Chris Wallace

Fox’s Flaming Fir


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Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace surprised viewers and many of his colleagues yesterday by announcing that this would be his last show and he was leaving the network, effective immediately. Shortly after, CNN announced the hiring of Wallace to be an anchor on their upcoming streaming service, CNN Plus.

Wallace turned down a contract extension with a pay raise to jump ship to an actual news network.

Fox News is losing actual news journalists. Brett Bair is probably the only prominent one who remains at the network. Shepard Smith left for CNBC in 2019. Kristin Fisher is another who recently left. Now, goodbye, Chris Wallace, who may have been the network’s best journalist.

Fox News has used Wallace as proof they’re an actual news source while firing Chris Stirewalt two months after he called Arizona for President Biden (which made a huge part of their base leave temporarily for News Max).

Fox News is actually making their network even more conservative. The network has replaced its 7:00 PM news slot with a conservative commentary show. They moved back their 11:00 PM news show an hour to give the slot to pro-Trump goon Greg Gutfield, who conservatives think is funny. Greg Gutfield’s show is like giving another talk show to Chevy Chase, but with less humor.

The network has removed liberal Juan Williams from its show, “The Five,” and Democratic analyst Donna Brazile recently left for ABC News. Even conservative pundits, Stephen Hayes and Jonah Goldberg quit last month in protest of Tucker’s lying documentary.

According to inside sources at Fox (people who work there but hate it), Wallace was frustrated working at a supposed “news” network where the agenda was being crafted by conspiracy theorists. Even worse, much of the Fox News programming has been set by Donald Trump over the past five years. If Trump says it, much of the network repeats it as fact.

Fun fact: Donald Trump doesn’t say facts.

The insiders also report that Wallace, along with Brett Bair, had complained to network executives over Tucker Carlson’s constant lie the election was stolen. The sources also state Wallace was upset and had complained about a so-called “documentary” by Tucker, titled “Patriot Purge,” which includes the false claim that the riot was a “false flag” operation created to demonize the political right.

And then there has been the network’s coverage over its own Christmas tree. The tree outside the headquarters of Fox News on 6th Avenue was set on fire, allegedly by a homeless man who may be mentally ill. Fox News’ reaction to this is that it’s a “war on Christmas” and a “hate crime” against Fox News. If you listen to Christians, Christmas is under attack and persecuted in this country. Starbucks Happy Holiday cups are probably a hate crime for not saying, “Merry Christmas.”

Fox’s commentators have referred to the tree as, “America’s Tree,” though the tradition of Fox News putting up the tree was started in 2019. Jeanine Pirro said the burning of the tree is “pure evil.” She stated on air, “It’s about good versus evil! Period!”

Ainsley Earhardt, co-host of Fox & Friends comforted his concerned viewers by promising the network will “build it back better.” Ya’ mean by going to the store and buying a new fake tree? Ainsley raised the stakes now and for his sake, this tree better be better, godammit. Maybe Ainsley can volunteer to provide all-night security just to make sure the new tree is hobo-proof. Maybe Fox News can give him a whistle.

Fox & Friends Steve Doocy said, “Apparently lighting a Christmas tree on fire is not a hate crime.” Co-host Brian Kilmeade replied, “But it is! “Who says it’s not a hate crime against us – against Fox News?” So, Fox News is a religion now? Well, I guess is it a division of the Trump Cult.

Conservatives don’t believe the murder of Ahmaud Arbery while jogging was a hate crime, but setting this fake fucking tree on fire is. What’s the next Fox News hate crime, burning a MyPillow?

Another fun fact: Like much of Fox News, that tree had no soul.

Kilmeade then went on a rant about crime. He said, “There is so much crime in places that were always safe, including 48th and Sixth here. This is emblematic of these cities out of control, defame and defund the police, and this bail reform that has these men and women, these assailants, these suspects out before they can even finish the paperwork.”

He went on, “no person is safe and no city is safe.” No Christmas tree is safe from homeless vagrants. Before you can even finish the paperwork on arrested suspects, they make bail and set out to burn down another fake Christmas tree. This is the worst thing to happen to conservatism since that time Donald Trump was forced to go out in the rain to commemorate veterans. Tucker hasn’t taken a personal blow like this since he was kicked out of that Swiss boarding school for pampered special boys. We haven’t seen attack on white Christians like this since all those black people walked in front of those gun-toting mustard-loving conservatives’ home in St. Louis, or since CNN slandered the Covington Kid by pointing out he’s a huge dick, or since that time someone somewhere tricked Kyle Rittenhouse into drinking underage in a white nationalist bar. And if you listen to the Fox fuckers, you’d believe it was the worst thing to happen to New York City since 9/11.

And you know the jerks across the street at MSNBC were craning their necks out the window to gawk and laugh at this ungodly attack on the wholesome Christian purity of Fox News. Those MSNBC savages? Was Rachel giggling?

I’m mostly surprised they haven’t blamed this assault on their fake tree on President Biden, or Vice-President Kamala Harris, or Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, or Ilhan Omar, of the rest of the squad, or Antifa, or Black Lives Matter, or Dr. Fauci, or Starbucks holiday cups, or my cartoon yesterday on Mike Nesmith (you should see my inbox), or vaccines, or people who celebrate Kwanza, or…

No wonder Chris Wallace is leaving.

Music note: While drawing today’s cartoon, I listened to Taylor Swift’s Folklore album.

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Bad Hombres, Nasty Woman, Debate Goes Bigly


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Choose your Twitter hashtag for the night. You can choose from #BadHombres, #NastyWoman, or #Bigly. These are contributions from Donald Trump during the third and last presidential debate from the 2016 election.

What’s the biggest takeaway from the last presidential debate for election 2016? Trump having high praise for Vladimir Putin and encouragement toward Bashar al-Assad, but doesn’t have faith in the American election system.

