Fauci

Dr. Demon Sperm


cjones07312020

Yesterday, during his bogus coronavirus hearings that are actually replacements for his hater rallies, Donald Trump wondered out loud why Dr. Anthony Fauci is more popular than he is. For his answer, maybe he should consult with Dr. Demon Sperm.

Donald Trump pointed out they’re a part of the same team and administration, yet Fauci has better ratings. For starters, they’re a part of the same team but Donald Trump didn’t hire Dr. Fauci. Ronald Reagan did. And despite being part of the same team, Donald Trump has engaged and engineered a smear campaign against the good doctor. As to why their approvals are in different places, Fauci has been honest and direct with Americans. In contrast, Donald Trump ignored the virus, downplayed it, politicized it, and spread lies while it has killed nearly 150,000 Americans and ruined the economy. And finally, a great reason Donald Trump’s numbers are so low when it comes to handling the virus, he’s ignored the very accomplished doctor on his team and has relied on the junk science of conspiracy theorists and loons who are seriously fucked in the head. Yes, that’s a medical term for this blog, “seriously fucked in the head.”

After seeing Donald Trump’s choice for his personal physician, nobody anywhere ever ever ever should listen to him ramble incoherently about anything that has to do with health and medicine (or anything else for that matter). The man actually believes human bodies are like batteries, with energy that doesn’t replenish, and we waste it on exercise. And now, he’s telling Americans to follow the medical advice from Dr. Demon Sperm. What?

Donald Trump retweeted a video of Dr. Stella Immanuel, a Houston doctor from Nigeria who was part of the “White Coat Summit,” a gathering of a few doctors who call themselves America’s Frontline Doctors and dispute the medical consensus on the coronavirus. She and the other doctors gave testimonials on the steps of the Supreme Court in an event organized by the group Tea Party Patriots, funded by wealthy right-wing assholes.

A video of the event went viral as the doctor pushed the drug hydroxychloroquine and claimed people don’t need to wear face masks and that a cure for the coronavirus has been found.

“Nobody needs to get sick,” Immanuel said. “This virus has a cure.” Then she said, “Hello, you don’t need a mask. There is a cure.” Hello? Are you seriously fucked in the head? Yes. Yes, she is.

The video, captured by Breitbart, gained over 13 million views and was shared by Donald Trump and his idiot son number 1, Donald Trump Jr. Later, the video was removed from YouTube and Twitter for pushing junk science. A conservative political cartoonist I know shared the video while declaring them “real doctors,” only to discover it was removed and replaced with a tag saying, “False information.”

Despite being pushed by the Trumps, the conservative student group of idiots, Turning Point, and those pro-Trump medical luminaries (that’s sarcasm) Diamond & Silk, hydroxychloroquine doesn’t help fight the coronavirus. Studies have failed to find proof the drug has any benefit in treating the virus and the Food and Drug Administration revoked its emergency authorization to use it to treat it, saying it hadn’t demonstrated any effect on patients’ mortality prospects.

But, hydroxychloroquine isn’t the craziest shit the Houston doctor is pushing. From her medical office in a strip mall, she’s selling the belief scientists have created a vaccine that prevents people from being religious, the government is run by lizard people, and women have gynecological problems after dreaming they had sex with demons and witches.

She also claims she’s cured over 300 people of the coronavirus without providing any proof…and wait…let’s go back to this demon booty stuff.

Dr. Immanuel has posted videos on YouTube of her sermons where she claims medical issues like endometriosis, cysts, infertility, and impotence are caused by sex with “spirit husbands” and “spirit wives” by having sex with them in your dreams.

She says the sex demons are, “responsible for serious gynecological problems. We call them all kinds of names, endometriosis, we call them molar pregnancies, we call them fibroids, we call them cysts, but most of them are evil deposits from the spirit husband. They are responsible for miscarriages, impotence, men that can’t get it up.” Damn demons.

Now that she’s found the source of impotence, congressional Republicans will push to fund a study on how to purge our nation of these buzz-killing sex demons.

The doctor also claims ailments other than those in the hoo-ha stem from “demonic sperm,” such as financial ruin. It may also lead to one having her license to practice medicine taken away. Demonic sperm is like sand. It gets everywhere.

When asked yesterday about the doctor and her “medical” theories, Donald Trump said she was very “impressive” and “spectacular.” And then that “maybe” the doctor pushing those theories was her or it wasn’t. Then he ran from the room as the next question was being asked.

