Merry Christmas

Fudge Christmas

cjones12042020

I don’t begrudge Melania Trump for her comments about Christmas. I’ll say it too. Fuck Christmas stuff. Fuck Christmas decorations. Bold, eh? I just don’t really care and most Christmas music, to my ears, is total crap with there being only four good Christmas songs. OK, I don’t totally hate Christmas. I think it’s just the music and crass commercialism while other people are depressed and destitute. When I see the commercial of the guy buying two trucks for Christmas, I’m like, “fuck that guy.”

But back to Melania, she wasn’t cut out for this. Like her husband is a terrible president, Melania is a terrible first lady. It’s not just Christmas she doesn’t care about. She doesn’t care about being First Lady and it’s not a position she wants to hold. What the hell is “Be Best” when her husband is a cyber bully? What’s up with the garden photo-op in high heels? Yeah, I’m convinced she’s digging up weeds and getting her hands dirty. Her jacket said it all. She really doesn’t care, do you?

I only begrudge Melania for turning her eyes away from accusations her husband is a rapist, from him bullying women, throwing babies into cages after ripping them away from their parents, encouraging violence, validating racism, and giving shout-outs to Nazis. I hold all that against Ivanka too. Neither one of them really does care. At least Melania didn’t have much of a choice to be there. Ivanka chose to follow her father to Washington and be a troglodyte.

The people I hold it against in regards to Melania’s “fuck Christmas” comments are Trump supporters and anyone who promoted the bullshit campaign of the “war on Christmas.”

First off, if anyone is waging a war on Christmas, they’re losing. They’re losing bad too. Christmas is everywhere. I bet you heard Christmas music and saw decorations between Halloween and Thanksgiving. I’m sure you saw them in stores. I’ve seen the commercials. Santa Claus may not be watching you, but you’re watching Santa Claus. You have no choice. There is a game people are playing on social media about the Wham! song “Last Christmas.” The point of the game is to see how long you can go without hearing the song…because you have no choice. At some point between Thanksgiving and Christmas, you will hear “Last Christmas” unintentionally. My point is, you can’t escape Christmas. Somewhere, Andrew Ridgeley is hearing “Last Christmas” and saying, “Fuck Christmas!”

There has never been a “war on Christmas.” What is the “war on Christmas?” It’s another opportunity for bullshit asshole conservatives to pretend they’re the most oppressed and victimized people in the history of people.

And it seems to have sprung up when some people decided to say “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas.” Some people took offense. How dare you not say “merry Christmas.” It offends you that someone didn’t say what you want to hear while still wishing you well? And then, they got upset over Starbuck cups if they wasn’t enough Jesus on them. You have to be a whiny asshole to claim you’re oppressed by a cup. Personally, I’m only offended by a coffee cup if it contains pumpkin spice.

The reason a lot of people say “happy holidays” is because not everyone celebrates Christmas but they are probably celebrating some holiday during this time. Saying “happy holidays” is covering all the bases. Even then, I’ve never heard of a Jew or a Muslim killing someone for saying “merry Christmas” to them. From my own experience, I’ve heard Jews and Muslims say “merry Christmas” back. Why? Because they’re not assholes. And quite possibly, Jews and Muslims hope you have a merry Christmas. Even though I’m not horny for Christmas the way you are, I hope you have a merry Christmas as well.

Then, Donald Trump made the claim that after he was elected, Americans got to say “merry Christmas” again. Despite what Fox News promoted, you were never banned from saying “merry Christmas.” I’m not entirely sure where the “ban” came from. And even without a ban, I am not aware of any peer pressure on people preventing them from saying it. If anything, there’s been more pressure on people in this country to hide their beliefs if they’re NOT a Christian…or worse, don’t believe in a god at all.

Did you know Satanist don’t actually worship Satan? Why? Because they’re atheist. If there’s no god, there’s no Satan. Satanist don’t believe in Satan. If you’re a conservative, you don’t understand that at all. The only thing I don’t understand about atheist is, why have a church when you don’t believe? It seems like it goes against the point. But I digress.

But Donald Trump and his followers believe his rise to the White House liberated them and provided the confidence to say “merry Christmas” again. Can you find one of them who will tell you they stopped saying it until Trump was elected? Just one?

No. Donald Trump’s election did not restore anyone’s confidence to say “merry Christmas” again, but what it did do was give racist the confidence to make their racism public. It gave Nazis the confidence to Seig Heil in Trump hotel ballrooms. It gave tiki-torch Nazis the confidence to march in Charlottesville chanting, “Jews will not replace us” and ” Blood and soil.” It gave Proud Boys the confidence to go to peace rallies and attack people. It gave the Ku Klux Klan the confidence it needed to hold parades in honor of Donald Trump.

Isn’t it funny that racists celebrate Christmas? How do you celebrate the birth of Jesus while supporting a man who put babies in jail…and whose policies kills them? The Satanists have more compassion than you.

And how do you fear monger about a war on Christmas then remain silent when the First Lady says, “Fuck Christmas.” I bet you an Elf on a Shelf that if Michelle Obama ever said, “Fuck Christmas,” Republicans would have burned the White House down with her in it. When Melania says it, they stick their fingers in their ears and say, “fa-la-la-la-la…”

Melania Trump does not like your Christmas. She wants to take away your tinsel. She wants to unnog your eggs. She wants to unleash cats upon your Christmas trees. In her first attempt to decorate the White House for Christmas, it looked like Tim Burton on crack did it. Doesn’t her war on Christmas infuriate you? Doesn’t it just kick you in your jingle bells? Are you upset yet? No?

If you’re a Trump supporter and a Christmas lover and you’re not upset over Melania’s “fuck Christmas,” then I don’t think you love Christmas enough. Why are you waging a war on Christmas?

Now, I have to try to make it through the rest of today without someone forcing “Last Christmas” on me. I hate Wham! more than I hate Christmas.

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Feliz Navidad

cjones12252018

As you celebrate the holidays this season, take at least a moment and think of the nearly 15,000 children currently detained in Donald Trump’s child prison camps.

Most of the migrant children are teenage boys from Central America who crossed the southern border unaccompanied. Most were escaping gangs or poverty and are seeking asylum in the U.S. In November, an average of 175 unaccompanied children crossed the border every day. A senior official with the Department of Health and Human Services blamed a broken immigration system that acts as a “perverse incentive” for undocumented children to cross the border in the first place. Damn this American freedom.

The more than 100 federally contracted shelters (that means someone’s making a lot of money off of this) are 92 percent full. The largest shelter is in Tornillo, West Texas, and it’s composed of heated tents a few hundred yards from the Rio Grande. Currently, there are 2,800 children in the Tornillo shelter. It can accommodate 3,800 children.

There are sponsors waiting for many of these kids. The sponsors are usually family members and the children stay with them while their respective cases for asylum are pending. There is a vetting process for the sponsors, but that process has slowed down to a crawl. The daily discharge rate is about one percent. The Trump administration vets sponsors’ immigration status and requires all adults in a household seeking to care for an immigrant child to submit their fingerprints for a background check. Previous administrations did not do this. They are discouraging people from sponsoring these children.

There are also children being detained because of Trump’s “zero-tolerance” policy that separates parents from their children at the southern border.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, detained children often suffer from anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. I’m sure that will be on Donald Trump’s mind while he’s golfing at Mar-a-Lago during his Christmas vacation. I hear the resort makes a mean ham.

While the shelters will give the children Christmas “festivities,” they won’t be with their families. They won’t be receiving hugs.

I hope it rains all week at Mar-a-Lago.

Creative note: This cartoon is the bookend to my Fourth of July Cartoon, Feliz Dia De La Independencia. I’m not a huge fan of holiday cartoons and unless I draw one for The Costa Rica Star this week, this is my last Christmas cartoon of the year. I’ve managed to avoid any sitting on Santa’s lap cartoons or drawing the Grinch, who has been in more commercials than Shaq.

My cartoons have file dates and this one’s the 25th (I’m ridiculously ahead and need to take a day off). Though my clients are not required to embargo the cartoons until their file date, I hope at least one of them runs this on Christmas day. Maybe instead of publishing some sentimental holiday crap, they can give their readers something to think about.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Christmas Award

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This is the only cartoon I’ve drawn this year with a Christmas theme. If you were expecting one, sorry about that. No, I’m not sorry.

This cartoon is dated for Christmas day, when I plan to pretend to be Jewish and order Chinese food and watch A Christmas Story at least twice. Thank you for following and reading my cartoons and blogs over the past year. Have a happy holiday, Hanukkah, merry Christmas and all that stuff.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!