Election 2020

Why, Covid, Why?


cjones08072020

In the midst of a pandemic, it seems the safest and surest way of voting would be by mail. Naturally, the idea of as many Americans as possible exercising their Constitutional right to vote for their chosen candidate scares the hell out of Republicans. Why? Because Republicans do better with fewer people voting. Republicans do better when they disenfranchise people from voting.

More people vote for Democrats than for Republicans in this country. That’s a fact. The only way Republicans control the Senate is because there are two Senators for each state. There are 42 states in this country that has a smaller population than Los Angeles County alone. So, a state like Wyoming, which only has around 580,000 people has just as much representation in the United States Senate as California, a state with a population approaching 40 million. One of the mantras of the American Revolution was, “No taxation without representation.” What about under-representation?

The 22 smallest U.S. states would have to be added together to match California’s population. So basically, there are 38 million Americans with 44 Senators and there is another 38 million with only 2. So our Senate system is unfair. Why should Californians be punished and under-represented? This is the same argument with the electoral college. Republicans believe acres of dirt should have more representation than people in blue states.

It’s just as bad with Congress. While you can’t gerrymander a state, you can with districts. Both parties have played the game of gerrymandering by redrawing district lines when their party controls their state legislature. But Republicans are much worse, or perhaps much better at it. In 2018, Democrats picked up 38 seats in Congress by winning 53% of the vote nationally in Congressional races. In 1994, during that huge wave of Republicans riding on Newt Gingrich’s Contract With America bullshit, the GOP picked up 54 seats in Congress by winning 51% of the vote.

Do you see what I see? Do you see the fact? Democrats needed a bigger margin of votes to win Congress in 2018…and they still got fewer seats than the GOP did when they took over Congress in 94. Republicans got more with less. How? Cheating!

Why do Democrats need more people to vote to beat Republicans, and still get less when they win? Because Republicans cheat. They gerrymander. They disenfranchise voters. They restrict who can vote. They remove people from voting rolls (Blacks, Hispanics, Native Americans, college students, etc). They remove voting precincts in minority neighborhoods. And, they ask foreign nations for help.

Worst of all, Donald Trump is president (sic) despite losing the popular vote. Despite that, Trump supporters love to say he’s the choice of the American people. He wasn’t then and he won’t be in 2020.

And still, Republicans make shit up about voter fraud. The idea here is when Donald Trump loses, there will be doubt among his supporters. There are still idiots for Trump who believe over 3 million non-citizens voted in 2016. They don’t have any proof but then again, they also believe Obama is a Kenyan who wiretapped Trump Tower.

Donald Trump claimed that there were over 3 million illegal voters in 2016. He created an election commission that disbanded after it couldn’t’ find any voter fraud. When Democrat Doug Jones won Jeff Sessions’ former Senate seat in Alabama, Republicans claimed black people were bussed in from Mississippi to vote. Donald Trump even argued that IDs should be required to vote because you need them to buy cereal, probably because one time, Eric was told Trix are for kids.

And now, there are cries about voter fraud with mail-in voting. It doesn’t exist. Donald Trump says absentee voting is fine, but mail-in voting isn’t. He’s fine with absentee voting because that’s how he votes. The thing is, absentee and mail-in voting are the same things.

And now, Donald Trump is suing to stop Nevada from mail-in voting while saying it’s OK if Florida does it. His argument for why it’s OK for Florida but not Nevada? Because Republicans control Florida. This is not a theory or speculation. He said it outright. And since Republicans control Florida, especially a Republican Trump sycophant who would rather watch his people die than risk provoking an angry Trump tweet, they can steal the election for Donald Trump.

Do you remember the hanging chad thing in the 2000 election? Who won Florida that year? The Supreme Court told the state to stop counting after the Republicans there, installed by George W. Bush’s brother, gave him the election. Al Gore won Florida but they gave it to Bush.

Whether it’s mail-in voting or in person, the Republicans are going to try to steal the election. It’s what they do. Why? Because they’re Republicans. They were cheating before Trump came along, but now with Trump, it’s much more brazen and stupid. They don’t hide it well.

Donald Trump literally said he’s OK with mail-in voting in Florida because his corrupt party controls the state.

This time it’s, “DeSantis, if you’re listening.” He’s listening.

Democrats need more to win honestly than Republicans need to win by cheating. The turnout for 2020 needs to be as high as possible. It’s why Trump is fighting to stop mail-in voting, except in Florida, which has a long history of corruption.

While Donald Trump can’t find any evidence of voter fraud, we have plenty of evidence of Republican fraud.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Biden’s Pick


CNN08022020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

The funniest thing about this cartoon is that a few people who left comments about it on social media took it seriously. They were like, “No, we can’t trust her. She’s a Trump.” and, “I would prefer so and so blah blah blah.”

People. It’s a cartoon. I’m not advocating for Joe Biden to pick Mary Trump. In fact, she’s not even a candidate among his prospects.