Donald, it was she. There’s no maybe about it. The real scientific phenomenon here is that we can’t convince 60 million people not to vote for the guy endorsing Dr. Demon Sperm.

The videos were removed from most social media, and Twitter even temporarily suspended Donald Trump Jr’s account. Removing the videos pissed Dr. Stella Immanuel off.

She tweeted yesterday, “Hello Facebook put back my profile page and videos up or your computers with start crashing till you do. You are not bigger that God. I promise you. If my page is not back up face book will be down in Jesus name.”

The last I checked, Jesus has not shut down Facebook. neither have the witches, lizard people, or the demon sperm.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Trump V. Fauci


cjones07182020

Donald Trump and his White House full of goons and shitweasels are very fond of engaging in smear campaigns. Every politician engages in opposition research on their political opponents, but it’s different with Trump. For Trump, it’s about dehumanizing and bullying to destroy the credibility of their political opponents. Sometimes it works beyond his base. For example, during the 2016 presidential election, the majority of voters found Hillary Clinton less honest than Donald Trump. There is nobody on this planet less honest than Donald Trump.

Trump’s latest opposition talking points, attacks, and bullying is even stranger than usual as it’s not against a political opponent, but on someone who is on his team. Donald Trump is trying to tear down Dr. Anthony Fauci, a scientist who has worked for six presidents from both parties. A doctor who is a recipient of the Presidential Medal of Honor. A man who is polled as being the most trusted individual in the nation.

Donald Trump’s problems with Dr. Fauci are facts and the fact he can’t fire him. He can fire Fauci but he’ll pay a hard price for it politically. But maybe, like he did with commuting the prison sentence of his personal henchman, Roger Stone, Trump will disregard wisdom and shitcan the scientist. The other problem, facts, is one Donald Trump has struggled with his entire life. Ask the Central Park 5, any of the New Jersey Muslims celebrating he saw on TV celebrating 9/11, or anyone who was on his Obama-Birth-Certificate-Fact-Finding mission.

Republican opposition to science didn’t start with Trump. They’ve used bullshit to deny the existence of Climate Change and never really understood how reproduction works. Rush Limbaugh thinks if a woman takes birth control pills daily, it means she’s having lots of sex because she’s a major slut. But with Trump, science is even harder. He thinks windmills cause cancer. He wonders if we can nuke hurricanes. He’s an anti-vaxxer. He thinks exercise depletes our life energy. The orange motherfucker took his shades off and stared directly at an eclipse.  But it’s the scientist who the White House is trying to discredit as someone who gets facts wrong when it comes to science.

Over the weekend, Donald Trump’s top advisers (goons) released a list to various media sources of statements he had made early in the coronavirus outbreak that they said was inaccurate. The interesting part of this is that the list was distributed anonymously. As in, nobody wanted their names on it. Funny thing, the administration has screamed in the past about anonymous sources coming from the White House. Of course, when spokesBarbie Kayleigh McEnany was asked about this, she failed to address it.

When the coronavirus first appeared, scientists, including Fauci, made statements that later turned out to be wrong. At first, it was believed we didn’t need masks or change our way of life. It was believed asymptomatic people didn’t spread the virus. But the thing is, as we learned otherwise on those aspects, people like Dr. Fauci changed their message, addressed where they were wrong, and implemented new strategies. Dr. Fauci has never told you wrong information in direct contrast to known facts. Guess who has done that. I’ll give you a hint. He’s an orange piece of lying garbage who would throw your grandmother into a trash compactor for an extra scoop of ice cream.

Dr. Fauci and other scientists changed their warnings and advice as new information was gathered. I’m sure information will continue to change as we still require knowledge about catching the virus twice and there are still debates over herd immunity. We don’t know everything yet. But Donald Trump has continued to lie and defy science over what is known.

It’s like when Republicans use the whatabout when they say, “But Obama promised if we liked our doctors, we could keep our doctors.” What they leave out is that after it was proven wrong, Obama stopped saying it. Donald Trump states a lie, it’s proven to be a lie, then Donald Trump doubles-down and continues to spread the lie.

Donald Trump lied about the direction of a hurricane after the fact, then ordered a government agency to repeat his lie.

While the White House is distributing a list of what Dr. Fauci got wrong, they’re not distributing one where Trump wasn’t just wrong, but when he lied about the virus.

There is not a list from the White House that included Trump stating, “Anyone who needs a test, gets a test.” They’re not reminding us that the virus would disappear in warm weather, or that testing creates cases, or that a vaccine is very near, or after 15 cases it would start going down, or the real gem of shooting UV light and household cleaning products into bodies. Where’s that list, White House goons?

This administration and president (sic) is so anti-science, that despite staring directly at evidence Republican states reopened too early, they’re still screaming for schools to reopen without offering any plans to do so safely. They’re even lying that children don’t spread the coronavirus. Their lies kill people.

This president (sic) is so anti-science, he’s not quoting Dr. Fauci. He’s quoting Chuck Woolery. This reality TV host of a president is getting his science from a game show host. This is the new normal. Everyone gets the coronavirus home version.

Donald Trump has ruined the lives of career professionals in the past for his petty ego and selfish personal agenda. Just ask James Comey, Andrew McCabe, or Alexander Vindman. Now, he’s trying to do it to Dr. Anthony Fauci, a man who was helping this nation fight the AIDS crisis while Donald Trump was grifting contractors, stealing from children’s charities, and making predictions on how large his daughter’s breasts would grow. Anyone who is helping Donald Trump to ruin these careers, like SpokesBarbie, should be shamed, ostracized, and never hired or even invited to a cocktail party for their rest of their lives.

Former acting Chief-of-Staff Mick Mulvaney wrote a column expressing outrage at our inability to test. What did Mulvaney expect after spending so much time in service of a lying piece of selfish stupid crap like Donald Trump? The only reason Mulvaney is speaking out now is because it’s affecting his family. But before this, Mulvaney helped enable this horror shitshow by working on Donald Trump’s agenda of hatred and stupidity. Surprise! It didn’t work out.

Who could have guessed that a moronic reality TV show host who doesn’t know anything and is too stupid to listen to people who do would make such a bad president?

If you’re a Trump supporter, go ahead and keep listening to Donald Trump, who in turn listens to fucknut shitweasels like Chuck Woolery. I’ll be listening to Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Faucigate


CNN05172020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

I love that Trump cultists complain that President Obama criticized Donald Trump’s handling of the coronavirus and threw a few subtle jabs at him during the national virtual graduation. Republicans point out that presidents rarely criticize their successors, even when their predecessors criticize them. But…no former president has EVER had his successor launch attack after attack the way Donald Trump has at Obama. No former president has EVER had his successor accuse him of a crime (even if he doesn’t name the crime). No former president has EVER had his successors create conspiracy theories about him. No former president has EVER been the source of distraction the way Trump has consistently used President Obama.

Donald Trump and his cult are the biggest whiners in the world. Donald Trump says he’s a “counter puncher.” No he’s not. He’s the first to punch…and usually below the belt. He is a child…a very stupid, racist, petty child. He’s upset he received a counter punch. He’s upset his bullshit gets called out. If anything, President Obama has exercised tremendous patience and restraint with Donald Trump.

Now, Donald Trump says President Obama is “grossly incompetent.” Yet, Donald Trump has taken credit for everything Obama left him from a strong stock market, economy, and low unemployment rates. President Obama inherited a Republican-made recession. He left Donald Trump a Democratic-made recovery. Now, Donald Trump is creating another Republican recession and all the good times he talks about in the past tense were created by President Obama.

President Obama never lost jobs to the the point over 36 million American were filing unemployment claims within weeks. He never ignored a pandemic and lost nearly 90,000 lives. There are no recordings of world leaders huddled together laughing at and mocking President Obama.

President Obama rescued our economy from the brink of disaster. He even left Donald Trump a pandemic playbook. Now, Trump claims he had his own playbook all along, but neither he or Kayleigh McEnany will show us what’s in it…kinda like the charges they accuse President Obama of committing.

After he fires Dr. Anthony Fauci, we can look forward to all the lies Donald Trump creates about him. The question is: Will Dr. Fauci exercise as much patience and restraint as President Obama has when Donald Trump trashes his legacy and reputation? I hope not.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Fox V. Fauci


cjones05202020

The current talking point in attacking Dr. Anthony Fauci, the leading infectious disease expert in the United States, is that he’s “unelected.”

Senator Rand Paul said he’s not the “end-all” of understanding how viruses and pandemics work. Actually, he is. Laura Ingraham points out he’s unelected. Tucker Carlson did the same while also calling him a “buffoon.”

These buffoons need to understand something. Dr. Fauci isn’t closing states, businesses, or schools. He’s giving advice. His advice comes from knowledge and experience. While Dr. Fauci isn’t a politician and isn’t an expert on the economy or business, the Fox buffoons are not doctors or scientists. Rand Paul is a doctor, but he’s an eye doctor and even then, I don’t think he’s the “end-all” of poking shit in your eyeball.

Do you know who else isn’t elected? Stephen Miller. Nobody voted for Stephen Miller yet he’s drawing up our immigration policy. Other than Mike Pence and Donald Trump, there’s not one person in the Trump administration anyone voted for. Not Betsy DeVos, Ben Carson, William Barr, or Mike Pompeo. Nobody voted for these people to be in their current positions but they’re all there legally.

And nobody voted for Jared Kushner. While you can argue over the experience of some of the cabinet members, Jared comes with none. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Jared’s expertise is only in being Donald Trump’s idiot son-in-law. Yet, Jared has been in charge of immigration and peace in the Middle East. Now, he’s one of the directors of our response to the coronavirus and told us the government stockpile of medical equipment wasn’t for the states and is “our stockpile,” as in the federal government’s stockpile.

Now, Jared is floating the idea of delaying the general election. Wouldn’t Republicans just love that? Hey, just like if you don’t test then you don’t get positive results, if we don’t hold an election, then we don’t have to count all those votes against Trump.

Answering a question from Time Magazine about postponing the general election because of the pandemic, Jared said, “I’m not sure I can commit one way or the other, but right now that’s the plan.” Yes, Jared. You can commit one way or the other. That way would be, “No. There are no plans to postpone the election because I’m not the one to make that call…and neither is Donald Trump.” That’s how you answer that question.

Who the hell is Jared Kushner to even tell us if there’s a plan or not on delaying the general election? What sort of arrogance and narcissism must this guy have to act as though he could plan it? Even DonaldTrump can’t plan it.

While the Covidiots at Fox News screams about Fauci being unelected and call him a “buffoon,” they ignore Jared’s idiocy and lack of qualifications while he floats the idea of violating the Constitution of the United States. Jared Kushner has NEVER accomplished or achieved anything in his life, other than being born rich, inheriting riches, and marrying rich.

The funny thing about the general election. It’s in the Constitution. Federal law stipulates when we hold the election, when states’ electors cast their votes and send them to Congress, and even when the president and vice-president’s tenures expire.

Congress would have to change federal law (one House is held by Democrats who are lead by Nancy Pelosi) to change the date of the election.

And, look at it this way: If we don’t hold an election, the president and vice president’s terms will automatically expire at noon on January 20, 2021, either way. If Donald Trump’s term expires and there’s no duly elected president because there wasn’t an election, say, “Hello, Madam President.” Because if there’s no election, she’s guaranteed to still be Speaker of the House and she’s next in line for the presidency after Trump and Pence.

Hmm. Maybe this no election thing isn’t a bad idea after all.

Here’s the other thing that pisses me off about this, that burns my cheese, chokes my goat, the fire that burns my ass: Fox News expressing concern about someone being unelected.

Fox News doesn’t care that Donald Trump is in the White House without a mandate. They don’t care he’s there after the majority of voters rejected him in 2016. They don’t care that Russians tampered with our election. They don’t care that Donald Trump is inviting foreign nations to tamper with the next one.

Fox News does not care when minority voters’ civil rights are violated by being removed from voter rolls. They didn’t care when thousands of American voters were removed from the rolls in Georgia’s last state election. They didn’t care that the guy who could remove them was the Republican candidate for governor. They didn’t care when he won.

Fox News didn’t care when thousands of Native Americans, people who are way more American than anyone at Fox News, weren’t allowed to vote in North Dakota.

So, Fox News…spare me your fainting spells over shit you don’t really care about. But, if you want to do it your way, Fox News…let’s hold Dr. Anthony Fauci to an election over Donald Trump.

As it currently stands, over 60% of Americans trust Dr. Fauci. Donald Trump, your hero, is hovering around 30%.

Quite frankly, Fox News buffoons…you don’t do well with elections so maybe you should stop talking and making demands about them.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Acceptable Answers


cjones05182020

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s top infectious disease expert, testified before the U.S. Senate this week and warned about reopening the nation too quickly and stressed the unknown effects the coronavirus could have on children returning to school.

Donald Trump wasn’t pleased. This is an administration trying to downplay the virus. Donald Trump wants to reopen the schools and the rest of the nation as quickly as possible. He tweets at his racist gun-toting followers to “liberate” their states. He refuses to wear a mask because it might give the appearance that we’re not out of the woods yet. In order to declare “mission accomplished,” the White House is publicly defying the guidance given by the White House.

About Dr. Fauci’s answer, Trump said it was an “unacceptable answer.” He said Dr. Fauci, “Wants to play all sides of the equation.” How exactly is Dr. Fauci playing “all sides of the equation?” Did he say kids shouldn’t go back to school and they should go back to school? Has he been as inconsistent and confusing as Donald Trump? No.

The problem here for Donald Trump is the nation trusts Dr. Fauci more than they trust Donald Trump. According to a recent poll by the Center for the Digital Future at the USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism and the Interactive Advertising Bureau (who picked that name? Sheesh!), 45% of Americans trust Dr. Fauci. It stated 35% trusted their governors. And only 20% trusted Donald Trump. Really? That high for Trump?

I would trust a nutless monkey’s advice over that of Donald Trump. Say what you will about primates and sure, they fling poo, but I haven’t heard any nutless monkeys suggest we drink Clorox.

During Dr. Fauci’s testimony, U.S. Senator Rand Paul, who risked exposing his colleagues with the coronavirus between taking a test and testing positive, told Dr. Fauci he wasn’t the “end-all” for information on the coronavirus. There are two things Rand Paul needs to understand. First, there has not been a run on razors and shaving cream. He obviously doesn’t care about school children because that thing on his face is going to scare them to death. Secondly, Dr. Fauci IS the “end-all” on information about the coronavirus, you fucking quack eye doctor. It is no wonder Rand Paul gets physically attacked by his neighbors and a huge wonder why his Senate colleagues, who’ve been socially distancing from him for years, haven’t grabbed him by the beard and flung him out a window.

Rand Paul isn’t the only conservative attempting to discredit Dr. Fauci. Fox News has been going at him with the current talking point being “no one elected Dr. Fauci.” Yeah? For that matter, no one elected Jared Kushner but there he is talking about delaying the general election, which his father-in-law failed to win the popular vote from last time.

Sean Hannity, who once called the coronavirus a “hoax” then said he never called it a “hoax,” said about Fauci, “There is no secret that he, like so many others, have been wrong a lot.” One of those “others” who’s been wrong a lot, in addition to all the idiots on Fox News, is Donald Trump.

Laura Ingraham warned us Democrats are “remaking America under the veil of a virus” and staging “a naked power grab in the middle of a pandemic.” Of course, she also once said face masks were a deep state plot to control Americans.

Tucker Carlson said, “This guy, Fauci, may be even more off-base than your average epidemiologist.” Tucker is more off-base than your average cultist TV host dispensing propaganda disguised as information. He then referred to Fauci as the “Chief buffoon.” Tucker also claimed, “Some people think that he (Fauci) should be dictator for the duration of this crisis.” Yeah. How dare people try to replace our current dictator. But this does beg the question, who is the “Chief Buffoon” on Fox News? Who wins that contest?

And, Donald Trump once retweeted the hashtag #FireFauci.

Since Trump, Fox News, and 4chan began their hostile hate campaign against Dr. Fauci, his personal security has been increased. The Dr., who’s been telling us the truth, has been receiving death threats. You have NOT heard any of these hosts from Fox News or even Donald Trump speak out against threats against Dr. Fauci.

The reason Fauci’s answer warning about reopening schools too quickly is unacceptable to Donald Trump is that it wasn’t the kind of answer you’d get from a yes man.

Donald Trump has gone to great lengths to surround himself with yes people. He’s been purging career officials who aren’t “Trump people” or who may appear “disloyal” to him. He calls them “Never Trumpers.” Even Dr. Deborah Birx wouldn’t shoot down the bleach theory.

Dr. Fauci’s answer to Trump was unacceptable because it was truth. In this White House, truth is not acceptable.

There are talking points distributed to every person who works for the government under Trump. The first is, praise Trump. And it must be written in bold and large letters because the wording is always the same when it comes out of their mouths. “Thank you for your leadership.” It’s like a broken record. This is some real Hitler/Stalin/Kim Jong Un shit.

Donald Trump needs fewer yes men, like Mike Pence, and more honest men, like Dr. Fauci. Unfortunately, if Pence is replaced on this ticket, it’ll be with another yes person, like Nikki Haley. If Dr. Fauci is replaced, it’ll be with another yes person, like Nikki Haley.

Donald Trump desperately wants to fire Dr. Fauci and I find that unacceptable.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Another Trump Cure


CNN04262020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Today’s blog is not for you. By that, I mean it’s not for those in my echo chamber or who agree with me that Donald Trump is unqualified to be president and is an idiot, racist, sexist, and narcissist who’s surrounded himself with yes men, stupid members of his family, and ass-kissing sycophants. No, today’s blog is for those ass-kissing sycophants. So, if you’re a Trump supporter, I’m talking to you. But, if you’re one of my usual readers, feel free to eavesdrop as I write a public letter to Trump supporters giving them all the respect they’re due.

Dear fucknuts,

I’ve seen a lot of you shitweasels defend Donald Trump’s latest line of bullshit that he wasn’t seriously suggesting people inject household disinfectants and UV light into their bodies.

I’ve seen a few of you on social media say it’s “fake news” to say he “suggested” the idea. It’s not. He truly suggested the idea. Some of you say it’s liberals who do stupid things like eat Tide Pods, except that wasn’t ever a liberal thing. I’ve seen one Trumplican say we shouldn’t worry about it and just let the idea of drinking Clorox get rid of stupid people…except the people who literally ingested fish tank cleaner, with one dying, were Trump supporters. They were not liberals.

While Trump said he was being sarcastic, he undercut Dr. Deborah Birx who said he was merely “musing.” While explaining he was just being sarcastic, he said to one reporter that he was looking directly at him while he was doing it…except that reporter wasn’t there during the suggestion.

As you go about your business covering for a liar and being liars yourselves in saying he’d never say something so stupid about injecting disinfectants, keep in mind, yeah he would. As a follower of mine on Twitter tweeted after seeing this cartoon, with Donald Trump, there really is no bottom.

Donald Trump has said a LOT of stupid shit. As a public service, I’ll recap some of it.

He believes in invisible airplanes. He thought Frederick Douglas was still alive. He didn’t know Puerto Rico was an island, or had a governor, or was a territory of the United States. He tweeted to the “President” of Puerto Rico when he IS the president (sic) of Puerto Rico. He didn’t know what the nuclear triad was and probably still doesn’t. He didn’t know Abraham Lincoln was a Republican and when he did find out, he shouted it from the rooftops as if all us didn’t already know.

He believes he built the great economy President Obama left, instead of inheriting a great economy that’s now lost over 26 million jobs under his “leadership.”

He thinks you need an I.D. to buy Fruit Loops. He thinks asbestos could have saved the World Trade Center from collapsing on 9/11 and it was the mafia that made us remove the stuff. And if that’s true about the mafia, thank you, mafia.

Donald Trump believes your body is like a battery and exercising uses infinite energy, as it depletes your energy and doesn’t renew. He thinks HIV and HPV are the same things. He thinks young people only pay $12 a year for health insurance.

He believes environmentally-friendly lightbulbs cause cancer and they make him look orange.

He thinks sleeping is bad and only sleeping 4 hours a night gives him a competitive edge. It also explains why he looks like he does, requires 7 pounds of makeup on his face, and has an Adderall-rattled brain that believes you need an I.D. to buy cereal.

He thinks vaccines cause autism, windpower kills millions of birds (no. Cats kill millions of birds), and the noise from wind turbines gives you “windmill cancer.”

He spent years telling us President Obama was born in Kenya.

Regarding the coronavirus, he said we had it under control, that the numbers would go down after the 15th case in the United States, it’s a Democratic hoax, it was only one person from China, it would magically disappear in April, we’re close to a vaccine, he called it the flu, said we don’t know what it is, said we have hundreds and even thousands who get better just by going to work, we could reopen the country by Easter, we’ve tested more than any other country, bragged about the ratings for his press briefings, and that anyone who needs a test gets a test.

And lastly, he was totally serious about injecting Clorox and Lyson into our bodies just like he was serious when he asked about dropping nuclear weapons on hurricanes.

Everything I just listed was defended by your stupid asses. When Donald Trump talks, we can’t believe one thing he says. When you defend his ridiculous lying and stupid bullshit, we don’t believe you either. You’re about as credible as Omarosa.

Back to my liberal friends: Some of you will say I could catch more flies with sugar. No, you catch flies with shit and why would I want to catch flies? But I get your point. Some of you believe I can reason better with Trump cultists by reasoning with them in a respectful and diplomatic manner and calling them “cultists,” “shitweasels,” “MAGAts,” and “fucknuts” is not how you reach out to them.

Have you met these people? You can’t reason with them. They are not reasonable. They are not people you can have an honest discussion with. They are not people willing to listen to facts. I’ve talked to some before who think it’s fake news that Donald Trump ever stole from a charity or that a court forced him to disband the charity, pay institutions, and blocked him from being involved with any charity for the next few years. Why reach out to people who aren’t reachable?

I give these people all the respect they are due…and they’re not due any. The truth is, while I can agree to disagree, I’m not disagreeing with people who don’t use facts. I don’t respect opinions built on lies and conspiracy theories. I don’t respect liars. I don’t respect people who use the term “fake news.” I don’t respect people for whom racism is not a deal-breaker. I don’t respect people who believe our nation should have such low standards. I don’t respect people who support ripping families apart, putting kids in jail, and forcing them into actions that kill them. I don’t respect Donald Trump’s supporters. These people have used an agenda of cruelty to help a racist reality TV host destroy our nation.

Today, they’re defending a president who suggested we inject Clorox into our bodies…and I don’t respect that.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Toughest Decision


CNN04122020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Tiger King was one of those things I had to look up to see what everyone was talking about. I had to do the same thing while watching Deadpool 2 and look up Dub Step. I still don’t know what that is. But if I had to choose between Dub Step and Tiger King being a current trend, I’m going with the dub-steppy thing.

Donald Trump said the decision to reopen the nation may be the “toughest decision” he’ll ever make. That’s a very scary prospect since Donald Trump is incapable of taking anything seriously other than himself…which ironically, isn’t a serious topic. Donald Trump’s priorities are skewed. He’ll focus on his own pocketbook and approval ratings over the danger to Americans. This is a man who refused to say states should issue stay-at-home orders who now says he’s going to decide when they’ll reopen.

Fortunately, for this grave decision which may literally be a grave decision, it’s not Donald Trump’s decision. We have a Constitution. The nation is a republic made up of states. It’s called the “United States.” Maybe you’ve heard of it. Governors will make this decision.

Pardon Tiger King? Sure, Donald Trump can do that. Tell Andrew Cuomo when to open his state? Nope! Donald Trump can’t do that.

It’s like stairs. He can’t do it.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Hissy Fit Over Fauci Facts


cjones04182020

The worst thing a member of the Trump administration can do in the eyes of Donald Trump and his cult is to tell a fact. The real crime is contradicting Donald Trump and pointing out he’s wrong, but since everything he says is a lie, telling any fact contradicts Donald Trump.

Whatever Donald Trump believes, his cult follows. Since Donald Trump believes he’s infallible, his cult takes it personally when someone points out he’s wrong. Donald Trump may say something in direct opposition to a previous statement he made, but he and his cult will never admit it.

These are people who used to defend our nation. After Trump says it’s OK, they’re fine with Russia attacking our democratic process. They used to stand for family values but now they’re kneeling before a guy who has had five kids with three different women, boasting about grabbing pussy and barging in on teenage girls’ dressing rooms. They don’t care about someone stealing from charity. They don’t care about emoluments. They don’t care about government spending. They don’t even care when Donald Trump starts a tariff war with China, then bails out farmers with money he borrowed from China. They scream that socialism will turn us into Venezuela, then cash government checks approved by Donald Trump.

Remember when they were for states’ rights? Now, they want a king in Donald Trump. In fact, many of them dream of a Trump dynasty where he’s followed every eight years, when they can do the math, by another Trump.

They even make science partisan. If Donald Trump tells them to drink Clorox straight out of the bottle, they will scream at the fake news liberal media for pointing out drinking bleach will kill you.

A friend told me this morning that she’s given up trying to understand why for conservatives, adherence to a totalitarian leader is more important than saving the country. I’m still trying to understand why all this praise, fawning, appeasement, cultlike worship, and willful subjugation is for a reality TV host. It’s like selling your soul, not for fame, fortune, love, or sex…but for a Cheez-it (if a Cheez-it could be racist and this stupid).

It’s so bad, that when basically every doctor in the nation says “Don’t take chlorine to fight covid-19,” that the cult wants to follow the opposite advice because it came from their reality TV host. Some of them have even consumed chemicals made to clean fish tanks because it has chlorine in it.

He’s still hosting a daily reality TV show except the cult isn’t accepting the reality. While they’re still trying to sell the idea that we don’t need to take the coronavirus pandemic seriously, that it’s all fake news, and the two hours of Donald Trump talking about himself is gospel, the reality is over 1,000 people are going to die today. The reality is, Donald Trump says he’s not responsible.

So, after Dr. Anthony Fauci went on CNN and answered a question honestly, that we could have saved lives if we had acted sooner, there were calls from the cult to fire Fauci. They even got a hashtag trending. They even got a retweet from the Dear Leader.

Fauci is the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and the most prominent and credible public health official on the White House’s coronavirus task force. It’s the credibility that’s a problem because Donald Trump doesn’t have any, at least not in reality. And on Sunday night, Donald Trump retweeted a former congressional candidate’s tweet calling for Fauci’s firing. It even included the hashtag #FireFauci.

Here’s the best part: After the #FireFauci tweet from Donald Trump, Donald Trump is blaming the “media” for the speculation he created over firing Fauci. It’s like the time he talked about his tiny penis at a debate, then wondered why everyone was talking about his tiny penis.

The reality is, the reality TV host used the hashtag #FireFauci, not the media.

It’s also in reality that Dr. Fauci has an approval rating over 80%, which is double that of Donald Trump’s. Trump joked that Fauci was so popular, he would beat Representative Alexandria Ocasio Cortez in her New York district. Donald, looking at these numbers, AOC will be OK, but Fauci would beat you.

While #FireFauci is trending, so is #FireTrumpNotFauci.

Dr. Fauci has been a part of every administration since Ronald Reagan. I’m hoping he’s still in the White House after November…and Donald Trump isn’t. I would rather follow a an accomplished doctor than a reality TV host when it comes to dealing with a pandemic.

Fire Trump. Not Fauci. The reality is, only one of them is qualified for his job.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Pandemic Priorities


cjones04022020

Did you hear the great news yesterday about the coronavirus? No, we haven’t reached the peak yet. No, the numbers of cases and deaths aren’t going down. No, we’re not going to be open and hugging each other by Easter. The great news is….drum roll please…

…Donald Trump’s stupid press conferences are getting great TV ratings. They’re terrific, outstanding, “astounding!” They’re yuge! They’re so big, Snickers wants to start sponsoring them (I made that up. Don’t call and scream at Snickers).

The New York Times published an article on whether or not networks should run Trump’s daily press conferences because of the high risk of him spreading false information, lies and in general, Trump bullshit. People dying because of Trump’s lies? Donald Trump is the new honey badger and he don’t care.

Donald Trump, shockingly (insert eye roll here), totally missed the point of the article and only noticed the details about his ratings. He tweeted about the ratings…five times. Five. Fucking. Times.

He referred to them as “astounding,” and compared his numbers to Monday Night Football and The Bachelor finale. First off, let’s point out one detail we’re all painfully aware of: Everybody is the nation is home running out of things to do. It got so bad, that last night, I nearly watched The Talking Dead, which is the same format networks use after Trump’s conferences.

The Talking Dead comes on after The Walking Dead and they spend an hour talking about the show you just watched. Yes, it’s as ridiculous as it sounds but at least they don’t have to fact check it. The networks, except for Fox News, have to fact-check everything Donald Trumps says. Also, there are more deaths after a Trump press conference than after The Walking Dead.

These press conferences are important because they do present real and accurate information. Rarely while Donald Trump is talking but it’s in there. The problem is, everything you need to know from these daily briefings can be presented in about four minutes. Unfortunately, since he can’t hit the road and conduct hate rallies in front of thousands of racists with misspelled T-Shirts about grabbing women by their pussies, Trump gets it all out in the White House press room. Donald Trump will spend about an hour, or more, taking a crap with his mouth.

Donald Trump will say things at these press conferences that have to be fact-checked, not just by the news, but by his own people. Dr. Anthony Fauci and Dr. Deborah Birx, when they’re there, are risking catching the coronavirus by standing close to Donald Trump and sharing a microphone with him in order to clarify his bullshit. The shit Donald Trump has said isn’t just a little reckless, it’s killed people. Right now, the networks need to shut him down before he kills again.

It’s important that we get these briefings. It’s not important to hear Donald Trump talk about his greatness for an hour. I suggest the networks continue with their regular programming until they start taking questions.

Why? Because when Donald Trump takes questions, he reveals what a true idiot he is. He reveals his racism and pathetic ugliness. Yesterday, he had a microphone stripped away from a reporter for asking the wrong question. The networks should also cover when the specialists speak, just not the boy who needs special attention. After the briefings, we can get all the highlights. It’s not important that we watch Donald Trump’s diarrhea of the mouth in real-time.

Dr. Fauci told CNN yesterday that the coronavirus could kill between 100,000 and 200,000 Americans and infect millions of people. Also yesterday, more refrigerated trucks arrived in New York City to handle the expected overflow of bodies once the mortuaries are filled. Donald Trump didn’t tweet about that. He tweeted about his TV ratings.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.