Rudy Giuliani

Trump Cabinet


Cjones08082021

You can be forgiven if your first response to hearing Donald Trump is meeting with his cabinet at one of his golf clubs is, “What fucking cabinet? Is he insane?”

Yes. Donald Trump is insane. What’s worse is that people we suspect may not be totally bonkers are enabling his insanity.

If you know someone who thinks he’s Napoleon, you should probably call specialists who send trucks to pick up people like that instead of enabling him with something like, “Pardon, me sir…but will Lady Josephine be joining us at Waterloo today?”

Mark Meadows, Trump’s chief-of-staff from when he actually was president (sic), told Newsmax he visited Trump at Bedminster in New Jersey and, “We met with several of our cabinet members tonight.”

Uh, what cabinet? Let’s make something clear. Donald Trump does NOT have a cabinet because Donald Trump is NOT president. Maggie Haberman of The New York Times said, “I can’t stop thinking about this interview. The former chief of staff is talking as if there’s a shadow presidency going on (there isn’t) at a time when there’s a conspiracy theory that Trump will be reinstated (he won’t).”

Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics, a non-partisan watchdog group, said, “We can’t believe we have to say this, but no, Donald Trump is not secretly running the country from a golf course in New Jersey.”

I can’t believe I have to say this but Donald Trump is NOT the president.

There are people who still believe Donald Trump is the president. There are others who believe he was robbed and will return to the presidency on August 13. There are people who believe both, that he’s still the president and he’ll be reinstated as president…don’t ask me how that works. Donald Trump is selling all of this.

Lin Wood, a pro-Trump attorney, recently told a crowd of MAGAts, that Trump “is still the guy the military will call” in the event of a crisis. He added that President Joe Biden only APPEARS to be president. Yeah, winning an election, living in the White House, and signing bills into laws will give off that appearance.

Here’s a free legal tip: When hiring a lawyer, ask him or her if they support Donald Trump and if they think he’s still president. If the answer is yes to either, find another lawyer.

Mark Meadows will not identify the members of this cabinet. Here’s a fun fact, presidents don’t have secret cabinets. Cabinet members have to be confirmed by the United States Senate. It’s really hard to keep their identities concealed during confirmation hearings in the Senate. You don’t just pluck fuckers off a golf course and install them into a presidential cabinet. No. You do that with ambassadorships.

But Donald Trump is nuts. He probably believes he has a cabinet because he thinks he’s still president and will be reinstated on August 13. What I need to know now is, what date are they going to claim after August 13 passes and Trump is still just a whiny wedding crashing conspiracy-spreading lunatic on a golf course?

Mike Lindell, the MyPillow lunatic, believes Trump will be reinstated on August 13. There are members of Qanon who believe Trump is secretly controlling the military and they’ll overthrow the Biden presidency for him on August 13. These people don’t seem to understand they are opposing democracy. Donald Trump, in direct opposition to democracy, is trying to become a fascist dictator. We don’t install or reinstate presidents. Presidents in this country are elected.

Is Donald Trump forcing is secret golf club cabinet to sign documents stating the election was corrupt? That’s what he attempted to do with the Justice Department before the insurrection at the Capitol by his white nationalist terrorists.

On December 28, Jeffrey Clark, a Trump goon in the Justice Department and acting head of the Civil Division, addressed a letter to the governor of Georgia and state legislative leaders stating the department was “investigating various irregularities” in the presidential contest and that it had “identified significant concerns that may have impacted the outcome of the election.” It proposed that the Republican-controlled Georgia legislature call a special session, ignore the will of the voters, and send alternate electors to Congress on January 6 giving the state’s electoral college votes to Donald Trump. The Georgia state legislature didn’t do that but now they are changing the laws giving them the power to basically do just that.

The acting attorney general, Jeffrey Rosen, and acting deputy attorney general, Richard Donoghue, rejected the letter. Donoghue wrote, “It is not the Justice Department’s place to tell states how to overturn election results.” I don’t know if Georgia ever got the Trump goon’s letter, but they did get a phone call from Trump telling them to overturn the election.

Donald Trump called election officials in Georgia and told them to “find me the votes.” He was demanding they create votes out of thin air and overturn the election in his favor. He even threatened them with criminal charges if they didn’t comply. He told them, “All I want to do is this. I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have because we won the state.”

On December 15, Trump called Rosen into the Oval Office to insist he file legal arguments claiming the election was stolen. Rosen refused.

This is where it gets good.

On December 27, Trump called Rosen at the Justice Department and told them they “may not be following the internet the way I do,” because they weren’t aware of all the conspiracy theories he had read and believed about the election being stolen. I mean, why couldn’t the Justice Department just take Sidney Powell’s word for it? Why couldn’t the Justice Department just release that invisible “kraken?” At the very least, can’t the acting attorney general spend a few hours every day scrolling through 4chan?

According to notes taken by Donoghue, Rosen told Trump he needed to “understand that the DOJ can’t + won’t snap its fingers + change the outcome of the election, doesn’t work that way.”

The notes record Trumps response as, “I don’t expect you to do that. just say that the election was corrupt + leave the rest to me and the R. Congressmen.”

Two days later, Trump sent Rosen and Donoghue a draft lawsuit he hoped would be filed with the Supreme Court. It was a duplicate of a lawsuit filed by the state of Texas the court had already declined to hear. That was the lawsuit where Republican Trump goons in Texas filed a lawsuit against another state’s election. Maybe that Texas attorney general is on Trump’s secret golf club cabinet.

Trump’s goon in the Justice Department, who had written the conspiracy letter encouraging Georgia to overthrow its election, continued to spread conspiracy theories in the department. Trump was loudly speculating about firing Rosen, who had just replaced William Barr as AG, and replacing him with Clark. On December 31, Rosen and Donoghue called Clark in and told him to cut the shit with the “stolen election” conspiracy theories. Keep in mind that in less than a month, none of these guys would still be in the Justice Department.

Donald Trump tired to steal the election. He tried to overturn it. He had enablers and goons in Congress, states, and the Justice Department helping him try to overturn the election. He initially refused to comply with the transition. He still has not conceded defeat. He tweeted for his supporters to gather in the capital on January 6 to stop the certification of the election saying it was “going to be wild.” On January 6, he held a rally in the capital telling his supporters to “march to the Capitol.” The intention was to stop the certification with a terrorist attack. After the attack, Republicans in Congress still voted to overturn the election. That would have been like Republicans destroying the Pentagon after al Qaida flew a plane into it.

That terrorist attack, the Republicans who voted to overturn the election, Republicans who voted against investigating the attack, and Republicans in states who tried to overturn the election are the reasons why it’s dangerous for people like Mark Meadows to make claims about Trump having a cabinet. It’s dangerous to enable Donald Trump in his claims he’s running a secret government. It’s dangerous because there are MAGAts who want August 13 to be just like January 6, except actually overturning the government this time. While they can’t succeed in overthrowing an election ten months after it happened, they can succeed in creating violence, weakening our democracy, and hurting a lot of people in the process.

Donald Trump can put all the idiots he wants on his pretend cabinet and keep playing fake president, but come August 13 and after, Joe Biden will still be the president of the United States of America.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Revoked Rudy


Cjones06292021

Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of New York City and former top prosecutor in Manhattan had his license to practice law revoked, at least temporarily. Does this mean he can’t charge the Trump Campaign (it still exists) $20,000 a day to spread their election lies?

A New York court ruled on Thursday that he made “demonstrably false and misleading statements” while fighting to overturn the 2020 presidential election on behalf of Donald Trump. He faces being disabarred.

Here’s something amusing: There’s a social media meme claiming Michelle Obama lost her law license. It’s not true, but you have to love that this shit always turns around on the right-wing liars. Don’t you love it?

Rudy didn’t just “mislead.” He lied. He lied to the press, the public, in courts, and in state legislatures. Rudy Giuliani is a liar. Rudy has a laptop in his possession he claims belongs to Hunter Biden. That’s probably a lie too.

Rudy conducted false-flag operations to get Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden’s son in order to smear Trump’s most dangerous rival. Being afraid of Joe Biden was the only thing Rudy was right about. Rudy spread lies all the way from Ukraine to state legislatures to parking lots outside dildo stores. His running hair dye couldn’t keep up with the running lies. He also loudly farted during hearings before state legislatures. That doesn’t really have anything to do with this but I just like mentioning it again.

Rudy claimed there was widespread voter fraud (there wasn’t) and that voting machines were rigged (they were not). The court said Rudy’s actions represented an “immediate threat” to the public and he had “directly inflamed” the tensions that led to the white nationalist terrorist attack on the Capitol on behalf of Donald Trump. Rudy screamed that day at the hate rally, “Let’s have trial by combat.”

The decision also said, “The seriousness of respondent’s uncontroverted misconduct cannot be overstated. This country is being torn apart by continued attacks on the legitimacy of the 2020 election and of our current president, Joseph R. Biden.”

Fortunately for Rudy, he doesn’t need a law license to continue being a national security risk or to go on Hannity and lie his saggy old balls off. There’s also no license requirement for public farting.

What’s going to be amusing is that in order to get his license back, he’ll probably have to admit Joe Biden is the duly-elected and legitimate president of the United States of America. That’s gonna leave a mark.

Rudy is also licensed to practice law in Washington, D.C, but that one may fall too. He’s also under criminal investigations by the office he once led in Manhattan. It may be a hard sell that you should have your law license back while you’re in prison. Maybe in prison he’ll be able to reminisce and catch up with people he sent there. Won’t that be nice?

Laura, one of my proofreaders told me after seeing this, Rudy gives bats a bad name. That is true. Bats put out way less guano.

A fun zoological tidbit: Another animal that produces guano is the Peruvian Booby. Also, Rudy farts.

Creative note: This cartoon actually makes me a little dizzy…or maybe it’s the Rudy farts.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Reinstatement Buddies


Cjones06202021

Is Benjamin Netanyahu smarter than Donald Trump? While he likes to dish out the occasional conspiracy theory, I seriously doubt he’s dumb enough to use Trump’s lawyers and advisers.

Bibi and Trump are reinstatement buddies with both promising to return. A return to office is possible with both, though Trump will NOT be “reinstated,” and both have to get through a lot of legal troubles before they can mount any serious comebacks. For Trump, he can’t be taken seriously.

You can’t be taken seriously when your advisers, morons like Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, and the MyPillow goon are spreading lies about Hugo Chavez meddling in the election, voting machines and Italian satellites changing votes, bamboo in ballots shipped from China, and the lies Trump won and can be reinstated.

Mike Lindell, the MyPillow idiot and former crackhead, swears Donald Trump is going to be reinstated. The only problem with that is, that’s not how our government operates. Do you know why none of the people who claim Trump will be reinstated, including Donald Trump, have explained how? Because there is no way a former president can be reinstated. A basic civics will teach you this. Nevertheless, nearly 30 percent of Republicans believe Trump will be reinstated.

It will also be hard to regain control of your nation’s highest office from prison. Here’s a fun fact: If Donald Trump goes to prison, he can still run for president from prison. It’s actually been done before. Can Bibi? I don’t know and unlike the Qnuts, I don’t just make shit up. I haven’t taken a course on Israeli civics.

What I do know is that both men, Trump and Netanyahu, are lying sacks of crap who are both corrupt. Now, neither of them can seek asylum in the other’s nation to avoid prosecution. For both men, there’s always Russia, if Putin will have them. They would both have to bring a lot of cash.

Bibi’s trial starts in July. While Trump expects to be reinstated in August, I’m hoping to see criminal charges brought against him in that month.

Israel is moving forward without Bibi, who has served as prime minister for a total of 15 years (two terms). The United States is moving forward without Trump….well, most of us. Both men have been obstructions for peace. Now, maybe these two hateful zealots can spend more time together, perhaps playing golf at Mar-a-Lago with lots of alligator hazards.

Watch out, Bibi…Trump will steal your balls.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Very Nice


Cjones05232021

Rudy Giuliani is being investigated for lobbying violations. Matt Gaetz is being investigated for sex trafficking and for sex with a minor. Donald Trump is being investigated for everything else.

After having his apartment and office raided by the FBI, Giuliani asked why they didn’t pick up the laptop in his possession he claims belongs to Hunter Biden. It’s hard to believe Rudy was once considered a great attorney when he admits to having stolen property in his possession.

Will Rudy flip on Trump? It depends. He may be too stupid or he may be too arrogant to flip on Trump. Rudy could have so much misplaced faith in his legal knowledge and skills, that he believes the Justice Department can’t outwit him. But if the Justice Department is after you, and you can’t differentiate between a hotel and a landscaping business outside a dildo store, you might want to cut a deal. If you’re too stupid to understand shoe polish doesn’t make good hair dye, make a deal.

One person who has flipped is Matt Gaetz’s partner in sex crimes, Joel Greenberg, who knocked his charges down from 33 to six, with one being sex with a minor. How do you reduce your charges from 33 to six? You plead guilty to six and cut a deal by giving the prosecutors someone bigger. Of course, to give someone bigger, you have to have more than your word…especially if you’re the kind of guy who hangs out with Matt Gaetz. Your evidence better be good. Seeing that Greenberg has cut a deal, his evidence is probably pretty good. And if you’ve ever heard the crap that comes out of Gaetz’s mouth, you’ll find it hard to believe he’s good at covering his tracks.

That’s the fun thing about Republicans. They’re stupid and will turn on each other faster than you can say, “Giggity.”

Will the next flipper be Allen Weisselberg, the Trump Organization’s chief financial officer? He’s being investigated by the New York state attorney general, who’s cooperating with the Manhattan district attorney. They’ve been given financial records by Weisselberg’s former daughter-in-law. They’re looking to see if he paid taxes on gifts given to him by Donald Trump, including cars and private school tuition for at least one of his grandchildren, as well as gifts for his son, Barry Weisselberg, who also works for the Trump Organization.

The investigation into Trump himself started as a civil one, but has now been extended to also be a criminal matter…probably because Trump is a criminal. Weisselberg probably won’t turn on Trump based upon his boss’ history of returning loyalty to those loyal to him (that was sarcasm).

Once upon a time, Michael Cohen said he’d never flip on Trump.

Both offices are looking at crimes with insurance fraud (claiming a property is worth more than it is), tax fraud (claiming that same property is worth less than it really is), and paying hush money to porn stars (claiming they never saw your dinky-dinky-doo which isn’t what you say it is). Now, the Manhattan attorney has Trump’s taxes and other financial documents.

The statute of limitations are about to run out on a lot of these actions Trump is expected of doing, so if there are going to be any charges coming from the state of New York, they’ll come very soon. If tax fraud is discovered, and I think it will be, the Justice Department just might jump in. The Justice Department is probably already looking into Trump fuckery, but they’re behind everyone else because for the past four years, they were headed by a guy who saw himself as Trump’s protector.

Donald Trump has already been busted by New York on civil charges regarding his fake university and his fake charity. As for fraud in describing his property, it’s already been proven Trump lies. He’s lied to lenders about how many condo units he’s sold in a property. He’s even lied about how many floors some of his towers have, ignoring that most people can count. And let me remind you, his finances could lead back to Russia which would open up so much more to investigate.

Donald Trump is corrupt. His entire family is corrupt. Everyone who has ever worked for him is corrupt. The Trump Organization is a crime family. Trump claims this is a witch hunt and a political investigation looking for a crime. They have the crimes. This is the guy who publicly tried to shift a world summit to one of his shitty golf resorts when he was president (sic). I don’t think they’ll have much trouble finding evidence of his corruption.

Here’s another juicy detail to this: Florida officials are talking about what to do if there’s an indictment of Trump from New York. The Palm Beach County state attorney, Dave Aronberg, has admitted they’re having conversations about how the state, and its Trump sycophantic governor, Ron DeSantis, can drag their feet with extradition. Is Ron DeSantis preparing to hide Trump in his cellar in case Colonel Landa swings by?

Aronberg said, “So that’s a conversation we’re having: What is the governor’s power? And the governor’s power to stop an extradition is really nonexistent. He can try to delay it, he can send it to a committee and do research about it, but his role is really ministerial, and ultimately the state of New York can go to court and get an order to extradite the former president.” Can you see DeSantis fighting this and using it politically with Trump’s fucknut Florida base? Can you see Ron DeSantis rebranding himself as Trump’s protector? Only in Florida, right?

If they’re talking about this in Florida, it means they expect it because they know Donald Trump is corrupt. No American president has ever been charged criminally. But then again, no president had ever been impeached twice before Donald Trump waddled into the Oval Office. Donald Trump will be criminally charged for something at some point. He’s just too damn corrupt for it not to happen.

DeSantis can delay the extradition…possibly long enough for Donald Trump to flee the country. It’s too bad his largest private jet is in mothballs on an airport tarmac and the smaller plane he has leaves less room for friends, like Rudy Giuliani and Matt Gaetz…if Trump was loyal enough to take them with him. To make room, Trump might have to choose between Rudy, Gaetz, and a KFC bucket. Sorry, boys.

Where could Trump go to flee U.S. prosecution? There are several nations without extradition treaties with the U.S. A lot of them are in kingdoms that are friendly to Trump, such as the United Arab Emirates Republic, Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar, and Saudi Arabia. I wouldn’t expect him to end up in Niger, Mongolia, Oman, Yemen, Somalia, Sudan, Togo, or Djibouti (he probably thinks they’re all shitholes). I also wouldn’t expect him to land in Ukraine or China, with all the crap he’s said about them. Of course, he could always go to Russia and become an oligarch. He and Putin can play golf together. He’s already Putin’s ball boy.

I hope Trump is too arrogant to flee the country. Seeing him defeated by President Biden was the first step. Seeing him in prison is the second.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Searching For Borat


CNN05022021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I had several ideas involving Rudy and Borat last week and this is what I went with for CNN. But I may want to do a Borat cartoon for my clients just because it’s too much fun. So, you have been warned.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Rudy Raided


Cjones05012021

Someone posted on the internet yesterday, “First they came for Rudy and I did nothing for I was laughing my ass off too hard.”

Someone else claimed since Merrick Garland is head of the Justice Department now, it’s fascism because this is his revenge for Donald Trump stealing his Supreme Court seat after President Obama nominated him. No. It’s not fascism. It’s karma.

Rudy spent months rummaging around Ukraine looking for dirt on Joe Biden and his son, Hunter. He never found any but that didn’t stop him from making up a lot of shit. He even claimed to have found Hunter’s laptop; nothing came of that either.

Beyond his dealings and lying with Ukraine to help Donald Trump steal an election by gaining dirt on the opponent he feared most, Rudy conducted a huge campaign of lies election after the opponent Trump feared most kicked his ass.

Rudy claimed the election was stolen. He produced eyewitnesses more insane than he is. He provided affidavits from people stating they heard someone heard someone else might have witnessed something. He held press a conference in a parking lost of a landscaping firm called “Four Seasons” because he confused it for the hotel with the same name. The parking lot was next to a dildo store. During the press conference, his hair dye started running. During a hearing before a state legislative committee, he got the farts.

Rudy, who was once called “America’s mayor,” has become America’s joke.

After Trump and other surrogates claimed he never paid off porn stars, or at least didn’t know about it, Rudy went on Hannity, who had also been claiming there had been no porn star payoffs, and informed the world there had been porn star payoffs and the money was “funneled.” Typically when someone uses the word “funneled,” unless they’re making a cake, they’re doing something corrupt.

A long time ago, Rudy was respected. Before he was mayor of New York City, he was an Associate Attorney General and then the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York. Yesterday morning, FBI agents from the Southern District of New York came a knocking on Rudy’s door, and not to talk about old times.

