Election 2020

The Face That Wrecks The Place


cjones02122021

There’s a lesson to be learned here, kids. Don’t get your lawyers out of vending machines. Also, don’t get them out of Cracker Jack or cereal boxes. Watching Trump’s lawyers in action yesterday, you would think that’s where he got them. But still, out of a Cracker Jack box is still better than out of Trump University.

Donald Trump raised millions for his legal defense. No, he never planned to pay for these lawyers out of his own pocket. During the Mueller investigation, campaign funds paid for his and his trust-fund baby goony kids’ lawyers. Everybody else Trump dragged through the corruption quagmire had to pay for their own lawyers. But if you donated to Trump’s legal defense fund, do you feel you got your moneys worth yesterday? HAHA. Who are we kidding? Those lawyers aren’t going to be paid. Like Rudy, they can charge by the farts and they still won’t get paid.

In fact, lawyers dropped out of the Trump legal defense team over squabbles about getting paid. I didn’t go to college for seven years but I’m educated enough to know that Donald Trump is going to stiff his next lawyer…then his next, then his next, etc. Even the Trump lawyers who defended him in his case against Stormy Daniels got a harder stiffing than she did.

And maybe the lawyers who are defending Trump during his impeachment trial shouldn’t get paid. None of the lawyers from Trump’s first impeachment returned for part two of the Trump leagl shit show. So apparently, Donald Trump went down to a courthouse and found one of those lawyers in a bad suit with ketchup stains bothering people in the lobby, asking, “Do you need a lawyer?” Maybe Trump thought it’d be fine because it worked for Dan Aykroyd in “Dr. Detroit.” And from looking at Bruce Castor’s suit, that’s where he found him…or he was trying to impress the new boss by wearing something from the Trump suit line. Seriously, Trumpers. If you’re not being measured for your suit, you’re going to look like shit. Stop buying off the rack at Walmart. I know this and I’m a T-Shirt and hoodie guy.

But Bruce Castor, in his oversized suit that probably belonged to his father, started his argument praising the impeachment managers, the prosecutors. He admitted that he and his partner, David Schoen, had to change their strategy because the prosecutor’s opening presentation was so good.

The prosecution started by showing a 13-minute video of Trump sending his MAGA mob to the Capitol to stage an insurrection. And the worst thing is, they knew it was coming. This morning, Trump’s legal team objected to the video because it’s detrimental to their case. OK, I got that from the Jim Carrey movie, “Liar Liar,” but that was basically their argument.

Lead House impeachment manager Representative Jamie Raskin argued there is no “January exception.” Raskin pointed out, correctly, “Conduct that would be a high crime or misdemeanor throughout a president’s first few years in office, you can suddenly do in your last few weeks in office without facing any constitutional accountability at all” if Trump’s case is dismissed.

“It’s an invitation to the president to take his best shot at anything he may want to do on his way out the door—including using violent means to lock that door.”

Seriously, it’s just fucking stupid to argue what’s illegal in December is legal in January.

A mob of Donald Trump supporters attacked the U.S. Capitol. Without a doubt, and everyone can agree on this, Donald Trump sent the mob to the Capitol. That mob was not spontaneous. That mob didn’t organize itself. That mob was directed by Donald Trump. He told them to be there on January 6 and that it would be “wild.” Now, Republicans have two arguments.

Argument one: You can’t convict Trump or even hold this trial because it’s unconstitutional. Even Republican lawyers laugh at that one.

Argument two: Donald Trump is not responsible for the violence and insurrection of the MAGA mob despite being the one who sent them and told them they have to “fight or they wouldn’t have a country” because the election was being stolen from them.

If I send a mob to your house and I tell them to just scream on your front yard peacefully, but they bust in and finger-bang your butt, are you gonna get mad at me? Are you going to blame me? Are you going to send me a bill for one of those inflatable donuts? I didn’t do it. I only got them worked up and pointed them in the direction of your butt…I mean house.

For an hour, Trump’s lawyer Castor rambled such a weak defense that even Republican senators reacted to with, “Oh dear God.”

It was terrible. According to sources deep inside Mar-a-Lago (worst porn title EVER), Trump was furious with one person saying, “On a scale of one to 10, with 10 being the angriest, Mr. Trump was an eight.” And anytime Trump’s anger reaches higher on the scale than he can count, it’s bad.

Fortunately for these horrible lawyers, the fix is in. Rigged election? How about a rigged jury? Unfortunately for the jury, it’s harder for them to say they were swayed by a defense that argues the other side presented a better case.

Donald Trump is guilty. The death count from the mob he sent to the United States Capitol to overturn an election and install himself as a dictator now stands at seven. There were multiple injuries. One Capitol Police officer lost three fingers. Another is expected to lose an eye. And let’s not forget Capitol Police Officer Brian Sicknick who the MAGA mob murdered. And Republicans want to let Trump off the hook before the trial even begins?

If a president can send terrorists to attack the United States Capitol, tweet encouragement to the mob during the act where people are murdered, and not be punished for it, then what is an impeachable offense? Even good lawyers wouldn’t be able to make an argument that Trump is innocent and shouldn’t be convicted and barred from ever occupying the Oval Office ever again.

Brian Sicknick gave his life protecting the men who are going to let his murderer go.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Impeach This Chicken


cjones02112021

Of course Donald Trump is not going to testify at his second impeachment trial in the U.S. Senate. Even if his legal team isn’t capable of spelling “perjury,” they know what it is…I think. If Donald Trump testified, he’d spread one conspiracy theory after another, eventually own up to the entire thing, flash the “OK” sign, and give another shout-out to terrorists.

How about this? We get someone to testify who witnessed what Donald Trump was doing in the three hours between the beginning and the end of the terrorist attack on the U.S. Capitol.

Either way, the Senate needs to convict Donald Trump. It’s ridiculous and outrageous not to. The man literally, and I’m using “literally” correctly here, attempted to overturn an election through a bloody coup attempt. People died. These senators who are the jury are also witnesses. They’ll be sitting inside the same chamber that the horn-wearing Qanon Shaman was roaring in. Ted Cruz will be sitting at the same desk that terrorists were pillaging through.

Let’s go back and look at some facts. Let’s go back before the election.

Donald Trump tweeted to his followers to liberate Michigan. His followers stormed that state capitol building with guns. Why? Because Donald Trump told them to. Later, a bunch of his followers plotted to kidnap the female governor of Michigan. Who instigated that? Donald Trump.

Over a year before the election, Donald Trump tried to steal it by having Ukraine investigate his main Democratic opponent, Joe Biden. Donald Trump extorted the president of a foreign country by withholding military aid that was approved by Congress and that he needed to defend his nation with against Russia. “No collusion” turned into “so what?”. “Pay for play” turned into “get over it.” For this, Donald Trump was justly impeached. No Republicans in the House voted for it. Only one Republican in the Senate, Mitt Romney, voted to convict.

Senate Republicans decided Donald Trump could indeed shoot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue and get away with it. With his second impeachment, they’re probably going to say a president can be a fucking traitor, attack his own government, send a mob to kill his vice-president, and install himself as a fascist dictator through a bloody coup. Senate Republicans will argue that on Constitutional grounds, you can’t impeach a former president. On Constitutional grounds, you can’t install yourself as a dictator and steal elections.

And to that Constitutional argument: Donald Trump was impeached BEFORE he left office. The Senate has a Constitutional duty to conduct the trial. Also, we have held senate impeachment trials for former officials. And speaking of Constitutional duties, the Senate was in the middle of one when Donald Trump sent an angry mob to attack it.

Trump spent months before the election claiming it would be unfair and stolen. He spent months after the election claiming it was unfair and stolen. He used lies, conspiracy theories, and farty lawyers. He lost over 60 court cases. He invited GOP state legislatures from states he lost to the White House to entice them to hand him their state election for the presidency. He called election officials in Georgia and threatened them to overturn the election. He told the officials in Georgia to find and give him votes that didn’t exist. He should be convicted for this.

On January 6, the day Congress was certifying the vote, Trump held a rally down the street from the U.S. Capitol. He told his crowd to fight or they “wouldn’t have a country.” He used the word “fight” multiple times. Rudy told them it was “trial by combat.” Congressman Mo Brooks said it was time to “take names and kick ass.” Donald Trump Jr. said, “If you’re going to be the zero and not the hero, then we’re coming for you and we’re going to have a good time doing it.”

Trump’s defenders say he told his crowd to go to the Capitol peacefully, but he also said he’d be “right there” with them, and that wasn’t true either.

Donald Trump’s legal team can’t say Donald Trump did not send the crowd to the Capitol to overturn an election. They can’t defend that he tried to stay in power illegally. They can’t defend he staged an insurrection. Trump’s legal team has 16 hours to make their case. This is like a band playing a three hour set that only knows “Freebird.” What do they do for those three hours? For three hours, they play “Freebird.” For 16 hours, we’re going to hear it’s “unconstitutional” and comparisons to Black Lives Matter and Antifa.

I didn’t see any Antifa or Black Lives Matter flags during that riot. Antifa and Black Lives Matter didn’t kill the cop. Antifa and Black Lives Matter didn’t break windows and loot the U.S. Capitol. Antifa and Black Lives Matter didn’t stage an insurrection. Antifa and Black Lives Matter did not go inside the United States Capitol and shit and piss on the floors. That was all MAGA. People shit on the floors in the United States Capitol in the name of Donald Trump. Can you imagine if I was one of the prosecutors?

During the attack, the mob was chanting Trump’s name. They chanted to hang Mike Pence. Several brought nooses. They started chanting to hang Pence right after Trump tweeted an attack on Mike Pence.

For three hours, the terrorists attacked the Capitol. For three hours, Donald Trump did nothing. There are sources who say he was partying to the scene he was watching on TV. He was getting off on the mob. He was getting off that they were attacking the United States of America in his name. He was getting off that they were chanting to save the Constitution while attacking Congress in the middle of performing its Constitutional duty.

After about three hours, Donald Trump was finally convinced it was looking bad and he needed to send out a statement. He sent one out saying he “loved them,” they were “very special,” and to “go home.” Then, the terrorists went home.

It’s been reported that during those three hours, Donald Trump obstructed the National Guard from being sent to defend the Capitol. We need witnesses to say whether that’s true or not.

After the attack and arrests were finally being made, Donald Trump showed his true colors and turned on his supporters. He said they didn’t represent him. They returned the favor and now their defenses center on the argument that Trump told them to do it. There are multiple videos of these terrorists during the attack saying Trump told them to do it.

Several people died during the attack. A terrorist was shot. A Capitol Police officer was murdered by the terrorists. Another person was trampled.

Before the attack, over 150 House Republicans voted against certifying the election. Republicans in the Senate like Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley were giving inspirational speeches to the mob. Josh Hawley saw them outside and gave them a triumphant raising of his fist. During the attack, the new Republican senator from Alabama and noted idiot Tommy Tuberville was taking phone calls from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani…while he was hiding from the mob. During the terrorist attack he ordered, Trump was calling a senator to discuss strategy on how to capitalize on the attack and steal the election.

Several of these senators voting on Trump’s fate are complicit with Trump. Several of them encouraged the attack. Now, they’ve voting on whether Donald Trump should be convicted when they should also be convicted.

France sent Napoleon to live out the rest of his days on an island. They stuck him in the middle of the ocean so he couldn’t hurt their nation ever again. He was barred from ever serving again. We don’t need to send Donald Trump to an island. We just need to impeach him, ban him from every serving again, and maybe send his orange ass to wear an orange jumpsuit.

If we can’t convict a terrorist president, then the Senate is saying a president can break any law he wants and even commit sedition.

The United States Senate needs to convict this chicken.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Runny Drippy Lawsuits


cjones02102021

Rudy Giuliani has an afternoon show on New York’s Talk Radio WABC. Rudy is upset because he just discovered the station is running a disclaimer before his show saying, “Warning: The program you are about to hear is chock full of bullshit, a nonsensical litany of lies, disproven conspiracy theories, and the kind of crazy old man talk that would make you assume it’s being broadcast from a padded cell in a mental institution.”

It doesn’t say that, but it should. What it does say is, “Girl, we are not responsible for the bullshit you’re to hear so don’t sue us…sue Rudy.” OK, it doesn’t say that either…but it should.

Seriously this time, what it truly says is, and I’m being honest…”The farts you’re about to hear do not represent WABC or its affiliates.” I’m sorry.

What it does say is, ” the views, assumptions and opinions expressed by Mr Giuliani and his guests are strictly their own and do not necessarily represent that of the station or its advertisers.” I think they should use the first version I wrote.

And then the show starts with, “Coming live from the parking lot of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping and next to Dildo-a-Rama, It’s the Rudy Giuliani Show!”

Rudy can get upset all he wants, and he said, “I mean, we’re in America, we’re not in East Germany.” because back when there was an East German puppet state of the Soviet Union, farty former mayors had radio talk shows.

Rudy spent considerable time on the show talking about the disclaimer he just learned about. The station slapped it on there without telling him which is also hilarious. His very first caller asked, if he feels “guilty about spreading a lot of unproven conspiracy theories to folks who may not have the ability or the critical thinking skills to look through” his bullshit. Yes, Rudy’s listeners, the Trump cult, don’t have critical thinking skills. But then again, neither does Rudy.

The station is correct to slap a disclaimer on his show. If they were really smart, they’d cancel his like Fox News canceled Lou Dobbs. Smartmatic, a company that created software for Dominion, the company that makes voting machines, named Rudy as part of its $2.7 billion libel lawsuit against Fox News. He’s also being sued by Dominion, along with fellow bullshitter Sidney Powell, for $1.3 billion.

The Smartmatic suit states, “Mr. Giuliani and Ms. Powell needed a platform to use to spread their story. They found a willing partner in Fox News.” Rudy replied, “The Smartmatic lawsuit presents another golden opportunity for discovery. I look forward to litigating with them.”

