Election 2020

Holiday who-be what-ee?


cjones12242020

The electoral college has voted and Joe Biden is the president-elect. Every state (in case you’re a Republican all 50 of them) and the District of Columbia have certified their votes and Joe Biden is the president-elect. Nearly 80 million people voted for Joe Biden and he is the president-elect. Donald Trump received nearly 7 million fewer votes than Joe Biden, and Joe Biden is the president-elect. Five states that went for Donald Trump in 2016 swung over to Joe Biden, and now Joe Biden the president-elect. Joe Biden received 306 electoral votes to Donald Trump’s 232, and now Joe Biden is the president-elect. Donald Trump has lost court case after court case, including two in the Supreme Court, and Joe Biden is the president-elect. Donald Trump lost the election and now Joe Biden is the president-elect.

Joe Biden is the president-elect. So, why are Republicans still strategizing to “win” the election? They’re not. They’re strategizing to steal it.

The day after disgraced general and pardoned Trump goon Michael Flynn talked about stealing the election by using the military to enact martial law in the swing states, and re-doing the election in those states, he was in the Oval Office. The new normal is: Nobody asks why a guy was invited to the White House to confab with the president (sic) of the United States a day after talking about insurrection, sedition, and declaring martial law to stage a military coup. The free press better start talking about it while there still is a free press.

This administration was embarrassed by Trump lawyer and conspiracy nutjob Sidney Powell and distanced themselves from her and her insane conspiracy theories, yet invited her back to the Oval Office. In fact, Donald Trump wants to appoint her as a special counsel to conduct an investigation into the election. The message is; Don’t listen to her because she’s insane…but let’s see what she can dig up in an official capacity with a security clearance. Donald Trump can’t appoint a special counsel but then again, he’s done a lot of stuff an American president isn’t supposed to be able to do. Maybe he can appoint a pretend special counsel while he’s playing pretend president at Mar-a-Lago in late January.

The GOP will allow Donald Trump to break any law he wants. Not one House Republican voted for impeachment. Only one Republican senator voted for impeachment while the rest voted to acquit. Donald Trump broke the law and the Republican Party defended him. When he broke the law by holding a political convention on the south lawn of the White House, Republicans didn’t speak against it. No, they went to the party. Now, the Republican Party is supporting Donald Trump’s coup attempt.

Every single Republicans who has supported Donald Trump’s coup has committed sedition and should be removed from office. We need people in Congress who support democracy, not conspire to overthrow it.

Donald Trump has been removing Pentagon officials. Why? After overseeing the electoral count and declaring the winner in the Senate, Mike Pence is immediately leaving the country. Why? William Barr is stepping down as attorney general with just a month left before he has to leave. Why? What will the new AG do for Trump?

We need to watch every single move and statement from Donald Trump. These are not normal times and he hasn’t given up on stealing the election. We should be outraged that a criminal like Michael Flynn calling for sedition is making strategy in the Oval Office.

During World War II, Dr. Seuss drew political cartoons for PM, a liberal newspaper in New York City. He did that for two years before joining the Army in 1943 where Captain Seuss (actually, Captain Geisel) was commander of the Animation Department of the First Motion Picture United of the United States Air Forces where he created propaganda for the military. He was anti-racist (despite drawing racist cartoons about Japanese) and he was anti-fascist.

There are always political cartoons using characters from Dr. Seuss, but I think they work best when they have the same agenda as the original work. Like Theodor Geisel, I am anti-fascist. This cartoon is anti-fascist. It’s anti-Trump.

Donald Trump is a fascist.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Attacking America


cjones12222020

There is concern during every presidential transition that our enemies may take advantage or test us. The objectives may be to advance an agenda against us while no one is paying much attention, to test the incoming administration to see how much they can get away with, or an excellent opportunity to grab some shit, like intel in a data hack…or Ukraine.

All our intelligence agencies agree Russia is the culprit behind a huge hack into American government and industry. Experts say this is the greatest cybersecurity breach in our nation’s history and yet, our government didn’t catch it. It was caught by a private firm when their system was hacked. To understand the extent of the attack, government agencies aren’t approaching our national security establishment, but instead, they’re going to Microsoft.

Microsoft is the same company that couldn’t get my address correct, so instead of delivering my $2,000 Surface Pro to me (under warranty), they dropped it off on the doorstep of a stabby-looking guy with a face tattoo. Good luck working with Microsoft.

This has been an excellent time for Russia to attack our infrastructure and computer system. Usually during transitions, all the experts are polishing up their resumes…in the case of Trump appointees, adding a lot of bullshit. So they’re preoccupied on their upcoming unemployment and won’t pay much attention to a cyber attack. Attack on our cybersecurity? Whatever. Is the ability to use chop sticks a job skill?

But in addition to Trump appointees not doing much about the Russia hack, the president (sic) only got around to mentioning it yesterday…naturally, in a tweet.

