Michael Cohen

Tips For Trump


cjones05162018

With the latest revelation that Trump flunky/lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen was engaging in pay for play for access to the president, comes two very important questions; Did the president know about this scheme (which is a question that keeps reoccurring over these scandals)? Did the president get any of this money?

Donald Trump is notorious for being angry when he believes people are making money off his name. He complained about fired-FBI Director James Comey making money off his book. So, how does Trump feel about Cohen accepting around $4 million from an American firm linked to a Russian oligarch (Columbus Nova), AT&T, Novartis, and Korean Aerospace Industries?

Each company issued statements that they paid Cohen for expert advice in areas where he is not an expert. Now, if they issued statements they hired him to silence porn stars, that would be believable. What’s not believable is that he was hired for advice in real estate, health care, mega business mergers, or accounting standards, which were the various the reasons the companies initially gave for paying Cohen butt-loads of money.

The money was paid to Essential Consultants, the same shell company Cohen set up in Delaware that paid $130,000 to Stormy Daniels and $1.6 million to silence a Playboy bunny who was knocked up by, supposedly, a different Republican. Funny thing about the Playmate payment; the fake name on that payment, David Dennison, was the same as the one to Stormy. So, the abortion payment was actually for Trump or Cohen is too stupid and lazy to come up with additional bogus names. How about Grabby McGrabalot, Orangy McOrangeman, Shaka ShitForBrains, Lester Molester, Chester Cheeto, or Petey McPerjurer?

The corporations later issued further statements that they hired Cohen to help them understand the president, or even connect them with him. Really? You need to understand the president? Cheeseburgers and sword dances. There you go. That’ll be $400,000, please.

Is any of this illegal? You bet Trump’s chunky orange ass it’s illegal. Michael Cohen is not a registered lobbyist. This fixer needs a fixer.

What we need to watch is how Trump reacts to this. If he expresses anger about Cohen collecting money, then Trump is probably entirely ignorant over the pay-for-play scheme (which he campaigned against) or, he totally forgot about it. If Trump defends Cohen, calls it a lie or “fake news,” or blows it off, he’s guilty. Don’t forget, Trump is a guy who charges the Secret Service rental fees on golf carts when they protect him at one of his stupid courses.

Trump is cheap. He is cheap in other ways too. He is so cheap and petty, he complained on Twitter about how the Obama administration failed to secure the release of the three detainees held by North Korea. The thing is, two of those detainees weren’t arrested and detained until AFTER Trump became president. I understand Trump likes to take credit for Obama’s accomplishments, but now he’s being blamed for not doing Trump’s job? How come Obama hasn’t built the wall yet? Why did Obama let those Russians into Trump Tower? How come Obama failed to silence Stormy?

How cheap do you have to be to use these three Americans, held hostage by the most ruthless regime on the planet, for a cheap political payoff with your rabid base of sycophants?

Trump met the hostages when they landed at Andrews Air Force Base at 2:30 AM Thursday morning. He talked about the ratings. He praised Kim Jong Un and said the treatment of the prisoners he captured was “excellent” and how nice of him to let them go. Really? Excellent? Nice?

Kim Jong Un captures Americans for leverage. He is not to be thanked for releasing them. Remember Otto Warmbier? The University of Virginia student he released who was in a coma and died shortly after arriving back in the U.S.? That wasn’t excellent or nice.

And by the way, eleven Americans were released by North Korea during Obama’s presidency. Maybe Trump can convince Kim to capture and release nine more, so he can top Obama’s accomplishment. Or, he can totally erase Obama’s legacy and send the Americans back.

Considering how cheap and petty Trump is, I’m surprised he didn’t meet the detainees at the bottom of the stairs with a tip jar. Trump wants a tip? I got one for him.

Resign.

Shout out. Yesterday was Frank’s birthday. Frank hates having his birthday celebrated, so be sure to leave a comment wishing him a happy birthday and a whole lot more. Frank volunteers to find my typos and make suggestions. If I don’t take a day off, Frank doesn’t take a day off. If I post two blogs a day, Frank corrects two a day. Frank is extremely reliable, proficient, and generous. He also sends me movie recommendations and really bad jokes. He also really hates when I use the word “really.” I appreciate Frank and you should too. The fact he even wants to donate his time on my stuff makes me feel that maybe there’s something significant to what I’m doing. Thanks, Frank and happy birthday. You really, really, really are something special.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

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Cohen Takes A Bullet


cjones04242018

If you’re worried about Michael Cohen flipping on Donald Trump, you’re worried Donald Trump is guilty of illegal activity.

Trump’s attorney/fixer Michael Cohen loves him some Donald Trump. He’s paid off porn stars to keep quiet about sleeping with Trump, he’s bought overpriced condos in his towers, he’s gone on TV time and time again to defend the guy. Michael Cohen said, “I will take a bullet for Donald Trump.” We may find out soon enough.

Last week, the FBI raided Cohen’s home, office, and hotel room. They have material from his cell phone, laptop, tablet, and safe deposit box. Cohen is the guy who knows all of Trump’s dirtiest secrets. As dirty as Trump is, the FBI probably needed a dozen U-Hauls to transport the material while wearing hazmat suits.

Cohen is being investigated for business dealings which include the payment to a porn star and his involvement in the Trump campaign’s collusion with Russia. Cohen is in a lot of trouble. Trump’s closest advisers don’t have much faith he will remain loyal to Donald.

Attorney and Trump defender Alan Dershowitz said, “They’re going to threaten him with a long prison term and try to turn him into a canary that sings.”

Jay Goldberg, a longtime Trump lawyer told The Wall Street Journal that he warned Trump, “Cohen isn’t even a “1 on a scale of 1 to 100,” where 100 was remaining fully loyal to the president. Ouch!

One defense lawyer who represents a senior Trump aide in Mueller’s Russia investigation told Politico, “I think for two years or four years or five years, Michael Cohen would be a stand-up guy. I think he’d tell them go piss up a rope. But depending on dollars involved, which can be a big driver, or if they look at him and say it’s not two to four years, it’s 18 to 22, then how loyal is he?” I’m sure if anyone pisses up a rope, the president will want a tape of it, but I digress.

He added, “Is he two years loyal? Is he 10 years loyal? Is he 15 years loyal? That’s the currency. It’s not measured in inches. It’s measured in years.” Stephen Colbert asked on his show, “Fifteen years? Michael Cohen disclosed Sean Hannity’s name in court after being asked twice. He’s not five minutes loyal.”

Usually, the person who professes the most loyalty is the first to flip. But, why should he remain loyal when Trump doesn’t exhibit any loyalty to anyone other than himself. You may have noticed, Trump defends a lot of people, but only if attacking them is a danger to himself.

Stormy Daniels’ lawyer, Michael Avenatti, believes Cohen will be charged within the next three months. He’ll probably flip the same afternoon he’s charged unless Trump issues him a pardon. That’s very likely but will be a flagrant act of obstructing justice.

Trump already sent a loud message that lying to the FBI isn’t a serious offense when he pardoned Scooter Libby. Trump doesn’t care about Scooter Libby and couldn’t pick him out of a crowd. Pardoning Scooter was Trump scooting a message to those charged by Mueller, don’t cooperate and the prez will take care of you. I’m sure Paul Manafort is expecting a full pardon at some point in the future.

Anthony Scaramucci doesn’t believe Cohen will flip. Did he not see Goodfellas? “If you said to me and I had to flip a coin, is he going to turn on President Trump or turn on other people? I would say adamantly no,” he said.

That’s not how a coin toss works, Mooch. A better analogy you can appreciate is, heads he’s a backstabber, tails he’s a frontstabber.

Like The Joker said in The Dark Knight, “I know a squealer when I see one.” Cohen looks like a squealer. He’ll squeal on Trump, or he’ll do his squealing in a federal penitentiary. He needs to realize which body part that bullet’s going to penetrate.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

The Shammity of Hannity


cjones04202018

Yesterday, the Pulitzer Prizes announced the winners for 2017 awarding some of America’s best journalists. Ironically, on the same day, we got a reminder of one of America’s worst.

Fox News’ Sean Hannity has told his audience and critics time and time again that he is not a journalist. Sure, he’s on a news channel talking about the news and giving us his opinion on the subjects, but he argues that doesn’t make him a journalist. The reason he makes this argument is so he doesn’t have to conduct himself by the ethics and principles expected of journalists.

Hannity is one of the personalities who has helped turn Fox News into Trump TV. He not only defends and worships at the altar of all things Trump, he socializes with The Donald. He’s had dinner at the White House multiple times, and none of those were over meatloaf with Obama. When Trump says many people believe he should fire Robert Mueller, “many people” are Sean Hannity.

Hannity hasn’t just campaigned against Special Counsel Robert Mueller, calling the investigation a “witch hunt,” while defending everything Trump. He’s also passionately defended Trump’s lawyer, Michael Cohen, who is the president’s admitted “fixer.” Cohen paid porn star Stormy Daniels $130,000 to keep quiet about her having sex with the married Trump, which he claims never happened. Hannity’s defense of Cohen turned into a near-panic after the FBI raided the lawyer’s office, home, and hotel room seizing files and possibly audio recordings between him and his clients. On Monday, we found out why Hannity was taking it so personally.

Cohen is more of a fixer than a lawyer. He got his degree (in law, not fixing) from the Cooley Law School, which has been ranked as the worst law school in the nation. It’s shocking his office isn’t the trunk of his car where you can also get expert shoe repair. Cohen only has three clients, with one being the president and the second being Elliott Broidy, a Republican National Committee fundraiser who used Cohen’s fixing services to pay off a former Playboy Playmate $1.6 million he had impregnated. But, who is the third? Cohen’s attorney’s, who I hoped didn’t get their degrees from Cooley, were joined by the president’s attorneys (despite him not being “involved” in the case) against releasing the name of the third client. The judge didn’t buy their arguments and made them release the name, which made everyone in the courtroom either gasp or break out in laughter. That third client is Sean Hannity.

Hannity argues he’s not really a client despite Cohen’s attorney’s fighting so hard to keep his name sealed. The Fox News host claims he’s never officially had services done by Cohen and has only asked him a few questions in passing about real estate, though Cohen is not a real estate attorney (though he has bought a lot of property in Trump Towers, just like Russian money launderers do). Hannity points out that he’s never retained him, been billed, received an invoice, or paid legal fees. So what? Trump often refuses to pay his legal fees.

Someone can be your lawyer without you ever having paid them. If nothing else, if Hannity received a service from Cohen, even if it’s just bad legal advice, he has a responsibility to his viewers for full disclosure.

Sean Hannity is on a news network, a journalistic outlet, a forum where people get their information. He can refer to himself as an Oompa Loompa for all I care, but he still has a responsibility to his viewers for full disclosure. For all we know he didn’t even inform his bosses of his conflict of interest.

Sean Hannity can continue his refusal to square with his viewers and himself, but his network can’t. Fox News shouldn’t just suspend Hannity. They should fire him. Sure, he gets high ratings, but Fox needs to decide if they’re a news network or a propaganda outlet. I’m sure Shep Smith, Chris Wallace, and Bret Baier would choose to be identified with a news network.

Maybe Sean Hannity should ask one of them for journalism advice, and stop asking crappy, sketchy lawyers for legal advice.

Now, does anyone wanna be Michael Cohen’s fourth client?

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Raiding The Fixer


cjones04112018

Donald Trump said the raid on his private attorney’s office is an attack on our country and what we all stand for. Apparently, we all stand for money laundering and paying porn stars hush money.

Michael Cohen is less of an attorney and more of a personal fixer. It helps when you have a law license. On Mueller Monday, April 9, the FBI raided Cohen’s office at 30 Rockefeller (yeah, the same building that houses NBC), his home, and hotel room (because he’s been staying in a hotel for a while). This is amazing just for the sheer fact Cohen is Trump’s lawyer. Lawyers and their clients share a privilege of secrecy and confidentiality, but that doesn’t mean a lawyer and his client can be partners in crime.

The FBI was working on behalf of the Southern District of New York, as Mueller’s team passed this case on to them. For investigators to acquire a warrant to raid a lawyer’s office and seize his files, computers, phones, etc, they had to convince a judge there was enough evidence to warrant a crime. The bar for acquiring such a warrant is extremely high, even if the client isn’t the president.

What sort of crimes could we be looking at? There’s the campaign finance violation. Cohen claims he paid off porn star Stormy Daniels out of the goodness of his heart to protect his friend, Donald Trump. Cohen and Trump both claim that Trump was unaware of this payment. But, this payment was days before the presidential election. This was a campaign contribution and it exceeded the maximum amount allowed for an individual, by a lot.

A lawyer is not supposed to make settlements on his client’s behalf without his client’s agreement, and these guys claim Trump didn’t know about it. He also negotiated the thing through his Trump organization email. Trump really does hire the best people. For this shenanigan, Cohen can and should lose his license to practice law.

Cohen says he took out a line of credit on his home for this money, which was never reimbursed by Trump. For him to take out this line of credit he would have to apply for the loan. Did he put “porn star hush payment” on the application? I’m going to bet he did not, and that alone may be bank fraud. Investigators are also looking into wire fraud. Criminals have been purchasing units in Trump’s towers for years for money laundering.

Trump has become unhinged over this raid. Before a meeting with his war advisers, he spoke to the press and referred to it as a “break-in,” when in fact it’s a lawful raid with a warrant. He claimed this was an attack on our nation. He was visibly disturbed as he groused about it with his arms tightly folded together. On the 11th Hour on MSNBC, Republican strategist Steve Schmidt said Trump looked like a dime-store Mussolini.

Trump complained about the people behind this being Obama’s people, that the FBI needed to go after Hillary Clinton, and he attacked his own appointees. He attacked Geoffrey Berman, the U.S. attorney for the office that was handed the case by the Special Counsel. He again criticized Attorney General Jeff Sessions for recusing himself from the Russia investigation and not using his position as Trump’s personal protection service. He attacked the man overseeing the investigation, Rod Rosenstein, and he discussed firing Robert Mueller. What he didn’t mention was the rule of law. He talked about the unfairness of it all, as American society has made life difficult and grueling for white billionaires.

Former U.S. Attorney Joyce White Vance said, “This search warrant is like dropping a bomb on Trump’s front porch.” The FBI just raided the guy who knows all of Trump’s dirtiest secrets. If we know about the porn stars, what else is there that’s worse?

Cohen was the lead negotiator for the Moscow Trump Tower that Trump was working on during his presidential campaign. He even negotiated a $150,000 payment from a Ukrainian oligarch to the Trump Foundation for Trump to speak to a conference in Kiev during the presidential campaign. The Trump Foundation is a scam charity that Trump has used to purchase gifts for himself, to make political donations to a state attorney general in Florida who was looking into Trump University, and to pay Eric Trump’s Boy Scout fee.

The fear now is that Mueller is so close to Trump’s finances and dirty deeds that Trump may fire him. There’s no telling what investigators are going to find in Cohen’s secret stash. Trump has to weigh the fallout versus what Mueller may find. The problem with this is, the investigation into Cohen isn’t being handled by Mueller’s team, though some of it may be handed back to them depending on what’s found.

Trump also can’t fire Michael Avenatti, the lawyer for Stormy Daniels, who won’t stop until he gets Trump into a deposition or a courtroom.

Trump is in trouble. His presidency is the epicenter of the corruption that has consumed his administration. He’s also used it to enrich himself and those close to him. He’s expressed more concern for his special interest than he has for the job he was elected to do. He’s running the presidency as he ran his company, like a family crime business.

The question that remains is; will Trump burn the country down and the rule of law to save his own ass? Unfortunately, precedent points toward his ass. Let’s hope Mueller nails it first.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!