War On Christmas

Thanks For Nothing


I have a very low tolerance for right-wing baloney (I didn’t want to start this column off with a curse word in the first sentence). Lies in politics that are repeated again and again annoy me. But, just downright balls-deep stupid bullshit (there it is) pisses me off to no end.

I’m not talking about your average common Trump supporting stupid like, “make America great again,” or not understanding the difference between climate and weather and thinking because it’s cold in late December then Climate Change is a hoax. I’m talking about the special inbred type of Republican stupid where you give credit to Donald Trump for shit he didn’t do.

People who follow me on social media are aware that I’m extremely nauseated over a new commercial that’s “thanking President” Trump. Yeah, I’m aware where I put those quotation marks.

Did I mention this ad is nauseating? It’s more face-green-gag-inducing than witnessing Mike Pence on a Trump ass-kissing bender.

In this commercial paid for by America Policies, a non-profit started by former Trump campaign aides “dedicated to promoting the president’s agenda,” people who look like everyday working Americans are thanking “President Trump.”

In the commercial, someone thanks “President Trump” for “making America great again.” Another dipshit thanks “President Trump” for “fixing our economy.” We get a goober thanking “President Trump” for “reminding us to stand for our national anthem.” Are you feeling queasy yet? It gets better.

First off, fuckers, you don’t make America great again by defending Nazis and endorsing pedophiles. Second, Trump has not “fixed” our economy. That credit belongs to President Barack Obama who was left a mess by our last Republican president. Third, if you have to be reminded to stand for our national anthem then what sort of patriot are you? Do you really need Donald Trump to remind you? Goober says “as a veteran” he’s glad…blah blah blah. As a veteran, your first hint is when the music starts.

All that horseshit aside, the very worst, most despicable part of the commercial is when an adorable little girl says “thank you, President Trump for letting us say ‘Merry Christmas’ again.”

Why is this child being exploited for political gain? Who’s her daddy, Ted Cruz? Can we stop raising children to be stupid? We have enough dumb adults. Do I need to call Protective Services?

There is no war on Christmas. There was never and there never will be. There is no persecution of Christians in this nation. Nor, is there discrimination against old, conservative white guys. There just happens to be a lot of old, conservative white guys running around who are butt-hurt.

Barack Obama never ordered, told, or hinted that we couldn’t say “Merry Christmas.” In fact, he said it several times himself. So, there is no “again” to use being allowed to say “Merry Christmas.” And seriously, is the child being fed? Has she had all her vaccinations?

Donald Trump did not save Christmas. Donald Trump did not and does not “LET” you say “Merry Christmas.” No president can tell you not to say “Merry Christmas,” or restrict you from it. This is the stupid that pisses me off.

I started the day being annoyed that conservatives believe Trump increased monthly Social Security payments by two percent (the president doesn’t do that either. It’s adjusted for inflation), but this Christmas thing pushed me over the edge. It pisses me off more than Hall & Oates version of Jingle Bell Rock (do NOT click that link. Don’t you do it. You did it. Oh sure, somehow it’s my fault).

But, if you wanna thank Trump, then by god, let’s thank Donald Trump.

Thank you, President Trump for defending Nazis.

Thank you, President Trump for endorsing a pedophile.

Thank you, President Trump for retweeting racist videos from European hate groups.

Thank you, President Trump for lying every day of your administration.

Thank you, President Trump for increasing the deficit.

Thank you, President Trump for giving billionaires tax deductions for yachts and private jets, and for taking deductions away from teachers when they pay for school supplies.

Thank you, President Trump for recognizing Jerusalem as Israel’s capital and taking us out of the Middle-East Peace process.

Thank you, President Trump for making us the only nation that is not a part of the Paris Climate Accord.

Thank you, President Trump for ignoring science.

Thank you, President Trump for taking us closer to nuclear war with North Korea.

Thank you, President Trump for spending over $42 million of our money for your golf retreats.

Thank you, President Trump for the nepotism.

Thank you, President Trump for lying about crowd sizes and voter fraud.

Thank you, President Trump for wasting our money on a fraudulent commission to investigate your fraudulent claim of voter fraud.

Thank you, President Trump for profiting from your office.

Thank you, President Trump for attacking law enforcement.

Thank you, President Trump for attacking women, minorities, and Broadway plays.

Thank you, President Trump for demanding loyalty and pressuring the Justice Department to go after your political enemies.

Thank you, President Trump for ten days of Anthony Scaramucci. Seriously, thank you. I got some mileage out of that one.

Thank you, President Trump for sharing classified information with Russians in the Oval Office.

Thank you, President Trump for never defending America from Russia.

Thank you, President Trump for praising authoritarians in Turkey, China, Russia, and the Philippines.

Thank you, President Trump for labeling the free press as “enemies of the American people.”

And finally, thank you, President Trump for betraying your base and enriching yourself.

Hopefully, in the future, I’ll be thanking Robert Mueller.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.


Snow Flake Safe Space


There’s a new tale-tell sign of a conservative who can’t think for himself and has to rely on GOP talking points to voice their opinion. It’s not just the so-called and nonexistent “War On Christmas.” If you’re in an argument on social media or see a post by someone and they use the term “snowflake,” they’re using talking points. What’s the matter, Sunshine? Not smart enough to think of your own derogatory terms?

“Snowflake” is kinda new for these people. They’re using it to dismiss arguments from young people who they feel are eternally offended and politically-correct protesters. It implies that liberals are soft and whiny. I don’t know if it’s new because winter has arrived or Rush Limbaugh used it on one of his shows, or what. But it’s here for some reason or another. I can totally see Tomi Lahren, who’s eternally offended, using it.

I always find it hypocritical when I hear and see conservatives accuse liberals of being whiny and ultra sensitive. Really? This from the bunch that creates persecution for themselves? They come up with the “War On Christmas” because they’re threatened when someone says “happy holidays” or “seasons greetings.” They worry that white people aren’t catching all the breaks anymore. They become outraged if Baby Jesus isn’t on a coffee cup. Hell, they won the election and they’re still whining about it. They really hate when it’s pointed out that Hillary Clinton received more votes than Donald Trump. Even Donald Trump can’t stop tweeting out excuses about it.

Former Congressman and still-active ranting lunatic Allen B. West posted some crap on his website that was shared by the sort of people who don’t research or vet information, you know…conservatives. He claimed that Hillary Clinton only won 57 counties out of 3,141 in the election. Are you so threatened that you have to create lies? Yes, you are. Hillary won 487counties. Perhaps counting is the sort of vetting too complicated for conservatives.

Or they make the argument that Trump won more counties and more states, which is true. But land area doesn’t overrule the majority of human beings. If that was the case we should just let the eleven people who live in Alaska write all our laws for us.

Now they’re making a new argument that if you take California and New York out of the election results then Trump would have won the popular vote. So basically if fewer people were allowed to vote for Hillary Clinton then Trump would have won the popular vote. This is an argument that makes sense where? Probably not in California.

The whining over the details over their election win is probably a sign of things to come. Conservatives got what they want except they’ve replaced conservatism with Trumpism. No one is really sure what Trumpism entails other than idol worship for a narcissist and image and message over policy. Now when that disaster comes home for all of them we’ll see who’s whining.

Not many conservatives will be offended by this cartoon as most don’t venture far beyond their online safe spaces like InfoWars, Daily Caller, or Breitbart, and they’ll never see it. I don’t get many reprints in conservative safe spaces.

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