Woke Hurricane

I have a lot of friends in Florida, as I’m sure you do as well. At the rate people are moving to the Sunshine State (making it the third most populous in the nation), it’s probably impossible not to know someone in Florida. And I’m concerned for my friends in Florida. I don’t want to call them “Floridians” because some of them truly don’t like it there and would take offense to the label. But still, they live there nonetheless.

I’m concerned for my friends in Florida because of Hurricane Ian, which is making a beeline for my friend Karen’s house (who definitely doesn’t want to be labeled as a “Floridian”). This is a bad storm and I’m afraid there will be a staggering loss of lives in addition to the billions in property damage. Plus, Karen just put in a new pool. I tell her every day to check for alligators before diving in. After this storm, she might find manatees in her pool.

I’m concerned for my friends at the Sarasota News-Tribune because I can’t afford to lose another client. Seriously, hang in there, guys. I’m thinking of you.

It’s not just the hurricane that scares me for the good people who live in Florida. I’m also scared for them because of the largest threat to the state, Republicans.

Republicans are in charge of the state. They have the governorship and the legislature. With that, they’re making a lot of stupid and racist laws. They’re crafting laws that harm their state just to own the liberals. They unloaded a huge tax burden on Floridians to spite Disney.

They’re making it illegal to teach any American history that would make white kids feel guilty. They’re outlawing compassion in schools as they outlawed “gay” curriculums. They’re banning books. They literally passed a law against “wokeness” in business and higher education, which was struck down by a court. They passed a law making it legal to run over Black Lives Matter protesters with your car (yes, they did this). Governor Ron DeSantis made the state less safe during the COVID pandemic, forcing students and teachers to go to schools without face masks. He publicly shamed students for wearing face masks by scolding them while pointing his pointy racist finger at them. And, DeSantis is removing elected Democrats from office.

On top of all that, Republicans deny that Climate Change exists while filling sandbags for an approaching category 4 hurricane. But it’s OK. The hurricane is named “Ian,” which is a nice Scottish name. Now, if it was a Hurricane Carlos, Hurricane Maria, Hurricane Lopez, or Hurricane Jesus, then I’m sure DeSantis and his fellow goons would be blaming Biden and say he opened the border for illegal hurricanes. It’s a hurricane invasion.

A Hurricane Alejandro will take your job. A Hurricane Emilia will be a welfare queen. A Hurricane Diego will never bother to learn English. Hurricane Isadora will never assimilate. Hurricane Estaban will leer at your white daughter. Hurricane Lorenzo will illegally vote Democratic. Hurricane Fernando is probably a member of MS-13. Hurricane Juanita will put a taco truck on every corner. A Hurricane Pablo will lie and tell you Taco Bell isn’t authentic Mexican cuisine. Oh no! And if you really wanna see them lose their shit, wait until Hurricane Mohammed arrives.

But don’t worry too much. This hurricane is an Ian if you listen to Trump, Ians don’t come from shit-hole countries. Nobody’s deporting Ians to Martha’s Vineyard. We don’t need a wall to protect us from Ians.

By the way, the water keeps getting higher and higher on those Florida hurricane walls. I wonder why.

Now, I really want a taco.

By the way, I have a nephew named Ian who I have never met, but I hear he can be a hurricane.

Creative note: I started this cartoon yesterday morning and right after I had it spellchecked by Laura and Hilary, I thought of the Sharpie/hurricane cartoon. I liked that one much better and decided to do it then, pushing this one aside. I had decided this one would be placed on the back burner until the next hurricane, if not dead forever…but I changed my mind this morning. I still liked it.

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