It’s a big deal when any attorney gets raided by the FBI. It’s an even bigger deal for a president’s (sic) attorney to be raided by the FBI. But with Donald Trump, this is his second attorney to get raided by the FBI. But being someone’s attorney isn’t a license to be a partner in crime.

What was Rudy doing in Ukraine? Was he making money off the nation while engaging in election meddling? Was he representing Ukraine without registering as a foreign lobbyist? Was he there instigating more terrorists attacks or finding more cousins to marry? The FBI is trying to find out. How can anything be corrupt while working with goons named Lev and Igor? Now, Rudy has been rolled over by Lev and Igor who will soon be followed by Boris and Natasha.

The FBI raided Rudy’s Madison Avenue apartment and his Park Avenue office and reportedly took electronic devices. Rudy isn’t good with electronic devices. This is a guy who has butt-dialed reporters before engaging into a conversation about the Bidens, Bahrain, and needing cash.

Olivia Nuzzi, a reporter for New York Magazine, once wrote that during a meeting with Giuliani, he had three cell phones, and despite being a cyber security consultant, didn’t understand how to use any of them. She wrote, “Two of the devices were unlocked, their screens revealing open tabs and a barrage of banner notifications as they knocked into each other and reacted to Giuliani’s grip.”

“He accidentally activated Siri, who said she didn’t understand his command. ‘She never understands me,’ he said. He sighed and poked at the device, attempting to quiet her.”

And at the end of the meeting, he forgot to take one of the phones with him. Rudy learning figuring out how to swipe left would be like your grandfather figuring out TikTok.

If there are any files, texts, or call history on Rudy’s phones that provides evidence of corruption, do you think Rudy knew how to delete them or was even aware he should? If you’re a person who engaged in some sketchy dealings with Rudy and you had multiple conversations, calls, and texts with the guy, you have every right in the world to be worried.

Golly, I’m trying to think of who Rudy may have been calling on these devices the FBI seized yesterday.

Rudy denied ever talking to Donald Trump about receiving a preemptive pardon before he left the White House. Whether they actually talked about it or not (they did), you can bet your ass Donald Trump is wishing he had given one to Rudy. Trump gave pardons to other goons to keep them quiet. If he had given one to Rudy, the FBI wouldn’t have been at his house and office yesterday. Now, he’s in danger of Rudy talking. Hell, Rudy spills the beans when not making a deal.

For all we know, the FBI might even find new stuff they had no idea was going on. There are so many questions.

Will Rudy be charged with any crimes? Will Trump be implicated by Rudy’s stupidity? Will Trump be charged? Will Rudy roll over on Trump? Will Rudy and Trump both flee the country for a Moscow penthouse or maybe a villa in Pyongyang? How many times did Rudy fart during the raid? Will the FBI follow a trail of hair dye from Rudy to Trump?

Whether connected to Rudy or not, how much longer until Donald Trump is charged with a crime?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Follow The Drip


cjones03192021

Yesterday, Rudy Giuliani was nominated for a Razzie Award for his appearance in the second Borat film. It was for the scene where he takes what he believes is an underage girl from Kazakhstan into a hotel room for drinks, lies down on a bed, and sticks his hand down his pants.

One of Rudy’s competitors for the award is Bruce Willis for three films he was somehow able to make during a pandemic that I’ve never heard of. But I heard of Rudy’s performance. What’s worse is I saw it. Ew.

Rudy should win a Razzie, but not for any performance in a movie…and not even for worst hair style. He should win a Razzie for worst American (though he has lots of Republican competition for that one), or maybe best collusion with a foreign government attempting to interfere in a U.S. election.

Just like all those seditious white nationalist terrorists who attacked the U.S. Capitol in a bloody coup attempt for Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani has betrayed democracy and the United States. The man who supposedly became “America’s mayor” for his response to a terrorist attack has become the mayor who enabled a terrorist attack.

A new declassified intelligence report has revealed that to interfere in the 2020 U.S. presidential election to help Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin authorized outside proxies to feed disinformation to Fox News, One America News Network, and…wait for it…Rudy Giuliani. When you look at all three of these suspects, you know convincing them to repeat lies probably wasn’t a very difficult task. Did Russia tell them to freak out over Mr. Potato Head?

The report by the Office of the Director of National Intelligence says Russians pushed “influence narratives—including misleading or unsubstantiated allegations against President Biden—to US media organizations, US officials, and prominent US individuals, including some close to former President Trump and his administration.”

What did Rudy do during the campaign? He pushed a lot of bogus bullshit about Hunter Biden being engaged in corruption with Ukraine, a nation that’s an enemy of Russia. Of course, Fox News and OANN repeated all his claims. And whatever became of that laptop he claimed belonged to Hunter?

The report states the Russians built upon their interference in the 2016 election to help Trump and hurt Hillary Clinton, but this time it was less technical and relied more on getting information into the national conversation and letting it go from there. They just wound Rudy up and let him prattle down the street.

