Rudy Giuliani

Goodbye, Turkeys


cjones11272020

I’m breaking a couple of my rules with this cartoon. One is, I’ve drawn enough turkeys this year. The other is drawing a cartoon with a holiday theme that’s dated after the holiday. This is dated for Friday, which as you probably know, is AFTER Thanksgiving. But, I don’t make my clients embargo my cartoons by the dates, which means they can run them as soon as they get them.

But, I like drawing turkeys…and I like drawing Trump goons. And in my defense, how many more opportunities do I have to draw these people? Have you seen the type of people Joe Biden’s putting in his administration? Adults! How am I supposed to work with that?

In the Biden administration, I don’t see any inept son-in-laws wanting to create a back channel with Russia while taking loans from Arab kingdoms. I don’t see a daughter and her husband receiving security clearances when they don’t qualify. I don’t see a veep lavishing worship on the boss every minute while attracting flies. I don’t see an Attorney General turning the Justice Department into an agency that acts as the president’s personal attorney…which they did in going to court to block a civil suit against Trump by one of his sexual accusers. I don’t see a baby Goebbels in this administration writing policies that’ll kill immigrant children. I don’t see a goon going to prison whose sentence the president will commute. Say what you want about Hunter, but I don’t see a son in this administration as stupid as Donald Trump Jr. I don’t see a personal attorney spreading conspiracy theories outside a dildo store while his hair is leaking transmission fluid. I don’t see the president encouraging right-wing terrorists to shoot and murder protesters or telling them to “stand by.” I don’t see Nazis and Klansmen holding parades for this incoming president. I don’t even see hamburgers.

So, how much fun do I have left? It’s not like next Thanksgiving, when President Joe Biden is pardoning a turkey, I can compare it to him pardoning his goons, children, or even himself. Sheesh! What sort of presidency is this going to be for cartoonists? We have been spoiled by Donald Trump. With Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, I’m going to have to go back to writing my own material. Dammit all.

Sure. Joe Biden has gaffes but they’re not going to make up for a president (sic) who tries to redirect a hurricane with a Sharpie, or asks about nuking that hurricane, or advises people to rake forests, or talks about windmill cancer. Joe Biden has never gone to a debate and talked about the size of his penis. Seriously, people…you left me nothing to work with here.

Maybe our new Secretary of State will scream at a reporter and challenge her to find Ukraine on a map. No? He’s not an asshole? Aw, man!

Maybe Ashley Biden will sit in for the president at international summits, or get a bunch of Chinese patents, or be investigated for tax fraud. No? She’s not corrupt? Maybe Jill Biden will say “fuck Christmas.” I know. Not very likely when you replace a porn model with a teacher who has a doctorate.

Thanks a lot, America. Sure. You saved the nation from a stupid narcissistic racist reality TV show host and his grifting, and now we’ll stop putting babies in jail and ripping families apart. We’ll save the climate, perhaps stop palling around with dictatorships, and start using complete sentences again…but at what cost? Did you think about the cartoonists and comedians? Did you not think about the satire? No, you didn’t. I hope you’re proud of yourself, America.

It’s not fair. Even the democratic goons Biden could have hired, Donald Trump took. I don’t even have a Blagojevich with this administration. Shit.

So because of all that, you get another turkey cartoon. You can’t blame me. All I have left is an administration full of adults to try to make something out of with my cartoons.

And the fact Donald Trump and his goons will never go away or stop tweeting. Never ever ever. I guess there’s that.

Update: I went back and added Michael Flynn after he was pardoned today.

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Trump’s Legal Brains


cjones11242020

If you want an idea of how nutzoid Trump election-stealing lawyer Sidney Powell is, take this in: Tucker Carlson can’t support her arguments…and Tucker has had shows about UFOs.

Tucker Carlson wants to believe in Sidney Powell. He said that he’s “always respected her work” and he’s holding out hope that she’ll provide evidence that thousands of votes were moved from Trump to Biden, which didn’t happen. Tucker is still stupid enough to hold out hope that election fraud occurred.

Do you understand that? Trump supporters are HOPING that our election was rigged and democracy failed. Do you know why? Because it’ll justify their stealing of an election. But right now, they don’t have any evidence or anything that supports their argument that Donald Trump won the election. Do you know why? Because Donald Trump did NOT win the election. Donald Trump lost and Joe Biden will be sworn in as president on January 20, 2021.

