Insurrectionist Dress Code

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer has done away with the dress code requiring business attire to be worn on the Senate floor. Many believe this rule was done away with to suit Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman, who’s well-known for hating business attire and whose fashion choice is hoodies, shorts, and sneakers. Are Republicans losing their minds over this? Does Rick Scott’s head look like a giant penis?

Actually, there never was an official rule but rather an unofficial policy that was never enforced evenly. All but three Republican senators sent a letter to Schumer protesting this move. Led by Rick Voldemort Scott of Florida, the letter states, “Allowing casual clothing on the Senate floor disrespects the institution we serve and the American families we represent.” He later tweeted/X’ed, “It’s not hard to show it some respect and dress like a grown up.” I grown-up would know you need a hyphen in “grown-up,” Senator Voldemort.

The three who didn’t sign the letter are Mike Braun (Ind.), Katie Boyd Britt (Ala.), and Josh Hawley (Mo.), who has already been seen on the floor in cowboy boots and blue jeans which means he doesn’t expect another Trump insurrection any time soon because it’s hard as fuck to run your ass off like a fat coward in cowboy boots. Yee-haw, Senator Horseface.

One senator who has not taken advantage of the new rule yet is Fetterman who said, “I just don’t want the world to burn down. The Republicans think I’m going to burst in through the doors and start break dancing on the floor.”

Maine Senator Susan Collins has jokingly threatened to wear a bikini to the Senate floor but even if she’s not joking, I’ll still be angrier with her for voting lying rapists onto the Supreme Court.

A lot of these Senators have danced around this rule for ages. Many will remain in casual clothing and stick one foot into the Senate chamber to cast their vote. Ted Cruz is known for walking around in stinky sweaty gym clothes, as if regular Ted wasn’t icky enough.

This isn’t the first time the dress code has changed in the Senate or in Congress entirely. In 2017, the rules were changed to allow sleeveless tops and open-toed shoes, which I hear Mitch McConnell looks fabulous in. In 2019, the House voted to allow religious headwear for the first time since 1837, after the first Muslim women were elected to Congress. Don’t remind Republicans of this or they may revoke it.

Honestly, I’m not going to be partisan on this but I’m not going to lose my mind over it either. I don’t think they should allow Senators to wear just whatever the hell they want on the Senate floor. But, I don’t mind the unofficial policy mandating business attire to be worn coming to an end either. Schumer could have simply changed it to business casual. For me, business casual would probably require a blazer but not a tie. I saw one photo of Fetterman in a suit while wearing his sneakers and I thought that looked alright. In fact, I think he stole my style. I like to wear Converse with suits. Ask anyone who’s ever seen me in a suit. I like wearing suits but I hate dress shoes almost as much as Republicans hate Black people voting. I mean, I don’t want to ban dress shoes, I just don’t like them on my feet.

I don’t think it’s a big deal to have to wear a suit on the Senate floor. You don’t like wearing suits? Too bad. Suck it up. You’re a United States Senator. Suits are fun. Who knows what can happen when you’re looking snazzy in a nice suit. The last time I wore a suit, I got some strange.

But as for sloppy dressing being disrespectful, as Senator Voldemort calls it, I’d rather see the Senate be disrespected by gym shorts than by a white nationalist insurrection.

I think more Republicans have complained about this dress code and the way John Fetterman dresses than about the insurrectionist Qanon Shaman being on the Senate floor while shirtless.

Music note: I colored this in the time it takes to listen to two Weezer albums.

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