Bridges are literally crumbling and falling apart in the United States from decades of neglect. One of President Joe Biden’s accomplishments was the infrastructure package he signed into law last November. On the same day the president was visiting Pittsburgh, a bridge in that city collapsed. Over 45,000 bridges in this nation have been graded in “poor condition.”
Mega-billionaire Jeff Bezos pays very little in taxes if any at all, so despite being worth over $183 billion, he’s not contributing to repairing our infrastructure. But, while not paying to repair bridges in his country, he will pay to dismantle them in Rotterdam, where the citizens are telling him he can just go and rot the fuck off.
The mega-billionaire is having a 417-foot mega-yacht built in Alblasserda, a city in the Netherlands. For it to reach the ocean after it’s completed, it’ll have to pass under the Koningshaven lift bridge, popularly called “De Hef” bridge, in Rotterdam, Holland. But the boat is too big and for it to be able to get through the De Hef, it’ll have to be dismantled by De Douchebag.
This yacht will be the largest of its kind in the world. Why do billionaires need big-ass boats? Why do they need spaceships? Ego? Small penis? Who knows? But, Bezos will have to pay to partially dismantle the bridge for the SS Bezos to pass through. Even though the bridge will be put back together, a lot of Rotterdammers aren’t thrilled about this. They plan to attack the boat with rotten eggs.
The Dutch dude who’s organizing the egg-throwing event posted an invite on Facebook reading, “Rotterdam was built from the rubble by Rotterdammers and we don’t just take it apart for the phallus symbol of a megalomaniac billionaire. Not without a fight.”
This is true. The same bridge was destroyed by the Nazis. No, not those current Florida Republican Nazis, but the World War II Nazis. So, this bridge has only been dismantled by Bezos and Nazis. Have fun with that one, Jeff.
The shipbuilders being paid by Bezos are crying that destroying the bridge is the only way they can get the Bezos boat to sea. I think the Nazis had the same reasoning.
Happy sailing.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.
It’s been a big year for missile tests by U.S. rivals. China test-fired a hypersonic missile that went around the planet. Hypersonic is Mach 5 speed. That’s fast. Russia test-fired a missile in the Arctic. And last week, Russia test-fired a missile in space. Yes, in outer space.
Kids, we spend over $700 billion a year on our military which is more than the next top-ten spending nations combined. So, why are we behind China and Russia in hypersonic missile technology? We spend nearly $4 billion a year on hypersonic missiles that don’t work. How about we spend more money on feeding poor kids and free college and less on military shit that doesn’t work? We could probably put new dog parks in every U.S. city with $4 billion. And I bet dogs would be better at intercepting Chinese missiles than Space Force. I base this on a kung pao Chicken-Beagle interception incident I experienced once.
At this point, our anti-missile missiles have as much of a chance at intercepting a hypersonic missile as Donald Trump has of returning a serve by Serena Williams.
It’s the Russian missile test in space that really has everyone’s dander flaking. Russia blew up one of their own satellites which created a lot of debris in space.
Space debris is a huge problem for spacecraft like the International space station (ISS). The United States Space Surveillance Network is tracking about 20,000 pieces of artificial objects in space. While over 2,200 of this are satellites, the rest is junk from former space missions. It includes pieces of satellites, rockets, boosters, spacecraft, other assorted particles, and even solidified liquids from orbital spacecraft. This stuff can be dangerous to the humans flying around in space, like those on the ISS. A piece of space crap can destroy solar panels, and that’s just for starters. Space junk, in addition to dubstep, may be why aliens never come here.
The over 2,200 artificial objects we are sure about are only the objects large enough to track. Space nerds estimate there are over 128 million pieces of particles orbiting Earth that are from one to ten centimeters in size. Yes, something that small can inflict heavy damage. In case you’re a Republican gun humper and you need a comparison to understand how tiny a centimeter can be, look in your pants.
After the Russians blew up their satellite, the crew of the ISS had to scramble into capsules in case they had to evacuate the station.
The ISS orbits the planet at an altitude of 260 miles. So, if the space billionaire assholes (Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson, and Elon Musk) and their egos had been in space during the Russian missile test, they would NOT have been in any danger. Richard Branson got about 52 miles above the planet and Jeff Bezos reached 62. In case you’re a Republican, 260 is a greater amount than 52 and even 62.
This billionaire asshole space race is only to feed billionaire asshole egos, just like the Space Force was only created to placate Billionaire asshole Donald Trump’s ego and to give his racist rally attendees a new catchphrase (this was before they came up with “hang Mike Pence”). What did Space Force do to prevent the Russian missile test? It may have encouraged it.
There is an international treaty that forbids testing missiles in space. It bans nations from claiming the moon and other celestial bodies and forbids military stations in space, like the Death Star. While it doesn’t ban all military activity, creating an entire branch of your military that’s exclusively devoted to space kinda pokes the other 110 signers of the treaty in the eye. However, it’s not like Russia has respected the treaty before the creation of the Space Force. It should be noted that it was the Soviet Union that signed the treaty and not Russia.
But if Russia needs something to shoot down in space, I can think of better targets than satellites. And hey, before you get upset and believe I’m advocating killing billionaire assholes, just think of this like Paul Gosar thinks of his violent and racist anime. It’s just a cartoon.
There’s a lot of crap in space, including billionaire asshole egos.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.
I really wish Jeff Bezos would have been greeted as he stepped out of his phallus-shaped rocket by a prankster in an ape costumer wearing a tie and a Blue Origin shirt.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.
Yesterday, Jeff Bezos inspired the world. If one phallic-looking human being can put a phallic-looking rocket into space for three minutes, imagine what non-phallic-looking humans can do. And if any aliens were on their way to our planet while that rocket was…entering…space, they probably turned around.
Sometimes I feel like I’m a day ahead of everyone else…or at least schmoes on social media. I posted a YouTube clip of the running gag in the Austin Powers movies about how Dr. Evil’s rocket looks like a penis. The only reactions it received were, “Huh?”. And then yesterday after Bezo’s rocket went off, social media lit up with, “Oh my god, that looks like a dick.” Maybe nobody was paying attention to what was about to happen until it happened. Personally, if a flying penis is about to take to the skies, I want to know about it ahead of time.
Two things I was very impressed by was the landing of the rocket right back to its launch pad and that the media could spend hours covering it without once mentioning it’s shaped like a giant scrotum. Most men needing to overcompensate buy sports cars, or really large trucks, or a shit-load of guns to strap to themselves so everyone can see their entire gun collection while shopping for dental at Walmart for their one tooth. Most men don’t overcompensate shoot themselves into space inside a rocket literally shaped like a dick.
My colleagues spent yesterday struggling to find a way to put a dick joke in a cartoon that could get past editors. I saw a few good ones that weren’t too dirty, but probably still won’t be published anywhere other than social media. That goes for this one. Editors probably won’t even read this cartoon and kill it just from the image of the phallic-shaped rocket…while running photos of the phallic-shaped rocket on their front page. The only thing more vulgar would be running photos of Rand Paul on the front page.
If Billionaire Bezos really wanted his rocket to look like a penis, it would have looked like Rand Paul. Why? Because Rand Paul is a dick, a wanker, a scrotum face, a wiener, a dork, a froto, a donger, a knob, a tool, a mushroom head, a Mr. Knish, a schlong dongadoodle, a mutton flap, a pecker head, a prick, a ramburglar, a rod, and a walking fuck stick. Rand Paul is a cock. Even Republicans think Rand Paul is a one-eyed-monster with a nutsack full of bullshit.
During a Senate hearing yesterday, Rand Paul once again went after Dr. Anthony Fauci. Rand Paul, a self-certified eye doctor who looks like he cuts his own hair with an angry aardvark clashed with Dr. Fauci, the nation’s top infectious diseases expert. Rand Paul was certified to be an eye doctor by a board he created and stocked with relatives. Jeff Bezos is more qualified to call himself an astronaut than Rand Paul is qualified to call himself a doctor.
Rand Paul has been a conspiracy theorist and covid denier since covid came about. He continues being a covid denier despite the fact he had covid. While waiting for results after taking a covid test, Rand Paul continued creeping through the halls of Congress knowing full well he could be infecting others with covid. As it turned out, he was positive for covid. I told you he’s a dick. Now, he claims he has lifetime immunity from covid and he’s qualified to say this because…he’s an eye doctor?
Rand Paul accused Dr. Fauci of lying about our nation, under his direction, funding a lab in Wuhan, China and it’s gain-of-function research. The man who risked infecting others has a lot of gall accusing anyone of spreading the virus. It’s shit like this that’s why people physically assault Rand Paul.
Gain-of-function is research that alters a disease, organism, or a virus, increasing it’s pathogenesis, making it more transmittable, and increasing its range. The intention is to be able to predict future diseases and to develop vaccines. What Rand Paul was doing was accusing Dr. Fauci of helping Wuhan create a deadly virus on purpose, then unleashing it unto the world. He accused Dr. Fauci of perjury and the murder of millions. Did I mention Rand Paul is a dick?
Even if the virus escaped from a lab, there’s no evidence, and probably never will be, that it was artificially created. But, it’s a juicy talking point for dickhead conspiracy theorists.
What evidence does Rand Paul have of this? None. Rand Paul has cited a study that as Dr. Fauci points out, is about a different type of virus not responsible for the coronavirus pandemic. What Rand Paul is doing would be like comparing Cheerio’s to Fruity Pebbles and claiming all cereal will turn your milk into a rainbow color. If Rand Paul ate Alpha-Bits cereal, it would probably spell out “cock.”
During yesterday’s hearing, Paul asked Dr. Fauci, that since it’s a crime to lie to Congress, if he’d like to retract his statement from a previous hearing where Fauci claimed our government didn’t fund gain-of-research conducted in a Wuhan lab. Dr. Fauci said, “Senator Paul, I have never lied before the Congress and I do not retract that statement.”
Paul kept interrupting Fauci. And when Rand Paul’s time expired and the chair allowed Dr. Fauci to answer Paul’s last question, Paul kept interrupting.
Dr. Fauci did not retract his statement that our government did not fund Wuhan research to create a deadly virus. He also put on the record, “Senator Paul, you do not know what you’re talking about, quite frankly. And I want to say that officially. You do not know what you are talking about.”
It’s official. Rand Paul does not know what he’s talking about.
Dr. Fauci summed it up with, “If anybody is lying here, senator, it is you.”
Rand Paul is lying. That’s what Republicans do. That’s what dicks do. Rand Paul is only grandstanding to the Republican base that’s politicized the virus and has made Dr. Fauci public enemy number one. It’s an added bonus to the racism of blaming Chinese people. Rand Paul is also grandstanding by threatening Dr. Fauci with a criminal referral. What’s criminal is that Rand Paul can call himself a doctor and a United States senator.
I’d like to make a referral and put on the record that Rand Paul is a dick.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.
When you see bored billionaires spending their money to go into space or say they didn’t know taxes were supposed to be paid on fringe benefits like cars, apartments, and tuition, you know we need to raise taxes on these rich-ass bastards.
American billionaires Jeff Bezos, South African/Canadian/American (make up your mind) billionaire Elon Musk, British rich bastard Richard Branson, and Russian/Israeli miser Yuri Milner are all fucking around with space. I predict, like their fellow rich alum Thurston Howell III, one of these rich fuckos is going to be end up stranded on an island.
When you are spending $100 million to build a giant laser to shoot silicon microchips into space to see if an alien will catch one of them, you may have too much money on your hands. That’s what Yuri Milner is up to. This isn’t as much scientific research as it is an expensive hobby. What’s he going to do next? Shoot up small dogs to see if they can bark in space? Milner is one of the poorest billionaires in this race with his wealth estimated somewhere between $3-$4 billion.
Elon Musk’s company, SpaceX, plans to colonize Mars, but before they get that on, he’s going to use his craft, Starship (good job with the naming, guys) to fly into space, open a door, and scoop up space litter, which is probably less hazardous than scooping kitty litter. Each launch of Starship will cost around $2 million. Elon is worth around $150 billion.
Jeff Bezos, who is worth about $187 billion, isn’t just entering the space tourism industry. He’s planning to shoot his own ass into space. Bezos is planning to launch on July 20 on board the New Shepard, the rocket ship made by his space company, Blue Origin. Bezos auctioned off a seat as well, with the price at $28 million. This trip is expected to last 11 minutes while Amazon can’t deliver new kitty litter within 11 days (HURRY!!!). You can probably go to an arcade and find one of those little rocket ship-shaped rides for toddlers that can shake your ass for 11 minutes for about 50 cents.
Richard Branson is poor compared to Bezos and Musk, but he’s about to beat all of them into space. He’s scheduled to lift off on board the VSS Unity, his ship built by his space tourism company, Virgin Galactic. One person has already been killed by Branson’s space hobby.
Then you have Donald Trump, the poorest of these billionaires, and unfortunately, isn’t being shot off to another planet. Trump claims he’s worth $10 billion but since everything that comes out of his mouth is like a litter box after your cat ate Indian food, he’s lying. Trump’s worth is probably closer to $2 billion. In the past, Trump has told us his taxes are too complicated for us to understand, yet during a recent rally, he displayed he doesn’t understand taxes. After his corporation and chief financial officer were charged for tax crimes, he said, “They go after good, hard-working people for not paying taxes on a company car. You didn’t pay tax on the car or a company apartment. You used an apartment because you need an apartment because you have to travel too far where your house is. You didn’t pay tax. Or education for your grandchildren. I don’t even know. Do you have to? Does anybody know the answer to that stuff?”
Yes, Tiny. You’re supposed to pay taxes on gifts. Pretty much everybody knows the answer “to this stuff.” The guy who has been hiding his tax returns for years and told us he knows taxes better than anyone, is asking if people have to pay taxes on expensive items. He also admitted to the crime. Oops. Maybe Donald Trump is trying to land in court before his billionaire compadres take off for space.
Trump is trying to get his poor, food-stamp-spending, white nationalist cult upset that rich people are being forced to pay taxes. And it’ll probably work. I mean, these fuckers are already upset over a single black mother collecting $200 a month to feed her baby, and aren’t even aware that Boeing receives over $13 billion a year in taxpayer subsidies.
I’m a big fan of raising taxes on the rich, and I’m a bigger fan of going after them for when they avoid paying taxes.
Donald Trump only paid $700 in taxes for some years while also engaging in shady tax schemes. Last year, Jeff Bezos tax rate was 0.98 percent. His company, Amazon, didn’t pay any taxes.
I propose we raise taxes on all these billionaires and rub their faces in used kitty litter.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.
The richest man in the planet now wants to be the richest man in the galaxy.
Jeff Bezos owns Amazon, Whole Foods, Metro Goldwyn Mayor, and The Washington Post. He also owns a space company, Blue Origin, and will be part of the crew for its first manned space flight. He’s going to beat fellow billionaires Elon Musk and Richard Branson to be the first rich asshole in space.
Bezos’ billions being spent to shoot him off the third rock from the sun is helped by the fact his tax rate is basically 0.98 percent. ProPublica exposed IRS files showing that the 25 richest jerks in this country have a tax rate of nearly zero. Warren Buffett is buying newspapers left and right, tearing them down to almost nothing, reselling them for a profit, claiming he has a passion for newspapers, all while paying as little in taxes as possible. Maybe he should have bought ProPublica.
In this nation, we tax income but not wealth. That means billionaire jagoffs like Bezos all the way down to the poorest billionaires such as Donald Trump, pay a lower rate than you do. It’s estimated that 11.8 percent of Amazon’s workers in Ohio are receiving welfare benefits. That’s just in one state, but all of Bezo’s employees, even those who collect food stamps to survive, pay higher tax rates than their space-bound billionaire boss.
You may think that’s just Bezos and his fellow billionaires paying very little in taxes. But what about their companies? In 2018, Amazon paid zero in federal taxes. Amazon now accounts for over 50% of all online shopping, forcing small and even large corporations to declare bankruptcy. Amazon’s profits increased to nearly 200 percent during the pandemic (I know I helped). On top of that, The National Labor Relations Board this year claims that Amazon retaliated against staffers who raised concerns about warehouse safety by firing them.
I don’t want to hate rich people just because they’re rich, but when a billionaire like Bezos is lavishly spending $25 million on a new Los Angeles mansion, $23 million on a Washington mansion, $17 million on a Manhattan apartment, $500 million on a new yacht, $65 million on a private jet, $42 million on a clock (dude, there’s a clock on your cell phone), and a billion to send his happy rich ass to space, getting a huge tax cut from the Trump administration while not paying taxes, the rich are making it hard not to hate them.
But hey, when you’re such a rich jerk that dogs won’t play with you, do what Bezos does…and buy a robot dog. You can program it to lick your face.
We need to raise taxes on the rich. We need to tax wealth. We need to eliminate tax loopholes. Republicans are fighting for the rich rather than for you because they’re bought and paid for by the rich. We can fix that. From a post I recently saw somewhere on social media: All we have to do is eat one billionaire and the rest will fall in line. It’s not like any of them are a Bruce Wayne or a Tony Stark.
Tony Stark went to space to fight Thanos. I suspect Bezos wants to go to space to become Thanos. I expect his trip to be like Ivanka Trump at Buckingham Palace, a photo-op for a creepy smile peering from a window reminding us just how much better humans they are than the rest of us.
Quite frankly, I think they can be better than the rest of us but they have to go to space to prove it. So, let’s shoot them all into space. We can even save money by not bothering to bring them back.
Spending billions to send yourself to space, when you know you don’t have the right stuff, while your employees are living off of generic Ramen noodles, and you’re not paying taxes, takes some serious space balls.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.
A few weeks ago, I was keeping my eyes open for Dial liquid hand soap. Usually, for me, soap is soap as long as it doesn’t smell weird or feel like liquid sandpaper, I’m good. But a friend swore that Dial was the best at killing viruses and was one of the cheapest. So, while not being that worried about it and already having plenty of hand soap on stock, I thought I’d buy some if I ran across it. For a while, I didn’t.
I couldn’t find it at my local grocery store or my local CVS. Then, I stumbled across one bottle at my local convenience store where I walked into recently while wearing a bandana and telling the guy who runs the place it was a stickup…and told me to stop messing around and that he just got an order in of that Arizona green tea I like. He knows me.
They had exactly one bottle. Dial, 7.5 FL OZ (221 mL), original gold. Kills 99.9% of bacteria. Sounds good and since it’s the last one, I’ll buy it. It was $3.59. I thought that was a little high but I was in a convenience store and I wasn’t sure what the regular price of liquid soap was. I bought it anyway (and it’s nearly empty now. Dries out your hands).
But, I was still curious about the price. I did a little research and it seems the regular price is $1.00 to $2.50 if you can find it.
By the way, I wanted some Ore-Ida frozen potatoes and they were nearly wiped out at my local grocery store. What the hell, people? Are we wiping with frozen potatoes now?
But I digress. The soap is cheap. Why? Because it’s just regular soap. While you might pay $2.00 at your gGiant, it’s understandable it would be $3.59 at 7/11. How about $11 at Amazon?
Yeah, I found the exact same soap, size, design on bottle, everything, on Amazon for $10.99 I saw a deal where you can get four bottles for $30.00. Woo-hoo go to Hell, Jeff Bezos and take your $30 hand soap with you.
Back in late March, Amazon announced it removed 500,000 listings and 3,900 third-party sellers from its site for suspected price gouging. Hey, good for Amazon. I’m sorry I told you to go to Hell, Jeff Bezos. I appreciate what you’ve done with The Washington Post and when I grow up, I want to be just like you….rich but without looking like a human prick with ears. I really didn’t mean to insult…what? Amazon also substantially raised its own prices on products like hand sanitizer, protective masks, and toilet paper. I retract my retraction, Jeff Bezos. Go back to Hell.
The Florida Attorney General found that Amazon’s third-party sellers raised prices on things like hand sanitizer, cleaning supplies, and protective masks by up to 1,600%. That’s a lot of percents. But Amazon was found to have listed one 4-pack of toilet paper at $72.
Amazon says it’s now cooperating with law enforcement on cracking down on gouging third-party sellers, like the schmuck in Tennessee who bought 17,000 bottles of hand sanitizer and attempted to sell it on Amazon at $70 bucks a pop. I didn’t know Donald Trump moved to Tennesee.
Amazon might be working with law enforcement AFTER it reduced its own prices after eliminating the gouging competition for their gouging prices…but there’s still a lot of gouging on their site they don’t seem that much in a hurry to remove.
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Bad people hang out with other bad people. Choir boys don’t run with drug dealers. Dolphins don’t swim with sharks. Donald Trump doesn’t hang out with Barack Obama. Donald Trump hangs out and does business with people who get indicted and go to prison.
Donald Trump hired George Papadopoulos, Paul Manafort, Rick Gates, Michael Flynn, Michael Cohen, and Roger Stone. He admires men like Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, Rodrigo Duterte, Recep Erdogan, and Mohammed bin Salman. Another sleazy individual in the Trump orbit is David Pecker, publisher of the National Enquirer, a sleazy publication.
The business of the National Enquirer is to sell as much sleaze as possible. Its agenda is to expose the worst of us. The people behind the publication don’t care who they destroy in the process. It usually publishes false information. You can only find it in checkout lines next to Skittles and Mars Bars. It’s an impulse purchase. Donald Trump believes the paper should have a Pulitzer Prize and its editor, Mr. Pecker, should be hired to run The New York Times, which he considers “fake news.”
The publication uses its platform to engage in other sleazy activities. It would pay women for their exclusive stories about having sex with Donald Trump, a friend to David Pecker, then they’d sit on the story and it would never be published. This is a practice they call “catch and kill.”
In 2003, the Enquirer signed a $20,000 contract with a woman to get exclusive rights about the story of her alleged extramarital affair with Arnold Schwarzenegger, who was running for governor of California at the time.
In 2015, Harvey Weinstein asked the Enquirer for help in snuffing an accusation about him groping a model. When they couldn’t reach a financial agreement with the woman, they turned to collect personal and damaging information about her and other Weinstein accusers.
Also in 2015, the Enquirer’s parent company, American Media (AMI) paid $30,000 to a doorman at Trump Tower for exclusive rights to his allegations that he overheard a conversation about a child Donald Trump had with a woman who is not his wife but never published an article on the topic.
In 2016, they apparently paid $150,000 to Karen McDougal, a former Playboy Playmate who claimed to have had an affair with Donald Trump. Of course, they never published a story about it. Instead, they published stories about Hillary Clinton only having six months to live…back in 2016 (if you’re a Republican, that was two years ago).
Karma finally caught up to AMI and David Pecker, and they signed an agreement with federal investigators to provide all information on hush payments to help Trump in exchange for witness immunity. Part of the deal is that they’re to disclose all illegal activity to the federal government and stay out of trouble for three years. In case you’re a Republican, last August was not three years ago.
Late yesterday afternoon, Jeff Bezos, the owner of Amazon, The Washington Post, and the richest man in the freaking universe, published a blog on Medium, titled “No Thank You, Mr. Pecker,” accusing AMI and Pecker of blackmailing him. He claims that AMI asked him to make specific false public statements suggesting that there is no evidence of AMIs coverage being “politically motivated or influenced by political forces.” They wanted him to lie his ass off.
Pecker and AMI made two mistakes. They put it in writing, and they were messing with the richest man in the freaking universe.
The publication had already exposed Bezos’ extramarital affair, thus ruining his marriage. Bezos hired an investigator to discover how the Enquirer acquired private texts between him and his special lady friend. Now, the publication has possession of dirty selfies Bezos took and were threatening to publish them unless…Bezos and his investigator would publicly lie and say the Enquirer wasn’t politically motivated. You know, working in the interest of the president of the United States.
Donald Trump hates Jeff Bezos. He hates The Washington Post. He hates Amazon. He calls the newspaper the “Amazon Washington Post.” He has asked the Post Office to increase postage to hurt Amazon. Let me remind you, AMI and Pecker, were friends and maybe still are, to Donald Trump.
In his blog, Bezos wrote, “My ownership of the Washington Post is a complexifier for me. It’s unavoidable that certain powerful people who experience Washington Post news coverage will wrongly conclude I am their enemy.” In case you’re anyone who is not Jeff Bezos, “Complexifier” means it’s complicated.
Bezos’ marriage is already ruined. Now, the worst thing the Enquirer can do to him is to publicly embarrass him by showing all of us his sexting. Are people going to stop shopping on Amazon because they saw Bezos junk? I don’t think so. I’m expecting an order of Pop Tarts to arrive today.
Will people stop investing and doing business with the guy because of the shame? Of course not. The worst thing that can happen to Bezos from this is that people will laugh at him until they forget about it.
Bezos called them out, published the letter they sent describing each photo they had, thus exposing himself in the process and taking away all leverage from the goons attempting to extort him. Oh yeah, he also exposed those people to federal investigators because, in case you’re a Republican, blackmail and extortion is not legal. It’s especially dangerous if you signed an agreement with a federal prosecutor.
Again, in case you’re a Republican, let me explain; In their agreement with federal prosecutors, AMI and Pecker disclosed illegal activity they were involved in. If they violate the agreement then the prosecutors can charge them for all the information they gave up. They wanted to expose the junk of Bezos, but instead, they delivered to prosecutors their own balls on a silver platter.
Bezos is not an angel. He was having an affair. Bad, Bezos, bad. But, this is a man who has helped save American journalism. And, did I mention the Pop Tarts? He’s also a guy who didn’t roll over to sleaze merchants attempting to blackmail him. Bezos explained in his blog, “Any personal embarrassment AMI could cause me takes a back seat because there’s a much more important matter involved here. If in my position I can’t stand up to this kind of extortion, how many people can?” By standing up to Pecker of pecker pics, Bezos has stood up for everyone.
Bezos also wrote, “These communications cement AMI’s long-earned reputation for weaponizing journalistic privileges, hiding behind important protections, and ignoring the tenets and purpose of true journalism. Of course I don’t want personal photos published, but I also won’t participate in their well-known practice of blackmail, political favors, political attacks, and corruption. I prefer to stand up, roll this log over, and see what crawls out.”
Maybe in this situation, you don’t want to use the term, “roll this log over,” but Bezos is doing the commendable thing.
This can be a win-win for all of us. Bezos can help take down the National Enquirer and the sleaze merchants behind it, make it a “complexifier” for Donald Trump and his other assorted minions, and we never EVER have to see the photos of Bezos’ stuff.
Then, we can all roll this log over.
Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you.
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Occasionally the Washington Post will run a cartoon of mine in their Saturday edition. The last time was a couple weeks ago. I’m not going to hold my breath for them to publish this one.
I’ll be interested if their staff cartoonist, the always excellent Tom Toles, does a cartoon on the issue.
This cartoon took a while to color. I drew the cartoon super early Wednesday morning and finished it around 6:00 AM. It took forever to color.My giant Venus Flytraps are influenced a tad by Little Shop Of Horrors. Feed me, Seymour! Feed me!
I waited several hours to post this as I wanted my Trump/Stork cartoon to have the limelight to itself for a while.
claytoonz 