Unfortunately for Rudy, Sidney, and Fox News, everything they said is on tape because, you know, it was on TV. Rudy has gone on TV before and denied saying something he just said. Forget Donald Trump testifying in his own defense, Rudy’s lawyers better lock him in basement. I mean, the guy started his radio show by pointing out that he can’t be trusted for honesty or facts.

The opening of the Smartmatic lawsuit has been called the greatest opening line in the history of lawsuits. It reads, “The Earth is round. Two plus two equals four. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won the 2020 election for President and Vice President of the United States. The election was not stolen, rigged, or fixed. These are facts.”

They went on to say, “Without any true villain, Defendants invented one. In their story, Smartmatic was a Venezuelan company under the control of corrupt dictators from socialist countries.” How are Rudy, Sidney, and Fox going to defend against that? It was just entertainment? Rudy can’t fart his way out of this one. And just like his hair dye, Rudy has left a trail for the plaintiffs to follow.

More lawsuits are coming. The big question is, will they go after Donald Trump for the big lie?

Also, will Just For Men sue a cartoonist?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Holiday who-be what-ee?


cjones12242020

The electoral college has voted and Joe Biden is the president-elect. Every state (in case you’re a Republican all 50 of them) and the District of Columbia have certified their votes and Joe Biden is the president-elect. Nearly 80 million people voted for Joe Biden and he is the president-elect. Donald Trump received nearly 7 million fewer votes than Joe Biden, and Joe Biden is the president-elect. Five states that went for Donald Trump in 2016 swung over to Joe Biden, and now Joe Biden the president-elect. Joe Biden received 306 electoral votes to Donald Trump’s 232, and now Joe Biden is the president-elect. Donald Trump has lost court case after court case, including two in the Supreme Court, and Joe Biden is the president-elect. Donald Trump lost the election and now Joe Biden is the president-elect.

Joe Biden is the president-elect. So, why are Republicans still strategizing to “win” the election? They’re not. They’re strategizing to steal it.

The day after disgraced general and pardoned Trump goon Michael Flynn talked about stealing the election by using the military to enact martial law in the swing states, and re-doing the election in those states, he was in the Oval Office. The new normal is: Nobody asks why a guy was invited to the White House to confab with the president (sic) of the United States a day after talking about insurrection, sedition, and declaring martial law to stage a military coup. The free press better start talking about it while there still is a free press.

This administration was embarrassed by Trump lawyer and conspiracy nutjob Sidney Powell and distanced themselves from her and her insane conspiracy theories, yet invited her back to the Oval Office. In fact, Donald Trump wants to appoint her as a special counsel to conduct an investigation into the election. The message is; Don’t listen to her because she’s insane…but let’s see what she can dig up in an official capacity with a security clearance. Donald Trump can’t appoint a special counsel but then again, he’s done a lot of stuff an American president isn’t supposed to be able to do. Maybe he can appoint a pretend special counsel while he’s playing pretend president at Mar-a-Lago in late January.

The GOP will allow Donald Trump to break any law he wants. Not one House Republican voted for impeachment. Only one Republican senator voted for impeachment while the rest voted to acquit. Donald Trump broke the law and the Republican Party defended him. When he broke the law by holding a political convention on the south lawn of the White House, Republicans didn’t speak against it. No, they went to the party. Now, the Republican Party is supporting Donald Trump’s coup attempt.

Every single Republicans who has supported Donald Trump’s coup has committed sedition and should be removed from office. We need people in Congress who support democracy, not conspire to overthrow it.

Donald Trump has been removing Pentagon officials. Why? After overseeing the electoral count and declaring the winner in the Senate, Mike Pence is immediately leaving the country. Why? William Barr is stepping down as attorney general with just a month left before he has to leave. Why? What will the new AG do for Trump?

We need to watch every single move and statement from Donald Trump. These are not normal times and he hasn’t given up on stealing the election. We should be outraged that a criminal like Michael Flynn calling for sedition is making strategy in the Oval Office.

During World War II, Dr. Seuss drew political cartoons for PM, a liberal newspaper in New York City. He did that for two years before joining the Army in 1943 where Captain Seuss (actually, Captain Geisel) was commander of the Animation Department of the First Motion Picture United of the United States Air Forces where he created propaganda for the military. He was anti-racist (despite drawing racist cartoons about Japanese) and he was anti-fascist.

There are always political cartoons using characters from Dr. Seuss, but I think they work best when they have the same agenda as the original work. Like Theodor Geisel, I am anti-fascist. This cartoon is anti-fascist. It’s anti-Trump.

Donald Trump is a fascist.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Attacking America


cjones12222020

There is concern during every presidential transition that our enemies may take advantage or test us. The objectives may be to advance an agenda against us while no one is paying much attention, to test the incoming administration to see how much they can get away with, or an excellent opportunity to grab some shit, like intel in a data hack…or Ukraine.

All our intelligence agencies agree Russia is the culprit behind a huge hack into American government and industry. Experts say this is the greatest cybersecurity breach in our nation’s history and yet, our government didn’t catch it. It was caught by a private firm when their system was hacked. To understand the extent of the attack, government agencies aren’t approaching our national security establishment, but instead, they’re going to Microsoft.

Microsoft is the same company that couldn’t get my address correct, so instead of delivering my $2,000 Surface Pro to me (under warranty), they dropped it off on the doorstep of a stabby-looking guy with a face tattoo. Good luck working with Microsoft.

This has been an excellent time for Russia to attack our infrastructure and computer system. Usually during transitions, all the experts are polishing up their resumes…in the case of Trump appointees, adding a lot of bullshit. So they’re preoccupied on their upcoming unemployment and won’t pay much attention to a cyber attack. Attack on our cybersecurity? Whatever. Is the ability to use chop sticks a job skill?

But in addition to Trump appointees not doing much about the Russia hack, the president (sic) only got around to mentioning it yesterday…naturally, in a tweet.

Since the election, Donald Trump hasn’t talked about anything except the election. He’s only left the White House to play golf and conduct one hate rally in Georgia. We’re losing about 3,000 people a day to the coronavirus and he hasn’t said anything about that. The only thing he’s said about the vaccine is that he doesn’t want Joe Biden to get credit for it (from the guy who took credit for Obama’s economy). And, he’s atually messing up the distribution of the vaccine. But when it comes to Russia, Trump has always deflected.

Trump mocks people concerned about Russia and treats them like Jan Brady and says, “Russia, Russia, Russia.” Donald Trump ignored their meddling in the 2016 election. He voluntarily gave them national security secrets in the Oval Office. He’s had aides destroy notes taken during his one-on-one meetings with Putin. He adopted Putin’s bullshit reasoning for Russia’s invasion of Afghanistan in 1979, claiming it was to stop terrorism. He took Vladimir Putin’s word over American national security agencies over Russia’s meddling. He ignored reports that Putin was paying bounties for dead U.S. soldiers.

So after a week of reports that Putin is hacking into our security system, what did Trump have to say about it? He tweeted that everything is “under control.” The media is “exaggerating it.” He said, “Russia, Russia, Russia.” He blamed China and said the real concern was if they hacked into the Dominion voting machines.

So basically, the United States is being attacked and Donald Trump is using it for more conspiracy theories about the election?

Of course Donald Trump isn’t going to defend America. As we’ve seen over the past four years, Donald Trump only cares about Donald Trump. How can anyone expect Donald Trump to defend America from Russia when he’s attacking America? Look what he’s done to the post office and our election. Donald Trump is helping Putin destroy the United States.

Donald Trump doesn’t defend America. He defends himself, convicts, pedophiles, and Putin.

Over the past week, convicted felon and Trump-pardoned goon General Michael Flynn floated the idea of enacting martial law and using the military to overturn the election. Here’s my conspiracy theory: Flynn is floating this idea because it came from the White House.

Lawyer Sidney Powell was on Rudy Giuliani’s legal team losing court case after case. She floated several ridiculous conspiracy theories to the point that she was removed from the legal team and the Trump Campaign lied and said they never had any association with her…despite her speaking and standing next to Rudy at his idiotic press conferences. Fortunately for Sidney, she was removed from Rudy’s side before the farts came.

It was her lie that the deceased Hugo Chavez and Venezuela corrupted Dominion voting machines that had her removed from the Trump team. So…since she was removed, why was she in an Oval Office meeting Friday? Sidney Powell being in the White House is almost as surprising as Georgia governor Brian Kemp being there for a Christmas party after Trump called for him to be imprisoned. Hope Kemp got to ask Santa for a spine.

Sidney Powell was never removed from the Trump legal team. She was just pushed aside out of the view of cameras. Like Flynn, she’s floating ideas before Trump endorses them. According to reports, Donald Trump is giving up on the Justice Department appointing a special counsel to investigate election fraud that didn’t happen…in favor of appointing his own special counsel from the White House. That’s not even a thing.

Donald Trump has no authority to appoint a special counsel…just like he doesn’t have authority to enact martial law to overturn an election, or to use the military in martial law. What Donald Trump does have the authority to do is grant a security clearance to any unqualified fucknut he deems necessary to help him act out his corruption, like Jared and Ivanka. Now, he wants to give a security clearance to Sidney Powell and appoint her as the special counsel to investigate the election. Maybe when she’s done, she can help OJ find the real killers.

The election has been called. Every state has certified the results. There was no mass voter fraud. We had an election upon the Constitution’s legal guidelines. We had the states certify per the Constitution’s guidelines. We had the electoral college meet per the Constitution’s guidelines. Joe Biden is the president-elect and will be president on January 20, 2021. The military can’t be used to enact martial law to overturn and rerun an election, which is un-Constitutional and illegal. It’s un-American. It’s un-democratic. There is no other way to describe it other than as a coup. Donald Trump is attacking America.

