Tucker Carlson

Tucker Loves The Fetus, Hates The Child


Cjones10212021

Forget seeing Jon Gruden’s emails for a minute. I want to see Tucker Carlson’s emails. I mean, if this guy is flagrantly exhibiting his hate and homophobia to the world on primetime television, I wanna see the stuff he’s secretly saying to his closest confidantes.

Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg and his husband Chasten have adopted premature infant newborn twins. Buttigieg, formerly “Mayor Pete,” had taken paternity, or parental, leave to help care for the newborns. Of course, a guy who works so hard at things that he would learn Norwegian just to read one book is the kind of guy who would suck at taking a leave, because he kept working. But, there is an outrage. What is that outrage? Well, I’m not sure. Let’s listen to Tucker Carlson.

Tucker had a huge problem with Buttigieg taking paternity leave, saying on his show that’s rated number-one with white nationalists, “Pete Buttigieg has been on leave from his job since August after adopting a child. Paternity leave, they call it, trying to figure out how to breastfeed. No word on how that went.”

Apparently, it went pretty well. Pete responded, “I guess he just doesn’t understand the concept of bottle feeding, let alone the concept of paternity leave.” By the way, has Tucker ever actually seen a breast? Maybe he lies about it like in the movie, “40-Year-Old Virgin.” It feels like a bag of sand.

Later, Pete told Jake Tapper on his show popular with people who want facts, “I’m not going to apologize to Tucker Carlson or anyone else for taking care of my premature newborn infant twins. The work that we are doing is joyful, fulfilling, wonderful work. It’s important work, and it’s work that every American ought to be able to do when they welcome a new child into their family. I campaigned on that.”

Pete pointed out, “What is really strange is that, you know, this is from a side of the aisle that used to claim the mantle of being pro-family. What we have right now is an administration that’s actually pro-family.”

Yeah. What happened to that pro-family stuff Republicans always claimed to champion? Did it go out the window when they made the leader of their party the pussy-grabbing thrice-married father of five with three different women who’s been accused of sexual assault, including rape, over 25 times? Did they chuck their family values out the window with their platforms of patriotism, defense of America from Russia, anti-terrorism, and love of conservative fiscal policies?

Gay marriage is the law of the land now and legal in every state, even Utah. Is Tucker’s attack on Buttigieg’s paternity leave a veiled swipe at gay marriage? But then again, abortion is the law of the land too and Republicans are trying to overturn that, so maybe they’ll do the same with gay marriage. Republicans love trying to control other people’s lives. While screaming about vaccine mandates, they’re mandating what women can and can’t do with their own bodies. But just like some stranger’s abortion isn’t Tucker’s business, either is Pete and Chaz’s marriage…or their adoption of twins.

And what is this business of demanding that every fetus be delivered then abandoning when it becomes a child? People like Tucker demand the birth of a baby, even if it’s the result of a rape, then demand we don’t help through government funds to feed it, educate it, or give it any care. They’re against school lunches. They demand parents to be drug tested before they can receive any assistance. And if the parent tests positive for a little weed, then the child should starve. They also don’t want the child to have any healthcare. No healthcare. No prenatal. No nothing. But, yay it’s born.

Tucker is obtuse and he lacks self-awareness. His outlook is from a rich-privileged-white-kid boarding school education. He did attempt to apologize for his homophobic attack after getting owned by Buttigieg. He replied to Buttigieg, “Last night on this show we made a brief, offhand joke about the Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg, and this morning we discovered our error. It turns out that Buttigieg is not a dwarfish fraud whose utter mediocrity indicts the class that produced him. No, not at all. Pete Buttigieg was once the mayor of South Bend, Indiana. So understandably, going forward, we are. And of course we will. Our mistake.”

That’s an apology? I bet Tucker thinks that funny. I bet his audience believes it’s hilarious. But then again, these are the same idiots who believe the hashtag, #LetsGoBrandon is witty and hilarious. Pssst, Republicans. I don’t need a code to say, “Fuck Trump.”

But what sort of audience does Tucker have, I mean, other than white nationalists? OK, they’re all white nationalists, but let’s take a look at how they feel about Pete Buttigieg taking paternity leave. For this, we’re going to scroll through one of my former friend’s Facebook page. My former friend is an alt-right racist Nazi-supporting former Never-Trump who now attacks Never-Trumpers. He is the perfect example of the vileness of the Trump Cult and is up to date on current bigoted and Fox News talking points. He made two posts about Buttigieg’s adoption and paternity leave. Let’s see what he said and how his racist fucknut friends replied.

His first post on Buttigieg is: Transportation secretary, Pete Buttigieg, tonight referred to the two babies he just adopted as, “my new kids”. I’ve never heard a new parent refer to their recently born infants as “my new kids”. It’s Iike he’s referring to a just-purchased turtleneck or badminton racket.

His quibble is with the reference, “My new kids.” Well, you gotta quibble when you don’t have anything, like outrage over Joe Biden liking ice cream. That sonofabitch likes chunky monkey. I digress. Let’s check out a few replies to the post.

They are: “He’s insufferable. Two months paid vacation on the taxpayers dime. Wow.” How many days was Trump at his golf courses?

“It makes no sense on purpose. They are gay men pretending to be “\’parents’. And it’s our shortcomings if we cannot make fantasy into reality.”

“For a NY MinuteI thought you said Pete’s buttplug.”

“Those kids are now positioned, in my opinion, to be the recipients of some major Child Abuse. I feel sorry for those children. They don’t deserve that.” Actually, most child abuse is committed by heterosexuals.

“Please, you deluded gay narcissists, hire a compassionate competent nanny.It’s their only hope.” Maybe they can get Obi Wan Kenobi…he’s their only hope.

My first two takeaways are that these goons are really homophobic and sure know a lot about butt plugs. Then, just as you were wondering about their butt plug obsession, another post was made that drew new homophobic comments. Let’s take another gander if we have the stomach for it.

The second post on Buttigieg is: “I hope Mayor Pete is healing well during his maternity leave.” The guy doesn’t understand the difference between “maternity” and “paternity,” so maybe he shouldn’t be telling women what to do with their bodies, hmm?

Some of those replies are: “I wonder how they did the episiotomy was performed.” Hey, I’m not correcting their grammar.

“I just looked it up and his husband is a drama teacher. So, do they both get maternity leave?” This person complained her maternity leave was shorter than Pete’s paternity leave, so you’d think she’d understand the difference.

“Heard he had difficulty with the lactation Department.”

“Wonder did he have an episiotomy….” An obsession with episiotomies and butt plugs. Nice.

“Pete knows more about umbilical cords, than supply chains.”

There were a lot more, like the comparison that Kayleigh McEnany only took two weeks off compared to Buttigieg’s two months (when he kept working). But maybe Kayleigh doesn’t love her baby as much as Pete loves his twins. The real big takeaway here is, these people are homophobic and ignorant. They don’t know what they’re talking about despite having a lot of opinions on the subject.

The reason these people are so ignorant is because they’re the people Tucker Carlson is talking to. It’s also partly why they’re so racist because Tucker’s show is the highest-rated show among white nationalists.

If your argument is Buttigieg shouldn’t be able to take a paternity leave for so long because other people can’t, then stop opposing it. We’re trying to make parental leave more available to everyone. As Buttigieg said, “It’s important work, and it’s work that every American ought to be able to do when they welcome a new child into their family. I campaigned on that.”