It’s a cartoon. Sometimes, I want to virtually slap people on the back of their heads.

OK, who do you want to see Joe pick?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

 

Suburban Dreams


cjones08032020

Once again, Donald Trump is telling his base he’s a racist while unconvincingly telling the rest of us he’s not. But, when someone like Donald Trump tells you who he is, believe him.

Last night, South Carolina Representative James Clyburn told Chris Cuomo on CNN that he couldn’t determine if Donald Trump hates people who look like him, but he knows Donald Trump doesn’t respect people who look like him. As Clyburn explained, you can hate someone you perceive is above you or on your level, but you disrespect those you deem beneath you.

Clyburn’s theory is a good one because Donald Trump has demonstrated he only respects himself and people like Vladimir Putin. In fact, he’s deathly afraid of Vladimir Putin. But the disrespect theory lines up with explaining why Trump hires black people and at least pretends one or two of them are his friends. When someone like Herman Cain puts his life on the line to cater to Donald Trump’s politicization of the coronavirus, that’s not something to respect. People don’t respect people who kiss their ass, even if it kills the asskissers.

The black friend defense for Donald Trump, and pointing out he put Ben Carson in his cabinet, fizzles when you point out Strom Thurmond slept with back women. Hiring Ben Carson doesn’t mean Donald Trump respects him. Donald Trump could be fucking Ben Carson and still not have any respect for him.

But if Donald Trump doesn’t hate black people (get that Trump/Carson image out of your head), he definitely disrespects them and is using racism as a wedge issue to cater to his racist base. As some have pointed out, he doesn’t care about the Confederate flag, monuments, or bases named after treasonous generals who fought against the United States to preserve slavery. For Trump, it’s just a tool. Why would a New Yorker care about Confederate statues? Even Queens resident Archie Bunker, who flipped out over the Jeffersons living next door before they moved on up, probably didn’t care about Confederate statues.

Last Wednesday, Donald Trump made an appeal to suburban voters, a group he’s losing. In doing so, he made a racist pitch in a tweet. Donald Trump tweeted, “I am happy to inform all of the people living their Suburban Lifestyle Dream that you will no longer be bothered or financially hurt by having low income housing built in your neighborhood…” He continued it into a second tweet, “…Your housing prices will go up based on the market, and crime will go down. I have rescinded the Obama-Biden AFFH Rule. Enjoy!”

Donald Trump is trying to save the suburban housewives of America by telling them to “enjoy” the lack of diversity in their neighborhoods. To “enjoy” their home prices not falling because of black people moving in. The thing is, they’ve already moved in. When you knock on that door, there’s no guarantee a white person will answer it. Donald Trump will be like the racist delivery guy in Next Friday.

Suburbia was the refuge for white Americans fleeing cities and integration. Why, there won’t be any black kids at your kid’s school if there aren’t any black kids in the school district (Oops. There was bussing). But today, the suburbs aren’t just white anymore. They’re also not just middle and upper income. Poverty has also hit the suburbs.

Donald Trump is out of touch with the suburbs if he envisions them the way his father did. The suburbs are no longer strictly white. They can’t be stereotyped like Leave it to Beaver. In fact, June Cleaver speaks Jive.

It’s understandable Donald Trump is out of touch with the suburbs because he’s probably never been to one. But he is in touch with trying to keep property values up by using his racism. Back when he was a private citizen doing his small part to destroy the country, before he became president (sic) and started doing his large part to destroy the country, Donald Trump was sued by the Justice Department for discriminating by refusing to rent to black tenants. The Justice Department sued him…twice.

Donald Trump is a racist. He’s telling white America he’ll keep the black people from moving in next door, or as he likes to say it, “the blacks.” But being an official white guy, I hear more complaints about assholes living next door than I do about anyone’s race. I can also tell you from personal experience, the best neighborhoods I’ve lived in have been diverse. America is now a place where it’s not just the neighborhoods that are diverse, but families are too.  Why would I worry about blacks and Latino people living next door when I have black and Latino people in my family? My nightmare would be living next to someone who flies a Trump flag. Ew. You know they don’t recycle.

It’s the emerging diversity of this nation that scares Donald Trump and his base. They believe their white privilege is in danger and as more rights are extended to people who don’t look like them, somehow it threatens their rights. Maybe it just threatens our privilege (yes, I have it too). What’s scares them and can’t be stopped now is in the future, white will no longer be the majority. We’re already at the point the only way whites control Congress is by gerrymandering and voter suppression. The only way someone racist like Trump can be elected president is through the racist antiquated electoral college.

Leave it to Beaver is not the representation of the neighborhoods of Donald Trump’s supporters. No, it’s the St. Louis couple on their lawn with automatic weapons because black people are walking by their house. It’s their defense of being in danger because pedestrians were black. That’s Donald Trump’s America.

In 2016, America showed us it’s a lot more racist than we believed. It was enlightening and frightening. Hopefully, 2020 will show us it’s not as racist. Donald Trump is betting all his racist cards that it is.

