Melania Trump

Be Best Be Bully


cjones05152018

It only took a year and a half after becoming First Lady for Melania Trump to reveal her social agenda. Melania is tackling online bullying with a program called “Be Best.” Really? After a year and a half, the best you can come up with is “be best?” Did someone already take “be gooder?” In addition to that, it’s rolled out in a re-packaged pamphlet from the Federal Trade Commission created during the Obama era.

Melania plagiarized a speech from Michelle Obama for her Republican National Convention speech. During her speech presenting the Be Best program, I was shocked she didn’t lift from Whitney Houston and say, “I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way.” Hey, it takes a village.

The real crux of Melania’s anti-bullying Be Best campaign is that she’s married to the Be Worst president.

Donald Trump is a bully and Twitter is his favorite outlet to sling his attacks. He’s gone after minorities, women, and anyone else who dare criticizes him, no matter how small the target may be. He has done everything in his power to be as divisive as possible. Take his assault on black athletes in the NFL. And idiots want to give this guy a Nobel.

Trump has especially attacked women. He has a long history of it. He attacked Rosie O’Donnell years ago and called her a pig. During the campaign, he tweeted out a very unflattering photo of Heidi Cruz next to a pic of Melania. He said Megyn Kelly had “blood coming out of her wherever” after she asked him tough questions during a debate. He criticized fellow GOP candidate Carly Fiorina’s face. He called Alicia Machado disgusting and criticized her for gaining weight after she won his Miss Universe pageant. He said Hillary Clinton’s looks didn’t impress him. He continues to call Senator Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas.” He’s accused his accusers of not being attractive enough to sexually assault. He conducted a tweetstorm about Mika Brzezinski’s face because she’s not nice to him on Morning Joe. Let’s not forget he also endorsed a pedophile with the excuse, “he denies it.”

Throughout each of these attacks, Melania has either remained silent or defended his bullying.

Would Melania allow her son Barron to insult women the way his father does? That would be the equivalent of Michelle Obama telling us to feed our children carrots and broccoli while pumping Sasha and Malia full of Ho Hos and Ding Dongs.

Why should anyone listen to Melania Trump lecture about online bullying when her 71-year-old husband is verbally assaulting people with the creativity of an illiterate snail darter?

Melania’s initiative runs counter to Trump’s personal, professional, and public agenda which is shared by his entire administration. On the day of her Be Best ceremony where she said “Children deserve every opportunity to enjoy their innocence,” Attorney General Jeff Sessions was giddy in announcing ICE would be separating children from their parents and Donald was requesting funding cuts to children’s healthcare insurance. Children deserve the opportunity to enjoy their innocence unless they’re brown or poor.

Melania advocates Be Best while Donald exhibits Be An Asshole.

Here’s the video.

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Stormy


cjones02012018

Is it unfair of me to hit Melania Trump with a cartoon? Yeah. Political cartoons aren’t supposed to be fair. Show me a fair political cartoon and I’ll show you a crappy cartoon.

During the national meltdown that was Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky, conservatives and liberals alike wondered, some demanded, why Hillary wouldn’t leave Bill. I don’t like to judge other people’s relationships. But, I wondered the same thing at the time. I thought, man…Hillary can never wear a blue dress ever again. But, there are differences between Hillary Clinton and Melania Trump.

The first thing is, Bill did not marry Hillary to be a trophy wife. Republicans can’t make that argument after spending over twenty years insulting her looks. Bill and Hillary married right out of college. They tied their careers together. They were real partners. Hillary and Bill married each other believing in building a future of great accomplishments. None of that is true for Melania and Donald.

Melania is Donald’s third wife, who he cheated with on wife number two, who he cheated with on wife number one. Trump has a long history of cheating, grabbing women, and just being an all-around asshole toward them. Trump has bragged about assaulting women and barging in on teenage girls undressing. None of this can be news to Melania.

It is extremely difficult to believe that Melania, who is 24 years younger than Donald, would be married to him if he wasn’t a supposed billionaire or famous TV personality. Beautiful models don’t marry old, racist assholes with bad comb-overs who paint themselves orange…unless they have a lot of money.

I feel Melania’s pain and humiliation over the revelation that Trump had an affair with a porn star and paid her hush money. I’d be pissed too. But, while this issue may be new news to Melania, the fact Trump is a piece of crap can’t be unless she really is stupid. She may be ignorant but she’s not stupid.

She is a victim of her husband and a fair target for my criticism. She didn’t ask for this, but she can’t be surprised. Look who she married. She can’t be entirely ignorant about plagiarizing Michelle Obama’s speeches either. Also, how can she look at anyone with a straight face while talking about her anti-bullying campaign? Has she reasoned to her young son, named after Trump’s pseudonym, why bullying is wrong except when Daddy does it?

Melania publicly slapped Trump’s hand away on an international trip. She ditched the Davos trip after the Stormy news came out. It’s reported in Fire And Fury that she has a separate bedroom from Trump which proves she is a human being. This is not a real marriage. She should get out.

Republicans in Washington may be selling their souls and dignity, but Melania still has a chance to redeem hers.

As Oprah would say, you go, girl.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Schwag And Crowd Sizes


cjones09012017

With the bar being set very low for Trump, the man is being praised for not talking about his electoral victory, Hillary Clinton, fake media, or witch hunts during his trip to survey the flood Harvey brought to Texas. However, he did talk about crowd sizes.

The day started with Melania being mocked on social media for wearing ridiculous high heel shoes for their trip to Houston. The shoes, made by Manolo Blahnik which fetch for around $600 (of course I had to look that up. Who the hell is Manolo Blahnik?), was more of a fashion statement than smart footwear for surveying a flood. Apparently, she got the memo before they touched down in Houston as she swapped out for some more practical Adidas.

But, the accessorizing didn’t stop. Trump wore his “45 USA” cap with “TRUMP” stamped on the back. In case you’re wondering, yes it’s for sale at his website for $40. I know some baseball caps go for around that price, but if you spend more than twenty on a cap, then you’re an asshole (but it’s a good price for a signed print of a political cartoon).

Melania was also sporting a cap with the words “FLOTUS” stamped on the front. In case you’re an idiot, “FLOTUS” stands for “first lady of the United States.” No word yet if that schwag will be available on the Trump website in the future.

You never saw Barack or Michelle Obama pimping out schwag while they were touring disaster areas, or at any other times. He could have plugged “Dreams From My Father” at every appearance, but I guess he felt it wouldn’t have been presidential.

Maybe there’s too much criticism of Melania’s cap and heels, but do you remember when Obama was scorned for wearing a tan suit, or when Michelle was crucified for going sleeveless…and for everything else she ever wore? It’s kinda like how conservatives forget that they used to criticize a president for taking vacations and playing golf.

The main criticism Trump received yesterday was for his lack of empathy, and for commenting “what a crowd” at the people gathered to hear him speak. I’m sure it was an impressive crowd, though those people probably would have rather had been at their homes without wading through their living rooms. Not everything is about you, Donald. Perhaps next time he should say something about the people who are going through a natural disaster. Hey, it’s just a suggestion.

Word out of the White House is that Trump is peeved his Arizona rally didn’t draw a large enough crowd. Don’t worry, Donald. There will always be a crowd outside protesting.

It’s not that Donald Trump lacks empathy compared to Obama, Bill Clinton, or even George W. Bush. The fact is, we have a president who doesn’t care about anyone or anything that doesn’t have “Trump” on his, her, or its name.

Trump cares more about his $40 shitty caps than he does about anyone in Houston. That, you can take to the bank. Preferably, not a Russian bank.

Creative notes: Yes, I know. Katrina occurred while Bush II was president, but a lot of Republicans don’t know that. Really.

Also, I’m getting tired of drawing floods, life rafts, and canoes. At this point, I’m starting to miss the Nazis.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Trumpen Hooker


cjones08242016

Donald Trump LOOOOVES fake news. He loves conspiracy theories, gossip, rumors, and dirty lies. He peddles them, he tweets them, he finances them, and he bases his entire campaign off them.

The liberal website Think Progress has an article describing 12 conspiracy theories Trump has embraced. The site Alternet went even farther and reported on 58.

He’s pushed lies from right wing websites such as Breitbart to gossip from the National Enquirer ranging from birtherism, Ted Cruz’s father being in on the JFK assassination, to Hillary suffering some super secret health issue. Earlier this week he took issue with the MSNBC program Morning Joe and tweeted that hosts Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski were secret lovers.

So it’s a bit hypocritical that Trump’s wife has hired lawyers to send out threatening letters to news outlets regarding rumors that she worked as an escort when she first arrived to the United States.

The Daily Mail, The Week(UK), Politico, Inquisitr, Tarpley, Before It’s News, Liberal America, LawNewz, Winning Democrats and Bipartisan Report have all received threats of lawsuits from the same lawyers who sued Gawker over a Hulk Hogan sex tape. I haven’t even heard of some of those outlets.

A few of those outlets such as Politico and The Week were focusing on questions over Melania’s immigration status when she first arrived to the United States in the 1990s and they mentioned the hooker allegations. Some of the other sites gleefully went to town over the rumors of Mrs. Trump working on her back which is really unfair, because if she did have a career in prostitution we really don’t know what sexual positions she employed.

Now I really don’t expect Melania’s Hulk Hogan lawyers to come after me. I’m just an itty bitty, microscopic, rapscallion political cartoonist that’s barely a blemish on the grand face of American journalism. I haven’t even been able to get an angry response or insult from Trump on Twitter and that makes me very sad. Though it would be kinda cool to get the national attention of a legal threat, the accusations of Melania working as an escort don’t pass the smell test. They’re not credible or substantiated. Darn. I haven’t even attracted hackers.

I have not read anything credible that proves Melania Trump ever performed sexual favors for money before she married Donald Trump.

My cartoons run in The Week and occasionally Politico gives me some love. Last year the site Liberal America, which was threatened by Melania’s lawyers, ran my work. It doesn’t surprise me they made the list as their ethics have been questionable and it’s the reason my cartoons are not on their site anymore. I pointed out to them that they can’t be a credible or respectable news site if they kept using work by writers and reporters who used pseudonyms. Their immediate response was to end our business relationship which was fine and their right. I was too amused by their insecurity and hurt feelings to be angry over it and I never published anything about it until now.

Back to the Melania issue: Legitimate news sites, even opinion sites, should not debase themselves to take up the pond scumming habits of the likes of Breitbart, even without the threats of lawsuits. Besides, Donald Trump really doesn’t like it when you act like Donald Trump.

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The Emperor May Have Clothes…But His Wife Is Nekkid


cjones08022016

There’s a huge double standard in politics, culture, and society. It applies to gender, race, and even to personalities. For example, insanity, stupidity, and rampant racism would rule out any other candidate, but Donald Trump makes it sell.

People say there’s a double standard for Hillary Clinton and that no one else could get away with her activity. Actually, when’s the last time someone questioned the price of a male politician’s suit? People insult Hillary for her age, yet she’s younger than The Donald. Conservatives criticize her looks as if she’s supposed to be the fashion model wife of Donald Trump, and not a grandmother. Trump can take five children from three different mothers to his convention, yet do you believe Hillary Clinton would have a political career if she had children from three different fathers? Hell, can you imagine if Barack Obama had three different baby mamas? Congressional Republicans would hold hearings.

Most people, myself included, will refer to Hillary Clinton as just “Hillary.” In my defense and perhaps others, there are two Clintons who vied for the presidency. When it came to two Bushes they were both “Georges” and we could refer to one as “H.W.” and the other as “W.”, or as many others would, “Dumbass.”

Conservatives have really ripped into Michelle Obama over the past eight years. Her outfits have been criticized and so have their price tags. Her vacations aren’t just attacked. Republicans and conspiracy websites make up prices over them. She gets attacked for flying on Air Force One. Do you recall other presidents and their wives being critiqued for flying on Air Force One or the price of their vacations? Hell, George W. Dumbass Bush spent more time on vacations than any president in history but you’d think Barack Obama was on a permanent vacation. Critics forget, or just don’t want to know, that presidents pay for their vacations. Guess what. They also pay for their own food while in the White House. Look it up.

Michelle Obama has even been attacked for encouraging children to eat healthier. You’d think she was feeding them battery acid and bleach. The most fun thing they’ve done is criticize her looks, when she may be the most fit First Lady in history. Did Mamie Eisenhower own a treadmill?

Conservatives have circulated memes and photo shopped pics of her rear end, as if that had anything to do with anything. Their heads have exploded when she exposed her arms as if she was a Fox News anchor.

Democrats are supposed to live by the Republican vision of family values. One spouse, clean kids, a bookish wife, etc. Republicans could nominate a man for the presidency who has been married thrice, with his current wife a former nude model. In fact, that’s what they did.

Say what you want about former First Ladies, but none had a career of sticking their bare ass into a camera lens. That’s exactly what the New York Post has splashed on their front page, Melania’s bare ass, her bare front, engaging in a little girl-on-girl action.

Melania Trump is often described as a former fashion model. To be a fashion model one would have to actually wear something fashionable or something that could be described as clothing. Melania Trump was naked, nude, buck ass, raw, nekkid. She’s even done photo shoots where she’s making out with another woman. If that sounds like porn to you, or even lesbianish, I’m sure it’s not because Republicans are against porn and Donald Trump has actually promised to protect us all from the smut industry.

I’m not trying to slut-shame Melania here. She’s a nude model who married a billionaire and has to plagiarize a speech. I do not have high expectations for her. I’m shaming the hypocrites. Those same hypocrites who attack Michelle Obama for exposing her biceps yet probably all have accounts at Ashley Madison.

I think maybe Republicans should stop attacking Michelle Obama’s dresses and Hillary Clinton’s pantsuits until they have a First Lady who’s actually with apparel.

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Melania’s Plagiarism


cjones07222016

I’m always interested in the speakers at the conventions, but more so with the GOP’s this year, as they’ve had a very difficult time getting anyone of any significance willing to speak at this dumpster fire. Half the roster is made up of Trump kids.

Rudy Giuliani did fine shouting from the podium. He riled everyone up. Three of the speakers said Hillary Clinton should be in prison. The opening pastor referred to Democrats as the enemy. Joni Ernst did fine if she’s a robot grandma. Then there was Melania Trump, Donald’s trophy wife.

Being the super model stepford immigrant wife that she is, I didn’t expect much. Not that she should be regarded as stupid, but she’s not a person who has ever accomplished anything other than marrying rich. She’s never been noted for intelligence. So I had low expectations.

First, Donald came out to introduce his fancy cardboard cutout to a Queen song. Leave it to the GOP to bash gays and then rip a song written by Freddy Mercury.

I was surprised. I thought she did fine. I mean, other than being Donald’s third wife while talking about how loyal he is. She also mentioned being with Donald for 18 years, though he divorced his last wife in 1999. You do the math. Then she talked about how hard work gets you where you are. Now I’d point out that she married into richness, but considering what she has to sleep with for that, let’s cut her some slack there.

But it turns out the rest of her idea of hard work is stealing parts of her speech from Michelle Obama’s speech at the 2008 convention. Now that’s a problem.

Republicans are bashing the Obama’s. They’ve been doing so for the past eight years. So to steal from “the enemy” is outrageous. Did Republicans like her speech? If so, that means they like what Michelle Obama has to say. This spittle’s going to turn slow.

We can blame the speech writer, except Melania gave an interview on NBC saying she wrote the speech herself with little help. But we know that’s not true (would a Trump lie?).

We could just cut her some slack and let the issue go away because Republicans have NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER criticized and piled on a First Lady….ever, ever, ever.

Immediately we look to blame a speech writer and wait for a head to come rolling down the steps of Trump Tower. But if Hillary Clinton did this in 1992 they would have accused of her killing the person she stole it from. If Michelle Obama did this in 2008 they would have lynched her. They already think her encouragement to children to eat more vegtables is some sort of new world order of Muslim socialism.

There’s trouble with this campaign. They can’t create a logo without an impression of jail rape. They can’t get anyone to speak. They can’t organize a convention. And apparently, they can’t write speeches without stealing them from Democrats.

The right thing to do would be for the speech writer to come forward, plea for mercy and resign. So naturally the Trump campaign denies anything was stolen and it’s all Hillary Clinton’s fault. Really. They did that. Since Donald Trump is a pathological liar he probably really believes his wife wrote the entire thing herself. Is pathological contagious?

I’m sure the Trump campaign spent all of Tuesday scrubbing and rewriting the rest of the Trump clan’s speeches. That’s too bad because I’d enjoy hearing Ivanka do “I’m all about that bass, about that bass, no treble.”

And yes. Part of Melania’s speech did “Rick Roll” the GOP convention.

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Heidi, Heidi, EW!


cjones03242016

I know this cartoon is mean and it’s not fair but I don’t claim to be fair. You already know I don’t draw nice cartoons. Basically, Ted Cruz is gross. He’s icky. He’s creepy. A little bit slimy. He’s definitely not someone you want touching you. It’d be like walking into a spider web where you do that dance with an invisible partner.

Before the Utah primary an anti-Trump super pac aired an ad that ran only in that state. The ad featured a really smokin’ hot photo of an almost naked pic of Melania Trump (Trump’s third wife) from a magazine photo shoot (one of those magazines for men who are too cowardly to read real porn). The super pac’s idea was that it would make Mormons really not like Donald Trump, because Mormons are against porn and naked stuff I guess.

Super pacs are not supposed to coordinate with campaigns. This super pac isn’t even a pro-Cruz super pac. They apparently just want to bring down Trump. Well screw facts. Donald Trump tweeted out a threat to Cruz. He blamed him for the ad and said that “Lyin’ Ted” better be careful or he’ll spill the dirt on Ted’s wife, Heidi.

First off, Ted didn’t have anything to do with that ad. He’s a disgusting, vile, Creepy McCreeperson but there isn’t any evidence he had anything to do with the naked Melania ad. Second, Trump is not afraid to insult women. He’s proven that. He’ll just make stuff up if he has to.

Third, what would he have on Heidi, other than she’s married to Ted and has the ridiculous Snow White name of “Heidi?” I guess Trump could point out the fact that she once suffered from depression, but who hasn’t? That would probably just endear her to people. Could a human being actually marry Ted? You would think that kind of woman would have to be created in a lab in Romania.

Maybe Trump could point out that she works as a managing director for Goldman Sachs which also gave out a sweet heart loan to Ted for his Senatorial campaign, and then he misreported it on campaign finance forms because he lies a lot. He also claimed they liquidated all their assets for the campaign which of course was another lie. Again, that’s Ted stuff. None of it really hits Heidi.

I suspect Trump is just making stuff up. He’ll proclaim “we’ll reveal all the dirt on Heidi” and then turns to his staff and asks “do we have anything on Heidi?”

There is one thing that is not a lie. When it comes to first ladies and dignity we’re really going to miss Michelle Obama.

Update: Today Cruz called Trump a “sniveling coward.” I agree but Ted is the last person who should call anyone “sniveling,” or regarding his reaction to terrrorism, “coward.” Cruz also stole lines from the 90’s flick An American President in responding to Trump. I knew he was into The Princess Bride but who knew he’s got a thing for Michael Douglas movies?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!