MAGA

Trump Takes A Dump


cjones08052017

Yesterday I tweeted, “it’s going to be a very racist day at the White House,”  and that was before I knew Stephen Miller was going to speak.

Wednesday, the Trump administration rolled out a plan to sue colleges they’re accusing to have discriminated against white people with affirmative action programs and a new immigration plan that will give preference to those who speak English before entering the country. The immigration plan puts a strong emphasis on job skills. It doesn’t do anything to thwart illegal immigration. It’s basically a racist wolf whistle. The day was full of wolf whistles.

The thing is, Trump doesn’t really need these efforts to succeed or become law. He just needs to push them as that will give red meat to his ever-decreasing base which consists of racists and xenophobic people. A new poll shows that Trump’s approval is rotting at 33% while 61% says he’s doing a crappy job and 60% says he’s a big fat liar emitting lies from the big fat lying hole in his face. I might have worded that a little differently. But, it’s pretty bad when a strong majority of the nation believes you’re full of shit. Fifty-four percent say they are embarrassed that he’s president. We should all be embarrassed.

Trump had assistance in announcing the new immigration policy with help from two Southern white senators named Tom Cotton and David Perdue. Seriously. And, who better to sell a brand new ultra-racist immigration party than your pet white-nationalist xenophobe, Stephen Miller? Having Miller sell this policy proves they’re not serious and they just want to cater to the Breitbart crowd.

The racist Stephen Miller is not to be confused with the cool Steve Miller who wrote “The Joker” who will now officially change his name to “Maurice.” While the musician Miller is a “lover, and a sinner, a picker, and a grinner,” the racist Miller is a “hater, a faker, a bullshit taker.”

Baby Goebbels presented Trump’s plan and masked his inability to answer serious questions by throwing gutter balls at the press.

CNN’s Jim Acosta asked, “The Statue of Liberty says ‘give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.’ It doesn’t say anything about speaking English or being able to be a computer programmer. Aren’t you trying to change what it means to be an immigrant coming into this country if you’re telling them you have to speak English? Can’t people learn how to speak English when they get here?”

From there, Miller went into a fake tirade with, “I don’t want to get off into a whole thing about history here, but the Statue of Liberty is a symbol of liberty enlightening the world; it’s a symbol of American liberty lighting the world. The poem that you’re referring to that was added later and is not part of the original Statue of Liberty.” Since the poem was added later that means it’s “not” a part of the Statue of Liberty? That’s like saying Brian Johnson isn’t a part of AC/DC because he was added after original singer Bon Scott gagged on his puke in a car. With that logic, we should get rid of the 13th Amendment which prohibits slavery, since it’s not the 1st Amendment. Conservatives suck at comprehension.

When Acosta asked Miller if this new English-speakers-only policy would limit entry to just immigrants from Great Britain and Australia (where they sort of speak English), Miller wolf-whistled at fellow racists by accusing Acosta of “cosmopolitan bias.” What the hell does that mean? Acosta knows how to lose a guy in ten days?

Miller said, “Jim, I have to honestly say, I am shocked at your statement that you think that only people form Great Britain and Australia would know English. “It’s actually — it reveals your cosmopolitan bias to a shocking degree that in your mind — no, this is an amazing moment, this is an amazing moment — that you think only people from Great Britain or Australia would speak English is so insulting to millions of hard-working immigrants from all over the world.” I think that actually shows Miller’s bias toward English, like saying someone can’t speak the white people language is an insult. I’m sure his defense of English speakers went over YUGE with the BIGLY crowd.

Miller characterized Acosta’s comments as, “one of the most outrageous, insulting, ignorant, and foolish things you’ve ever said.” This is why they don’t usually call on Acosta at press conferences. They can’t handle his pointed questions, and they totally freak out. A member of the administration explained official policy by calling a member of the press “ignorant.”

Miller was hailed by America for taking down and putting Jim Acosta in his place. Not really. Conservative assholes on Facebook hailed Miller and got new tattoos of his ridiculous-looking face inked on their asses. Ann Coulter even said that Miller should be “cloned and appointed to every cabinet position”. Seriously, Ann. You don’t need to clone Miller to put dumb-ass racists in the cabinet. That mission’s already been accomplished. But it is nice that racists with horse faces stick together.