Donald Trump, Sidney Powell, Rudy Giuliani, and all those other fucking Republicans supporting his election fraud scam are conducting sedition and trying to turn this nation into a fascist state.

And even though the military has spoken out against being used in martial law, how do we know those generals won’t be removed and replaced by the likes of Michael Flynn? How do we know Donald Trump isn’t talking about that?

Protect us from Russia? Yes, we need to be protected from Russia but we also need to be protected from Donald Trump and the Republican Party.

Quite frankly, I won’t breathe easy until after January 20, 2021, when Joe Biden is in the Oval Office and Trump is toilet-tweeting from Mar-a-Lago.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Yippe Ki Yay


CNN12132020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

I forgot about posting this again, so here goes.

States that are still oppressing votes of their black citizens shouldn’t start questioning how other states conduct elections. Texas needs to stay in their wheelhouse.

If Texas wants to tell us how to do Tex-Mex food, fine. If they want to teach us about underachieving football teams, they got that covered. If you need solid information on big hats, talk to Texas. If you want expert advice on how to destroy every environmental regulation, go to Texas. If they want to teach a course on electing the creepiest ugly fucker ever to the United States Senate, they’re experts on the subject.

But how to run an election? I don’t want Texas talking to me. I want to talk to Texas. I want to tell them to drink a tall glass of shut the hell up because when it comes to free and fair elections, Texas is all hat and no cattle. I’d rather get election advice from the cattle than from Texas. When it comes to running elections, Texas is full of bullshit.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Putin’s Cue


cjones12172020

How bad is it that the Senate Majority Leader is behind the authoritarian leader of Russia in recognizing a democratically-elected president of the United States of America?

I understand Mitch McConnell has to appease a man-child and his followers, but he’s the leader of the Senate. He should be setting an example of how we do things in a democracy. We don’t allow our politicians, courts, or lawyers to elect our presidents…unless there’s a tie…or Florida fucked things up. OK, we hardly ever allow politicians, courts, and lawyers to elect our leaders. We normally allow voters, the citizens of this nation to do that.

When Trump defeated Clinton, he claimed his margin of victory was a landslide and unlike any this nation had seen in a very long time, despite the fact President Obama received more electoral votes than Trump in both of his presidential elections. You know, when Obama was elected twice, to a second term, not being a one-term loser. Anyway, Trump received 306 electoral votes to Hillary Clinton’s 232.

Do you know what didn’t happen when Donald Trump beat Hillary Clinton 306 to 232? Hillary Clinton did NOT create conspiracy theories. She did NOT refuse to concede. She did NOT refuse to admit she lost. She did NOT pursue lawsuit after lawsuit. She did NOT challenge the election in multiple states or any state. She did NOT claim there was massive voter fraud. President Obama did NOT refuse to host the president-elect (sic) at the White House. President Obama did NOT refuse to allow a transition for several weeks. Democrats did NOT refuse to congratulate or recognize the president-elect (sic). Nobody hid in a bunker and mean-tweeted other politicians for doing the right thing.

Joe Biden defeated Donald Trump 306 to 232, the same outcome in the Trump/Clinton race. In doing so, he flipped FIVE states that went for Trump in 2016. He also won the popular vote which Donald Trump did not win in 2016.

There is no question, no doubt, no uncertainty, no pause, no mystery that Joe Biden won the election, that he is the president-elect, Kamala Harris is the vice-president-elect, and Jill Biden is DR. Jill Biden. There was no massive voter fraud, boats full of ballots, votes being switched from Trump to Biden, or voting machines designed by Hugo Chavez. And all those affidavits are third and fourth hand accounts, as in, “I heard someone say that someone else said that someone somewhere saw something fishy.” That’s what Rudy’s been taking to court as evidence.

Mitch McConnell hates being called “Moscow Mitch.” Oddly enough, he’s OK with “Cocaine Mitch.” But now, he’s less American than Vladimir Putin. He was behind Putin in recognizing that our democratic system works. Mitch is less concerned about appearing un-American and more concerned about pissing off Donald Trump, and having him ruin the two Senate elections in Georgia with a mean tweet, thus making Moscow Mitch, Minority Leader Mitch.

I actually like the sound of that. It’s almost as nice as “Former President (sic) Donald Trump.” To make things easier, let’s just call him “Loser Trump.”

Loser Trump has been mean-tweeting the governor of Georgia since the election. Today, he retweeted a call for his arrest. Will he want Moscow Mitch arrested for referring to Joe Biden as “Mr. President-Elect?’ God, I hope so. Bring on the mean tweets!

As for the rest of the GOP Senate, the House, and other assorted Republicans and fucknuts, follow Putin’s cue. Recognize Joe Biden. Don’t do it for Biden. Do it for the voters because by denying the results of our election is an insult to them and America.

And if you keep denying facts, I think you need to see a doctor of education. I know of one.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (17 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trumplican Brains


cjones12152020

Which is worse? A zombie apocalypse or a Trump apocalypse? What if 70 million of us turned into zombies but the rest of us, the smart ones, were OK? That’s kinda what we have now except they’re not biting us…yet.

Over the weekend, there were several protests against democracy in cities as pro-Trump goons took to the streets in a national display of bellyaching and whining. That’s what these protests are, against democracy. The fact is, Joe Biden won the election. What these protesters want is overturn an election and give the office to the loser. Just in case you are a Republican, that’s NOT how democracy works. And while pro-Trump goons may not be biting us, violence broke out in several cities during these “protests.” Michigan’s capitol building is closed today because of pro-Trump goons. There have been a lot of problems with Trump goons in Michigan…where Biden won.

And, if you think Donald Trump won the election, you’re either stupid or just so dishonest that you would rather rely on fucknut sources, like Donald Trump, Qanon or shit you read on Parler, than actual news sources. Either way, you’re failing. The information is out there but you’re refusing to absorb it…which is a fault shared by many Republicans who hold elected office.

Republicans aren’t just stupid. They’re fucknuttery stupid. Don’t be like them. You may think, I’m good. I know Biden won…but I’m afraid of the coronavirus vaccine. Don’t be and don’t veer off into Conspiracy Crazy Land.

I think it’s fair to question the effectiveness and safety of the vaccine. It’s fair to point out that it was rushed and developed in a much shorter time than other vaccines, like the flu, which took about a decade to develop. There have been questions as to why the flu vaccine has about a 50% effectiveness when it’s been around since the 1940s, but testing is showing the vaccine to the coronavirus has about 95% efficacy.

First off, the flu keeps changing so the vaccine is also changed. What they’re shooting in arms today isn’t the same stuff they were using in 1945. Second, there is a 95% efficacy rate for the coronavirus vaccine, but that does not mean only 5 out of 100 who take it will catch the virus…or the vaccine won’t work on them.

Don’t be confused by “effectiveness” and “efficacy.” When you hear someone say the flu only has a 50% effectiveness rate, that’s not the same as “efficacy.” The difference is, “efficacy” is just a measurement made during a clinical trial. “Effectiveness” is how well the vaccine works out in the real world. We don’t know the effectiveness rate for the coronavirus vaccine. So, when people are questioning it, they don’t have the results to question yet.

How the coronavirus vaccine works depends on a lot of factors. One being on how many people take the vaccine. While Republicans talk about “herd immunity” by 70% of the population catching the virus with a lot of us dying from it, the best way to achieve herd immunity is if 70% of the population takes the vaccine. While the entire population won’t take it, hopefully enough do to cease the spread of the virus and eventually stop it. That’s the hope.

It’s reasonable to be cautious and to seek out all the information you can get about the vaccine. Do that. Don’t just take my word for it. Don’t trust my reporting on science. I’m just a cartoonist and I did poorly at science in high school. Read! But, don’t be a fucknut like Ben Garrison. Who?

Ben Garrison is a racist, anti-Semitic conspiracy-believing lunatic who is a propagandist masquerading as a political cartoonist. The guy was invited to Trump’s White House for a bullshit summit on the media, which was a racist wet dream come true for Garrison. Then…his world came crashing down as the White House, racist Donald Trump’s White House where Stephen Miller works and that once employed Steve Bannon and Sebastian Gorka, disinvited him because of his anti-Semitism. Then, he sued the Anti-Defamation League for labeling one of his cartoons anti-Semitic (no word on how that’s working out yet). And his defense that he’s not anti-Semitic is his claim that…wait for it…Jews are taking over the world. Last week, he did a cartoon with an Asian where he used the term, “Me love you long time.” Him racist long time. But he also drew a cartoon where among the 2,000 labels in it (he uses a lot of labels because he sucks), he claimed the vaccine to the coronavirus will give you cancer, sterilize you, give your kids autism, kill you, make you gay, and plant a tracking device inside of you.

OK. I made up the part about making you gay. If it turns you gay, you’ll be fine. If it turns you into a Trumper, I’m so sorry.

But seriously, this is insanity…and Garrison has over 230,000 followers on Twitter who are just as insane (to be fair, a lot of those followers may be people laughing at him for the wrong reasons). I have a little over 9,000 and I’m a real boy….I mean cartoonist. You can have concerns about the virus while not believing it’ll plant a chip inside you. The most absurd thing is, these people believing in the tracking device probably all have cell phones which do track you. Or at the very least, they’re complaining about tracking devices on social media. If you’re on Twitter, you made tracking easy.

There is a chance the vaccine will hurt you. You may have an adverse reaction if you have an allergy. It may make you sick. It may kill you. Those odds are very low and are about the same as any other vaccination. Do you know what has higher odds of killing you than the vaccine to the coronavirus? The coronavirus.

I may have the antibodies in me already, but I don’t know how long they will last. Science doesn’t know how long they’ll last. I will take the vaccine if it comes my way…which will probably be a while.

There is another way of knowing the vaccine is safe. If Dr. Anthony Fauci says it’s safe, take the damn vaccine. And if fucknuts are screaming it’ll plant a tracking device inside you, then you know it’s safe. Take the damn vaccine. It’s like facemasks and social distancing. The more who do it, the safer all of us will be. Take the damn vaccine.

After the election and Joe Biden’s administration is in charge of distributing the vaccine, I expect Donald Trump to tell you it’s not safe and he’ll retweet Nazis spreading conspiracy theories about it. Then, you will know it’s safe.

Take the damn vaccine.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Sycophant of the Year


cjones12142020

After failing at saving Donald Trump’s presidency by bringing a bogus bullshit lawsuit to the Supreme Court, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is running out of options to pander for that pardon.

Paxton’s lawsuit was ridiculous and it wasn’t even put together very well. It made lame arguments and contained false information that could have been easily checked. Yet, Paxton went ahead with degrading himself and his office in the name of all that is Trump. And 17 other state attorneys general joined his stupid ass…as well as 126 Republicans in the United States House of Representatives.

On Monday, those House Republicans will attempt another stab at stealing an election and defiling democracy. These people aren’t serving their nation. They’re not serving the Constitution. They’re serving a cult. And the worst part is, it’s a stupid cult of personality. I will never understand the public degrading of oneself for someone who’s not at least charming, intelligent, good looking, or even a decent speaker. Donald Trump is not Elvis. You would think they’d follow someone who was at least literate.

So, how upset will these seditious goobers be at Time Magazine for not selecting Donald Trump as Person of the Year? I’ve already heard grumbling and even seen one conservative political cartoon expressing bitterness. Quite frankly, I wasn’t expecting Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to get the honor. In 2020, the year of covid, I thought First Responders had it in the bag.

It is kinda funny that these people who want Trump to be Time’s person of the year, including Donald Trump, don’t read news magazines. Donald Trump has never read an issue of Time, but he has had staffers create fake covers of Time with him on it to hang in his shitty bedbug-infested golf resorts.

As for Ken Paxton, he may be the sycophant of the year, but he has a lot of cultists to compete against. But if he really wants to be assured of that pardon, he may have to change his last name to “Trump.” Don’t put it past him.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Grifty Inauguration


CNN12062020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Once again, I forgot to blog my CNN cartoon. This ran in last week’s newsletter. But, this particular cartoon will remain topical until Joe Biden’s inauguration. You know, it’ll be Joe Biden’s inauguration because he won the election…and Donald Trump lost.

Weeks before the election, I asked a colleague, “What if Trump doesn’t attend the inauguration?” My colleague said, “Who cares?”

And that’s it. Who cares? It doesn’t matter, or at least it shouldn’t, that Trump won’t attend the inauguration and will probably conduct a fundraiser at the exact same time. It shouldn’t matter to the rule of law if Donald Trump never concedes and claims until the end of time he won when he didn’t. It shouldn’t even matter if Donald Trump hasn’t started packing yet.

The only thing that matters is that Donald Trump and Republicans are continuing to incite division, and in a lot of cases to come, violence. Donald Trump tried to invalidate his predecessor and now he’s doing it to his successor.

Donald Trump ran a campaign on hate. His political career started with hate by championing the birther movement, that President Obama was born in Kenya and was ineligible for the presidency. He started his presidential campaign on hate with his “build the wall” bullshit and calling Mexicans “rapists and murderers.” He conducted his entire presidency on hate, defending and retweeting Nazis and throwing brown babies in jail when his policies weren’t killing them. Now, he’ll continue to fundraise on hate…and lies.

Donald Trump lost. That’s the truth. The courts know it. You do too. But Donald Trump will continue to use the lie he won and that he’s the most persecuted person in the history of people to grift.

Creative note: I first drew the crowd without facemasks. And even though this is for CNN, I sometimes shoot these to my two daily proofreaders, Hillary and Laura. And it was Laura who said, “shouldn’t they be wearing facemasks. I could have gotten away with not redrawing every face and letting it fly as is, but it would’ve haunted me. And at that moment early into a Friday evening, I was so glad to be done and could have dinner while watching the Mandalorian. It’s all I wanted to do…but I had to go back and redraw all the faces. And ya’ know, I like the way it turned out much better than the non-facemasks version. All that blue works for me.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw: