Lev Parnas

A Goon Can Dream


cjones01242020

There are a LOT of reasons Donald Trump shouldn’t be president starting with that orange crap on his face and whatever that thing is on his head. I’m not being petty. Anyone who believes that makes him look good doesn’t have the sense required to order a basic cable package less enough to have the nuclear codes.

First off, voting 101 is that you do NOT vote for the candidate endorsed by Vladimir Putin. You would think the entire country would understand that one, but no.

When you list a lot of the reasons Trump shouldn’t be president, like his stupidity, racism, sexism, narcissism, stupidity, pettiness, shallowness, lying, inexperience, stupidity, bullying, temper tantrums, playing to an ugly base, dividing the nation as a political strategy, the corruption, his treason, stupidity, attempts to bribe a foreign nation, and the stupidity (did I mention how stupid he is?), you’re bound to leave one out. I think one that shouldn’t be left out is the fact our president (sic) is a man who hires goons.

You would think after being president and having the Secret Service constantly by his side (poor bastards), that he wouldn’t require the service of goons anymore. But no. He even took one to the White House with him in his personal bodyguard, Keith Schiller. Schiller was very handy for Trump, beating up protesters and telling James Comey he was fired. Now Schiller is a goon for the Republican National Committee.

One of Trump’s other goons was Michael Cohen. Technically, Cohen WAS a lawyer but you don’t want a lawyer with a degree from the Cooley Law School anymore than you want a doctor with a degree from Washington Barbados U. You wonder how many sponges have been left inside Donald Trump. Cohen’s job was to make problems disappear, such as women Trump had sex with that weren’t one of his three wives. Cohen also called schools Trump attended to threaten them not to release his boss’ transcripts despite the fact schools don’t release them. Another gooning task is to set up fake corporations in Delaware to funnel money to Playmates and pornstars so they don’t talk. “Funnel” is a fun word for Goons. Trump goon Rudy Giuliani uses it all the time.

As president, Trump’s goon Rudy Giuliani went to Ukraine to dig up conspiracy theories on Trump’s political opponents and spread nasty rumors about our ambassador. Rudy outsourced some of his gooning responsibilities to other goons, like Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman. No goon collection is complete without at least one Igor. From there, Robert Hyde helped the Trump team with some gooning on the side and stalking Marie Yovanovitch, our ambassador (at that time) to Ukraine.

Robert Hyde is a Republican (of course) candidate for Congress in Connecticut so now you cant actually vote for a goon, which a lot of people have already done with Jim Jordan, Matt Gaetz, and Lindsey Graham.

Parnas and Fruman were busted and are currently under indictment. Parnas is doing what most goons do when caught. He’s talking. He’s talking a lot and he’s selling out Trump, Hyde, and Giuliani. And Trump is doing what most people do when their goons are caught. He’s denying he ever knew the guy.

Here’s a tip in case you decide to hire a goon: Don’t take photos with them. A new photo of Trump with his goon Parnas pops up every time he denies ever knowing the guy.

For Trump, each person he hires, no matter what position, eventually turns into one of his personal goons. I can’t think of a better example than William Barr who’s been gooning up a storm in the name of Trump. Other significant goons who have engaged in dirty work are his Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney, former Energy Secretary Rick Perry, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and Ambassador to the European Union Gordon Sondland. Corey Lewandowski was his campaign manager but he wasn’t afraid to be a goon when he grabbed a female reporter at a Trump goon rally.

Another bad thing about goons is that they’re not the smartest. Maybe they used to be smart, like Barr and Giuliani (I said “maybe”), but you gotta be kinda stupid to take on goon work, especially for the likes of a Donald Trump. Take Rick Perry for example. That fuck is so stupid he forgot what agency he was heading. This isn’t Goodfellas. This is Dumbfellas.

And, you can’t trust anything a goon says, whether he’s on your side or not. We can’t trust everything Lev Parnas says and that’s why we need corroboration, like photos, documents, and other witnesses. It helps that Lev has transcripts and recordings. So, when one goon contradicts the other goon, one is lying and one is telling the truth. While Hyde argues he wasn’t really going to stalk Yovanovitch, he couldn’t stop talking about it and planning out very specific details. With both of these guys talking, it’s like a goon sandwich and you don’t want to get between that.

Goons. You get what you pay for.

Donald Trump is the kind of guy who hires goons. He probably has 20 goons for each goon he throws under the bus. And just like not voting for the Putin-endorsed candidate, you shouldn’t EVER vote for a guy who hires goons.

And, you should especially not vote for a guy who hires goons who himself, is also a goon.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

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Stalking Yovanovitch


cjones01212020

Lev Parnas, the hired goon who’s an associate of Rudy Giuliani and whom Donald Trump doesn’t know despite being in dozens of photos with, revealed through text messages with a Republican congressional candidate (this just gets better by the minute) that there were plans to stalk Marie Yovanovitch while she was serving as ambassador to Ukraine.

The Trump team, specifically Rudy Giuliani, was conducting a smear campaign to get rid of Yovanovitch. During one phone call with the president of Ukraine, Trump said that Yovanovitch was going to “go through some things.” The text messages released by the House Intelligence Committee reveal that Parnas and his friend, Robert Hyde,” were, trying to get her to “go through some things,” discussing stalking and perhaps making something else happen to her when Hyde wrote, “They are willing to help if we/you would like a price,” and “Guess you can do anything in the Ukraine with money.”

Hyde also referred to Yovanovitch as a “bitch” in multiple texts, once writing, “can’t believe Trumo hasn’t fired this b—h. I’ll get right in that.” I don’t know why he referred to Trump as “Trumo” or if that’s just a typo. He also texted about Yovanovitch’s location and the state of her security. He also said we need to “get that bitch out” and “fuck that bitch.” He later said he was just being playful because calling a woman “bitch” is funny and humorous to Republicans. Hyde is the kind of guy who makes tens of thousands of dollars in campaign contributions to GOP candidates while falling behind on child support payments.

This should really help Robert Hyde with the “get the bitch” demographic.

Now, Ukraine is investigating this as they feel a responsibility for a foreign ambassador’s safety. This is NOT the investigation Donald Trump wanted that nation to announce.

I am glad Ukraine cares about Yovanovitch’s safety because our Secretary of State and State Department, under the Trump regime, does not. Neither the State Department nor Mike Pompeo has issued any statements regarding this.

We killed a foreign general after one of our embassies was demonstrated against. Donald Trump cited an “imminent attack” on four as justification for assassinating the general. But someone threatens one of our ambassadors and we hear nothing?

The Ukrainian government issued a statement saying, “the published messages contain facts of possible violations of Ukrainian law and of the Vienna Convention on diplomatic relations, which protect the rights of diplomats on the territory of another state.” Where’s the statement from Mike Pompeo regarding an ambassador’s safety?

Ukraine also asked the FBI for assistance in investigating the Russian hacking of Burisma, the gas company Hunter Biden worked for. Isn’t it funny that Russia seems to be getting involved on the side of Donald Trump?

Morale is low at the State Department. Probably because its leader refuses to express any concern for the safety of its employees. Perhaps he’s afraid of angering Trump by expressing that he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to Marie Yovanovitch, whom Trump, with Giuliani and her stalker, has smeared. This is another example proving that all our government agencies are only working in the personal interest of Donald Trump.

And for that matter, I haven’t heard any Republicans express concern for our ambassador. I’ve heard a bunch of them, Kellyanne Conway, for example, say Lev Parnas is unreliable because he’s indicted and just trying to help his case by cooperating, but no concern about threats against a United States ambassador. What happened to patriotism? What happened to putting nation before Trump? What happened? Do you know who else should be expressing concern for the safety of a United States ambassador? Donald fucking Trump, the president (sic) of the United States of America. The new normal is that nobody’s pointed that out yet except me, a cartoonist.

Republicans have done nothing over the past three years except excel at being horrible, vile, disgusting creatures. And because all of this is a result of electing Donald Trump, we need to get that bitch out.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.