Fudge Christmas


cjones12042020

I don’t begrudge Melania Trump for her comments about Christmas. I’ll say it too. Fuck Christmas stuff. Fuck Christmas decorations. Bold, eh? I just don’t really care and most Christmas music, to my ears, is total crap with there being only four good Christmas songs. OK, I don’t totally hate Christmas. I think it’s just the music and crass commercialism while other people are depressed and destitute. When I see the commercial of the guy buying two trucks for Christmas, I’m like, “fuck that guy.”

But back to Melania, she wasn’t cut out for this. Like her husband is a terrible president, Melania is a terrible first lady. It’s not just Christmas she doesn’t care about. She doesn’t care about being First Lady and it’s not a position she wants to hold. What the hell is “Be Best” when her husband is a cyber bully? What’s up with the garden photo-op in high heels? Yeah, I’m convinced she’s digging up weeds and getting her hands dirty. Her jacket said it all. She really doesn’t care, do you?

I only begrudge Melania for turning her eyes away from accusations her husband is a rapist, from him bullying women, throwing babies into cages after ripping them away from their parents, encouraging violence, validating racism, and giving shout-outs to Nazis. I hold all that against Ivanka too. Neither one of them really does care. At least Melania didn’t have much of a choice to be there. Ivanka chose to follow her father to Washington and be a troglodyte.

The people I hold it against in regards to Melania’s “fuck Christmas” comments are Trump supporters and anyone who promoted the bullshit campaign of the “war on Christmas.”

First off, if anyone is waging a war on Christmas, they’re losing. They’re losing bad too. Christmas is everywhere. I bet you heard Christmas music and saw decorations between Halloween and Thanksgiving. I’m sure you saw them in stores. I’ve seen the commercials. Santa Claus may not be watching you, but you’re watching Santa Claus. You have no choice. There is a game people are playing on social media about the Wham! song “Last Christmas.” The point of the game is to see how long you can go without hearing the song…because you have no choice. At some point between Thanksgiving and Christmas, you will hear “Last Christmas” unintentionally. My point is, you can’t escape Christmas. Somewhere, Andrew Ridgeley is hearing “Last Christmas” and saying, “Fuck Christmas!”

There has never been a “war on Christmas.” What is the “war on Christmas?” It’s another opportunity for bullshit asshole conservatives to pretend they’re the most oppressed and victimized people in the history of people.

And it seems to have sprung up when some people decided to say “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas.” Some people took offense. How dare you not say “merry Christmas.” It offends you that someone didn’t say what you want to hear while still wishing you well? And then, they got upset over Starbuck cups if they wasn’t enough Jesus on them. You have to be a whiny asshole to claim you’re oppressed by a cup. Personally, I’m only offended by a coffee cup if it contains pumpkin spice.

The reason a lot of people say “happy holidays” is because not everyone celebrates Christmas but they are probably celebrating some holiday during this time. Saying “happy holidays” is covering all the bases. Even then, I’ve never heard of a Jew or a Muslim killing someone for saying “merry Christmas” to them. From my own experience, I’ve heard Jews and Muslims say “merry Christmas” back. Why? Because they’re not assholes. And quite possibly, Jews and Muslims hope you have a merry Christmas. Even though I’m not horny for Christmas the way you are, I hope you have a merry Christmas as well.

Then, Donald Trump made the claim that after he was elected, Americans got to say “merry Christmas” again. Despite what Fox News promoted, you were never banned from saying “merry Christmas.” I’m not entirely sure where the “ban” came from. And even without a ban, I am not aware of any peer pressure on people preventing them from saying it. If anything, there’s been more pressure on people in this country to hide their beliefs if they’re NOT a Christian…or worse, don’t believe in a god at all.

Did you know Satanist don’t actually worship Satan? Why? Because they’re atheist. If there’s no god, there’s no Satan. Satanist don’t believe in Satan. If you’re a conservative, you don’t understand that at all. The only thing I don’t understand about atheist is, why have a church when you don’t believe? It seems like it goes against the point. But I digress.

But Donald Trump and his followers believe his rise to the White House liberated them and provided the confidence to say “merry Christmas” again. Can you find one of them who will tell you they stopped saying it until Trump was elected? Just one?

No. Donald Trump’s election did not restore anyone’s confidence to say “merry Christmas” again, but what it did do was give racist the confidence to make their racism public. It gave Nazis the confidence to Seig Heil in Trump hotel ballrooms. It gave tiki-torch Nazis the confidence to march in Charlottesville chanting, “Jews will not replace us” and ” Blood and soil.” It gave Proud Boys the confidence to go to peace rallies and attack people. It gave the Ku Klux Klan the confidence it needed to hold parades in honor of Donald Trump.

Isn’t it funny that racists celebrate Christmas? How do you celebrate the birth of Jesus while supporting a man who put babies in jail…and whose policies kills them? The Satanists have more compassion than you.

And how do you fear monger about a war on Christmas then remain silent when the First Lady says, “Fuck Christmas.” I bet you an Elf on a Shelf that if Michelle Obama ever said, “Fuck Christmas,” Republicans would have burned the White House down with her in it. When Melania says it, they stick their fingers in their ears and say, “fa-la-la-la-la…”

Melania Trump does not like your Christmas. She wants to take away your tinsel. She wants to unnog your eggs. She wants to unleash cats upon your Christmas trees. In her first attempt to decorate the White House for Christmas, it looked like Tim Burton on crack did it. Doesn’t her war on Christmas infuriate you? Doesn’t it just kick you in your jingle bells? Are you upset yet? No?

If you’re a Trump supporter and a Christmas lover and you’re not upset over Melania’s “fuck Christmas,” then I don’t think you love Christmas enough. Why are you waging a war on Christmas?

Now, I have to try to make it through the rest of today without someone forcing “Last Christmas” on me. I hate Wham! more than I hate Christmas.

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13 comments

  1. I must live in paradise, I have no idea if I ever heard Last Xmas or not. But then, I am an atheist who has not celebrated any xian holiday in many many years, though I do enjoy John Lennon’s ode to the holidays exactly because it is not xian, and the Royal Guardsmen’s Snoopy’s Xmas, because it honours a worldview of peace. I tune all other xmas music out if I hear it, or turn off whatever device it is playing on. The glory of the PVR, just hit the fast forward button, lol.
    Still, I do wish people best of the season wishes if they offer me a seasonal greeting–I do refuse to acknowledge it is even a holiday, because I don’t believe in any holy days!
    Anyways, there is no war on Xmas, how can there be? God died in 1882. He just refuses to go away, kinda like your Diaper Don. (There, I did use it, though I said I would not. Just for you, Clay, just for you.)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I always went out of my way to find Holiday cards versus specifically Christmas cards. All the ones I tried to get usually said “seasons greetings” or “happy holidays.” It’s not that I had a particular agenda or anything, it’s more that I knew, even at a young age, that not everybody was into Christmas. So just sending out good vibes for the season seemed just right to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. As everyone should. Nobody can own the winter season, but our culture sure expects that christianity be the supreme source of peace and joy. Considering the present divisions in the States, that is hypocrisy.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. well according to them, there’s no happiness without God, more specifically, THEIR Christian God, so the rest of us are miserable schmucks. Of course, THEY are the ones that look the most bent out of shape and pissy when someone says something other than Merry Christmas, so yeah. The hypocrisy is strong in the seasons, and so damned annoying.

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      3. No need to let it be annoying, though. The xian position is just a way to separate themselves from the rest of society. You know you are better off without them. Enjoy your freedom. I do.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. “ Personally, I’m only offended by a coffee cup if it contains pumpkin spice.”

    What have you got against Pumpkin Spice???!!!
    To hell with “The War On Christmas”, the real troublemakers in this country are the people who are conducting “The War On Pumpkin Spice”!!!
    IMHO, people who don’t like Pumpkin Spice should be forced to eat Pumpkin Spice Beef Jerky, bathe with Pumpkin Spice Soap, and run their cars on Pumpkin Spice Gasoline!!! 😉

    Like

    1. I do think they don’t need to “pumpkin spice” the hell out of everything. When you see pumpkin spice Cheerios on the shelf, then yeah, we’ve gone too far. Leave Pumpkin Spice to the folks that made it great to begin with, like a local bakery or Starbucks. That way, the rest of us can go elsewhere and have less Pumpkin Spice (or just have it in moderation).

      Frankly, I like Pumpkin Spice, but I find it annoying that they’ve started the flavor deluge before Halloween (Dairy Queen’s pumpkin pie blizzard used to show up for November, now it’s October for some reason). And when it comes to pumpkin related favorites, the pumpkin stuff is gone before December! (seriously, pumpkin scones are wonderful from Starbucks, but they’re not in stock after Thanksgiving around here, dammit!)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. As an official “Old Fart”, my memory could be wrong, but I vaguely recall that Trader Joe’s was doing Pumpkin
        Spice a few years before Starbucks.
        A side note on Seasonal Overdoings, I have noticed that in the past few summers, Trader Joe’s has been Overdoing Meyer Lemon, I guess the hook is Summer and Lemonade.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I write about the crap I hate about Christmas (or recycle posts) every year. You hit it about the song “Last Christmas”. I once had to run errands and heard the same version at every location I went to that morning. By the time I hit Walgreens, it was the fifth time, and I just put the basket down (hadn’t even started shopping yet) and walked out trying not to scream. A cashier asked if I was okay, I just explained about the song. She busted out laughing and went “yeah, sucks, doesn’t it?” At least I made someone’s day.

    What I hate most about the music is when it comes to the standard songs, probably a minimum of 20 artists have covered them (because every other popular artist needs at least one Christmas album for some reason). But why is it that every year, you go somewhere and only ONE band’s version of a song is playing? Who’s responsible for that playlist? Why not have a variety of singers doing that song scattered throughout the month? I mean, I wouldn’t wanna hear the same song done five different ways in one day, but hearing the same person do it five days in a row… yeah, this is why I hated retail during Christmas season the most.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. And Melania cut down trees that Jackie Kennedy planted many years ago just so she could do her cat walk in front of the Rose Garden. Stupid ass!
    She’s just a trophy wife, no substance. Shallow piece of shit who couldn’t lift a finger to help the average Americans suffering during this Pandemic!
    She can put the Xmas decorations where the sun don’t shine!
    Vivian

    Like

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