MAGA

First 100

cjones04262017

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about the first one hundred days of the administration of Donald Trump is that….OH GOD!!! IT’S ONLY BEEN ONE HUNDRED DAYS!!! OH THE HORROR!!!! SOMEONE HOLD ME!!!!

No no no. It’s all right. We’ll be OK. Well, actually no. Most of us will probably die from radiation fallout and those who remain will battle between themselves for scraps of possum meat in the Thunder Dome.

Every president’s immediate impact is judged by what they have accomplished within their first 100 days. Trump was a big proponent of this and near the end of the presidential campaign he issued a “Contract with the American Voter” which promised he would introduce and “fight for” 10 specific pieces of legislation in his first 100 days.

Among those initiatives were bills to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act, dramatically cut taxes, spur $1 trillion in infrastructure investments and significantly expand school choice. The only legislative item introduced was a bill to repeal and replace Obamacare, and it didn’t even get a vote.

While Trump and his team boast about the confirmation of Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court, even that measure took significant manipulation as the Republicans had to steal the nomination from President Obama and changed the rules of the Senate so fewer votes were required to hijack the seat. Still, that’s not a legislative accomplishment.

Now Trump thinks it’s ridiculous to gauge him by his first 100 days. That means even he knows he hasn’t accomplished squat. He’s in a race with time to have an accomplishment before the 100-day marker which is next week. He wants to push another bill to replace Obamacare, but health care needs to be taken a little more seriously than a rush job designed to soothe a fragile ego.

The Obama administration worked nearly a year on the Affordable Healthcare Act before moving it through Congress. The Trump team attempted it within their first two months and it fell flat (despite the GOP having seven years to put something together other than repeals and lies about death panels). Now Trump plans to shove something through by next week? If they’re taking bets on that in Vegas, I’m in.

He also wants to push through a tax cut which he says will be the biggest tax cut ever. He also said his inauguration crowd and electoral victory were the largest ever. Since everything he claims as “yuge” turns out to be tiny, small, and shriveled, keep in mind he also bragged about the size of his penis.

What we’ve had has been 100 days of chaos. Very few presidents recover after having a lousy start. Ask William Henry Harrison. If we’re to use the first 100 days as an indicator of what to expect, we’re going to have four years of chaos.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

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It’s Always In The Last Place You Look

cjones04222017

Have you checked your pockets and couch cushions? Maybe it’s off the Korean peninsula or the Indian Ocean. Check the Sunda Strait off the coast of Indonesia. Perhaps it’s in Fulton County.

Donald Trump is boasting that he’s done more in his first 90 days as president than any other American president has before him. He might have a point as I can’t think of any other who nearly got us into a nuclear confrontation and lost track of an aircraft carrier in that time frame.

Criticize Obama all you want about not acting on his “red line” threat with Syria, but at least he didn’t attempt to intimidate a rogue regime with an “armada” and then send it in the wrong direction. Trump has already confused Iraq for Syria. Maybe he confused North Korea with Australia. At least he still has Mike Pence’s steely gaze while wearing that leather bomber jacket to let them know he means business. Hope there’s no gay people in North Korea.

While that fleet was tooling around the wrong ocean Trump was bullying children at the White House Easter egg roll. A kid asked him to sign his “Make America Great Again” cap, and perhaps thinking he was doing the kid a favor, tossed it into the crowd after signing it. I hope Kim Jong-un was paying attention. Later he couldn’t find his heart. Melania, visiting from NYC, had to inform him where it was so he could put his hand over it during the singing of the national anthem.

One person who may not want to sport a MAGA hat is Karen Handel, the Republican who will be facing Democrat Jon Ossoff in a runoff for Georgia’s 6th District Congressional seat. Republican Bob Gray fancied himself the Trump guy but he only scored 10% of the vote in Tuesday’s special election. Ms. Handel won 19% and that still pales in comparison to Ossoff, who led the voting with 48%. Out of the eighteen candidates running for the seat vacated by Tom Price, who bailed to become Trump’s Health and Human Services secretary, twelve were Republicans. The GOP will rally around Handel to retain the seat for their party though all the GOP candidate’s combined vote total doesn’t match or beat Ossoff’s total. As Scooby would say, “ruh roh.”

The Sixth has been in Republican hands for over 30 years. Newt Gingrich used to hold it. Trump barely won the district last November and he may lose it for his party now. Republicans recently barely retained a seat in Kansas and almost lost it to the Democrats because of Trump. Kansas! Did I mention that other seat was in Kansas? The same Kansas where they outlawed science had people voting for a Democrat. Before you know it they’ll start reading books. Kansas!

Trump’s going to lose a lot for the Republican party. They’ve already lost their credibility and dignity. My biggest concern is what Trump will lose for the rest of us. I’m fine with him losing MAGA hats.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Best Marshmallow Ever

cjones04182017

Did you know that North Korea has an official Twitter account in English? It’s really difficult to understand. It’s like following Donald Trump’s Twitter.

North Korea celebrated the birth of its founding ruler yesterday, or today. I’m not sure anymore since they changed their time zone from what is internationally recognized. Insanity isn’t just setting your country years behind the rest of the world, it’s setting your clocks back thirty minutes. And you thought Daylight Savings Time was annoying.

Not only is North Korea behind South Korea by thirty minutes, their “Juche” calendar doesn’t recognize time before 1912, the year of the birth of Kim II-sung, the founding leader. So 2017 in North Korea is year Juche 106. Now you know more about North Korea than our president.

While you’re thinking that they’re really nuts with their Dear Leader, crazy times, silly years, massive parades with missiles overcompensating, and you DO NOT want to try the Koryo burger, but keep in mind that’s exactly the type of parade our Duh Leader wanted on inauguration day.

During our election campaign right wing wackos were spreading fear of war between the U.S. and Russia if Hillary Clinton was elected. Those fears were brought up again after Trump launched missiles into Syria. I’ve also seen articles recently about a possible war with China. I’m not worried about either of those hypothetical situations.

North Korea is scary. They’ve been scary for years. What amazes me is that our president scares me more. Trump is launching missiles, dropping huge bombs on caves, and sending what he called an “armada” of ships to the Korean peninsula while tweeting that the DPRK is “looking for trouble.”

This is kinda like high school when the two toughest kids wanted to fight. But in this case it’s the two dumbest kids. Trump seems to enjoy dropping bombs and they sure seem to distract us from his connections with Russia. His son, Junior, likes it too as the spoiled trust fund baby who never enlisted was cheering Daddy Duhbucks on from Twitter.

North Korea believes any strike against them will be meant to topple their government. How does America go to war with North Korea without starting a war? It’s complicated.

What inspired this cartoon wasn’t just stupid Republicans praising Trump for his war mongering, but also many in the media and the left. MSNBC’s Brian Williams described the missiles flying toward Syria as beautiful. Nice job on joining the complicit, Brian.

As President Tiny Penis leads us to Armageddon, I think about everyone who voted for him.

Thanks a lot, fuckers.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

TrumpCare

cjones03092017

“TrumpCare” is an oxymoron. Trump, who was surprised healthcare could “be so complicated,” doesn’t care. That’s not entirely true as there are things Trump does care about.

Trump cares about crowd sizes. He cares about how many times he’s been on the cover of Time Magazine. He cares about what Rosie O’Donnell says about him. He cares about TV ratings. He cares about insults tweeted at him. He cares about being called “Putin’s Puppet.” He cares about Saturday Night Live, Alec Baldwin, and Broadway plays that insult his vice president, what’s-his-name.” He cares about whether girls are flat-chested or not. He cares that Jeff Sessions recused himself. He cares about people saying he has tiny hands implying he has an itty bitty teeny weeny tiny orange penis. He does not care about your health.

One of the dumbest things about so many people voting for Trump (out of the long list of dumb reasons) is that many voted to get rid of Obamacare based upon Trump’s promise to replace it with “something better.”

It’s like that game show where the contestant wins a prize but they can exchange it for something unknown behind another door. But what happens if you don’t like that car because it has a few problems and it was built by a black guy and you’ll settle for anything other than that car? You can end up riding home on a goat.

People voted for Trump to get rid of Obamacare while not having the slightest idea what Trump was offering. Don’t feel too bad because Trump didn’t know what he was offering either. He just assured us it was going to be “something better.” Congress didn’t have any idea. They spent so much time over the past seven years attempting to repeal Obamacare that they never did come up with a plan to replace it.

