Transition

Tiny Desk Donald


CNN11292020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

I totally forgot to blog this cartoon last week. What I normally do is give CNN all Sunday with the cartoon then later that night, or Monday…or even Tuesday, I’ll post it on my page. The danger in my waiting is that I’ll forget. That’s why I usually post it on Tuesday. But after CNN posts it, I go ahead and start the blog without publishing, so it sits in my drafts where I never look.

Also, I had covid. I’m blaming everything on covid now. I tripped on the sidewalk yesterday. That was covid. I get dizzy walking down or up stairs. Covid. Often in mid-step on flat ground, I feel like the ground isn’t going to be there and I’m about to step off a cliff to my spiraling death. That’s covid. Why do I think the death will be spiraling? Covid. Sometimes when I grab for something, like the handle on a cabinet door inches from my fase, and I miss. Covid. Did I forget your birthday? Covid. I had coffee burning for 14 hours yesterday and never smelled it which is the stinkiest smell in the world. THAT’s covid. My fantasy football team has lost four straight games and will probably lose today because I’ll probably forget to adjust my roster. Covid. Does my Biden caricature look more like George H. W. Bush. Fucking covid, man.

Leave me alone. I had covid.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Fudge Christmas


cjones12042020

I don’t begrudge Melania Trump for her comments about Christmas. I’ll say it too. Fuck Christmas stuff. Fuck Christmas decorations. Bold, eh? I just don’t really care and most Christmas music, to my ears, is total crap with there being only four good Christmas songs. OK, I don’t totally hate Christmas. I think it’s just the music and crass commercialism while other people are depressed and destitute. When I see the commercial of the guy buying two trucks for Christmas, I’m like, “fuck that guy.”

But back to Melania, she wasn’t cut out for this. Like her husband is a terrible president, Melania is a terrible first lady. It’s not just Christmas she doesn’t care about. She doesn’t care about being First Lady and it’s not a position she wants to hold. What the hell is “Be Best” when her husband is a cyber bully? What’s up with the garden photo-op in high heels? Yeah, I’m convinced she’s digging up weeds and getting her hands dirty. Her jacket said it all. She really doesn’t care, do you?

I only begrudge Melania for turning her eyes away from accusations her husband is a rapist, from him bullying women, throwing babies into cages after ripping them away from their parents, encouraging violence, validating racism, and giving shout-outs to Nazis. I hold all that against Ivanka too. Neither one of them really does care. At least Melania didn’t have much of a choice to be there. Ivanka chose to follow her father to Washington and be a troglodyte.

The people I hold it against in regards to Melania’s “fuck Christmas” comments are Trump supporters and anyone who promoted the bullshit campaign of the “war on Christmas.”

First off, if anyone is waging a war on Christmas, they’re losing. They’re losing bad too. Christmas is everywhere. I bet you heard Christmas music and saw decorations between Halloween and Thanksgiving. I’m sure you saw them in stores. I’ve seen the commercials. Santa Claus may not be watching you, but you’re watching Santa Claus. You have no choice. There is a game people are playing on social media about the Wham! song “Last Christmas.” The point of the game is to see how long you can go without hearing the song…because you have no choice. At some point between Thanksgiving and Christmas, you will hear “Last Christmas” unintentionally. My point is, you can’t escape Christmas. Somewhere, Andrew Ridgeley is hearing “Last Christmas” and saying, “Fuck Christmas!”

There has never been a “war on Christmas.” What is the “war on Christmas?” It’s another opportunity for bullshit asshole conservatives to pretend they’re the most oppressed and victimized people in the history of people.

And it seems to have sprung up when some people decided to say “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas.” Some people took offense. How dare you not say “merry Christmas.” It offends you that someone didn’t say what you want to hear while still wishing you well? And then, they got upset over Starbuck cups if they wasn’t enough Jesus on them. You have to be a whiny asshole to claim you’re oppressed by a cup. Personally, I’m only offended by a coffee cup if it contains pumpkin spice.

The reason a lot of people say “happy holidays” is because not everyone celebrates Christmas but they are probably celebrating some holiday during this time. Saying “happy holidays” is covering all the bases. Even then, I’ve never heard of a Jew or a Muslim killing someone for saying “merry Christmas” to them. From my own experience, I’ve heard Jews and Muslims say “merry Christmas” back. Why? Because they’re not assholes. And quite possibly, Jews and Muslims hope you have a merry Christmas. Even though I’m not horny for Christmas the way you are, I hope you have a merry Christmas as well.

Then, Donald Trump made the claim that after he was elected, Americans got to say “merry Christmas” again. Despite what Fox News promoted, you were never banned from saying “merry Christmas.” I’m not entirely sure where the “ban” came from. And even without a ban, I am not aware of any peer pressure on people preventing them from saying it. If anything, there’s been more pressure on people in this country to hide their beliefs if they’re NOT a Christian…or worse, don’t believe in a god at all.

Did you know Satanist don’t actually worship Satan? Why? Because they’re atheist. If there’s no god, there’s no Satan. Satanist don’t believe in Satan. If you’re a conservative, you don’t understand that at all. The only thing I don’t understand about atheist is, why have a church when you don’t believe? It seems like it goes against the point. But I digress.

But Donald Trump and his followers believe his rise to the White House liberated them and provided the confidence to say “merry Christmas” again. Can you find one of them who will tell you they stopped saying it until Trump was elected? Just one?

No. Donald Trump’s election did not restore anyone’s confidence to say “merry Christmas” again, but what it did do was give racist the confidence to make their racism public. It gave Nazis the confidence to Seig Heil in Trump hotel ballrooms. It gave tiki-torch Nazis the confidence to march in Charlottesville chanting, “Jews will not replace us” and ” Blood and soil.” It gave Proud Boys the confidence to go to peace rallies and attack people. It gave the Ku Klux Klan the confidence it needed to hold parades in honor of Donald Trump.

Isn’t it funny that racists celebrate Christmas? How do you celebrate the birth of Jesus while supporting a man who put babies in jail…and whose policies kills them? The Satanists have more compassion than you.

And how do you fear monger about a war on Christmas then remain silent when the First Lady says, “Fuck Christmas.” I bet you an Elf on a Shelf that if Michelle Obama ever said, “Fuck Christmas,” Republicans would have burned the White House down with her in it. When Melania says it, they stick their fingers in their ears and say, “fa-la-la-la-la…”

Melania Trump does not like your Christmas. She wants to take away your tinsel. She wants to unnog your eggs. She wants to unleash cats upon your Christmas trees. In her first attempt to decorate the White House for Christmas, it looked like Tim Burton on crack did it. Doesn’t her war on Christmas infuriate you? Doesn’t it just kick you in your jingle bells? Are you upset yet? No?

If you’re a Trump supporter and a Christmas lover and you’re not upset over Melania’s “fuck Christmas,” then I don’t think you love Christmas enough. Why are you waging a war on Christmas?

Now, I have to try to make it through the rest of today without someone forcing “Last Christmas” on me. I hate Wham! more than I hate Christmas.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Drippy With Bibi


cjones12012020

There is no law prohibiting the United States government from assassinating foreign leaders and officials. There is an executive order issued in the 1970s by President Gerald Ford that has been upheld by every American president except Donald Trump, though to be fair, Trump probably isn’t aware of it. But that order isn’t enough to stop our government from murdering people overseas. Have you see Osama bin Laden around lately?

In the 1980s, Reagan had our military bomb Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi’s tent. A tent. If he wasn’t the target, what did we think was in that tent threatening the United States? As it turns out, Gaddafi’s 6-month-old daughter was in the tent…or she wasn’t…or she wasn’t even his daughter. Information from the 1980s Libyan government is sketchier than a Rudy Giuliani Dildo-store-parking-lot press conference.

During our war with Iraq in 1990/1991, our second war with Iraq in 2003, and all the military strikes in between, our government never officially targeted Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein. But we did target his many houses, mansions, palaces, compounds…whatever you want to call them. The reasoning being given was that he may have been storing chemical weapons inside his homes, like you would keep weed killer in your garage. If one of those strikes had killed Saddam, then we could have said it was just a lucky coincidence. Even when we did catch him, we handed him over to a government we knew would kill him. There are western nations that refuse to hand over any prisoners to any nation if there is a possibility they will receive a death sentence.

Israel is not one of those nations either except they probably wouldn’t extradite anyone. They’d just kill them themselves. In fact, Israel had a practice of kidnapping people on foreign soil, dragging them back to Israel without the host nation being aware, conducting a trial of the suspect, then killing them. Do you know who else goes overseas and kidnaps people? North Korea and the United States. We took the leader of Panama and today, he’s rotting in a Florida prison. Hey, we didn’t kill him. North Korea just nabs people…or they murder them in airports on foreign soil.

To be fair, Israel wasn’t just grabbing ordinary civilians off the streets and throwing them into unmarked vans. They were grabbing Nazis hiding in South America. I am fine with going to Argentina and grabbing Nazis off the street and throwing them into unmarked vans then having them taken to Israel to stand trial. But to be honest, I don’t think anyone accused of being a Nazi is going to received a fair trial in Israel. If you were accused of being a Nazi, you wouldn’t any Jews on the jury except Stephen Miller.

That doesn’t make me anti-Israel…but people will say I am for this cartoon. Any time you criticize Israel, you’re often accused of being anti-Semitic. And our nation rarely criticizes Israel. The nation of Israel basically has a free pass with the U.S.

I’m criticizing Israel like I criticize the United States. What, am I anti-American now?

Foreign policy experts warn of our enemies engaging in bad behavior between the time of an American presidential election and a new administration taking over. Will Russia invade the rest of Ukraine? Will North Korea attack South Korea? Will Iranian-backed terrorists strike an embassy? Will South Korea unleash more anti-Trump TikTok videos? Will Canada increase imports of their cheese? Will the Prime Minister of Denmark laugh at pictures of Trump at his tiny desk? But…what happens when our allies take advantage of us during a presidential transition?

Last week, Mohsen Fakhrizadeh, who once led Iran’s military nuclear program when they had one, was assassinated. Who did it? Nobody has taken credit. And, neither Israel or the United states has issued a denial. There hasn’t even been an official, “Don’t look at me. I was at home washing my hair.”

Israel has been accused of assassinating Iranian scientist in the past. What would they have to gain by doing it now? It creates another headache on day one of President Joe Biden’s administration. Already, Iranians are burning pictures of Donald Trump and Joe Biden in the streets of Tehran. Biden isn’t even president yet but they’re extending blame to him. And if they think Israel did it, then why are they mad at us? Because we coddle Israel and support their actions like this. Hell, we probably paid for the bullets and explosives used in the act.

Iran is blaming Israel, but they know the United States has already killed one of their generals this year. So if they retaliate against us and it’s proven later we didn’t have anything to do with the killing of the scientist, Iran won’t lose any sleep over it. We’re still the Great Satan. If nothing else, we boasted about killing that general so I’m sure Donald Trump couldn’t have been silent over murdering an Iranian nuclear scientist.

Trump would have tweeted, “Best scientist murder ever. People are saying it’s nothing that’s ever been seen before. Obama never killed such important scientist. Sleepy Joe would have only sniffed the scientist’s hair.”

The other thing Israel gets out of this is that it hurts our negotiating position when we resume peace talks preventing Iran from having nuclear weapons. We had a deal and it was working. Donald Trump removed us without any reasoning other than catering to his right-wing base and Israel didn’t like the treaty. The treaty kept us out of war with Iran. Israel views a war between the United States and Iran in their best interest. The Israeli government will not mind us spilling our blood in their national interest.

And when it comes to dealing with the incoming administration, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has congratulated Joe Biden…we just don’t know what for.

Bibi tweeted, 12 hours after U.S. media called the election for Biden, “Congratulations @JoeBiden and @KamalaHarris. Joe, we’ve had a long & warm personal relationship for nearly 40 years, and I know you as a great friend of Israel. I look forward to working with both of you to further strengthen the special alliance between the U.S. and Israel.”

So, what did he congratulate them for? Netanyahu is playing it safe and parsing his words. He’s congratulating his old friend while not angering Donald Trump…which has to be one of the most ridiculous positions a foreign leader feels he has to take. It’s also cowardly. Wait until Bibi finds out his dogs are German Shepherds.

Shortly after the mysterious congratulatory tweet to Biden, Bibi tweeted a thank you to Donald Trump without mentioning the fact Trump is a loser who will be leaving the White House very soon.

Joe Biden has to come in and fix things Donald Trump has fucked up. He has to work on our immigration policies. He has to clean up a lot of bullshit funding for Trump’s racist border wall. He has to get us back into the Paris Climate Accords. He has to fix the treaty with Iran that made the world a safer place. He has to smack Putin around a little just so he knows his place. He has to remove us from Kim Jong Un’s butthole. He has to get our allies to stop laughing at us. He has to repair our relationship with NATO and show the world we favor our allies over dictators. And eventually, he has to declare Canadian cheese is not a threat to our national security. And now, he has to include crap Netanyahu is doing.

Israel may not be to blame…but they probably are. If they were a true ally, they would have waited until Joe Biden was in office. He wasn’t even receiving security briefings that president-elects usually receive. Those didn’t start until today. I predict Israel and Iran will be mentioned in every briefing Biden receives between now and the end of his presidency.

We give Israel over $3 billion a year. Unlike other nations where we give aid to in quarterly installments, we give our yearly donation to Israel all at once and at the beginning of the year. We give Israel more than we give to sub-Saharan Africa, Latin America, and the Caribbean combined. And when we give money to Israel, they turn around and put it into New York Federal Reserve so it can start earning interest immediately. We have to borrow to give Israel this money which means we spend over $100 million paying interest on it. And our aid to Egypt and Jordan is contingent upon their treaties with Israel. Our aid to the Palestinians is so they can rebuild their communities after Israel destroys them with weapons we paid for. Additionally, Israel can and has blocked our sales of weapons to other Middle East nations while selling weapons to China that can be used against us…and they do this without telling us.

And then, they murder top officials in nation’s hostile to the U.S, dragging us into their bullshit. And they’re our friends?

One thing President Joe Biden should do, which he won’t, is cut the amount of aid we give to Israel.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Tiny Desk For Diaper Don


cjones11302020

Yesterday, Donald Trump finally took a few questions from reporters and said that he’d leave the White House if the electoral college goes for Joe Biden. He said, “Certainly I will. And you know that.”

Then he said, “If they do, they’ve made a mistake.”

Later in the day, he moved the goal post, again, and tweeted, “Biden can only enter the White House as President if he can prove that his ridiculous ‘80,000,000 votes’ were not fraudulently or illegally obtained. When you see what happened in Detroit, Atlanta, Philadelphia & Milwaukee, massive voter fraud, he’s got a big unsolvable problem!”

A few takeaways here:

First, what “big unsolvable problem?” The only one with a “big unsolvable problem” is Trump and that’s trying to prove his lie that he won the election.

It’s not up to Donald Trump to decide who won the election. He can not refuse to leave because he’s unsatisfied with “proof”

It’s not up to Joe Biden to prove a negative.

If there was so much voter fraud, then why didn’t Donald Trump’s shitty ridiculous lawyers use that evidence in any one of their 31 cases that were thrown out of court for lack of evidence?

There will be proof as each state certifies and the electoral college goes for Joe Biden. After that, I’m sure Donald Trump will be sitting behind his teeny tiny desk with his arms folded screaming they “made a mistake.” Of course, that teeny tiny desk will probably be at Mar-a-Lago.

Screaming is what Diaper Don does. While sitting behind his teeny tiny desk next to an undecorated Christmas tree that Melania probably said, “Fuck Christmas decorations to,” Donald Trump screamed at a reporter for asking a logical question.

The reporter, Jeff Mason of Reuters, asked if Donald Trump would concede if the electoral college votes for Biden. OK, in any other administration, it wouldn’t be a logical question.

Trump lashed out, which made sitting at the tiny desk look even more ridiculous, and said, “Don’t talk to me that way. You’re just a lightweight. Don’t talk to me that way. I’m the president of the United States. Don’t ever talk to the president that way.”

I’m sure nobody is going to talk to President Joe Biden that way. But what is it with Donald Trump having to insult people?

He screams he’s the president, which I’m sure he’ll continue to do AFTER January 20 and Biden is in the White House, while insulting people like a child.

He also tweeted, “Twitter is sending out totally false ‘Trends’ that have absolutely nothing to do with what is really trending in the world. They make it up, and only negative ‘stuff.” Don’t ask me why “trend” was capitalized.

He then tweeted, “For purposes of National Security, Section 230 must be immediately terminated!!!”

What is he talking about? He’s talking about a law that protects websites from lawsuits over content posted by users. Like if you own Twitter, and someone created a post accusing someone else of rape or of being a Nazi, then you couldn’t be sued for owning the platform the post was created on…just the person who created the post can be sued.

Or in this case, you can’t be sued because someone created the hashtag #DiaperDon. Seriously. According to reports, after his tiny desk press conference, the Diaper Don hashtag really pissed him off.

He got so upset, he filled his diaper.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

There is no video for this cartoon or the last one because I need to add the software to this new computer…and Corel is a real asshole about sending me the download keys for shit I already paid for. Fuck you, Corel.

Turkey Coup Fail


cjones11262020

Donald Trump’s coup has failed.

Yesterday, the head of the General Services Administration, a low-profile agency that directs resources for stuff like government real estate and oh yeah…transition funds from one presidential administration to the next, announced it was approving the transition to the Biden administration.

After a presidential election when a new leader is elected, the GSA routinely releases funding to the new administration so there will be a smooth transition between the election and when the new president takes the oath of office in January. Although the head of the agency is appointed by the outgoing president, there’s usually no drama over this person doing their job. That was not the case this time.

Emily Murphy is the head of the General Services Administration. Emily Murphy has been described as a by-the-books administrator. Emily Murphy is a coward.

Joe Biden won the election 16 days ago. And even though Donald Trump was having a public hissy fit, hiding in his bunker except to play golf, refusing to answer reporters’ questions, throwing out conspiracy theories, issuing over 300 lying tweets since the election, losing over 30 legal challenges, inviting state Republican legislators to the White House to coerce them to reject their citizens votes, and having Rudy Giuliani hold press conferences outside dildo stores and icking all over the place, Emily Murphy could have approved the transition process to begin.

Even if by some bizarro-world situation where Trump flipped states and would remain president for the next four years (Brrr! I just got a chill), nothing would have been lost by preparing for a Biden presidency. No harm would have been done. If Joe Biden was receiving the same daily intelligence briefings as Donald Trump, it wouldn’t have been a risk to this nation.

When it comes to the security briefings, Joe Biden has been in positions previously where he received them. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would qualify for a security clearance without being president. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would actually read the briefing material. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would not tweet or share classified information with Vladimir Putin. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would not overrule the FBI and give security clearances to his daughter and son-in-law (who was trying to create a back channel with Russia and is in debt to Middle Eastern kingdoms).

Emily Murphy could have said, “I know Trump is going to be a big baby about this but I’m moving the process forward. It’s the right thing to do.” She could have done the right thing…but she didn’t. That will be her legacy. Imagine how she would have been remembered if she had done the right thing. You can only imagine it because Emily Murphy is a coward.

Emily Murphy released a statement saying, “I was never directly or indirectly pressured by any Executive Branch official — including those who work at the White House or GSA — with regard to the substance or timing of my decision.” Bullshit.

Emily Murphy is a coward and just like every Republican in Washington, she was afraid of angering Trump and his MAGAts. She claims she received death threats. I doubt Democrats were issuing those threats. She claimed even her pets received death threats. How do you claim you didn’t feel any pressure when people are threatening your dog?

Emily Murphy is a coward and she should have done her job in the first place. She shouldn’t have waited 16 days. She is just another Trump goon who put the cult before duty. Even though she was hired by Trump, she works for the citizens of the United States of America, not Donald Trump. She is paid by us, not Donald Trump. She should have done her job.

What Donald Trump did was put himself before the nation. He undermined our democracy. He told his supporters our election failed. He told his supporters they can’t trust democracy. He told our allies the president (sic) of the United States didn’t believe in democracy. He told our enemies the president (sic) of the United states didn’t believe in democracy. Donald Trump tried to remain president after losing an election. Donald Trump attempted a coup. Emily Murphy, like so many Republicans, enabled him.

Emily Murphy, you are not a hero. You are not brave. You are a failure and a sycophant of the cult. You’re no better than Kayleigh McEnany, Stephen Baby Goebbels Miller, or Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin. And just like all the MAGAts Trump brought with him, I look forward to your dismissal after January 20.

Donald Trump is boasting he has delivered a vaccine to the coronavirus. He really didn’t have anything to do with that but still, his stonewalling the Biden transition endangers the distribution of the vaccine after he’s gone.

Donald Trump hasn’t just be trying to discredit the Biden administration. His actions were an attempt to make it fail. And if that means more Americans died, for Donald Trump, so be it. It’s not like he cared about Americans dying from the virus before the election. If more Americans die after Trump leaves office, even if it’s his fault, he can blame Biden and tweet about it.

Now, he’s going to pin a medal on himself for approving the transition. Donald Trump tweeted he told Murphy to release the transition funds while Murphy is saying she made the decision on her own. These people need to coordinate their bullshit.

Even If Murphy never did release the funds before January 20, it wouldn’t have stopped Joe Biden from becoming president. While Trump goons say the media doesn’t decide who wins elections, neither does the GSA or the president (sic). Joe Biden will be president on January 20 and there’s nothing Donald Trump or Emily Murphy can do about that. But, they’re still going to give the impression Donald Trump allowed it.

Prediction: Donald Trump will be praised by the Trump media and MAGAts for being a big boy and getting out of the way for Joe Biden. You’ll see. Geraldo Rivera wants to name the vaccine to the virus that Donald Trump allowed to kill over 250,000…after Donald Trump to “honor” him. That’s how these people are. We should NOT name any vaccine after Donald Trump. We have named the virus after him. He is the virus, not the cure.

If anyone’s the cure, it’s Joe Biden.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Goodbye, Jerk


cjones11182020

Right now, Donald Trump is in the denial stage. He believes he’s won the election and it was stolen from him. But even Hitler in his bunker at some point realized the Soviets were knocking on his door and the war was lost.

Is Trump’s denial greater than Hitler’s? Donald Trump doesn’t even have evidence to base his “stolen election” argument on. Even his lawyers have had to admit that in court as they watch their cases get thrown out.

There is no plausible way for Donald Trump to win the election. He would have to get votes he doesn’t have, that don’t exist, to overturn multiple states where his margin of defeat is greater than his 2016 margin of victory. He would have to overturn an election in a state run by Republicans…where the votes were counted by Republicans. The last grasp for Donald Trump will be to convince Republican legislatures to violate their own state laws and give him their electors.

Donald Trump is in such denial that he’s put Rudy Giuliani in charge of his fraudulent case of election stealing. He’s put a sycophant in charge of stealing the election. The entire hopes of the Trump administration rests on the mind and skills of the guy who confused Four Seasons Hotel for Four Seasons Landscaping and held a press conferences next to a dildo store. Donald Trump has put all his faith into the guy who was tricked by Borat. I hope Rudy gets his own show on Trump TV.

A more likely outcome will be Donald Trump waddling out of the White House with his pants around his ankles and his arms with as much stuff as he can grift out of the White House…then spending the rest of his life tweeting that he’s still president.

As many people on social media have said, “Melania ‘be best’ packing.” But what all will Donald Trump pack. What will he grift from the government in his final weeks, days, hours? Seriously, they should check his pockets as he’s weebling out the door. For that matter, they should check every bag of every member of his administration. How much loot can Javanka carry out?

Prediction: Days, weeks, months, and years after he leaves the White House, we’ll read reports on what he and his administration took with them. Expect the large from government contracts, to the petty, like lamps and chairs. Look for stolen computer equipment and office furniture. Am I being petty? No. I have watched these people for the past four years and they don’t have ethics. They will steal everything that’s not nailed to the floor. In fact, maybe we should start nailing things to the floor. I just hope the Resolute Desk isn’t missing when Joe Biden walks into the Oval Office.

If Donald Trump wants a token from the worst presidential term in the history of presidents, American history, world history, history of the Kiwanis presidents, history of Hair Club for Men presidents…the worst ever…let him take that Andrew Jackson painting. Hopefully, we’ll never have another president as racist as Donald Trump who will want to hang it in the Oval Office. Donald Trump can take that Andrew Jackson painting and hang it in one of his shitty golf resorts next to all the fake Time Magazine covers.

This entire presidency has been delusional. We never got a wall on the border paid for by Mexico. They never found those millions of illegal votes from 2016. Trump never got that Nobel Prize. He’s not going to get his head on Mount Rushmore. And…he’s not going to get a second term.

Donald Trump will go out saying he doesn’t need anything…except your money, our money, MAGA rallies, and a TV network dedicated to his delusions so he can continue to spread lies and hate to his millions of fucknut followers.

But we don’t need Donald Trump, his lies, or his delusions.

Goodbye, Trump. Goodbye, Grifter. And if you haven’t stolen it, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Creative note: I used this concept in April, 2017. I thought I was in a good place since neither of my proofer’s remembered that.

Update: I’ll provide this update in tomorrow’s blog too. I think I should be open and share this as maybe it’ll help others. I got the phone call this morning and I have tested positive for the coronavirus.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Operation Bucket Trap


cjones11172020

Since Donald Trump projects, naturally he’d spend a week hiding inside the White House after spending months claiming Joe Biden was hiding in his basement.

When Joe Biden was staying home and wasn’t on the campaign trail, it was so he wouldn’t put lives in danger by campaigning. When Trump stays home hiding, it’s because he’s embarrassed that in the 2020 presidential election, he got his big orange ass handed to him.

Donald Trump held rally after rally, subjecting thousands to the coronavirus, and he still lost the election. Today, his followers will descend upon Washington for an anti-democracy protest.

Trump’s MAGAts are protesting under the pretense that the election was stolen. It wasn’t stolen. If anything, they’re trying to steal it. I know counter protesters will want to show up to make their voices heard as the MAGAts claim there will be a million of them, but please…if you’re opposing these people, stay home.

There will not be a million MAGAts in the district today. Maybe a few thousand. Most of them will not be masked. Liberals in Washington are very good at wearing masks. But this time, let the idiots have the streets. This could be another Trump super-spreader event. Let them hack on each other, not you. I’m blaming the possibility of having covid on MAGAts I saw on the metro giving me the stink eye for my RBG mask.

What these MAGAts want is a fascist ruler, not a democratic system. It’s what all Republicans want. And as they march around outside the White House, they know Donald Trump will be inside…hiding.

Donald Trump is hiding from reality. He’s hiding from facts. And he may be afraid to leave the White House as the locks may be changed while he’s out golfing. I hope it rains.

Donald Trump will never admit he lost the election. He may spend the rest of his life claiming he’s still president. They may even have to drag him out of the White House kicking and screaming.

I’m good with that. I wouldn’t mind seeing Donald Trump dragged out of the White House. But whoever has to do the dirty deed, remember…wear a face mask. These people are nasty.

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