Sidney Powell is a Qanon-supporting nut. She has retweeted their theories on multiple occasions. She’s been a guest on Qanon’s YouTube show. Yes, they have a YouTube show. She’s Michael Flynn’s lawyer and now she’s arguing Donald Trump’s case that he won the election despite the fact he didn’t.

Sidney, along with Rudy Giuliani, suck. If they’re your legal team, you’re in trouble. I mean, you might as well invite Republican state legislatures to the White House and beg them to defy their constituents, break the law, invalidate votes, and just give you their state’s electors. Actually, Donald Trump did that yesterday.

Meanwhile, Powell and Giuliani are running around saying the election was stolen, Trump “won in a landslide,” And that it was manipulated by George Soros, the Clinton Foundation, and the deceased Hugo Chavez. At least Sidney’s hair dye isn’t running down her face.

Sidney Powell says she didn’t provide evidence to Tucker because he was rude. How about to the rest of us, Sidney? Their defenders are saying Trump’s legal team is holding their evidence for court…but they’re not using it in court. In fact, they keep having their cases thrown out of courts.

And while Trump’s legal team is arguing at press conferences outside dildo stores that massive voter fraud stole the election, when they’re in court, they’re saying there wasn’t any voter fraud.

So, if you don’t believe me that there was not any massive voter fraud, then take it from Trump’s stupid legal team. They’re telling you one thing and they’re telling judges something else. The judges aren’t buying it, but if you’re a Trump supporter, it’s a good thing for Trump that you’re stupid enough to buy it.

Trump’s legal team’s argument is even losing Fox News, who desperately wants to believe them. I guess this means during the Joe Biden era, Sidney Powell won’t have her own show on Fox. There’s always that Qanon YouTube channel…or Trump TV.

It’s hard for Donald Trump to hire capable lawyers because good lawyers don’t want to argue conspiracy theories in court. Crazy lawyers will though. And Donald Trump has cornered the market on crazy and hiring lunatics…even if the lunatics at Fox are losing hope.

Wanna know what’s even crazier than Sidney Powell saying Trump won in a landslide and blaming Hugo Chavez? 70% of Republicans believe her.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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He’s Melting


cjones11222020

This is a bonus cartoon I drew on Thursday evening.

Rudy held a press conference where he claimed Joe Biden only won because of massive voter fraud, and blamed it on George Soros, the Clinton Foundation, the deceased Hugo Chavez, the nation of Venezuela, a communist plot, and backed it all up by referencing the film “My Cousin Vinny.”

Then his face started running. What? Whatever goop he used to dye the remaining strands of hair on his head started running. Maybe he shopped at the same spray-on-hair as Stephen Miller.

In Rudy’s defense though, “My Cousin Vinny” is a really good movie.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Trump’s Gobblers


cjones11202020

Before the election, we worried about election interference from foreign nations like Russia, Iran, and China. After the election, we have to worry about election interference from Trump fuckers.

The sycophants are attacking our election after the results are in.

From the parking lot of a landscaping business he confused for a hotel and next to a dildo store, Rudy Giuliani spread lie after lie about election fraud. He’s gone onto Trump TV to continue spreading conspiracy theories. He’s made claim after claim about fraud and voting machines that are moving votes from Trump to Biden. All are lies.

Lindsey Graham, South Carolina’s Republican senator who just won reelection, called the Secretary of State of Georgia to inquire about the vote count there. In case you’re a Republican, Georgia is NOT in South Carolina. While on the call, Graham inquired as to how some votes for Joe Biden could be tossed out.

Last night in Michigan, where Joe Biden won, the Republicans on an election board refused to certify votes from Detroit which would have given Donald Trump the state. Joe Biden won Michigan with over 146,000 more votes than Donald Trump…and the Republicans tried to throw out all those votes. They relented and finally certified the votes after demanding an audit based upon Giuliani’s lies and bullshit. I guess they were hoping nobody was paying attention.

Also last night, Donald Trump fired Chris Krebs, the Department of Homeland Security official who issued an official press release stating the 2020 elections were the most secure in our nation’s history.

What are these people doing? They’re trying to steal an election. That’s the thing about Republicans. They love democracy as long as it gives them the results they want. If it doesn’t, then fuck democracy.

Don’t you think the Michigan Republicans took an oath, vow, or made some sort of promise to serve the people of Michigan honestly and with full integrity? I bet they didn’t promise to serve a cult, yet that’s exactly what they tried to get away with. This is called “Trump Fuckery.”

Before he was ever mayor, Rudy Giuliani was actually a highly respected prosecutor. Then something happened and today he’s serving up lies in the name of a cult. He’s serving as Trump’s top lawyer and has tried to rope Ukraine into running interference on behalf of Trump. Rudy has become the number one advocate for debunked conspiracy theories. What do you want to bet her never brought a conspiracy theory as evidence into a court room? Rudy’s reputation is shot and he will not be remembered as “America’s mayor.” Rudy will be remembered as a Trump flunky who served the cult while engaging in crazy conspiracy theories and Trump Fuckery.

Back in 2015 and 2016, Lindsey Graham was warning us about Donald Trump. He told us not to vote for him. He warned of Trump’s corruption and racism. After Trump was elected, Graham referred to him as “Mr. President-Elect,” a term he won’t use for Joe Biden. He’s told Donald Trump not to concede. He’s making calls into states he does not represent to pressure officials to thwart democracy. How would Lindsey feel if South Carolina threw out votes for him? Lindsey will forever be remembered as a brown-nosing sycophant who practiced Trump fuckery.

These people are trying to overturn a legal election and void the voice of the people. If they succeed, we will not have a president. We will have a dictator. If this election is overturned, we’ll never have another election ever again…at least not a real one.

Everything these people are doing, Giuliani, Graham, Trump, the Michigan fuckers, needs to be looked into legally. Have they broken the law? Maybe some people should be going to jail. Fortunately, after 12:00 PM January 20, 2021, Donald Trump can’t pardon anyone.

After Trump is out of the White House in January, we should have a second Thanksgiving because there’s going to be a lot to be thankful for and a lot of turkeys that deserve to be carved up.

I call dibs on a drum stick.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Coups For Dummies


cjones11142020

On November 10, 2016, President Obama hosted President-elect (sic) Donald Trump in the White House. Vice-President Joe Biden hosted vice-president elect (sic) Mike Pence in the VP residence. First Lady Michelle Obama gave a White House tour to Melania Trump. Today, it’s November 11, 2020, and instead of inviting the future president of the United States to the White House, Donald Trump is hiding inside his bunker in denial he lost. What makes this even worse is that he has enablers. These enablers are helping Donald Trump thwart democracy.

Republicans are pointing out that Democrats whined about the 2016 election. This is true. I whined. I didn’t like the results. I still don’t like it. But while I said the election was tampered with and Russia meddled, I never said any ballots were fraudulent. No Democrats opposed the transition of power. Today, the Trump administration is not allowing a transfer of power.

The Trump Administration could still pursue legal challenges over the election while allowing the process of a transition to happen. That would be in the best interest of the nation. Instead, offices are not being created for the transition, funds aren’t being released, and the next president isn’t even being given security briefings. These were all acts afforded to Donald Trump when he was the incoming president (sic).

The United States condemns leaders of other nations who refuse to leave office and give up power after losing fair elections. Now, our leader (sic) is refusing to give up power and is hiding inside his palace sending his minions out to help him stage a coup. Donald Trump has not been seen since last Thursday.

Mitch McConnell is supporting Trump’s legal challenges even though there isn’t any evidence of massive voter fraud. Lindsey Graham is telling Trump not to concede. McConnell and Graham both won their Senate elections last week but neither one of these two men refused their opponent’s concessions.

Ted Cruz says allowing the media to declare the winner is not how we do it in America. Except, he was more than happy to accept the media’s declaration of a winner in 2016. He was more than happy to accept their declaration in 2018 when he won reelection to the Senate.

When asked if he had congratulated President-Elect Joe Biden yet, Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson, whose state went for Biden, said he doesn’t have anything to congratulate Biden for.

Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana said, “We have got to allow our courts to hear these allegations of voting irregularities by the president.” You may as well allow the courts to hear allegations of lizard people running our government too because you have just as much evidence of that as you do of voter fraud.

North Carolina’s Thom Tillis was finally declared the winner of his race yesterday and he said about the presidential election, “Every vote legally cast must be counted.” Who says they shouldn’t? Who says they haven’t been counted? Guess what. Tillis didn’t stop his opponent from conceding saying, “Every legal vote must be counted” bullshit.

Isn’t it fucked up that right after you elect someone, that they make a pronouncement against democracy and fair elections?

Attorney General William Barr is releasing the Justice Department’s legal hounds to fight Trump’s loss in the courts. Trump’s personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani is holding press conferences outside dildo shops claiming the election was stolen from Trump.

It’s funny Democrats stole the election for Biden while simultaneously losing the Senate and seats in the House. It’s also funny that it hasn’t occurred to any of these Republicans claiming fraudulent ballots, that they also have their names on those “fraudulent” ballots. If we’re going to wipe out who won the election, that should also mean we wipe out all those Republican victories. Should we wipe out McConnell’s, Graham’s, and Tillis’ victories?

Each government department is being told to prepare their budgets for next year as though the administration will still be operating. As if they’re still going to be in town and not all applying at Fox News at the same time. And Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, the nation’s top diplomat has said there will be a “smooth transition…to a SECOND Trump administration.”

What the fuck? The top diplomat or the world’s leading democracy is telling the world we don’t obey election results anymore. Pompeo said the eletion has not been decided. It has LITERALLY been decided.

Can you imagine the outrage if instead of conceding the election the day after, Hillary Clinton had refused to admit defeat, mounted legal challenged, and claimed the election had been stolen? Can you imagine if instead of inviting Trump to the White House, President Obama had refused to release transition funding?

In Michigan, Trump beat Clinton by 10,704 votes in 2016. In 2020 in Michigan, Biden beat Trump by over 146,000 (and still counting). In case you’re a Republican, 146,000 is greater than 10,000.

In Pennsylvania, Trump beat Clinton by 46,765. In 2020 in Pennsylvania, Biden beat Trump by over 48,000 (and still counting). In case you’re a Republican, 48,000 is more than 46,000. Now, Trump is suing to overturn the election in Pennsylvania.

As the counting continues, Biden is heading for a 306 electoral vote win. That’s the exact same amount Trump won with in 2016. How are they going to win the presidency by overturning one state without any actual evidence of election fraud? They would need to overturn more than one state. Maybe they can do it in Georgia where the two GOP senators are calling for their own Republican Secretary of State to resign because they don’t like that his count shows Donald Trump is losing.

This is banana republic type shit here, people. This is a coup attempt. Maybe people like Pompeo are just trying to appease Trump for now. Maybe Pompeo is a coward. He wants to appease Trump’s base for when he runs for the Senate in Kansas or even for the presidency in 2024, if Trump doesn’t. Or maybe, he’s afraid of being fired two months before he’s scheduled to lose his job. Trump is already lashing out and firing people.

Maybe people like Mitch McConnell, John Kennedy (not the good one), Lindsey Graham, Marco Rubio, Thom Tillis, and Ted Cruz are all just big, fat ass kissers. Or…they’re trying to steal an election and are engaging in a coup.

I predicted before the election that Joe Biden would win…but I did not predict he’d take the White House because I was afraid the Republicans would try to steal the election. Even before the election, Trump said the only way he could lose was if there was corruption and voter fraud. Boy, did I call it or did I call it?

We know this about Trump supporters: They are all cowards. They have made their party into one of a cult. They put one man before their nation. They are putting one man before democracy. They don’t care if they turn our democracy into a dictatorship.

The Trump administration will NOT legally continue, but the resistance must.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Big Girls Don’t Cry


cjones11132020

Of course, the accusations of voter fraud being leveled by Donald Trump are total and complete bullshit. These are the actions of a sore loser. But even without any actual evidence of voter fraud, Trump’s personal Roy Cohn Attorney General William Barr, is having the Justice Department investigate it. Let’s hope he’s more capable than Rudy Giuliani.

But if you’re going on a conspiracy theory snipe hunt, who better to lead the hunt than Rudy? Rudy can do the job with one hand tied behind his back…or more specifically, shoved down his own pants while in a hotel room with Borat’s teenage daughter.

In an attempt to steal an election, Republicans are claiming Democrats are trying to steal the election. They’re saying the media can’t declare a victor even though they had no problem with that four years ago. Republicans are claiming massive acts of voter fraud occurred in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania, even though the margins Biden has beaten Trump in each of those states are much larger than the margins Trump beat Clinton with.

And while the Trump campaign is filing lawsuits in multiple states, their battle is focused on Pennsylvania, which put Biden over 270 to win the presidency and make Donald Trump a one-term loser. And it’s in Pennsylvania where Rudy Giuliani called a hastily-planned press conference last Saturday to spread conspiracy theories.

Donald Trump tweeted that the press conference would be conducted at the Four Seasons hotel in Philadelphia. The hotel quickly tweeted out, “Uh-uh.”

The Four Seasons HOTEL tweeted, “To clarify, President Trump’s press conference will NOT be held at Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia. It will be held at Four Seasons Total Landscaping— no relation with the hotel.” The hotel sounded like Han Solo in the Death Star’s cellblock. Please don’t send stormtroopers down here. Or in this case, please don’t send MAGAts over here.

Wait. If it wasn’t held at the Four Seasons HOTEL, then where was it held? The Four Seasons Total Landscaping? Where is that? Oh, it’s in an industrial park next to Fantasy Island Adult Books and Novelties and across the street from the Delaware Valley Cremation Center. To capture the spirit of the environment, which was a parking lot, Rudy even brought along a sex offender. Seriously.

While the internet was amused, with tweets mocking Rudy, people designing their own T-shirts for the landscaping company, and crazy reviews hitting it on Yelp and Google, not everyonewas having fun.

A 78-year-old employee manning the counter at the sex shop grew annoyed that people kept calling asking, “Is Rudy Giuliani there?” He was tired of screaming at people over the phone, “Stop calling here asking that…and yes. He’s been here for hours!”

With the amount of bullshit Rudy spread, he’s probably the first person to bring his own fertilizer to a landscaping company. If Donald Trump is hinging his presidency on the mind of Rudy Giuliani, we may as well swear in Joe Biden now.

There is no proof of massive voter fraud in the 2020 election, but there’s LOTS of proof Rudy Giuliani is insane.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Subsequent Drawing Cartoon


cjones10242020

It’s not usual for me to draw two Rudy Giuliani cartoons in a row. But dammit. After publishing yesterday’s cartoon about Rudy chasing Hunter Biden conspiracy theories and Jeffrey Toobin having his penis out during a Zoom meeting, Rudy had to go make his own penis news.

The sequel to the first Borat movie will be released this Friday on Amazon. Like the first film, actor Sacha Baron Cohen, in his Borat character, spoofs people who don’t know they’re going to be in a movie. It was harder to do that a second time around giving that the public knows who Borat is now, but it looks like he still had a lot of success. One of those spoofed was Rudy Giuliani.

Previously, Rudy put out a statement that Borat had failed to trick him. Yet, for some reason, Rudy Giuliani still ends up in a hotel room with an underage girl with his own hand down his pants fondling himself. Maybe he thought she was his cousin.

We had two penis controversies by the middle of the week. Seriously, it’ll be an accomplishment if we can get through Friday without seeing some old politician’s penis.

The fictional character Borat is from Kazakhstan. In case you’re a Republican, that’s a country. Maybe Rudy, who’s been investigating the Biden’s “corruption” in Ukraine (which is a former Soviet state) can now say he was attacked by Kazakhstan who is trying to help Joe Biden and hurt Donald Trump.

While I was trying to think about what sort of cartoon I could draw about Rudy’s penis, seriously, John Ratcliffe, who is the unqualified Director of National Intelligence and a Trump goon, along with the Director of the FBI, Christopher Wray, staged a press conference about election meddling.

While Russian meddling was mentioned, Ratface specifically cited Iran and their attempts to “harm Donald Trump.”

Voters in four states received emails with physical threats unless they voted for Donald Trump. The emails claimed they were from the Proud Boys, the racist group Donald Trump gave a shout-out to during the first debate.

Ratcliffe said the emails were NOT from the Proud Boys but from Iran, trying to hurt Donald Trump.

Basically, the theory is: Iran wants to hurt Donald Trump, so they sent emails to voters threating to hurt them if they don’t vote for Donald Trump and the idea is there will be a backlash and this will hurt Donald Trump and help Joe Biden. Confused?

Ratcliffe also claimed the Iranians “hacked” and stole voter information like addresses and emails, which is already public information. Still confused?

The emails to voters said, “You will vote for Trump on Election Day or we will come after you.” The real Proud Boys will be doing that on election day at the polls, not after.

The thing is though, we can’t trust Ratcliffe. He’s a stooge and a goon for Donald Trump. He’s not a career professional in intelligence and has even refused to conduct the usual intelligence briefings with Congress in fear information can hurt Donald Trump.

The other thing is: Last night’s press conference was hastily planned. Do you remember the last time the FBI held a press conference days before an election? That was in 2016 when they announced they were investigating Hilary Clinton again…then announced they couldn’t find anything. That too was initiated by a Weiner…Anthony Weiner.

The FBI needs to stop calling press conferences until AFTER the election. Did they learn nothing from James Comey? And since John Ratcliffe can’t share information with Congress, he needs to crawl into a hole between now and election day and STOP trying to do his own meddling.

Russia is the major player in election meddling. Trump goon William Barr, the Attorney General, refuses to acknowledge that. Yesterday, Trump goon Ratcliffe only wanted to talk about Iran. Rudy only wants to talk about Ukraine.

I just know this: If you run into any of these guys, make sure you have hand sanitizer.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Rudy Colludy


cjones10232020

Rudy is still at it. Despite the arguments during Donald Trump’s impeachment hearings that everything was on the up-and-up with their asking Ukraine for election help, Rudy is still mining that nation for fools gold.

Now, Rudy has acquired a laptop he claims belongs to Hunter Biden. He took it to The New York Post with a shady story no other news outlet would accept. This story didn’t even land on Fox News first. Hell, even the National Enquirer didn’t go for it.

Basically, there’s an email in the laptop supposedly between Hunter Biden and an official from Burisma, the Ukrainian energy company Hunter worked for, that claims a meeting was held between him and then-Vice President Joe Biden in 2015. Yet, there is no evidence or public records of any such meeting. A vice-president’s schedule is usually on a public record. Yet, for some stupid reason, the FBI is still investigating it. Maybe because Donald Trump is screaming for his political opponent to be arrested, even though he can’t specify any crimes.

The reporter who wrote the story refused to have his name attached to it. Other journalists at the Post have protested their publication’s running of a story that doesn’t meet journalistic ethic requirements…and this is The New York Post.

The back story is: An owner of a computer repair shop in Delaware claims the laptop was dropped off by Hunter Biden, but his eyesight is poor so he’s not sure Hunter dropped it off. It could have been the Cookie Monster for all he knows. The computer was water damaged and for some reason, there’s no story about Hunter or anyone returning to retrieve the computer. Then, the owner saw the email and contacted Rudy Giuliani.

There’s a lot that smells here. The owner of the shop went through the private emails on the hard drive? The owner of the shop gave the hard drive or computer to be used politically? And, the owner doesn’t know who his customer is? If you live in Delaware, find out where this computer repair shop is and NEVER EVER EVER EVER give them your business.

Also, Hunter is a rich dude. Typically, if a laptop messes up or is seriously damaged, you’d just trash it, even way back in 2015. I’m a poor dude and I have three useless laptops in my closet. The only reason a guy like Hunter Biden would take a laptop in to be repaired would be because there’s something important on there he needs, and it wouldn’t be emails because you can just get those off whichever server you’re using. But, that can’t be the case because he never returned to pick it up. The story about dropping it off at a repair shop doesn’t make sense.

It doesn’t make sense The New York Post ran with it. The only story the press should run with this is that the guy we used to call “America’s mayor” and who is a former federal prosecutor, is now pushing bogus crazy uncle Qanon-type conspiracy theories. What has Rudy Colludy done now? Rudy’s even saying that America needs to know this Hunter Biden laptop story, even if it’s not true.

Hey, America needs to know that Rudy Giuliani married his second cousin, whether it’s true or not. Spoiler alert: It’s true.

Is this how Rudy used to prosecute cases? Your Honor, we don’t know who did it, who owns the laptop, if there was a meeting, and if there was, what it was about, and we don’t have any reliable witnesses…but we think there was somebody who did something bad and Joe Biden is connected to it somehow…I have a feeling about these sorts of things, also…I need a DNA test on some demon sperm.

It doesn’t make sense the FBI is investigating the story. Are they going to investigate chemtrails next? Maybe the FBI should look into the Qanon theory about cannibalistic pedophiliac Democrats worshipping Satan.

It doesn’t make sense Rudy hasn’t been arrested…or the computer shop owner. Rudy is running around with stolen property. Now, there are reports he’s taking it to a local police department in Delaware which also doesn’t make sense if the FBI is already on it. Also, why doesn’t that police department arrest Rudy as soon as he shows up with stolen property? And Rudy can’t say he’s holding onto it for evidence because Rudy is no authority. He’s a private citizen…who’s insane.

Rudy isn’t just on Trump’s leash. He’s on Putin’s. America’s mayor is now Putin’s poodle.

What else doesn’t make sense is that Jeffrey Toobin story… Yeah, that’s just weird. Who does that?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Coach Rudy


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In an attempt to lower expectations for Donald Trump’s debate performance, the White House and Trump Campaign told us beforehand he wasn’t really practicing. Donald Trump himself told us that answering questions from reporters was his practice. And sure, he’s done plenty of shouting, interrupting, and lying to reporters, so maybe it was like that a little. But I don’t think you can lower the bar enough for Trump.

The bar is already low for Trump. When he gives a speech and says something that’s not entirely idiotic racist, and manages not to shit himself, pundits express what a wonderful speech it was. How eloquent. How presidential. But if another politician had given that same speech, they’d wonder if the speaker had received a brain transplant from an illiterate cow.

Of course the campaign lied to us because Donald Trump did prepare. It’s understandable they’d lie to us on this point because most campaigns do that with preparation. They have to lower the bar. They totally expected Donald Trump to lose the debate to Joe Biden, even though they issued a statement that Trump won and clobbered the former vice president…hours before the debate.

Usually when a candidate prepares for a debate, especially a presidential debate on a national stage, they get someone to play their opponent. Usually the person playing this role is someone who’s run for office before and has debate experience.

Donald Trump went through the entire Republicans field in 2016 with over 20 debates. He debated Hillary Clinton more than once. And…he still doesn’t have any debate experience. He has bullying and shouting experience.

And his coaches for his first debate? The lovable cuddly duo of Chris Christie and Rudy Giuliani.

Chris Christie is a bully. He’s bullied opponents, reporters, and even his constituents. As governor of New Jersey, he would mock and ridicule voters for asking him questions. He would insult them. But maybe they expect that in New Jersey.

Rudy Giuliani is a lunatic. Rudy has spent the entire Trump administration pushing conspiracy theories, mostly those about Hunter Biden in Ukraine…which Trump used during the debate. He was the chief defender on Fox News and Hannity during the impeachment saga. He’s the idiot who revealed there was a payout to porn stars and playmates and even used the word “funneled” when he described it being paid through a secret corporation…as if that is normal.

Rudy would go on CNN and tell Chris Cuomo he didn’t ask Ukraine to look into Joe Biden before saying he asked Ukraine to look into Joe Biden. He would have very public meltdowns on national television.

Anytime someone, like Michael Cohen, would make accusations about Trump, it was Giuliani who would take to the air to not just defend Trump, but spread conspiracy theories about the accuser, like Cohen’s father being involved in organized crime and that he was a Ukrainian mobster.

Rudy also butt-dialed reporters who could then hear him talking about his schemes with his goons…two of whom, Lev and Igor, were arrested. Rudy argued there’s nothing wrong with taking election help from Russians. Rudy said, “Truth isn’t truth.”

At one point, the White House talked about reeling Giuliani in because he wasn’t doing Donald Trump any favors.

Whoever thought it was a great idea to have Christie and Giuliani coach Trump is an idiot. So, obviously it was Donald Trump’s idea.

Trump’s performance was so bad that the debate commission is changing the rules of the debates and…one of the coaches admitted it was bad.

Chris Christie described it as “too hot.” With him being on Trump’s side, “too hot” translates to “holy fucking shit we’re going down in flames.” This is like being on a plane and you see your pilot casually jumping out wearing a parachute.

A White House aide said it was so bad, that maybe eventually Donald Trump will realize it too.

Personally, I don’t need to see another debate of this mess and I hope there isn’t one. As it stands now, there are two more scheduled, not counting the veep debate. I don’t see us having two more Trump/Biden debates. How much more damage is the Trump Campaign willing to inflict upon itself?

Donald Trump has only gotten less stable since 2016. He’s a lunatic. Quite frankly, I’m surprised he wore pants.

Rudy Giuliani once said Trump is owed an apology for the Russia investigation. I wonder if Rudy will demand an apology from America for voting Donald Trump out of office.

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After all that, sending Rudy to Ukraine to create conspiracy theories, to accuse the Bidens of corruption, to break the law by asking a foreign nation to help you politically, to withhold taxpayer military funding from an ally at war with an enemy, to lie, obstruct Congress, to go through all that corruption, and ultimately impeachment…and the guy you did it to beat probably won’t be the nominee.

Good job, dumbass.

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