Rudy Giuliani

Searching For Borat


CNN05022021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I had several ideas involving Rudy and Borat last week and this is what I went with for CNN. But I may want to do a Borat cartoon for my clients just because it’s too much fun. So, you have been warned.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Rudy Raided


Cjones05012021

Someone posted on the internet yesterday, “First they came for Rudy and I did nothing for I was laughing my ass off too hard.”

Someone else claimed since Merrick Garland is head of the Justice Department now, it’s fascism because this is his revenge for Donald Trump stealing his Supreme Court seat after President Obama nominated him. No. It’s not fascism. It’s karma.

Rudy spent months rummaging around Ukraine looking for dirt on Joe Biden and his son, Hunter. He never found any but that didn’t stop him from making up a lot of shit. He even claimed to have found Hunter’s laptop; nothing came of that either.

Beyond his dealings and lying with Ukraine to help Donald Trump steal an election by gaining dirt on the opponent he feared most, Rudy conducted a huge campaign of lies election after the opponent Trump feared most kicked his ass.

Rudy claimed the election was stolen. He produced eyewitnesses more insane than he is. He provided affidavits from people stating they heard someone heard someone else might have witnessed something. He held press a conference in a parking lost of a landscaping firm called “Four Seasons” because he confused it for the hotel with the same name. The parking lot was next to a dildo store. During the press conference, his hair dye started running. During a hearing before a state legislative committee, he got the farts.

Rudy, who was once called “America’s mayor,” has become America’s joke.

After Trump and other surrogates claimed he never paid off porn stars, or at least didn’t know about it, Rudy went on Hannity, who had also been claiming there had been no porn star payoffs, and informed the world there had been porn star payoffs and the money was “funneled.” Typically when someone uses the word “funneled,” unless they’re making a cake, they’re doing something corrupt.

A long time ago, Rudy was respected. Before he was mayor of New York City, he was an Associate Attorney General and then the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York. Yesterday morning, FBI agents from the Southern District of New York came a knocking on Rudy’s door, and not to talk about old times.

It’s a big deal when any attorney gets raided by the FBI. It’s an even bigger deal for a president’s (sic) attorney to be raided by the FBI. But with Donald Trump, this is his second attorney to get raided by the FBI. But being someone’s attorney isn’t a license to be a partner in crime.

What was Rudy doing in Ukraine? Was he making money off the nation while engaging in election meddling? Was he representing Ukraine without registering as a foreign lobbyist? Was he there instigating more terrorists attacks or finding more cousins to marry? The FBI is trying to find out. How can anything be corrupt while working with goons named Lev and Igor? Now, Rudy has been rolled over by Lev and Igor who will soon be followed by Boris and Natasha.

The FBI raided Rudy’s Madison Avenue apartment and his Park Avenue office and reportedly took electronic devices. Rudy isn’t good with electronic devices. This is a guy who has butt-dialed reporters before engaging into a conversation about the Bidens, Bahrain, and needing cash.

Olivia Nuzzi, a reporter for New York Magazine, once wrote that during a meeting with Giuliani, he had three cell phones, and despite being a cyber security consultant, didn’t understand how to use any of them. She wrote, “Two of the devices were unlocked, their screens revealing open tabs and a barrage of banner notifications as they knocked into each other and reacted to Giuliani’s grip.”

“He accidentally activated Siri, who said she didn’t understand his command. ‘She never understands me,’ he said. He sighed and poked at the device, attempting to quiet her.”

And at the end of the meeting, he forgot to take one of the phones with him. Rudy learning figuring out how to swipe left would be like your grandfather figuring out TikTok.

If there are any files, texts, or call history on Rudy’s phones that provides evidence of corruption, do you think Rudy knew how to delete them or was even aware he should? If you’re a person who engaged in some sketchy dealings with Rudy and you had multiple conversations, calls, and texts with the guy, you have every right in the world to be worried.

Golly, I’m trying to think of who Rudy may have been calling on these devices the FBI seized yesterday.

