Billionaires In Space


When you see bored billionaires spending their money to go into space or say they didn’t know taxes were supposed to be paid on fringe benefits like cars, apartments, and tuition, you know we need to raise taxes on these rich-ass bastards.

American billionaires Jeff Bezos, South African/Canadian/American (make up your mind) billionaire Elon Musk, British rich bastard Richard Branson, and Russian/Israeli miser Yuri Milner are all fucking around with space. I predict, like their fellow rich alum Thurston Howell III, one of these rich fuckos is going to be end up stranded on an island.

When you are spending $100 million to build a giant laser to shoot silicon microchips into space to see if an alien will catch one of them, you may have too much money on your hands. That’s what Yuri Milner is up to. This isn’t as much scientific research as it is an expensive hobby. What’s he going to do next? Shoot up small dogs to see if they can bark in space? Milner is one of the poorest billionaires in this race with his wealth estimated somewhere between $3-$4 billion.

Elon Musk’s company, SpaceX, plans to colonize Mars, but before they get that on, he’s going to use his craft, Starship (good job with the naming, guys) to fly into space, open a door, and scoop up space litter, which is probably less hazardous than scooping kitty litter. Each launch of Starship will cost around $2 million. Elon is worth around $150 billion.

Jeff Bezos, who is worth about $187 billion, isn’t just entering the space tourism industry. He’s planning to shoot his own ass into space. Bezos is planning to launch on July 20 on board the New Shepard, the rocket ship made by his space company, Blue Origin. Bezos auctioned off a seat as well, with the price at $28 million. This trip is expected to last 11 minutes while Amazon can’t deliver new kitty litter within 11 days (HURRY!!!). You can probably go to an arcade and find one of those little rocket ship-shaped rides for toddlers that can shake your ass for 11 minutes for about 50 cents.

Richard Branson is poor compared to Bezos and Musk, but he’s about to beat all of them into space. He’s scheduled to lift off on board the VSS Unity, his ship built by his space tourism company, Virgin Galactic. One person has already been killed by Branson’s space hobby.

Then you have Donald Trump, the poorest of these billionaires, and unfortunately, isn’t being shot off to another planet. Trump claims he’s worth $10 billion but since everything that comes out of his mouth is like a litter box after your cat ate Indian food, he’s lying. Trump’s worth is probably closer to $2 billion. In the past, Trump has told us his taxes are too complicated for us to understand, yet during a recent rally, he displayed he doesn’t understand taxes. After his corporation and chief financial officer were charged for tax crimes, he said, “They go after good, hard-working people for not paying taxes on a company car. You didn’t pay tax on the car or a company apartment. You used an apartment because you need an apartment because you have to travel too far where your house is. You didn’t pay tax. Or education for your grandchildren. I don’t even know. Do you have to? Does anybody know the answer to that stuff?”

Yes, Tiny. You’re supposed to pay taxes on gifts. Pretty much everybody knows the answer “to this stuff.” The guy who has been hiding his tax returns for years and told us he knows taxes better than anyone, is asking if people have to pay taxes on expensive items. He also admitted to the crime. Oops. Maybe Donald Trump is trying to land in court before his billionaire compadres take off for space.

Trump is trying to get his poor, food-stamp-spending, white nationalist cult upset that rich people are being forced to pay taxes. And it’ll probably work. I mean, these fuckers are already upset over a single black mother collecting $200 a month to feed her baby, and aren’t even aware that Boeing receives over $13 billion a year in taxpayer subsidies.

I’m a big fan of raising taxes on the rich, and I’m a bigger fan of going after them for when they avoid paying taxes.

Donald Trump only paid $700 in taxes for some years while also engaging in shady tax schemes. Last year, Jeff Bezos tax rate was 0.98 percent. His company, Amazon, didn’t pay any taxes.

I propose we raise taxes on all these billionaires and rub their faces in used kitty litter.

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  1. “Maybe Donald Trump is trying to land in court before his billionaire compadres take off for space.”

    That is The Plan.

    That gives him an excuse for not getting into space before they do.

    “Gee, guys, I would have already been on Mars prospecting for Goldranium if I hadn’t I been tied up with these pesky Deep State lawsuits.”

    But he really doesn’t have a good excuse.

    Since 45* is The Father Of The Space Force, while he was still pretending to be President he could have taken a ride into orbit on Space Force One. It would have cost the Nation’s taxpayers only a little more than one of his trips to play golf at Merde-A-Lardo.


  2. “Billionaires In Space”

    Reminds me of a running skit on The Muppet Show, “Pigs In Space”.

    Come to think of it, you could have used “Pigs In Space” as the title for this Graphic Editorial and NOT changed anything else.


  3. Love the idea of Goldranium. I bet its ores can be found in the Goldcraniums of people whose brains have stopped working and become metalfried.


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