That’s because Donald Trump is a racist and the last thing I want is to live in a neighborhood full of Trump supporters. That’ll drive the property values down and really keep the good people out.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

WTF 2020


cjones07082020

Whoever had Kayne West running for president on their 2020 bingo card, speak up now. Perhaps you had it placed between Trump bleach and murder hornets.

Possibly only because 2020 hasn’t been fucked up enough, Kanye announced on the 4th of July that he’s running for president. But is he really?

Kanye has been a Donald Trump supporter. He’s visited the White House while wearing a MAGA hat. So, we already know he’s fucked in the head.

Republicans may rejoice at his campaign with the belief he’ll siphon off the black vote from Joe Biden. But to believe that you have to also believe black voters are monolithic who will vote for any candidate with black skin, no matter what that candidate’s position may be….or no matter if that candidate has mental problems. That’s how white conservatives vote.

But then again, maybe Republicans are afraid Kanye will cut into Donald Trump’s support. Maybe Kanye will get that 8 percent of black voters who plan to vote for Trump.

But Kanye is not running for president. He may make a lot of noise, but there is not an organization for him. The deadline to be on the ballot in 6 states has already passed with 7 more this month. There is not a deadline to register with the Federal Election Commission but with only four months to go before election day, he hasn’t done that yet either.

Kanye has every right to be president. You don’t have to be a part of the political establishment to be a candidate. But West is not running for president. He has a new single, a new album coming out later this month, and he has a new collaboration with the Gap to promote. Is he running for president or is he seeking free promotion?

If Kanye is only running to promote his brand, he better be careful. The last guy to do that fucked up and got elected president.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

TikTok Tulsa


cjones06242020

Donald Trump promised us his Tulsa Rally would be like something no one has ever seen before. That did not turn out to be true because I’ve seen empty seats before. Now, where was it? Oh yeah. His rally in Fredericksburg, Virginia in 2016. That room was only half full too.

Donald Trump held his first rally in three months in Tulsa, Oklahoma and it was supposed to be the energizing boost to restart his campaign. Despite being advised not to hold covidchella in a Tulsa petri dish, his plans moved forward. And expectations were high as campaign manager, for now, Brad Parscale boasted over 1 million people had signed up for tickets.  1 million people did not show up for Trump’s Saturday night hate rally but I do believe over a million laughed.

Oh, but Trump expected a million people to show up. Expectations were so high, the campaign planned events outside the arena for an overflow crowd. They set up jumbotrons so Trump fans unable to get inside the BOK arena would be able to see and hear their racist leader give his speech full of lies and praise for himself. When it was clear there was not going to be an overflow crowd, the campaign quickly tore the stage down to avoid embarrassment but left the jumbotrons up which gave the impression someone had gone to bed and forgot to turn the TV off.

The seats in the BOK are blue which was prominent with no one sitting in there. Even half the arena floor was empty. It’s estimated the attendance in the 19,000-seat arena may have been as low as 6,000. In case you’re a Republican, 6,000 is less than a million.

It was like preparing for a major party so you make 17 bowls of guacamole then no one shows up except your cousin Steve who’s in his 40s, still lives with his mom, only wears Star Trek shirts, and he’s allergic to guacamole.

Republicans will claim the arena was full and White House spokesgoon Kaleigh McEnany will do her best Sean Spicer impression and argue the arena was overflowing. Hell, they started off with six fewer people than expected as six Trump staffers on the team preparing the event tested positive for the coronavirus. It was not a good night for Donald Trump.

The Trump campaign claimed the arena was empty because the media scared Trump supporters away by reporting facts about the coronavirus. They also claimed, Brad Parscale in particular, that Black Lives Matter protesters were blocking the entrances. Before the event, the press reported there were about 200 protesters (who Trump called thugs). They also reported that no entrances were blocked.

Before the event, Donald Trump threatened protesters. That didn’t work either. Donald Trump had a very bad embarrassing night. It was like running for class president and nobody voted for you except for cousin Steve.

As it turns out, Donald Trump and his campaign got rolled by TikTok users and fans of Korean pop music. What? A prank to register for tickets went viral by TikTok users which soon went over to K-Pop Twitter. Thousands of teens who haven’t been able to march and can’t vote protested by pranking the Trump campaign. It worked. They should have told old man Trump it was a costume party just to see what would happen.

With the success of this prank, you can expect more throughout the campaign. I expect different tactics as today’s teens are creative. The irony here is they’re hitting a bully and you know what happens when you hit the bully back? He goes crying in his bunker.

The zoomers were able to generate and promote this prank while keeping it off the mainstream internet. They would delete their posts 24-48 hours after creating them, thus being quiet about it and keeping the Trump team from finding out what was going on. 4chan can only dream of being this effective.

I personally signed up for tickets with no intention of going but I wasn’t playing a prank. I wanted to see if I could still get tickets after the campaign claimed they had given out more than the arena held. I got tickets. Unfortunately, since I had to register, I also got texts and emails from the Trump campaign. I blocked the texts but I’m still getting the emails.

Donald Trump has been claiming enthusiasm for his campaign. According to John Bolton’s book, Donald Trump believes the public wants him to serve more than two terms. He’s been claiming Joe Biden doesn’t have any momentum. On Saturday night, the wind went out of his sails.

Crowd sizes are important to Donald Trump. They’re one of his greatest lies. Even when he does have giant crowds, he lies about their size. He’ll lie about this one, too, as he conducts a rampage over it behind the scenes. So much leftover guac. On Monday, he’ll probably have a new campaign manager. Campaigns usually undersell and hope to overperform. Brad Parscale oversold and underperformed. Why would you keep a guy who got rolled by meddling kids? Ruh-roh, Parscale.

Donald Trump has many more rallies planned between now and election day. He might have to get used to smaller than expected crowds because he’ll never outsmart the TikTok gang.

And he might wanna prepare for a smaller than expected turnout for him on election day.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Slippery When Stupid


cjones06162020

Gerald Ford was a clumsy president. And I’m not talking with policy though that Nixon pardon was a huge mess, but Ford literally fell down the steps of Air Force One. He had a bum knee from playing college football and maybe the steps were wet. Shit happens, right? But he also fell UP the steps of Air Force One. That’s clumsy. And as clumsy as Ford was, I can’t find any quotes from the guy lying about it.

The only reason Donald Trump hasn’t literally fallen down since he became president (sic) is that he has low energy. He walks slow. He takes baby steps. He avoids stairs and rain. He even holds cups with both hands. He does all this because he has a fear the “fake news” will catch it and broadcast it on TV. OK, but if “fake news” shows him falling down after he falls down, how is the news fake?

The day before Donald Trump turned 74, the oldest a president (sic) has ever been in his first term, he spoke to cadets at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point.

First, he spoke with very little energy and without any enthusiasm. It was like he was reading the phonebook and every name was Johnson. Maybe it was an Adderall crash. At one point during his speech, he picked up a glass of water for a sip with his right hand. As he raised it to his mouth, he started trembling like he couldn’t raise it any higher. He then used his left hand to help push it up. This is not the first time we’ve seen this. Can somebody get the president (sic) a straw? Maybe we can give him one that loops around all silly, like a rollercoaster. Whee.

After his speech, he had to exit using a ramp. Donald Trump took baby steps while walking down the ramp. He walked down the ramp as if he had an invisible walker. He did kinda jog for the last three steps, probably because of momentum and the fact he’s a really big guy. He is the largest president (sic) since President Taft (But you won dumbest, Tubby. Go you).

If the ramp was wet, you’d think, so what? Who hasn’t slipped on a step in the past? Even sober people fall down. But Donald Trump, who has to present an image of a perfect human being without any flaws, was so sensitive about it that he issued a tweet. Shocking.

Trump tweeted, “The ramp that I descended after my West Point Commencement speech was very long & steep, had no handrail and, most importantly, was very slippery. The last thing I was going to do is ‘fall’ for the Fake News to have fun with. Final ten feet I ran down to level ground. Momentum!” Yeah, buddy. Roll a barrel down a hill and see how fast it goes. It doesn’t mean the barrel is healthy or not a racist.

Donald Trump, who has literally lied about the weather in the past, lied about the weather in his tweet. The skies were blue so how was the “very long & steep” ramp slippery? Did some evil snickering Democrat lace it with banana peels? Maybe William Barr should investigate President Obama for that. Fortunately, for Donald Trump, his supporters would rather believe his bullshit than their eyes.

One theory that’s been proposed is the reason he had to walk gingerly is that he was wearing lifts. You know, high heels. He has to make everyone believe he’s 6 foot 3 and at least as tall as President Obama. If he had balance, he’d be walking around on stilts.

The reason this is an actual issue isn’t because it’s funny and we want to mock him. Would you laugh if Donald Trump faceplanted on live television? Shame on you. But the actually concern is for his health because….ugh…Donald Trump is the president (sic) of the United States of America. There have been lingering questions about his health even before he was fraudulently elected by Russians.

In 2015, on his way to stealing an election, his personal doctor released a statement saying, “If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” Of course, that doesn’t sound like anything an actual physician would write and as it turned out, Trump dictated it. Shocking.

Trump has been wobbly in the past. In 2017 at the White House, he clutched UK Prime Minsters Theresa May’s hand so he wouldn’t fall down while climbing a few steps. This is a guy who looks like he’s having trouble just by standing. In England, he had difficulty walking in coordination with the 94-year-old Queen Elizabeth, but everyone was mostly relieved he didn’t fall and crush her.

Last November, Donald Trump had a sudden trip to Walter Reed Medical Center that wasn’t on his schedule. The White House only explained it as getting a jump start on his annual physical. Most doctors don’t do physicals in installments. There is something wrong there.

After his first physical as president (sic), the White House doctor said some incredible bullshit about Trump’s health like he could live to be over 200-years old. Seriously. When Nazis start living to 200, we’re fucked.

During the 2016 campaign, Donald Trump kept questioning the health of Hillary Clinton, especially after she caught pneumonia and needed help getting into a car after nearly falling down. The National Enquirer, who was supporting Trump, posted on their cover so every checkout counter in the country displayed it, that Clinton only had six months to live. She’s still here. His surrogates, including Russian hackers, questioned her physical and mental health.

Further proof Donald Trump has a medical condition is that he projects. If he questions Hillary Clinton’s health, then his health must be pretty bad. If anything, Hillary Clinton has shown remarkable stamina while Donald Trump has to park his golf cart right next to where his ball landed (or next to the ball he plans to steal), even on the green.

If Donald Trump questions Joe Biden’s mental health, then Donald Trump must have some seriously broken toys in his attic. There’s a very sad Jack-in-the-box up there with a broken spring. And duh, look at the guy’s tweets and the shit that comes out of his mouth. He’s a raving lunatic who has never heard of karma.

I don’t wish ill will on Trump in regards to his health. I want the health of his presidency (sic) to die a quick death. I don’t care if it’s painless or not. Just go. As for his physical and mental health, I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. I have heard of karma. But Donald Trump has made this nation sick and if he’s reelected, the United States of America could die.

Is it funny when this president (sic) has trouble drinking water or walking? Only because he thinks it’s funny when others have issues. Donald Trump is a jerk. Will he think it’s funny when he kills our democracy? Republicans seem to be enjoying it.

So if you don’t like Donald Trump and what he’s doing to this nation, laugh away. Because this nation will never get its health back as long as Donald Trump is president…Sick.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

You Ain’t Black


cjones05282020

Over this weekend, pro-Trump goons and sycophants left comments underneath my cartoons demanding that I draw on Joe Biden’s gaffe where he said, “You Ain’t black.”

Apparently, some people think my cartoons are supposed to give equal time. Wrong. They think a cartoonist is not supposed to be biased. Wrong. They think a cartoon is supposed to be fair. Super duper wrong. I’m a liberal cartoonist. I hit the targets I believe deserve it and are a threat to the nation, which tend to be Republicans. Occasionally, that does mean I hit a Democrat. I am fiercely independent. I will never be a member of any party or campaign for a candidate. But, I will work to defeat a racist, stupid, dumbass TV reality host that shouldn’t be allowed on the White House tour, less enough living in the place.

Also, this isn’t open mic night where I take requests. Even the people who put money in my tip jar can’t demand I draw a specific cartoon. And I seriously doubt any of the right-wing goons have put anything in my tip jar other than poo and used condoms (I have to hose that thing a lot). But, there are times someone makes a good suggestion for a topic and I will hit it. But be careful what you wish for because you might get exactly what you deserve. So today’s cartoon is dedicated to every fucknut pro-Trump racist who told me to draw on Biden’s gaffe. Here’s to you, hypocrites.

Joe Biden made a huge gaffe. Even as they cringe, nobody is really surprised. Joe Biden says stupid shit. It’s what Joe Biden does. Biden was being interviewed by Charlamagne Tha God last Friday when the host said he might still have more “questions” for the Democratic nominee before election day. Biden replied, “You’ve got more questions? Well, I tell you what, if you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t black.” Ouch. Yikes. Eeks. No, Joe. No.

One of the many differences between Joe Biden and Donald Trump is that Biden can recognize when he said something stupid and instead of doubling-down, he’ll issue an apology. That’s something that goes against everything Donald Trump stands for. Joe Biden admonished himself for being “so cavalier” and said, “No one should have to vote for any party based on their race or religion or background.” Donald Trump still hasn’t apologized for defending tiki-torch Nazis or saying black women in America should go back to where they came from with his “send them back” comments. Nope. He doubled-down on that shit and led “send them back” chants at his hate rallies.

After Biden’s gaffe, the Trump campaign started selling T-Shirts with the hashtag “#youain’tblack” on them with Biden’s name underneath. I read somewhere they even created a website but I haven’t looked for it yet because one time, I went to David Duke’s website and I was in the shower for a week with a brillo pad trying to scrub it off me.

All profits from Trump’s hate shirts will go directly to re-electing Donald Trump and to the Trump Organization for campaign expenses.

But, campaigning for Donald Trump on the message that Joe Biden is a racist is like campaigning on the message Joe Biden gropes women. Really? Are they actually that obtuse, ignorant, and hypocritical in Trumpistan? Why, yes. Yes, they are.

The conservative media, like Fox News, went after the mainstream media for not covering it enough. But in the media’s defense, Donald Trump changed the subject.

Shortly after Biden’s remarks, instead of coasting on them and taking the weekend off, Donald Trump had to say something stupid. Something with even more potential for damage than “you ain’t black.” Donald Trump told his supporters to go to church and demanded the nation’s governors to reopen every church in the nation. Donald Trump advocated for worsening this health crisis.

And, instead of going to church himself on Sunday, like he advocated for the rest of the nation, Donald Trump’s morbidly-obese ass was on a golf course. Of course, it was a Trump golf course so he got to charge the Secret Service for golf cart rentals. Donald Trump admonished President Obama for golfing during the Ebola crisis…which killed two people in this country. Donald Trump golfed during the coronavirus crisis which has killed nearly 100,000 people. But, conservatives will focus on “you ain’t black.”

While his campaign was creating T-shirts, websites, and screaming about “you ain’t black,” and his followers were in church, Donald Trump was golfing tweeted a conspiracy theory about MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough being in a murder scandal, retweeted insults about Nancy Pelosi’s teeth, Stacey Abram’s weight, and one that called Hillary Clinton a “skank.” But “you ain’t black’ gets all the conservative outrage.

Nikki Haley tweeted, “I have struggled with Biden’s recent remarks. They were gut wrenchingly condescending.” So far, she hasn’t “struggled” with Donald Trump’s “gun-wrenchingly condescending remark calling a woman a “skank.”

I saw a headline over a column in The New York Post saying Biden will lose the black vote. I didn’t click the link because I’m out of brillo pads, but Biden is NOT going to lose the black vote.

Joe Biden is NOT a racist. Joe Biden’s biggest offense is that he is taking the black vote for granted. His greatest danger is not generating enthusiasm. That’s not just a problem with black voters. That’s an issue with all voters. And don’t restart you’re crying about Bernie again. This wouldn’t have happened with Bernie? This wouldn’t have happened with my choice either, Kamala Harris. But hey, maybe this gaffe will move Biden to select a vice-presidential candidate like Harris instead of going the safe route with someone like Amy Klobuchar who would appeal to white moderate voters but do little for the black vote. Joe, don’t pick one of the whitest women from one of the whitest states. Please.

Biden will not lose the black vote but his greatest danger is that it will be diminished over comments like, “You ain’t black.” Our greatest danger from that is the re-election of racist Donald Trump who said “Very fine people” marched with Nazis and “Send them back.”

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Blue State, Red State, Corrupt State


cjones05242020

A couple days ago, I wrote Donald Trump and his administration of goons aren’t even trying to hide his corruption anymore. In firing Inspectors General in the midst of investigations, they don’t even give good reasons. Donald Trump said he fired the guy investigating his Secretary of State Mike Pompeo because he lost the guy’s confidence. Pompeo only defended it by saying he should have been fired long ago and that he didn’t know he was under investigation. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. When it’s the fifth IG fired in five weeks, yeah.

That’s some morbidly obese bullshit.

Now, Donald Trump is threatening to stop all federal funding being sent to states that may not vote for him. That’s not exactly what he said but he’s doing a terrible job of hiding his corrupt intentions.

Michigan and Nevada are upping their plans for mail-in voting in order to decrease the risk of exposing their voters’ lives to the coronavirus. Well, Donald Trump doesn’t give a lick about anyone’s safety and like all Republicans, he realizes the more voters who participate in an election, the worst Republicans fare. The majority of people in this nation vote for Democrats. That’s a fact. Republicans don’t like that fact so they work to prevent people from voting except for the most racist and whitest of us.

Donald Trump tweeted his outrage at Michigan for mailing ballots to all their voters. Dumbass tweeted, “This was done illegally and without authorization by a rogue Secretary of State. I will ask to hold up funding to Michigan if they want to go down this Voter Fraud path!”

Except, that was some morbidly obese lying. Michigan’s Secretary of State mailed “applications” to voters, not ballots. Donald Trump claims what Michigan did is illegal. It’s not. So, two lies in one tweet. Good job, Donald. While explaining this to the press, he dropped another lie in that he was once Man of the Year in Michigan. He was never Man of the Year in Michigan. Maybe he’s confused because he resembles the Michelin Man.

What Donald Trump is doing is threatening to hold a state hostage by denying federal funding…during a pandemic. It’s kinda like holding Ukraine hostage by denying military aid during a war.

He went after Nevada in another tweet saying, “State of Nevada ‘thinks’ that they can send out illegal vote by mail ballots, creating a great Voter Fraud scenario for the State and the U.S. They can’t! If they do, ‘I think’ I can hold up funds to the State. Sorry, but you must not cheat in elections.”

The man who solicited election help from Russia and Ukraine is concerned about cheating in elections.

Trump is very upset over mail-in voting and keeps screaming about voter fraud, even though there isn’t any evidence to support it.

Trump told reporters, “I think just common sense would tell you that massive manipulation can take place. And you do have cases of fraudulent ballots where they actually print them and they give them to people to sign, maybe the same person signs them with different writing, different pens. I don’t know. It’s a lot of things can happen.”

Where, when, what? Where have there been “fraudulent” ballots that were “actually printed” then “given to people to sign?” This guy also claimed once that you need an I.D. to purchase cereal.

Donald Trump himself actually voted by mail, sending his ballot to Florida. Maybe he cheated so that’s how he knows it happens. His argument is that he’s “allowed to do it.” His spokesgoon, Kayleigh McEnany, defended his voting my mail by arguing how tough it was for him to leave the White House and go to Florida. I know she’s new on the job but you think she’d have noticed that Donald Trump, before the pandemic, was in Florida playing golf and bilking the government for it every other weekend since he became president (sic). Somebody, please give her the Cliff Notes.

Funny thing, Republican officeholders in at least 16 states that do not have all-mail elections have encouraged people to vote absentee during the coronavirus pandemic. You haven’t heard Donald Trump go after them yet. But maybe he should.

Donald Trump won Michigan, barely, in 2016. He’s going to lose it in 2020 and he knows it. But, he’s also trailing Joe Biden in other states he won, like Pennsylvania, Ohio, Arizona, Georgia, and his brand new home state, Florida. And you’re going to love this, but he’s only leading Biden by one point in….wait for it….TEXAS!!!! Yeehaw!

Even if Donald Trump doesn’t lose states like Georgia, Florida, Arizona, North Carolina, and Texas, his campaign will have to do some morbidly obese spending in those states.

This is some morbidly obese corruption and they’re not even trying to hide it. The good news is, Trump probably can’t withhold spending to those states, but I’m sure conservative courts and the Republican Senate will do all they can to help him.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about free and fair elections any more than he cares about the health of Americans during a global pandemic. His only focus with both is on himself. Donald Trump solicited help during the 2016 election from Russia and he got it. He even invited Russians into his campaign HQ. He placed suspected Russian spies on his campaign staff, then cried that the government was watching the suspected spies. Now, he’s doing it again, asking foreign governments to meddle in the 2020 election.

A president should want every American eligible to vote casting votes, even those who won’t vote for him. But Donald Trump and Republicans work to gerrymander and suppress. The people who cry that their rights are being robbed because they have to wear a mask don’t give a flying fig about non-white Americans being denied their right to vote. Cry me a morbidly obese river.

Donald Trump is corrupt and Donald Trump lies. At last count, which was in April, Donald Trump had told over 18,000 lies since he became president (sic). That’s a morbidly obese number.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Fox V. Fauci


cjones05202020

The current talking point in attacking Dr. Anthony Fauci, the leading infectious disease expert in the United States, is that he’s “unelected.”

Senator Rand Paul said he’s not the “end-all” of understanding how viruses and pandemics work. Actually, he is. Laura Ingraham points out he’s unelected. Tucker Carlson did the same while also calling him a “buffoon.”

These buffoons need to understand something. Dr. Fauci isn’t closing states, businesses, or schools. He’s giving advice. His advice comes from knowledge and experience. While Dr. Fauci isn’t a politician and isn’t an expert on the economy or business, the Fox buffoons are not doctors or scientists. Rand Paul is a doctor, but he’s an eye doctor and even then, I don’t think he’s the “end-all” of poking shit in your eyeball.

Do you know who else isn’t elected? Stephen Miller. Nobody voted for Stephen Miller yet he’s drawing up our immigration policy. Other than Mike Pence and Donald Trump, there’s not one person in the Trump administration anyone voted for. Not Betsy DeVos, Ben Carson, William Barr, or Mike Pompeo. Nobody voted for these people to be in their current positions but they’re all there legally.

And nobody voted for Jared Kushner. While you can argue over the experience of some of the cabinet members, Jared comes with none. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Jared’s expertise is only in being Donald Trump’s idiot son-in-law. Yet, Jared has been in charge of immigration and peace in the Middle East. Now, he’s one of the directors of our response to the coronavirus and told us the government stockpile of medical equipment wasn’t for the states and is “our stockpile,” as in the federal government’s stockpile.

Now, Jared is floating the idea of delaying the general election. Wouldn’t Republicans just love that? Hey, just like if you don’t test then you don’t get positive results, if we don’t hold an election, then we don’t have to count all those votes against Trump.

Answering a question from Time Magazine about postponing the general election because of the pandemic, Jared said, “I’m not sure I can commit one way or the other, but right now that’s the plan.” Yes, Jared. You can commit one way or the other. That way would be, “No. There are no plans to postpone the election because I’m not the one to make that call…and neither is Donald Trump.” That’s how you answer that question.

Who the hell is Jared Kushner to even tell us if there’s a plan or not on delaying the general election? What sort of arrogance and narcissism must this guy have to act as though he could plan it? Even DonaldTrump can’t plan it.

While the Covidiots at Fox News screams about Fauci being unelected and call him a “buffoon,” they ignore Jared’s idiocy and lack of qualifications while he floats the idea of violating the Constitution of the United States. Jared Kushner has NEVER accomplished or achieved anything in his life, other than being born rich, inheriting riches, and marrying rich.

The funny thing about the general election. It’s in the Constitution. Federal law stipulates when we hold the election, when states’ electors cast their votes and send them to Congress, and even when the president and vice-president’s tenures expire.

Congress would have to change federal law (one House is held by Democrats who are lead by Nancy Pelosi) to change the date of the election.

And, look at it this way: If we don’t hold an election, the president and vice president’s terms will automatically expire at noon on January 20, 2021, either way. If Donald Trump’s term expires and there’s no duly elected president because there wasn’t an election, say, “Hello, Madam President.” Because if there’s no election, she’s guaranteed to still be Speaker of the House and she’s next in line for the presidency after Trump and Pence.

Hmm. Maybe this no election thing isn’t a bad idea after all.

Here’s the other thing that pisses me off about this, that burns my cheese, chokes my goat, the fire that burns my ass: Fox News expressing concern about someone being unelected.

Fox News doesn’t care that Donald Trump is in the White House without a mandate. They don’t care he’s there after the majority of voters rejected him in 2016. They don’t care that Russians tampered with our election. They don’t care that Donald Trump is inviting foreign nations to tamper with the next one.

Fox News does not care when minority voters’ civil rights are violated by being removed from voter rolls. They didn’t care when thousands of American voters were removed from the rolls in Georgia’s last state election. They didn’t care that the guy who could remove them was the Republican candidate for governor. They didn’t care when he won.

Fox News didn’t care when thousands of Native Americans, people who are way more American than anyone at Fox News, weren’t allowed to vote in North Dakota.

So, Fox News…spare me your fainting spells over shit you don’t really care about. But, if you want to do it your way, Fox News…let’s hold Dr. Anthony Fauci to an election over Donald Trump.

As it currently stands, over 60% of Americans trust Dr. Fauci. Donald Trump, your hero, is hovering around 30%.

Quite frankly, Fox News buffoons…you don’t do well with elections so maybe you should stop talking and making demands about them.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

The Voting Blue No Matter Who Blues


CNN03082020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

A friend and fellow cartoonist is having a major freakout over Joe Biden probably being the Democratic Party’s nominee. I’m using him as an example because he’s the perfect case of a liberal freakout.

My friend is being a baby over this. Sure, we should all fight for what we believe to be the best direction of our nation, but I think this guy, who is in his mid to late 50s, is being irrational and whinier than any millennial over not getting his way. The guy is creating new anti-Biden posts on Facebook on a near hourly basis. I also disagree with him on three major points: He doesn’t believe Donald Trump did anything wrong when he asked Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky to investigate Biden. He believes Joe and Hunter Biden are corrupt. And quite possibly the craziest one, there’s no difference between Joe Biden and Donald Trump.

While he does receive some resistance, he also has a lot of friends leaving comments who agree with him. Here’s where I disagree.

The Bernie Bros make the argument that it’ll be Democrats’ fault if Trump is reelected if they don’t make Bernie Sanders the nominee. Sure, a lot of whiners won’t vote for Biden because he’s too moderate or they believe he’s no different from Trump. But the Democratic Party can’t appease these people if they’re going to be irrational and with all due respect, stupid.

The argument here is if they don’t get what they want then they’re not going to help you, but you better give them what they want and then help them. That is, give them Bernie and then vote for Bernie against Trump, even though you feel about Bernie the way they do about Biden.

But even if you like Bernie Sanders, and I do, it’s ridiculous to believe a self-admitted socialist has a better chance of beating Donald Trump than a moderate.

I have a solution. Vote for the nominee no matter who it is. Bernie, Joe, vote blue. There is a difference between the Democratic nominee, no matter who it is, and Donald Trump.

If you don’t vote blue, then you’re allowing Trump to continue to appoint conservative fucknut judges, throw babies in jail, build a racist wall, ban Muslims from entering the nation, engage in further racist attacks and policies, build nationalism, starve poor children, destroy reproductive rights and further attack women, attack our allies, destroy NATO, hand South Korea over to North Korea while legitimizing Kim Jong Un, appease Vladimir Putin and ignore Russia’s attacks against our nation, slobber all over dictators, continue nepotism, enrich himself from the office, violate our environment while disregarding science, allow Iran to build nuclear weapons, increase the deficit while giving himself tax cuts, and install a government that serves Trump and only Trump.

And as displayed over the past two weeks while placing his ego over a pandemic hitting our nation, Donald Trump doesn’t know how to be president.

Voting for Donald Trump is voting for Kellyanne Conway, Mark Meadows, and Stephen Miller. It’s a vote to allow the worst people to run amuck over our government.

And you need to seriously ask yourself: Would you rather Ruth Bader Ginsburg be replaced by Joe Biden or Donald Trump? If you don’t think there’s a difference, then you’re dumber than I could ever give you credit for. You’re a special kind of stupid.

It doesn’t matter if the next president is Joe Biden or Bernie Sanders. What matters is that Donald Trump is no longer president. This nation can’t afford another four years of this.

Get over your vanity. Get over yourself. Grow up. Stop being an idiot and vote blue no matter who.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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