A Goon Can Dream


There are a LOT of reasons Donald Trump shouldn’t be president starting with that orange crap on his face and whatever that thing is on his head. I’m not being petty. Anyone who believes that makes him look good doesn’t have the sense required to order a basic cable package less enough to have the nuclear codes.

First off, voting 101 is that you do NOT vote for the candidate endorsed by Vladimir Putin. You would think the entire country would understand that one, but no.

When you list a lot of the reasons Trump shouldn’t be president, like his stupidity, racism, sexism, narcissism, stupidity, pettiness, shallowness, lying, inexperience, stupidity, bullying, temper tantrums, playing to an ugly base, dividing the nation as a political strategy, the corruption, his treason, stupidity, attempts to bribe a foreign nation, and the stupidity (did I mention how stupid he is?), you’re bound to leave one out. I think one that shouldn’t be left out is the fact our president (sic) is a man who hires goons.

You would think after being president and having the Secret Service constantly by his side (poor bastards), that he wouldn’t require the service of goons anymore. But no. He even took one to the White House with him in his personal bodyguard, Keith Schiller. Schiller was very handy for Trump, beating up protesters and telling James Comey he was fired. Now Schiller is a goon for the Republican National Committee.

One of Trump’s other goons was Michael Cohen. Technically, Cohen WAS a lawyer but you don’t want a lawyer with a degree from the Cooley Law School anymore than you want a doctor with a degree from Washington Barbados U. You wonder how many sponges have been left inside Donald Trump. Cohen’s job was to make problems disappear, such as women Trump had sex with that weren’t one of his three wives. Cohen also called schools Trump attended to threaten them not to release his boss’ transcripts despite the fact schools don’t release them. Another gooning task is to set up fake corporations in Delaware to funnel money to Playmates and pornstars so they don’t talk. “Funnel” is a fun word for Goons. Trump goon Rudy Giuliani uses it all the time.

As president, Trump’s goon Rudy Giuliani went to Ukraine to dig up conspiracy theories on Trump’s political opponents and spread nasty rumors about our ambassador. Rudy outsourced some of his gooning responsibilities to other goons, like Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman. No goon collection is complete without at least one Igor. From there, Robert Hyde helped the Trump team with some gooning on the side and stalking Marie Yovanovitch, our ambassador (at that time) to Ukraine.

Robert Hyde is a Republican (of course) candidate for Congress in Connecticut so now you cant actually vote for a goon, which a lot of people have already done with Jim Jordan, Matt Gaetz, and Lindsey Graham.

Parnas and Fruman were busted and are currently under indictment. Parnas is doing what most goons do when caught. He’s talking. He’s talking a lot and he’s selling out Trump, Hyde, and Giuliani. And Trump is doing what most people do when their goons are caught. He’s denying he ever knew the guy.

Here’s a tip in case you decide to hire a goon: Don’t take photos with them. A new photo of Trump with his goon Parnas pops up every time he denies ever knowing the guy.

For Trump, each person he hires, no matter what position, eventually turns into one of his personal goons. I can’t think of a better example than William Barr who’s been gooning up a storm in the name of Trump. Other significant goons who have engaged in dirty work are his Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney, former Energy Secretary Rick Perry, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and Ambassador to the European Union Gordon Sondland. Corey Lewandowski was his campaign manager but he wasn’t afraid to be a goon when he grabbed a female reporter at a Trump goon rally.

Another bad thing about goons is that they’re not the smartest. Maybe they used to be smart, like Barr and Giuliani (I said “maybe”), but you gotta be kinda stupid to take on goon work, especially for the likes of a Donald Trump. Take Rick Perry for example. That fuck is so stupid he forgot what agency he was heading. This isn’t Goodfellas. This is Dumbfellas.

And, you can’t trust anything a goon says, whether he’s on your side or not. We can’t trust everything Lev Parnas says and that’s why we need corroboration, like photos, documents, and other witnesses. It helps that Lev has transcripts and recordings. So, when one goon contradicts the other goon, one is lying and one is telling the truth. While Hyde argues he wasn’t really going to stalk Yovanovitch, he couldn’t stop talking about it and planning out very specific details. With both of these guys talking, it’s like a goon sandwich and you don’t want to get between that.

Goons. You get what you pay for.

Donald Trump is the kind of guy who hires goons. He probably has 20 goons for each goon he throws under the bus. And just like not voting for the Putin-endorsed candidate, you shouldn’t EVER vote for a guy who hires goons.

And, you should especially not vote for a guy who hires goons who himself, is also a goon.

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  1. If two goons have two different stories, one is lying and one is telling the truth? Really? I would think both are lying, and no one is willing to tell the truth. Or both think they are telling the truth they know, supplied by someone else who was lying to both of them. It’s like a ball of fishing line, or multiple strings of xmas lights, impossible to unravel. And useless to even try…

    Liked by 1 person

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