Trump had fewer sniffles and better poise than in his previous two debate performances, but he came off like he was impersonating Alec Baldwin impersonating him.

Spouting off falsehoods such as the State Department losing $6 billion dollars under Hillary’s watch, it’s obvious Trump went to the Breitbart school of debate coaching. How can Trump keep track of how much money the state department loses when he can’t keep track how much his daddy loaned him? He continues the claim it’s $1 million when it’s somewhere between $14-17 million.

About thirty minutes after saying he has the “greatest respect for women” Trump interrupted Hillary Clinton with “such a nasty woman.” He continued to deny accusations from women of his uninvited kissing and groping and claimed he didn’t know any of his accusers, despite there being plenty of tape to prove him wrong in some cases. He even said he didn’t apologize to his wife because he never did anything wrong, though earlier in the week Melania claimed Trump had apologized to her. Maybe her English isn’t so good and she thought she heard “sorry” when Donald actually said “I don’t dig fat chicks.”

Regarding his accusers, Trump claimed they were doing it for the fame of being groped by Donald Trump. Maybe that’s why Bob Dylan has remained silent on his Nobel. He’s waiting to be known for something greater, like being the beneficiary of a Trump grope.

Trump also bombed during the abortion segment when he talked about babies being ripped from their mother’s wombs on the last day before their birth. The segment started about Supreme Court appointments and Trump’s first comment on it, and in the debate, was to whine that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had insulted him. So his answer is he won’t appoint anyone who will hurt his feelings. Shit.

Hillary Clinton was there too and did a fine enough job. Did she put Trump away? Not as much as Trump probably put himself away. At one point moderator Chris Wallace told Clinton to stop talking so Trump could continue interrupting her. I thought she made her best point of the evening when she said “Trump would rather believe Vladimir Putin than 17 U.S. intelligence agencies.” Trump continued to claim the U.S. doesn’t know who is behind the recent hacks, which is like claiming eggs don’t come from chickens. “Eggs come from cows. I’ve seen the cows. They were the most marvelous cows and they’ll be yuge after I’m president. Then I milked the cows, but only the pretty ones and only after given expressed permission.”

When Clinton said Trump would be a puppet for Putin he replied, “uh uh…you’re the puppet.” I was waiting for “I know you are but what am I?”. He also repeated his constant one-word interruptions of “wrong” throughout the night.

To top all that off, he challenged people to prove he made quotes he denied ever making, which of course he has made. Such as when he denied saying Japan and South Korea should have nuclear weapons, which is something he has said.

The most talked about aspect of the debate analysts focused on afterward came near the end. Trump refused to say whether he will accept the results of the election. This is the first time we’ve ever had a major party candidate challenge the results before the actual election.

After the election I’m sure Trump will say it was manipulated by bad hombres and nasty woman but one word will perfectly describe the size of his defeat.

Bigly.

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Tough Question


cjones08072015

I watched the first debate in a bar with some friends. First time, and probably the last, I have ever asked anyone to switch the channel to Fox News. I watched the second debate at my drawing table with an Italian sub from Wawa.

My thoughts on the debate:

It kicked off to an exciting start when toadie moderator Brett Baier asked the candidates to pledge not to run a third party campaign. Donald Trump refused to take that oath. Trump promised to support the party nominee if it’s Trump.

Trump was Trump. He got upset with a question and went off on moderator Megyn Kelly during the debate and after on Twitter. He was a real cry baby. In other parts of the debate he didn’t back down from anyone. Of course he didn’t make much sense and didn’t offer any specifics except that he’s rich, successful and popular.

Rand Paul’s campaign is dying. He tried to make a name for himself by attacking Trump and Chris Christie. He even criticized Christie for hugging Obama. I don’t think the crowd liked Christie’s response but I thought he burned Paul pretty well with saying “he remembers the hugs from victims of 9/11.”

Jeb Bush didn’t hurt himself. He didn’t help himself either. Neither did Scott Walker who reminded everyone that he rides a Harley.

John Kasich was on home turf and he wasn’t booed by the GOP crowd by saying he went to a gay marriage and would still love one of his daughters if she was gay. For Republicans, that’s progress.

Rubio came off pretty polished and will probably siphon off support from Bush.

Ted Cruz came off as a saner Trump which is like coming off as a less rattier rat. He still looks and comes off creepy in a very Uncle Fester kind of way.

Mike Huckabee said the military is for killing people and breaking things. That’s something Rush Limbaugh used to say. I don’t know what bothers me more. A presidential candidate stealing material from Rush Limbaugh or the fact I know Rush Limbaugh said that.

I think Ben Carson had the best joke and came off as the most likable. He stated that everyone mentions things that only they’ve done out of the candidates so he’d do the same. He mentioned being the only one to separate Siamese twins, operating on a fetus and removing half a brain. Then he said looking at Washington you’d think someone had beat him to removing half a brain.

They all talked about immigration, Iran, abortion, Hillary, and Obama. There was no mention of climate change or voting rights.

Personally, I like the styles of Carson, Rubio and Christie. Yeah, I like Christie. He used to be a moderate and I think he comes off more human than most, though he’s a horrible governor.

In the earlier debate (the Kid Table Debate), the media and social media is praising Carly Fiorina. That’s what low expectations gets ya’. Her winning that debate is like winning the NIT championship. Maybe she’ll move into the top ten now.

Not all the questions were softball questions but most came off from a partisan stance, as though the moderators worked for the GOP. Kelly did a good job at times. The Jesus question at the end was stupid and after halfway through the candidates, they added another question to that question which I thought was amateurish.

The next debate will be hosted by CNN. I don’t know the format yet but I’ll be checking in on that later today.