The Russians realized they didn’t have to spend millions of rubles, or even thousands, on social media propaganda campaigns when they had the likes the Rudy Colludy, Tucker Carlson, and Sean Hannity. On top of all that, they also had Donald Trump. He also had the entire Republican Party. I bet Putin loves the over 400 bills in 43 states right now designed to disenfranchise voters.

And even if Russia lost their bet on Trump, which they did, they still had the bonus of poisoning our nation with lies and division. All the Republican efforts to change voting laws are based on lies of a stolen election. By the way, the last time there was enough fraud to change an election and there was a do-over, it was all for a Republican (North Carolina in 2018, fuckers).

The report also says Iran meddled, but in a very sloppy way when they sent emails purportedly from the violent right-wing hate group the Proud Boys to Democratic voters threatening them if they didn’t vote for Trump. Iran messed up pretending to be Proud Boys because illiterate people can’t write emails.

There is also mention of some small influence campaigns from Hezbollah against Trump, Cuba to Cuban Americans in Florida that was anti-Republican, and Venezuela’s President Nicolas Maduro wanted to get involved after Trump supported a coup against him, but didn’t have the means. As for China, who Trump’s Attorney General William Barr and John Ratcliffe, Trump’s last director of National Intelligence, said was the greatest threat to our election, and not Russia…they didn’t do anything.

China considered an influence campaign but then chose not to get involved. If China really wanted Biden to win, then it was probably smart not to meddle and have it backfire because the man he was running against was the worst president (sic) in American history. You really shouldn’t need any foreign help to defeat a man who tanked the economy and did nothing but spread lies while a virus killed hundreds of thousands of Americans.

The report states, “The Chinese government likely sought stability in its relationship with the United States and did not prefer either Biden or Trump enough to risk the potential blowback of more direct interference.”

One difference between Democrats and Republicans is that Democrats don’t want any help from foreign governments to win elections. They don’t want that stench. Republicans invite it…literally. “Russia, if you’re listening.” Donald Trump was impeached asking Ukraine to meddle. He stood in the White House driveway and asked China for help.

There weren’t any efforts to change ballots. Instead, Russia used useful idiots like Rudy Giuliani.

Of course Russia wanted Donald Trump to win the election. During the Helsinki Summit, Trump threw our national intelligence agencies under the bus to take Putin’s word he didn’t interfere in the 2016 election. Putin gave Trump a soccer ball in exchange for his balls. Trump had his translator’s notes destroyed from his one-on-one meeting with Putin.

Why would Russia prefer Trump over Biden? When told by Bill O’Reilly that Russia murdered journalists and Vladimir Putin was a killer, Trump said, “So what? You think we’re so nice?” When asked about Putin this week by George Stephanopoulos, President Biden clearly laid out that Vladimir Putin is a killer. Biden explicitly accused Putin of being a “killer.” Whom would you rather have negotiations with, the guy who calls you a “killer” or the one who kills at kissing your ass?

After the election, Rudy pushed lies over the election being stolen by George Soros, the Clintons, and by voting machines engineered by the deceased Hugo Chavez. Maybe next time, Russia should find a useful idiot who’s less of an idiot. Maybe a less drippy idiot. Maybe a less farty idiot.

If you want to find the collusion and corruption with Russia, follow the lies. Follow the drippy hair dye. Follow the farts. Follow the sleaze. It all leads back to Rudy. Can Rudy take his Razzie with him to prison?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Runny Drippy Lawsuits


cjones02102021

Rudy Giuliani has an afternoon show on New York’s Talk Radio WABC. Rudy is upset because he just discovered the station is running a disclaimer before his show saying, “Warning: The program you are about to hear is chock full of bullshit, a nonsensical litany of lies, disproven conspiracy theories, and the kind of crazy old man talk that would make you assume it’s being broadcast from a padded cell in a mental institution.”

It doesn’t say that, but it should. What it does say is, “Girl, we are not responsible for the bullshit you’re to hear so don’t sue us…sue Rudy.” OK, it doesn’t say that either…but it should.

Seriously this time, what it truly says is, and I’m being honest…”The farts you’re about to hear do not represent WABC or its affiliates.” I’m sorry.

What it does say is, ” the views, assumptions and opinions expressed by Mr Giuliani and his guests are strictly their own and do not necessarily represent that of the station or its advertisers.” I think they should use the first version I wrote.

And then the show starts with, “Coming live from the parking lot of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping and next to Dildo-a-Rama, It’s the Rudy Giuliani Show!”

Rudy can get upset all he wants, and he said, “I mean, we’re in America, we’re not in East Germany.” because back when there was an East German puppet state of the Soviet Union, farty former mayors had radio talk shows.

Rudy spent considerable time on the show talking about the disclaimer he just learned about. The station slapped it on there without telling him which is also hilarious. His very first caller asked, if he feels “guilty about spreading a lot of unproven conspiracy theories to folks who may not have the ability or the critical thinking skills to look through” his bullshit. Yes, Rudy’s listeners, the Trump cult, don’t have critical thinking skills. But then again, neither does Rudy.

The station is correct to slap a disclaimer on his show. If they were really smart, they’d cancel his like Fox News canceled Lou Dobbs. Smartmatic, a company that created software for Dominion, the company that makes voting machines, named Rudy as part of its $2.7 billion libel lawsuit against Fox News. He’s also being sued by Dominion, along with fellow bullshitter Sidney Powell, for $1.3 billion.

The Smartmatic suit states, “Mr. Giuliani and Ms. Powell needed a platform to use to spread their story. They found a willing partner in Fox News.” Rudy replied, “The Smartmatic lawsuit presents another golden opportunity for discovery. I look forward to litigating with them.”

Unfortunately for Rudy, Sidney, and Fox News, everything they said is on tape because, you know, it was on TV. Rudy has gone on TV before and denied saying something he just said. Forget Donald Trump testifying in his own defense, Rudy’s lawyers better lock him in basement. I mean, the guy started his radio show by pointing out that he can’t be trusted for honesty or facts.

The opening of the Smartmatic lawsuit has been called the greatest opening line in the history of lawsuits. It reads, “The Earth is round. Two plus two equals four. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won the 2020 election for President and Vice President of the United States. The election was not stolen, rigged, or fixed. These are facts.”

They went on to say, “Without any true villain, Defendants invented one. In their story, Smartmatic was a Venezuelan company under the control of corrupt dictators from socialist countries.” How are Rudy, Sidney, and Fox going to defend against that? It was just entertainment? Rudy can’t fart his way out of this one. And just like his hair dye, Rudy has left a trail for the plaintiffs to follow.

More lawsuits are coming. The big question is, will they go after Donald Trump for the big lie?

Also, will Just For Men sue a cartoonist?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Moo Libel


cjones12272020

You would think any half-ass lawyer would know they can’t run around saying lies and unprovable things about people and corporations. That’s libelous. You can get sued for that. When it comes to Trump lawyers Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani, I’d rather have the cow lawyer. Plus, the cow farts probably aren’t as bad as Rudy’s.

As part of the Trump team’s conspiracy theory in their effort to stage a coup, Sidney Powell has charged that Dominion Voting System’s machines were created by the deceased Hugo Chavez, were sent here by communists in Venezuela to overturn the election, and have links to the Clinton Foundation and George Soros. The team has spread lies that the machines changed votes from Trump to Biden and in some cases, dumped votes for Trump, while somehow leaving the other Republicans on the same ballots untouched. Anybody believing this shit is a little touched.

The Trump campaign has made these claims, often supported by the president (sic) of the United States of America. Do you know what happens when Donald Trump spreads bullshit? His people believe it. There doesn’t have to be any proof or evidence.

Now, lawyers who specialize in defamation cases have sent letters to Trump’s attorneys Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, Jenna Ellis, Lin Wood and White House counsel Pat Cipollone warning them of “imminent” legal action on behalf of Dominion Voting Systems. They’re demanding the campaign to retain all records of communications between Trump and any White House employee with Rudy Giuliani, Powell, Ellis, and Wood.

This is where it gets good. Others receiving warning letters include Sean Hannity, Lou Dobbs, Maria Bartiromo, Rush Limbaugh, Greg Kelly (a Newsmax anchor), Fox News, Newsmax, One America News Network (OANN) and Epoch Times.

Two ironic things about Epoch Times: It’s Chinese and the MAGAt belief system is currently trying to tie Joe Biden with China, and…it’s a newspaper. MAGAts don’t read newspapers.

The lawyers demanded they “cease and desist making defamatory claims against Dominion,” saying they had “featured and continue to feature the proponents of this misinformation campaign against” the company.

Another voting machine company, Smartmatic, has sent letters to Fox News, OAN, and Newsmax demanding they stop “publishing false and defamatory statements.”

Dominion CEO John Poulos said the company would be taking legal action against several people “promoting lies and amplifying those lies” on various media platforms since Election Day. When asked if the lawsuits will include Donald Trump, he said, “We will not be overlooking anybody.”

Nine nine days after Election Day, Trump tweeted a claim that “DOMINION DELETED 2.7 MILLION TRUMP VOTES NATIONWIDE.”

On Dominion’s website, they state, “Malicious and misleading false claims about Dominion have resulted in dangerous levels of threats and harassment against the company and its employees, as well as election officials.”

Last Tuesday in Denver, Dominion’s security director, Eric Coomer, filed a defamation lawsuit against the Trump campaign, Giuliani, Powell, Newsmax, OANN, OANN reporter Chanel Rion, blogger Michelle Malkin and others. Coomer’s suit says he has become the target of death threats because of the defendants’ false claims made about Dominion’s machines. Currently, Coomer is in hiding.

Remember how Republicans and MAGAts all chortled about the Kentucky kid suing media outlets after his fray with the tom-tom beating Native American in Washington? They championed that little MAGAt’s lawsuit. He even got a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention. They were all supportive of his lawsuits. How dare the media smear him with their reporting. Now, it’s coming back on them in a much bigger way.

Donald Trump has called for the laws allowing a free press to write “anything they want” to be eliminated so he and others can sue news outlets for reporting facts they don’t like. So isn’t it ironic that as soon as he leaves office, one of the multiple lawsuits he faces is for defamation? I love it.

I hope Dominion lawyers sue each and every person they sent letters to. I hope Coomer wins each of his lawsuits. These liars, destroying reputations, our nation, and championing a coup attempt, need to be taken downtown in legal terms. They need to pay for their bullshit. I predict a lot of settlements. I predict Donald Trump, who claims he never settles but always settles, settles.

I also wish that lawsuits and charges will be filed against Donald Trump, federally and on the state level, within five minutes of Joe Biden taking his oath of office at noon on January 20, 2021. Would that just be the best kick in the nuts ever?

That’s all I want for Christmas…that and Chinese food.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Rona Rudy Tooty Colludy


cjones12082020

I have a a question for Republicans: When are you going to learn?

After Herman Cain caught the Trump virus and died from it AFTER catching it at a Trump rally, you still haven’t learned.

After cases and deaths spiked in red states where restrictions weren’t put into place, like Florida, you still haven’t learned.

After a bunch of Trump goons, like Mark Meadows, Ben Carson, Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump Jr, Stephen Miller, Kayleigh McEnany, Hope Hicks, Ronna McDaniel, Mike Lee, Melania, Chris Christie, Thom Tillis, Ron Johnson, Bill Stepien, Nick Luna, etc, caught the virus from attending White House events, you still haven’t learned.

Even after the champion of covid denial and hater of facemasks everywhere, Donald Trump caught the Trump virus, you still haven’t learned.

Sure, I caught the virus too but I wasn’t out telling people not to wear facemasks. I wasn’t discouraging social distancing. I caught the thing while trying to cover newsworthy events and sometimes…shit happens. Plus, it’s really hard to social distance on a train. Amtrak!!! Stop packing people into the same cars. Spread them out.

Now, after going to hearings and conducting press events in multiple states and outside porn shops, it turns out farts aren’t the only thing Rudy Giuliana has forced upon innocent victims. Rudy hasn’t been wearing a mask and has now tested positive for the Trump virus. Rudy didn’t just refuse to learn after Trump caught the virus. Rudy refused to learn after his own son caught it.

Now, Rudy is hanging upside down and avoiding sunlight in a Georgetown University Hospital. The hospital at Georgetown is great. I mean, I’ve never had experience with that hospital but I did stay at the University hotel which is connected to the hospital and all the doctors and nurses I saw at the hotel Starbucks looked very competent, and the building is made out very sturdy stuff…so Rudy’s probably in good hands. But still, he wasn’t airlifted by Marine One and taken to Walter Reed Medical Center to be treated by a team of two dozen doctors and experimental medication like Donald Trump was.

But here’s a fact about covid, kids. You have covid before you find out you have covid. Taking a test doesn’t give you covid. Rudy was rushed to the hospital yesterday when it was announced he had covid. That means Rudy was suffering from covid before yesterday…like when he was going to bullshit hearings spreading conspiracy theories while not wearing a mask…he was also spreading covid. The same thing happened with Donald Trump. The day they announced he had covid was the same day he went to the hospital. They lied about when they tested positive and they lied about how bad their cases are.

Here’s a another fun fact: The White House has never revealed when Donald Trump last tested negative before he tested positive and they never revealed when he finally tested negative after testing positive. One more thing: They never revealed how high his temperature got.

Another question: If we have to replace all four quarterbacks for the Denver Broncos because they MIGHT have covid, then why couldn’t we have replaced a president (sic) who was actually in the hospital from covid? I mean, couldn’t we have have found a decent wide receiver to be president until Trump got back? That would have been a better choice than Mike Pence…or Donald Trump. Sure, that wide receiver sucked at playing quarterback but you know he’d make a better president than Pence or Trump. But anyway…

When the people who are lying about the virus are the same goons who won’t tell you how bad their cases are, don’t trust them. When the people who keep telling you covid is not that bad…keep catching covid, don’t trust them.

Wear a facemasks. Stay home. In another week, we’re going to see the Thanksgiving spike from covid…just before everyone spreads it to the relatives at Christmas. We’re in for a hard winter. Yet, the president (sic) of the United States has only said two things about the Trump virus since he lost the election to Joe Biden. Those two things are: Don’t let Joe Biden steal credit for the vaccine the same way Donald Trump stole the credit for President Obama’s economy, and Rudy has the rona.

Rudy has the rona. Surprised? No. I hope Rudy recovers in a spectacular fashion. I wish him well and hope he can soon return to lying, spreading conspiracy theories on Hannity, melting all over podiums, and farting throughout state legislative hearing committees like the old Rudy we have all grown to loathe and despise.

And now because some you are going to ask, and I am really fortunate that so many care, but…I HATE being asked multiple times a day and having to reply to each person individually…or when people message AFTER I put out a public statement I’m doing fine….I’m doing fine. I’m pretty sure it’s gone and all I have left are the after effects, like not being able to smell, occasionally dizziness, and falling down stairs. Thanks for asking.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw: