Melania Trump

The Emperor May Have Clothes…But His Wife Is Nekkid

cjones08022016

There’s a huge double standard in politics, culture, and society. It applies to gender, race, and even to personalities. For example, insanity, stupidity, and rampant racism would rule out any other candidate, but Donald Trump makes it sell.

People say there’s a double standard for Hillary Clinton and that no one else could get away with her activity. Actually, when’s the last time someone questioned the price of a male politician’s suit? People insult Hillary for her age, yet she’s younger than The Donald. Conservatives criticize her looks as if she’s supposed to be the fashion model wife of Donald Trump, and not a grandmother. Trump can take five children from three different mothers to his convention, yet do you believe Hillary Clinton would have a political career if she had children from three different fathers? Hell, can you imagine if Barack Obama had three different baby mamas? Congressional Republicans would hold hearings.

Most people, myself included, will refer to Hillary Clinton as just “Hillary.” In my defense and perhaps others, there are two Clintons who vied for the presidency. When it came to two Bushes they were both “Georges” and we could refer to one as “H.W.” and the other as “W.”, or as many others would, “Dumbass.”

Conservatives have really ripped into Michelle Obama over the past eight years. Her outfits have been criticized and so have their price tags. Her vacations aren’t just attacked. Republicans and conspiracy websites make up prices over them. She gets attacked for flying on Air Force One. Do you recall other presidents and their wives being critiqued for flying on Air Force One or the price of their vacations? Hell, George W. Dumbass Bush spent more time on vacations than any president in history but you’d think Barack Obama was on a permanent vacation. Critics forget, or just don’t want to know, that presidents pay for their vacations. Guess what. They also pay for their own food while in the White House. Look it up.

Michelle Obama has even been attacked for encouraging children to eat healthier. You’d think she was feeding them battery acid and bleach. The most fun thing they’ve done is criticize her looks, when she may be the most fit First Lady in history. Did Mamie Eisenhower own a treadmill?

Conservatives have circulated memes and photo shopped pics of her rear end, as if that had anything to do with anything. Their heads have exploded when she exposed her arms as if she was a Fox News anchor.

Democrats are supposed to live by the Republican vision of family values. One spouse, clean kids, a bookish wife, etc. Republicans could nominate a man for the presidency who has been married thrice, with his current wife a former nude model. In fact, that’s what they did.

Say what you want about former First Ladies, but none had a career of sticking their bare ass into a camera lens. That’s exactly what the New York Post has splashed on their front page, Melania’s bare ass, her bare front, engaging in a little girl-on-girl action.

Melania Trump is often described as a former fashion model. To be a fashion model one would have to actually wear something fashionable or something that could be described as clothing. Melania Trump was naked, nude, buck ass, raw, nekkid. She’s even done photo shoots where she’s making out with another woman. If that sounds like porn to you, or even lesbianish, I’m sure it’s not because Republicans are against porn and Donald Trump has actually promised to protect us all from the smut industry.

I’m not trying to slut-shame Melania here. She’s a nude model who married a billionaire and has to plagiarize a speech. I do not have high expectations for her. I’m shaming the hypocrites. Those same hypocrites who attack Michelle Obama for exposing her biceps yet probably all have accounts at Ashley Madison.

I think maybe Republicans should stop attacking Michelle Obama’s dresses and Hillary Clinton’s pantsuits until they have a First Lady who’s actually with apparel.

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Melania’s Plagiarism

cjones07222016

I’m always interested in the speakers at the conventions, but more so with the GOP’s this year, as they’ve had a very difficult time getting anyone of any significance willing to speak at this dumpster fire. Half the roster is made up of Trump kids.

Rudy Giuliani did fine shouting from the podium. He riled everyone up. Three of the speakers said Hillary Clinton should be in prison. The opening pastor referred to Democrats as the enemy. Joni Ernst did fine if she’s a robot grandma. Then there was Melania Trump, Donald’s trophy wife.

Being the super model stepford immigrant wife that she is, I didn’t expect much. Not that she should be regarded as stupid, but she’s not a person who has ever accomplished anything other than marrying rich. She’s never been noted for intelligence. So I had low expectations.

First, Donald came out to introduce his fancy cardboard cutout to a Queen song. Leave it to the GOP to bash gays and then rip a song written by Freddy Mercury.

I was surprised. I thought she did fine. I mean, other than being Donald’s third wife while talking about how loyal he is. She also mentioned being with Donald for 18 years, though he divorced his last wife in 1999. You do the math. Then she talked about how hard work gets you where you are. Now I’d point out that she married into richness, but considering what she has to sleep with for that, let’s cut her some slack there.

But it turns out the rest of her idea of hard work is stealing parts of her speech from Michelle Obama’s speech at the 2008 convention. Now that’s a problem.

Republicans are bashing the Obama’s. They’ve been doing so for the past eight years. So to steal from “the enemy” is outrageous. Did Republicans like her speech? If so, that means they like what Michelle Obama has to say. This spittle’s going to turn slow.

We can blame the speech writer, except Melania gave an interview on NBC saying she wrote the speech herself with little help. But we know that’s not true (would a Trump lie?).

We could just cut her some slack and let the issue go away because Republicans have NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER criticized and piled on a First Lady….ever, ever, ever.

Immediately we look to blame a speech writer and wait for a head to come rolling down the steps of Trump Tower. But if Hillary Clinton did this in 1992 they would have accused of her killing the person she stole it from. If Michelle Obama did this in 2008 they would have lynched her. They already think her encouragement to children to eat more vegtables is some sort of new world order of Muslim socialism.

There’s trouble with this campaign. They can’t create a logo without an impression of jail rape. They can’t get anyone to speak. They can’t organize a convention. And apparently, they can’t write speeches without stealing them from Democrats.

The right thing to do would be for the speech writer to come forward, plea for mercy and resign. So naturally the Trump campaign denies anything was stolen and it’s all Hillary Clinton’s fault. Really. They did that. Since Donald Trump is a pathological liar he probably really believes his wife wrote the entire thing herself. Is pathological contagious?

I’m sure the Trump campaign spent all of Tuesday scrubbing and rewriting the rest of the Trump clan’s speeches. That’s too bad because I’d enjoy hearing Ivanka do “I’m all about that bass, about that bass, no treble.”

And yes. Part of Melania’s speech did “Rick Roll” the GOP convention.

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Heidi, Heidi, EW!

cjones03242016

I know this cartoon is mean and it’s not fair but I don’t claim to be fair. You already know I don’t draw nice cartoons. Basically, Ted Cruz is gross. He’s icky. He’s creepy. A little bit slimy. He’s definitely not someone you want touching you. It’d be like walking into a spider web where you do that dance with an invisible partner.

Before the Utah primary an anti-Trump super pac aired an ad that ran only in that state. The ad featured a really smokin’ hot photo of an almost naked pic of Melania Trump (Trump’s third wife) from a magazine photo shoot (one of those magazines for men who are too cowardly to read real porn). The super pac’s idea was that it would make Mormons really not like Donald Trump, because Mormons are against porn and naked stuff I guess.

Super pacs are not supposed to coordinate with campaigns. This super pac isn’t even a pro-Cruz super pac. They apparently just want to bring down Trump. Well screw facts. Donald Trump tweeted out a threat to Cruz. He blamed him for the ad and said that “Lyin’ Ted” better be careful or he’ll spill the dirt on Ted’s wife, Heidi.

First off, Ted didn’t have anything to do with that ad. He’s a disgusting, vile, Creepy McCreeperson but there isn’t any evidence he had anything to do with the naked Melania ad. Second, Trump is not afraid to insult women. He’s proven that. He’ll just make stuff up if he has to.

Third, what would he have on Heidi, other than she’s married to Ted and has the ridiculous Snow White name of “Heidi?” I guess Trump could point out the fact that she once suffered from depression, but who hasn’t? That would probably just endear her to people. Could a human being actually marry Ted? You would think that kind of woman would have to be created in a lab in Romania.

Maybe Trump could point out that she works as a managing director for Goldman Sachs which also gave out a sweet heart loan to Ted for his Senatorial campaign, and then he misreported it on campaign finance forms because he lies a lot. He also claimed they liquidated all their assets for the campaign which of course was another lie. Again, that’s Ted stuff. None of it really hits Heidi.

I suspect Trump is just making stuff up. He’ll proclaim “we’ll reveal all the dirt on Heidi” and then turns to his staff and asks “do we have anything on Heidi?”

There is one thing that is not a lie. When it comes to first ladies and dignity we’re really going to miss Michelle Obama.

Update: Today Cruz called Trump a “sniveling coward.” I agree but Ted is the last person who should call anyone “sniveling,” or regarding his reaction to terrrorism, “coward.” Cruz also stole lines from the 90’s flick An American President in responding to Trump. I knew he was into The Princess Bride but who knew he’s got a thing for Michael Douglas movies?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!