MAGA

Trumping To Tulsa


cjones06152020

Donald Trump isn’t good at being subtle. Probably because he’s not very smart and he’s such hardcore racist, it’s hard to hide. When the man sends out a dog whistle, it’s not just the dogs who hear it. Everyone hears it and it’s the dogs who deny he ever sent it.

Donald Trump has decided to resume his hate rallies. Where will the hater-in-chief conduct his first post-pandemic rally? Tulsa, Oklahoma (Psst. Republicans, if you hit the ocean, you went in the wrong direction). When? It was scheduled for June 19th, or Juneteenth, the day that marks the end of slavery. Why Tulsa? Because Tulsa is the site of one of the nation’s most horrific attacks on a black community. Wink-wink. Nudge-nudge. Hoooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwlllll!!!!!

On June 19, 1865, Union soldiers arrived in Texas and read the Emancipation Proclamation announcing President Abraham Lincoln had freed the slaves. Texas was the last Confederate state to receive the news. Today, Texas is still the last state that usually receives news. They still haven’t been informed of how creepy and icky Ted Cruz is. But Juneteenth is considered a major holiday by many black Americans and should be designated a federal holiday. It was a good day for this nation which is probably why Donald Trump wants to take a great big orange crap on it.

Donald Trump, the man behind calling for the execution of the Central Park 5, who turned out to be innocent (and he still hasn’t retracted his call for killing the black and Latino boys who were accused), who described countries where brown people come from as “shitholes,” who yelled for four brown women in Congress to “go back to where they came from,” who championed the racist birther movement, who called Mexicans “rapists and murderers,” and said “fine people” were marching among tiki-torch Nazis shouting “blood and soil” and “Jews will not replace us” told Fox News yesterday he’s done more for blacks than any president besides Abraham Lincoln. I think he’s confusing “for” with “to.”

He then said, “did good, although it’s always questionable.” Senator Kamala Harris said Trump holding a rally in Tulsa on Juneteenth, “Isn’t just a wink to white supremacists — he’s throwing them a welcome home party.” Saying that what Lincoln did was “questionable” is a freaking racist bullhorn. Donald Trump claimed he had not realized the meaning of the date but that people should think of the rally as a “celebration.” Fucking bullhorn, people.

He said, “The fact that I’m having a rally on that day, you can really think about that very positively as a celebration. There’s a rally, to me, is a celebration. It’s going to be really a celebration and it’s an interesting date. It wasn’t done for that reason, but it’s an interesting date. But it’s a celebration.”

Donald Trump has been racist America’s champion. He’s campaigning and talking to them. He’s their president, not yours. He’s not my president. My president doesn’t defend Confederate statues and refuses to even consider renaming U.S. military bases named after Confederate soldiers.

Now, Trump has bowed to pressure and is moving his rally from June 19 to June 20. Donald Trump’s failure to recognize the sensitivity is just another glaring example of how he’s failing America during this conversation on race after the cop murder of George Floyd.

He’s called protesters “terrorists.” He’s threatening to invade states and cities (remember when Republicans freaked out claiming Obama was going to invade and take Texas?). He’s calling himself the “law and order” president. He refuses to say systemic racism exists. He’s defending police saying, “99.9 percent of them are great, great people.” He’s created lies and conspiracy theories about antifa which have only proven false. He accused a 75-year-old man of being an “antifa agent provocateur.” He described chokeholds as “innocent” and “perfect.” He literally teargassed peaceful protesters to clear a path so he could walk to stage a photo-op with a Bible.

It’s not like Oklahoma is a swing state or that it’s the one that will push Joe Biden across the 270 electoral vote threshold. Donald Trump won Oklahoma by 36 points in 2016.

Oh, and for his Tulsa hate rally, he’s requiring everyone attending to sign a waiver promising not to sue him if they catch the coronavirus from the rally. Will there be pressure for attendees not to wear masks since Donald Trump refuses to wear one and has downplayed the virus? Why do people need to sign a waiver for something that’s a Democratic hoax?

I can’t think of a better way to stick it to the libs than attending a Trump rally without a mask and catching Covid-19. That’ll show us. I would warn you that by going to a Trump rally, you’re liable to catch something else.

But then again, if you’re going to a Trump rally to support Trump, you probably already got that virus.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

MAGA Night


cjones06032020

Tonight and every night that’s featured protests turning into riots have been another opportunity for Donald Trump to fail as a president.

As the nation burns from riots in every major city, Donald Trump is tweeting partisan attacks at Democratic mayors, quoting racists from history with, “When the looting starts, the shooting starts, and tweeting about “vicious dogs” and “Ominous weapons.”

It’s appropriate that Donald Trump said tonight will be “MAGA night.” MAGA night is the night the nation is on fire.

I heard from a MAGAt tonight on Twitter who said he was getting popcorn to watch “libtards” burn down their cities. Like Trump, he loves being divisive. Like Trump, he doesn’t get that the cities are in his country.

It’s nearly midnight and Donald Trump has yet to call for calm or offer anything assuring. He’s failed to be a leader. But he’s succeeded at being a racist and divider. He’s succeeded at only caring about Donald Trump.

These riots aren’t just a reflection of this nation’s racism. It’s a reflection of Donald Trump because America’s racism gave us Donald Trump.

The nation is burning. While some liberals may be enjoying the show of resistance against authority, MAGAts are enjoying it more because MAGAts don’t love their country.

Donald Trump said, “MAGA loves the black people,” as though “MAGA” is a noun now. “MAGA” is an acronym just like “KKK.” Neither of those “loves the black people.”

This is part of Donald Trump’s legacy. He’s too stupid to realize that…just like he’s too stupid to hide his racism.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Sniveling Corona Cowards


cjones05192020

I’ve always liked the actor Kevin James. I liked his show, King of Queens, and thought he did a great job and matched well with Will Smith in Hitch. Heck, I even liked Paul Blart a little. Granted, everything else he’s done has kinda sucked, but I still liked him. He’s always seemed like an everyman kinda dude. Now, I like him a little less.

Kevin James’ latest production is the worst thing he’s ever made. Yeah. Even worse than Paul Blart 2. It’s worse than Grown Ups. It’s even worse than Grown Ups 2. It’s probably worse than that movie where he talks to zoo animals. I say probably because I haven’t seen it but it looks pretty bad. Do you want proof his latest thing is bad? The conservative Trump cult fucknuts love it.

James has a YouTube channel where he posts short films. His latest film is about two men on the run from the authorities for being out in public without wearing masks and for shaking hands. Seriously.

There are now 86,000 deaths in this nation from the coronavirus and Kevin James has joined all those idiots crying about their “freedom” when nobody has taken their freedom. Despite nobody being arrested for not wearing a mask or for shaking hands, James has joined in with the shitweasel brigade and the Flat Earthers. I understand satire but I also understand propaganda. This tilts more toward the latter. This is some real Ben Garrison shit.

These idiots who scream about their liberties and storm state capitals with guns, Nazi symbols, and nooses, NEVER speak out when a black man is profiled or killed by the police. They NEVER speak out when voting rights are denied to non-white American citizens. They NEVER defend free speech except whenever a university disinvites a Nazi from speaking on their campus. But now, they have a new hero in Kevin James. Congratulations, Kevin. You’re in the same club as Ted Nugent and James Woods. Heck, you’re in the same club as the worst Baldwin brother, You know. Whatsisname Baldwin brother.

These people who have watched Red Dawn too many times act as though their purchase of a gun is supporting the Second Amendment. They believe carrying an assault weapon with them everywhere they go, whether it’s Chick-fil-A or the state capitol building, defends their Second Amendment Rights.

These gun nuts who describe themselves as “Constitutionalists” only know one Constitutional Amendment. And even then, they bastardize it by ALWAYS omitting the “well-regulated” part. Anytime you mention “regulation” in the context of guns, they scream you’re taking away their Second Amendment rights despite the fact “well regulated” is literally in the Second Amendment. I swear. Look it up.

But, if their buying a gun reinforces their Second Amendment rights, then me telling them they’re all a bunch of racist Kool-Aid drinking cultist knuckle-dragging treasonous Putin-Loving dumbasses reinforces my First Amendments rights.

Keep in mind, the people who believe being “forced” to wear masks and closing the country is all designed to steal their freedom and punish Donald Trump also believe Climate Change is a hoax.

Now, they’re saying you’re a coward if you don’t leave your house without a mask. Why look how brave they are by going outside without a face covering. Why look how brave their president (sic) is being the only one not wearing a mask while visiting a PPE plant or a factory that actually makes masks. They are so proud. I’m sorry but I don’t think stupidity is something to be proud of.

The people staying home and wearing masks are the true patriots. They’re not just protecting themselves. They’re protecting you even though you don’t deserve it.

The real cowards are supporters of Donald Trump. They’re afraid to leave their houses without assault weapons and they vote for a guy who runs on a campaign of fear. Trump supporters are afraid of everything.

But then again, calling us “cowards” for doing the right thing and protecting our nation is once again them projecting. We need to protect our nation from the coronavirus and all…

…we need to protect our nation from gun-toting sniveling coward Trump supporters.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Damn Yankees


cjones05012020

Mitch McConnell would rather states go bankrupt than receive federal money for bailouts during the coronavirus pandemic. Specifically, he’d rather blue states go bankrupt.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo who’s been schooling Republicans throughout this crisis and has been demonstrating real leadership while Donald Trump’s been more focused on his hurt feelings, said “This is really one of the dumb ideas of all time,” while explaining bankrupted states would devastate the economy for the entire nation. Of course, McConnell doesn’t get that because he’s a Republican, and Republicans don’t do well with the economy. There was the Ronald Reagan recession, the George H.W. Bush recession, the George W. Bush recession, and now we have the Donald Trump recession. Republicans create recessions and even depressions (Hoover) and Democrats (Roosevelt) pull us out of them.

Larry Hogan, a Republican governor, said about McConnell’s stupid and selfish policy, “Mitch McConnell probably regrets saying that. If he doesn’t regret it yet, I think he will regret it. . . . The last thing we need in the middle of an economic crisis is to have states all filing bankruptcy all across America and not able to provide services to people who desperately need them.”

McConnell doesn’t regret it. He doubled-down and said, “There’s not going to be any desire on the Republican side to bail out state pensions by borrowing money from future generations.” McConnell is a hypocrite. While there’s no desire on the Republican side to bail out states and American citizens, there’s plenty of “desire” to give billionaires and corporations tax cuts and bailouts that borrow from future generations. I’ve never heard McConnell complain about borrowing from future generations to finance the $133 million spent on Donald Trump’s golf trips.

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer tweeted, “Republican Senators: Raise your hand if you think your state should go bankrupt.” In a year heavy with more Republican Senate seats being contested than Democratic seats, yeah…go campaign on your state going bankrupt. Please, please, please. Mitch McConnell is up for reelection this year. I’d like to see him tell Kentucky they should go bankrupt. In fact, I “desire” to see him run that campaign. But, McConnell isn’t going to run on his own stupid ideas any more than Donald Trump’s going to start drinking Clorox.

McConnell’s office put out a document supporting his policy titled, “Stopping Blue State Bailouts.” Governor Andrew Cuomo took issue with that.

Governor Cuomo said allowing states to go bankrupt would be “irresponsible and reckless.” He also said, “This is not the time or the place or the situation to start your divisive politics. It’s not red and blue. It’s red, white and blue.” Then he pointed out something that will forever go over all Republicans’ heads.

Kentucky, McConnell’s state, receives more federal dollars for services than its taxpayers contribute, while New York pays out more than it receives. Cuomo said, “It’s your state that is living on the money that we generate. Your state is getting bailed out. Not my state.”

Boom! Bam! Mic drop, baby! Kentucky is sucking on New York’s teat. Maybe that’s why their grass is so darn blue.

New Jersey Democratic Governor Phil Murphy said, “Encouraging, explicitly almost hoping for bankruptcies of American states in the midst of the biggest health-care crisis this country has ever faced, is completely and utterly irresponsible.”

And then, Peter King, a Republican Congressman from New York stated, “To say that it is ‘free money’ to provide funds for cops, firefighters and healthcare workers makes McConnell the Marie Antoinette of the Senate.”

McConnell said blue states are seeking free money after mismanaging their finances. Donald Trump tweeted something similar yesterday.

Trump tweeted, “Why should the people and taxpayers of America be bailing out poorly run states (like Illinois, as example) and cities, in all cases Democrat run and managed, when most of the other states are not looking for bailout help? I am open to discussing anything, but just asking?”

Let’s address that, shall we?

First off, this is some divisive shit from the guy who accused Democrats of playing politics. It’s another distraction during a pandemic to make us hate each other.

Secondly, The states with the poorest finances, and largest debts, are Republican-run states. The states with the biggest welfare rolls are Republican-run states. The states that receive more from the federal government than they put in (like Kentucky) are…wait for it…Republican-run states.

While Donald Trump, who received bailout after bailout from his daddy while bankrupting businesses in an industry where customers budget how much money they’re going to lose to you, and Mitch McConnell don’t believe that American citizens in blue states should be bailed out. But, poorly-run companies like those in the airline industry that uses all their profits on stock buybacks should be bailed out. Shake Shack, Ruth’s Chris Steak House, Potbelly Sandwich, and even the Los Angeles Lakers can get bailouts, but a blue state hit hardest by the virus shouldn’t. And states being hit harder by the virus doesn’t have anything to do with how they’re managed. There is more density in urban areas like New York, Chicago, and Detroit (in case you’re a Republican, “density” means the number of people in an area or space…not a term for how dense Trump supporters are).

Why should any state be better prepared for a virus “that came out of nowhere” than the Trump administration? Also, keep in mind these states are asking for help during a pandemic made worse by Donald Trump’s ignorance, stupidity, and total and utter failure as a president and human being.

And while Donald Trump doesn’t believe the U.S. government should spend U.S. taxpayers money on U.S. states, he’s all about the Euro being spent on his companies. Donald Trump’s resorts (U.S. companies, by the way) in Europe are seeking…wait for it…bailouts. Is the Trump Organization poorly managed? Well, it was managed by Donald Trump (who’s doing such a swell job of managing the United States. Another example of sarcasm), and is today managed by idiot-son-number-one, Donald Jr and idiot-son-number-two, Eric.

I highly discourage the United Kingdom and the European Union from providing bailouts to poorly-run, grifting corporations.

Creative note: I had to go back and repair a lot of the text in this cartoon. And not for the reasons you’d think. I just kept leaving out a small word here, a longer word there, putting two Ks in “Yankees” and changing “dang” from “danged.” Now, for the rest of the day, all the voices in my head will have southern accents.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Scarfing Some MAGA


cjones04302020

Everything Donald Trump touches dies. That includes the credibility of everyone who chooses to work for Donald Trump.

First off, nearly half the country can’t be believed or trusted about anything. If you know someone who is a Donald Trump supporter, you really don’t want anything to do with that individual. If they support a vile human being and liar such as Donald Trump, they too become a vile person and a liar. No one on the face of the planet has ever been able to defend Donald Trump without lying.

Shortly after going into a business relationship drawing cartoons on topics in a foreign nation, I learned the editor was a Trump sycophant (and this was before the election). Then, I read an article warning against such endeavors as Trump supporters have the same ethics and business principles as Donald Trump. I was hoping he was wrong or at the very least, I found the exception. I had not found the exception. I quit working for that publication about a year ago and they still owe me for five months of original cartoons I drew for them on a weekly basis. During last year with them and receiving slow payments until they just stopped, all I received were excuses, lies, excuses, lies, and more excuses. Do NOT go into any sort of relationship with a Trump supporter. For all you know, they’re stealing from you, grabbing strange pussies, and sleeping with porn stars.

And that’s just people who support Donald Trump. But what about the people who go to work for him?

Did Sean Spicer ever have any credibility? Before Spicer assumed his duties, President Obama’s Press Secretary, Josh Earnest was asked by CNN to give him some free advice. Earnest offered, “Make sure you know where the president’s head’s at because your ability to faithfully represent his point of view is critically important. Honesty and credibility and trustworthiness is the most important part of this job.”

Stop laughing before you hurt yourself.

Spicer’s very first press briefing consisted entirely of the size of Trump’s inauguration crowd. So much for honesty, credibility, and trustworthiness. He was the first of four press secretaries in Trump’s FIRST (hopefully only) term. He ended up on Dancing with the Stars wearing something that looks like it was regurgitated by Ru Paul and is now a White House correspondent for Newsmax TV, a Trumplandian network you’ve never watched that’s trying to outfox Fox.

His successor, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, is now on Fox News and plans to run for Governor of Arkansas. We’ll see how well running in Arkansas works with the Trump stench. It might do very well. But as for trusting anything that comes out of her mouth, you can’t.

Rex Tillerson was the chief executive of ExxonMobil who retired to become Donald Trump’s Secretary of State. While he didn’t have any experience in government service, he was respected as a businessman who dealt with a lot of foreign leaders. When he was fired, the Trump administration tried to humiliate him by boasting they fired him while he was on the toilet. The only thing that helps him from having all his credibility destroyed is that he has never denied he called Donald Trump a “fucking moron.” Hey, now would be a good time to say it again.

Jeff Sessions was a U.S. senator for Alabama for decades. He was the first senator to endorse Donald Trump. He was the first to wear the MAGA hat. Now, after being fired by Trump, he’s running for his old job in Alabama and losing to a former college football coach.

John Kelly was a highly-respected general. Serving as Donald Trump’s Chief-of-Staff, he supported Trump’s racism, and exhibited his own while lying about something a black congresswoman said, insulted her by calling her an “empty barrel,” and later refused to apologize. He also said that many immigrants brought here as children by their parents and were offered a pathway to citizenship through DACA didn’t sign up because they were “too lazy to get off their asses.” It’s safe to say his credibility is gone.

H.R. McMaster was another highly-respected general before he became Trump’s second National Security Adviser. Immediately after taking the job, he was the target of a smear campaign by Steve Bannon and Breitbart, Alex Jones and InfoWars, and conspiracy sites such as 4chan for not being sufficiently loyal to Trump. In case you’re counting, Donald Trump is currently on National Security Advisor number six.

For Dr. Anthony Fauci for whom Trump just swore he was not considering firing. He fired McMaster on March 22, 2018, AFTER denying he was considering firing McMaster on March 15, 2018.

After Donald Trump asked why we couldn’t get more immigrants from Norway instead of brown nations, his secretary of Homeland Security told Congress that she wasn’t aware that Norway is a mostly white country. Her name is Kirstjen Nielsen. Kirstejen. Seriously. That’s like someone with the name Guido not realizing Italy was mostly Italian.

Ronny Jackson’s credibility was never questioned as the physician to Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama…then he said Donald Trump only weighed 239 lbs and, “Some people have just great genes. I told the president that if he had a healthier diet over the last 20 years, he might live to be 200 years old.” Today, he’s running for a Texas congressional seat, currently polling in 15th place.

Chris Christie was governor of New Jersey, and whatever credibility he had left after bridgegate was wasted on making McDonald’s runs for Donald Trump as a member of his campaign.

Ted Nugent was a highly-respected musician…wait. No, he wasn’t. Never mind. Before making a speech for Trump, Sarah Palin was a highly-respected…no not her either. Omarosa…shit.

It doesn’t help these career professionals that they accepted a job in an administration that already had the likes of Kellyanne Conway, Sebastian Gorka, Stephen Miller, and Donald Trump’s stupid daughter and stupid son-in-law. Now many of these people are only as credible as Omarosa.

Who’s next? Will we see Dr. Deborah Birx hawking scarves as part of the Ivanka clothing line? Will she get her boogie on competing on Dancing with the Stars? Will she be stuck in a lab researching the existence of cooties?

Before taking on the assignment of Coronavirus Response Coordinator, Dr. Birx had great respect. It continued while she served under Donald Trump. She is in good standing with Trump which means…her stock in reality is going down.

Dr. Birx achieved the rank of Colonel in the U.S. Army. She’s worked as a physician at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in multiple roles, including in research. She worked at the National Institutes of Health as an investigator specializing in cellular immunology. She served as the director of the Division of Global HIV/AIDS for the Center for Disease Control. She was nominated and confirmed by the Senate as Ambassador at Large and U.S. Global Aids Coordinator.

Now, she’s saying people in Georgia can be “very creative” when it comes to social distancing in hair and nail salons and tattoo parlors. Talking to CNN’s Jake Tapper, she described Trump’s suggestion of injecting household cleaning products to fight coronavirus as just him “musing.”

She is walking a tightrope between doing her job and saving lives and not offending Trump by doing something crazy like…stating a fact. It’s very difficult to do your job appropriately while serving under a liar.

But, I think it would be more substantive, protective of the nation, and informational to stand up next to Donald Trump, and just admit he’s full of shit giving stupid advice that can kill people.

And in one broad stroke, Dr. Birx can prevent the death of her credibility along with the deaths of thousands of stupid Americans.

Dr. Fauci will ultimately be fired. But when he is, he’s going out the right way, by being honest. That is his doom in the Trump administration and his salvation outside it. Dr. Birx should do the same.

What does she have to lose?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Maga Monkeys


cjones04232020

As I’m sure you’re aware of now, the MAGAt teabagger gang is at it again.

Trump cultists are protesting the government’s stay-at-home orders in several states. They’re anxious to get the economy rolling again, to get back to work, to resume earning a living, and to just get out of the house. We all have that frustration. We all want to earn a living, feed our families, and pay our bills. That’s not partisan.

But, there’s something else to these protests. They’re partisan. Wanting to restart the economy shouldn’t be partisan or red versus blue. But you kinda think it is when they’re flying Confederate flags with their protests. You kinda think it is when they’re carrying guns. You kinda think it is when they’re calling their Democratic governor a Nazi and a fascist. Mostly, you kinda get the impression it’s partisan when they’re wearing and flying pro-Trump signs.

I think my favorite sign has been one that said “Make American Great Again” and “Keep America Great.” Well, which is it? How do we make America great again if it’s already great? How do we keep it great when we haven’t made it great yet?

But then again, these are Trump cultists and there’s not a lot they do that makes sense. For example: They’re protesting for Donald Trump and against his recommendations. The White House issued the recommendation for Americans to self-isolate and quarantine themselves. That’s what they’re protesting while waving MAGA signs. Of course, being a hypocrite and contradiction has always been the hallmark of being a MAGAt shitweasel fucknut. They’re all patriots who ignore Russia attacking our election. They support our troops while supporting Donald Trump’s attacks on Gold Star families, his statement that POWs are “only war heroes because they got captured,” and he only likes people who “aren’t captured.”

These protests aren’t organic. They’ve been organized by right-wing Facebook groups, InfoWars, Fox News, 4chan, and…wait for it…Donald Fucking Trump. Trump advisor Stephen Moore compared them to Rosa Parks. Rosa Parks stood against discrimination. These fruit loops don’t get that they’re not being discriminated against as we’re ALL being told to stay at home. Also, this is a group that’s 99% white. If they’re Rosa Parks then I’m Gandhi, which I’m not because I had two BLT sandwiches last night. Plus, I’m not bald and I don’t walk around wearing nothing except for one of Dr. Birx’s tablecloths.

The biggest instigator for this is Donald Trump. If he was a true leader, he’d tell them to go home and stay home. But no. While arguing that Nancy Pelosi is playing “partisan politics,” he’s sending tweets encouraging attacks against Democratic governors. While everyone is being told to stay home, in states with Democratic and Republican governors, Trump only focused on those with Democrats. He tweeted, “Liberate Michigan” which is governed by Democrat Gretchen Whitmer. He tweeted, “Liberate Minnesota” which is governed by Democrat Tom Walz. “He tweeted, “Liberate Virginia” which is governed by Ralph Northum. The other thing these states have in common is that they’re viewed as swing states.

In addition to tweeting out those attacks, Trump is calling for “liberating” Virginia because of new gun measures…none of which has anything to do with the pandemic (other than indoor gun ranges being deemed “unessential”). Also, I don’t think Virginia is a swing state anymore. While I do believe a Republican can win here statewide, not in the era of Trump. The Republican who has the longest shot of winning Virginia is Donald Trump. No thank you, Mr. Trump, but please, go ahead and waste a lot of money and time here.

Donald Trump could not tell you how the gun laws in Virginia violate the Second Amendment, but he likes to say it does. He also says many of the governors have gone “too far” and that they’ve been “tough” on their people, but he couldn’t tell you how.

Donald Trump refused to tell the protesters to go home. He even said they look responsible and they were social distancing. If you’ve seen photos of the protests, that’s a lie. They are not social distancing and most aren’t wearing masks. Some of my favorites are the guys holding signs saying the coronavirus is a hoax while wearing face masks. If it’s a hoax, then why are you wearing a mask? Again…Trump cultists.

If Donald Trump really wants to support these covidiots, then he needs to go out there and mingle with them. Just stay six feet apart. I’m sure he’ll be fine. But better yet, work on testing.

Donald Trump said, “everyone who needs a test gets a test.” That’s not true and we’re only testing about 50,000 a day. We need to test 50 million a day. Now Trump says it’s the states’ job to test and to acquire the tests. He’s not “responsible.” But, it’s obviously easier to divide the nation with tweets of  “liberation” than doing your job. It’s easier to hold daily mini-MAGA rallies with no real updates other than Donald Trump explaining the difference between a cotton swab and a Q-tip.

There are two sets of people working to get us back out there and reopen the economy. Those are essential workers, who are risking their lives, and those who are staying home. Staying home is working and it’s flattening the curve. These people who are going out and protesting, they’re working against us being able to go out and work and spend money. What they’re doing is a slap in the face to everyone who’s trying to end this.

While people are risking their lives so you can buy groceries, these idiots are risking all of our lives to promote their Dear Leader. They are a disgrace to America and everyone who’s doing their part to end this pandemic.

If you’re out there protesting, I respect your right to protest but I don’t respect you or what you’re doing. But then again, you already disrespected everything this nation stands for by voting for Donald Trump. You are all bad Americans.

If you wanna stop staying home, then stay home. And if you really want to get this nation rolling again, stop being Donald Trump’s flying monkeys. Or more specifically in your case, stop being Donald Trump’s flying fucknuts.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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How’s It Hanging?


cjones04142020

If your erection for Donald Trump has lasted over four years, seek medical help.

If you follow everything Donald Trump says to the point that you will follow his medical advice, go talk to a real doctor before it’s too late.

If you’re still downplaying the coronavirus and believe it’s a Democratic hoax created to hurt Donald Trump, go find a crowd to mingle in. I hear the beaches in Georgia are open.

If you’re fine with Donald Trump ignoring an incoming pandemic after repeated warnings and are now making excuses defending him, talk to an analyst.

If you call the press “fake news” and the “enemy of the American people,” believe that facts are things designed to hurt Donald Trump, that he has never told a lie, or base your opinions on conspiracy theories, seek professional help.

If you’re fine with a president basing how much medical aid a state receives on how much the governor has flattered him, you suck.

If you’re cool that the president focuses less on a response to a pandemic and more on TV ratings and if he’s “number one on Facebook,” go watch an Andrew Cuomo press conference to see how a real leader behaves in a crisis.

If after four years, you’re still fine with nepotism, grifting from the Oval Office, not seeing tax returns, violating emoluments, stealing from charities, praising Putin and Nazis, attacking women, racism, being in love with North Korean dictators, declaring Canadian cheese a national security threat, feuding with NATO, not understanding the nuclear triad or how tariffs work, lying about a wall, stealing money for the wall, losing negotiations to Pelosi, narcissism, throwing babies in jail, or cult worship in the White House where every sentence has to begin with “Thank you Mr. President, for your leadership,” then you need a personality transplant because you’re an asshole.

If you’re still citing, “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor,” but ignoring, “Everyone who needs a test gets a test,” go fuck yourself.

The thing is, you should have given up on Donald Trump a long time ago. If your erection lasted after “largest crowd sizes,” your condition may be terminal.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Giddy Up Socialism


cjones04012020

When I did a cartoon last week on Republicans and MAGAts now loving socialism, I asked the question, “How will they defend it?”

There are a lot of Republicans, libertarians, and Trump supporters who are mouthing that they’re not happy with the $2 trillion stimulus to float the economy through the coronavirus pandemic. I’m sure there are others who are unhappy with Donald Trump, after great pressure from the nation’s governors, activating the Defense Production Act and forcing General Motors to make ventilators, which I’m sure will be arriving in hospitals by December (Right now, GM is asking: How do we make ventilators? Also, What’s a ventilator?)

I commend those conservatives for at least sounding consistent because when I say they’re “mouthing” their disapproval with the stimulus, I mean that’s all they’re going to do. Because guess what they’re going to do when they get those checks?

If the checks go straight into their banks through direct deposit, they’ll probably argue that it’s a hassle to return it. If checks arrive in the mail, they’ll cash them. What will they purchase? Probably guns and beer.

I quickly discovered the answer to the question I asked last week. How will conservatives defend Republican socialism? I’ve heard them argue that it’s not socialism when it helps people who work for a living. I’ve heard it’s not socialism because it’s helping “real Americans” and “Patriots.” I’ve heard it can’t be socialism if Donald Trump supports it. And I’ve heard, it’s not socialism because we’re in a national emergency. It’s a crisis.

But the socialism Bernie Sanders proposes, democratic socialism, is designed to help people in emergencies. It’s an emergency when you don’t have healthcare. It’s an emergency if you can’t pay your rent because your wage is too low. It’s an emergency that corporations are given huge tax breaks and don’t use it to invest in the economy. It’s an emergency when you can’t feed your kids. It’s an emergency when you can’t afford heat. It’s an emergency when you’re forced to pay ridiculous interest rates to get an education.

Donald Trump has said more than once that “America will never be a socialist country.” MAGAts love to compare Bernie’s socialism to Venezuela. Now, they’re watching Donald Trump nationalize an American corporation. Now, they’re all going to be cashing checks. from the government for work they didn’t do. America has always been a socialist country. They always argue against “free stuff,” but they’re the same fuckers who voted for a guy who promised a free wall.

How will Donald Trump run for reelection without complaining about socialism? Donald Trump is socialism.

I know the answer. They’ll say it’s not socialism when it helps white people.

Giddy up.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Smackdown For MAGAts


cjones02242020

Spoiler alert: Professional wrestling is fake. Another spoiler alert: So is Donald Trump and his entire administration.

When I was a kid, my friends and I actually had debates over whether professional wrestling was real. Even if you were on the side of it being real, you still knew it was fake. Today, it seems professional wrestling fans are totally in on it, but they still enjoy the “sport. OK, like NASCAR, it’s not a sport, so it totally makes sense that Donald Trump made an appearance at one of their events yesterday.

But Trump fans are less sophisticated than wrestling fans. They don’t know Donald Trump is fake. They think the guy is an actual billionaire. They think he’s donating his entire presidential salary without getting anything in return (Psst, emoluments, fuckers). They think he’s a great negotiator. They think he’s smart. They think he knows stuff. They don’t think he’s an idiot, or a racist, or a sexist, or a narcissistic shitstain in our nation’s history. Most of all, they actually believe Donald Trump cares and can relate to them.

A few months ago, my ex-girlfriend asked me if I knew wrestling was big right now. I did not know that but it totally makes sense. I mean, if Donald Trump can fool enough people to steal a presidential election, then there’s gotta be a lot of people watching wrestling.

And it’s appropriate to compare Donald Trump to wrestling because he has a relationship with wrestling, which was probably more real to him than his reality show. Donald Trump worked a program with the World Wrestling Entertainment company. It was a program where two billionaires, Trump and the owner of the company, Vincent McMahon, battled each other at Wrestlemania (the Super Bowl of wrestling) vicariously through wrestlers. The loser got his head shaved. No, it doesn’t make sense to me either. Of course, Donald Trump didn’t actually wrestle but he did jump on McMahon at one point to throw some fake punches. At the end of the show, he got to shave McMahon’s head and then…a bald wrestler gave Donald Trump what is called a “stunner.” I could watch that video clip all day.

Trump’s wrestling connection goes further. Reportedly, McMahon or the WWE (not sure which) paid Trump $4 million for his Wrestlemania gig. But, they didn’t “pay” him. They donated the money to the Trump Foundation. You know, that organization the state of New York recently shut down because of Trump’s corruption with it? But, with Trump taking the money as a donation to his charity, that means he didn’t have to pay taxes on it. Later, Trump used money from that charity to buy portraits of himself and sports memorabilia, pay off legal fees for his shitty bedbug-ridden gold resorts, and make political bribes to one of the lawyers who eventually defended his impeachment before the United States Senate. He also used the charity to make donations to veteran groups in coordination with presidential campaign events, which is illegal. Man, I could making this shit up, but I’m not.

After Donald Trump was elected (fake) to the presidency, he made Linda McMahon, Vince’s wife and CEO of the rasslin’ company, the head of the Small Business Administration. On April 12, 2019, she stepped down. On the 15th of April (in case you’re a Republican, that’s three days later), she was appointed as Chairman of America First Action, a pro-Trump Super PAC, where she plans to raise and spend $300 million in battleground states to reelect Trump. If there’s a reason not to watch wrestling, it’s that right there. Linda herself is a former Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate. Thankfully, she lost.

It makes sense that Linda McMahon would chair a Trump Super PAC since she’s already headed one unethical enterprise. She was CEO of WWE and no, it’s not unethical because it’s a fake sport. It’s unethical in that their “wrestlers” are not employees. They’re contractors so the company doesn’t have to pay Social Security, Medicare, unemployment insurance, or provide insurance. After one wrestler with a history of multiple concussions murdered his wife and child before committing suicide, a government survey found that 40% of “wrestlers” were found to be drug users, mostly steroids. WWE has fought states from regulating it as a sport and it has a long legacy of ignoring concussions, like the kind that makes a guy go batshit crazy and murder his wife and child before committing suicide. Donald Trump recently said head injuries to military members weren’t a concern. The mortality rate for wrestlers is 6.4 times higher than it is for men in the general population and higher than other “sports.” The number of wrestlers to die before the age of 65 is insane. Men should not be dying from heart attacks in their 30s. Seriously, Google this shit.

So, when Attorney General William Barr publicly scolds Donald Trump for tweeting on cases before DOJ and making his job “impossible,” don’t believe it. He coordinated his criticism with the White House before he delivered it. Barr has done nothing except use the Justice Department to defense Donald Trump, protect his corrupt friends, and go after his political enemies. After calling back U.S. Attorney’s sentence recommendation for Roger Stone, then saying he wants to review the entire case, over 1,100 former Justice Department employees have called on Barr to resign.

Barr should resign though it wouldn’t do any good. Trump would just replace him with another phony. At some point, maybe they will start wearing masks like those little Mexican wrestlers.

There is no Santa Claus, no Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny isn’t real, wrestling is staged, and Donald Trump is a fake president. It’s time you grew up and realized that.

Creative notes: I worked on this one in my head for two days. Even at a party last night, I kept going back to the text and restructuring it in my head. When I finally drew it, I didn’t use anything I had planned out (except for the stuff in the blog). The blog took a lot of research.

When I bounced this off my two proofreaders, I asked if they were familiar with the “smell what’s cookin'” line. Laura said she didn’t and had to look it up which probably replaced some less important knowledge in her brain, like algebra. She was also unfamiliar with a “purple nurple” which I hope is not an actual wrestling maneuver.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

MAGA Virus


cjones02162020

Is MAGA contagious? Before Trump won his party’s nomination, the majority of Republican officeholders were against his candidacy. Lindsey Graham called him a racist. Paul Ryan said his comments were the definition of racism. Nikki Haley said his “siren call” was dangerous. Ted Cruz called him a “sniveling coward.” Marco Rubio made fun of the size of his penis. Now, they’re all infected and they’re giving him whatever he wants. Now, Marco Rubio probably knows the size of Trump’s penis.

The one good thing about the MAGA virus is that it only infects stupid racist people who never had a conscience. If you’re afraid of minorities or anyone who speaks a language that’s not “American,” you’re susceptible to the MAGA virus. If a woman with an opinion intimidates you, it may be terminal. If a factual news report has you screaming “fake news” and calling the free press “enemy of the American people,” you should probably start wearing a human-sized condom. If Vladimir Putin gives you an erection, take two aspirin and call someone else in the morning. I’m not answering.

If you’re a non-white person, the good news is that there is a very low chance you will catch the MAGA virus, unless you’re washing dishes at Mar-a-Lago. For the most part, it only affects white people. Usually, only rural white people. It doesn’t affect urban areas as much. Maybe concrete is a deterrent…or books.

The MAGA virus is very serious and extremely dangerous to our nation. Those affected don’t care about emoluments, patriotism, facts, nepotism, or the U.S. Constitution. They believe in conspiracy theories over facts and believe a reality TV show host who believes you need a photo ID to buy cereal is the best choice to lead the nation.

About 3,700 people are quarantined on a cruise ship in Yokohama, Japan, with 136 of them infected with the Coronavirus. Maybe we should take the same tactic with the MAGA virus.

We could put every person infected with the MAGA virus on boats, push them out to sea and wait until the sickness has passed. Or, after we push them out to sea, we just don’t worry about them anymore.

On a side note: I really think Celebrity Cruises should stop playing “White Rabbit” in their commercials until the quarantined ship crisis in Japan is over. If nothing else, the cruise line’s choosing of that song gives me the feeling I won’t finish their cruise with both kidneys.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.