The War on Stupidity

It’s starting to get to that time of year again. The time when Republicans claim cold weather in winter proves climate change doesn’t exist.

But it’s always that time of year for Republicans to claim climate change doesn’t exist. Or if it does, then humans didn’t have anything to do with it. I’m very interested in their future explanation of why Miami disappeared. Republicans are being led by the nose by the oil industry. How much do you want to bet that increasing gas prices will give Republicans another reason to try to increase corporate welfare to oil companies? The oil industry warns that if they stop receiving welfare, gas prices will increase to $13 a gallon.

While we try to fight climate change, we give billions to the corporations most responsible for climate change. The first major COVID relief package gave you $1,200 while also giving fossil fuel companies $8.2 billion. That’s after the $20 billion we give that industry annually. We need to stop blaming Biden for high gas prices and start blaming the oil industry.

President Biden’s Build-Back-Better plan includes funding and incentives to combat climate change. And the $1.2 trillion infrastructure bill that passed last week includes improvements to roads, bridges, transportation systems, internet access, and the power grid. It also guarantees $25 billion in loans for the gas and oil industry and $15 billion for the logging industry. Ironically, Biden continued to negotiate this bill while at the global climate summit. That’s like having sex with your sister-in-law in a closet at your wife’s birthday party.

I always say Republicans don’t get irony, but I’m starting to think some Democrats don’t either. How do you propose cutting emissions by 50 percent when you’re giving out loans to corporations that create emissions? Somebody, please. Help me understand this.

I don’t think Republicans need to worry about the nation spending too much on combating climate change because any deals in Congress to fight climate change must include provisions for the fossil fuel industry. Keep in mind that fossil fuel companies spend a lot of that subsidy on Republican political campaigns.

I’m shocked Republicans aren’t adding pork into bills to combat Critical Race Theory. Oh, shit. Did I just give them the idea?

Critical Race Theory isn’t really history slanted to make white people look bad. It’s history. History makes white people look bad. There are no schools teaching Critical Race Theory, but when schools neglect to teach black history, that’s when the history they’re teaching is a theory. I’m sure when the first slaves arrived at Jamestown, some white dude there said, “I hope nobody’s recording this.” Actually, John Rolfe recorded it.

If Virginia’s racist governor-elect has his way, he’ll probably force schools to start teaching about the “war on Christmas.” Aw, crap. Did I just give the bad guys another idea?

Take notes, fucknuts. Climate change is real. Critical Race Theory is NOT being taught in any public schools in this nation. The war on Christmas is not a thing.

You’re afraid Critical Race Theory makes white people look bad while not knowing what it is. If you were warning about Godzilla coming (and you should since it doesn’t exist either), all you’d know is that it’s a bad thing from Asia and when you find out it’s an actual giant fire-breathing lizard, you’d probably start calling it the “Kung-Fu Lizard.” Yes, I know Godzilla is from Japan and Kung Fu is Chinese, but white people are out there attacking Filipinos and Koreans for the “China virus.”

The war on Christmas doesn’t exist. If anything, Christmas is waging a war on us. The annoying people who are the horniest for Christmas started playing Christmas music the day after Halloween (in case you’re a Republican, that’s November 1). We went from skeletons to Rudolph overnight. Decorations went up in homes and businesses that day. There are reports of mass suicides after a second listening of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You.” The bah-humbugers have never done anything as horrible to Christmas fuckers as what Hall & Oates did to the world with their version of “Jingle Bell Rock.” Those happy crooning bastards.

Republicans believe in a lot of bullshit like climate change is a hoax, Critical Race Theory is being taught in schools, the War on Christmas, the Big Lie that Trump won, election fraud, open borders, the vaccine will implant a computer chip, make your winky shrivel, kill, and make you impotent while believing you should take horse medicine, the insurrection was a protest, Jesus is white, and Donald Trump isn’t a racist orange clown turd that escaped from a secret underground lab trying to create a new Skittle.

I’m in the fight against hoaxes, ignorance, lies, and conspiracy theories. I’m losing.

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