War On Christmas

Fudge Christmas


cjones12042020

I don’t begrudge Melania Trump for her comments about Christmas. I’ll say it too. Fuck Christmas stuff. Fuck Christmas decorations. Bold, eh? I just don’t really care and most Christmas music, to my ears, is total crap with there being only four good Christmas songs. OK, I don’t totally hate Christmas. I think it’s just the music and crass commercialism while other people are depressed and destitute. When I see the commercial of the guy buying two trucks for Christmas, I’m like, “fuck that guy.”

But back to Melania, she wasn’t cut out for this. Like her husband is a terrible president, Melania is a terrible first lady. It’s not just Christmas she doesn’t care about. She doesn’t care about being First Lady and it’s not a position she wants to hold. What the hell is “Be Best” when her husband is a cyber bully? What’s up with the garden photo-op in high heels? Yeah, I’m convinced she’s digging up weeds and getting her hands dirty. Her jacket said it all. She really doesn’t care, do you?

I only begrudge Melania for turning her eyes away from accusations her husband is a rapist, from him bullying women, throwing babies into cages after ripping them away from their parents, encouraging violence, validating racism, and giving shout-outs to Nazis. I hold all that against Ivanka too. Neither one of them really does care. At least Melania didn’t have much of a choice to be there. Ivanka chose to follow her father to Washington and be a troglodyte.

The people I hold it against in regards to Melania’s “fuck Christmas” comments are Trump supporters and anyone who promoted the bullshit campaign of the “war on Christmas.”

First off, if anyone is waging a war on Christmas, they’re losing. They’re losing bad too. Christmas is everywhere. I bet you heard Christmas music and saw decorations between Halloween and Thanksgiving. I’m sure you saw them in stores. I’ve seen the commercials. Santa Claus may not be watching you, but you’re watching Santa Claus. You have no choice. There is a game people are playing on social media about the Wham! song “Last Christmas.” The point of the game is to see how long you can go without hearing the song…because you have no choice. At some point between Thanksgiving and Christmas, you will hear “Last Christmas” unintentionally. My point is, you can’t escape Christmas. Somewhere, Andrew Ridgeley is hearing “Last Christmas” and saying, “Fuck Christmas!”

There has never been a “war on Christmas.” What is the “war on Christmas?” It’s another opportunity for bullshit asshole conservatives to pretend they’re the most oppressed and victimized people in the history of people.

And it seems to have sprung up when some people decided to say “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas.” Some people took offense. How dare you not say “merry Christmas.” It offends you that someone didn’t say what you want to hear while still wishing you well? And then, they got upset over Starbuck cups if they wasn’t enough Jesus on them. You have to be a whiny asshole to claim you’re oppressed by a cup. Personally, I’m only offended by a coffee cup if it contains pumpkin spice.

The reason a lot of people say “happy holidays” is because not everyone celebrates Christmas but they are probably celebrating some holiday during this time. Saying “happy holidays” is covering all the bases. Even then, I’ve never heard of a Jew or a Muslim killing someone for saying “merry Christmas” to them. From my own experience, I’ve heard Jews and Muslims say “merry Christmas” back. Why? Because they’re not assholes. And quite possibly, Jews and Muslims hope you have a merry Christmas. Even though I’m not horny for Christmas the way you are, I hope you have a merry Christmas as well.

Then, Donald Trump made the claim that after he was elected, Americans got to say “merry Christmas” again. Despite what Fox News promoted, you were never banned from saying “merry Christmas.” I’m not entirely sure where the “ban” came from. And even without a ban, I am not aware of any peer pressure on people preventing them from saying it. If anything, there’s been more pressure on people in this country to hide their beliefs if they’re NOT a Christian…or worse, don’t believe in a god at all.

Did you know Satanist don’t actually worship Satan? Why? Because they’re atheist. If there’s no god, there’s no Satan. Satanist don’t believe in Satan. If you’re a conservative, you don’t understand that at all. The only thing I don’t understand about atheist is, why have a church when you don’t believe? It seems like it goes against the point. But I digress.

But Donald Trump and his followers believe his rise to the White House liberated them and provided the confidence to say “merry Christmas” again. Can you find one of them who will tell you they stopped saying it until Trump was elected? Just one?

No. Donald Trump’s election did not restore anyone’s confidence to say “merry Christmas” again, but what it did do was give racist the confidence to make their racism public. It gave Nazis the confidence to Seig Heil in Trump hotel ballrooms. It gave tiki-torch Nazis the confidence to march in Charlottesville chanting, “Jews will not replace us” and ” Blood and soil.” It gave Proud Boys the confidence to go to peace rallies and attack people. It gave the Ku Klux Klan the confidence it needed to hold parades in honor of Donald Trump.

Isn’t it funny that racists celebrate Christmas? How do you celebrate the birth of Jesus while supporting a man who put babies in jail…and whose policies kills them? The Satanists have more compassion than you.