I didn’t want to draw a cartoon just on the report that Trump told a bunch of golfers that the White House is a dump. Maybe he didn’t actually make that remark, but this is a man who hasn’t earned the benefit of doubt. However, whether he said it or not I do have creative license, and satire is protected in this nation. So, I wanted to show how Trump treats it like a dump. It’s not just the White House structure devoid of gold-plated toilet seats designed to cradle old-craggedly-orange asses that Trump has treated like a dump, it’s the entire presidency. This is a man who isn’t humble enough to take his position seriously and lacks the ability to appreciate what the citizens of this nation have given him. When he uses the bully pulpit to spread lies for his personal gains, vendettas, and to soothe his fragile ego, he’s taking a dump on the presidency and the trust we placed upon him.

Donald Trump wants to roll back all the progress this nation made with President Obama. But, with racist, xenophobic, nationalist, and stupid actions like these, he’s going to take us back to the Andrew Jackson administration.

Instead of Old Hickory, we’re stuck with Old Dickory.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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The Dictator


cjones08032017

The Trump administration will throw any bone out there to make their case that the Russian Colluding story is “fake news.” They’re so desperate that they’ll trample on a man’s grave to push the narrative. If only there was an unethical news organization to help with….oh yeah…Fox News.

Seth Rich was murdered in Washington, D.C. in July 2016 in what police describe as a botched robbery attempt. That’s all conspiracy-lovin’ right-wing douchebags needed to make the case that Putin didn’t help Trump win the election. Fox News and others (the type who spread the story that Hillary Clinton was running a child-sex-slave ring in a D.C. pizza joint) ate it up. Eventually, Fox News had to discredit and retract the story (except for Sean Hannity who said he’d just stop talking about it).

Now there’s a lawsuit filed by a private detective hired to investigate the murder alleging that Fox News worked with White House officials to push the case to undermine allegations of Russian collusion with Trump’s presidential campaign. Rich worked for the DNC, and the debunked conspiracy is that he, not Russia, leaked all the emails to WikiLeaks and that Democrats had him killed.

Fox News used quotes from Rod Wheeler, the detective, that he claims he never said. He even has recordings with the Trump supporter, Ed Butkowsky who paid him to investigate, where Butowsky acknowledges the quotes are fake. Butowsky is a frequent guest on Fox business programs.

Wheeler and Butkowsky met with Sean Spicer during the investigation which Spicer has confirmed, though last May he said he didn’t know anything about the story (Spicer is now selling Trump bullshit pro bono). Butowsky messaged Wheeler before their meeting with Spicer, “We have the full attention of the White House on this.” Butowsky also claimed in emails to Wheeler that he was keeping the president informed, and that Trump really wanted the story published. On Tuesday night, Butowsky went on CNN to yell at Chris Cuomo and defended his statements as “jokes.” Republicans really gotta work on their humor because Butowsky’s jokes are about as funny as jokes that cops should practice police brutality and “if Russia is listening, they should release Clinton’s emails.”

I’m sure the odds of Fox News colluding with the White House is total bunk, and we could get a statement from Sean Hannity assuring us it’s just crazy talk, or “fake news.” Except, Sean is probably too busy having a secret dinner with Trump in the White House. Whatever do they talk about over the meatloaf?

Of course, the White House is denying this just like they denied that Trump Jr., Jared, and Manafort met with a Russian lawyer who promised dirt on Hillary Clinton. Maybe another example is the one they served up yesterday where Trump’s lawyer, Jay Sekulow denied that Donald Trump wrote Jr’s initial statement that the meeting was only about Russian adoptions….only to have the White House confirm Trump was involved in creating the statement. Presidenting is really hard when you gotta keep creating diversions for your children and other henchmen over all the shady shitty shit they keep doing. Why can’t a wannabe dictator get good help?

The White House explained it as a father taking interest in his son’s endeavors. Now it is good news that Trump is finally interested in helping to raise his 39-year-old son, though to be fair, he was always interested in Ivanka and Tiffany’s “developments.” Still, it does warm my heart to see Junior groomed to take over the evil family business, much like Dr. Evil groomed Scott Evil.

Of course, there’s really no indication that Trump would care about debunking the Russia Collusion story by blaming Democrats….other than his daily tweets, statements, casual remarks to whoever’s passing by about it.

Sean Hannity, the president’s dining partner, likes to argue that he is not a journalist. OK then, no argument. But, it’s peculiar that someone who makes that claim has a prime-time slot on a news channel to talk about news.

Creative note: I wrote this entire blog with a kitten in my lap. It’s really warm.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Kollege Is Shtoopid


cjones07152017

Shortly after the invasion of Iraq, Vice-President Dick Cheney was asked about opinion polls reflecting that a majority of Republicans believed Iraq was behind 9/11. Cheney said he could understand why people believe that, but he wouldn’t state that Iraq didn’t have any involvement with that terrorist attack. Why not? It’s because his agenda fed off of an ignorant base. Basically, stupid people.

Part of Russia’s meddling in our election to plant a dumbass in the White House required them to spread bogus stories all over the internet, which was shared like wildfire by trolls on social media. It helped that the audience they were targeting were Republicans because that meant the stories couldn’t be too stupid.

They spread bogus stories like the Pope and Denzel Washington had endorsed Trump, Hillary Clinton was a criminal suffering from serious health issues, there would be violence if Clinton won, election rigging, fake ballots in Clinton’s basement, and that Clinton was running a child-sex trafficking ring out the basement of a pizza shop that didn’t have a basement.

When it came to sharing the fake stories, Republicans were useful idiots. Some members of the Trump campaign even shared the fake stories, including Trump himself.

Today, a majority of Republicans believe millions voted illegally for Clinton and that Trump won the popular vote. They probably still believe Obama was born in Kenya. These are the people who put an idiotic, crooked narcissist in the White House.

Conservatives love to whine how the press has a liberal bias. I’m asked occasionally “why are you so liberal?”. My views are liberal because I base them on facts. The press has a bias for facts and the truth is biased toward liberalism. Climate change is real, Hillary won the popular vote, there were not millions of illegal votes cast, Trump did not have the biggest inauguration crowd ever, and Obama did not have Trump Tower wiretapped. Sorry, conservatives. Facts hurt.

Facts hurt so much that Republicans have to make shit up about their opponents like Obama was invading Texas, or that more Americans are uninsured since Obamacare was implemented. If you watch Fox News, read Breitbart, the Daily Wire, Daily Caller, or InfoWars, you will be fed a lot of lies. That’s because facts don’t work for a conservative audience.

A new Pew Research Center poll released Monday revealed that a majority of Republicans think that colleges have a negative impact on the country. Fifty-eight percent of Republicans now say that colleges “are having a negative effect on the way things are going in the country.” That kinda adds up since Democrats capture the majority of college educated voters.

Cost is not the biggest reason Republicans oppose free college education for everyone. If voters are educated, that’s bad for the GOP. The fact that Donald Trump is actually the freaking president of the United States of America is all the proof you need that this is true. Smart people didn’t put Trump in the White House.

My advice is: Read newspapers. Knowing things is good.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

First 100


cjones04262017

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about the first one hundred days of the administration of Donald Trump is that….OH GOD!!! IT’S ONLY BEEN ONE HUNDRED DAYS!!! OH THE HORROR!!!! SOMEONE HOLD ME!!!!

No no no. It’s all right. We’ll be OK. Well, actually no. Most of us will probably die from radiation fallout and those who remain will battle between themselves for scraps of possum meat in the Thunder Dome.

Every president’s immediate impact is judged by what they have accomplished within their first 100 days. Trump was a big proponent of this and near the end of the presidential campaign he issued a “Contract with the American Voter” which promised he would introduce and “fight for” 10 specific pieces of legislation in his first 100 days.

Among those initiatives were bills to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act, dramatically cut taxes, spur $1 trillion in infrastructure investments and significantly expand school choice. The only legislative item introduced was a bill to repeal and replace Obamacare, and it didn’t even get a vote.

While Trump and his team boast about the confirmation of Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court, even that measure took significant manipulation as the Republicans had to steal the nomination from President Obama and changed the rules of the Senate so fewer votes were required to hijack the seat. Still, that’s not a legislative accomplishment.

Now Trump thinks it’s ridiculous to gauge him by his first 100 days. That means even he knows he hasn’t accomplished squat. He’s in a race with time to have an accomplishment before the 100-day marker which is next week. He wants to push another bill to replace Obamacare, but health care needs to be taken a little more seriously than a rush job designed to soothe a fragile ego.

The Obama administration worked nearly a year on the Affordable Healthcare Act before moving it through Congress. The Trump team attempted it within their first two months and it fell flat (despite the GOP having seven years to put something together other than repeals and lies about death panels). Now Trump plans to shove something through by next week? If they’re taking bets on that in Vegas, I’m in.

He also wants to push through a tax cut which he says will be the biggest tax cut ever. He also said his inauguration crowd and electoral victory were the largest ever. Since everything he claims as “yuge” turns out to be tiny, small, and shriveled, keep in mind he also bragged about the size of his penis.

What we’ve had has been 100 days of chaos. Very few presidents recover after having a lousy start. Ask William Henry Harrison. If we’re to use the first 100 days as an indicator of what to expect, we’re going to have four years of chaos.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

It’s Always In The Last Place You Look


cjones04222017

Have you checked your pockets and couch cushions? Maybe it’s off the Korean peninsula or the Indian Ocean. Check the Sunda Strait off the coast of Indonesia. Perhaps it’s in Fulton County.

Donald Trump is boasting that he’s done more in his first 90 days as president than any other American president has before him. He might have a point as I can’t think of any other who nearly got us into a nuclear confrontation and lost track of an aircraft carrier in that time frame.

Criticize Obama all you want about not acting on his “red line” threat with Syria, but at least he didn’t attempt to intimidate a rogue regime with an “armada” and then send it in the wrong direction. Trump has already confused Iraq for Syria. Maybe he confused North Korea with Australia. At least he still has Mike Pence’s steely gaze while wearing that leather bomber jacket to let them know he means business. Hope there’s no gay people in North Korea.

While that fleet was tooling around the wrong ocean Trump was bullying children at the White House Easter egg roll. A kid asked him to sign his “Make America Great Again” cap, and perhaps thinking he was doing the kid a favor, tossed it into the crowd after signing it. I hope Kim Jong-un was paying attention. Later he couldn’t find his heart. Melania, visiting from NYC, had to inform him where it was so he could put his hand over it during the singing of the national anthem.

One person who may not want to sport a MAGA hat is Karen Handel, the Republican who will be facing Democrat Jon Ossoff in a runoff for Georgia’s 6th District Congressional seat. Republican Bob Gray fancied himself the Trump guy but he only scored 10% of the vote in Tuesday’s special election. Ms. Handel won 19% and that still pales in comparison to Ossoff, who led the voting with 48%. Out of the eighteen candidates running for the seat vacated by Tom Price, who bailed to become Trump’s Health and Human Services secretary, twelve were Republicans. The GOP will rally around Handel to retain the seat for their party though all the GOP candidate’s combined vote total doesn’t match or beat Ossoff’s total. As Scooby would say, “ruh roh.”

The Sixth has been in Republican hands for over 30 years. Newt Gingrich used to hold it. Trump barely won the district last November and he may lose it for his party now. Republicans recently barely retained a seat in Kansas and almost lost it to the Democrats because of Trump. Kansas! Did I mention that other seat was in Kansas? The same Kansas where they outlawed science had people voting for a Democrat. Before you know it they’ll start reading books. Kansas!

Trump’s going to lose a lot for the Republican party. They’ve already lost their credibility and dignity. My biggest concern is what Trump will lose for the rest of us. I’m fine with him losing MAGA hats.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Best Marshmallow Ever


cjones04182017

Did you know that North Korea has an official Twitter account in English? It’s really difficult to understand. It’s like following Donald Trump’s Twitter.

North Korea celebrated the birth of its founding ruler yesterday, or today. I’m not sure anymore since they changed their time zone from what is internationally recognized. Insanity isn’t just setting your country years behind the rest of the world, it’s setting your clocks back thirty minutes. And you thought Daylight Savings Time was annoying.

Not only is North Korea behind South Korea by thirty minutes, their “Juche” calendar doesn’t recognize time before 1912, the year of the birth of Kim II-sung, the founding leader. So 2017 in North Korea is year Juche 106. Now you know more about North Korea than our president.

While you’re thinking that they’re really nuts with their Dear Leader, crazy times, silly years, massive parades with missiles overcompensating, and you DO NOT want to try the Koryo burger, but keep in mind that’s exactly the type of parade our Duh Leader wanted on inauguration day.

During our election campaign right wing wackos were spreading fear of war between the U.S. and Russia if Hillary Clinton was elected. Those fears were brought up again after Trump launched missiles into Syria. I’ve also seen articles recently about a possible war with China. I’m not worried about either of those hypothetical situations.

North Korea is scary. They’ve been scary for years. What amazes me is that our president scares me more. Trump is launching missiles, dropping huge bombs on caves, and sending what he called an “armada” of ships to the Korean peninsula while tweeting that the DPRK is “looking for trouble.”

This is kinda like high school when the two toughest kids wanted to fight. But in this case it’s the two dumbest kids. Trump seems to enjoy dropping bombs and they sure seem to distract us from his connections with Russia. His son, Junior, likes it too as the spoiled trust fund baby who never enlisted was cheering Daddy Duhbucks on from Twitter.

North Korea believes any strike against them will be meant to topple their government. How does America go to war with North Korea without starting a war? It’s complicated.

What inspired this cartoon wasn’t just stupid Republicans praising Trump for his war mongering, but also many in the media and the left. MSNBC’s Brian Williams described the missiles flying toward Syria as beautiful. Nice job on joining the complicit, Brian.

As President Tiny Penis leads us to Armageddon, I think about everyone who voted for him.

Thanks a lot, fuckers.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

TrumpCare


cjones03092017

“TrumpCare” is an oxymoron. Trump, who was surprised healthcare could “be so complicated,” doesn’t care. That’s not entirely true as there are things Trump does care about.

Trump cares about crowd sizes. He cares about how many times he’s been on the cover of Time Magazine. He cares about what Rosie O’Donnell says about him. He cares about TV ratings. He cares about insults tweeted at him. He cares about being called “Putin’s Puppet.” He cares about Saturday Night Live, Alec Baldwin, and Broadway plays that insult his vice president, what’s-his-name.” He cares about whether girls are flat-chested or not. He cares that Jeff Sessions recused himself. He cares about people saying he has tiny hands implying he has an itty bitty teeny weeny tiny orange penis. He does not care about your health.

One of the dumbest things about so many people voting for Trump (out of the long list of dumb reasons) is that many voted to get rid of Obamacare based upon Trump’s promise to replace it with “something better.”

It’s like that game show where the contestant wins a prize but they can exchange it for something unknown behind another door. But what happens if you don’t like that car because it has a few problems and it was built by a black guy and you’ll settle for anything other than that car? You can end up riding home on a goat.

People voted for Trump to get rid of Obamacare while not having the slightest idea what Trump was offering. Don’t feel too bad because Trump didn’t know what he was offering either. He just assured us it was going to be “something better.” Congress didn’t have any idea. They spent so much time over the past seven years attempting to repeal Obamacare that they never did come up with a plan to replace it.

“Something better” has turned out to be dead on arrival. Not only are a lot of Trump voters upset with “TrumpCare” but so are a lot of Republicans in the House and Senate.

What’s wrong with TrumpCare, you ask? First off it says employers no longer have to offer health care. So if you’re unhappy with the cost of healthcare, don’t worry. Soon you may not have any insurance.

Another detail is that you’re not required to purchase healthcare which means young people won’t purchase it because they’re all invincible and that will drive up costs.

It gives tax credits based upon income and age which will really benefit rich people. Lower income folks? Not so much.

It eliminates the funding for Medicaid expansion. It allows insurers to impose a 30 per cent surcharge on premiums for any lapses in coverage. It aims to strip funding for Planned Parenthood. However, it does repeal a tax on indoor tanning beds (what a Trump highlight). That tax break will come in handy when you have to pay health costs for skin cancer.

The plan is so bad that the nation’s leading hospital and doctor groups are opposing it. The AARP is against it and that’s one voting block you don’t piss off. Old people vote. That makes the bill dead on arrival. I’ve seen old people come to near riots at grocery stores that were out of bananas.

Obamacare is actually titled the “Affordable Care Act.” Republicans started referring to it as “Obamacare” to scare voters. Those type of people didn’t want anything to do with something named after that Muslim, Kenyan-born, terrorist president. In fact, after the election many Trump voters said they didn’t care if Obamacare was eliminated because they had the ACA, the Affordable Care Act. Obama eventually started referring to the plan as “Obamacare” himself. He embraced it.

Trump doesn’t want this new bill, titled “the American Health Care Act,” to be referred to as “TrumpCare.” Donald Trump has been willing to put his name on anything. Hotels, golf courses, steaks, water, modeling agencies, cheap ties, a bicycle race (the Tour de Trump), a scam university, a board game, wine he doesn’t drink, and fragrances. You too can smell like Donald Trump. Get the fragrance and that tanning bed and you’re in business. Add an ugly tie and a bad reality show and you’ll really pick up the chicks.

Trump doesn’t want his name on this new health plan. That’s probably smart because most things with his name on it are doomed to fail, like his hair.

He’s not alone in not wanting his name on it. A lot of people don’t want their names linked up to the new health plan.

So when you retweet this cartoon or share on Facebook, be sure to use the hashtag #TrumpCare.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!