Immigration

Theater Ted


Cjones03302021

When Raphael Edward “Ted” Cruz ran from his state like a coward when it was hit by a freeze, the most astonishing thing about his actions was that he did it. OK, that would have been astonishing if he was actually a warm-blooded human being and not some defrosted creepy reptilian thing that some mad scientist forgot to put back inside his walk-in freezer.

This is a guy who has fear-mongered and scapegoated immigrants coming from our southern border so you would think he’d pick a location to run to that wasn’t below our southern border. Why go to Mexico when you spend 90% of your time bitching about Mexicans?

On top of abdicating his duties and responsibilities of a United States Senator and even pretending to care about his constituents, Ted blamed the entire ordeal on his daughters. He told us they really wanted to go to Cancun because that’s where all little girls want to go. He said it was a class field trip…without any class. If you don’t take your underage daughters to Cancun when they ask, someone might call Child Protective Services on you. Or maybe that’s only in Texas.

Later, a neighbor revealed that after the freeze hit Texas, Ted and his wife, who Donald Trump claimed is ugly, were calling neighbors to see if they wanted to get in on the Cancun action at the Ritz Carlton, which was offering amazing rates. What was not astonishing about all of this is that Ted Cruz has a neighbor who doesn’t like him. Ted’s lucky his neighbors only expose his lies by sending Heidi’s tweets to The New York Times. Rand Paul’s neighbors physically assault him.

Then, Ted goes running back to Texas the day after he left Texas. Why? Because he got caught. While leaving the state, he was wearing a generic face mask without any logo on it. On his return, his face mask was emblazoned with the state flag of Texas. He really wanted us to know how much he loves Texas…from where he ran away from in a crisis. Later, he made sure there were photos and videos of him handing out water to his constituents…which would be illegal if they were black voters in Georgia.

Ted Cruz lacks self awareness. If he had any, he’d still be in a hole somewhere out of embarrassment and knowing nobody will buy his bullshit. But we’re talking about Ted Cruz. This is the same guy who asks how to stop insurrections after helping to lead an insurrection. It’s like shit Ted did in the past never happened.

Ted Cruz went to the border and made a mini-documentary while wearing a Fidel Castro costume he probably found at a military surplus store. He took a video team with him and tweeted live videos from our southern border with Mexico. What did he see on the other side of the Rio Grande River in Mexico? Mexicans. Ted tweeted that there are Mexicans in Mexico. Shit. He could have told us that while he was in Cancun.

Ted said, “On the other side of the river we have been listening to and seeing cartel members – human traffickers – right on the other side of the river waving flashlights, yelling and taunting Americans, taunting the Border Patrol.” He also claimed he saw a dead body floating in the river, but he didn’t show a video of that. Odd.

First, how does Ted know they were cartel members and human traffickers? Do human traffickers wear T-Shirts saying, “Human Traffickers?” Sure, those people are out there but that doesn’t mean Ted saw any. And they were on the other side of the river in Mexico, “waving flashlights, yelling, and taunting Americans and Border Patrol?” Shocking. What are we going to do about Mexicans in Mexico taunting us? For all we know, the Mexicans on the other side of the border was Mexico’s Border Patrol trying to keep Ted Cruz from returning.

Beto O’Rourke, who didn’t flee Texas when it was under a freeze, tweeted, “You’re in a border patrol boat armed with machine guns. The only threat you face is unarmed children and families who are seeking asylum (as well as the occasional heckler).”

Novelist Paul Rudnick tweeted, “Ted Cruz and Susan Collins claim they were ‘heckled’ by drug cartels at the Mexican border. Both agreed it brought back painful memories of their proms.”

Wait? Susan Collins went on the Cruz Cruise? You would think a Republican Senator would avoid any photo-ops with Cancun Cruz. Republicans should treat Ted Cruz like the coronavirus and stay at least six feet…or six states away from him. At least it was just one Republican Senator, Susan Collins, lacking any self-awareness and not 17 on this field trip for morons….and what? There were 17 Republican Senators on this trip with Cruz? Lindsey Graham was there. So was Texas’ other idiot Senator, John Cornyn. Louisiana’s John Kennedy went too.

Last week, after Democrats talked about gun legislation, Cruz accused them of engaging in “theater.”

And then, he performs a theatrical act on the border. The guy literally took a camera team with him. This may be Ted’s biggest theatrical performance since his return from Cancun…or that time he went after Donald Trump for calling his wife ugly and said, “Donald, leave Heidi the hell alone,” and called him a “sniveling coward.” You know that was a theatrical performance because soon after, he bailed on his morals faster than he ran away from Texas in a winter freeze and became a Trump surrogate.

