Trump Corruption

Billionaires In Space


Cjones07112021

When you see bored billionaires spending their money to go into space or say they didn’t know taxes were supposed to be paid on fringe benefits like cars, apartments, and tuition, you know we need to raise taxes on these rich-ass bastards.

American billionaires Jeff Bezos, South African/Canadian/American (make up your mind) billionaire Elon Musk, British rich bastard Richard Branson, and Russian/Israeli miser Yuri Milner are all fucking around with space. I predict, like their fellow rich alum Thurston Howell III, one of these rich fuckos is going to be end up stranded on an island.

When you are spending $100 million to build a giant laser to shoot silicon microchips into space to see if an alien will catch one of them, you may have too much money on your hands. That’s what Yuri Milner is up to. This isn’t as much scientific research as it is an expensive hobby. What’s he going to do next? Shoot up small dogs to see if they can bark in space? Milner is one of the poorest billionaires in this race with his wealth estimated somewhere between $3-$4 billion.

Elon Musk’s company, SpaceX, plans to colonize Mars, but before they get that on, he’s going to use his craft, Starship (good job with the naming, guys) to fly into space, open a door, and scoop up space litter, which is probably less hazardous than scooping kitty litter. Each launch of Starship will cost around $2 million. Elon is worth around $150 billion.

Jeff Bezos, who is worth about $187 billion, isn’t just entering the space tourism industry. He’s planning to shoot his own ass into space. Bezos is planning to launch on July 20 on board the New Shepard, the rocket ship made by his space company, Blue Origin. Bezos auctioned off a seat as well, with the price at $28 million. This trip is expected to last 11 minutes while Amazon can’t deliver new kitty litter within 11 days (HURRY!!!). You can probably go to an arcade and find one of those little rocket ship-shaped rides for toddlers that can shake your ass for 11 minutes for about 50 cents.

Richard Branson is poor compared to Bezos and Musk, but he’s about to beat all of them into space. He’s scheduled to lift off on board the VSS Unity, his ship built by his space tourism company, Virgin Galactic. One person has already been killed by Branson’s space hobby.

Then you have Donald Trump, the poorest of these billionaires, and unfortunately, isn’t being shot off to another planet. Trump claims he’s worth $10 billion but since everything that comes out of his mouth is like a litter box after your cat ate Indian food, he’s lying. Trump’s worth is probably closer to $2 billion. In the past, Trump has told us his taxes are too complicated for us to understand, yet during a recent rally, he displayed he doesn’t understand taxes. After his corporation and chief financial officer were charged for tax crimes, he said, “They go after good, hard-working people for not paying taxes on a company car. You didn’t pay tax on the car or a company apartment. You used an apartment because you need an apartment because you have to travel too far where your house is. You didn’t pay tax. Or education for your grandchildren. I don’t even know. Do you have to? Does anybody know the answer to that stuff?”

Yes, Tiny. You’re supposed to pay taxes on gifts. Pretty much everybody knows the answer “to this stuff.” The guy who has been hiding his tax returns for years and told us he knows taxes better than anyone, is asking if people have to pay taxes on expensive items. He also admitted to the crime. Oops. Maybe Donald Trump is trying to land in court before his billionaire compadres take off for space.

Trump is trying to get his poor, food-stamp-spending, white nationalist cult upset that rich people are being forced to pay taxes. And it’ll probably work. I mean, these fuckers are already upset over a single black mother collecting $200 a month to feed her baby, and aren’t even aware that Boeing receives over $13 billion a year in taxpayer subsidies.

I’m a big fan of raising taxes on the rich, and I’m a bigger fan of going after them for when they avoid paying taxes.

Donald Trump only paid $700 in taxes for some years while also engaging in shady tax schemes. Last year, Jeff Bezos tax rate was 0.98 percent. His company, Amazon, didn’t pay any taxes.

I propose we raise taxes on all these billionaires and rub their faces in used kitty litter.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Prisonburgh For Weisselberg


The Trump Crime Family, er, the Trump Organization was charged yesterday for running a scheme to help its executives avoid paying taxes by compensating them with benefits hidden from authorities. Its top executive, Allen Weisselberg, was also charged yesterday for not paying taxes on $1.7 million in perks that should have been reported as income.

For those of you who are Trump supporters and living in yee-haw states, let me explain this in a way you may understand: Let’s say your brother-in-law, who is also your brother, helped you paint and unclog your outhouse. Instead of giving him cash, you paid him with seven cases of Milwaukee’s Best and four packs of Beech-nut chewing tobacco. You may think that’s a big payment for unclogging the shitter, but let’s assume you don’t chew your food. Anyway, you need to report the pissy beer and chew as income and pay taxes on it. For this, I’m assuming your tax bill will be around 30 cents.

The Manhattan District Attorney’s office described it as a “weeping and audacious illegal payments scheme.” They said while the perks for Weisselberg were kept off the company’s books, they were still recorded in an internal spreadsheet. When you’re grifting, you gotta spread that shit out.

Keep in mind, if all of this is true, Weisselberg isn’t just the recipient of the company’s scheme, he would have been in charge of it as the company’s top executive. There is only one other person in the company in top of Weisselberg and his name is Donald J. Trump.

Trump had all sorts of things to say about this, calling it a “continuation of the witch hunt that started when I came down the escalator,” and accusing the district attorney and state’s attorneys of partisan politics. Authorities should have been looking into Trump after that time he came down the escalator talking about dating ten-year-olds.

Trump claims Weisselberg is innocent and is a good man. But what will Trump say if Weisselberg flips? Will he change his tune on his top executive the way he did on Michael Cohen?

With the company being charged, you can’t arrest a company. It’s not like they’re going to march Trump Tower off 5th Avenue and punish it by sending it to Staten Island. Usually when a corporation is convicted in a crime, no humans are held accountable…but the company may be broken up.

The big questions are: Will Weisselberg flip on Trump? Will Trump be charged? Will any other goons from the corporation be charged? Will Trump’s kids be charged? Who else has been paid in perks that weren’t reported as income? Will the walls to Trump Tower come tumbling down…or the walls in Mar-a-Lago, or Trump World Tower, or Bedminster, or Doral, or Turdberry?

According to reports, Weisselberg was often paid with cars and tuition for his grandchildren. Will his next payment be in the form of incarceration? This is what loyalty to Trump gets you.

Weisselberg swears he won’t flip on Trump which reminds me of something I recently watched on Netflix.

It’s a documentary about crime in New York City in the 70s and 80s. Rudy is in the documentary which is ironic since he’ll probably be in a future documentary on crime in New York City. In this documentary, the feds were sneaking into a mob-run restaurant to search and plant wiretaps, but there was a vicious dog inside the place. That dog was all like, “You’re not coming in here, assholes. This is my home. I guard this place. They pay me in pasta and meatballs. They love me and I’m loyal in return. You’ll have to kill me before you can enter this place. Oh, what you got? You got a taser, tough guy? Oh, yeah? You think a little tasing is going to make me turn against my people? I dare you to tase me…c’mon…tase me and see what happens. See what happens, motherfu….HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!…that hurt! What the hell was that? That was the taser? Why didn’t anyone ever tell me what a taser feels like? Fuck this place. You guys can do whatever you want. I’m going over to this table and I’m gonna crawl under it stay out of your way.”

And that’s what happened. That barking and growling dog who was baring his teeth got tased, turned around, and crawled under a table. The FBI did everything they wanted to in the place while the guard dog just watched. He probably even pointed out a few things. “Hey, did you check that second cabinet? Yeah, you’ll find some weird shit in there. By the way, do you know when I’ll be able to feel my nipples again?”

Weisselberg may be facing spending the rest of his life in prison if he remains loyal to Trump. I don’t know about his nipples, but that dog’s going to turn.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Weisselberg And Shitweasel


Cjones05312021

After two years of being investigated by the state of New York and the Manhattan District Attorney, who decided to combine their forces to become an anti-Trump version of Super Friends, we have gotten to the point of a grand jury.

I don’t think there’s much question if Donald Trump will be indicted or not. There’s an old saying a grand jury will indict a ham sandwich is that’s what the district attorney wants…and this DA is hungry. The real question here is: Why did it take two years? And we’re just now getting to a grand jury which has a six month lease on hearing testimony? Also, this is a “special” grand jury so it’s an even bigger deal than your run-of-the-mill everyday grand juries.

What’s so special about a special grand jury? A regular grand jury decides if charges should be brought against a suspect. A “special” grandy jury is when it involves organized crime. And trust me on this, Donald Trump may not be very well organized, but he is a criminal. The weird thing about it taking over two years in New York is that Donald Trump spent his entire presidency soliciting corruption without even trying to hide it.

Donald Trump accepted foreign money into his hotels and resorts while he was president. Saudi Arabia and other nations would rent rooms at Trump hotels in Washington, New York, and Chicago while not actually staying in the hotels. They wanted to bribe Trump without the ickiness of actually staying in his nasty hotels. They would occasionally stick underlings in his hotels while the major diplomats would stay at better venues. It’s nice to sleep without things crawling on you.

Every Republican event over the past five years has been held at a Trump venue to curry favor with Donald Trump. Why? Because every Republican knows Donald Trump is corrupt. They don’t think it’s a big deal because, eh, they’re Republicans. Republicans don’t care about corruption. Today, “corrupt Republican” is redundant.

One of Donald Trump’s corrupt cabinet secretaries wanted to purchase a mattress from his hotel, like it was the only place in Washington to purchase a mattress. I seriously doubt the hotel specializes in selling mattresses, though I hear if you do buy a mattress from a Trump property, they come pre-bedbugged. Another corrupt Trump cabinet secretary (that’s redundant too), William Barr, threw a party at the Trump Hotel ballroom in D.C. Imagine having to be seen at a William Barr party so you can be considered one of the “cool kids.” At some point, every Republican in Washington had lunch or dinner at the Trump Hotel. It’s where Rudy, Lev, and Igor would plot their schemes while rubbing their hands together and saying, “Bwahahahahaha.” Republicans and foreign diplomats wanted to be seen giving business to Donald Trump, which in return, was giving us the businesses.

Donald Trump spent nearly every weekend at one of his golf resorts. This was to force the government to spend money at Trump properties. After he was placed into office by Russian goons, he raised the rates on his rooms which he rented to the Secret Service. On top of that, the Secret Service had to rent rooms while they weren’t even using them just in case “the president” (sic) might want to go to one of his resorts that weekend. Now that he’s made Mar-a-Lago his residence, he’s raised the rent on rooms for the Secret Service. He’s even forced the Secret Service to rent golf carts to follow him while he cheats at golf and steals balls from little boys. He literally charges the government to protect him. Before he left office, he extended protection for his corrupt kids. Not because he’s worried about their safety but because it’s more rooms to charge us at his resorts.

For the past five years, you have been paying for rooms at Trump resorts while never having the privelige of staying in one yourself and being covered head-to-toe in itchy bitey crawling bedbugs. Poor you.

He’s spending the summer at his New Jersey resort and his penthouse in Trump Tower. You know the Secret Service is spending a lot of money at both locations. When Trump became his party’s nominee in 2016, the Secret Service rented space at Trump Tower, where the campaign HQ was being run and hosting Russians to give dirt on Hillary Clinton. Eventually, the Secret Service moved out and camped in a van on the street. Why? Because Donald Trump kept jacking up the rent and the van didn’t have bedbugs. He did the same thing to his campaign and to the Republican National Committee. No, he didn’t pay the rent for his campaign. Donors did.

During his presidency, Mike Pence visited Dublin (in case you’re a Republican, that’s in Ireland). What was really Dublin was the corruption (see what I did there?). Instead of staying in a hotel in Dublin, where Donald Trump doesn’t own any property, Pence had to fly 180 miles out of his way, and back the next day, to stay at a shitty Trump resort. Fortunately for Pence, creepy icky things don’t crawl on him out of professional courtesy. They have more courtesy for ass-kissing Pence than MAGA terrorists who raided the Capitol with nooses while chanting, “Hang Mike Pence.”

Military flights were also moved around Europe so military personnel would be forced to stay at Trump resorts. The administration made excuses for it, but they didn’t hide it.

Trump’s corrupt ambassador to the United Kingdom and owner of the New York Jets, Woody Would-Not-Ever-Win-A-Super-Bowl Johnson, tried to get the British Open (that’s a golf tournament) to be held at a Trump golf resort in the UK.

Trump himself attempted to get the G7 Summit held at his shitty bed-bug-infested resort in Miami, which is like the Bates Motel, if it had the charm and fewer bedbugs. Though I do hear Boris Johnson is also pre-bedbugged.

Trump’s entire administration was corrupt. Jared Kushner’s properties received bailouts from Persian Gulf nations. Kellyanne Conway hawked Ivanka’s products on TV. Government websites advertised for Trump properties. His family and the Kushners sold access to the presidency. Donald Trump even pardoned Steve Bannon after he was convicted for a corrupt fundraising scheme over building Trump’s racist border wall. Trump’s pardons, when not being used for political pandering, were bribes. Goons like Roger Stone don’t get pardons because they’re nice people to whom the system has been unfair to.

Trump is being investigated in New York for his hush payments to porn starts and nude models. He’s being investigated for shitty schemes like paying Ivanka as a consultant while she was also an employee. He’s being investigated for a lot of shady tax shit that’s has left him with teeny tiny tax bills…when he had tax bills. You thought I was going to refer to something else of his that’s “teeny” and “tiny,” didn’t you? Sorry to disappoint you, but today we’re totally focused on his corrupt business dealings and won’t be mentioning his teeny tiny penis that a porn star says looks like teeny tiny Toad, the mushroom guy in Mario Kart. Grow up.

One major thing Donald Trump did was declare different values for the same property in loan applications, insurance forms, and in taxes. The value was always a lot lower in his taxes. The guy has also promoted his towers as having more floors than they actually have…like people can’t count. Even Toad, the mushroom guy in Mario Kart who looks like Trump’s tiny penis, can probably count floors.

He’s also being investigated for giving gifts, like tuition for kids and grandkids, which may have been in a replacement for salaries. Some of these payments went to the chief financial person at the Trump Organization, Toad, the mushroom guy in Mario Kart who likes like Trump’s tiny dick.

No, that’s not right. The payments went to Allen Weisselberg (It’s not “Weaselberg.” I checked), who is his chief financial dude. Trump claimed his two idiot kids, Don Jr. and Toad…I mean, Eric, were going to run his business. But the real man in charge is Weisselberg. Don Jr. and Eric couldn’t find each other’s butts if they had butt magnets. Now, Weasel…I mean, Weisselberg is being investigated as is his son, who also worked for Trump. Hey, the family that engaged in corruption together stays corrupt together.

Now, will Weisselberg flip on Trump? Will his son? Will Rudy Giuliani, who is his second attorney to be investigated for doing shady shit for Trump? The answers for each of these is, yes, yes, and yes. Wouldn’t you flip on Trump? These guys are going to flip on Trump faster than Toad, the mushroom guy who looks like Trump’s tiny penis, in Mario’s Kart.

Since we’re not talking about Trump’s tiny penis and focused exclusively on criminal charges (it’s not against the law to have a tiny dick), don’t forget, Donald Trump is being investigated for threatening government officials in Georgia to “find the votes,” and for starting an insurrection in Washington. His attorneys are claiming he has presidential immunity from conviction for starting terrorist attacks. Seriously. And now, there’s a new story that before he was president, he attempted to bribe a United States senator to not investigate the New England Patriots in Spygate, which is ironic since he claimed President Obama spied on his political campaign. How does he know it wasn’t the New England Patriots spying on his campaign? Or, how does he know it wasn’t Toad, the mushroom guy from Mario Kart who looks like Trump’s tiny penis?

Donald Trump will be indicted. With so many investigations, it’s bound to happen. But will he ever wear prison orange? God, I hope so. This nation deserves some justice, and every Trump supporter needs his or her balloon popped. I think everyone in this nation would rather think of Trump every time they see prison orange, than think of him every time they see mushrooms…you know because of Toad from Mario Kart who looks like Trump’s tiny penis.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Rudy Raided


Cjones05012021

Someone posted on the internet yesterday, “First they came for Rudy and I did nothing for I was laughing my ass off too hard.”

Someone else claimed since Merrick Garland is head of the Justice Department now, it’s fascism because this is his revenge for Donald Trump stealing his Supreme Court seat after President Obama nominated him. No. It’s not fascism. It’s karma.

Rudy spent months rummaging around Ukraine looking for dirt on Joe Biden and his son, Hunter. He never found any but that didn’t stop him from making up a lot of shit. He even claimed to have found Hunter’s laptop; nothing came of that either.

Beyond his dealings and lying with Ukraine to help Donald Trump steal an election by gaining dirt on the opponent he feared most, Rudy conducted a huge campaign of lies election after the opponent Trump feared most kicked his ass.

Rudy claimed the election was stolen. He produced eyewitnesses more insane than he is. He provided affidavits from people stating they heard someone heard someone else might have witnessed something. He held press a conference in a parking lost of a landscaping firm called “Four Seasons” because he confused it for the hotel with the same name. The parking lot was next to a dildo store. During the press conference, his hair dye started running. During a hearing before a state legislative committee, he got the farts.

Rudy, who was once called “America’s mayor,” has become America’s joke.

After Trump and other surrogates claimed he never paid off porn stars, or at least didn’t know about it, Rudy went on Hannity, who had also been claiming there had been no porn star payoffs, and informed the world there had been porn star payoffs and the money was “funneled.” Typically when someone uses the word “funneled,” unless they’re making a cake, they’re doing something corrupt.

A long time ago, Rudy was respected. Before he was mayor of New York City, he was an Associate Attorney General and then the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York. Yesterday morning, FBI agents from the Southern District of New York came a knocking on Rudy’s door, and not to talk about old times.

It’s a big deal when any attorney gets raided by the FBI. It’s an even bigger deal for a president’s (sic) attorney to be raided by the FBI. But with Donald Trump, this is his second attorney to get raided by the FBI. But being someone’s attorney isn’t a license to be a partner in crime.

What was Rudy doing in Ukraine? Was he making money off the nation while engaging in election meddling? Was he representing Ukraine without registering as a foreign lobbyist? Was he there instigating more terrorists attacks or finding more cousins to marry? The FBI is trying to find out. How can anything be corrupt while working with goons named Lev and Igor? Now, Rudy has been rolled over by Lev and Igor who will soon be followed by Boris and Natasha.

The FBI raided Rudy’s Madison Avenue apartment and his Park Avenue office and reportedly took electronic devices. Rudy isn’t good with electronic devices. This is a guy who has butt-dialed reporters before engaging into a conversation about the Bidens, Bahrain, and needing cash.

Olivia Nuzzi, a reporter for New York Magazine, once wrote that during a meeting with Giuliani, he had three cell phones, and despite being a cyber security consultant, didn’t understand how to use any of them. She wrote, “Two of the devices were unlocked, their screens revealing open tabs and a barrage of banner notifications as they knocked into each other and reacted to Giuliani’s grip.”

“He accidentally activated Siri, who said she didn’t understand his command. ‘She never understands me,’ he said. He sighed and poked at the device, attempting to quiet her.”

And at the end of the meeting, he forgot to take one of the phones with him. Rudy learning figuring out how to swipe left would be like your grandfather figuring out TikTok.

If there are any files, texts, or call history on Rudy’s phones that provides evidence of corruption, do you think Rudy knew how to delete them or was even aware he should? If you’re a person who engaged in some sketchy dealings with Rudy and you had multiple conversations, calls, and texts with the guy, you have every right in the world to be worried.

Golly, I’m trying to think of who Rudy may have been calling on these devices the FBI seized yesterday.

Rudy denied ever talking to Donald Trump about receiving a preemptive pardon before he left the White House. Whether they actually talked about it or not (they did), you can bet your ass Donald Trump is wishing he had given one to Rudy. Trump gave pardons to other goons to keep them quiet. If he had given one to Rudy, the FBI wouldn’t have been at his house and office yesterday. Now, he’s in danger of Rudy talking. Hell, Rudy spills the beans when not making a deal.

For all we know, the FBI might even find new stuff they had no idea was going on. There are so many questions.

Will Rudy be charged with any crimes? Will Trump be implicated by Rudy’s stupidity? Will Trump be charged? Will Rudy roll over on Trump? Will Rudy and Trump both flee the country for a Moscow penthouse or maybe a villa in Pyongyang? How many times did Rudy fart during the raid? Will the FBI follow a trail of hair dye from Rudy to Trump?

Whether connected to Rudy or not, how much longer until Donald Trump is charged with a crime?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Recurring Grifting


Cjones04072021

Donald Trump is a grifter and grifters gotta grift.

We know Trump is a grifter. The people who don’t want to accept that fact, despite the overwhelming evidence, are members of the Trump cult.

When Trump ran for president in 2016, he boasted how he didn’t need donations…while he accepted donations. Every politician accepts donations. But Donald Trump, being a “businessman” who owns hotels and golf resorts, found ways to put those donations into his own pocket.

His campaign headquarters were in Trump Tower on 5th Avenue in New York City. Donald Trump charged his campaign for rent. He overcharged his campaign for rent. His campaign held event at Trump hotels and resorts…and the properties overcharged for those events.

As president (sic), he winked-winked and nudged-nudged he was accepting bribes and that to get in his good favor, you should spend money at his properties. Every conservative lobbying group and foreign interest held events, parties, and fundraisers at Trump properties, especially in Washington, DC. Foreign governments, like Saudi Arabia, would rent rooms at Trump hotels while the top diplomats would actually stay in hotels Trump didn’t own, probably because they wanted to stay somewhere better and not get bedbugs from sleeping on an infested mattress.

Remember the video of a Republican event shortly after Trump was sworn in and there were people throwing up heils? Yeah, that was the Washington Trump Hotel.

Usually, when people kiss their boss’ ass, they use flattery. You would think with Donald Trump, they’d tell him his ill-fitting suits looked wonderful or that the thing on his head didn’t look like a bleached weasel carcass. But no. Attorney General William Barr wanted to throw a party, so he spent around $30,000 to hold it at the Trump Hotel in Washington. You would think suppressing investigations into Trump goons, lying about Russian meddling, and dropping a huge deuce on the Mueller Report would be enough ass kissing. But not William Barr, who felt the need to hand Trump $30,000.

There are places that specialize in selling mattresses. They’re called retail stores. That’s where a normal non-corrupt person would purchase a mattress. Scott Pruitt, who was on the Trump cabinet at the time as director of the Environmental Protection Agency (in charge of dropping deuces on the environment), inquired about purchasing a used mattress from the Washington Trump Hotel. You would think after hearing the Russian hooker pee-pee story, even if it’s not true, Donald Trump would be the last person you would buy a used mattress from.

Trump didn’t just grift from his campaign, friends, and foreign governments. He grifted us too. He went to his own golf resorts as often as he could. He charged the government for rooms used by White House staff and the Secret Service. The Secret Service actually had to book rooms they never actually used, just in case Donald Trump wanted to go golfing. Of course, the rates for these rooms always went up for the government. Donald Trump even charged the Secret Service rental fees for golf carts so they could follow him around to protect him. Donald Trump charged us to protect him. It’s a nice racket, eh?

Why did Donald Trump take the leaders of foreign governments to his resorts? That way, he got to charge their governments hotel fees too. Of course, people eat…so they gotta pay for that too. Remember when he boasted about how much Xi Jinping loved the chocolate cake at Mar-a-Rob-o? That slice of cake probably cost $89.79.

Donald Trump attempted to host the G-7 Summit at one of his failing resorts and claimed it was the best location…and only suitable location in the nation for the summit. His ambassador to the United Kingdom, who also owns the New York Jets, attempted to get the British Open golf tournament held at one of Trump’s UK golf resorts. By the way, golf experts and golfing publications rank Trump golf resorts as shit. The only time you see an alligator at a Trump golf resort in Florida is when he’s using it as a short cut to a better golf resort.

Trump grifts. He used his charity to organize events with his political campaign, which is illegal. He used donations to his charity to purchase gifts for himself. His charity was dismantled by the state of New York for grifting and Donald Trump and three of his little fucky grifty children are now barred from engaging in any activity with any charity in the state of New York. And don’t get me started on his fake university which has also been dismantled by the state of New York. These motherfuckers grift.

Trump supporters love and belief in all things Trump begins and ends with him being a rich man…but they ignore that he inherited and grifted his way to becoming rich. They ignore his tax scams. They ignore he pays less in income taxes than they do. They ignore all the businesses of his that have failed. Donald Trump’s most successful business is convincing stupid people he’s successful at business. But even now, selling his name to hotels he doesn’t own is failing. After he sent racist MAGA terrorists to topple the government, putting Trump’s name on your hotel would be akin to calling it “Bin Laden Comfort Bed & Suites.”

As I said, Trump supporters are the only ones who fail to see that Donald Trump is a conman, even as they spend $30 for Trump straws. But, the ones being taken for thousands of dollars may be starting to see the light.

Stacy Blatt is a Trump supporter who lived on $1,000 a month while battling cancer. Rush Limbaugh told Mr. Blatt that Donald Trump needed his help. So Stacy Blatt sent Donald Trump $500. Wow. That’s a lot for someone in Mr. Blatt’s position and very generous. Then, Stacy Blatt contributed another $500 the next day, and another $500 the next week, and eventually gave Donald Trump $3,000, depleting his bank account and making his rent and utility payments bounce. Only thing is, Stacy Blatt did not know he was contributing beyond the first donation of $500. He didn’t know until everything started bouncing.

The thing is, at the website to give Donald Trump money for his failing campaign, had a little tiny box to make the payment recurring. In case you’re a Trump supporter, “recurring” means doing it again and again and again and….you get the idea. In this case, it does it again and again until you’re out of money. But Stacy Blatt never checked that little tiny box. Nope. It was pre-checked. As in, the Trump campaign had already checked it and was hoping he wouldn’t notice.

These people were being robbed for thousands by the Trump Campaign because of a pre-checked box, meanwhile, I’m paranoid about a pre-checked box getting me bombed with text messages from Pizza Hut. No, you don’t, pizza fuckers. Uncheck! Uncheck! Uncheck!

Stacy Blatt did not notice that box for recurring donations was pre-checked. What’s more, he didn’t notice the SECOND prechecked box, known internally as a “money bomb,” that doubled a person’s contribution. Stacy Blatt was not the only person who failed to notice the grifter boxes. Thousands fell for this. Money-bomb? They should call it “grifter-bomb.”

Soon, banks and credit card companies were inundated with fraud complaints. Why? Because it was fraud. Donald Trump is a thief. And even as some people received refunds, many still had to pay overdraft fees. Many even canceled their credit cards and closed their bank accounts. Banks have those pre-checked boxes too where you agree to allow them to pay charges when your account is overdrawn and add $30.00 to each one. I received a letter from my bank offering that “protection” about a decade ago and I burned it. That “protection” can lead to you being thousands of dollars in debt before you’re even aware of it.

All political campaigns have to issue refunds for various reasons. Usually it’s over legal limits. Often, a contributor gives too much and the campaign notifies them and returns some of the donation. For example, the Joe Biden 2020 presidential campaign and other Democratic committees issued online refunds totaling $21 million. The Trump Campaign, the Republican National Committee, and other associated fundraising goons issued over $122 million in refunds to online donors.

The Trump Campaign refunded 10.7 percent of the money it raised on WinRed, the for-profit fundraising platform it used for online donations. The Democrats only refunded 2.2 percent it raised online through its platform, ActBlue.

Doesn’t that kinda tell you who you should have voted for? Hey, I’m going to vote for the guy who doesn’t steal from elderly people on fixed incomes battling cancer.

Donald Trump was able to use all this stolen money in the final months of his campaign, and when the bill came due to issue refunds, he used money from his “stolen election” lie fundraising campaign to cover those. It’s a shell game. On top of that, it amounted to an interest-free loan from his cult. These people literally paid interest in overdraft fees to give Donald Trump a loan.

Do you remember when goons like Ronna McDaniel, the R.N.C. chairwoman, went on Fox News and other venues to boast about the fundraising of the Trump Campaign? Yeah, fucknuts like her and Jason Miller, who still has a job lying for Trump, never mentioned the part about stealing from their own supporters.

I was wrong. Donald Trump is successful at two things. Convincing people he’s successful and stealing money. The Trump Campaign and RNC accounted for three percent of all credit card fraud in the United States in 2020. Political donations account for a very small part of the U.S. economy, so that three percent is a LOT. This is another reason Donald Trump should be in prison.

We’ve been telling Trump goons for five years that Donald Trump is a grifter. He’s a conman. He’s a crook. Trump supporters are slow learners. Cancer eventually killed Stacy Blatt but one of his last experiences in life was learning that Donald Trump is a crook. He learned Donald Trump is a crook who really doesn’t care about his supporters.

Hopefully, other Trump supporters won’t have to learn that lesson as late as Stacy Blatt did, on his deathbed.

Donald Trump is a grifter and he will literally grift you to death.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have THREE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Goodbye, Grifters


cjones01202021

If you believe the Trumps will leave the White House without stealing some shit, then I got a bridge to sell you.

Here’s a spoiler, not a prediction: In the coming weeks, we’re going to see news articles about shit the Trumps took out of the White House they weren’t supposed to take. Wait for it. It’s happening. But, I’m no miracle savant with a magic glowing orb (similar to the one Trump was fondling with leaders in Saudi Arabia on his very first official presidential trip) that can see into the future. It’s easy to predict what Trump will do because he always does the wrong thing.

What I know about the future is, Donald Trump will continue to lie about election fraud. Donald Trump will tell us he’s still the president (sic). Donald Trump will attempt to bilk the government for every cent he can get. He will continue to raise money, put it into his PAC, then spend that money at Trump resorts. His kids will continue to be trust-fund goons. And Donald Trump will steal some shit. C’mon, this is a guy who stole from his own charity and even a child’s golf ball. Donald Trump steals shit. He’s a grifter. He’s a conman and though he will not be president (sic) after noon on January 20, thank God, he will always be America’s First Conman.

In the past, he’s refused to pay contractors for work done on his resorts and casinos. He’s fought them in court then after settling for much less than he originally agreed with the contractors, he’d stiff the lawyers who fought the case for him. Even now in his last remaining days, he’s refusing to pay Rudy Giuliani’s legal fees and not just because he was charging by the farts. And that’s his friend. Do you know how you can tell a lawyer sucks? It’s when he takes on Donald Trump as a client.

As Donald Trump continues to claim he won the election, he’s packing to leave the White House. The staff is packing and they’re already taking shit out. The White House press office is totally empty and right now, Kayleigh McEnany is fabricating her resume. And some funny stuff has been spotted leaving the White House.

Often when a president and his family leaves the White House, they take some stuff with them they shouldn’t. When the Clintons left, they took a bunch of stuff they weren’t supposed to. They ended up paying the government for some of it and returned others. Was this them being corrupt or being confused? It’s hard to say. On one hand, the rules can be confusing. On the other hand, they’re the Clintons.

Presidents can keep gifts they receive from American citizens. They do have to report the value of it just like private citizens do. But, if the gift was given to the White House, not the president, then the gift belongs to the federal government. That’s where presidents are often confused. Did you give me or the White House that Persian rug?

In 1880, Queen Victoria gave President Rutherford B. Hayes (and yet another who was a better president than Trump) a really cool gift. It was a desk carved out of timber from the British ship H.M.S Resolute. Today, that desk is in the White House and has been used by nearly every president since. Why didn’t Hayes take it when he left the White House? Because gifts from foreign leaders go to the National Archives.

And presidents get some cool stuff, like jewelry, furniture, swords, puppies, pandas, and crocodile insurance. What? Richard Nixon got pandas from China which went to the National Zoo in Washington. President Obama got crocodile insurance from Australia. Donald Trump never received crocodile insurance probably because nobody gives a rat’s ass if he gets eaten by crocodiles…though I’ve been told crocodiles do have better taste.

So the rules on gifts can be confusing. Was it a gift to you or the White House, was it foreign or domestic, is it alive and can it eat you? But one thing is clear, if it was in the White House before you got there, you can’t take it.

This week, chief-of-staff Mark Meadows’ wife was seen taking out a stuffed pheasant. Maybe that was a gift directly to Mark Meadows from an American taxpayer or maybe he brought it with him when he took the job because no office is complete without a stuffed dead bird. The Meadows claim it was brought with him when he took the job and I think that’s believable as it sounds like something disgusting and tacky that a MAGAt would think spiffs up the place. If you see a Trump walking out with a painting of dogs playing poker, yeah that’s probably theirs. I half expect to see Don Jr. walking out with a leg lamp from the Italian city of Fragile.

Also seen being carted off was a bust of Abraham Lincoln, who Donald Trump taught us was a Republican. This bust belongs to the federal government and when not in the White House, is stored with the White House Collection of which the White House chief usher and the curator have responsibility for managing and accounting for in every presidency. The incoming president and his spouse choose which items they want in the White House from the official collection. My question is: Why would the Lincoln bust ever leave?

The Andrew Jackson painting? Sure. Send that back to the Collection. But the Lincoln bust? Can’t you assume the next president would want that to remain? And if not, I guess he’d say something after he assumes office and you can remove it then. But that won’t happen because everyone would want the Lincoln bust. Duh!

But, just who is the White House chief usher, the main dude responsible for keeping track of this stuff? He is Timothy Harleth and the curator of the White House Historical Association reports to him. The curator is a career professional who has been on the job for 30 years. Harleth, the usher, is a former employee of the Trump Hotel. Fuck.

There’s going to be a LOT of missing shit.

During a trip to Paris, Donald Trump was supposed to visit the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery for fallen Marines, but changed his mind when he thought it was pronounced “Asinine.” So instead of visiting war dead, who he considers suckers and losers, he went to the ambassador’s residence and stole some shit.

At the residence, he found a portrait and bust he liked of Benjamin Franklin, so he took those back to the White. He also took some Greek figurines (naked women) which was a step-up from the usual figurines he collects from Happy Meals. As it turns out, the items were not authentic and were replicas. That’s normal for Donald Trump as he has a history of purchasing copies then claiming they’re the real deal, despite the fact the authentic paintings are in museums.

The stuff from Paris was exchanged for the real deals which were in the federal archiaves, but how much do you want to bet it all accidentally lands at Mar-a-Lago? How about the Lincoln bust? How about everything in the White House?

Donald Trump is a grifter. Grifters gotta grift. If the curator was really smart, she would have anticipated this back in 2016 after the election, and had everything in the White House replaced with replicas. And the cool thing is, Donald Trump wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. He probably thinks the Las Vegas Eiffel Tower is the real one.

As for all the furniture, let’s hope the Bidens get a new mattress and additionally, fumigate the entire place. Matter of fact, the usual sanitizing and cleaning of the White House between administrations is much more intense this time. They’re saying it’s because of covid. Sure. That’s why.

I just hope somebody took a real inventory. And don’t trust that hotel guy. Count after him.

Of course, even though the Trumps will leave with stuff they don’t own, there is a positive aspect. They’re leaving. And even though they’re going to take stuff that’s not theirs, you bet there will be Trumpy stuff that’ll remain with us forever.

It’s going to take a long time to scrub all the orange funk off. But just in case, while the Trumps are leaving, check their pockets.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw.

The Pardon Burlgar


cjones12262020

The Twelve Days of Pardons

On the first day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the second day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, two Trump goons…and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the third day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, three crooked congressmen…two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the fourth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, four child killers…three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the fifth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, five Russian henchmen…four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the sixth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, six campaign perjurers…five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the seventh day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, seven racist troglodytes…six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the eighth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, eight junk bond kings…seven racist troglodytes, six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the ninth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, nine assorted extorters…eight junk bond kings, seven racist troglodytes, six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the tenth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, ten guilty tax dodgers…nine assorted extorters, eight junk bond kings, seven racist troglodytes, six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, eleven Fox News heroes…ten guilty tax dodgers, nine assorted extorters, eight junk bond kings, seven racist troglodytes, six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, twelve sycophants…eleven Fox News heroes, ten guilty tax dodgers, nine assorted extorters, eight junk bond kings, seven racist troglodytes, six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons…

…and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Scrooge McTrump


cjones12252020

You can’t pretend you’re upset over supposed corruption from the Biden family while supporting Donald Trump’s pardon of corrupt Republican congressmen. These three congressmen were not merely accused. They were convicted. They were Duncan Hunter, Christopher Collins, and Steve Stockman. Hunter had used hundreds of thousands of dollars in campaign funds to pay for family vacations and theater tickets, and even to facilitate extramarital affairs (like pay for hotel rooms for boinking women who were not his wife). Collins used his congressional seat for insider trading. Stockman stole hundreds of thousands of dollars in donations that were meant for charity and voter education. Stockman’s attorney is Sidney Powell, the conspiracy lawyer who also represents pardoned goon Michael Flynn (who wants a military coup), and who Trump wants to appoint as a special prosecutor in his fictional election-fraud investigation. Hunter and Collins were two of the first in Congress to endorse Trump. All three men are convicts.

Extramarital affairs? Stealing from charity? Using your elected position to make money? These are all behaviors Donald Trump is very familiar with.

You can’t claim Donald Trump is draining the swamp when he’s pardoning the swamp. Donald Trump pardoned two people who were convicted of crimes as part of the investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election. Trump pardoned George Papadopoulos, who claimed was just a “coffee boy” on his campaign, and Alex van der Zwaan. Both men worked on the 2016 Trump Campaign and both lied to Robert Mueller during his investigation of Russian election meddling.

You can’t pretend Donald Trump is the law-and-order president when he pardons murderers. Donald Trump pardoned four military contractors convicted of killing 14 unarmed Iraqi civilians in Baghdad in 2007. Among those civilians were children. The four men worked for worked the Blackwater Worldwide security company which is owned by Eric Prince, the brother of the worst Secretary of Education this nation has ever had, Betsy DeVos.

Say, don’t we have an extradition treaty with Iraq?

House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff said, “If you lie to cover up for the President, you get a pardon. If you are a corrupt politician who endorsed Trump, you get a pardon. If you murder civilians while at war, you get a pardon.”

Here is a fun fact: 88 percent of Trump’s pardons have been for his goons, people associated with him. He’s either rewarding people for their loyalty, for their silence, or both.

Donald Trump also pardoned a state Republican legislator and two Border Patrol agents who shot and killed a suspected drug smuggler. Being that the guy shot was a suspected drug smuggler, an immigrants, and brown, it plays to his racist base.

You can’t complain about any corruption if you support Donald Trump, but we’ve been trying to tell you that for four years.

And last night, just three days before Christmas after he pardoned murderers and goons, he threatened to veto the stimulus bill. Scrooge was on a roll.

Donald Trump claims there’s too much pork in the bill, which he hasn’t read, and that there’s not enough for Americans hurt by the pandemic. He wants the $600 checks for Americans to be bumped up to $2,000. Hey, great idea. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi loves it. I love it. But why didn’t he say something while the bill was being negotiated? I understand he’s been too busy plotting his coup attempt, playing golf, and pardoning murderers…but if he was really interested in helping American families, he would have been president during the negotiations. Donald Trump should have been spending the past month and a half since the election doing the job of president instead of only doing for himself.

Whether Trump vetoes this bill or not, he’s playing politics with money Americans desperately need. We haven’t seen food lines this long since the Great Depression. Donald Trump wants to take this crisis and make it all about him. Unless Trump signs the bill, this action will delay the money people need. This is a great way for Donald Trump to prevent helping people while claiming he wants to help people. Ebenezer Scrooge couldn’t have planned this better.

Donald Trump, the man whose first order of business as president (sic) was to lie about crowd sizes and give himself a tax cut is pretending he cares about Americans.

The thing is, you can’t say you are a constitutionalist or care about American democracy if you support Donald Trump.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Runs In The Family


cjones12062020

As we have all discovered over the past five years, and if you haven’t then you weren’t paying attention, Donald Trump projects.

The guy who had people chant “lock her up” at his hate rallies watched several of his friends be locked up. For others, he issued pardons. While accusing Joe and Hunter Biden of corruption in Ukraine, Trump and Rudy Giuliani were practicing corruption in Ukraine. All they could come up with were conspiracy theories accusing other people of what they were guilty of. Trump’s Ukraine actions made him an impeached president.

Naturally, an impeached president will pardon goons. Naturally, an impeached president only has goons as friends. If you are a friend of Donald Trump’s, you may want to reassess your life. If you work in his administration, you’ll have plenty of time after January 20 to reassess because it’s not like anyone’s going to hire you. Enjoy all those covid parties now because you’ll probably never be invited to a party ever again.

During the campaign, Trump and his people couldn’t shut up about Hunter Biden. He was the star of their convention. He was brought up at the debates. Donald Trump tried to paint the Bidens as corrupt and Joe as a bad father.

Here’s a question: If three out of five of your children go to prison, are you a bad father? That goes for pardons too. If three of your children…and a goon one of them married, all need pardons, you probably did something wrong. Naming the first one after your corrupt orange ass was a bad start. For the Trump family, issuing pardons is just another day of business. For the Trump family, corruption is the business.

Hunter Biden doesn’t need a pardon. Hunter Biden is not under investigation…not even by Trump’s Justice Department. Why? Because he didn’t do anything illegal. But Ivanka, often referred to as “Grifter Barbie,” had to answer questions in an investigation over the inauguration. That’s just warming up.

Why was Ivanka paid as an outside consultant to the Trump Organization while she was also employed by the Trump Organization? The payments were used as tax write offs for Donald Trump. Where is all that money donated to the Trump Inauguration, which Ivanka played a huge part in? What about all those patents granted to Ivanka in China? Ivanka also violated the Hatch Act by endorsing a product and campaigning for a presidential candidate while employed by the White House. A lot of government employees did that by the way.

How about all the foreign bailouts for her husband’s companies? Why did her husband lie again and again on his security clearance application? Why did he want a back channel to Russia? Why did he engage secretly with the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, who ordered the murder of a Saudi journalist under U.S. protection? In 2018 alone, Ivanka and Jared made over $138 million from foreign businesses while they were government employees.

What all sorts of goonery has Don Jr. been sniffing up? Jr and Eric have continued to promote their father’s presidency for overseas business. The Republican National Committee spent $100,000 on copies of Jr’s horrible book. The boys have grifted the government by overcharging the Secret Service at Trump resorts. Eric’s wife and Jr’s screechy girlfriend are both receiving salaries from the Trump Campaign. What a bunch of fucking grifters.

So after a couple of years smearing Hunter Biden, it’s the Trump kids who are in discussion over receiving pardons…along with Rudy, Roger Stone, Paul Manafort, and probably a few hundred more Trump goons. What I wonder, while others who don’t hold dirt on Trump may have to purchase their pardons, will the Trump kids’ pardons be Christmas gifts? I’m sure they’ll make excellent stocking stuffers.

The likes of Roger Stone doesn’t care about being seen as guilty and corrupt, but do the Trumps? Because, when you accept a pardon, you accept guilt. I guess they can make it work for them since Donald Trump has made being an impeached president kinda his thing. Being guilty, corrupt, and pardoned can be the Trump kids’ jam.

These are people who never accomplished anything on their own…ever. So with pardons, what’s one more thing to inherit?

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Bribes For Pardons


cjones12032020

This just in: Donald Trump is corrupt. Oh wait. We already knew that.

Details remain sketchy, but last night, reports came out that federal prosecutors have been pursuing an investigation into potential bribery in connection with an effort to secure a pardon from Donald Trump.

Last August, Chief U.S. District Court Judge Beryl Howell issued an opinion in a form that redacted the name of the person seeking a pardon…and offering to make a contribution to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign…where a lot of the funds wind up in Donald Trump’s pocket. The judge granted prosecutors permission to examine emails from lawyers seeking the pardon for whoever their client may be.

How does that work with this Justice Department? Attorney General William Barr, despite being unable to find any evidence of voter fraud, is basically Donald Trump’s henchman, poodle, and personal lawyer. The guy had the department act as Trump’s personal lawyer in a case where Donald Trump is being sued over slandering one of his rape accusers. The accuser is not suing the president. She’s suing Donald Trump. Yet, Barr found it necessary for the Justice Department and taxpayers to foot the bill for his legal defense. In all the other personal legal defenses since he became president (sic), Donald Trump has used campaign funds…which of course you can pay into to receive a pardon…reportedly. Maybe the person being investigated for trying to bribe for a pardon can receive a pardon for trying to bribe for a pardon.

Do you remember the entire “pay for play” scandal the Republican Party concocted about the Clinton Foundation? They claimed foreign nations were making donations to the charity in exchange for special favors from the State Department while Hillary Clinton was Secretary of State. They claimed Clinton sold American uranium to Russia in exchange for donations. Before Trump became president (sic), the FBI looked into it and couldn’t find anything. After Trump became president (sic), the Justice Department officially opened an investigation into the Clinton Foundation. That began in 2017. Have you heard what has become of that investigation? Me neither.

So how does it work when the Justice Department investigates Trump corruption? Do they not tell William Barr? Do investigators go through all the proper channels and hope William Barr pays as much attention as Donald Trump does to security briefings that doesn’t mention his name? We do know investigators didn’t want any of this made public, especially the names of those involved. That makes sense because after Barr finds out, he may shut it down while he’s walking out the door to his retirement.

We do know the investigation rose from a separate investigation into people lobbying for pardons and whether they were violating the law by not registering as lobbyists. We also know that over 50 devices such as phones, laptops, and iPads have been confiscated in this investigation.

We also know this is all true and Donald Trump is a guilty party because he issued a tweet calling it “fake news.” Nearly everything Donald Trump says is a lie. EVERY denial he’s ever issued has been a lie.

But you do remember how Republicans acted over the Clinton Foundation. They were aghast and all lit up over the “pay for play” of it all. They chanted “lock her up” at MAGA rallies. They still do that chant between chants of “Space Force” and “send them back.” Lately, they’ve been falsely accusing Joe Biden of running a corrupt charity. Republicans are horny for investigating charities…except for Trump’s charity.

Here’s another thing: Even if Donald Trump and his administration are totally innocent and said, “No, sir…we do not do anything shady, improper, inappropriate, or illegal. You take your bribe and shove it where the sun never shines, you scoundrel you” (that did not happen), someone still thought with Donald Trump, it was a possibility. Someone thought Donald Trump’s ethics were low enough to take a bribe. Someone thought Donald Trump is corrupt. Do you know why anyone would think that? Because Donald Trump is corrupt.

Donald Trump is legally prohibited from being involved in a charity. Why? Because he stole from his charity…literally. You can assume Hillary did something bad with her foundation. We know Trump did. Donald Trump used his charity in tandem with his presidential campaign which is illegal. He used his charity to pay off legal fines for his shitty golf resorts. He used his charity to purchase expensive ticket items for himself, like portraits of himself (but he’s never purchased one of my caricatures of him. I wonder why). And when Florida Republican Attorney General Pam Bondi was considering investigating the actions of Trump University (another corrupt endeavor that doesn’t exist anymore) in her state, she shut down the inquiry AFTER receiving a campaign donation from…wait for it…the Trump Foundation. Donald Trump used his fake charity to bribe an official to save his fake university. Do you know who put money into Donald Trump’s fake charity? NOT Donald Trump. Today, Pam Bondi is still a pro-Trump surrogate and cult member.

Donald Trump literally used his charity to make a political contribution to bribe an elected official. Is it beyond him, an elected official, to take bribes for pardons? Hell no. He’s Donald Trump. Being corrupt is what he does.

It seems we’re founding out about more Trump fuckery on a daily basis. I worry about what’s being shredded and burned in the White House before Donald Trump is frog marched out. How many transcripts is he burning? What documents are being destroyed? And did anyone count the silverware? We still haven’t found out what happened to all the money that went into his inauguration…which by the way, was four fucking years ago. Republicans don’t ask about any of this…maybe because they’re too busy draining the swamp.

And now, it’s come out that Trump has had conversations with Rudy Giuliani and others about preemptive pardons for Rudy, his three oldest and corrupt kids, and his own corrupt ass. This should be fun. By the way, the family that goes to prison together stays together.

Yes, we are finding out more and more dirt about Trump corruption on a daily basis. Can you imagine what we’ll find out in the coming months and years? Hell, we’re still discovering shit about the Nixon administration that makes us say, “DAMN.” I just hope I found out everything about these Trump assholes before I die.

Trump is also talking about running again in 2024. And guess what. You can run for president from prison.

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