Tucker Carlson

Tucker’s Boy


I heard someone on a Sunday morning news show say there hasn’t been an increase in white supremacist groups, but that they’ve been given credibility and legitimized. No shit, Sherlock. But maybe with all the big-time support from major players, like Donald Trump and the entire gaggle of idiots at Fox News, perhaps they have increased recruitment for hate groups. There was no Qanon before Trump.

The number one terrorist threat in this nation is angry whiny little-dick-suffering white guys. Most terrorist attacks are committed by these goons. This has only increased during the Trump era. Who heard of Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, Three Percenters, and Boogaloo Boys before Donald Trump occupied the White House? And when you point out to conservatives that white nationalists are the number one terror threat in this nation, they get upset. They claim they’re not racists but they’re very defensive and protective of white hate groups.

When a black man drove a truck through a parade killing people and another shot passengers on the subway in Brooklyn, I had right-wing trolls comment on my various platforms that these attacks were proof white supremacy isn’t the number one terror threat. But these goons don’t even recognize white nationalist terrorist attacks as acts of terrorism. Case in point: The January 6 attack on the Capitol building to overturn an election that many of them say was just a bunch of tourists exercising their freedom of speech.

Not only can’t they see white nationalist terrorism, but they also can’t even see white nationalism. Donald Trump said he didn’t know anything about Qanon except that they love their country. He couldn’t tell the difference between anti-racism protesters and the Nazis chanting “Jews will not replace us” in Charlottesville in 2017, even after the Nazis killed Heather Heyer, an innocent anti-racism protester. And on the top-rated “news show” in the nation, its host, Tucker Carlson, asks, “What is racism?”

Tucker Carlson’s show isn’t just the top-rated in the nation, beating its competition by a wide margin, but it’s the most popular show with white nationalists. David Duke, a former Grand Wizard, says Tucker speaks for the racists. And with promoting the Great Replacement theory while saying he doesn’t know what racism is, he is doing the bidding of racists.

Tucker has been talking about the bogus conspiracy theory for years that white people in this nation are being replaced by non-white immigrants. They believe this is a Democratic Party strategy to eventually erase white people and have a non-white Democratic Party-supporting voting majority. They use this shit to justify changing laws to make it harder for non-white people to vote and to advance other conspiracy theories. White racists truly believe this shit.

And just like what happened in Charleston, South Carolina, in 2015 where nine black parishioners were killed inside a church, we had another young racist engage in a mass shooting to kill black people.

Yesterday, a young man drove over 200 miles to kill black people. He was a believer in the Great Replacement theory that Tucker peddles on his show. The white supremacist didn’t hide his intentions or motivation. He wrote a 180-page manifesto of his hate and intentions and had the “n-word” written on the barrel of his assault rifle. He shot 13 people, killing ten.

This 18-year-old kid threw his own life away while destroying many others and took credit for the violence in the name of white supremacy. This is Tucker’s boy. Tucker Carlson needs to own this.

The writer of the manifesto plotted his actions down to the minute, included diagrams of his path through the store, and said he specifically targeted the Tops Markets location on Jefferson Avenue because its zip code has the highest percentage of Black people close enough to where he lives.

The manifesto shows the shooter has been planning the attack for the past few years and became more serious since January. He whines about “white genocide” taking place in America and proudly brags about his racist and anti-Semitic views. I guess if he had a talk show on Fox News, he’d also be saying, “What is racism?” with a wink.

The manifesto writer conducted a Q&A with himself where he said he supports “those that wish for a future for white children and the existence of our people.” This is not the first white supremacist mass shooting in the Trump era. This isn’t the first with a manifesto. And if Fuckers like Tucker keep pushing their racist agenda on primetime television while Donald Trump conducts hate rallies where the all-white crowd chants “send them back,” it won’t be the last.

The shooter live-streamed his white nationalist terrorist attack on Twitch, which I guess is another hangout for white racist goons in addition to 4chan, Gab, and Truth Social. But these goons don’t need the dark web anymore because the number-one “news show” in the nation promotes their racist theories. White supremacy is now mainstream.

What does it say about America that its top-rated news show is hosted by a white supremacist? Tucker doesn’t have to just look into a mirror to see white supremacy. He can just look at the white supremacist shooter who killed ten people in Buffalo.

If Tucker Carlson had a son, he’d look like the Buffalo white supremacist shooter.

It’ll be interesting to hear what Tucker talks about Monday night on his show. I predict he will not own this.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Racist TV


Republicans are working overtime in several yee-haw states to make it illegal for public schools to teach that America is a racist country despite the fact nobody is teaching it, and despite the fact America IS a racist country.

Republicans refuse to believe this is a racist country and think even mentioning our racist past will put children through emotional trauma from white guilt. These fucknut fuckers also refuse to believe white privilege exists because they’re incapable of seeing it even while being the beneficiaries of it.

There’s an episode of 30 Rock where pretty people get better service, but they don’t realize they’re receiving better service than average-looking everyday schmoes like Tina Fey. It’s the same thing with white people and white privilege. They don’t see their privilege because they only see themselves. They aren’t paying attention to people who don’t look like them except when they turn on Fox News which is constantly screaming about the victimization of white people. THAT…they believe. White Christians believe they are the most persecuted demographic in the history of the world.

We are a racist country steeped in systemic racism lingering from our racist past. Our nation was founded on racism and still has a culture, business, and legal system that discriminates based on race. Republicans ask how can we be a racist nation while at the same time they’re making it harder for black people to vote and making it illegal to talk about racism. “How can we be a racist nation after electing a black president?”, they ask while also trying to delegitimize him by claiming he was born in Kenya.

There’s a lot of evidence we’re a racist nation from pay inequality to the number of African-Americans in prison that’s disparate to their population to police brutality to Colin Kaepernick being unable to get a job while white America’s defending a football coach for kneeling in prayer on the field to Hollywood hiring white actors to play Asians. But the biggest evidence we’re a racist country is that a racist like Donald Trump was elected president (sic) of the United States of America.

Sure, Trump didn’t win the popular vote as more people voted against him, and he lost in 2020, but there are enough Americans, 74 million of them, voting for Trump that make this a racist nation.

These people are so racist that they voted for a racist despite the fact he had zero experience, never gave details on how he was ever going to accomplish anything, and from all evidence, is a fucking moron. They’re so racist, they overlooked the fact they voted for a man who literally paints himself orange and wears a bleached skunk on his head. Personally, those are signs of dementia and alone should be disqualifying factors. Paint your face orange and wear a bleached skunk on your head then apply for a job at Taco Bell and see if they hire you. Republicans are afraid teaching racism will make white kids feel bad, but voting for that racist orange moron sure did make them feel good.

When Donald Trump said he could shoot a person on 5th Avenue and his followers would still vote for him, he was right. He could shoot a person on any avenue and his base would still vote for him because of his racism. He was the best they had.

Then again, maybe making Trump president (sic) isn’t the biggest sign we’re a racist nation. Perhaps the greatest indicator we’re racist is Tucker Carlson and the fact his show is the most popular in America.

Maybe racists have more time to watch TV than non-racists. Maybe racists have more time on their tiny racist hands than non-racists, who are probably too busy to watch TV because they’re out doing things like fighting racism.

Tucker is so racist, he claims he doesn’t know what racism or white nationalism is. He asks what they are incredulously and in the same manner I asked, “What is ball tanning?” Tucker’s inability to see racism probably stems from his privileged prep school upbringing. His white privilege is compounded with his trust-fund baby privilege.

A new study by The New York Times explains how Tucker Carlson “stoked white fear to conquer cable.” The New York Times wrote that Tucker Carlson “has constructed what may be the most racist show in the history of cable news.” They also include “perhaps, the most successful.” The times analyzed 1,150 shows in their study of Tucker’s racism.

Tucker declares himself an “enemy of prejudice” while telling his 92 percent white audience that they’re being replaced by nonwhite immigrants. When African migrants crossed our border into Texas, Tucker warned that the continent’s high birth rates meant the new arrivals might soon “overwhelm our country and change it completely and forever.” Tucker talked about African birthrates as if he was talking about rabbits….dirty dirty rabbits.

Tucker said, “We don’t judge them by group, and we don’t judge them on their race” a few weeks before claiming immigrants are making our nation dirtier. The Times writes that Tucker, “warns his viewers that they inhabit a civilization under siege — by violent Black Lives Matter protesters in American cities, by diseased migrants from south of the border, by refugees importing alien cultures, and by tech companies and cultural elites who will silence them, or label them racist, if they complain.”

I’m not eager to call everyone a racist who disagrees with me. But, I am not afraid to call a racist a racist. I use a lot more discretion than conservatives use accusing political opponents of being pedophiles…while they themselves support pedophiles.

But Tucker doesn’t consider himself a racist because Putin has never called him a racist, which he pointed out on his show. And by god, Putin is probably an expert on this since he’s identified Ukraine as a nation of Nazis, which is his reasoning for his invasion…which Tucker has supported. Hey, if a war criminal hasn’t called you a racist, then you must not be a racist. Right?

Fox News lawyers argued in a slander suit that Tucker’s show is just entertainment and “any reasonable viewer arrive(s) with an appropriate amount of skepticism about the statements he makes.” But Fox News viewers are not reasonable people.

Tucker’s show is racist and it caters to the white nationalists he claims don’t exist and whose attack on our nation’s capital is something that will barely register as a “footnote” in history. Carlson likes to use the term “legacy Americans,” a dog-whistle term he lifted directly from the Daily Stormer, a Nazi publication. Tucker pushed the story of white farmers in South Africa being murdered by black South Africans, which was first pushed in racist havens on the dark web, like Gab and 4chan.

Tucker is also the biggest champion of “the great replacement,” a racist belief that Democrats are deliberately importing “more obedient voters from the third world” to “replace” the current white electorate and keep themselves in power. Meanwhile, Republicans are making it harder for black AMERICANS to vote.

A Fox News spokesgoon said, “Tucker Carlson programming embraces diversity of thought and presents various points of view in an industry where contrarian thought and the search for truth are often ignored. Stories in ‘Tucker Carlson Tonight’ broadcasts and ‘Tucker Carlson Originals’ documentaries undergo a rigorous editorial process. We’re also proud of our ongoing original reporting at a time when most in the media amplify only one point of view.” He actually said this with a straight face.

A “rigorous” editorial process? How rigorous was the process with the Seth Rich story? “Embraces diversity of thought”? How often does Tucker have an opposing viewpoint on his show? And “most in the media amplify one point of view”? No wonder they don’t see white privilege. They don’t even see their own show.

Tucker’s show is racist because Tucker Carlson is a racist. And Fox News has made him immune from the few journalism ethics policies they have, and Tucker even boasts how he doesn’t answer to the channel’s chief executive. He only answers to Rupert Murdoch, the owner of Fox News. Murdoch is happy with Tucker’s racism as it brings in at least three million viewers each night while CNN and MSNBC struggle to reach one million each.

Tucker invoked the “ruling class” in more than 800 shows and told his white nationalist audience the “ruling class” is importing immigrants from the “Third World” to replace them with more “obedient voters.” The “ruling class” is an antisemitic dog whistle that helped lead to the chants of “Jews will not replace us” in Charlottesville. The “Great Replacement” theory was also cited by the Pittsburgh synagogue shooter and the shooter who targeted Hispanic shoppers in El Paso. There have been no apologies or ownership of this from Fox News or Tucker.

The Times found that Tucker has amplified the idea of demographic replacement in more than 400 episodes. He’s also highlighted shifting gender roles and falling white birthrates in more than 200 episodes.

R. Derek Black, a former white nationalist who has disavowed the movement, said it It doesn’t really matter if Tucker believes any of this because he’s using the same rhetoric as white nationalists. Black said having the most popular cable news host “directly pulling” from their talking points “makes them feel like, ‘Wow, we must be right.’” But despite what the lawyers for Fox News said, I think Tucker does believe in the stuff he says. I believe Tucker Carlson is a white nationalist. Tucker Carlson is a racist. And, Carlson’s TV show is also the most popular show with white nationalists.

Former grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan David Duke said in 2020 that Trump should choose Carlson as his running mate. Nick Fuentes, another white nationalist, cheered Carlson’s promotion of the “Great Replacement” theory. Andrew Anglin, the founder of The Daily Stormer, called Carlson “literally our greatest ally.” They used Carlson’s image and his “Great Replacement “theory to promote a White Lives Matter rally.

If you don’t think you’re a racist but all the racists agree with you, you’re doing something wrong. Also, if all the racists agree with you then you’re most likely a racist too. They’re not watching Tucker for his cooking segments, which if he did have, would probably only teach how to boil white rice.

