Trump Rally

Trump’s Tribute To Himself


CNN07072019

Here’s your weekly cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Other than all the wisecracks about Trump’s history, his monitor messing up, and Melania’s wet shirt, we can’t overlook the fact that Trump politicized a national holiday, other than Christmas.

Donald Trump’s only goal was to insert himself into the middle of a celebration and to shine the spotlight on himself. He’s the kid who demands the biggest piece of birthday cake when it’s not even his birthday.

The nation did not need a rudimentary history lesson read aloud by a barely literate jackass. The nation did not need to spend $92 million for Trump’s show-and-tell. The military should have told Trump the planes were there but were invisible. That would have saved us a bunch of money.

But, for all the glorifying of the military and showing off jets and tanks, Trump’s staff worked behind the scenes to prevent the USS John McCain from being seen while Trump was in Tokyo (Japan, if you’re a Republican).

There was further hypocrisy in order. Donald Trump presents himself as a man who loves the military and says he’s “done more for it than any other president,” yet he’s said POWs are not war heroes and he’s lied to members of the military about their pay. The other stroke of hypocrisy was his encouragement for the youth of our nation to join the armed services when he himself dodged the draft by citing bone spurs. In addition to that, none of his kids served their nation. Trump wants people to make sacrifices he’s unwilling to make himself.

Of course, not that any Trump could have hacked it in the military. I hear there are stairs.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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A Trumpian History Lesson


cjones07102019

You know when an eight-year-old reads from a prepared text and it’s cute yet kinda painful? You grin through it and think to yourself, “Just get to the end of the sentence for the love of God so we can applaud and move on with our lives….AAARRGGHHH!!!” Well, when Donald Trump reads from a prepared statement, subtract the cute and multiply the pain by 25. That’s what we go yesterday as Trump hijacked the capital’s annual Independence Day celebration in a desperate attempt to sponge off some of the military’s popularity.

If you ever wondered what it’d sound like to hear a middle-school history report cobbled together from Wikipedia pages, you found out yesterday. At least Cliff Notes might get you a D, but Trump Notes will set you back a grade. And sure, it costs us about $92 million, but the one saving grace during Trump’s speech was military jets flying overhead on cue.

And, Trump still messed it up. The Declaration of Independence wasn’t signed on July 4th. British General Cornwallis was of London, not Yorktown (he was defeated at Yorktown). The Continental Army wasn’t named after George Washington. Fort McHenry didn’t exist at the time of the American Revolution. Speaking of things that didn’t exist during the Revolutionary War, airports.

Trump said Washington army (still not named after him), “manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports…” It took over the airports? Did the Continental Army get a connecting flight in Atlanta? Did they have to pay outlandish parking fees at Dulles?

Donald Trump is the guy you’d be embarrassed to bring to a party. “What? That guy? Don’t look at me. I don’t know who invited him. He grabbed you where?” But in this case, he’s the ringmaster. At one point during the speech, he said, “Frederick Douglass.” He didn’t say anything about Fredericks Douglass, he just said, “Frederick Douglass.” I’m sure there was something in the speech about Douglass, but how hard is it to read from a teleprompter? Any literate person can do it, right? Oh, it’s the literacy thing, isn’t it?

We got a history lesson from a guy who can’t remember history from two years ago, or last week, or yesterday. This is a guy who claims he created a great economy, ignoring the fact he inherited a great economy created by Barack Obama.

Perhaps the biggest error with Trump’s knowledge of history is that Independence Day is NOT a military holiday. We have ten federal holidays and two of them are for honoring the military, but Independence Day is not one of them. So, Trump took July 4th and made it about the military and himself.

Even though Trump did avoid politics and chants of, “lock her up,” “build the wall,” and “drain the swamp,” it was a political speech. He had special seating for his campaign donors and he ordered the military to provide a showcase with him in the center of it.

Perhaps my favorite part, other than the mediocre-sized crowd that was rained on, was Trump encouraging people to join the military. Cadet Bone Spurs who received five deferments from serving in Vietnam and whose two grown sons didn’t serve either (but like to take big guns to Africa and shoot fenced animals), said, “Join our military and make a truly great statement in life. And you should do it.”

Do you really want to make a great statement in life? Vote for someone who’s not a self-absorbed idiot. Vote for someone who’s not Donald Trump. It doesn’t matter who they are as long as it’s not Donald Trump. Of course, for you to not vote for Donald Trump, you’d have to not be an idiot.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

Happy Something Something


cjones07062019

Donald Trump loves to take credit where he deserves none. He takes credit for inheriting Obama’s economy. He took credit for no commercial airline crashes in 2017, despite there also not being any for nearly the past decade. He took credit for the phrase “priming the pump,” which has been around at least since the 1930s. He’s taken credit for Lady Gaga being a star (really). He’s taken credit for rebuilding the military, which has not been rebuilt. He’s taken credit for replenishing nuclear weapons which is another lie unless he’s referring to Russia, Iran, and North Korea. He’s even taken credit for ending the conspiracy of Obama being born outside the United States. Seriously. Trump also likes to take credit for things you’ve always had, like the freedom to say “Merry Christmas.” Stupid people have actually thanked him for this. I have a middle finger I’d like to thank him for.

Yesterday, Trump took credit for the plant in Lima, Ohio that makes tanks for the U.S. military not being shut down, despite it receiving funds in 2013, 2014, and 2017, even though the Army keeps telling Congress they don’t need more tanks (currently, there are over 4,000 tanks that have never been used in storage in the desert).

Speaking of tanks, Donald Trump has asked the Pentagon to roll a bunch of them through Washington on the Fourth of July as part of his co-opting the capital’s annual celebration into a massive Trump rally. He’s also ordered the presidential helicopter, Marine One, Air Force One, a stealth fighter, another squadron of fighter jets, and more helicopters, and 40,000 idiots in MAGA hats. This event will bring physical (tanks) and emotional (Trump and MAGA hat idiots) damage to Washington, D.C. Trump’s celebration of himself will even freeze air traffic to and from Reagan National Airport, which was also frozen once because of al Qaida.

Donald Trump ruins everything he touches. Now, he’s going to ruin the Fourth of July, a holiday that he and his cultists would have difficulty telling you which day of the month it lands on.

Trump is using a national holiday, the capital, the military, and taxpayer money to glorify himself. Because there won’t be any dictators around, Trump has to yank his own dick.

The White House will “give out” tickets for attendees to sit in a VIP section, which I’m sure we’ll learn later was sold by the Trump Campaign (wait for it). Trump’s people attempted to cancel the multiyear contract the Park Service has with a fireworks company so that a campaign contributor could “donate” their services.

The Abrams tank weights more than 60 tons, which is slightly less than Trump’s ego. Despite the city’s protest, Trump plans to have them destroy the city’s streets and perhaps the rooms underneath the Lincoln Memorial. Trump also boasted about the “new” Sherman tanks, which, like his brain, haven’t been in use since the 1950s.

Trump will expect people to thank him for the Fourth of July after this event. There are currently commercials more annoying than that Cars 4 Kids jingle asking Americans to call the White House to “thank President Trump,” for what, I don’t know. Now, they can add a holiday. Just like Trump cultists don’t remember the economy Obama gave them, they’ll forget we had the Fourth of July before Trump. Personally, I’m kinda worried about Trump cultists around fireworks, but then again, that’s a problem that might solve itself.

Fortunately, there will be people present with IQs higher than shoe sizes to let Trump know he’s not appreciated and we’re not thankful for a damn thing he’s done to this country. Protesters have been granted permits to demonstrate in the capital and the Trump Baby may even make an appearance. I mean the balloon Trump Baby. The other Trump baby has guaranteed he’ll show up.

Trump should avoid hijacking a national holiday and instead tweet out a “happy Fourth to everyone, even the haters” from his bed of hamberders in the midsts of his usual retweets of neo-Nazi videos.

We all get to look forward to Trump’s whiny voice on this special day. Now, in addition to fireworks, there’s something else that’ll hurt dogs’ ears on July the Fourth. If you need me, I’ll be under the bed with the dog.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

Sniveling Ted


cjones10252018

Ted Cruz may NOT be the Zodiac Killer, but he will throw his family under the bus for a cheap political payoff.

He didn’t just throw his family under the bus. He sacrificed his pride, dignity, and anything that remotely resembled principles. But, that’s kinda par for the course for people who support Donald Trump.

They’re for family values and would never support a candidate who cheats on his wife, especially with porn stars. Never mind. They stand with our veterans and would never support a guy who attacks a P.O.W. and Gold Star families. Never mind. They’re patriots and would defend their country against all enemies foreign and domestic. Never mind. They’re for decreased spending, balanced budgets, and lowering the deficit. Never mind.  They don’t like Nazis and white supremacists…actually, that example doesn’t work. They always liked Nazis and white supremacists. Just now, they don’t have to hide it anymore.

But, when it comes to standing firm on the ground where you make a stand, Ted has legs of Jell-O.

Donald Trump accused Cruz’s father of being an accomplice to the murder of President John F. Kennedy. He tweeted pictures of Melania next to Cruz’s wife, Heidi, as though he was running for prom king and having a prettier wife should be important to voters. He gave Ted the nickname “Lying Ted.” Cruz responded by calling Trump a “sniveling coward” and a pathological liar.

Both candidates were right. Both men are liars and cowards. But the bigger coward soon started campaigning for Trump and joined the “Trump Train.” Last night, Trump campaigned for Cruz by holding one of his hate rallies in Texas; where Cruz shouldn’t need any help to win his re-election bid.

Unfortunately for Cruz, his opponent isn’t just a warm-blooded human being with a pulse, he’s Beto O’Rourke. Where anyone is more likable than Cruz, and even the Zodiac Killer is probably upset with the comparison, Beto is extremely likable and has amassed a huge following as well as a large war chest of campaign dollars. Ted may win in red Texas, but he’s in a fight.

The question for Texans is; why would you send Cruz back to Washington? In his first term, he was single-handedly responsible for shutting down the government. He put the concerns of Texans on the back burner to run for president. He became the most unpopular guy in the Senate, where even former House Majority Leader John Boehner said he was a “miserable son of a bitch” and “Lucifer in the flesh,” which made Lucifer, and miserable sons of bitches very unhappy with the comparisons.

Donald Trump has increased his lies to new levels of absurdity. Democrats are paying for the caravan, there are Middle Easterners in the caravan, Democrats will give illegal immigrants new cars, there are riots over sanctuary cities in California, he’s going to pass a tax cut while Congress is out of sessions, etc. But, yesterday he may have told the most unbelievable lie yet. Trump said Cruz is no longer “Lying Ted” and is now “Beautiful Ted.” What? As one comedian recently said (I forget who), “Ted Cruz is what baseball thinks about when it wants to delay orgasm.”

Ted Cruz isn’t the only person putting the cult of stupid personality before principles, dignity, and pride. Texans voting for Cruz are doing the same thing. Why would anyone, especially a Texan, vote for a guy who asks the guy who insulted his family to come to his state and campaign for him?

If Texans want a Senator who will put their interests first and represent their state with pride, they’ll vote for Beto. If they want to vote for a sniveling coward who’s also a spineless worm, they’ll vote for Ted Cruz.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Caravan Of Haters


cjones10242018

As a caravan of migrants heads north toward the United States from Honduras, Donald Trump and Republicans are using it as a campaign issue to scare their supporters and give the GOP some momentum going into the midterms. Republicans are accusing Democrats and George Soros of funding the migrants, but if anyone has an incentive to finance their thousands-mile journey on foot, it’s Donald Trump.

The issue needs to be taken into perspective. The Republicans are trying to scare voters over 2,000 migrants seeking sanctuary in the United States. While making 2,000 seem like a huge number, Border Patrol arrests an average of over 42,000 a month. While posting no serious risk to the security of the U.S., they make great campaign fodder for stupid people.

People travel in these caravans as there’s safety in numbers from gangs, rapists, and others who prey on the desperate, which is exactly what Trump is doing. And these people are desperate to leave their homes and walk thousands of miles with their children on the slim chance they’ll receive refugee status in a nation with a racist president who really hates brown people.

This caravan isn’t a freak occurrence. There was one last April of about 1,200 people, with only 150 reaching the U.S. border.

Trump is also using the issue to threaten to withhold aid to Guatemala, Honduras, and El Salvador, which is like banning birth control to stop abortions (Republicans still don’t understand that). The aid we give those third-world nations is to help bring stability. Removing it will make their situations worse, and land more people at our doorstep. He is also threatening to shut down our border with Mexico, which would halt trade. Finally, he’s warning that he’ll send the U.S. military to secure the border, which is probably illegal because the military is barred from performing civilian law enforcement within the United States (though they can provide logistics and other support to Border Patrol).

Trump is scaring his base of reprehensible stupid people over a handful of migrants two countries away, traveling on foot, most of which will never make it to the U.S. border. But then again, they scared these dumb people over the threat of taco trucks on every corner.

But, this is the new normal where stupidity and lies work, such as claiming Democrats want the immigrants here in time to vote in November. Being horrible works too as Trump has yet to offer any compassion to those running for their lives. For those who do arrive with children, his administration will surely separate them and throw more babies in detention centers.

Other than votes from the most hateful among us, Trump and the xenophobic Stephen Millers and John Boltons of his administration will use the issue to further isolate the United States.

Illegal immigration is a serious issue, but it’s not the most important or dangerous that our nation is facing. But, it’s great for making scapegoats when you’re enacting a racist agenda.

If you really want to see a mob of angry people that are dangerous to the United States, go to a Trump rally (I have. It’s bloodcurdling). Donald Trump’s supporters, the most fanatical, are the greatest danger our nation is facing right now, as they’re willing to tear it apart over a cult of stupid personality.

Personally, I’d rather have the caravan.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Plaid Shirt Guy


cjones09182018

By now, you’ve heard of Plaid Shirt Guy. Tyler Linfesty is a high school senior in Billings, Montana. He got prime seating behind Trump at his rally earlier this week, yet he’s not a supporter.

Plaid Shirt Guy was seen raising his eyebrows, grimacing, shaking his head, and at one point, widened his eyes in confusion and mouthed, “what?”

The Trump propaganda machine noticed that the kid could be seen on camera and apparently hadn’t drunk the Kool-Aid. They immediately sent a staffer to remove him from his seat and take his place (which proves the Trump campaign does pay people to cheer at his rallies).

The images of the kid went viral, and he became an internet sensation and even a hero to many.

The 17-year-old identifies as a social democrat. He and some friends wanted to see an American president in the flesh, and unfortunately for them, they got Donald Trump. I’ve seen it too, but in that instance, I removed myself from the rally.

After signing up for the rally, Linfesty said he was notified that he was selected for V.I.P. status, which meant that he would get to meet Trump and have access to premier seating. He said organizers instructed them to clap and cheer, but he couldn’t for comments he didn’t support or agree with. He didn’t realize he was so visible until friends texted him during the speech.

After being yanked, his friends were replaced too. From there, the Secret Service checked his identification and eventually told him to leave and to never come back.

My favorite thing about Mr. Linfesty is that he’s turning 18 next month and will vote in November.

Linfesty, who now has over 37,000 followers on Twitter (I’m jealous) tweeted yesterday, “is not about me. It’s about people not standing in the background letting our leadership say whatever the hell they want and getting away with it. For too long our incompetent, corrupt leaders have gone unchecked. Let’s change that.”

This 17-year-old has more sense than adults who voted for and still support Trump. He’s too smart to fall for the conman. He also knows that to make real change and to improve the country, you need to vote.

Now, he’s my hero too. Reading about so many 18-year-old voters who will be voting for the first time, now that’s something to scream for.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

A Super Bad ID


cjones08072018

Donald Trump, the man of the people who understands the working class, argued for voter IDs by saying everyone needs to show their IDs at grocery stores.

Now, since he was speaking at one of his rallies in Florida, every cashier in the Tampa region is going to have to deal with IDs being shoved in their faces by QAnon idiots each time they purchase toilet paper.

Of course, you don’t need an ID to purchase groceries. What’s obvious here is that Trump has never shopped for his own food in his entire life. As we have all come to learn, not knowing about something doesn’t stop Donald Trump from explaining how it works.

The nuclear triad, what NATO does, the three branches of government, the president of Puerto Rico, islands are surrounded by water, who fought in the War of 1812 or what year it was, the difference between HPV and HIV, invisible airplanes, the alphabet…there’s a lot of stuff Trump does not know. Now we can add grocery shopping. But, if you need someone to explain money laundering, how to steal from a charity or bust into a dressing room full of teenage girls, Trump’s your expert.

White House Spokesgoon Sarah Huckabee Sanders condescendingly explained to the press that he was talking about beer, liquor, and wine at grocery stores, and if they weren’t asking for IDs, then there was a problem with that store.

No. The problem is that you believe we’re stupid enough to buy that defense. The other problem is that we’re becoming used to this new stupidity and it’s becoming the new normal.

George H. W. Bush was once mocked and derided for being amazed at scanners in grocery stores. It perpetuated the image he was out of touch and didn’t understand the real world. That image aided in his defeat to Bill Clinton. But, President Bush wasn’t stupid. He was just out of touch.

Donald Trump is stupid. He probably still believes you need an ID at a grocery store (though he left that line out of his rally speech). I don’t know if Trump employs anyone who will correct him. The only person in the White House who can’t get fired is Ivanka, and we know she’s not going grocery shopping.

But, maybe Trump has done some of his own shopping. Because, that brain he bought was from someone named Abby Normal.

Creative note: If you don’t get this cartoon because you’re unfamiliar with the pop culture reference, then I’ll take the blame. It’s my super bad.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

Watch me draw.