Fox’s Flaming Fir

Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace surprised viewers and many of his colleagues yesterday by announcing that this would be his last show and he was leaving the network, effective immediately. Shortly after, CNN announced the hiring of Wallace to be an anchor on their upcoming streaming service, CNN Plus.

Wallace turned down a contract extension with a pay raise to jump ship to an actual news network.

Fox News is losing actual news journalists. Brett Bair is probably the only prominent one who remains at the network. Shepard Smith left for CNBC in 2019. Kristin Fisher is another who recently left. Now, goodbye, Chris Wallace, who may have been the network’s best journalist.

Fox News has used Wallace as proof they’re an actual news source while firing Chris Stirewalt two months after he called Arizona for President Biden (which made a huge part of their base leave temporarily for News Max).

Fox News is actually making their network even more conservative. The network has replaced its 7:00 PM news slot with a conservative commentary show. They moved back their 11:00 PM news show an hour to give the slot to pro-Trump goon Greg Gutfield, who conservatives think is funny. Greg Gutfield’s show is like giving another talk show to Chevy Chase, but with less humor.

The network has removed liberal Juan Williams from its show, “The Five,” and Democratic analyst Donna Brazile recently left for ABC News. Even conservative pundits, Stephen Hayes and Jonah Goldberg quit last month in protest of Tucker’s lying documentary.

According to inside sources at Fox (people who work there but hate it), Wallace was frustrated working at a supposed “news” network where the agenda was being crafted by conspiracy theorists. Even worse, much of the Fox News programming has been set by Donald Trump over the past five years. If Trump says it, much of the network repeats it as fact.

Fun fact: Donald Trump doesn’t say facts.

The insiders also report that Wallace, along with Brett Bair, had complained to network executives over Tucker Carlson’s constant lie the election was stolen. The sources also state Wallace was upset and had complained about a so-called “documentary” by Tucker, titled “Patriot Purge,” which includes the false claim that the riot was a “false flag” operation created to demonize the political right.

And then there has been the network’s coverage over its own Christmas tree. The tree outside the headquarters of Fox News on 6th Avenue was set on fire, allegedly by a homeless man who may be mentally ill. Fox News’ reaction to this is that it’s a “war on Christmas” and a “hate crime” against Fox News. If you listen to Christians, Christmas is under attack and persecuted in this country. Starbucks Happy Holiday cups are probably a hate crime for not saying, “Merry Christmas.”

Fox’s commentators have referred to the tree as, “America’s Tree,” though the tradition of Fox News putting up the tree was started in 2019. Jeanine Pirro said the burning of the tree is “pure evil.” She stated on air, “It’s about good versus evil! Period!”

Ainsley Earhardt, co-host of Fox & Friends comforted his concerned viewers by promising the network will “build it back better.” Ya’ mean by going to the store and buying a new fake tree? Ainsley raised the stakes now and for his sake, this tree better be better, godammit. Maybe Ainsley can volunteer to provide all-night security just to make sure the new tree is hobo-proof. Maybe Fox News can give him a whistle.

Fox & Friends Steve Doocy said, “Apparently lighting a Christmas tree on fire is not a hate crime.” Co-host Brian Kilmeade replied, “But it is! “Who says it’s not a hate crime against us – against Fox News?” So, Fox News is a religion now? Well, I guess is it a division of the Trump Cult.

Conservatives don’t believe the murder of Ahmaud Arbery while jogging was a hate crime, but setting this fake fucking tree on fire is. What’s the next Fox News hate crime, burning a MyPillow?

Another fun fact: Like much of Fox News, that tree had no soul.

Kilmeade then went on a rant about crime. He said, “There is so much crime in places that were always safe, including 48th and Sixth here. This is emblematic of these cities out of control, defame and defund the police, and this bail reform that has these men and women, these assailants, these suspects out before they can even finish the paperwork.”

He went on, “no person is safe and no city is safe.” No Christmas tree is safe from homeless vagrants. Before you can even finish the paperwork on arrested suspects, they make bail and set out to burn down another fake Christmas tree. This is the worst thing to happen to conservatism since that time Donald Trump was forced to go out in the rain to commemorate veterans. Tucker hasn’t taken a personal blow like this since he was kicked out of that Swiss boarding school for pampered special boys. We haven’t seen attack on white Christians like this since all those black people walked in front of those gun-toting mustard-loving conservatives’ home in St. Louis, or since CNN slandered the Covington Kid by pointing out he’s a huge dick, or since that time someone somewhere tricked Kyle Rittenhouse into drinking underage in a white nationalist bar. And if you listen to the Fox fuckers, you’d believe it was the worst thing to happen to New York City since 9/11.

And you know the jerks across the street at MSNBC were craning their necks out the window to gawk and laugh at this ungodly attack on the wholesome Christian purity of Fox News. Those MSNBC savages? Was Rachel giggling?

I’m mostly surprised they haven’t blamed this assault on their fake tree on President Biden, or Vice-President Kamala Harris, or Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, or Ilhan Omar, of the rest of the squad, or Antifa, or Black Lives Matter, or Dr. Fauci, or Starbucks holiday cups, or my cartoon yesterday on Mike Nesmith (you should see my inbox), or vaccines, or people who celebrate Kwanza, or…

No wonder Chris Wallace is leaving.

Music note: While drawing today’s cartoon, I listened to Taylor Swift’s Folklore album.

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