MAGA

Thanks For Nothing

cjones01012018

I have a very low tolerance for right-wing baloney (I didn’t want to start this column off with a curse word in the first sentence). Lies in politics that are repeated again and again annoy me. But, just downright balls-deep stupid bullshit (there it is) pisses me off to no end.

I’m not talking about your average common Trump supporting stupid like, “make America great again,” or not understanding the difference between climate and weather and thinking because it’s cold in late December then Climate Change is a hoax. I’m talking about the special inbred type of Republican stupid where you give credit to Donald Trump for shit he didn’t do.

People who follow me on social media are aware that I’m extremely nauseated over a new commercial that’s “thanking President” Trump. Yeah, I’m aware where I put those quotation marks.

Did I mention this ad is nauseating? It’s more face-green-gag-inducing than witnessing Mike Pence on a Trump ass-kissing bender.

In this commercial paid for by America Policies, a non-profit started by former Trump campaign aides “dedicated to promoting the president’s agenda,” people who look like everyday working Americans are thanking “President Trump.”

In the commercial, someone thanks “President Trump” for “making America great again.” Another dipshit thanks “President Trump” for “fixing our economy.” We get a goober thanking “President Trump” for “reminding us to stand for our national anthem.” Are you feeling queasy yet? It gets better.

First off, fuckers, you don’t make America great again by defending Nazis and endorsing pedophiles. Second, Trump has not “fixed” our economy. That credit belongs to President Barack Obama who was left a mess by our last Republican president. Third, if you have to be reminded to stand for our national anthem then what sort of patriot are you? Do you really need Donald Trump to remind you? Goober says “as a veteran” he’s glad…blah blah blah. As a veteran, your first hint is when the music starts.

All that horseshit aside, the very worst, most despicable part of the commercial is when an adorable little girl says “thank you, President Trump for letting us say ‘Merry Christmas’ again.”

Why is this child being exploited for political gain? Who’s her daddy, Ted Cruz? Can we stop raising children to be stupid? We have enough dumb adults. Do I need to call Protective Services?

There is no war on Christmas. There was never and there never will be. There is no persecution of Christians in this nation. Nor, is there discrimination against old, conservative white guys. There just happens to be a lot of old, conservative white guys running around who are butt-hurt.

Barack Obama never ordered, told, or hinted that we couldn’t say “Merry Christmas.” In fact, he said it several times himself. So, there is no “again” to use being allowed to say “Merry Christmas.” And seriously, is the child being fed? Has she had all her vaccinations?

Donald Trump did not save Christmas. Donald Trump did not and does not “LET” you say “Merry Christmas.” No president can tell you not to say “Merry Christmas,” or restrict you from it. This is the stupid that pisses me off.

I started the day being annoyed that conservatives believe Trump increased monthly Social Security payments by two percent (the president doesn’t do that either. It’s adjusted for inflation), but this Christmas thing pushed me over the edge. It pisses me off more than Hall & Oates version of Jingle Bell Rock (do NOT click that link. Don’t you do it. You did it. Oh sure, somehow it’s my fault).

But, if you wanna thank Trump, then by god, let’s thank Donald Trump.

Thank you, President Trump for defending Nazis.

Thank you, President Trump for endorsing a pedophile.

Thank you, President Trump for retweeting racist videos from European hate groups.

Thank you, President Trump for lying every day of your administration.

Thank you, President Trump for increasing the deficit.

Thank you, President Trump for giving billionaires tax deductions for yachts and private jets, and for taking deductions away from teachers when they pay for school supplies.

Thank you, President Trump for recognizing Jerusalem as Israel’s capital and taking us out of the Middle-East Peace process.

Thank you, President Trump for making us the only nation that is not a part of the Paris Climate Accord.

Thank you, President Trump for ignoring science.

Thank you, President Trump for taking us closer to nuclear war with North Korea.

Thank you, President Trump for spending over $42 million of our money for your golf retreats.

Thank you, President Trump for the nepotism.

Thank you, President Trump for lying about crowd sizes and voter fraud.

Thank you, President Trump for wasting our money on a fraudulent commission to investigate your fraudulent claim of voter fraud.

Thank you, President Trump for profiting from your office.

Thank you, President Trump for attacking law enforcement.

Thank you, President Trump for attacking women, minorities, and Broadway plays.

Thank you, President Trump for demanding loyalty and pressuring the Justice Department to go after your political enemies.

Thank you, President Trump for ten days of Anthony Scaramucci. Seriously, thank you. I got some mileage out of that one.

Thank you, President Trump for sharing classified information with Russians in the Oval Office.

Thank you, President Trump for never defending America from Russia.

Thank you, President Trump for praising authoritarians in Turkey, China, Russia, and the Philippines.

Thank you, President Trump for labeling the free press as “enemies of the American people.”

And finally, thank you, President Trump for betraying your base and enriching yourself.

Hopefully, in the future, I’ll be thanking Robert Mueller.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Good People

cjones09232017

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Facebook’s Collusion

cjones09092017

At this rate, I’m kinda expecting a revelation that Mark Zuckerberg was at the Donald Trump Jr. Russian meeting.

Like you, I’m constantly annoyed with Facebook while utilizing it on a daily basis. The bothersome stuff, while annoying me, doesn’t affect my life in the slightest…or it didn’t until now.

I’m the type of person where a messed-up food order at McDonald’s won’t faze me, while I’ll watch a good friend of mine use the opportunity to go ballistic, and the next thing you know he returns an hour later from his food run with my Big Mac and the full story on how he unloaded what-for and made a 16-year-old struggling with acne cry. While I’ll get over that there are pickles on my sandwich, other little things will totally piss me off.

I’m annoyed with the petty stuff on Facebook. Your food pictures irk me. Why do you do that? Am I supposed to be impressed you ordered sushi? Do you want an “attaboy?” One of my friends posts nearly every single meal she eats. She once posted a picture of cereal. I shit you not. But c’mon. Any doofus with opposable thumbs can put a sandwich together.

Another annoyance; vacation pictures. Vacation slides have been joked about, derided, and hated ever since the photo slide technology was invented. It was why people in the 1970s couldn’t get their friends to come to their dinner parties. Nobody wants to see your vacation photos. I’m telling you this as your friend. Cut it out. You have turned Facebook into one, long, boring vacation slide. I don’t even need to know you went on vacation, but if I do know then I’m going to assume you enjoyed yourself. I don’t need the pictures of you giving the devil-horn sign with your tongue out while you’re at Sandals. I’m not against vacations and I hope to take one again someday…but if I do take one, I know without a doubt that nobody is going to need evidence that it actually happened. OK, maybe in my case they will.

Tagging your location isn’t just annoying, it’s stupid. Like the vacation pics, you’re just bragging about how great your life is, and convincing no one. What you’re actually doing is making stalking you very convenient and alerting burglars that right now is a great time to break into your house. And thanks to Facebook they know what breed of dog you have.

Other annoyances are game requests (I don’t want to play Candy Crush with you), Facebook Live notifications (I get these things from people I didn’t even know I was friends with), the vague post (which are the only type of posts my teenage nieces give and I never respond to, because I’m afraid they’ll tell me), the social experiments (the “let’s see how far this posts can go” and the “if you love Jesus, you’ll share.” Fuck you), pokes (people still do that and I still don’t know why), selfies (We get it. You’re pretty and insecure), and political memes. I hate political memes. I could easily write another 1,000 words ranting about political memes.

Some people hate political posts or that cartoonist who shares his cartoons every time one of his clients publishes them online. You have every right to hate those and, you can bite me.

But now, there is something annoying about Facebook that may have affected our lives. Russians.

Facebook was the target for Russian trolls and useful idiots sharing fake news during the campaign, but Facebook assured us that no foreign outlets were purchasing ads from them. And just like every single member of the Trump campaign, they had collusion with Russia that they conveniently forgot about.

Now, it turns out that $100,000 was spent on political campaign ads that Facebook has traced back to a “Russian Troll Farm.” I don’t want the troll farm image in my head, but I think that crop is yielding in the White House. Also, expect more revelations about Russian ads. I don’t believe for a minute that it stopped at $100,000.

Russians didn’t just purchase a few ads. They engineered these things to select certain demographics and particular regions. For example, white housewives in Wisconsin. Investigators want to know if they had any help from U.S. political operatives who may have pointed them in which direction to target these demographics. Maybe, but the American operatives working for Hillary Clinton weren’t smart enough to go after demographics in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania. Anyone with a basic understanding of math with a copy of an electoral map should know where to target political ads, and where the stupid people live.

Most of all, I believe this destroys an argument Republicans and people in American intelligence agencies have been using. That argument is; Russian meddling had no effect on the outcome of our election.

Facebook says the Russians used the ads to “manipulate.” No shit, Sherlock. Every ad in the world is created to manipulate. How many will purchase a Kia this year because of Motorhead and a guinea pig? I don’t know, but someone somewhere believes that’s going to happen because they put a lot of money into that campaign.

Whether someone’s pitching Coca-Cola or Donald Trump, they’re not spending ad money just to blow through a budget. They expect results. I do believe that if a high tide throws an octopus into the backseat of my car through the sunroof that Farmers insurance won’t let me down….or that if I have Allstate then my children will be better behaved while we stand gleaming and lovingly together in front of the Statue of Liberty. But, not every ad works that well. Like, Domino’s telling you that their pizza doesn’t suck anymore, or Panera telling me that their salads are “clean,” or that new car commercial giving me the impression that I’ll find riding in a boxcar with hobos much more comfortable than their automobile.

The Russians expected their ads to work. They wanted chaos for their money and nobody can say that we didn’t get chaos. Nobody can say the Russians didn’t get the election results they wanted. We got a hell of a lot more than $100,000 worth of chaos.

I believe the Russians affected our election. We are a nation that gave us Duck Dynasty and Honey Boo-Boo, but I’m not entirely convinced that we’re dumb enough to elect Donald Trump as president on our own. I’d like to think we’d need a push. I know there’s a large portion of our nation who can be manipulated to vote for fuckery. We’re stupid. But are we stupid enough to do this on our own?

Mark Zuckerberg and all the other Facebook executives want us to believe they had no influence on the election. I’d try to believe that too if I wanted to sleep well at night. But, Facebook is worth over $435 billion dollars. Your social media platform doesn’t acquire that much wealth without it having some influence.

Unfortunately, Facebook isn’t just cat and food pictures. It’s a news outlet for many of us. It’s very influential. It’s also complicit.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

It’s Raining Mayhem

cjones09082017

I consider myself a well-read person. I read into every issue I cover, and I go down internet worm holes and read stuff that’s not important to anybody. I know stuff. But, there’s a lot of stuff I will never understand.

I don’t understand why now is the best time to revoke DACA, and threaten to deport around 800,000 young adults who were brought to this nation by no choice of their own when they were children. Trump says he only wants people who are educated, working, and can be a benefit to this nation…so why kick 800,000 people out who fit those guidelines? I guess I can understand it if the explanation is that Donald Trump is racist toward brown people. Even if he’s not, his base is racist.

I don’t understand why we’re talking about pumping billions into a useless wall on the border that can be circumvented by a $45 ladder when FEMA is about to run out of money from rebuilding American cities struck by two major hurricanes. I do understand that it’s feeding a racist base, but I don’t understand why anyone, even racists, support something so expensive and useless.

I don’t understand why we argue about the debt ceiling each time it comes up. It’s money that was already agreed upon. I do understand why Republicans wanted to use it to shut down the government during the Obama era, as they were just total obstructionist and hated everything connected to Obama. But why are they threatening a government shutdown while they have the House, Senate, and White House? Don’t Republicans understand they control the government? I do understand why Trump made the magic-bean deal with Democrats, and that’s because he’s not a great deal maker. It was great for Democrats and the nation, but not for Republicans. I think Trump made that deal because if the negotiations were to continue, trying to understand how the debt ceiling works would have confused and exposed him. That, or he was too busy ogling his daughter who had walked into the room. Ew.

I don’t understand people who still deny Climate Change. I understand why Republicans oppose it, as they’re funded by oil companies. I understand why conservative think tanks continue to claim it’s a hoax because they’re funded by oil companies. I do understand why Donald Trump believes it’s a hoax created by China, and that’s because he’s an idiot. An editor wrote me a couple days ago and said he’d never run my work because it’s so divisive. Yeah, OK. But I’m not so divisive that I made the weather and climate partisan issues.

I don’t understand why people listen to Rush Limbaugh. I actually worked with two, TWO, editorial writers at The Free Lance-Star who listened to Rush on a daily basis. The man proves time and time again that he’s an idiot, and he doesn’t understand how anything works in the real world. Yesterday, he told his listeners that these hurricanes are never as bad as advertised, and it’s a conspiracy between the media and advertisers who sell stuff during an impending disaster. I guess Rush didn’t watch any of the footage from Houston. Was Harvey not as bad as advertised? I thought it was actually worse.

Would Rush be pushing this theory if he was still hawking Florida orange juice? Years ago he briefly pitched the orange stuff until the company that hired him realized that most people hate Rush. Most would rather throw oranges at him than take his suggestions on what to drink.

The real danger with Rush is that there are idiots who will believe him. Rush may have put stupid people’s lives in danger. Now that I think about it, it might even out. The one question I want answered is; Will Rush evacuate his Palm Beach home, or will he sit on the beach screaming for Irma to bring it on? I challenge him to do a live show from his front porch during the hurricane. He should put his money where his fat-ass mouth is.

I don’t understand Florida. It’s a really weird place. I don’t understand why people retire to live among giant, flying, creepy, stingy, buzzy things. I don’t like bugs. Reptiles, I can deal with. Currently, there’s a really long fuzzy centipede thingy with antennas and a gazillion legs in my shower that someone needs to come over here and kill it for me.

I don’t understand why there’s only one road out of the Florida Keys. I realize it’s a very long road and it’s difficult to build bridges going over seven miles from island to island, but wouldn’t that be much easier logistically than wasting billions on a wall on the Mexican border that goes over mountains, deserts, rivers, and private property? Hurricane Andrew hit 25 years ago. Couldn’t there have been another road constructed in that time frame? Florida, stop electing Republicans who look like Voldemort.

What I don’t understand is why people are at the stores fighting over bottled water at this time. Their water at home has not been turned off yet. Are we such a spoiled, first-world nation that we’d rather punch a guy over a bottle of Dasani, Voss, or Fiji water than to drink out of the tap? By the way, your tap water’s PH level is around 8.0. Dasani is 4.5, Voss is 6.0, and Fiji is 7.5. That stuff from Walmart is 6.5. In a natural disaster, I think you’ll be OK if you drink from the tap for a few days.

Lastly, what I really don’t understand are Trump sycophants. I understand partisanship, spin, and even loyalty. What I don’t understand is tying your little row boat to a sinking yacht. Everyone has flaws and defects, but Trump is just one big defect. The man has proven he is not anything he’s boasted about himself. He doesn’t know more than the generals. He doesn’t understand how government works. He’s not a great deal maker. He doesn’t have the best brain. He doesn’t have the best words. He didn’t even write the book he brags about writing. If we attached a disaster rating system to human beings, Trump would be a category five.

I don’t understand people who believe Obama is a Muslim, but think Trump is a Christian. I get the worship of a cult of personality….but why of a personality that is so stupid? Some people don’t understand why Trump’s attack on veterans didn’t kill his campaign, or his mocking a handicapped reporter, or his “pussy grabbing,” or the racism, or the stupidity and the not knowing anything. For me, I don’t understand why the ridiculous hair didn’t kill the campaign. This man actually chooses to look the way he does. Would you vote for a guy who knew he had a booger hanging and didn’t do anything about it?

Even if you’re a racist, you’d think you’d find a much more competent racist to follow. There are plenty of racists out there who are able to hide it better and are not displaying it on Twitter on a daily basis. I don’t believe that everyone who voted and supports Trump is a racist. But, I don’t understand why racism is not a deal breaker for the rest of them.

Trump understands two things, and that’s marketing his name and his debt. But even the stuff he’s marketed has gone under. And understanding how to make other people pay for your debt doesn’t mean you understand the federal debt. We’re not gonna get Russian banks to finance the border wall. Quite frankly, I’d be surprised if Trump is capable of dressing himself and tying his shoes.

Regarding Irma: I have friends in Florida. If you’re down there, get out. I do hope the hurricane spares the state from the brunt of its devastation. And if you’re staying, you can drink the tap water. You’ll be fine.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

The Generous Degenerate

cjones09042017

Donald Trump has pledged to donate $1 million from his personal fortune to help the victims of Hurricane Harvey. Pardon me while I remain skeptical.

Why would anyone be so cynical to doubt a president’s promise of a donation to help hurricane victims? We wouldn’t be skeptical if George W. Bush or Barack Obama made that promise. We have to be skeptical of Trump because while he lies about most things, when it comes to donating money, the man is a miser.

First off, during his birther campaign, he promised to award $5 million to anyone who would produce Obama’s birth certificate. Of course, he didn’t pay up when Obama finally did release his birth certificate. Offering $1 million to disaster victims, 80% less (I think. I draw, I don’t do math) than what he offered for the birth certificate, shows that Trump puts a higher value on his racism than on hurricane victims. He would rather spend his money on evil than good.

Trump’s defenders will argue that he’s generous not just for this donation, but that he’s not taking a salary while serving as president. If we were to pay Trump his actual worth for the job he’s doing as president then the man owes us money. Also, his vacations and weekly trips to his golf resorts are costing us a hell of a lot more than his salary. If he really wanted to help the victims of Harvey then he would nix his plan of cutting $876 million from FEMA’s disaster relief account, $200 million from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration programs that help coastal states brace for future storms, and a $2.6 billion cut to the Environmental Protection Agency, among others. He could also help out the Secret Service by not charging them rent and for lodgings while they’re protecting him and his crooked offspring.

Even if Trump does donate a million bucks, the victims and the entire nation would be better served by fully funding the programs that can actually help. But again, that’s a big “if” he actually donates his own money.

Trump likes to make donations from his foundation, The Trump Foundation. But, that’s not his money. Trump has not donated to his foundation since 2008, and The Washington Post can only identify $3.9 million in charitable donations since 2001 from Trump’s own pocket. In contrast, Bill and Hillary Clinton have donated over $23 million of their own money between 2001 and 2015.

Trump brags about his charitable giving when it’s almost always coming from the Trump Foundation, which again, is not his money. It’s from other donors. On top of that, Trump has used the foundation to settle legal bills for his businesses, donate to a political candidate in Florida who was considering investigating Trump University and to buy gifts for himself, like portraits of Trump. I really hope he doesn’t send a million bucks worth of paintings of himself to the Harvey victims. They have enough shit to deal with.

During the campaign, Trump skipped a debate while having a tantrum, and held a fundraiser for veterans instead. He only paid up after the press questioned him about it…repeatedly.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who has taken over from Sean Spicer as Trump’s official liar and his own personal Baghdad Bob, bragged about the donation, but couldn’t answer when asked if it would come from Trump or the foundation. Where do you think the money would come from if it ever came, if the “fake news” media wasn’t asking about it?

On top of all that, one million out of Trump’s supposed billions is a pittance. It’s a much smaller percentage of his wealth than a ten dollar donation would be coming from you or me.

You can donate to the flood relief and take pride that you’re more generous than Donald Trump…but that would be a very low bar to set for your generosity.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Candy And Nuts And Taylor Swift’s Butt

cjones08202017

Donald Trump does not care if I think he’s a racist. He doesn’t care if you or anyone in the media believes he’s a racist. If a major Republican makes a comment about Trump being a racist, then Trump will probably tweet insults at the guy. But, Donald Trump doesn’t care about us. He has his base…and they’re racist.

That is a major reason why the Trump presidency will only get worse. Trump is only president to his base of sycophants, racists, and Nazi sympathizers and enablers. If Trump left office tomorrow (don’t get excited) to focus on golf and Hope Hicks, he would still go down as one of the worst presidents in U.S. history. It’s only going to get worse.

Our narcissist president couldn’t let his phony condemnation on Monday go as is. It was disingenuous. Everyone who is not a Trump sycophant found it dishonest and felt Trump was forced to issue the condemnation of Nazis. On Tuesday, Trump proved all of us correct. He really sympathizes with racists and equates those fighting for equal and civil rights with Nazis.

Trump’s fellow Republicans are dismayed the man couldn’t condemn Nazis without putting equivocations into it. How could the president not even name the hate groups the first time? So, they all rushed out to condemn Nazis and state how everyone should oppose hate…without any of them mentioning the president’s name.

You don’t get points for condemning Nazis. It doesn’t make you brave and it’s easy. Nobody should be awarded for doing the simple thing. It’s not a profile in courage to condemn racists.

And this is where we are. We have cowards running our government. People are not upset that Donald Trump is a racist. They’re upset that the president of the United States is a racist. While it’s easy to say Nazis suck, Republicans are deathly afraid of the Nazi sympathizer in the White House.

Now we don’t really have a president anymore. We don’t have a leader with moral authority. You give that up when you sympathize with Nazis. You give it up when you compare Civil Rights activists with White Supremacists. You lose it when you equate the victim with her murderer. What we are stuck with is a narcissistic racist man-baby with the power of the presidency.

For the next three and a half years, whenever Trump attempts to give the impression he cares about something other than himself, or he’s trying to do the right thing, it will be disingenuous.

It will be as believable as him condemning people who grab Taylor Swift’s butt.

Creative notes and a plug: I had planned to draw this cartoon yesterday, but then Trump conducted his racist train wreck in the lobby of Trump Tower. I’m glad I drew the “permit” cartoon because, wow! The cartoon has over 800 Facebook shares at this point and this website got nearly 4,000 views yesterday. Go, me. I hope people feel as passionately about Taylor Swift’s butt. I know I do.

Frank proofreads the column for me. He’s a few hours behind me as he’s on the West Coast, so if you ever see a mistake here feel free to point it out. We may not have gotten around to making the corrections yet, or we may have missed it as we’re both stupid guys who are easily distracted by things like celebrity butts and sandwiches.

After finding all my goobs in yesterday’s column, Frank told me I should post a link to a story that mentioned me. So, here it is. The Washington Post gave me a small mention in an article yesterday about another cartoonist. It’s kinda cool because, hey, they thought of me.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Generals And Handbags

cjones08082017

Occasionally I’ll make a sarcastic post on social media, and last week I wrote, “Ivanka Trump is excited to work “alongside” Kelly. I’m sure the GENERAL is excited to be working alongside a mediocre fashion designer.”

I also posted, “If anyone looked at me the way Mike Pence looks at Donald Trump, I’d get a restraining order.” Seriously, the guy has an expression of warm satisfaction as though he just made a boom-boom. But that’s an issue for another day.

My comment about Ivanka got a lot of responses, and it gave me this idea. I usually don’t make a post on social media that I’ll use later for a cartoon, but I thought of the cartoon after I mouthed off.

Maybe we are making too much out of Ivanka’s tweet about working “alongside” the general, but it illustrates just how absurd and ridiculous this administration conducts itself. The people Donald Trump has placed in his administration are ludicrous. The rapper Ludacris couldn’t create a more ludicrous staff than Trump.

During the campaign, I heard people say they would vote for Trump because they were pro-military. Trump often states how much he respects the military. Trump doesn’t respect anything, and his actions prove he doesn’t respect the office he holds. The man insulted a former P.O.W. and Gold Star parents. Placing his inexperienced daughter “alongside” a general is further disrespect. A highly-decorated and accomplished general supposedly shares the same status and access to the president as a fashion designer, or in Ivanka’s case, someone who pilfers designs from other designers and then has the products made by eight-year-old children in China.

President John F. Kennedy practiced nepotism when he made his brother the Attorney General, but at least in that case, you could believe Robert Kennedy could actually do the job. Other than Trump sycophants, who believes Ivanka Trump can shape or even understand policy? We can’t expect her influence to be positive as her silence after Trump’s sexist attack on Mika Brzezinski makes her complicit.

Her husband and Trump’s son-in-law is further nepotism you can’t have any faith in. The “kid” has a larger staff than the Secretary of State. Trump has placed him in charge of finding peace in the Middle East (because he’s Jewish), advising the president, reinventing government (The Office of American Innovation), being a “shadow” diplomat, solving the opioid epidemic, handling diplomacy with Mexico and China, “reimagining” Veteran Affairs, reforming the criminal justice system, and laying out the president’s clothes in the morning.

Our confidence that 36-year-old Jared can accomplish any of the above duties is undermined by his defense of meeting Russians which was, “I’m a novice to politics and I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.” How can the guy be expected to do any of those duties when he’s too busy rewriting his security clearance on a daily basis?

Even Don Jr. is in on the nepotism action, even though he’s supposed to be running the Trump Corporation and separated from what’s going on in the White House.

Everyone’s excited about General John Kelly taking over as Chief of Staff. He’s cleaning house a little by getting rid of Anthony Scaramucci and a few other people that the adults didn’t want on the National Security Council. According to reports, all briefs and information has to go through him before it reaches Trump (maybe no more breaking Breitbart news), he’s shutting the door to the Oval Office so “stragglers” won’t enter to put stupid ideas into the president’s head (though he’s capable of doing that on his own), he’s cutting off people in mid-sentence when they’re rambling, and more importantly, everyone has to go through him before meeting with the president, even Ivanka and Jared. I don’t buy that last one. Where will the General be at 8:37 PM when little princess goes up to see daddy? Can the General get Trump to stop watching Fox And Friends?

Kelly has brought structure and discipline to the Oval Office. Trump has never practiced structure, discipline, or sense in his professional or private life. He’s going to hate it and Kelly won’t last beyond six months. Besides, how much structure is he really bringing with the ilk of Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller, and Kellyanne Conway still hanging about?

You can’t shine a turd. Kelly would have more success in getting “presidential” out of a nutless monkey than he will from Donald Trump.

Creative notes: I was supposedly taking yesterday off, but I drew a cartoon in the morning. This cartoon is kind of a bonus cartoon, because I’m drawing another tonight. While I wanted to do this, I think there are a few more pressing issues I want to cover. I haven’t decided which one yet (so much fuckery).  I’m hoping between now and drawing tonight that I eat something and take a nap.

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