Tucker along with other Fox goons gloated over the demise of CNN+, especially targeting their former colleague Chris Wallace. Fox News celebrates the demise of an outlet that told the truth while they can keep telling lies and racist conspiracy theories.

Tucker used the Times article on his show and called journalists at the newspaper “obedient little establishment defenders” and asked: “Why do they keep calling us racist? Well, to make us shut up, obviously.”

No, Tucker. They called you a racist because you’re a racist, and that’s why you have the number one program. The majority of America’s TV “news” viewing audience would rather be told racist lies and conspiracy theories than hear the truth because America is racist.

Music Note: I didn’t listen to any music while drawing today because this cartoon didn’t take long to draw, but the music I inserted into the 30-minute TikTok video of it being drawn will be stuck in my head all freaking day.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Testicular Tucker


Once again, I’m not making this shit up.

On last Friday’s Tucker Carlson Tonight, or whatever that show’s called, its host, Tucker Carlson, talked about testicles. Is it just me, or is Tucker kinda obsessed with men? I’m detecting a pattern here. He has a new documentary coming out titled, “The End of Men.” There is a trailer full of muscular topless men that looks more like an advertisement for Grindr. And did I see a guy with his penis in a Tesla charging station? Also, it is weird the first black guy in the trailer is a chubster? Did Tucker edit this thing himself? This video is so…manly, Ron DeSantis just banned it from all Florida classrooms.

Anyway, Tucker was talking about balls, specifically, he was addressing falling testosterone in men. Why? Is that a national crisis up there with Italian satellites changing bamboo ballots from Trump to Biden? Is it as dangerous as the Great Replacement Theory? Nonetheless, Tucker is very concerned about your balls and that they may be too white.

This is a switch. Usually, Tucker is all about white people being white and straight. He believes Democrats are replacing white people in this nation with non-white people and it’s the worst thing ever. His main worry is that white people will never again control 100 percent of the nation and will have to settle for only 99 percent of it. Now, he’s concerned your and his balls are too white. OK, so Tucker prefers brown balls. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m cool with it.

Tucker’s question was, “How do you reverse the effects of falling testosterone?” He brought on Andrew McGovern, an Ohio-based fitness professional, who said part of the solution to falling testosterone is “red light therapy.” What is that? I don’t know, but I now know, thanks to Tucker, that it includes tanning your testicles.

Tucker, always wanting to bring to his show the most renowned, most respected, most educated, and brightest conservative fucknut media can offer, turned to Kid Rock. Keep in mind that this show is number one in all news shows. Number one.

So, Tucker asked Kid Rock, the lyrical genius who gave us, “Bawitdaba da bang da bang diggy diggy diggy,” his thoughts on testicle tanning. Mr. Rock, or “Kid,” as his friends, like Monster Truck, call him (one of his friends is named “Monster Truck.” Why do I know this?), replied, “Dude, stop! Testicle tanning? Come on. I haven’t heard anything like that in a long time.”

So, how long has it been since Kid Rock has heard something like testicle tanning? As for me, I’ve never heard of anything like that…ever.

In Tucker’s defense, he may have mistaken Kid Rock for being a testicle expert based on the lyrics in his latest hit single, “We The People,” which are, “Fuck CNN, fuck TMZ, and you social media trolls, y’all can suck on deez (deez). Deez nuts, that’s what’s up.”

That is indeed…what’s up.

Tucker got serious, and this is the part of his show where his expression is the same as a person struggling with a bowel movement, asked, “Don’t you think at this point when so many of the therapies, the paths they’ve told us to take, have turned out to be dead ends that really hurt people, why wouldn’t open-minded people seek new solutions?”

Kid Rock replied, ““I don’t know what the hell is going on in this world. I’m not even sure if I understood that question. But some days you just want to stop this planet and let me off.”

That’s exactly what I say each time I’m reminded Tucker’s show is number one, and after I saw that trailer. Stop this planet and let me off. But, when you even lose Kid Rock with your conspiracy crap, you have problems. Kid Rock had no interest in bronzing deez nuts.

Promoting testicle tanning is right in line with Tucker’s other medical beliefs, that forcing a child to wear a face mask is child abuse, de-worming medication is better than the vaccine, and the government is denying white people monoclonal antibodies.

Tucker said, “One of the biggest stories of our lifetimes is the total collapse of testosterone levels in American men.” One of the biggest stories of our lifetimes? Really? Tucker’s upset that the National Institute of Health “doesn’t seem interested in this at all.” I got a nickel for the first person to call the NIH and ask if they have any pamphlets on tanning deez nuts.
Anyway, this red light therapy involves shooting a laser at your genitals. Tucker’s expert calls it, “full-body red-light therapy.” They would have brought Dr. Anthony Fauci on the show for his views on this tanning your dingleberries if he wasn’t such a quack.

They call this treatment “bromeopathy,” which sounds like something Barney Stinson would have coined. He did create the Bro Code, which contains all the rules on being a bro that every bro should know, like, “Thou shalt not make eye contact during a devil’s three-way.”
Unfortunately for Tucker’s viewers, Bromeopathy (stop this planet and let me off) is expensive. Have you seen the typical Tucker fan? Yeah, that guy’s not going to plunk down four figures to get his balls bronzed but, he doesn’t have to get testy about it. There are cheaper methods.

I consulted with a real scientist, Dr. Nadly Danglybits from the Knackers Institute for the Advancement and Study of Testicle Tanning in Pascagoula, Mississippi. There are no nut jobs at this institution. Dr. Danglybits is a big believer in bromeopathy. He’s balls-out for it but says you should save your money from the expensive treatments and just buy yourself a decent toaster. You probably don’t need to adjust the setting any higher than four, but insert your boys and push the lever down and then wait. If it gets really warm, don’t worry. That’s supposed to happen. Your testosterone will be shooting through the roof in no time. Butter and jam are optional.

Another testascular option involves jumper cables. Open the hood to your car, attach the jumper cables to the battery, attach the other end of the cables to your crown jewels, then have a good friend, someone like Monster Truck, start the car and step on the gas. For your safety, make sure the car stays in park. I don’t want any harm to come to you.

Unfortunately, these bromeopathy treatments only work on white men who are Tucker Carlson viewers. Coincidently, my scams also only work on white men who are Tucker Carlson viewers. Maybe we’ll get lucky and Dr. Dingleberry’s treatments will sterilize a lot of Tucker fans.

How does Tucker Carlson not know we’re laughing at him?

As I started work this morning, I thought, “The serious thing to do would be to draw a cartoon on the war in Ukraine or the lifting of the face mask travel mandate.” But, c’mon. Tucker’s talking about balls. How could I ignore that? I can’t wait to see what my colleagues follow me with on this subject.

Also, I did a Google search for names of tanning salons but I didn’t expect to find an actual salon named “BronzeBerry.” It’s in Spotsylvania County, Virginia, right next door to my town. After seeing this cartoon, they might want to change their name.

Music note: I listened to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs while drawing today’s cartoon.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Nuclear Outrage


Good lord, what is it now?

Fox News is in the business of scaring fragile white people. President Barack Obama once said that if he watched Fox News then he’d probably hate President Obama too.

White conservatives are afraid of any change, especially if that change is a threat to their white privilege. They’ve even created a conspiracy theory, pushed by Tucker, called the “Great Replacement Theory,” where liberals are using immigrants to replace people of European ethnicity. And none of those immigrants are going to ever say “Merry Christmas.”

But what the hell are they reporting about Hunter Biden’s laptop while never telling us what’s on it? Sure, The New York Times acknowledged there’s a laptop that Rudy Giuliani claims belongs to Hunter, but we still don’t have any real dirt.

Last week, a college trans swimmer won a women’s competition. This has been covered on actual news outlets, but it’s not the lead it is over at Fucknut TV. Republicans are so outraged by this you’d think they came home to find a trans swimmer in their bathtub corrupting their rubber ducky. He’s seen too much!

Florida’s goon governor, Ron DeSantis, even took time off from signing hate legislation and screaming at children for wearing face masks, that he signed a proclamation declaring the woman who came in second in the swim competition as the actual winner. I wonder if Sidney Powell has notarized it yet.

Republican elected officials are putting more effort into frivolous culture war issues than they are putting into performing their actual jobs, from DeSantis’ hate legislation to Marsha Blackburn asking Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson to “define” women, to Ted Cruz wasting everyone’s time on Critical Race Theory and “racist babies.” It’s like there are no more adults in the GOP or on conservative TV.

Fox News spends a good chunk of its time complaining about the mainstream media, but guess what, Kitty Cat. Fox News is the ratings leader, something conservatives are very proud of but, that makes Fox News the mainstream media.

So, most “news” watchers in this country are being outraged by wokeness, the Great Replacement Theory, the War on Christmas, Critical Race Theory, the 1619 Project, trans swimmers, trans Potato Heads, George Soros, Italian Sattelites changing ballots in Dominion voting machines, convoy truckers’ freedom being taken away, bamboo ballots, Hillary Clinton, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez and the rest of the “squad,” a black female vice president, a black female Supreme Court Justice, Jussie Smollett, socialist face masks, vaccines with microchips, the WAP song, unsexy M&Ms, Dr. Seuss being canceled, the election stolen from Trump, the gay “agenda,” cancel culture, the federal deficit (only when we have a Democratic president), the “Russia hoax,” Dr. Fauci doing his job, and Hunter Biden’s laptop. What did I leave out?

Here’s a new guideline: If Fox News reports it, then you probably don’t have to be upset over it.

Music Note: I listened to the Wallflowers and Toad the Wet Sprocket.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Why Do I Hate Tucker?


Even though Fox News is more of an entertainment outlet than a real source of news, actual journalists do work at Fox News. Sure, you don’t see them in prime time and a lot of their contributions get manipulated to push agendas over news, but there are journalists at Fox News who take their jobs seriously.

But while Fox News highlights hacks like Greg Gutfeld sneering at actual news and Tucker Carlson defending Vladimir Putin while sitting in a comfortable studio where the greatest dangers are sniffles from the brisk central air system, real journalists like Pierre Zakrzewski, Oleksandra Kuvshynova, Benjamin Hall, and Brent Renaud are in war zones exposing the truth to the rest of the world.

Last week, Greg Gutfeld claimed the media were emotionally manipulating viewers with footage from the war in Ukraine. Since Fox News is the number one “news” channel in ratings, they are the media. And a lot of that war footage was coming from Pierre Zakrzewski and Oleksandra Kuvshynova who were risking their lives while Gutfeld was on the air downplaying their contributions.

Benjamin Hall, another actual journalist at Fox News who was on the ground in Kyiv, rebuked Gutfeld explaining to him, “This is not the media trying to drum up some emotional response. This is absolutely what’s happening.” Hall should know better than Gutfeld as he’s not only on the ground covering the war, he was injured shortly after his exchange with Gutfeld.

Greg Gutfeld should apologize, not just to Hall, but to his viewers for downplaying a war in favor of his pro-Putin bias. He should apologize for not doing his job.

Shortly before the invasion began, Tucker asked, rhetorically, “Why do I hate Putin so much?”

Tucker did an entire segment saying, “It may be worth asking yourself, since it is getting pretty serious, what is this really about? Why do I hate Putin so much? Has Putin ever called me a racist? Has he threatened to get me fired for disagreeing with him?”

Tucker asked his viewers whether Putin had promoted “racial discrimination” in schools, made fentanyl, attempted to “snuff out” Christianity, or eaten dogs. Tucker said, “These are fair questions, and the answer to all of them is ‘no.’ Vladimir Putin didn’t do any of that. So, why does permanent Washington hate him so much?”

Tucker, I can give you two damn good reasons to hate Vladimir Putin: Pierre Zakrzewski and Oleksandra Kuvshynova. We can also include Benjamin Hall and Brent Renaud.

Vladimir Putin killed Pierre Zakrzewski this week. Zakrzewski was covering the war on the ground in Ukraine so his colleagues back home, like Tucker and Greg, could report the information and know exactly what was going on. It’s just a shame Tucker and Greg abused the resource that was Pierre Zakrzewski.

Pierre Zakrzewski was an Irish photojournalist and a fixture in war zones and in addition to Ukraine had covered conflicts in Iraq, Syria, and Afghanistan. Fox gave the cameraman the company’s “Unsung Hero” award for helping evacuate Afghan citizens who had worked for the network along with their families last summer.

Oleksandra Kuvshynova was also murdered by Vladimir Putin this week. She was serving as a consultant for Fox News in Ukraine, helping the network’s team navigate the area, gather news, and speak with sources.

Pierre Zakrzewski and Oleksandra Kuvshynova were killed when the car they were traveling in came under fire. Benjamin Hall, who had to rebuke Greg Gutfeld that this was is actually happening and not some anti-Putin media extravaganza, was in the same vehicle and injured.

Brent Renaud, a documentary filmmaker who was in Ukraine for Time Studios, was killed last week in a suburb of Kyiv.

Journalists are putting their lives at risk to bring us the news. It’s just too bad that the majority of viewers are watching an outlet like Fox News.

While the goons at Fox News would rather defend Putin and repeat his propaganda, real journalists are in danger covering news in a war zone. Fox News’ Pentagon correspondent Jennifer Griffin said, “If ever there was a time that the world needed journalists, reporters, risking their lives to tell these stories, it’s now. Without a free press, the autocrats win.”

We do need journalists. What we don’t need are the Tucker Carlsons and Greg Gutfelds posing as journalists. Tucker and Gutfeld, instead of being cheerleaders for Vladimir Putin, should understand why they should hate the man who murdered their colleagues.

Sure, Tucker. Putin’s not eating dogs or making fentanyl. He hasn’t fired you or tried to “snuff out” Christianity. He hasn’t taught any Critical Race Theory courses in our schools. He’s never even called you a racist. So, why hate Putin? There are a lot of good reasons to hate Vladimir Putin, like his killing of civilians, but you can hate him because he killed your colleagues.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Putin Baby


Even though other conservatives have stopped publicly cheering for Vladimir Putin and Russia, or at least most of them, Tucker is still pushing Putin’s propaganda. Even Donald Trump sees that public praise for Russia is a political liability, and it must be extremely painful for him to be biting his tongue to refrain from gushing out love for Vladimir Putin. The public may frown on calling a guy a genius who just bombed a baby hospital. But Tucker’s still in.

Yesterday, Mother Jones reporter David Corn exposed a leaked memo from the Kremlin to Russian media outlets stating to them that it is “essential” to feature as much Tucker Carlson as possible.

The 12-page memo says: “It is essential to use as much as possible fragments of broadcasts of the popular Fox News host Tucker Carlson, who sharply criticizes the actions of the United States [and] NATO, their negative role in unleashing the conflict in Ukraine, [and] the defiantly provocative behavior from the leadership of the Western countries and NATO towards the Russian Federation and towards President Putin, personally.”

The state-produced document titled, “For Media and Commentators,” sums up Carlson’s position with, “Russia is only protecting its interests and security.” The memo includes a quote from Carlson: “And how would the US behave if such a situation developed in neighboring Mexico or Canada?”
Those situations have developed in neighboring Mexico or Canada as both nations, like Ukraine, are democracies. Unlike Putin and Tucker, we’re fine with democracies.

The document was leaked to Mother Jones from an anonymous contributor to a Russian “news” outlet. Expect Tucker and the rest of Fox News to decry it coming from an anonymous source, though that source would probably trip off a 15-story building if he or she wasn’t anonymous. Then, Tucker could cover that saying Putin’s critics are clumsy oafs.

The document reads as if Tucker wrote it himself. It tells the media/propaganda outlets that the Russian invasion is “preventing the possibility of nuclear strikes on its territory”; Ukraine has a history of nationalism (never mind Russia’s nationalism); the Russian military operation is proceeding as planned; Putin is protecting all Russians; the “losing” Ukrainian army is shelling residential areas of eastern Ukraine controlled by Russia; foreign mercenaries are arriving in Ukraine; Europe “is facing more and more problems” because of its own sanctions, and there will be “danger and possible legal consequences” for Russians who protest the war. The memo says it is “necessary to continue quoting” Putin. The memo claims the “hysteria of the West had reached the inexplicable level” of people calling for killing dogs and cats from Russia. The memo instructs the Russian “journalists” to ask, “Today they call for the killing of animals from Russia. Tomorrow, will they call for killing people from Russia?”

The memo orders Russian “journalists” to report that “the Ukrainian military is beginning to collapse; the Kyiv government is guilty of ‘war crimes’; and Moscow is the target of a ‘massive Western anti-Russian propaganda’ operation.”

It orders Russian media to raise questions about Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky’s state of mind and suggest he is not in charge of Ukraine. The memo encourages outlets to “broadcast messages” highlighting the law recently passed by the Russian Duma that makes it a crime to impede the war effort or spread what the government deems “false news” about the war, punishable for up to 15 years in prison. This section of the memo instructs Russian “journalists” to emphasize that these penalties apply to anyone who reports news about Ukrainian military victories or Russian attacks on civilian targets, like baby hospitals. Has Tucker reported on the shelling of a baby hospital, or the kindergarten, or apartment complexes, etc, etc?

No other western journalist, as if Tucker is a journalist, is mentioned in the memo.

Before the war, Carlson asked his viewers, “Why do Democrats want you to hate Putin? Has Putin shipped every middle-class job in your town to Russia? Did he manufacture a worldwide pandemic that wrecked your business? Is he teaching your kids to embrace racial discrimination? Is he making fentanyl? Does he eat dogs?”

Tucker repeatedly argued there is no reason for the United States to support Ukraine as it’s not a democracy and is really just a “client-state” of the U.S. He told his viewers it was “not treason, it is not un-American” to support Putin. Actually, it kinda is.

After the invasion began, Carlson shifted to blaming the United States for Russia’s attack, claiming the U.S. goaded Putin into the war.

After Russia claimed the United States set up biowarfare labs in Ukraine, Tucker said, “Russian disinformation they’ve been telling us for days is a lie and a conspiracy theory and crazy and immoral to believe is, in fact, totally and completely true.” Of course, it’s not proven yet Tucker repeats the pro-Russian talking points. I’m not sure where Tucker gets that “totally and completely true” part…oh yeah. From the Kremlin.

The memo includes all sorts of crazy conspiracy theories such as the United States creating a virus in Ukraine to destroy Russians (does that sound familiar?), and that the U.S. will transmit the pathogens “by wild birds migrating between Ukraine, Russia, and other neighboring countries.” It’s not much crazier than Tucker’s “great-replacement” conspiracy theory.

The Kremlin wants Russian media outlets to feature as much of Tucker as possible as he’s making all the same talking points in the memo. Just like with Donald Trump, the lines got blurry with who was directing who between Trump and Fox News. At times, it seemed like Fox News was pushing Trump’s lies and at other times, it seemed Trump was repeating Fox News. Here, the lines get blurry between Tucker and the Kremlin. Hell, maybe Tucker wrote the Kremlin memo.

The worst part may be that Tucker is broadcasting his show from the United States when he should be broadcasting it from Moscow.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Keep On Truckin’


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When it comes to lies and spreading hate and division, goon TV keeps on truckin’.

If you’ve been watching Fox and the other channels your crazy uncle loves, you would have thought the brutal authoritarian regime bringing crackdowns upon its oppressed minority wasn’t China, but Canada.

Right-wing TV is upset that the Canadian “Freedom” Truckers are being denied their white privilege and entitlements to break the law. As we learned from the insurrection at the United States Capitol and the lawless rulebreaking Trump regime, conservatives care less about laws and more about who’s breaking them.

If you’re a white conservative, it’s OK if you protest. It’s OK if you attempt to overturn the government. It’s Ok to break into the Capitol and poop and pee-pee in the hallways. It’s Ok to bring nooses and try to hang the vice president. It’s OK to steal stuff. It’s Ok to attack cops. It’s OK to block roads. It’s OK to stop commerce. It’s OK to kill jobs. It’s OK to disrupt the supply chain of goods entering and leaving this country.

The same people upset over the Canadian government clearing the “Freedom” Truckers after being allowed to block roads around that nation’s parliament, and blockades of the border for weeks, were more than happy to see Donald Trump and William Barr clear a park of peaceful protesters so he could have his photo taken while holding a Bible upside down.

For conservatives, it’s wrong to protest for racial equality but good to protest fake attacks on their white freedom.

Remember when conservatives were the “law and order” party? Yeah, scratch that. Remember when they cared about cops? Scratch that too. Weren’t they complaining about the supply-chain crisis and blaming President Biden? Oops. Haven’t they also been complaining about the employment rate? Uh oh. Remember how they always claimed to be for a strong economy? Yeah, not so much.

These “Freedom” fu…er…truckers have been breaking the law. Several would-be terrorists were caught with weapons in a plot to murder the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. They’ve been disrupting the supply chain. Workers at auto plants have been told to go home because the goods they make were not able to be transported across our border with Canada. The truckers’ actions have hurt the economy in both nations.

Let’s not forget these “protests” were organized by white nationalists. Let’s not forget that these “Freedom” Truckers are not just the minority of Canadians, but they represent a minority of Canadian truckers. The trucking industry has condemned these protests. Of the 120,000 truckers Canadian truckers who serve cross-border routes, an estimated 85 percent are vaccinated. Let’s destroy the economy because 15 percent of Canadian truckers have full diapers.

This entire thing is supposedly about vaccine mandates. Canada and the U.S. both exempted truckers from being vaccinated to cross the border in order not to disrupt the supply chain. Those exemptions were lifted in January, and then all this bullshit started.

The truckers’ freedoms were never taken away. If you’re entering another nation, then you are expected to obey the laws in that nation. If you go to Mexico, you are expected to obey the laws of that nation. If you’re a citizen of the United States and Canada says you must be vaccinated against COVID to enter, Canada is not violating your rights. The same goes if you’re a Canadian and want to enter the U.S. You may as well protest against another country’s seatbelt and speed limit laws.

It really doesn’t make a lot of sense, which explains why the Fox fuckers are so in love with these butt-hurt truckers.

Music Note: I listened to The Black Keys and White Stripes while drawing today’s cartoon. I didn’t aim to listen to two-person bands. It’s just that after listening to the Keys, my automatic player went directly to the White Stripes, and I just let it keep going.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Fox and Crack


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Russian figure skater Kamila Valieva, who is only 15, failed a drug test but will be allowed to compete anyway. Sure, the medication was a performance-enhancing drug, but it’s not like she’s a black athlete caught smoking pot.

Valieva may not be the bad guy in this as it’s possible she wasn’t even aware she was doped, but she may have wondered where all the new and sudden-found stamina and increase in her heart rate came from. Doping is common practice with the Russian Olympic team, so who knows. The defense here is that Valieva accidentally took her grandfather’s heart medication. I had to live with my grandmother for a few months when I was a child but I don’t recall ever accidentally taking Milk of Magnesia.

The skater is expected to take gold and if she does, there won’t be a medal ceremony…because that would just be embarrassing. What’s the point of doing these drug tests if they’re not going to do anything after finding prohibited stimulants in an athlete’s system? Maybe the International Olympic Committee should come clean and simply state they’re only going to be testing black athletes from now on.

Honestly, with the way they like to root for Russians, display racism, scream about white people being victimized, and their love for bullshit, I’m shocked the heads at Fox News aren’t screaming about the injustice of humiliating Kamila Valieva with a drug test while allowing the Super Bowl Halftime Show to be ruined by an untested Snoop Dogg (I had a cartoon of that on my table, but I chose this over that. It was wordy).

Fox News does love them some bullshit. Right now, the Fox bullshit is that President Joe Biden is going to spend $30 million to distribute free crack pipes. Of course, it’s not true but that hasn’t stopped the Fox fuckers or my conservative colleagues from pushing the propaganda. Cartoonist Gary Varvel, who’s real big on pro-Jesus cartoons, made a crack pipe joke on Hunter Biden. See you in Heaven, Gary. Other far-right white-nationalists cartoonists who’ve jumped all over this talking point are Branco (who also made a Hunter joke) and Tom Stiglich. Ben Garrison drew one under his wife’s name (really) accusing Biden of profiting from Mexican drug cartels while handing out crack pipes for Black History Month (seriously). Gary I-Don’t-Criticize-Tiki-Torch-Nazis McCoy didn’t draw a cartoon on it, but he did share a meme, which is easier than having to draw or use your own brain. Gare Bear, just do what your lazy far-right colleague Bob Gorrell does, just use clipart and pieces of your old cartoons. Why does someone want to be a cartoonist when they don’t want to draw? Now, they’re all off to draw the same cartoon on the Durham report and Hillary spying on Donald Trump.

I digress. But if you’re not an avid viewer of Fox News, Newsmax, One America News, or your favorite goose-stepping senators’ Twitter feed, what you probably said when you first heard about Biden and crack pipes was, “what?” That’s what Hilary, one of my proofers, said. But, she said, even without knowing the Fox crack-pipe lie, the cartoon still works.

So, where did this crack-pipe lie come from? I’m glad you asked. The Department of Health and Human Services announced a federal grant focused on community-based harm-reduction services. The grant would allow organizations like support groups and local governments to receive part of a $30 million fund from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). 

The federal funds are designated for harm-reduction efforts to reduce the illness, injury, and trauma that can come from addiction to stuff like opioids and heroin. These organizations receiving the funds would have three years to spend the money. Some of these organizations may purchase overdose-reversal medications, safe-sex kits, and safe-smoking kits. These kits may include alcohol swabs, lip balm, other materials to promote hygiene and reduce the transmission of diseases like HIV and hepatitis. They will not include crack pipes. Some kits may include rubber mouthpieces to prevent cuts and burns, but no pipes. But for rightwingers, the pipes are calling.

From this, the wingnuts took off. Senator Marco Rubio tweeted, “Biden is sending free meth & crack pipes to minority communities in the name of ‘racial equity.’ There is no end in sight for this lunacy.” It’s true, there is no end in sight for this lunacy.

Senator Tom Cotton sent a racist tweet saying, “Last week, Biden talked about being tough on crime. This week, the Biden Admin announced funds for crack pipe distribution to ‘advance racial equity.'” Republicans believe crack is smoked exclusively by blacks…except Hunter Biden.

Senator Marsha Blackburn sent a letter to Health and Human Services stating, “Government-funded drug paraphernalia is a slap in the face to the communities and first responders fighting against drugs flowing into our country from a wide-open southern border. If this is the president’s plan to address drug abuse, our nation is in serious trouble.” Blackburn gave the department until March 1 to clarify whether the Biden administration is authorizing the distribution of crack pipes or something something something is going to happen.

Justthenews.com posted a headline saying, “Biden administration funding crack pipe distribution, saying it’s needed for racial equity.” Every right-wing propaganda outlet, like The Washington Free Beacon, along with the stupid senators, has made the claim that Biden is handing out free crack pipes for racial equity. Do you hear the dog whistles in that? But neither Biden nor anyone in his administration, has ever made such a claim. Listening to these racist nitwits, you’d think Biden was buying crack pipes in bulk from Costco and throwing them out from the back of a bus while driving through Harlem and Compton.

These right-wingers took a lie, spun it into a conspiracy theory, then laced it with racism. The people too slow to catch the racism in the “racial equity” with free crack-pipes claim are the only people who argue the GOP isn’t racist.

Believe it or not, Rubio, Cotton, and Blackburn are this way without having smoked crack. I don’t know what Tucker’s on.

Music Note: While coloring today’s cartoon, I listened to Eddie Vedder’s new album, “Earthling,” Beck, and the Supremes.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Trump Tucker Truckers


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Resistance is cool and it’s easy to support. But when joining a resistance, you should probably know what you’re resisting.

When we resisted the Trump administration, we knew what we were fighting against. We were the resistance against racism, sexism, Islamophobia, and homophobia. We were the resistance against stealing Supreme Court seats. We were the resistance against Nazis marching in Charlottesville. We were the resistance against ending women’s rights. We were the resistance to ending voting rights for minorities. We were the resistance to a wasteful racist symbol being built on the border with Mexico. We were the resistance against families being separated and babies being thrown into cages. We were the resistance against a racist orange clown handing our nation over to Russians. We were the resistance against attacks on our democracy. We were the resistance against stealing an election and installing a fascist dictator. We were the resistance against fascism during the Trump administration. Today, we’re still the resistance.

The Freedom Trucker fuckers are resisting vaccine mandates. Why? Because they’re a bunch of babies.

Canadian truckers are blocking the roads in Ottawa, the capital of Canada, and several bridges connecting our two nations. They say they won’t end their blockades until Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister of Canada, resigns. Once again, the far-right demands change in leadership without an election.

These groups are supported by the far-right in the United States as well. The goons on Fox News are supporting them. Donald Trump is supporting them. And the entire thing is based on conspiracy theories.

While raising money for this movement, hate groups have climbed aboard the campaign…as well as grifters. Remember when Steve Bannon was raising money to “build the wall,” but was really just raising money for himself? This is the same thing. Facebook and GoFundMe have both removed numerous groups associated with this Freedom Trucker shit for being associated with hate groups, fake information, and conspiracy theories.

So these truckers want to end mandates that you have to be vaccinated to enter Canada. But you also need to be vaccinated to enter the United States. They’re attempting to disrupt everyday life and the economy for “freedom.” They are a minority of Canadians trying to destroy the freedom of others for their supposed freedom.

Over 90 percent of Canadian truckers are vaccinated. Over 80 percent of Canadians are vaccinated.

The same people cheering on the truckers destroying the economy are the same people who hated on Black Lives Matter for protesting against police violence. They’re also the same people who attacked the Capitol and tried to overturn an election.

Because of shipment delays caused by these truckers, automobile plants in both countries have canceled shipments and cut hours. These truckers are hurting jobs in both countries. Remember when Republicans pretended to care about that kind of stuff?

The people who are leading this are all from the far right and are associated with Qanon and other assorted extremist hate groups. These are not nice people. There have been several incidents of violence from these truckers and their supporters. There may be more support for these racist truckers in the United States than there is in Canada.

Now, there are copycat movements in Australia and New Zealand, where they are also the fringe minority. There is an ongoing effort now to construct the same movement in Washington, D.C, and blockade our capital.

These people can’t win elections so they try to implement change through bullying, harassment, and violence. There is no place in our nation for that. When people broke the law by blocking streets for Civil Rights, they were fighting against discrimination. They were actually fighting for freedom. Mandating a vaccine to protect the entire population isn’t discrimination or an attack on freedom.

These truckers, just like the entire far-right white nationalist movement, are a bunch of babies. Everything they claim they’re protesting against is contradicted by the next thing they’re protesting against. What do they want? Attention…just likes babies.

Note: My dad was a trucker as well as one of my stepdads. My father never told me trucker stories but my stepdad, Robert Satterfield did. He also took me on a lot of trips as he was more of a father to me than my actual dad. He was a really good man and I loved him. And yes, truckers do get flashed though probably not very often. And according to Satterfield (which is how we often referred to him), he usually didn’t want to see what was flashed at him. And for some weird reason, it mostly happened in Alabama.

And on that note: Cartoonists rarely get flashed.

Music: I didn’t listen to any music while drawing when I was away from home this week. But I picked it up again today and listened to the Counting Crows and the Gin Blossoms.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Tucker M&M


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Author Michael Harriot tweeted, “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I agree with Tucker Carlson. The new m&ms are totally unfuckable.”

Right now you might be asking yourself, does Tucker Carlson wanna get it on with an M&M, or is he just bottom-feeding for fake outrage?

Right-wing lunatics have been beefing on about “cancel culture” before they even had the term “cancel culture.” For years, they’ve been circling the wagons around their whiteness, religion, and masculinity. Fox News’ Tucker Carlson is one of the ring leaders for this ridiculousness.

They’ve been pissed about Dr. Seuss removing one of its more racist books from future publications, Mr. Potatohead dropping the “Mr,” the sexual-harassing French skunk being removed from Space Jam 2, and now they’re upset over androgynous M&Ms…or something like that.

Since the 1990s, M&Ms has conducted a marketing campaign of the candy as walking and talking cartoon characters. As far as corporate mascots go, it’s not bad. It’s at least better than that annoying Gecko, and don’t get me started on that insurance emu. But each of these M&M characters has its own personality. I’ve never paid that much attention to it but now it’s been pointed out to me that two of them are female and supposedly…sexy?

The Mars corporation, which owns the candy and fills it with chocolate from African child slave labor, is trying to “diversify” the characters and make them more “inclusive.” Tucker is outraged. No, not over the child labor, silly, but that one of the sexy M&Ms isn’t someone he’d like to have a drink with. Yeah. like he would ever have a shot. Tucker is more concerned about brown candy being desexualized than he is about brown children being forced to work in a slave cocoa mine. Priorities, people.

That’s some serious white privilege entitlement. Oh, no. My candy’s not sexy anymore.

Tucker is one of those guys who you know was inventing imaginary girlfriends when he was in white privilege prep school. You had one of those kids in your class. He had a girlfriend but she lived in Canada. And since real flesh-and-bone women wouldn’t give them the time of day except for it being time to buzz off, they’d ogle cartoon women. While most boys were debating Ginger vs. Mary Ann, these frustrated nitwits were comparing Velma to Daphne, Wilma to Betty, Betty to Veronica, Leela to Marge, and Lola Bunny to Jessica Rabbit, who wasn’t bad, but just drawn bad.

So either Tucker, being the divisive fuck that he is on a divisive network, is just looking for some good material to rile up his racist already outraged base, or he’s really horny for some M&M S&M.

In Tucker’s eyes, he probably sees Blue M&M, Yellow, M&M, Orange M&M, Red M&M, Green M&M, and Token M&M. It’s Green and Brown (token) who are the females. Green is trading in her white Nancy Sinatra boots for trainers and Brown is lowering the height of her heels. C’mon, Tucker. You walk around in high heels all day while fighting off horny Red M&M then tell me you don’t want to wear something more comfortable?

Is the concern here about identity? Are we afraid if Green M&M goes from boots to sneakers, that it’ll make her not just less sexy, but androgynous? Does Tucker root around in the bag only to eat the green and brown ones as he can’t put a male M&M in his mouth?

Van Halen used to include in their riders, “no brown M&Ms.” A rider is a contract between a band and a promoter. They include details on what food and beverages will be served to the band. There are also things included like candles, rugs, and incense…frivolous rock-star privileges like that. Van Halen’s no-brown-M&Ms rule is one of the most famous rider inclusions. Were these rock stars so indulgent that they required promoters to hire someone specifically to pick out all the brown M&Ms? Was this done just to show they could make that demand? That’s part of it, but it was also a tactic to see if the promoter actually read the rider. If the band found brown M&Ms among all the catering, then what else did the promoter leave out? If there are brown M&Ms, then did the promoter ignore important safety issues in the contract? Because of the promoter’s lack of attention to the details, would it lead to David Lee Roth being electrocuted to death in Wichita by an ungrounded microphone thus forcing the band to hire a new lead singer who had more range, yeah, but he could only write lyrics that used food analogies to sex. So, the no-brown M&Ms thing was less about woke chocolate and more about their lead singer not being electrocuted to death before the band had the opportunity to fire him along with his assless leather pants.

Tucker went on one of his rants, calling the new M&Ms “less sexy, ” and said, “M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal.”

Have you bought a bag of M&Ms ever? If you look in the bag, they’re all pretty androgynous, because they’re candy, and there’s nothing really sexy about them. At least, not in my opinion. Again, it’s simple round candy. It’s chocolate in a colored shell. I don’t care if an M&M identifies as male or female. To me, I identify them as candy.

When I was a kid, my friends and I debated about M&Ms, but it was peanut vs. plain.
I like plain M&Ms.
I prefer peanut M&Ms.
You’re gay.

It was a simpler time.

What I wanna know is, which M&M does Tucker want to have a drink with? Which one does he find sexy? Does he find all of them sexy, even Blue? And don’t say Tucker doesn’t wanna hook up with Brown because Tucker is a white nationalist, but hold on there. Hall of Fame racist Strom Thurmond used to have sex with black women and not tell anyone, so maybe Tucker would have a drink with Brown M&M in some dark and seedy bar where can only enter through an alley and none of the patrons watch Fox News. Don’t judge.

And look at Mitch McConnell. You know Mitch is racist because he told us last week that black voters aren’t Americans, but his wife is Elaine Chao, who isn’t just a non-white person but also a real live woman who exists here in the real world.

Chocolate is good but I still don’t find it sexy, even in go-go boots. I don’t find Green M&M sexy, even in my current drought. But, despite being a cartoon of candy, Green M&M can still do a lot better than Tucker Carlson. So can Brown M&M. And you know what they say. Once you go Brown M&M, you don’t come back.

We’ve all been shot down and rejected at some point in our lives by the better sex, but I’d wager Tucker has experienced that more than most. He’s no David Lee Roth. Hell, he’s no Sammy Hagar. I bet even the bass player, Michael Anthony, gets more Green M&Ms than Tucker.

And now, Tucker can add being rejected by a cartoon to his list.

Creative note: I had about four ideas on this subject but I went with this one as it was the weirdest. My Tucker was kinda inspired by that old Warner Bros. cartoon where the city wolf invites his country wolf cousin to the city,, takes him to a club, and he howls at a red-head singer on stage.
Also, I did a Google Image search of “peep shows” and my first results were the yellow candy birds. Then I tried it with “peep show strippers” and I got a bunch of porn. I honestly wasn’t looking for either. I just wanted to see the layout of the windows and the money machine. I eventually just had to invent it myself.

Music Note: Today, I jammed out to the Red Hot Chili Peppers while drawing.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw: