the better of them. They’re terrorists. Even Mr. Zip Tie’s mom is a terrorist.

At least 440 people have been arrested in connection with the terrorist attack. There needs to be at least one more.

Osama bin Laden sent terrorists to attack the Capitol building and failed. Donald Trump send terrorists to attack the Capitol building, and while he didn’t succeed in overturning an election and staying in power through a bloody coup attempt, he succeeded in attacking the Capitol.

Inside that very same building Donald Trump’s terrorists attacked are Republicans who are still worshipping the terrorist leader who ordered the attack.

The rich sweet irony here is that MAGA goons love to accuse liberals of being sheep, yet here they are claiming they’re not supposed to be held responsible because they’re incapable of thinking for themselves. But they are responsible and like Donald Trump, Fox News, and every representative who enabled the white nationalist terrorist attack (like Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley Ron Johnson, et al.), they’re all a national security threat.

These people who can’t think for themselves shouldn’t be allowed to choose their own TV shows. Turn off Fox News before you hurt someone…or hurt yourself. Is Hee-Haw still on?

Creative note: I woke up close to 6:00 AM planning to do something with Liz Cheney, Kevin McCarthy, and the bear being used in the California recall…but that went nowhere. Then this came to me.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Long Night In The Q Patch

cjones03092021

After election day and Joe Biden passed Donald Trump in the vote count, Republicans held onto hope, with many believing that Trump would come back and win the presidency. When that didn’t happen, hope turned into conspiracy theories and Republicans truly became fucknuts.

Trumplicans believed that on December 20, the day electors meet in their respective states and cast their votes for president and vice-president, that Trump would be given an Electoral College victory which the GOP would have had to pull out of their asses. Republicans, including the president (sic) of the United States believed electors in several of those states would defy the will of their people and hand the election to Donald Trump. Donald Trump even invited legislators from Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania to the White House to convince and strong-arm them to overturn the election. That didn’t work. Even Big Macs under heat lamps didn’t sway them.

Trump’s lawyers filed over 60 lawsuits across the nation with each one failing. They held press conferences where Rudy Giuliani’s hair melted. There were hearings held in state capitals where legislatures actually patronized Rudy…for which he only brought conspiracy theories, insane witnesses, and farts. Trump’s other lawyer, Sidney Powell, spread conspiracy theories that voting machines created by the late Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez, financed by George Soros, controlled by President Obama, President Bill Clinton, and Secretary Hillary Clinton, switched votes from Trump to Biden.

Senator Lindsey Graham, who represents South Carolina (in case you’re a Republican, is NOT Georgia), called officials in Georgia to convince them to give the state to Trump even though President Joe Biden had won it. Then, Donald Trump called officials in the state and threatened and demanded they make up votes to give him so he could surpass Biden in the count. And some people are saying, “Hmmmm…maybe that’s illegal.”

December 20 came and went and Joe Biden was still the President-Elect. Then, Trump called his supporters, you know, terrorists, to come to Washington, D.C. on January 6, when Congress was certifying the election. His white nationalist terrorists attacked the Capitol, wounding many and killing cops, to overturn the election. It was a bloody coup attempt. But the count went on and Joe Biden was officially President-Elect of the United States of America.

Then, the Qanon crowd believed Trump would enact martial law and during Joe Biden’s inauguration on January 20, the military would rush the podium and arrest him and Kamala Harris. For good measure, they’d also arrest President Obama and Hillary Clinton. Lady Gaga was probably in trouble too. Nobody was arrested, there was no martial law, and from the looks of it, everybody had a good time…except for Mike Pence. He looked like that guy at the party nobody wants to talk to.

Instead of declaring martial law, Donald Trump flew down to Florida. He refused to attend the inauguration because he’s a whiny little baby. He even left before noon so he could use Air Force One one last time without having to ask the incoming president for permission. Usually, the outgoing president does use Air Force One to leave the capital, but they only do so with the grace and permission of the incoming president…as long as they return it with a full tank. This request has never been refused. But, Donald Trump didn’t want to ask Joe Biden because that would have been an admittance Biden is president.

Donald Trump is the first president to refuse a peaceful transfer of power. He delayed the presidential transition, thus endangering the nation and trying to leave as much of a mess as possible for Biden to clean up. He delayed briefings on national security for the President-Elect. Donald Trump put himself before the security of this nation. And on a petty score, he refused to invite the President-Elect and incoming First Lady to the White House. For the record, President Obama invited Trump and Melania to the White House, greeted them on the steps of the White House on inauguration day, and attended the ceremony. Do you know who else was at Donald Trump’s inauguration in 2016? Joe Biden.

Election Day didn’t work out for Trump supporters. Then December 20, January 6, and January 20 didn’t work out for them. Finally, Qanon fucknuts can accept they lost, it’s over, Trump is now a former president (sic), Joe Biden is President, and it’s time to move on. Right? Wrong.

They decided that March 4 was the date Donald Trump would return and become president again…or something like that. What is this based on? Glad you asked because it’s crazy.

In 1871, Congress passed the District of Columbia Organic Act. This made the District of Columbia a self-governing body, a municipal corporation. It has no relation to the presidency. But, Qanon fucknuts believe that on this date, the United States of America became a corporation which is controlled by foreigners and a deep state of satanic-worshipping baby-eating pedophiles along with assorted lizard people.

Why March 4? Because that’s when lizard people’s eggs hatch? Is that when baby blood starts to turn so you better drink up? No. That’s when presidents used to be inaugurated. Congress moved the inauguration to January 20 after passing the 20th Amendment to the Constitution in 1933, the same year Franklin Delano Roosevelt ended the gold standard. QAnon believers argue that in ending the gold standard, Roosevelt transferred power to a group of shadowy foreign investors who have since been controlling the US government.

We’re about to get deeper: Qanon fucks believed that Ulysses Grant was the last legitimate president. Thus, when Trump returned on March 4, he would become the 19th president and the first legitimate president since Grant. But wait. Wouldn’t that mean Donald Trump was never president from 2017 to January, 2021? Shut up.

I also don’t get why Grant was the last legitimate president. Roosevelt’s first inauguration was on March 4, so was Herbert Hoover’s one. One, because he was a one-term loser like Donald Trump. If someone can explain this about the inauguration date (and I’ve researched), leave it in the comments.

Others also believe that Trump and Biden are actually working together, Trump never left, he’s still here, and it’s all a ruse because…wait for it…Trump and Biden switched bodies.

Trump me on this. Nobody wants to switch bodies with Donald Trump.

So, now that March 4 has passed, I guess it’s over. Right? Wrong.

Qanon fucknuts have moved the goal posts to March 20. Why March 20? The only thing I can find is that’s when many believe the Republican Party was founded in 1854. Of course back then, the Republican Party was the liberal party. The Qanon Shaman and Marjorie Taylor Greene have nothing in common with Abraham Lincoln.

Oh yeah, they also believe Trump still controls the military and on the 20th, he’s going to round up everyone who voted to impeach him or merely said bad things about him, and have them all arrested along with…Oh, sweet mother of monkey milk…the Pope.

Nobody tell the Qanon goons that President George Washington’s first inauguration was held on April 30. That would mean when Donald Trump does come back, he’ll be the second legitimate president.

Of course, all this shit persists because Qanon is a cult, being a Trump supporter is being in a cult, and Donald Trump won’t say anything to debunk any of this. This is the same guy who secretly took the covid vaccine. Why in secret and not do it in public like Biden, Harris, Obama, Clinton, Bush, etc? Because it would hurt the campaign he waged politicizing the virus, again, putting himself before the safety of the country he swore to protect. Or maybe, when he took the vaccine, it was really a serum for body switching with Joe Biden. Yeah! That’s it! And it was administered by a lizard guy in a doctor’s coat.

And everyone said, “Hey, Clay. What are you going to draw when Trump is gone? You’re going to miss Trump.” I haven’t had time to miss Trump.

Creative note: Usually when a cartoonist uses another cartoonist’s creation and characters in a cartoon, they write “apologies to” the cartoonist they borrowed from. I forgot to do that. And if anything, I really owe Charles Schulz an apology for making Linus a member of Qanon.

Correction: I originally had Hoover with TWO inaugurations. But, he only had one. Kudos to Robert Coutinho (who sent me an email) and the reader in the comments who caught it.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Two-Faced Nikki

cjones02232021

Nikki Haley is just as smarmy, two-faced, deceitful, disingenuous, and chock-full-o-bullshit as lying Ted Cruz, except she’s prettier.

While slimy Ted was rushing back to Texas, making sure he was seen wearing a face mask with a Texas flag on it, Nikki was rushing to get inside Mara-a-Lago, hoping to be branded with a MAGA flag. But Donald Trump nixed that.

On January 12, Politico published a story on Nikki where she said about Trump, “I think he’s lost any sort of political viability he was going to have. We need to acknowledge Trump let us down….He went down a path he shouldn’t have, and we shouldn’t have followed him.”

Shouldn’t have followed him? This from his former Ambassador to the United Nations who intimidated tiny third-world countries to support Trump policies, or they wouldn’t be invited to her parties? Seriously, she did that.

Before Trump secured the nomination in 2016, Nikki was a Marco backer and laughed and laughed when he made fun of Trump’s tiny penis. By the time the Republican National Convention rolled around, Nikki was all aboard the Trump train. She knew Trump would be short on support from minorities and women…and dang it all, she was both. Like Ted Cruz who was big enough to forgive Donald Trump for calling his wife ugly and his father a murderer, Nikki planted her lips firmly on that wide orange Trump caboose.

Nikki wants to be president someday and she knew she needed more experience than being governor of the state that sends the biggest flipflopping no-backbone ass-kissing shitweasel lapdog to the United States Senate. She needed some foreign policy…what’s that word? Oh yeah, experience.

Before Trump’s MAGA goons conducted a terrorist attack on our Capitol and tried to overturn the election, Nikki was enabling Trump’s sedition. She refused to condemn the Big Lie that the election was stolen and even tried to help Trump out. In another Politico story before the bloody coup attempt, Nikki said, “I understand the president. I understand that genuinely, to his core, he believes he was wronged. This is not him making it up.”

As Sarah Marshall said in the movie, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.” Donald Trump knew he was “making it up.” This isn’t like someone believing in Bigfoot without any proof, or an expert at “finding Sasquatch” who’s never found Sasquatch (seriously, they’re just experts at being lost in the woods). This was the president (sic) of the United States making shit up. And Nikki, you enabled it.

Now that Nikki turned around and condemned the attack and placed the blame firmly where it belongs, she’s trying to spin her head around again and suck up to Trump. She can’t praise Trump, then tell the truth about his inciting a terrorist attack, then turn around and try to get his warm icky affection again. Who does she think she is? Kevin McCarthy?

The House Minority Leader, Kevin McCarthy, gave a speech laying the blame of the attack on Donald Trump. According to reports, during the attack, Trump and McCarthy were on the phone in a screaming match. McCarthy was trying to get Trump to call off his goons while they were banging on his doors trying to kill him and all Trump wanted to do was first, say it was Antifa, and when corrected, said they were people who cared more about the “stolen election” than Kevin McCarthy did. Later, McCarthy flew down to Mar-a-Lago, made sure a photo came out of him standing next to Trump in what may be the most hideously-decorated room in the world, and groveled for Trump’s icky affection and his donor list. He only got one of those and unfortunately, it was the icky affection.

Mitch McConnell hasn’t made that trip yet. But, his actions don’t make much sense. The Senate MINORITY (I love typing that) Leader blamed the MAGA terrorist attack firmly on Trump and even said he may face criminal charges…right after he voted to acquit Trump. Huh? Of course, Trump didn’t like those words so he issued a statement (because he can’t tweet anymore).

Trump’s statement said, “Mitch is a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack, and if Republican Senators are going to stay with him, they will not win again.”

Apparently, it could have been even worse as advisors advised that he take out a parts that included “lots of repetitive stuff and definitely something about him having too many chins but not enough smarts.” That almost makes you miss Trump’s Twitter account. Were they as good as, “Mitch McConnell has more chins than a Hong Kong phone book”? Oh, that’ll slay at the next MAGA rally.

Mitch loved Trump until he couldn’t get anything out of him anymore. Mitch got a whole bunch of judges and huge corporate tax cuts out of Trump and then like a pair of old socks with holes in them that haven’t been washed ever, he threw Trump away. And the same went for Trump. He got everything he could out of Mitch and like an old pair of socks with holes in them that started with the back talk, he threw him away.

You can’t just stick a toe in the orange Kool-Aid. You have to dive in and get your hair wet. After condemning Trump, Nikki sought an audience with him at the golf resort he lives in, but she got snubbed. It’s pretty heavy when Donald Trump won’t let you in to kiss his ass. This is Donald Trump, the same guy who once held a cabinet meeting where everyone took turns kissing his ass.

But Nikki really wants to be elected president in 2024…like a whole bunch of other Republicans. They’re all going to be after that Trump base and several, like Nikki, will try to criticize Trump while appealing to him. But I bet the love for Donald Trump fades. No, not with his terrorist racist base, but with the general public. I don’t see President Biden being so bad that people start thinking, “Man, I wish we had some more Trump,” except for, you know, Nazis.

Donald Trump will probably run for president again unless he’s in prison, too occupied with his debt, lawsuits, and criminal charges, has fled the country to live in a Moscow condo, or finally been gotten by a gator on his golf course. I have ten bucks on the gator. C’mon, gator!!! Daddy needs a new pair of socks! Who am I kidding? Trump would just throw Lindsey Graham at it as a distraction.

I don’t vote for ass kissers so I will not be voting for Nikki Haley…ever. And since I don’t vote for ass kissers that means I will never vote for a Republican ever again.

People like Nikki probably don’t feel any sense of shame groveling to Donald Trump because they already sold out long ago. For Nikki and her fellow Republicans, your soul is gone and there’s no getting it back. It’s just too bad she’s not entirely like Ted Cruz because if she was, then she wouldn’t know what she was missing because she never had a soul.

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