Conservatives always argue that if they didn’t get something good, or things were hard on them, then it should be hard on everyone else. They argue against free tuition because they didn’t get it. I thought we wanted better for our children. Conservatives do not. They don’t want paternity leave or the children they forced to be born to be adopted to people who will provide loving homes and become great parents.

For conservatives, it’s love the fetus, hate the child. It’s like what the late and great George Carlin said.

“Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren’t they? They’re all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you’re born, you’re on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don’t want to know about you. They don’t want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you’re preborn, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.”

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FOUR copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Swollen Testicles


Cjones09202021

I have a cartooning colleague who has some views on the coronavirus you should not trust. It’s not what you think. He’s pro-vaccine and maybe pro-face mask. But now he’s telling people that hand sanitizer doesn’t work against the coronavirus. He claims he caught COVID about three months before anyone else in this country caught it. And after being fully vaxxed, he slithered into a Walgreens, didn’t tell them he was already fully vaxxed, and got a booster before the CDC advised for it.

I have another cartooning colleague who is anti-face masks, anti-vaccine, anti-social distancing, claims the government is using all of it to control you and the virus was a hoax. He claims it’s no worse than the flu and the number of deaths are fabricated. He claims he tested positive for COVID antibodies and like Rand Paul, he’s now immune…forever. He calls people who wear face masks “sheeple” and cowards and mocks them for being afraid to leave their homes without a facemask, even though he’s afraid to leave his home without an assault rifle.

Do you know what both of these cartoonists, one being a liberal socialist and the other being a Nazi-supporting white supremacist, have in common other than being cartoonists? They’re not scientists or doctors. You should not believe what they say without fact-checking it. Even though anything I post has been confirmed by scientists, you should not blindly trust me. Go behind me and fact-check what I say. Why? Because I’m not a doctor or a scientists either. One of my best friends is a physicist and I can’t tell you what he does for a living even though he’s told me a thousand times. I am not a scientist and that, you do not have to fact-check.

Even though cartoonists are supposed to base their work on facts and real information (too many cartoonists are NOT doing that anymore), you still can’t totally trust a cartoonist for your science. Last week, I saw a cartoon blaming natural disasters on God’s wrath over our woke culture. It’s not global warming, it’s trans athletes in little girls’ bathrooms. Granted, that guy’s a climate-change denying fundamentalist zealot lunatic, but still…trust scientists.

Don’t trust cartoonists. Don’t trust stupid Republican senators who are self-certified eye doctors and not immunologists or virus experts. And, don’t trust pop singers.

Nicki Minaj is a very famous pop singer even though I can’t name one of her songs (except for the one with Lonely Island, “The Creep”). Minaj, who is from Trinidad (in case you’re a Republican, Trinidad is an entirely different country and not some girl named Trini’s daddy) is refusing to be vaccinated and says her cousin in Trinidad is also refusing to be vaccinated because a friend of hers got the vaccine and it made him impotent with swollen testicles. Rose McGowan, another anti-vaxxer celebrity, is backing Nicki’s claim about her cousin’s friend in Trinidad.

Did you have a friend when you were a teen, or maybe you were the friend, that claimed he had a girlfriend but she went to a different school? Maybe you or that friend claimed the never-seen girlfriend was in Canada. The cool thing about doing that to defend yourself from dreaded accusations of virginity is that nobody can prove you’re lying. Nobody can fact-check it because nobody ever goes to Canada. Hell, it may not even exist. All those photos and videos of Canada were created in the same studio they faked the moon landing in. But, you can’t put it down as certifiable fact that this person claiming he has a girlfriend elsewhere is definitely telling you the truth and not lying his virgin ass off. By the way, my high school girlfriend lives on the moon. Good luck debunking that, fuckers.

But ya’ know what I’m thinking? I’m thinking Tucker Carlson was that guy back when he was a student at a fancy-schmancy pants prep school. Tucker got kicked out of a Swiss prep school, probably for being too white, and I bet when he resumed studies at a U.S. prep school, he claimed to have left a girlfriend back in Switzerland. I’ve seen photos of Swiss women and I’ve seen photos of Tucker. Trust me: Tucker never had a Swiss girlfriend. If someone shows you a photo of their girlfriend, and it’s on a box of hot chocolate, she’s probably not real.

I’m not just basing this speculation that Tucker had an imaginary cartoon girlfriend when he was in prep school on how Tucker looks, his punchable face, or how feeble and undesirable he is. I base this on the fact Tucker took Nicki’s claim and spread it.

Tucker Carlson reported Nicki’s claims…and then shockingly, he made a correction. What he corrected was his initial reporting that it was Nicki’s cousin who has a big-ball crisis, and not her friend’s balls. I’m glad he cleared that up. Tucker wants to get in touch (hopefully, not literally) with Nicki’s cousin’s friend so he can fly down to Trinidad to get the full scoop on the swollen nuts. It will be the first time testicles were ever interviewed by a dick. Hey, Tucks….as the great Tallahassee said in Zombieland, “Nut up or shut up.”

This has gotten so crazy that Dr. Anthony Fauci and the health Minister of Trinidad have had to debunk it. And Dr. Fauci has much more important things to do, like debunking stupid shit Rand Paul says and refraining himself from leaping over a table and kicking his ass as though he was his next door neighbor. I have been fully vaccinated and I can assure you that my testicles…wait a minute…mmmhmmm….yeah…OK. I just checked and they’re still fine. No, Tucker can’t inspect them.

The worst thing about ballgate might that someone with a primetime cable news show on a supposed news outlet is pushing unverified claims as fact. Even if you do have a talk show on a news channel that specializes in opinion, you’re still supposed to be a journalist. You’re still supposed to abide by the ethics of journalism. The ethics of journalism prevents most journalists from spreading misinformation on stolen elections, horse de-wormer, or third-person claims without verification, like Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s swollen balls.

Keep in mind, Tucker is in that same right-wing crowd that cast aspersions on actual news outlet’s use of anonymous sources. Before Tucker supports and helps spread this wild claims, he should make a trip to fondle some Trinidadian balls.

Tucker is spreading this unverified story for one of two reasons: He is desperate for anything to debunk COVID vaccines or…he really wants to touch some balls.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Fun With Fake Tucker


Cjones09072021

Facts aren’t things used on Fox News, at least not during prime time. That is a fact. Another fact is that Tucker Carlson cannot decide what is and isn’t legal. Tucker Carlson can tell you what he thinks should be legal and not legal, like we all do. But, Tucker can’t tell you something is not a crime when it is.

Producing, selling, or obtaining a fake vaccination card is a crime. This is a fact even though Tucker said on his show last week that “buying a fake vaccination card is not a, quote, ‘serious crime.’”

But it is. Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus R. Vance Jr. seems to think it’s a pretty “serious” crime because he has charged 15 people for participating in a fake-vaccination card ring. Thirteen of these people work in essential-employee settings, such as hospitals.

One woman, allegedly, was selling vaccine passports on Instagram. She sold nearly 250 fake vaccine cards for $200 a pop, in addition to there being an additional “convenience” fee of $250 per customer. Who does she think she is? Ticketmaster? We’re buying fake vax cards here, people…not going to see Pearl Jam…where you will probably need to have a vaccination card. Holy shit, she is Ticketmaster.

Another person then wrongly entered at least 10 individuals into the New York State Immunization Information System database. Yeah, that was “wrongly entered” like the children’s book in Despicable Me being accidentally destroyed with great malice.

That  woman is charged with offering a false instrument for filing in the first degree, conspiracy in the fifth degree and criminal possession of a forged instrument in the second degree. I don’t know, Tucks…all those charges sound pretty serious. I don’t understand half of it, so I know it’s serious.

But in response to this, Tucker said it’s not a serious crime. Right-wing fucknuts have been politicizing the pandemic since it began. But keep in mind, people like Tucker never thought the virus was serious, most of all Donald Trump. MAGAts don’t take it seriously that Trump played it down while it was killing over 630,000 Americans. They didn’t take it seriously when Trump suggested aquarium cleaner as a medical solution, or the time he told everyone to ingest bleach into their bodies.

And Republicans are totally against what they call “vaccine passports” being required to enter establishments. But that’s a great idea. In fact, Fox News thinks it’s a great idea because guess what you need to get into the Fox News building on 6th Avenue. Think about it. Think about it real hard. Did you guess socks? Those are probably heavily suggested, but no. What is required are….wait for it…vaccine passports. It’s also required of all Fox News employees at the network’s Washington, D.C. studio where they shoot…wait for it…Tucker Carlson tonight.

Tucker said about fake vaccine cards: “It’s not even close to a serious crime. Buying a fake vaccination card is an act of desperation by decent, law-abiding Americans who have been forced into a corner by tyrants.” Tucker also said that people are being forced to “take drugs they don’t need or want.”

Who? Whos’ being forced to “take drugs they don’t need or want?” Who? Who, Tucker? Who? Is there an owl in here? Who the fuck is being forced to take the vaccine? Tucker, you’re a liar. Maybe Tucker was forced to take the vaccine by his employer, who is, let me remind you, Fox News. Maybe Fox News should check Tucker’s vaccination card and make sure it has his name on it and not McLovin’s.

Going on TV and lying to the public every fucking day about a health crisis should be a serious crime.

Tucker says people are buying these fake vaccination cards out of desperation. Desperate for what? Eating in a restaurant? Going to the movies? Going to a night club so you can approach girls and say, “How you doin’?” Desperate to go to Yankee Stadium? I included Yankee Stadium because so far, that’s the only place that wanted to see my card…which I left in my hotel room. Personally, I think it’s weird I needed to show proof of vaccination to enter outdoor Yankee Stadium but not to get on an overly-crowed Amtrak train.

Here’s the thing, Tucks: If people are so “desperate,” then maybe they’d be desperate enough to…Oh, I don’t know….GET THE VACCINE?

So if Tucker’s ID is stolen and then recovered at a porno theater, would it be more embarrassing than say, being caught watching Tucker on Fox News?

My cartoon includes a guy with a sheep, but the real sheep are watching Tucker on Fox News.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Mr. Taliban Head


Cjones08242021

Tucker Carlson has a nightly TV show in prime time where he offers his opinions on anything and everything despite the fact he has no real world experience at anything. Tucker especially fails at grasping foreign relations and the military. This trust-fund baby barely survived prep school and even got kicked out of one in Switzerland, probably for being too white.

None of that stops Tucker from being Tucker. Even if Tucker was capable of understanding complex matters, he’d still use the fall of Afghanistan as ammunition for his favorite cause, hating progressivism, which he also seems to know nothing about. Yes, Tucker is blaming the fall of Afghanistan to the Taliban on wokeness.

First, when liberals speak of being “woke,” they’re being sarcastic. It’s kind of a way to mock conservatives who mock liberals, or just empathetic people for being openminded. Woke is another culture war brand like cancel culture and political correctness. Woke is gaining a better understanding or race and sex. Cancel culture is getting rid of hateful images and not letting Nazis speak on college campuses. Political correctness is just not being an asshole. Conservatives hate all these movements and if they’re really good at hating it, they get a talk show. But none of this stuff is weakening our military.

Last week, Tucker said on his show, “It turns out the people of Afghanistan don’t actually want gender studies symposia. They didn’t actually buy the idea that men can become pregnant. They thought that was ridiculous. They don’t hate their own masculinity. They don’t think it’s toxic — they like the patriarchy. Some of their women like it too.”

This is why people who watch Fox News are so ignorant of current events. If you listen to Tucker, it sounds like the Taliban won an election and the people rejected the liberal agenda of the former government. This sells really well to Tucker’s audience, which is mostly made up of Christian male white supremacists. But how does Tucker know any of this? Has there been a poll in Afghanistan? Can Tucker cite a source that he didn’t pull out of his ass?

The Taliban did not win an election. The people of Afghanistan did NOT choose the Taliban. For that matter, the government that was chased out was only slightly less conservative than the Taliban. Both sides create laws guided by their religious fundamentalism. This was not a battle between conservatives and progressives. Basically, this is like going from conservatives in Alabama to conservatives who want to eliminate voting and women’s right entirely. OK, Alabama was a bad example.

Prep boy Tucker is also selling the idea the military was selling “wokeness.” Do what? The United States military wasn’t selling liberalism to Afghanistan. The U.S. military was even turning a blind eye to the child-abuse culture of Afghanistan. Yes, that is a real thing. Ignoring child abuse is not being woke.

But Tucker is not alone with this idiotic argument.

Rod Dreher, from the American Conservative (it’s a magazine…I think), wrote, “America might not know how to win actual wars, but it sure is going to equip its troops to win the culture war against traditional morality and old-fashioned American values.” Dreher, like Tucker, is a big fan of the nationalistic Hungarian government. They’re hungry for Hungary. See what I did there?

Kurt Schlicter, who writes for the ultra-conservative website, Town Hall, also uses the word “woke” to describe our military. He also ponders the question: Why hasn’t Antifa done anything about the Taliban yet? This is where you’re allowed to pause to slap your forehead.

You can look at these morons and believe their opinions shouldn’t matter because they are in fact morons. These opinions are not based on any facts and they’re only used to spread their brand of hate. But, they have a large audience that eats up these moronic opinions. Tucker has the most popular “news” show on primetime. Kurt Schlicter has over 340,000 followers on Twitter. Roy Dreher has over 70,000. People, mostly racists, are listening to these mooks. Hate sells. It got Donald Trump elected. It’s making Tucker Carlson richer. It makes people buy shitty pillows.

While the United States didn’t defeat the Taliban, Afghanistan lost Afghanistan. And it’s not because people can’t decide if Mr. Potato Head is a mister or not. Fact: Neither Mr. or Mrs. Potato head has a penis.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trump Cabinet


Cjones08082021

You can be forgiven if your first response to hearing Donald Trump is meeting with his cabinet at one of his golf clubs is, “What fucking cabinet? Is he insane?”

Yes. Donald Trump is insane. What’s worse is that people we suspect may not be totally bonkers are enabling his insanity.

If you know someone who thinks he’s Napoleon, you should probably call specialists who send trucks to pick up people like that instead of enabling him with something like, “Pardon, me sir…but will Lady Josephine be joining us at Waterloo today?”

Mark Meadows, Trump’s chief-of-staff from when he actually was president (sic), told Newsmax he visited Trump at Bedminster in New Jersey and, “We met with several of our cabinet members tonight.”

Uh, what cabinet? Let’s make something clear. Donald Trump does NOT have a cabinet because Donald Trump is NOT president. Maggie Haberman of The New York Times said, “I can’t stop thinking about this interview. The former chief of staff is talking as if there’s a shadow presidency going on (there isn’t) at a time when there’s a conspiracy theory that Trump will be reinstated (he won’t).”

Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics, a non-partisan watchdog group, said, “We can’t believe we have to say this, but no, Donald Trump is not secretly running the country from a golf course in New Jersey.”

I can’t believe I have to say this but Donald Trump is NOT the president.

There are people who still believe Donald Trump is the president. There are others who believe he was robbed and will return to the presidency on August 13. There are people who believe both, that he’s still the president and he’ll be reinstated as president…don’t ask me how that works. Donald Trump is selling all of this.

Lin Wood, a pro-Trump attorney, recently told a crowd of MAGAts, that Trump “is still the guy the military will call” in the event of a crisis. He added that President Joe Biden only APPEARS to be president. Yeah, winning an election, living in the White House, and signing bills into laws will give off that appearance.

Here’s a free legal tip: When hiring a lawyer, ask him or her if they support Donald Trump and if they think he’s still president. If the answer is yes to either, find another lawyer.

Mark Meadows will not identify the members of this cabinet. Here’s a fun fact, presidents don’t have secret cabinets. Cabinet members have to be confirmed by the United States Senate. It’s really hard to keep their identities concealed during confirmation hearings in the Senate. You don’t just pluck fuckers off a golf course and install them into a presidential cabinet. No. You do that with ambassadorships.

But Donald Trump is nuts. He probably believes he has a cabinet because he thinks he’s still president and will be reinstated on August 13. What I need to know now is, what date are they going to claim after August 13 passes and Trump is still just a whiny wedding crashing conspiracy-spreading lunatic on a golf course?

Mike Lindell, the MyPillow lunatic, believes Trump will be reinstated on August 13. There are members of Qanon who believe Trump is secretly controlling the military and they’ll overthrow the Biden presidency for him on August 13. These people don’t seem to understand they are opposing democracy. Donald Trump, in direct opposition to democracy, is trying to become a fascist dictator. We don’t install or reinstate presidents. Presidents in this country are elected.

Is Donald Trump forcing is secret golf club cabinet to sign documents stating the election was corrupt? That’s what he attempted to do with the Justice Department before the insurrection at the Capitol by his white nationalist terrorists.

On December 28, Jeffrey Clark, a Trump goon in the Justice Department and acting head of the Civil Division, addressed a letter to the governor of Georgia and state legislative leaders stating the department was “investigating various irregularities” in the presidential contest and that it had “identified significant concerns that may have impacted the outcome of the election.” It proposed that the Republican-controlled Georgia legislature call a special session, ignore the will of the voters, and send alternate electors to Congress on January 6 giving the state’s electoral college votes to Donald Trump. The Georgia state legislature didn’t do that but now they are changing the laws giving them the power to basically do just that.

The acting attorney general, Jeffrey Rosen, and acting deputy attorney general, Richard Donoghue, rejected the letter. Donoghue wrote, “It is not the Justice Department’s place to tell states how to overturn election results.” I don’t know if Georgia ever got the Trump goon’s letter, but they did get a phone call from Trump telling them to overturn the election.

Donald Trump called election officials in Georgia and told them to “find me the votes.” He was demanding they create votes out of thin air and overturn the election in his favor. He even threatened them with criminal charges if they didn’t comply. He told them, “All I want to do is this. I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have because we won the state.”

On December 15, Trump called Rosen into the Oval Office to insist he file legal arguments claiming the election was stolen. Rosen refused.

This is where it gets good.

On December 27, Trump called Rosen at the Justice Department and told them they “may not be following the internet the way I do,” because they weren’t aware of all the conspiracy theories he had read and believed about the election being stolen. I mean, why couldn’t the Justice Department just take Sidney Powell’s word for it? Why couldn’t the Justice Department just release that invisible “kraken?” At the very least, can’t the acting attorney general spend a few hours every day scrolling through 4chan?

According to notes taken by Donoghue, Rosen told Trump he needed to “understand that the DOJ can’t + won’t snap its fingers + change the outcome of the election, doesn’t work that way.”

The notes record Trumps response as, “I don’t expect you to do that. just say that the election was corrupt + leave the rest to me and the R. Congressmen.”

Two days later, Trump sent Rosen and Donoghue a draft lawsuit he hoped would be filed with the Supreme Court. It was a duplicate of a lawsuit filed by the state of Texas the court had already declined to hear. That was the lawsuit where Republican Trump goons in Texas filed a lawsuit against another state’s election. Maybe that Texas attorney general is on Trump’s secret golf club cabinet.

Trump’s goon in the Justice Department, who had written the conspiracy letter encouraging Georgia to overthrow its election, continued to spread conspiracy theories in the department. Trump was loudly speculating about firing Rosen, who had just replaced William Barr as AG, and replacing him with Clark. On December 31, Rosen and Donoghue called Clark in and told him to cut the shit with the “stolen election” conspiracy theories. Keep in mind that in less than a month, none of these guys would still be in the Justice Department.

Donald Trump tired to steal the election. He tried to overturn it. He had enablers and goons in Congress, states, and the Justice Department helping him try to overturn the election. He initially refused to comply with the transition. He still has not conceded defeat. He tweeted for his supporters to gather in the capital on January 6 to stop the certification of the election saying it was “going to be wild.” On January 6, he held a rally in the capital telling his supporters to “march to the Capitol.” The intention was to stop the certification with a terrorist attack. After the attack, Republicans in Congress still voted to overturn the election. That would have been like Republicans destroying the Pentagon after al Qaida flew a plane into it.

That terrorist attack, the Republicans who voted to overturn the election, Republicans who voted against investigating the attack, and Republicans in states who tried to overturn the election are the reasons why it’s dangerous for people like Mark Meadows to make claims about Trump having a cabinet. It’s dangerous to enable Donald Trump in his claims he’s running a secret government. It’s dangerous because there are MAGAts who want August 13 to be just like January 6, except actually overturning the government this time. While they can’t succeed in overthrowing an election ten months after it happened, they can succeed in creating violence, weakening our democracy, and hurting a lot of people in the process.

Donald Trump can put all the idiots he wants on his pretend cabinet and keep playing fake president, but come August 13 and after, Joe Biden will still be the president of the United States of America.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Treason For Tucker


Cjones07102021

When Congress investigated the September 11, 2001 attack on our nation, the investigative committee did not include any members of al Qaida. When Congress has investigated the mafia, I don’t believe any of those committees included mobsters. When the GOP held investigation after investigation into the Benghazi attack that killed four Americans, I don’t believe their committees included Islamic terrorists. But, Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi offered Republicans an opportunity to include supporters of terrorists on a committee to investigate a terrorist attack.

Make no mistake about it, the attack on January 6, 2021 was a terrorist attack. Not only are Republicans afraid to admit it was terrorists, they don’t want to admit it was an insurrection. A few of them even claim the terrorists were merely tourists. The reason being is that the terrorists were their terrorists.

The GOP made demands that had to be met before they would vote for an independent commission. They demanded equal representation on the committee and subpoena power. They could have used this to deflect from the real purpose of the investigation and shift the focus to Antifa, Black Lives Matter, why Tim Allen’s show can’t win Emmys, who put the bomp in the bomp-bah-bomp-bah-bomp, or if the NSA is investigating Tucker Carlson.

The Democrats gave Republicans everything they demanded and except for 35 members, they still voted against a commission. It ultimately failed in the Senate because of two Democratic jackasses. After voting against a commission that would have given them equal power, the Republicans complained it was partisan. Fine, let’s make it partisan.

If your partisanship is supporting terrorism, then we don’t need you. Now, the House has voted, mostly along party lines, to create a select committee to investigate the terrorist attack. This time, only two Republicans voted to investigate a terrorist attack.

There will be a 13-member panel with eight members appointed by Democrats and five appointed by Republicans. Pelosi has already given one of the Democratic seats to a Republican, Liz Cheney. Kevin McCarthy, the Republican leader, has threatened his members with punishment if they serve on the committee. He’s threatening to remove their committee assignments.

McCarthy may want to appoint a few fucknuts like Jim Jordan, Elise Stefanik, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, and Matt Gaetz to fill the committee with howler monkeys, but Pelosi can veto any of McCarthy’s choices. She should have this power because Republicans can’t be taken seriously and would use their appointments to defend terrorists. Pelosi should veto any members McCarthy chooses who voted against certifying the election. Let’s not allow terrorists to serve on the committee. The terrorist attack was motivated by the Big Lie. You can’t put members on a committee investigating the attack who continue to push the Big Lie.

Republicans are afraid of investigating the January 6 attack the same way cats are afraid of cucumbers. We don’t know why cats are afraid of cucumbers. It’s not like the cucumbers conducted a terrorist attack against the dog after coordinating with the cat, and the cat is afraid it’ll be implicated if you ask the cucumber any questions. But we do know that’s exactly why the Republicans are afraid of cucumbers, I mean, questions, committees, investigations, facts, etc. And for all we know, Donald Trump is afraid of cucumbers. They are a vegetable.

And just like cats leaping from a cucumber, Kevin McCarthy may hurt himself trying to get away from this investigation. At the very least, he’ll probably shit himself.

The people who attacked the Capitol did so to block the certification of an election and the peaceful transfer of power. They did so to destroy our democracy and install a dictator. They were supported by and received support from Republicans. There are questions as to how much support. Donald Trump tweeted for them to be at the Capitol that day. Donald Trump held a pep rally before the attack. A lot of Republicans voted against certifying the election, delaying it for the terrorists to stop the certification. Some Republicans may have been in contact with terrorists while they were in the Capitol. One Representative was tweeting locations of Democratic members. The terrorists were Trump supporters. There was a large white nationalist element to it.

Liz Cheney said her service on the committee is a matter of honoring her “oath to defend the Constitution.” McCarthy can honor his oath and select members who will also “defend the Constitution,” but that will also shine the light on the party’s culpability with the terrorists. McCarthy and Republicans are more loyal to Trump and his cult than they are to the Constitution.

The terrorists engaged in an attack to stop an act mandated by the Constitution. If McCarthy refuses to appoint anyone, he shows he doesn’t care…which he doesn’t.

McCarthy is also a witness. He was on the phone with Trump during the attack, asking him to call off his terrorists…which Trump refused to do right away.

Republicans spent years and millions of dollars investigating the terrorist attack on Benghazi. Quick! Tell me what they learned from their investigations. Now, another terrorist attack needs an investigation but they don’t want to talk about it because they’re implicated. They would probably rather investigate Tucker Carlson’s claims the National Security Agency is spying on him. Several Republicans, howler monkeys, have backed him up on this bullshit.

Tucker claimed, without any evidence, the NSA has hacked into his emails and plans to release them. This is ironic since he was a big fan of Russia hacking into the Democratic Party’s emails during the 2016 campaign. Maybe someone else has hacked into his emails and plans to release them and Tucker is just preparing us for the amount of gay porn they’ll contain. Quick! What did the release of the Democratic Party’s emails contain? Something about pizza?

In fact, you’re not going to believe this shit…Kevin McCarthy said, “There is a public report that NSA read the emails of Fox News host Tucker Carlson.” Uh, that “public report” is Tucker’s claim. Fox News’ lawyers claimed in court that nobody can believe Tucker. Someone needs to tell McCarthy he can’t believe anything Tucker claims. McCarthy also said, “I have serious questions regarding this matter that must be answered…the NSA cannot be used as a political instrument.” McCarthy has called on Devin Nunes, another howler monkey, to look into this.

Matt Gaetz, a howler monkey who does NOT want anyone to look at his emails, called for an…wait for it…an investigation. Jim Jordan, another howler, is also promoting the lie…along with all his other lies.

How can anyone justify not voting to investigate a terrorist attack on our nation while calling to investigate bullshit by Tucker Carlson? If we’re going to investigate fictional shit on TV, let’s find out why Jerry hated Newman so much.

Do you know how this Tucker claim will end up? It’ll land like all the other Tucker claims.

What happened to Tucker’s claims he had documents that would incriminate the Bidens in all sort of illegal shenanigans? What happened to Tucker’s claims he had emails proving Dr. Anthony Fauci was involved in a criminal coverup of the origins of Covid-19? Tucker was OK with spying on those emails. What happened to Tucker’s claims the FBI was behind the insurrection? Do you remember anything coming from those? You don’t because nothing did.

If there is an investigation, I’m sure it’d be dropped just as soon as Republicans discovered Tucker was partly responsible for the white nationalist terrorist attack, he’s full of crap, his emails are full of gay porn, and he’s afraid of cucumbers.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Tucker Hates Our Troops


Cjones07032021

For his latest commentary on the military, Tucker Carlson relied on his vast military experience. Oh, I’m sorry. He relied on his vast Swiss boarding school experience.

I lied. His experience with Swiss boarding schools isn’t vast. He was kicked out. Apparently, he was too white. I hope that didn’t enrage him.

)Tucker has attended at least two private schools and and one private college where he was a member of the Dan White Society, named after the (white) guy who assassinated San Francisco supervisor Harvey Milk and mayor George Moscone. Tucker is not a veteran of the military. No, Tucker is a trust-fund baby who grew up with beach views in the shadows of country club tennis courts. But, don’t worry. He has opinions of our military he’s very eager to share.

During a House Armed Services Committee hearing, General and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Mark Milley, said he wished to explore the area of academia that looks into the intersection of race and law. During this hearing, he schooled and embarrassed Representative (sic) Matt Gaetz who was asking about the military “embracing” Critical Race Theory. Gaetz hasn’t been spanked this hard since the last time he paid a teenage girl through Venmo after flying her across state lines to do it.

General Milley said to Gaetz, “I do think it’s important. actually, for those of us in uniform to be open-minded and be widely read. And the United States Military Academy is a university. And it is important that we train and we understand — I want to understand white rage, and I’m white — and I want to understand it. So, what is it that caused thousands of people to assault this building and tried to overturn the Constitution of the United States of America? What caused that? I want to find that out.”

Gaetz was shaking his head the entire time…or it was a side effect after accidentally taking roofies shaped like Bam-Bam.

Milley said he was offended the U.S. military was being accused of “being ‘woke’ or something else” for studying theories that exist.

Wouldn’t you want the military to understand…stuff? When we fought the Nazis in World War II, don’t you think political and military leaders read Mein Kampf to try to understand who we were fighting? Don’t you think a lot of Jews have read the same book trying to understand any of that mindset?

Late night host and comedian Seth Meyers said, ““The GOP used to accuse anyone who opposed their wars of not supporting the troops and now they’re accusing the troops of being too woke. Soon they’re going to start accusing SEAL Team 6 of committing voter fraud.”

It’s so funny that when an athlete kneels during the playing of the national anthem before a game, white conservatives claim it’s disrespecting our military and scream in a rage, “Fire that sonofabitch.” But when a white conservative, who is not a veteran, does it, he’s defending our values or some shit like that.

Since Matt Gaetz is a sycophantic troglodyte with a lifetime membership in the racist Trump cult, Tucker felt it was up to him to defend the racist congressman who enjoys sharing nude photos of girls on the House floor. Guys who share the same extra-small condom size need to stick together.

Tucker accused the general of levying “an attack against people on the basis of their skin color.” If you attack Nazis, will Tucker go after you for attacking them on the basis of their skin color? Maybe, because the general was talking about terrorists.

“White rage is not a medical condition. It’s not even a legitimate academic theory. It doesn’t exist,” Tucker said in a full-on rage.

The irony continued to escape Tucker that he, a trust-fund baby boarding-school white guy was defending white rage on the favorite show of Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, Neo Nazis, the Klan, the MAGA cult, Cheesecake Factory enthusiasts, people who say “anywho,” Ted Nugent, Scott Baio, and other assorted white nationalists. With a name like Tucker, your credibility on racial matters is about as good as that of guys named Brett, Jared, Todd, Colin, Dirk, Biff, Brad, Bryce, Landon, Tripp, Chase, Garrett, Thad, Preston, Chip, Paxton, Scooter (that guy got beat up a lot), or Chaz. If your parents named you Chaz, fuck you, Chaz. Your parents had every intention of you growing up to be a Docker-wearing certifiable douchebag. It’s like having the last name DeVille and naming your daughter Cruella…then being surprised she likes spotted fur coats.

Tucker, who was raised to be douchey and wear bowties, raged on and said, “White rage is a racial attack. So here you have the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in a congressional hearing leveling a race attack against American citizens, the guy who’s supposed to be protecting our country.” American citizens, who were 99 percent white and terrorists.

“That is disgraceful. It’s disqualifying. It’s without precedent,” Carlson said. Jesus, you’d think the General was trying to make it harder for white people to vote or legalize running over MAGAts with your car. Trust me. Nobody is trying to make it legal to run over MAGAts with cars. I’ve looked into it.

Fox fucker Tucker went on to say, “We shouldn’t have a chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff who attacks Americans based on their skin color. It’s disgusting.”

So, why is Tucker’s show the top-rated show for Nazis?

This show was Tucker doubling-down from a previous show where he called the Joint Chiefs chairman “stupid” and “a pig,” adding Milley got his job because “he knows who to suck up to.” I’m sure Tucker got his job at Fox News based on his impeccable credentials as a journalist.

Tucker carried on about the General and said, “Hard to believe that man wears a uniform. He’s just that unimpressive. Notice he never defined white rage.” Tucker, he did define white rage. Except, you think that definition was a bunch of tourists visiting the Capitol.

White rage also comes from the fear of losing your white privilege. Tucker’s privilege of being raised as a douchey trust-fund boarding school baby is a privilege stacked on top of his white privilege.

CNN’s Brianna Keilar (I love her) pointed out that Tucker’s show is another definition of white rage.

Keilar said, “Milley is not immune from criticism, but look at the stripes on his sleeve. Ten of them, we counted. Each one of those overseas service bars is six months deployed. That is five years. That is more time than Tucker Carlson spent at his probably third-choice boarding school.”

She added, “Tucker Carlson didn’t serve. His biggest achievement is having nine lives in the world of cable news, making a bowtie famous, and getting away with promoting conspiracy theories night after night after night.”

If you’re a white conservative and Brianna Keilar’s comments enrage you, good news. There’s a term for that.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Tucker Abuse


Cjones05112021

Covid deniers, the anti-maskers, and the anti-vaxxers are playing the whining game over faux abuse for being flat Earthers. They claim they’re being scorned by society and assaulted for not getting vaccinated and for not wearing face masks. They argue it’s their body and their choice, overlooking that their choice affects other people’s bodies.

Numerous videos have been posted on social media of Kens and Karens wailing inside businesses that require them to wear face masks. These are the same people who champion the rights of a bakery to refuse to make gay wedding cakes. Why does a cake have to straight or gay? Why can’t there just be wedding cakes?

The truth is, nobody is being persecuted for not wearing a face mask or for refusing to be vaccinated. One of the fucknuts who comments on my videos equated discrimination against anti-vaxxers to the Holocaust. As if being seated in a germy section of a restaurant is the same as being ripped from your home, having all your possessions taken, put into forced labor, murdered by the millions, and having your body used to make soap. We already discriminate against smokers. Why can’t we seat anti-vaxxers into the shitty section of restaurant next to the bathrooms? And let’s make those bathrooms unisex just to piss them off further.

I am probably the biggest advocate for treating anti-vaxxers differently. I don’t see anyone on cable news arguing to discriminate against these Flat Earthers. Maybe one or two people believe they should be seated last on an airplane while I think we should make those fuckers walk. I’m willing to meet you half way on this and put them all on Greyhound.

There is no abuse or persecution of people for not wearing face masks. But, there is one guy on cable news advocating for attacking people who are wearing face masks. Of course, I’m talking about Tucker Carlson.

Tucker Carlson is a horrible person. He’s also an idiot. A couple weeks ago on his TV show that’s number one in ratings for Klansmen, he pushed the idea of bullying people for wearing face masks, calling anyone wearing a facemask “liberal zealots” and “neurotics.”

Tucker is fighting to prolong the pandemic. He’s continuing to politicize the pandemic and the effort to return to normal. Tucker is working against our nation. He’s advocating to broaden a public health crisis that’s killed over 580,000 people in this nation.

It gets worse. Tucker argued that making a child wear a face mask outside is child abuse. He said, “As for forcing children to wear masks outside, that should be illegal. Your response when you see children wearing masks as they play should be no different from your response to seeing someone beat a kid in Walmart. Call the police immediately, contact child protective services. Keep calling until someone arrives. What you’re looking at is abuse, it’s child abuse and you are morally obligated to attempt to prevent it.”

“If it’s your own children being abused, then act accordingly. Let’s say your kids school emailed you and announced that every day after lunch, your sixth-grader was going to get punched in the face by a teacher. How would you respond to that? That’s precisely how you should respond when they tell you that your kids have to wear masks on the soccer field. That is unacceptable, it is dangerous, and we should act like it because it is. But too few of us have responded like that, we have been shamefully passive in the face of all of this.”

Tucker is a bully and he’s advocating his viewers to be bullies. He wants everyone to be like Marjorie Taylor Greene and stalk children and scream at them. He wants you to traumatize children by calling the cops on their parents. It’ll be like that lady who called police because she saw black people having a picnic in a public park. And the worst part is, the police showed up.

There are probably police in North Carolina who will respond to a hateful idiot like Tucker over parents having their kids wear face masks. Personally, I think we should call the cops on parents who force their children into mullets.

Tucker also believes seeing someone outdoors in a face masks is like seeing a man “expose himself in public.” Fantasizing it was happening to him, Tucker said, “That’s disgusting, put it away please, we don’t do that here.” It seems he put a lot of thought into this naked man in public thing. Why is Tucker obsessed with naked men? It’s not like seeing a woman expose herself in public? Does Tucker count penises to fall asleep? Live on TV, he was fantasizing about naked men. Go figure.

Tucker told his viewers to walk up to people wearing a mask outside, not just over their children wearing one, and say, “Your mask is making me uncomfortable.” Here’s a fact: If I’m wearing a mask outdoors, the only thing it has to do with you is that it’s keeping you safe.

If you’re outside away from people or in a small group, the CDC says you can take your mask off. But if you’re uncomfortable with that, go ahead and wear your face mask. Why should anyone care? If my face mask is making you uncomfortable, then does that give me the right to tell you that your MAGA shirt is making me uncomfortable? Can I tell assholes toting guns around in public they’re making me uncomfortable? What about an asshole in a car with his windows down playing Toby Keith? Can I scream at that guy?

Sure, if a guy is outside with his penis exposed and he’s shaking it at you, you have a right to be uncomfortable. But it’s not the same thing as wearing a face mask.

I’m not in favor of changing health policy based on what makes Tucker Carlson comfortable. That’s how it is with these white conservative men who are selfish. It’s all about what makes them comfortable. It also applies to when their white privilege is threatened. They championed Kyle Rittenhouse driving across state lines because protesting against police violence made them uncomfortable. Donald Trump tear-gassed a crowd outside the White House for a photo-op and because they made him uncomfortable. Several states are now crafting legislation making it legal to run over protesters for making you uncomfortable.

Tucker equated wearing a face mask to punching a child in the face. Hmmmm. I’m thinking Tucker has never actually been punched in the face and that makes me very sad. How is it possible that a fucker like Tucker has never been punched in the face? How do you look like THIS and never get punched in the face? Oh yeah, Swiss boarding schools and white privilege. Perhaps he should be punched in the face just so he knows how wrong his comparison of face punches and face masks is. Punching Tucker Carlson in the face would actually be a public service since he has a nightly show where he attempts to provide Nazis with “information.” If he understands that being punched in the face is nothing like wearing a face mask, that would be a good thing for Fox News viewers and even Tucker. He might even thank you. Tucker Carlson needs a punch in the face. Society demands it. Can we get #PunchTuckerCarlsonInTheFace trending?

So, any volunteers to educate Tucker and punch him in the face?

Creative note: Yes, those are cicadas in the cartoon. And where are they? It’s May 8 and they’re not here yet. If I don’t get some cicadas soon, I’m going to demand a cicada refund.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Tulio Carlos Esta Noches


Cjones04202021

Tucker Carlson is a white supremacist and with every new show, it’s less subtle.

Tucker has spoken in the past about the Great Replacement Theory and I covered it in this blog in 2019. Jesus, Tucker’s been on this racist shit for a while.

So, what is the Great Replacement Theory? It’s a fear by white people that in the future, they will no longer be the dominant race in this nation. Do you know who else had that fear? Adolph Hitler.

Tucker says white supremacy doesn’t exist and every night on his show, he proves otherwise. He is a white supremacist and he has a prime-time slot on the number-one rated (HA) news show in the country. As Tucker argues white supremacy doesn’t exist, former Grand Wizard David Duke tells his followers to watch Tucker because he’s talking to them. It’s all winks and nudges, but Tucker’s racism is becoming more open.

Last week, Tucker went on again about the Great Replacement Theory and how Democrats are bringing “illegals” into our nation in order to create Democratic Party voters. Just forget the fact “illegals” don’t vote. No. And in case you’re building a case about millions, or thousands, or hundreds, or dozens of immigrants in this nation voting illegally, stop it. They don’t. They don’t sponge welfare and they’re not voting. But Tucker would have you think otherwise. This is why Donald Trump watches his show.

If you listen to white conservatives, they will have you believe they are the most persecuted people in world history. Hitler’s book is literally titled, “My Struggle.” Poor little baby Hitler. Did the Nazis have wambulances? Hitler never had a Fox News.

Hitler warned about Jews replacing “real Germans.” Today, Tucker Carlson is warning about brown people replacing white people. Tucker, you’re a fucking racist. Other big fans of this bullshit theory are Donald Trump, Ken Cuccinelli, Stephen Miller, David Duke, and all those tiki-torch wielding Nazis in Charlottesville who were chanting, “Jews will not replace us.”

Tucker, when you talk about “replacement,” you are literally using the same word as the tiki-torch Nazis.

White people will not be the majority of this nation in the future, but we’re not being replaced. We’re not going anywhere. There will always be whiny-ass white guys crying that being unable to deny darker-skinned people their rights is a violation of their rights. There will always be white people crying that their being unable to say the N-word when visiting your establishment is “cancel culture” and an attack on their freedom of speech.

People who want to build walls, like Tucker, believe diversity is the greatest threat to this nation. The truth is, it’s our greatest asset. Diversity is what makes our nation great…or it will make it great. Right now, we’re still a racist nation. Proof of that is over 70 million racist voted for Donald Trump in 2020 and Tucker Carlson Tonight is the number-one rated news show. To fix this, we do need to replace some white people…white people like Tucker and everyone who watches his racist TV show.

We need to replace Tucker and his racist fuckers and tell them, “Hasta la vista.”

Creative note: I had another idea on Tucker and the “great replacement theory,” but I saw two similar ideas last night on Facebook. Around 3:00 a.m, just as I was going to bed, this idea hit me. As I worked on it, it kept evolving. It went from, “If the ‘great replacement theory’ was actually a thing” to “Tucker’s nightmare.” My Spanish lessons are paying off but I did spend an hour thinking of a “replacement” name for “Tucker.”

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

GaetzGate


Cjones04032021

How did the Republican Party come to this? How did the party of Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Ike, and Reagan become the party that defends terrorists and pedophiles? OK. “Accused” pedophiles.

In 2017, the Republican Party made Roy Moore their nominee for Jeff Session’s vacated Alabama Senate seat after several allegations were made that he was into surfing food courts in malls to pick up teenage girls. Now, the party with a huge faction that believes Hillary Clinton was operating a child-sex trafficking ring in a Washington, D.C. pizza joint has to decide if it wants to defend Congressman Matt Gaetz from accusations of…wait for it…sex trafficking. Funny enough, Gaetz once floated the idea of himself running for that Alabama Senate seat…thinking his district bordering Alabama makes him eligible. To be fair, a lot of people do believe the Florida panhandle to be an extension of Alabama.

So, what exactly is sex trafficking? In this case, it’s when a minor is transported for the purpose of sex. Say you live in Florida, and you pay to fly a minor in from Arizona to shag, that’s sex trafficking. Remember, these are only accusations so far in regard to Matt Gaetz, who has been accused of traveling with a 17-year-old girl across state lines and then having sex with her.

The New York Times broke the news Gaetz has also been accused of being one of the dumbest most do-nothing useless members of Congress in decades. These accusations are accurate. Gaetz has a history of everything coming from his mouth being a shitshow. He’s also been accused of being a ridiculous human being.

Gaetz recently flew to Wyoming (no word on if he took any 17-year-olds on that trip) to campaign against fellow Republican Liz Cheney because she exercised her conscience and independence and voted to impeach Donald Trump. Now maybe Liz Cheney should fly to Gaetz’s district and campaign against him. The only downside to that is that she would have to physically be in Gaetz’s Florida panhandle district. We could call it “Floribama,” or “Alaflora,” or “Aladuh,” or “Floppitbappity.” I’ll work on it.

Last year in the early stages of the coronavirus pandemic, he mocked the seriousness of the health concern by wearing a gas mask on the floor of the House. Later that week, one of the first people to die from the virus in this nation was in Gaetz’s Florida panhandle congressional district. “Flababama!” No?

Gaetz is a Trump sycophant. He supported the pardon of Roger Stone. He claimed Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s act of tearing up Trump’s State of the Union speech in 2020 was illegal. He tried to decertify the election Trump lost, helped Trump claim it was stolen from him, and supported the insurrection. Later, he voted against a measure condemning the coup in Myanmar, probably because he’s a big fan of coups. He’s also a big fan of conspiracy theories and uses the term “deep state” a lot. For example: “The deep state has accused me of rawdogging teenagers!”

A political ally of Gaetz was indicted on charges related to sex trafficking and that’s where this current investigation comes from. Someone may have thrown Gaetz under the bus. And from reading about how much people really dislike Matt Gaetz, that’s probably true. Gaetz claims it’s part of an extortion plot and the entire thing is politically motivated because nobody likes him. That is true. Nobody likes him. Gaetz brags that he doesn’t have a lot of friends in Washington and is proud that most of his true friends are in the Florida panhandle. “Bamafamu?”

This investigation was started last year in the final months of the Trump occupation of our government. William Barr was the Attorney General, who has to approve and be briefed on all investigations on members of Congress. This is not an attack by liberals or Democrats.

Gaetz says he’s being blackmailed by David McGee, a former official of the Justice Department. Gaetz claims McGee is blackmailing his father for $25 million to make sex-trafficking allegations go away. The problem here is, McGee has not been a member of the Justice Department in over two decades AND (this part is important) the inquiry into the sex-trafficking charges was BEFORE there was any so-called extortion attempts. There’s also the problem of: how do you blackmail Matt Gaetz by threatening you’ll make people think worse of him?

Gaetz claims the FBI was so concerned with this extortion attempt, that they had his father wear a wire which is a process that probably doesn’t work when the wire-wearer’s idiot son goes to the media and says his father’s wearing a wire.

While Gaetz is defending himself from these charges of sex with a minor, keep in mind he’s been living with an un-adopted male immigrant named Nestor since Nestor was 12 years old. Gaetz has referred to Nestor as his son, his helper, and a “local student.” Is Florida the only place where an unmarried grown man can live with an un-adopted 12-year-old?

While Gaetz has denied having sex with a 17-year-old, at least not since he was 17 (he said this), he openly brags about dating younger women and freely admits he’s paid for their flights and hotels to be with him.

According to The Daily Beast, Republicans don’t like him and there’s an informal rule not to appear on TV with him at any time for any reason. Why is this? Because Republicans who know Gaetz expect an incoming scandal with the dude at any time.

Again, according to the Beast, more than a half-dozen lawmakers have spoken to reporters about “his love of alcohol and illegal drugs, as well as his proclivity for younger women.” The article states, “It’s well-known among Republican lawmakers that Gaetz was dating a college student—one over the age of consent—in 2018. She came to Washington as an intern.”

A GOP staffer from Capitol Hill said, “I don’t think you’ll find a lot of people who are desperate to keep him involved in Republican politics.” One of those Republicans sent The Daily Beast a photo of a trash bin outside Gaetz’s office as lawmakers cleared out their offices at the end of a recent session. At the top of the heap was an empty “Costco-size” box of “Bareskin” Trojan condoms, extra small. Whoever gets that office after Gaetz may want to decontaminate it with a flamethrower. As Star-Lord in “Guardians of the Galaxy” would say, “If I had a black light, this place would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.”

In fact, only two Republican members of the House have publicly defended Gaetz so far. They are Jim Jordan, who’s another Trump sycophant and has been accused of being aware of sexual abuse among coaches and wrestlers when he was a coach at Ohio State University, and Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Qanon fucknut who is currently barred from any committee assignments. That’s not good company. Gaetz, like Jordan, Greene, and Lauren Boebert, don’t do any actual work as United States Representatives and only use their offices for higher profiles.

Even Tucker Carlson tried to distance himself from Matt Gaetz after giving him a platform to explain himself.

Matt Gaetz appeared on “Tucker Carlson Tonight” with a hair style that now has yard gnomes searching for a new look. Tucker’s show is one his own lawyers successfully argued in court can’t be believed by anyone “reasonable.” But still, more credible than Newsmax, where it’s been reported Gaetz has a job waiting if he chooses to leave Congress. That would be awesome for all of us because nobody watches Newsmax.

During the interview, Gaetz claimed innocence and said Tucker could appreciate his situation saying he was “not the only person on screen right now who’s been falsely accused of a terrible sex act.” Thanks to Matt Gaetz, Tucker had to go back over two decades to explain something he’s spent two decades trying to make fade away from everyone’s memories. Thanks a lot, buddy. Why didn’t Matt just claim all those extra-small “Bareskin” Trojans belonged to Tucker?

Then, Gaetz attempted to not just rope Tucker into his shit, but to make make him a witness. He said a female friend of his was threatened by the FBI and told “she could face trouble” if she didn’t confess to authorities that Gaetz was involved in a “pay-for-play scheme,” and that Tucker had met her. Gaetz said, “You and I went to dinner about two years ago. Your wife was there, and I brought a friend of mine, you’ll remember her.”

This is why you don’t go to dinner with Matt Gaetz. Or, at least one more reason.

Tucker quickly said that not only does he not remember this woman, but he doesn’t even remember the dinner. Thanks to Matt, Tucker’s next guests may be the FBI with subpoenas. After the interview, Tucker said, “That was one of the weirdest interviews I’ve ever conducted” and that it “didn’t clarify much.” Next time, interview a yard gnome. They don’t implicate you in sex-trafficking scandals.

According to some people at Fox News, Tucker was “pissed.”

Matt Gaetz has not been charged and is innocent until proven guilty. But Gaetz’s allegations of extortion could be true while the accusations of sex trafficking could also be true. One does not cancel out the other. Matt Gaetz, being a Republican and a Trump supporter, is probably not aware of that. This is a guy who believes if he screams “deep state” enough, it’ll make all the accusations disappear.

There are so many questions here. How bad are you when other Republicans don’t want anything to do with you? How horrible are you that even Tucker wants distance? How bad are you if your only true support is Donald Trump and Marjorie Taylor Greene? Is he guilty? Was there extortion? What does Nestor think of this? How small were those condoms? Where does one purchase a black light?

Also, in case you’ve never seen one, do NOT Google Jackson Pollock paintings.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: