Goons

Cruelty Caucus

The most progressive members of the House are not happy with the compromise reached between President Biden and Speaker Kevin McCarthy on raising the debt ceiling. But, their unhappiness with it isn’t a threat to the leadership of the president or Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. However, the anger from the House Freedom Caucus, who will be referred to as the “Goon Caucus” for the rest of today’s blog, is a threat to Kevin McCarthy’s speakership.

Representative Pramila Jayapal, Chairwoman of the House Progressive Caucus, is unhappy with the compromise because she’s concerned the deal could mean “harmful” effects for poor and working Americans.

Jayapal gave credit to the White House for helping to ensure the bill’s proposed federal spending caps are not as “as catastrophic as they could have been,” but she also raised concerns about how the new spending limits will affect funding for nondefense programs. 

Jayapal said, “When it comes time to write these appropriations bills. There will be some very, very difficult choices to make.” She also said, “There will be real harmful impacts for poor people and working people being barred from income support that they not just desperately need, but frankly, that they deserve. There will be impacts for environmental justice and the fight against the climate crisis and the recisions in funding, many of which we still don’t have clarity about.”

She will vote no on raising the debt ceiling while understanding the consequences if it’s not raised. Jayapal is an adult. The goons on the other hand…

The goons have a scorched Earth policy on stuff like this. While progressives like Pramilia Jayapal is concerned the compromise will hurt Americans, the Goon Caucus is concerned it doesn’t hurt them enough. For Republicans, cruelty is the point. Chip Roy, the policy chairman of the Goon Caucus is accusing McCarthy of reneging (“reneging” is a word Republicans have to be careful with) on the deal he made with the caucus to win their support to make him peaker, and that is the debt ceiling wouldn’t be raised without significant cruel cuts that’ll hurt the poor, minorities, and working Americans. Another part of that deal is that any one member of the House can force a vote to oust the speaker should he fail to keep his promises. As Scooby would say, “Ruh-Roh, Kevin.”

In case you forgot, Glenn Beck is still out there with a radio show (I forgot) and Chip Roy went on it to howl about the Biden/McCarthy compromise and said, “If we can’t kill it, we’re going to have to regroup and figure out the whole leadership arrangement again.”

It took 15 votes for Kevin to win the speakership and to finally secure the job, he had to make deals, not with the devil because that wouldn’t have been as bad, but with goons. And these deals aren’t with your commonplace everyday thumb-breaking goons down the docks but with MAGAt goons. At least the thumb-breakers have some integrity. Kevin McCarthy could not win the job of Speaker from his own caucus until he made deals with these MAGAt goons that would make him the weakest and worst speaker in House history. If only we could have foreseen the trouble this would eventually bring.

Oh, wait. We did. We liberals called it. The only uncertainty on McCarthy’s position is just exactly how long it will last. Will it end tomorrow? Will it end in two weeks? Will it end in two months? Has Vegas put up odds yet? The only thing most of us agree on is that he won’t finish this congressional session with the gavel…which someone will probably use to break his thumbs.

There is one more certainty and that is, if Kevin is replaced, the next Speaker will be even worse.

Ruh-roh, indeed.

Creative note: I had two ideas on this subject concerning the Freedom Caucus and because of my indecisiveness, I kept going back and forth between them until they were both completely drawn. The other one only has to be colored to be finished. To make the decision easier for me, I decided to publish both. You’ll see the next one in a day or so. I don’t want to do two in a row on the Goon Caucus. I will say that the other idea is more mainstream and would have a better chance of being published by news outlets than the one you’re looking at here. But, I liked the irreverence of this one.

I wasn’t sure I made the right choice…that is until goons started tweeting their butthurtness at me caused by this cartoon. Fortunately, I’m not a little be-yotch boy like Kevin, and ain’t nobody breaking my thumbs. Regular readers of this blog know how much I hate to upset goons and MAGAts.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Concrete Evidence

Lake Mead is a Colorado River reservoir just 30 minutes outside Las Vegas. Former Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman said Monday. “It’s not a bad place to dump a body.” Well, now it is.

Climate Change is an international crisis and it’s affecting everyone, whether they know it or not. Republicans in fucknut Florida claim it doesn’t exist while their state is slowly going underwater. In other locations, lakes and rivers are drying up. In the United States, we’re slowly losing Tulare Lake, Salton Sea, Pyramid Lake, Owens Lake, Mono Lake, and Lake Mead. Lake Mead is starting to reveal secrets.

The water level in Lake Mead has dropped more than 170 feet since 1983. Mayor Goodman is a lawyer who used to have Vegas mobsters as clients, and he said they were always very interested in “climate control,” which was mob code for keeping the lake level up and bodies down in their watery graves. Two sets of human remains have emerged in Lake Mead over the past week.

One of the bodies was found in a barrel and authorities say the person was shot.

Michael Green, a University of Nevada, Las Vegas history professor whose father dealt blackjack for decades at the Stardust and the Showboat, said, “If the lake goes down much farther, it’s very possible we’re going to have some very interesting things surface. I wouldn’t bet the mortgage that we’re going to solve who killed Bugsy Siegel, but I would be willing to bet there are going to be a few more bodies.”

Las Vegas was founded by the mafia with Bugsy Siegel being a driving force behind it. This isn’t a whispered-about secret. There’s a mob museum in Las Vegas. What was once a dried-up little desert town founded in 1905 started to grow with the construction of the nearby Hoover Dam, reduced residency for divorce, and the legalization of casino gambling, all in 1931. Now the U.S. Census predicts Nevada (in case you’re a Republican, that’s where Las Vegas is located) will be the fastest-growing state for the next two decades and by 2030, Las Vegas will have over four million residents. Right now, the population of the city is a little over 640,000.

The mafia is responsible for the creation of the nation’s most popular gambling destination, but the days of celebrity mobsters may be over. The bodies people are finding are from decades ago and while there are predictions more bodies will be found as Lake Mead dries up, most won’t be from mob hits. Sorry to ruin it for you.

Sure, a body in a barrel is a pretty good sign the mob was responsible, but most bodies may be from other murders or just swimming and boating accidents. Professor Green pointed out, “People will talk about this for the right reasons and the wrong reasons. They’re going to think we’re going to solve every mob murder. In fact, we may see some. But it’s also worth remembering that the mob did not like murders to take place in the Las Vegas area because they did not like bad publicity going out under the Las Vegas dateline.” Ever hear the expression, “Don’t shit where you eat?”

While discovering bodies in barrels is intriguing and adds to mob folklore, it’s the wrong focus on a lake evaporating. The real focus here should be Climate Change.

The mob will never kill as many people as Climate Change kills, which is blamed for over 250,000 deaths annually.

A grandmother dying from heatstroke in August because she can’t afford air conditioning may not be as glamorous as goons shooting Bugsy Siegel in the back of his head in Beverly Hills, but it’s the death we should be talking about. We still don’t know who killed Bugsy or why, but we know who’s killing grandma. Not to mention that cities like Las Vegas are having to find alternative sources of water.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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A Goon Can Dream

cjones01242020

There are a LOT of reasons Donald Trump shouldn’t be president starting with that orange crap on his face and whatever that thing is on his head. I’m not being petty. Anyone who believes that makes him look good doesn’t have the sense required to order a basic cable package less enough to have the nuclear codes.

First off, voting 101 is that you do NOT vote for the candidate endorsed by Vladimir Putin. You would think the entire country would understand that one, but no.

When you list a lot of the reasons Trump shouldn’t be president, like his stupidity, racism, sexism, narcissism, stupidity, pettiness, shallowness, lying, inexperience, stupidity, bullying, temper tantrums, playing to an ugly base, dividing the nation as a political strategy, the corruption, his treason, stupidity, attempts to bribe a foreign nation, and the stupidity (did I mention how stupid he is?), you’re bound to leave one out. I think one that shouldn’t be left out is the fact our president (sic) is a man who hires goons.

You would think after being president and having the Secret Service constantly by his side (poor bastards), that he wouldn’t require the service of goons anymore. But no. He even took one to the White House with him in his personal bodyguard, Keith Schiller. Schiller was very handy for Trump, beating up protesters and telling James Comey he was fired. Now Schiller is a goon for the Republican National Committee.

One of Trump’s other goons was Michael Cohen. Technically, Cohen WAS a lawyer but you don’t want a lawyer with a degree from the Cooley Law School anymore than you want a doctor with a degree from Washington Barbados U. You wonder how many sponges have been left inside Donald Trump. Cohen’s job was to make problems disappear, such as women Trump had sex with that weren’t one of his three wives. Cohen also called schools Trump attended to threaten them not to release his boss’ transcripts despite the fact schools don’t release them. Another gooning task is to set up fake corporations in Delaware to funnel money to Playmates and pornstars so they don’t talk. “Funnel” is a fun word for Goons. Trump goon Rudy Giuliani uses it all the time.

As president, Trump’s goon Rudy Giuliani went to Ukraine to dig up conspiracy theories on Trump’s political opponents and spread nasty rumors about our ambassador. Rudy outsourced some of his gooning responsibilities to other goons, like Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman. No goon collection is complete without at least one Igor. From there, Robert Hyde helped the Trump team with some gooning on the side and stalking Marie Yovanovitch, our ambassador (at that time) to Ukraine.

Robert Hyde is a Republican (of course) candidate for Congress in Connecticut so now you cant actually vote for a goon, which a lot of people have already done with Jim Jordan, Matt Gaetz, and Lindsey Graham.

Parnas and Fruman were busted and are currently under indictment. Parnas is doing what most goons do when caught. He’s talking. He’s talking a lot and he’s selling out Trump, Hyde, and Giuliani. And Trump is doing what most people do when their goons are caught. He’s denying he ever knew the guy.

Here’s a tip in case you decide to hire a goon: Don’t take photos with them. A new photo of Trump with his goon Parnas pops up every time he denies ever knowing the guy.

For Trump, each person he hires, no matter what position, eventually turns into one of his personal goons. I can’t think of a better example than William Barr who’s been gooning up a storm in the name of Trump. Other significant goons who have engaged in dirty work are his Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney, former Energy Secretary Rick Perry, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and Ambassador to the European Union Gordon Sondland. Corey Lewandowski was his campaign manager but he wasn’t afraid to be a goon when he grabbed a female reporter at a Trump goon rally.

Another bad thing about goons is that they’re not the smartest. Maybe they used to be smart, like Barr and Giuliani (I said “maybe”), but you gotta be kinda stupid to take on goon work, especially for the likes of a Donald Trump. Take Rick Perry for example. That fuck is so stupid he forgot what agency he was heading. This isn’t Goodfellas. This is Dumbfellas.

And, you can’t trust anything a goon says, whether he’s on your side or not. We can’t trust everything Lev Parnas says and that’s why we need corroboration, like photos, documents, and other witnesses. It helps that Lev has transcripts and recordings. So, when one goon contradicts the other goon, one is lying and one is telling the truth. While Hyde argues he wasn’t really going to stalk Yovanovitch, he couldn’t stop talking about it and planning out very specific details. With both of these guys talking, it’s like a goon sandwich and you don’t want to get between that.

Goons. You get what you pay for.

Donald Trump is the kind of guy who hires goons. He probably has 20 goons for each goon he throws under the bus. And just like not voting for the Putin-endorsed candidate, you shouldn’t EVER vote for a guy who hires goons.

And, you should especially not vote for a guy who hires goons who himself, is also a goon.

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