“Something better” has turned out to be dead on arrival. Not only are a lot of Trump voters upset with “TrumpCare” but so are a lot of Republicans in the House and Senate.

What’s wrong with TrumpCare, you ask? First off it says employers no longer have to offer health care. So if you’re unhappy with the cost of healthcare, don’t worry. Soon you may not have any insurance.

Another detail is that you’re not required to purchase healthcare which means young people won’t purchase it because they’re all invincible and that will drive up costs.

It gives tax credits based upon income and age which will really benefit rich people. Lower income folks? Not so much.

It eliminates the funding for Medicaid expansion. It allows insurers to impose a 30 per cent surcharge on premiums for any lapses in coverage. It aims to strip funding for Planned Parenthood. However, it does repeal a tax on indoor tanning beds (what a Trump highlight). That tax break will come in handy when you have to pay health costs for skin cancer.

The plan is so bad that the nation’s leading hospital and doctor groups are opposing it. The AARP is against it and that’s one voting block you don’t piss off. Old people vote. That makes the bill dead on arrival. I’ve seen old people come to near riots at grocery stores that were out of bananas.

Obamacare is actually titled the “Affordable Care Act.” Republicans started referring to it as “Obamacare” to scare voters. Those type of people didn’t want anything to do with something named after that Muslim, Kenyan-born, terrorist president. In fact, after the election many Trump voters said they didn’t care if Obamacare was eliminated because they had the ACA, the Affordable Care Act. Obama eventually started referring to the plan as “Obamacare” himself. He embraced it.

Trump doesn’t want this new bill, titled “the American Health Care Act,” to be referred to as “TrumpCare.” Donald Trump has been willing to put his name on anything. Hotels, golf courses, steaks, water, modeling agencies, cheap ties, a bicycle race (the Tour de Trump), a scam university, a board game, wine he doesn’t drink, and fragrances. You too can smell like Donald Trump. Get the fragrance and that tanning bed and you’re in business. Add an ugly tie and a bad reality show and you’ll really pick up the chicks.

Trump doesn’t want his name on this new health plan. That’s probably smart because most things with his name on it are doomed to fail, like his hair.

He’s not alone in not wanting his name on it. A lot of people don’t want their names linked up to the new health plan.

So when you retweet this cartoon or share on Facebook, be sure to use the hashtag #TrumpCare.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Enemy Of The State

cjones02202017

Donald Trump tweeted that the media is an enemy of the American people.

Every president has despised the press at some point, if not constantly. For being such a supposed liberal institution you would think Democratic presidents like Clinton and Obama would love the press, but no. They hated the press too.

Trump doesn’t just hate the press. He needs to frame them as the bad guys. Republicans have always done that but stating they’re an enemy to the nation, as if they’re not better than al Qaida, is irresponsible and reckless.

A free nation requires a free press. The limitations on the press tells you a government isn’t free, like Iran, Saudi Arabia, China, and North Korea. Journalists worldwide are imprisoned and murdered for doing the job of providing information to a nation’s citizens.

The press makes mistakes. The press has freedom to make mistakes and those responsible will correct them. You’re allowed to be angry with the press. That doesn’t make you a bad person. People in the press get mad at the press. However, the press does not have a liberal bias. Facts have a liberal bias.

Donald Trump doesn’t like the press because they report facts. Donald Trump doesn’t tell facts. Donald Trump tells lies and everyone in his administration is a liar. They don’t like people who point that out. Trump would prefer that he create lies such as a terrorist attack in Sweden and have everyone accept whatever bullshit coming out of his mouth as irrefutable facts.

Their model is to tell lies and then tell their supporters that those telling the truth aren’t just the opposition or bad guys, but enemies to the entire nation. That sounds like something from an Orwell novel.

Trump supporters don’t read Orwell, history books, or read anything much at all. As insane as Trump’s comments and strategy may be, his supporters eat it up. They are on Team Trump for the long haul.

How dare Donald Trump tell lies and paint those who point it out as villains. The man is a bully. Telling American that a free press is their enemy is a strongman tactic. It’s not the tactic of a president who intends to be a leader of free people. When you lose a free press, you start to lose freedom.

In the 1950s a United States senator from Wisconsin, Joe McCarthy, held hearings to expose communists in our nation, specifically in the entertainment industry. He had a lot of supporters. It was their way to deal with criticism. It ignored our Constitution and overlooked the fact (there’s that word again) that you’re free to be a commie in America. Most of those accused were not communists. It ruined lives. It spawned the term “McCarthyism” which means to demagogue. That’s exactly what Trump is doing.

Donald Trump would rather paint his critics as terrorists than use a strategy of winning with the truth. Lies are easier for Trump and to be honest, they’re working with his base.

Any conservative journalist who agrees with Donald Trump, or defends his statement, isn’t just an enemy of a free press. You, like Trump, are an enemy of America. And that’s a fact.

Update: After a crazy week and a crazier weekend I’m all good. For the most part. Saturday morning my internet was fritzing out so I published my cartoon using the WiFi at Sheetz. I must work OK under pressure as that cartoon will be in USA Today this Monday (right now. Go buy one).

I was really getting frustrated with internet this weekend. It went out at home. I go to Sheetz on Saturday morning and the WiFi works but it’s really slow. That sucks when you have to upload four files. I moved to a new home Sunday night. I don’t have a desk at my new home and I can’t draw on my lap or sitting up in bed. So I went out last night to an establishment where I could place my drawing platform on a table. Yeah, their internet worked with everything but the device I used to draw the cartoon. I couldn’t upload it.

I was a day behind posting to GoComics which I felt really bad about. I’m very consistent with them. I also wanted to publish my latest cartoon for The Costa Rica Star. So I return to my new digs where I’ll spend my very first night. But first, I want to upload files and publish. I can write and size files while sitting up in bed. The WiFi provided…I was given the wrong password. I finally received the correct one around 5:00 AM.

I want one normal day. Please. Let things run smooth tomorrow. Let me work. Let me have WiFi. Let me not have drug dealers knocking on my window at 2:00 AM. Let me remain unstabbed. Is that too much to ask?

Four things I did do successfully yesterday. I drew a cartoon. I moved to a new home. I helped a friend change a flat tire. Finally, I restrung the string through the hood of a hoodie. That, my friends, is a serious accomplishment.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Fine-Tuned Chaos

cjones02182017

Yesterday was a WTF moment for the entire nation. Maybe not for Trump’s more ardent supporters as they wanted the madman from the campaign trail to be president. But this nation can’t afford candidate madman to be president. We need a president.

I’m not just talking about a president who acts presidential. I want a president who is at the very least coherent and stable. At this point it’s not that we need a conservative or liberal government. We need a functioning government. Republicans love to say that government doesn’t work. Donald Trump is working really hard to prove them right.

After the press conference it was reported that vice admiral Robert Hayward was offered the job to replace Michael Flynn as national security adviser, and he turned Trump down. A friend of Hayward’s said he was unwilling to take the job and said it was a “shit sandwich.” Filling this administration with competent people is like finding a head coach for the San Francisco 49ers. Nobody rational wants that job.

Highlights of the press conference:

He complained that the press doesn’t tell the truth. He said the leaks are real but the news is fake. He continued to lie about his electoral victory being the largest since Ronald Reagan. When pressed on this he said it’s what others are telling him. Like the guy can’t Google the information.

He continued to defend Michael Flynn and said he didn’t do anything wrong other than lying to the vice president.

He claimed drugs are as cheap at candy bars.

He claimed he’s the least anti-semitic person you’ll ever see, and the least racist. He took personal offense when a reporter asked him about anti-semitism since his victory and accused the reporter of lying. He claimed the anti-semitism is coming from his opponents disguised as his supporters.

He said if he doesn’t get along with Russia then we could have a nuclear holocaust. He knows this because he gets briefings which tells him Russia has nuclear weapons. He also said he’d love to shoot a Russian spy ship off the east coast out of the water, but that wouldn’t be a good thing.

When asked by a black reporter about meeting with the CBC (Congressional Black Caucus) he didn’t seem to know what “CBC” was. He then asked the reporter if she knew them, as if every black person knows every other black person. He said she can set the meeting up, as if that’s a reporter’s job and he doesn’t have a phone. He’s probably too busy using it to call Putin and sending tweets.

He said Congressman Elijah Cummings was to meet with him but cancelled, probably due to pressure from Chuck Schumer. Cummings later stated that they’ve never had a meeting scheduled and that he’d love to meet with the president. Which of the two do you believe?

He explained what Uranium is.

He continued to attack Hillary Clinton and said he inherited a mess.

He said the Muslim ban had a smooth rollout.

He didn’t deny his staff had been in contact with Russia before the election, but said he doesn’t know of anyone who had.

He said there’s no chaos in his White House and it’s running like a fine-tuned machine.

Trump created more scandals this week by Wednesday than Obama did in eights years. He raised the bar even higher on Thursday.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Fee Fi Faux

cjones02172017

Are you tired of winning yet? Are you impressed by how Trump has hired the best people?

This week the Trump campaign has had more scandals than Obama had in his entire eight years. And that was by Wednesday.

His national security adviser, Michael Flynn, had to resign over chatting to Russia about sanctions before Trump came into office. Trump fired the woman who warned him that Flynn was a potential target for blackmail. Trump kept Flynn on staff for over two weeks, despite lying to the vice president, who went out and defended him on national television. Trumps response to all this is to blame the press for doing their jobs and the intelligence agencies for leaks.

Counselor Kellyanne Conway pimped his daughter’s products on Fox News, which is a huge ethical violation. She’s been running a propaganda campaign based on lies from crowd sizes to terrorists attacks that never happened. A few media outlets won’t allow her on their shows anymore, including Morning Joe which has been very favorable to Trump. That’s like pissing off Breitbart, who by the way, is also at odds with the White House right now over something or other. I’m not really sure as I don’t want to click onto their site. Ugh.

Trump held a press conference with Israel’s prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, where Trump made it clear he has no firm position on the two-state solution, or really any knowledge on the Israeli-Palestinian situation. It’s in the Middle East, right? Jews and Arabs? Done researching!

During the press conference he only took questions from conservative outlets, like the bible channel (not their real name).

After North Korea launched a new missile test Trump held a national security meeting during a dinner at his golf club in full view of guests and waiters. I heard the head chef had some really good ideas on security for South Korea. One lucky individual got to pose for a photo holding the nuclear football (that one really happened).

According to some reports our intelligence agencies are withholding some classified information from Trump out of fear he’ll expose it, either on purpose or inadvertently. He might accidentally tweet it out like Sean Spicer did with his passwords (it’s “spicyhot4u” by the way).

Before his dinner at Mar-a-Lago he had a photo op with the prime minister of Japan and at one point Shinzo Abe rolled his eyes after their handshake, which lasted 19 seconds.

Trump, thought “Shinzo” was Abe’s last name. Sean Spicer called Justin Trudeau, the prime minister of Canada, “Joe” Trudeau. The Trump team has called the prime minister of Australia the president of Australia, and the president of Colombia the president of “Columbia.”  British Prime Minister Theresa May has been referred to as “Teresa.” His new secretary of education proved she can’t spell. These guys apparently haven’t heard of spell check. All of this is very “unpresidented.”

On Wednesday Trump’s nominee as labor security withdrew after a tape finally surfaced of his ex wife accusing him of physical abuse on the Oprah Winfrey Show in 1990. You go, girl.

Trump has ICE rounding up people in the nation illegally and ripping families apart. His ban on Muslims was knocked down by the courts. Trump’s trying to prevent brown people from entering the country and kicking out the ones who are here.

Foreign creditors are less willing to purchase U.S. debt. Nobody wants any of this. Apparently our stock is about as valuable as Blockbuster.

Presidential adviser Stephen Miller said the president’s power won’t be questioned. That should make you feel warm all over like a nice golden shower.

There are reports Trump won’t read any briefings unless they’re limited to a single page with lots of colorful graphics and delivered in the form of a pop-up book (darn it. Someone’s gonna steal that for a cartoon).

On top of all that Trump went to war with Nordstroms for dropping his daughter’s fashion line, the same one Conway hawked.

I’m pretty sure I’m leaving something out. Go ahead and put it in the comments.

Again, it’s only Thursday.

Creative notes: This cartoon may only work in color. Hopefully it won’t give my clients another reason to be frustrated with me. A few want me to do something other than Trump. They’re not wrong. I’ve done a lot on Trump and he won’t stop doing things. I’d like to do a cartoon on a different subject. Stay tooned for that.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!