Woke Hurricane


I have a lot of friends in Florida, as I’m sure you do as well. At the rate people are moving to the Sunshine State (making it the third most populous in the nation), it’s probably impossible not to know someone in Florida. And I’m concerned for my friends in Florida. I don’t want to call them “Floridians” because some of them truly don’t like it there and would take offense to the label. But still, they live there nonetheless.

I’m concerned for my friends in Florida because of Hurricane Ian, which is making a beeline for my friend Karen’s house (who definitely doesn’t want to be labeled as a “Floridian”). This is a bad storm and I’m afraid there will be a staggering loss of lives in addition to the billions in property damage. Plus, Karen just put in a new pool. I tell her every day to check for alligators before diving in. After this storm, she might find manatees in her pool.

I’m concerned for my friends at the Sarasota News-Tribune because I can’t afford to lose another client. Seriously, hang in there, guys. I’m thinking of you.

It’s not just the hurricane that scares me for the good people who live in Florida. I’m also scared for them because of the largest threat to the state, Republicans.

Republicans are in charge of the state. They have the governorship and the legislature. With that, they’re making a lot of stupid and racist laws. They’re crafting laws that harm their state just to own the liberals. They unloaded a huge tax burden on Floridians to spite Disney.

They’re making it illegal to teach any American history that would make white kids feel guilty. They’re outlawing compassion in schools as they outlawed “gay” curriculums. They’re banning books. They literally passed a law against “wokeness” in business and higher education, which was struck down by a court. They passed a law making it legal to run over Black Lives Matter protesters with your car (yes, they did this). Governor Ron DeSantis made the state less safe during the COVID pandemic, forcing students and teachers to go to schools without face masks. He publicly shamed students for wearing face masks by scolding them while pointing his pointy racist finger at them. And, DeSantis is removing elected Democrats from office.

On top of all that, Republicans deny that Climate Change exists while filling sandbags for an approaching category 4 hurricane. But it’s OK. The hurricane is named “Ian,” which is a nice Scottish name. Now, if it was a Hurricane Carlos, Hurricane Maria, Hurricane Lopez, or Hurricane Jesus, then I’m sure DeSantis and his fellow goons would be blaming Biden and say he opened the border for illegal hurricanes. It’s a hurricane invasion.

A Hurricane Alejandro will take your job. A Hurricane Emilia will be a welfare queen. A Hurricane Diego will never bother to learn English. Hurricane Isadora will never assimilate. Hurricane Estaban will leer at your white daughter. Hurricane Lorenzo will illegally vote Democratic. Hurricane Fernando is probably a member of MS-13. Hurricane Juanita will put a taco truck on every corner. A Hurricane Pablo will lie and tell you Taco Bell isn’t authentic Mexican cuisine. Oh no! And if you really wanna see them lose their shit, wait until Hurricane Mohammed arrives.

But don’t worry too much. This hurricane is an Ian if you listen to Trump, Ians don’t come from shit-hole countries. Nobody’s deporting Ians to Martha’s Vineyard. We don’t need a wall to protect us from Ians.

By the way, the water keeps getting higher and higher on those Florida hurricane walls. I wonder why.

Now, I really want a taco.

By the way, I have a nephew named Ian who I have never met, but I hear he can be a hurricane.

Creative note: I started this cartoon yesterday morning and right after I had it spellchecked by Laura and Hilary, I thought of the Sharpie/hurricane cartoon. I liked that one much better and decided to do it then, pushing this one aside. I had decided this one would be placed on the back burner until the next hurricane, if not dead forever…but I changed my mind this morning. I still liked it.

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5 comments

  1. My grandson’s name is Ian. He can be a hurricane in the kitchen, as almost 18 year olds who are 6 feet 4 inches and still growing can eat like they have a hollow leg. But I too have friends in Florida, including an 83 year old widow in a condo on A1A in Flagler Beach. Glad her unit is on the second floor.

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  2. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    I totally get you! I live in FloriDUH!!! … I know!! — “It’s not just the hurricane that scares me for the good people who live in Florida. I’m also scared for them because of the largest threat to the state, Republicans.”

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  3. I made a website of our preparations, if anyone’s interested . . . it’s not as exciting as watching people make up sandbags, drive in bumper-to-bumper traffic, empty store shelves, and nail plywood over their windows, but I think it may calm folks down who think EVERYone in Florida panics when a hurricane is forecast . . .
    http://alldogssite.com/hurricane_ian_092722_01.html

    PS: My VAL DEMING and CHARLIE CRIST yard signs arrived last week, but I thought I’d better wait ’til Ian’s left town; don’t want to tempt him into taking them down. We have enough neighbors who might do that.

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  4. Yesterday, I was talking to a friend who is and has always been a committed Dem. Having received an inferior education in politics, I was explaining to her HOW people could come to embrace views like those of the Republicans in Florida (and in many other places in the U.S.). A lot of it comes down to education. I don’t really blame these hard-core Republican citizens (the politicians are bad people, manipulative, lying gaslighters, but the working folks are different). I pity them. They most obviously never received training in critical thinking, or reading to ascertain bias. They do not come from privileged households, but are being made to pay hommage to people of different races who may well have had more resources (and more love and affection, and music, and perhaps more church, and/or at least more community) than they did. My friend thinks we might have a full-scale revolution, and i believe that she might be right. But one very good idea, whether or not we do. is to love and cherish our friends and neighbors who think differently. Yes, their beliefs are idiotic, myopic, zenophobic, and wrong. But who are we to judge? We have been blessed … we are lucky to know better….

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  5. Ya know what really pisses me off about DeSantis and his minions? My family moved to Florida 52 years ago and remember when living here was something to be proud of. But not anymore. It’s bad enough when MAGets argue with me on a popular website (starts with “F”) but when some Trumpette tells me I gotta move if I don’t like it here that’s beyond the pale. Hell no I’m no Floridian! I just live here!

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