There was a huge increase in border crossings in 2019. During the Trump administration, children were ripped away from their parents and then lost in the system. Ted Cruz never took a camera crew to the detainment centers or the border during that time. The only fact-finding mission Ted conducted during that period was to find out how deep he could burrow up Donald Trump’s ass.

Republicans project. When Cancun Cruz called Trump a “sniveling coward,” he was redirecting what he saw in the mirror. He accuses others of “theater” then runs to the border with a camera crew in a Fidel costume. There probably isn’t another soul on this planet more disingenuous than Ted Cruz, and there’s no one with less self-awareness.

When Raphael Edward ran to Mexico while his state froze, with millions losing power and dozens dying, he became “Cancun Cruz.” But, Theater Ted has always been “Pendejo Ted.”

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Welcoming A Crisis


Cjones03232021

Fox News and other assorted devious evil fuckers are spreading lies about immigrants crashing our southern border while carrying the coronavirus because Joe Biden invited them. They did something similar to this in 2018 when they screamed about migrant caravans being funded by George Soros. That was a hat trick for Republicans because it was a lie, anti-Semitic, and racist.

There’s a lot to unpack here, so let’s do it.

President Joe Biden did NOT invite immigrants to come here illegally. He didn’t even invite refugees to come to our border and legally request amnesty. Despite what Republicans and other idiots are saying, those are the facts.

Speaking of facts, it is legal to come to our border and request amnesty. What Donald Trump did was bar people from being able to request amnesty and stay in our country while waiting on a hearing. So, Donald Trump forced very desperate people to sneak into our nation. Some people died attempting this. Some children died attempting this. Donald Trump has blood on his hands.

Joe Biden did NOT open borders. This is a huge lie for Republicans and they can’t stop repeating it. He has talked about pathways to citizenship but he hasn’t made that promise to people who were not in this nation.

There is not a flood of immigrants bringing covid to our nation. It’s just not happening. This is another Fox News bullshit talking point. What do they think the quarantine is for that President Biden has implemented? You can’t scream that President Biden is allowing immigrants to bring the coronavirus here then complain about detaining immigrants. You can’t have both. Pick one. By the way, migrants are being tested at a positive rate of less than six percent. That’s a lower positive rate than Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico.

Immigration has increased since President Biden stepped into office. And yes, a lot of it has do to with there being hope in Central America that there is a friendlier administration…or at least one that’s not going to dehumanize immigrants. Rumor is, unlike the last president (sic), President Joe Biden is NOT a racist asshole. We have had a hard time hiding this fact from Central America. President Biden is a nice guy. He wears a face mask to protect others. He doesn’t demonize or demagogue people. He owns dogs. Even Republicans like him. Ask Lindsey Graham.

The majority of immigrants being detained are children who arrived at the border alone. While we can be unhappy with the way they’re being detained, and where, the situation is not equivalent to the Trump policy where they ripped families apart and threw babies into jails to sleep on floors with tinfoil blankets. It’s not like where Trump and Stephen Miller forced children, children dammit, to go to court alone and represent themselves when they don’t even speak English. The Biden policy is NOT equivalent to the Trump policy that then-Attorney General Jeff Sessions laid out as one of separating families in order to deter immigration. You don’t see anyone from the Biden administration pushing a policy designed to be cruel and giggling while explaining it, as Sessions did.

There are real issues to confront with the border. There are real issues with how the Biden administration is handling it. There are real issues about the transparency of this…but Republicans would rather use lies because President Biden is actually trying to do something about it. Again, he’s a good guy.

For Republicans, the only answer to this problem would be to deny everyone who isn’t white entry into this nation and to be as cruel as possible to the ones who do slip in. You have to remember, Donald Trump didn’t just try to combat illegal immigration. He tried to eliminate legal immigration for non-white people. This is the guy who said we need more people from Norway, described nations in Africa, Central America, and Haiti as “shithole” countries. He talked about people coming over here after living in grass huts. He enacted a ban on people entering from Muslim countries.

For Republicans, the only good immigration policy is a racist policy. How racist are Republicans? The Department of Homeland Security estimates there are over ten million people in this nation illegally. The majority of them entered legally, not crossing through a desert. The majority of drugs and weapons that enter this nation come through legal checkpoints. These are facts. So, with over ten million people here illegally, why are we freaking out over 13,000 brown children at the border? In case you’re a Republican, 13,000 is less than ten million.

By the way, is Trump’s wall not working?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Wapped By Fox


cjones03182021

So, just how many Fox lies can I insert into one cartoon?

I got George Soros-funded migrant caravans, Mexico sending rapists and murderers, the border being crashed by covid-carriers, illegal immigrant voters, attacks on mail-in voting, voter fraud, the Big Lie over the stolen election, Dr. Seuss and Pepe Le Pew being canceled, immigrants wearing Biden shirts at the border, attacks and fear-mongering over LGBTQ, and false equivalencies between vandalism at the Portland Federal Courthouse and actual Trump terrorists attack the United States Capitol. On top of all that, I got conservative outrage over the WAP song. I’m sure I left something out.

And this cartoon is why I don’t unfriend or block MAGAts on Facebook. Seeing several of the troglodytes creating posts on already debunked bullshit, then seeing the exact same thing again and again from conservative political cartoonists, teaches me exactly what’s being discussed at Fox News without having to actually watch Fox News.

Several years ago, there was a poll that showed people who watched the Daily Show were more informed than viewers of Fox News. I totally believe that and I know it’s true. To be effective at satire, you need to know what’s going on. You will actually be more informed reading the Onion, Andy Borowitz, and my cartoons than you ever will be by watching Sean Hannity, Jeanine Pirro, Laura Ingraham, or Tucker Carlson. And I’m not trying to say my cartoons are all that, but Fox is all suck.

Fox News is also poison. Not only do they spread lies, but they fear-monger to the point that people use the lies to validate their racism and terrorism. David Duke and other white supremacists say Tucker is must-watch TV for them. And when you have stars of your network speaking at Donald Trump’s hate rallies, with one of them having nightly phone calls with him, then you’re no longer a news channel…you’re propaganda.

People talk about the political divisions in this country, partisanship, and tribalism. I admit that I contribute to the division, but I don’t need to use bullshit to do it. Fox News lies. Fox News even tells you that you can’t trust Fox News.

When defending Tucker Carlson in court in a libel suit, Fox News’ lawyers successfully argued that you can’t believe anything Tucker says. Executives at Fox News are now describing themselves as the “opposition” to the Joe Biden administration. An actual news agency shouldn’t be the opposition or ally to politicians. What happened to “fair and balanced?” Sure, that wasn’t ever true but when you tell a lie, you gotta stick with it. You have to make sure your lies don’t expose your previous lies. Did four years of being Trump TV make Fox News dumber?

Do yourself and your country a favor. When you walk into a business, whether it’s a garage, restaurant, bar, doctor’s office, or strip club, and they’re playing Fox News on their TV, walk out or tell them to change it. I have actually sat down at the counter at a Denny’s and told them they had to switch their TV from Fox to another network or turn it off, or I wasn’t buying their pancakes. Just like there are other options for news, there are other pancake options.

Except, Fox News isn’t news. If you switch to CNN, MSNBC, or BBC, you’re not going to another option for news from Fox. If you want an option to Fox, you go to Newsmax, One America News, or Duck Dynasty. There are now competition and options for bullshit and hate propaganda. It’s a great time to be a white nationalist terrorist in the United States. In addition to having hate propaganda and other racist entertainment, there are members of the United States Senate who are your friends and supporters.

Sometimes a conservative will come at me for criticizing Fox News, asking when was the last time I gave the network a chance. But I don’t have to give it another chance. It’s been a long time since I put ketchup on a hot dog and I don’t need to do it again to know that it’s wrong, terrible, un-American, and something that’s only for troglodytes without taste, class, sophistication, or culture.

I get my news from actual news sources and I get my Fox News bullshit from Facebook.

Creative note: I woke up late at 7:30 A.M. without a cartoon idea. I had three subjects in mind and then got ideas for two of them…but not on the border lie Fox is spewing. This is the subject I wanted to hit today. Then I got the idea but I still had to write it. So I wrote it, thought of all the Fox silliness I could include, Googled some shit, Googled some more, made a list, framed it into a long sentence, rewrote the sentence, restructured, rewrote again, lettered it all, shifted some of the lines around in Photoshop, enlarged the text a little, and then sent it to my copy editor Laura who told me I left out an “s” in “transsexual.”

About the WAP song: I really don’t care. Sure, it’s nasty and it’s probably horrible music (I only heard a piece of it months ago), but I do love that it infuriates conservatives. Why do conservatives spend so much time watching, reading, and listening to stuff they hate? That would be like me watching Tim Allen’s sitcom while eating a hot dog desecrated with ketchup.

Also, don’t Google the lyrics for the WAP song. I’m really hoping editors don’t know what the line in the cartoon means. Oh, Lord…please don’t Google it.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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De Joy of Child Detainment


cjones03042021

There is a difference between Donald Trump throwing kids into cages and Joe Biden keeping them in “shelters.” Donald Trump had a policy of separating families. That may not be the Biden policy, but what is Biden’s excuse for the thousands of children being held in these “shelters?”

Friday, White House Spokesperson, Jen Psaki said about the places where children are being held, “I would describe it as a place where we keep kids — who are under the age of 18 and taking a treacherous journey into this country — safe.”

Florida Senators, Marco Rubio and Rick Scott both chastised the Biden administration since one of these shelters is in Miami-Dade County. Rubio said, “Now it’s the Democrats who are putting kids in cages.” Marco, being one the dumbest senators in the Senate didn’t realize he admitted Trump was putting kids in cages. Rick Scott, who never criticized the Trump administration’s family separation policy, said, “What a bunch of hypocrites these Democrats are.”

The facility in Homestead, Florida was closed by the Trump administration in 2019, but is now being reopened by the Biden administration. It’s also a for-profit facility. Someone is making a profit off child detainment during the Biden administration. A facility in Texas closed by the Trump administration will also be reopening soon.

These shelters are designed to be temporary, but the children usually end up staying longer than policy or the law allows. These facilities are often unsanitary and are major health risks.

Didn’t we vote against this?

The number of unaccompanied minors arriving in this nation has increased in recent weeks. After arriving, mostly from Central America, they are quarantined for ten days because of the coronavirus pandemic, then shuttled to shelters around the country. Border Patrol says they intercepted more than 2,000 last week alone. There are fears the record set in May 2019, when over 11,000 arrived, will be broken this month.

The goal is to send these children to relatives in this country, but many will be fostered after being detained for months. A lot of these children arrive with names, addresses, and phone numbers of relatives in the United States. Even though they have contact information and a place to go, they’re still held for months in these “temporary” shelters. And often during this time, the contact information is lost and the government can’t find the child’s relatives.

Representative Alexandria Ocasio Cortez said, “This is not okay, never has been okay, never will be okay — no matter the administration or party.”

The main problem here is that children are being kept in “temporary” shelters longer than legally allowed. Many of the shelters are tents. Remember when the racist Arizona sheriff, Joe Arpaio (before he was arrested himself, charged, then pardoned by Trump because it was a great way to appeal to racists), was keeping prisoners in tents that human rights organizations said were inhumane? If keeping prisoners in tents in the desert is inhumane, then maybe we shouldn’t do it to kids. Also, Border Patrol is NOT the agency that is supposed to be keeping these children for long periods of time.

Neha Desai, director of immigration at the National Center for Youth Law in Oakland, California said, “Children must be swiftly transferred to state-licensed shelters for children, as required by law, and not detained for weeks in Border Patrol facilities that are fundamentally inappropriate and unsafe for children.”

Two things the Trump administration was good at losing: Migrant children and your mail. Joe Biden needs to fix both. As it is now, he’s still stuck with some Trump fuckery.

Louis DeJoy, the idiot Donald Trump had placed in charge of the Post Office, said he’s not leaving and Biden can’t fire him. Only the board can fire DeJoy, which is currently controlled by Trump appointees. Get this: During the Obama years, the Republican Senate refused to fill open seats on the board nominated by President Obama, then after Trump because president, they jammed all his appointees in. Now, Louis DeJoy, a fucknut Trump campaign donor who probably doesn’t know which side of a stamp to lick, is doing everything he can to demolish the United States Post Office.

President Joe Biden needs to do everything he can to demolish all remnants of the Trump legacy, including within the postal service and immigration.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Good


cjones10252020

After Joe Biden mentioned there are over 500 children still separated from their parents, and our government is still unable to find them because of Donald Trump’s separation policy, I could have sworn Donald Trump said, “Good” as a response during last night’s debate.

But, I wasn’t sure if I heard it correctly. So, I hashtagged “good” on Twitter to see if others picked up on it and saw that a lot of people had heard what I heard. I also saw several people on Facebook make the same claim. So I decided to crank this cartoon out quickly knowing that he may not have said it.

Now, I don’t think he said it. I have listened to the tape several times and it sounds like he said, “Go ahead.” Despite that, I stand by this cartoon. I’m glad I drew it and I’m not retracting it. The cartoon is right.

Political cartoons aren’t supposed to be fair. People forget that. Editors forget that. And the reason this cartoon is “good” is because Donald Trump is “good” with the policy that separated these children from their parents. Donald Trump is “good” with an inhumane policy that steals children as a deterrent to other potential immigrants from Central America. Donald Trump is “good” with throwing babies in cages. Donald Trump is “good” with an inhumane policy that caters to his hater base. Donald Trump is “good” with demonizing people. Donald Trump is “good” with building a wall that doesn’t actually stop or decrease illegal immigration, and is only an expensive hate symbol to make the worst of us feel warm and squishy inside. Donald Trump is “good” with his racism.

Last night, Donald Trump said, “I’m the least racist person in this room.” People who say that tend to be most racist people in whatever room they’re in. Usually, after someone makes a claim like that, it’s followed with, “I have a black friend.” Donald Trump is a racist.

Our government has lost track of the parents of 545 children who were taken from them at the border under Donald Trump’s zero tolerance policy. Donald Trump didn’t express any remorse for this. He didn’t say it was too bad. He didn’t say it was wrong. He couldn’t even drum up some bullshit about it being regretful while still supporting the racist inhumane policy. No. Donald Trump said the children are “so well taken care of; they’re in facilities that are so clean.”

My cartoon is accurate and I’m good with it. I’m good with taking down the racist-in-chief.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Goya


cjones07152020

There hasn’t been this much of a kerfuffle over beans since Blazing Saddles (that’s not mine. I stole it from CNN’s Michael Smerconish).

Robert Unanue, the president of Goya, the largest Hispanic-owned food company in the country, said the country was “blessed” to have the president’s (sic) leadership.  Unanue was visiting the White House for a photo-op and compared Donald Trump to his grandfather, an immigrant from Spain who founded the food company in 1936. “We’re all truly blessed at the same time to have a leader like President (sic) Trump.”

Did Unanue’s grandfather immigrate from Spain and inherit Goya? Did his grandfather get loan after loan after loan from his father because he couldn’t run a business? Did his grandfather declare bankruptcy multiple times? Did he take loans from banks propped up by Russia? Did his grandfather refuse to pay contractors? Did his father grab them by the coño? If none of that is true, then what the fuck does the founder of Goya have in common with Trump?

Unanue’s praise was empty. He didn’t cite any specifics for Trump’s “leadership,” which is the word everyone who enters the White House is demanded to say. Unanue may as well have praised Donald Trump for being tall and for standing upright…mostly. And what’s the deal with praising his “leadership” during a pandemic he has mostly ignored and lied about? That’s not leadership.

Now, there is a call to boycott Goya which pains a lot of Hispanics and Latinos in doing so because this is a product they grew up with. Lina Baez-Rosario immigrated to this nation as a child from the Dominican Republic (a place Donald Trump couldn’t find on a map). She told The New York Times her parents cooked with familiar flavors from her home nation to keep her memories alive, and those flavors were found in Goya.

Baez-Rosario said, “If we are the main source of income, if you are targeting us and you are marketing toward us, then your responsibility is to every Latino person, at least in the United States.” That’s the basics of the boycott.

They say, know your market. For example: Donald Trump knows his market which is why he caters to racists who hate brown people. It seems the president of Goya, a company that is supported by brown people should fucking get that and not praise a guy who rips their families apart, throws their kids in cages, calls their nations “shitholes,” and defines those coming to the United States as “rapists” and “murderers.”

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tweeted, “Oh look, it’s the sound of me Googling ‘how to make your own Adobo.'”

Goya put out a statement praising itself for donating 1 million cans of chickpeas and 1 million pounds of other products to food banks across the nation. Unanue said, “We are committed to our country and the need to give back because it is the right thing to do.”

On that note, Gonzolo Guzman, a chef in San Francisco said, “There are people out there that say they support the immigrant community, but at the end, money is stronger.” Yadira Garcia, founder and executive chef of Happy Healthy Latina said, “It’s really not a for-us by-us product. It’s just marketed to us like it is.”

Garcia criticized Goya’s lack of diversity saying, “You can’t just tell a part of our story and exalt a part of our story, and also profit off our pain and our joys, but not really truly be inclusive in our community. You can take our money, but we don’t have a seat at their table.”

The president of Goya went on Fox & Friends, who I’m sure find Tostitos mild salsa too spicy, and said, “I’m not apologizing for saying — and especially when you’re called by the president of the United States — you’re going to say, ‘No, I’m sorry, I’m busy. No thank you’?” Yes. You say, “No fucking thank you, you racist orange gob of malignant shit cancer.” When this racist president (sic) calls you to come to Washington to kiss his ass, that’s exactly what you say. But then again, Unanue inherited his company too, so maybe he has more in common with the Donald Trumps of the world than the Latino/Hispanic community.

And then, Donald Trump tweeted, “I love Goya Foods.” In case you’ve never seen an unendorsement, that’s one right there. First off, Donald Trump, Mr. Taco Bowl, doesn’t eat Goya. This is a guy who has to have the menu at Taco Bell interpreted (in case you’re a Republican, “taco” means taco).

Ted Cruz tweeted, “Goya is a staple of Cuban food. My grandparents ate Goya black beans twice a day for nearly 90 years. And now the Left is trying to cancel Hispanic culture and silence free speech.” This motherfucker, born in Canada, said in 2016, “boycotting is a peaceful protest.” Andrew Kleefeld of Media Matters tweeted, “Ted Cruz has done more to stand up for canned beans than he’s done to stand up for his wife.” Also, Ted…your grandparents on your father’s side lived in Cuba. Did they have Goya, a U.S. product, in Cuba? Maybe you’re talking about your mother’s white parents, the Wilsons. And Goya was founded in 1936 (84 years ago) so how did your grandparents eat it twice a day for nearly 90 years? Fucking liar.

The rest of the idiotic Trump base got upset about the boycott and pointed out how immature and destructive they are. Many of them pointed out that they would NEVER boycott a company for its opinion or actions.

Just last week, these fuckers were boycotting NASCAR over the Confederate flag. They once boycotted Starbucks because they didn’t put Santa Claus on a cup. I’m sure you’ve never heard a conservative say he was boycotting the NFL. Remember when they all destroyed their Keurig coffeemakers when the company pulled its advertising from Sean Hannity’s racist show for troglodytes? How about their boycott and destruction of Yeti Coolers for parting ways with the National Rifle Association? If you’re a conservative, are you still wearing Nikes after their endorsement of Colin Kaepernick…or still subscribing to Disney Plus? How dare they boycott Disney Plus after Ted Cruz’s grandparents have been watching it twice a day for the last 90 years.

The Heritage Foundation, the OFFICIAL obnoxious non-profit think tank of conservatism, published a column in 2018 saying conservatives MUST boycott companies that aren’t friendly to conservative assholes. For something a bit more recent, Gator Country, which probably isn’t the official mouthpiece for anything including actual alligators, published a list last June of companies to boycott.

The conservative asshole alligator guys list corporations like Starbucks, Netflix, Nike, Ben & Jerry’s, and link to another site, Investing Advice Watchdog that does the actual research for a full list of companies it describes as “anti-Trump.” Warning. It’s not a short list.

Trump sycophants are against boycotts except when they’re for them. That jives with being a fucknut shitweasel MAGAt because they already lying hypocrites who are full of shit.

So, on that note. Boycott Goya, when Trump calls, say “no,” and Ted Cruz is still a slimy lying shitweasel of a human being who’s probably never eaten a black bean in his slimy shitweasely life.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

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Corona Cages


cjones07132020

You know that famous quotation written by Martin Niemöller, a German who initially welcomed Adolph Hitler and the Third Reich…then turned against it when he realized what was coming. His quotation goes:

“First they came for the socialists and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist.

“Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a trade unionist.

“Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.

“Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Well, guess what. Now, they’re coming for you. Or at the very least, they’re coming for your kids.

If you did not speak out when the Trump administration started separating families as a policy of cruelty to deter illegal immigration, except to say, “yay,” shame on you. You assumed that a cruel and heartless administration would only stick to their racist agenda and it wouldn’t affect you negatively because you look like them?

Yes, Donald Trump is a racist who is supported by fellow racists and others for whom racism is not a dealbreaker. But in addition to being racist and heartless, they’re selfish and greedy. This is when they come for you. And they’re coming for you and you don’t even know.

Donald Trump will force your children to go back to public schools before we’re ready for schools to open. If you honestly believe you can make elementary school children practice social distancing, then you have never met a child in your entire life. You probably don’t even remember when you were a child. Let me remind you in case you forgot; you were sneezy, snotty, and sticky. You were gross. The only way you can force kids to practice social distancing would be to place them all in cages. Let’s not give the Trump administration any ideas. Betsy DeVos doesn’t care for your children any more than Stephen Miller cares about brown ones.

Donald Trump doesn’t want schools to reopen because we’re ready or it’s best for the community you’re in. And you’re a special kind of stupid if you believe he actually cares for your children. The only reason Donald Trump wants the schools to reopen is so people can feel like things are going back to normal. It’s another way to practice denial about the extent of the coronavirus pandemic. It’s a distraction to help reelect Donald Trump.

Benito Mussolino wasn’t just a fascist dictator. He was a total failure as a leader. He couldn’t employ his people, he couldn’t create jobs, he couldn’t stimulate his economy, and he couldn’t build a great military. His constituency would say, “At least he has the trains running on time.” Il Douchey can’t even do that. Donald Trump’s trains are public schools and Confederate statues.

The worst part of this might be the “new normal” makes the type of cruelty of sacrificing your children for Trump’s personal interest acceptable. Like violence on television, we’ve become desensitized to Donald Trump’s stupidity and cruelty. For example, did you know they’re still separating families? Did you think it quietly disappeared like the coronavirus was supposed to do last April? It didn’t.

There are still families being separated. There are still children alone, in cages, wondering where their parents are. There are still cases over this in courts. We just moved on from one outrage to another. Our focus shifts from whatever brand new cruel insanity Donald Trump is breaking out today.

If you didn’t speak out when Donald Trump forced children into cages, will you speak out when he forces your children into a covid cesspool? If you’re not speaking out even now, just imagine what you’ll have to speak out against if this works and Donald is reelected.

The same cruel assholes who forced migrant children into cages, who tore them apart from their parents, who forced children to go to court alone are the same cruel assholes willing to sacrifice your child for Donald Trump’s selfishness.

You’re late to the game, but you better start speaking out now. The question is: Will there be anyone left to speak for you?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Meet The Millers


cjones02252020

I spent Sunday night in Washington, D.C. in a crappy hotel room. It wasn’t a Motel 6 or any chain type hotel. It was just a really old hotel that appears to have been neglected. It was so outdated, that I had an actual key, not a card, to my room. I was complaining about how tiny the desk was because I could barely squeeze both legs under it…until I realized the socket next to it didn’t work and I was able to move it across the room. I needed my tablet to charge so I could cartoon. The elevator in the place took so long that you were better off taking the stairs. The pillows were more like non-pillows that were created just to tease your skull. And finally, the toilet broke. But, I at least have the comfort that creepy Trump goon Stephen Miller has probably never had sex in that room.

First off, it was next to the Algerian embassy and several others on the street were African and there’s no way Stephen Miller would be able to sleep that close to so many “shithole” countries. Secondly, it wasn’t a Trump property.

All Trump goons do their business at Trump’s hotel in Washington. They all have lunch there. Rudy Giuliani and his goons strategized their Ukraine gooning there. They all book rooms there. William Barr booked a party there. Former EPA chief Scott Pruitt wanted to purchase a used mattress from there (just buy a new mattress). And, Stephen Miller got married there over the weekend. Was the Fuhrerbunker already booked?

Sorry, ladies. Stephen Miller is now taken.

I know what you’re thinking. How did Stephen goose-stepping, spray-on-hair-using, talk-show-shouting, brown-people-hating Miller find a woman willing to marry him? My first thought was it’s a mail-order bride thing and no pictures were exchanged beforehand. That would be horrifying to see that in the airport terminal holding a sign with your name on it. But, no. This woman didn’t just see Captain Forehead beforehand. She actually knows him.

Katie Waldman, the new Mrs. Miller, is press secretary for Mike Pence. While attending the University of Florida, she was responsible for destroying hundreds of copies of the school newspaper after it endorsed an opposing student government candidate. She was press secretary at the Department of Homeland Security and was on Arizona Senator Martha McSally’s staff. McSally was the one who called CNN’s Manu Raju a “liberal hack” for asking her a question. In Washington, vile people run together.

But, congratulations, Katie. Enjoy the many years to come of running your fingers through that scalp.

Stephen Miller may be one of the most horrid people in the Trump administration and maybe the entire Republican Party. He helped write Trump’s “American carnage” inaugural address and went on a news show afterward to say, “The president’s authority would not be questioned.” He was behind the Muslim ban. Recently, the Southern Poverty Law Center discovered he promoted white nationalist views in emails with Breitbart News during the 2016 campaign. He was central to Trump’s “zero tolerance” in which every adult who illegally crosses the border faced criminal prosecution. He was also heavily involved with the blanket policy of separating families and throwing babies in jail.

While working at DHS, Katie told the press that there wasn’t a blanket policy of separating families. Of course, that was a lie which is probably what made her and Stephen Miller creepy soul mates. Lying and racism. They should have his and her towels.

Katie is also full-on Trump troglodyte with Stephen, so they have that in common. In fact, they’re such sycophantic Trump MAGAts, they got married at Trump’s Washington hotel. Maybe Stephen would have burst into flames by walking into a church, but why Trump’s hotel? Can’t these people at least have one special day in their lives without kissing Donald Trump’s ass? No. They can’t.

While it’s disturbing to think of the prospect of Stephen Miller procreating, the real irony is that any offspring of his probably should be kept in cages.

Support the cartoonist.

 

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Fun With Faux Outrage


cjones12082019

The party that gave us baby jails is outraged that a liberal college professor would inject Trump’s youngest child, Barron, into politics and make jokes at his expense. Except the college professor didn’t do that.

Constitutional law expert Pamela Karlan was testifying before the House Judiciary Committee to give her opinions on impeachment. While answering a question from Democratic representative Sheila Jackson Lee, she invoked Barron’s name to make a point. Not one single Republican seemed to get the point.

Lee asked Karlan about the comparison “between kings that the Framers were afraid of and the president’s conduct today.” Karlan answered, “Contrary to what President Trump says, Article Two does not give him the power to do anything he wants. The Constitution says there can be no titles of nobility, so while the president can name his son Barron, he cannot make him a baron.” How dare she point out that Donald Trump has a son named Barron.

Representative Matt Gaetz, whose inclusion on the committee proves Republicans don’t take it seriously, was indignant. Gaetz is the kind of guy who thinks he’s made a strong point after making an ass out of himself. Earlier this week, he was indignant that the Republican governor of Georgia would appoint someone to the Senate that Trump didn’t endorse. Gaetz, who is from Florida, tweeted, “You are ignoring his request because you THINK you know better than @POTUS.” How dare someone think they know better than Donald Trump, especially concerning their own state. But Gaetz’s best outrage of the week was for Professor Karlan.

He screamed at her, “Let me also suggest that when you invoke the president’s son’s name here. When you try to make a little joke out of referencing Trump, that does not lend credibility to your argument. It makes you look mean. It makes you look like you’re attacking someone’s family. The minor child of the president of the United States.” Her sin was stating Trump has a son named Barron.

Here’s the funny thing about this phony outrage over someone saying Trump’s son’s name: Republicans are hypocrites.

Where’s Gaetz’s outrage over ripping children from their families at the border? It’s non-existent. For that matter, where’s Melania’s outrage?

Melania, or someone with her Twitter password, tweeted, “A minor child deserves privacy and should be kept out of politics. Pamela Karlan, you should be ashamed of your very angry and obviously biased public pandering, and using a child to do it.” The fun part of this is that Melania just used her son to go after her husband’s political foes. Republicans are always guilty of what they accuse others.

But where’s Melania’s outrage over family separation, or Trump boasting about barging into the dressing rooms of teenage beauty pageant contestants, or when he tweeted an attack at 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thunberg?

White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham got in on the act and tweeted, “Classless move by a Democratic ‘witness’. Prof Karlan uses a teenage boy who has nothing to do with this joke of a hearing (and deserves privacy) as a punchline. And what’s worse, it’s met by laughter in the hearing room. What is being done to this country is no laughing matter.” Keep in mind, that these people who don’t understand the joke are constantly explaining to us when Trump is joking.

Charlie Kirk, a friend to Trumpy Jr., tweeted, “The left has complained for 2 months it is unethical to attack 49 year old Hunter Biden yet they now shamelessly attack 13 year old Barron Trump. This is the left, they don’t care about people, children, or America, only destroying Trump.” Just a couple months ago, Kirk accused Thunberg (remember, she’s only 16) of supporting “domestic terrorism.”

Fox News’ Laura Ingraham (this is getting too good) tweeted, “Karlan’s cheap shot invoking Baron Trump’s name just lost them any shred of hope that they’re going to win this impeachment battle in the court of public opinion.” Ingraham was outraged, but not enough to bother learning how to spell Barron’s name. Let me remind you, Ingraham taunted David Hogg, who many Republicans accused of being a “crisis actor,” over his college rejections.

Other Republicans pounced. Pence pounced. The Trump campaign pounced. One Republican congressman even entered Melania’s tweet into the Congressional Record.

Immigrant children, survivors of school shootings, and teenage climate activists are all fair game for attacks from Republicans. The rule is, don’t even say the name of a Republican’s child.

A cartooning colleague of mine, who is a level-headed guy, said Karlan messed up because she fed the GOP, Trump cult, and Fox News hosts’ fake outrage for the next six months. But I have an issue with that. Why should we change the rules because Republicans are idiots and liars? Apparently, we did change the rules because Karlan apologized before the hearing was over, which of course no Republican bothered to acknowledge, just like Trump isn’t a king, can’t make Barron a baron, or that “Barron” is the name Trump used to use when he’d call reporters pretending to be someone else to talk about himself.

Melania’s campaign as First Lady is titled “Be Best,” which is an anti-bullying campaign. This is why it’s hard to create satire on this administration. The thing Republicans are best at is pretending to be victimized.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Phone Home


cjones12032019

After 37 years, E.T. and Elliott were reunited in an Xfinity commercial. Everyone’s talking about it but no one really knows what product was being sold. In the commercial, Elliott tell E.T. that a lot has changed. Boy, have they.

E.T. didn’t face a welcoming United States government in his first visit in 1982. He’d face an even colder response now. In the Trump administration, there aren’t any heart lights.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.