Rudy denied ever talking to Donald Trump about receiving a preemptive pardon before he left the White House. Whether they actually talked about it or not (they did), you can bet your ass Donald Trump is wishing he had given one to Rudy. Trump gave pardons to other goons to keep them quiet. If he had given one to Rudy, the FBI wouldn’t have been at his house and office yesterday. Now, he’s in danger of Rudy talking. Hell, Rudy spills the beans when not making a deal.

For all we know, the FBI might even find new stuff they had no idea was going on. There are so many questions.

Will Rudy be charged with any crimes? Will Trump be implicated by Rudy’s stupidity? Will Trump be charged? Will Rudy roll over on Trump? Will Rudy and Trump both flee the country for a Moscow penthouse or maybe a villa in Pyongyang? How many times did Rudy fart during the raid? Will the FBI follow a trail of hair dye from Rudy to Trump?

Whether connected to Rudy or not, how much longer until Donald Trump is charged with a crime?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Follow The Drip


cjones03192021

Yesterday, Rudy Giuliani was nominated for a Razzie Award for his appearance in the second Borat film. It was for the scene where he takes what he believes is an underage girl from Kazakhstan into a hotel room for drinks, lies down on a bed, and sticks his hand down his pants.

One of Rudy’s competitors for the award is Bruce Willis for three films he was somehow able to make during a pandemic that I’ve never heard of. But I heard of Rudy’s performance. What’s worse is I saw it. Ew.

Rudy should win a Razzie, but not for any performance in a movie…and not even for worst hair style. He should win a Razzie for worst American (though he has lots of Republican competition for that one), or maybe best collusion with a foreign government attempting to interfere in a U.S. election.

Just like all those seditious white nationalist terrorists who attacked the U.S. Capitol in a bloody coup attempt for Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani has betrayed democracy and the United States. The man who supposedly became “America’s mayor” for his response to a terrorist attack has become the mayor who enabled a terrorist attack.

A new declassified intelligence report has revealed that to interfere in the 2020 U.S. presidential election to help Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin authorized outside proxies to feed disinformation to Fox News, One America News Network, and…wait for it…Rudy Giuliani. When you look at all three of these suspects, you know convincing them to repeat lies probably wasn’t a very difficult task. Did Russia tell them to freak out over Mr. Potato Head?

The report by the Office of the Director of National Intelligence says Russians pushed “influence narratives—including misleading or unsubstantiated allegations against President Biden—to US media organizations, US officials, and prominent US individuals, including some close to former President Trump and his administration.”

What did Rudy do during the campaign? He pushed a lot of bogus bullshit about Hunter Biden being engaged in corruption with Ukraine, a nation that’s an enemy of Russia. Of course, Fox News and OANN repeated all his claims. And whatever became of that laptop he claimed belonged to Hunter?

The report states the Russians built upon their interference in the 2016 election to help Trump and hurt Hillary Clinton, but this time it was less technical and relied more on getting information into the national conversation and letting it go from there. They just wound Rudy up and let him prattle down the street.

The Russians realized they didn’t have to spend millions of rubles, or even thousands, on social media propaganda campaigns when they had the likes the Rudy Colludy, Tucker Carlson, and Sean Hannity. On top of all that, they also had Donald Trump. He also had the entire Republican Party. I bet Putin loves the over 400 bills in 43 states right now designed to disenfranchise voters.

And even if Russia lost their bet on Trump, which they did, they still had the bonus of poisoning our nation with lies and division. All the Republican efforts to change voting laws are based on lies of a stolen election. By the way, the last time there was enough fraud to change an election and there was a do-over, it was all for a Republican (North Carolina in 2018, fuckers).

The report also says Iran meddled, but in a very sloppy way when they sent emails purportedly from the violent right-wing hate group the Proud Boys to Democratic voters threatening them if they didn’t vote for Trump. Iran messed up pretending to be Proud Boys because illiterate people can’t write emails.

There is also mention of some small influence campaigns from Hezbollah against Trump, Cuba to Cuban Americans in Florida that was anti-Republican, and Venezuela’s President Nicolas Maduro wanted to get involved after Trump supported a coup against him, but didn’t have the means. As for China, who Trump’s Attorney General William Barr and John Ratcliffe, Trump’s last director of National Intelligence, said was the greatest threat to our election, and not Russia…they didn’t do anything.

China considered an influence campaign but then chose not to get involved. If China really wanted Biden to win, then it was probably smart not to meddle and have it backfire because the man he was running against was the worst president (sic) in American history. You really shouldn’t need any foreign help to defeat a man who tanked the economy and did nothing but spread lies while a virus killed hundreds of thousands of Americans.

The report states, “The Chinese government likely sought stability in its relationship with the United States and did not prefer either Biden or Trump enough to risk the potential blowback of more direct interference.”

One difference between Democrats and Republicans is that Democrats don’t want any help from foreign governments to win elections. They don’t want that stench. Republicans invite it…literally. “Russia, if you’re listening.” Donald Trump was impeached asking Ukraine to meddle. He stood in the White House driveway and asked China for help.

There weren’t any efforts to change ballots. Instead, Russia used useful idiots like Rudy Giuliani.

Of course Russia wanted Donald Trump to win the election. During the Helsinki Summit, Trump threw our national intelligence agencies under the bus to take Putin’s word he didn’t interfere in the 2016 election. Putin gave Trump a soccer ball in exchange for his balls. Trump had his translator’s notes destroyed from his one-on-one meeting with Putin.

Why would Russia prefer Trump over Biden? When told by Bill O’Reilly that Russia murdered journalists and Vladimir Putin was a killer, Trump said, “So what? You think we’re so nice?” When asked about Putin this week by George Stephanopoulos, President Biden clearly laid out that Vladimir Putin is a killer. Biden explicitly accused Putin of being a “killer.” Whom would you rather have negotiations with, the guy who calls you a “killer” or the one who kills at kissing your ass?

After the election, Rudy pushed lies over the election being stolen by George Soros, the Clintons, and by voting machines engineered by the deceased Hugo Chavez. Maybe next time, Russia should find a useful idiot who’s less of an idiot. Maybe a less drippy idiot. Maybe a less farty idiot.

If you want to find the collusion and corruption with Russia, follow the lies. Follow the drippy hair dye. Follow the farts. Follow the sleaze. It all leads back to Rudy. Can Rudy take his Razzie with him to prison?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Runny Drippy Lawsuits


cjones02102021

Rudy Giuliani has an afternoon show on New York’s Talk Radio WABC. Rudy is upset because he just discovered the station is running a disclaimer before his show saying, “Warning: The program you are about to hear is chock full of bullshit, a nonsensical litany of lies, disproven conspiracy theories, and the kind of crazy old man talk that would make you assume it’s being broadcast from a padded cell in a mental institution.”

It doesn’t say that, but it should. What it does say is, “Girl, we are not responsible for the bullshit you’re to hear so don’t sue us…sue Rudy.” OK, it doesn’t say that either…but it should.

Seriously this time, what it truly says is, and I’m being honest…”The farts you’re about to hear do not represent WABC or its affiliates.” I’m sorry.

What it does say is, ” the views, assumptions and opinions expressed by Mr Giuliani and his guests are strictly their own and do not necessarily represent that of the station or its advertisers.” I think they should use the first version I wrote.

And then the show starts with, “Coming live from the parking lot of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping and next to Dildo-a-Rama, It’s the Rudy Giuliani Show!”

Rudy can get upset all he wants, and he said, “I mean, we’re in America, we’re not in East Germany.” because back when there was an East German puppet state of the Soviet Union, farty former mayors had radio talk shows.

Rudy spent considerable time on the show talking about the disclaimer he just learned about. The station slapped it on there without telling him which is also hilarious. His very first caller asked, if he feels “guilty about spreading a lot of unproven conspiracy theories to folks who may not have the ability or the critical thinking skills to look through” his bullshit. Yes, Rudy’s listeners, the Trump cult, don’t have critical thinking skills. But then again, neither does Rudy.

The station is correct to slap a disclaimer on his show. If they were really smart, they’d cancel his like Fox News canceled Lou Dobbs. Smartmatic, a company that created software for Dominion, the company that makes voting machines, named Rudy as part of its $2.7 billion libel lawsuit against Fox News. He’s also being sued by Dominion, along with fellow bullshitter Sidney Powell, for $1.3 billion.

The Smartmatic suit states, “Mr. Giuliani and Ms. Powell needed a platform to use to spread their story. They found a willing partner in Fox News.” Rudy replied, “The Smartmatic lawsuit presents another golden opportunity for discovery. I look forward to litigating with them.”

Unfortunately for Rudy, Sidney, and Fox News, everything they said is on tape because, you know, it was on TV. Rudy has gone on TV before and denied saying something he just said. Forget Donald Trump testifying in his own defense, Rudy’s lawyers better lock him in basement. I mean, the guy started his radio show by pointing out that he can’t be trusted for honesty or facts.

The opening of the Smartmatic lawsuit has been called the greatest opening line in the history of lawsuits. It reads, “The Earth is round. Two plus two equals four. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won the 2020 election for President and Vice President of the United States. The election was not stolen, rigged, or fixed. These are facts.”

They went on to say, “Without any true villain, Defendants invented one. In their story, Smartmatic was a Venezuelan company under the control of corrupt dictators from socialist countries.” How are Rudy, Sidney, and Fox going to defend against that? It was just entertainment? Rudy can’t fart his way out of this one. And just like his hair dye, Rudy has left a trail for the plaintiffs to follow.

More lawsuits are coming. The big question is, will they go after Donald Trump for the big lie?

Also, will Just For Men sue a cartoonist?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Moo Libel


cjones12272020

You would think any half-ass lawyer would know they can’t run around saying lies and unprovable things about people and corporations. That’s libelous. You can get sued for that. When it comes to Trump lawyers Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani, I’d rather have the cow lawyer. Plus, the cow farts probably aren’t as bad as Rudy’s.

As part of the Trump team’s conspiracy theory in their effort to stage a coup, Sidney Powell has charged that Dominion Voting System’s machines were created by the deceased Hugo Chavez, were sent here by communists in Venezuela to overturn the election, and have links to the Clinton Foundation and George Soros. The team has spread lies that the machines changed votes from Trump to Biden and in some cases, dumped votes for Trump, while somehow leaving the other Republicans on the same ballots untouched. Anybody believing this shit is a little touched.

The Trump campaign has made these claims, often supported by the president (sic) of the United States of America. Do you know what happens when Donald Trump spreads bullshit? His people believe it. There doesn’t have to be any proof or evidence.

Now, lawyers who specialize in defamation cases have sent letters to Trump’s attorneys Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, Jenna Ellis, Lin Wood and White House counsel Pat Cipollone warning them of “imminent” legal action on behalf of Dominion Voting Systems. They’re demanding the campaign to retain all records of communications between Trump and any White House employee with Rudy Giuliani, Powell, Ellis, and Wood.

This is where it gets good. Others receiving warning letters include Sean Hannity, Lou Dobbs, Maria Bartiromo, Rush Limbaugh, Greg Kelly (a Newsmax anchor), Fox News, Newsmax, One America News Network (OANN) and Epoch Times.

Two ironic things about Epoch Times: It’s Chinese and the MAGAt belief system is currently trying to tie Joe Biden with China, and…it’s a newspaper. MAGAts don’t read newspapers.

The lawyers demanded they “cease and desist making defamatory claims against Dominion,” saying they had “featured and continue to feature the proponents of this misinformation campaign against” the company.

Another voting machine company, Smartmatic, has sent letters to Fox News, OAN, and Newsmax demanding they stop “publishing false and defamatory statements.”

Dominion CEO John Poulos said the company would be taking legal action against several people “promoting lies and amplifying those lies” on various media platforms since Election Day. When asked if the lawsuits will include Donald Trump, he said, “We will not be overlooking anybody.”

Nine nine days after Election Day, Trump tweeted a claim that “DOMINION DELETED 2.7 MILLION TRUMP VOTES NATIONWIDE.”

On Dominion’s website, they state, “Malicious and misleading false claims about Dominion have resulted in dangerous levels of threats and harassment against the company and its employees, as well as election officials.”

Last Tuesday in Denver, Dominion’s security director, Eric Coomer, filed a defamation lawsuit against the Trump campaign, Giuliani, Powell, Newsmax, OANN, OANN reporter Chanel Rion, blogger Michelle Malkin and others. Coomer’s suit says he has become the target of death threats because of the defendants’ false claims made about Dominion’s machines. Currently, Coomer is in hiding.

Remember how Republicans and MAGAts all chortled about the Kentucky kid suing media outlets after his fray with the tom-tom beating Native American in Washington? They championed that little MAGAt’s lawsuit. He even got a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention. They were all supportive of his lawsuits. How dare the media smear him with their reporting. Now, it’s coming back on them in a much bigger way.

Donald Trump has called for the laws allowing a free press to write “anything they want” to be eliminated so he and others can sue news outlets for reporting facts they don’t like. So isn’t it ironic that as soon as he leaves office, one of the multiple lawsuits he faces is for defamation? I love it.

I hope Dominion lawyers sue each and every person they sent letters to. I hope Coomer wins each of his lawsuits. These liars, destroying reputations, our nation, and championing a coup attempt, need to be taken downtown in legal terms. They need to pay for their bullshit. I predict a lot of settlements. I predict Donald Trump, who claims he never settles but always settles, settles.

I also wish that lawsuits and charges will be filed against Donald Trump, federally and on the state level, within five minutes of Joe Biden taking his oath of office at noon on January 20, 2021. Would that just be the best kick in the nuts ever?

That’s all I want for Christmas…that and Chinese food.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Rona Rudy Tooty Colludy


cjones12082020

I have a a question for Republicans: When are you going to learn?

After Herman Cain caught the Trump virus and died from it AFTER catching it at a Trump rally, you still haven’t learned.

After cases and deaths spiked in red states where restrictions weren’t put into place, like Florida, you still haven’t learned.

After a bunch of Trump goons, like Mark Meadows, Ben Carson, Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump Jr, Stephen Miller, Kayleigh McEnany, Hope Hicks, Ronna McDaniel, Mike Lee, Melania, Chris Christie, Thom Tillis, Ron Johnson, Bill Stepien, Nick Luna, etc, caught the virus from attending White House events, you still haven’t learned.

Even after the champion of covid denial and hater of facemasks everywhere, Donald Trump caught the Trump virus, you still haven’t learned.

Sure, I caught the virus too but I wasn’t out telling people not to wear facemasks. I wasn’t discouraging social distancing. I caught the thing while trying to cover newsworthy events and sometimes…shit happens. Plus, it’s really hard to social distance on a train. Amtrak!!! Stop packing people into the same cars. Spread them out.

Now, after going to hearings and conducting press events in multiple states and outside porn shops, it turns out farts aren’t the only thing Rudy Giuliana has forced upon innocent victims. Rudy hasn’t been wearing a mask and has now tested positive for the Trump virus. Rudy didn’t just refuse to learn after Trump caught the virus. Rudy refused to learn after his own son caught it.

Now, Rudy is hanging upside down and avoiding sunlight in a Georgetown University Hospital. The hospital at Georgetown is great. I mean, I’ve never had experience with that hospital but I did stay at the University hotel which is connected to the hospital and all the doctors and nurses I saw at the hotel Starbucks looked very competent, and the building is made out very sturdy stuff…so Rudy’s probably in good hands. But still, he wasn’t airlifted by Marine One and taken to Walter Reed Medical Center to be treated by a team of two dozen doctors and experimental medication like Donald Trump was.

But here’s a fact about covid, kids. You have covid before you find out you have covid. Taking a test doesn’t give you covid. Rudy was rushed to the hospital yesterday when it was announced he had covid. That means Rudy was suffering from covid before yesterday…like when he was going to bullshit hearings spreading conspiracy theories while not wearing a mask…he was also spreading covid. The same thing happened with Donald Trump. The day they announced he had covid was the same day he went to the hospital. They lied about when they tested positive and they lied about how bad their cases are.

Here’s a another fun fact: The White House has never revealed when Donald Trump last tested negative before he tested positive and they never revealed when he finally tested negative after testing positive. One more thing: They never revealed how high his temperature got.

Another question: If we have to replace all four quarterbacks for the Denver Broncos because they MIGHT have covid, then why couldn’t we have replaced a president (sic) who was actually in the hospital from covid? I mean, couldn’t we have have found a decent wide receiver to be president until Trump got back? That would have been a better choice than Mike Pence…or Donald Trump. Sure, that wide receiver sucked at playing quarterback but you know he’d make a better president than Pence or Trump. But anyway…

When the people who are lying about the virus are the same goons who won’t tell you how bad their cases are, don’t trust them. When the people who keep telling you covid is not that bad…keep catching covid, don’t trust them.

Wear a facemasks. Stay home. In another week, we’re going to see the Thanksgiving spike from covid…just before everyone spreads it to the relatives at Christmas. We’re in for a hard winter. Yet, the president (sic) of the United States has only said two things about the Trump virus since he lost the election to Joe Biden. Those two things are: Don’t let Joe Biden steal credit for the vaccine the same way Donald Trump stole the credit for President Obama’s economy, and Rudy has the rona.

Rudy has the rona. Surprised? No. I hope Rudy recovers in a spectacular fashion. I wish him well and hope he can soon return to lying, spreading conspiracy theories on Hannity, melting all over podiums, and farting throughout state legislative hearing committees like the old Rudy we have all grown to loathe and despise.

And now because some you are going to ask, and I am really fortunate that so many care, but…I HATE being asked multiple times a day and having to reply to each person individually…or when people message AFTER I put out a public statement I’m doing fine….I’m doing fine. I’m pretty sure it’s gone and all I have left are the after effects, like not being able to smell, occasionally dizziness, and falling down stairs. Thanks for asking.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Goodbye, Turkeys


cjones11272020

I’m breaking a couple of my rules with this cartoon. One is, I’ve drawn enough turkeys this year. The other is drawing a cartoon with a holiday theme that’s dated after the holiday. This is dated for Friday, which as you probably know, is AFTER Thanksgiving. But, I don’t make my clients embargo my cartoons by the dates, which means they can run them as soon as they get them.

But, I like drawing turkeys…and I like drawing Trump goons. And in my defense, how many more opportunities do I have to draw these people? Have you seen the type of people Joe Biden’s putting in his administration? Adults! How am I supposed to work with that?

In the Biden administration, I don’t see any inept son-in-laws wanting to create a back channel with Russia while taking loans from Arab kingdoms. I don’t see a daughter and her husband receiving security clearances when they don’t qualify. I don’t see a veep lavishing worship on the boss every minute while attracting flies. I don’t see an Attorney General turning the Justice Department into an agency that acts as the president’s personal attorney…which they did in going to court to block a civil suit against Trump by one of his sexual accusers. I don’t see a baby Goebbels in this administration writing policies that’ll kill immigrant children. I don’t see a goon going to prison whose sentence the president will commute. Say what you want about Hunter, but I don’t see a son in this administration as stupid as Donald Trump Jr. I don’t see a personal attorney spreading conspiracy theories outside a dildo store while his hair is leaking transmission fluid. I don’t see the president encouraging right-wing terrorists to shoot and murder protesters or telling them to “stand by.” I don’t see Nazis and Klansmen holding parades for this incoming president. I don’t even see hamburgers.

So, how much fun do I have left? It’s not like next Thanksgiving, when President Joe Biden is pardoning a turkey, I can compare it to him pardoning his goons, children, or even himself. Sheesh! What sort of presidency is this going to be for cartoonists? We have been spoiled by Donald Trump. With Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, I’m going to have to go back to writing my own material. Dammit all.

Sure. Joe Biden has gaffes but they’re not going to make up for a president (sic) who tries to redirect a hurricane with a Sharpie, or asks about nuking that hurricane, or advises people to rake forests, or talks about windmill cancer. Joe Biden has never gone to a debate and talked about the size of his penis. Seriously, people…you left me nothing to work with here.

Maybe our new Secretary of State will scream at a reporter and challenge her to find Ukraine on a map. No? He’s not an asshole? Aw, man!

Maybe Ashley Biden will sit in for the president at international summits, or get a bunch of Chinese patents, or be investigated for tax fraud. No? She’s not corrupt? Maybe Jill Biden will say “fuck Christmas.” I know. Not very likely when you replace a porn model with a teacher who has a doctorate.

Thanks a lot, America. Sure. You saved the nation from a stupid narcissistic racist reality TV show host and his grifting, and now we’ll stop putting babies in jail and ripping families apart. We’ll save the climate, perhaps stop palling around with dictatorships, and start using complete sentences again…but at what cost? Did you think about the cartoonists and comedians? Did you not think about the satire? No, you didn’t. I hope you’re proud of yourself, America.

It’s not fair. Even the democratic goons Biden could have hired, Donald Trump took. I don’t even have a Blagojevich with this administration. Shit.

So because of all that, you get another turkey cartoon. You can’t blame me. All I have left is an administration full of adults to try to make something out of with my cartoons.

And the fact Donald Trump and his goons will never go away or stop tweeting. Never ever ever. I guess there’s that.

Update: I went back and added Michael Flynn after he was pardoned today.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Trump’s Legal Brains


cjones11242020

If you want an idea of how nutzoid Trump election-stealing lawyer Sidney Powell is, take this in: Tucker Carlson can’t support her arguments…and Tucker has had shows about UFOs.

Tucker Carlson wants to believe in Sidney Powell. He said that he’s “always respected her work” and he’s holding out hope that she’ll provide evidence that thousands of votes were moved from Trump to Biden, which didn’t happen. Tucker is still stupid enough to hold out hope that election fraud occurred.

Do you understand that? Trump supporters are HOPING that our election was rigged and democracy failed. Do you know why? Because it’ll justify their stealing of an election. But right now, they don’t have any evidence or anything that supports their argument that Donald Trump won the election. Do you know why? Because Donald Trump did NOT win the election. Donald Trump lost and Joe Biden will be sworn in as president on January 20, 2021.

Sidney Powell is a Qanon-supporting nut. She has retweeted their theories on multiple occasions. She’s been a guest on Qanon’s YouTube show. Yes, they have a YouTube show. She’s Michael Flynn’s lawyer and now she’s arguing Donald Trump’s case that he won the election despite the fact he didn’t.

Sidney, along with Rudy Giuliani, suck. If they’re your legal team, you’re in trouble. I mean, you might as well invite Republican state legislatures to the White House and beg them to defy their constituents, break the law, invalidate votes, and just give you their state’s electors. Actually, Donald Trump did that yesterday.

Meanwhile, Powell and Giuliani are running around saying the election was stolen, Trump “won in a landslide,” And that it was manipulated by George Soros, the Clinton Foundation, and the deceased Hugo Chavez. At least Sidney’s hair dye isn’t running down her face.

Sidney Powell says she didn’t provide evidence to Tucker because he was rude. How about to the rest of us, Sidney? Their defenders are saying Trump’s legal team is holding their evidence for court…but they’re not using it in court. In fact, they keep having their cases thrown out of courts.

And while Trump’s legal team is arguing at press conferences outside dildo stores that massive voter fraud stole the election, when they’re in court, they’re saying there wasn’t any voter fraud.

So, if you don’t believe me that there was not any massive voter fraud, then take it from Trump’s stupid legal team. They’re telling you one thing and they’re telling judges something else. The judges aren’t buying it, but if you’re a Trump supporter, it’s a good thing for Trump that you’re stupid enough to buy it.

Trump’s legal team’s argument is even losing Fox News, who desperately wants to believe them. I guess this means during the Joe Biden era, Sidney Powell won’t have her own show on Fox. There’s always that Qanon YouTube channel…or Trump TV.

It’s hard for Donald Trump to hire capable lawyers because good lawyers don’t want to argue conspiracy theories in court. Crazy lawyers will though. And Donald Trump has cornered the market on crazy and hiring lunatics…even if the lunatics at Fox are losing hope.

Wanna know what’s even crazier than Sidney Powell saying Trump won in a landslide and blaming Hugo Chavez? 70% of Republicans believe her.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

He’s Melting


cjones11222020

This is a bonus cartoon I drew on Thursday evening.

Rudy held a press conference where he claimed Joe Biden only won because of massive voter fraud, and blamed it on George Soros, the Clinton Foundation, the deceased Hugo Chavez, the nation of Venezuela, a communist plot, and backed it all up by referencing the film “My Cousin Vinny.”

Then his face started running. What? Whatever goop he used to dye the remaining strands of hair on his head started running. Maybe he shopped at the same spray-on-hair as Stephen Miller.

In Rudy’s defense though, “My Cousin Vinny” is a really good movie.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Trump’s Gobblers


cjones11202020

Before the election, we worried about election interference from foreign nations like Russia, Iran, and China. After the election, we have to worry about election interference from Trump fuckers.

The sycophants are attacking our election after the results are in.

From the parking lot of a landscaping business he confused for a hotel and next to a dildo store, Rudy Giuliani spread lie after lie about election fraud. He’s gone onto Trump TV to continue spreading conspiracy theories. He’s made claim after claim about fraud and voting machines that are moving votes from Trump to Biden. All are lies.

Lindsey Graham, South Carolina’s Republican senator who just won reelection, called the Secretary of State of Georgia to inquire about the vote count there. In case you’re a Republican, Georgia is NOT in South Carolina. While on the call, Graham inquired as to how some votes for Joe Biden could be tossed out.

Last night in Michigan, where Joe Biden won, the Republicans on an election board refused to certify votes from Detroit which would have given Donald Trump the state. Joe Biden won Michigan with over 146,000 more votes than Donald Trump…and the Republicans tried to throw out all those votes. They relented and finally certified the votes after demanding an audit based upon Giuliani’s lies and bullshit. I guess they were hoping nobody was paying attention.

Also last night, Donald Trump fired Chris Krebs, the Department of Homeland Security official who issued an official press release stating the 2020 elections were the most secure in our nation’s history.

What are these people doing? They’re trying to steal an election. That’s the thing about Republicans. They love democracy as long as it gives them the results they want. If it doesn’t, then fuck democracy.

Don’t you think the Michigan Republicans took an oath, vow, or made some sort of promise to serve the people of Michigan honestly and with full integrity? I bet they didn’t promise to serve a cult, yet that’s exactly what they tried to get away with. This is called “Trump Fuckery.”

Before he was ever mayor, Rudy Giuliani was actually a highly respected prosecutor. Then something happened and today he’s serving up lies in the name of a cult. He’s serving as Trump’s top lawyer and has tried to rope Ukraine into running interference on behalf of Trump. Rudy has become the number one advocate for debunked conspiracy theories. What do you want to bet her never brought a conspiracy theory as evidence into a court room? Rudy’s reputation is shot and he will not be remembered as “America’s mayor.” Rudy will be remembered as a Trump flunky who served the cult while engaging in crazy conspiracy theories and Trump Fuckery.

Back in 2015 and 2016, Lindsey Graham was warning us about Donald Trump. He told us not to vote for him. He warned of Trump’s corruption and racism. After Trump was elected, Graham referred to him as “Mr. President-Elect,” a term he won’t use for Joe Biden. He’s told Donald Trump not to concede. He’s making calls into states he does not represent to pressure officials to thwart democracy. How would Lindsey feel if South Carolina threw out votes for him? Lindsey will forever be remembered as a brown-nosing sycophant who practiced Trump fuckery.

These people are trying to overturn a legal election and void the voice of the people. If they succeed, we will not have a president. We will have a dictator. If this election is overturned, we’ll never have another election ever again…at least not a real one.

Everything these people are doing, Giuliani, Graham, Trump, the Michigan fuckers, needs to be looked into legally. Have they broken the law? Maybe some people should be going to jail. Fortunately, after 12:00 PM January 20, 2021, Donald Trump can’t pardon anyone.

After Trump is out of the White House in January, we should have a second Thanksgiving because there’s going to be a lot to be thankful for and a lot of turkeys that deserve to be carved up.

I call dibs on a drum stick.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.