And how do you fear monger about a war on Christmas then remain silent when the First Lady says, “Fuck Christmas.” I bet you an Elf on a Shelf that if Michelle Obama ever said, “Fuck Christmas,” Republicans would have burned the White House down with her in it. When Melania says it, they stick their fingers in their ears and say, “fa-la-la-la-la…”

Melania Trump does not like your Christmas. She wants to take away your tinsel. She wants to unnog your eggs. She wants to unleash cats upon your Christmas trees. In her first attempt to decorate the White House for Christmas, it looked like Tim Burton on crack did it. Doesn’t her war on Christmas infuriate you? Doesn’t it just kick you in your jingle bells? Are you upset yet? No?

If you’re a Trump supporter and a Christmas lover and you’re not upset over Melania’s “fuck Christmas,” then I don’t think you love Christmas enough. Why are you waging a war on Christmas?

Now, I have to try to make it through the rest of today without someone forcing “Last Christmas” on me. I hate Wham! more than I hate Christmas.

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A Climate For Hoaxes


cjones12012018 (1)

The United States government, which Donald Trump is executive of, issued a climate change report that warned climate change will cost the US hundreds of billions of dollars annually and damage health.

The reported stated, “With continued growth in emissions at historic rates, annual losses in some economic sectors are projected to reach hundreds of billions of dollars by the end of the century – more than the current gross domestic product (GDP) of many US states.”

“Without substantial and sustained global mitigation and regional adaptation efforts, climate change is expected to cause growing losses to American infrastructure and property and impede the rate of economic growth over this century.”

The report notes that the effects of climate change are already being felt in communities across the country, including more frequent and intense extreme weather and climate-related events.

But it says that projections of future catastrophe could change if society works to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and “to adapt to the changes that will occur”.

Trump’s reaction? He doesn’t believe it. In the past, he’s claimed that climate change is a hoax created by China. He has withdrawn the U.S. from the Paris Climate Change Agreement which commits another 187 other countries to keeping rising global temperatures “well below” 2C above pre-industrial levels. He claims that climate change scientist have a “political agenda.”

However, he does believe there’s a war on Christmas. Sure. There’s no political agenda to believing that.

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Thanks For Nothing


cjones01012018

I have a very low tolerance for right-wing baloney (I didn’t want to start this column off with a curse word in the first sentence). Lies in politics that are repeated again and again annoy me. But, just downright balls-deep stupid bullshit (there it is) pisses me off to no end.

I’m not talking about your average common Trump supporting stupid like, “make America great again,” or not understanding the difference between climate and weather and thinking because it’s cold in late December then Climate Change is a hoax. I’m talking about the special inbred type of Republican stupid where you give credit to Donald Trump for shit he didn’t do.

People who follow me on social media are aware that I’m extremely nauseated over a new commercial that’s “thanking President” Trump. Yeah, I’m aware where I put those quotation marks.

Did I mention this ad is nauseating? It’s more face-green-gag-inducing than witnessing Mike Pence on a Trump ass-kissing bender.

In this commercial paid for by America Policies, a non-profit started by former Trump campaign aides “dedicated to promoting the president’s agenda,” people who look like everyday working Americans are thanking “President Trump.”

In the commercial, someone thanks “President Trump” for “making America great again.” Another dipshit thanks “President Trump” for “fixing our economy.” We get a goober thanking “President Trump” for “reminding us to stand for our national anthem.” Are you feeling queasy yet? It gets better.

First off, fuckers, you don’t make America great again by defending Nazis and endorsing pedophiles. Second, Trump has not “fixed” our economy. That credit belongs to President Barack Obama who was left a mess by our last Republican president. Third, if you have to be reminded to stand for our national anthem then what sort of patriot are you? Do you really need Donald Trump to remind you? Goober says “as a veteran” he’s glad…blah blah blah. As a veteran, your first hint is when the music starts.

All that horseshit aside, the very worst, most despicable part of the commercial is when an adorable little girl says “thank you, President Trump for letting us say ‘Merry Christmas’ again.”

Why is this child being exploited for political gain? Who’s her daddy, Ted Cruz? Can we stop raising children to be stupid? We have enough dumb adults. Do I need to call Protective Services?

There is no war on Christmas. There was never and there never will be. There is no persecution of Christians in this nation. Nor, is there discrimination against old, conservative white guys. There just happens to be a lot of old, conservative white guys running around who are butt-hurt.

Barack Obama never ordered, told, or hinted that we couldn’t say “Merry Christmas.” In fact, he said it several times himself. So, there is no “again” to use being allowed to say “Merry Christmas.” And seriously, is the child being fed? Has she had all her vaccinations?

Donald Trump did not save Christmas. Donald Trump did not and does not “LET” you say “Merry Christmas.” No president can tell you not to say “Merry Christmas,” or restrict you from it. This is the stupid that pisses me off.

I started the day being annoyed that conservatives believe Trump increased monthly Social Security payments by two percent (the president doesn’t do that either. It’s adjusted for inflation), but this Christmas thing pushed me over the edge. It pisses me off more than Hall & Oates version of Jingle Bell Rock (do NOT click that link. Don’t you do it. You did it. Oh sure, somehow it’s my fault).

But, if you wanna thank Trump, then by god, let’s thank Donald Trump.

Thank you, President Trump for defending Nazis.

Thank you, President Trump for endorsing a pedophile.

Thank you, President Trump for retweeting racist videos from European hate groups.

Thank you, President Trump for lying every day of your administration.

Thank you, President Trump for increasing the deficit.

Thank you, President Trump for giving billionaires tax deductions for yachts and private jets, and for taking deductions away from teachers when they pay for school supplies.

Thank you, President Trump for recognizing Jerusalem as Israel’s capital and taking us out of the Middle-East Peace process.

Thank you, President Trump for making us the only nation that is not a part of the Paris Climate Accord.

Thank you, President Trump for ignoring science.

Thank you, President Trump for taking us closer to nuclear war with North Korea.

Thank you, President Trump for spending over $42 million of our money for your golf retreats.

Thank you, President Trump for the nepotism.

Thank you, President Trump for lying about crowd sizes and voter fraud.

Thank you, President Trump for wasting our money on a fraudulent commission to investigate your fraudulent claim of voter fraud.

Thank you, President Trump for profiting from your office.

Thank you, President Trump for attacking law enforcement.

Thank you, President Trump for attacking women, minorities, and Broadway plays.

Thank you, President Trump for demanding loyalty and pressuring the Justice Department to go after your political enemies.

Thank you, President Trump for ten days of Anthony Scaramucci. Seriously, thank you. I got some mileage out of that one.

Thank you, President Trump for sharing classified information with Russians in the Oval Office.

Thank you, President Trump for never defending America from Russia.

Thank you, President Trump for praising authoritarians in Turkey, China, Russia, and the Philippines.

Thank you, President Trump for labeling the free press as “enemies of the American people.”

And finally, thank you, President Trump for betraying your base and enriching yourself.

Hopefully, in the future, I’ll be thanking Robert Mueller.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Snow Flake Safe Space


cjones12242016

There’s a new tale-tell sign of a conservative who can’t think for himself and has to rely on GOP talking points to voice their opinion. It’s not just the so-called and nonexistent “War On Christmas.” If you’re in an argument on social media or see a post by someone and they use the term “snowflake,” they’re using talking points. What’s the matter, Sunshine? Not smart enough to think of your own derogatory terms?

“Snowflake” is kinda new for these people. They’re using it to dismiss arguments from young people who they feel are eternally offended and politically-correct protesters. It implies that liberals are soft and whiny. I don’t know if it’s new because winter has arrived or Rush Limbaugh used it on one of his shows, or what. But it’s here for some reason or another. I can totally see Tomi Lahren, who’s eternally offended, using it.

I always find it hypocritical when I hear and see conservatives accuse liberals of being whiny and ultra sensitive. Really? This from the bunch that creates persecution for themselves? They come up with the “War On Christmas” because they’re threatened when someone says “happy holidays” or “seasons greetings.” They worry that white people aren’t catching all the breaks anymore. They become outraged if Baby Jesus isn’t on a coffee cup. Hell, they won the election and they’re still whining about it. They really hate when it’s pointed out that Hillary Clinton received more votes than Donald Trump. Even Donald Trump can’t stop tweeting out excuses about it.

Former Congressman and still-active ranting lunatic Allen B. West posted some crap on his website that was shared by the sort of people who don’t research or vet information, you know…conservatives. He claimed that Hillary Clinton only won 57 counties out of 3,141 in the election. Are you so threatened that you have to create lies? Yes, you are. Hillary won 487counties. Perhaps counting is the sort of vetting too complicated for conservatives.

Or they make the argument that Trump won more counties and more states, which is true. But land area doesn’t overrule the majority of human beings. If that was the case we should just let the eleven people who live in Alaska write all our laws for us.

Now they’re making a new argument that if you take California and New York out of the election results then Trump would have won the popular vote. So basically if fewer people were allowed to vote for Hillary Clinton then Trump would have won the popular vote. This is an argument that makes sense where? Probably not in California.

The whining over the details over their election win is probably a sign of things to come. Conservatives got what they want except they’ve replaced conservatism with Trumpism. No one is really sure what Trumpism entails other than idol worship for a narcissist and image and message over policy. Now when that disaster comes home for all of them we’ll see who’s whining.

Not many conservatives will be offended by this cartoon as most don’t venture far beyond their online safe spaces like InfoWars, Daily Caller, or Breitbart, and they’ll never see it. I don’t get many reprints in conservative safe spaces.

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