Since the election, Donald Trump hasn’t talked about anything except the election. He’s only left the White House to play golf and conduct one hate rally in Georgia. We’re losing about 3,000 people a day to the coronavirus and he hasn’t said anything about that. The only thing he’s said about the vaccine is that he doesn’t want Joe Biden to get credit for it (from the guy who took credit for Obama’s economy). And, he’s atually messing up the distribution of the vaccine. But when it comes to Russia, Trump has always deflected.

Trump mocks people concerned about Russia and treats them like Jan Brady and says, “Russia, Russia, Russia.” Donald Trump ignored their meddling in the 2016 election. He voluntarily gave them national security secrets in the Oval Office. He’s had aides destroy notes taken during his one-on-one meetings with Putin. He adopted Putin’s bullshit reasoning for Russia’s invasion of Afghanistan in 1979, claiming it was to stop terrorism. He took Vladimir Putin’s word over American national security agencies over Russia’s meddling. He ignored reports that Putin was paying bounties for dead U.S. soldiers.

So after a week of reports that Putin is hacking into our security system, what did Trump have to say about it? He tweeted that everything is “under control.” The media is “exaggerating it.” He said, “Russia, Russia, Russia.” He blamed China and said the real concern was if they hacked into the Dominion voting machines.

So basically, the United States is being attacked and Donald Trump is using it for more conspiracy theories about the election?

Of course Donald Trump isn’t going to defend America. As we’ve seen over the past four years, Donald Trump only cares about Donald Trump. How can anyone expect Donald Trump to defend America from Russia when he’s attacking America? Look what he’s done to the post office and our election. Donald Trump is helping Putin destroy the United States.

Donald Trump doesn’t defend America. He defends himself, convicts, pedophiles, and Putin.

Over the past week, convicted felon and Trump-pardoned goon General Michael Flynn floated the idea of enacting martial law and using the military to overturn the election. Here’s my conspiracy theory: Flynn is floating this idea because it came from the White House.

Lawyer Sidney Powell was on Rudy Giuliani’s legal team losing court case after case. She floated several ridiculous conspiracy theories to the point that she was removed from the legal team and the Trump Campaign lied and said they never had any association with her…despite her speaking and standing next to Rudy at his idiotic press conferences. Fortunately for Sidney, she was removed from Rudy’s side before the farts came.

It was her lie that the deceased Hugo Chavez and Venezuela corrupted Dominion voting machines that had her removed from the Trump team. So…since she was removed, why was she in an Oval Office meeting Friday? Sidney Powell being in the White House is almost as surprising as Georgia governor Brian Kemp being there for a Christmas party after Trump called for him to be imprisoned. Hope Kemp got to ask Santa for a spine.

Sidney Powell was never removed from the Trump legal team. She was just pushed aside out of the view of cameras. Like Flynn, she’s floating ideas before Trump endorses them. According to reports, Donald Trump is giving up on the Justice Department appointing a special counsel to investigate election fraud that didn’t happen…in favor of appointing his own special counsel from the White House. That’s not even a thing.

Donald Trump has no authority to appoint a special counsel…just like he doesn’t have authority to enact martial law to overturn an election, or to use the military in martial law. What Donald Trump does have the authority to do is grant a security clearance to any unqualified fucknut he deems necessary to help him act out his corruption, like Jared and Ivanka. Now, he wants to give a security clearance to Sidney Powell and appoint her as the special counsel to investigate the election. Maybe when she’s done, she can help OJ find the real killers.

The election has been called. Every state has certified the results. There was no mass voter fraud. We had an election upon the Constitution’s legal guidelines. We had the states certify per the Constitution’s guidelines. We had the electoral college meet per the Constitution’s guidelines. Joe Biden is the president-elect and will be president on January 20, 2021. The military can’t be used to enact martial law to overturn and rerun an election, which is un-Constitutional and illegal. It’s un-American. It’s un-democratic. There is no other way to describe it other than as a coup. Donald Trump is attacking America.

Donald Trump, Sidney Powell, Rudy Giuliani, and all those other fucking Republicans supporting his election fraud scam are conducting sedition and trying to turn this nation into a fascist state.

And even though the military has spoken out against being used in martial law, how do we know those generals won’t be removed and replaced by the likes of Michael Flynn? How do we know Donald Trump isn’t talking about that?

Protect us from Russia? Yes, we need to be protected from Russia but we also need to be protected from Donald Trump and the Republican Party.

Quite frankly, I won’t breathe easy until after January 20, 2021, when Joe Biden is in the Oval Office and Trump is toilet-tweeting from Mar-a-Lago.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Yippe Ki Yay


CNN12132020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

I forgot about posting this again, so here goes.

States that are still oppressing votes of their black citizens shouldn’t start questioning how other states conduct elections. Texas needs to stay in their wheelhouse.

If Texas wants to tell us how to do Tex-Mex food, fine. If they want to teach us about underachieving football teams, they got that covered. If you need solid information on big hats, talk to Texas. If you want expert advice on how to destroy every environmental regulation, go to Texas. If they want to teach a course on electing the creepiest ugly fucker ever to the United States Senate, they’re experts on the subject.

But how to run an election? I don’t want Texas talking to me. I want to talk to Texas. I want to tell them to drink a tall glass of shut the hell up because when it comes to free and fair elections, Texas is all hat and no cattle. I’d rather get election advice from the cattle than from Texas. When it comes to running elections, Texas is full of bullshit.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Putin’s Cue


cjones12172020

How bad is it that the Senate Majority Leader is behind the authoritarian leader of Russia in recognizing a democratically-elected president of the United States of America?

I understand Mitch McConnell has to appease a man-child and his followers, but he’s the leader of the Senate. He should be setting an example of how we do things in a democracy. We don’t allow our politicians, courts, or lawyers to elect our presidents…unless there’s a tie…or Florida fucked things up. OK, we hardly ever allow politicians, courts, and lawyers to elect our leaders. We normally allow voters, the citizens of this nation to do that.

When Trump defeated Clinton, he claimed his margin of victory was a landslide and unlike any this nation had seen in a very long time, despite the fact President Obama received more electoral votes than Trump in both of his presidential elections. You know, when Obama was elected twice, to a second term, not being a one-term loser. Anyway, Trump received 306 electoral votes to Hillary Clinton’s 232.

Do you know what didn’t happen when Donald Trump beat Hillary Clinton 306 to 232? Hillary Clinton did NOT create conspiracy theories. She did NOT refuse to concede. She did NOT refuse to admit she lost. She did NOT pursue lawsuit after lawsuit. She did NOT challenge the election in multiple states or any state. She did NOT claim there was massive voter fraud. President Obama did NOT refuse to host the president-elect (sic) at the White House. President Obama did NOT refuse to allow a transition for several weeks. Democrats did NOT refuse to congratulate or recognize the president-elect (sic). Nobody hid in a bunker and mean-tweeted other politicians for doing the right thing.

Joe Biden defeated Donald Trump 306 to 232, the same outcome in the Trump/Clinton race. In doing so, he flipped FIVE states that went for Trump in 2016. He also won the popular vote which Donald Trump did not win in 2016.

There is no question, no doubt, no uncertainty, no pause, no mystery that Joe Biden won the election, that he is the president-elect, Kamala Harris is the vice-president-elect, and Jill Biden is DR. Jill Biden. There was no massive voter fraud, boats full of ballots, votes being switched from Trump to Biden, or voting machines designed by Hugo Chavez. And all those affidavits are third and fourth hand accounts, as in, “I heard someone say that someone else said that someone somewhere saw something fishy.” That’s what Rudy’s been taking to court as evidence.

Mitch McConnell hates being called “Moscow Mitch.” Oddly enough, he’s OK with “Cocaine Mitch.” But now, he’s less American than Vladimir Putin. He was behind Putin in recognizing that our democratic system works. Mitch is less concerned about appearing un-American and more concerned about pissing off Donald Trump, and having him ruin the two Senate elections in Georgia with a mean tweet, thus making Moscow Mitch, Minority Leader Mitch.

I actually like the sound of that. It’s almost as nice as “Former President (sic) Donald Trump.” To make things easier, let’s just call him “Loser Trump.”

Loser Trump has been mean-tweeting the governor of Georgia since the election. Today, he retweeted a call for his arrest. Will he want Moscow Mitch arrested for referring to Joe Biden as “Mr. President-Elect?’ God, I hope so. Bring on the mean tweets!

As for the rest of the GOP Senate, the House, and other assorted Republicans and fucknuts, follow Putin’s cue. Recognize Joe Biden. Don’t do it for Biden. Do it for the voters because by denying the results of our election is an insult to them and America.

And if you keep denying facts, I think you need to see a doctor of education. I know of one.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (17 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trumplican Brains


cjones12152020

Which is worse? A zombie apocalypse or a Trump apocalypse? What if 70 million of us turned into zombies but the rest of us, the smart ones, were OK? That’s kinda what we have now except they’re not biting us…yet.

Over the weekend, there were several protests against democracy in cities as pro-Trump goons took to the streets in a national display of bellyaching and whining. That’s what these protests are, against democracy. The fact is, Joe Biden won the election. What these protesters want is overturn an election and give the office to the loser. Just in case you are a Republican, that’s NOT how democracy works. And while pro-Trump goons may not be biting us, violence broke out in several cities during these “protests.” Michigan’s capitol building is closed today because of pro-Trump goons. There have been a lot of problems with Trump goons in Michigan…where Biden won.

And, if you think Donald Trump won the election, you’re either stupid or just so dishonest that you would rather rely on fucknut sources, like Donald Trump, Qanon or shit you read on Parler, than actual news sources. Either way, you’re failing. The information is out there but you’re refusing to absorb it…which is a fault shared by many Republicans who hold elected office.

Republicans aren’t just stupid. They’re fucknuttery stupid. Don’t be like them. You may think, I’m good. I know Biden won…but I’m afraid of the coronavirus vaccine. Don’t be and don’t veer off into Conspiracy Crazy Land.

I think it’s fair to question the effectiveness and safety of the vaccine. It’s fair to point out that it was rushed and developed in a much shorter time than other vaccines, like the flu, which took about a decade to develop. There have been questions as to why the flu vaccine has about a 50% effectiveness when it’s been around since the 1940s, but testing is showing the vaccine to the coronavirus has about 95% efficacy.

First off, the flu keeps changing so the vaccine is also changed. What they’re shooting in arms today isn’t the same stuff they were using in 1945. Second, there is a 95% efficacy rate for the coronavirus vaccine, but that does not mean only 5 out of 100 who take it will catch the virus…or the vaccine won’t work on them.

Don’t be confused by “effectiveness” and “efficacy.” When you hear someone say the flu only has a 50% effectiveness rate, that’s not the same as “efficacy.” The difference is, “efficacy” is just a measurement made during a clinical trial. “Effectiveness” is how well the vaccine works out in the real world. We don’t know the effectiveness rate for the coronavirus vaccine. So, when people are questioning it, they don’t have the results to question yet.

How the coronavirus vaccine works depends on a lot of factors. One being on how many people take the vaccine. While Republicans talk about “herd immunity” by 70% of the population catching the virus with a lot of us dying from it, the best way to achieve herd immunity is if 70% of the population takes the vaccine. While the entire population won’t take it, hopefully enough do to cease the spread of the virus and eventually stop it. That’s the hope.

It’s reasonable to be cautious and to seek out all the information you can get about the vaccine. Do that. Don’t just take my word for it. Don’t trust my reporting on science. I’m just a cartoonist and I did poorly at science in high school. Read! But, don’t be a fucknut like Ben Garrison. Who?

Ben Garrison is a racist, anti-Semitic conspiracy-believing lunatic who is a propagandist masquerading as a political cartoonist. The guy was invited to Trump’s White House for a bullshit summit on the media, which was a racist wet dream come true for Garrison. Then…his world came crashing down as the White House, racist Donald Trump’s White House where Stephen Miller works and that once employed Steve Bannon and Sebastian Gorka, disinvited him because of his anti-Semitism. Then, he sued the Anti-Defamation League for labeling one of his cartoons anti-Semitic (no word on how that’s working out yet). And his defense that he’s not anti-Semitic is his claim that…wait for it…Jews are taking over the world. Last week, he did a cartoon with an Asian where he used the term, “Me love you long time.” Him racist long time. But he also drew a cartoon where among the 2,000 labels in it (he uses a lot of labels because he sucks), he claimed the vaccine to the coronavirus will give you cancer, sterilize you, give your kids autism, kill you, make you gay, and plant a tracking device inside of you.

OK. I made up the part about making you gay. If it turns you gay, you’ll be fine. If it turns you into a Trumper, I’m so sorry.

But seriously, this is insanity…and Garrison has over 230,000 followers on Twitter who are just as insane (to be fair, a lot of those followers may be people laughing at him for the wrong reasons). I have a little over 9,000 and I’m a real boy….I mean cartoonist. You can have concerns about the virus while not believing it’ll plant a chip inside you. The most absurd thing is, these people believing in the tracking device probably all have cell phones which do track you. Or at the very least, they’re complaining about tracking devices on social media. If you’re on Twitter, you made tracking easy.

There is a chance the vaccine will hurt you. You may have an adverse reaction if you have an allergy. It may make you sick. It may kill you. Those odds are very low and are about the same as any other vaccination. Do you know what has higher odds of killing you than the vaccine to the coronavirus? The coronavirus.

I may have the antibodies in me already, but I don’t know how long they will last. Science doesn’t know how long they’ll last. I will take the vaccine if it comes my way…which will probably be a while.

There is another way of knowing the vaccine is safe. If Dr. Anthony Fauci says it’s safe, take the damn vaccine. And if fucknuts are screaming it’ll plant a tracking device inside you, then you know it’s safe. Take the damn vaccine. It’s like facemasks and social distancing. The more who do it, the safer all of us will be. Take the damn vaccine.

After the election and Joe Biden’s administration is in charge of distributing the vaccine, I expect Donald Trump to tell you it’s not safe and he’ll retweet Nazis spreading conspiracy theories about it. Then, you will know it’s safe.

Take the damn vaccine.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Sycophant of the Year


cjones12142020

After failing at saving Donald Trump’s presidency by bringing a bogus bullshit lawsuit to the Supreme Court, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is running out of options to pander for that pardon.

Paxton’s lawsuit was ridiculous and it wasn’t even put together very well. It made lame arguments and contained false information that could have been easily checked. Yet, Paxton went ahead with degrading himself and his office in the name of all that is Trump. And 17 other state attorneys general joined his stupid ass…as well as 126 Republicans in the United States House of Representatives.

On Monday, those House Republicans will attempt another stab at stealing an election and defiling democracy. These people aren’t serving their nation. They’re not serving the Constitution. They’re serving a cult. And the worst part is, it’s a stupid cult of personality. I will never understand the public degrading of oneself for someone who’s not at least charming, intelligent, good looking, or even a decent speaker. Donald Trump is not Elvis. You would think they’d follow someone who was at least literate.

So, how upset will these seditious goobers be at Time Magazine for not selecting Donald Trump as Person of the Year? I’ve already heard grumbling and even seen one conservative political cartoon expressing bitterness. Quite frankly, I wasn’t expecting Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to get the honor. In 2020, the year of covid, I thought First Responders had it in the bag.

It is kinda funny that these people who want Trump to be Time’s person of the year, including Donald Trump, don’t read news magazines. Donald Trump has never read an issue of Time, but he has had staffers create fake covers of Time with him on it to hang in his shitty bedbug-infested golf resorts.

As for Ken Paxton, he may be the sycophant of the year, but he has a lot of cultists to compete against. But if he really wants to be assured of that pardon, he may have to change his last name to “Trump.” Don’t put it past him.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Grifty Inauguration


CNN12062020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Once again, I forgot to blog my CNN cartoon. This ran in last week’s newsletter. But, this particular cartoon will remain topical until Joe Biden’s inauguration. You know, it’ll be Joe Biden’s inauguration because he won the election…and Donald Trump lost.

Weeks before the election, I asked a colleague, “What if Trump doesn’t attend the inauguration?” My colleague said, “Who cares?”

And that’s it. Who cares? It doesn’t matter, or at least it shouldn’t, that Trump won’t attend the inauguration and will probably conduct a fundraiser at the exact same time. It shouldn’t matter to the rule of law if Donald Trump never concedes and claims until the end of time he won when he didn’t. It shouldn’t even matter if Donald Trump hasn’t started packing yet.

The only thing that matters is that Donald Trump and Republicans are continuing to incite division, and in a lot of cases to come, violence. Donald Trump tried to invalidate his predecessor and now he’s doing it to his successor.

Donald Trump ran a campaign on hate. His political career started with hate by championing the birther movement, that President Obama was born in Kenya and was ineligible for the presidency. He started his presidential campaign on hate with his “build the wall” bullshit and calling Mexicans “rapists and murderers.” He conducted his entire presidency on hate, defending and retweeting Nazis and throwing brown babies in jail when his policies weren’t killing them. Now, he’ll continue to fundraise on hate…and lies.

Donald Trump lost. That’s the truth. The courts know it. You do too. But Donald Trump will continue to use the lie he won and that he’s the most persecuted person in the history of people to grift.

Creative note: I first drew the crowd without facemasks. And even though this is for CNN, I sometimes shoot these to my two daily proofreaders, Hillary and Laura. And it was Laura who said, “shouldn’t they be wearing facemasks. I could have gotten away with not redrawing every face and letting it fly as is, but it would’ve haunted me. And at that moment early into a Friday evening, I was so glad to be done and could have dinner while watching the Mandalorian. It’s all I wanted to do…but I had to go back and redraw all the faces. And ya’ know, I like the way it turned out much better than the non-facemasks version. All that blue works for me.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Supreme Fail


cjones12132020

They do like to do everything bigger in Texas. With their lawsuit trying to overturn an American election and throw out democracy, Texas got the biggest humiliation from the Supreme Court ever when they got their suit thrown out late yesterday afternoon.

Their lawsuit was the biggest fraud. It was the biggest attempt to subvert American democracy. It was the biggest vote steal attempt in American history. It was the biggest suck-up to a cult leader in history. It was the biggest grab for fascism in our nation’s history. Way to go, Texas. You are the biggest loser…other than Trump, of course.

The lawsuit wasn’t just flawed on legal grounds. It was stupid. Lawyers and legal experts lose lawsuits all the time but here, we have 19 state attorneys general who were wrong to even bring this suit, to support it, to champion it, to even believe in it. Over 120 House Republicans signed onto this. A lot of them are lawyers. They’re lawmakers. How do they explain being so wrong? How do they explain being a part of something so botched and moronic? How do they explain seeking to destroy democracy?

The Orlando Sentinel endorsed Republican Michael Waltz. This week, they retracted their endorsement stating they had no idea, no way of knowing at the time that Waltz would not be “committed to democracy.” They also attacked Waltz and the other Republican House members for joining the Trump lawsuit citing their “cowardly betrayal” and willingness to “undo 231 years of election tradition and norms so their guy, Donald Trump, can have another four years in office.”

They lost an election and they’re trying to overturn it. They’re trying to throw out the legal votes of over 20 million voters. They’re trying to steal an election. They’re trying to turn the presidency into a monarchy. They’re trying to turn our democracy into a fascist state. All of that…is wrong.

This suit was ridiculous. One argument was that no candidate has ever won the presidency without winning Ohio and Florida. That argument is as sound as no NFL team has ever won the Super Bowl with a bird logo on their helmet (that used to be true), so the Eagles, Seahawks, or Atlanta Falcons could never win a Super Bowl. That’s only true for the Falcons. The Trump argument is only a peculiar note for political analysts and political scientists to obsess over. And…it’s not even true. Richard Nixon won the White House while losing Ohio and Florida. You would think these lawyers, especially an attorney general, would fucking look that up before making it part of his lawsuit. You would think an attorney general would understand it’s NOT a legal argument.

Also, just because something’s never happened before doesn’t mean it won’t. Back in 1992, critics told Bill Clinton no one has ever won the presidency after losing the New Hampshire primary. Back in 2016, we also noted this nation has never before elected a racist Oompa-Loompa.

The lawsuit included the claim, “The probability of former Vice President Biden winning the popular vote in the four Defendant States — Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin — independently given President Trump’s early lead in those States as of 3 a.m. on November 4, 2020, is less than one in a quadrillion, or 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000.”

That spread like wildfire on Facebook and even Kayleigh McEnany, who has a history of lying, being wrong, and making stupid statements, repeated it. The fact is, it’s wrong.

The fact is: Donald Trump was never in the lead in those states. While it looked like he had the lead because officials counted same-day ballots and Trump regions first, mail-in and absentee ballots were there the entire time. You should not be surprised when mail-in, absentee, and votes from urban areas are counted last and go to the Democratic candidate. Those people tend to be educated voters. They tend to go Democratic. If you want it explained fully why the argument is wrong, go to Politifact, which does a great job summing it up.

Kayleigh McEnany may as well argue that Joe Biden only had one chance in a bazillion, frillion, schillion, kajillions, fudgezillion, walla-falla-ding-dongzillion, diggity-doggityzillion, Kelly Clarksonzillion.

Donald Trump has made a LOT of dumbass arguments since losing the election. One of my favorites is the “bookies” argument. The what?

A few days ago, Trump tweeted, “At 10 p.m. on Election Evening, we were at 97% win with the so-called ‘bookies.'” What?

This casino-failure doesn’t just think right-wing farty lawyers, Qanon fucknuts, or Vladimir Putin should decide the election. He thinks it should be given to the bookies. And, again he’s wrong.

At 10:00 p.m. on election night, oddsmakers said Trump’s chances of victory were at 74.2%. Oddschecker.com, which I didn’t know was a thing until now, tweeted at Trump, “Seeing as we’re the experts in this, here’s the truth. Just after midnight your odds implied a 69% chance you’d win.”

Was Donald Trump looking at bookie websites on election night?

But let’s take Trump’s argument seriously for a second. Ha. I know. But anyway…based on his reasoning, his victory over Hillary Clinton was a fraud. Oddsmakers, political analysts, so-called experts, and even me, predicted she would win in 2016. Those same people, including me, predicted Joe Biden would win in 2020. Why bother with elections when we can just go with the oddsmakers…or me? In 2024, I predict the winner of the presidential race will be…Kelly Clarkson.

The Electoral College will meet Monday and the 538 electors will choose the next president of the United States. That will be Joe Biden. Expect some Republican shenanigans to occur. On January 6, 2021, each vote is cast in Congress. Each state is called alphabetically and that state’s Certificate of Vote is announced and recorded. When they are finished, the vice-president, Mike Pence, will announce the results and the winner. Watching Pence have to announce that Joe Biden won is going to be a money moment on TV. He’ll probably mumble it or flat-out refuse to say it. Expect Republican shenanigans and bullshit because they’re pretty much out of options at this point…other than just a simple old-fashioned third-world banana-republic military coup.

When you look at the lawsuit, you realize everyone supporting it is too stupid to be in elected office. Unfortunately, there’s a shitload of them remaining as attorneys generals in 18 states and over 100 of them in Congress. Look at Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert, Gym Jordan, Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, or Marco Rubio. We elect a lot of spineless, hypocritical stupid fucks to office.

The good news is: Donald Trump, who is too stupid to hold political office, will not have one after January 20.

That’s because Donald Trump is a loser. If you don’t believe me, ask the Supreme Court.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Republican Babies


cjones12122020

How many more times will I be able to draw Trump Baby before the real Trump Baby leaves the White House…or his coup succeeds and I end up in a North Dakota gulag? Why North Dakota? Because it’s already a gulag.

106 House Republicans have signed onto a brief supporting the stupid and ridiculous lawsuit filed by Texas, demanding the Supreme Court invalidate the votes of over 20 million people and hand the presidency to Donald Trump. That’s more than the half the Republicans in Congress.

When representatives are sworn into Congress, they take an oath promising to protect the Constitution. So, how did we elect so many representatives so eager to break that oath?

When at least 18 state attorneys general across the nation and over 100 House Republicans demand that over 20 million votes be invalidated, that 20 million voters’ Constitutional rights be stripped from them, that 62 electoral votes be taken from one candidate and given to theirs, and that the presidency be given to the losing candidate, you have to ask yourself: Do these Republicans not know the law or do they know the law but just don’t care?

Do these Republicans really love the cult more than democracy? Do they want a theocracy and dictatorship more than a republic? If this election is stolen and reversed, we’ll never have a honest election in this nation ever again. If the United States caves and elections don’t matter, what about the rest of the world? Hopefully, we’ll stop being the example. Republicans are not to be emulated in other nations.

Republicans keep saying Donald Trump has the right to pursue every legal means, but he doesn’t have the right to call Republican governors and threaten them to reverse an election. He doesn’t have the right to call legislators to the White House to pressure them to reverse an election. He doesn’t have the right to call legislators and demand they throw out an election. Donald Trump does not have the right to steal an election. Donald Trump and Republicans don’t have a right to engage in election tampering.

Republicans spent the past four years saying, “Elections have consequences.” What they meant was, only when we win.

Every single Republican who is trying to steal this election should be prosecuted for election tampering. And I’m sure they’ll be fine with that since they claim to the law -and-order party.

Republicans are not the party of law and order. They’re not the party of family values. They’re not the party of patriots or even honest individuals. They’re the party of bullies, racists, sexists, and fascists. The GOP is now officially a cult.

The funny thing is, the way Republicans have propped up the Trump will burn them because none of them will ever be their party’s nominee. For the next 20 years, every GOP nominee will be a Trump. The GOP, the cult of Trump, has made stupid monarchs out of these grifters. Now, they get to live with them for a very long time.

Since Donald Trump is calling every politician he thinks can save his presidency, what I want to know is…how many generals has he called?

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Ugly Christmas Lawyer


cjones12112020

If Green Acres’ Mr. Haney and Grandpa Munster got busy and had a hate baby, it would be Ted Cruz…if it was born in Canada.

Ted Cruz is a disgusting, slimy, skeezy, smarmy, pompous, vile excuse of a human being, but let me tell you how I really feel about him. The man has zero principles, morals, or loyalty. Donald Trump accused his father of murdering JFK and called his wife ugly, yet Ted Cruz is on the Trump train. One thing I don’t get about Texas, the state I was born in, is why they reelected a man who became a groveler to the guy who insulted his father and his wife.

During the 2016 Republican primaries, Ted Cruz called Donald Trump a “sniveling coward,” a “pathological liar,” “utterly amoral,” a “narcissist,” “nuts,” “kooky,” a “big, loud New York bully,” a “serial philanderer,” and a “small and petty man who is intimidated by strong women.” After Donald Trump won the nomination, Ted Cruz said, “I am not in the habit of supporting people who attack my wife and attack my father.” He also said, “If you slander and attack Heidi, I’m not going to nonetheless go like a servile puppy dog and support him.”

And then, Ted Cruz went like a servile puppy dog and supported him. In 2018, he wrote a gushing article for Time Magazine praising Trump and his “achievements.” When Donald Trump was impeached, Ted Cruz was one of Donald Trump’s biggest defenders.

Everything Ted Cruz said about Donald Trump during the 2016 primaries was true. It’s about the only time he’s ever been correct. And during that same period was the only time Donald Trump has ever been correct…when he brandished Cruz as “Lying Ted.” The thing is, both men fit almost every accusation the other has made. Both men are vile creatures without morals or principles.

While ignoring that Donald Trump never had evidence against Hunter Biden engaging in corrupt or illegal dealings in Ukraine, Ted Cruz yelled there was no evidence of Donald Trump committing a crime when he asked Ukraine to give him dirt on his political opponent, Joe Biden. And now, Ted Cruz is arguing that we should invalidate a national election, the will of the people, without having any evidence of any mass voter fraud. None. Zip. Nada.

Trump wanted dirt on Biden because he knew Biden could beat him in the election and limit him to being a one-term president. Joe Biden defeated Donald Trump and limited him to being a one-term president. The amazingly stupid thing is, nine out of ten Republicans don’t realize that.

Joe Biden received 306 electoral votes. You only need 270 to win the presidency. Joe Biden won the election. Now, in a last gasp hail Mary lawsuit, Texas is suing Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan, and Georgia for electing Joe Biden. If that sounds ridiculous, it’s because it is. What else is ridiculous is that Donald Trump wants Ted Cruz to argue the case before the Supreme Court.

The first issue is, it may not even be heard in the Supreme Court. Texas has taken its lawsuit straight to the Supreme Court, but you have to get permission from the court first and show there’s no other place to resolve the issue. This issue has already been resolved in lower courts…as in thrown out multiple times for being utter and complete bullshit.

What Texas is arguing is that the four states violated national and their own election laws and used the coronavirus pandemic as an excuse. Other suits have made the same charges…other suits that have been thrown out of lower courts. This case has been heard and thrown out over 30 times for lack of evidence. To put it another way: Lawyers have only brought complete bullshit to the courts. What’s puzzling is why the top lawyer in Texas thinks this is a case. Even more puzzling, why do the top lawyers in 17 other states think this is a case? Why would all these attorneys general sign on to a case put together so sloppily, the Texas AG didn’t even do the math for it?

The lawsuit wants to throw out and invalidate the votes of 20 million Americans. The lawsuit states that there are 72 electoral votes combined from these four states. But the electoral votes from Georgia, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, and Michigan only amount to 62. Somebody buy Ken Paxton, the Texas AG, a calculator.

There are multiple problems with this case other than bad math, lack of evidence, wrong court, the case has already been tried multiple times, all the lawyers are fucking morons, etc. etc. The biggest problem may be that states conduct their own elections. Texas argues this affects who controls the senate, as Kamala Harris will be the tiebreaker if Georgia sends two Democrats in January, so this affects Texas. But for that matter, since Ted Cruz only beat Beto O’Rourke 50.9 to 48.3 percent in 2018, can’t blue states sue Texas for the way it ran its election? Ted Cruz shut down the government which affected every state. Right? Also, Ted Cruz is icky.

If this lawsuit flies in the Supreme Court, then any state can sue any other state over whom they send to the United States Senate.

Can we sue Kentucky for Mitch McConnell? Can we sue Kentucky because Rand Paul is such an asshole, people can’t stop themselves from physically assaulting him? Can we sue Florida for giving us a senator who looks like Voldemort? Can we sue Florida for giving us an idiot like Marco Rubio? Can we sue Mississippi for giving us a senator who is such a racist, she jokes about lynching? Can we sue Arkansas for Tom Cotton, a senator who tried to subvert U.S. foreign policy during the Obama administration by sending threatening letters to the Iranian government? Can we sue South Carolina for ass-kissing hypocrite Lindsey Graham? If nothing else, we’ll be saving these states from themselves.

Look at it this way: More Americans vote for Democratic candidates for the U.S. Senate than they do for GOP candidates, yet the GOP controls the Senate…and the GOP stole a Supreme Court seat from President Obama, placed another on the Supreme Court accused of attempted rape, and then stole another seat from President Biden. Those justices will be on the highest court in the land for decades. That affects all of us whether you live in dumbass Texas and stupid ass Florida or New York, California, and Virginia where educated people vote. Let’s sue those fuckers.

Another problem with this lawsuit is the Constitution…which Republicans love to use when they call themselves “Constitutionalists.” The Constitution says all the electors from each state must meet on the SAME DAY. This year, that day is December 14. If you’re a Republican, I know you’re bad at math, but that’s four days from now. Also in case you’re a Republican, if it’s Monday in New York, it’s also Monday in Texas. You’re going to invalidate 20 million votes in four states and take 62 (not 72) electoral votes from the winner, Joe Biden, and give them to the loser, Donald Trump, within the next four days? And two of those days are on the weekend.

Each of these states has certified its election results. Guess what. So has Texas. So have all the other 17 states sending briefs in support of Texas. They want all their certifications to stand while decertifying the votes in four other states? That’s hypocrisy…but then again, they are Republicans. Maybe we can sue all these states, all of whom voted for Trump, and challenge their elections. Maybe we should sue to recount the vote in Texas four times. Our argument can be: There is no way there are that many stupid people in Texas.

On top of all this, Ken Paxton, the idiot lawyer bringing this case, is under indictment for security fraud and has been accused of bribery. So of course Donald Trump loves this guy. But this may be more of a press release than an actual lawsuit. Paxton could be angling for a presidential pardon. He’ll be at the White House today and I wonder if it’ll come up. But what’s in it for the other 17 red-state lawyers? To kiss Trump’s ass? To pander to their voters? Or are they all less informed of the law and legal procedures than a political cartoonist?

Now, Trump has joined the lawsuit but we already know he’s an idiot. He’s such an idiot, that the guy he wants to argue this case before the Supreme Court is the same guy he labeled “Lying Ted.”

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw: